# Feeling hurt



## lynnie2 (Dec 13, 2011)

I make a lot of things for friends and family that I feel never get used , Should I just start thinking of myself more ? Or stop making them anything for awhile ? Does anyone else in the group feel like this ? Sad


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## JuliaKay (Jun 21, 2014)

I wait until they hint or ask for something. Then I know they want it.


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## janielha (Dec 20, 2012)

If your friends and family don't seem to use or appreciate your items, I would stop knitting for them. Yes, concentrate on yourself more and make what you want, for you!


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## K2P2 knitter (Jan 31, 2013)

I only make my daughter and granddaughters things they ask for. They always say thank you for the things I make them. The rest of my knitting goes to charity.


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## alexdoc (Feb 11, 2016)

Stop knitting for those that do not use your gifts. Knit for yourself. I knit for myself, occasionally for someone I know whose having a baby and for my family if they specifically request I knit them something.


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## junezee (Sep 18, 2015)

if theyre for babies donate them them to a hospital, there, they would be appreciated.


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## Di Colo (Sep 20, 2017)

Yes especially when I dont even get a thank you, or they pick it apart criticizing what I made, the colors or the stitch. Or why not make some for their children or friends.


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## LilgirlCA (Jan 22, 2011)

I thought that too. In fact, I stopped making things for my daughter since I never saw her wear any. Then one day, she mentioned that she has everything I have made her and wears them alot so I started making them again and mentioned that I would like to see her wear them occasionally. She has made the effort.

Why not just ask a few that are very close to you if they use what you knit or why not. The answers could surprise you


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## Leaflet (Mar 1, 2016)

It's quite possible they don't want it to be soiled or damaged. When I was a child people made things for me (not many) but my mother always took them away. I had my picture taken while wearing the item but then it was stored. I see both sides to this. So depending on what the item is, gently used might be the best option. If there are loads and loads of items (weren't in my case) go ahead and use them up.


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## asty (Nov 1, 2014)

I only knit for those that ask for something, that way I know they will appreciate the time and effort put in the item. Also, I don't feel bad that other family members/friends do not want handmade items....more knits for me!


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## kmangal16 (Mar 26, 2013)

It has happened. To me on numerous occasions. I only knit for family when I am asked to do so. Sometimes, even then, they just send me a photo of the item being tried on, then I don’t see it again. I mostly knit for myself or for charity now.


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## bokemom (Mar 16, 2017)

I have the same problem sort of, my one daughter loves the things that I make for the grands, and they wear them all the time. The other daughter gets pissy that I make stuff for the other one, but when I make her kids clothes, you never see them again. Family is always an interesting balancing act. I finally had to tell them it's my hobby and I'll make what I want when I want.


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## nonak (Sep 18, 2013)

I usually have a lot of requests - so if I feel like it's not going to be used - they come off the list. My biggest fans are my 4 granddaughters - two 5 year olds, a 3 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. I often get requests from their moms because I've made them something and they essentially outgrew it and won't give it up (one of the 5 year olds was still trying to wear a poncho I made for her when she was 1). I also knit hats and gloves for my granddaughters kindergarden class - they live in the midwest and the kids are always either loosing hats and gloves or don't have them. The teacher then has a stash to give them to use (and leave in their cubby for school use) or take home. Knit only for those you know will appreciate it.


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## manyneedles2 (Jun 2, 2016)

Not any more. If I feel they don't use what I made I stop making them things. I wait for them to ask me if they want something. If they admire something I made I might ask if they would like one. No one has hurt feelings this way. Doesn't hurt to make things for yourself or charity. Hope this helps.


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## PMJ knitter (Apr 3, 2017)

This has happened to me too. I knit two sweater sets and two baby blankets when my granddaughter was born. I didn't see them for awhile and so stopped knitting for her. Now I am beginning to see some of the things I have knit for my son and his family. I knit what I want, for whom I want, when I want. I also knit for charity. These people who don't seem to appreciate the time, effort and love we put into our handwork are missing out on some beautiful heritage peices.


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## pfoley (Nov 29, 2011)

I only make things for myself; sometimes I will make a couple of hats or scarves and ask if anyone wants one, they can have it.
I do knit Christmas tree ornaments and give one each to my grandchildren and their boy friends and girl friends and they love those.
I only knit things for my daughter and grand children if they ask me to and tell me exactly what they want.
Don't set yourself up for disappointments and regrets.


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## Porkypine0727 (Dec 6, 2016)

I have always made things for my children and others. Once I give a gift it's gone. It seems like a waste of time to me to keep track of it after that. I knit and crochet for fun, so my feeling is that the fun of making the thing is what I get out of it, and then I'm off to the next project.

Seems like every time I make something for myself someone says, "O! Could you please make me one of those?" It keeps me busy . . . You know, when I'm not doing something else, like running the farm or the animal rescue or doing people's taxes or something.


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## ptober (Mar 24, 2011)

I just finished and mailed a set of thrummed mittens to my soon in MN. (at his request) Have not heard a word as to how they fit or if they are keeping his hands warm. That is what frustrating to me!!!


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## bunny mom (Apr 25, 2012)

Stopped knitting for family unless they ask. If you want to knit for some one who needs and appreciates the effort; knit for a charity. Get your self a few easy , fun patterns and knit from your stash. Shelters always need items, even face clothes. Or choose a charity, like Knitted Knockers and go to the web site to get the pattern and keep one something on your needles.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

JuliaKay said:


> I wait until they hint or ask for something. Then I know they want it.


????????????


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## gardenpoet (Jun 24, 2016)

Porkypine0727 said:


> I have always made things for my children and others. Once I give a gift it's gone. It seems like a waste of time to me to keep track of it after that. I knit and crochet for fun, so my feeling is that the fun of making the thing is what I get out of it, and then I'm off to the next project.
> 
> Seems like every time I make something for myself someone says, "O! Could you please make me one of those?" It keeps me busy . . . You know, when I'm not doing something else, like running the farm or the animal rescue or doing people's taxes or something.


Boy do I relate to this! Yes, I knit for my own fun though I give everything away, happily. We're not on a farm, but running things and doing the bookkeeping and taxes is enough to drive any one batty enough to knit. I am grateful to just be able to do another project.


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## Rescue Mom (Jul 28, 2011)

As stated above, wait till someone puts in a request before making anything, and yes, make things for yourself! Handmade items donated to hospitals, senior homes, armed forces, pet shelters and homeless shelters are all very much appreciated. Do not be sad - create and be happy!


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## AgeNoLimit (May 27, 2017)

Make whatever you have the desire to knit and keep giving or make something for yourself. If a receiver gives it away you can feel good that someone will acquire item and enjoy it. Or, there are knitting groups at some hospitals who make things for babies and patients. You can donate your time making others happy.


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## Pootsie (Apr 28, 2016)

I knit a fair amount for my 8 year old GD and she loves them. 
I asked my daughter if she wears what I make and she said yes she loves them. I asked her to tell me when she dosen't care for home made sweaters anymore and I will discontinue making them. Maybe it will never happen. We are all happy.
I do make quite a few cardi's for charity. I also asked if they get used and the answer was yes. 
Giving away items always makes me feel I've done something that someone will appreciate.
Do knit for yourself and charity. When someone asks you where on earth did you get that beautiful sweater it feels good to say " I made it'


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## Bkpoodle (Dec 13, 2015)

I totally agree. Wait until you receive a hint or asked. It’s too much work to feel unappreciated. That’s a big reason we make things for others. ????????????


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## korteruckmar (Dec 2, 2011)

. . . or knit some things for charity.


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## Momvam (Jul 31, 2013)

So sorry, but that does happen. Maybe it could be that the recipient wants to 'save it for something special' or is hesitant to wear it because they don't want to 'ruin' it and have to launder it. Why is that more prevalent with hand made verses store bought? It's still a sweater! But, yes, make for yourself. Or see if there is a church/senior center that has a holiday craft fair. I make baby blankets and prayer shawls that are given out for my church. A few women in our craft circle also knit for a senior center. they makes hat/scarf/mitten combo to sell at thier annual craft sales. Not know where you are, but I recently saw a posting somewhere of a women who knits scarfs and hats and leaves them in common public areas with a note for whoever may need it is welcome to take it. According to the article the items are appreciated. I have learned the hard way that if it isn't asked for, it may not be used. I've also made those cotton wash cloths and sent to my daughter. I had made a bunch one year, but didn't want to inundate them, so only sent a dozen or so. But the next year she asked for more. she said they use them for everything, and can always use more. Send as many as I can make. they are my summer project. Still knit, but small enough not to bother me in the heat.


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## nanaheu (Apr 24, 2015)

I am very lucky. My daughter-in-law puts everything on my grandchildren that I either knit or buy. It makes me really happy. I do knit for anyone that asks but they have to buy the yarn unless its family. Just knit for yourself unless you don't mind not seeing it on.


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## Mevbb (Sep 5, 2011)

I don’t think people realize the time that goes into Knitting something. They think it’s no big deal. The people appreciate things that are handmade are crafters that make things themselves. I make items for people I know will appreciate them. I knit simple things for others, hats, scarves, slippers and fingerless mitts. These are usually used and if not, I have not put a great deal of time into them.


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## mkguttridge (Jan 10, 2017)

I was making items for the great grandchildren that lived out of state. After 2 years of no acknowledgement, thank yous, or pictures I decided it was time to concentrate on the ones that seem to appreciate homemade items.


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## antiqueone (Oct 2, 2013)

I'm trying something this year and will see how it goes. I have a close enough relationship with all of the grands and their significant others, thankfully, with one exception that I haven't figured out yet. I told them at Christmas that I want them, before the end of Feb. to come visit and look at ideas--patterns, yarn, colors, etc. of things I would be willing to knit them for next Christmas, if they want me to. That way, I will know that they will like what I'm going to make them. IF they don't, they won't be getting knitting, but baking, jellies, etc. instead. So, we shall see. The one GD who lives in Boston, and is a vegan, (but loves items knit with Auntie Helen's alpaca as she knows the most abuse they get is too many kisses), said "can I get both?" as I've adapted a few recipes for her. Love that girl. One grandson was here the other day in the biting cold to do some errands for me, and I said "why aren't you wearing your earflap (1898) hat?" and he informed me he doesn't have one. Brother 1 has 2, and brother 2 has 1, Dad has 3, but he has none. Well I was astounded. I did manage to ask him if he had ever asked for one---so on my needles now is another 1898 had with the earflaps joined to cover the back of the neck. So, Christmas knitting is still a question.


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## seamer45 (Jan 18, 2011)

If you can be pretty sure things are not being used, stop making those things for those people. In fact, a lot of people don’t like handmade stuff. I only do for those who do wear and use my things. It’s not going to hurt their feelings if they aren’t getting items they don’t want.


