# She did it again



## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

A while back I vented about an acquaintance who pretty much only comes to my house when she is selling something. But, a while back I was knitting a BSJ and she liked it. She asked for a price and I gave her one. She mentioned wanting to buy it, but, then asked about a matching hat. I told her I knew how to make one. Well, if I made a hat she might like the whole set. But, she never offered me money or bought the BSJ and waited for the hat. I never made the hat, because I saw where this was going. About a month ago she stopped by. Of course she was selling something. And, she also picks my brain for ideas. But, of course I hold back. Of course I was knitting when she showed up. She had on a store bought hat, and told me I should make her a hat. I told her it was way cheaper to buy one. She said that a handmade one would be an investment. Whatever. I said I didn't have a pattern, and she said I could use her store bought hat for a pattern. I just said I needed a pattern.

Well my husband thinks I was bratty for not making her a hat. I explained that she was never going to buy a hat. I said if she really wanted one she would have offered a deposit, or even asked what it cost. Nope. She irks me to no end. But, my husband, who is more patient than I am has excuses for her. I was mad about the incident for a week. Next time this comes up I will tell her I only knit for myself. To let you know just how ridiculous she is, at one point she told me I should open a boutique to sell things that were hand knit, and hire people to knit for me to produce more. I could just scream.

Thanx for the vent.


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## Daisybel (Nov 27, 2012)

How very infuriating! Quite right not to knit a hat for her. She sounds thoroughly stupid and thoughtless.


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

Is she stupid,If it so easy to copy a shop bought ,she sold try and make it herself.


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## Stablebummom (Dec 5, 2011)

Here's a question; if she is such a pain in the patootie, why do you keep up a friendship with her?


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## mirl56 (Dec 20, 2011)

I'm curious - what is she selling and is she trying to sell it to you?

Next time she asks for a hat, ask her what color & size she wants, give her a (high) price and ask for a deposit.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

Stablebummom said:


> Here's a question; if she is such a pain in the patootie, why do you keep up a friendship with her?


She shows up at my house. I don't maintain the friendship.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

mirl56 said:


> I'm curious - what is she selling and is she trying to sell it to you?
> 
> Next time she asks for a hat, ask her what color & size she wants, give her a (high) price and ask for a deposit.


Sometime she is selling salads she makes. It has been a donation for someone doing mission work, I have no clue what goes on in her head. But, she is always trying some self-employment thing. What's strange is that my husband has a construction business. This person has had work done, but always has someone else do it. She never even asks for a quote. My husband doesn't care, but, I find it a bit disloyal. Oh, well.

She did ask about a pair of socks that I was working on. I told her that at $75 that didn't cover yarn and a $10 an hour wage. Seriously, what would you charge for a pair of socks??


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## kayrein (Aug 24, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> Sometime she is selling salads she makes. It has been a donation for someone doing mission work, I have no clue what goes on in her head. But, she is always trying some self-employment thing. What's strange is that my husband has a construction business. This person has had work done, but always has someone else do it. She never even asks for a quote. My husband doesn't care, but, I find it a bit disloyal. Oh, well.
> 
> She did ask about a pair of socks that I was working on. I told her that at $75 that didn't cover yarn and a $10 an hour wage. Seriously, what would you charge for a pair of socks??


I would NEVER sell a pair of my hand knit socks! They are way too valuable to knit for anyone but the most loved members of my family.


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## Buttons (Feb 11, 2011)

The next time she wants you to make her something, tell her to buy the yarn and the needles and you will teach her how to do it. Then, if she has excuses, then tell her you are too busy at this time and to find someone else to knit free for her.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

kayrein said:


> I would NEVER sell a pair of my hand knit socks! They are way too valuable to knit for anyone but the most loved members of my family.


I would sell a pair. And not for $75. I was making a point to her. But, if someone wanted to buy a pair for the price I would ask, sure. I supposed between $150-$200 would work for me. I knew $75, when I told her, would be way too much, so, I used that figure. And, that number did the trick. But, there would be waiting involved. I do have some family members waiting for their turn. meanwhile, I only have one pair of my own. But, mostly I go sock-less anyway. Still, the yarns are so pretty.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

Buttons said:


> The next time she wants you to make her something, tell her to buy the yarn and the needles and you will teach her how to do it. Then, if she has excuses, then tell her you are too busy at this time and to find someone else to knit free for her.


Great idea, but, no. Then she will be at my house even MORE picking my brain for how to get people to do it for her so she can make money off it. She wants to learn...there's youtube.


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## Buttons (Feb 11, 2011)

Just tell her the truth. I don't knit freebies. Then tell her to buy her own yarn and needles and go on you tube to learn, that you are just too busy. Or just tell her no. You don't need no excuse why you don't want to knit her anything. You tell her no and that's that.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

So, seriously, would any of you sell a pair of socks. If you did what would you charge? Kayrein says no. I would, and I expect they would have to be around $150 or $200. I try to keep track of my time when I knit, but, since I get interruptions I mess it all up. How long does it take you to knit a pair? I am thinking I am at about 12 hours for a pair. This time I am going to seriously keep track. Things are going faster now that I counted the rows in the foot for a 7" foot. Now I can adjust from there instead of having to measure every half hour. For ME, 50 rows, which I start counting after the last gusset decrease, is 7" long from the back of the heel.


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## majormomma (Nov 2, 2011)

I would only sell a pair of socks if I could knit them on a CSM! There's no way I would hand knit a pair of socks for sale.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

majormomma said:


> I would only sell a pair of socks if I could knit them on a CSM! There's no way I would hand knit a pair of socks for sale.


What is a CSM?


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## Colorado knits (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband has told me to knit for this person and that person (all his relatives). I've already done a lot of knitting for them. Then he told me to knit for a great-great niece.

I said no. I am not setting a precedent for that level. The numbers could be overwhelming. 

I am not a fast knitter and in order to protect my hands, I have to carefully plan how many hours a day I can knit.

Husbands can learn to knit for those people they want US to knit!


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

With friends like her who needs enemies?


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## standsalonewolf (Dec 1, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> She shows up at my house. I don't maintain the friendship.


don't answer the door

:thumbup:


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## annweb (Feb 23, 2012)

Do you buy any of her products ? If you do then perhaps you should tell her you are not going to buy anything else from her then she may stop calling.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

I would tell her for once,she is no longer welcome in your home,it's no good letting her upset you all the time. :thumbdown: :thumbdown:


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## beanscene (Jun 9, 2012)

Sounds like really she wants you to make her things and she will wander about irritating people and trying to flog them your beautiful hand knitted items!


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## Pinkpaisley (Mar 11, 2015)

Next time she comes calling put on your oat and hat, grab your keys and say you're on your way out.
Or......tell her you don't like drop ins.
Life is too short to put up with people who don't add value to your life.
Time to get rid of her for good.


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## Pinkpaisley (Mar 11, 2015)

Sorry, coat!!


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## hazel zanella (Dec 8, 2012)

Some people are born users. There are many good suggestions here for you so exercise your courage and be very firm with her by using one or two of these ideas.....don't
waver.


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## kathome (Dec 2, 2011)

She sounds wacky to me. I mean....... seriously........... who goes door to door selling salad?????????? 

(there are also laws against this, even in States that have Cottage Laws)


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## knitty19 (Mar 10, 2013)

Bombshellknits said:


> A while back I vented about an acquaintance who pretty much only comes to my house when she is selling something. But, a while back I was knitting a BSJ and she liked it. She asked for a price and I gave her one. She mentioned wanting to buy it, but, then asked about a matching hat. I told her I knew how to make one. Well, if I made a hat she might like the whole set. But, she never offered me money or bought the BSJ and waited for the hat. I never made the hat, because I saw where this was going. About a month ago she stopped by. Of course she was selling something. And, she also picks my brain for ideas. But, of course I hold back. Of course I was knitting when she showed up. She had on a store bought hat, and told me I should make her a hat. I told her it was way cheaper to buy one. She said that a handmade one would be an investment. Whatever. I said I didn't have a pattern, and she said I could use her store bought hat for a pattern. I just said I needed a pattern.
> 
> Well my husband thinks I was bratty for not making her a hat. I explained that she was never going to buy a hat. I said if she really wanted one she would have offered a deposit, or even asked what it cost. Nope. She irks me to no end. But, my husband, who is more patient than I am has excuses for her. I was mad about the incident for a week. Next time this comes up I will tell her I only knit for myself. To let you know just how ridiculous she is, at one point she told me I should open a boutique to sell things that were hand knit, and hire people to knit for me to produce more. I could just scream.
> 
> Thanx for the vent.


That sounds like my sister-in-law but I am stuck with her and now my 23 year old niece is getting like her mother. I make a infinite scarf with matching fingerless gloves for our Christmas exchange this year and my niece got it and right away said now I have 3 pair of finger less gloves and repeated it several times the rest of the night. Grr. If you don't like it then I will exchange gifts but she said no she liked the scarf. My sister-in-law asked me to make a scarf and at Thanksgiving I brought one I had but it wasn't long enough so I made another one and then brought at Christmas and the first thing she said was: this smells like your perfume have you been wearing this? Of course not I said and it still wasn't long enough so I brought it home and am not going to finish it. Arg, some people!!!


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

:thumbup:


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## Jacqueline Gray (Nov 17, 2014)

Sounds like a one sided friendship to me!


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## Limey287 (Nov 6, 2011)

I truly know where you are coming from. I have such an "acquaintance" in my life also. Shows up at my house bringing yard sale finds (that I don't need or want) and thinks I should knit her all kinds of things in exchange. I have repeatedly told her to stop bringing me items as I am downsizing - that has not stopped her from bringing them anyway. She wanted a knit slouch hat - told her it would be 10.00. She never came for it so I sold it. I try not to hurt people's feelings but sometimes by doing that, I hurt my own feelings. Bombshellknits - I hope you find the answer and share it


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## Marny CA (Jun 26, 2011)

Whatever business your husband is in, suggest to him that he should give things away for free.

When he does that, then YOU will, too.

Or suggest to him that you will be happy to teach him how to knit and HE can make things for that woman (who is not a lady).

Oh, but also tell him that the money spent is not coming out of your budget or your finances.

She has some gall . . . 

Don't answer the door!!


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

I would not answer the door, but she comes to the back door. If you have made it that far, you can see hubby and I as our main living area is in the back of the house. I have "had" to leave before. But, this last time it was 8pm!! She asked me why my hair was wet, I told her I just had a shower and we were going to bed soon. Hubby even told her we like to watch NCIS together. She stayed and we had to turn off NCIS. Thank god for cbs.com!! When she comes door to door, she takes orders for the salad. Why she can't use a phone I have no idea! Most times I say that I don't need any, and we are going camping. She doesn't know anything about camping. She came one evening when i was in the shower and hubby answered the door. That was one of my longest showers!! While this stuff irks me to no end, but husband tries to keep me nice. And, yes, I don't want to be really rude, but, my home is my private domain and I don't really like it invaded. I also have the mentally ill neighbor across the street. She will start visiting now that the weather is getting nice. Recently she has been calling on the phone. I don't pick up. She never leaves a message. I am really sorry for her problems, but, her mom is retired now, mom can care for her, because that also really irks me. Hubby did yell at that girl (she's 40) one night when she came over after dark and we didn't know what was going on in our enclosed porch. We literally had our hand guns out. He was fixing an antique one and I was putting mine in its new holster. We have always been kind and welcoming, as you can see, it just makes people think you like them more than you do. We are probably going to turn into those crazy old people that turn the hose on you if you walk in their yard :0

Salad woman will probably now disappear for a month or two. Good!!

The worst part is the people who have NO IDEA how long it takes to knit. They think those needles are like magic wands. Wouldn't that be great? Then they could turn annoying people into toads when they wore the item.

