# Selfish sister



## JanetofAus (May 29, 2011)

I just knitted a pair of deliciously warm and comfortable slipper socks from alpaca and acrylic held together for my younger sister, a great pure wool hat for her male partner and a small cat toy with a couple of bells inside it. As I was about to post it, I called her to advise the slippers and hat would need to be hand-washed and dried flat. She told me (very rudely) she wouldn't give the hat to her partner because he would only make it dirty and she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him, so I could keep it. "Make him something I can throw in the washing machine", she said.
This selfish and extremely rude piece of business has not worked a day in her life, living on government doles, pensions and family hand-outs for 30-odd years. (I won't mention her drug addiction years.) I have had enough of her attitudes. I explained the slippers also required personal attention which would be too time-consuming for her so I wouldn't bother sending her anything at all.
I then rang an older sister who was thrilled when I offered to send the items to her instead. I posted them yesterday. It may be unkind of me but it gave me great satisfaction to post them to the sister who appreciates my hard work and is prepared to care for the results. By the way, the post office lady was very complimentary as she admired the parcel contents.  I am happy.


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## lobsterlice (Oct 13, 2012)

I don't blame you. There is nothing worse than all your hard work going to someone who doesn't appreciate it.


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## painthoss (Jul 10, 2012)

You are not being unkind, you are being straightforward, as your selfish sister was to you. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, is my motto, and my hat is off to you!

I dont' know why, but there is always one in a family or group that is rude and obnoxious to everyone else, but everyone else always treads delicately and does everything possible not to expose that one person's rudeness. El Rude-O can say what he/she wants, but nobody else can or pay the price of El Rude=O's adult tantrums. 

Go for it, give your beautiful gifts where you want them to go.


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## dribla (Nov 14, 2011)

I cant believe how selfish she was, you are such a kind person to make something for her, and that is how she responds. Dont make anything else for her. And hugs to the older one for appreciating what you are making. I find some relatives love what I make. 

Di


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## Nancy S. (Jul 2, 2013)

Give the items to someone that cares & appreciates them.

Her not willing to hand wash her "partner's" handmade items must tell you what she thinks about her partner & their relationship. My thoughts are if she loved him, she would appreciate such good quality handmade items being made for him & that people thought highly enough of him to make them. 

Sorry, but she sounds like a spoiled brat.


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## 29426 (Jul 26, 2011)

Nancy S. said:


> Give the items to someone that cares & appreciates them.
> 
> Her not willing to hand wash her "partner's" handmade items must tell you what she thinks about her partner & their relationship. My thoughts are if she loved him, she would appreciate such good quality handmade items being made for him & that people thought highly enough of him to make them.
> 
> Sorry, but she sounds like a spoiled brat.


Well said!


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

families!!!!!!!! someone will love to receive your gifts.


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## cj2 sally (Dec 21, 2014)

You did the right thing. Your hard work would have been destroyed with your first sister and that might have caused hard feelings. This way your work is being appreciated.


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## JillF (Feb 17, 2011)

I think your response was perfect!


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## K2P2 knitter (Jan 31, 2013)

I would not make her or her partner anything again. If she were to ask me where the machine wash and dry items were I would tell her sorry I'm busy. Maybe one day she will finally get that you can't treat anyone the way she treats them and expect them to do things for you.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

You did the right thing,i am glad to say,sister or not i would leave her out of my life. :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown:


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## Grandma G. (Oct 29, 2012)

Please don't set yourself up for more heartbreak with that ungrateful sister


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## Peggy Beryl (Jun 4, 2012)

You have to be realistic about a person's lifestyle if you give him/her a handknit into which you have put your time and money.

I love to knit for my little GGDs, and it would give me great pleasure to gift them with luxurious fibers which could become heirlooms if handled correctly. And there is the important part of this situation: "if handled correctly." My grandson and his wife are great parents; I can't say enough good about how they are raising these two children who are giving cooking demonstrations at a State Fair at the ages of 4 and 6 and winning prizes for their photographs and animal projects.

However, these parents are busy people; both of them have full-time jobs in occupations that require hours beyond 8-to-5 to accomplish. I know they are not going to care for woolens properly, so I give the girls only acrylics which can withstand being thrown in the family wash. 

There is no point in presenting a special-care gift to someone who is not capable--for whatever reason--of taking proper care of it. Save yourself the frustration of what you see as an inappropriate response to your gift.


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## LizMarch (Aug 26, 2014)

It is most definitely NOT unkind to want to give your generously made items to someone who appreciates them! I made a scarf for a very dear friend who ogled a scarf I was wearing that I knit, and 'jokingly' asked when I was going to make her one. Thought that I would do it for her birthday, purchased some very quality yarn, gave her the scarf and do you think I've seen her wear it ONCE??? Nope! Now she wants me to make her socks, but not wool because they give her the itches - gee maybe she should have told me that before I made the scarf! Needless to say I am not making her socks...


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## bellestarr (Jan 10, 2015)

I feel for you, hope she enjoys buying lesser quality stuff for herself and her boyfriend ... hope she enjoys paying over the top too.

Never had your experience thank God but have had small jabs made and i must say you were very classy in your response, classier than i would have been xx


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

Good for you! I also would have sent them to someone who would love them and care for the properly.


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## kayrein (Aug 24, 2011)

Hopefully the rude sister will learn from this experience. One of these days she will look back on this and think how nice it would have been to have some beautiful and lovingly made knits from you.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

When I read how many feel so hurt by receivers I feel pretty darn blessed. My Gkids know I will make any hats, outrageous or not and they will wear the request! I guess I just never approach anyone who acts this way or they aren't on my giving list or something, cause I don't encounter this. Maybe I have a built in radar that protects me from being hurt by those who are cynical and rude. Or maybe the rose colored glasses are working!


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## peppered (May 16, 2014)

More you give them, more they expect.
Heck with them! Glad your other sister will be happy.
Next time your younger sister asks for something, just say you re not knitting at this time b/c you are busy.


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## Joy Marshall (Apr 6, 2011)

Many years ago a relative had a baby girl, her first child. I sent her a pretty little hand crocheted dress. The only acknowledgment I got was that "it smelled funny". Well, it did because the yarn had been in a cedar chest and I probably should have washed the dress before sending it.
It still rankled though. She went on to have more children but I did not send any more presents. 
I was perhaps too "touchy" but I was a busy young person in those days and if a gift wasn't going to be appreciated, I was not going to bother making any more for her.


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## alfief (Nov 11, 2014)

kiwiannie said:


> You did the right thing,i am glad to say,sister or not i would leave her out of my life. :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown:


Yep! Me too!!


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## Madelyn (Aug 16, 2014)

Well done!


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## bakrmom (May 30, 2011)

Peggy Beryl said:


> You have to be realistic about a person's lifestyle if you give him/her a handknit into which you have put your time and money.
> 
> I love to knit for my little GGDs, and it would give me great pleasure to gift them with luxurious fibers which could become heirlooms if handled correctly. And there is the important part of this situation: "if handled correctly." My grandson and his wife are great parents; I can't say enough good about how they are raising these two children who are giving cooking demonstrations at a State Fair at the ages of 4 and 6 and winning prizes for their photographs and animal projects.
> 
> ...


You are so right. When my children(think 3 under 3 plus a part-time job) were young my MIL used to give them very expensive clothing-you know little wool coats that had to be dry cleaned, fancy dresses, even jeans that had to be hand washed. While I appreciated her generosity, the stuff was so impractical i would put the stuff on the kids once, take a picture and off it went. I tried nicely to explain to her so she wouldn't waste her money but she got all offended that "I didn't WANT her buying my kids clothes". MY DH tried to explain to her too but she bit his head off too.

You can do nice and practical at the same time, they don't exclude each other


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## Jalsh (Aug 6, 2012)

I have a sister just like that who I now have taken into my home and have to wait on hand and foot because her health deteriorating from her past hard living and drinking has caught up with her.


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## Chrissy (May 3, 2011)

Families! Well, I think you did the right thing. The first sisters' response was so rude! Glad other sister appreciated your work.


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## shanni (Apr 18, 2011)

Your elder sister will appreciate them, make nothing for your younger one. If she wants anything knitted I would be telling her to learn to knit and make it herself. Then she might learn to appreciate what you have done. I'm a bitch I know.


