# In need of some sympathy from fellow knitters



## colleenmay (Apr 5, 2012)

I just am so sad and I know that no one else but my friends here on KP will understand my feelings. My daughter in law is the director of a charter school and every year they do a fund raising event at which they do a silent auction. People in the community donate services or items and then people at the event bid on the items. The value of the item is stated and a starting bid is given. Last year I had donated a stuffed animal that I had crocheted along with a couple of pairs of knitted children's socks. My daughter in law put them in a basket, added a couple of small games and put it up for bid as a children's basket. That was fine. This year I wanted to do something better. So I worked for months on a LEGO blanket. It was very bright in LEGO colors and I thought it was quite amazing, even if I do say so myself. My sister offered me $100 for it, but I said I was making it for the school fund raiser and I didn't want to make another. It really was quite a time-consuming project. Anyway, I gave the blanket to my daughter in law a month ago and she seemed pleased to get it. So today I went to the event. When I came to the basket that held my blanket, I saw that it had been combined with a Lego set donated by someone else. I would have estimated that the Lego set was probably worth $25. My blanket was folded up and stuffed into the basket so that you couldn't even see what it was, or that it looked like actual lego blocks, or that it actually SAID LEGO. The Lego set was laid on top of it so that was mostly what you saw. The paper that you bid on said "Lego set and blanket" (nothing about handmade), the estimated value was $25, and opening bid was $5. Now I know that my daughter in law does all the actual arranging of the baskets and sets them all up. So I cannot fool myself that maybe someone else didn't know anything about where the blanket came from. So by that reckoning, the Lego set was worth $25, and the blanket was worth . . . . . nothing. I was so disappointed I had a hard time keeping it together. The bidding was up to $12. We finished looking at all the rest of the baskets and even though we had planned on staying at the event for a couple of hours, I asked my husband if he minded if we left. So we just came home. I felt really immature at wanting to leave, but just didn't want to sit there. Now I have to face my daughter in law at Easter, and I'm wondering what to say if she asks why we left so soon from the event. What do I say?????? My husband knows how hard I worked on that blanket and agrees with me that it was certainly worth a lot more than NOTHING, but he would never say anything to her. I'm not looking for vindication, just some sympathy. You are the only people in the world who would get how I feel.


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## bp42168 (Jul 29, 2011)

I think you have to be honest with her and tell her how long and hard you worked on the blanket. The cost of the yarn adding to the cost. Act as though she may not have realized the value and you had to leave before you saw what it went for. Next time, tell her what the item should sell for on its own and then she can add what she wants to in the basket and charge appropriately.


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## Grandma Anne (May 3, 2011)

Ouch! I would be hurt to the quick. What a slap in the face. You have my sympathy. Tell your dil that you won't be giving her anymore donations for this event and tell her why. She was actually cheating the fundraising by putting such a low price on it!


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## Lena B (Aug 15, 2015)

I can surely sympathize with you some people just do not appreciate hand made items any more. So sorry when you gave it such attention making it.
I would mention to your D in L how disappointed the display was of your item . MYbe she had no control over this 
I do not crochet so know the work and hours you put into making this hugs to you 
I am so lucky when I donate to the Dialysis center the nurse is always so happy to receive what I have knitted. The one reason Ido not so craft fairs any more. Maybe find another charity to knit for next yr or this yr.


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## Gundi2 (May 25, 2012)

tell her the truth about how you felt, how hurt you where.


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## Nina Weddle Tullis (Feb 13, 2011)

We all sympathize with you. It hurts, so just remember it as another bump in the road of life. My heart goes out to you.


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## hilltopper (Jul 16, 2014)

You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


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## Naughty Knitter (Apr 1, 2011)

I think that I would not say anything but I would not contribute again.
That blanket given to a charity would be much more appreciated.

I do sympathize with you and I am sorry that you and your work were not given the respect deserved.