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## ioneodi (Feb 16, 2015)

GIFTED ARTICLES. When I see something knitted I like and think it would be good for a 
Grandchild, I email a picture to them asking, “Is this something you would like”?
Replies are plolite no’s or yes” and usually if yes, they will tell me yes but their color choice. 
Before they were able to make their own choices I would ask the mothers. My oldest son wanted an 1898 seaman hat and told me to choose the colors so I chose red for the top and navy blue for the brim. His grandsons can spot him in games in the stands or on the fields for their soccer and football games. His son, immediately on seeing the hat tried it on planning to “borrow” it but the beanie was too large for him so guess what will be on my needles as soon as I get to Michaels to buy the yarn? Ione


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## Sealcookie (Nov 11, 2015)

STOP NOW!!


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## Dcsmith77 (Apr 18, 2011)

If I want to make something because it seems fitting for someone I love, I just make it. I don't really care what they do with it, although I hope they will enjoy it. If not, I still had the fun of making them something. I usually make rather more work things for my family, but I always see them in a leisure atmosphere, not dressed for work, so I don't expect to see the things I make them. Lately, I saw my granddaughter wearing a ring I had given her mother so I commented on it. She said they share the ring from time to time because my daughter is planning to pass it on to her daughter. I didn't have a problem with it after that.


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## Mary JB (May 14, 2011)

My grandmother crocheted and tatted handkerchiefs and once told me that she always wanted a flowered hanky,( the ones you got in the dime store). I bought her three but never saw them. After she passed away I found them tucked away in her special drawer. She treasured those dime store hanky’s when hers (she thought ) weren’t nothing special. So you never know.


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## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

Years ago I stopped making for almost everyone when I realized they didn’t seem to understand what went into the items...love, laborband cost of materials. Today I only make for very special people that I feel will appreciate and enjoy the items and what effort went into them. Even when some have asked for something I often realize they “don’t get it” as far as the cost and more importantly the labor of love, so....it just isn’t something I make for them. We aren’t obligated just because we have the talent. Likewise, once we give a gift...the recipient is now the owner and what they choose to do with that item is up to them. I find that hard to accept at times but it is what happens when you gift something. I just feel it is often difficult when I have created the item.

I also remind myself that some people may over appreciate an item and actually be afraid to use it ...ie wear it....for fear they will get it dirty or damage it. Maybe we need to remind folks our ‘works of art ’ aren’t so fragile or special’ that they need to be kept between tissue paper in a drawer!


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## dunnville89 (Apr 24, 2012)

I just knit things I like and when there is a baby or someone to gift them to, I do. I do know that the item may not be in their taste or fabric choice so I stipulate that if they don't wear them, they should donate to someone who will. I am not offended by that since the item was completely my choice and my taste (my taste is exquisite, however). lol


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## Beverooni (Apr 15, 2013)

Unless they ask i don't make anything for anyone anymore. My DIL returned a bunch of stuff to me with the comment, "I will never wear or use these so I'm giving them back to you." Really hurt my feelings but as my DD was there she snatched it all out of her hands and said "your loss my gain".


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## Porkypine0727 (Dec 6, 2016)

Beverooni said:


> Unless they ask i don't make anything for anyone anymore. My DIL returned a bunch of stuff to me with the comment, "I will never wear or use these so I'm giving them back to you." Really hurt my feelings but as my DD was there she snatched it all out of her hands and said "your loss my gain".


I don't think that would offend me. Many years ago I made a huge, glorious Rose Window crocheted afghan for my new MIL. I worked on that thing morning, noon and night for three months. Later on I found out that their family considers crocheted blankets to be "too heavy". She would put it on the bed when I was around, but take it off when I left. If she gave it back to me it would tickle me to death because I LOVE it. Lol. And it's a thing I would never make for myself, as it would consume time during which I could be making something for someone else.

The punch line is that one of my SIL's has called dibs on it. She crochets, so she "get's it". :sm09:


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## Leaflet (Mar 1, 2016)

Beverooni said:


> Unless they ask i don't make anything for anyone anymore. My DIL returned a bunch of stuff to me with the comment, "I will never wear or use these so I'm giving them back to you." Really hurt my feelings but as my DD was there she snatched it all out of her hands and said "your loss my gain".


At least she didn't trash them (and you found out later).


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## ggmomliz (Jan 31, 2016)

I make things for others by request only. Of course, with me it is limited to 6, including myself. My 2 grandchildren, both in their 20's, rarely ask for anything but when they do they are specific. My granddaughter did let me know what her 8 month old twins need though, more knee socks and warm hats, their sister picked out the yarn, from my stash, for a new hat and legwarmers. It's the first time she hasn't asked for more animals for her farm and castle but she was sick the 2 days she was here.


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## Pocahontas (Apr 15, 2011)

alexdoc said:


> Stop knitting for those that do not use your gifts. Knit for yourself. I knit for myself, occasionally for someone I know whose having a baby and for my family if they specifically request I knit them something.


I'm in agreement with this.


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## Hudson (Mar 3, 2011)

Look around for charities that appeal to you.


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## kayrein (Aug 24, 2011)

I have knit several items for sons, daughter-in-law and one son's girlfriend. The only thing that is used (and is loved) is the afghan I knit for one son. The other son's afghan is almost done. I do not knit for them anymore. It's fine with me if they are not interested in my knitted things, I really enjoy knitting for myself and that is what I do mostly. Except for dishcloths, I give a ton of them away and everyone loves them. Oh I forgot...I have made several prayer shawls for friends that have been very appreciated.


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## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

The main things I knit for my family is socks, which they all ask for more....I have made my GS a few other small items, but his mum usually just asks for more socks oh and beanies when it's cold


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## shockey (May 13, 2011)

ptober said:


> I just finished and mailed a set of thrummed mittens to my soon in MN. (at his request) Have not heard a word as to how they fit or if they are keeping his hands warm. That is what frustrating to me!!!


 :sm25:


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

I knit for the grandchildren but rarely see anything being worn. I no longer knit for the eldest two, they are 4 and 6. They like their lightweight sweaters with characters from cartoons on them. I wonder if knitted things are just too warm? Now we live in warm homes and travel everywhere by car. Who needs warm sweaters?


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## rosaposa13 (May 11, 2011)

I only knit for our baby and 4 year old GS, they love what is made for them and think I am clever. I stopped making for others but I do knit some tiny blankets out of soft wool for premature babies to fit in the hospital cribs. People will ask if they would like something especially if it is something you make for yourself and you wear.


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## Mrellen (Sep 12, 2016)

What a fantastic idea!! I'm certain all of our elementary schools would appreciate a stash of knitted caps and mittens for that cause!


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## Pinkpaisley (Mar 11, 2015)

A lot of people these days only want clothing that goes in the washing machine and dryer. Others think handknits are old fashioned. 
If the people you are knitting for fit into either of these categories I would stop and make things for yourself or charity. It will save you a lot of angst. Time to be happy. ????


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

nonak said:


> I usually have a lot of requests - so if I feel like it's not going to be used - they come off the list. My biggest fans are my 4 granddaughters - two 5 year olds, a 3 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. I often get requests from their moms because I've made them something and they essentially outgrew it and won't give it up (one of the 5 year olds was still trying to wear a poncho I made for her when she was 1). I also knit hats and gloves for my granddaughters kindergarden class - they live in the midwest and the kids are always either loosing hats and gloves or don't have them. The teacher then has a stash to give them to use (and leave in their cubby for school use) or take home. Knit only for those you know will appreciate it.


I really, really like the idea of making for the kindergarten class - and who knows, some of those children may finally get a hat that they desperately needed! One never knows...

And that child will treasure it, take care not to lose it!


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

Just had another thought - for those looking for an outlet, why not talk to a school bus driver and ask if they know of children on their bus in need. 

We have a bus driver that purchases hats, scarves, and mittens. She keeps a box of these with her on the bus. If she sees a child without, she offers them to choose from the box. Maybe they merely forgot them, but maybe they just don't have them. Since offered to anyone without, does not look like charity.


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## MMWRay (Dec 2, 2016)

I am very sadden by our common problem. At Christmas I even asked in a public announcement that I would be glad to knit a hat for anyone if they would give me an idea of style and color. Out of the entire group I got one response for a Clemson scarf. This is my step family of 12 years. I have no family of my own. Makes me feel even more left out that my skills are unappreciated. I knit for friends that request things and much more for charity.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

Sadly our charity shops have baskets of knitted hats and scarfs for sale at £1 each. I never see anyone buy any. There are also knitted baby cardigans on rails for £1 or £2 each. Nobody seems interested in them. That's why I won't donate knitted things to these shops.


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

I know exactly how you feel, I made my dil a cowl and hat to wear at work as it's in a shed and very cold in the winter, I also made her an Elvis washcloth and I never saw her with any of them.


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## Knit4Ever39 (Jun 25, 2015)

I have noticed on here that people who knit for themselves are considered selfish. I have made all my own clothes since I got married in 1959---both knitted and sewn. I have also made alot of things for others, but notice most are never seen again. My son does like my handknit sweaters, but daughters grew up wearing them and want them no longer. I am never seen in a shopping mall and am proud of what I wear.


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## Judy C. (Oct 21, 2012)

I will knit for family and friends IF requested, all other knitting goes to Hospice, Homeless and other charities . . . no complaints, and often favorable feed-back. Keeps me busy and happy. Do what makes you happy.


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## KarenLeigh (Sep 6, 2011)

Always bothers me when I make something spectacular and I hear that the cat or dog is sleeping on it. I'm an animal lover and I'd gladly make something for the pet if they would just ket me know.


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## madkennedy (Apr 2, 2017)

Such a good topic - with lots of interesting answers. I am blessed with a DH who loves what I knit. He tells me what he would like and I have made many things for him, and he wears all of them. For last Christmas I made socks for my 2 sons, my 2 DILs and my stepson's girlfriend. My sons have size 13 feet, so that was a lot of knitting on size 1 needles. (They were all made with sock yarn.) My sons have told me they wore them. Not a word from the DILs. One DIL thanked me, but the other acted like she was offended or something by receiving hand knit socks. So for Christmas 2018? You are likely able to figure out my plans! I have made baby blankets for all 5 of the grandchildren, an afghan for my oldest, and sweaters for the grandchildren. Only saw one sweater worn by one grandchild. Someday I may make an afghan for my other son. At my job, I have made cowls, fingerless mitts, and scarves for my teammates. All made with hand-dyed quality yarn. I'm done - going forward I am only knitting for my DH, myself, charity and for things to sell. I do have a following of co-workers who will purchase my hand knits for gifts. I don't feel badly about giving the gifts. I gave all of these gifts because I wanted to - not out of any feeling of obligation. I am not going to feel badly about giving something I made with love. Life is short, however, so I am going not to stress about this - I am just changing my focus.


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## kayrein (Aug 24, 2011)

Knit4Ever39 said:


> I have noticed on here that people who knit for themselves are considered selfish. I have made all my own clothes since I got married in 1959---both knitted and sewn. I have also made alot of things for others, but notice most are never seen again. My son does like my handknit sweaters, but daughters grew up wearing them and want them no longer. I am never seen in a shopping mall and am proud of what I wear.


I don't think that people who knit for themselves are selfish at all! Knitting is good therapy, and part of that (IMO) is the pleasure of wearing something I spent many hours working on. And, who appreciates it more than yourself?