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## disgo (Mar 2, 2013)

From too many years of dealing with addicts, you have unfortunately fallen into the category of enabler with no way out. I you really want to help your younger sister then set standards/rules that she is totally aware of (must not be under the influence at that time) and then enforce them. If she can not or wished not to comply then the ball is in your court--cut her off as she needs to cut off her abusive life style. Sadly she is not the only one out there and we are having many issues with the legalization of some formerly controlled substances and are paying the price. She only likes the guy since he enables or uses right along with her (normal people would have left her by now) so keep that in mind.

You are placing judgments by saying she is selfish and rude when its the substance you are talking to and not the true person. Those are only some of the symptoms she projects on others. I have helped many to stop the viscous cycle of addiction and they turn out to be some of the greatest people on earth as long as they work on their issues.


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## Roe (Feb 10, 2011)

I don't think it was unkind of you to give your hand made items to someone else that would appreciate it better. However, I agree with Peggy Beryl in thinking of the person that will receive the gift and their ability to properly care for item. I resently made a beautiful lacy scarf for a friend. The fiber was wool and silk blend, but that was knowing that she will take great care of it. My son and his wife are both military and very busy with 3 kids so they get something made that can be thrown in the wash. Too much of your time and energy goes into making things for an ungrateful person not to value that.


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## lilredhen72 (Jun 2, 2014)

JanetofNQ said:


> I just knitted a pair of deliciously warm and comfortable slipper socks from alpaca and acrylic held together for my younger sister, a great pure wool hat for her male partner and a small cat toy with a couple of bells inside it. As I was about to post it, I called her to advise the slippers and hat would need to be hand-washed and dried flat. She told me (very rudely) she wouldn't give the hat to her partner because he would only make it dirty and she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him, so I could keep it. "Make him something I can throw in the washing machine", she said.
> This selfish and extremely rude piece of business has not worked a day in her life, living on government doles, pensions and family hand-outs for 30-odd years. (I won't mention her drug addiction years.) I have had enough of her attitudes. I explained the slippers also required personal attention which would be too time-consuming for her so I wouldn't bother sending her anything at all.
> I then rang an older sister who was thrilled when I offered to send the items to her instead. I posted them yesterday. It may be unkind of me but it gave me great satisfaction to post them to the sister who appreciates my hard work and is prepared to care for the results. By the way, the post office lady was very complimentary as she admired the parcel contents.  I am happy.


No you were not being unkind, your sister was! Unfortunately, the people we care about, don't appreciate our talented efforts as well as strangers. But selfishness always rears its ugly head, because I'm positive if we just made crafts for others; and made a little money from it too. I'm sure our selfish relatives would say to us, ' why don't you make ME something?' Just selfish!


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## Rosette (Oct 7, 2011)

You were not being unkind, but perhaps unrealistic. Your sister sounds as though she would welcome something from you, but hand washing clothes is not in her life style. I also had a difficult sister like her, but she died aged 42. 
When I was knitting for a new mother she said she could dry things flat, but hand washing clothes with a new baby was never going to happen! I was pleased she told me because then I chose my yarn carefully and even managed to find some that can go in the tumble dryer.


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## Anita7 (Oct 27, 2011)

You acted correctly! Hold your head high!


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

I'm glad you shared your hard work with someone who would appreciate them.


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## luree (Feb 21, 2014)

I'm glad you found out before she was given the wonderful gift. Its her loss and so glad your older sister is excited for the gift. We can't please people anymore and I bet it will be used.


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## Jeannie2009 (Mar 8, 2013)

When I experience people similar to your sister, I wonder what misery exists in their life that makes them behave miserably. We have a daughter-in-law with similar misery needs. We keep contacts as short as possible. 
I must say you handled the situation beautifully. I'm learning.


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## Coral McRae (Jul 23, 2013)

painthoss said:


> You are not being unkind, you are being straightforward, as your selfish sister was to you. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, is my motto, and my hat is off to you!
> 
> I dont' know why, but there is always one in a family or group that is rude and obnoxious to everyone else, but everyone else always treads delicately and does everything possible not to expose that one person's rudeness. El Rude-O can say what he/she wants, but nobody else can or pay the price of El Rude=O's adult tantrums.
> 
> Go for it, give your beautiful gifts where you want them to go.


El Rude-O sounds like a sociopath to me. Not highly evolved. We have one in our family. It took a psychologist to diagnose it, now we understand.


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## maryjanejames (Sep 28, 2013)

When I make something to give away I only give it to a person that appreciates all the work I put into it. You did the right thing.


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

One sister is definitely a loser.....and your appreciative sister is the winner. What more is there to say! 

Now you know which sister to do things for. Sad reality about people to be so lazy!


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## janis blondel (May 20, 2011)

lobsterlice said:


> I don't blame you. There is nothing worse than all your hard work going to someone who doesn't appreciate it.


 :thumbup:


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## LindaH (Feb 1, 2011)

I agree with everyone's assessment! Giving your work to someone who will appreciate then is the way to go.


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## Nancyn (Mar 23, 2013)

So sorry for this whole mess with your younger sister. It must be very difficult and painful for everyone. Please try not to take it too harshly, I know how much time and energy went into making the items, but think if you ever saw them after they wore them and hey were ruined. If they don't know how to take card of fine knits, then only use acrylic. I am glad your older sister is happy with them. I made a sweater ( cotton) for my grand niece that my GD told me they washed and threw in the dryer. Needless to say, it no longer fit. She wanted me to knit another, but I said no. One was enough as I knew it would happen again.


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## chubs (Nov 5, 2011)

JanetofNQ said:


> I just knitted a pair of deliciously warm and comfortable slipper socks from alpaca and acrylic held together for my younger sister, a great pure wool hat for her male partner and a small cat toy with a couple of bells inside it. As I was about to post it, I called her to advise the slippers and hat would need to be hand-washed and dried flat. She told me (very rudely) she wouldn't give the hat to her partner because he would only make it dirty and she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him, so I could keep it. "Make him something I can throw in the washing machine", she said.
> This selfish and extremely rude piece of business has not worked a day in her life, living on government doles, pensions and family hand-outs for 30-odd years. (I won't mention her drug addiction years.) I have had enough of her attitudes. I explained the slippers also required personal attention which would be too time-consuming for her so I wouldn't bother sending her anything at all.
> I then rang an older sister who was thrilled when I offered to send the items to her instead. I posted them yesterday. It may be unkind of me but it gave me great satisfaction to post them to the sister who appreciates my hard work and is prepared to care for the results. By the way, the post office lady was very complimentary as she admired the parcel contents.  I am happy.


I would like you for a sister and I would gladly "hand wash" ....


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## Ladyj960 (May 22, 2013)

Way to go, good for you! :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## janeridal (Nov 15, 2013)

Peggy Beryl said:


> You have to be realistic about a person's lifestyle if you give him/her a handknit into which you have put your time and money.
> 
> I love to knit for my little GGDs, and it would give me great pleasure to gift them with luxurious fibers which could become heirlooms if handled correctly. And there is the important part of this situation: "if handled correctly." My grandson and his wife are great parents; I can't say enough good about how they are raising these two children who are giving cooking demonstrations at a State Fair at the ages of 4 and 6 and winning prizes for their photographs and animal projects.
> 
> ...


 I do agree - while I love working with quality luxury yarns I have to be realistic. Doll's clothes, scarves for children, baby clothes - they have to be able to be machine washed.


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## Bonidale (Mar 26, 2011)

You did the right thing. It's so nice that your other sister appreciates your gift and I sure wouldn't be make something washable for the other sister.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

JanetofNQ said:


> I just knitted a pair of deliciously warm and comfortable slipper socks from alpaca and acrylic held together for my younger sister, a great pure wool hat for her male partner and a small cat toy with a couple of bells inside it. As I was about to post it, I called her to advise the slippers and hat would need to be hand-washed and dried flat. She told me (very rudely) she wouldn't give the hat to her partner because he would only make it dirty and she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him, so I could keep it. "Make him something I can throw in the washing machine", she said.
> This selfish and extremely rude piece of business has not worked a day in her life, living on government doles, pensions and family hand-outs for 30-odd years. (I won't mention her drug addiction years.) I have had enough of her attitudes. I explained the slippers also required personal attention which would be too time-consuming for her so I wouldn't bother sending her anything at all.
> I then rang an older sister who was thrilled when I offered to send the items to her instead. I posted them yesterday. It may be unkind of me but it gave me great satisfaction to post them to the sister who appreciates my hard work and is prepared to care for the results. By the way, the post office lady was very complimentary as she admired the parcel contents.  I am happy.