Both of these women tend to visit after my husband is home. Because, if I am home alone, and it's not 8pm, I do leave. I was just on my way out.


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## maur1011 (Jul 25, 2011)

This woman definitely sounds a bit 'off'. Perhaps if her Energy were redirected, she'd stop with the hare-brained schemes. It might seem mean, but something along the lines of "I am so busy at the moment I can't commit to knit for anyone. However, I know that ____ (local church/VFW/library/etc.) is really in need of help with their project and would be delighted to have your input and organizational skills to move the project along." 

She sounds like someone with deficit social skills (don't recall the name for it, but it is in the autism spectrum) and is quite likely not welcome anywhere else because of it.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

maur1011 said:


> This woman definitely sounds a bit 'off'. Perhaps if her Energy were redirected, she'd stop with the hare-brained schemes. It might seem mean, but something along the lines of "I am so busy at the moment I can't commit to knit for anyone. However, I know that ____ (local church/VFW/library/etc.) is really in need of help with their project and would be delighted to have your input and organizational skills to move the project along."
> 
> She sounds like someone with deficit social skills (don't recall the name for it, but it is in the autism spectrum) and is quite likely not welcome anywhere else because of it.


Makes sense.


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## JTM (Nov 18, 2012)

Bombshellknits said:


> A while back I vented about an acquaintance who pretty much only comes to my house when she is selling something. But, a while back I was knitting a BSJ and she liked it. She asked for a price and I gave her one. She mentioned wanting to buy it, but, then asked about a matching hat. I told her I knew how to make one. Well, if I made a hat she might like the whole set. But, she never offered me money or bought the BSJ and waited for the hat. I never made the hat, because I saw where this was going. About a month ago she stopped by. Of course she was selling something. And, she also picks my brain for ideas. But, of course I hold back. Of course I was knitting when she showed up. She had on a store bought hat, and told me I should make her a hat. I told her it was way cheaper to buy one. She said that a handmade one would be an investment. Whatever. I said I didn't have a pattern, and she said I could use her store bought hat for a pattern. I just said I needed a pattern.
> 
> Well my husband thinks I was bratty for not making her a hat. I explained that she was never going to buy a hat. I said if she really wanted one she would have offered a deposit, or even asked what it cost. Nope. She irks me to no end. But, my husband, who is more patient than I am has excuses for her. I was mad about the incident for a week. Next time this comes up I will tell her I only knit for myself. To let you know just how ridiculous she is, at one point she told me I should open a boutique to sell things that were hand knit, and hire people to knit for me to produce more. I could just scream.
> 
> Thanx for the vent.


I am sure glad you did not refer to her as a "friend"... because she is just a user. I think I would be too busy to let her in next time she happened by. 
Your DH must be a lot like mine...he never sees negative things in anyone... and has been burnt more than once. He is also quick to forgive those who have burnt him. (Once burnt though, he does not usually put himself in the position to be burnt a second time)


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## Maryellend (Dec 11, 2014)

I absolutely agree with you Buttons. This is an opportunist. "No" is a perfectly acceptable answer, regardless of what Hubby thinks. It's your time and effort involved. I save that kind of effort and energy for loved ones.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

Bombshellknits said:


> Sometime she is selling salads she makes. It has been a donation for someone doing mission work, I have no clue what goes on in her head. But, she is always trying some self-employment thing. What's strange is that my husband has a construction business. This person has had work done, but always has someone else do it. She never even asks for a quote. My husband doesn't care, but, I find it a bit disloyal. Oh, well.
> 
> She did ask about a pair of socks that I was working on. I told her that at $75 that didn't cover yarn and a $10 an hour wage. Seriously, what would you charge for a pair of socks??


I think your husband is lucky - she might not ever pay him if she did hire him! But maybe he is sympathetic because he runs his own business and understands her in that way.


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## Teriwm (Jun 18, 2012)

I'd tell her if she wants something knit, to buy the yarn and give you a 50% deposit. That will shut her up.

I'd also ask her to quit trying to peddle her merchandise to you, but then I'm a bitch.


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## Maryellend (Dec 11, 2014)

Right On :thumbup:


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## cakediva (May 8, 2013)

I get that crap all the time!!!!....so much so that when my husband lost the scarf I made I told.him I wanted him to replace it by knitting it exactly the way I had made it and I would show him.how...New he appreciates what I do more!!!!!


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Why do you continue to interact with what you describe as a person who, among other things, leaves you angry for a week? Remember, "No." is a complete sentence.


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## Beachkc (Aug 24, 2012)

knitty19 said:


> That sounds like my sister-in-law but I am stuck with her and now my 23 year old niece is getting like her mother. I make a infinite scarf with matching fingerless gloves for our Christmas exchange this year and my niece got it and right away said now I have 3 pair of finger less gloves and repeated it several times the rest of the night. Grr. If you don't like it then I will exchange gifts but she said no she liked the scarf. My sister-in-law asked me to make a scarf and at Thanksgiving I brought one I had but it wasn't long enough so I made another one and then brought at Christmas and the first thing she said was: this smells like your perfume have you been wearing this? Of course not I said and it still wasn't long enough so I brought it home and am not going to finish it. Arg, some people!!!


Some people you just shouldn't knit for.


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## PittyPat (Jul 2, 2011)

I have a friend who constantly needs help with her knitting. She is a friend and I do help her but do it when convenient to me. 
As to your neighbor, unfortunately the only way to discourage her is to tell her frankly, as suggested earlier, that you do not knit for others, if she persists in the conversation just give an outrageous quote. I have done this before and it works. Money up front always works too. 
When she comes to the door, just don't let her in your home. Tell her you aren't interested in anything she is selling at the moment. That you are not prepared for "company". Honesty with her is not being rude, if said is a peaceful tone. 

I wish you luck. Just don't let her disturb your peace in your home. Say a prayer for her . Our inner peace is so important to our health.


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## LoannDrake (Jan 7, 2013)

Two things: One I only knit for people I really want to knit for, regardless of whether it is a gift of I am being paid. Two, I am pretty old and have learned (often the hard way) that keeping people like that in my life is not worthwhile. On two occasions I have actually said that relationship was not good for either of us and ended it. And life was much easier and more pleasant after that. Good luck.


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## ilmacheryl (Feb 3, 2013)

I tell people that if I started selling my knitting it would become work, not fun - and that I can't charge enough to make it worth the time I spend knitting. So far, that has shut up everyone who has asked. I only knit for pleasure, because I want to. I do make gifts for family & friends.


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## GroodleMom (Feb 27, 2011)

Stablebummom said:


> Here's a question; if she is such a pain in the patootie, why do you keep up a friendship with her?


I agree! Why not just end contact with her and end your frustration.


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## Linday (Jan 22, 2012)

I think she sounds lonely. Perhaps telling her you would be happy to have her visit once in a while but not to sell things. She might just do that. I wonder if the strange things for sale are a way to approach you because she doesn't know how otherwise. 

Have you offered to teach her to knit so she can have a productive hobby? 

Sounds like she needs a friend and you have been chosen. You must give off a vibe that suggests you will be her friend.

I would exercise a bit of caution but set some rules and boundaries for her visits - she must call first, a time limit, are two things that could be useful.


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## ptober (Mar 24, 2011)

Maybe honesty is the best policy and tell her you realize she is not serious about paying you for any item and you would prefer she quite inferring she might be interested in doing so as you are soo busy with your own knitting you could not possibly take on another project.


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## FiberQueen (Aug 23, 2012)

Just say "NO"!! no need to explain anything just a waste of breath! She is oblivious!


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## Florida Faye (Aug 12, 2011)

This is not any type of friend. Too bad you even answer the door. I call these type of people vampires....they suck the life right out of you if you let them. You don't have to explain anything to her about knitting. That's not what she is looking for from you. She's a user...


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## AiLin (Dec 28, 2012)

ilmacheryl said:


> I tell people that if I started selling my knitting it would become work, not fun - and that I can't charge enough to make it worth the time I spend knitting. So far, that has shut up everyone who has asked. I only knit for pleasure, because I want to. I do make gifts for family & friends.


I do the same. Same goes for sewing.


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## debra rochner (Oct 14, 2011)

I'd tell her "No one will pay what it's worth for handmade items, so I don't sell or make anything for others".
Nothing you say may change her, so just roll your eyes and breath a sigh of relief when she leaves, life is too short to worry about pests!


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## suepro (Nov 9, 2011)

You could ask her to bring you the yarn she wants the item made from. That way, if she doesn't offer to pay for the labor, you can sell it to someone else and not lose on the cost of the yarn.


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## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

Buttons said:


> Just tell her the truth. I don't knit freebies. Then tell her to buy her own yarn and needles and go on you tube to learn, that you are just too busy. Or just tell her no. You don't need no excuse why you don't want to knit her anything. You tell her no and that's that.


I'd go even farther. I've had people who call themselves "friends"; but never fulfill the definition. The next time she calls, say you are too busy to entertain people who only want to get something out of you for free; and you have no time for her. She MAY just get the hint.
I know. I may sound rude; but your time and emotions are being wasted on this person.


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## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

Buttons said:


> Just tell her the truth. I don't knit freebies. Then tell her to buy her own yarn and needles and go on you tube to learn, that you are just too busy. Or just tell her no. You don't need no excuse why you don't want to knit her anything. You tell her no and that's that.


I'd go even farther. I've had people who call themselves "friends"; but never fulfill the definition. The next time she calls, say you are too busy to entertain people who only want to get something out of you for free; and you have no time for her. She MAY just get the hint.
I know. I may sound rude; but your time and emotions are being wasted on this person.


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## PatchesPatches (Sep 12, 2011)

If your husband thinks she's all that .. tell him to knit the hat for her! lol


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## .79315 (Dec 5, 2012)

You are missing the point here. This person is upsetting you, and annoying you. So you don't cultivate the relationship you don't end it either. We were all raised to be "ladies and gentlemen" and old habits die hard. You cannot be used for a doormat if you don't lay down. You must gather yourself up and when they arrive, unannounced next time don't let them in. You merely say, "Oh I am sorry this is not a good time to visit, you should have called first, have a nice day" then shut the door. Do this each time they show up. If they call be busy and do not stay on the phone. I should warn you now it is difficult to discourage some persons so it may take a few times. Some things I have learned in my 72 years is you cannot insult ignorant and you cannot scare stupid. I know it will be tough but you can do this or be a prisoner forever.


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## yona (Feb 7, 2011)

Ask her to purchase the yarn and pattern she likes and then explain that you take half the labor cost up front and the balance upon completion. 

All cash, of course.


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## brims (May 15, 2012)

I have a co-worker who wanted me to make her some matching items-cowl,headband,and boot toppers. She wanted these for free and said she would tell people that I made them and then I could sell them to people. The never of some people.


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## yanagi (Jul 7, 2013)

Guh! I'd just flat out tell Husband Person that you don't want to knit for her because she irritates the hell out of you. He probably just doesn't get it, which is too bad.

As to her, quote her a price. Figure out how much it would actually cost in materials, then how long to knit, pay yourself minimum wage then double it. This should only take a couple of minutes. Then, when she asks, tell her and ask for half deposit, un-refundable, up front. You'll see the backside of her, quick-smart.


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## gsbyrge (Jul 12, 2011)

Some people don't get the concept of value - too used to the el cheapo stuff from China made by people at 20 cents an hour. Yes, a handknit piece would be an investment, but apparently not for her. I have no compunction at all in telling people "you couldn't afford to pay me enough, given the time involved" and that usually does the trick. Your husband sounds like a very nice, clueless man ;- )


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Next time your husband wants to put his two cents in tell him to knit for her. See how far that goes. Glad she is not being called a friend. She dose have some brass ones. She is not worth your time to be mad at. Use your time more productively.


