# No acknowledgement for a gift...



## Sallywilms (Aug 12, 2013)

So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
Not a word. Not.one.word.


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## limeygirl (Jul 12, 2011)

I mailed three graduation gifts over three weeks ago. Not a word. Not one word.


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## jaml (Feb 4, 2011)

I cannot believe the mentality of most of the young people today. They think it's ok not to acknowledge or write a thank you. I love to make things for people but when they can't even acknowledge the gift I say never again. Young girls at their bridal showers think if they get up and say "thank you" to everybody altogether it's enough. Well, in my book, it isn't!


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## fergablu2 (Apr 30, 2011)

I go out in public, shopping, with my disabled son. People stare at us, but don't say a word. Not one word.


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## sharronaw (Jul 12, 2013)

Happens a lot. My own Mother who has practically disowned her grandchildren at times for failing to write A TIMELY THANK YOU, never writes one! My husband was also not raised to write thank you's, when I tried to get him to do it- he said you give something because you want to and to expect a thank you means you did it to get something back. I never understood that.


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## happyhelen (Jun 18, 2015)

Could it be that the mom-to-be is not feeling well or has not opened the package? I always try to look for a reasonable excuse, but, unfortunately even within my own family, I have experienced the same hurtful indifference. The world has lost its manners.


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## rotarian1 (Jun 21, 2012)

I read once that the trick is to send a package, but 'forget' to include the gift. I heard of someone who sent birthday cards to nieces and nephews, saying "enclosed is $20 for your birthday", but then 'forgot' to include the $20. They called her to thank her and then tell her that she must have forgotten to enclose the $20 bill. At least she received a phone call !


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## gakernil (Aug 30, 2013)

My kids were taught to send thank you's----this generation think they deserve it and thank yous are not necessary, I have done wedding and baby gifts in the past couple of years and never hear from them again. It is discouraging!


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## Grandma11 (Jan 21, 2012)

Really inconsiderate


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## Ruddersrun (Aug 6, 2013)

I know my daughter felt overwhelmed after the birth of her baby and told me she was far behind in sending out thank you notes.
Please have a little patience. These new moms have so much on their plates! I'm sure she will get to her notes when she has time
to sit and write them. Right now she has other priorities in her life.


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## Patian (May 10, 2011)

When it comes to a young person, I blame the parents for not insisting they sit down and write a thank you when they have received a gift. Just a "thank you" in their own handwriting is sufficient and actually starts a tradition that will stand them in good stead as they grow older.


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## maryanneg (Mar 9, 2011)

I have to agree with Ruddersrun on this one. If the package was only delivered last Thursday, it is a bit soon to expect an acknowledgement from a brand new mum! As I remember, when my daughter was a newborn (she will be 44 next month) I was pretty busy for the first few weeks. I don't remember exactly when I sent out thank yous, but it was as soon as possible.


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## JanetLove2Knit (Sep 18, 2013)

Hi,
Sadly, no thank you note seems to be the norm today. I do think that people sometimes intend to write a note, but then put it off. Then, they think they did write it because it has popped up in their mind several times while time has passed.


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## Temple (Jun 18, 2012)

I also like to get a Thank You when I send a present, BUT it doesn't have to be written. I have told my family saying thank you for a gift is very important as it lets the sender know you appreciate their thoughtfulness. If they can't call the person then by all means a note in the mail is necessary. When they were young a note was always the way to go.
Shirley D


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## grammyv (Feb 11, 2011)

It is amazing who can write timely "thank you" notes a who doesn't. Our young pastor and her husband were expecting their first. She had shower upon shower ~ hundreds of joyous friends and parrishioners were delighted to share in their happiness.
Each of us received a thank you note within a week of the event, in spite of her very busy and demanding pastoral schedule. Their baby girl arrived two weeks early and all are well and happy.

Keep calm and keep knitting.


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## JudieG (Jul 8, 2011)

My grandchildren are the same way. I left my grandson a card with money for his birthday. Two weeks later I asked my son if Jack had gotten it and was told he hadn't got a chance to open it. How long does it take to open a card especially knowing there would be a little something for him inside. I just think kids have TOO MUCH. They just don't appreciate much as everything is given to them. Realize if I didn't give him the cash he would just get it from his parents. EASY PEASY! I will admit 10 days later I got a call but that was only because I have complained to my son before about this.

I was asked to drive my younger gs to a party at the end of school. Not a problem. When I went to pick him up it turned out I was asked to pick up 3 friends. Not a problem. As I was driving along My gs announces to his friends he filled out a job application but had no way of getting there to drop it off. I asked "Did you ask your gm?" NO comment.


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## countryknitwit (Nov 13, 2011)

I do think that everyone has time for a quick phone call, text or email acknowledging receipt of a gift. Both my kids (now 27 and 24) were taught importance of this as children. My son was a bit lazy, but when I took away the gifts and checks until he wrote the notes, he learned a valuable lesson. Even now, though he hates writing cards, he always sends a text, email or phone call...


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## misslucille40 (Aug 9, 2013)

I sent a hand knit Christmas stocking for my daughter's new niece. Her mom is a doctor, and her dad works nights, but a couple weeks later, I got a very nice note , thanking me, and saying she(mom) loved my knitting so much, she was thinking of leaving their stockings up all year long! I had made a stocking for dad about 5 years ago, when he still lived at home, then one for mom the year they got married. I was so glad she appreciates them. (M y daughter's MIL told me Dr. Erin has to wait till she has a day off from the hospital to do things like letter writing.)


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## gina (Jan 18, 2011)

If it was only received last Thursday. I think you're being unreasonable to already be complaining. She has a new baby, and probably isn't feeling that great herself. At least give her a little time to reply. Maybe she plans to write a note, not just email. She may not have even had a chance to buy the thank you cards yet.


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## Reinharv (Apr 8, 2016)

I had a Bridge acquaintance and was sent a wedding invite for her son and bride. The Bridge friends all sent gifts to be delivered at our bridge acquaintance. I had the store (where they had registered) wrap and deliver the item directly. Let me tell you this was not a cheap gift (part of China set) that amounted to over $75.00 for someone I really didn't know. I waited a long time and never got a thank you card. Because I didn't deliver the item personally I then doubted the store delivered the item. I actually called the son personally and asked him if he got my gift. While I was at it, I asked about other "China" gifts that bride friends also didn't get a thank you card. He said that none of his moms bridge friends gave gifts and seemed annoyed that I had the nerve to ask.

Lesson learned.


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## Beachgirl1000 (Sep 29, 2015)

My mother never taught me to write thank-you notes. I don't know why. Otherwise she was a very mannerly person.

But at some point I realized that thank-you notes were expected, so I started doing it. I taught my kids to do it.

Good manners are all about thinking about others. And so many people just don't care about other people's feelings. Some young people think an email is fine for thank-yous and condolences. Wrong.

If I had spent hours knitting something for someone's baby, and mailed it to the mother, if I hadn't even gotten a phone call of acknowledgement, I would wait two weeks and call her and express concern that the package might have gotten lost, since I hadn't heard from her. And I would say it very sweetly.


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## misslucille40 (Aug 9, 2013)

JudieG said:


> My grandchildren are the same way. I left my grandson a card with money for his birthday. Two weeks later I asked my son if Jack had gotten it and was told he hadn't got a chance to open it. How long does it take to open a card especially knowing there would be a little something for him inside. I just think kids have TOO MUCH. They just don't appreciate much as everything is given to them. Realize if I didn't give him the cash he would just get it from his parents. EASY PEASY! I will admit 10 days later I got a call but that was only because I have complained to my son before about this.
> 
> I was asked to drive my younger gs to a party at the end of school. Not a problem. When I went to pick him up it turned out I was asked to pick up 3 friends. Not a problem. As I was driving along My gs announces to his friends he filled out a job application but had no way of getting there to drop it off. I asked "Did you ask your gm?" NO comment.


If he couldn't drop off the application, how did he plan to get to the location to work there?


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## randiejg (Oct 29, 2011)

When I retired in 2012, I started making a lot more gifts for my seven grandchildren around the holidays. My one DIL, mother of four of my grands, specifically asked if I could make sweaters for them. It was like pulling teeth to get basic info like sizes, favorite colors, styles they liked, etc., but once I got that info from her and my other DIL, mother of the other three, got to work and make each of them three sweaters, hats, etc. Not a word of thanks, but the next year, they all asked for more, and I made more. Nothing, the following year I made one for each, and my adult children and their spouses (one some requested a specific design for his wife). Nothing. The next year, I just sent gift cards, still nothing. They don't acknowledge birthday gifts either. I certainly didn't raise my own kids that way. I'm pretty much done putting my time in and have also scaled back on how much I give them in cash or gift cards at Christmas and birthdays. They don't seem to notice or care, either, so I don't much see the point.


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## dragonfly7673 (May 13, 2014)

My son just graduated high school and did thank everyone so please don't think it's a generation thing. However there may be other things at play... a new mom may not have had time yet, the graduates may not have opened items yet. (My son graduated a month ago, several of his friends are just now having parties and the presents/cards were saved to be opened during the party).


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## JoeA (Jun 24, 2016)

Ladies, we live in a different era, I am the youngest of me father's children, the eldest of my mom's. My mother taught me how eat properly, lay a proper table, to clean, be helpful and considerate, cook, and iron clothes (all the necessary things to survive) by the age of 10 yrs. old. She also showed me about social graces; including to say "thank you" and "Please". 
My step sister who is 28 yrs. older than I (I am 57 yrs.old) doesn't practice any of those graces nor thought them to her kids. She was the recipient of my of my shawls and never even said thank you, or appreciates them. 
I made my grand niece ( a 25 yr.old) a wedding shawl in Merino/silk yarn, which was other over 2,000 yards of lace yarn, and 2,000 bugle beads; and never sent me a thank you card (it was hand delivered personally) and it has yet to worn When I asked a about it she said she was going to use it when she had a child. 
I will never make anything for any member of my family Again! They don't appreciate, or have any sense heritage, from the eldest to the youngest!


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## bevvyreay (Dec 5, 2012)

It's definitely not a generation thing I find my children and their friends are very good at thanking although it may take a little while. The worst one in my book is my own mother she will ring and badger if she feels the thankyou wasn't quick or heartfelt enough but actually never thanks anyone herself ever. Just rude


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## Beachgirl1000 (Sep 29, 2015)

bevvyreay said:


> It's definitely not a generation thing I find my children and their friends are very good at thanking although it may take a little while. The worst one in my book is my own mother she will ring and badger if she feels the thankyou wasn't quick or heartfelt enough but actually never thanks anyone herself ever. Just rude


Nice point about younger ones, you're right.
As for your mother, well, we can't choose our relatives, unfortunately. My mother had so many little "issues." I loved my mom, but I'm glad I am more like my father!


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## deexer (Sep 25, 2012)

My sister and I both gave beautiful hand made gifts and his comments was "Oh ya" and his wife never even came out of the house. My son was not raised like that. I would like to say he was young but this is his second child in 15 years.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

I'm sorry you didn't get a thank you Hope you get one soon. I always use my manners , I treat people the way I expect them to treat me and I taught my sons to do the same, when they were growing up I was always told how well mannered they were and thankfully at 37, 35, and 20 they still are . I get a thank you the very same day and they get a thank you the same day from me


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## jinx (Feb 12, 2011)

I like to receive an acknowledgment that the gift has been received. 
It is not only "the younger generation" that does not know how to say thank you.
Read the topics on here and see how many times the original poster does not acknowledge 
the time and effort others have gone thru to help them.


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## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

I knit gifts for almost no one for that reason and the fact that people do not appreciate the work I (or anyone) put into hand worked items. I waited 3 weeks on the last baby knit gift I sent - tracking showed it was delivered - so I finally made a general Facebook post that I was concerned that a package I mailed wasn't delivered. The recipient's sister (aunt of the baby) said they got it ...finally the mother also posted she got it! Mind you mom had made lots of other posts so it wasn't a time issue of "too busy". People do not care.


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## sewfiner (May 17, 2011)

When my Grandchildren were young, I would send them a check for Birthdays and Christmas in one of their parent's name. Soooo, Their parent would make them write and send a "thank you" note before they would cash the check for them. This started a good practice and now that they are grown I still get personal notes from them in a timely manner.


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## Elaine74bl (Nov 19, 2014)

I knit 5 of my grandchildren afghans and only one even acknowledged receiving the gift. They certainly weren't raised by my Momma!


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## Sallywilms (Aug 12, 2013)

UPDATE ON BABY BLANKET
The young woman for whom I made the blanket was a school friend of our daughter. I was friendly with her mother at the same time. They have both moved and through Facebook we have all re-connected very recently.
I asked my daughter's advice, and she suggested I contact the mother, which I did. I simply said the tracking info. said the package was delivered last Thursday and wanted to make sure they got it.
They did get it, photos were sent, and everything is hunky-dory. 
And I guess the blanket was acceptable.
Thank you for allowing me to vent.


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## luree (Feb 21, 2014)

I had 6 grad parties to attend, one every week and not a thank you yet but checks have been cashed. Hum!!!


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## sewfiner (May 17, 2011)

Makes you wonder where their manners went???


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

Sallywilms said:


> UPDATE ON BABY BLANKET
> The young woman for whom I made the blanket was a school friend of our daughter. I was friendly with her mother at the same time. They have both moved and through Facebook we have all re-connected very recently.
> I asked my daughter's advice, and she suggested I contact the mother, which I did. I simply said the tracking info. said the package was delivered last Thursday and wanted to make sure they got it.
> They did get it, photos were sent, and everything is hunky-dory.
> ...


Did the photos come from the grandmother or mother?


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## Camping Granny (Nov 6, 2013)

I called my DIL a couple of Christmases ago concerning package for her family. Told her my tracking showed it had been delivered to their front porch---did they get it? She said "Oh, yeah--we liked everything we got." Included was a generous gift card for her and my son. I'm not so generous anymore. Occasionally I get a thank you (at least on Facebook) from 1 or 2 of the 3 teenaged grands. Have stopped sending checks for their anniversary, because they are equally appreciated. Also, I did not even get a CARD at Christmas, let alone a gift. Enough with the pity party---I either have to get used to the fact that gifts won't be acknowledged, or quit sending them! Still thinking about that!


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## mirl56 (Dec 20, 2011)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


You should call and follow up or have someone else call. I did the same, sent a baby gift to my gf's pregnant daughter. Post Office tracking said it was delivered. I told gf, who talked to her daughter - turns out the package was delivered 3 streets over and 4 blocks down! They were able to find the package and how I've gotten tons of heartfelt thanks!


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## Sallywilms (Aug 12, 2013)

The pictures were from the grandmother. The daughter was holding the blanket.


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

I have 3 children. The eldest doesn't keep in touch with us. We see him once a year, for 10 minutes as he comes to pick up his papers to do his taxes. We have a family business together. (I guess we are awful parents). 

I can guarantee that he doesn't send out thank you's. I send cards, texts, gifts etc., for all the occasions that happen over the year. Never get a response back. We never get remembered on any occasion either. He never acknowledged his nephew's birth (our only grandchild). Our grandson will be 3 in 3 months, he's never seen him.

