# Am I a Thief?



## toto (May 27, 2011)

I gave my son and his wife a set of knit and crochet dish cloths. I was informed that she only used sponges but that she had given them to a friend as a shower gift. Think I learned my lesson? NO! when they had a baby 6 months ago I gave them three blankets with matching sweaters, hats,and booties. Two size 6 months the other 12 months. I am now visiting and I asked about them and was told that they were too small so she had put them up for next baby. I only stayed a week but took the sets back with me; she had not even opened the box. I informed my son I was taking them after all when she does have a new baby I doubt if she will even remember them. Am I a theif? 
Also in your opinion I would like to make her a doll when she turns one or two. Would you knit, crochet, or just sew one from cloth which to me would be easier since I will only hope she will give it to her.


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## Xiang (Sep 3, 2011)

toto said:


> I gave my son and his wife a set of knit and crochet dish cloths. I was informed that she only used sponges but that she had given them to a friend as a shower gift. Think I learned my lesson? NO! when they had a baby 6 months ago I gave them three blankets with matching sweaters, hats,and booties. Two size 6 months the other 12 months. I am now visiting and I asked about them and was told that they were too small so she had put them up for next baby. I only stayed a week but took the sets back with me; she had not even opened the box. I informed my son I was taking them after all when she does have a new baby I doubt if she will even remember them. Am I a theif?
> Also in your opinion I would like to make her a doll when she turns one or two. Would you knit, crochet, or just sew one from cloth which to me would be easier since I will only hope she will give it to her.


I think I would learn my lesson, and if you do make a doll for your DGD, then I would keep it at my place for her to play with, whee never she came for a visit. But that is just me!


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## Xiang (Sep 3, 2011)

I hope your grand baby does get to play with something that you make for her, but unfortunately, some people look on handmade items as worthless, whereas in actual fact, they are priceless.

I have 5 daughters, and two of my daughters have little girls of their own. When I began knitting and sewing again, I asked what those two daughters would like, to have me make, for their daughters. So far I have 5 grand daughters, and have made each of the children a machined quilt, and I have two knitted, or crocheted quilts to make - so that they will have at least a quilt and a blanket each. I am also in the process of making a wedding quilt, for DD3. I am also thinking of making each of my daughters a shawl, or a shrug, depending on the age of the daughter. I am also hoping to make a wedding shawl, and a baby shawl, for each of my DGD's ........ but I have asked their mothers to let me know, the minute that the girls are not happy with Grandma's handmade gifts; and there will be no more of these for the child whom no longer appreciates them. Sorry about the tome! :lol: :lol:


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## christine 47 (Oct 7, 2011)

I wouldn't say thief as you discussed it with your son and by doing so let him know how you felt. I certainly wouldn't bother again, make for a charity or for someone who will appreciate all the work and love that goes into making things. My grandaughter is 2 and she's not really a doll or soft toy child but I knitted her a Smurf and he's her best friend. She loves watching Peppa Pig and the Smurfs DVDs and Smurfie has to watch too. Whatever you make her give it to her yourself and let them try and take it off her.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

By now i would have learnt my lesson and i would never knit or make another artical for that woman,yes make a doll by all means,but give it to your GC by yourself making sure your son is present when you do,no you are not a thief,you your DIL is justa very ungreatful piece of work. :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown:


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## bettyirene (Apr 5, 2012)

Sounds like my son and DIL and my two beautiful grand-daughters - who never wear anything I make.


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## dalebeasley (Apr 7, 2013)

I have a grandson who lives in Titirangi NZ and I made him three jerseys and sent them over for his 1st birthday and when little Sam was opening his present all the reception to my jerseys by either his mother or my son was an umm and then they were put on one side and then totally ignored. 
On speaking to my son via Skype a few weeks later (so I could see Sam) my son Chris said that as it never really got cold in NZ and that Sam didn't wear jerseys I took that to mean No More hand-knitted Jerseys etc. which rather miffed me as I have already got a few more together to send out,which now won't be going so will find someone else possibly a charity who can use them.
Relatives are sometimes rather strange people,well in my experience they are.


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## Engprof (Dec 9, 2013)

I think all families must have a few ungrateful, thoughtless people. I recently knitted a hat, booties and shawl for my niece's bun in the oven. I know they must have arrived (along with several purchased onesies and bibs), and I've received no thank you note. The worst case was when (several years ago), I knitted a hat and scarf set for my mother in law for Christmas, no mention of which made it into her thank you note. 

The ironic part of that exchange was that it was she who had warned me not to give others hand knitted gifts, because they most often go unappreciated.


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## Coral McRae (Jul 23, 2013)

I hate giving gifts that are discarded. I'm now saying to my daughter 'if you will use it: I will give it to you.' She never says no.but I know if I give my SIL anything it will be in the charity shop fast as anything.


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## Camping Granny (Nov 6, 2013)

I think MOST gifts go unappreciated today. Sent DS and family Christmas gifts (Knit hats and mittens and pjs for the kids, LARGE gift card for son&dil)When I asked if the received them (had tracked them to their front porch), dil said "Oh yeah---we liked everything we got." DS and DIL had birthdays this spring. They got cards with NOTHING in them---I usually send a gift card or check. I figure, if they don't appreciate what I send enough to thank me, they obviously don't want it. Will still send to the grands---they sometimes call to say thank you!


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## Cottongirl (May 26, 2012)

I sometimes think young people do not always realize how much love goes into making something very special for very special little people . . . .that goes even for adults. I would also rather make something for myself or for someone who really appreciates it. I was told I should not give knitted garments even to a institution for the needy. I have found in the pass that even the people who is suppose to distribute it to the right people, gets their hands on the best articles and take it for themselves and then only pass on the other stuff that they do not want. I have seen that with my own eyes once when I went to deposit some 2nd hand clothing. I chatted them up on doing this and they gave me a blank look as if to say . . . what are you talking about. Even when I was in charge or handing out foodstuff, I once sat in the church and saw someone who could afford clothing for themselves wearing my garments. When I challenged the person concerned she just shrugged her shoulders and said she thought it was still in such good condition so she thought she would rather have it than passing it on. Moral of the story . . . .now I keep clothing in my car and when I am in town and I spot someone who looks as if they could make use of it, I'd rather hand it to them in person. I even tried giving it to a family who really are battling ....but then they went and got rid of it for cash. Sad world we live in . . . just can't please everyone.


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## Daisybel (Nov 27, 2012)

Xiang said:


> I think I would learn my lesson, and if you do make a doll for your DGD, then I would keep it at my place for her to play with, whee never she came for a visit. But that is just me!


That sounds sensible to me! I don't understand how people can be so ungrateful. I would have taken the things back too, to pass on to someone who'd use them.


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## ChrisGV (Apr 5, 2013)

Cottongirl said:


> I sometimes think young people do not always realize how much love goes into making something very special for very special little people . . . .that goes even for adults. I would also rather make something for myself or for someone who really appreciates it. I was told I should not give knitted garments even to a institution for the needy. I have found in the pass that even the people who is suppose to distribute it to the right people, gets their hands on the best articles and take it for themselves and then only pass on the other stuff that they do not want. I have seen that with my own eyes once when I went to deposit some 2nd hand clothing. I chatted them up on doing this and they gave me a blank look as if to say . . . what are you talking about. Even when I was in charge or handing out foodstuff, I once sat in the church and saw someone who could afford clothing for themselves wearing my garments. When I challenged the person concerned she just shrugged her shoulders and said she thought it was still in such good condition so she thought she would rather have it than passing it on. Moral of the story . . . .now I keep clothing in my car and when I am in town and I spot someone who looks as if they could make use of it, I'd rather hand it to them in person. I even tried giving it to a family who really are battling ....but then they went and got rid of it for cash. Sad world we live in . . . just can't please everyone.


That is sad. I gavel a cable scarf to a clothes clothes once and my husband was ask repeatedly if I really wanted to give it a way. I did. He volunteers in the food shelf and when he came home 2 of the staff members had asked if I would make that scarf for them and they would pay me. I did of course. I've made many children's stocking hats for that place also and they use them in their holiday 'shopping' give away


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## Rosette (Oct 7, 2011)

Some people just don't like handmade things. I would ask if there was anything I could make, and if it is a 'no' then you know where you stand. We are all different.
Make a doll for your granddaughter when she is old enough to decide if she likes it, or buy a doll and make clothes for that.


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## cindye6556 (Apr 6, 2011)

I wouldn't waste my time knitting for any of them. If you feel the urge to knit something for a baby, do so and then give a charity in honor of the grandchild, making sure a "note of thanks" is sent to your son and dil. At least by knitting for a charity you know it's going to someone you know will appreciate it.


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## azmoonbugs (Dec 2, 2011)

dalebeasley said:


> Relatives are sometimes rather strange people,well in my experience they are.


Well said! Pick you battles. Knit for those who want and will enjoy it.

I offered to knit some socks for my DH. He nicely told me to knit them for myself.


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## Ma Kitty (Mar 15, 2013)

Just knit things for when the baby is in your care. Some day you'll get to spend time with your grandchild and then you can dress her in your hand knits. Save the doll for when you visit and then give it to your granddaughter and you'll at least get the joy of seeing her get it and probably cuddle it. It's sad your DIL doesn't appreciate your work. Maybe he mom never was handy so she wouldn't know the work involved and just how beautiful they look on a baby. Your son would have a hand in dressing his baby, maybe ask him to take a picture in something you knit next time you send it (if you ever do).


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## agilitybritts (Jul 5, 2013)

I don't believe you are a thief. It sounds like she doesn't want these items.


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## Grandma Jan (Apr 6, 2011)

I don't think you're a thief. I think you're hurt. And with good reason.


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## Jalsh (Aug 6, 2012)

Grandma Jan said:


> I don't think you're a thief. I think you're hurt. And with good reason.


I agree, and she won't remember that she even had them in the first place.


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## K2P2 knitter (Jan 31, 2013)

I no longer knit or crochet gifts for family. When my niece was expecting twins again I knit several sweaters, hats, booties, blankets and sent them to her. I had to call her to see if she received them so that is when I got a thank you over the phone when I called her. I also made a baby set when my step-son and DIL were expecting their second baby. I asked what color they were doing the baby's room and if I could make a baby set. I was told pink and yes they would like me to make the set. We went to visit a couple of months after the baby was born only to find none of the baby things I made. I don't know what they did with them but won't make anything again.


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## Grand8ma (Feb 16, 2014)

I think quite a few of us have had that experience. A few years ago I crocheted a sweet unique baby set for a young co-worker. He said he'd have to get me a picture of his daughter wearing it. Of course that never happened. A few months later he was telling someone about re-gifting some of the things they had never used and realized I was at the next table and he quickly looked away! I was only miffed for a few moments but decided that it was a compliment that my work was worthy of giving to someone else. (A very picky, la-di-dah cousin according to him!) I have had several requests for that set since. 
As for relatives, I am putting aside a small account for each grandchild and great-grand that they will get when I'm gone, along with a note to tell them that I'm glad they came to be in my life. They can do whatever they want with it but whatever is said or done in their lives, they will at least know that Grannie thought about them and loved them.


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## JanieSue (Nov 30, 2011)

I don't understand why people do not want something made from a Grandmother's loving hands. I lost my Mom in Feb, she had quite a few baby afghans crocheted up and my aunt went in and took everyone of them. Even though I knit & crochet my daughter would have loved to have something made by her Grandmother.

I think you did the right thing by taking them back, maybe when your GD is older she will appreciate having something made by you.


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## azmoonbugs (Dec 2, 2011)

Grand8ma said:


> As for relatives, I am putting aside a small account for each grandchild and great-grand that they will get when I'm gone, along with a note to tell them that I'm glad they came to be in my life.


Just make sure that somebody you trust will be there to give it to each child when he/she turns 18 and not before. My DH's mother took all of his inheritance and spent it on herself. She could do it because he was not 18 and she was given it to pass to him since he was a minor.


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## Homeshppr (Feb 28, 2011)

I think it's fine that your have the knitted gifts back in your possession. You should have no trouble finding a very appreciative recipient of your beautiful work. Any chance a local hospital gift shop might be able to make good use of them?? If not, hang on to it for a future baby-- or consider a local charity for a precious newborn who may leave the hospital in nothing more than a diaper and hospital receiving blanket.

I learned long ago that I knit for my own personal satisfaction, and not everyone appreciates the art of it as much as I do. I give baby gifts with love from my hands and heart, then I let them go. I take comfort in the fact that even if they are regifted or sold, someone I will never know may be using and loving them.


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## Irish knitter (Mar 29, 2011)

I knit a prayer shawl for my daughter. We talked about prayer shawls; their meaning; and I told her since she was going through a rough time as she lost her job and was expecting her third child that I wanted to make her a special prayer shawl for her for her birthday. She picked out the pattern and the yarn. I made it. Her daughter used to use it to wrap up in during the winter when they lived over here in the mountains. Last time I visited I found it thrown in the closet along with the spare blankets for guests to use when they visited. My heart sank. Maybe I am just being too foolish but I just thought of all the love I poured into that and to find it thrown in a closet for everyone to use......my heart just sank. I will never knit anything for her again! She wanted a sweater to match the two girls sweaters that I made. Not gonna happen; no way; not ever! am I being too cruel? Will I be a thief if AI take it back?


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## Suecpee (Dec 24, 2013)

I don't think you are a thief either. But it's their loss and they should use anything made for a child and let them decide as they get older if they want handmade stuff, they will love whatever you make.....


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## Jalsh (Aug 6, 2012)

Two years ago I was invited to 3 baby showers. The first one I knitted a Debbie Bliss pattern. I wanted to challenge myself and boy did I! It turned out darling. The Mom to be looked at it like it was an insult and tossed it to the side. Not a word of thanks.
The second I knitted my niece the Baby Tree of Life. She first was looking at it upside down and said it was "creepy, maybe there are zombies in the trees" She actually gave it back to me stating that she would never use it and could I just give her money instead!
The third one I knitted the Bernat Strawberry Cocoon. The Mom-to-be was absolutely thrilled and had her baby's first picture taken in it. Her and her mother and mil expressed interest in learning to knit and then when they found out what it is like they really appreciated the gift. 
So I guess ya never know.
By the way, I was just a little insulted and hurt. I figured that I was invited, I did my part and whatever they thought or where the item ended up well, that's their business. Lesson learned=make the cocoon!


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## cathyknits (Nov 1, 2012)

I ask before I knit anything more than mittens for anyone. I tried surprising family and friends with knitted items and found too much of it wasn't used - I don't know if the work was appreciated but I suspect not because most of them do not craft anything. 
Now I ask, especially nieces and nephews, "Is there anything special you'd like to have me knit for you?" If the answer is no they get a gift card.
My ex-MIL used to shop and shop and always brought me things I couldn't use or weren't my taste. I mentioned it to her and she told me to smile and say thank you and then I could re-gift. She got pleasure from the shopping. Knitting takes too much time for that sort of attitude. I'm going to ask first.


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## Ma Kitty (Mar 15, 2013)

I think most of us have been burnt by giving hand made gifts. We just need to grow a thicker skin. Mine is still too thin.....


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## Dcsmith77 (Apr 18, 2011)

Someone posted this quite a while ago. Maybe it's time to look at it again. This is the only way I can send it. It's in Microsoft Word.


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## Howdi95 (Apr 17, 2011)

Jalsh said:


> Two years ago I was invited to 3 baby showers. The first one I knitted a Debbie Bliss pattern. I wanted to challenge myself and boy did I! It turned out darling. The Mom to be looked at it like it was an insult and tossed it to the side. Not a word of thanks.
> The second I knitted my niece the Baby Tree of Life. She first was looking at it upside down and said it was "creepy, maybe there are zombies in the trees" She actually gave it back to me stating that she would never use it and could I just give her money instead!
> The third one I knitted the Bernat Strawberry Cocoon. The Mom-to-be was absolutely thrilled and had her baby's first picture taken in it. Her and her mother and mil expressed interest in learning to knit and then when they found out what it is like they really appreciated the gift.
> So I guess ya never know.
> By the way, I was just a little insulted and hurt. I figured that I was invited, I did my part and whatever they thought or where the item ended up well, that's their business. Lesson learned=make the cocoon!


Your niece must be mad. I LOVE that tree of life pattern, altho' I've never actually made it. The first mother is a moron, too. I can imagine how hurt you must have been and still are.


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## Nanxy (Feb 25, 2011)

Xiang said:


> I think I would learn my lesson, and if you do make a doll for your DGD, then I would keep it at my place for her to play with, whee never she came for a visit. But that is just me!


Agree with you. I also went through the same experience and after the second time, I learned.