I think you gave the right gift to the right sister.


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## fairfaxgirl (Dec 26, 2012)

Give only to those who are appreciative.


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

I admire your attitude. Go girl.



JanetofNQ said:


> I just knitted a pair of deliciously warm and comfortable slipper socks from alpaca and acrylic held together for my younger sister, a great pure wool hat for her male partner and a small cat toy with a couple of bells inside it. As I was about to post it, I called her to advise the slippers and hat would need to be hand-washed and dried flat. She told me (very rudely) she wouldn't give the hat to her partner because he would only make it dirty and she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him, so I could keep it. "Make him something I can throw in the washing machine", she said.
> This selfish and extremely rude piece of business has not worked a day in her life, living on government doles, pensions and family hand-outs for 30-odd years. (I won't mention her drug addiction years.) I have had enough of her attitudes. I explained the slippers also required personal attention which would be too time-consuming for her so I wouldn't bother sending her anything at all.
> I then rang an older sister who was thrilled when I offered to send the items to her instead. I posted them yesterday. It may be unkind of me but it gave me great satisfaction to post them to the sister who appreciates my hard work and is prepared to care for the results. By the way, the post office lady was very complimentary as she admired the parcel contents.  I am happy.


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## patocenizo (Jun 24, 2011)

She sounds like she is jealous of what you can make and maybe she does not knit so by being nasty to you she is just oozing out her anger at her own self..She is to be pitied. Take those lovely knitted items and give them to the homeless or someone that can be nice and kind to you.


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

I am glad she told you BEFORE you sent her the items.


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## TennKnitter (Jul 24, 2013)

Good for you :thumbup:


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## justinjared (May 31, 2012)

I am with you. some people are ungrateful!


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

Peggy Beryl said:


> You have to be realistic about a person's lifestyle if you give him/her a handknit into which you have put your time and money.
> 
> I love to knit for my little GGDs, and it would give me great pleasure to gift them with luxurious fibers which could become heirlooms if handled correctly. And there is the important part of this situation: "if handled correctly." My grandson and his wife are great parents; I can't say enough good about how they are raising these two children who are giving cooking demonstrations at a State Fair at the ages of 4 and 6 and winning prizes for their photographs and animal projects.
> 
> ...


I completely agree. An aquaintance was telling me just yesterday that she always matches her yarn to the receiver and their lifestyle...its as important as the size and color. She has a nephew that travels with a band and although he takes very good care of his things...he needs wash-n-wear while on the road, etc.

Makes total sense to me.


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## glenniemae (Mar 13, 2011)

I gifted an Aunt a mohair vest. It didn't fit me as I would have liked.
Guess where I saw it, next time I visited?-----the cat had the vest in her bed! Auntie said"hope you don't think I'm misusuing your vest" Yep, that is exactly what I was thinking! :evil:


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## TarLanding (Feb 6, 2014)

I am sorry you were hurt by her words but I don't like to have hand washables and will not purchase any. Been there, done that.

Glad your older sister liked your work.


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## Donna M. (Oct 1, 2013)

This is why I do knitting for charity. They are always grateful. I do have to use yarn that is washable though.


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## PapillonThreads (Mar 23, 2012)

bellestarr said:


> I feel for you, hope she enjoys buying lesser quality stuff for herself and her boyfriend ... hope she enjoys paying over the top too.
> 
> Never had your experience thank God but have had small jabs made and i must say you were very classy in your response, classier than i would have been xx


Exactly! I would have informed her she had nothing else to do...time to learn a skill like hand washing fine knitted hats. Plus...really, it takes minutes to do. Call me crazy, I enjoy hand washing.


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## Irene1 (Oct 23, 2013)

She is not knit worthy.


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## maspd (May 20, 2013)

I have learned that you knit with yarn that fits the lifestyle. Kids things are going to be constantly in the wash so I use machine washable, machine dry able yarns. Adult things that some will gladly handwash get those kinds of yarns. In most cases, for something that is going to have to be washed a lot, it is only reasonable to avoid any hand washed yarns. Cowls and scarves that are not often washed are done with those yarns that require TLC.


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## #1Patsy (Feb 6, 2011)

you have poor rude people in your country too living on aid no less, and drugs


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## Nilzavg (Dec 10, 2014)

I bet yoou feel a lot better after venting. We all make items with lots of care, love and it's a lot of work. Simply put...We Make these items for people who love, appreciate and care for them.


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## gailissa (Jan 13, 2013)

I know exactly how you feel and I agree that you should not spend any time or money for such a rude person, sister or not!!


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## Linda6885 (Feb 13, 2011)

I can feel your pain and disappointment. My sister and I have never been close. I now have not seen her since 1998. She lives in California. In these last 10 + years I have tried over and over to bring us closer. I sent her my old PC, when I got a new one. (she didn't have a pc of her own and could not afford one) I hoped I would actually start more of a dialog rather than an occasional email since she could only use her boyfriends work pc. She said she was very happy with it, but then said she had to wait to set it up because it was full of malware. Untrue,we took pains to wipe it clean, and install an expensive virus program.And it was not cheap to send a lap top pc to CA. I also sent her a digital camera, A Coolpix which worked liked new, I included everything with it. I hoped I would get a few pictures. Well that was over two years ago and have never received even one picture. When I asked about it, she said ' oh David needed it for work'. :hunf: :hunf: I was hurt. So now I feel I have learned my lesson, and at least I gave it a good try. You may have to do the same. Sometimes you just have to accept the way things are.


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## Grazellda (Mar 11, 2014)

I always wanted a sister - would be a shame to have a sister and lose her over a pair of slippers and a hat (which for you sounds like it's "the last straw").

At least your sister was honest with you, rather than accept your gift and then use it for a cat's bed - which would have been worse. Now your hard work is being used and appreciated by your other sister. Thinking positive, is it possible she didn't realize how much she hurt your feelings?

Sounds like her life is not very happy - and now she's making you unhappy with her. Don't let that happen. Maybe she needs a lesson in how sisters SHOULD treat sisters - make her some slippers and hats in basic Red Heart washable yarn. That just may make both of you feel better.

Guess I'm just an old softie.


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## RosieC (Feb 14, 2012)

JanetofNQ said:


> I just knitted a pair of deliciously warm and comfortable slipper socks from alpaca and acrylic held together for my younger sister, a great pure wool hat for her male partner and a small cat toy with a couple of bells inside it. As I was about to post it, I called her to advise the slippers and hat would need to be hand-washed and dried flat. She told me (very rudely) she wouldn't give the hat to her partner because he would only make it dirty and she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him, so I could keep it. "Make him something I can throw in the washing machine", she said.
> This selfish and extremely rude piece of business has not worked a day in her life, living on government doles, pensions and family hand-outs for 30-odd years. (I won't mention her drug addiction years.) I have had enough of her attitudes. I explained the slippers also required personal attention which would be too time-consuming for her so I wouldn't bother sending her anything at all.
> I then rang an older sister who was thrilled when I offered to send the items to her instead. I posted them yesterday. It may be unkind of me but it gave me great satisfaction to post them to the sister who appreciates my hard work and is prepared to care for the results. By the way, the post office lady was very complimentary as she admired the parcel contents.  I am happy.


I think you solved that one just perfectly !!!


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## Jaynjo (Jan 14, 2015)

I'm going against the stream of thought here, but, while your sister certainly should not receive the gifts you put so much work into, it's also really not a good idea to post your feelings for, literally, the world to see. In my 62 years of living, I've found that whatever gets put out there for all and sundry to know comes back to haunt you in awful ways. You can never take the words back--words in cyber space, particularly, are there forever--so if something were to change in your relationship with your sister, all that you've spoken, and all that everyone else encouraged you in it, will be here forever, and cannot be deleted from your lives.


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## diana999 (Mar 24, 2011)

good for you been in the same situation , it really hurts the idiots


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## DebHow78 (Nov 11, 2014)

You weren't being unkind and I'm glad you gave them to your sister who would appreciate them.


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## edithann (Feb 12, 2011)

RosieC said:


> I think you solved that one just perfectly !!!