We did get a thank you that his girlfriend sent for the Christmas gifts I sent to them. He signed it, but we think he signed a bunch at one time, and she sent them out. He may be unaware he said thank you to us.

Sorry to bore you with my sorry tale :-(


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## JoeA (Jun 24, 2016)

scumbugusa said:


> I have 3 children. The eldest doesn't keep in touch with us. We see him once a year, for 10 minutes as he comes to pick up his papers to do his taxes. We have a family business together. (I guess we are awful parents).
> 
> I can guarantee that he doesn't send out thank you's. I send cards, texts, gifts etc., for all the occasions that happen over the year. Never get a response back. We never get remembered on any occasion either. He never acknowledged his nephew's birth (our only grandchild). Our grandson will be 3 in 3 months, he's never seen him.
> 
> ...


You are not alone, it's the same with my step family. My step sister's 3td youngest wont speak to her either.


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


That is only four days ago. I would give it a couple more days and if you do not get a call saying that she got it, I would call her to ask if she received it OK. Especially with the thieves out there today who are steeling packages off of people's front steps, you need to check with her.


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## deemail (Jan 25, 2011)

I let my son know that his new wife and step-children stopped getting gifts from me because they were never acknowledged...at all...let alone a hand-written note. I'm actually okay with email or phone calls.....but if they don't appreciate the gift enough to call or email...then why should I continue to stretch my resources for them? And I absolutely do NOT blame the children (who are all young adults now).... their mother did not teach them to be appreciative.... I once gave her 10 yr old daughter a set of American Girl paper dolls as she was an AG fan. It had several dolls in it with dozens of pcs of clothing for each doll...the mother's response? "I think kids have moved on from paper dolls these days." With that attitude as an example, why would we expect the children to have any manners?


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## salmonmac (Apr 18, 2012)

I think that you'll get a thank you but perhaps not a "timely" one. It's overwhelming for most new mothers and there are other demands on their attention. Most of us taught our children were taught to write them and do, sooner or later.


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


so dont expect a miracle...................this is how people are these days. The people next door had their first baby, we left a gift....four years later, another baby, another gift.....we see them perhaps four times every week, but not one word of thanks.


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


Ah! You have been initiated into the club. About once a month I see posts just like yours. My solution is "No thank you. No more presents." Others have said they do the same.


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## JoeA (Jun 24, 2016)

Hear! Hear!


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## Lilyan (Dec 16, 2015)

I find that young people often send an e-mail to thank you. Not the same, but at least it is something.


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## Joy Marshall (Apr 6, 2011)

Patian said:


> When it comes to a young person, I blame the parents for not insisting they sit down and write a thank you when they have received a gift. Just a "thank you" in their own handwriting is sufficient and actually starts a tradition that will stand them in good stead as they grow older.


You can also buy "thank you" cards and just sign your name to them. I don't buy this "no time" excuse. My mother had 7 children, 6 in ten years. That was before washing machines and all the modern conveniences we have now. Her kids were always immaculate, as was her home. But she was a stickler for thank you notes. She didn't have a car to take her to the post office, either.


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## iShirl (Jun 30, 2012)

I sent a collector's doll (very expensive at the time I bought her) to my DIL for our 5 year old GGD. Not a word, even that it arrived. Over a month later, I couldn't wait any longer, I called her and she told me she gave her to our GGD and she loves her. In this day and age, with electronics, how hard is it to at least email and say "Got the doll, thanks!" 

I gave my other collector's doll to DH's nurse for her 2 1/2 year old and she even took pictures of her DD hugging the doll and later showed us a video of her playing with the doll and she looked at the iPhone and said "Thank you!" So cute. By the way, I was amazed how this young child took care of the doll until she took her out to teach the doll how to use the trampoline. Little "Apple" now has a leg that's held on with duct tape. Don't tsk-tsk, I'm so happy she's getting hugs and spends her nights being hugged. Better than on my shelf!!!


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

I have given up on expecting thanks. Not going to happen!

I am sure it is beautiful and someone is happy to have it.


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

deemail said:


> I let my son know that his new wife and step-children stopped getting gifts from me because they were never acknowledged...at all...let alone a hand-written note. I'm actually okay with email or phone calls.....but if they don't appreciate the gift enough to call or email...then why should I continue to stretch my resources for them? And I absolutely do NOT blame the children (who are all young adults now).... their mother did not teach them to be appreciative.... I once gave her 10 yr old daughter a set of American Girl paper dolls as she was an AG fan. It had several dolls in it with dozens of pcs of clothing for each doll...the mother's response? "I think kids have moved on from paper dolls these days." With that attitude as an example, why would we expect the children to have any manners?


Our step grandchildren told us they don't have to say 'thank you' as it is the duty of grandparents to give gifts. Needless to say they got nothing more from us!


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## mombr4 (Apr 21, 2011)

I personally think it is sad that a thank you can't be sent. 
I had the same thing happen, no thank you no future gifts. 
mailed two baby sweaters to my cousins son and wife, no thank you. did happen to see them shortly after and no mention of receiving the package or even a thank you.
I know they received it shortly after my mailing since I asked my uncle, and they did mention it was received.

Not sure if it is the younger generation, but seems more common lately that they don't send a thank you, I say it is lack of respect.


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## Joy Marshall (Apr 6, 2011)

mombr4 said:


> I personally think it is sad that a thank you can't be sent.
> I had the same thing happen, no thank you no future gifts.
> mailed two baby sweaters to my cousins son and wife, no thank you. did happen to see them shortly after and no mention of receiving the package or even a thank you.
> I know they received it shortly after my mailing since I asked my uncle, and they did mention it was received.
> ...


It is not only a lack of respect, it is a lack of appreciation, and just plain ungracious.


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## slmhuffman (Apr 15, 2015)

I kind of have a rule that if I don't get a thank you note from someone, even family, then they don't get another gift for anything. Of course, I did do something very special for our Minister's wife, who has gone through depression for years and has 4 children, the last two of whom were born premature. So I have understood why I never received one from her. I did get a verbal "thank you" from the Minister himself on her behalf. And, unfortunately, we are living in a different world these days. So sad, IMO. My Mother taught me to write notes and I am glad she did.


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

Unfortunately I have to say it has happened to me also. I think it hurts more when we pour so much love and time into making something that is so special. We can only let it go and learn a lesson. That is why I do mostly charity work. I do however have to say my grandsons and their friends always go out of their way to thank me personally.SL


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## Lillyhooch (Sep 27, 2012)

No it isn't just young people. I sent a gift to sister in law ... something I that had taken a long time to make, and no response or acknowledgement. I thought she must have disliked it and was embarrassed, but found out she loved it and used it all the time. Now this lady was in her sixties.


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

Its so easy now,a phone call, an email.just to let people know it arrived,1st of June my GD 17th birthday,sent a card and a cheque,My DIL emailed me ,why didn't my GD,her elder sister sent a lovely thank you card,after her Birthday,


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

Its so easy now,a phone call, an email.just to let people know it arrived,1st of June my GD 17th birthday,sent a card and a cheque,My DIL emailed me ,why didn't my GD,her elder sister sent a lovely thank you card,after her Birthday,
My brother always asked my Mum to thank me for things, I sent for his girls,It was when we didn't have phone ,so it was letter writing every week,Mum seemed to think I would be pleased, that he always asked to read letter I had sent to her,I wasn't told her to stop,


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

I had made a really nice cross stitch birthday card for my son-in-law. I was not present when he opened it. No "thank you" in any form from him. I also made cross stitch cards for my Grandson. My daughter did not even put him on the phone to tell me thank you and to hear what he thought of his first card I mailed to him. It is disheartening to spend the HOURS that we spend making something nice and to not get any acknowledgement of our efforts. I have changed to making items for myself instead.


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## Carre (Aug 24, 2015)

I sent a shawl to a friend who would have called and thanked me, when a week went by with no word from her (I sent the package Priority mail and the tracking said it was delivered) I just called and asked if she liked it. Well, the package had been delivered to the post office but not to her. She went to the post office and the postman found it sitting on a back shelf. Not to excuse people for not acknowledging gifts, but in this case the gift had not been received.


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## Bourtie (May 8, 2016)

A friend told me that she was taught that a gift didn't belong to you until you had said 'thank you' to the giver....


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## KeesieMommy (Mar 7, 2014)

My favorite lack of thanks came from a nephew's young wife. When I saw her five months after her daughter's birth at my younger daughter's baby shower she said, "I didn't know who Uncle Paul and Aunt Diane were!" Strange because her son know us and has traveled from Ohio to our NJ home. The gift included knitted car seat cover, sweater, hat, booties, and wash cloth with a detailed letter regarding washing each item. The package was clearly labeled with our return address. Hard not to laugh in her face. The nephew divorced her 18 mos later...Now he has a just born son with his current girl friend. MAY knit a sweater and hat. We'll see...


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## Mommy B. (Jun 7, 2016)

Know in your heart that you did the right thing by giving of your heart. This has also happened to me, with immediate family,where I have to sometimes wonder if they received it ,ultimately asking. Anyway, young or old,there are those who just don't know how to say "thanks","sorry"&"you're welcome". It's their loss,in a way.Think of the baby and the baby enjoying your beautiful gift.


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## Mommy B. (Jun 7, 2016)

Forgive me but I just re-read your second post. I had designed and cross-stitched a guitar strap for my older of 2nephews,with notes and all.Mailed it. Don't even know if it was used . My mother had seen it(when he played for her) and seen it was beautiful. This is just one of many gifts made for them - has stopped.


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## raedean (Apr 25, 2011)

once my little niece broke her arm.i went out and bought a doll house that was so darling.
doll enclosed.wrapped it up.send it in the mail.it was alot of to do -to do all this.never heard from them.
finally i asked if they got the doll house.yes.oh yes.
then not a word on if she even liked the doll house.
not a word from her mother which the little girl was about 7.seems she could have told me something.the mom i mean.
ugh.


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## Ochosi (Nov 16, 2014)

I believe a smile to a stranger on the street is a gift. If it can brighten a tough day, that's wonderful. 

A gift is only that if there are no strings attached. That includes required behaviour on the part of the recipient like writing thank you notes in the "correct" format. 

Do you remember the sweater great aunt Matlda made you as a kid? It was scratchy, funny looking and your friends laughed at it. But your Mom made you wear it because it was a birthday present. And you had to sit down and write a thank you for something you didn't want and hated. It was a "gift".

If it doesn't add joy to the recipient's life - don't send it. If it does, be happy that you were able to give a gift of joy and leave it at that. 

We all like to be appreciated but requiring it from people doesn't make it happen.


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## jinx (Feb 12, 2011)

I thought I was the only one that felt that way. I believe when you give a gift there should not be a string attached. Thanks for sharing.


Ochosi said:


> I believe a smile to a stranger on the street is a gift. If it can brighten a tough day, that's wonderful.
> 
> A gift is only that if there are no strings attached. That includes required behaviour on the part of the recipient like writing thank you notes in the "correct" format.
> 
> ...


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## knit and sew (Jan 24, 2013)

It seems to be assign of the times if they do send a Thank You it seems to be on The Senders Facebook page if they have one and I hate it . My Grandson got married the end of January and a gave them a card and money as they did not want gifts I'm still waiting for a Thank You.


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## sophie11 (Nov 22, 2011)

When my children (5 of them) graduated and had an open house I took the money and did not give it to them until all thank you cards were written. Girls not so bad, but boys said that was not fair. To bad, not writing thank you notes was not fair to the person who gave you the money either.


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## justanoldgirl (Feb 18, 2015)

I have had another three great grandchildren this year. I was able to crochet two blankets but ran out of time to make the third. We had a major illness with our DIL and my DH also had to have a medical procedure and at the same time we were renovating our kitchen. 
I felt guilty about not getting it done but when I gave my GS's partner the other parts of the present that I had made, she didn't even unfold them to have a look. The other two mum's loved their crochet blankets and the other things I had made that were the same as I had given to the other GS's partner so now I am glad I didn't waste my precious time.


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## Chezl (Mar 12, 2012)

Ochosi said:


> I believe a smile to a stranger on the street is a gift. If it can brighten a tough day, that's wonderful.
> 
> A gift is only that if there are no strings attached. That includes required behaviour on the part of the recipient like writing thank you notes in the "correct" format.
> 
> ...


I am sorry Ochosi but I absolutely disagree with you and Jinx. A gift is something you give someone and I certainly do expect a thank you for giving one. It is called manners. Just like you should say thank you if someone opens a door for you or gives you the right of way when driving or to say please when you are requesting something.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

my grans are not thanking when I senda small token fir the greats b days.
I have decided to stop the money gifts.
too bad for theem. butI am still on netat 85 so it takes a few seconds to say it arrived.



Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


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## CarlaLG (Apr 1, 2015)

Yep, very poor manners. I sent a gift from a wedding registry oner a year ago. Noooooo reply. Now I get invited to the baby shower of the same couple. Nope! Sorry if that seems hateful . I wish the couple congratulations but did not go.


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## susanmjackson (Feb 7, 2011)

It is frustrating to give a gift and not get a simple thank you. I sent a nice check to my friend's daughter for graduation. When I asked her mom if she received it, the response was yes, but since she did not send out announcements, she was not expecting gifts and will not be writing thank you notes. REALLY, that is just plain rude, she will never receive another gift from me expected or not.


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## Maplelkknitter (Dec 19, 2013)

I had a response for a wedding gift. It read " thank you for the present"--- so personal. At least she realized I had given her a gift of some sort.


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

I have bought my step-grandson presents from the age of 6 years old, as he has been bought up by his grandparents and his mum and step-dad take his presents from us to him, not once have I received a thank you phone call which would suffice or note and I really am appalled by his lack of manners. Even his sister never says thank you for the Christmas Gifts I have given her. Her little daughter has to thank me when I give her a present on the day, so a note to say thank you isn't really necessary. To post a present I would prefer to have a phone call or note. at least one or the other.


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

I have bought my step-grandson presents from the age of 6 years old, as he has been bought up by his grandparents and his mum and step-dad take his presents from us to him, not once have I received a thank you phone call which would suffice or note and I really am appalled by his lack of manners. Even his sister never says thank you for the Christmas Gifts I have given her. Her little daughter has to thank me when I give her a present on the day, so a note to say thank you isn't really necessary. To post a present I would prefer to have a phone call or note. at least one or the other.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Time to eliminate all the angst over this. Give that expectant mom a call and ask her if the package arrived. Then, take it from there. Yes, I know you know the package arrived. That's not the point. It's a conversation opener giving you a chance to hear what she has to say.


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## 29Warichak (Jun 9, 2016)

I usually give gifts in person and receive hugs and kisses with big thanks, especially on knitted items. I am happy with that. However, for gifts that go in the mail I get emails. Sometimes from the parents thanking me for the kids. I guess that's ok. What I really like in my old age is a phone call! Love to hear their voices and to ask about what's going on in their lives. I have a brother law who always sends a hand written detailed thank you. His college age son and daughter do the same, it is very very nice. If there is no acknowledgement, I call, text or write "did you get the package" or is it lost in the mail????