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## cathyknits (Nov 1, 2012)

Dcsmith77 said:


> Someone posted this quite a while ago. Maybe it's time to look at it again. This is the only way I can send it. It's in Microsoft Word.


This is a great chart for anyone in doubt.


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## Jalsh (Aug 6, 2012)

Howdi95 said:


> Your niece must be mad. I LOVE that tree of life pattern, altho' I've never actually made it. The first mother is a moron, too. I can imagine how hurt you must have been and still are.


I was hurt yes but not for long. Like I figured, I was invited, I went and had a good time reconnecting with people that I haven't seen for awhile and I gave my gift that I made with love. I actually appreciate my niece giving it back rather than not using it or throwing it out. But no, I did NOT give her money! I did give the baby a savings bond for when he is 18 years old.
The only one I did NOT really enjoy knitting was the strawberry coccoon because it is the dreaded moss stitch and I didn't start it until a week before the shower! And that's the one that was appreciated the most. Go figure!
Some times you just gotta roll with it, I guess.


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## ltcmomky (Aug 22, 2013)

I knit things for American Cancer Society whenever they are having a silent auction. This year it slipped up and I only had time to do a Cable scarf, mittens and ear warmer. I used the cable patterns to resemble the ribbon and used pink yarn. I think this summer I will start a pink shawl for next year. Prayer shawls are also a nice thing for people in a struggle.


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

I am so sorry! No you are not a thief! And yes, make a doll or two and keep them at your house.


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## toto (May 27, 2011)

Thank everyone for your imput. I like the idea of makeing a doll and giving it to her personally; then keeping it at my home.


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## MASHEPP (Mar 13, 2011)

I always ask what they would like me to knit. Quite honestly there are a lot of patterns for baby items that are not in current fashion, and some young moms are just not going to use them regardless of who made it. I think if you ask mom what she would like she might be more appreciative. I think toys would always be appreciated, especially if you give them directly to the child.


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## lilydragon (Oct 2, 2011)

I've made things for others. Most recently I made the Merging Ripples Shawl and gave it to my DH's grandmother. She thinks it would look better if she put a line of crochet around the edge so it doesn't roll up. I showed it to her as soon as I finished it and she wouldn't let me take it and block it. She wants to alter it before I can try to get it not to roll. I don't think you are a theif, I would take the shawl back in a heart beat and block it if she would let me. :?


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## Clancy P (Feb 26, 2014)

Jalsh said:


> Two years ago I was invited to 3 baby showers. The first one I knitted a Debbie Bliss pattern. I wanted to challenge myself and boy did I! It turned out darling. The Mom to be looked at it like it was an insult and tossed it to the side. Not a word of thanks.
> The second I knitted my niece the Baby Tree of Life. She first was looking at it upside down and said it was "creepy, maybe there are zombies in the trees" She actually gave it back to me stating that she would never use it and could I just give her money instead!
> The third one I knitted the Bernat Strawberry Cocoon. The Mom-to-be was absolutely thrilled and had her baby's first picture taken in it. Her and her mother and mil expressed interest in learning to knit and then when they found out what it is like they really appreciated the gift.
> So I guess ya never know.
> By the way, I was just a little insulted and hurt. I figured that I was invited, I did my part and whatever they thought or where the item ended up well, that's their business. Lesson learned=make the cocoon!


I think the third one would have ended up with all three, if it was my choice. I can't even imagine handing a tree-of-life blanket back and asking for money!!!! Talk about nerve!!!! I'm not sure if they would ever get anything other than a card from me after that.


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## Clancy P (Feb 26, 2014)

My dear friend shared with me that she was having a first grandchild . When I found out it was a boy, I made a star blanket with denim colored marble, crochet rounds at the tips, then once around the entire blanket...it looked like a sheriff's star. I gave it to her as a 'Mimi' gift. She asked if she had to give it to her DIL and I told her it was for her, to use when the GS was visiting. I've since made another for the first GD, and now a third is expected. I think each deserves their own blanket, maybe to be passed along when great-grands come along, since they don't get a lot of use. At least I know these are appropriately appreciated


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

cindye6556 said:


> ... At least by knitting for a charity, you *know* it's going to someone you *know* will appreciate it.


Really? How do you *know* that?

Personally, while I may *hope* that the blankets I knit for charity are appreciated, the cynic in me isn't so sure that the eventual recipients of the blankets will appreciate them - or dispose of them as soon as they're able to replace them with industrial-made ones. I firmly believe that at least some blankets knit for charities (or knit by loving hands for relations' babies) swiftly end up in second-hand stores. Why do I think this? Simply because I have seen far too many well made baby and seemingly never used blankets being sold in second-hand stores. How came they to be there? Did some knitter just straight donate them to Goodwill? I don't _think_ so, but I may be wrong. I hope I am wrong, but the truth of today's society is that hand-made is equated with poorly made, and poverty, whereas industrially produced is equated with prosperity, _even_ if it's a really low quality product.

Despite all that, I still knit. I still give my knits to charity. It's an obsession of which I seek no cure. However, I'm really happy right now that of former member of our knitting group is expecting her first child. I _do_ *know* that _she_ will be effusive in her appreciation of the things we knit for her and for her child.

For what it's worth, I don't believe that taking back a gift from someone who doesn't really want it is being a thief. I've taken back - with no announcement - two blankets that my sisters-in-law were using to gather fruit (figs, olives, pomegranates, etc.). I washed and patched them, and use them on my own bed. I can't figure out any way to remove the stains made by mold, but what remains will just serve to remind me not to ever give them another product of my needles or hooks. The last time I went there and gave out knitted blankets, they were ones I'd bought in second-hand stores. Well made, but with no emotional attachment for me.


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

No you are not a thief! If she doesn't want them then just say so so you won't waste your time making things for them. My grandchildren of my daughter and my daughter herself love me making things for them but my sons partner never puts my other grandchildren in clothes that I have knitted for them.


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## cherylthompson (Feb 18, 2013)

christine 47 said:


> I wouldn't say thief as you discussed it with your son and by doing so let him know how you felt. I certainly wouldn't bother again, make for a charity or for someone who will appreciate all the work and love that goes into making things. My grandaughter is 2 and she's not really a doll or soft toy child but I knitted her a Smurf and he's her best friend. She loves watching Peppa Pig and the Smurfs DVDs and Smurfie has to watch too. Whatever you make her give it to her yourself and let them try and take it off her.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## emuears (Oct 13, 2012)

dalebeasley said:


> I have a grandson who lives in Titirangi NZ and I made him three jerseys and sent them over for his 1st birthday and when little Sam was opening his present all the reception to my jerseys by either his mother or my son was an umm and then they were put on one side and then totally ignored.
> On speaking to my son via Skype a few weeks later (so I could see Sam) my son Chris said that as it never really got cold in NZ and that Sam didn't wear jerseys I took that to mean No More hand-knitted Jerseys etc. which rather miffed me as I have already got a few more together to send out,which now won't be going so will find someone else possibly a charity who can use them.
> Relatives are sometimes rather strange people,well in my experience they are.


Not cold in NZ!! he is having you on.


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## talbotsetters (Dec 21, 2013)

I have two great-nephews and the mum of one always takes the time to thank me for gifts (email, text or card). The other one never acknowledges anything. I did have one thank you but I know my sister in law wrote it herself. When I mentioned it, she said she didn't want people going without a thank you. I pointed out that it wasn't up to her but to her son and DIL. The DIL doesn't work so has plenty of time to do her own thanks. My MIL says they can't afford if, but they both have mobiles, which I bet are on contract, so a text would cost nothing. I worked hard all my life, why should I waste my time and money now? It does bother me though that one great-nephew gets stuff and not the other. It's not his fault his parents are pig-ignorant...


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## madknitter07 (Mar 23, 2012)

bettyirene said:


> Sounds like my son and DIL and my two beautiful grand-daughters - who never wear anything I make.


Sounds like my family!


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

It sounds like your DIL has a hangup ..until your grandaughter is old enough to know the value of a special gift from grandma that is handmade, I would just buy her store presents.. Someday give her something for her hope chest (do they still do that?).


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## kmangal16 (Mar 26, 2013)

I only ever knit for relatives if they ask me to make something specific, which they do occasionally. I love knitting, but I would hate my work to just be thrown aside. For this reason, I either make items to sell, or to donate to charity.


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## Cheryl Straub (Mar 20, 2014)

I am so sorry for you that your DIL doesn't realize what a loving thing you have done. She is the looser. I don't think that you are a thief for taking back something you made with love that never would be appreciated. I would have a talk with my son about what would be appreciated. He has a vested interest in making sure the two most important women in his life are happy. Personally I would keep hand made toys at your home. It could be a treat when they come to visit you.


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## Kooka (Sep 1, 2011)

I live in Australia. (It's never very cold here.) My son lives in Edmonton, Canada. I knit hats, and when I visited last year, I had about 6 with me. Not thinking that home made things would be popular, I showed them to him. He took some, and said his mates would really love to have one. When they came around, he showed them the ones left over and asked if they would like one. They were so grateful. One young man wore his constantly. I was chuffed. Son was recently acting in a competition movie. Guess what? He wore one of my knitted hats. I felt so appreciated. There is someone out there who will love your work. Keep knitting.


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## kmckinstry77 (Jan 18, 2013)

Sadly, we've gotten away from personal gifts. These days, the kids in the family make a gift registry for birthdays, Christmas, etc. I suppose it's better in some ways... they put what they want on there & you can often get good deals on Amazon & decent or free shipping, but... it just seems so impersonal! 
Learn who the ungrateful ones in your family are & never make anything for them ever again. If you do make something for your grandchildren, etc, make sure it's at your house for them to play with.


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## historiclady (Apr 8, 2011)

My DIL rarely put my sweaters om dear GD, but likes and uses crafty things. I made her about a doz knitted Easter eggs and they were a big hit. So I have learned what is used and what is not and knit accordingly for that family.


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

I'm sorry. It's such a disappointment and it is hurtful when those we love don't appreciate the love that goes into making things for them. I would make toys for the baby but keep them at my house for her to play with. You'll see...she will soon be wanting to take them home!


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## gakuin (Feb 26, 2014)

Hi dalebeasley, sorry your grandsons jerseys were disregarded like that. It is certainly not too hot here in New Zealand for jerseys, what ungrateful people. I am always so thrilled when someone has taken the time to make something special for me or mine. It hurts I know and we all love making things for others especially our own family. Don't stop making things but as the others have said, keep them until they visit you or you can give them personally. I know it is hard when there are millions of miles between. Keep knitting Bevy NZ


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## kippyfure (Apr 9, 2011)

Give her a gift card. Wait until the grandchild is old enough to receive the gift directly from your hands. Obviously she doesn't appreciate handcrafted gifts. The cloths could have been used as face and bath cloths. They are so amazing for this use.


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## blackat99 (Nov 4, 2011)

Dcsmith77 said:


> Someone posted this quite a while ago. Maybe it's time to look at it again. This is the only way I can send it. It's in Microsoft Word.


Perhaps this says it all and is a good guide! Thanks for sharing!


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## luree (Feb 21, 2014)

Oh that is so sad. I feel my work is better than store bought. I know yours is also. I would make her a baby doll but keep it at your house.


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## suzy122 (Jun 3, 2012)

I suppose I am lucky in that my daughter really appreciates anything I knit for her BUT she is very open that most things will be machine washed so I always chose that type of wool. If something would be special she would keep it special but I try to not make extra work for a very busy young woman. I also try to check with her taste. By the way it must get cold in Titirangi sometimes! Even in Auckland some warmth is needed at times. I think that many young people cannot be bothered with caring for handmade things but among my daughters peers they seem really appreciated.


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## Donna Faye (Aug 22, 2013)

I know what you mean. I recently made an afghan for the battered woman's shelter. I ask my daughter to deliver it for me. She said she knew from the way the woman latched on to it, that it would go home with her and not to the shelter! Ah, well, at least she likes it.


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## Bridgette0522 (Jan 25, 2014)

I totally understand both sides of this problem. We love to knit, we want to make something special for someone and then it is not necessarily appreciated by the receiver. I have personally adopted a rule about gift giving....know your audience - give them what you think they might want and not what you would like to give them. No disappointments on either end - no hurt feelings. I mostly make things for myself, and if anyone likes it and wants one I will gladly make one for them if I choose. I have also made things that people have paid me for - not for profit but just reimbursement for the yarn - that suits me fine. I just love to knit. I also make things and store them and donate them to school or church sales - this way people can buy what they like and the $$ goes to the charity - everyone wins.


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## Madison7 (Aug 22, 2012)

I too have made knitted baby gifts with no thank yous in return. Recently I made a knitted sweater, hat and booties for my nephews baby. Not receiving any note that they even received it I contacted my SIL thinking it was on their porch in the frozen snow and had not seen it. Oh yes, they had gotten it and said to their mom, didn't know aunt Kathy was crafty. Never a thank you or acknowledgment they received it. Guess next baby will not get anything. Little bitter I guess.


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## cydneyjo (Aug 5, 2011)

I feel very fortunate reading this. I have five granddaughters and two grandsons, and knitting for them is [almost] always appreciated. In fact, in our family hand-me-down system, the youngest is getting much-worn and lovingly-cared-for sweaters and dresses from her sister and older cousins. I have orders for more. I have learned that dresses, sweaters, scarves and hats are usually appreciated, socks not so much.


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

Xiang said:


> I think I would learn my lesson, and if you do make a doll for your DGD, then I would keep it at my place for her to play with, whee never she came for a visit. But that is just me!


I think this is a good solution. You won't have your feelings hurt ad baby gets to play with something special at Grandma's house.


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## talbotsetters (Dec 21, 2013)

kmckinstry77 said:


> Sadly, we've gotten away from personal gifts. These days, the kids in the family make a gift registry for birthdays, Christmas, etc. I suppose it's better in some ways... they put what they want on there & you can often get good deals on Amazon & decent or free shipping, but... it just seems so impersonal!
> Learn who the ungrateful ones in your family are & never make anything for them ever again. If you do make something for your grandchildren, etc, make sure it's at your house for them to play with.


I can't believe that people make a gift registry (like a wedding list I guess)! It made me think of my grandmother who used to say "Those who don't ask, don't get; and those who do ask don't deserve"! Win, win eh?


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## owlet (Aug 18, 2013)

I always ask people first if they would like me to make anything. Saves a lot of unnecessary upset. 
Apart from many handmade items being unsuitable - special washing instructions etc. you never know how many people are going to give them things and could end up with 7 hats, 9 pairs of booties, umpteen shawls.....


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

Oh I think all of us have had a bad experience I recently Knitted a lovely ( i thought) cable baby blanket a hat and bootees for my husband's cousin's daughter cost $20 postage to send The cousin said thanks but the mother of the baby did not even acknowledge receipt( last thing I'll be sending to that family) Why are some of the younger generation so terribly ungrateful and ill mannered..................


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## Katie's Mom (Mar 29, 2012)

Some people are just not worth knitting for! It's taken me a long time to learn this painful lesson. Now I send those folks something from Wal-Mart - which is usually cheaper and certainly easier than a handmade treasure. Then I knit or crochet something for charity in their honor.


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## mossstitch (Nov 6, 2013)

No. You are not a thief ,you deserve to have those things back and to give them to someone who will appreciate them .
The sad reality is that a lot of people prefer plastic toys and inferior type clothes for the children . 
I was a baby sitter for twins a boy and a girl ,I am very happy to hear that Kate has started a sewing class ,I influenced them both about doing handmade things .Kate LOVES her sewing class and has made several items . Andrew will start something too in time ,I know he will . They have LOADS of plastic toys but we used to have so much fun with cardboard boxes ,we made all kinds of things with them . It takes very little to entertain children .


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## calmlake (May 16, 2011)

Making something for the kids when they visit is a good idea. 
I'd also tell the parents that I'll be sending a money order in the mail to spend on the grandkid(s). A message back from them about how it was spent would keep that new tradition from being stopped. :thumbup:


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## Elaine3975 (Feb 9, 2014)

I do not think you were a thief the gifts you but so much love and time into were not appreciated. I would have taken them back too. I would make a doll for the child and keep it at your home it will be something special for her to look forward to playing with when she visits with you. As she ages you will get to have time with her and that is when you make sweaters etc for her and let her wear them when you take her out etc. Making sure you take pics of her in them and enlarge and put in the house so when mom comes she see them and now and then let her see her in something you made for her and have at your house. She may learn to like the fact that you have such a good talent, heck who knows she may even someday want you to teach her.


