# Unthinking Husband



## cyclendogs (Jun 26, 2017)

A few weeks ago, my husband said he was going to order his mother a scarf from Ireland. I said OK, without much thought to it, I presumed it was a nice linen scarf or something woven with the family crest on it. It arrives in the mail and it is a hand knit irish woolen scarf, and to top it off he ordered himself one as well. I could not believe it. I told him I could have knit that for her, not to mention how nice it would have been to knit some soft wool from Ireland. I have made things for his family before, and he sees me knitting almost every night. He said he didn't think I would have time. I am literally knitting coasters to give a Christmas present for other people, these could have easily been put aside for the time it would have taken me to knit his mother a scarf. I am just so mad at him right now.


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## impatient knitter (Oct 5, 2011)

Maybe he just didn't want to put that added pressure on you so late in the game ?? He might not have realized how long (or quickly ??) it takes you to knit up something -- is he that "into" your knitting ?? Don't stay angry with him for long. Not to lecture, but there are plenty of wives here that would give anything just to have one more day, night, or Christmas with their husbands who are now gone. When my partner does, or says something, that pisses me off, I give thanks that I still have a partner, when some do not. Try to be angry at what he said or did, and not at _him._ This, too, shall pass.


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## cindye6556 (Apr 6, 2011)

Be thankful he thought enough to take care of his mother's gift. Most husbands leave* ALL* the shopping to their wives. I know you're hurt, but look for the silver lining.


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## Joyce Martin (May 1, 2012)

Remember the estrogen, Men think ( don’t think) like we do Enjoyed your story.


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## casey1952 (Jul 8, 2011)

I think I would have been more angry that he didn't think to buy one for you.


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## pinkeyelash (Aug 13, 2015)

Maybe he just wanted to buy his Mum a gift. Just because you want to knit some Irish yarn, why should he have to supply it? A hand knitted scarf knitted by you would have been a gift from you not him.


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## Joyce Martin (May 1, 2012)

Remember the testosterone. Men don’t think like we do Enjoyed your story.


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

Men,for years I bought present for my Husbands family at Christmas,One year I told him he could do it,He spent a fortune,more than we could afford,and a lot more than they were able to pay,It was before I started working again,Went back to present buying meself,


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## cyclendogs (Jun 26, 2017)

I don't like to wear hats or scarves and rarely wear gloves, so he knows I would not wear one.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

I think he was thinking he was being thoughtful, by not requesting you drop everything to knit the scarf. You are wanting to give something homemade, from your heart, and he is trying to keep you from feeling more stress at this stressful time of year. I would let it go, you have all year to make her something else. In general, my observation is that men tend to address problems by throwing money at them, women tend to want to make something. I can only think of a small handful of times that my husband took care of his mom's Christmas gift, and I was grateful every single time.


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## Sukiesue (Aug 7, 2016)

Unfortunately men ARE from Venus, or was it Mars, definately some where far away! No offence to male knitters/crocheters as , obviously, they are a different breed! ????


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## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

Most men just do not think....unfortunately while it angers us it really isn’t worth the effort. Breath in a let and out a go. Why not order some beautiful yarn you want and knit a special shawl or whatever you have been wanting for yourself or someone special in the family.


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## BeadsbyBeadz (Dec 19, 2012)

impatient knitter said:


> Maybe he just didn't want to put that added pressure on you so late in the game ?? He might not have realized how long (or quickly ??) it takes you to knit up something -- is he that "into" your knitting ?? Don't stay angry with him for long. Not to lecture, but there are plenty of wives here that would give anything just to have one more day, night, or Christmas with their husbands who are now gone. When my partner does, or says something, that pisses me off, I give thanks that I still have a partner, when some do not. Try to be angry at what he said or did, and not at _him._ This, too, shall pass.


Amen! I can remember getting so mad at DH when he did something dumb. (You know....men, you can't live with 'em and you can't chain 'em out in the yard.) After Alzheimers and brain cancer, he died over 9 years ago. I'd give anything to hear him laugh again, enjoy a sunset together as we often did, fix a favorite dinner for him and the holidays are the lonliest time of the year. Men just don't think like we do and often when they verbalize why they did it, they make it worse. Buy yourself some lovely yarn and just smile about it.


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## nankat (Oct 17, 2012)

You could have asked, "What kind of scarf are you ordering?" or similar question for clarification.


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## arlo (Dec 27, 2012)

Aww!! He didn't intentionally mean to hurt you. He was just being thoughtful,as he didn't want to put any pressure on you, at this time. Arlene from New York


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

anyone who tries to say men and women are alike is a dope. We think differently, we act differently, we ARE different!


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## Sukiesue (Aug 7, 2016)

ginnyinnr said:


> anyone who tries to say men and women are alike is a dope. We think differently, we act differently, we ARE different!


Exactly, so what's with this gender fluidity, is the world going mad! ????


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## blissdragonfly (May 22, 2015)

I would have thanked him for being so kind to me. One less present for me to buy or make. Why be angry about it?


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## dragonfly7673 (May 13, 2014)

On the other hand... my dad used to promise that my mom would make things for other people (including a wedding dress one time) because he was so proud of her work but she HATED it, she didn't like that feeling of pressure and obligation. But she understood his intentions were good. (but she did finally get him to stop promising things) 

I'm sure your husband did this with best intentions, please don't stay mad at him for long.


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## simplyelizabeth (Sep 15, 2012)

casey1952 said:


> I think I would have been more angry that he didn't think to buy one for you.


Amen!


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## books (Jan 11, 2013)

He might have thought that you were too busy with Christmas preparations, and didn't want to add more to them.


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## Hudson (Mar 3, 2011)

DHs can be weird, can't they? Mine is 'unthinking' in other ways but has asked me in the past for baby blankets for his co-workers. I knit for his family anyway but not much needed for the Florida members.


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## sandyridge (Nov 15, 2014)

I feel like your anger is unjustified. His mom and his wallet. I don't think he thought he was doing anything offensive.