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## NanaFran (Apr 9, 2011)

Don't get me going on this issue.....!


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## jinx (Feb 12, 2011)

I do not disagree with you. It is good manners to say thank you, even if you hate the gift. The definition of gift is something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation. I feel if you feel the need for compensation in the way of a thank you it takes away from the pleasure of giving the gift. I do like receiving acknowledgement and thank yous, but do not have to have one or even keep track if I have received one. 


Chezl said:


> I am sorry Ochosi but I absolutely disagree with you and Jinx. A gift is something you give someone and I certainly do expect a thank you for giving one. It is called manners. Just like you should say thank you if someone opens a door for you or gives you the right of way when driving or to say please when you are requesting something.


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## silvercharms (Mar 29, 2011)

I received a thank you (sort of) for an expensive wedding present a FULL YEAR afterwards. Have to wonder what motivated that......


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## mdherde (Oct 30, 2013)

I made a baby blanket and sweater/hat for my great niece's baby. I gave up expecting a note. She will NEVER get another item hand made by me. I don't even expect a note via snail mail, an email is ok.


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

I remember being a new mom, too. There were days I was lucky to get a shower! Give her a little time!


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## GloryP (Oct 24, 2014)

Yes, it is sad. But I would say, give her a little more time. She might be over welmed and very busy with baby.
My daughter just had a baby three weeks ago and has a toddler, age 2. She doesn't know if she is coming or going!


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## suziehhh (Sep 13, 2011)

I always made my children send written thank you whenever they received something. They are now 25 and 29 and don't always do a written one but will at the very least call to thank the gift giver. Unfortunately not everyone believes individual thank yous are necessary. Sadly, I have mailed many gifts that I had to call and ask if they were received.


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

I think we're not strangers to this occurance as this happens alot with todays generation..If you want to get an acknowledgement you'll have to contact the person and come out and ask did you receive this gift ( I know that the P O says it was received). Sometimes being direct is the only way to corner the person otherwise don't give to them anymore. There's no excuse for not acknowledging a gift...we're all busy with our own lives..you were busy when you were creating the gift..it's sad to receive no response...


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## GogoJules (Aug 27, 2012)

Not acceptable behavior. I would give them a call and ask if the parcel has arrived.
It will probably not make one iota of difference to them, but it would make me feel
better


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## simplyelizabeth (Sep 15, 2012)

There are too many people who don't understand the value of a "thank you."


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## milesgrandma (Jun 5, 2016)

I don't mind not getting a thank you note since the young kids and so in to technology. But at the very least a phone call, text or an email. They always have their phones with them.


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## cathy73 (Apr 8, 2013)

I, personally, am ambivilant about thank you notes. I do not feel the need to get one. I give a gift because I want to. If I have mailed something I may call to ask if it got there, but not because I think I need to be thanked , just want to know it didn't get lost. I prefer to wait and see the recipient wearing or using the gift and sometimes my relatives wait until they see me to say thanks. Plus, there are a lot of people out there who don't appreciate hand made gifts. I only gift those I know want and use knitted items.


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## Happycamper (Sep 23, 2013)

silvercharms said:


> I received a thank you (sort of) for an expensive wedding present a FULL YEAR afterwards. Have to wonder what motivated that......


Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe (according to etiquette books) they have up to a year to acknowledge wedding gifts. That always seemed an excessive amount of time to me to send a thank-you note but maybe they had hundreds of guests in which case it 'might' make some sense.


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## Jean Keith (Feb 17, 2011)

Step in line and join the crowd.


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## 1953knitter (Mar 30, 2011)

fergablu2 said:


> I go out in public, shopping, with my disabled son. People stare at us, but don't say a word. Not one word.


What do you want people to say? I thought disabled people should be treated just the same as non-disabled people. This conversation is about gifts not being acknowledged.


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## Windbeam (Jul 31, 2011)

We are going to have to stop giving. I haven't heard a word about a Christmas present I left my grandson at his house because he

was working. This Christmas he will get nothing. And I think if you don't receive a call when they receive the package, chances are they

will forget.


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## toknit (Apr 25, 2015)

You have to teach... People to appreciate things.. Children you teach them to say thank you. Adults like husbands, sister brother you say to them we say thank you and show them how to say thank you. If they don't want to .. Then you knit for people who can't say thank you.. That is why I knit for shelters and charity


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## suziehhh (Sep 13, 2011)

That happened to me also. My daughter and I traveled to Florida for my niece's wedding, spent money for airfare,taxis and hotel, mailed gifts directly from the store and received a 'thank you' wedding video CD sixteen months after the wedding. She never bothered to mail it but waited until my daughter went to visit Florida for Christmas to give it to her to bring home. One video to share, although two gifts were given and we both spent a lot of money to attend the wedding. I don't need a fancy thank you gift, just a simple note would be fine. It was a very small wedding, maybe 60 in total. I attended a much larger wedding after, about 200 guests and received a thank you card, 2 weeks after the wedding. The brides were around the same age.


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## frani512 (Apr 15, 2012)

I do not send gifts with the expectation of a thank you anymore. I do it because I want to. I believe if you were not taught as a child to send a thank you for a gift, it won't happen. As long as I know it was received, I am fine with it. Is it rude? Absolutely. But we live in different times. I think I would even accept a text in this day and age.


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## 1953knitter (Mar 30, 2011)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


For whatever reason few people acknowledge gifts. I give a gift because I want to give the gift. Receiving a thank you note is more of a surprise than not getting a note. Right or wrong, it's the way things are.


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## Jean Keith (Feb 17, 2011)

I knitted a pink baby blanket for a little gal that had a new baby girl. She didn't say thank you, but she did say she would really have received a lavender one. I knitted another one with a lavender baby sweater to go with. Not.one.word. A written note would not be in her wheelhouse I'm sure....more sure that she has had the last handknit from me.


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## Wroclawnice (Apr 10, 2015)

My daughter is teaching my grandchildren from a young age to send a thank you note. Even though I insist that it is not necessary to write since they thank me already.


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## TapestryArtist (Sep 4, 2013)

rotarian1 said:


> I read once that the trick is to send a package, but 'forget' to include the gift. I heard of someone who sent birthday cards to nieces and nephews, saying "enclosed is $20 for your birthday", but then 'forgot' to include the $20. They called her to thank her and then tell her that she must have forgotten to enclose the $20 bill. At least she received a phone call !


Perfect!


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## jeanne63 (Mar 14, 2014)

gakernil said:


> My kids were taught to send thank you's----this generation think they deserve it and thank yous are not necessary, I have done wedding and baby gifts in the past couple of years and never hear from them again. It is discouraging!


BUT don't they think they deserve because their parents gave them everything without requiring gratitude? I wonder all the time who raised these "kids"?????


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## laurataylor08 (Dec 15, 2014)

The beauty of any gift is how it makes you feel when you give it...expecting a thank you takes away from that feeling....


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## FiberQueen (Aug 23, 2012)

Regardless of age, thank you notes are a forgotten art!


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## FiberQueen (Aug 23, 2012)

Double post


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## leslie41447 (Feb 7, 2011)

I have sent many gifts to various family members and rarely receive a thank you. When I do it's generally a quick email. I do have a nephew who will never receive even a card from me for never bothering to respond to a baby gift I sent him 10 years ago!


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## thomsonact (Mar 30, 2014)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


I'm glad you called them, got photos, and everything is OK! If she just had he baby, she may be overwhelmed!


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## Nannylez (Jan 24, 2012)

Try not to be disheartened. I crocheted and knitted gifts for my Niece's long awaited baby. Once the excitement and visitors had died down, about 3 weeks, she wrote to everyone who had sent gifts thanking them and included a lovely photo of the new baby.


Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


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## Ochosi (Nov 16, 2014)

Who defines "manners"? What we, at 60, 70 and 80 define as manners was determined 50 years ago. 

Today, there is a lot of interaction between young people and they are defining their own "manners". When we were their age we didn't have time for the old folks telling us that our generation was rude etc. either. 

If you don't like the response, don't choose the action. But judging the recipient and trying to force them to conform to your code of conduct is wrong.


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## Cee_Cee (Jun 19, 2016)

Hi Knitters,

I always sent "thank you notes". My daughter continues the tradition. Today, however, I'm on a fixed income and stamps keep getting more expensive, so I've changed my practice. Whenever possible, I phone the person with my "thanks" and have time to chat and get caught up on things. Thank you notes still go out to some people that I know who "expect" them. Often, I receive e-cards for "thank you", "birthday" or other occasions. I'm not a FAN of e-cards but do appreciate the thought.

AND.....although a "timely" response is appreciated, I don't think that there is a time limit on a sincere "Thank You".

Blessings, Cee


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## Geeda602 (Apr 3, 2012)

I agree with happyhelen. She may already be a mom to possibly more than one baby. Give her a break! She may be suffering from sleep deprivation.

quote=happyhelen]Could it be that the mom-to-be is not feeling well or has not opened the package? I always try to look for a reasonable excuse, but, unfortunately even within my own family, I have experienced the same hurtful indifference. The world has lost its manners.[/quote]


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## peacefulknitter (Mar 30, 2013)

rotarian1 said:


> I read once that the trick is to send a package, but 'forget' to include the gift. I heard of someone who sent birthday cards to nieces and nephews, saying "enclosed is $20 for your birthday", but then 'forgot' to include the $20. They called her to thank her and then tell her that she must have forgotten to enclose the $20 bill. At least she received a phone call !


Oh, I love this....great idea :sm24:


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## carrottop71 (Jul 17, 2011)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


Do you ever receive Christmas cards and there is no return address? Could it be that they don't have you correct address and zip code?


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## mrskowalski (Jun 4, 2015)

In these technologic times...it's okay to be selfish, and inconsiderate?
Like some here, if an acknowledgement isn't sent via email, facebook, text, phone call, or snail mail I will not be sending a gift (handcrafted or not) again to an ungrateful person.


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## RP1019 (May 23, 2014)

Ochosi said:


> Who defines "manners"? What we, at 60, 70 and 80 define as manners was determined 50 years ago.
> 
> Today, there is a lot of interaction between young people and they are defining their own "manners". When we were their age we didn't have time for the old folks telling us that our generation was rude etc. either.
> 
> If you don't like the response, don't choose the action. But judging the recipient and trying to force them to conform to your code of conduct is wrong.


Thanks. Exactly what was going through my head, and yet, some acknowledgement, a quick call, a mention the next time you see the giver, or even an email helps us all to know that the gift was received and appreciated.


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## marciawm (Jun 2, 2015)

I would call her and ask her if she received your gift. You can be nice about it, while gritting your teeth. Tell you you put so much time and effort into it, you wanted to make sure someone didn't steal it from her porch. If she can just throw it into the washer, let her know that, or if there are special washing instructions, you could offer that info. 
I firmly believe we teach people how to treat us. A note would be nice but a phone call would be just as nice. If you let this go and stew over it, you have given her all the control over your attitude.


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## Ann Heistad (Jan 18, 2012)

Perhaps the recipient has inlaws visiting, or is away, or is just tired dealing with a newborn. Maybe there are health issues with the premature baby. Any number of things could be happening right now. Have you considered phoning to see how she is coping? New mothers are often overwhemed. Give her your blessing iit will return to you in kind.


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## jestsat (Aug 20, 2011)

It is sad how many people do not send "thank you" cards or notes or even just a call. When my niece got married, she had special cards made with a picture which got held up. Anyway, I got a lovely card almost a year later with their picture and a lovely note about their special day. When she had a baby, she waited until the baby was born, was five months old and was wearing the baby outfit in the picture included with the "thank you" card. It took almost eight months to get this card. The gift was given at a shower about three months before the baby came. When I was looking in a old social graces book, it stated that "thank you" responses are timely if received within one year!


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## Bubba24 (Jan 2, 2012)

I made a baby blanket, sweater and hat set for my best friends first grandchild. That was about 3 years ago. Not a word, card ,picture, nothing. Therefore I don't knit for anyone except family and that is slowly dwindling down.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

1953knitter said:


> What do you want people to say? I thought disabled people should be treated just the same as non-disabled people. This conversation is about gifts not being acknowledged.


If people are staring, it may be more acceptable if they'd say, "Hi!" to Mom and Son. I think the writer was responding to the fact of not being acknowledged.


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## Ladyj960 (May 22, 2013)

That happens a lot with today's generation. My son knows I will kick his butt if he doesn't thank someone for a gift. I've always told him, that if someone takes the time to do something for you you had better take the time to say thank you. Now, with my daughter- in-law it's a different story; so I always ask my son did she get it even though I know she did.
So my point is call and ask if she received it. Sometimes people need a reminder.


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## gigi 722 (Oct 25, 2011)

My policy, known to my family, is no thank you, no more gifts. A phone call, text or email are all considered thank yous by me.


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## knit4zen (Apr 12, 2012)

Patian said:


> When it comes to a young person, I blame the parents for not insisting they sit down and write a thank you when they have received a gift. Just a "thank you" in their own handwriting is sufficient and actually starts a tradition that will stand them in good stead as they grow older.


I agree. My son is 24 and never fails to write thank you notes.


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## Krykit (Dec 10, 2014)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


My husband and I attended our nephew's wedding last August ~ gave a nice, LARGE check ~ no acknowledgment whatsoever ~ nothing.at.all. My husband does not want to bring this up with his sister. He always fears she will be mad at him ~ as far as I am concerned, so what?


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## scrapbookbabs (Nov 24, 2014)

I think it is the parent's fault for not teaching their children proper etiquette.


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## Lubbieisme (Oct 30, 2014)

I would give her two weeks to respond, then I would call her. I would say something to the effect of, 'I know it was delivered on such and such date. Didn't hear from you so I was afraid you didn't like it.' I'm a tell it like it is type person.


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## bobbie4 (Mar 24, 2016)

I think thank you notes are most important. Also I only give knitted gifts to those who appreciate them.


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## Parschwab (Apr 14, 2016)

Thank yous are nice and I like getting them but when I make something, it is for the fun, enjoyment and pleasure that it brings me to make something. It is far more important if they use the garment. At that point I know they like it. Many things I make, people use at work and I love it when they come back and state how the people there admire the object. I live near my grandchildren and they usually use what I make them. When the hats were popular here, my granddaughter would sell them to her friends and did fairly well. So thank you is nice but use is more important.


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## DonnaMT (May 19, 2016)

After waiting for several thank you's from 2 years ago, I've decided I don't need the thank you. I do however, insist that receipt of a package be acknowledged. When I send it, I email the recipient and tell her/him I just sent a package and I insured it so would she please let me know when it arrives. I track it and if I haven't heard from her/him for several days after it was delivered, I email again and ASK did you receive my package. Tracking doesn't always provide the name/signature of the person who accepted a package and I want to know! I worked on that project and I will use the insurance claims process if I have to!


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## Frosch (Feb 5, 2014)

I do not send (make) gifts anymore. If I've made something I donate.


