# Feeling Mean



## hazey (Jul 19, 2013)

Am I the only one who gets annoyed when visitors arrive when I am really getting into a new pattern,and I'm sitting there thinking please don't stay too long and getting twitchy to get back to my knitting, and pick it up almost before they are out the door is that really unkind?, xx


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## maureenb (Apr 1, 2011)

You're not alone,believe me..


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## shepherd (Feb 25, 2012)

Don't stop! Keep on knitting! If they are real friends they will know you well enough to not mind. If they aren't real friends they won't come back unannounced!


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## crispie (Dec 17, 2011)

maureenb said:


> You're not alone,believe me..


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## marilyngf (Nov 5, 2011)

I know how you feel. I do stop the knitting and enjoy my friends because I know we are not here forever, and I really do need the break from crafting. This doesn't mean I don't have those feelings. I do rush right back into the project as soon as they leave. To have these feeling is not mean.


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## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

Not mean just keen lol 

I love friends stopping by, but do like to know they are coming...


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## Mollie (Feb 23, 2011)

You are definitely not alone!


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## Beachgirl1000 (Sep 29, 2015)

Miss Manners would tell you that it is bad manners to drop in on someone unexpectedly. 
But it is equally bad manners to point that out to surprise visitors. 
So of course you want to say that you are happy to see them, but you could say something like, "Oh, dear. I'm so glad to see you, but as you can see, I am right in the middle of a project. Do you mind if I continue to knit as we talk?" If you seem slightly distracted, well, that's what one must expect when one doesn't bother to call first!


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

I keep the moat filled, the crocs hungry. NO ONE is welcome here without an invitation. I have learned the hard way!


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## vegasjoan (Aug 26, 2016)

I don't think you're being mean at all. I don't appreciate unexpected visitors and all my friends are if the same mind. 
Joan


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## desireeross (Jun 2, 2013)

We welcome people to pop in at any time. I think it's a South African tradition where you visit folk without prior warning. I grew up that way. I like it. When they come I carry on with my knitting . Everyone knows I knit and expects me to have needles in my hands . I would never pop in at friends without prior warning because they're not used to this free movement.


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## hazey (Jul 19, 2013)

love your reply,you sound like me he he xx


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## Profet (Oct 30, 2014)

How blessed you are to have friends who want to drop in, expected or unexpected. Knitting doesn't matter as much as people do. While it's nice to have warning if someone is coming over, lonesome people (and there are lots of them) wish anyone would befriend them at all. Sometimes I think it's easy to love knitting too much when it takes over our lives.


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## Yvonne54 (Jun 6, 2016)

I would greet my visitors, and do so gladly most of the time. However, I will add that ALL of my friends and relatives know I love my knitting so they are not disturbed when I pick my knitting back up. If it is a difficult or challenging pattern or section, I would probably replace it with an easier project.


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## Grandma G. (Oct 29, 2012)

I love it when people drop in unexpectedly.


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

Keep on knitting unless it is too complicated. The folks who do visit me know that I will keep on doing what I am doing.


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## Margaretishbel (May 3, 2015)

no1girl said:


> I keep the moat filled, the crocs hungry. NO ONE is welcome here without an invitation. I have learned the hard way!


Love it!!!!!


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## Just Purple (May 16, 2016)

Profet said:


> How blessed you are to have friends who want to drop in, expected or unexpected. Knitting doesn't matter as much as people do. While it's nice to have warning if someone is coming over, lonesome people (and there are lots of them) wish anyone would befriend them at all. Sometimes I think it's easy to love knitting too much when it takes over our lives.


My thoughts exactly

I live alone and would give anything to have someone drop in on me.

I pay the local maintenance man $50 an hour to do odd jobs but I keep him talking as long as I can and happily pay the extra.

Count your blessings!


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## Beachgirl1000 (Sep 29, 2015)

.Elvia. said:


> My thoughts exactly
> 
> I live alone and would give anything to have someone drop in on me.
> 
> ...


Regardless of how you feel, the OP doesn't like drop-ins. I think we have to respect that, without pointing out that she should count her blessings, based on your life experience. It sounds a little smug. That may not have been your intentions, but that's how it reads.

If a friend calls you to tell you that she just broke her leg, would you tell her that she should be grateful she doesn't have cancer? Her broken leg isn't trivial just because it isn't cancer. Each of us has our own perspective, as measured in our own lives.


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## Profet (Oct 30, 2014)

This is a bigger issue than a broken leg vs. cancer. Kids nowadays text instead of talking with each other, so that they hardly know how to converse meaningfully. Preoccupation with a phone or knitting sounds more like a matter of age than anything else. Our culture is losing the ability to be social or to appreciate the consideration others show us when they seek out our company. I think it's rude to text in the company of others in a social situation, but one can knit in the presence of others IF it's mutually agreeable.


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## Beachgirl1000 (Sep 29, 2015)

Profet said:


> This is a bigger issue than a broken leg vs. cancer. Kids nowadays text instead of talking with each other, so that they hardly know how to converse meaningfully. Preoccupation with a phone or knitting sounds more like a matter of age than anything else. Our culture is losing the ability to be social or to appreciate the consideration others show us when they seek out our company. I think it's rude to text in the company of others in a social situation, but one can knit in the presence of others IF it's mutually agreeable.


I think you completely missed the point.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

So don't answer the door.


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## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

No way do we ever feel like that as we are only too happy to see our friends. To us friends are far more important than any knitting.


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## Just Purple (May 16, 2016)

Beachgirl1000 said:


> Regardless of how you feel, the OP doesn't like drop-ins. I think we have to respect that, without pointing out that she should count her blessings, based on your life experience. It sounds a little smug. That may not have been your intentions, but that's how it reads.
> 
> If a friend calls you to tell you that she just broke her leg, would you tell her that she should be grateful she doesn't have cancer? Her broken leg isn't trivial just because it isn't cancer. Each of us has our own perspective, as measured in our own lives.