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

Unfortunately some of us who have children do not see things the way we do. I have two girls who will not shop at a second hand store or read second hand books unless they are from the library. And they are not well to do families. I just give them money and let them do their own thing. I have met people who will not wear hand made clothes whether they are knit or sewn. They are into name brand, heaven forbid their friends see them in anything but the best and home made does not fit in that category. Originality is not in their vocabulary they want to look like all the famous people or all their friends. :thumbdown:


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## Brabant (Jan 31, 2014)

Crumbs, me I'd let your revolting daughter in law go rot and knit something for the poor people in Africa who would be grateful. What a BITCH your nasty daughter in law.


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## Kansas g-ma (Mar 7, 2014)

toto said:


> I gave my son and his wife a set of knit and crochet dish cloths. I was informed that she only used sponges but that she had given them to a friend as a shower gift. Think I learned my lesson? NO! when they had a baby 6 months ago I gave them three blankets with matching sweaters, hats,and booties. Two size 6 months the other 12 months. I am now visiting and I asked about them and was told that they were too small so she had put them up for next baby. I only stayed a week but took the sets back with me; she had not even opened the box. I informed my son I was taking them after all when she does have a new baby I doubt if she will even remember them. Am I a theif?
> Also in your opinion I would like to make her a doll when she turns one or two. Would you knit, crochet, or just sew one from cloth which to me would be easier since I will only hope she will give it to her.


You were right to reclaim the projects. My friend had the same trouble--DIL didn't want her kid to have "homemade" things (Betty's work was wonderful!) until one of DIL friends saw a piece and went on and on about having a MIL who could do this!! Then the DIL wanted the things. Maybe you need to be working on something when one of her friends shows up???


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## Ladyj960 (May 22, 2013)

I always heard that as being an Indian giver, to give something and then take back, not a thief. But, evidently she didn't appreciate your hard work and thoughtfulness so I would take back also. When the baby is older you can make things for her and give it directly to her to enjoy and love.


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## glenniemae (Mar 13, 2011)

toto, I feel your pain. I've made some things for my only GC. Never a "Thank You" Nana. I bought her a Pandora bracelet and charm for her 16th Birthday. After many e-mails, she finally said she received it, and Thank You.
Knitted a sweater for my 1st. nephew. When his brother was due, my SIL, said I didn't have to bother making anything.
I agree with other kp posts, make her something and keep it at your house.
Also, I agree with other posts this generation really don't appreciate hand made gifts. So sad


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## mswine (May 2, 2013)

When you make her a doll, make sure YOU give it to the child.


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## TapestryArtist (Sep 4, 2013)

I think it's part of "separating" gone wrong. Out with the "old" on with the "new". Them, of course. I have a son who always knows better than me...... not that he's not wrong much of the time. Let them go and turn to something else or someone else to get your appreciation. Knitting for charity is a place to put your beautiful efforts to good use.


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## TapestryArtist (Sep 4, 2013)

I meant to say, that YES, he is wrong much of the time.


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## Irene1 (Oct 23, 2013)

No, you have just discovered people who are not "knit worthy". I made lots of garments, including Fair Isle sweaters for my niece and nephew, when I found that my own sister didn't value the garments at all. She only wanted things bought at her local (expensive) boutique. Luckily, my grandson loves the sweaters I make him. My son has to take them away from the kid on really hot days! The child would live in them.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

OMG! Not another DIL or SIL bashing! Everyone has to get in on the act, it seems. Yes, I know..don't read it, so I don't beyond a few answers, which are the same old, same old.

"A gift given is no longer ours"...theirs to do with as pleases them. 

There is one good thing about these bashings...I realize what a great relationship I have with 2 DILS and 1 SIL.
They have made my children happy for over 30 yrs., so how could I complain about "small stuff". Kindness begets kindness. You do know that a mother-in-laws tongue eventually gets two inches shorter from biting it. Maggie


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## Nanny White (Apr 21, 2013)

My DIL didn't wanted anything knitted, but my Granddaughter is now 3 and will ring me to ask if I will make things, latest request Hello Kitty hat and mittens. Don't despair, when she's older she'll love the things you can make.


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## dyb317 (Oct 21, 2013)

My mom, daughter and sister are pretty good about wearing my gifts. My son, who is "more discriminating'" usually is the first to claim a quilt he likes and has actually asked for socks! I am making him a "box of sox" for graduation from medical school to help him on his journey. (first, I had to learn to make them!) I am making some conservative ones in grays and tan and some fun ones in school colors (Geaux, Tigers!) Too goofy?


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## Marny CA (Jun 26, 2011)

Once a gift is given, it's no longer mine.

I have learned to not make anything for my daughter as far as clothing of any kind. Nothing I made for her was important enough to send me a picture of her wearing it.

She did, however, call to thank me for the crocheted afghan - said it was gorgeous.

I sent her a $200 Brighton bag - and put a few things inside -- but she never mentioned anything. So, if she didn't open the purse and just returned it to a store, she lost out on some gold jewelry that belonged to her father and a few pictures of him with her ... and a bunch of other items.

She also didn't mention the items inside the box, along with the purse!

I try to knit for charity, however. It means I don't have to even think about someone saying thanks or tossing it.


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## sundrop016 (Mar 19, 2013)

I have a daughter who doesn't appreciate knitted items. I guess that's how some people are. I would make sure not to knit for them again, BUT I say knit a toy for your granddaughter and give it to her yourself or keep it at your home for her to play with. Also, why not confront your daughter in law and ask her why. I've knitted for people who have had their dogs rip afghans or just put the items away (who knows where). I no longer knit for them, including my daughter, but I do make toys for the grandchildren.


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## BE FREE (Aug 15, 2011)

I feel sorry for you and all the work you put into your gifts.
How did she know if they fit ? The box was never opened .Sometimes people don't like knit or crocheted things. If that is the case your son should have told you in a nice way. I have a daughter in law that way. She has sinced changed her ways about some things. Those afghans sure are warm on a cold winters day.
I personally would have been upset . That was a labor of love .
Some people don't know how fortunate the really are.
I don't think you are a thief .. Tell her you are saving them for her for next time, if there is a next time. Ask her if she likes homemade things , nicely , and get it out in the open .


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## Woodsywife (Mar 9, 2014)

I made a lot of stuff for my great niece when we knew niece was pregnant. Blankets, bibs, hoodie, sweaters, booties, hats and a 18" crochet doll with clothes. As far as I know it's never been used or worn. Handmade stuff wasn't appreciated by them. Only designer names. And I have some really cute dresses for toddlers but now I won't make them.


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## Kitchenergal (Nov 13, 2013)

When my son got married my daughter and I went to a bridal shower for his wife. We spent about $150.00 on gorgeous crystal candle holders (three in a set). I'd have loved them for myself. I've never seen them, since that day and they've been married ten years. I've since learned that she re-gifts things and it's been hurtful. Now I have grandkids and knit for them. I've only seen one sweater on my granddaughter. She wore it until it didn't fit anymore. I knit a beauty of a Fisherman knit jacket and I've not seen that, either. My daughter in law is a sweetheart and I love her, dearly, but don't understand this. She makes a big fuss over things I knit for the kids, but then I never see them on them. I'm still knitting for them. Guess I'll never learn........


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## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

Some observations on point:
1. The whole point of a gift is that it is an expression of the love in the heart of the giver and freely given. 
The lack of appreciation is irrelevant; and rancor over that lack only creates pain and resentment.
2. People have different tastes. What's blessing for one is curse for another. It's not wrong, just different.
Some people associate handmade with "making do" and lack of money to afford "proper" and "store boughten" things. That's just the way it is.
3. Unfortunately, good manners and what, for lack of a better name, is called CLASS seems to be out of style these days. 
4. I was taught "common courtesy ' as a child and to send "bread &butter" notes when I was invited somewhere and "thank you's" for gifts, whether I was overjoyed by the invitation or gift or not. Not everyone has had the blessings of such an upbringing; but I am thankful that I did.


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## BE FREE (Aug 15, 2011)

You are the better person . I would have loved some knitted items for my kids. When the kids get older they will ask you for things . Mine do . It's not always about the parents .Keep your knitting skills up . Your going to need them.


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## MzBluejay (Sep 1, 2013)

I am so sorry that your gift was met with such bad grace. The least was to think of all the time and effort it took to make them. I guess I would make the doll and like the rest said keep it at my house except if the little one wanted to take it home. Just my opinion


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## petunia41 (Jan 27, 2011)

Short answer. Noooooo


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## Ronie (Jan 21, 2011)

Don't waste your time!! she is not mature enough yet to understand the importance of home made items for her baby's.. she may never appreciate them. Not everyone does... I would just let this pass.. or like what was said.. give them to the babies yourself so she has to let them have them.. but why bother... there are plenty of parents that adore this type of thing....


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## Mssell (Jan 30, 2014)

You could make mom part of the process of selecting a pattern and yarn for her daughter. I'm in the process of knitting a topsy-turvy doll for a baby in waiting. I'm using the colors that the Mom told me she has in the baby's room. I no longer assume that others value what I do. Makes me and them a lot happier.


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## kristym (Nov 21, 2011)

I have found that even my DH does not appreciate the socks, the sweaters, the vest, I made him. BUT he does wear the hat and scarf I made 10+ years ago.
My sister, daughter, grandson, son, and their significant others DO like and wear what I make.
SO...I knit things for them and for myself.


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## Lyndee (Nov 5, 2011)

You are not a thief, I would have done that too. Its a shame your hard work was not appreciated.


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

I don't think you're a thief. I also wouldn't bother to make a doll for this child; her parents don't appreciate your work. This is a truly sad situation. My sympathies to you.

Hazel


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## Shimal (Apr 21, 2013)

Since you informed your son, I don't think I would classify you as a thief. However, his wife has made it crystal-clear that she does not value hand-made items. Next time, just give her a gift card to a baby store.


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## #1Patsy (Feb 6, 2011)

I feel when something like this happens, the d-in-law is jealous of your relationship with your son and that the reaction one gets. I have one in family, hard to deal with. We got shut out of our grandchildren lives and hurt grandchildren in long run. As 21 year old they say your not at all like Mom said.


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## KaitlanBlackrose (Jun 11, 2012)

You handled this better than I would have.. I would have thrown a fit. And my children know it... but I am lucky that my son loves the stuff I make for them and my granddaughter and my daughter-in-law makes sure to use all the stuff I make for my granddaughter. I made sure my boys both understand that it is always best to use what is given and that it may be the only thing they get for Christmas or their birthdays. So he now treasures what I give him. I don't send money for holidays.


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## imsobusy (Oct 16, 2013)

I once received the most beautiful knit dress from my aunt at the baby shower. Of course I thanked her and then put it up for the baby only to realize she had gotten to chubby to fit into to it. I was so upset she never got to wear it. It's been 28 years and I still feel bad. It's such a shame when someone doesn't appreciate a gift. I know I learned my lesson at least on the receiving end.


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## Sumacsew (Sep 17, 2012)

I think you should make sure to give the child anything else you make for her. Just because her mother doesn't have an appreciation for hand knit items doesn't mean she can learn to love them, and may even become a knitter someday.

Sometimes people grow into an appreciation for hand knit items. I made my mom a doily to cover a cherished cabinet that had a crack in the marble top, as a wedding gift when she married my stepfather. At the time she didn't fully appreciate it, although she used it, and thanked me for it. But since she has recently taken up crochet, she pulled it out and has looked at it with "new eyes". She is now going to display it again.
I also knit for my children when they were small, but as much as they loved that I made something for them, they didn't like the feel of sweaters as much as fleece. It didn't mean they didn't appreciate the items, but I didn't choose the right items for them. I started sewing with fleece!!!


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## eveningstar (May 8, 2011)

Having received too many knitted/crocheted items that were not my style in colors I loathed (but the gifter loved), I now ALWAYS ask:
1. IF they want the item
2. What color they would like
3. Yarn type preferred (ie, wool, washable synthetic, etc.)

The only exception are dish/washcloths which seem to be welcomed, and are quick and easy to knit.


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## Limey287 (Nov 6, 2011)

All of the advice above is so good - I would make for my grandchild and give it to her specifically (once she is old enough) - just by pass the DIL (I have to do that at times and it works well for me and the grandkids)


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

Naw, you're not a thief. Just an Indian Giver as we used to say when we were kids. I'd be pissed too. Plus, you told your son. And, it's quite evident that your DIL doesn't appreciate your wares. I wouldn't knit for her or your grandkids again... unless, you make items that they would wear or play with when they visited you. 

Once they are older, you can discuss with your grandchild if or what they want... and, go from there. I agree with cindye6556, if you have the urge to knit baby items.. make them for charity in honor of your grandkid(s). Goodness knows there are many children in need. 

Hang in there, Grandma... the day will come when your grandchild will want something from you. you might even have the privileged of teaching her/them to knit.


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## anetdeer (Jul 16, 2012)

Xiang said:


> I think I would learn my lesson, and if you do make a doll for your DGD, then I would keep it at my place for her to play with, whee never she came for a visit. But that is just me!


I agree! I definitely wouldn't make her anything else. Why do some in-laws act like this?


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## pierrette (Jul 18, 2012)

Nope! I wouldn't make another to send ......i agree with all of above. How rude.


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

anetdeer said:


> I agree! I definitely wouldn't make her anything else. Why do some in-laws act like this?


Don't know... except that they may feel insecure or envious of someone's skill and behave uppity to cover the insecurity or malicious behavior?


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## Gmfur (Oct 29, 2011)

My daughter made it clear she really does not care for knitted wear. My niece on the other hand loves it. I don't have any grandchildren but I won't make stuff that my daughter doesn't want..but by the time she gets there she may open up to it. 

My point is that it is probably best that we ask if some one wants what we do than to be disappointed when they don't. 

I'll be knitting for my new grand niece but not for my daughter unless she asked for something specifically, which she has. She did say that she loves knitted toys...so i am ready when she is!


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

Xiang said:


> I hope your grand baby does get to play with something that you make for her, but unfortunately, some people look on handmade items as worthless, whereas in actual fact, they are priceless.
> 
> I have 5 daughters, and two of my daughters have little girls of their own. When I began knitting and sewing again, I asked what those two daughters would like, to have me make, for their daughters. So far I have 5 grand daughters, and have made each of the children a machined quilt, and I have two knitted, or crocheted quilts to make - so that they will have at least a quilt and a blanket each. I am also in the process of making a wedding quilt, for DD3. I am also thinking of making each of my daughters a shawl, or a shrug, depending on the age of the daughter. I am also hoping to make a wedding shawl, and a baby shawl, for each of my DGD's ........ but I have asked their mothers to let me know, the minute that the girls are not happy with Grandma's handmade gifts; and there will be no more of these for the child whom no longer appreciates them. Sorry about the tome! :lol: :lol:


I also ask before making something for someone. I'll send photos of items to my niece and ask.... do you think your daughters would like this... that... etc. I ask for color.. etc. then size..

You are very lucky to have so many granddaughters (wish I had had at least one)... and, lucky that they like your wares. Keep up the good work and, yes, keeping if they want/like the items. You're a smart cookie. :thumbup:


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

christine 47 said:


> I wouldn't say thief as you discussed it with your son and by doing so let him know how you felt. I certainly wouldn't bother again, make for a charity or for someone who will appreciate all the work and love that goes into making things. My grandaughter is 2 and she's not really a doll or soft toy child but I knitted her a Smurf and he's her best friend. She loves watching Peppa Pig and the Smurfs DVDs and Smurfie has to watch too. Whatever you make her give it to her yourself and let them try and take it off her.


Oh... she's sooo cute. Adorable. I'm glad you figured out what you could knit for her... and, it became her best friend. That's better than a Blue Ribbon, huh? Yeah, so many little girls are no longer into doll, per se. But, you managed to get around that. Good for you, Grandma.


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

That why I make for the premature baby unit,they always need things,My GD love the knitted things I made when they were little,


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## teridahlin (Apr 21, 2014)

I would make the doll what ever way you see fit and take the doll and give it to the child not let the mother give it to her. I had a daughter in law that did similar things. This is what I did. Once the child has it it's harder for the mom to "lose it".


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

Dcsmith77 said:


> Someone posted this quite a while ago. Maybe it's time to look at it again. This is the only way I can send it. It's in Microsoft Word.


What a hoot! Thanks for sharing.


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## Beve (May 5, 2012)

I would get her a gift card. Obviously she doesn't appreciate hand crafted items. I am so sorry, this has also happened to me and it hurts!


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## barbdpayne (Jan 24, 2011)

The problem with making a gift with love is that it often isn't what the recipient wants, likes or needs. I learned this after making a lovely sweater for my D-I-L who actually gave it back to me saying she wouldn't wear it--not her style! At least I was able to recover and reuse the yarn. So here is what I do now--
I ask the person what they might like to receive and what color they want it in. It may not be a surprise, but at least it gets used. If I do make an unplanned gift, I give it with the spirit that once I hand it over, I have no control over what happens to it. I did my part. If I realize the person doesn't use it or regifts it, then the next time they get something from a store. I never expect a kid to get excited over a handmade item cause at this point, all they want are electronics!!!