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## Deegle (Sep 25, 2015)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


If this happens to me, I send an email or note to ask if it arrived just in case it was left with a neighbour and not given to the person it was for. I have had an item signed for by a neighbour myself who never passed it on. I had to call for it and was told that it hadn't been taken in by her. Fortunately, she had signed for it so had to miraculously "find it". If it is the case that the rightful recipient got it and didn't bother to thank you or even let you know, it will make them think about it and maybe do so in future.


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## Johna (May 7, 2012)

I like that idea. I'll have to try that one. I sew for my GGD all the time. My daughter calls and thanks me, but I think the mother of the baby (my granddaughter) should call. I ask her on facebook if she like the clothes I sent, she said "Of course, I love all the things you make". Well then why doesn't she call ME and say that, I always have to ask. Very bad manners. My daughter tells her to call, but she never does. Drives me crazy. I love making clothes for my GGD, it gives me pleasure, so I keep doing it. Thank you or not.


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## Fourel (Jun 25, 2012)

Call and ask if the present arrived.In general people no longer have manners or consideration of others.


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## sutclifd (Feb 26, 2013)

I sent a (rather expensive) wedding gift to a young man and his new bride. Of course, the item (rather heavy) was shipped directly from the store. After about 6 months, I inquired if the gift had been received. I was told it had, but that his wife (neither expensive or heavy) said they were allowed to get the thank you notes out withing a year. I was informed that the young man was soon to be a Dad. I sent a baby gift (by now, the couple was living overseas) so I'm still not certain they ever received it. So, four years after the wedding, I have yet to receive that thank you note, and two years after the birth of the first baby, I have not received a thank you note. Now there is a second baby -- poor kid will not receive a gift from me. I may be slow, but I do catch on that if things are not appreciated, I can spend my money on someone or something else.


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## Shautzie (Jun 9, 2013)

My kids were not allowed to use the item or spend the money until the thank you notes were written. My expectations were age-appropriate, and they had to address the envelope.
I received a thank you from a college graduate. He addressed it to the wrong zip code!
And we live in the SAME town. A college degree doesn't mean common sense.


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## Chezl (Mar 12, 2012)

laurataylor08 said:


> The beauty of any gift is how it makes you feel when you give it...expecting a thank you takes away from that feeling....


Yes, but getting a thank you always me feel that the gift was appreciated.


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## Paet (Dec 25, 2014)

I no longer make gifts due to the "no thank you notes". My nieces and nephews never sent thank yous. Once I wrote them and explained why thank yous are important. The next year I did get thank yous, after that nothing. Decided if that was how it was to be they would get nothing.

Now we buy gifts for our churches "giving tree". The joy is in the making/looking for the gift. I also do charity knitting and seldom give anyone something.

I did find something interesting. I had made a baby outfit for a friend I knew. I was part of the collective thankyou. A while later we were talking to the husband and he said that he and his wife were very embarressed. They thought my gift was store bought until they looked at the label, I put the "made by" labels inside my gifts. He said they were so sorry to not have given me a proper thank you. This thank you ment so much to me. Better late then never.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

and if cash in the amail need 2 know it came..


Chezl said:


> Yes, but getting a thank you always me feel that the gift was appreciated.


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## tmvasquez (May 7, 2013)

Yep, this kind of stuff happens to me all the time. I have even given gifts at a baby shower and never received a thank you. Young people are not taught common courtesy any more.


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## PauletteB (Mar 10, 2011)

Sadly today's children do not know what a simple thank you can get them.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

purplelady said:


> and if cash in the amail need 2 know it came..


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## Maatje (Jan 12, 2012)

In the middle of wedding preps for my daughter's wedding on Friday. A lot of guests are sending gifts via Amazon, Macy, and overstock. About 5 gifts so far have no card stating the givers name. Very frustrating for my daughter as she would like to send thank you cards....but with no name how's one to do that? She went to each of the store sites to see if there was any info there, but there was nothing to help her. Apparently it happens more often...a friend of my daughter had this happen as well and ended up putting up pictures of the items on Facebook and asking people for help so she could send a thank you card. Just a little heads up to make sure there is a card with name included.


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## Chemchic (Dec 16, 2012)

Patian said:


> When it comes to a young person, I blame the parents for not insisting they sit down and write a thank you when they have received a gift. Just a "thank you" in their own handwriting is sufficient and actually starts a tradition that will stand them in good stead as they grow older.


I so agree and I am SOOO remiss in writing thank yous  
But I raised my children to write a thank you for everything they get, even if they thanked the person to their face (especially grandparents  ). I told them that the person took the time to buy it, they need to take the time to write a note. If they didn't write, I told them they would have to give it back. I've been told they write the most beautiful notes!


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

or told and as often,, pay no mind to elders


tmvasquez said:


> Yep, this kind of stuff happens to me all the time. I have even given gifts at a baby shower and never received a thank you. Young people are not taught common courtesy any more.


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

This has happened to me a number of times. So, my rule: I do not knit for anyone other than my husband and me. 

Hazel


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

4 sure, 4 sure !!


PauletteB said:


> Sadly today's children do not know what a simple thank you can get them.


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

I personally think it's very rude...so I don't make or send a gift to people who don't acknowledge back.


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## Chezl (Mar 12, 2012)

frani512 said:


> I do not send gifts with the expectation of a thank you anymore. I do it because I want to. I believe if you were not taught as a child to send a thank you for a gift, it won't happen. As long as I know it was received, I am fine with it. Is it rude? Absolutely. But we live in different times. I think I would even accept a text in this day and age.


When I say that I expect a thank you, I mean that I am happy with it no matter how it arrives. Be it by text, email, letter or in person, just as long as it arrives. 
If we just accept people being rude, rude behaviour will continue regardless of in which times we are living.


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

I sent a non-hand-made gift (one that had been on the request list) to my niece and nephew when they were expecting their first child. This was well over two years ago. I have never received even an acknowledgment. As far as I know, no one else in the family did, either. My niece is about to give birth to their second child. Am I sending a gift? Nope.

Hazel


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## Shautzie (Jun 9, 2013)

On a slightly related issue: I was at a bridal shower. A bridesmaid went from table to table, passing out envelopes. We were expected to write our name and address so that the bride only had to insert a (pre-printed) thank note. Tacky, tacky, tacky. I was the only one at the table who thought this was in very poor taste.


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

Shautzie said:


> On a slightly related issue: I was at a bridal shower. A bridesmaid went from table to table, passing out envelopes. We were expected to write our name and address so that the bride only had to insert a (pre-printed) thank note. Tacky, tacky, tacky. I was the only one at the table who thought this was in very poor taste.


No one else thought this was in poor taste? Arrghhhh! I agree with you:TOTALLY tacky.

Hazel


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## The Reader (May 29, 2014)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


When our children were little, we had the following "rule" regarding thank you notes:

The child could play with the toy/whatever for the first day it arrived. After that, the thank you note had to be written before they were allowed to play with it again. Those notes were written pretty quickly. Our grown daughter still writes thank yous, but our grown son doesn't seem to remember how important it is!


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

Read your update and am glad it's straightened out. Like many who have posted here, I was raised to write thank you notes. So was my daughter. But once she was grown and on her own, she saw no reason why an email couldn't serve the purpose. The problem was that her elderly great-aunts and uncles didn't have computers. We had many an argument over "Did you write Aunt ___ a thank-you note for the birthday gift?" "Mom, stop nagging!"


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## grangran (Apr 16, 2011)

I know the feeling but there are sometimes excuses. I recently celebrated my 80th birthday with a fairly big partyput on by my family. Although the invitations said no presents please many still brought them and did not attach the cards, so I ended up with lots of cards and some presents with no name on them . I feel bad about not thanking those who gave them but I have no idea who they were. I now am happy if I know my gift has been received but a quick text is even better .Grangran


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## Laddie (Mar 17, 2013)

Life's too short to expect anything. Knit from the heart. It sounds like most of us have not received thank-you notes for a lot of gifts. Don't let this make you a bitter person. Offer it up!


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## Johna (May 7, 2012)

A thought just came to me. How about when you send a gift - enclosed a self addressed, stamped Thank you card, and say something like "return when gift received". Do you think it would be returned - NOT. :sm16:


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## dragonfly7673 (May 13, 2014)

DonnaMT said:


> After waiting for several thank you's from 2 years ago, I've decided I don't need the thank you. I do however, insist that receipt of a package be acknowledged. When I send it, I email the recipient and tell her/him I just sent a package and I insured it so would she please let me know when it arrives. I track it and if I haven't heard from her/him for several days after it was delivered, I email again and ASK did you receive my package. Tracking doesn't always provide the name/signature of the person who accepted a package and I want to know! I worked on that project and I will use the insurance claims process if I have to!


Kind of in line with this, a few years ago, I sent someone a package and not heard anything on a delivered package. This was unusual for this person so I asked about it because of the tracking and insurance only to find out if it hadn't gotten to her. Turned out that her husband took the package, set it down in the garage where he was working and forgot all about it. I've had other ones accidentally delivered to the wrong address and unless the neighbor is kind/honest enough to return it properly, it never actually makes it even though it's marked "delivered"


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## Pocahontas (Apr 15, 2011)

Johna said:


> A thought just came to me. How about when you send a gift - enclosed a self addressed, stamped Thank you card, and say something like "return when gift received". Do you think it would be returned - NOT. :sm16:


My granddaughter is 12 and lives 4 hours away. I like to send her a card from time to time to let her know I'm thinking of her. Once I enclosed a SASE and let her know I would love to hear from her. Never did. Next time she visited I asked her why she didn't write back to me. Her response "I forgot". GRRRR! Tried to use it for a teachable moment.


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

JoeA said:


> You are not alone, it's the same with my step family. My step sister's 3td youngest wont speak to her either.


Unfortunately I have found there are too many of us in this situation.

Let your step sister know I feel her pain, and hope that her child see what s/he is missing.

Parents can have a lot to offer :sm09:


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## vikicooks (Nov 1, 2013)

One day in June: $50 birthday, $50 birthday, $30 birthday, $20 birthday, $25 birthday. From all that, we heard 2 Thank you's ( because we handed them the cards in person). Also haven't heard from a wedding check 3 weeks ago, but there's still time for that.we are on very fixed incomes, so we really have to plan and save for gifts. A thank you would be nice. Oh- these were all our children and grandchildren!


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## Seahawker (Mar 30, 2012)

It's not just young people. Last Christmas our group took 5 bags of afghans and lap robes to a local nursing home. To date we have not even received acknowledgement that they go them. Very disappointed and needless to say they will not be receiving anything in the future.


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## Shdy990 (Mar 10, 2011)

I figure it saves me lots of money because they won't be getting any future gifts from me.


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## moonieboy (Apr 11, 2012)

Are you sure the package was not stolen off the porch? Or possibly delivered to the wrong address? I have had UPS and USPS deliver packages that were addressed to me at my neighbors house and they opened them to see what was inside. Then thdecided to retape the package up and put it on my stoop.
Moonieboy


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## vikicooks (Nov 1, 2013)

susanmjackson said:


> It is frustrating to give a gift and not get a simple thank you. I sent a nice check to my friend's daughter for graduation. When I asked her mom if she received it, the response was yes, but since she did not send out announcements, she was not expecting gifts and will not be writing thank you notes. REALLY, that is just plain rude, she will never receive another gift from me expected or not.


She should return the check , then , if she didn't expect gifts!


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## Julie's Mom (Feb 22, 2015)

Hmm. I recently sent gifts (little shrugs) for two new girl babies and have not heard a word back. One is for an adopted baby where the gift was delivered by my daughter (baby's mom is a friend of hers) at her baptism; new mom has had the baby for several months. The other baby is about 4 months old now. I mailed that one. I agree -- people just don't send thank you notes any more, although we always do!


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## Tralulee (Nov 8, 2013)

I know the work and love that goes into knitting a baby blanket whether simple or more complicated. Personally, I wouldn't hand knit anything again for that particular person. I had a similar experience in the past. You know, people are so busy today and if they don't knit, haven't a clue what goes into it. So, don't let it get to you.


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## nannalois47 (Apr 12, 2016)

We live in a generation of people who have not been taught or refuse to listen to advice. So the results are a generation of very ungrateful, selfish people. On the other hand there are still the few who love handmade gifts and let you know how much they love their gift .


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

It's the way of the world. I don't expect any" thank yous" anymore therefore it doesn't bother me. Plus I have a bad habit of keeping pretty cards and that would be just another one to place in the box. When my daughter had her first baby shower I put together a package for her and included the thank you cards and stamps. She never sent them out, but did thank everyone individually. I did the best I could with my children. They all have their flaws. I don't expect to much from my grandchildren, they all live away and characters not fully developed. As much as we try and teach them things they prefer the advise of their friends. :sm16:


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## vikicooks (Nov 1, 2013)

Regarding the comment about people here not saying Thank You for help they've received: I try to do a general thanks to everyone for their answers, but I'm sure I miss some. I would hope that no one would be hesitant to ask a question for fear of being thought of as rude for not saying thanks to every post. And regarding thank you's in general, I don't want a hand written note- just an email would be fine!


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## Sarah Chana (Apr 15, 2014)

So what else is new????? Good manners are mostly out of style. Just don't send more gifts if you're offended. You can only change yourself, no-one else. :sm02:


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## bevvyreay (Dec 5, 2012)

People of all ages and from all walks of life can be rude, I truly don't believe it is a generation thing. I myself have 4 wonderful, well mannered daughters who have all been raised to say thankyou, one sends handwritten cards, one texts the other 2 might call or text or use Facebook(in my book it's the thought that counts not necessarily the method)but sometimes life gets in the way and good intentions fly out the window, I'm not excusing them but it happens, last year I upset a few people who sent me gifts and I didn't thank them soon enough actually I was quite ill and by the time I had recovered I had little or no idea where certain items came from but I did do my best to send thanks. I suppose my point is we don't always know why we weren't thanked so perhaps we should enjoy the crafting and gifting and if we know for sure its not appreciated gift elsewhere.


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## jeanbess (Aug 20, 2011)

My to be grand daughter in law send a note of thanks within a week of her shower and she is busy arranging her wedding her self even doing her own flowers needless to say I was very impressed


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## kdpa07734 (Nov 10, 2015)

jaml said:


> I cannot believe the mentality of most of the young people today. They think it's ok not to acknowledge or write a thank you. I love to make things for people but when they can't even acknowledge the gift I say never again. Young girls at their bridal showers think if they get up and say "thank you" to everybody altogether it's enough. Well, in my book, it isn't!


I agree, but even that's better than nothing. I won't waste my time on ungrateful folks, they get one chance and that's it.. There's too many vets, preemies, homeless that DO appreciate anything.


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## renoir2773 (Nov 13, 2013)

I'd give her a little more time. She may have gotten a lot of gifts and is very busy I'm sure with a new baby. You may still get a very nice note from her (I hope!).