Now I am feeling mean.

Having read your post ... I would choose knitting over talking to you every single time ...

And knitting isn't my first choice, reading is.


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## barbarafletcher (Apr 2, 2012)

Yes happens to me but then i think, visitors have gone out of their way, and they must have had something todo bht came to me...


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## barbarafletcher (Apr 2, 2012)

Hit button twice...sorry!


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## Chrissy (May 3, 2011)

Not mean at all! Anyone who knows us well enough to call round, will appreciate the fact we are creative. :sm24: :sm24:
I always have a project of some sort on the go, at home AND out and about.


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## LindaH (Feb 1, 2011)

I don't think you are mean. Your friends should know how much you love knitting and they should understand when you keep on knitting!


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## purdeygirl (Aug 11, 2013)

I have been pulled up by one of my friends, indirectly but it was quite obvious, that she thought it was very rude to knit in company as it was obvious that they (the company) seemed unworthy of my undivided attention.


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## Gypsycream (Nov 23, 2011)

lol! nope you are not alone. I have Himself home today and I'm wanting to get on with a new design but he's driving me crazy! Wish he'd go to work!


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## desireeross (Jun 2, 2013)

purdeygirl said:


> I have been pulled up by one of my friends, indirectly but it was quite obvious, that she thought it was very rude to knit in company as it was obvious that they (the company) seemed unworthy of my undivided attention.


I totally understand that. I'm very careful where I take my knitting . Unless we visit people I know well, I won't take it along.


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

I love visitors.....when I know they're coming. I don't think I'm grumpy about it. I work full time and babysit my grandsons a couple days a week after school til dinner time. I have things I need to do on the weekend, and I like a little time to do what I want to do....like knit, read, or take a nap!


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## tayana (Mar 13, 2012)

T


purdeygirl said:


> I have been pulled up by one of my friends, indirectly but it was quite obvious, that she thought it was very rude to knit in company as it was obvious that they (the company) seemed unworthy of my undivided attention.


I agree with your friend.


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## Diane D (Apr 7, 2012)

desireeross said:


> We welcome people to pop in at any time. I think it's a South African tradition where you visit folk without prior warning. I grew up that way. I like it. When they come I carry on with my knitting . Everyone knows I knit and expects me to have needles in my hands . I would never pop in at friends without prior warning because they're not used to this free movement.


to true....


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

It sounds as though the visitors are unexpected. I don't appreciate that.



hazey said:


> Am I the only one who gets annoyed when visitors arrive when I am really getting into a new pattern,and I'm sitting there thinking please don't stay too long and getting twitchy to get back to my knitting, and pick it up almost before they are out the door is that really unkind?, xx


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## Novelle (Jul 30, 2013)

When the house is fresh, polished and fresh flowers.......nobody comes!? When the flowers are over, the duster could do with an outing and I'm clearing out cupboards, the doorbell doesn't stop!.....Novelle


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## ceciliavillabona (Oct 2, 2011)

shepherd said:


> Don't stop! Keep on knitting! If they are real friends they will know you well enough to not mind. If they aren't real friends they won't come back unannounced!


Amen!


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## betty boivin (Sep 12, 2012)

I also love it when this happens, think of all the lonely people who would welcome to have friends who care.


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## Subar (Mar 21, 2015)

Profet said:


> How blessed you are to have friends who want to drop in, expected or unexpected. Knitting doesn't matter as much as people do. While it's nice to have warning if someone is coming over, lonesome people (and there are lots of them) wish anyone would befriend them at all. Sometimes I think it's easy to love knitting too much when it takes over our lives.


 :sm24: :sm24:


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## kayortiz (Aug 12, 2013)

:sm09: :sm24:


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## Patches39 (Oct 27, 2012)

maureenb said:


> You're not alone,believe me..


That's for sure ????


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## peanutpatty (Oct 14, 2012)

I don't mind visitors dropping in unannounced but I find it difficult to knit and talk at the same time, unless it's a really easy pattern. And they'd better ignore my messy house!


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## Diane D (Apr 7, 2012)

peanutpatty said:


> I don't mind visitors dropping in unannounced but I find it difficult to knit and talk at the same time, unless it's a really easy pattern. And they'd better ignore my messy house!


 :sm24: :sm24:


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## Chrissyo29 (Nov 19, 2013)

I completly understand this!!


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## Fiona3 (Feb 6, 2014)

I agree! Happened to me yesterday when I started on a Marianna baby dress!

Fiona. ????????????


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## gigi 722 (Oct 25, 2011)

I like unexpected visits, just not overnight guests.


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## Debiknit (Jul 7, 2011)

It seems like I have to fight for every hour I get to spend knitting. Still getting used to DH being retired and around all the time wanting to do this or that and of course I have to go with or help or supervise. (Believe me he needs supervision).
So when I do sit down to knit, after cleaning up after him and the cats, I get half way thru a row and here he comes with a question. Or wanders around the room looking at all my stuff, or sits in the chair and talks to me then falls asleep. I don't
bother him, wish he'd respect my time. I think knitters are lucky in that we can entertain ourselves easily. Non-knitters, DH in particular, need the feedback other people give them. Hence his hobby is amateur radio-talking to other radio operators.
I wonder how many of you are like me in that growing up we were not socialized into society well. If parents had company we were to go to our rooms and play quietly or go outside and play.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Being a true Southener, we never had to call first, just dropped in...BUT!
I definitely would not think of knitting. It would be rude and insulting, like, if caller says,
"oh, you don't mind if I do my toenails while here." She dropped by to tell me something 
or ask my advice and deserves my full attention. NO needlework is more important than a friend...ever!!


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## simplyelizabeth (Sep 15, 2012)

I don't mind having friends drop in...but I do grab the knitting when they're gone!