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## Fiona3 (Feb 6, 2014)

Just say NO!!!

Fiona &#128520;&#128520;&#128520;


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

When I come across people like this I tell them I only knit for myself and family.


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## Gurney (Feb 17, 2012)

Bombshellknits said:


> What is a CSM?


A circular sock machine perhaps?


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## MTNKnitter (Jun 11, 2011)

If she comes back again to sell something, just don't answer the door and you won't have to deal with her anymore. No law says you have to open your door to anyone if you don't wish to see them.


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## hersh (Nov 7, 2011)

Your husband is a very smart/clever man.........no contact is the best contact.


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## mlsolcz (Feb 16, 2012)

Stablebummom said:


> Here's a question; if she is such a pain in the patootie, why do you keep up a friendship with her?


Good question. I certainly wouldn't count her as a friend.


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## AuntKnitty (Apr 10, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> Seriously, what would you charge for a pair of socks??


I've quoted $400. When asked why so much, I ask them when the last time was that they worked a week for less than $400. That usually ends the conversation! And yes, if someone handed me $400, I'd make them the best dang pair of socks they ever owned.


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## BlueRose (Jul 23, 2012)

Sounds like she really could use a friend. We don't know what others have gone through in their lives, or what they may be facing. Kindness can change people.


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## knitnanny (Feb 28, 2012)

Don't listen to your husband's excuses for her! Glad you said "No"!!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Colorado knits said:


> My husband has told me to knit for this person and that person (all his relatives). I've already done a lot of knitting for them. Then he told me to knit for a great-great niece.
> 
> I said no. I am not setting a precedent for that level. The numbers could be overwhelming.
> 
> ...


I'm with you all the way!!! Nobody TELLS me to knit, I do it for my own pleasure and relaxation, and I knit only for those I choose to knit for. Some of these husbands need a kick in the patooie for trying to manipulate their wive's knitting skills. I handled that by teaching DH to knit. I notice he knits for himself only; boy, did he change his tune! Perhaps husbands could be "ordered" to fish for so and so because you said and they want for no money and no effort (THAT would go over like a lead brick!).


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

BlueRose said:


> Sounds like she really could use a friend. We don't know what others have gone through in their lives, or what they may be facing. Kindness can change people.


While this is a lovely sentiment, current reality is such that it invites people to manipulate you until you're ready to drop from frustration and fatigue. Ask me how I learned to say no..... I've been through a great deal of emotional pain throughout my lifetime, which does NOT entitle me to use others to my advantage. I currently have a cousin and a good friend, both of whom are suffering from intense migraines and other stress-caused ills because they cannot say no. I've been there, done that, and won't go there again ever. We are to love others AS ourselves, not instead of.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

AuntKnitty said:


> I've quoted $400. When asked why so much, I ask them when the last time was that they worked a week for less than $400. That usually ends the conversation! And yes, if someone handed me $400, I'd make them the best dang pair of socks they ever owned.


I am overwhelmed with admiration for your thinking on this. Really!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

MTNKnitter said:


> If she comes back again to sell something, just don't answer the door and you won't have to deal with her anymore. No law says you have to open your door to anyone if you don't wish to see them.


You are absolutely correct, and the same goes for answering your phone. They are there for your convenience, not everyone else's. Now if I could only convince DH that he doesn't have to leap up every time someone rings the doorbell or the phone, then grumble for hours at the consequences because he can't say no, either.


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## Grandma Jo (Feb 18, 2011)

Your idea is best, just tell here that you don't knit for others and if you know someone that does, give her the name of the other person. I only knit for someone else if it is a gift. I am knitting a baby blanket right now as a gift for my neighbor's great grandbaby.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

Marny CA said:


> Whatever business your husband is in, suggest to him that he should give things away for free.
> 
> When he does that, then YOU will, too.
> 
> ...


Hubby doesn't think I should do it for free. He thinks I should charge $20 an hour plus yarn. But, he does think I should figure my time and give her a price. But, I don't because...I don't like to knit hats!! And...I know she won't buy it. He just is very nice, and prefers I am, too. He is a much kinder person than I am. I have endless patience with children and animals. None for adults interrupting my home life. As I have said, everyone comes to our back door. That is where our main living area is. You can plainly see us. However, if I am in the basement or upstairs I have been known to not answer.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

ilmacheryl said:


> I tell people that if I started selling my knitting it would become work, not fun - and that I can't charge enough to make it worth the time I spend knitting. So far, that has shut up everyone who has asked. I only knit for pleasure, because I want to. I do make gifts for family & friends.


 :thumbup:


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

morningstar said:


> Why do you continue to interact with what you describe as a person who, among other things, leaves you angry for a week? Remember, "No." is a complete sentence.


I do say no. Pretty often. Like I said, she just shows up at my home. It's not like I call her, or we talk on the phone or anything. She just pops in. If she didn't pop in, I would never see her, because I don't go looking. The one time she was doing some "event". I have taking cooking classes and am also a registered dietetic technician. She asked me if I would show up at her even and give cooking demos. I say yes, but I charge $50 an hour. She never did tell me when that event was!!


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## majormomma (Nov 2, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> What is a CSM?


It is a circular sock machine. You literally can crank the socks out. Do a search. They are amazing machines.


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## majormomma (Nov 2, 2011)

ilmacheryl said:


> I tell people that if I started selling my knitting it would become work, not fun - and that I can't charge enough to make it worth the time I spend knitting. So far, that has shut up everyone who has asked. I only knit for pleasure, because I want to. I do make gifts for family & friends.


So true! I had a sewing/embroidery business for a number of years and learned to hate sewing. I shut down the business about 3 1/2 years ago and am just now learning to sew for pleasure again. I only sew what I want to sew now.


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

Why are you inviting her into your head?

Come to think of it, why are you answering your door when you know she is there?


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

We all need to vent from time to time. How did you ever become acquainted with her. I would not call her a friend. Your husband does not know how much work goes into these things and it is easy to make suggestions when they are not the one doing the work. What does she sell anyway? Hopefully you made your point clearly. If she insists I would tell her to purchase the yarn and the pattern and tell her you would like a down payment before you even start. I am sure she will stop requesting things when she has to shop for the yarn and the pattern. Hopefully your husband is out someplace the next time she comes. There are people out there who think that they are so likable that anyone will drop and attend to them. She sounds like one of those people. And there are others who like to hear themselves talk and pay no mind to what comes out of their mouths. :thumbdown:


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## prolife (Aug 10, 2013)

I think I'll make a wall hanging out of DORIS ANN'S advice:

You cannot insult ignorant and you can't scare stupid. 

You are far more lovely than you think you are.


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## MidMdRoots (Feb 9, 2013)

Maybe you could tell her a higher price than you think for the hat and state that you always get paid in advance since you have to obtain the materials. Then the ball is in her court as she will have to "put her money where her mouth is".


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

Okay, so, there's a bit more to tell, and I am really on edge about this story. But, first, hubby agrees that she is blowing smoke, but, he wants me to be nice. He doesn't like to see me really annoyed with someone and saying crappy things. Even tho I say the crappy things at home only. It annoys me that she is just blowing smoke. I KNOW she is. I don't know WHY. I don't like her just stopping by. It's rude. So, (this is hard. Don't judge me), I am concerned if I blow her off entirely, or don't answer the door she will tell people I'm a racist. You can't have someone at your door, and they can see you and you don't answer. You gotta answer. So, it concerns me that if I am rude she may say things around town. 

I met her years ago and I am not sure how. For a while she was mad at me for not inviting her to my daughter's grad party. Really? I didn't feel we were that close. I don't mind being nicer than I want. And I have no issue speaking my mind or being a bitch. But...because she of a minority race I am a bit concerned of the outcome. I feel like I am being held captive by political correctness. 

I do know one thing, she petrified of my cat (avatar). I think I can call kitty down next time I get a drop in. That should fix it. She isn't fond of my dog either. Both are very sweet and passive.

I don't want people to think I prejudiced, because I'm not. And I am not revealing her culture to you. It's different than mine.


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## kathome (Dec 2, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> Okay, so, there's a bit more to tell, and I am really on edge about this story. But, first, hubby agrees that she is blowing smoke, but, he wants me to be nice. He doesn't like to see me really annoyed with someone and saying crappy things. Even tho I say the crappy things at home only. It annoys me that she is just blowing smoke. I KNOW she is. I don't know WHY. I don't like her just stopping by. It's rude. So, (this is hard. Don't judge me), I am concerned if I blow her off entirely, or don't answer the door she will tell people I'm a racist. You can't have someone at your door, and they can see you and you don't answer. You gotta answer. So, it concerns me that if I am rude she may say things around town.
> 
> I met her years ago and I am not sure how. For a while she was mad at me for not inviting her to my daughter's grad party. Really? I didn't feel we were that close. I don't mind being nicer than I want. And I have no issue speaking my mind or being a bitch. But...because she of a minority race I am a bit concerned of the outcome. I feel like I am being held captive by political correctness.
> 
> ...


Ahhhhh.... now I understand your reluctance. It's hard these days...........


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## debsu (Jul 26, 2011)

Buttons said:


> Just tell her the truth. I don't knit freebies. Then tell her to buy her own yarn and needles and go on you tube to learn, that you are just too busy. Or just tell her no. You don't need no excuse why you don't want to knit her anything. You tell her no and that's that.


Amen!


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> A while back I vented about an acquaintance who pretty much only comes to my house when she is selling something. But, a while back I was knitting a BSJ and she liked it. She asked for a price and I gave her one. She mentioned wanting to buy it, but, then asked about a matching hat. I told her I knew how to make one. Well, if I made a hat she might like the whole set. But, she never offered me money or bought the BSJ and waited for the hat. I never made the hat, because I saw where this was going. About a month ago she stopped by. Of course she was selling something. And, she also picks my brain for ideas. But, of course I hold back. Of course I was knitting when she showed up. She had on a store bought hat, and told me I should make her a hat. I told her it was way cheaper to buy one. She said that a handmade one would be an investment. Whatever. I said I didn't have a pattern, and she said I could use her store bought hat for a pattern. I just said I needed a pattern.
> 
> Well my husband thinks I was bratty for not making her a hat. I explained that she was never going to buy a hat. I said if she really wanted one she would have offered a deposit, or even asked what it cost. Nope. She irks me to no end. But, my husband, who is more patient than I am has excuses for her. I was mad about the incident for a week. Next time this comes up I will tell her I only knit for myself. To let you know just how ridiculous she is, at one point she told me I should open a boutique to sell things that were hand knit, and hire people to knit for me to produce more. I could just scream.
> 
> Thanx for the vent.


A typical ingrate! Stick to your guns!


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

kathome said:


> Ahhhhh.... now I understand your reluctance. It's hard these days...........


In addition to the racial issues, which I understand, she sounds a bit unbalanced. She is not catching your social cues.


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## tami_ohio (Mar 22, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> So, seriously, would any of you sell a pair of socks. If you did what would you charge? Kayrein says no. I would, and I expect they would have to be around $150 or $200. I try to keep track of my time when I knit, but, since I get interruptions I mess it all up. How long does it take you to knit a pair? I am thinking I am at about 12 hours for a pair. This time I am going to seriously keep track. Things are going faster now that I counted the rows in the foot for a 7" foot. Now I can adjust from there instead of having to measure every half hour. For ME, 50 rows, which I start counting after the last gusset decrease, is 7" long from the back of the heel.