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## mea (Jan 21, 2011)

I think parents of young children who don't require them to write thank you notes are missing a great teaching opportunity. I always made my daughters write thank yous. I wouldn't demand it in a "you don't get to play with this until you thank them" kind of way, but we'd talk about how nice it was of that person to send the gift...how lucky they were to have family all over the country who cared about them (some they'd never met yet), and wouldn't it be nice to send them a drawing to say thank you? As pre-schoolers, they got excited about the whole process, and they'd often get a thank-you for their thank-you, and they were thrilled and very proud.

As they got older they struggled with the wording sometime, but they knew sending a note was the right thing to do. (I think they knew by then, too, that there was no getting out of it!). Today they're in their 20s and I doubt if any of them put pen to paper to say thank you (except for formal occasions like graduations or weddings) but I'll bet they would never not acknowledge a gift.


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## duckgeniusz (Aug 9, 2012)

I went to a wedding shower where as you were picking up a name tag at a welcome table you were handed a stamped postcard and told to address it to yourself. I asked if I was to write the "Thank You" in the message space and was told that it would be appreciated. I said, "No, thanks." The lady at the table said, "You have to do it." I said, "No, I do not. If the bride does not wish to thank me herself, I will not, and even, can not do it for her. " I walked away with the lady sputtering and furious at me. Never did get a thank you from that bride because I refused to write it myself. The world we live in, eh?


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## SeasideKnit (Jun 4, 2016)

Same thing happened to me last year when I made a baby blanket for my niece in Iowa. I live in Florida. Finally, I called her and she never received the package. I spent a lot of time following up with the Post Offices in my town and hers. The Post Office said it was "delivered" but both my niece and her husband were home all day on the day of the supposed delivery and it certainly was not delivered. I made a second baby blanket and sent it UPS and they got that one.


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## Finnsbride (Feb 8, 2011)

I also made a pretty blanket for a great great nephew with no acknoldgement from mom or dad. However his grandma and great grandma contacted me to compliment it so will take that as a thanks. I feel the gift is for the baby and he can't write yet so will be happy that it was appreciated by family members.


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## Neeterbug (May 25, 2011)

About ten years ago I made a number of knitting items and sent them to my nephew and his wife for their new baby boy. The package was sent to Georgia via Federal Express...and I have not heard a word of thanks...still have hopes of hearing from them...just made a funny...will never happen.


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## kdpa07734 (Nov 10, 2015)

PaKnitter said:


> Our step grandchildren told us they don't have to say 'thank you' as it is the duty of grandparents to give gifts. Needless to say they got nothing more from us!


Our oldest son's steps are very polite and say thank you... Not so with the youngest son's steps. They boldly ask for very expensive things (think Iphone 6). Before I even met them, I didn't want them left out, so I made hats and scarves for them that Christmas... not one 'thank you' and I have no idea where the items are now. They no longer get anything, once was enough (and they destroy gs's stuff on purpose).


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## silvercharms (Mar 29, 2011)

Happycamper said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe (according to etiquette books) they have up to a year to acknowledge wedding gifts. That always seemed an excessive amount of time to me to send a thank-you note but maybe they had hundreds of guests in which case it 'might' make some sense.


Very simple quiet wedding.


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## Lovemygreys (Apr 4, 2011)

Same here made a baby blanket and bought a bunch of clothes for my new GG and never heard a word from my Grandaughter. Spoke to her dad and he said she got it and liked it but not a word from her and it was
weeks ago. My sister sent her a gift and she did not hear anything either. I warned my sister she may not hear from her. Now my other GD, her sister, sent the nicest thank yous to everyone with a beautiful note.


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## Eileen Wanda (Sep 18, 2011)

Don't blame the parents. I taught both of my girls and did not let them use their gift until the note was written and sent. One is proper and sends out her thank you notes. The other can't be bothered.


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## Obsessed (Jan 22, 2012)

limeygirl said:


> I mailed three graduation gifts over three weeks ago. Not a word. Not one word.


Recently attended a shower where we were all asked to self address an envelope. Within a week I received a very personal thank yu from the bride-to-be. Not only was I pleased, but almost shocked!


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## knitter143001 (Dec 30, 2015)

The "younger" generation does not send thank you notes. When my great nephew got married, his new wife informed him if wanted thank you notes sent, he would have to be the one to do them - Much to his credit - and even though it took some time - HE DID! Shows the difference in upbringing. My one aunt used to send me $2.00 for my birthday every year. Mother INSISTED that the note be written and mailed out within 2 days.


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## Metrogal (Mar 15, 2011)

It only takes a few moments to write a thank you card. Now...when I got married, the rules of etiquette at that time were that you had six months to write a thank you card. I got hundreds of them out within that time period, doing just a few every night. I still write thank you notes. But the kids of today ARE NOT TAUGHT TO DO THAT. My children both were and they still do.


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## alliehb (Jun 23, 2016)

I am a newly retired Kindergarten teacher. Because of too many gifts unacknowledged, or opened in front of family without even a "WOW" I made it my business to include lessons on gift "receiving" and "acknowledgements". Every December before the holiday I'd explain that no one HAS to give them a gift, it's because they WANT to. We'd play act "gushing" and learning to say something nice to the giver, including a hug, or kiss if it was family. And we'd play act it with giving everything from an old sock to a stuffed animal toy. Uopn return to school on January 2, I was prepared with lessons on thank you notes. I pre-printed Blank cards with THANK YOU printed in fun fonts on the cover. I taught them letter form and how to write a proper thank you. They took the notes home for their folks to mail. Those who needed to thank SANTA, thanked Santa. <wink>. Parents thanked me! Oh, and once, along with an engagement gift, I gave a box of thank you notes. Guess once a teacher, always a teacher!


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## vikicooks (Nov 1, 2013)

When my daughter got married, she received many gifts and checks. The week after her honeymoon, her bridesmaid and I sat down with my daughter and helped with the thank you notes. They had a careful record of all the givers and had all the addresses. My daughter has terrible handwriting, so she did the close family ones ( only ones who would be able to read them!) and we did the rest. She told us what to say; everyone received a personal note about their gift. She also sent flowers and cards to a few people who had helped with the decorating and clean- up.


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## mollyb44 (Nov 11, 2013)

I had knitted and crocheted about 5 different items for my nephew and his wife for their new baby. I received a thank you card, but I never received a picture of the baby in anything that I had made her. I will not be making anything else for baby again. It wouldn't have been so bad if niece hadn't gushed about a store bought knitted dress from a friend. Ouch!


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## suehoman (Apr 24, 2011)

Amen to those who get discouraged at no thank you's! I have enjoyed knitting and crocheting dozens upon dozens of baby gifts over the years, but have become disillusioned by the lack of appreciation expressed by the (parents of) recipients. I think the worst was the young parents (I gave them the gifts in person) who opened the package, laughed at the newborn size of the sweater, saying it was way too small for their two-month old, and set everything aside with nary a thank you. This is just one example, but sadly typical. I truly don't understand!


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## ckcampers (Aug 3, 2014)

That's how they are today..weren't brought up properly!!


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## ckcampers (Aug 3, 2014)

I can totally relate..I have grandchildren who think it's just what we're supposed to do and they don't need to respond. It's a grandparents responsibility, well I for one won't be doing it anymore..if they can't acknowledge my gift then I don't send anymore..bet they won't like that will they??


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## xoxo (May 12, 2011)

I agree that new parents these days are busy, but so were we all those years ago when we had our babies. Yet, we still got the thank you notes out in a timely fashion. I'm willing to bet that they got the birth announcements out, which in my circle of family and friends is the same as saying it is gift giving time. Lol.


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## ckcampers (Aug 3, 2014)

I agree 100%!


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## clayk (Feb 25, 2011)

Went out of my way to knit clothes ,and toys for great nephew as I did his father.no pictures of him in single item,no thank you either.he is now 4 yrs. And I've never knitted another thing. I text his mother, never an ans.but Xmas texted did he need anything boy did I get a list the very same day. I'm not happy with today's kids,they just were raised to our manners.


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## ckcampers (Aug 3, 2014)

It's really sad the way the kids are of today and that the parents are no better. The kids learn from their parents, so what does that say. I certainly hope I taught mine better than this.


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## Profet (Oct 30, 2014)

Should the "thank you" be verbal only, verbal and written, and should the written one be a handwritten note or can it be a personal e-mail note of thanks? These days, I really do wonder what is appropriate.


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## ckcampers (Aug 3, 2014)

Actually any acknowledgement of any sort would be appreciated these days..when there's nothing at all it's just plain rude.


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## crafty_grandma56 (Jul 26, 2011)

I too have made things without getting even a thank you. Even my grand-dog gives me hugs and kisses when I arrive and when I leave!! When I was cleaning out my craft room, I came across many bottles of extra paint, paint brushes, paper for crafting, pencils, crayons leftover balls of yarn and even threw in some knitting needles! I had sent a note explaining to the after school daycare worker in charge (who had told me that they would be more than happy to accept supplies), that I was sending then a package but to please let me know if there was anything they could not/not allowed to use and what supplies they were in need of. I even suggested some crafts that they could make with the supplies and supplied my email as well as my pinterest board link. This was in March and we are now June, school is over and I never even received a thank you! I had sent my husband to bring the box and the person in charge asked him to leave it in the corner....no thanks or acknowledgement! So if these are after school caretakers that can't even say thank you, how do you expect the kids to say thank you!! I know my daughter buys the teacher, cafeteria lady, as well as the after-school- caretakers a thank you gift at the end of the year which is acknowledged only by the teacher. Do they feel that we owe them something???


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## sbeth53 (Mar 29, 2011)

What a recurring theme this is. Just a testimony to our world :sm03:


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## clayk (Feb 25, 2011)

I am truly disappointed in all,even my own daughter didn't send thank yous for wedding gifts.I certainly taught her better,and her kids are way worse.


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## Nussa (Jul 7, 2011)

I don't understand why people these days don't bother sending thank you notes. I know we get plenty of graduation invitations from people who know full well we won't be attending, but will send a card and money. I sent out two cards this year, and got a prompt thank form only one. 

And in Feb. my nephew and his wife had a baby boy. I had knitted him a blanket and a cap. I had gone up to see them at the hospital, and asked if they had received the gift. My nephew said they hadn't checked the mail the last few days. I offered to show them a picture of the gift, but they said they didn't want to see it till they opened it. Well I'm still waiting. 
I didn't expect to hear anything form them right away, as my father had passed away the day the baby was born, so we did have other things to think about. But I'd say 4 months should have been enough time to have sent something. I don't even know if they got it. 

I'm posting a picture of the blanket and cap.


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## cainchar (Dec 14, 2012)

Have to say that I don't think we can blame the young people for this. If children aren't taught behaviours (and expected to live up to them,) they can't be blamed, for not knowing/doing. I lay the blame on the parents of the younger generations. They are the ones who think it's more important to be "friends" than to "parent." Have indulged and not taught a work ethic=reward understanding to their offspring (and stuck it out long enough for the children to learn the lessons.) Parenting isn't about getting things done by the easiest/quickest/least controversial method . Parents are teachers. A child's first teacher, and most influential. And it's a tough job (but certainly explains why so many parents don't understand teachers, and their "unreasonable" demands/expectations of children anymore!) It takes repetition, firmness, guidance and the resolve to allow a child to fail- and face the consequences! That is how they learn a sense of work-ethic and moral responsibility. IMHO, not learning to send thank you notes is sad. However, not nearly as tragic for the young as to not learn a sense of responsibility. We will all pay for this in the coming years (and lest we forget- those over indulged, ungrateful, lack respecting young people are the ones who will be caring for us as we age!) Yipes!


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## Grandma G. (Oct 29, 2012)

Have to share the sweet hand made card we got from our 13 year old granddaughter today,

"Dear Grandma & Grandpa G,
Thank you for the spiral slicer. As well as being wonderful people.
Have a great life"


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## 4grammy4 (Aug 22, 2011)

I find a similar attitude with the repayment of a loan. A recent example, lent grandson less than $100 with the understanding it would be repaid within the week. It has been 3 weeks. Even more distressing to me, he found the money to buy himself an air conditioner. The last loan was with the notice, it would be the last time. I can not relate to this kind of thinking. I paid all my student loans before marrying and in the almost 50 years of marriage we have only borrowed once from a relative and saw paying it back as a priority. This same grandson's Mom, our daughter has borrowed from us and all her siblings and has yet to pay any of us back. I just shake my head.


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## Chezl (Mar 12, 2012)

I have been thinking about this post since it started and I think I might have a solution. When you send a gift you put in a card or letter/note right? Well then, with a card you in include a note written on a bright coloured paper so the recipient can't miss seeing it and you write something like 'I would really appreciate it if you would let me know that you have received this .........(insert whatever the gift is) and a thank you would be lovely'. Or if a letter was included just add same in a P.S. Highlight it if you prefer. If you get no acknowledgement, don't send them anymore gifts.

Also if you receive gifts for an occasion like an engagement, wedding, bridal shower etc. and you don't know which guests the gifts came from, you could send out a thank you to all the people that you definitely knew which gift was theirs and to the others you send out the same card with something like this written 'Thank you for attending my ........(the occasion) and it was lovely to see you there but unfortunately there were some cards that were not attached to gifts so if you could let me know which one was yours, I can thank you personally'. My wording isn't great but you get the idea.


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

cainchar said:


> Have to say that I don't think we can blame the young people for this. If children aren't taught behaviours (and expected to live up to them,) they can't be blamed, for not knowing/doing. I lay the blame on the parents of the younger generations. They are the ones who think it's more important to be "friends" than to "parent." Have indulged and not taught a work ethic=reward understanding to their offspring (and stuck it out long enough for the children to learn the lessons.) Parenting isn't about getting things done by the easiest/quickest/least controversial method . Parents are teachers. A child's first teacher, and most influential. And it's a tough job (but certainly explains why so many parents don't understand teachers, and their "unreasonable" demands/expectations of children anymore!) It takes repetition, firmness, guidance and the resolve to allow a child to fail- and face the consequences! That is how they learn a sense of work-ethic and moral responsibility. IMHO, not learning to send thank you notes is sad. However, not nearly as tragic for the young as to not learn a sense of responsibility. We will all pay for this in the coming years (and lest we forget- those over indulged, ungrateful, lack respecting young people are the ones who will be caring for us as we age!) Yipes!


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

I stuck one of those address labels everyone has a ton of inside the card opposite the greeting when I gave my niece her wedding gift two weeks ago. I thought it was a broad hint, but we shall see.


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## nittineedles (Apr 14, 2011)

Patian said:


> When it comes to a young person, I blame the parents for not insisting they sit down and write a thank you when they have received a gift.


I did teach my children to send a thank you note whenever they received a gift but apparently, it didn't take. :sm25:


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## knit and sew (Jan 24, 2013)

My grandson and his partner had a baby boy end of August 1915 , I knitted him a blanket, a couple of cardigans and hats to this day I still have not received a thank you I know they received the parcel as I have seen photos of him on their Facebook Page sitting on the blanket and wearing the cardis..I suppose I must be thankful at least they are using the items I sent but it would be nice to know personally.