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## kkd (Sep 13, 2017)

lynnie2 said:


> I make a lot of things for friends and family that I feel never get used , Should I just start thinking of myself more ? Or stop making them anything for awhile ? Does anyone else in the group feel like this ? Sad


I was worried about that too as I knit socks for all the family at Christmas and I never see them being worn. But when I queried this, they all say they love them and wear them all the time. I knitted a very warm quality wool jumper for my husband which was to big for him (he definitely doesn't like handknits so don't know why I bothered). I gave it to my SIL for Christmas last year and apparently the whole family fight over it when they are poorly as it is so cosy. I would ask them what colour they would like or something to guage their reaction. I only knit now with quality wool otherwise its not worth the effort for me.


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## Mitch (Apr 4, 2011)

I’m finding that lately my daughter and grandkids are asking for knitted things......this is unusual! What I usually do is knit a variety of hats, mitts, socks, scarfs, dishcloths, etc. What they don’t take I give away at the end of the year. I also make red scarfs, prayer shawls during the year for my charities. I also ask for feedback.....too small, too tight, itchy.....that way I can make adjustments for them.


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## Vickie P (May 18, 2017)

I started to knit with my dear departed Mom's stash. It only took me 8 years. Two years ago both of my nieces received cowls I designed make with their Grandmother's mohair. I wrote them each a card stating they were hand knit with love of my design and GMs yarn. I also told them I really didn't care if they wore them, it was a rememberance of their GM. We were all in tears. But this Christmas one of them told me she does wear it. 

This past Christmas I knit for my nephew who was the closest to my Mom. I designed a scarf and used 2 yarns combined from my Mom's stash and was actually use her knitting needles. He was stunned and so pleased! My SIL mentioned to me a few days later how happy he was with the gift. And he wears it.

I have to say it was very satisfying to knit these while thinking about them and my Mom. And I really didn't care if they did wear them.


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## mrskowalski (Jun 4, 2015)

Yes. I don't knit for any one unless requested. 
I knit everyday. I will make sweaters for me. Scarfs and hats for donations at the local thrift store.

You aren't alone in this.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

MMWRay said:


> I am very sadden by our common problem. At Christmas I even asked in a public announcement that I would be glad to knit a hat for anyone if they would give me an idea of style and color. Out of the entire group I got one response for a Clemson scarf. This is my step family of 12 years. I have no family of my own. Makes me feel even more left out that my skills are unappreciated. I knit for friends that request things and much more for charity.


Try a school bus driver. They'll know if someone needs something.


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## polly p (Jun 7, 2015)

My daughter and I knitted umpteen things for expected twins, boy and a girl. My grandson's partner is lovely, but i have only seen the little boy in one item, so it's back to making for a friend who runs a knitteds stall for Parkinsons UK.


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## frani512 (Apr 15, 2012)

I only make something if asked. I won’t invest time and yarn for something that is not asked for.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

I recently finished almost 200 scarves for the homeless. Took them to the donation center and they were going to throw the boxes into an already filled garage storage, without looking at them. It was cold, the homeless needed them NOW, not when they unearthed them, who knows when?

Should have taken them back and delivered to a home for girls and boys. But I had promised them to this facility. 

Hindsight is Great!


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## Irene1 (Oct 23, 2013)

I knit for some, but not others. My sister and her family were deemed (by me)as not knitworthy after I made her kids Fair Isle sweaters for Christmas one year and didn’t even get a response that they had received them in the post, let alone a thank you. Since I spent most of the year making those, they are all permanently off the list. So are some others. My grandson stays on the list, as he loves warm, soft, cozy sweaters and wears them. He’ll get more. Now i’m Knitting for me, as I need to replace some of my sweaters. I added a bulky knit one a couple of years ago, but need some others that are not so heavy. I also need to add to my sock drawer, as I only wear hand-knit socks (my own).


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## cgcharles (Feb 23, 2011)

I stopped giving my grandkids knit items because I never saw them wear them. Most recently I saw where my daughter-in-law had put a bunch of the hats I made for sale on a buy, sell, website. Never again.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

Sent wedding shower and wedding gift for a friend's son's wedding. No word if received. Two years later ran into the girl at a funeral. Asked her if she got them. 'Oh, yeah", was her response. 

Guess money more important, but long gone. My gifts will last for years, unless they got rid of them.

Value is in the eye of the beholder.


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## Ladyj960 (May 22, 2013)

I’ve got to where I don’t really make things for people, especially if I don’t feel it is appreciated, but I don’t worry about. I just knit what I want when I want.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

Ladyj960 said:


> I've got to where I don't really make things for people, especially if I don't feel it is appreciated, but I don't worry about. I just knit what I want when I want.


Yes!

People may say selfish. But aren't they selfish in keeping all their time for themselves, not thinking of, let alone doing for another?????


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## SANDY I (Oct 18, 2014)

Hmmm after reading this, I guess my granddaughter not coming by for hats and scarves I made for her 3 children is today's norm. I will try once more bit today it's 3°F so guess they are not needed. How happy I would have been to have them even in a car for emergencies.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

SANDY I said:


> Hmmm after reading this, I guess my granddaughter not coming by for hats and scarves I made for her 3 children is today's norm. I will try once more bit today it's 3°F so guess they are not needed. How happy I would have been to have them even in a car for emergencies.


If she does pick them up soon, then put them in your car for emergencies. If she then ever asks, tell her I didn't think you wanted them because you didn't pick them up, so I gave them to someone who needed them.


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## Caroline19 (Jun 6, 2011)

Interesting question. I knit ALOT For family and friends and every Christmas birthdays I will make something for specific people. 2 years ago I knit scarves for my cousin and her husband. I even asked them what colours they would like to ensure they would wear them. Every time I see them, hubby is wearing my scarf and tells me how much he loves it...cashmere....because it is so soft. On the other hand my cousin couldn't remember where she put her scarf!! So she has been taken off my list and I am currently making him another scarf. A friend of mine has asked me to knit her scarves over the last few years and I noticed that she never wears them. So I asked her if she liked the colours and she said that she could not remember what colours they were. She then asked her hubby if he knew where those scarves were and he said to me "I have no idea where Jane's scarves are but I know where mine are and I wear them all the time"!! Jane is off the list too!! As for my family, my 2 GD's aged 7 and 5 wear the hats and scarves I knit for them and at their school Christmas concert this year I was introduced to their teachers and both asked me if I was the knitter in the family. They loved my work and said that the girls bring their knitted doll clothes into class for show and tell and one child asked if I could make something for her dolly. My eldest GD said no because I was to busy making more stuff for her and her sister. They stay on my list. I also knit for my 3 daughters but only items they request. My son in law does not like my knits and my grandson only wants socks. My sister and brother in law love my knitted gifts and wear them all the time. So I record in my knitting project book who I have knit for, what I have knit for them (incl. colours, measurements etc) and any requests they wish for their next gifts. I love to knit for my family and friends but time is precious, especially as I get older, so I use that time for knitting things that are appreciated and worn. The highest compliment I can receive is to see something I have knit being worn by that special someone!!


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## Lizm (Aug 7, 2011)

My daughter hasn't worn anything I've made for her in the last 5 years. Scarfs, shawls, shrugs,vest. She admires everything I make for other family members though. I guess I need to find her style and make those items. ????


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## Chemchic (Dec 16, 2012)

Oh yes you should definitely stop making things for those people even if they're close friends. I even stopped making things for my mother because I never see her wear them.

Makers always like when they see the person to whom they have gifted something wear it. We always like seeing that kind of appreciation.


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## LindaH (Feb 1, 2011)

I had this happen with my SIL in the first year that I was knitting. I do not make her anything anymore. I do make things for Katie all the time, but only because I know she loves what I make her and is not ashamed to wear it out in public. She lets me know how much she loves whatever, and I know that she uses it. Last year, I made her a hat and a long scarf per her request. The hat is too small for her now, and I am going to make her another one in a bigger size to match the scarf. When I asked her about the hat, she said that it was too small and that it hurt to try to wear it. That is fair, and it did not hurt my feelings at all. After all, she is a growing girl as evidenced by the Drift cardigan I made for her this year. I just have to find the right color yarn to make the hat to match. I do not believe that I have enough of any one color to do another matching hat. So, off to Little Knits I go! 

The moral of this story is this, knit for yourself, for your enjoyment..If the people you give your knits to do not appreciate them a LOT, then do not knit for that person anymore. They cannot imagine the time that goes into making a project for someone or the cost of the yarn to make the item, so they do not have an appreciation of same. The Drift cardigan took me 3 months to make all the pieces, and 2 months to get the courage up to finally finish it. Three months is a LONG time to knit constantly on a project trying to get it finished, but Katie loves it and that made it all worthwhile!


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## bp42168 (Jul 29, 2011)

My son and DIL had twins. 1 girl and 1 boy. I knitted so many sweaters and hats for them. My DIL would send pictures of them wearing them. While visiting we went to the coffee shop they go to and the server wanted to know if I was the grandmother that knits all these beautiful items. I asked my DIL to let me know when the kids didn't want them anymore. About 10 years old they didn't want them. My DIL have them to her sister to use for her children but saved the bags to put on a Christmas tree with hats I made. Once in a while if they are something in a store they'll send me a picture and ask if I can make something like coffee mug covers of fingerless gloves. Now I have a new great granddaughter and her Mom loves knitted things for her. Once in awhile my two daughters ask for something. I also knit for charity so always busy.


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## sjsann (Apr 2, 2013)

I had crocheted some items for my daughter when her children were little. I never saw them used, but now that she is going to be a gmother, she pulled out about 4 blankets. I was admiring them and she told me that I had made them for her kids. What a surprise that she still had them 20 some years later. I was very pleased even thou I never saw them used at the time.


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## karenarab (Sep 11, 2016)

My husband just passed away. He was in a nursing home for several months which gave me an opportunity to see other patients in the home. If I were in your shoes, I would visit a nursing home and assess how many patients or the home could benefit from lap blankets and/or blankets. They would be needed, used and appreciated by both the patients and the nursing home or local hospital. 
I found a pattern to make spa scrubbies (to scrub your back in the bath/shower). I crocheted mine but there is also a pattern for knitting one. You might think of knitting some for your local police force/fire dept. to show support and appreciation for the job they do for us. Just a few suggestions.


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## wray (Apr 6, 2015)

I quit knitting for family, they don't wear the knitted items but I knit for others sometimes but not clothing, only for me. I want to find a charity I can knit for.


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## nanniejan (Jul 1, 2013)

homeless shelters will happily accept and make use of all the warms hats, scarves, neck warmers we can produce! Children's hospitals love to have homemade afghans.


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## SusanwiseWoman (Jan 30, 2012)

I also stopped knitting for friends unless they ask for something. The straw that broke billy was a carefully chosen shawl for my BFF to wear on her wraparound front porch. She gave it to her 4th granddaughter to wear on the bus to school. Ugh. Lace, too.