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

.Elvia. said:


> Now I am feeling mean.
> 
> Having read your post ... I would choose knitting over talking to you every single time ...
> 
> And knitting isn't my first choice, reading is.


It sounded mean, but you made a good point. Replace knitting with..Oh, I'm in the middle of a good book. 
Would you mind if I keep reading?" Think about it, folks. "c'mon in and let's have a chat and a glass of wine".


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

desireeross said:


> I totally understand that. I'm very careful where I take my knitting . Unless we visit people I know well, I won't take it along.


So right! Like saying, "I expect to be bored, so I brought something
else to do.' Geez!


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## Linda Mcg (May 20, 2011)

I don't mind stopping when friends drop in, what makes me grind my teeth is when I am in the middle of counting stitches and my husband will start talking to me or asking questions, have to start all over again........ this has been going on for years , he doesn't even realize it......Men, God did perfect his experiment with us humans the second time))))


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## knitteerli (Jun 3, 2015)

I have always known folk to just drop by, even way back in my childhood, before people had phones to call ahead. How else did folk receive news from their scattered families, other than letters, which took time to deliver? I still like it when folk drop by, well, depnding on who the people are. I can feel a bit uncomfortable when they drop by around our suppertime, and I wonder if should offer to share the leftovers we might be having. It is easier now, though with full freezers, to accommodate the unexpected dinner guests. A true friend will not mind you knitting away in their company, and those who do might do well to learn to take you as they find you.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

peanutpatty said:


> I don't mind visitors dropping in unannounced but I find it difficult to knit and talk at the same time, unless it's a really easy pattern. And they'd better ignore my messy house!


I lovingly send you my sign.

WELCOME TO MY HOME
COME IN , SIT DOWN, CONVERSE
IT ISN'T ALWAYS AS BAD AS THIS
MOST DAYS IT'S EVEN WORSE.

Another oldie is:

FRIENDS, WELCOME ANYTIME
RELATIVES BY APPOINTMENT ONLY.


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## BARBIE-s (Sep 15, 2014)

The visitors I get aggravated with are the ones who are not planned ! But life goes on and so it goes in the South apparently, unannounced go visit whenever you feel like it =)


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## sbeth53 (Mar 29, 2011)

Yup! :sm01: :sm01: :sm01:


shepherd said:


> Don't stop! Keep on knitting! If they are real friends they will know you well enough to not mind. If they aren't real friends they won't come back unannounced!


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## Pocahontas (Apr 15, 2011)

Debiknit said:


> It seems like I have to fight for every hour I get to spend knitting. Still getting used to DH being retired and around all the time wanting to do this or that and of course I have to go with or help or supervise. (Believe me he needs supervision).
> So when I do sit down to knit, after cleaning up after him and the cats, I get half way thru a row and here he comes with a question. Or wanders around the room looking at all my stuff, or sits in the chair and talks to me then falls asleep. I don't
> bother him, wish he'd respect my time. I think knitters are lucky in that we can entertain ourselves easily. Non-knitters, DH in particular, need the feedback other people give them. Hence his hobby is amateur radio-talking to other radio operators.
> I wonder how many of you are like me in that growing up we were not socialized into society well. If parents had company we were to go to our rooms and play quietly or go outside and play.


I'm getting a taste of that now, Debi. Hubby has been off work for 3 weeks now with rotator cuff surgery. He wants to be doing something all the time, going somewhere. He'll retire in a couple years - got to prepare myself. He could use a good hobby.

I don't knit when friends come by. Hardly ever have drop-ins, but if so, I put my knitting away. Just my opinion, it's rude to continue knitting - rude in their eyes. Like continuing to watch a tv program you wanted to see. I wouldn't do it if company came. That's not to say I wouldn't be itching to get back to it. The more I knit, the more I want to knit. :sm01:


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## sandyridge (Nov 15, 2014)

I do not appreciate spontaneous drop-in visits. I call even my immediate family before just dropping in. I don't feel that you should continue to knit if it does happen though. Two rude actions don't make a right in my opinion.


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## flitri (Jun 13, 2011)

I love your way of thinking, I'm like that as well.


no1girl said:


> I keep the moat filled, the crocs hungry. NO ONE is welcome here without an invitation. I have learned the hard way!


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## alexdoc (Feb 11, 2016)

I always call before going to see anyone -- this includes my children and I expect the same courtesy and all in all, I get it.


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## mac.worrall (Jun 24, 2011)

Unkind? Probably.Normal? Definitely.


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## JTM (Nov 18, 2012)

hazey said:


> Am I the only one who gets annoyed when visitors arrive when I am really getting into a new pattern,and I'm sitting there thinking please don't stay too long and getting twitchy to get back to my knitting, and pick it up almost before they are out the door is that really unkind?, xx


I will often pick up my knitting while visiting ... My motto is, "if I sit, I knit" ... and pretty much stick to that.


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## theresagsolet (Oct 6, 2013)

When friends or family drop in I lay the knitting aside and continue after they leave


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## gmomgil (Feb 11, 2015)

I love people dropping in. If my house is a mess too bad. If I'm knitting I just until they leave to start again. Friends are great.


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## Frosch (Feb 5, 2014)

No, it doesn't bother me. Always glad when some friends stop by, the knitting can wait for a little bit.


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## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

I really dislike people I don't know well "stopping by" any time without calling. When someone does stop by without calling, I tell them "I wish you had called first so I could have something for you and we could have a nice long visit." And then I tell them that I need to get ready for something or I was in the middle of doing something. They usually get the idea. If they do it again, I tell them "Please call first, I hate to be unprepared for company." If I know someone well and they are a good friend, they can stop by any time and they know me well enough that I can keep knitting or whatever. Or, if they need a good ear, I am happy to stop what I am doing and listen--other things can wait.