Bombshellknits, I have timed myself while I was riding in the car, on the turnpike with time stamped entrance and exit tickets. It takes me 1 hour to knit 1 1/2 " in sock weight yarn, making socks for me. I measured a completed sock, and figured my time that way. It takes me 20 hours plus for a pair of socks. And that is with only about 1 1/2" of ribbing on the cuff. No design. When someone asks me to knit them a pair of socks, I have told them $150. And gotten it! I was hoping to price myself out of knitting them, but I figure if they want them bad enough to pay that much for them, I will knit them. And even at $150, that doesn't give me much per hour for the work. Especially as the socks needed to be worsted weight wool for hunting socks. Which didn't come cheap for a good wool that would hold up well.

I knit my socks cuff down, and start measuring the foot at the back of the heel. For my foot, that is 7 1/2" before decreasing for the toes. For my DH, DS & DB, that is 9 1/2" before decreasing for the toes. And for mens socks for my family I am working 72 stitches for the whole sock, not just the 72 stitches that I work for the cuff of mine, before decreasing above the ankle to 64 stitches for my foot.

Instead of measuring so many rows, try placing a markder, setting a timer, and knit for a set amount of time, then measuring how much you have knit in that amount of time, to figure how long it will take you to knit one sock. If you are a row counter, (I am not, I just measure as I am not that worried about them being perfectly matched), then count your rows as usual, as that will add to your time.

As to the OP, I am sorry you have a "friend" like this. I have no answers or suggestions for you.


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## tami_ohio (Mar 22, 2011)

AuntKnitty said:


> I've quoted $400. When asked why so much, I ask them when the last time was that they worked a week for less than $400. That usually ends the conversation! And yes, if someone handed me $400, I'd make them the best dang pair of socks they ever owned.


 :thumbup:


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## Tigerfrilly (Jun 26, 2013)

I feel your pain. Have you tried explaining to her


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## cattdages (Aug 3, 2011)

There are plenty of folks who just don't get it.

I like to reply with

"Knitting is like sex...
If I like you, and I'm in the mood, it's free...
If not...you can't afford it!"


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## laceluvr (Feb 16, 2012)

kathome said:


> She sounds wacky to me. I mean....... seriously........... who goes door to door selling salad??????????
> 
> (there are also laws against this, even in States that have Cottage Laws)


I also thought it very strange that she would sell salads. First of all, I'm surprised that she has not been reported to the health department for selling food...door to door, no less! If she says it's for a donation for a mission service, do you know if it's a legitimate charity. Wouldn't be surprised if she just says that to get people to buy what she's selling & keeps the money for herself. I also find it extremely rude for her to just drop by without calling first. Life is too short to put up with people like that.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

Previously, I noticed that you said:

"When she comes door to door, she takes orders for the salad. Why she can't use a phone I have no idea! Most times I say that I don't need any, and we are going camping. She doesn't know anything about camping."

"Most" times you say you don't need any, but DO you EVER order salad from her? If yes, IMO, that would be a mistake. It would be giving her a mixed message of "maybe" or "maybe next time" instead of "no thank you", which is what you really want to convey. But NOW, if you have ordered in the past, and you're truly concerned about her spreading some kind of negative gossip, you are going to need to find a reasonably comfortable way to wean yourself, AND HER, off of ordering.

Your next "problem" is that, while you view her as a pesky acquaintance, she sees herself as your friend. She is behaving intimately and must feel justified in doing so. It's very difficult to change established routines because the perception is that you're taking back something you've already given.

"Why she can't use the phone ( ... to take orders? ... before she drops over - UNINVITED? ... )"? It's because that's not how she does things. It may be that it's normal for her - that she's just doing what everyone else in her culture does. It's also possible that it's a learned behavior on her part because, early on, she received a lot of no's (rejection) if she tried to make a meeting time by calling ahead. When she just appears, and is accepted in, at some level, she feels that method is working much better for her!

As much as you don't want to hear this, her choices likely AREN'T to irritate you. I believe that YOU are taking it personally because you've already decided that she's pushy and that she's a pest and a user due to her intrusion into your life, your territory and your passion (knitting). Honestly, it might affect anyone that way. It goes without saying that you should never knit anything for this lady. Even if you attempted it, you would be putting so much negative energy into it that it would be reflecting back upon you. That isn't healthy. You need to find a subtle way not to even discuss knitting or needle work around her.

Let's face it: her actions have rubbed you the wrong way for a long time, and you're just becoming more and more irritable about it. It isn't helping you that your husband, in his attempt to calm you and keep the peace, so to speak, seems to be wishy washy in coming down more or less on her side.

Rather, YOU want HIM to support YOU, don't you? I think we all would. And it would be important in this circumstance for the two of you to be on the same page, in order to be able to present a pleasant united front, rather than you being bitchy and him being Mr Nice Guy. I don't know if this is your relationship in general, but I do think in this case he is trying to counterbalance you. Don't allow the feelings you have for her and her conduct to erode your relationship with your husband.

So, what to do? WHAT TO DO??

Do you ever have friends over to your house? Most of us do. I think the first step would be to make a commitment to invite her over when you have friends over. Be prepared: if she tries to vend her salads, or "work" any other kind of self-enterprise, you'll take her aside IMMEDIATELY and tell her that your get-togethers are social, and business networking is a no-no. Having her there with other people will dilute your contact with her and the two of you won't need to be talking about yarn, either.

The rest depends on your comfort level for perhaps a little "acting". Some folks feel a lot of pride in believing that they should always be telling the truth (but I might mention, you haven't been telling her the truth, have you?). In spite of her being the focal point, the vortex, of these difficulties, your timidity in accepting certain things in the early stages of the relationship are what's gotten you embroiled in this ugly circumstance from which you need to delicately extricate yourself.

My suggestion would be to call her up and tell her that you are looking into taking on some work-at-home customer service online/telephone employment. That you'll be taking a lot of online training and you have to improve your time management skills. That just because you are home, doesn't mean you're available. So, you're going to tell her that you have to establish "new rules" and that she must please call before dropping by. Because you've already INCLUDED her at another level in your life (your get-togethers), THIS request should not then make her feel EXCLUDED.

If, in spite of your request, she comes to the door anyway, you MUST tell her that it isn't a good time, and your husband must do the same (needless to say).

You said she is enterprising, so she may be interested in what you're doing. Be prepared: if she asks for information, just tell her you're doing it through another person, and you can't talk about it until you find out whether it's working for you.

This "working out" could easily take 6 months to a year, which will give you the breathing room to unobtrusively set new boundaries in your relationship.

You could go into this thinking of it as writing a script and performing a play...on the stage of life. This is only one possibility, but the two "reality" options at either end of the extreme are (a) to cut her off entirely - something you've indicated you're not comfortable doing because of the potential backlash; or (b) continuing swallowing things as they are, which doesn't seem like a very healthy prospect for you physically or for the emotional well-being of your marriage.


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## janetj54 (Mar 12, 2011)

I have read everyone's post. I have been in the same situation. Here is how I solved the problem without hurt feelings. First I made a price list for everything that that I make and at the bottom of the list I put a down payment of half is requried and not refundable. No discounts for family or friends. Once they looked at the prices that I charged I had no more problems from anyone. I knit because I enjoy it not because I have to. I hope that this helps.


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## farmkiti (Oct 13, 2011)

maur1011 said:


> This woman definitely sounds a bit 'off'. Perhaps if her Energy were redirected, she'd stop with the hare-brained schemes. It might seem mean, but something along the lines of "I am so busy at the moment I can't commit to knit for anyone. However, I know that ____ (local church/VFW/library/etc.) is really in need of help with their project and would be delighted to have your input and organizational skills to move the project along."
> 
> She sounds like someone with deficit social skills (don't recall the name for it, but it is in the autism spectrum) and is quite likely not welcome anywhere else because of it.


You may be referring to Asberger's symdrome. Someone close to me has it. They have no empathy; they are absolutely unable to put themselves into another person's shoes. They are socially awkward because they have no idea how their own actions affect the feelings of others. They are unable to perceive "cues" coming from other people that tell them they are not welcome, or this is not a good time, etc.

With people like that, whether they have that syndrome or not, it is best just to put your foot down and ask them never to return to your door again. "Please do not come visit me again; I don't want to buy what you are selling and we have nothing in common." Polite but firm. Don't worry about hurting their feelings; you won't. They'll just move on to the next victim.

I'm not dissing people who have Asberger's; it is a debilitating and life-altering syndrome. I have just learned how to deal with one particular person who has it. I would use the same tactics on this pest who annoys you, whether she has this syndrome or not.

The key is to make up your phrase, however you want to say it, and just repeat it, politely but firmly, as many times as it takes to make them go away. With Asberger's as well as pesky people who don't have it (and so have no excuse), the key is repetition and firmness.


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## nhauf001 (Jan 18, 2011)

This happens to me occasionally too -- I usually just tell them they can't afford my rates.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

tami_ohio said:


> Bombshellknits, I have timed myself while I was riding in the car, on the turnpike with time stamped entrance and exit tickets. It takes me 1 hour to knit 1 1/2 " in sock weight yarn, making socks for me. I measured a completed sock, and figured my time that way. It takes me 20 hours plus for a pair of socks. And that is with only about 1 1/2" of ribbing on the cuff. No design. When someone asks me to knit them a pair of socks, I have told them $150. And gotten it! I was hoping to price myself out of knitting them, but I figure if they want them bad enough to pay that much for them, I will knit them. And even at $150, that doesn't give me much per hour for the work. Especially as the socks needed to be worsted weight wool for hunting socks. Which didn't come cheap for a good wool that would hold up well.
> 
> I knit my socks cuff down, and start measuring the foot at the back of the heel. For my foot, that is 7 1/2" before decreasing for the toes. For my DH, DS & DB, that is 9 1/2" before decreasing for the toes. And for mens socks for my family I am working 72 stitches for the whole sock, not just the 72 stitches that I work for the cuff of mine, before decreasing above the ankle to 64 stitches for my foot.
> 
> ...


I will try that with the socks. I was measuring, but, I had been like the row counter. 20 rows of ribbing. 50 rows to heel flap, and then I worked out the foot myself. I think $150 for socks is great! Lucky you! I am slow at ribbing, but, then I pick up speed. Mine are faster because I prefer them shorter. My husband thinks I take between 6-8 hours per sock. I have only been knitting socks for a year. Getting the needles in order for the first row take a long time for me. I did make hubby a pair of worsted weight ones. Hated it!! Probably because my needles were bamboo, I have since gotten metal ones. I see you are in Ohio, so, I was wondering where you lived to get that price on your socks. I'm jealous!! I am in Northeast Ohio, right close to the pro football hall of fame.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

KroSha said:


> Previously, I noticed that you said:
> 
> "When she comes door to door, she takes orders for the salad. Why she can't use a phone I have no idea! Most times I say that I don't need any, and we are going camping. She doesn't know anything about camping."
> 
> ...


Thank you. Good advice. We rarely have people over. We tend to go out with friends. This person does consider me to be her friend, but, I don't consider her mine. You know? Like she was mad that she didn't get invited to my daughter's grad party, but, she didn't have gift for her. Also, because my husband is self employed and I run his business we tend to have few friends and be very private. Everyone wants to talk business and we want the day off. Yes, I have not been honest. I'm not very diplomatic, so, it would border on rude. When I told her the last time she was here that we were heading to bed she bluntly said Too Bad. I just laughed and said that she could let herself out. My husband doesn't think I should knit for her for free or for money. But, he hates to see me vent. He sees it as negative. I see it as getting the negativity out of my body. I really find your advice and insight useful. I can't say I will invite her to my next gathering, but, I will use the rest of your advice. In a couple of weeks I am making dinner for my cousin and his wife. And, salad girl, she constantly tells me what to eat, what not to eat etc., yet I am the registered dietetic technician!! But, yes, honesty and finesse are required. Thank you.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

cattdages said:


> There are plenty of folks who just don't get it.
> 
> I like to reply with
> 
> ...