I totally agree!
 :thumbup:


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## sundrop016 (Mar 19, 2013)

I can't say I blame you because I don't. If someone doesn't appreciate handmade items or say thank you, they don't deserve them. I made a baby blanket and toy for my neice's grandchild and did not even get a thank you. I won't be sending them anything anymore.


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## ELareau (Nov 4, 2012)

You said "younger sister" - it is my experience that the baby of the family is usually the most spoiled and the most dependent on others because they've always been taken care of.

I only knit for people who appreciate it. It's a learning experience because you have to find out the hard way who to take off of your list. It sounds like you've reached that point. Please stick to your guns and not knit for your younger sister again.


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## hellokittyangel (Apr 14, 2014)

While I can't comment on your sister's overall lifestyle, I don't consider her answer selfish at all. Very curt, maybe, but not necessarily selfish. Personally I have a million things I'd rather be doing in life instead of hand washing or ironing clothes, and I applaud her for being honest with you. If someone were to give something that needed such extreme care, I would probably stick it in a drawer and never use it. Maybe next time you can ask her if she WANTS or needs anything hand made, and then make it in acrylic. Try to see both sides of every situation. Just because someone doesn't think like you do doesn't make him or her selfish.


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## Sally15 (Dec 24, 2013)

how was it put. Don't cast pearls :-(


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## Rutherford Roe (Apr 16, 2014)

you did the right thing... don't waste your time and energy on those that don't appreciate it.


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## jgauker (Sep 20, 2012)

When my nephew and his wife had their first baby, I knitted a blanket. Only the second I'd ever done. It was beautiful! Solid garter, stockingette, or seed stitches throughout and a couple cables and no eyelets anywhere for little fingers to get caught in. When I presented it to them, my NIL said, "This will be good to throw down on the floor and he can crawl around on it." I was horrified!! And hurt. It was white/pastel variegated and they have an indoor/outdoor hunting dog--a lab. I had spent an estimated 135 hours on it and her first thought was to throw it on the floor. sigh Some peoples' kids...


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## cpennyforyourthoughts (Nov 27, 2012)

Good for you.....


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## silkandwool (Dec 5, 2011)

Give the items to someone that cares & appreciates them. Shame on her.


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## quirkycrafter (Jul 9, 2013)

I guess hand wash wouldn't be too much of a problem for me as it is a setting on my wash machine so I don't have to do it literally by hand. 

Still, for her to say something like that, I would just keep what you made and not make anything else for her, but as you sent them to an older sister who would appreciate them, I wouldn't think anything of it. She wants to be that rude, you had to do something with them. Make nothing more for her and if she wants you to make something else for her, tell her you did, but she didn't appreciate it so go buy something else. Don't feel bad in the least. Until she changes, have no relation with her. If she can't understand that, she can learn a hard life lesson.


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## beanscene (Jun 9, 2012)

Peggy Beryl said:


> You have to be realistic about a person's lifestyle if you give him/her a handknit into which you have put your time and money.
> 
> I love to knit for my little GGDs, and it would give me great pleasure to gift them with luxurious fibers which could become heirlooms if handled correctly. And there is the important part of this situation: "if handled correctly." My grandson and his wife are great parents; I can't say enough good about how they are raising these two children who are giving cooking demonstrations at a State Fair at the ages of 4 and 6 and winning prizes for their photographs and animal projects.
> 
> ...


That's all well and good but why do people have to be nasty. It was an inappropriate response and this little sister should have said thanks but no thanks kindly - surely not too much to ask?


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## 1953knitter (Mar 30, 2011)

I also enjoy knitting for family & friends, but I know who will & will not give proper care to my projects. Even the people that will not hand wash appreciate my efforts - they just don't get the nice yarn and when in doubt I ALWAYS use machine washable yarn. Given what you have said about your sister, I wouldn't think you would be surprised by her response. If she's been taken care of her entire life, why should she change for slippers & a hat?


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## MOK (May 7, 2011)

You did the right thing.........regardless as to why your sister was so thoughtless and rude.........can't choose our families!!!!


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## knitnanny (Feb 28, 2012)

That's sad as she is not living a happy life. I am glad your other sister will be appreciating your work and generosity!


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## Sunny70 (Jul 25, 2014)

Somebody needed to be blunt with Girl years ago ! She has had it much to easy! I know that sounds funny but had nobody given her a hand out and made her work for once she would appreciate the lovely gifts you had made for her. This may not be the case always but it sounds this way in this case.


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## Valkyrie (Feb 26, 2011)

From what I have read about addiction, when your sister got clean she was still at the emotional age she was when she got addicted. So maybe she is just a teenager, it takes a long time for some to grow up.
If this sister has become the family scape goat, with constant conversations between the family, well, I think that is also in the realm of being mean.
Please don't feel so superior, it sounds to me like cackling, "Oh, everybody, look what she has done now." It was so much better for you to have gifted your wonderful items to someone who would appreciate them. Drama in a family is so uncalled for.
Please don't take this as a criticism, maybe you just didn't know.


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## annie 69 (Mar 27, 2011)

I agree with all previous comments. Must be the "baby" sister, no offense to other youngest of the bunch individuals, but I have found my "baby" brother to be the rudest of all to all folks, and get away with it! Others who have not appreciated my work simply don't see any of it anymore, and I have great pleasure in contributing to people who do appreciate the gifts received. Increasingly, Americans are over privileged, while those who still live in third world countries consider hand-made gifts a treasure.


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## Susan Marie (Jul 26, 2013)

You had the perfect response. It bothers me that some yarn can be so challenging to care for, but I guess that's why there is such a variety out there. I cringe when I think how my "gifts" are being cared for, but my daughter and family live in Europe, so I can't check if they're worn or washed. Probably a good thing.


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## Susan from NC (Jan 23, 2013)

You give a gift not primarily for yourself, although you are pleased to present it, but rather to make the other person happy. Obviously your gifts did not make your sister happy. If that is the case, then why on earth would you ever want to send them to her? You did not set out to burden her and it sounds as if your gifts would have been burdensome.

My opinion? You did absolutely the right thing. You gave them to someone else and it made her happy. A win-win-win for all three is the way I see it.


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## LynneC (Nov 1, 2011)

Well honesty is always the best approach so you did the right thing.


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## HandyFamily (Sep 30, 2011)

We don't get to choose the families we are born in. On the other hand, you do have at least one sister that you are "on the same page" with - and probably another one (or more) - you say an older sister, so perhaps you have more than one older sisters? I'd say... just be grateful for them, call them more often... and don't bother creating things for people who won't appreciate them.


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## Charlotte80 (Jan 24, 2011)

As a positive note, she did you a favor, think how bad you would feel if she had received your beautiful work and ruined it by washing in the machine. You did the right thing.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

We thank God everyday day for our baby brother, he is definitely not spoiled. We 4 sisters doted on him but tried not to make him into a sissy baby. He watches over our Mum everyday, sees to her every need and visits her for tea at the hospital everyday he can. Phones us and keeps us in the loop all the time, looks after all her finances and is completely trustworthy. Apparently we got super lucky! Other families seem to have horror stories. We hope when she gets home from her broken hip we can take turns and he can go on a trip someplace or just hibernate for awhile.


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## Amyg (Mar 17, 2014)

K2P2 knitter said:


> I would not make her or her partner anything again. If she were to ask me where the machine wash and dry items were I would tell her sorry I'm busy. Maybe one day she will finally get that you can't treat anyone the way she treats them and expect them to do things for you.


If she does ask where the machine wash and dry items are, tell her "Walmart. Have a nice trip."


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## grace59 (Jan 17, 2012)

No, it doesn't have anything to do with youngest, oldest, middle etc. If the family tolerates disrespect and rude behavior it is more likely to continue. Unfortunately if a group does not stick together in the beginning to establish "everyone is to respect themselves and others" things fall apart. My sister is the oldest of 5, me the youngest. My sister purposely changed my mothers funeral date, did not tell me, and I got a message on my answering machine from a brother after the funeral ended. My family just says, "that's just the way she is". What I really feel is, "you are not worth respecting" you are just the baby of the family, last on the totem pole.


annie 69 said:


> I agree with all previous comments. Must be the "baby" sister, no offense to other youngest of the bunch individuals, but I have found my "baby" brother to be the rudest of all to all folks, and get away with it! Others who have not appreciated my work simply don't see any of it anymore, and I have great pleasure in contributing to people who do appreciate the gifts received. Increasingly, Americans are over privileged, while those who still live in third world countries consider hand-made gifts a treasure.