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

sandyridge said:


> I feel like your anger is unjustified. His mom and his wallet. I don't think he thought he was doing anything offensive.


I agree...she should be thankful he thought of his mother and ordered a gift for her. He probably does the same for her and she should thank her lucky stars she got a good man. 
Tuesday we dropped off donations to a local women's shelter for those who are not so lucky to be in her shoes.


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## chinook (Apr 25, 2015)

If this is all you have to be mad about, rejoice, and enjoy Christmas. ????


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

sandyridge said:


> I feel like your anger is unjustified. His mom and his wallet. I don't think he thought he was doing anything offensive.


Well, it did hurt her feelings and I'm not sure any of us can gauge how another should feel, or try to minimize another person's emotions. This would be a good time for the OP or any of us, really, to think about our relationships and expectations.


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## pepsiknittinmomma (Mar 14, 2011)

I understand you. Men think so differently than women. My husband told me my sewn ornaments were "child-like" then asked if they were for donating to the poor. I was on the verge of tears before he finally figured it out. Husband's say and do things that irritate us but I'm sure we do the same to them. You have the right to be mad but if you are like me you will get over it pretty quickly because you love him.


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## crafterwantabe (Feb 26, 2013)

cyclendogs said:


> A few weeks ago, my husband said he was going to order his mother a scarf from Ireland. I said OK, without much thought to it, I presumed it was a nice linen scarf or something woven with the family crest on it. It arrives in the mail and it is a hand knit irish woolen scarf, and to top it off he ordered himself one as well. I could not believe it. I told him I could have knit that for her, not to mention how nice it would have been to knit some soft wool from Ireland. I have made things for his family before, and he sees me knitting almost every night. He said he didn't think I would have time. I am literally knitting coasters to give a Christmas present for other people, these could have easily been put aside for the time it would have taken me to knit his mother a scarf. I am just so mad at him right now.


So sorry you hubby was thoughtless... sometimes they just don't think! Hugs....


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## Leaflet (Mar 1, 2016)

lainey_h said:


> Well, it did hurt her feelings and I'm not sure any of us can gauge how another should feel, or try to minimize another person's emotions. This would be a good time for the OP or any of us, really, to think about our relationships and expectations.


This is right. Feelings are never wrong. we can't help how we feel.


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## jvallas (Jul 16, 2013)

casey1952 said:


> I think I would have been more angry that he didn't think to buy one for you.


Ah, but maybe he did! A surprise for Christmas Day? :sm02:

I'm guessing he has no idea about Irish wool or Aran cables or that you could have made something so close to what he bought. He probably thinks the bought version is unique and couldn't be duplicated.


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## bakrmom (May 30, 2011)

Why is taking the time to buy HIS mother a gift thoughtless? Your ability to knit and his wanting to give his mom a special gift are two different things.


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## martyr (Feb 15, 2011)

lainey_h said:


> Well, it did hurt her feelings and I'm not sure any of us can gauge how another should feel, or try to minimize another person's emotions. This would be a good time for the OP or any of us, really, to think about our relationships and expectations.


I know it would help if all talked to each other more. When we do dear please help me not to start with "you always...., and to remember to say "would or could" and not "you should". Words do matter, and feelings. It's true men are from mars and women are from Venus. I found it a good book about men - but I don't think he knows women as well as he thinks he does, at least not me. :sm17:


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## SometimesaKnitter (Sep 4, 2011)

cyclendogs said:


> A few weeks ago, my husband said he was going to order his mother a scarf from Ireland. I said OK, without much thought to it, I presumed it was a nice linen scarf or something woven with the family crest on it. It arrives in the mail and it is a hand knit irish woolen scarf, and to top it off he ordered himself one as well. I could not believe it. I told him I could have knit that for her, not to mention how nice it would have been to knit some soft wool from Ireland. I have made things for his family before, and he sees me knitting almost every night. He said he didn't think I would have time. I am literally knitting coasters to give a Christmas present for other people, these could have easily been put aside for the time it would have taken me to knit his mother a scarf. I am just so mad at him right now.


My husband has been gone for ten years. It almost guts me to say that. I miss him as much today as I did when he first died. I would give anything to have grown old with him. He died at age 52. 
A few years ago we were all gathered for Christmas at my brothers house. My daughter and I were there along with all my siblings that live close enough to come. Some of my cousins and their spouses were there too. A cousin of mine was complaining about her husband. I thought of telling her to stop. To appreciate what she had that I no longer had. Then I realized that if Les had not died, I too would likely have joined in with her. 
My lesson in this is that I don't want to visit my misery on others for what I have lost. I have been like a lost puppy since Les' death. We met at age 16, married at 17, had our only daughter at age 18. We were married almost 35 years years when he died. I will never feel whole again. 
All I can say about your emotions about your husband over this incident is that I know you still love him. You two have worked out over the years in how to deal with each other. No one can know what your relationship is like. You do what you have always done, but try not to act in a way that you will regret. 
I can tell you from experience that regret is the worst emotion you can have. I don't want to tell you how to conduct yourself inside your own marriage. That is between the two of you. 
The only thing I know for a fact is that open, honest, not hurtful, communication is the bedrock of a happy relationship, whether that relationship is with your husband, children, siblings, etc........
Bless you, live your life.


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## BeadsbyBeadz (Dec 19, 2012)

SometimesaKnitter said:


> My husband has been gone for ten years. It almost guts me to say that. I miss him as much today as I did when he first died. I would give anything to have grown old with him. He died at age 52.
> A few years ago we were all gathered for Christmas at my brothers house. My daughter and I were there along with all my siblings that live close enough to come. Some of my cousins and their spouses were there too. A cousin of mine was complaining about her husband. I thought of telling her to stop. To appreciate what she had that I no longer had. Then I realized that if Les had not died, I too would likely have joined in with her.
> My lesson in this is that I don't want to visit my misery on others for what I have lost. I have been like a lost puppy since Les' death. We met at age 16, married at 17, had our only daughter at age 18. We were married almost 35 years years when he died. I will never feel whole again.
> All I can say about your emotions about your husband over this incident is that I know you still love him. You two have worked out over the years in how to deal with each other. No one can know what your relationship is like. You do what you have always done, but try not to act in a way that you will regret.
> ...