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## peanutpatty (Oct 14, 2012)

hildy3 said:


> I lovingly send you my sign.
> 
> WELCOME TO MY HOME
> COME IN , SIT DOWN, CONVERSE
> ...


And another one: Too bad you weren't here yesterday,when my house was tidy. :sm09:


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## MrsB (Jun 3, 2011)

I don't appreciate it people showing up unexpectedly, unless it's that rare person I have been thinking about. My house could need some quick straightening up and advance notice would help keep my stress level in check.


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

hazey said:


> Am I the only one who gets annoyed when visitors arrive when I am really getting into a new pattern,and I'm sitting there thinking please don't stay too long and getting twitchy to get back to my knitting, and pick it up almost before they are out the door is that really unkind?, xx


I don't usually like anyone just dropping in on me. We have a phone. They have the number. Call first. I wouldn't try to keep knitting since I know I would be so irritated that I would make mistakes.


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## Runner Girl (Mar 27, 2013)

My pet peeve is when I bring my knit or crochet project to a doctor's appointment, and I just get started knowing I'll have a bit of a wait, and then, I hear my name called to follow the nurse to the exam room!! Grrrr!!!


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## knitminnie (Jan 29, 2011)

I think people are much more important than knitting. We are always in the middle of something when someone visits, but that is just life. If your knitting is more important than your friends maybe you should take a step back and evaluate your priorities. Your knitting will still be there when your friends will be gone. Just my opinion.


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## barbdpayne (Jan 24, 2011)

I would be thrilled to have friends who like me enough to want to drop in. I prefer knowing someone is coming but still, life is short and people are what matter to me. With some, they probably wouldn't even mind if you kept knitting.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

Runner Girl said:


> My pet peeve is when I bring my knit or crochet project to a doctor's appointment, and I just get started knowing I'll have a bit of a wait, and then, I hear my name called to follow the nurse to the exam room!! Grrrr!!!


Whereas if you don't have your knitting, you will be sure to wait for an hour!


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## kdpa07734 (Nov 10, 2015)

I can see both sides of this, I'm alone a lot as hubby travels for work and I like to talk. At the same time I think drop-ins are inconsiderate of you and your plans (even if you don't have any)... they don't know if you do or not...or if you're even home.

It's not mean to love your knitting. I do put my project down while they're here and most of the time we go out to eat with them to socialize. My friends and family know to call first, as much as a week in advance. They know we may not be home and the neighbors will call the law on them. We live in the woods on a dead end and watch out for each other.


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

Nope, they should have called ahead.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

My best friend's husband took early retirement last year. He was so bored that he ended up taking a part-time job at the home and garden center.


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## SquidgeWA (Apr 28, 2015)

I enjoy visitors, but I prefer at least a little advance warning if a visit is anything more than a quick stop. I have days when I'm not up to par, and hosting when all I want to do is lie down is not fun. Also, being in the middle of cleaning out a closet or "detailing" the bathroom is not my idea of a great time for visitors. No, I probably would not continue knitting while visitors are there, because I lose track of the pattern. But the minute they're gone...


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

I like to give full attention to those who want to talk, so I prefer to know when someone is coming. In most cases, an hour is enough, up to an hour and a half.
I could not do any difficult pattern if I were listening to someone. Even with straight knitting, I would easily drop a stitch. Also, I want my visitor to edit what 
she says as I am focusing on her. That is, let's talk about what is important to you today, and no gossip about others.


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## mcguire (Feb 21, 2011)

I like to know someone is coming. But if they are unexpected do not expect a slice of cake or pie or something to drink. I may be in the middle of something. Here is something I just lost my temper with.
My sil lives about 20 miles away, she is 92 and I know she will probably stay with me this winter. She gets her mail at the post office (usually someone gets it) and 2 months ago she said she got this letter from the hospital and she owed 100 & some. Said I have ins and it pays everything. So I called the hospital and (I worked there so I know most of the people) ask if her ins had paid, next day girl called and said " this was in March and BC said she no longer has it she did not pay her account". Oh, she said, I got a letter from BC and I will have to find it and read it. So I told her she has to, I just asked her if she sent a check and she said, I will have to look it up, she hasn't and I told her they would be sending it for collection, she said I do not care.
I got upset and said I don't care either I will not ask again. Am I wrong to be upset? She has always taken care of her self & now she is getting forgetful, as we all do with age, but gets upset with me when I ask questions. My son is in her will and will take care of things if she lets him. I feel sorry for him, he will have to do hers and sometime soon, mine. any one else have this problem? What to do......


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

You are not wrong to be upset. It just matters what you do with the energy of your agitation. Will you discuss this with your husband? Could the three of you sit down and set up some policies and arrangements? Go into these conversations with all the compassion you can! I hope you can think this through and get to some peace before talking to the others, but do be candid about your concerns. Best wishes.


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## edithcarolf (Aug 25, 2012)

I don't appreciate anyone dropping in without calling first, but if they do I wouldn't knit while they are visiting. My DH and I were doing my sister a favor by taking her for a long weekend to visit her friend. It was an 8 hour drive. About two hours into the drive I pulled out my knitting project and began to knit. My sister was highly offended and said so. I guess its just how we were raised, company comes first and deserves your undevided attention.


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## Profet (Oct 30, 2014)

At 92 this woman has some progressing form of dementia. She needs help with her finances, but it hurts her pride to admit it. She may become belligerent but her son needs to step in and step up to this next level in her care or he may have lots of bills due because of her/his negligence. He needs to become her POA if he isn't already. 

It's not an easy road to take, but consider what's going on in her brain and don't be upset with her. If she had all her faculties, like all the years you remember her, you know good and well she wouldn't act like she does now and let that knowledge comfort you and guide your future interactions with her.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

You are not mean and I don't see it as unkind. Some visitors are more welcome than others.