I like this. My husband used to say sex is like air. It's no big deal unless you aren't getting any. 
:-D


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## kayrein (Aug 24, 2011)

You know, I've read everyone's posts, all with interesting views. But the bottom line is...just say no when you want to say no. We are all adults and we should be in control of our lives enough to say what we really mean. Saying no is not mean, it's honest and straight-forward. I have been asked a lot of times to knit this or that. I just smile and say no, I'm not interested. 

A friend once asked me to knit her a pair of lace fingerless mitts for her son's wedding. She offered to pay me, and I said to just buy me 2 skeins of the same yarn she bought for the mitts. There was only a week left before the wedding, and I was working full time. But, thinking about how much she would appreciate it, I went to town on the mitts and got them done. They were perfect and beautiful. She never bought me the yarn. She gave me the left-over yarn from her mitts, and then never mentioned it again. I felt taken advantage of! Never again. I don't think a lot of non-knitters really appreciates the time and effort put into a good hand-knit piece.

Anyway, I guess that's why I just say no and I don't care if they like it or not. I'm not mean about it, just firm.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

LoannDrake said:


> Two things: One I only knit for people I really want to knit for, regardless of whether it is a gift of I am being paid. Two, I am pretty old and have learned (often the hard way) that keeping people like that in my life is not worthwhile. On two occasions I have actually said that relationship was not good for either of us and ended it. And life was much easier and more pleasant after that. Good luck.


 :thumbup:


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

kayrein said:


> You know, I've read everyone's posts, all with interesting views. But the bottom line is...just say no when you want to say no. We are all adults and we should be in control of our lives enough to say what we really mean. Saying no is not mean, it's honest and straight-forward. I have been asked a lot of times to knit this or that. I just smile and say no, I'm not interested.
> 
> A friend once asked me to knit her a pair of lace fingerless mitts for her son's wedding. She offered to pay me, and I said to just buy me 2 skeins of the same yarn she bought for the mitts. There was only a week left before the wedding, and I was working full time. But, thinking about how much she would appreciate it, I went to town on the mitts and got them done. They were perfect and beautiful. She never bought me the yarn. She gave me the left-over yarn from her mitts, and then never mentioned it again. I felt taken advantage of! Never again. I don't think a lot of non-knitters really appreciates the time and effort put into a good hand-knit piece.
> 
> Anyway, I guess that's why I just say no and I don't care if they like it or not. I'm not mean about it, just firm.


 :thumbup:


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Bombshellknits said:


> Thank you. Good advice. We rarely have people over. We tend to go out with friends. This person does consider me to be her friend, but, I don't consider her mine. You know? Like she was mad that she didn't get invited to my daughter's grad party, but, she didn't have gift for her. Also, because my husband is self employed and I run his business we tend to have few friends and be very private. Everyone wants to talk business and we want the day off. Yes, I have not been honest. I'm not very diplomatic, so, it would border on rude. When I told her the last time she was here that we were heading to bed she bluntly said Too Bad. I just laughed and said that she could let herself out. My husband doesn't think I should knit for her for free or for money. But, he hates to see me vent. He sees it as negative. I see it as getting the negativity out of my body. I really find your advice and insight useful. I can't say I will invite her to my next gathering, but, I will use the rest of your advice. In a couple of weeks I am making dinner for my cousin and his wife. And, salad girl, she constantly tells me what to eat, what not to eat etc., yet I am the registered dietetic technician!! But, yes, honesty and finesse are required. Thank you.


It seems you posted a similar problem some time ago on this forum. There was so much good advice there for you. Go back and read those posts and don't let yourself get caught up in something like this again. I wish you well.


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## jodymorse151 (Sep 14, 2014)

DorisAnn said:


> You merely say, "Oh I am sorry this is not a good time to visit, you should have called first, have a nice day" .


Several fine suggestions ... I like this one best! Kind but firm ...

One of you said "NO!" is a complete sentence. Good one.

It sounds as if we were all raised to be polite and kind. Good traits until we are abused. Many came up with pricing suggestions. I think "I will teach you to knit. Just buy the yarn and needles first and you can join my knitting group" ... might be an interesting challenge. Then ask a few knitting friends to get together at a time convenient to you. You never know. At least you will be spending time with other knitters you enjoy.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

laceluvr said:


> I also thought it very strange that she would sell salads. First of all, I'm surprised that she has not been reported to the health department for selling food...door to door, no less! If she says it's for a donation for a mission service, do you know if it's a legitimate charity. Wouldn't be surprised if she just says that to get people to buy what she's selling & keeps the money for herself. I also find it extremely rude for her to just drop by without calling first. Life is too short to put up with people like that.


 :thumbup:


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## Beachkc (Aug 24, 2012)

I have been reading this with a bit of a chuckle today. It makes me recall Lent several years ago. I had a frame shop and enjoyed many hours to paint in peace. There were a few people who drove me crazy and took up too much time and seemed to think I was there to amuse them. I felt bad about the groan I let out when I saw their car drive in, so for Lent I decided to give up avoiding the difficult people in my life for that 40 days. I must say that God has a sense of humor and he sent me every one of them over and over again. I made it a rule to put aside everything and make a pot of tea and really visit. It cured my irritation and gave me an insight that I had not bothered to have before. Some became cherished friends and others slid on out of my life.


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## Bridgeknitter (Sep 18, 2014)

Bombshellknits said:


> She shows up at my house. I don't maintain the friendship.


I would meet her at door and tell her it's not a good day for a "visit".


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## Cardelo (Jul 14, 2014)

Buttons said:


> The next time she wants you to make her something, tell her to buy the yarn and the needles and you will teach her how to do it. Then, if she has excuses, then tell her you are too busy at this time and to find someone else to knit free for her.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## pfarley4106 (Feb 20, 2011)

I think it's time to not answer the door.


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## Karenno1 (Mar 17, 2014)

dont let this woman phase you she sees you knitting ok before she can get the how much to knit stop and say listen whatever her name is before you start NO i can not knit for you or anyone else outside the family NO i would have to charge alot of money to cover costs and NO ive gone off salad ....now where were we tea


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## tami_ohio (Mar 22, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> I will try that with the socks. I was measuring, but, I had been like the row counter. 20 rows of ribbing. 50 rows to heel flap, and then I worked out the foot myself. I think $150 for socks is great! Lucky you! I am slow at ribbing, but, then I pick up speed. Mine are faster because I prefer them shorter. My husband thinks I take between 6-8 hours per sock. I have only been knitting socks for a year. Getting the needles in order for the first row take a long time for me. I did make hubby a pair of worsted weight ones. Hated it!! Probably because my needles were bamboo, I have since gotten metal ones. I see you are in Ohio, so, I was wondering where you lived to get that price on your socks. I'm jealous!! I am in Northeast Ohio, right close to the pro football hall of fame.


I am half way between Sandusky and Cleveland, only about 8 miles from Lake Erie. I figured it up. Without including the price of the yarn, which I paid for, before the socks were paid for, I made $7.50/hour. And that did not include the price of the yarn! I should have asked for $200! I might still have gotten it. I have only sold two pair, to the same man. He wanted 2 pair of 100% wool hunting socks. He wears a pair of silk socks, a pair of wool, and a pair of cotton socks, one over the other, in that order, and never gets cold feet while out hunting. If I do it again, I will get half down, before I buy the yarn and start the socks. It took a while to get paid (and he didn't get the socks until then) due to injuries at work that have him on disability after he ordered them. Had he not been injured at the time he was, I would have been paid for the socks as soon as I finished them. Even if we know someone is willing and able to pay our price, you just never know what will happen to prevent them being able to do so. And, yes, I would make him socks again, with a down payment.


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

This sounds mean but whenever I saw someone coming to my house that I didn't want to see I used to make sure the doors were locked and hide and let them knock until they got tired of waiting and leave. I did this when my kids were small too. They would hide with me and be very quiet. That's another trick I learned from my mother. There's just sometimes when I didn't feel like having company, especially the ones that didn't know when to leave and stayed and stayed.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

morningstar said:


> It seems you posted a similar problem some time ago on this forum. There was so much good advice there for you. Go back and read those posts and don't let yourself get caught up in something like this again. I wish you well.


I did, and it was the person! I would like to ask why she keeps doing this. But, really, I am polite and keep letting her. My husband is so sweet and kind, but is very sensitive that I may offend someone. I know she doesn't want anything I have made, nor does she want me to make anything she has to pay for. I just can't figure out why she continues to play this game. With any luck we won't see her for another six months.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

jodymorse151 said:


> Several fine suggestions ... I like this one best! Kind but firm ...
> 
> One of you said "NO!" is a complete sentence. Good one.
> 
> It sounds as if we were all raised to be polite and kind. Good traits until we are abused. Many came up with pricing suggestions. I think "I will teach you to knit. Just buy the yarn and needles first and you can join my knitting group" ... might be an interesting challenge. Then ask a few knitting friends to get together at a time convenient to you. You never know. At least you will be spending time with other knitters you enjoy.


I wish I had knitting friends. 😥 Sometimes I go to the LYS and visit, but, they are not people I do things with. We don't have each other's numbers. But, they are very nice. My friends say they are too busy to knit. Whatever.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

knitpick1 said:


> This sounds mean but whenever I saw someone coming to my house that I didn't want to see I used to make sure the doors were locked and hide and let them knock until they got tired of waiting and leave. I did this when my kids were small too. They would hide with me and be very quiet. That's another trick I learned from my mother. There's just sometimes when I didn't feel like having company, especially the ones that didn't know when to leave and stayed and stayed.


I have done that. At night tho, we often don't hear or see a car pull in. During the day I go to the basement or bathroom. It feels like getting away with something.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

tami_ohio said:


> I am half way between Sandusky and Cleveland, only about 8 miles from Lake Erie. I figured it up. Without including the price of the yarn, which I paid for, before the socks were paid for, I made $7.50/hour. And that did not include the price of the yarn! I should have asked for $200! I might still have gotten it. I have only sold two pair, to the same man. He wanted 2 pair of 100% wool hunting socks. He wears a pair of silk socks, a pair of wool, and a pair of cotton socks, one over the other, in that order, and never gets cold feet while out hunting. If I do it again, I will get half down, before I buy the yarn and start the socks. It took a while to get paid (and he didn't get the socks until then) due to injuries at work that have him on disability after he ordered them. Had he not been injured at the time he was, I would have been paid for the socks as soon as I finished them. Even if we know someone is willing and able to pay our price, you just never know what will happen to prevent them being able to do so. And, yes, I would make him socks again, with a down payment.[/quote
> 
> We like to take our camper to Kelley's Island. There is a cool yarn store in Marblehead/Lakeside. It's peaceful up there.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

You clearly need to DO something!

Doing nothing IS doing something...

YOU'RE putting yourself in a state of limbo and continual stress and aggravation by doing nothing.

FORM a strategy, make a decision, bite the bullet, stop posting, and DO SOMETHING.

Allow yourself to MOVE FORWARD ! ! ! ! !

_______________

Upon reflection, I would suggest that you let your husband read your posts and the answers you've received so that you're sure he understands not only where you're coming from, but also that everyone doesn't have the same philosophy that he does.

I know, I know...we aren't there. We don't live your life. We're not walking in your moccasins. But you are the one suffering and it's got to stop. You're tearing yourself down mentally not to mention what you're doing to your immune system. I'm a nutritionist, you're a dietitian, you know better!