You are so much nicer than I am. I would see older couples in the store and smile when they were holding hands and thought how sweet that was. I've even said how great it was to see them holding hands and they would just smile and speak to me! And then there was a man just being so hateful to his wife who was in a wheelchair. She'd paused to look at something and her eyes were just sparkling, enjoying herself so much - it was my impression she didn't get to go to stores often from the way she acted and was wanting him to look at things with her. He was just being mean. I can't keep quiet - I told him I'd lost my husband and would give anything to be with him no matter where we were and that his wife was enjoying shopping. He turned around and glared at me and asked, "Do I know you?" I told him no but I could see how happy she was shopping, etc. He stomped off and she didn't say a word. He came back a couple of minutes later and said very nicely to her, "I'm going to be over there by the chairs sitting down when you're done (or words to that effect). I just smiled to myself. You don't know what you've lost until you lose it......but he thought it over and 'got' it and I was glad I spoke up.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

BeadsbyBeadz said:


> You are so much nicer than I am. I would see older couples in the store and smile when they were holding hands and thought how sweet that was. I've even said how great it was to see them holding hands and they would just smile and speak to me! And then there was a man just being so hateful to his wife who was in a wheelchair. She'd paused to look at something and her eyes were just sparkling, enjoying herself so much - it was my impression she didn't get to go to stores often from the way she acted and was wanting him to look at things with her. He was just being mean. I can't keep quiet - I told him I'd lost my husband and would give anything to be with him no matter where we were and that his wife was enjoying shopping. He turned around and glared at me and asked, "Do I know you?" I told him no but I could see how happy she was shopping, etc. He stomped off and she didn't say a word. He came back a couple of minutes later and said very nicely to her, "I'm going to be over there by the chairs sitting down when you're done (or words to that effect). I just smiled to myself. You don't know what you've lost until you lose it......but he thought it over and 'got' it and I was glad I spoke up.


 :sm01: :sm01: :sm01:


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## Dcsmith77 (Apr 18, 2011)

casey1952 said:


> I think I would have been more angry that he didn't think to buy one for you.


Suppose he thought she could make her own???

Be forgiving, men just don't get it. I'm sure it wasn't personal. My DH often asks me if I am finished when I only started a project the day before! He has seen me knit ever since 1973 and still doesn't know how I work! But he's mine and I love him anyway.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

Dcsmith77 said:


> Suppose he thought she could make her own???
> 
> Be forgiving, men just don't get it. I'm sure it wasn't personal. My DH often asks me if I am finished when I only started a project the day before! He has seen me knit ever since 1973 and still doesn't know how I work! But he's mine and I love him anyway.


They don't get it, do they? Unless they also knit. I've been knitting a big cable blanket for well over a year, it's an off and on again thing, and my husband looked at it and said, 'That's quite a sweater!' :sm17:


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## peanutpatty (Oct 14, 2012)

I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you. The gift was from him for his mother and if you had made one it would have been from you.

My DH always left all the gift shopping to me and then the day before Christmas would go out and spend more on my gift than I was able to spend on everything else. It sometimes infuriated me, but that's just the way he was and I would give anything to have him back doing the same again.

Be thankful for what you have.


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## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

I personally think you have a very caring husband and the fact that he ordered the scarves to save you from knitting them when you are busy knitting other items. I would treasure him, not be mad at him.


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## PhoneGal (Dec 12, 2016)

I'm still trying to figure out what he did that was wrong? That he didn't put YOU to knitting it up? Gee! it's from Ireland, it's special. I'd be glad he did it. My husband leaves all the gift-buying (and giving.. ) to me.


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## jmcret05 (Oct 24, 2011)

Take some solace in knowing that his mother will feel great that her son didn't pass off the 'job' to you. Mothers know that wives do most of the card/letter writing, telephone call prodding, and gift selections and it will be special to her that he did this on his own. You have him all the time, she doesn't. And, order yourself some Irish wool and charge it to him.


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

We all are offended throughout our lives. Perhaps what she felt was that he didn't think she would make something fancy enough for his mother. Who knows. Some days when we are over tired or have problems that beset us so frequently in life, we react in a way that doesn't fit the issue. If we were all so perfect that we never did anything wrong, we'd never have regrets. But we are humans and from the beginning of time human beings have not beet perfect. The bible tells us many stories of imperfection. 

As a couple, we learn from each other, and as a couple we are not perfect in our actions toward each other. I am afraid I would not be able to live every day being so careful of my words, just in case my husband died the next. And when he does pass, or I pass first, I am sure those moments of momentary anger between us as couple would not be the memories we'd each have.


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## pepsiknittinmomma (Mar 14, 2011)

ginnyinnr said:


> We all are offended throughout our lives. Perhaps what she felt was that he didn't think she would make something fancy enough for his mother. Who knows. Some days when we are over tired or have problems that beset us so frequently in life, we react in a way that doesn't fit the issue. If we were all so perfect that we never did anything wrong, we'd never have regrets. But we are humans and from the beginning of time human beings have not beet perfect. The bible tells us many stories of imperfection.
> 
> As a couple, we learn from each other, and as a couple we are not perfect in our actions toward each other. I am afraid I would not be able to live every day being so careful of my words, just in case my husband died the next. And when he does pass, or I pass first, I am sure those moments of momentary anger between us as couple would not be the memories we'd each have.


Well said.