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## Joan Frances (May 13, 2016)

Lots of words. A thank you card and a letter of appreciation to our little craft group from the CWA (Country Women's Association). We passed on to them a bundle of hand made knitted and crocheted items for premature babies, and infants, and also some warm scarves and knee rugs for them to pass to needy people. The gratitude shown to us makes us ready to do more, much more.


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## Sunny70 (Jul 25, 2014)

Parents should make sure children are taught to say please, thank you and to write notes even if it just starts by saying thank you and nothing more. They should learn to say more as they get older.


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## suehoman (Apr 24, 2011)

It's been most interesting reading members' thoughts on the dilemma of not having gifts (hand-knit and crocheted in particular) acknowledged, mine included. I suddenly thought about our new KP member, caa, and her reasons for wanting to knit - to do something productive for as long as she can and to leave a little bit of herself behind. I guess I'd have to say that's what it's all about for me and why I keep finding new projects to start and keep giving them away; the satisfaction is in creating something special and hopefully useful - whether a thank you is expressed or not.


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## knit and sew (Jan 24, 2013)

I was just reading through some of the replies today and noticed That I wrote 1915 on my posting should have been 2015 must have been having one of my senior moments as my daughter calls them.


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## Chezl (Mar 12, 2012)

If a thank you is given, it feels to me that the gift was appreciated.
If none was given it then feels that the recipient doesn't care.


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## kippyfure (Apr 9, 2011)

With e-mail available and long distance being free, I feel there is no excuse for not acknowledging a gift. I would call the person and confirm receipt of the package. Then if they tell you they didn't get it, you would know it may have been stolen off of their doorstep.


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

jmf6406 said:


> I stuck one of those address labels everyone has a ton of inside the card opposite the greeting when I gave my niece her wedding gift two weeks ago. I thought it was a broad hint, but we shall see.


Hope it takes.

Years back my daughter bought the 'thank you's for her step daughter, address the envelopes and put the stamp on and still the new mother didn't follow through.
I stopped sending gifts.
I am so tired of hearing the new mother is busy. Nothing has changed over the years except for all the conveniences the mothers of today have.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

SOO agree


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

Well, here is a GOOD story: The nice young family next door have a little girl about 5 years old. She is such a nice kid that I made her a GypsyCream duckling out of multicolored pink, lavender and turquoise eyelash yarn and used pink worsted for the beak and feet since she really likes pink. When I gave it to her, she said thank you and I really like it, which was enough for me. Yesterday evening when I was watering out front, she called to me from the window of her room which faces the side of our house. She said the duck was fine and "I was a really good sew-er" I told her it was knit, like a sweater and she seemed to get it. I then asked if there were any other animals she liked and she didn't miss a beat--"Penguins!" So, I told her I would look for a penguin pattern and see what I could find and asked if she wanted it black and white. Yes, with yellow feet and beak. Then she added that I needn't get any special stuff and I could just use what I had. What a sweet kid! I'll knit her toys until they are coming out her ears!! I did find a cute free penguin pattern on Ravelry called Pasha the Penguin that is 8" tall.


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## nannydottie (Jun 30, 2016)

Nice to see someone who takes their pleasure in the making of the gift and expects nothing in return.


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## Lovemygreys (Apr 4, 2011)

Well it looks like it is a universal problem and we all have the same complaint. I agree with jmf6406 when someone appreciates it you will keep giving to that person I would be knitting anything her little heart desired.. That is how I feel about my thankful grandaughter she gets alot more from me than her sister. Luckily one is in NC and one is in Arizona.


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## MAGSBISH (Jul 1, 2012)

The thing is its not just young people who do not say thank you I have seen young people hold doors open give people their seat on buses and stand aside to let older people go first and not receive any kind of acknowledgement whether a thank you or even a smile and nod of the head so dare I say it we reap what we sow children learn by example. So if they don't receive a thank you who can blame them for not saying thank you


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

AND super nice that the little girl KNOWS HOW AND DOES the thank you!!!!look at the rewards she will have 4 that!!

great gal she!!!!!!


nannydottie said:


> Nice to see someone who takes their pleasure in the making of the gift and expects nothing in return.


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## dragonswing (Feb 18, 2014)

rotarian1 said:


> I read once that the trick is to send a package, but 'forget' to include the gift. I heard of someone who sent birthday cards to nieces and nephews, saying "enclosed is $20 for your birthday", but then 'forgot' to include the $20. They called her to thank her and then tell her that she must have forgotten to enclose the $20 bill. At least she received a phone call !


Now that would be funny


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## buoybutt (Nov 3, 2014)

My attack on this subject is to say to the person "your welcome" that normally makes them stop and think and then say thank you. Works about 90% of the time.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Don't get your nickers in a twist. Give her a chance to get things together and the post office to deliver. You may not be the only one to send her a gift.


Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


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## Profet (Oct 30, 2014)

Hate to say it, but along the way I've picked up that some folks do not appreciate receiving hand knitted or crocheted items or garments. They prefer commercially-produced articles that look 'perfect.' That may account for some of the lack of thanks. They don't value our gifts and the time and talent taken to produce them, and therefore 'overlook' saying thanks for them.


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## lorraine 55 (Aug 8, 2011)

knit and sew said:


> I was just reading through some of the replies today and noticed That I wrote 1915 on my posting should have been 2015 must have been having one of my senior moments as my daughter calls them.


I noticed that, you made me laugh :sm09: :sm09: :sm09:


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## Tahira Kathleen (Jul 1, 2016)

I, too, become hurt and frustrated when l put my heart into making a gift for which I receive no acknowledgement.

Re the wedding gift thank you rec'd one year later: that does seem extreme! However, according to Miss Manners book of etiquette, one year is the very end of an acceptable time frame to do so (for a wedding gift). The same book also states that wedding gifts should be returned if the marriage is over in one year! Can you imagine? Times change.
That said, giving someone thanks should always be considered good manners and consideration.
I taught my son and step daughter to do so.... The step daughter never taught her own children. Perhaps one day they will learn. Until then, l continue to send gifts, store bought or handmade, because it makes ME happy.


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## JTM (Nov 18, 2012)

Sallywilms said:


> So, I made a baby blanket in the mom's choice of color and sent it in the mail to a
> town 30ish miles away. Post Office tracking indicates it was delivered last Thursday.
> Not a word. Not.one.word.


Seems most folks tend to forget the niceties of life. Your choices are ... don't knit for people that do not acknowledge your gifts... or continue to knit for them and don't expect to hear anything about the gift.


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## Toymaker (Oct 30, 2015)

fergablu2 said:


> I go out in public, shopping, with my disabled son. People stare at us, but don't say a word. Not one word.


I think that many people are embarrassed & shy & don't know what to say.


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## Toymaker (Oct 30, 2015)

This has been a problem for thousands of years. Even Jesus was disappointed when He healed 10 lepers, & only 1 came to say, "Thank You." - Luke 17.


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

Profet said:


> Hate to say it, but along the way I've picked up that some folks do not appreciate receiving hand knitted or crocheted items or garments. They prefer commercially-produced articles that look 'perfect.' That may account for some of the lack of thanks. They don't value our gifts and the time and talent taken to produce them, and therefore 'overlook' saying thanks for them.


The "perfect" machine made stuff often has mis-matched plaids, crooked and/or puckered seams, shoddily attached buttons, uneven pockets and other flaws that would earn you a C- or worse if graded. Yet it has The Label!! If your carefully hand crafted item has a stripe that is a fraction of a row off in the seam, a microscopic yarn tail that came unwoven, or a stich that isn't the exact size of the others, there are those that are quick to point out all your errors! When I have been subjected to this, I never, ever, ever make them anything ever again. I forgot to add that those that were so quick to judge my work couldn't knit, sew, crochet or do anything else creative.


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## Lovemygreys (Apr 4, 2011)

I saw a hat for a child that read "Be nice you get more stuff". So true.


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## Dcsmith77 (Apr 18, 2011)

Ruddersrun said:


> I know my daughter felt overwhelmed after the birth of her baby and told me she was far behind in sending out thank you notes.
> Please have a little patience. These new moms have so much on their plates! I'm sure she will get to her notes when she has time
> to sit and write them. Right now she has other priorities in her life.


I have three young mothers of my great grandchildren. They have never failed to send me a thank you note even when i have delivred the gift in person; HOWEVER, they are pretty busy and it sometimes takes a month or so for them to send the note. Personally, I think you are expecting a response too soon. Give the mother a break and a little more time before you complain. If she doesn't write the note, then I think you can reasonably call and ask her if she received it and did she like it. After that, you did the right thing, so forget it. That's just life these days.


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## missyern (Jan 23, 2011)

This is common now - we have discussed it numerous times.


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## redcable (Jun 2, 2015)

Very few write thank you notes anymore. A verbal thank you is OK to me.With so many today holding down part time jobs,finances make it harder to write notes.Many are on the computer now and message that way or send notes by text.


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## kipsalot (Jan 2, 2013)

I sent my niece two baby sets when her little girl was born. Bonnets, sweaters and booties. She has a photography studio and a quite functional cellular phone. I forgot to take pictures of the sets before I sent them and asked her to please post them for me. Her daughter is 13 months old now and when they were here for a visit she gave me a lame excuse about a camera. All I want is a pic of the outfits. One of them is all mice. It is gray wool with mice ties on the sweater and a little felt piece of cheese, a cute little hat with a mouse dangling down by its tail to get another piece of cheese and the booties are little mice. The other one is an off white set that looks more like a regular set. Come to think of it I never received a thank you either. Maybe they did not like them.


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## dragonswing (Feb 18, 2014)

A couple of weeks ago, I gave a baby cocoon and hat to my dental technician whose brother and wife had a baby a couple of months ago. She absolutely loved it!! Last week when I went for a check-up she handed me a very nice thank you card from both her and the baby's parents. The parents were so surprised that someone they never met would send a nice gift for the baby. They were very appreciative. At least there are some people who still have manners.


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## Bebekka (Jun 4, 2011)

I don't knit as gifts any longer -- people don't appreciate the time and love that goes into it (most people don't)


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## LAURA C (Jan 21, 2013)

I made a little basket that included thank you notes, printed address labels and stamps as part of all my daughters shower gift. No excuse and I have to say they were sent out in a timely manner.


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## LAURA C (Jan 21, 2013)

My oldest daughter was offended when I stopped making things for her and my granddaughters. Not only did I not get a thank you but I saw my hard work thrown in the trunk of the car tangled in sports equipment and a scarf on the floor of the backseat being stepped on. It's been a while and it is still a sore point between us but I will not budge. She was not raised that way.


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## crafty_grandma56 (Jul 26, 2011)

Back in the 80s, I held a baby shower for a few friends - I always included a mommy basket which included something smelly, something nice ie a nice top for breast feeding or for sleeping, lotions etc and a pack of stamps, and thank you notes. At the time mother s stayed in the hospital for at least 5 days - we even did this for showers for newly weds....maybe the idea should be resurrected!!!


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## mousepotato (May 30, 2011)

I had a very different experience. I just crocheted a car seat cover for one of my daughter's friends to give as a baby shower gift to another girl. I got a thank you note from the mom-to-be, whom I know only because she and my daughter were in the giver's wedding party.


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## Billie B (Apr 5, 2011)

It does my heart good to read how many of your feel just as I do. If you send the gift, be it large, small, expensive or inexpensive, you have sent a gift. A thank you of some sort is required. I've even gotten to the point where I'd accept and email - even a phone call! Just an acknowledgement that they appreciate the time/work/thoughtfulness that you put into this gift. I once went to a dentist who did a lot of work and a good job. My insurance covered a good chunk of it, so i wasn't worried he wasn't reimbursed. But I wanted to show him that I really appreciated his work. So I sent him a really expensive bottle of liquor. That was about 1 1/2 years ago. I have actually gone back to him since. NOT A WORD. I won't stop going to him because he's really good, but I never have felt as comfortable there as before. What do you think? Oh, and he's not a kid. I'd say he's in his 50's. Would love to hear your opinions. 

How's that for not sticking to the subject!!!!???


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## dragonswing (Feb 18, 2014)

Billie B said:


> It does my heart good to read how many of your feel just as I do. If you send the gift, be it large, small, expensive or inexpensive, you have sent a gift. A thank you of some sort is required. I've even gotten to the point where I'd accept and email - even a phone call! Just an acknowledgement that they appreciate the time/work/thoughtfulness that you put into this gift. I once went to a dentist who did a lot of work and a good job. My insurance covered a good chunk of it, so i wasn't worried he wasn't reimbursed. But I wanted to show him that I really appreciated his work. So I sent him a really expensive bottle of liquor. That was about 1 1/2 years ago. I have actually gone back to him since. NOT A WORD. I won't stop going to him because he's really good, but I never have felt as comfortable there as before. What do you think? Oh, and he's not a kid. I'd say he's in his 50's. Would love to hear your opinions.
> 
> How's that for not sticking to the subject!!!!???


I would never even think of giving alcohol to any of my doctors even if they had done a good job. I took a couple of potted plants to my orthodontist and everyone in the office loved them.


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## Toymaker (Oct 30, 2015)

Recently, I knitted 7 dolls for a family who were celebrating a 150 Birthday Party - the mother turned 90 & the son 60. I knitted for both of them, with appropriate numbers on the dolls, & 5 more for the great grandchildren. They were most appreciated by some, & I got a polite "thank you" from others. 
1) I enjoyed knitting them
2) The family member who asked me to knit them was ecstatic
3) Maybe one day the children will learn to give generously to others
4) Why let their attitude spoil my pleasure?
5) God gives me many blessings, do I always say "Thank You" to Him?


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## CraftySK (Feb 19, 2015)

I know how frustrating this is. It is sad that people can't take just a minute to show some appreciation. Our society has lost all sense of being considerate and appreciative. I am so grateful for being raised in a time when it was insisted upon. I'm sure the gift was beautiful.


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## hennie (Mar 28, 2011)

I've noticed at school. Particularly with this current year, the thank you letter is in favour.

After birthday parties, the party giver, more often than not, gives out a little batch of thank you to classmates. 
Can't say I noticed particularly in previous years but definitely this year group.


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## Billie B (Apr 5, 2011)

dragonswing said:


> I would never even think of giving alcohol to any of my doctors even if they had done a good job. I took a couple of potted plants to my orthodontist and everyone in the office loved them.


The reason I gave the dentist a bottle of tequila is that I asked his staff what he liked and this is what they suggested. I would not give liquor if I thought he was a teetotaler. I have given chocolate to the staff :sm02: which is probably less acceptable at a dentist's office!


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

Jean Keith said:


> I knitted a pink baby blanket for a little gal that had a new baby girl. She didn't say thank you, but she did say she would really have received a lavender one. I knitted another one with a lavender baby sweater to go with. Not.one.word. A written note would not be in her wheelhouse I'm sure....more sure that she has had the last handknit from me.


I had a similar thing happen with me and a niece. I had started crocheting a car seat blanket before she knew the baby's gender. Well, when she received this at the baby shower (I was not invited, my Mother took it to her.) and I had included a note in the card explaining I had started it before she knew the baby's gender. Well, she did NOT like the blanket because of the "color". She from what my Mother told me was not going to use it for that reason. Well, she is pregnant again. I am not making anything this time around.