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## ellnbchristi (Aug 10, 2016)

I've become so used to being alone most of the time that it does irritate me when people just drop in without warning. But I try not to show it and just try to make them feel welcome even though I just want to get back to my project. I can't keep working on my project while they're there because I feel like they came to visit me not watch me knit even though I really don't see anything wrong with doing that.
No you aren't mean at all!


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

Runner Girl said:


> My pet peeve is when I bring my knit or crochet project to a doctor's appointment, and I just get started knowing I'll have a bit of a wait, and then, I hear my name called to follow the nurse to the exam room!! Grrrr!!!


Murphy's Law says you will be kept waiting for an hour or more if you forget your knitting.

And they just jot down that your blood pressure is high. Prevent strangling someone unless you plan to post bail.


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

KitKat789 said:


> My best friend's husband took early retirement last year. He was so bored that he ended up taking a part-time job at the home and garden center.


Did anyone see his wife dancing in the street?


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

She needs help.



mcguire said:


> I like to know someone is coming. But if they are unexpected do not expect a slice of cake or pie or something to drink. I may be in the middle of something. Here is something I just lost my temper with.
> My sil lives about 20 miles away, she is 92 and I know she will probably stay with me this winter. She gets her mail at the post office (usually someone gets it) and 2 months ago she said she got this letter from the hospital and she owed 100 & some. Said I have ins and it pays everything. So I called the hospital and (I worked there so I know most of the people) ask if her ins had paid, next day girl called and said " this was in March and BC said she no longer has it she did not pay her account". Oh, she said, I got a letter from BC and I will have to find it and read it. So I told her she has to, I just asked her if she sent a check and she said, I will have to look it up, she hasn't and I told her they would be sending it for collection, she said I do not care.
> I got upset and said I don't care either I will not ask again. Am I wrong to be upset? She has always taken care of her self & now she is getting forgetful, as we all do with age, but gets upset with me when I ask questions. My son is in her will and will take care of things if she lets him. I feel sorry for him, he will have to do hers and sometime soon, mine. any one else have this problem? What to do......


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## jeanbess (Aug 20, 2011)

I would love for friends to pop in since hubbys stroke and can not talk that doesn't happen to offen


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

Profet said:


> At 92 this woman has some progressing form of dementia. She needs help with her finances, but it hurts her pride to admit it. She may become belligerent but her son needs to step in and step up to this next level in her care or he may have lots of bills due because of her/his negligence. He needs to become her POA if he isn't already.
> 
> It's not an easy road to take, but consider what's going on in her brain and don't be upset with her. If she had all her faculties, like all the years you remember her, you know good and well she wouldn't act like she does now and let that knowledge comfort you and guide your future interactions with her.


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

In this society, where people who become a "burden" are usually shunted away someplace as to not be a bother, we have become unused to seeing people as they become very old and infirm. We no longer see this as a natural phase of life.......and one that we too will experience as we become older.

FIRST: Think of this. You are teaching your children how to treat you as you become old and infirm.

SECOND: Understand that the old person going through forgetfulness is frightened at their own infirmity and are afraid of what is to come and therefore fighting it however they can: through anger, helplessness, depression.

THIRD: Seek help from support groups. There you will learn about sources for assistance and how to deal with managing the care and support of an elderly person.

I wish your son luck. He could probably use your help right now. This may be an opportunity for the two of you to become even closer as you deal with this.


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## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

So funny!


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## jdh (Jan 23, 2011)

If I am working on a simple, no brainer, pattern, I have worked on it while talking with company. I do not feel it is impolite to do this, no diferent than when people use to smoke, drink beer/coffee, while visiting.


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## ballerina (Feb 8, 2016)

Even though I think I'm a people person I don't like unexpected visitors. I think it's good manners to let someone know. I'd put down my knitting but I wouldn't like it.


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## yarntastic (Aug 12, 2016)

Sandy, I totally agree with you. I would never think of just dropping in on family or friends. As I see it, asking someone if it's a good time to come by and see them is a matter of being considerate of the other person. I text or call my children and friends and then they can decide if the time is right for them to have a visit. It works well and no one is thinking of other things they would rather or need to be doing at that moment. But I can understand if just dropping in was considered the thing to do when you were growing up. I have a few friends who just drop in and I will either invite them in and say "Oh come on in! We can visit while I ie: work on this, finish what Im doing, etc. Or I will say "Oh shoot! I can't visit right now. But let me know when you have sometime and we'll work it out." If you come to some one's home unexpected you take what you get.


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## joycevv (Oct 13, 2011)

Even my kids call before coming over.


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

knit-knit said:


> In this society, where people who become a "burden" are usually shunted away someplace as to not be a bother, we have become unused to seeing people as they become very old and infirm. We no longer see this as a natural phase of life.......and one that we too will experience as we become older.
> 
> FIRST: Think of this. You are teaching your children how to treat you as you become old and infirm.
> 
> ...


All these suggestions are good, especially the first!, but also remember, old people differ. Not every 93-year-old is demented. She may just be letting things go because

she is lonely and somewhat depressed. EVERY BIT OF DYSFUNCTION IS NOT DEMENTIA. I am afraid sometimes we diagnose dementia too readily, and this can lead to

not listening carefully to the elderly one, and other forms of unintended disrespect. Such as impatience which leads to loneliness. Such as, even with some caretakers,

roughness and abuse. Please be curious and listen to her.


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## smidge1952 (Mar 4, 2013)

I sometimes begrudge going out of an evening because I want to knit instead!


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## JYannucci (Nov 29, 2011)

Profet said:


> How blessed you are to have friends who want to drop in, expected or unexpected. Knitting doesn't matter as much as people do. While it's nice to have warning if someone is coming over, lonesome people (and there are lots of them) wish anyone would befriend them at all. Sometimes I think it's easy to love knitting too much when it takes over our lives.