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## saskgayle (Nov 19, 2013)

kiwiannie said:


> By now i would have learnt my lesson and i would never knit or make another artical for that woman,yes make a doll by all means,but give it to your GC by yourself making sure your son is present when you do,no you are not a thief,you your DIL is justa very ungreatful piece of work. :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown:


 :thumbup: I agree kiwiannie. Good advise.


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## ann seal (Jan 30, 2014)

I spent a whole Summer crocheting a Red Heart acrylic white double bedspread for my DS & then DIL. Visited them 6 months later & the spread looked like it had been washed with Levis! Broke my heart but bit my tongue. ann :thumbdown: :hunf: :thumbdown:


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## vannavanna (Oct 15, 2012)

My pen'orth to all this is learned the hard way. I struggled to knit a loopy jacket and bonnet for my grt. grt. grandd. Her Mum put it on facebook along with a horrid comment.
Knitted gifts are like many other sort----not necessarily what one would have liked. The difference is the way they are received.


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## luci2792 (Jan 29, 2014)

Gosh, and I thought I was the only having misgivings about gifting handmade articles. I learned a long time ago that I will make and give only to people who actually can appreciate the many hours of love which go into crafting items.

Please save yourself lots of heartache and don't make anything else. If you must, then I agree that you need to give it to your GD in your own home and keep it there for play during her visits.

So sorry that this has happened and no you are definitely NOT a thief.


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## Knitkin (Aug 8, 2013)

Then there are the dear people who assure you they WILL wear what you make. Like the fingerless mitts I made for my sister and never saw again. Also fingerless mitts for a friend at Christmas, and never saw again, her favorite color, etc. 

All you can do is make things for yourself, charity and to sell. IMO, that is. Sad but true for many of us. 

There were scarf and matching hat I made for a guy friend - he put them on the snowman in the back yard, never seen or heard of again.


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## Serene Knitter (Aug 22, 2011)

I quit making knitted gifts for my grandchildren as once they were given they were sucked into some mysterious black hole, never to be seen again (with the memorable exception of 1 pair of socks). Now they get store bought items because that is what is wanted most.

When my other off-spring has a baby I will shower that child with knitted gifts because this child of mine is a knitter and already knows what it takes to knit a gifts and loves knitted items. Live and learn.


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## Linda Z. (Jul 21, 2013)

I don't think you are a thief. You knit with a loving intent and that is important to remember. It is sad they did not thank you. Sigh... many are in this situation.
Also, I think young moms and dads are so busy they have a very hard time understanding hand crafted things. They want items that require little care. 
Another thing, I think us Grammas have a different idea about what is cute than the new moms and dads. I have found I need to know what they really like before I go through the time to make it.
Bless you for your heart.


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## Carmel Rachels (Feb 23, 2011)

That is a shame some people do not appreciate the time an effort one puts into creating something special and it is just tossed a side. I find that insulting and would not feel like a thief of any kind taking it back. I like making all types of dolls. Crocheting takes a little bit more time and sewing a cloth one is faster.


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## LindaRodriguez (Jan 28, 2014)

Xiang said:


> I think I would learn my lesson, and if you do make a doll for your DGD, then I would keep it at my place for her to play with, whee never she came for a visit. But that is just me!


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## momcat531 (Oct 27, 2011)

There are plenty of organizations that would love your gifts. "Project Linus" takes blankets to give children who have suffered tramatic events. Children's hospitals,homeless shelters who have families, etc. I give to Project Linus and I knit hats for the homeless.


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

You know after reading all of the replies I wonder if I should ever knit another gift again ( I think I'll wait until its requested) just charity and doggies form here on


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## Maryhm (Oct 11, 2012)

I can't even imagine the hurt these people cause by not understanding the love in your gifts. My Grandmother and mother were needle artists and as a child I was in awe of the beautiful pieces they made. I have several pieces made by them and feel their love each time I touch them. My children grew up seeing the time and love put into each creation and, thankfully, cherish each gift. Four of my grandchildren put in their requests each year for Christmas gifts. My oldest grandchild was raised by a materialistic mother so he gets a store bought gift. I have found those with a lack of appreciation for handmade gifts, don't understand love and are usually very self centered. My brother said something to me yesterday about having a handmade reminder from each of our parents in his life that brought him peace now that they are gone. So sorry for the pain you are feeling over the rejection of your gifts. I would be devastated!


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## debbieb (May 7, 2011)

When your granddaughter gets a little older, you can make her a doll and give it directly to her, not via daughter-in-law. What little girl could resist? Then I doubt that her mother would dare make her part with it! Kids have a greater appreciation for handmade gifts.


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## hoekh20 (May 31, 2012)

I am one of the lucky grandma! The baby clothes I've made are worn for baptisms and pictures and anytime they want,then wrapped in paper so that child can give it to their child. I have made a few awful looking sweaters and I've taken them out of the closet and put them in the garage sale basket. I've also bought some afghans from sales for ten dollars and could have shaken that ungrateful person for putting it on a sale. I do say when I'm paying that what a lot of work went into this blanket


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## hoekh20 (May 31, 2012)

I am one of the lucky grandma! The baby clothes I've made are worn for baptisms and pictures and anytime they want,then wrapped in paper so that child can give it to their child. I have made a few awful looking sweaters and I've taken them out of the closet and put them in the garage sale basket. I've also bought some afghans from sales for ten dollars and could have shaken that ungrateful person for putting it on a sale. I do say when I'm paying that what a lot of work went into this blanket


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## mopa2282 (May 12, 2011)

Not all parents like hand knitted items for their children.
Makes more sence to me,maybe to ask them first,then everyone is happy.


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## Suesknits (Feb 11, 2011)

Make for someone who appreciates it. But don't harbor unforgiveness. Pray for them..God can change their (her) hearts.


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## mamanacy (Dec 16, 2013)

I really feel that young people of today do not appreciate the time, effort or even the love that goes into knitting-crocheting items. I made several curly scarves for some young ladies this past winter and I have never seen them again. Many were made of colors that they requested. Maybe they never had to do without-I don't know, but it is sad. And thank you notes are seldom written. You are lucky to even get an email saying they received and liked the item. Very very sad. N


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## Georget (Jul 14, 2011)

Many of the people who don't appreciate our hand-made, time-consuming gifts will buy "designer" items. Our gifts ARE designer items. They are one of a kind and we are the designers. Perhaps telling them that the scarf, mitten,hat etc is a designer item it will appease the snobs.


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## Gma Susan (Mar 24, 2014)

I'm not sure how to help you because I know exactly how you feel. I've tried making a few things that never were used and I also had the she doesn't fit in it yet answer. It stills my heart when I want to make her something and realize it will not be used. For the moment I hope that when she gets bigger maybe she'll ask me for something and then when she has asked maybe she'll have an answer to being able to use it. I'll never give up hope, but I have quit trying for the moment. Only for the moment I hope!


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## barbdpayne (Jan 24, 2011)

Vannavanna, you really did learn the hard way. I feel bad for you that your relative was so ungracious. But we cannot control the actions and reactions of others. Sometimes we grandparents just don't have the same taste as the younger generations. But at least they could accept the gift and say thank you--no need to be nasty or hurtful. But after that, what they do with it is up to them. However, posting on FB with a nasty comment is ridiculous. That was a childish, unpleasant and very, very unwise thing to do. I would have told her I saw it and let her know it was going to do serious damage to our relationship.


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## Barb Knox (Feb 22, 2014)

toto said:


> I gave my son and his wife a set of knit and crochet dish cloths. I was informed that she only used sponges but that she had given them to a friend as a shower gift. Think I learned my lesson? NO! when they had a baby 6 months ago I gave them three blankets with matching sweaters, hats,and booties. Two size 6 months the other 12 months. I am now visiting and I asked about them and was told that they were too small so she had put them up for next baby. I only stayed a week but took the sets back with me; she had not even opened the box. I informed my son I was taking them after all when she does have a new baby I doubt if she will even remember them. Am I a theif?
> Also in your opinion I would like to make her a doll when she turns one or two. Would you knit, crochet, or just sew one from cloth which to me would be easier since I will only hope she will give it to her.


Dear Toto,

I'm knitting more now that I'm in my 60s. It's been a long road and now that I'm retired and learning more about knitting, I think back and shake my head. 
I learned to appreciate knitting from my MIL, who knit beautifully. 
It was a very gradual learning on my part.
Looking back on it, my MIL made baby sets, blankets, sweaters, ponchos, dresses, cardigans -- everything really -- for my three children and sometimes for my husband or for me. And I liked what she made. I used them all. But heavens. 
When visiting together if the baby cardigan was stained with baby carrots and she didn't say a word. Just eventually showed me how to soak the stain out.
If I was worried about my sister and gave away the Cable Pram Bunting Coat to my sister for her baby, my MIL didn't say a word. Just made another one for my next baby.
I shrunk/felted my boy's v-neck wool cable vest when he was in elementary school. My MIL just said that the agitation could do that even when washing items by hand, probably knowing full well I must have thrown it in the washer for it to end up like it did, but indirectly and gently teaching me when the timing was right for me to hear what she was saying.
I was an oblivious, overwhelmed young mother and wife who over the years gradually got better at understanding what my MIL was doing for me.
She made socks for my FIL and when I showed interest in making some for my husband, she helped me make argyle socks.
I sewed a lot of clothes for my family, as my mother had done, and my MIL took me to a special fabric store so I could find stretch fabrics and fleece for toddler pajamas and t-shirt style clothes for the kids. And she asked for my help with hemming her stretch pants because she was petite and they were always too long for her.
I could go on and on with examples of mistakes I made, and examples of her generosity and kindness.
Over the decades it must have been so tempting to throw up her hands and yell at me or give up on me for whatever idiotic thoughtless next stupidity I'd done. I should have known better. But I didn't. Until I did.
The timing of love, and the human heart, are amazing really.
My MIL loved knitting. She knit every evening after dinner. It was her thing.
If I showed interest, she helped me.
If I screwed up, I don't know what her experience was behind the scenes, but she never took whatever happened personally.
She just did what she wanted to do. Which was to knit the next thing she was interested in. I improved.
All my kids school pictures are in items she knit for them.
I saved the baby things and their favorite sweaters, and gave them to them as surprises when they had their own children. My MIL had passed away by then, but she knew I had saved some things. The connection from her was passed on to her great grandchildren.
It took such a long, long, time for me to understand what had been happening over the years with my MIL.
When I'm knitting now I think about her and her ways.
I feel very close to her.
Like what happened over the years is still unfolding.

Here's a picture of my MIL Thelma. She's knitting in the midst of the chaos of the house we were remodeling when our first baby was 3 and I was pregnant with our second. I'd made the drapes on the windows and was 25. It's about 1976. And here's a picture of me, with that second baby.

Have fun with the doll you make for your granddaughter. I know it doesn't feel like it but you're in the catbird seat.

Best wishes,
Barb


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## Isabel (Mar 15, 2011)

I resolved years ago not to knit garments for children. For whatever reason(s), they may or may not like an item, and they grow out of the things. It's okay. I've made afghans for 9 of 10 grandchildren, and I did get thanked, but the thanks aren't important to me. I just did it because I wanted to. I look at each item as a learning experience, too, and boy, have I learned a lot. Have just finished the afghan for the 10th grandchild (a "grafted-in," he turns 16 next week)and I have no idea whether he'll thank or not. May have to be prompted by his dad. Most gifts I give with no expectations. If the recipient of an afghan wants to wrap the dog in it, that's okay. Of course, if I'm sure a recipient doesn't really care about any more gifts, I let that go, and go on to something else.


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## owlet (Aug 18, 2013)

debbieb said:


> When your granddaughter gets a little older, you can make her a doll and give it directly to her, not via daughter-in-law. What little girl could resist? Then I doubt that her mother would dare make her part with it! Kids have a greater appreciation for handmade gifts.


I wouldn't automatically assume a little girl would want a doll. I hated dolls when I was little, as did my sister. Why not make cuddly animals which most small children like?


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## momanna (Nov 12, 2011)

Don't set yourself up for rejection again!!! Obviously your DIL has no taste. Please don't even bother making a toy or anything else for that family. It is a shame.

I have also made loads of knitted items that my DGD does not wear. I learned my lesson.


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## AKnitWit (Sep 11, 2013)

So sorry for the hurtful responses.
As a retiree I have taken up knitting this past year. Reading the many responses to this topic causes me to be cautious with "gifting". 

What I have done is show what I have made and let them choose anything that appeals to them. Or I ask them to pick out a pattern they might like. 

My family likes to tease me about the FedEx commercial that was on TV last Christmas showing a grandma who had made cozies for nearly everything.

A friend who knits beautifully told me the story of her youth. Her grandmother always knit something for Christmas for she and her siblings. One year her brother opened the present and his reaction was disappointment, "Oh it's one of those knit things". I keep that in mind as I knit :wink:


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## Grandma M (Nov 18, 2011)

toto said:


> I gave my son and his wife a set of knit and crochet dish cloths. I was informed that she only used sponges but that she had given them to a friend as a shower gift. Think I learned my lesson? NO! when they had a baby 6 months ago I gave them three blankets with matching sweaters, hats,and booties. Two size 6 months the other 12 months. I am now visiting and I asked about them and was told that they were too small so she had put them up for next baby. I only stayed a week but took the sets back with me; she had not even opened the box. I informed my son I was taking them after all when she does have a new baby I doubt if she will even remember them. Am I a theif?
> Also in your opinion I would like to make her a doll when she turns one or two. Would you knit, crochet, or just sew one from cloth which to me would be easier since I will only hope she will give it to her.


Honey you are not a thief. I'm glad you got them back. You know what I'd do with them. Find a neighbor or church friend who needs baby clothes and they will be thankful.
Maybe there is a unwed women's shelter in your area to give them to. Anyway I hope you can bless someone else with your wonderful knitting.


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## Dlclose (Jun 26, 2011)

Xiang said:


> I think I would learn my lesson, and if you do make a doll for your DGD, then I would keep it at my place for her to play with, whee never she came for a visit. But that is just me!


This is a great idea! She will need some things to occupy her whenever she visits anyway. We keep a box of toys around for our grandchildren so they have something to play with. That way she can enjoy it and so could other children who come to your house. Any doll just wants to be loved and involved in child play. Go for it this way. When she's old enough to ask to keep that doll you will have it along with memories of playing at Grandma's house.


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## k2p3-knit-on (Oct 24, 2012)

If it remained unopened and unappreciated it was an unwelcome object they felt obliged to occupy storage space. You were right to relieve them of your gift. They don't value your time or generosity. You can't win 'em all but you can win some. Re-gift your handmade things where they will be appreciated. If you make a doll keep it at your home. They would probably be happier with a check in the value of the yarn and you could spend your time and talent on someone who really cares. We hope in time your grandchildren will on their own want something they can brag "Grandma mad this just for me."


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## Maryhm (Oct 11, 2012)

Georget said:


> Many of the people who don't appreciate our hand-made, time-consuming gifts will buy "designer" items. Our gifts ARE designer items. They are one of a kind and we are the designers. Perhaps telling them that the scarf, mitten,hat etc is a designer item it will appease the snobs.


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## CarolA (Sep 4, 2013)

Christine47 I think your picture is adorable! What a darling little girl with her Smurfie.


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## Grand8ma (Feb 16, 2014)

Barb Knox...
What a lovely eulogy for your mother-in-law. She must have loved you very much and I'm sure she knew you would grow to appreciate her! It is sometimes so overwhelming when you have little ones and have little time for things you would like to do. (I had 3 in 5 years so I know!) I am retired now, too, and am trying to be selective about what I do for gifts. At Christmas I gave my grandson's fiancée a soft, grey infinity scarf. When they were leaving after a visit in February, she was wearing it. Grandson saw me smile and said that she had worn it every day. Just gave my 3 yr old great-grandson a "draggin" blankie which he promptly took to the couch and fell asleep wrapped up in. So it does make you feel good when they appreciate your work.


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## pickyknitter65 (Oct 21, 2013)

I gave my DIL a blanket in the colors she likes and I even embroidered her name on it. When I asked my son about it he said: it's put away so I said but it is to be used, he said, we can't use it everyday it will get ruined. I am not making anything for her anymore. She is like that with anything I give her. The last couple of years I've made homemade marzipan candies which she loves. That's the only thing she'll accept from me, sigh.....