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## tami_ohio (Mar 22, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> tami_ohio said:
> 
> 
> > I am half way between Sandusky and Cleveland, only about 8 miles from Lake Erie. I figured it up. Without including the price of the yarn, which I paid for, before the socks were paid for, I made $7.50/hour. And that did not include the price of the yarn! I should have asked for $200! I might still have gotten it. I have only sold two pair, to the same man. He wanted 2 pair of 100% wool hunting socks. He wears a pair of silk socks, a pair of wool, and a pair of cotton socks, one over the other, in that order, and never gets cold feet while out hunting. If I do it again, I will get half down, before I buy the yarn and start the socks. It took a while to get paid (and he didn't get the socks until then) due to injuries at work that have him on disability after he ordered them. Had he not been injured at the time he was, I would have been paid for the socks as soon as I finished them. Even if we know someone is willing and able to pay our price, you just never know what will happen to prevent them being able to do so. And, yes, I would make him socks again, with a down payment.[/quote
> ...


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## Norma014 (Feb 27, 2015)

A stopwatch works great for keeping time for something. If interrupted, just punch a button, and punch it again when you get back to it.


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## Georget (Jul 14, 2011)

It seems to me that perhaps that person is lonely. Many people who live alone yearn for human contact. Also some who are married have little conversation from their spouse. Could that be the circumstances?


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

Sometimes I think husbands need to keep out of womens problems. My husband did this to me twice before he saw the error of his butting in where he shouldn't. The first time was when our pesty neighbor across the road sent word with him that she wanted to borrow my vacum cleaner. I told him I didn't want to loan it to her because she wasn't a very good housekeeper and didn't take care of things. And also I felt that was a personal thing to me. He informed me that I was being selfish and was ashamed of me. I told him if she wanted it she would have to come after it, I wasn't going to deliver it. He took it to her. She had it for two days and called for him to come pick it up. It was filthy and she didn't even have the decency to remove the filthy bag with her house dirt. It had a new bag in it when she got it. It took me some time to get it cleaned up. I told him thanks a lot! The second time was when another so-called friend wanted to borrow my new Bissel shampooer. She hinted and hawed but I didn't take the hint. Finally dear husband told her she could borrow it. I bought it with my own money that I worked for. I reminded him about when he loaned my sweeper. He said it was a different person and it would be alright. When I started to use it again it wouldn't work right. I was just out of a shampooer. It was ok before it went to her house and now it's not. He said from then on he would respect my decisions. He's now been dead since 2008. Hated to see him go but he was a slow learner.


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

I had some problems when I was younger and my four kids were small. Mine took a daily nap. I loved it because I had some ME TIME without kids in my face and I could read a book or do my own thing. I loved to sit on my front porch on my glider and read. The woman across the street had two. Hers were too bratty to take a nap. She had no control over them at all. She got into the habit of calling me during my ME TIME. The phone would wake my kids up and to make matters worse she would yell at her kids constantly while she was on the phone. I had to unplug the phone to get some peace. As soon as I plugged the phone back in it would ring. She would say she had been trying to call me and I had to tell her I needed that time to myself.


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## Gwen in L.A. (May 28, 2011)

DorisAnn said:


> You are missing the point here. This person is upsetting you, and annoying you. So you don't cultivate the relationship you don't end it either. We were all raised to be "ladies and gentlemen" and old habits die hard. You cannot be used for a doormat if you don't lay down. You must gather yourself up and when they arrive, unannounced next time don't let them in. You merely say, "Oh I am sorry this is not a good time to visit, you should have called first, have a nice day" then shut the door. Do this each time they show up. If they call be busy and do not stay on the phone. I should warn you now it is difficult to discourage some persons so it may take a few times. Some things I have learned in my 72 years is you cannot insult ignorant and you cannot scare stupid. I know it will be tough but you can do this or be a prisoner forever.


Agreed. Been there and had to do it with a casual acquaintance. AKA The Pest. Also tell her to come to the front door only. If you have a lockable gate to block off the back porch access, that would be Bonus Points.

Want to share my story: When I was going through chemo and feeling like a zombie, very weak, when my pest came by. Pest, not friend, just a casual acquaintance through a gardening club. I had arranged via Freecycle to leave some gardening books on the front porch in a box. She was the only one who responded to the ad, btw. Instructions were Will leave on Front Porch, please do not disturb. sigh. She was loudly knocking on the door, scared my big fat cat who jumped down from her perch near the door. Pest had the nerve to *Yell* "I know you're inside, I can hear you". Good grief. I did NOT answer the door.

If it was an emergency, anyone ringing and knocking like that would say something like "Please help me, it's an emergency!"

She emailed me about a week later asking what I was going to do with the empty flower pots on my porch, "Just let them rot?". She obviously wanted them for free (based on earlier dealings). I did not respond and blocked her email. Good riddance.

It takes all kinds to make the world, doesn't mean we have to include them in our social circle  All my best to you!


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## Jean williams (Nov 11, 2014)

Bombshellknits, my thought with this person is to never give her an opening to your time or space. She's not worth it. Start by deciding what you will say to her and don't change it. Be a recorder where she hears only your same reply over and over. Practice it in front of a mirror 
to get the body language you want for emphasis. Forget what your husband says because they don't realize that you put a lot into the knitting.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> ... Seriously, what would you charge for a pair of socks??


Before I'd knitted my first pair of socks, my pharmacist *told* me that she'd buy the yarn for me to knit her a pair of socks. I was dumbstruck! I did some quick thinking and told her that it would take me about ten hours and my job paid me $25/hour, so she could pay me $250 for a pair of socks. She didn't say another word about socks, and I changed pharmacies.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

Each of us have different personalities, tolerances and comfort levels with confrontation so I will not suggest how you should handle this. I would handle it by asking this person ONCE to call before she stops by, as some of her visits come at very inconvenient times. Next time she dropped by unannounced I would meet her at the door (actually blocking the door with my body) say, "Yes?" as I opened the door. Let her state her piece, respond with, "I'm not interested." if she is selling something. Or ,"this isn't a good time." if she has another reason, then immediately close the door. If I am quick enough she won't have time to confront me. If I am not quick or she says something at a later date I would remind her that I asked her to call first in order to avoid that very situation. If I wanted to temper the situation I might explain that when I am tired, or stressed or not feeling well it is all I can do to be civil and I really don't want her to be on the receiving end of any unpleasantness just because she caught me at a bad time, so please call before coming by. If I don't want to temper the situation I would just leave it at the reminder that I DID ask her to call first.

I figure if she involved others I could tell them they can believe what they want, but after her showing up numerous times when it was very inconvenient, I asked her to call first. She didn't and caught me on a very bad day and much to my shame I was very impolite. I figure with that explanation I would in the clear because any mutual acquaintances have probably received similar visits.


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## JoanDL (Aug 26, 2013)

NO is a complete sentence. A child explains, an adult doesn't haven't to. I agree with the others. You only knit for family. Speaking for myself, I love to knit for those that appreciate it, but on my time. Same with my sewing. I still work full time so my knitting and sewing is something I do for me that I enjoy.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

knitpick1 said:


> This sounds mean but whenever I saw someone coming to my house that I didn't want to see I used to make sure the doors were locked and hide and let them knock until they got tired of waiting and leave. I did this when my kids were small too. They would hide with me and be very quiet. That's another trick I learned from my mother. There's just sometimes when I didn't feel like having company, especially the ones that didn't know when to leave and stayed and stayed.


Many would not admit this but we've all done it and continue to do it.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Before I'd knitted my first pair of socks, my pharmacist *told* me that she'd buy the yarn for me to knit her a pair of socks. I was dumbstruck! I did some quick thinking and told her that it would take me about ten hours and my job paid me $25/hour, so she could pay me $250 for a pair of socks. She didn't say another word about socks, and I changed pharmacies.


Perfect!


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

KateLyn11 said:


> Each of us have different personalities, tolerances and comfort levels with confrontation so I will not suggest how you should handle this. I would handle it by asking this person ONCE to call before she stops by, as some of her visits come at very inconvenient times. Next time she dropped by unannounced I would meet her at the door (actually blocking the door with my body) say, "Yes?" as I opened the door. Let her state her piece, respond with, "I'm not interested." if she is selling something. Or ,"this isn't a good time." if she has another reason, then immediately close the door. If I am quick enough she won't have time to confront me. If I am not quick or she says something at a later date I would remind her that I asked her to call first in order to avoid that very situation. If I wanted to temper the situation I might explain that when I am tired, or stressed or not feeling well it is all I can do to be civil and I really don't want her to be on the receiving end of any unpleasantness just because she caught me at a bad time, so please call before coming by. If I don't want to temper the situation I would just leave it at the reminder that I DID ask her to call first.
> 
> I figure if she involved others I could tell them they can believe what they want, but after her showing up numerous times when it was very inconvenient, I asked her to call first. She didn't and caught me on a very bad day and much to my shame I was very impolite. I figure with that explanation I would in the clear because any mutual acquaintances have probably received similar visits.


Actually, you don't owe anyone any explanations.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Gwen in L.A. said:


> Agreed. Been there and had to do it with a casual acquaintance. AKA The Pest. Also tell her to come to the front door only. If you have a lockable gate to block off the back porch access, that would be Bonus Points.
> 
> Want to share my story: When I was going through chemo and feeling like a zombie, very weak, when my pest came by. Pest, not friend, just a casual acquaintance through a gardening club. I had arranged via Freecycle to leave some gardening books on the front porch in a box. She was the only one who responded to the ad, btw. Instructions were Will leave on Front Porch, please do not disturb. sigh. She was loudly knocking on the door, scared my big fat cat who jumped down from her perch near the door. Pest had the nerve to *Yell* "I know you're inside, I can hear you". Good grief. I did NOT answer the door.
> 
> ...


Right on!


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Georget said:


> It seems to me that perhaps that person is lonely. Many people who live alone yearn for human contact. Also some who are married have little conversation from their spouse. Could that be the circumstances?


There are other appropriate ways for such persons to make social contacts. No excuse for rude invaders.


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## Rescue Mom (Jul 28, 2011)

Your friend simply does not get it. Don't waste time being upset or trying to explain. She will use you - only if you let her. I don't make anything for anyone unless I want to, then give it as a gift. Once you put a price on it the pressure and stress builds, and you can almost hear the clock ticking! I craft for my own pleasure, and refuse to let anyone steal my joy. Tell her she needs to learn to make these items herself. Like what you do and do what you like. You could get straight to the point and tell her you do not want to buy anything from her, nor do you wish to make anything for her. Your time is valuable. We all know if someone is selling something you pay more than if you bought it at a store. You get a sense of freedom when you are honest with people. If she gets mad or her feelings hurt and never bugs you again, what have you lost? When you are honest, others either love you or don't love you.


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## Rescue Mom (Jul 28, 2011)

jodymorse151 said:


> Several fine suggestions ... I like this one best! Kind but firm ...
> 
> One of you said "NO!" is a complete sentence. Good one.
> 
> It sounds as if we were all raised to be polite and kind. Good traits until we are abused. Many came up with pricing suggestions. I think "I will teach you to knit. Just buy the yarn and needles first and you can join my knitting group" ... might be an interesting challenge. Then ask a few knitting friends to get together at a time convenient to you. You never know. At least you will be spending time with other knitters you enjoy.


The problem we who are polite have to deal with is those who are not polite - they mistake politeness for weakness. Ya can't fix stupid...


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

tami_ohio said:


> Just For Ewe! I have been several times. Another camper! Yay! We have a 30' RV. We don't take it to Kelly's Island, but do sometimes go to East Harbor State Park. Yes, it is very peaceful.