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## Leaflet (Mar 1, 2016)

well, you can look at it this way. At least he knows the value of a hand knitted item. He didn't choose jewelry or perfume. He knows this because he's seen your work. He must appreciate it. As someone said, this is a gift from him, not from you. However, would you have been happier if he had spoke to you about it before? Asked your opinion, and if you could make one or would you rather he purchase for his mother? The fact that he chose a knitted item for his mother says something about you.


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

How thoughtful of your husband....there are too many husbands that don't even care to think of others!


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## WendyMargaret (Sep 10, 2014)

Take heart. He just isn't able to think like a woman. But he did take over the chore of finding a gift for mum. That is a definite plus.
Personally. I would like to give him a slap on the side of his head.


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## meggielynne (Dec 14, 2017)

The fact that it is not only Irish wool, but made in Ireland may be special to one or both of him and his mom. Even if there is no family connection, it still gives it significance. People by handmade gifts and craft fairs all the time and people love how special it is and the care that went into both the making and purchasing of the gift even if the giver (or family member) didn't make it themselves. My dad and my husband make wine and beer. That doesn't make a bottle of wine from France or Portugal or anywhere less special.


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## Granny2005 (Feb 20, 2014)

Men!! Sometimes I'd like to take a bat to mine but I guess that wouldn't help him think.????


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## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

Men do not think the same as we do....if my hubby did that it would make me think "my work wasn't good enough" but that's just me

On the other hand I would be glad he chose something so special for his mum


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## Knitanddance (May 5, 2017)

I think she just needed to vent. If my husband was a skilled craftsman at furniture making but I bought the same kind of furniture as a gift for my mother, I think I might understand if he was offended. Maybe she gets her identity from being a skilled knitter. My husband drives me crazy at times and I sometimes think it would be nice to just live alone. Now that he's starting to have health problems, I realize how much I would miss him if he dies before me.


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## Knitanddance (May 5, 2017)

Granny2005 said:


> Men!! Sometimes I'd like to take a bat to mine but I guess that wouldn't help him think.????


That's funny!


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

I'd be happy if DH would even think about gifts, let alone order them! He leaves it all up to me.


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## Londonlady (Aug 22, 2017)

I think by the time you have read all the replies from KP members you will realise it wasn't such a big deal and as others have said you are lucky to still have him although husbands can be a pain at times. May be the real reason you are angry is because by buying the scarves and not asking you to knit them seemed like a 'slight' on your knitting but I am sure that was not the reason and purely that he wanted to choose something himself. It wouldn't have bothered me as I knitted a very long Irish tweed scarf for my daughter's partner a couple of years ago and I thought never again, it bored me to tears in the end.


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## mopa2282 (May 12, 2011)

That’s men for you,ha


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

Don't be mad at him. He was being thoughtful to his mother. It was a gift from him, not one that you had to make. There will be lots of knitting opportunities in 2018.


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## laurelarts (Jul 31, 2011)

books said:


> He might have thought that you were too busy with Christmas preparations, and didn't want to add more to them.


This is how I would view it.


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## Shylinn (Mar 19, 2014)

He was trying to be thoughtful. Now YOU be thoughtful and tell him that what you really want for Christmas is some soft Irish wool and specify the color!


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## justanoldgirl (Feb 18, 2015)

As far as my husband is concerned, Christmas just happens. Apart from buying me a gift I do all the buying and planning. I have had to plead with him not to buy me clothing because his taste is sometimes in his boots. I know that it is the thought that counts but when you can’t return something, it is a complete waste of money.


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## gmomgil (Feb 11, 2015)

Some times around the holidays we get very touchy about things that we normally wouldn't think twice about. Let it go. I think your DH was trying to be thoughtful. Take it for what it is and give him a nice hug and kiss. Wish I could do the same.


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## barbaralbb2119 (Sep 18, 2015)

arlo said:


> Aww!! He didn't intentionally mean to hurt you. He was just being thoughtful,as he didn't want to put any pressure on you, at this time. Arlene from New York


That was my first thought, too. Even after 49 years, I am surprised by choices my husband makes....???? They are often beyond comprehension but not ever meant to hurt or demean. I know he loves & respects me. He's told me he hates to impose by asking me to make make something on a deadline.... 'cause sometimes I show a just a teensy bit of stress.????


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## kathleenTC (Mar 14, 2011)

Now he should know to buy you some yarn from Ireland for Christmas!!!


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## Janallyn (Feb 16, 2016)

I would love to have an Irish knit something, I knit, but it would be fun to have something from far away. My husband asks me why I don't knit myself a sweater intead of buying one at a thrift store. Well 3 bucks vs 150 bucks, and in Florida I'd wear it maybe 5 times a year. I think your husband just bought it, them because they were beautiful. Not out of disrespect.


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## windowwonde28941 (Mar 9, 2011)

I would not have a problem with that .
Do not stress for small stuff .
After all is his family let it be and enjoy you Xmas


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## aknitter (Jan 25, 2011)

Men! Sheesh! You can't live with them and you can't kill them. I don't think he meant to be mean as much as he tried to be helpful. Men just think a little sideways sometimes.


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## patocenizo (Jun 24, 2011)

Why not look at it on the positive side and think that maybe he could see how busy you were making other things so he did not put pressure on you. You do say that you did not give it much thought so perhaps he was waiting for you to say that you would make it, but you did not. How about if for Valentine's day you make both of them another scarf, are they of Irish descent? Make them green scarfs that can be worn for St. Pat's but make it a surprise.


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

Count your blessings that you have a thoughtful husband...He was thinking of you not putting extra work on your hands. Loosen up and forgive him it's trivial...


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## knottsend (Mar 21, 2012)

impatient knitter said:


> Maybe he just didn't want to put that added pressure on you so late in the game ?? He might not have realized how long (or quickly ??) it takes you to knit up something -- is he that "into" your knitting ?? Don't stay angry with him for long. Not to lecture, but there are plenty of wives here that would give anything just to have one more day, night, or Christmas with their husbands who are now gone. When my partner does, or says something, that pisses me off, I give thanks that I still have a partner, when some do not. Try to be angry at what he said or did, and not at _him._ This, too, shall pass.