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## JCF (Aug 3, 2012)

That's the reason I no longer knit anything for any of my immediate family. I even gave my niece a silver piece that was a wedding gift to her grandmother, my mother, and she never remembered it and her mother was going to sell it at a thrift store. I took it back. If that's being a thief, so be it. :thumbdown:


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## Lndyf9 (Jul 6, 2013)

That's so sad no of course you are not a thief, it is a shame when people don't appreciate the hand made gifts we make them when they are made out of love, it like throwing kindness in your face. I have had similar experiences and now if I do give a hand made gift it's only given to someone who I know will appreciate it. If you would like to make something for you GD I would leave it in your own home where she can play with it when she come to visit.


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## nhauf001 (Jan 18, 2011)

Babies need toys and clothes at Grandma's house, especially if you will be keeping said grandchild. Try not to antagonize Mom, Happy wife happy life! as we say here in Texas. Maybe she just doesn't care for handmade items. I'd knit for someone who appreciates it more (think hospitals, silent auctions for a cause you like, kitty and puppy blankets for the local animal shelter, toys for an orphanage, the Christmas trees up during the holidays at malls to give gifts, etc) I mostly knit for charity because my family only appreciates fingerless gloves and I get tired of creating them and want to knit something else every once in awhile. Hugs -- she isn't rejecting you, just handmade items.


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## gq16jw (Jul 9, 2013)

There are a lot of people out there that simply do not appreciate handmade items. Either they do not connect with the time, effort and skill not to speak of the love put into them or they don't care for the concept. Better that you know than have them pretend to be thrilled then hide the gifts away where they never see the light of day again. We should not take this personally but respect their preferences rather than be offended once we know.

It would be like giving someone a red shirt every year, for their birthday, when the recipient does not like red and expecting them to be overjoyed.


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## Suesknits (Feb 11, 2011)

Barb... What an awesome family story! Your Mil had such grace and unconditional love! What cherished memories that you used all of her hand knit clothes in school pics! A great example for us all!


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## Amyg (Mar 17, 2014)

I wouldn't bother with any hand made gifts for any of them, since they are obviously not appreciated. I've stopped giving my daughter and her family hand made things for the same reason. I just give them gift cards and let them pick out what they want. At least your time and money won't go to waste that way.


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## Jean Marie (Dec 6, 2011)

Your granddaughter is cute! and No, you're not a thief. You just took back what was yours and maybe you can give it to someone else who can use it. I had made a purse(I'm pretty sure it was a purse) and gave it to my niece and lo and behold it was in their garage sale. I wanted it back and they said I could have it and I gave it to someone else. To give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe the clothes were too small or big. But I know how you feel. You put all that work into it and you didn't feel that it was appreciated.
Jean Marie


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## knitgogi (Aug 25, 2013)

Xiang said:


> I think I would learn my lesson, and if you do make a doll for your DGD, then I would keep it at my place for her to play with, whee never she came for a visit. But that is just me!


Exactly what I was thinking. Let her play with it when she comes to see you. She may ask to take it home with her, as my GDs often do with the toys I keep here for them. Giving it then assures you that you know she understands that it is HERS to keep. Or I often just say that they can "borrow" it for awhile. That way I am free to take it back any time I see that they aren't playing with it much--and before my daughter has a chance to give it to Goodwill or something. Just because they are finished with a particular toy doesn't mean that the next GC won't want it, besides the fact that often if a toy is put up for awhile, it becomes a "new" again later and enjoyed for a second time.

Or if they don't come to see you, just take it with you each time you go visit. If she wants you to leave it, let her borrow it. Tell mom that you will pick it up next time you visit. If she is still playing with it at that time, and it's ok with mom, leave it again. Sooner or later, mom may understand that this is a special item and you may not have to worry about it disappearing.

Whatever you do, though, do not mail it or give it to DIL to give to her!

But again, the safest thing to do (if you want to make sure that another child can enjoy it or that she will have it for HER child when she grows up) is to just let her play with it at your house or when you go there to visit.


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## Nanny White (Apr 21, 2013)

Oh what a lovely tribute to your MIL. It brought a tear to my eyes. She reminds me so much of my own dear (1st) MIL, who so gently guided me through motherhood. Never a critical word passed her lips, and I, and my 3 kids adored her. She sadly passed away just over 2 yrs ago, a few weeks after a having a massive stroke on her 85th birthday, it happened whilst she was cuddling her much adored GGd, who was almost 1. She never spoke again, but I know she had had the day she would have chosen as her last. I did manage to visit her and show her pictures of her first GGS, born in the USA 3 weeks before we lost her. She managed a very quiet "Oh!"


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## Cdambro (Dec 30, 2013)

Barb Knox said:


> Dear Toto,
> 
> I'm knitting more now that I'm in my 60s. It's been a long road and now that I'm retired and learning more about knitting, I think back and shake my head.
> I learned to appreciate knitting from my MIL, who knit beautifully.
> ...


What a most wonderful MIL you were so fortunate to have. A very wise person. Love the pics.


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## Cdambro (Dec 30, 2013)

gq16jw said:


> There are a lot of people out there that simply do not appreciate handmade items. Either they do not connect with the time, effort and skill not to speak of the love put into them or they don't care for the concept. Better that you know than have them pretend to be thrilled then hide the gifts away where they never see the light of day again. We should not take this personally but respect their preferences rather than be offended once we know.
> 
> It would be like giving someone a red shirt every year, for their birthday, when the recipient does not like red and expecting them to be overjoyed.


Agreed. It is not personal towards any of us but just personal taste.


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## Patty Sutter (Apr 17, 2012)

Save the sweaters for someone who will appreciate them.
If you want to make a doll, be sure to give it to the granddaughter personally! Or keep it at your house for when she visits.
I would not ever make anything more for the ungrateful DIL.


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## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

Some folks cherish hand-made things while others don't care for them at all. It's mostly a matter of personal taste and/or how they were brought up. They might have had a bad experience years ago. Whatever! I try to feel them out before I gift them with something I have knit/made -- if they seem to admire a certain item, I usually ask if they'd like something similar. If so, what color? size? etc. Then I say that I can't promise but I'll keep them in mind. There's usually still a chance to get an opinion before the item is finished. If they are enthusiastic, you can say, "It's for you". If not, try to figure out if there's anything else they'd really like -- color, size, and such details. If they are involved in the choices they are usually more appreciative. If they show no interest at all, forget it, but don't take it personally. Later they may ask if you can make a certain item and you can either do so, or, make some kind of excuse. "Keep the ball in uour park."


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## skateskris (Oct 26, 2012)

How sad I would wait until GD old enough to give dolly to her what an ungrateful dil, feel very upset for you


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## Daisybel (Nov 27, 2012)

owlet said:


> I wouldn't automatically assume a little girl would want a doll. I hated dolls when I was little, as did my sister. Why not make cuddly animals which most small children like?


Yes! My mother always used to give me dolls and then complain that I didn't play with them. She wanted me to have everything she didn't have when she was little and then made me feel guilty. I HATED frilly dresses! She didn't mean any harm, but couldn't understand that we did not and never would like the same things. We grew very close when she was in her 60s,70s and 80s, though.


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## Donna Wilson (Nov 25, 2012)

I am sorry that happened to you. We all realize the work involved. It has happened to me also. You have learned something. By all means sew you grand daughter a doll. Try to give it to her yourself. If not, wait until she is old enough to know that you made it and can appreciate it herself.


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## joycevv (Oct 13, 2011)

Well, it is hard to know your gifts aren't appreciated, but still you gave them away. I tell myself that I took pleasure in the knitting and not to worry about what happens once it's given away. (I have knitted my daughters beautiful shawls and never once seen them worn--I have been tempted to ask for them back but never had the nerve!)


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## sherimorphis (Oct 11, 2011)

toto said:


> I gave my son and his wife a set of knit and crochet dish cloths. I was informed that she only used sponges but that she had given them to a friend as a shower gift. Think I learned my lesson? NO! when they had a baby 6 months ago I gave them three blankets with matching sweaters, hats,and booties. Two size 6 months the other 12 months. I am now visiting and I asked about them and was told that they were too small so she had put them up for next baby. I only stayed a week but took the sets back with me; she had not even opened the box. I informed my son I was taking them after all when she does have a new baby I doubt if she will even remember them. Am I a theif?
> Also in your opinion I would like to make her a doll when she turns one or two. Would you knit, crochet, or just sew one from cloth which to me would be easier since I will only hope she will give it to her.


......................................
I knit my d-i-l socks, afghans, a beautiful shawl, baby blue mohair, she passed. I flew to be with my son in Alaska, I live in Florida. I had the task of putting all her clothing together to be donated and then I saw what you saw. Nothing had been worn, tags still on clothing, and yes I am a thief too because I took my socks and clothing I had given to her. I wear the socks. I found one pretty afghan thrown over a big box in front of a window on the second floor so the cat could jump up there and look out the window. The other afghan was thrown on the floor in the storage room, pee'd on. I got that stuff washed and folded on the couch. My son said, "That's nice where'd that come from?" He didn't even know I'd made these things and sent them. So now I knit for yarn worthy people. I don't think you're a thief. You appreciate hand knit items! Sheri


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## Lily Jamjar (Dec 31, 2012)

I think your DIL is very rude and ungrateful.


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## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

Some little girls don't play with dolls of any kind. I was one of them. I just put them aside and they remained good as new for someone else to enjoy. It wasn't meant to insult the giver. Now, what I really appreciated was a used baseball and a bat that my grandfather made for me. Well, most any kind of sports equipment was a good gift for me, but not dolls and the usual girlie stuff. Some sweaters and warm things were OK so long as they were not all lacey and cutesy. It took my grandmother a while to figure that out. She liked to make fancy things but eventually she made more tailored things for me, and I was proud of them. My daughter was/is the same way -- no frills and ruffles.


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## Kitchenergal (Nov 13, 2013)

Dsynr said:


> Some observations on point:
> 1. The whole point of a gift is that it is an expression of the love in the heart of the giver and freely given.
> The lack of appreciation is irrelevant; and rancor over that lack only creates pain and resentment.
> 2. People have different tastes. What's blessing for one is curse for another. It's not wrong, just different.
> ...


Some good points here........and food for thought!!

:thumbup:


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## Deenasan (Apr 7, 2013)

I understand! You just saved your knitted treasures from an unknown fate!

I just knitted my last thing for anyone other than me on Saturday. I will knit everything from now on for me, me, me!!! 

Except for my oldest grandson because he really does appreciate everything I make for him and he requested a skeleton hat and a blanket. Of course I would lasso the moon for that little sweetie.

If someone wants something, they will have to ask me and then WE will go and get the yarn together so they will have a vested interested in the final product.

Ok, so that's what I hope I will do from now on, but I did see such a cute little girl's dress I am dying to knit, and I always wanted to knit my other grandson a pair of socks, and.....


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Deenasan said:


> ... If someone wants something, they will have to ask me and then WE will go and get the yarn together so they will have a vested interested in the final product ...


Good luck with _that_ approach!

My (then new) husband, seeing that I had a large bag of a single colour of yarn (bought before I'd met him and with a project already begun), requested that I knit him a sweater from it. Reluctantly, I did so.

*He* picked out the basic shawl-collared cardigan from a pattern book. 
*He* picked out the sand-dunes cable pattern for the fronts. 
*He* OK'd the matching buttons I'd bought. 
*He* tried it on as it grew. Great, eh?

No. Not great at all. On the day the last end was woven in, I handed it to him expecting effusive praise for my months of hard work. Instead, he put it on, took it off, and handed it back to me saying to take it all apart and make it over again just a tad larger.

For a wonder, we're still married 43 years later, but he's still waiting for me to knit him a sweater. In the meantime, my youngest sister has been enjoying his sweater, even though it buttons 'wrong'!

I've knit him other things over the years, but not a sweater. I have suitable yarn (navy blue), more patterns than anyone needs, but what's missing is any enthusiasm on my part for tackling such a project again. He efficiently quashed _that_ with his first rejection. Yes, ego can be fragile; it doesn't willingly court rejection.


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## TapestryArtist (Sep 4, 2013)

I had an habitual unfaithful husband. At one point he told me we was going to wash his own clothes from now on. (I'll bet you can guess why.) So....I respected that request, and he washed his own clothes, and ironed them himself, for about 35 years, until he died.


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## rkr (Aug 15, 2012)

After reading through 12 pages of posts I feel the need to play Devil's Advocate.
While I totally agree with everyone here who stated that gifts should be for those who appreciate them:
As Patty said -
Save the sweaters for someone who will appreciate them.
If you want to make a doll, be sure to give it to the granddaughter personally! Or keep it at your house for when she visits.

We do have to acknowledge that not everyone's talents are up to par. Many times the handmade items do look 'home made'. While the same amount of effort and love were included, sometimes no one would like to wear the item except the creator.
Mashepp touched on a similar fact of this topic:
"Quite honestly there are a lot of patterns for baby items that are not in current fashion, and some young moms are just not going to use them regardless of who made it."

And the KPers who wrote that the baby blanket/hat & bootees turned out great - our idea of what it wonderful may not be what is currently fashionable, no matter how classic the design.

I read a book last year (I forget the exact title but it was something about 'Taking the Luxe out of Deluxe', or something similar). It tells the modern story of the clothing industry, as opposed to what it was when Deluxe was just that and in the mean of only the very wealthy. 
Clothing today is produced cheaplyeven the high-end fashion linesand expected to be discarded after a season or so. Most of it is not worn by frequenters of resale shops; it ends up in huge bundles of textiles, sold for scrap to lesser markets and countries. Emptying one's closet creates the need to shop for more...and it becomes a never-ending cycle. I see this in many shoppers - from teens to those in their 40s & 50s. Most don't arrive home from any trip outside the home w/o bringing in new purchases w/them, be it clothing, home decor or other 'Wants' rather than Needs. We live in a consumer climate.

JanieSue wrote: ...people do not want something made from a Grandmother's loving hands. I lost my Mom...
Not everyones's Mom is a cherished personthat this position is always a person-of-value in every family. Harriet Nelson and Leave It To Beaver's Mom just don't exist in every home. No, before you think it, my Mom was great, but it needs saying.

It feels very good to give of one's time, energy and price of the raw materials, but a gift should really be considered thatand once given it's out of our hands. It doesn't justify the ungrateful nature of many, but do keep it in mind when choosing how to use your knitting talents.
OK - off the Soapbox. Please don't 'sling arrows'; I do agree with most but just know that there are always 2 sides and this single voice thought it necessary to point this out.


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## Nancy S. (Jul 2, 2013)

No you are not a thief but I would not make any more items for you GD unless they stay at your house. If you make her a doll out of cloth (which I think is a great idea), give it to her in front of her parents. If you just let her use the doll at your house, that is not being fair to the child who will want to take it home with her. So you can possible make 2, one for her house & one for grandmother's house.
The best dolls I ever had were cloth made ones.


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## TapestryArtist (Sep 4, 2013)

Oh, and in case anyone wonders..... Hell Hath No Fury . . . etc., etc.


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## rosemarya (May 25, 2013)

I have two daughters who did those things to me. My third daughter cherished, used and saved everything that I knitted, crocheted or sewed. I made nothing more for those six grandchildren. I suggest you buy a doll for your granddaughter. Otherwise she will never see anything you gave her. One of my daughters allowed her dogs to use a baptismal quilt I made my Gd as a chew toy. I went to her home in the middle of the night and retrieved the quilt. I repaired the quilt. I am not a thief. I saved a beautiful piece of art from an ungrateful recipient. I sympathize. Bless you.


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## Sheila Payne (Mar 30, 2014)

You are not exactly a thief, you did tell your son BUT when you give something It is hard to see then not appreciated. After twelve grandchildren I learnt the hard way. I made my son's two girls smocked dresses with matching hats. Only saw them one on the girls to have their pictures taken( which I paid for). So I quit making things for them. Once I bought the four girls of his later in years an outfit. We came home and I ask their mother to put them on so I could take their pics. One of them got slapped because she wanted to take the tags off and her mother told her we have to take them back. I was crushed. That was just money not my hard work. Have not made clothes for them since. You will continue to be hurt if you do. Been there done that


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## glofish (Nov 19, 2012)

No, I don't think you are a thief. You merely took back something that your DIL had apparently not accepted. I know how you, and hundreds of others, feel when you give gifts that are not appreciated. My DIL never thanks me for any gifts that I send her, and I have spent lots of time and money getting her "just the right things". I would not give her anything at all except for the sake of my son. She never wanted me to knit her anything but finally agreed that I could knit her a pair of slippers. I picked out the prettiest red yarn (her favorite color) and knitted a very elaborate gift. Haven't heard anything from her yet and doubt that I will. Next time I will just send a gift card to a store and save myself the effort of shopping and knitting. Hmmph!! Thanks for letting me get this off of my chest.