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## Dlclose (Jun 26, 2011)

lobsterlice said:


> I don't blame you. There is nothing worse than all your hard work going to someone who doesn't appreciate it.


I think we're all behind you!


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## dragonflytoo (Jan 10, 2015)

Great reply. I think this is one person, sister or not, you need to set very clear boundaries for when dealing with her...for your sake. You gave her a very appropriate and clear response. Good on you!


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## Friederike (Aug 26, 2011)

Sometimes it is time to say good-bye. Even if it is family. Even if it hurts. You will be better off once you have worked through the grief of saying good-bye to your sister who does not seem to be interested in being family.


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## lynnlassiter (Jun 30, 2011)

That's the way to go!!!


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## Munchn (Mar 3, 2013)

IMHO. I think that u made the right decision.


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## gina (Jan 18, 2011)

Peggy Beryl said:


> You have to be realistic about a person's lifestyle if you give him/her a handknit into which you have put your time and money.
> 
> I love to knit for my little GGDs, and it would give me great pleasure to gift them with luxurious fibers which could become heirlooms if handled correctly. And there is the important part of this situation: "if handled correctly." My grandson and his wife are great parents; I can't say enough good about how they are raising these two children who are giving cooking demonstrations at a State Fair at the ages of 4 and 6 and winning prizes for their photographs and animal projects.
> 
> ...


There's always someone to defend the indefensible. Her sister could have politely explained that she doesn't trust herself to take good care of the items. The OP didn't "see it" as an inappropriate response; it was inappropriate.

And washing a hat is a five minute job, start to finish, which includes smoothing it out on a towel.


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## Browniemom (Sep 24, 2012)

Your sister has some mental health issues and needs therapy. Please do not take her nastiness personally. You are right not to enable her. You are 1000% right about not giving her either the hat or slippers. Please do not knit anything else for them. I fully agree that you need to have firm boundaries for this sister. Your other sister is most appreciative of your gifts.


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

Good for you :thumbup: :thumbup: 

How ungrateful of her.

Amazing how people in the same family can be so different.


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## KnitterNatalie (Feb 20, 2011)

Good for you, and hugs to you too!!


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## Knitnutty (Feb 9, 2011)

At least your sister told you what she thought of your gifts. Saved you from finding out they ended up in the trash. Your sister who received the gifts was much more worthy of your work. Seems it worked out just fine. Lucky sister!!


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## hilaryg (Jan 15, 2014)

I'm sorry your sister treated you this way, unfortunately people with addictions are self serving and most are borderline personalities. You wanted her to be appreciative but its not in her nature and you need to understand she will most likely never change, Its not you its her. You can only change yourself not others. Appreciate your other sibling and find others who would need your hat and mittens more.


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## Linda6885 (Feb 13, 2011)

I think all of us have experienced selfish if not very rude responses after making something that is then 'tossed' as if it were worthless. I made a layette set nd blanket for my husband's new grandchild. My husband's son told him that their dog ate the cap and booties and could I make them again? 
Really !!!! I told my husband , NO.
But I think the story of gifts being unapprecited no matter whether a hand knit or a store bought item, is probably as old as the hills.


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## sharmend (Feb 14, 2012)

Good riddance to doing anything for that sister. I have heard the word "knit worthy" and she is certainly NOT!


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## mirl56 (Dec 20, 2011)

At least she didn't take the items and never use them. At least she was honest enough about her ability to properly care for them. You got to give them to someone who appreciates and wanted them.


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## yona (Feb 7, 2011)

You did the right thing as she was very hurtful and you don't deserve that. 

Your gift was a creation of love which was not appreciated and certainly not deserved.

Giving these gifts to your other sister was the right thing to do, both for her and for you.


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## grace59 (Jan 17, 2012)

Yep, history repeats itself. I've had it happen to me and learned from this site that I'm not alone.


Linda6885 said:


> I think all of us have experienced selfish if not very rude responses after making something that is then 'tossed' as if it were worthless. I made a layette set nd blanket for my husband's new grandchild. My husband's son told him that their dog ate the cap and booties and could I make them again?
> Really !!!! I told my husband , NO.
> But I think the story of gifts being unapprecited no matter whether a hand knit or a store bought item, is probably as old as the hills.


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

That is to bad. But you must have known she was like that. There are some people you cannot fix, they expect the world to feel for them because of their problems therefore you should be the one to understand. It is nice that your older sister appreciated those articles. :thumbup:


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## CarolA (Sep 4, 2013)

As soon as I read your post, I thought of my youngest sister. She also does not work and expects someone else to provide for her. But only the best will do in her opinion. 

I'm sorry you have to deal with a sister like this, but be thankful for the sister you do have that appreciates you and your lovingly made gifts. 

I don't even try to please my youngest sister anymore, no one can. She is so unhappy with herself I think that she is unhappy with the whole world. She also is an ex-drug abuser and I'm afraid all of the illegal drugs she consumed and abused have caused her a lot of mental and psychological damage. She won't even consider looking for help and refuses to pay for anything, anyway. 

I love her and pray for her, but keep my distance as much as possible which is hard to do since she lives with Mom who still pays her bills for her and refuses to practice "tough love" and kick her out. 

Don't feel guilty, you did the right thing!


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## grasshopper (Apr 26, 2014)

When my daughters were small I knit matching skirts and sweaters in their favorite colors..........a friend asked me if I would make a set for her daughter. I turned her down saying I didn't have time to knit all I wanted for my own family. (4 children)..........I never did see that child in a dress as her mom always dressed her in pants and jeans. I saved myself of a lot of unappreciated work!


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

Your younger sister is the one who has missed out. How hard is it to hand wash something? Especially small items like a hat or slippers. I am glad you have another sister you give them to who really appreciates them.


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## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

You certainly have an ungrateful younger sister and I certainly would have little to do with her. Your other sister is the one who is grateful and must certainly be a nice lady.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

You did the absolutely right thing! My husband, who can be a bit oblivious at times, actually mentioned out of the blue last night that people don't appreciate how much time and effort goes into a hand knitted item. I only knit for people that I know will understand that. I don't require gushing praise, maybe just a bit of appreciation of that fact.


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## Colour wheel (Aug 4, 2011)

Sometimes it takes almost a lifetime to work people out and learn to protect ourselves from them and come to the realisation that they will never change but we can.


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## dogLVR (Oct 16, 2013)

Kudos to you! I would have done the same thing. So glad your other sister is appreciative of your lovely work!


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

I had 3 sisters, one passed from breast cancer. They are all different, I am most likely the most different from them, I am 9 years younger than they, brother in between and a younger one. But we do have some of the same traits and mannerisms and it cracks me up when they all happen at the same time, such as preparing meals, cleaning , talking on the phone etc. We have had heated discussions, never a fight. We respect each others view point, just do not have to adopt it. I could not stand a disconnect from them. 
How this happened, I think, is directly connected to how our parents treated each other and we kids. Luckily there was no substance abuse to cloud issues. But more so , I think, because my DD and DM had lousy siblings and their Mothers let it happen, they chose to not react the same. You can make it better for the next generation by being adult and leaving the past where it belongs, in the past.
I have always told my kids as did our Mum, you do not have to learn the hard way, watch what others do and do or do not follow what your conscience tells you is right or wrong. Stop and think whether you want to be standing in front of me explaining an action that you know has severe consequences. Is your peer worth getting into trouble for? 
Why do some parents not have this conversation anymore? Why have we become a society of entitlement that only makes others so unhappy? I praise my DSs and DILs for the good job they are doing as parents, they need to know we appreciate the little critters they are rearing, polite and well behaved , especially in public. And hopefully the Gkids will escape these sad issues so many are experiencing and that circumstances never arise to change their getting along with each other relationship.


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## madknitter07 (Mar 23, 2012)

I'm sorry you have been 'hurt' by your ungrateful sisters' comments. Unfortunately we can choose our friends but not our family. At least you now know not to waste anymore precious knitting stitches on her. &#127803;


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## Nancylynn1946 (Nov 19, 2012)

You did exactly the right thing.
BTW, are you sure you weren't talking about my brother?


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## alfief (Nov 11, 2014)

hilaryg said:


> I'm sorry your sister treated you this way, unfortunately people with addictions are self serving and most are borderline personalities. You wanted her to be appreciative but its not in her nature and you need to understand she will most likely never change, Its not you its her. You can only change yourself not others. Appreciate your other sibling and find others who would need your hat and mittens more.