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## tmvasquez (May 7, 2013)

My family always uses the things I make but to be fair I usually don’t not make anything until they specifically ask me for it. They love to shop for baby shower gifts at my house so I try to keep a stash on hand. I made a shawl for a frien once who kept indicating she would love to have one and I have never seen her use it. I probably won’t do that again. Sorry your family is unappreciative of your gifts. Since they are family, I would just ask them if there is a reason they don’t use your items. Maybe it is as simple as a color choice.


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## Paintpuddle (Jun 25, 2014)

Leaflet said:


> It's quite possible they don't want it to be soiled or damaged. When I was a child people made things for me (not many) but my mother always took them away. I had my picture taken while wearing the item but then it was stored. I see both sides to this. So depending on what the item is, gently used might be the best option. If there are loads and loads of items (weren't in my case) go ahead and use them up.


My DIL was doing this with the things I made for my grandson. When I figured this out, I went 5o her and asked, then asked her not to worry about the items getting frayed or damaged or worn out. That they were meant to be worn and loved. I could always make more. From then on things weren't put away.


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## jenny lyn (Jan 28, 2015)

I the belong to a knitting group that knits for homeless people, I like to knit special pattern hats and cowls. I worked on this one set for about a week when I took it in and gave it to the one in charge she took it and threw it into a bag, didn't even look at it. But when she makes some thing she can spend quite some time talking about it.


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## cullenbe (Jul 3, 2011)

I stopped and haven’t heard a word.


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## Anna3703 (Mar 4, 2012)

JuliaKay said:


> I wait until they hint or ask for something. Then I know they want it.


.

Same here, Julia. Then I know they really WANT it !!
Anna


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## Roxy Foxy Lady (Dec 1, 2014)

You have to wait they ask for it...


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

Reading all of these has caused me to wonder - where did all of this self-entitlement come from? Why do these people feel they are entitled to our time, energy, money, yarn? Years ago people would barter for hand made items. I'll do this for you, you did this for me.

Mom didn't drive, Jeanie did. Jeanie did the driving, mom hemmed clothes for Jean. It was a great arrangement. Was it always equal? Probably not, but it all worked out in the end. Each person was happy. That's all that counts.


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## CindyWal (Sep 22, 2017)

I took up crocheting and knitting again last spring after teaching for 35 years and not having much spare time. So far, I’ve made 2 baby afghans, 2 big blankets for grandnephews, and beautiful blanket for my great-niece. Her husband has requested a big blanket for his birthday in November, and I’m making a c2c blanket for my older daughter. Her sister wanted an infinity scarf, which I made for her a few weeks ago, as well as a blanket of some sort. I made two tablerunners for Christmas, and gave one to my best friend and the other to my great-niece. (My best friend said that she loves things that I make for her, and my great-niece watched me make on tablerunner, and kept telling me how beautiful it was.) All of these things have been used a lot already.

Now, my great-niece has found a pattern for a Cupid head warmer. I’ll be making three for little girls, and 1-3 for my great-niece and a couple of her friends. I also have two baby blankets started to sell at an auction, and will be working on a peppermint throw afghan for myself. (I started the peppermint throw afghan in September, but put it aside because I knew I wouldn’t get anything else made for Christmas if I tried to finish it for the 2017season.)


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## silversurfer (Nov 25, 2013)

If someone makes me something I do appreciate the time and trouble and love in every stitch. However If I don't like it I won't wear it. Don't take it personally that other people's taste is not the same as yours.


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## knitbreak (Jul 19, 2011)

I knit only scarves, hats, and throws,for family, but they have to ask me first.
I learned from this site a long time ago that it's best to wait until they ask.


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## 1kittie1 (Jun 16, 2013)

I have one daughter that if I give her something I made, even if she asked me to make it, she will not like it. If I make something I think she will like and put it in my box of random things that looked fun to make she almost always takes it home. Whenever both my kids are together ( about once a year) I enjoy watching them go through the box.


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## Paulaross (Feb 3, 2016)

I love to try new patterns, new stitches etc, so I make what I want. Put the finished items in a large shopping bag and then when family or friends come they can go thru the bag and get whatever they want. Sometimes I get a request for a different color of an item, which I happily make. Everything left in the sack goes to the domestic violence center. So far that works out great


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## dunnville89 (Apr 24, 2012)

1kittie1 said:


> I have one daughter that if I give her something I made, even if she asked me to make it, she will not like it. If I make something I think she will like and put it in my box of random things that looked fun to make she almost always takes it home. Whenever both my kids are together ( about once a year) I enjoy watching them go through the box.


The random things box sounds like a great idea. I think that's what I'll do from now on.


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## Victor_ (Mar 6, 2014)

If I want just to keep my hands busy, and get ride of my stash, I make lap blankets for the retirement house nearby. They appreciate all that is taken to them, and the residents just love to have their own blanket.
You make charity, got gratitude, and keep busy.


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## CanadianShe_Wolf (Nov 24, 2013)

lynnie2 said:


> I make a lot of things for friends and family that I feel never get used , Should I just start thinking of myself more ? Or stop making them anything for awhile ? Does anyone else in the group feel like this ? Sad


It is sad...I truly understand. I spent a fortune many years ago making items for my one sons wife when she was pregnant with their second child. One time I was asked to babysit the first-born daughter and while there in their I was cleaning the kitchen and making a supper meal ready for when they came home from work(at my expense I might add...they ordered in a bunch!)

I digress>>>>

When I took out the kitchen garbage and opened the bag...there were 3 baby outfits I had made for her..(2 knit, 1 crochet...in the zip-loc bags I had put them in to keep clean/never-ever on the babies back...because the baby was NOT born yet!)...in the garbage. I took them out of the garbage, hid them out of site in my truck, never said a word to either my son or his wife, brought them home, re-washed and blocked them and gave them to a church bazaar to sell. Never made either of them a thing again! It took all of the self-control I could muster to keep my mouth shut .... even after they divorced. I often wonder what happened (if anything happened)...to all the cute outfits I made for their daughter.... My first-born grandchild! Even to this day I want to poke that info up her nose... but have decided it is likely bothering bothering her more that I said nothing.

I agree with most of the posts here....make for yourself and if anyone hints or even asks out-right for something to be made.....tell them (with a clear concience and un-faultering voice)... your time , your knowledge to ful-fill their request and material required.....is worth X-amount!
Sorta like...(almost).... get the money and run ... first!

This is just my take on your post....Ultimately....the decision will be yours.


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## CanadianShe_Wolf (Nov 24, 2013)

Paulaross said:


> I love to try new patterns, new stitches etc, so I make what I want. Put the finished items in a large shopping bag and then when family or friends come they can go thru the bag and get whatever they want. Sometimes I get a request for a different color of an item, which I happily make. Everything left in the sack goes to the domestic violence center. So far that works out great


 :sm24: :sm24: Brilliant! :sm24: :sm24:


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## deenashoemaker (Nov 9, 2014)

I have been knitting and spinning since I was 5 years old. I'm 65 now. It's a habit I can't break. I'm going to knit everyday, no matter what. It doesn't matter what I knit, for who, thanks or not, or where it goes when it leaves me. I don't give a hoot about the time involved or the cost. Once, a friend admired the sweater I was wearing and said she'd cherish one. I told her to give me something else to wear and we traded. It's an OCD process for me. If someone likes my mittens, I give them to them, I can make more. Same with anything I make.


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

I would stop doing for them and if someone should ask for something come right out and ask them are you going to wear it or is it for someone else. You deserve an answer. When my girls were out of their own and Christmas and birthdays came along I would either purchase them clothes, things they usually wear I figured I couldn't go wrong there. Well I never did see these items on them and the last my daughter e mailed me a pattern she would like me to purchase and make the items on it because she could no longer find them in the stores and I did that, she said thank you but I have never seen them on her although we do live miles apart and these would have been for work, when she visits, she comes and leaves in the same outfit and has her running gear in her pack sac, she always travels light. I have done for her girls also they always looked forward to fleece lounging pants at Christmas but have never seen them on and I did knit a complete set of mittens, phone holder, purse, hat and scarf never heard about it. My daughter would call and say ok girls what do you say to your grandmother and they would yell thanks. So now I just give them all money and they can do whatever they like and that is less stress on me. There are more people out there than you think you will not wear home made articles because no one else has them, its not the trend, or they just don't like wool. I have one daughter who never wears hat and mitts. If its that cold she stays in. Even as a child they would land up in her back pack. If this is a pass time that you love then give to charity or only those who ask and take care of yourself.
Compliments are always up lifting even from strangers. Sorry I got so long winded. :sm19:


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

CanadianShe_Wolf said:


> It is sad...I truly understand. I spent a fortune many years ago making items for my one sons wife when she was pregnant with their second child. One time I was asked to babysit the first-born daughter and while there in their I was cleaning the kitchen and making a supper meal ready for when they came home from work(at my expense I might add...they ordered in a bunch!)
> 
> I digress>>>>
> 
> ...


It took a heck of a lot of courage to keep your mouth closed.

Kudos to you!


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## Jillpr (Mar 15, 2011)

Back in the summer I knit up 3 pair of fingerless gloves for granddaughters and DIL. when my son came to visit us I sent him home with them. I never heard a word about them at all, so I thought they didn't like them. For Christmas I took the plunge and decided to make cowls for all 3 and two sweaters for gg baby girl. and a afghan for my son. Everyone was really pleased to have all the items, and my DIL told me then that she wore the fingerless gloves all the time and that she loves them. My granddaughter told me that she loves all the things I made for them. What a surprise! You just never know what people are going to do, so don't ever give up.


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## BARBIE-s (Sep 15, 2014)

I re-started knitting again (now 4 yrs. ago) because my daughter asked me to make a baby blanket for a shower gift for one of her/our friends............and she continued to ask me to make things for her/our friends, her bosses kids/wife, etc. I take these requests as a compliment and happily make them and ship them off to her to gift, with responses such as e.g. "she cried when I gave her the Christmas stockings MOM, and hung them up on their mantel that same day, only to have hubby come home and say "NO---a lil too soon" (it was only October----LOL). Funny one, she asked me to make six "Thanksgiving" kitchen towels.............so I asked, "just what does a Thanksgiving towel look like?" I made the six Thanksgiving towels and the people on receiving end loved them. So.......................my thoughts on this............just knit for the pure joy of making something with your hands and the God given talent you have and not to worry if folks do not shower you with compliments or express appreciation, YOU know you did something special and feel good about it for that simple reason... (pictured are "Thanksgiving towels" created per daughters request)
:sm02: :sm02: :sm02:


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## dianesidney (Jan 9, 2017)

You should now knit for those that are knit worthy. Good wool is very expensive and the time it takes all has to be considered.
I knit for family, mostly socks, all different weights and I know who really appreciates them. Got a message this week from my 20 yr old grandson telling me how he really liked his heavy socks and how warm they were. We had some really cold weather here, -40 at times. A cousin who has sugar diabetes has cold feet all the time and she has sent me at least 4 emails thanking me for her wool socks and how warm her feet are finally. 
Knit for your self and if they ask for something then I would knit for them, otherwise no.


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## LAMARQUE8 (Oct 12, 2014)

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!!!