 I"m going to (try) to REMEMBER your great advice while I too (still) have and still love my partner ! Thanks a bunch !!


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## mahalo (Jun 25, 2013)

What, and no yarn for you?


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## Metrogal (Mar 15, 2011)

I see absolutely no reason in the world to be angry. He wanted to buy something for his mom, and him, without adding pressure to you. One less thing for you to do.


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## alexdoc (Feb 11, 2016)

I wish my guy was still alive to annoy me.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

impatient knitter said:


> Maybe he just didn't want to put that added pressure on you so late in the game ?? He might not have realized how long (or quickly ??) it takes you to knit up something -- is he that "into" your knitting ?? Don't stay angry with him for long. Not to lecture, but there are plenty of wives here that would give anything just to have one more day, night, or Christmas with their husbands who are now gone. When my partner does, or says something, that pisses me off, I give thanks that I still have a partner, when some do not. Try to be angry at what he said or did, and not at _him._ This, too, shall pass.


I still miss my hubby, now gone for 30 years! He always admired my needle work. May I be so bold as to tell you to get off the ego train. All of us have one. Apologize and and thank him for thinking of you...do it NOW!


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

ginnyinnr said:


> anyone who tries to say men and women are alike is a dope. We think differently, we act differently, we ARE different!


YES! YES! YES! Life would be boring otherwise.


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## rwethairyet (Feb 7, 2017)

I have the husband that leaves me with the gift giving,lol,physically And Financially. And if he did request that I Knit Something, Hed Give Me 2 Days Notice.. So whether it was thoughtfulness or thoughtlessnesson his part, I don't think I'd be complaining. Lol


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## klh1016 (Oct 20, 2017)

Oh men! Remember it's the thought that counts! He was trying to remove any burden from you. He knows you're busy love...gently take him aside after Christmas and gently explain to him what you told us.


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## joycevv (Oct 13, 2011)

I’d be incredulous if my husband did that! At least your husband appreciates knitted items.


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## Torticollus (Dec 3, 2011)

My first husband died at age 45. Like many others have said, life is way too short to quibble over things that are not life and death.


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

None of us who follow this train of thought have no idea what he was thinking, their relationship, her relationship with his mother.
My husband keeps picking up robo calls on the land line. Do I understand that? I talk about it, he talks about it, I ask why, and he is still picking them up all the while sitting right behind me on his computer. Men and women do not think alike a lot of the time!


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Okay gals! Always another from me and this will shock you, I hope. Please be thankful you still have a hubby with all his warts. I am one who had a knock at my door and greeted a policeman! He informed me that a drunk driver had killed my husband! Trust me, you never want to go thru that! Thank God you have him every day. A month ago my friend came out of the kitchen and her husband had quietly died sitting in his favorite chair. You can never prepare yourself, enjoy him every day that you have him..for better or worse. Remember?


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## hobbyknit (Jun 23, 2013)

Anyone care for a used husband? free shipping!


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

AHH give him a GET OUT OF JAIL CARD.
He was thinking of his Mom at that moment. 
Let it go.
Perhaps had he ordered a few skeins of yarn for you at the same time things would have gone better for him.


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## GA Gal (Feb 26, 2013)

Maybe DH could order up some Irish yarn for you to knit yourself a scarf?... If you try to "understand" a male (dear Hubby) you just might have your head explode before you understand half of why they do what they do. Love them and forgive them - life is no fun without them...


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## Leonne (Jun 4, 2011)

A little communication might have helped. Please,don't stay miffed with him, he meant well. Teach him how to communicate his thoughts and he will do better in the future. After teaching my hubby for 59 years, he's finally got it right! Don't give up.


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## Pocahontas (Apr 15, 2011)

cyclendogs said:


> A few weeks ago, my husband said he was going to order his mother a scarf from Ireland. I said OK, without much thought to it, I presumed it was a nice linen scarf or something woven with the family crest on it. It arrives in the mail and it is a hand knit irish woolen scarf, and to top it off he ordered himself one as well. I could not believe it. I told him I could have knit that for her, not to mention how nice it would have been to knit some soft wool from Ireland. I have made things for his family before, and he sees me knitting almost every night. He said he didn't think I would have time. I am literally knitting coasters to give a Christmas present for other people, these could have easily been put aside for the time it would have taken me to knit his mother a scarf. I am just so mad at him right now.


I'm just wondering why you are "so mad at him". Your hubby told you a few weeks ago that he was going to order the scarf and you said "ok". Now you're angry because it is a hand knit Irish woolen scarf ...and he got one for himself. Is this out of the norm for him, to buy his mom a gift? Did she ask for the scarf?...was he just trying to fulfill her request? Maybe he purchased one for you as well, for a Christmas gift.
It's easy for our feelings to get the best of us, especially during the holidays. Hopefully by now, you have a new perspective, have forgiven him and are able to let the joy of Christmas give you peace.


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## Frosch (Feb 5, 2014)

Maybe he just tried to be mindful of your time and thought it was too close to Christmas. Forgive him.


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## MrsMurdog (Apr 16, 2013)

How fortunate you are to have a husband that values your free time and does not take advantage of your crafting time to fill his own orders.


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## mamanacy (Dec 16, 2013)

That's right ladies---just make excuses for him. Regardless, he was very thoughtless. At the least he could have ordered you some yarn or a scarf too. I have been married 44 years to a man that has never given me a Christmas/birthday/anniversary gift or flowers. He will say "If you want something just go buy it". This makes me so damn mad, sad, depressed. He will give me a card on our anniversary and for my birthday. And if we go out to dinner it is because I insist on it. And as he ages, he gets worse. BUT I still love him, and know that this is the way he is. Does it make me happy? NO. But he does so much for me around the house as I can't do much these days and that is definitely a plus. I just count my blessings and try to overlook the other stuff.