You are so right!....It is unfortunate for everyone she is connected to and so damaging to relationships....your sister will never change.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

Nancylynn1946 said:


> You did exactly the right thing.
> BTW, are you sure you weren't talking about my brother?


LOL or mine??


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## gloriam (Aug 11, 2011)

Glad you decided to send them to the right sister. I know she will enjoy all your hard work.


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## May (Jan 18, 2011)

There is something seriously wrong with your sister... Her behavior goes beyond rude and selfish!! Have her checked...


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## Jannette Burke (Nov 21, 2014)

They are today's people - gime, gime, gime. We are yesterday's people, appreciated every little item given to us, but of course, we laboured and lived on small income. The dole will eventually stop.


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## auntycarol (Mar 24, 2012)

painthoss said:


> You are not being unkind, you are being straightforward, as your selfish sister was to you. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, is my motto, and my hat is off to you!
> 
> I dont' know why, but there is always one in a family or group that is rude and obnoxious to everyone else, but everyone else always treads delicately and does everything possible not to expose that one person's rudeness. El Rude-O can say what he/she wants, but nobody else can or pay the price of El Rude=O's adult tantrums.
> Go for it, give your beautiful gifts where you want them to go.


Oh so true, sadly!


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## knitster475 (Apr 30, 2014)

Ouch! I'd go to Walmart or the dollar store and pick out the most ghastly cheap hat I could find and send it to her - with price tag attached! Or, just tell her your time is worth something and since she doesn't value the time you spent making the hat enough to take proper care of it, why should you waste any more of your time making stuff for her. Be sure to get the hat back and give it to someone who WILL appreciate it.


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## shadypineslady (Jan 28, 2014)

I'm confused. Did you just get introduced to this younger sister for the first time? Surely you knew these things about her before you took the time to knit the items. Why would you do that knowing what she is like?


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## wendyirene (Jul 2, 2013)

How lucky you are to have two sisters. It's just a pity that one of them has to be so obnoxious. It sounds as though your effort will be appreciated by the older one anyway so yu should feel very proud of yourself


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## jaa520 (Apr 16, 2013)

I think you should forgive her. Not worth losing a sister. Knit her something that will wash in the machine. At least she was up front with you. Some people do not like to hand wash.


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## tweeter (Dec 22, 2012)

I think you made the right decision to give them to your other sister


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## Geebart (Jun 2, 2014)

I did not make my children wear things that they didn't ask for. Sometimes elderly relatives gave them hand sewn clothes that were just not in style for kids. They were required to say "thank you". Sometimes giving gifts that are "nicer" or require special care, may seem to be judgmental. It's a good thing that your older sister enjoyed your efforts.


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## babablacksheep (Apr 14, 2014)

That was a very rude response from your sister, but apparently you wanted to do something nice for her and her partner and their pet, so, get some machine washable yarn and make something for them and send them off to them. You gave the originals to someone who will appreciate them, but family is family and you should just throw away the anger and get knitting!


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## yanagi (Jul 7, 2013)

I've told more than one person, "If you can't take care of things I send you, I won't send you anything again." I'm sorry she's such an ungrateful whelp.


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## Elin (Sep 17, 2011)

It wasn't unkind of you at all. I'm glad that you woke up and realized that people who keep getting entitlements always feel entitled. Good for you. I'm sure your other sister is enjoying her cozy gifts.


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## kittenosmall (Dec 31, 2012)

You did the right thing


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## kleine annchen (Aug 12, 2012)

My grandmother taught me to knit as a small child. She always made a gift for each of the grandchildren at Xmas. The year she passed away, she could no longer knit, so as she sat with her head in a traction device, she made ornaments. I was about 12 at this time. I used to watch her painstaking work pinning little sequins one by one in styrafoam balls. Not the prettiest ornaments you ever saw, but a true gift of love from her heart. She passed away in September. I remember the family coming over to our house, (she lived with us.) and going into her room, looking for inheritance value items. One of the children went into the closet, found the ornaments, and literally threw it down with the statement, " This is just a box of junk!" I can still see the image in my head, and that was 46 years ago. I picked the ornaments off the floor and ran to my bedroom sobbing for some time. Years later family members came back to me and wanted these ornaments as keepsakes of her. They remain in my possession and I cherish them....POETIC JUSTICE!


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## Cheryl Jaeger (Oct 25, 2011)

Jalsh said:


> I have a sister just like that who I now have taken into my home and have to wait on hand and foot because her health deteriorating from her past hard living and drinking has caught up with her.


I'm so sorry you have to take this challenge on.
I would seek out help from Medicade or welfare. Sorry but I've no sympathy for anyone who takes advantage of family or friend's. My heart goes out to you.


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## crafterwantabe (Feb 26, 2013)

bakrmom said:


> You are so right. When my children(think 3 under 3 plus a part-time job) were young my MIL used to give them very expensive clothing-you know little wool coats that had to be dry cleaned, fancy dresses, even jeans that had to be hand washed. While I appreciated her generosity, the stuff was so impractical i would put the stuff on the kids once, take a picture and off it went. I tried nicely to explain to her so she wouldn't waste her money but she got all offended that "I didn't WANT her buying my kids clothes". MY DH tried to explain to her too but she bit his head off too.
> 
> You can do nice and practical at the same time, they don't exclude each other


Well said...


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## Cheryl Jaeger (Oct 25, 2011)

disgo said:


> From too many years of dealing with addicts, you have unfortunately fallen into the category of enabler with no way out. I you really want to help your younger sister then set standards/rules that she is totally aware of (must not be under the influence at that time) and then enforce them. If she can not or wished not to comply then the ball is in your court--cut her off as she needs to cut off her abusive life style. Sadly she is not the only one out there and we are having many issues with the legalization of some formerly controlled substances and are paying the price. She only likes the guy since he enables or uses right along with her (normal people would have left her by now) so keep that in mind.
> 
> You are placing judgments by saying she is selfish and rude when its the substance you are talking to and not the true person. Those are only some of the symptoms she projects on others. I have helped many to stop the viscous cycle of addiction and they turn out to be some of the greatest people on earth as long as they work on their issues.


Your last paragraph really does say it like it is. A person on drugs would sell their Mother's soul for a fix. And yes, it is the drugs . But be very careful because in MY opinion you are dealing with the devil itself. jmo


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## dgid (Feb 3, 2014)

Good for you!


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## dgid (Feb 3, 2014)

Peggy Beryl said:


> You have to be realistic about a person's lifestyle if you give him/her a handknit into which you have put your time and money.
> 
> I love to knit for my little GGDs, and it would give me great pleasure to gift them with luxurious fibers which could become heirlooms if handled correctly. And there is the important part of this situation: "if handled correctly." My grandson and his wife are great parents; I can't say enough good about how they are raising these two children who are giving cooking demonstrations at a State Fair at the ages of 4 and 6 and winning prizes for their photographs and animal projects.
> 
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## fisherwoman (Feb 24, 2012)

You go girl!

Just stick it! to your unappreciative sister, you got smart and I commend you for that.

Going forward, just send your beautiful knitted items to others who WILL appreciate it.

Fisherwoman


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## milmaemacek (May 23, 2011)

It may be hard to distance yourself from a close relative but over time you'll realize it's best that you do. You most likely have enough relatives and friends who love and appreciate you to make your life complete. God bless you.


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## JanetofAus (May 29, 2011)

Thank you all for your support and wisdom. Younger sister was happy enough about the slippers, which she had requested, and content to wash them by hand. She is simply jealous of everyone else and declined to allow the poor boyfriend anything special (he is too apathetic to move out). She has been a manipulative, emotional bully for many years. Her loss!


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## pammash (Oct 27, 2013)

Grandma G. said:


> Please don't set yourself up for more heartbreak with that ungrateful sister


 :thumbup:


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## pammash (Oct 27, 2013)

kleine annchen said:


> My grandmother taught me to knit as a small child. She always made a gift for each of the grandchildren at Xmas. The year she passed away, she could no longer knit, so as she sat with her head in a traction device, she made ornaments. I was about 12 at this time. I used to watch her painstaking work pinning little sequins one by one in styrafoam balls. Not the prettiest ornaments you ever saw, but a true gift of love from her heart. She passed away in September. I remember the family coming over to our house, (she lived with us.) and going into her room, looking for inheritance value items. One of the children went into the closet, found the ornaments, and literally threw it down with the statement, " This is just a box of junk!" I can still see the image in my head, and that was 46 years ago. I picked the ornaments off the floor and ran to my bedroom sobbing for some time. Years later family members came back to me and wanted these ornaments as keepsakes of her. They remain in my possession and I cherish them....POETIC JUSTICE!