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

Sorry( rkr) I think an acknowledgement for this set woulds have been mannerly


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## LynneC (Nov 1, 2011)

Not a thief but she lies like a bad rug.
Keep the doll or animal you make at your place. The Dtr. doesn't appreciate handmade but the child just might. My Dtr. still has the yarn doll someone made for her before she was born and she is 43.


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## Nina Weddle Tullis (Feb 13, 2011)

I would purchase her a doll. I certainly would not put the time and effort, and the cost of the yarn, into another gift that was not used nor appreciated. Sorry she did not have enough manners to open the gift. I cannot understand the youth of today.
9a


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## Gundi2 (May 25, 2012)

i knitted 3 sweaters one year for my daughters 3 kids, when i went to visit i found them in a pile of garbage,never worn,discarded.well, i never made any thing for them again.i should have picked them up, take them home,washed them and give them away.no, you are not a thief in my eyes.


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## yanagi (Jul 7, 2013)

No, you're not. Mom obviously doesn't appreciate your efforts. As to doll; make it any way you want then give it directly to the child. Good luck.


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## leanne17 (Aug 21, 2013)

I don't think you are a thief. I know exactly how you feel. I knitted a beautiful jumper/sweater for my newest granddaughter, in the colours that suit her and my daughter-in-law likes. However, my GD never wore the jumper, and when I was babysitting a few months ago, I had to change her clothes. I found it thrown into the back of the clothes cupboard, still unworn. I put it straight into my bag, and told my son when they came home. They have 3 boys and a girl and as much as I would love to knit for all the children, I won't, as I will be very hurt if they don't get worn. I feel my grandchildren are losing out, not having lovely knitwear. My work is of a high standard, as I used to knit to sell, when I had time. It is upsetting.


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## obsessedinseattle (Apr 14, 2014)

I would have done the same thing. I know my granddaughter has never worn the things I knitted. And, my daughter in law informs me my granddaughter who is now 3, doesn't like the doll I sent because it doesn't "do" anything. Go figure, I feel like I'm old when I say I don't understand younger people anymore.


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## Bettylex (Oct 24, 2011)

Another idea would be to save the things you make for your grandchildren and give them to them after they are adults. I think every one treasured keepsakes from their grannies.


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

scottishlass said:


> You know after reading all of the replies I wonder if I should ever knit another gift again ( I think I'll wait until its requested) just charity and doggies form here on


Oh no... Please don't stop gifting your knitted items. Not every one is like the ungrateful DIL that is the subject of this post.

But, it's a wise thing to ask before starting, unless you know the person well enough to know their color choice(s). Like if I'm going to make something for my sis... Constance; it's made with purple or purple variegated yarn. But, don't stop gifting. Anyone, with very little exception, know what I am or will be making for them. Then, there is no disappointment on either side.


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## KaitlanBlackrose (Jun 11, 2012)

I knitted a doll for my gd and gave it to her as she is just a newborn. Mom hugged it tight and loved it and holds it when daddy takes over the care of the baby... I know it will be loved for a long time to come.


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## Marge St Pete (Jul 21, 2011)

Many years ago, probably 22 years ago, I sewed a beautiful suit and coordinating blouse for my daughter in law. sometime later I saw it in the pile for Goodwill, never worn. Never made her anything else to this day. Never said anything as I would not want to make "waves" with her and my son.


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## GoodyTwoShoes (Apr 4, 2013)

I love hand knitted things. If there's something you want to make and give as a gift I will PM you my address. No ingratitude here!


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

Marge St Pete said:


> Many years ago, probably 22 years ago, I sewed a beautiful suit and coordinating blouse for my daughter in law. sometime later I saw it in the pile for Goodwill, never worn. Never made her anything else to this day. Never said anything as I would not want to make "waves" with her and my son.


That's heartbreaking. I'm sorry you had that experience; but, you learned quickly and never did it again.

I could never have done that to my MIL. She would apologize profusely, when she gave me a gift and said it wasn't expensive. Like when she gave me a set of Milk-White; a plate and bowl... and said to me that it "was not real"... Yes, it was to me. It was a gift from her heart and hard-earned money. I cherished her gifts to me and her grandkids (my children; grown now)... I still have and use the Milk-White small platter and bowl... it's where I keep fresh fruit that is not refrigerated. I miss her dearly.


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## kybrat (Dec 19, 2012)

I wouldn't feel badly about taking them back. If she is not going to use them for your GD, then give them to someone that will appreciate all the time, hard work, and materials. Also, I agree....leave the doll at your house. IMHO


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## Knitlady46 (Nov 5, 2012)

I know the little girl would like a doll, but will she receive it? I made my two year old graddsughter a 36 inch Raggedy Ann doll and made the little girl a matching dress and hat. She never wore the outfit and couldn't touch the doll. My daughter in law was saving them. I tried to explain the gifts were to be used, but it never got through to her. You can only try.


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

scottishlass said:


> Sorry( rkr) I think an acknowledgement for this set woulds have been mannerly


I agree with you. But, do yourself a favor and don't expect acknowledgement or thank-you notes. That way you won't be hurt or disappointed. Give because you want to give... not because you expect acknowledgement or thanks. Yes, you deserve it, but it's not the reason you made the gift to begin with, right? You made it because you wanted to and enjoyed the process as you made it. And, you enjoyed gifting it.

I've a sister that got in touch with me when I sent her a wool-blend cowl... she said that although she liked the color and design, she was going to be sending it back to me because she can't bear wool; allergic. I told her not to return it. The Cowl is hers and she can gift it to any one of her choosing that she thought would like and make use of it. Which is what she did. It's her's ... she can do whatever she wants with it... is my thinking.


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## cindybates1 (Mar 23, 2014)

I don't think that you are a thief. I do think that when we knit and crochet we put so much of ourselves into it that we sometimes forget it is a gift. No matter what we give, home made or not, there are many people who have different expectations or appreciations than we do. A gift is just that, a gift. It is not our decision if it is worn or "re-gifted" You just need to remember that you made something beautiful and if is appreciated it is wonderful, if it is not, a card (without cash) is appropriate the next time.


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## barbdpayne (Jan 24, 2011)

I repeat, once you give something away, it is no longer yours. Your intention for the object may not be the intention the recipient has. I follow this practice whether making something for someone or giving money to someone in need. If I choose to make it theirs, it is theirs to use (or not) as they see fit. My choice, therefore, is whether to give. If you made something with love and it isn't received in a way that makes you happy, don't do it again. If you want to be sure to make someone happy with a gift, ask them what they would like and then give that, even if it isn't what you would prefer giving. Or just give cash--or nothing. It isn't worth your time to be angry or disappointed that your gift wasn't appreciated.


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

Palenque1978 said:


> I agree with you. But, do yourself a favor and don't expect acknowledgement or thank-you notes. That way you won't be hurt or disappointed. Give because you want to give... not because you expect acknowledgement or thanks. Yes, you deserve it, but it's not the reason you made the gift to begin with, right? You made it because you wanted to and enjoyed the process as you made it. And, you enjoyed gifting it.
> 
> I've a sister that got in touch with me when I sent her a wool-blend cowl... she said that although she liked the color and design, she was going to be sending it back to me because she can't bear wool; allergic. I told her not to return it. The Cowl is hers and she can gift it to any one of her choosing that she thought would like and make use of it. Which is what she did. It's her's ... she can do whatever she wants with it... is my thinking.


My concern is that folks are losing the common courtesy of a thank you ( no praise or anything required) Just a simple thank you I received your gift. Not just the love and work is concerened postage alone is expensive so TY it arrived should be a courtesy


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

cindybates1 said:


> I don't think that you are a thief. I do think that when we knit and crochet we put so much of ourselves into it that we sometimes forget it is a gift. No matter what we give, home made or not, there are many people who have different expectations or appreciations than we do. A gift is just that, a gift. It is not our decision if it is worn or "re-gifted" You just need to remember that you made something beautiful and if is appreciated it is wonderful, if it is not, a card (without cash) is appropriate the next time.


I agree with you. A gift is a gift...


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## rkr (Aug 15, 2012)

scottishlass said:


> Sorry( rkr) I think an acknowledgement for this set woulds have been mannerly


Yes, Agreed! I wasn't pointing out your set as poorly made - I merely used your writing as a suggestion just that some gifted items are not as well-made as most would judge them to be - and that's a reason why 'some' items can be given and never seen again.

As I wrote, I totally agree with what has been said by almost all, from the side of the giver. And yet that also of BarbPayne, that once it's gifted we can no longer lay claim to its outcome. 
I only wished to point out that's there's another issue not yet mentioned and why I felt the need to be a Devil's Advocate. That isn't usually a standpoint which garners praise or companionship, yet the Other Side also exists. We've all seen work that was poorly crafted. Isn't that why we all continue to (or should) challenge ourselves w/increase our knowledge base?

And your items are indeed lovely - and well-made w/care. I only take issue with those items poorly created/assembled or finished, regardless of the initial design. Suggesting perhaps that some of our efforts may not be as well-made as one would wish, though we often don't recognize this fact in our own work.

Many items are not blocked, which can wreck even the best motives, sewn tog without good seaming techniques or using even inappropriate yarns (usually substituting very inexpensive materials) when different yarns were called for by the designer, thereby not showing the original design to its best effect. 
Bobbie R


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

Bobbie my post is not looking for praise My issue is with the bad manners of folk who who just ignore the fact that a package was sent to them ( no praise necessary) just the fact that is was indeed delivered I understand all of you good wll defined points and thank you for all your observations I guess I just hate bad manners....................


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## 1953knitter (Mar 30, 2011)

Why waste your time & money on making a doll - go buy one. If you do make your granddaughter a doll, you should be the one to give it to her. That is the only way you will know for sure if she got it or not.


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## TapestryArtist (Sep 4, 2013)

It's female jealousy. I commonly refer to this type of behavior as "the best bear hunter syndrome". It's female against female for the mostly simple-minded competition for the (sort of) alpha male. I don't think I've read all the responses to this, but have any males been the ones to reject the gift from "mother"?


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## barbdpayne (Jan 24, 2011)

A thank you note or call or even an email is absolutely necessary even if you don't like the gift. We should always politely acknowledge the fact that someone took the time and or spent the money to give a gift. A pure Thank You is just common good manners.


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## gsbyrge (Jul 12, 2011)

I guess values have changed where manners are concerned. I remember when I graduated from high school 50 years ago, my father helped me address announcements to his distant relatives, many of whom I had never met. He addressed one to his "maiden aunt" as "Gert" and I received a very tart note from her, advising that her name is Gertrude, and she prefers to be addressed as Miss Gertrude. And if I received something and didn't immediately send a thank you note, I got the wrong end of my mother's tongue, so to speak. My grandkids? They love what I make for them and the great grands, but it's been so long as I received a thank you email, much less handwritten note, I don't think I'd recognize one if it bit me. Changing times.....


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## Beth72 (Sep 23, 2012)

Xiang said:


> I hope your grand baby does get to play with something that you make for her, but unfortunately, some people look on handmade items as worthless, whereas in actual fact, they are priceless.
> 
> I have 5 daughters, and two of my daughters have little girls of their own. When I began knitting and sewing again, I asked what those two daughters would like, to have me make, for their daughters. So far I have 5 grand daughters, and have made each of the children a machined quilt, and I have two knitted, or crocheted quilts to make - so that they will have at least a quilt and a blanket each. I am also in the process of making a wedding quilt, for DD3. I am also thinking of making each of my daughters a shawl, or a shrug, depending on the age of the daughter. I am also hoping to make a wedding shawl, and a baby shawl, for each of my DGD's ........ but I have asked their mothers to let me know, the minute that the girls are not happy with Grandma's handmade gifts; and there will be no more of these for the child whom no longer appreciates them. Sorry about the tome! :lol: :lol:


I agree. Give the doll to the child personally. It is a shame the DIL doesn't appreciate the time and effort your gifts take and the love included in the making. What a loss for her.


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## RosieC (Feb 14, 2012)

I have learned not to gift to my dil's ... the items generally are put aside or rarely used. I knit for one sister and for myself. When I receive a handmade gift it means a lot to me.....but not to everyone.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

I'm so sorry this happened to you. No, you are not a thief, just a disappointed grandmother and rightfully so.


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## nitehawk (Feb 19, 2013)

toto said:


> Thank everyone for your imput. I like the idea of makeing a doll and giving it to her personally; then keeping it at my home.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

scottishlass said:


> My concern is that folks are losing the common courtesy of a thank you ( no praise or anything required) Just a simple thank you I received your gift. Not just the love and work is concerened postage alone is expensive so TY it arrived should be a courtesy


Yes, it would be nice. It would be a perfect world. But we are only responsible for our own thoughts and actions. Moreso, we have no control or should we have...on anyone's conduct but our own. We cannot expect others to be as we want them to be. To live with expectations, no matter how nice, is just allowing ourselves to be "set up" for disappointment. The only thing we can do is be an example.


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## oge designs (Aug 14, 2012)

How very sad for you. I would still knit a little doll for your grandaughter, however I would make sure to give it to her personally.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

dalebeasley said:


> I have a grandson who lives in Titirangi NZ and I made him three jerseys and sent them over for his 1st birthday and when little Sam was opening his present all the reception to my jerseys by either his mother or my son was an umm and then they were put on one side and then totally ignored.
> On speaking to my son via Skype a few weeks later (so I could see Sam) my son Chris said that as it never really got cold in NZ and that Sam didn't wear jerseys I took that to mean No More hand-knitted Jerseys etc. which rather miffed me as I have already got a few more together to send out,which now won't be going so will find someone else possibly a charity who can use them.
> Relatives are sometimes rather strange people,well in my experience they are.


I feel so badly for you. I'm sorry to say that the behavior you speak of is also very common here in the USA. To say that relatives are sometimes rather strange people is somewhat of an understatement. It helps me a little to remember that we don't get to choose them, but we can choose our friends, who often are far more receptive :~). I hope you'll feel better about it soon, especially if you get the opportunity to give your work to someone who loves it!


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## Barb Knox (Feb 22, 2014)

Grand8ma

What great ideas you have! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective.

Barb


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## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

My DIL divorced my son about 25 years ago but I still knit her a pair of socks from time to time. Well, there was a period of time when I didn't knit for her, but I still made some things for the grands. She's always shown great appreciation. I really was pleasantly surprised when her DIL (wife of our grandson) picked out a pair of socks for herself and then asked if she could take a partucular pair for her MIL (my DIL) -- "She's always loved your socks!" DIL is a lefty and doesn't knit but she brings/sends/does thoughtful things like hanging baskets, homemade cookies, etc. We don't exchange on holidays -- just when we feel like it's appropriate. She remarried long ago but she still introduces me as her "Mother-in-law". Sometimes, she'll add, "The Kid's Grandmother", plus a small complement. Goes to prove that they aren't all bad.


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## Fourel (Jun 25, 2012)

You are not a thief. Do not make anything for the children until they are old enough to ask for something themselves.


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## elise4wig (Nov 3, 2013)

This is sad. Knitting for charity is satisfying for me. I knit for several charities, recently I received a photo of a girl wearing one of the blankets I knitted, what a wonderful feeling.


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## CYFFAN (Oct 24, 2012)

My daughter did something similar to me. It was very painful. I never make anything for the kids anymore. If I am compelled to give something away I give it to charity. Otherwise my work is sold..period. My grandkids are interested in learning to knit. This is something I am willing to teach them. That way they can make whatever their hearts desire... AND I can take them to pick out yarn.  It happens to be one of my favorite pass times.


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## littleladybug (May 21, 2011)

I knitted myself a matching sweater and socks. I was thrilled to get them! I will treasure them always, because I have no one else to knit for me, and I know how much time and effort went into them! ha, ha! Just being silly. It is true, though!


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## fibermcgivver (Dec 18, 2012)

Such sad stories.... Yes, just make things for people that appreciate them or for charity. Or YOURSELF: can't go wrong there! It's sad to see so much ungratefulness out there... Knit and Crochet on, ladies! -- we will overcome!!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

littleladybug said:


> I knitted myself a matching sweater and socks. I was thrilled to get them! I will treasure them always, because I have no one else to knit for me, and I know how much time and effort went into them! ha, ha! Just being silly. It is true, though!