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Might be best to stop beating yourself over the head, that is unless you are enjoying the pain. If they do not want what you make and do not use the things you make then stop making them. make things for charity.


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## Donnathomp (May 5, 2012)

JuliaKay said:


> I wait until they hint or ask for something. Then I know they want it.


I do this as well.


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## Shylinn (Mar 19, 2014)

I long ago accepted the fact that if my family member/friend/work associate does not like the sweater/hat/gloves I made for them, it doesn't mean they don't like ME. I knit/crochet for the pleasure of it and there is not a day that goes by that I am not working on something. Of course they do not appreciate the work that goes into it! Just as I don't understand the work that goes into their favorite hobbies.
(and trust me, I have hidden away most of my sister's efforts at pottery and painting). Most people care about the image their clothing/home décor projects and view it as a personal statement. My color choices or style may be just the thing that they hate the most! Even when specifying a color, there is a chance that I will select the very shade that grates. That's just how it goes. No matter how many hours of work has gone into it, If they are uncomfortable wearing it, I wouldn't expect them to do so. If my afghan ends up as a pet blanket, at least it is getting used. So my bottom line is, I knit for ME even if the item is a gift - and then I am off to my next knitting adventure. OH! BTW - I have several items that I have spent a lot of time making for myself that I never wear - does that make me unworthy?


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## spete73000 (Jul 24, 2012)

I told my children that I love knitting for them, BUT if I don’t see them wearing the items I knit I won’t knit for them again. And they Do Wear them????


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## amishtulip (Dec 19, 2013)

I only knit for people who appreciate and understand what goes into a knitted item. So who specifically do I knit for? Myself and my husband in that order! Don't feel guilty about it either.


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## Katie in Maine (Jan 11, 2015)

I agree with PMJ knitter— knit for those who appreciate your work. If that is you, enjoy!!!


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## spinninggill (Apr 9, 2011)

After having not even received a 'thank you' for a hand spun,hand knitted and designed specially christening shawl for godson's new baby a year or two ago. I now don't make anything for friends/family unless specifically asked. I spin. knit/design professionally, so I don't have time to waste on an effort that goes unappreciated.


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## Munchn (Mar 3, 2013)

Ditto from me.


janielha said:


> If your friends and family don't seem to use or appreciate your items, I would stop knitting for them. Yes, concentrate on yourself more and make what you want, for you!


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## Beni (Jun 5, 2017)

If I knit a piece- be it a baby blanket or scarf- that was not a request, I see the item as my gift to a friend or family member. The item now belongs to the receiver. They can wear it or save or regift. I’m happy to move on. I enjoy knitting for myself & since I’m a slow knitter every project takes a long time.


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## Leaflet (Mar 1, 2016)

I have to say I am very impressed with all of you who are so productive. I am very slow and don't finish anything quickly.


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## Morgan Girl (Jun 8, 2014)

I understand how you feel. That is why I only knit for a few family members that I know appreciate handmade. And for the friends that I know feel the same way.


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## Kathie (Mar 29, 2011)

Many of us, myself included, are frustrated with the lack of response our knitted gifts get so start knitting for charity. I wonder if the people who need the charity would rather have store bought things as well. It sure would be easier and cheaper to fill that wish if that is the case. I knit two sweaters for great grandsons for Christmas and although there wasn't confusion or other gifts being opened at the time I had no response at all from the parents. The kids are too young to appreciate the sweaters but the mother and dad didn't even acknowledge the gifts. Other people thought the sweaters were really nice so I don't think it was because they weren't well done. Not sure if I'll make anything more for those boys. I guess if I do I have to realize I'm doing it because I like making the things and not expect a response of any kind. I have no idea if the sweaters are being used. I also knit for a friends grandson and the mother of that child sends me a thank you note and posts a picture of the boy with the sweater on. I know I'll continue to knit for him. My daughter in law, the grandmother of those boys has asked me to knit her a long cardigan sweater in fingering weight yarn. She never seems to wear the same thing twice and has never worn the Hitchhiker scarf I made for her and the I found the headband I made for her at her request on the floor of the backseat of their car covered with dirt. She is over six feet tall and knitting a sweater like the one she has requested would be quite a project. I don't think it will ever happen. She is a lovely person but I don't think my knitting efforts are appreciated. Maybe it's time to start knitting for myself.


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## gdhavens (Jul 21, 2011)

I guess I knit for my pleasure so if I knit for someone else, it is a gift I wanted to do and I do not expect an acknowledgement. I love it when I get a compliment or thank you, but I don't expect it. 

After my GD was stillborn, my family decided we wanted to do a "giving tree" as a memorial to her for Christmas, and after my husband passed the next year we added him to the memorial. We did this in a display on our public library lawn. We have done this for 3 years loading it with hand made and purchased hat, mittens, scarves, cowls, etc. It is so rewarding to put things on the tree and go back a week later and find most of it gone. The sign on the tree says if you want it take, and to please "pay it forward" when the opportunity arises. This year we gave away at least 35-40 items. It just feels good. We hope that whoever takes them enjoys them, but we will never know.


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

CanadianShe_Wolf said:


> It is sad...I truly understand. I spent a fortune many years ago making items for my one sons wife when she was pregnant with their second child. One time I was asked to babysit the first-born daughter and while there in their I was cleaning the kitchen and making a supper meal ready for when they came home from work(at my expense I might add...they ordered in a bunch!)
> 
> I digress>>>>
> 
> ...


My own daughter did something like that. I had made her maternity clothes when she was pregnant with her first. A later I was doing some ironing for her and asked when done if she wanted some clothes that were on the floor of her closet ironed she said no they were going to good will. They were the maternity clothes I had made for her. Now I must say honestly I don't really know if she ever wore them because we never visited her during her pregnancy. I just thought that she would have them should she have another child, and she did two years later. That is another reason no more gifts. I did not question her because I did not want to put her on the spot.


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## joycevv (Oct 13, 2011)

It's really hard to knit for others. I've learned to wait for specific requests. Meanwhile, my little granddaughter looks adorable in everything I knit and never complains about wearing it either!


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## Jinxer (Nov 21, 2011)

My sister gave away everything I made for her. She didn't need to "learn" anything, I did. I quit making things for her. Problem solved.


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## DesertDweller (Jun 11, 2011)

I mostly only knit for people that knit, or charity. Those that don't knit don't have any idea of the effort or time involved. I knit things I have fun knitting.


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## lawstevens (Jun 25, 2017)

Leaflet said:


> It's quite possible they don't want it to be soiled or damaged. When I was a child people made things for me (not many) but my mother always took them away. I had my picture taken while wearing the item but then it was stored. I see both sides to this. So depending on what the item is, gently used might be the best option. If there are loads and loads of items (weren't in my case) go ahead and use them up.


My DIL was doing that same thing, pictures then stored. So I started letting her know which items could be worn and played in and that way she did not feel the need to save. She just wanted my grandkids to have things from their grandmother when they got old to remember me with. I love her for the thought.


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## ioneodi (Feb 16, 2015)

Shame you didn't "accidentally" drop the garbage in her presence! Ione


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## sutclifd (Feb 26, 2013)

I live in an area with a large retired population. I either knit baby blankets (for grandchildren, and in some cases, great grandchildren) and ask if they'd like a blanket for their new arrivals. This gives them the opportunity to say the parents wouldn't appreciate all the work (sometimes a nice lie is a good fall-back) or that they're thrilled with the idea. I'm usually ahead by a few blankets, so I let the grandparent choose what they want, with color, pattern, or fiber in mind. I always make certain they know which can be tossed into the washer and dryer and which need to be hand washed and dried flat.


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## cookie68 (May 5, 2012)

janielha said:


> If your friends and family don't seem to use or appreciate your items, I would stop knitting for them. Yes, concentrate on yourself more and make what you want, for you!


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## Little house (Aug 23, 2017)

I only knit for my daughter or for friends,if they ask for something.
Otherwise I only knit for charity.Gives me much more,when I know I can help those who really need it!


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

When you give a gift, you should give it with an open palm facing Heaven up, with your fingers stretched out, not curled up as if to hold the reins on a horse. 

With curled fingers, you are holding onto the gift, not giving it freely and openly, as if you have put restrictions on it.

In other words, give the gift and don't look back. Once given, it is the receiver's choice on what to do with the gift from there.

I am not saying if there are no thanks, or you do not see the.gift being utilized that you should continue making and giving. Just that you made the gift with good intentions and gave it. You do not have to make more gifts for that person.


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## fisherwoman (Feb 24, 2012)

If you don't get a Thank You, or a photo to see it has been 'tried on' or worn, then it's time to stop, and knit only for you.

My grandson, now 4 yrs old never wore the 7 sweaters I knitted for him when he was born. Or should I say I never got a photo or a real thank you.

So I got smart and and now only occasionally knit a hat for him, but rarely. It takes a lot of 'my' time to knit each and every stitch, so I would rather give it away to some unknown person who I hope would appreciate it more.


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## cattdages (Aug 3, 2011)

I pick and choose. I feel like some friends appreciate what I make and some don't. The ones who do get more, the others don't.


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## WoodsWoman (Nov 29, 2017)

I would be cautious about advocating making something for someone only if they asked for it. No matter how much I admired, appreciated and would treasure someone's work, I would never be so presumptive as to ask her to make one for me. To my mind, that would be rude. The closest to a request would be to ask if I could purchase an item, paying for time and materials.


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## patm (Apr 20, 2012)

I'll make what I want when I want.[/quote] Of course!


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## CarolA (Sep 4, 2013)

I'm glad you posted this. So many people on KP and Ravelry share how much their knitting for others is appreciated and asked for, but mine isn't. I was beginning to wonder what is wrong with my work.
I knit for my grandsons who love the hats I've made for them. But... their dad, my son-in-law picks everything apart and nothing I make is good enough for him. So I'm not sure what I'll do. He is such a great guy and I love him dearly. This seems to be the only thing we disagree on so I won't complain. 
I knit baby blankets for the local hospital for each newborn. The hospital provides the yarn free of charge. I have never seen babies around town with any of the hand knitted or crocheted blankets and I don't know any young mothers to ask what they did with the blanket they received. 
I don't like hand knit sweaters since they are so bulky and just make my oversized body look even more oversized! I did learn to knit socks with magic loop and want to make them 2 at a time so I will make a few pair of socks for myself. I made DH a pair since his store bought socks wear out so quickly, but even though he liked the custom fit, they sit unworn in his drawer.
I started knitting for the hospital when I was unemployed 6 years ago. Now that I'm unemployed AGAIN I like having a hobby that doesn't cost me anything. But if what I make isn't appreciated or used, why waste the time to make anything? I need a hobby that makes me money instead of costing me money!!


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## Lorikeet (Jan 15, 2016)

If you enjoy knitting, various charities will take what you make.