 Oh, HELL NO!!


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## sbeth53 (Mar 29, 2011)

I have just finished a 100% acrylic hat for someone who wouldn't appreciate a wool hat. The gift of knitting something he would use and appreciate was my gift. While wool would have been my choice, it would have not been practical for the recipient.


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## raedean (Apr 25, 2011)

oh i think u did so right.
in fact i love it.


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## Martini dunne (Dec 13, 2013)

I agree with you I hate knitting for people who don't appreciate my hard work and time that goes into it,I only knit now for my granddaughter and myself,


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## Farmwoman (Jul 2, 2014)

JANETOFNQ- I'm sorry to hear of your first sister's response to your kindness. I'm delighted to hear you have another sister who appreciates your work and expense, and will enjoy and take care of what you made her. Don't feel badly at all. Just know your gifts went to the right receiver! Take care! You are a sweet sister! : )


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## mollyb44 (Nov 11, 2013)

I agree with you 100%. In todays world the "average" family is too busy. They live in a cash and carry world. If it can't be machine washed and dried they don't purchase it. I make all my GC and GGC things with acrylic and acrylic blends. 
Now, for those who do not work and have the time to care for items and tell you rudely that they don't want it and won't take care of it, don't deserve the special attention and love that was put into making the items. I would not ever make them anything again. A gift card to DD for $5 is all they deserve.Save your good yarn for yourself and those who love you and care.


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## Jean williams (Nov 11, 2014)

Good that you called "ungrateful sister" before mailing the gifts.


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## deeknittingclick (Aug 3, 2011)

your sister did not deserve to receive them with an attitude like that.
Your other sister is obviously going to wear them and think of you while doing so with much pleasure.


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## Senjia (Nov 22, 2013)

JanetofNQ said:


> I just knitted a pair of deliciously warm and comfortable slipper socks from alpaca and acrylic held together for my younger sister, a great pure wool hat for her male partner and a small cat toy with a couple of bells inside it. As I was about to post it, I called her to advise the slippers and hat would need to be hand-washed and dried flat. She told me (very rudely) she wouldn't give the hat to her partner because he would only make it dirty and she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him, so I could keep it. "Make him something I can throw in the washing machine", she said.
> This selfish and extremely rude piece of business has not worked a day in her life, living on government doles, pensions and family hand-outs for 30-odd years. (I won't mention her drug addiction years.) I have had enough of her attitudes. I explained the slippers also required personal attention which would be too time-consuming for her so I wouldn't bother sending her anything at all.
> I then rang an older sister who was thrilled when I offered to send the items to her instead. I posted them yesterday. It may be unkind of me but it gave me great satisfaction to post them to the sister who appreciates my hard work and is prepared to care for the results. By the way, the post office lady was very complimentary as she admired the parcel contents.  I am happy.


So sorry that your sister was so ungrateful. I couldn't be bothered with someone like that--sister or not. I'm happy that your other sister wanted them. At least you have someone who appreciates your hard work. Your heart was in the right place, and if I were in your family, I certainly would stop doling out to this sister. It's about time she got her butt in her hands and got a job but that will probably never happen.


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## star_stitcher5 (Oct 28, 2013)

I would certainly remove her from my 'knit for' list. Sorry she was so rude to you.


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## Senjia (Nov 22, 2013)

mollyb44 said:


> I agree with you 100%. In todays world the "average" family is too busy. They live in a cash and carry world. If it can't be machine washed and dried they don't purchase it. I make all my GC and GGC things with acrylic  and acrylic blends.
> Now, for those who do not work and have the time to care for items and tell you rudely that they don't want it and won't take care of it, don't deserve the special attention and love that was put into making the items. I would not ever make them anything again. A gift card to DD for $5 is all they deserve.Save your good yarn for yourself and those who love you and care.


I wouldn't even give them a gift card--not worth it.


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## tlcangels (Jan 22, 2015)

Are you making your sister these things for appreciation or you enjoy doing this? Just make sure you ask the next time what she could use. Hand washing is a lot of work and a lot of people don't like going through the hassle. It's not just your sister. I'm sure she didn't mean to be so rude. Forgive. It's good medicine.


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## knitndr (Jan 26, 2014)

We can choose our friends but not our family. Just accept her as she is, but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate her rudeness.


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## jaa520 (Apr 16, 2013)

I


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## jaa520 (Apr 16, 2013)

I could never disrespect any one of my six sisters. Even if they do not like to hand wash things. I do not like to hand wash either. They mean the world to me.


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## iShirl (Jun 30, 2012)

I'm glad you had a nice older sister who would appreciate your work. You did exactly the right thing in my opinion.


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

So let me get this straight...

You are going to make something for me...YOUR choice of item...YOUR choice of style...YOUR choice of color...YOUR choice of yarn...with NO THOUGHT OF WHAT I MAY LIKE/NEED/WANT...and I better like it...love it...use it...NO MATTER WHAT...or I'm a terrible bitch and you will now punish me by never making me anything else ever again.

And I'M the bad person?

Really...????


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## Rosette (Oct 7, 2011)

SGMMontgomery said:


> So let me get this straight...
> 
> You are going to make something for me...YOUR choice of item...YOUR choice of style...YOUR choice of color...YOUR choice of yarn...with NO THOUGHT OF WHAT I MAY LIKE/NEED/WANT...and I better like it...love it...use it...NO MATTER WHAT...or I'm a terrible bitch and you will now punish me by never making me anything else ever again.
> 
> ...


This is another way of interpreting what you wrote and I think the poster has a valid point. Your told us you knew how your sister lived her life, but you chose to make something entirely unsuitable for her. You knew she was unlikely to appreciate or care for such delicate yarn but persisted in doing so. She pointed this out to you before you sent it and I think that was good of her, because she could have accepted the items and just dumped them. But she did not. She pointed out the blindingly obvious and said she would like you to make something in acrylic and easy to care for. I think you are the selfish sister; making something you wanted to give her instead of making something she really wanted.


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

I am sorry your sister was so ruthless with you. She could have been kinder.


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

Rosette said:


> This is another way of interpreting what you wrote and I think the poster has a valid point. Your told us you knew how your sister lived her life, but you chose to make something entirely unsuitable for her. You knew she was unlikely to appreciate or care for such delicate yarn but persisted in doing so. She pointed this out to you before you sent it and I think that was good of her, because she could have accepted the items and just dumped them. But she did not. She pointed out the blindingly obvious and said she would like you to make something in acrylic and easy to care for. I think you are the selfish sister; making something you wanted to give her instead of making something she really wanted.


Very nicely said...but my post was designed to match the mood of the posters. There are many posters here that used ugly words...I figured they might connect better with how I worded my post.

It seems that a large portion of these talented ladies (and gentlemen) are oblivious to the fact that not every item is meant for every person. When you buy a gift for a 3 year old girl do you buy her a tea set made out of expensive china/porcelain? Or do you buy her a plastic tea set? Do you buy a teenage boy a cap his grandfather would wear fishing? Or do you buy him a cap depicting his favorite football/baseball/sports team? Do you buy your mother a Kungfu DVD that your Uncle is dying to see? Or do you buy her the love story she raves about seeing at the movies 2 years ago? Do you made a wool hat for someone who is historically too lazy to handwash it? Or do you make them an acrylic hat that he/she will love and use a lot?

THEN after buying/making an inappropriate gift...it seems you get mad when the little girl breaks the tea set (or her smart mother puts it away until she's older)...or the teenage boy throws the cap in the back of his closet...or your mother puts the DVD away in her collection without ever taking the plastic off...or the wool hat is worn until dirty and ruined in the wash. THEN you call them ungrateful and unappreciative (among other things)and declare your deep anger and hurt. THEN you begin to justify your anger/hurt by bringing up all the things you don't like about them and/or previous experiences you've had giving them other inappropriate/unwanted items. THEN you wrap it all up vowing to NEVER BUY/MAKE them anything EVER EVER again.