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## TNS (Nov 27, 2012)

When I was first home with our new baby (many years ago) my dear hubby thought he’d help by doing the washing, and put my favourite, delicate and very shrinkable cardigan in the regular wash. I don’t remember exactly what I said but it was one of those occasions when I was feeling both grateful for his “help” but mad as **** that my cardi was ruined. I hope you can gently tell your DH why you are upset and then let him tell you why he did what he did. May Peace reign!


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## NonzNitZen (May 9, 2015)

He's just jealous that HE CAN'T KNIT! HaHaHa!!!


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## Sumacsew (Sep 17, 2012)

It's really a backhanded compliment, that he thinks what you do is so lovely that it is a perfect gift for his mom. But he didn't want to suggest it, maybe he's trying to let his mom know that he has picked out the gift, and it isn't just from you. So--next year, pull out the catalogs early, and say, help me pick out the perfect gift for your mom!! He can pick yarn/color/item, and you can enjoy making it!


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Don't get your shorts in a twist over this. At least he remembers to get gifts and dose the shopping for himself. He could be a lost worse then that and many are.


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## Susan Marie (Jul 26, 2013)

I think the people who said "men don't think" are right. At least you didn't have the pressure to get something else done before Christmas.


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## yotbum (Sep 8, 2011)

If it helps any, I'm mad at him too.


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## Amyah (Oct 17, 2017)

Loool... like I say to my friend... the problem with men is that they think.  well, without being nasty, it seems that their thinking path is really not like a woman's one. My friend is doing the same too... showing my ugly commercial scarves or hat while I knit him (and others) nice stuff... go figure! Lots of huge sighs


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

cyclendogs said:


> A few weeks ago, my husband said he was going to order his mother a scarf from Ireland. I said OK, without much thought to it, I presumed it was a nice linen scarf or something woven with the family crest on it. It arrives in the mail and it is a hand knit irish woolen scarf, and to top it off he ordered himself one as well. I could not believe it. I told him I could have knit that for her, not to mention how nice it would have been to knit some soft wool from Ireland. I have made things for his family before, and he sees me knitting almost every night. He said he didn't think I would have time. I am literally knitting coasters to give a Christmas present for other people, these could have easily been put aside for the time it would have taken me to knit his mother a scarf. I am just so mad at him right now.


Take a deep breath and knit your coasters. Like Cindye6556 says some husbands don't do any shopping and we are expected to do it all. I have one who would not even call his Mom but I had to, like it was my job. :sm16:


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## bettyirene (Apr 5, 2012)

Unthinking husband.....I have one of those also.


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## Lolly12 (Oct 10, 2012)

If it were me I wouldn't be angry, I don't think he did it to upset you. If the scarves were handmade in Ireland maybe he thought that is what his mother would enjoy.


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## BlueBerry36 (Mar 10, 2016)

My husband use to buy individual gift for the kids.. But eventually I got over it, but I wish he were here now ten years now an still miss him.. Use drive me crazy. An he would snicker..


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

I can tell you love him or this would not have bothered you! If we don't care, we just don't care! And we all have a right to our own emotions, regardless of how others tag us.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

Susan Marie said:


> I think the people who said "men don't think" are right. At least you didn't have the pressure to get something else done before Christmas.


I think men think, they sometimes get a bad wrap the first time around and then keep their thinking to themselves! I do agree they think differently about different situations, sometimes they are just way more practical. IMHO.


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## wlk4fun647 (Apr 17, 2011)

Yes, I would be mad at him for a while, but at least he thought of getting his mom a gift (although he could have at least had you knit one for him, as it wasn't a present)... My hubby asked me if I had gotten myself something for Christmas... like, did you do the deed for me?
This is a man who has no family or friends in town, so no need to shop...
Of course, I fooled him and got myself SEVERAL gifts, and all from HIM!!!


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## SometimesaKnitter (Sep 4, 2011)

wlk4fun647 said:


> Yes, I would be mad at him for a while, but at least he thought of getting his mom a gift (although he could have at least had you knit one for him, as it wasn't a present)... My hubby asked me if I had gotten myself something for Christmas... like, did you do the deed for me?
> This is a man who has no family or friends in town, so no need to shop...
> Of course, I fooled him and got myself SEVERAL gifts, and all from HIM!!!


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:

My husband always sent my daughter out for my presents. Then he decided to not even bother with that!
It is hard to always appreciate someone while they are still around.


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## nanamags (Jan 19, 2017)

Somehow I don't think this poor husband could do right for doing wrong.

He told you weeks ago he was going to buy for his Mum, that would have been the chance for you to have asked and offered to do something, you could have convinced him you had the time.

He decided to buy for himself and his Mum and not you because he knew you didnt wear that sort of thing (according to a later post)
If he had bought yarn I bet it wouldn't have been the wrong colour or something.

This is all so petty, I get so annoyed when I read posts that rubbish husbands, men and women are made different, thats the way God made us. 
Your anger toward you hubby (who thought he was doing a good thing) is destroying your happiness no one else. get over it .

Like I have printed at the bottom of my posts
Spend time counting your blessings, not airing your complaints.


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## wlk4fun647 (Apr 17, 2011)

I appreciate my hubby for his good qualities, and Thank God! he's "still around"... but gift buying is NOT one of his, but making the money for the gifts is... so you win some, you lose some. At least I LOVED the gifts he paid for, for me. :sm23: :sm24:


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## danywb (Jun 6, 2017)

Let him know it would have made you happier if he had spent the money on some nice yarn you could have knit into loving beautiful gifts. My husband said something once about my knitting which showed me he had no understanding at all. Once I clarified it a bit for him, he started asking for things for himself, and appreciated them more than anyone else I knit for.


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## bakrmom (May 30, 2011)

nanamags said:


> Somehow I don't think this poor husband could do right for doing wrong.
> 
> He told you weeks ago he was going to buy for his Mum, that would have been the chance for you to have asked and offered to do something, you could have convinced him you had the time.
> 
> ...