 :sm24: :sm24:


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

JYannucci said:


> :sm24: :sm24:


The friendship and love we share ripples out into the world -- and thus lasts. The knitting I do can also convey love for a brief time, but will end up as rags.


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## Luckyprincessuk (May 16, 2013)

I just knit while they are there, then again I knit everywhere and in all company.
I've been asked to stop only once and told them "my other hobby is reading, how much of my attention do you want ?" Lol


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## humbird13 (Apr 28, 2015)

Although I don't like to be interrupted when I'm knitting, I would say, "Just a minute please, I just have to finish up one little bit here." Finish what area or row or whatever you are doing, then put your knitting aside and enjoy your company. (Unless it is someone that really annoys you. After all, as we all get older, I have heard many say, "I sure wish my friends and family would take time to come and see me" Don't turn them away now. Be glad they want to be your friend.


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

Luckyprincessuk said:


> I just knit while they are there, then again I knit everywhere and in all company.
> I've been asked to stop only once and told them "my other hobby is reading, how much of my attention do you want ?" Lol


You smart aleck!

:sm16:


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## KaeS (Aug 23, 2016)

We all understand your feelings! I put my projects aside until visitors are gone because I can't focus on complex stitch patterns and hold a conversation. But I quickly return to them when visitors leave.


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## Plays with Fibers (Nov 30, 2015)

It depends on the season and the reason. We live on a ranch-farm. Cattle, horses, goats, chickens, variety of crops. Year round we have a training schedule for the horses. Year round is feeding, grooming, cleaning enclosures. Interruptions not welcome.
Spring is planting time and animals are birthing. Not a lot of knitting time available. Unannounced visitors wanting to sit and chat will be disappointed. Neighbors needing parts to fix farm machinery or a little something from the pantry are usually welcome. Going to town and getting back takes hours. They usually stay long enough to take care of business. Exchange a little news. Then they're gone. Other visitors aren't so welcome if unannounced. We may be at home but we are working from before sun up to after dark. And all night sometimes with the birthing. 
Summer is still real busy. Autumn slows down after October. More knitting time and more time for visitors. Announced preferred. Unannounced may be welcome. Depends on who they are, how well we know them. Don't always need to put down my knitting. Some bring theirs. Winter and especially around the holidays most everybody is welcome to come and sit a spell.


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## brenda95355 (Dec 2, 2013)

I enjoy friends visiting but like them to call in advance. Sometimes, depending on the friend I will keep knitting.


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## ramram0003 (Nov 7, 2011)

I, too, feel this way and I also feel like that when the phone rings.


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## yanagi (Jul 7, 2013)

Not really.

When I was young, my Mother told me that it was rude to just show up at someone's house and even ruder to stay more than thirty minutes; or two minutes for every mile you drove if it was over twenty miles. I have one friend that lives about a mile away, she shows up unannounced and stays forever. However, I always forgive her as she brings cake and her knitting. *G*


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## ballerina (Feb 8, 2016)

Sounds good to me.


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## Louette (May 9, 2011)

Grandma G. said:


> I love it when people drop in unexpectedly.


I really wish I had your enthusiasm for drop in guests. While I Love having company and so enjoy visiting with family and friends I really appreciate a heads up before hand. We live over an hour away from those who would come so we are thankful for those who would travel just to see us. I don't knit when we have company but don't find it rude of those who do. 
I'm sure you make people feel very welcome. I think that's how we should be. ????????????


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## 81brighteyes (Feb 17, 2011)

I just LOVE #1girl's post!!! What a smart idea. I do think it would be so much nicer if people would call first to see if their visit is welcome rather than just "dropping in". Being courteous is a virtue that many of us appreciate.


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## 81brighteyes (Feb 17, 2011)

no1girl said:


> I keep the moat filled, the crocs hungry. NO ONE is welcome here without an invitation. I have learned the hard way!


I'm so sorry, but I forgot to quote her post first before making my comment. Now you know to what I made reference when saying how I loved her post.


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## peanutpatty (Oct 14, 2012)

Before we moved to where I live now I had a next-door neighbor who would drop in at least three times a week and stay forever. She had lost her husband and was lonely so I felt I had to grin and bear it. No matter what I was in the middle of (scrubbing the kitchen floor and painting the kitchen as two examples) she would park herself with, "Don't let me stop you". It was a relief to move away, and since then I have tried not to visit anyone too often for fear it will happen again. I do have a few friends who pop in if they are in the neighborhood but thank goodness they only stay for a cup of coffee or two and gone again. I can handle that.


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## Profet (Oct 30, 2014)

She sounds like a real friend!!


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

My widowed grandmother was vulnerable to a "poor relation," a cousin of her deceased husband. This woman, Una, would call from the Greyhound bus station, saying, "Maudie, 
come get me." Then she would stay and stay, for days. Not a pleasant or tactful woman, this guest once famously said, "Maud, if you give me a pail and mop, I'll do your kitchen 
floor, it sure needs it."When my father returned from WW II and after saying hello, rather brusquely left the room, Una remarked, "Well, the war sure din't do him any good, did it!" 

As you see, Una lives on in family stories of how not to behave. But my grandmother Maud lives on even longer, as the model of a gracious hostess even to a crude guest in need 
of a few days' room and board.


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## cavedwellersmum (Aug 14, 2013)

vegasjoan said:


> I don't think you're being mean at all. I don't appreciate unexpected visitors and all my friends are if the same mind.
> Joan


Used to be a Kiwi tradition too, But I think with the longer hours people work and less home time, it is falling by the way side

I have one friend I pop in on, and she me, but she is closer to me than my actual sisters, so a little different,


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## Pocahontas (Apr 15, 2011)

peanutpatty said:


> Before we moved to where I live now I had a next-door neighbor who would drop in at least three times a week and stay forever. She had lost her husband and was lonely so I felt I had to grin and bear it. No matter what I was in the middle of (scrubbing the kitchen floor and painting the kitchen as two examples) she would park herself with, "Don't let me stop you". It was a relief to move away, and since then I have tried not to visit anyone too often for fear it will happen again. I do have a few friends who pop in if they are in the neighborhood but thank goodness they only stay for a cup of coffee or two and gone again. I can handle that.