Sound familiar? It does to me. This is a conversation that comes up over and over here...with the same beginning, middle, and end. Yet no one seems to learn how or why this happens and how to avoid it without name-calling and cutting people off the "giving list" in anger.

Mull this saying over for awhile...
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein (attributed but not verified)

Ladies (and to any gentlemen this may apply)...if the gift is not relevant to the recipient...they will never appreciate it as much as you would like them to...no matter how expensive it is...no matter the lengths you went to find it...no matter what kind of yarn you used...no matter how long it took you to make it...no matter what. That is not to say that they do not appreciate the fact that you THOUGHT enough of them to buy/make them something...but if the gift itself is not relevant to them...??? Be sensible...how do you really expect them to interact with a gift that is not appropriate to their life or representative of their style?

The answer seems so simple to some of us...but continues to escape so many.

To those posters, I say...think before you buy/make a gift. Is is age appropriate? Regionally appropriate? Their favorite color or yours? Representative of their style? Representative of their lifestyle? Representative of their interests?

Then purchase/make what THEY would like. Amazingly simple.

Or so it would seem...


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## hilaryg (Jan 15, 2014)

I do agree with you that you need to make the right gift for the right person, and you shouldn't do it if your looking for a pat on the back however, there are ways to be gracious about receiving a gift also. 
This lady is an adult not a child, and if you have ever worked with addicts then you should know not to expect anything positive from them, just to except them as they are or walk away which is the right thing to do before she brings you down with her.
That being said... 
We all want to be thanked for our hard work and love we put into an item, but sometimes you have to just be proud of what you made and not get the kudos that you think you deserve.
Don't do a favor if you hold it against that person for a payback, you'll be disappointed


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## MsRose (Oct 27, 2012)

Either way, the hand-washable items or machine washable were both too expensive for her to purchase, considering the time and thought you put into all the gifts. It is always fulfilling when someone appreciates what you do for them, especially when you make the item!


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## MsRose (Oct 27, 2012)

Sorry.....but I'm the oldest and no, my baby brother is one of the lesast spoiled and has worked ahrd for what he and his family have.


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## MsRose (Oct 27, 2012)




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## ramram0003 (Nov 7, 2011)

Give the items to someone that cares & appreciates them. Why waste your precious time and thoughtfulness to someone who doesn't know what a handmade gift is. I find a lot of people who are handed things or have a lot really don't appreciate homemade gifts. You did great and your other sister will enjoy them so much more. You gave them all a good home. :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## knit4zen (Apr 12, 2012)

Yes, you were right and justified. Given to your other sister, they would never have been appreciated or cared for properly and she kind of made it quite clear how little she would have appreciated the gift. Knit on!


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## JanetofAus (May 29, 2011)

Perhaps I could have explained more clearly. She has not been a heroin addict for more than ten years now. She approached me and asked for the slippers, in wool, for herself (knowing from previous woollen gifts that they would need hand-washing). The problem was the beanie I made for her live-in boyfriend so he wouldn't feel left out; she simply didn't want him to have anything. I am fascinated by the way some people can twist this post.


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

JanetofNQ said:


> Perhaps I could have explained more clearly. She has not been a heroin addict for more than ten years now. She approached me and asked for the slippers, in wool, for herself (knowing from previous woollen gifts that they would need hand-washing). The problem was the beanie I made for her live-in boyfriend so he wouldn't feel left out; she simply didn't want him to have anything. I am fascinated by the way some people can twist this post.


Twisting posts...

1. "She approached me and asked for the slippers, in wool, for herself (knowing from previous woollen gifts that they would need hand-washing)."

"...because he would only make it dirty and she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him..."

Washing for HIM. She didn't want you to waste your gift on HIM because HE would only make it dirty and SHE didn't want to hand wash it for HIM.

So because you got your feelings hurt for guessing wrong about a gift that was NEVER REQUESTED...you gave the slippers she asked for (and was clearly prepared to hand-wash for herself) away to someone else.

Nice twist....

2. "The problem was the beanie I made for her live-in boyfriend so he wouldn't feel left out; she simply didn't want him to have anything."

"Make him something I can throw in the washing machine", she said.

She never said not to make him anything. She did not originally ask you to make him anything but after YOU took it upon yourself to make a gift for her SO (and while that was nice of you...it was clearly an inappropriate yarn for the recipient) she told you the issue with your gift and asked for something more appropriate.

"I am fascinated by the way some people can twist this post."

Me too.

So you made the slippers she asked you for and then gave them away because you got made over a beanie that was made but never requested.

All because HE doesn't take care of his things ("...because he would only make it dirty...") and "she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him."

Wow...


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## JanetofAus (May 29, 2011)

Thank you SGMMontgomery for explaining to me my own post. Do you have some knitting to occupy yourself now?


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

JanetofNQ said:


> Thank you SGMMontgomery for explaining to me my own post. Do you have some knitting to occupy yourself now?


You are welcome. I saw the confusion you were experiencing and felt bad for you. Figured since you put your business out here for all to see and I had a few minutes to spare this morning...

Well, glad to help.

And yes I do have a project to do now. Thanks for asking. I am busy with an afghan. Colors, yarn, and style matched to the recipient. Not only does it match her style and lifestyle...it will be used and appreciated.

Imagine that...


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## lilredhen72 (Jun 2, 2014)

lobsterlice said:


> I don't blame you. There is nothing worse than all your hard work going to someone who doesn't appreciate it.


 AMEN!


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## ute4kp (Nov 6, 2012)

JanetofNQ said:


> I just knitted a pair of deliciously warm and comfortable slipper socks from alpaca and acrylic held together for my younger sister, a great pure wool hat for her male partner and a small cat toy with a couple of bells inside it. As I was about to post it, I called her to advise the slippers and hat would need to be hand-washed and dried flat. She told me (very rudely) she wouldn't give the hat to her partner because he would only make it dirty and she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him, so I could keep it. "Make him something I can throw in the washing machine", she said.
> This selfish and extremely rude piece of business has not worked a day in her life, living on government doles, pensions and family hand-outs for 30-odd years. (I won't mention her drug addiction years.) I have had enough of her attitudes. I explained the slippers also required personal attention which would be too time-consuming for her so I wouldn't bother sending her anything at all.
> I then rang an older sister who was thrilled when I offered to send the items to her instead. I posted them yesterday. It may be unkind of me but it gave me great satisfaction to post them to the sister who appreciates my hard work and is prepared to care for the results. By the way, the post office lady was very complimentary as she admired the parcel contents.  I am happy.


I had a sister like that. Good for you!!
ETA. Oops. Just saw this is an older post.


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## Aunty M (Jul 7, 2014)

JanetofNQ said:


> I just knitted a pair of deliciously warm and comfortable slipper socks from alpaca and acrylic held together for my younger sister, a great pure wool hat for her male partner and a small cat toy with a couple of bells inside it. As I was about to post it, I called her to advise the slippers and hat would need to be hand-washed and dried flat. She told me (very rudely) she wouldn't give the hat to her partner because he would only make it dirty and she wasn't going to waste her time hand-washing it for him, so I could keep it. "Make him something I can throw in the washing machine", she said.
> This selfish and extremely rude piece of business has not worked a day in her life, living on government doles, pensions and family hand-outs for 30-odd years. (I won't mention her drug addiction years.) I have had enough of her attitudes. I explained the slippers also required personal attention which would be too time-consuming for her so I wouldn't bother sending her anything at all.
> I then rang an older sister who was thrilled when I offered to send the items to her instead. I posted them yesterday. It may be unkind of me but it gave me great satisfaction to post them to the sister who appreciates my hard work and is prepared to care for the results. By the way, the post office lady was very complimentary as she admired the parcel contents.  I am happy.


Sorry your younger sister wasn't grateful for your generosity, but I'm sure your older sister will love them and care for them appropriately.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

LOL if you were my sister I'd love whatever you sent and wouldn't mind handwashing at all.


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## deexer (Sep 25, 2012)

This sounds so much like my mother. I would make her things and she wuld give them away and claim someone stole them from her laundry. My sister made a beautiful quilt and she went and bought one and so far the quilt is in her closet. She really likes putting us kids down and believing the worst of us. So my sister and I do things for each other and we always enjoy whatever we do togher.


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## mombr4 (Apr 21, 2011)

that is a shame how she responded to you, but wonderful you have another sister who will appreciate them.
Think you made a great and wise decision.


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