Thank you! finally someone with sense!


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## cathysmith97 (Jul 3, 2013)

That is the kind of thing my husband would have done. However, it would not have been
intended to be mean. It is the way they think.


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## pretzelzy (Jan 9, 2015)

wow! Almost every response (I would assume mostly women) to this unthinking husband was to make an excuse for him! Women have to stop doing that. I don't think I've ever seen a man make an excuse for a woman...rather, they turn it into a typical male joke - you know the ball and chain jokes and the mother in law jokes, etc.
Plain and simple, I see it as a slight to 'impatient knitter' and her knitting talent. At the very least, he could have extended the courtesy to his wife to ASK her or discuss it with her before his thoughtless behavior.


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## judyb9 (Feb 28, 2017)

Why can't his mother have 2 scarves?


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## Myrle (Mar 15, 2012)

Joyce Martin said:


> Remember the estrogen, Men think ( don't think) like we do Enjoyed your story.


Oh so right - guess he was saving you the trouble. Weird way of thinking but that's men. At least he bought his mother something, and did not make it your responsibility.

We all have probs with our hubbies way of thinking, but you have my sympathy it can make you very mad at times.


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## jangmb (Oct 27, 2011)

ginnyinnr said:


> anyone who tries to say men and women are alike is a dope. We think differently, we act differently, we ARE different!


I totally agree.
:sm09:


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## elly69 (May 3, 2013)

alexdoc said:


> I wish my guy was still alive to annoy me.


and mine to annoy me


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## edithcarolf (Aug 25, 2012)

cyclendogs said:


> A few weeks ago, my husband said he was going to order his mother a scarf from Ireland. I said OK, without much thought to it, I presumed it was a nice linen scarf or something woven with the family crest on it. It arrives in the mail and it is a hand knit irish woolen scarf, and to top it off he ordered himself one as well. I could not believe it. I told him I could have knit that for her, not to mention how nice it would have been to knit some soft wool from Ireland. I have made things for his family before, and he sees me knitting almost every night. He said he didn't think I would have time. I am literally knitting coasters to give a Christmas present for other people, these could have easily been put aside for the time it would have taken me to knit his mother a scarf. I am just so mad at him right now.


Maybe part of what makes the scarf so special is that it was made in Ireland. That would make it extra special to me. The fact that he put so much effort into his gift would make any mother proud. Don't be disappointed that he didn't get one for you. He sounds like a thoughtful man. Your gift will most likely be a surprise. He sounds like a keeper to me. This Christmas will be my first without my dear husband.


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## pretzelzy (Jan 9, 2015)

He IS very thoughtful...to his MOTHER! Obviously all the arguments defending him don't apply when it comes to his mom. Now he has a wife...and he has shown his thoughtfulness. He needs only to turn it around and direct it at his wife.
(Don't know what this thing is that men have with their moms)


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## pretzelzy (Jan 9, 2015)

He IS very thoughtful...to his MOTHER! Obviously all the arguments defending him don't apply when it comes to his mom. Now he has a wife...and he has shown his thoughtfulness. He needs only to turn it around and direct it at his wife.
(Don't know what this thing is that men have with their moms)


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## Shylinn (Mar 19, 2014)

pretzelzy said:


> wow! Almost every response (I would assume mostly women) to this unthinking husband was to make an excuse for him! Women have to stop doing that. I don't think I've ever seen a man make an excuse for a woman...rather, they turn it into a typical male joke - you know the ball and chain jokes and the mother in law jokes, etc.
> Plain and simple, I see it as a slight to 'impatient knitter' and her knitting talent. At the very least, he could have extended the courtesy to his wife to ASK her or discuss it with her before his thoughtless behavior.


He DID ask her. He even specified that he was getting a scarf and she said ok. Read the original post again before bashing all those poor husbands.


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## Shylinn (Mar 19, 2014)

pretzelzy said:


> He IS very thoughtful...to his MOTHER! Obviously all the arguments defending him don't apply when it comes to his mom. Now he has a wife...and he has shown his thoughtfulness. He needs only to turn it around and direct it at his wife.
> (Don't know what this thing is that men have with their moms)


WOW - do you know this guy? Sounds kinda personal.


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## pretzelzy (Jan 9, 2015)

LOL. No - don't know him.
I have worked hard to have my marriage be one of mutual (key word there!) trust and respect. We take nothing of each other for granted and talk things out - to each other in honesty. It dismays me to see cyclendog be hurt but yet not turn to her husband and communicate. She needs that rather than hearing excuses for his actions. I'm sure he was not being malicious.
And certainly, once a man marries, his new primary family is his wife and himself. Yes, the mother IS important but should never come before the wife.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

pretzelzy said:


> He IS very thoughtful...to his MOTHER! Obviously all the arguments defending him don't apply when it comes to his mom. Now he has a wife...and he has shown his thoughtfulness. He needs only to turn it around and direct it at his wife.
> (Don't know what this thing is that men have with their moms)


There are grown men mommies boys and then there are those that love and respect the woman who gave them life and reason. Our boys' wives come first to them but I am never forgotten or left on the shelf. I try to make sure the DILs always come first unless it is a private thing between DS and I. We have a history, that is not erased because they have a wife. That would be heartbreaking.


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## meggielynne (Dec 14, 2017)

I agree.(with shylinn. Didn't hit quote reply) I don't see what him buying a knitted scarf even has to do with the fact that she knits. Can no one in the family own anything knit she hasn't personally made now? If he did leather work, would she not be able to buy herself (or anyone else as a gift) a leather purse? Can the spouses of singers no longer go watch any other singer perform, or listen to any other music? She knits, he bought a scarf. Unless there was some kind of agreement broken that she would knit things instead of them buying knit things, it's just fact and unrelated fact. There's nothing to be thoughtless about. I crocheted all the gifts for both our families this year and I wouldn't be the least bit offended if my husband went and bought himself a crocheted hat/whatever tomorrow, and he knows I'm working on one for him right now.