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## SongbirdRichards (Nov 12, 2018)

You must be feeling so upset, I do hope that who ever got it will be thrilled though and I have to agree with bp above, be honest with your daughter in law,


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## glider (Oct 24, 2012)

People who do not do handwork have no idea of the time that goes into making such and item plus the cost of the yarn. I knit so I truly understand your feelings on this.


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## chickkie (Oct 26, 2011)

I often am upset when I see what happens to things that are donated, but once it leaves my hands I have nothing to say about it. I agree that the package should have been displayed differently so that the blanket was also featured. You can either tell your DIL and take the chance that she will be mad at you; keep feeling hurt and that will lead to being mad at your DIL; or forget about it and not donate again.

I would have bid on it.


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## Nancylynn1946 (Nov 19, 2012)

As hard as it may be, tell her the truth.
I can only imagine how hurt you were, I would be.


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## Cheryl_K (May 23, 2011)

You were wise to post how you feel here. I feel terrible for you. It's a shame that non knitters/crocheters don't realize all of the time, effort, love and money that goes into the craft. I hope you find a way to talk to her about how you feel, because she is family, and that you walk away as friends.


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## mover (Jan 13, 2018)

It should have been draped over a chalir or table so people could actually see how beautiful it was and a sign that said'Handmade'.I was just at a church craft sale this am and the handmade knitting and crochet items were not selling(of course,the bake sale items were,$6 for a few cookies or squares and they were selling out).The handmade articles were $6- $12.A lot of work went into making them,.I know the value of these articles.I may just phone the church and tell them that I will purchase all the frogs,rabbits and little hens and donate them to a charity.The food items would be gobbled up quickly but the yarn crafts will live in the memories of a lot of children.My rant for today.Colleenmay,my heart goes out to you.????????????


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## Only wool (Feb 13, 2017)

We do sympathize with you. One of the reasons I quit doing art/craft shows was that very few know how much time and money goes into hand made projects, whatever medium.


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## backtoit (Mar 25, 2017)

I am so sorry and know exactly how hurtful that is. I made a shelf/hook rack for my step daughter which she really liked and used. A year later her mother replaced it with a cheap metal one that looked like it was from a garage sale. Just tossed the one I made to the side. I said nothing but Lesson learned- do something nice for someone else next time.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


Excellent idea!!! But, too late. She should try to find who bought it and how much. I would want to know. Maybe a child adores it!


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## Rosie's mom (Nov 23, 2013)

I’m not sure that telling her how you feel is going to accomplish anything positive. I doubt that you will really feel better if you share your hurt with her. Also, there’s nothing she can do about it at this point. At best, it will just make her feel bad about the situation — and that’s just about the only “best” thing that can happen at this point if you tell her how you feel. If you can’t get beyond this, then I’d suggest that you do not make any further contributions to this cause but rather contribute (or sell) your handiwork to other causes. 

If she asks why you are no longer contributing a hand made item to her school, you might then mention that it seems that the school was not able to recoup any monetary value from either the materials or time that were required to make the blanket.


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## knitcat777 (Sep 11, 2018)

You may have spoken up then and there at the event and said to your daughter in law, "Can I just show off this blanket a little more." Chances are she was oblivious to your feelings, since you didn't share them, so opportunity missed.
I would so love to see that blanket!!!! Did you get a picture of it, because you will certainly have lots of admirers on this site to praise your work!!!!


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## mattie cat (Jun 5, 2013)

I would have made sure my bid was the highest and then given it to my sister who would have valued it.


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## esthermort (Jan 14, 2017)

I'd be upset-crushed. First, I would try to forgive her as hard as that may be. I probably wouldn't contribute something as elaborate again if I contributed anything at all. If I was asked why, I'd let her know the truth.


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## jenlsch (Nov 17, 2017)

I would have bid on it and then gifted it to my sister in law.