You bring up a good point: when we reach out to others and show kindness, we are inviting the unknown into our lives.


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## ballerina (Feb 8, 2016)

I have a neighbor that stops in 2 or 3 X a day. When she is in town for the winter she hits the door talking and never stops. A lot of times it's the last 1\2 hour of a movie that I had been watching. I can be busy it doesn't Matter...


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## dragonswing (Feb 18, 2014)

I don't have to worry about unexpected visitors since I never get visitors!!! All my family lives in a different state. And my friends are not willing to drive 30 mins to visit me---they think I should drive to see them.


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## xxjanexx (May 1, 2012)

Because I'm bipolar I don't really like change to much I try to keep to a routine if I can and I rarely see anyone,if I do see anyone coming down the path normally my husband brother I run upstairs as I feel he is invading my home and how dare he just turn up so I sit upstairs knitting thinking I wish he just bugger off and leave me be...it's just so hard to explain


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## hazey (Jul 19, 2013)

I think people should be polite enough to not overstay their welcome,I have a visitor who calls round nearly every evening full of gloom and doom and always stays for 3 or 4 hours,and sometimes says"do you want me to go ,but she would be very hurt if I said,well actually I am very busy tonight or similar,if I visit I never stay any longer than an hour or less as most people have lots to do nowadays however polite they may be.Mind you I'm a loner anyway


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## gmomgil (Feb 11, 2015)

I understand. We have bipolar in our family.


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## gmomgil (Feb 11, 2015)

I had a neighbor down the street (she has since moved) who would come up to visit unannounced and would stay and talk about all her problems. This was even after I told her my Husband passed away a month ago and I was dealign with that. She was really a wacky person.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

I don't get drop in company, for most of my life I was a shift worker with variable days off, now that I am retired that has not changed because Himself is still a shift worker. My thoughts are that if I hear distress in your voice or you tell me you have something serious to say, I won't pick up my knitting. If I am knitting and the conversation turns serious I will set my knitting down and give you my undivided attention. But I am capable of having a conversation and knitting my simple charity projects at the same time. I chose to spend my time knitting for others, if someone drops in unannounced, they can respect my lifestyle choices or they can call a head and ask if it a convenient time. As I said, if someone is struggling, all bets are off and I will try to help, even if it is just giving them a sympathetic ear. But I see no need to stop knitting just because someone else wants to gossip. Fortunately, my friends know how I feel about knitting and are so used to me constantly having needles in hand, that if I don't, they ask what is wrong.


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## Dorsey (Jan 20, 2012)

I would be so delighted to have someone drop in, I would probably faint! And if they did, all my friends know I will keep knitting while we chat. Or they would know, if they ever dropped in. And yes, I, too, would stop if there is a serious conversation.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

knitminnie said:


> I think people are much more important than knitting. We are always in the middle of something when someone visits, but that is just life. If your knitting is more important than your friends maybe you should take a step back and evaluate your priorities. Your knitting will still be there when your friends will be gone. Just my opinion.


You take the prize for the best post today in my opinion. Absolutely right on. Thank you and God bless.


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## Lorikeet (Jan 15, 2016)

Where I live, it is considered to be rude to "pop in" without a prior arrangement.


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## Lorikeet (Jan 15, 2016)

gmomgil said:


> I had a neighbor down the street (she has since moved) who would come up to visit unannounced and would stay and talk about all her problems. This was even after I told her my Husband passed away a month ago and I was dealign with that. She was really a wacky person.


She may have been very lonely. I would suggest making a particular time each week for a discussion of your problems and hers, if such an issue arises again.


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## ourhobbyhouse (Feb 12, 2015)

It sounds like you value your knitting more than friends. How sad. Yes, I'd like them to call first. But I'm so happy to have friends that I really don't care if they call. My husband's friends often stop by for a beer and hang out in the garage with the old cars. Occasionally I'll feed the single ones but they don't expect it. Life's getting too short to get your knickers in a twist over the little things. The only thing I stop visiting for is to feed the horse and clean his stall. Company just comes out to the barn and keeps talking.


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## circularknitter (Jan 11, 2014)

I would rather have friends who drop in unexpectedly than not have anyone drop by at all. One day i may not be able to knit and will probably would look forward to have someone drop in


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## crochetknit Deb (Sep 18, 2012)

No more Ms Nice Gal....


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## Shautzie (Jun 9, 2013)

We also enjoy drop in company. We stop whatever we are doing and devote our attention to our friends. I was raised that way, and it is comfortable and easy. Of course, off goes the TV, refreshments are offered, and I try to keep something on hand to snack on, even if it's only cheese and crackers.

Which reminds me: buy blueberries for muffins.


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## JTM (Nov 18, 2012)

hazey said:


> Am I the only one who gets annoyed when visitors arrive when I am really getting into a new pattern,and I'm sitting there thinking please don't stay too long and getting twitchy to get back to my knitting, and pick it up almost before they are out the door is that really unkind?, xx


Anyone who knows me, knows I knit. I do not think it is rude to knit and visit...and I do it often. I often take my knitting with me when we go to visit family. I can talk and listen just as well when knitting as when not. 
By the way... I do not think you are mean at all.


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## -knitter (Aug 22, 2011)

maureenb said:


> You're not alone,believe me..


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## Gabriell (Sep 13, 2011)

I do not like drop ins. Never do it myself. Even my children give me a call that they are on the way. This means I open the garage door so they can come in back door. Just more convenient than parking on street.