That's not silly, I'm sure you're worth every stitch!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

scottishlass said:


> Sorry( rkr) I think an acknowledgement for this set woulds have been mannerly


It would have been mannerly at the very least. I don't understand the tolerance most of us seem to have for the rude behavior of so many in the younger generation. Because we tolerate it, they continue it, and likely pass it along to their children because it's "easier." Stand your ground, it's just plain lazy and rude IMHO. The fact that they all do it doesn't change my mind about it in the least. I suppose if they all start selling their firstborn, we should endorse that, too? I don't think so.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Really? How do you *know* that?
> 
> Personally, while I may *hope* that the blankets I knit for charity are appreciated, the cynic in me isn't so sure that the eventual recipients of the blankets will appreciate them - or dispose of them as soon as they're able to replace them with industrial-made ones. I firmly believe that at least some blankets knit for charities (or knit by loving hands for relations' babies) swiftly end up in second-hand stores. Why do I think this? Simply because I have seen far too many well made baby and seemingly never used blankets being sold in second-hand stores. How came they to be there? Did some knitter just straight donate them to Goodwill? I don't _think_ so, but I may be wrong. I hope I am wrong, but the truth of today's society is that hand-made is equated with poorly made, and poverty, whereas industrially produced is equated with prosperity, _even_ if it's a really low quality product.
> 
> ...


Welcome back. I love your solution of giving knitted blankets bought in second-hand stores. I have three afghans I bought there for myself because I don't like knitting them myself (short attention span?), and I love them. One is crocheted and I love it equally as well.


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## marinamoss (Apr 21, 2014)

Dear Dale, Here in NZ winter can be chilly. I think it's nonsense that your sweaters were not welcomed due to the climate. I'm wearing a sweater right now! I don't have grandchildren - I knit for charity instead, and no-one has ever rejected my efforts. The local maternity ward, the hospice, the retirement home - they love to get surprises. And I knit prayer shawls for my friends and for their mothers, work colleagues... these, when done thoughtfully, always seem to make people cry to know they are loved. You are a kind and generous person. Others will appreciate your efforts more than your DIL.


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## Trisia Lidis (Aug 20, 2012)

I have one nephew who's wife I suspect sold the baby items I made. The other nephew is the complete opposite, loves them and lets me know when his baby daughter needs new knitted items.i guess it just depends on the person. My daughter still takes my handknit/handmade for presents for work colleagues.
Have a look at AK Designs for modern knit dolls complete with patterns for clothes. (No connection just something different)


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## dhollie99 (Mar 12, 2014)

I suggest you go to Toys r Us and purchase a cute baby doll......seriously......


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## xxjanexx (May 1, 2012)

So so sad,why can't people be a bit appreciative....give me handmade any day,a auntie made me the most beautiful afghan I was thrilled to bits with it,
As I no her sight is failing,it must of taken her ages, plus no one has never knitted or crochet a gift for me before!!
Plus I think its bad manners not to thank someone for a gift ,perhaps that's just me!


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## slipperyfish (Jun 26, 2012)

It never gets cold in New Zealand!!! What a load of rubbish, of course it gets cold, especially where you son lives!!


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## grannymush (Apr 9, 2014)

i have 2 teenaged grand-daughters aged 13 and 14, 5 grandsons aged 3, 4, 6,7,and 8 and a grand-daughter aged 1.
i try to knit the boys a jumper every christmas and they love to wear them. i also knit a lot of things for my youngest grand-daughter and my daughter loves them.
the 2 older girls are a different story. a few years ago i knitted them a sleeveless top and sleeveless cardigan each in their favourite colours 1 green and 1 purple the tops were lovely with open lace designs and trim. the green cardigan was worn once on st patrick's day. so when the hotel where i worked had a collection of clothes and other items to send to the recent disater in the phillipines the items were donated so someone else could use them. 
the girls begged me to knit them a jumper at christmas and i gave in but warned them that if they did not wear them i would not knit for them again. well the younger girl has worn hers a few times but not the older girl so she can say goodbye to anything else from me


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## hen (Jun 30, 2012)

I am so sorry to hear that your knitting work was not appreciated.

I very rarely gift anything that I knit these days. I take a long time to finish something and I would find it hard if it wasn't genuinely appreciated after many many months of work.

So I knit the things that I like to knit.
I set myself challenges.
I've got to the stage where I don't need other people's approval for what I knit.
I knit because I can and because I appreciate that from a ball of yarn and a couple of pointy sticks, I can make something wonderful.


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## Mairs (Nov 11, 2013)

That is so sad...I think if you wait until she is old enough to know and remember you- then give it to her directly- and give her parents the washing directions. Her Mom may have an issue with hand made things and the effort needed to keep them clean. So- whatever you make, ensure it can be machine wash and dried and if it doesn't become a hit- don't give up- ask for ideas for gifts- and sad to say- there may not be an acceptable gift- just keep them at your house for her to play with.


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## JuneS (Nov 3, 2011)

Xiang said:


> I think I would learn my lesson, and if you do make a doll for your DGD, then I would keep it at my place for her to play with, whee never she came for a visit. But that is just me!


I agree. You are not a theif, maybe an indian giver but it does not matter. My aunt had a daughter-in-law that had three daughters and never once did my aunt see those girls wear anything she made for them. Even found the quilts she made in a yard sale. She did the same as you and took everything back. Gave them to nieces that treasured them. (I got one of the quilts and you'd have to pry it out of my dead cold fingers to get it).


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## dladieu (Feb 6, 2011)

I must have a wonderful family everyone I knit for children,daughter in law, grandchildren,sisters,neices, and husband love what I make and wear or use often


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## aussiefletch49 (Jan 3, 2013)

kiwiannie said:


> By now i would have learnt my lesson and i would never knit or make another artical for that woman,yes make a doll by all means,but give it to your GC by yourself making sure your son is present when you do,no you are not a thief,you your DIL is justa very ungreatful piece of work. :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown:


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## JuneS (Nov 3, 2011)

JanieSue said:


> I don't understand why people do not want something made from a Grandmother's loving hands. I lost my Mom in Feb, she had quite a few baby afghans crocheted up and my aunt went in and took everyone of them. Even though I knit & crochet my daughter would have loved to have something made by her Grandmother.
> 
> JanieSue, I'd go straight to your aunt and ask her to give you those afghans. You are your mother's direct heir, before she and unless they were left to her in a will, you have first dibs!


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## cjustice (Jan 17, 2013)

So sorry for your experience! My daughter LOVE everything I make and thinks everything is, or should be for her or my grandchildren. My granddaughter, age 4, thinks everything that is knitted or crocheted is something I made  

Find a young neighbor, church member, or volunteer that would really appreciate and enjoy your loving work. That person is out there, I am sure. If you make something else for your grandchild and give it directly to them and keep it at your house for their visits.

Some folks just don't get it! Hugs!!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

JuneS said:


> JanieSue said:
> 
> 
> > I don't understand why people do not want something made from a Grandmother's loving hands. I lost my Mom in Feb, she had quite a few baby afghans crocheted up and my aunt went in and took everyone of them. Even though I knit & crochet my daughter would have loved to have something made by her Grandmother.
> ...


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## pavasa (Feb 24, 2011)

obsessedinseattle said:


> I would have done the same thing. I know my granddaughter has never worn the things I knitted. And, my daughter in law informs me my granddaughter who is now 3, doesn't like the doll I sent because it doesn't "do" anything. Go figure, I feel like I'm old when I say I don't understand younger people anymore.


Sad to say but many Three year olds would really prefer Barbie dolls.


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## cara (Sep 24, 2011)

I dont feel so bad now I know other people are sharing my experience - This weekend a cousin came to visit - I had crocheted 4 dresses for her little granddaughters and gave them to her to deliver months ago they live hundreds of miles away - I never got a thank you - asked her if she had given them and she said "yes but they did not like them - they are at MIL house I was going to give them to charity sorry" I told her to return them to me and I would give them to charity - She also has one grandson and I have a lovely knitted sweater for him but did not give it - it will go to charity too . I am very disappointed but have found all the lovely shawls and baby blankets I have given to friends daughters over the last years never got one thank you !!!!!!!!!!!

Cara,
Sydney,
Australia


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## JuneS (Nov 3, 2011)

I have no family to knit for, just my friends and co-workers. I must be blessed because over the years all of the handmade gifts I have given them from crocheted doilies, embroidered pillowcases, hats, scarves, mittens, and reusable tote bags I have seen used on a regular basis. That to me is the best thank you I could possible get. 

In fact, one friend embroidered a pair of pillowcases for me in return as a get well gift. She said she felt embarrassed to give them to me because they were not as nice as what I did for her, but I cherish those cases and save them to use only when I have been ill so they stay nice - they are good medicine and do make me feel better when I rest my head on them.

I can't imagine why anyone would turn their nose up at a gift that someone to the time and thought to make for you - an ultimate gift.


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## toto (May 27, 2011)

Again I thank every one for their replys. Guess I was just hurt and venting; mainly because I had had several request for two of the blankets and turned them down saying that they were for my new granddaughter. I will take every ones advice and purchase and make dolls (and clothes) and a few stuffed animals for my home for visiting children to enjoy.


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## bigalbigal3 (Mar 15, 2011)

People who do not knit or crochet really don't know how much works goes into making things. It really hurts whe people don't appreciate your hard work


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## lovespurple (Jun 22, 2011)

I have knit for Indian tribes, especially for elderly and babies. Some are better than others at replying. I agree with Cottongirl and know they got it as I use UPS tracking. But once it gets to their mailbox you wonder if it gets to the person it was intended for, especially when you request to just send an email thank you that you got the package. I'm getting wiser and telling the ones I didn't get a thank you from that are asking for $ that if I don't get a thank you for the past knitting that this is the last$ donation you will see out of me.


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## knittnnana (Apr 20, 2013)

My best friend's son and wife recently had a baby. I made them a blanket, hat and bib. My friend took the gifts with her when she went to visit and sent me pics of the baby using each item. Don't know whose idea it was to send the pics but I really appreciated it. I stopped buying for my older son's children because I never ever saw them wearing what I bought. Different situation with my younger son's children. My DIL uses everything I send and is very appreciative. When they come to visit I see all the things I've sent to them and also see family pics of them wearing the clothes. 

As others have suggested, I would definitely make her a doll and give it to her yourself.


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

scottishlass said:


> Oh I think all of us have had a bad experience I recently Knitted a lovely ( i thought) cable baby blanket a hat and bootees for my husband's cousin's daughter cost $20 postage to send The cousin said thanks but the mother of the baby did not even acknowledge receipt( last thing I'll be sending to that family) Why are some of the younger generation so terribly ungrateful and ill mannered..................


Maybe because they are so used to doing things instantly with all those damn things they hold in their hands and work with their thumbs? They don't have your phone number or your email address so they can't text you and if they can't text you are not really in their world. And heaven help you if you are waiting for a thank you note!


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

Ann DeGray said:


> Maybe because they are so used to doing things instantly with all those damn things they hold in their hands and work with their thumbs? They don't have your phone number or your email address so they can't text you and if they can't text you are not really in their world. And heaven help you if you are waiting for a thank you note!


I agree I've put it behind My DH always tells me not everyone is like minded when it comes to manners


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

SAMkewel said:


> That's not silly, I'm sure you're worth every stitch!


I agree with Samkewel.... LittleLadyBug, you are worth every stitch.


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## BE FREE (Aug 15, 2011)

Some of todays kids lack manners . It's sad,but we created them.
When women had to go out and work, kids didn't get the attention they used to. We didn't have the time to check out everything the kids were doing or not doing .
It wasn't all mans fault that things got expensive .
We all have to pull together.


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## JeanMarieG (Aug 15, 2011)

Some of my fondest memories are making doll clothes for my barbies and baby dolls with my grandmother and aunt. She had me making pin cushions at four and helping her with doll clothes when I was five and making my own clothes when I was 8! I miss her very much (she died in 1993).


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## Reet (Jun 8, 2011)

What sad stories. Before my son and DIL got married she gave me a pattern of a Tartan Onesie for a baby and said "When I have my first baby I would like you to knit this please. Would you?"
I said "Yes" of course and after that knitted a lot of jumpers and cardis for my Grandson and Granddaughter. They are now 20 and 18. 
I am now doing a jumper for my little Grandson, his Mum says she loves it, we wait and see. I can only do little things these days as I have arthritis.


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## marosa9-1-8 (Dec 3, 2011)

once a gift is given it is not yours to take back. It is hers to do with as she pleases.


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## Karoy (Jul 29, 2011)

I would get store bought items. Your DDIL would probably appreciate them more anyway and you won't have to feel bad about your time consuming and precious hand made items.


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## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

marosa9-1-8 said:


> once a gift is given it is not yours to take back. It is hers to do with as she pleases.


,

However, you might say say, "Since you aren't using it, may I have it back? I'll donate it for a worthy cause."

"Worthy cause" is broad enough to serve just about anything you might decide to do with it. It'd also indicate that she is not what you consider worthy of your effort. Said in a "matter of fact" voice you should probably get your point across without causing any lasting harm to the relationship. Needless to say, you won't be sending additional hand-made gifts. Try not to show any emotion over the incedent, or, bring it up at a later date.


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## rkr (Aug 15, 2012)

Palenque1978 said:


> Yes, it would be nice. It would be a perfect world. But we are only responsible for our own thoughts and actions. Moreso, we have no control or should we have...on anyone's conduct but our own. We cannot expect others to be as we want them to be. To live with expectations, no matter how nice, is just allowing ourselves to be "set up" for disappointment. The only thing we can do is be an example.


Perfect description! TY -
Bobbie R


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## BE FREE (Aug 15, 2011)

While the above may be true...respect should be honored also.
I beleive disrepect from either side causes bad relationships. Talk it out before it goes too far .


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

cara said:


> I dont feel so bad now I know other people are sharing my experience - This weekend a cousin came to visit - I had crocheted 4 dresses for her little granddaughters and gave them to her to deliver months ago they live hundreds of miles away - I never got a thank you - asked her if she had given them and she said "yes but they did not like them - they are at MIL house I was going to give them to charity sorry" I told her to return them to me and I would give them to charity - She also has one grandson and I have a lovely knitted sweater for him but did not give it - it will go to charity too . I am very disappointed but have found all the lovely shawls and baby blankets I have given to friends daughters over the last years never got one thank you !!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Cara,
> Sydney,
> Australia


Well, I don't expect thank you notes... When I gift the item ... I can see the joy in their eyes... that's all I need. And I always ask the recipient first... or the mother of the child. So, they know what they will be getting and I know they want it. When I mail them out to folks in other cities or town... I just ask that they let me know that the item was received. Not asking for thanks or comments. They are gifts... what they do with them is their business. I enjoyed the knitting process.. knitted with my time and love... and, given with love. That's it... On to the next project.


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

opps. Double posting.


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## Briegeen (Dec 9, 2012)

I feel that we are all different, consequently we have different likes & dislikes. That includes bought or made things. Once I discover that someone does not appreciate items of knitting, sewing, embroidery I NEVER would give such an item to that person.[Often that person can be a near relative]


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## Knitcrazydeborah (Oct 25, 2011)

Sadly dear, I think you may have a DIL who was raised in a family like my DH. They grew up believing that if it cost more, it's better. And anything hand made meant you were too cheap to go to a store and buy something nice. 
You cannot change these people. Don't bother trying. In my case, my MIL has finally realized that when I give her a hand knit cashmere hat and scarf set that it is something very special. But it took 33 years!

In your case, I am glad to hear that you "reclaimed" the sweater sets. I'm sure that you will find an excellent use for them. Perhaps when your grandchild is grown with a new baby herself, you can give her the sweater sets and tell her "I made these for you when you were a baby! I've saved them all these years so your little one can wear them too!". 
(She need not know that her mother never used them)


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## wlk4fun647 (Apr 17, 2011)

christine 47 said:


> I wouldn't say thief as you discussed it with your son and by doing so let him know how you felt. I certainly wouldn't bother again, make for a charity or for someone who will appreciate all the work and love that goes into making things. My grandaughter is 2 and she's not really a doll or soft toy child but I knitted her a Smurf and he's her best friend. She loves watching Peppa Pig and the Smurfs DVDs and Smurfie has to watch too. Whatever you make her give it to her yourself and let them try and take it off her.


Now, that's the smile that would keep me knitting forever... She's adorable and the picuture is worth a 1,000 words... priceless!!!


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## Sheila Payne (Mar 30, 2014)

Having read most of the comments I would like to say something to sum it all up. When someone makes you something they are thinking of you while they are making it. They make it with love. Years ago hand made things were to be lovingly used and treasured. Now in this disposable world even peoples talents and love is disposable. I now only make things for people that I know will appreciate them. Do the same and you won't be hurt. Ptrotect yourself from Hirt feelings....you will live longer!


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## meadow123 (Mar 6, 2012)

I agree with everything people say,what an ungrateful woman she is,


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## MrsB88keys (Jan 15, 2014)

I thought my dil only had a brother!!!! Must be related somehow!!!!!