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## nanamags (Jan 19, 2017)

I'm with Chickkie.once it's been donated that's the end of it, ......I know it's disappointing after putting so much work into it to see this happen.
Think of it this way ....the school has missed out on gaining more money because of the way the article was poorly displayed, but the buyer would have got a lovely surprise. 
I wouldn't bring it up with your DIL unless she does ask then I'd say ,you were so disappointed at how little the blanket raised for the school. End of story


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## Mary Louise Goodson (Mar 10, 2018)

The hard truth is that if a person doesn't knit, crochet or quilt they can't possibly know the value of your donation. I have seen this happen so many times. So sorry if happened to you. I have three daughter in laws so I understand how hard it is to confront. It is usually a lose-lose.


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## peanutpatty (Oct 14, 2012)

I would have done one of two things, or both - rearrange the basket so your work was showcased, and bid $100 on it myself. If yours was the winning bid you could have gifted it to your sister. 
Since it is too late for that I would refuse to donate again and explain why. I'm sure she is unaware of the work and materials that go into an item such as this, she needs to be told (in a nice way of course).


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## NanaMc (Sep 22, 2014)

My heart goes out to you. As knitters and people who crochets knows the time you have spent on your special project.


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## tstramel (Jan 3, 2017)

Rosie's mom said:


> I'm not sure that telling her how you feel is going to accomplish anything positive. I doubt that you will really feel better if you share your hurt with her. Also, there's nothing she can do about it at this point. At best, it will just make her feel bad about the situation - and that's just about the only "best" thing that can happen at this point if you tell her how you feel. If you can't get beyond this, then I'd suggest that you do not make any further contributions to this cause but rather contribute (or sell) your handiwork to other causes.
> 
> If she asks why you are no longer contributing a hand made item to her school, you might then mention that it seems that the school was not able to recoup any monetary value from either the materials or time that were required to make the blanket.


I agree with keeping quiet. I don't think it will help and will probably make it worse. I feel for you. I have made and gifted things to my DIL who is a lovely person but she doesn't get the work that goes into them. I have decided to get past it and not make it an issue. I made two beautiful handmade quilts for the twins. Took lots of hours and lots of embroidery and fancy quilting. They have always just been in the linen closet. I have never once seen them out on their beds. She does always display things that people in her church make and give her that aren't imo as nice. It hurts. I try not to let it. Give it time. Focus on what you love about her. 
With that being said I would have stayed and bought it back as well. Your sister would have loved it. I bet whoever bought it for a child the child will love it. My grands love the things I make for them. Hugs. It gets easier to let go and lower expectations. It's true people who aren't crafty don't appreciate all our time and creativity. Hugs. I feel your hurt.


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## Augustgran (Apr 16, 2011)

Sorry I would have removed it from the basket right then and there. 
That same thing happened to articles my mom had knitted (her knitting was beautiful ).
I went early to help out and saw the prices on her items, I was livid!
I asked who priced them (nobody would admit to it)
So I scooped up her items ,took them home listed them for sale online for what they were actually worth. (Sold by the next day)
Gave mom all of the money , told her to just donate what she wanted cash wise. 
She never again made anything for them to sell, donated or not.
Her work was given so little value ,from then on if mom wanted to sell online I would do it for her.
Then she would make a contribution if she felt like it.


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## Joyce Ostle (Dec 17, 2015)

Grandma Anne said:


> Ouch! I would be hurt to the quick. What a slap in the face. You have my sympathy. Tell your dil that you won't be giving her anymore donations for this event and tell her why. She was actually cheating the fundraising by putting such a low price on it!


I'm with you. Such a shame the fund could have been a lot richer.


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## tatter300 (Jan 20, 2017)

I have been in the same situation. When asked to donate the next year, I offered to donate what an item would cost in supplies without the cost of my time. It got the point across.


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## tatter300 (Jan 20, 2017)

I have been in the same situation. When asked to donate the next year, I offered to donate what an item would cost in supplies without the cost of my time. It got the point across.