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## randiejg (Oct 29, 2011)

My older son has four kids from 11 to 18, and they always appreciate things I make for them (I usually make them all the same type of item, for instance this year I made warm hoodies). I made hoodies for them once before, and they all loved them. I got really big hugs, and as has happened before, they'll ask me to make them another one in a color one of their siblings got. I always tell the kids I'm willing to make what they want, if they just let me know. Last year the 18 year old (granddaughter) asked me if I could make her a gingerbread man sweater just like the one I'd made my daughter, the 11 year old asked me to make her a poncho. When each of those were finished I mailed them, and they had their dad take pictures of them wearing them with huge smiles, so I know they were happy with them.

It is a battle though to get one of their parents to respond to me about what sizes they are wearing now, what they might like, etc. This year I showed up to their holiday get-together with copies of a page that shows how to take measurements (attached), and I also included a tape measure. I gave the same thing to my daughter (no kids yet), but I've made things for her and her husband, and they've asked me to make other things for them, too.

My younger son lives in Virginia, and has a 13 year old daughter, and two step children, 18 and 24. I was making them things every year, and at first they were happy and asked me to make other things, but the last few years things seem to go into a black hole. I don't even hear from anyone that they got the packages, and if that son calls on Christmas or I call him, I have to ask if the packages got there. I'm sending that son an envelope with the measuring instructions and a tape measure, too. This is the last chance for them, though. They'll have to ask if they want something, otherwise they'll just get gift cards, as I've been doing for their oldest son anyway, since he moves around a lot and would probably lose or leave behind anything I'd take time to make for him.

Next year I'm also going to include the large mesh bags that you launder delicate items/lingerie, etc. in. Goodness knows what shape those things are in after they've finally gotten around to washing them, and it would be a shame for them to just toss them in the washer with items they can get snagged on. Both of my son's families seem to only do laundry when they run out of clothes to wear, but I've noticed that a lot of their peers seem to live that way, too, so what can I say?


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## tonyastewart (Sep 1, 2014)

I use to tell my mother God Rest her I wasn't making my family or extended family anything unless they specifically asked but I am finding even when my granddaughters ask all it takes for them to not use/wear what I make is someone to tease them, at which point my time efforts and supplies are wasted and they are at least in the case of the youngest of my granddaughters she loves the idea of asking me to make her things I don't know how to make her understand it doesn't hurt my feelings that she doesn't want things I make but it does very much hurt my feeling when I make what is asked for and it's never used.
Tonda


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## grtmema (Aug 3, 2017)

You should definitely knit what you like to knit. Maybe try new techniques, then if you are asked for something then you can decide if you want to make it for them. Too many times I see beautiful hand knitted or crocheted items at the thrift store and they look brand new. I personally make things and if I dont have a recipient, then I donate, there ars many people out there that would love and appreciate your work. Dont give up.


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## grandmann (Feb 4, 2011)

Make things that will make you Happy and not so much making things because you think others might like it. 
I know that sounds selfish, but at least you feel better about yourself. I need to remind myself that my knitting 
is like putting together a puzzle but at the end I have something to show for it. A puzzle usually gets broken down. 

Other words knitting is the pleasure not so much the gratification whether someone will like it or not. It's only a 
Extra Bonus if someone really likes what you made.


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## suehoman (Apr 24, 2011)

I struggle with this sometimes, too. But then I remember a conversation I had with my sister-in-law a few years ago, regarding a scarf I was making her for Christmas. I told her to feel free to give away anything I made her that she didn’t like; as long as someone was getting use out of the item, I was happy. She confessed that she worked with a group that provided needed items for prostitutes and sometimes gave them unwanted or unneeded gifts (she said none had been from me so far). In some weird way this put things into perspective for me; everyone needs a lift sometimes!


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## Fiona3 (Feb 6, 2014)

We have all been there! One grandson was keeping me busy knitting him hats from the time he was in High school until just this year. I also have made things for other relatives and I have one daughter and her daughter who wear the hats and scarves I make, they all belong to the same family!

Now unless I have a specific thing anyone wants I use my time knitting for charity and the armed service hospitals. I really enjoy that and it fulfills me!

Fiona. ????????????


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## Chriis (May 26, 2016)

Let me begin by saying THIS IS JUST ME. I mean no disrespect to anyone who has replied to this topic. If I choose to make something for someone I would feel a certain sense of arrogance if I expected the recipient to love or even like, let alone wear something that was MY choice, regardless of time I spent or expense that I incurred. Even though I did it with love, I can’t expect and shouldn’t expect the recipient to know all of this. If, on the other hand, gratitude and genuine enthusiasm about the item is shown, I do enjoy the sense of pride that I feel. Nothing more, nothing less.


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## bowler (Jun 16, 2011)

I knitted my daughter a pair of socks using selfstriping yarn. She was thrilled as it was the first socks I had knitted. I had never seen her wear them and her answer was they were too nice. I appreciated the compliment but explained they were to be worn as I could always knit her another pair.


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## Peggan (Aug 19, 2016)

I decided some time ago that I would only knit things for people when I asked what they wanted and had them choose the yarn. The sweater I made for my daughter for Christmas was the exception but I knew she would like it when I saw it made up in a yarn store. (I hope she will continue wearing it. I do wonder if she even still has some of the things I have made for her.). When I asked my grandson (age 13) if he would wear anything I knit for him, he quite honestly said "Not really." I was glad I did not waste time making him anything. My son and his wife also don't seem to want thing I knit so I do not knit for them. My sister on the other hand loves what I make for her and so I am always happy to make something for her.


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## KnitterNatalie (Feb 20, 2011)

I've knitted several sweaters, shawls, throws, full afghans, and shrugs for both my nearly 96-year-old mother and my 96-year-old MIL. I've never seen them use or wear any of the items I knitted or crocheted. In fact, my mother gave my grown daughter the afghan that I had crocheted for my parents (my dad has been deceased 14 yrs now), telling her that they never used it. Mom never inquired if I wanted it back. My MIL has a queen-sized crocheted pineapple motif afghan that I made for my in-laws (FIL deceased 16 yrs now) that I never saw used and I actually would really love to have that one back. My MIL doesn't remember it now because of progressive dementia. I'm afraid that mice and moths and silverfish will have taken their toll by the time I find it (all of her stuff is in storage units and she refuses to let anyone organize things for her). Both mothers are living in a retirement community near us and I am care-taker for both. I refuse to make anything else for them. I'm now knitting for myself. This same thing goes for my four grown children...never see them wear anything that I knitted...even when they've asked for a specific item and selected the yarn! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!


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## Brzshak1 (Jan 2, 2013)

I knit hats for the homeless and every major holiday I knit themed dish cloths for about 12 relatives and my hubby mails them out. Have had no complaints yet. Two of my cousins send me yarn to keep me supplied... they obviously haven’t peeked in the guest room closet. I say knit what you want and keep or give to someone who appreciates it. When I visit my friend in Bakersfield, I see my stuff all over her house...nice feeling!


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## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

janielha said:


> If your friends and family don't seem to use or appreciate your items, I would stop knitting for them. Yes, concentrate on yourself more and make what you want, for you!


????????????


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## wray (Apr 6, 2015)

So sorry she wolf for that experience. How very sad. My grand daughter n law may have done the same. I sent them to her but never saw them on my great grandson and she didn't reply, Mt grandson replied. Oh well


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## wray (Apr 6, 2015)

Jessica Jean posted 2 charities and I've already heard from one, I'm going to knit some things for them.


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## Porkypine0727 (Dec 6, 2016)

Gweneth 1946 said:


> My own daughter did something like that. I had made her maternity clothes when she was pregnant with her first. A later I was doing some ironing for her and asked when done if she wanted some clothes that were on the floor of her closet ironed she said no they were going to good will. They were the maternity clothes I had made for her. Now I must say honestly I don't really know if she ever wore them because we never visited her during her pregnancy. I just thought that she would have them should she have another child, and she did two years later. That is another reason no more gifts. I did not question her because I did not want to put her on the spot.


I was the daughter in this story, so to speak. It was slightly different as I made the maternity clothes myself. I very carefully picked out the materials and patterns. I spent lots of time making every item just so. When I had given birth to my first child, I had my grandmother put them all away for the next time. When the next time came, I couldn't bear to look at those clothes, so I got rid of them and made more. My grandmother had "told me so" about saving the maternity clothes. She had told me to give them to someone who needed them because I wouldn't want to wear them a second time. She was right.


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## sbeth53 (Mar 29, 2011)

You have every right to choose your knit worthy people...some of mine are knit worthy but NOT wool worthy...acrylic for them :sm11:


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## maxjones (Aug 2, 2011)

I concentrate on myself now. I made beautiful things for my granddaughters, but didn't realize that living in VA, they didn't need as many. So things hung in the closet and weren't worn. Now I wait for requests. It is too expensive to guess what is right.


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## Porkypine0727 (Dec 6, 2016)

My lovely husband learned the hard way--ask and he shall receive! When we were first married he got all testy about me making afghans for everyone else, and when was I going to make one for HIM? So I said he could have the next one. I got about halfway through "the next one" and then got busy and didn't do more for about five years. 

Fast-forward. A few years ago I broke my skull and had to stay inside all of one winter lest I slip on the ice and do more damage. It gave me lots of time to kill and time to re-start crocheting and knitting. I finished the five-year afghan and put it on the bed. He thought it was beautiful but didn't want to use it because "it is too heavy". It now hangs on the quilt rack at the foot of our bed. Lol.

This Christmas I asked him if he would like a sweater, since I have been making sweaters and sweaters and sweaters. His response was to ask how often I had seen him wear a sweater. I had to admit the answer was "never". He does love the hats I make for his bald head, though. He has finally worn out the first one. Time for another!


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## Georget (Jul 14, 2011)

I wouldn't think twice about asking if my gift fit. When we gift someone and don't hear from them we ask if they received it. Their answer might be very telling. Another idea might be to say I'd like to knit something for you. Is there anything in particular you'd like such as a hat scarf or afghan. Their response will let let you know what they like. If they can't think of anything I'd tell them to let you know if they think of something and then stop knitting until you hear.


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

I would stop and knit for yourself, or someone you will appreciate your time and effort. Not to forget the cost of the yarn.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

lynnie2 said:


> I make a lot of things for friends and family that I feel never get used , Should I just start thinking of myself more ? Or stop making them anything for awhile ? Does anyone else in the group feel like this ? Sad


I don't feel that way because I never foist my knitted items onto family and friends. I knit for myself and the prayer shawl ministry at church.


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## Terzian (Dec 12, 2017)

Perhaps it is time to look for places to donate. Cancer patients and there is a red hat baby heart awareness in all the hospitals. Remember that most people do not appreciate the warmth and love a project can be. Blessing, may you receive all the appreciation and love your deserve.


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## MrsMurdog (Apr 16, 2013)

I just take the attitude that once it leaves my possession, I no longer have an interest in it. It is 100% given. No fuss, no muss, no guilt. If I see it being used I feel fortunate, but if I never see it, then that is okay, too.


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## Marcia Fulmer (May 2, 2016)

I use to think that way too. But when next Christmas came around I didn’t make them anything and boy were they hurt. They said when I hand made them gifts they knew I was thinking of them. You might take a year off next year and try making you something for Christmas and see if they miss your gifts like my family did


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## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

JuliaKay said:


> I wait until they hint or ask for something. Then I know they want it.