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

ckcampers said:


> It's really sad the way the kids are of today and that the parents are no better. The kids learn from their parents, so what does that say. I certainly hope I taught mine better than this.


Oh, careful with the statement "kids learn from their parents". I don't believe that to be completely true. My 3 kids are NOTHING like what I taught them. I don't even hear from them other than for the special days of the year. I have decided to stop those. I have learned from family members that my son is engaged. NO phone calls from him telling me.


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

jmf6406 said:


> Well, here is a GOOD story: The nice young family next door have a little girl about 5 years old. She is such a nice kid that I made her a GypsyCream duckling out of multicolored pink, lavender and turquoise eyelash yarn and used pink worsted for the beak and feet since she really likes pink. When I gave it to her, she said thank you and I really like it, which was enough for me. Yesterday evening when I was watering out front, she called to me from the window of her room which faces the side of our house. She said the duck was fine and "I was a really good sew-er" I told her it was knit, like a sweater and she seemed to get it. I then asked if there were any other animals she liked and she didn't miss a beat--"Penguins!" So, I told her I would look for a penguin pattern and see what I could find and asked if she wanted it black and white. Yes, with yellow feet and beak. Then she added that I needn't get any special stuff and I could just use what I had. What a sweet kid! I'll knit her toys until they are coming out her ears!! I did find a cute free penguin pattern on Ravelry called Pasha the Penguin that is 8" tall.


This reminds me of the Wonderful neighbors I had for several months. The father would help me sometimes without me asking for help. I in turn would watch their little girl sometimes. It was nice. We helped each other without expectations. I made their little girl a hand made Cabbage Patch doll with clothes, shoes and a bassinet for the doll. I was not invited to her party, which I was not expecting. The mother and daughter came over after the party and brought a piece of cake and told me "thank you" and how much she loved the doll. More than I ever get from my own daughter. I find it sad. I taught my daughter better.


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

Profet said:


> Hate to say it, but along the way I've picked up that some folks do not appreciate receiving hand knitted or crocheted items or garments. They prefer commercially-produced articles that look 'perfect.' That may account for some of the lack of thanks. They don't value our gifts and the time and talent taken to produce them, and therefore 'overlook' saying thanks for them.


I had knit my grandson 4 years ago a hooded sweater with the pocket in the front. He loved it. My daughter did NOT like the color, so she never had him wear it. I don't make such things for her 2 boys now. I make them toys instead. I have a niece and her husband who Always tell me thank you either by card or private message. They appreciate hand made items. Right down to the paper shadow frame gift I made for them. They let me know they love it so much that they have it displayed in their home.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

while engaged in this topic, i also had a call from a dear lady who is bed ridden, hospiice care fo many weeks. Months and Son, dil are now spending her stuf
she is beinbg poorly dealt w/

Does NOT want me to call for hjelp. [ what fears are ther 4 her 2 say this,,
bets


CraftySK said:


> I know how frustrating this is. It is sad that people can't take just a minute to show some appreciation. Our society has lost all sense of being considerate and appreciative. I am so grateful for being raised in a time when it was insisted upon. I'm sure the gift was beautiful.


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

CaroleJS said:


> Oh, careful with the statement "kids learn from their parents". I don't believe that to be completely true. My 3 kids are NOTHING like what I taught them. I don't even hear from them other than for the special days of the year. I have decided to stop those. I have learned from family members that my son is engaged. NO phone calls from him telling me.


Some kids have the manners of a goat because that is the way their parents are. Some were taught better, but go along with the culture of their peers. Some are total jerks in spite of being raised by very nice, loving good parents. Some were spoiled rotten and treated like they are the Center of the Universe--which became common among parents since about 1970 or so who really wanted to be the best parents ever, but forgot that the main focus of a marriage isn't the kids, but Mom and Dad. However they got to be self centered and rude, they only get one shot at me. No thank you equals no more gifts.


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## Shautzie (Jun 9, 2013)

Oh, ckcampers, I feel your pain. I know this is off the subject a little, but please bear with me. My daughter, her significant other, and their baby (18 months) have not been in touch with me since last Christmas. Since then I have sent her S.O. a birthday check (cashed immediately last January), a Valentine card with money to my GDD, a Valentine card to DD, and 4-5 unanswered phone calls. 

She neglected to contact me on Mother's Day, my birthday in June, or her father on Father's Day. She knows how compromised his health is (two hospitalizations earlier this year, and one for me with heart issues), yet has not asked how we are doing. Now I have heard through a friend who has access to her Facebook page that they have bought a house, and are moving today. 

His parents are in the picture big time, helping financially a great deal. When we were asked to help, we told his parents we would not be funding their rent, cell phones, cable, etc. All four of them stopped talking to us. I should add that my DD and her SO are both recovering drug addicts, and the baby was not an accident.
They are both 23, so they were 21 when she became pregnant.

About a year ago DD had a friend contact my husband to tell him we should give her his car, as "you have three vehicles," and "you have a responsibility to her." Imagine! That car has since been sold to a family member. I imagine DD knows and is using this as yet one more reason to excuse her behavior.

When DD lived here, she stole from us: jewelry, untold amounts of money, assaulted her father, shop lifted, spent time in juvenile hall, had to serve 96 hours of community service, the list goes on and on and on.

And the kicker? They live 20 miles away. She has a birthday in three weeks, and I do not plan to acknowledge it. Normally, we would be sending a generous check. Before I heard about the move, we were going to send half as much. Now: nothing. Am I wrong? Should I do more to keep the "door open?" I'm sure some of you know people with similar situations.
What to do?


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## mea (Jan 21, 2011)

Shautzie said:


> Oh, ckcampers, I feel your pain. I know this is off the subject a little, but please bear with me. My daughter, her significant other, and their baby (18 months) have not been in touch with me since last Christmas. Since then I have sent her S.O. a birthday check (cashed immediately last January), a Valentine card with money to my GDD, a Valentine card to DD, and 4-5 unanswered phone calls.
> 
> She neglected to contact me on Mother's Day, my birthday in June, or her father on Father's Day. She knows how compromised his health is (two hospitalizations earlier this year, and one for me with heart issues), yet has not asked how we are doing. Now I have heard through a friend who has access to her Facebook page that they have bought a house, and are moving today.
> 
> ...


Sometimes, when you realize you have no influence over them, and you are being mistreated, and stating your opinions only makes things worse, I think it's best to step back...but never close the door. Maybe that means sending a card on special occasions (with NO money in it). ...and expecting nothing in return. ...for however long it takes.

...but really, what do I know? I just wanted to say that I feel for you. When I had three teenagers at home I remember thinking it was like riding a bucking bronco. ...I just tried to hang on knowing eventually it had to stop.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

As mine kep putting me out of their life, I' d do zip as u suggest. they do not seem to ever cgh.. arg


Shautzie said:


> Oh, ckcampers, I feel your pain. I know this is off the subject a little, but please bear with me. My daughter, her significant other, and their baby (18 months) have not been in touch with me since last Christmas. Since then I have sent her S.O. a birthday check (cashed immediately last January), a Valentine card with money to my GDD, a Valentine card to DD, and 4-5 unanswered phone calls.
> 
> She neglected to contact me on Mother's Day, my birthday in June, or her father on Father's Day. She knows how compromised his health is (two hospitalizations earlier this year, and one for me with heart issues), yet has not asked how we are doing. Now I have heard through a friend who has access to her Facebook page that they have bought a house, and are moving today.
> 
> ...


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## Profet (Oct 30, 2014)

Your stance toward the adults is what is termed "tough love." It doesn't mean you don't love them, but you don't love their behaviors and won't support them. The DD and SO are adults and responsible for the decisions they make. You're not giving them a free ride. It must tear out your hearts to be estranged from them, but you're doing the right thing. Some day they will realize their wrongs toward you.


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

Sad to say but my experience with drug addicts and many former drug addicts is they are lacking the abilities of common sense, judgment, and empathy . Totally self-centered and self-serving. I don't know if the drugs destroyed these or whether they lacked them in the first place and that is why they got addicted. They tend to see everything through a filter of what they want and don't care or consider what others might want or think or how it might affect them. Examples: We had a small construction business and I cannot tell you how many times a brand new employee who was an ex-addict demanded a wage advance after ONE DAY on the job. Others borrowed our tools and company trucks for personal use and we had to go fetch them back ourselves, only to find they had been abused, run out of gas or whatever. Certainly far short of what I was taught about "bring it back in better condition than you got it." In a couple of instances, we felt lucky to get our stuff back at all, figuring the "borrower" had sold it or would refuse to give it back.


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## dragonswing (Feb 18, 2014)

Shautzie said:


> Oh, ckcampers, I feel your pain. I know this is off the subject a little, but please bear with me. My daughter, her significant other, and their baby (18 months) have not been in touch with me since last Christmas. Since then I have sent her S.O. a birthday check (cashed immediately last January), a Valentine card with money to my GDD, a Valentine card to DD, and 4-5 unanswered phone calls.
> 
> She neglected to contact me on Mother's Day, my birthday in June, or her father on Father's Day. She knows how compromised his health is (two hospitalizations earlier this year, and one for me with heart issues), yet has not asked how we are doing. Now I have heard through a friend who has access to her Facebook page that they have bought a house, and are moving today.
> 
> ...


To me, if that is the way she intends to treat the two of you, I would write her off for good. Esp with moving and not telling you. Does she plan on giving her new address/phone number? Or will that only happen the next time she wants money. She is an adult and is responsible for her own bills.
I gave up on my family a long time ago. My mother made sure my sister had everything she wanted. Paid her rent at times, gave her a car, bought everything for her kids, gave her a refrigerator and other appliances. In her will she left the house, bank account, insurance and credit union account to her because she needed the money more than I did because I did not give her grandchildren. At the time of my mother's death, my sister's kids were adults. At least I can say that everything I own, I got on my own. I had no handouts from anyone.


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

Shautzie said:


> Oh, ckcampers, I feel your pain. I know this is off the subject a little, but please bear with me. My daughter, her significant other, and their baby (18 months) have not been in touch with me since last Christmas. Since then I have sent her S.O. a birthday check (cashed immediately last January), a Valentine card with money to my GDD, a Valentine card to DD, and 4-5 unanswered phone calls.
> 
> She neglected to contact me on Mother's Day, my birthday in June, or her father on Father's Day. She knows how compromised his health is (two hospitalizations earlier this year, and one for me with heart issues), yet has not asked how we are doing. Now I have heard through a friend who has access to her Facebook page that they have bought a house, and are moving today.
> 
> ...


It is a sad and difficult decision. For your sake, I would follow through with the plan you have stated here. I have learned today that I may be doing the same thing with my kids. They are in contact with their father who had severely injured my back during a domestic violence situation when our kids were 16, 15 and 9 years old. (22 years ago) They think I should NOW be friends with their Dad. When I told my daughter NO, and explained why. She got angry and told me that I am being paranoid. NOPE. She is so wrong. She is at her father's this weekend and posting short videos of her 8 yr old on his boat with him in the video too. I am ignoring them on facebook.

Stand firm for your sake.


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## Toymaker (Oct 30, 2015)

CaroleJS said:


> Oh, careful with the statement "kids learn from their parents". I don't believe that to be completely true. My 3 kids are NOTHING like what I taught them. I don't even hear from them other than for the special days of the year. I have decided to stop those. I have learned from family members that my son is engaged. NO phone calls from him telling me.


I am SOOO sorry to hear that. I am sending you a lovely, warm hug. :sm02:


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

acting similar to my kids
and now they ae worse after my strokeeeeeeee.

plotting..ARG

a relqtove s kid is doing succh after she neede hospise care.
will not let me report etc. am so glad one woman is helping her , comes 3 times a day!
but patient ccan t get out of bed so not a good situationat all.opens her mail and does not give to her as I write every 2, 3 weeks,, so we know.
I am livid , we do a good job raisinng and they do this as oiur reward?? stinks



CaroleJS said:


> It is a sad and difficult decision. For your sake, I would follow through with the plan you have stated here. I have learned today that I may be doing the same thing with my kids. They are in contact with their father who had severely injured my back during a domestic violence situation when our kids were 16, 15 and 9 years old. (22 years ago) They think I should NOW be friends with their Dad. When I told my daughter NO, and explained why. She got angry and told me that I am being paranoid. NOPE. She is so wrong. She is at her father's this weekend and posting short videos of her 8 yr old on his boat with him in the video too. I am ignoring them on facebook.
> 
> Stand firm for your sake.


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## meems (Mar 15, 2015)

[I will never make anything for any member of my family Again! They don't appreciate, or have any sense heritage, from the eldest to the youngest![/quote]

That is exactly the word for it - Sense of heritage.
I have to say I have made a few monogrammed pillow cases for gifts and all have been very warmly received. I was looking at all the quilts I have made and I gave one to my sister in law, (I have several, but she is my fav) and I am going to give them to my nieces from out of state, as soon as I can figure out how). These are going to family members I know will appreciate them. I don't think I've done anything that wasn't acknowledge, but I sure have heard enough complaints from others.
I sort of feel that you have to know the people you make things for and expect nothing and if you get thanks, then you're ok.
I really don't crave the thanks, but rather I like to see them use it, or see an item they have bought with their gift cards. But wouldn't it be nice for your gift, to be just acknowledged?


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## Billie B (Apr 5, 2011)

My situation is the reverse. When my mother was 85 she returned to the US from Israel where she had lived for many years. Her husband had died and she, although not physically incapacitated, needed help with her care. I am an only child. Guess who got to take care of her? She did live on her own, but within a short time, became more needy in terms of practical things - shopping, doing her bills, doctor visits, etc. Nothing unusual.. However along with all of this came complaints: my husband and I were stealing things from her, messing up her "papers" and then she started telling untrue stories about us to everyone she knew. But who else was around to take care of her? Such guilt!!! And finally after many months of hoping and wanting some sort of gratitude - not concrete, but spoken - and never getting any, it came to me that if I stopped expecting it I wouldn't be disappointed when none came. And that's how I lived with the situation until she died - at 102! She did finally acquire a wonderful woman who took care of her until she died and with whom I developed at lasting relationship. It wasn't easy for her either, but at least she had no binding relationship. 

Basically, the important lesson I learned is if you don't expect something, your'e not so disappointed when it doesn't happen.


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## Profet (Oct 30, 2014)

Sounds like your mom had dementia, possibly even Alzheimer's disease, or may have had a stroke---something to create faulty perceptions. I cared for my disabled mother for 38 years and toward the last several years she became unpredictable and was even mean at times. However, she had had many little strokes (TIAs), which would account for the changes in her awareness and perceptions. At first, I would be disappointed when she no longer could do certain self-care tasks, for instance. Then I began thanking God for what she still had and could do, rather than rueing what she lost. It made the difference between enjoying her last years or regretting them. I have no regrets now that she has gone to heaven. :sm01:


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## Toymaker (Oct 30, 2015)

I have read of so much pain & heartache in this post, it makes me sad. I have had my own share of physical & emotional pain, I understand. I found refuge in Jesus, when I was a teenager. He has given me the necessary strength to be able to love those who rejected me, & strength to cope with my physical disability. He knows, He understands, He cares, & soon He will give us our rewards, according as we have treated others - Matthew 25:45. He will comfort you & give you strength to love others. God bless each of you.