Kelley's is nice, but the ferry is expensive. Where is East Harbor? Will need to check it out. We have a 17' 1965 Airstream. We call it the Silver Bullet. It DOES have a bathroom. I love it.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

Georget said:


> It seems to me that perhaps that person is lonely. Many people who live alone yearn for human contact. Also some who are married have little conversation from their spouse. Could that be the circumstances?


I don't think so. She is generally always doing something with someone. My hair stylist sees her at the gym. She is rarely home, so, lot of contact with people. I don't know.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

Jean williams said:


> Bombshellknits, my thought with this person is to never give her an opening to your time or space. She's not worth it. Start by deciding what you will say to her and don't change it. Be a recorder where she hears only your same reply over and over. Practice it in front of a mirror
> to get the body language you want for emphasis. Forget what your husband says because they don't realize that you put a lot into the knitting.


 :thumbup:


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

Rescue Mom said:


> The problem we who are polite have to deal with is those who are not polite - they mistake politeness for weakness. Ya can't fix stupid...


no kidding. I need to come to terms with what to say and how to say it. I don't like to be rude, and I never say what I don't mean. I was stunned when I told her we were going to bed soon, and she said "Too Bad". I know my husband was really unhappy, too. But, he is soo much more patient than me, and less assertive. I wish I could gate off my back porch, but, it's an enclosed porch off the deck. And we have a HUGE back yard. IF I see her coming next time I will run back upstairs and take a second shower :-D . She takes advantage of me, that's true. I also kind of allow it. There are questions she asks and advice she wants that I just say I don't have the answer to. But, I'm having trouble backing away from the relationship. Do understand this: I am not the one who answered the door. Hubby did. whatcha gonna do. This is why I love him. But, he will have to work with me on this. It's super hard for him to see me rant and rave at home. I don't know why. Like, I don't have feelings. He and my children just think I am a rock that can give and give and never break down or freak out. It's a nice reputation, if you can live up to it. My family seriously doesn't get how I get so pissed. They don't see me that way. Sort of weird.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Bombshellknits said:


> no kidding. I need to come to terms with what to say and how to say it. I don't like to be rude, and I never say what I don't mean. I was stunned when I told her we were going to bed soon, and she said "Too Bad". I know my husband was really unhappy, too. But, he is soo much more patient than me, and less assertive. I wish I could gate off my back porch, but, it's an enclosed porch off the deck. And we have a HUGE back yard. IF I see her coming next time I will run back upstairs and take a second shower :-D . She takes advantage of me, that's true. I also kind of allow it. There are questions she asks and advice she wants that I just say I don't have the answer to. But, I'm having trouble backing away from the relationship. Do understand this: I am not the one who answered the door. Hubby did. whatcha gonna do. This is why I love him. But, he will have to work with me on this. It's super hard for him to see me rant and rave at home. I don't know why. Like, I don't have feelings. He and my children just think I am a rock that can give and give and never break down or freak out. It's a nice reputation, if you can live up to it. My family seriously doesn't get how I get so pissed. They don't see me that way. Sort of weird.


Have you gotten anything from all the advice here that you requested? It sounds to me like you are still feeling helpless in this situation. Maybe you need to settle down and read all of the posts here again. They are similar to the ones you received some time ago when you wrote about a similar problem with someone else. Life is too short to short to continue on as you have. You owe it to yourself to be free of this.


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## gina (Jan 18, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> no kidding. I need to come to terms with what to say and how to say it. I don't like to be rude, and I never say what I don't mean. I was stunned when I told her we were going to bed soon, and she said "Too Bad". I know my husband was really unhappy, too. But, he is soo much more patient than me, and less assertive. I wish I could gate off my back porch, but, it's an enclosed porch off the deck. And we have a HUGE back yard. IF I see her coming next time I will run back upstairs and take a second shower :-D . She takes advantage of me, that's true. I also kind of allow it. There are questions she asks and advice she wants that I just say I don't have the answer to. But, I'm having trouble backing away from the relationship. Do understand this: I am not the one who answered the door. Hubby did. whatcha gonna do. This is why I love him. But, he will have to work with me on this. It's super hard for him to see me rant and rave at home. I don't know why. Like, I don't have feelings. He and my children just think I am a rock that can give and give and never break down or freak out. It's a nice reputation, if you can live up to it. My family seriously doesn't get how I get so pissed. They don't see me that way. Sort of weird.


If he lets her in, let him entertain her. Go upstairs, or pick up your car keys and leave.

Actually, you pretty much shoot down most of the advice given. It's not that big a problem.


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## GemsByGranny (Dec 7, 2012)

Bombshellknits said:


> A while back I vented about an acquaintance who pretty much only comes to my house when she is selling something. But, a while back I was knitting a BSJ and she liked it. She asked for a price and I gave her one. She mentioned wanting to buy it, but, then asked about a matching hat. I.....
> 
> Thanx for the vent.


Plenty of those. I had an encounter on the bus recently with a woman who was rattling on and on about how expensive hand knits were... of course I was a captured prisoner, but I said I wasn't doing it for people who didn't want it. I think she was a nutcase because she kept going and onto politics and it was all 'poor little me'. Not really the place to say this, sorry. It has been annoying me, even through I realise she is probably a nutcase (more than me...  )

But a visitor to the house? That's a bit rich. At least my encounter was with some stranger on the bus (who now openly ignores me because I'm 'rude'...!) Am I worried? No. But it does leave a nasty taste in my mouth. I hate having enemies. 'If possible, be at peace with all people'. The words that give me comfort are 'If possible'.

Sorry. Rabbiting on again.


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## Bridgeknitter (Sep 18, 2014)

Morningstar is totally right.
Here's something to just consider: do you in any way get anything from holding onto this longstanding aggravation?


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## tami_ohio (Mar 22, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> Kelley's is nice, but the ferry is expensive. Where is East Harbor? Will need to check it out. We have a 17' 1965 Airstream. We call it the Silver Bullet. It DOES have a bathroom. I love it.


If you go to Marblehead, you see the signs for it! I don't know how you come up. If you take St. Rt. 2, you will cross the Sandusky Bay Bridge, and it is the first exit. Turn left at the stop sign, follow that road (sorry, don't know the name or number) to the T intersection at the light. Turn right. At the next light, turn left, follow the signs.

We started with a 8x10 tent! Then went to a 12x12. From there we went to a 25' Sunline trailer, then to a 30' trailer. Traded that and the truck we towed it with for the 30' Class A. Love it! We tow a Ford Ranger stick shift behind it so we have wheels when we get where we are going.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

Morningstar: no you don't owe anyone an explanation, I agree, but the OP was worried about damage to her reputation and relationships if her pest labelled her as a racist. As I said in my post, what I wrote is how I would handle the situation and I am a firm believer in being proactive. In my professional life I frequently dealt with those who lied to cause problems for staff members who thwarted their attempts at getting narcotics, saying the staff member was rude, racist, or unprofessional. The first time I observed that, a new physician was reported for being rude and mean when the reality was that he had been extremely professional. What he HAD done was order a narcotic dose that he felt was medically appropriate and that wasn't as much as the woman wanted. She left shortly there after so she couldn't claim that she'd tried the dose and it was ineffective. So I, and others, began reporting potential problems so the administration could check various charting sources and pharmacy records before having to deal with these complaints. So if someone else has had similar experiences with the pest and hears a report that attempts at minimizing her rude behavior are rebuffed then hears from the pest that the person is a racist, they are more likely to draw their own conclusion.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

I do get some good advice. I don't mean to shoot down stuff, but, when someone comes to your back door (everyone does) and sees you on the couch, you don't have much choice about not answering. Game over. Now, I COULD go back upstairs and do something. Pretend to look for something or whatever. I am NOT leaving at 8pm. Our day starts early and ends early. Hubby is up at 5, and me by 6. He is in bed by 8:30 or 9. I stay up til 9 or !0. He has a construction business which I run from home. He starts at 7am, and is home by 3:30 or 4. Nights and weeks can be spent doing estimates. Or appointments. So, we are home a lot, because it is where we work. When you come to our back door, you can clearly see us in there. I have been pretty upfront with her when SHE was telling ME what I should and shouldn't eat. Excuse me! I'm the DTR. I did the school and the testing. On top of the fact that I don't want to be told what to eat. 

I expect that next time she sees me knitting and wants something, instead of trying to be polite I will simply tell her that I don't do special orders. She is ridiculously persistent. Or is it hard headed. I'm not really sure. It could be people in town do what she asks because they are worn down. There IS a fine line with the race issue. You just never know. I mean, my family is Italian immigrants. My dad was first generation American. Yep, there was a time when no one wanted to be around the "****" or "*****". Whatever. I don't like cultural differences to be an excuse to think people need to do what you want. 

I do plan to make changes when I interact with her. For those of you that mentioned the health department: the city health department has approved her area for making the salads. Her going to the homes of people she considers "friends" to take the orders isn't an issue. Aside from the fact that she crosses city jurisdictions. I've mentioned to her that she should set up a website with the salads and options and let people know what days she delivers and order on line. She asked me to do that for her. I told her I didn't know how. And...I don't. She clearly wants to make money while everyone eles around her helps her along for free. 

I can live with the occasional visit,earlier in the day, so I can leave. And I can say no to the salad. But, like I have said I KNOW she won't buy anything I have knit, so why does she pretend that she wants to. Is it a game? Does she want attention? I'm not her, I'm not looking to sell my knitting. If I am , there's etsy, right? 

And next time I will tell hubby he can entertain her. But, you know what?? He will. It really doesn't bother him that much. He gets upset with my ranting, because he doesn't GET it. It annoys him a bit that she interrupted our evening, but, he doesn't care like I do. But, on the other hand, if does an estimate for people and they jerk him around for months and don't hire him, he's not impressed. He most definitely think if anyone wants anything knit for them I should be charging $20 an hour. I find it too stressful, and it takes all the fun out of knitting. Especially if they won't pick out their own yarn. Then, no. It's funny. He gets it when it's him, but not me. In the same vein he doesn't know why I was miffed at a different friend sending a "begging letter" from her son who wants donations to do some mission trip. I donated the last 3 years and the little shit can't even say thanx when he sees me. He does send a form thank you. That irks me too, and he can't see why. 

Again I do appreciate the advice, and there are some changes I can make. Others are impossible, tho.


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## Crochet dreamin' (Apr 22, 2013)

Get a dog and post it out front. Put up a sign "No solicitors!" 
Or jut bluntly tell her (she's very dense obviously) that you require people to call before they visit and she's no exception. No explanations, then say, I have an appointment, goodbye. Then don't answer your phone when she calls. Hopefully, she'll give up pretty soon.
Of course, you can just make her an enemy (with some there's no in-between) by telling her that your time is too valuable to waste on talking to her and you don't want anything she has. Actually, I like the turning the hose on her idea LOL! I've never met anyone that persistent. I've had a few acquaintances that I did not like that I just quit speaking to. I had a neighbor who was really that stupid that she would come over with her two young children and want me to drive her everywhere because she didn't know how, and who would come over and borrow milk, sugar, eggs etc. I was still a young woman, but eventually, I just kept telling her I was too busy and she eventually quit asking.


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## jodymorse151 (Sep 14, 2014)

Bombshellknits said:


> I wish I had knitting friends. 😥 Sometimes I go to the LYS and visit, but, they are not people I do things with. We don't have each other's numbers. But, they are very nice. My friends say they are too busy to knit. Whatever.


That is very sad. Few of my 'real' friends knit but they do not mind when I do ... so I just take my knitting along to meetings or dinner and knit. It has become a conversation starter many times. Good time to make a baby blanket with a simple pattern. My 1st husband insisted I sit with him while he watched football! It taught me to knit without looking all the time. I made quite a few afghans!