I agree, just because I like something doesn't mean everyone else will like it too. I just asked my granddaughter yesterday what she wanted me to knit for her and she said American Girl doll clothes, so I know she will be pleased to get them. Sometimes before I make something I have them look at patterns with me. May take some of the surprise out of it, but the best thing is I see them use it. She had a hat on yesterday that I made her some time ago and she reminded me that when she wore it to camp she wore it all the time she was there even wore it to bed. That is the best thank-you you can get.


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## Marcia Fulmer (May 2, 2016)

Awesome


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## maryfrances40 (Jan 7, 2018)

Sorry you feel hurt. I agree with the idea that you step back and wait and see what response you get when you don't give them something unexpected. In the meantime look at putting your knitting skills towards helping yourself or some local charity. Last year one of my friends from church was knitting these really tiny things which looked like hats but I couldn't figure out what creature would wear something that small! It turned out she was using leftover yarn to knit baby bird nests for little tiny birds that were rescued. The nests would stretch while the baby grew and when the baby was ready to leave the nest it could be disposed of. What a great way to use up left-over yarn. So just open up yourself to what is going on around you and see what interests you.


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## JanetLove2Knit (Sep 18, 2013)

I would suggest you knit for yourself and do not do other projects. After time passes, see if any of your family requests items of their own accord. 

If you are interested in using cotton yarn like Sugar 'n Cream or Peaches 'n Cream, baby washcloths or dishcloths are greatly appreciated by others. They do not take as much time as other projects.


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## beejay (May 27, 2011)

I stopped knitting for the family a long time ago. Nothing seemed to be liked or appreciated so now I knit only for charity unless asked specifically for something by someone. I really enjoy my charity knitting.


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## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

One year I knit a sweater for my granddaughter without letting her look at the pattern or picking the color. It was just an interesting pattern I wanted to try. I gave it to her with the option of passing it on to someone she knows who might like it if she didn't. I stressed that to her several times. If you don't like it my feelings won't be hurt if you share it with someone else who might like it. I think sometimes people get too hung up on thank yous and lack of appreciation instead of likes and dislikes of the people we are making things for.


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## PauletteB (Mar 10, 2011)

I usually get request from family and friends.


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## Runner Girl (Mar 27, 2013)

janielha said:


> If your friends and family don't seem to use or appreciate your items, I would stop knitting for them. Yes, concentrate on yourself more and make what you want, for you!


I agree. I don't knit for my family, as they won't appreciate anything I make. So, I knit/crochet for others, charity, and me.


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## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

My family don't really ask for anything other than socks, as it's way to hot at Christmas for any knitwear I try and get a few pairs of socks ready for each of their birthdays
I've yet to knit an adult sized jumper but will make hubby one for next winter....it would be awful to go to all that trouble to make something for family then they don't like or wear


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## LinJurm (Aug 4, 2011)

I know what you mean. I'm so happy when I see one of the grandkids wearing something I knit!!


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## WillNotCook (Mar 31, 2015)

Kathie said:


> My daughter in law, the grandmother of those boys has asked me to knit her a long cardigan sweater in fingering weight yarn.


A big sweater made from tiny yarn. She has no idea what goes into knitting to make such a request. I wouldn't knit anything else for her, instead, I would give her knitting lessons.


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## chooksnpinkroses (Aug 23, 2012)

Many years ago when I first started knitting socks, I made them for everyone in my family. A few years ago my sister gave me back the pair I made her, in the same brand new condition as when given to her all those years before... I must admit, I never see her wear socks of any kind, even in Winter...
I only knit socks for DH, DD (as she loves them and still wears some I knit for her as a teen) and myself... I have done some baby socks as well.
Sometimes I make and give comfort/prayer shawls to bereaved folk I know or those who have been ill with cancer etc. I have seen one lady wear her shawl to church.
I do give baby blankets, but only after I find out if the pregnant mum likes hand made items...


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## 25789 (Jun 24, 2011)

I have knitted Christmas gifts for my husband's side of the family every year since we were married, 10 years ago. Most of the time, never receiving a thank you, only a comment like, "how nice." I decided this year if I didn't get a "thank you," you were not receiving a gift from me next year. Well, my Christmas list giving has gotten quite a bit smaller since December 25. No need to start knitting Jan. 1 for 1918. I can start in June and take my time. Sorry to do that to the kiddos, but their parents should have taught them better manners.


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## charmedonz (Aug 7, 2012)

I made a king size crocheted bedspread for step daughter - i have never seen it on her bed and do not know if she even has it still. It took me over three months because i did it in sized 10 cotton - i now refuse to do anything like this again for anyone! I looked online and saw one similar for sale for over $2000 so that made it hurt even more so i definitely know what you mean. Just make things now for those that i DO know appreciate anything i knit, crochet or sew.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

charmedonz said:


> I made a king size crocheted bedspread for step daughter - i have never seen it on her bed and do not know if she even has it still. It took me over three months because i did it in sized 10 cotton - i now refuse to do anything like this again for anyone! I looked online and saw one similar for sale for over $2000 so that made it hurt even more so i definitely know what you mean. Just make things now for those that i DO know appreciate anything i knit, crochet or sew.


If I were the recipient of such a Wonderful gift, I not only would display it, I would drag everyone into my bedroom to see it!


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## Kathie (Mar 29, 2011)

NJG said:


> One year I knit a sweater for my granddaughter without letting her look at the pattern or picking the color. It was just an interesting pattern I wanted to try. I gave it to her with the option of passing it on to someone she knows who might like it if she didn't. I stressed that to her several times. If you don't like it my feelings won't be hurt if you share it with someone else who might like it. I think sometimes people get too hung up on thank yous and lack of appreciation instead of likes and dislikes of the people we are making things for.


I'd like to comment on the last sentence of your message here. Isn't it just common courtesy to acknowledge a gift? I've never expected anyone to fall all over themselves over something I make for them. Seems to me if a person goes out of their way to give me a gift I should acknowledge it and thank them for their effort. Even if someone holds a door open for me, I believe in saying thank you. Don't little courtesies like that just make for a pleasant society? Last week during nasty weather here some nice person brought my trash can in from the road after pick up. I called around to my neighbors to see who did this for me and to thank them. They all said it wasn't them so I don't know who actually did it but I thought this act of kindness deserved a thank you. To me this is just the way we should behave. Is this just midwest politeness? I don't think so.


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## Leaflet (Mar 1, 2016)

Teddy bear said:


> If I were the recipient of such a Wonderful gift, I not only would display it, I would drag everyone into my bedroom to see it!


Something like that? I'm sorry, but I'd put it on the bed once, show people, take pictures, and then store it properly. Maybe I'd use it regularly if I lived alone. My neighbor across said she had a crocheted bedspread and her cat jumped up and did her business in the center of the bed. Nothing I have is so nice dogs can't sleep on it. I have a wool coverlet which is dated 1847. If the women in my family hadn't NOT used it, I wouldn't have it now.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

No, I would definitely use it.

Years ago I read where a nephew had inherited his aunt's house, with all if it's furnishings. 

He said she had several China teacups with saucers that his aunt never (or rarely), used, saving them for "a Special Day".

One day while wandering through an antique store, the nephew saw beautiful China teacups with saucers. He realized that if he used one and It broke, he could always replace it. 

That very day he resolved to use things he had, to get the enjoyment out of them that they were made for. He was not going to go to his grave, waiting "for a Special Day".


So yes, I would us that lovely bedspread, sending up a prayer for the creator of my lovely gift.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

Sorry, "use".


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## bokemom (Mar 16, 2017)

Teddy bear said:


> No, I would definitely use it.
> 
> Years ago I read where a nephew had inherited his aunt's house, with all if it's furnishings.
> 
> ...


I do agree with this, my grandma was adamant that things were to be used. Many years ago when she was young they lost everything in a fire. Her biggest regret was that she had never eaten a meal off her wedding china.


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## bellagray (Nov 29, 2011)

I only knit or crochet for people who I know will use the item and appreciate the work and time put in to the item. I also do commission work.


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## Lilyan (Dec 16, 2015)

If I am knitting a project and someone admires it, I usually give it to them or make a second one for them. Once on the subway a gentleman became very excited about a simple red scarf I was knitting using the Seamen's Institute pattern. It turned out that he worked in my building, so when I finished, instead of giving it to charity, I gave it to him. He was so pleased, said that it reminded him of his Mother's knitting! It made my day.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

Lilyan said:


> If I am knitting a project and someone admires it, I usually give it to them or make a second one for them. Once on the subway a gentleman became very excited about a simple red scarf I was knitting using the Seamen's Institute pattern. It turned out that he worked in my building, so when I finished, instead of giving it to charity, I gave it to him. He was so pleased, said that it reminded him of his Mother's knitting! It made my day.


Seems like there was some Divine Intervention in this one - so glad for you!


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## lcunitz (Sep 1, 2014)

I have only a handful of people I will knit for. Treat yourself to a nice project with your dream yarn.


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## lilydragon (Oct 2, 2011)

I have a crochet lace bed coverlet/table cloth (as my grandmother used it as both) that my grandmother made. My aunt never used it after my grandmother passed, and I have inherited it as my aunt has passed. I love it, but I don't want to use it as I want to be able to pass it down as an heirloom to my daughter or daughter-in-law. I know I can use it whenever I want.


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## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

charmedonz said:


> I made a king size crocheted bedspread for step daughter - i have never seen it on her bed and do not know if she even has it still. It took me over three months because i did it in sized 10 cotton - i now refuse to do anything like this again for anyone! I looked online and saw one similar for sale for over $2000 so that made it hurt even more so i definitely know what you mean. Just make things now for those that i DO know appreciate anything i knit, crochet or sew.


Sorry, you were hurt by your stepdaughter. My thought on that would be that a crocheted bedspread is definitely a gift that is not for everybody and I would never make without asking if they would like it. I could name you 3 people right now that I know that would never want a crocheted bedspread and one person that might like it. As I said before when it comes to handmade gifts you have to consider what the person likes, not what you like. I have a very good friend who always buys me something she wants. She always says "I almost bought one for myself, so I think I will go back and get one as I am sitting there wondering what I am going to do with this.


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## tooliejane (Jul 27, 2016)

2 years ago sweaters for DIL’a and gdaughters with not a word. This past year knit socks with no word. When I was little I loved things my gramma made for me So just yesterday I decided I was DONE. Just knit for DH (who loves and shows off his socks) and myself 
Sorry !! Now I’m done venting


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## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

Kathie said:


> I'd like to comment on the last sentence of your message here. Isn't it just common courtesy to acknowledge a gift? I've never expected anyone to fall all over themselves over something I make for them. Seems to me if a person goes out of their way to give me a gift I should acknowledge it and thank them for their effort. Even if someone holds a door open for me, I believe in saying thank you. Don't little courtesies like that just make for a pleasant society? Last week during nasty weather here some nice person brought my trash can in from the road after pick up. I called around to my neighbors to see who did this for me and to thank them. They all said it wasn't them so I don't know who actually did it but I thought this act of kindness deserved a thank you. To me this is just the way we should behave. Is this just midwest politeness? I don't think so.