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

Toymaker said:


> I am SOOO sorry to hear that. I am sending you a lovely, warm hug. :sm02:


Thank you. That is so thoughtful of you.

Carole


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## Woodsywife (Mar 9, 2014)

It's not just the young people. My older sister has never acknowledged any gift. Her kids have learned the same thing from her.


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## bigalbigal3 (Mar 15, 2011)

just so rude


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## sharonh46 (Mar 1, 2016)

I worked in an elementary school. I used to make a blanket or baby sweater for any of the young teachers who had a baby. I finally stopped. Not one thank you.... One woman that I made a baby sweater for actually told me that the sleeves were a little short, could I make them a little longer... People have no idea how much work goes into a gift like that....


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

Well, here is some shockingly good news! My niece got married on June 4th and I made her a set of placemat and tucked them into a couple of Pyrex baking dishes for her wedding gift. I figured at the most I might get an email at some point with a lukewarm thank you. Instead I got a beautiful hand written thank you specifically telling me how the placemats were perfect in their kitchen and were a permanent fixture on their table, that they were so happy to have decent baking dishes and so on. Not at all a boiler plate "thanks for the gift." She is about 25 years old so in the peer group who thinks that thank you notes aren't needed. Score one for her! I am going to write her and tell her how much it meant to me to receive the note to encourage her to continue thanking others for their thoughtfulness. Her sister, on the other hand, never even sent an email to thank me for the expensive diaper bag I had drop shipped to her when she had her baby 2 years ago. I knew she got it and was using it since my sister told me so. Guess who will be getting more hand made stuff and who won't be getting anything anymore???


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## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

Shautzie said:


> Oh, ckcampers, I feel your pain. I know this is off the subject a little, but please bear with me. My daughter, her significant other, and their baby (18 months) have not been in touch with me since last Christmas. Since then I have sent her S.O. a birthday check (cashed immediately last January), a Valentine card with money to my GDD, a Valentine card to DD, and 4-5 unanswered phone calls.
> 
> She neglected to contact me on Mother's Day, my birthday in June, or her father on Father's Day. She knows how compromised his health is (two hospitalizations earlier this year, and one for me with heart issues), yet has not asked how we are doing. Now I have heard through a friend who has access to her Facebook page that they have bought a house, and are moving today.
> 
> ...


You can keep the door 'open' with a card - no money. It seems the $$$ isn't opening the door so why enable them. Unfortunately their actions seem to say they don't want you invovrd in their life at this time. Money isn't going to buy you an entry ticket. I know rhat is harsh but I have been there and I finally realized there were shelters that could use the money better and appreciated it.


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## vikicooks (Nov 1, 2013)

We just received a very nice thank you from a graduate (high school)- she thanked us for the money and told us what it will be used for!


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

jmf6406 said:


> Well, here is some shockingly good news! My niece got married on June 4th and I made her a set of placemat and tucked them into a couple of Pyrex baking dishes for her wedding gift. I figured at the most I might get an email at some point with a lukewarm thank you. Instead I got a beautiful hand written thank you specifically telling me how the placemats were perfect in their kitchen and were a permanent fixture on their table, that they were so happy to have decent baking dishes and so on. Not at all a boiler plate "thanks for the gift." She is about 25 years old so in the peer group who thinks that thank you notes aren't needed. Score one for her! I am going to write her and tell her how much it meant to me to receive the note to encourage her to continue thanking others for their thoughtfulness. Her sister, on the other hand, never even sent an email to thank me for the expensive diaper bag I had drop shipped to her when she had her baby 2 years ago. I knew she got it and was using it since my sister told me so. Guess who will be getting more hand made stuff and who won't be getting anything anymore???


I have experienced the same type of wonderful notes from my niece and nephew in California. My own kids won't even call to say they received a gift from me. I have sent cross stitched cards to my grandson. My daughter won't even have him call me to say what he thought of them. I don't even get notifications that they arrived. It is sad.


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## diobsession (Jun 29, 2011)

I was not brought up to send thank you notes and as an adult I would much rather receive a quick phone call than receive an impersonal note. Why waste the postage. I would much rather hear the smile in your voice.


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## Shautzie (Jun 9, 2013)

Dear JIsh and others who took the time to write. My situation is the one where my daughter will have nothing to do with us; we haven't seen my granddaughter since Christmas, and even that was begrudginly. I am going to follow your advice and no longer allow her to hurt me and my heart. Her birthday is next week. It will be ignored.

Because she has moved, and I do not have her address (I did learn from someone whom she has allowed to befriend her on Facebook), but I know she has moved two towns away fron ne),
I know I could send her an empty birthday card to her old address and it will be forwarded, but I am not willing to do that, which lets her know I don't know she has moved. This is not meant to play games.

This is meant to let her know I have reached my emotional limit and I (and her father) agree that the gravy train has ended, that we are not willing to bring her constant drama, and crisis after crisis to invade our hard won peaceful home.l

I am done! Yet, my heart knows if she reaches out for us, in an emergency, I'll be there for her. We have made the decision that when (not if) she breaks up with the baby's father, she is not moving in with us. DH's health is very poor, daughter has stolen from us countless times, and we can't possibly live with her and a baby. Not happening. DH comes first, and his needs are great.

Thanks for letting me vent, again. I think I am in healthy place for DH and me. And that's my number one priority. His well beging and health are paramount for me, and as my life partner his health comes first.

Thank you to all her wrote. Your verbal responses have been so encouraching and supportive.


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## vikicooks (Nov 1, 2013)

Shautzie said:


> Dear JIsh and others who took the time to write. My situation is the one where my daughter will have nothing to do with us; we haven't seen my granddaughter since Christmas, and even that was begrudginly. I am going to follow your advice and no longer allow her to hurt me and my heart. Her birthday is next week. It will be ignored.
> 
> Because she has moved, and I do not have her address (I did learn from someone whom she has allowed to befriend her on Facebook), but I know she has moved two towns away fron ne),
> I know I could send her an empty birthday card to her old address and it will be forwarded, but I am not willing to do that, which lets her know I don't know she has moved. This is not meant to play games.
> ...


Your first loyalty is to your husband. He is with you after the kids leave. As painful as I know it will be for you to do Tough Love on your daughter, it is for the best. Good luck!


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

Shautzie said:


> Dear JIsh and others who took the time to write. My situation is the one where my daughter will have nothing to do with us; we haven't seen my granddaughter since Christmas, and even that was begrudginly. I am going to follow your advice and no longer allow her to hurt me and my heart. Her birthday is next week. It will be ignored.
> 
> Because she has moved, and I do not have her address (I did learn from someone whom she has allowed to befriend her on Facebook), but I know she has moved two towns away fron ne),
> I know I could send her an empty birthday card to her old address and it will be forwarded, but I am not willing to do that, which lets her know I don't know she has moved. This is not meant to play games.
> ...


You have made the right decision. I have a grown son who is doing the same with me. Only he has no children with him.


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## Knitting by Nana (Jun 2, 2013)

I have thought a long time but feel I MUST say something now. A young lady 16 or 17 became pregnant. I knew her several years ago but remained in contact through social media. I asked her what she would like me to make for her. Since she was so young, I thought she would need some encouragement. I worked 7 weeks on a camo colored baby blanket (I knew she was going to name the baby HUNTER), made booties, a beanie cap for baby and dad, some piglets (strung together as a learning toy in different colors), my daughter made a white poufy crochet blanket, a red child friendly print small blanket to cover the car seat, AND included a small hedgehog toy for the mom to be because she had a hedgehog who died, AND some dishcloths for the Gramma to be since I was very friendly with her many years ago. (I moved across the US but kept in touch by social media as I said earlier) Oh yes, my daughter made special lotion for the baby and I'm sure there were more items in the box. the cost to ship across the US was over $25.00. The gramma to be never said thank you - the mom to be did say "thank you". In all the pics posted on social media nothing has ever shown up that we sent. I was so hurt that I don't think I will EVER do that again.


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

Knitting by Nana said:


> I have thought a long time but feel I MUST say something now. A young lady 16 or 17 became pregnant. I knew her several years ago but remained in contact through social media. I asked her what she would like me to make for her. Since she was so young, I thought she would need some encouragement. I worked 7 weeks on a camo colored baby blanket (I knew she was going to name the baby HUNTER), made booties, a beanie cap for baby and dad, some piglets (strung together as a learning toy in different colors), my daughter made a white poufy crochet blanket, a red child friendly print small blanket to cover the car seat, AND included a small hedgehog toy for the mom to be because she had a hedgehog who died, AND some dishcloths for the Gramma to be since I was very friendly with her many years ago. (I moved across the US but kept in touch by social media as I said earlier) Oh yes, my daughter made special lotion for the baby and I'm sure there were more items in the box. the cost to ship across the US was over $25.00. The gramma to be never said thank you - the mom to be did say "thank you". In all the pics posted on social media nothing has ever shown up that we sent. I was so hurt that I don't think I will EVER do that again.


I am so sorry you had that experience after all that work. I guess I got lucky when I made items for one of our KP members a few years back. She was so grateful for the items I made for her, she sent me a photo of her baby wearing the converse booties. She also let me know how much she appreciated that I had made the car seat blanket longer than what the pattern had it. We have kept in touch.


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

After I received the lovely, thoughtful thank you card from my niece for the wedding gift, I wrote her a letter telling her how much it meant to me to get that card. I wanted her to know that sending thank you notes really IS important to the giver. In the letter, I also said that since others had not taken the time to even send a lukewarm thank you via email or even say they got the package, I was never, ever going to give them anything again, but for HER I would knit or crochet my fanny off and let me know what else she would like. Trying to capture the teachable moment and hope the movement spreads


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

jmf6406 said:


> After I received the lovely, thoughtful thank you card from my niece for the wedding gift, I wrote her a letter telling her how much it meant to me to get that card. I wanted her to know that sending thank you notes really IS important to the giver. In the letter, I also said that since others had not taken the time to even send a lukewarm thank you via email or even say they got the package, I was never, ever going to give them anything again, but for HER I would knit or crochet my fanny off and let me know what else she would like. Trying to capture the teachable moment and hope the movement spreads


I have done the same thing. This topic thread shows that it is Human Nature to be appreciated for what we do. And that appreciation has rewards.


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## pepsiknittinmomma (Mar 14, 2011)

I have read every response and every page of this thread, and have thought about what I am going to say. I already know I am in the minority in my thoughts. 

I was raised to write thank yous to the far away family. My grandparents that lived within a mile of us never got a written thank you, verbal was enough for them. I am glad I had grandparents that didn't "cut me off" because my thank you wasn't sent fast enough or the way they wanted (written, called). I am also not a "gusher" over presents. Never have been. Never will be. It doesn't mean I don't love or appreciate the gift, I'm just not that demonstrative in my appreciation. So, according to a lot of you, those are two reasons right there to eliminate family members from gifts of any kind. Really? 

I see stuff posted on here every day that I wouldn't make, I wouldn't wear, or my kids wouldn't wear. I don't like the colors, the design, the item itself. Not everyone likes what I make either. Oh well. That's life! I make things because I want to and give them to who I want to. Once it leaves my hands, it is NO LONGER mine. I agree with those who have posted that a gift is not made just for you to receive accolades and thanks. If that is your reason, you are gifting for the wrong reasons. If the receiver doesn't like it, fine. Get over it. I don't like every present I get either. Think back to when you were a kid and received a gift you absolutely hated from your grandma. Did she stop buying or making you presents because you didn't wear or use it in her presence? I bet not. 

I have received written thank yous for gifts including open house money, and I've given plenty that I did not get a written thank you for. It will not stop me from making or buying and sending gifts. 

I have also wrote my address on an envelope at showers. You know what??? That means they want your correct address and plan on writing a thank you. I do not have a problem with that either. Some baby showers I have went to, I've met the mom to be only at the shower because she is a second cousins wife. I don't expect a lengthy thank you when we have only met once. 

I'm sure I have irritated a lot of people with my post, but, I don't care. I have gotten to an age where I worry about me and my family. Don't like my hair today? Your problem, not mine. Don't like the kind of cookie I made today? Ok, I'm not offended. Don't like me? Your problem.


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## bakrmom (May 30, 2011)

pepsiknittinmomma said:


> I have read every response and every page of this thread, and have thought about what I am going to say. I already know I am in the minority in my thoughts.
> 
> I was raised to write thank yous to the far away family. My grandparents that lived within a mile of us never got a written thank you, verbal was enough for them. I am glad I had grandparents that didn't "cut me off" because my thank you wasn't sent fast enough or the way they wanted (written, called). I am also not a "gusher" over presents. Never have been. Never will be. It doesn't mean I don't love or appreciate the gift, I'm just not that demonstrative in my appreciation. So, according to a lot of you, those are two reasons right there to eliminate family members from gifts of any kind. Really?
> 
> ...


I like you(and your way of thinking)


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## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

In my book not liking a gift doesn't give anyone a "pass" to ignore the fact that the girt was received. It doesn't mean you don't say thank you whether it is in person, by text, phone ,email or snail mail. You do not have to love the gift, or wear the gift if you do not like it. But whether it is handmade or store bought letting the giver know you received the gift and saying thank you via some means is not unreasonable. You are right, just as it is your option to chose not to acknowledge the gift it is my option to ignore your next 'big' occasion by not sending you a gift. I was taught to look pleased when I received something, show some degree of pleasure and say thank you by some normal acceptable form of communication. That is just me.


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## Shautzie (Jun 9, 2013)

JIsH: You said exactly what I was thinking!!


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## CaroleJS (Jun 2, 2011)

pepsiknittinmomma said:


> I have read every response and every page of this thread, and have thought about what I am going to say. I already know I am in the minority in my thoughts.
> 
> I was raised to write thank yous to the far away family. My grandparents that lived within a mile of us never got a written thank you, verbal was enough for them. I am glad I had grandparents that didn't "cut me off" because my thank you wasn't sent fast enough or the way they wanted (written, called). I am also not a "gusher" over presents. Never have been. Never will be. It doesn't mean I don't love or appreciate the gift, I'm just not that demonstrative in my appreciation. So, according to a lot of you, those are two reasons right there to eliminate family members from gifts of any kind. Really?
> 
> ...


Your thinking is not wrong. I agree. It is a nice feeling to get a nice thank you either by mail, private message in facebook or a text on a cell phone or in person. Thank You is a Thank You.


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## vikicooks (Nov 1, 2013)

I think it's just being nice to acknowledge a gift; no one has to gush over anything I make or buy, but at least let me know you received it. I do not require a handwritten note- an email or message on FB is fine!


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## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

I just received a very nice and thoughtful thank you note from the mother-to-be of the baby I made the tree of life blanket for. She had really liked it at the shower and it was so wonderful to be acknowledged in the written thank you note.


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