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## StitchDesigner (Jan 24, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> Sometime she is selling salads she makes. It has been a donation for someone doing mission work, I have no clue what goes on in her head. But, she is always trying some self-employment thing. What's strange is that my husband has a construction business. This person has had work done, but always has someone else do it. She never even asks for a quote. My husband doesn't care, but, I find it a bit disloyal. Oh, well.
> 
> She did ask about a pair of socks that I was working on. I told her that at $75 that didn't cover yarn and a $10 an hour wage. Seriously, what would you charge for a pair of socks??


I think you handled that perfectly. About 25 years ago I told an equally persistent woman that I would have to charge her about $500 for a large cross stitch piece. I had made the piece especially for the missionary I worked for and did not want it duplicated anyway. This PEST actually when to the ministry's president (my other boss) and complained! That lady came to me and was about to demand that I make the pest one. The missionary overheard and said, "She knows how much her work is worth!" I could have kissed her, as that ended that.


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## charliesaunt (Apr 22, 2011)

I have a sister-in-law who is "needy".....no matter who has what she "needs" it. This can be a jar of jelly or an expensive item. She is a whiner and her favorite word is "me".

Her sister, my additional sister-in-law, told me when I first married not to be deceived and be overly kind because once you open that door you will never close it.

I am now married 43 years and she has become more "needy" since her mom passed thinking her sister and I now should take care of her. NOT!!!


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

charliesaunt said:


> I have a sister-in-law who is "needy".....no matter who has what she "needs" it. This can be a jar of jelly or an expensive item. She is a whiner and her favorite word is "me".
> 
> Her sister, my additional sister-in-law, told me when I first married not to be deceived and be overly kind because once you open that door you will never close it.
> 
> I am now married 43 years and she has become more "needy" since her mom passed thinking her sister and I now should take care of her. NOT!!!


Are we related??? Because this sounds like MY sister-in-law! Needy, bragging about what she spent, copying everything I do. Whining about what she must have next. She actually had the, um.. audacity to ask me why I didn't get a new car because mine is 8 years old. She said she feels she "deserves" a new car every three years. My car is in great shape, runs well, and gets good gas mileage. I will get a new one when I am ready. I promise that whatever I get, dear SIL will run out and buy the same thing! For the record, my car is a Saturn. There are tons of them still on the road. My SIL must always be the center of attention. Is yours like that, too? I don't feed into it, but, sometimes it still makes me crazy. Most recent whine from her: Her nephew is getting married and they didn't invite HER to the rehearsal and dinner. Now, really, why would they??? She has even had her cousin tell her to her face how spoiled she is and how she whines til she gets her way. She told me she couldn't believe people would see her that way. Jeez, it's got to be pretty honest coming from your cousin!!


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

Bombshellknits said:


> Kelley's is nice, but the ferry is expensive. Where is East Harbor? Will need to check it out. We have a 17' 1965 Airstream. We call it the Silver Bullet. It DOES have a bathroom. I love it.


i looked up East Harbor and it is listed in Marblehead/Lakeside. We go right thru there to get the ferry to Kelley's. I'm interested. I love Kelley's but, not the cost of the ferry!


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

jodymorse151 said:


> That is very sad. Few of my 'real' friends knit but they do not mind when I do ... so I just take my knitting along to meetings or dinner and knit. It has become a conversation starter many times. Good time to make a baby blanket with a simple pattern. My 1st husband insisted I sit with him while he watched football! It taught me to knit without looking all the time. I made quite a few afghans!


It's sort of weird, but, I have very few friends. I'm used to it, but, sometimes I don't like it so much. My husband and I have a construction business. He does the labor and I do the books. I work from home, so there is very little chance to meet new people and make friends. My BFF lives in California and I am in Ohio. Plus, with working from home, a lot of my friends aren't on my schedule. I'm definitely not one who believes in "girls night out". Personally, I think it's a recipe for trouble. I have a daughter nearby, and one in Arizona. I hang with the one nearby. I also have a friend nearby, she doesn't knit. But, we don't get much time together as her youngest is 14 and I have an empty nest. Just different points in time. I'm used to it, because I am also an only child. But sometimes....I just get tired of it. There was a group of ladies who got together and knitted. I met with them a few times. They were nice ladies, but, they only seemed interested in who I knew that they knew. I'm not into the local town gossip.They were a bit too nosy for my taste. Again, a recipe for trouble. So, while I don't have many friends, a lot of it is my fault. On the upside, keeping a low profile and keeping to yourself allows you to be a mystery. No one knows what to make of you. Lack of knitting friends doesn't keep me from knitting. After dinner, it's yarn time!!


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## knitty19 (Mar 10, 2013)

Bombshellknits said:


> Are we related??? Because this sounds like MY sister-in-law! Needy, bragging about what she spent, copying everything I do. Whining about what she must have next. She actually had the, um.. audacity to ask me why I didn't get a new car because mine is 8 years old. She said she feels she "deserves" a new car every three years. My car is in great shape, runs well, and gets good gas mileage. I will get a new one when I am ready. I promise that whatever I get, dear SIL will run out and buy the same thing! For the record, my car is a Saturn. There are tons of them still on the road. My SIL must always be the center of attention. Is yours like that, too? I don't feed into it, but, sometimes it still makes me crazy. Most recent whine from her: Her nephew is getting married and they didn't invite HER to the rehearsal and dinner. Now, really, why would they??? She has even had her cousin tell her to her face how spoiled she is and how she whines til she gets her way. She told me she couldn't believe people would see her that way. Jeez, it's got to be pretty honest coming from your cousin!!


My sister-in-law is the same way. When I got my one cup coffee machine all she could talk about was how much the k-cups cost; I finally said that is my luxury. the funny thing is is when I went over to their house; there sat a one cup coffee maker. Hee


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

knitty19 said:


> My sister-in-law is the same way. When I got my one cup coffee machine all she could talk about was how much the k-cups cost; I finally said that is my luxury. the funny thing is is when I went over to their house; there sat a one cup coffee maker. Hee


Those one cup machines would be expensive for hubby and I as he has a pot in the morning. For people who don't drink much coffee, I think it's awesome, and no cold coffee to throw out.


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## tami_ohio (Mar 22, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> i looked up East Harbor and it is listed in Marblehead/Lakeside. We go right thru there to get the ferry to Kelley's. I'm interested. I love Kelley's but, not the cost of the ferry!


 :thumbup:


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## justanoldgirl (Feb 18, 2015)

Pinkpaisley said:


> Next time she comes calling put on your oat and hat, grab your keys and say you're on your way out.
> Or......tell her you don't like drop ins.
> Life is too short to put up with people who don't add value to your life.
> Time to get rid of her for good.


My mother used to do that when a tiresome neighbour called uninvited. She would answer the door with her hat and bag in her hand and say that she was just on her way out!


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## justanoldgirl (Feb 18, 2015)

Gwen in L.A. said:


> Agreed. Been there and had to do it with a casual acquaintance. AKA The Pest. Also tell her to come to the front door only. If you have a lockable gate to block off the back porch access, that would be Bonus Points.
> 
> Want to share my story: When I was going through chemo and feeling like a zombie, very weak, when my pest came by. Pest, not friend, just a casual acquaintance through a gardening club. I had arranged via Freecycle to leave some gardening books on the front porch in a box. She was the only one who responded to the ad, btw. Instructions were Will leave on Front Porch, please do not disturb. sigh. She was loudly knocking on the door, scared my big fat cat who jumped down from her perch near the door. Pest had the nerve to *Yell* "I know you're inside, I can hear you". Good grief. I did NOT answer the door.
> 
> ...


When our children were little, we had a couple who used to visit us right at meal times. Stupidly I used to stretch the meal and ask them to stay for dinner. After this occurred quite a few times I started to feel very used! Finally enough was enough when they had visitors staying with them who we knew also and we were told that they could not invite us to join them for a meal as we had children. I never fed them again.


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## gina (Jan 18, 2011)

justanoldgirl said:


> My mother used to do that when a tiresome neighbour called uninvited. She would answer the door with her hat and bag in her hand and say that she was just on her way out!


But then you have to go out, whether you want to or not. Better to just say you're very busy and can't visit now.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

I have said I was on my way out before, and left. I also do that with one neighbor. But, late in the evening I don't. Salad girl's last visit was 8pm. We go to bed at 9. I am not getting out of my yoga pants and putting on makeup again. I don't go out in yoga pants, and, I don't go out with at least mascara. The neighbor used to come over during mealtimes. I would get up and put my plate in the microwave til she left. I never invited her to stay. Why did I quit eating when the neighbor came over? Because her stench of stale cigarettes gagged me. My husband is fine with interacting with these two. It doesn't bother him at all. He can't understand why I get so annoyed.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Bombshellknits said:


> I have said I was on my way out before, and left. I also do that with one neighbor. But, late in the evening I don't. Salad girl's last visit was 8pm. We go to bed at 9. I am not getting out of my yoga pants and putting on makeup again. I don't go out in yoga pants, and, I don't go out with at least mascara. The neighbor used to come over during mealtimes. I would get up and put my plate in the microwave til she left. I never invited her to stay. Why did I quit eating when the neighbor came over? Because her stench of stale cigarettes gagged me. My husband is fine with interacting with these two. It doesn't bother him at all. He can't understand why I get so annoyed.


Since your husband is fine with the situation and you aren't, why not excuse yourself, go on about your business, and let him handle it? No explanations necessary. That's what I do when my current adult stepchildren (known to me as Shock and Awe and his sister Rude and Crude) come around. Their "names" fit, and no, I am not exaggerating.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

Actually, my neighbor showed up tonight. My cousin from out of state called. The neighbor (who is 40, mentally ill and lives at home) stayed a bit, then her mom and step dad show up. I never left my room. It annoys me when people think I should end a phone conversation with a cousin. They seem to think that being an only child means you don't have any family. Hubby didn't even care about entertaining everyone.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

Bombshellknits said:


> Actually, my neighbor showed up tonight. My cousin from out of state called. The neighbor (who is 40, mentally ill and lives at home) stayed a bit, then her mom and step dad show up. I never left my room. It annoys me when people think I should end a phone conversation with a cousin. They seem to think that being an only child means you don't have any family. Hubby didn't even care about entertaining everyone.


Now that this thread has gone on for so long and you've revealed your feelings, I'm going to go out on a limb here.

I think your issue is more with your husband than it is with the neighbor or anyone else.

You sound very angry and hostile toward your husband's choices. You'd better find a way to deal with that or come to terms with it before you either don't have a marriage left or you make yourself sick from your own aggravations.


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## barbdpayne (Jan 24, 2011)

Clearly this woman upsets and annoys you. Life is too short to have toxic people in it. If she is so upsetting to you, you are the one who needs to find a way to stop her from coming. Maybe you need to be direct and tell her you aren't interested in buying what she's selling--EVER--and that you are not interested in selling your knitted items because you only knit for yourself. It requires firmness and fortitude on your part, but you are the only one who can change this situation.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

KroSha said:


> Now that this thread has gone on for so long and you've revealed your feelings, I'm going to go out on a limb here.
> 
> I think your issue is more with your husband than it is with the neighbor or anyone else.
> 
> You sound very angry and hostile toward your husband's choices. You'd better find a way to deal with that or come to terms with it before you either don't have a marriage left or you make yourself sick from your own aggravations.


 :thumbup:


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

barbdpayne said:


> Clearly this woman upsets and annoys you. Life is too short to have toxic people in it. If she is so upsetting to you, you are the one who needs to find a way to stop her from coming. Maybe you need to be direct and tell her you aren't interested in buying what she's selling--EVER--and that you are not interested in selling your knitted items because you only knit for yourself. It requires firmness and fortitude on your part, but you are the only one who can change this situation.


 :thumbup:


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