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## justanoldgirl (Feb 18, 2015)

gigi 722 said:


> I like unexpected visits, just not overnight guests.


The friends who drop in on us always seem to find me in a mess with some sort of craft going on and their home us always like a display home because they are not crafty. I feel that if they were put off by my mess they would stop coming so obviously they come to visit us not to judge our home.
On the other hand my SIL and her husband were expected here to stay for a few days and stayed for two weeks. This happens every time they visit but it won't happen again. Even my husband said it was wrong to take advantage of us. The worst part of the last visit was that I caught a really heavy cold and was still expected to do breakfast, lunch and dinner without her offering to help. Needless to say I was really cross.


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## ourhobbyhouse (Feb 12, 2015)

justanoldgirl said:


> The friends who drop in on us always seem to find me in a mess with some sort of craft going on and their home us always like a display home because they are not crafty. I feel that if they were put off by my mess they would stop coming so obviously they come to visit us not to judge our home.
> On the other hand my SIL and her husband were expected here to stay for a few days and stayed for two weeks. This happens every time they visit but it won't happen again. Even my husband said it was wrong to take advantage of us. The worst part of the last visit was that I caught a really heavy cold and was still expected to do breakfast, lunch and dinner without her offering to help. Needless to say I was really cross.


My dad had a saying: fish and company stink after 3 days. 
That said, we had snow bird friends down last year, stayed two weeks with us then they found an RV park but we saw them at least once a week so they could get their forwarded mail. When they stayed with us, on the 2 days a week I worked, she fixed dinner. We shared all the other fixing. It was lovely.


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## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

Time to say "I have a cold and I am going to bed! I hope you don't catch it."


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## Profet (Oct 30, 2014)

There's a word for folks like that: USERS.


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## justanoldgirl (Feb 18, 2015)

knit-knit said:


> Time to say "I have a cold and I am going to bed! I hope you don't catch it."


I caught the cold from her husband who was full of it the day that they arrived! SIL was a nurse and really dumbfounded me by telling my husband that I didn't catch it from her husband because he had a head cold and I had a chest cold.
I googled "how do you catch a cold" and wow, did I let my husband have an ear full as he had believed her. Anyway my husband caught it from me and typically, he ended up with "man flue". 
As I said before, they have worn out their welcome here.


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## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

Can't blame you......liked the comment one woman wrote about USERS.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

ourhobbyhouse said:


> It sounds like you value your knitting more than friends. How sad...


It doesn't have to be an either or choice. My friends have their own interests that they are passionate about. None of us expects the others to drop everything to visit. Though we don't just drop in on each other as a rule either. But they don't expect me to quit knitting and I don't expect them to quit petting the dogs, or paper crafting or whatever their interest is, we just pull up a chair and visit.

Probably also depends on how you were raised. I was taught that it was extremely rude to drop in unannounced. While I know not everyone was raised that way, it is always in the back of my head, "Hey you were the one that dropped in unannounced with no consideration for what I was doing or had planned." Fortunately, virtually all of my friends work or worked in health care so have done time as shift workers so for me personally drop ins rarely happen. That may change when my SO retires. But I doubt it.


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## vicki5 (Apr 5, 2014)

Please don't feel that you're being mean; you are not. However, I do feel that your friends are being rude to come without calling/checking to make sure that it's a good time for a visit. My mother taught me never to assume that anyone will be happy to see you at whatever time you decide to show up. And I have never gone to see even her without calling first. It's just being thoughtful.


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## vicki5 (Apr 5, 2014)

ramram0003 said:


> I, too, feel this way and I also feel like that when the phone rings.


So do I! I told my children that there are 3 things a lady is permitted to lie about: 1. age 2. weight 3. availability to take a phone call.


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## Knitting in the Rockys (Aug 17, 2015)

It's nice if people call ahead but you know sometimes people are just in the area and want to spend a few minutes. I think I'd be more hurt if they didn't think about me at all. My knitting can wait. I've lost too many family members and friends in recent years and wish I had been able to spend more time with them.


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## jaydee (Mar 25, 2011)

I do, too!


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## CraftySK (Feb 19, 2015)

No I really hate it when people come over unannounced, I love having company but like to be prepared.


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## Louette (May 9, 2011)

Dorsey said:


> I would be so delighted to have someone drop in, I would probably faint! And if they did, all my friends know I will keep knitting while we chat. Or they would know, if they ever dropped in. And yes, I, too, would stop if there is a serious conversation.


I feel very similarly. I LOVE company ans if they are just visiting for the day I put my knitting aside but should it be an overnight or longer visit my attention is all theirs. 
I appreciate the O.P.'s point about being at a point in knitting a challenging pattern and not wanting it down. I just value people more than things as I'm pretty sure is true of the op. Time is so short and grows shorter as time goes by.


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## yona (Feb 7, 2011)

Same thing with phone calls, especially from 'gabby' talkers.


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## yarntastic (Aug 12, 2016)

LOVE IT !!!!


knit-knit said:


> Time to say "I have a cold and I am going to bed! I hope you don't catch it."


 :sm24:


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

Even better, say "I have a stomach virus but I haven't thrown up in a couple of hours, so it's probably safe to come inside."


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

Yes. I believe to have friends and family stop by is way more important.

I would be offended if I thought I took second place to knitting.


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## dribla (Nov 14, 2011)

I stop knitting, but get itchy fingers as I need to knit, it is harder with my grandchildren when they come over, as they want to help nana knit, well I now keep a little bit done on needles that is not important and they are happy knitting with that.

Di


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## BJP (Oct 1, 2013)

I love my knitting - but people are more important.


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## Chemchic (Dec 16, 2012)

Not at all! I just don't like when it might happen when my kids call!! Headphones!!


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