I spent almost a yr knitting a sweater w/John Deer tractor on it. One day while visiting I asked my gs if he ever wore it. He had a puzzed look on his face & replied, "no". When asked why, he looked even more puzzled & said, "I don't know!" I asked if he knew where it was & he said yes...waaaay back in his closet!!!!!!! I know there are a lot of yard sales going on there from time to time, so asked if I cd "borrow" it to show someone in class who was making same & I took it home. It'll be packed away for when gs becomes a Dad. He can then give it to his grandchild! I did manage to take a pic of him in it when I first gave it to him (proof that I DID make him the sweater-proof for myself!)


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## Nevarstar (May 16, 2013)

maybe keep the clothes and when your grand daughter is old enough let her use them as doll clothes?


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## Dot-I (Jun 25, 2011)

These are all the reasons I don't knit for family. all my knitting goes to a cancer center or a nursing home where the items are very much appreciated If I had more time and more money for yarns there are so many more places I'd like to give items to. My goal is 1000 chemo caps and so far I have donated 683 to a cancer center. Gaining on my goal.


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## Joan Thelma (Nov 18, 2011)

toto said:


> I gave my son and his wife a set of knit and crochet dish cloths. I was informed that she only used sponges but that she had given them to a friend as a shower gift. Think I learned my lesson? NO! when they had a baby 6 months ago I gave them three blankets with matching sweaters, hats,and booties. Two size 6 months the other 12 months. I am now visiting and I asked about them and was told that they were too small so she had put them up for next baby. I only stayed a week but took the sets back with me; she had not even opened the box. I informed my son I was taking them after all when she does have a new baby I doubt if she will even remember them. Am I a theif?
> Also in your opinion I would like to make her a doll when she turns one or two. Would you knit, crochet, or just sew one from cloth which to me would be easier since I will only hope she will give it to her.


NO! I am a Grandmother of 11 and a Great Grandma of 9. There are a few of the parents of all these little children that have not even said a Thank You for the items I've knitted.

The majority of the parents have thanked me and even send me pictures of them wearing the sweaters I had made for them, along with Thank you notes. Those are the ones that get the sweaters!!!!

Right now, I'm working on a Hockey Jacket and lining it for my 8 year old Great Grandson as he loves Hockey and is on a Hockey Team. My Grandaughter knows it is coming for his Birthday in October (or even sooner), and has told me how thrilled he will be when he receives it. Until then, she is keeping it a big secret until the day he opens the present and takes his picture to send me.

I've learned over the years that if a gift is not appreciated, don't waste your time and give it to someone that does appreciate all the love and hard work you did to make it.


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## nitchik (May 30, 2011)

No, not a thief! You did tell your son about it so you're ok. And I don't blame you!
My situation with one DIL and son started out a bit strange, but not as bad as this. However, time sorted things out. I held off knitting any more things until GD was just old enough to know who it was from, then gave to her directly. She was thrilled! And she and her brother treasure the things I knit and send, and DIL has come around. I switched to knitted toys in the beginning, to win their little hearts. Even if there are imperfections now, the items are treasured. Nice feeling
for me. Hang in there.


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## Lurker 2 (Sep 2, 2011)

toto said:


> I gave my son and his wife a set of knit and crochet dish cloths. I was informed that she only used sponges but that she had given them to a friend as a shower gift. Think I learned my lesson? NO! when they had a baby 6 months ago I gave them three blankets with matching sweaters, hats,and booties. Two size 6 months the other 12 months. I am now visiting and I asked about them and was told that they were too small so she had put them up for next baby. I only stayed a week but took the sets back with me; she had not even opened the box. I informed my son I was taking them after all when she does have a new baby I doubt if she will even remember them. Am I a theif?
> Also in your opinion I would like to make her a doll when she turns one or two. Would you knit, crochet, or just sew one from cloth which to me would be easier since I will only hope she will give it to her.


Not knitted, but a long time ago I made an absolutely beautiful doll from the body up with cloth- dressed her and made several sets of clothes much to the envy of my two daughters- she was destined for my niece. When Emily was 17 I asked if she still had the doll. Emily had no knowledge of ever having been given a present from me. That hurt. So I can understand where you are coming from. Uncaring mother? Not sure what the motivation was for 'losing' the gift.


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## nitchik (May 30, 2011)

Lurker 2 said:


> Not knitted, but a long time ago I made an absolutely beautiful doll from the body up with cloth- dressed her and made several sets of clothes much to the envy of my two daughters- she was destined for my niece. When Emily was 17 I asked if she still had the doll. Emily had no knowledge of ever having been given a present from me. That hurt. So I can understand where you are coming from. Uncaring mother? Not sure what the motivation was for 'losing' the gift.


Possibly jealousy?


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## Lurker 2 (Sep 2, 2011)

nitchik said:


> Possibly jealousy?


I did wonder if that might have been the problem. I had made the error once of being a little 'sniffy' at my sister in law's attempts at drawing- I was horrified that what she had chosen to copy was so juvenile. (bad taste juvenile- to my eye) and it may have shown on my face. Maybe it was 'pay back'. I had also committed another 'sin' by turning up to their engagement party 5 months pregnant (not showing at all) we had bonded I thought, but I let my brother know (I was not married) on the trip to catch my plane. Apparently that was an unforgiveable sin on my part. Then I ruined her wedding night unwittingly by having gastro-enteritis and having been lodged in the flat they mean't to stay in. My brother was furious- until he realised how very unwell I actually was , and that the ex was letting me do all the work to try and tidy up. Mwyffanwy my daughter was by then about 8 months old. Fortunately we were rescued by some Quaker people he knew and I had the week in bed I so desperately needed. Would never have occurred to the ex actually to pay for somewhere to stay, in any circumstances. In her view (the SIL) she had lots of reasons to dislike me.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

I would just buy one at Walmart and be done with it. This girl dose no know quality or care about it and (not to hurt your feeling)but really dose not what your hand made gifts. To bad your son dose not what to see his Mothers work on his child. Do not waist time on her. When the child is older and comes to visit you then you can give them things and they will want them and use them because their Grandma made them for them special.


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## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

In this fast moving world, what we think is new and clever might seem hopelessly out-of-date to someone who is currently involved in a sport, hobby, or other activity. Children can be especially touchy about what's currently "in" or "out", and they wouldn't be caught dead in the very thing that was popular a couple of months ago. Their parents have probably already been made painfully aware of their child's change of opinion; therefore, they know how a certain gift will be received (of course, they could be wrong) so they try to avoid another "scene" by withholding the gift. On the other hand, the child might have received the gift and ignored it. Whatever, some kind of thank you would still be in order from the parents or child. (Our generation was taught to send thank you notes but they might now seem dreadfully old fashioned to younger people; however, I believe they should express their gratitude in some form.) On the other hand, it does take a while to knit a gift, so it's wise to find out if it is still appropriate before investing one's time and effort (not to mention, expense of material, shipping, etc) before starting to knit a gift. If it's a current fad, it might be passe by the time it's finished.


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## rkr (Aug 15, 2012)

Elder Ellen said:


> In this fast moving world, what we think is new and clever might seem hopelessly out-of-date to someone who is currently involved in a sport, hobby, or other activity. Children can be especially touchy about what's currently "in" or "out", and they wouldn't be caught dead in the very thing that was popular a couple of months ago.


Exactly the point of the book I mentioned; (referring to the _'Luxe in Deluxe'_...) that today's textile industry has made it too easy and seem necessary to keep changing our wardrobes for what is currently in fashion, though this is an artificial atmosphere, no matter how swiftly these cycles recur.
We really should train ourselves to ignore this pressure, purchase or create Quality and stop buying replacements so often. 
That would be a Perfect World and I can't really see it happening w/o a catastrophe like a World War putting the brakes on manufacturing and our spending budgets but it would bring about a change, one way or another.
Bobbie R


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## sherimorphis (Oct 11, 2011)

scottishlass said:


> Sorry( rkr) I think an acknowledgement for this set woulds have been mannerly


It's absolutely beautiful!!! I think many times it's just jealousy, they don't have the time, they can't do it, immaturity is what it boils down to. Sheri


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## crochetknit Deb (Sep 18, 2012)

toto said:


> I gave my son and his wife a set of knit and crochet dish cloths. I was informed that she only used sponges but that she had given them to a friend as a shower gift. Think I learned my lesson? NO! when they had a baby 6 months ago I gave them three blankets with matching sweaters, hats,and booties. Two size 6 months the other 12 months. I am now visiting and I asked about them and was told that they were too small so she had put them up for next baby. I only stayed a week but took the sets back with me; she had not even opened the box. I informed my son I was taking them after all when she does have a new baby I doubt if she will even remember them. Am I a theif?
> Also in your opinion I would like to make her a doll when she turns one or two. Would you knit, crochet, or just sew one from cloth which to me would be easier since I will only hope she will give it to her.


No. She sounds like a piece of work. :roll:


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## BTRFLY (Mar 2, 2011)

I am so sorry you had to be hurt. Some people do not think how others will feel. I too would make things for your grandchildren, but keep them at your house for them to enjoy. It is a shame it has to be that way.


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## PauletteB. (Feb 7, 2012)

There are some people who never appreciate the love and time that goes into creating a gift. It is their lost I have met one person I mad a shawl for someone and over heard her conversation on hand made gifts. I have never given her another. Then there are a number of family members and friends I have who are always requesting me to make things for them. I would only make items for people who appreciate my crafts.


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## disgo (Mar 2, 2013)

rkr has made a very good point and should not consider herself the :evil: advocate :!:

Since the original department stores were created there was a quantum shift from hand made to machine made (sewing machine invention). RTW (ready to wear for those that have not been exposed to the industry) allowed the "lower" classes--which included the upper class like Mrs. Selfridge--access to garments they never had before. Exactly why you didn't see closets in the standard homes at the time--armoires, chests and trunks instead were used to store what few clothes one owned. The whole industry is based on disposable goods so that one is perpetually buying. That is how the Nordstrom brothers took their father's small hole in the wall Best Shoes and filled the niche that was created by Fredrick & Nelson (Marshall Fields) and I Magnums had created by sticking to their higher end lines, and created the chain that eventually over took the Frederick and Nelson store. Levi Strauss had no idea that the cheap denim he had to substitute for the fabric that was stolen in his round the Horn trip he made to set up shop in San Francisco during the gold rush would become a whole floor in modern day Selfridges! Also why I was in the last class of design school that learned couture since they went to manufacturing after that.

There has always been and will continue to be family issues over "handmade" articles and if you think you are going to suddenly change that then I have a boat that I rent out to float down a large river in Egypt :roll: . My father had mentioned when I was very young that he had never forgiven one of his SILs that took his mother's crocheted formal dining room tablecloth (evidently had a large grape cluster border). She used it for an everyday table cloth and burnt a big hole in the middle of it and tossed it out.

Thank yous have been "out of style" since the early '70s so what would people expect in '14 :?: My mother had quit sending money orders (long before gift cards were invented) to those grand children that didn't write thank you notes. They would send a letter asking if she had forgotten to include the money order instead :!: :roll: :thumbdown:


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## Sewbizgirl (May 11, 2011)

I guess I'm blessed in that my grown daughter knits and thinks my knitted sweaters and toys are the best. She and her husband don't have kids yet, but she told me when they do she wants them to have nothing but knitted toys to play with. 

Now who knows what my future daughters-in-law opinion of my knitted stuff might be! But the parents who appreciate the knit gifts are the ones whose children will get them.


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## Reet (Jun 8, 2011)

Since I last wrote my DiL has said she loves the jumper I am knitting for her son and would like to make him something herself (if I will help). So, maybe if we keep on we will start a whole new generation of knitters!!!


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## gailissa (Jan 13, 2013)

I would write your DIL off my list. Give your love gifts to your granddaughter yourself. I once gave a beautiful ( if I may say so myself) to my DIL. The next time we visited I noticed that the kids were out in the yard in the pool. Guess what they used as a blanket? It was so muddy I cried. Never again!!!


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## BE FREE (Aug 15, 2011)

Conversation is a good way to a better relationship.


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## Valkyrie (Feb 26, 2011)

Once you give a gift that item is no longer yours, so yes, you commited a theft but more importantly you created a sour note in your relationship.


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## BE FREE (Aug 15, 2011)

She told her son she was takimg the gift back . She is not a theif . Theives don't tell you they are taking anything .


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## sherimorphis (Oct 11, 2011)

BE FREE said:


> She told her son she was takimg the gift back . She is not a theif . Theives don't tell you they are taking anything .


".......................
I agree!


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

Valkyrie said:


> Once you give a gift that item is no longer yours, so yes, you commited a theft but more importantly you created a sour note in your relationship.


You may have told your son, but what about your DIL. I agree with Valkyrie here that your actions may have created some long term tension. That's never a good thing with the mother of your grandchildren, who has ultimate control of your visitation.

It's not about being a thief, as you put it. If she had handed it back to you, telling you that, sorry, she couldn't use it, that would be a different matter.

BUT ... where did you find the unopened and on used box of your gift? Did your son hand it over, did your DIL leave it on the bed in the guest room where you were staying, or did you find it in a drawer or a closet? I think how you obtained it may be one of the issues here.


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## SueJoyceTn (Aug 9, 2011)

I haven't read all the posts. I'm trying to catch up on my emails. Let me just say this... you are not alone in this situation. I wish I could give you some pearls of wisdom but there are none.


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## hands (Apr 28, 2014)

You definitely are NOT. How unappreciative they are. Of course you should take it back. You made me realize how lucky I am - my daughter and grandkids LOVE the knitted gifts I make them - especially felted slippers.


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## SueJoyceTn (Aug 9, 2011)

I'm not sure unappreciative is always the problem... some new mom's are "control" type people. I buy my granddaughter a christmas ornament each year, but it has to be within the color scheme my DIL uses to decorates her tree and I have to get her approval, unless she specifies before hand which one I can buy.


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## sherimorphis (Oct 11, 2011)

SueJoyceTn said:


> I'm not sure unappreciative is always the problem... some new mom's are "control" type people. I buy my granddaughter a christmas ornament each year, but it has to be within the color scheme my DIL uses to decorates her tree and I have to get her approval, unless she specifies before hand which one I can buy.


...............
Yes definitly control issue. That's hard! Sheri


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## MrsB88keys (Jan 15, 2014)

I agree...they're VERY controlling. And who's suffering? The grandparents but ESPECIALLY the grandchildren! What's wrong w/this picture??


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## hands (Apr 28, 2014)

You're right - it is very controlling!


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

I agree she is not a thief as the son made no attempt to stop her taking the item after she told him that she was.


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## Teri Wheeler (Aug 20, 2013)

What is it about the younger generation that they don't value handmade gifts given with so much love. Seems they want everything disposable!


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## SueJoyceTn (Aug 9, 2011)

I still hold to the "control" thing. Although I've been told in no uncertain terms to NOT make anything for my granddaughter, my DIL takes her to a friend's mom to be measured to have outfits sewn for my granddaughter. I've come to accept that it is what it is and I've recently found out that I will have another grandchild the end of this year (different DIL) so maybe better luck next time.


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## MrsB88keys (Jan 15, 2014)

SueJoyce....I agree about control thing! Same situation here. Good luck with your "new" grandchild. Unfortunately, I also have another dil, but no plans for kids in that story


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## Yakisquaw (Dec 1, 2011)

Jalsh said:


> Two years ago I was invited to 3 baby showers. The first one I knitted a Debbie Bliss pattern. I wanted to challenge myself and boy did I! It turned out darling. The Mom to be looked at it like it was an insult and tossed it to the side. Not a word of thanks.
> The second I knitted my niece the Baby Tree of Life. She first was looking at it upside down and said it was "creepy, maybe there are zombies in the trees" She actually gave it back to me stating that she would never use it and could I just give her money instead!
> The third one I knitted the Bernat Strawberry Cocoon. The Mom-to-be was absolutely thrilled and had her baby's first picture taken in it. Her and her mother and mil expressed interest in learning to knit and then when they found out what it is like they really appreciated the gift.
> So I guess ya never know.
> By the way, I was just a little insulted and hurt. I figured that I was invited, I did my part and whatever they thought or where the item ended up well, that's their business. Lesson learned=make the cocoon!


I cannot believe that someone would actually give you something back and tell you they wanted money instead! The nerve of some people! That makes me mad for you!


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## sherimorphis (Oct 11, 2011)

Yakisquaw said:


> I cannot believe that someone would actually give you something back and tell you they wanted money instead! The nerve of some people! That makes me mad for you!


..............................................
You did a really nice thing knitting for them. Two yarn "unworthy" people and you won't knit for either of them again. Sheri


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