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## SometimesaKnitter (Sep 4, 2011)

cyclendogs said:


> A few weeks ago, my husband said he was going to order his mother a scarf from Ireland. I said OK, without much thought to it, I presumed it was a nice linen scarf or something woven with the family crest on it. It arrives in the mail and it is a hand knit irish woolen scarf, and to top it off he ordered himself one as well. I could not believe it. I told him I could have knit that for her, not to mention how nice it would have been to knit some soft wool from Ireland. I have made things for his family before, and he sees me knitting almost every night. He said he didn't think I would have time. I am literally knitting coasters to give a Christmas present for other people, these could have easily been put aside for the time it would have taken me to knit his mother a scarf. I am just so mad at him right now.


I support your feelings. They are YOUR feelings and you don't need to defend them to anyone (except, possibly, your spouse). You feel the way you feel at that moment and you wrote in. Your feelings about this incident can and probably do evolve over time. I know mine have. 
There have been times that I have felt so surprised and been blindsided that a physical slap would not have been more unexpected. I hope that you take our support to heart and let the rest go.


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## HandyFamily (Sep 30, 2011)

Oh, well. That's what communication is for... he should have asked.
But than, non-knitters are like that - hm, not very smart... *greensmile*


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

I agree I don't think your husband would have bought the gifts to be nasty to you. It would have been to save you from stressing out. Thank God we still have our men, no matter how annoying they can be. I love my husband and drs order to give up smoking. I am helping him by cutting his cigarettes by 1 cigarette every fortnight, we are down to eight from tomorrow. I am helping him because I do not want to lose him. To all those women out there who have lost their husbands, God bless you and be with you. I can't imagine what it would be without your husbands. My thoughts are with you no matter how many years you have been without them.


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## Tashi (Aug 12, 2011)

I think it is rather thoughtful of him if his thinking was not to pressure you. Next time he may request two sweaters.
Dont be mad as his heart may be in the right place toward you. Just my humble opinion. I decided to give a colleague of my husband's some chocolates for a small favour he did for me. My husband said, no, I promised him you would knit him anything he wanted. He wants a hat, but in blackkkkkkkkk! Yikes.
Regards
Tashi


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## Shylinn (Mar 19, 2014)

HandyFamily said:


> Oh, well. That's what communication is for... he should have asked.
> But than, non-knitters are like that - hm, not very smart... *greensmile*


He DID ask! He even told her he was going to get a scarf....re read the original post.


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## hobbyknit (Jun 23, 2013)

Wow! have we got the same husband? I can ditto that. Every word, we haven't been anywhere for 15 years it's like groundhog day every day.


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## theatermarye (Feb 8, 2017)

LOL. Every time DH does something (and it seldom if ever happens) that might be worth getting aggravated about I stop and say to myself “... well he doesn’t drink, smoke, swear, gamble, play golf or run around with wild women ... I’ve got nothing to be upset about!!” Then I get over it and I count my blessings — every day.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

theatermarye said:


> LOL. Every time DH does something (and it seldom if ever happens) that might be worth getting aggravated about I stop and say to myself "... well he doesn't drink, smoke, swear, gamble, play golf or run around with wild women ... I've got nothing to be upset about!!" Then I get over it and I count my blessings - every day.


My feelings exactly. I wish the OP would come back and say what she thinks of all the comments. It's rude not to.


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

Well, I say, lets all go and ambush the husband and grill him for hours. Then it will be clear what he was thinking.


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## Tashi (Aug 12, 2011)

ginnyinnr said:


> Well, I say, lets all go and ambush the husband and grill him for hours. Then it will be clear what he was thinking.


Haha. Poor guy, all he did was buy a present.


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## tygereye (Sep 1, 2016)

impatient knitter said:


> Maybe he just didn't want to put that added pressure on you so late in the game ?? He might not have realized how long (or quickly ??) it takes you to knit up something -- is he that "into" your knitting ?? Don't stay angry with him for long. Not to lecture, but there are plenty of wives here that would give anything just to have one more day, night, or Christmas with their husbands who are now gone. When my partner does, or says something, that pisses me off, I give thanks that I still have a partner, when some do not. Try to be angry at what he said or did, and not at _him._ This, too, shall pass.


Near 42 years into I love this.. is he into the knitting? nope but he did ask what the squishy mail was that yes on Sunday was just delivered would make! Bernat Satin to try and see if I like it most likely a short sleeved top down cardigan.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

theatermarye said:


> LOL. Every time DH does something (and it seldom if ever happens) that might be worth getting aggravated about I stop and say to myself "... well he doesn't drink, smoke, swear, gamble, play golf or run around with wild women ... I've got nothing to be upset about!!" Then I get over it and I count my blessings - every day.


And I can add not a spend thrift, take out the occasional swearing, always asks me what I need and loves his family! But there are times I tell him you cannot be replaced but you can be hurt!!lol!


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## Dottie Kon (Mar 29, 2012)

impatient knitter said:


> Maybe he just didn't want to put that added pressure on you so late in the game ?? He might not have realized how long (or quickly ??) it takes you to knit up something -- is he that "into" your knitting ?? Don't stay angry with him for long. Not to lecture, but there are plenty of wives here that would give anything just to have one more day, night, or Christmas with their husbands who are now gone. When my partner does, or says something, that pisses me off, I give thanks that I still have a partner, when some do not. Try to be angry at what he said or did, and not at _him._ This, too, shall pass.


I get angry with my husband but then I think of all the things he does that I would have no idea how to do and realize that he is a treasure and I am lucky to have him around, even though he does piss me off at times. I think the main thing is that he is allowed to criticize me but he can't take any criticism in return. Oh well. Like you said...he is still here so that's a plus.


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

I had a close friend who often said, "Marriage is a most unnatural arrangement". and then we'd laugh. I took it, they didn't see alike all the time, we are only human and life is often tough.


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