You are correct but not everyone was raised the same way. I was raised to always say thank you and that is how my daughters were raised and that is how my grandchildren are being raised, but all you have control over is yourself. If feelings are hurt and it sounds like that is happening to a lot of people, then you need to either stop giving or take pleasure in the process of making the gift and just giving it. If you can't do that then accept that you will probably be hurt. If you want a thank you, then ask for it if it is not offered. There are many things you could say and many different ways to handle these situations rather than complaining and doing things like not giving to a child because they didn't thank you for the last one or just taking someone off the list without any explanation. I would rather go without a thank you than hurt a child by not giving them a gift or hurt someone's feelings. You have already been hurt and now to try to hurt back just doesn't make much sense to me.

I worked in retail in the optical field for over 20 years. Believe me, I know about not getting a thank you after going above and beyond to help someone.


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## raindancer (Aug 19, 2012)

LilgirlCA said:


> I thought that too. In fact, I stopped making things for my daughter since I never saw her wear any. Then one day, she mentioned that she has everything I have made her and wears them alot so I started making them again and mentioned that I would like to see her wear them occasionally. She has made the effort.
> 
> Why not just ask a few that are very close to you if they use what you knit or why not. The answers could surprise you


I am going to ask my family, especially my DIL who I love dearly but have never seen her wear anything I have made. You are so right! Just ask them!


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## PhoneGal (Dec 12, 2016)

lynnie2 said:


> I make a lot of things for friends and family that I feel never get used , Should I just start thinking of myself more ? Or stop making them anything for awhile ? Does anyone else in the group feel like this ? Sad


YES. Been there, many times. Even a hooded scarf I thought was perfect- and edged in very expensive Cashmere Italian z-twist yarn!! (ps off topic but I need to upload a photo and place it in the Wanted section, I am in search of that yarn which I am out of)

HERE is the fix for that problem: Make things they really like. One sure-fire knitted item everyone will use/wear: Socks. And not socks knitted on size 9 needles they can't fit into a pair of shoes, either.

Make SIMPLE hats, lots of them- in basic colors. Nothing weird, nothing with luxury or exotic type expensive yarns because when you're done with all that work you'll curse yourself for "wasting all that effort work and money on something they never wear". Find their "Team colors" or favorite sports and knit something with a theme they enjoy.

Knit pet beds- those ALWAYS will get used.

Knit up cheap, quick knits that you won't regret if they get used rarely if ever.

OR- are the people you knit for used to wearing very nice things? If you are knitting for your dot com millionaire brother in Silicon Valley, knit him a hat in Cashmere or Cashmere-Silk blends, so he won't feel like he got your "hand knitted hat" from the Charity Bin.

You really gotta know what your people want before you make them something. Ive spent months, months and hours a day slaving away to make things that I suspect either went to the housekeepers or to Goodwill  I learned to be a bit more discerning.

THIS IS MY ADVICE


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## Kathie (Mar 29, 2011)

NJG said:


> You are correct but not everyone was raised the same way. I was raised to always say thank you and that is how my daughters were raised and that is how my grandchildren are being raised, but all you have control over is yourself. If feelings are hurt and it sounds like that is happening to a lot of people, then you need to either stop giving or take pleasure in the process of making the gift and just giving it. If you can't do that then accept that you will probably be hurt. If you want a thank you, then ask for it if it is not offered. There are many things you could say and many different ways to handle these situations rather than complaining and doing things like not giving to a child because they didn't thank you for the last one or just taking someone off the list without any explanation. I would rather go without a thank you than hurt a child by not giving them a gift or hurt someone's feelings. You have already been hurt and now to try to hurt back just doesn't make much sense to me.
> 
> I worked in retail in the optical field for over 20 years. Believe me, I know about not getting a thank you after going above and beyond to help someone.


I can't even imagine circumstances where I wouldn't continue to give a gift to a child because their parent didn't teach them manners and I have said to friends that I will have to accept that I'm knitting for people because I want to do it but I do see the value in stopping doing that for people who either don't appreciate those articles or just will never wear them. Lot's easier and for that matter cheaper just buying a gift for those kids and calling it good.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

We also are to set the path for our Grandchildren, as we did with our children. 

I am in the process of writing thank you so to the three Grandchildren that gave us Christmas gifts. This is the first time they have.

Last year, after Christmas I told our daughter that Dad and I don't need anything for Christmas, Birthday, or Anniversary. We buy what we need or want. But that is not the point. The Grandchildren need to learn to give something to us. I also told her this because she and her husband readily accept the gifts from us (with her husband always looking if there is more), but there is never even a token for us. But they do not forget his parents. 

I know it hurts my husband, that they don't think of us. We always take them for dinner when we go up, her husband NEVER offers to pay. They can afford it. At least make the gesture. But he'll take 60 or 80 dollars from me when he goes wild in ordering take out Chinese, when he knows I am paying. 

Anyway, I digress, I vent. 

Daughter took them to the dollar store and each picked out something for me, and something for husband. We made a big to do about the things - we really needed, wanted, liked each item.

Now come the written thank you's I'll write to them, Paw paw will do so also. Also a thank you for a poinsettia plant from another Granddaughter. Then I can say, gee, your thank you's must have gotten lost, or did you write your thank you's to Paw paw yet, or something I'll figure out.

Everybody is out for what they can get, notdo for another. They forget the thank you.

Yesterday we went to a breakfast buffet. Each and every time the waitress cleaned off a plate, I thanked her. She seemed shocked. My husband holds the door for me, usually a double set of doors. I say thank you for the first set, and thank you again. At the second set. 

That is what you do.


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## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

PhoneGal said:


> YES. Been there, many times. Even a hooded scarf I thought was perfect- and edged in very expensive Cashmere Italian z-twist yarn!! (ps off topic but I need to upload a photo and place it in the Wanted section, I am in search of that yarn which I am out of)
> 
> HERE is the fix for that problem: Make things they really like. One sure-fire knitted item everyone will use/wear: Socks. And not socks knitted on size 9 needles they can't fit into a pair of shoes, either.
> 
> ...


Very good advice.


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## chooksnpinkroses (Aug 23, 2012)

Teddy bear said:


> No, I would definitely use it.
> 
> Years ago I read where a nephew had inherited his aunt's house, with all if it's furnishings.
> 
> ...


I agree. I use and enjoy all my lovely things...


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## Cary01 (Oct 29, 2012)

I have FINALLY stopped knitting for my daughters and grandchildren unless they ask for a specific item. I know that sounds selfish but I also got very tired (and hurt) when they didn't wear the things I made for them.


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## Cheryl_K (May 23, 2011)

Unless people criticize or ridicule what I've made for them, I don't get offended or hurt. The way I see it, If I give something away, I have no control over what the recipient does with it. My prayer is that I never get to see any of my handmade items in a thrift store with a 50 cent price tag on them. Also, as others have said, many people put those handmade items in a safe place, and don't use them much, because they don't want them to get ruined, and perhaps they want to keep them to remember you in years to come. I have been given a few gifts in my life with "strings attached", and usually I pass them on to someone and don't return the favor of attaching strings to the gift. This is JMO, of course. Others may have a different view.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

I once saw a unique baby afghan I crocheted in a children's resale shop. At first it hurt, but then I looked at it and had seen the afghan had been utilized. Then I hoped someone would purchase it and get some enjoyment out of it.

After all, I gave it with an open palm, not with the fingers curled, as if to say that I was putting restrictions on it. Once given, it was theirs.

On the other hand, if I am continually making things for people and never seen them utilized, I shall find someone who would appreciate what I made, and make them the gift recipient.


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## jaydee33 (Jul 26, 2012)

I have made a rule for myself. Except for the knitting I do for charity no one gets anything unless they ask. Exception is at times I will do a baby blanket or something for a friend but only when I know they would want it. My poor son-in-law--when he was "new" to the family he asked our daughter why I hadn't knitted anything for him. She told him that he has to put in a request. He said that he could never do that and the answer he got was "then you won't get anything!" He did very quickly ask and of course I allow picking of patterns within reason. He is my biggest fan now and will show me something he likes and ask if I will do it. My other "big" fans are his children--8 and 6. The oldest is a girl and EVERYTHING I knit for her must be pink and purple. Her brother is more varied. He wanted a hat with a snow flake pattern and he picked 3 colors. When I finished it he said, "Grandma, do you know what I like about my hat? Everything!! Just everything!" Heart melted in a puddle at my feet.


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

jaydee33 said:


> I have made a rule for myself. Except for the knitting I do for charity no one gets anything unless they ask. Exception is at times I will do a baby blanket or something for a friend but only when I know they would want it. My poor son-in-law--when he was "new" to the family he asked our daughter why I hadn't knitted anything for him. She told him that he has to put in a request. He said that he could never do that and the answer he got was "then you won't get anything!" He did very quickly ask and of course I allow picking of patterns within reason. He is my biggest fan now and will show me something he likes and ask if I will do it. My other "big" fans are his children--8 and 6. The oldest is a girl and EVERYTHING I knit for her must be pink and purple. Her brother is more varied. He wanted a hat with a snow flake pattern and he picked 3 colors. When I finished it he said, "Grandma, do you know what I like about my hat? Everything!! Just everything!" Heart melted in a puddle at my feet.


Congratulations! You are truly Blessed!


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## jaydee33 (Jul 26, 2012)

You are so right--I am truly blessed!!!


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## Christhilf (Sep 28, 2016)

I started knitting for my children, then grandchildren and now great grandchildren. The story has been the same, the last two, many times not even acknowledgement that the items ever arrived. So, I began knitting for the troops, I received wonderful notes and letters, some I am still hearing from. Now, I knit for local charities and I know my efforts are appreciated. No longer spend my time and money for family. It gives me great pleasure working for those that have a need. You are not alone, find a local or national source, there are so many out there that need your talents!


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## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

Christhilf said:


> I started knitting for my children, then grandchildren and now great grandchildren. The story has been the same, the last two, many times not even acknowledgement that the items ever arrived. So, I began knitting for the troops, I received wonderful notes and letters, some I am still hearing from. Now, I knit for local charities and I know my efforts are appreciated. No longer spend my time and money for family. It gives me great pleasure working for those that have a need. You are not alone, find a local or national source, there are so many out there that need your talents!


I like that you've knit for our troops - an extremely nice gesture for you to do so.

Thank you and God Bless!


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## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

Kathie said:


> I can't even imagine circumstances where I wouldn't continue to give a gift to a child because their parent didn't teach them manners and I have said to friends that I will have to accept that I'm knitting for people because I want to do it but I do see the value in stopping doing that for people who either don't appreciate those articles or just will never wear them. Lot's easier and for that matter cheaper just buying a gift for those kids and calling it good.


Glad you would not do that to a child, but that is what some were suggesting people should do is don't make anything for that person next year and then they will realize they didn't get anything the next year. Hopefully, those weren't to children. Someone in a later post said they gave them with an open palm and not with the fingers curled. I think that is a good way to look at it.


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