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## dornefeb (Mar 1, 2017)

Augustgran said:


> Sorry I would have removed it from the basket right then and there.
> That same thing happened to articles my mom had knitted (her knitting was beautiful ).
> I went early to help out and saw the prices on her items, I was livid!
> I asked who priced them (nobody would admit to it)
> ...


I agree, why should you be upset, I would tell your Dil if she asks why you aren't making anything else, just say I'm not doing anything else because it's undervalued and just donate some money, I don't know why people are afraid of upsetting anyone but are upset themselves, there's no need to have bad feeling but just say, I aren't going to make anything else, I'm just going to give a donation of money


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## cilla (Nov 6, 2011)

What a disappointment that had to be. I don't know whether you should say something to her or not, but it sure takes the joy out of contributing again. I guess we can learn something here: little hats and/or mittens that are quick knits to donate for auction.


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## SiblingRivalry (Jul 8, 2018)

I would be as sad as you are. I sure hope whoever had the highest bid, realizes what a treasure they have found!


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## joy19581958 (Apr 4, 2019)

People of this generation are often thoughtless , I agree with others you should take her aside and tell her how much she hurt you . Plus the cost of the yarn. But I would wait until towards the end of the day , to avoid extra tension. Plz keep us posted .


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## Artbarn (Aug 1, 2014)

You had reason to be upset. I would have taken her aside immediately at the event and told her that a mistake had been made on the value of the blanket. At this point, it makes no sense to bring it up. Next time she asks for a donation tell her that you will do it, but that it needs to be marked with a correct value and description.

For several years I was responsible for a fundraiser silent auction. I always marked the values a bit higher than what the donations were actually worth. That way, the bids were usually higher and the person who won the bid always felt that they had a great deal. I also set a minimum bid on each item.

One year I donated a large window that had I painted with a rose design, that I would have sold in a gallery for about $125. About halfway through the silent auction I checked to see what the bids were and was very unhappy to see that people had ignored the minimum bid and the highest bid was $25. I made a bid of $75 myself because there was no way I was letting it go for $25. Shortly afterward, several higher bids were made and I think it finally sold for $100.


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## knit&purl (Feb 4, 2019)

That stings. Members here and other people that produce items like yours know how much time, money and effort it takes but I find non-crafters don't have a clue. I liken non-crafters to people who don't drive. They think nothing of asking you to pick them up since the two of you are heading to the same event/place but give no consideration that you had to leave earlier, drive out of your way, forgo the stop you were going to make to pick up an item or two at the grocery store because you don't want to drag them with you and then you have to do it all again on the way home. All you get is a thanks and an expectation that you will do it again the next time. If it were me and I decided I would still contribute next year to keep the peace I would make small, easy items that you don't invest too much time in.


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## NCOB (Jan 8, 2013)

Things like that often happen at silent Auctions. You should have taken the $100 from your sister and donated it to the church craft sale...


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## dhenth (Jul 10, 2013)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


That's what I was thinking.


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## Glenlady (Mar 25, 2013)

I'd have been livid


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## liz morris (Dec 28, 2014)

tstramel said:


> I agree with keeping quiet. I don't think it will help and will probably make it worse. I feel for you. I have made and gifted things to my DIL who is a lovely person but she doesn't get the work that goes into them. I have decided to get past it and not make it an issue. I made two beautiful handmade quilts for the twins. Took lots of hours and lots of embroidery and fancy quilting. They have always just been in the linen closet. I have never once seen them out on their beds. She does always display things that people in her church make and give her that aren't imo as nice. It hurts. I try not to let it. Give it time. Focus on what you love about her.
> With that being said I would have stayed and bought it back as well. Your sister would have loved it. I bet whoever bought it for a child the child will love it. My grands love the things I make for them. Hugs. It gets easier to let go and lower expectations. It's true people who aren't crafty don't appreciate all our time and creativity. Hugs. I feel your hurt.


I think your DIL is keeping the quilts you made as keepsakes and heirlooms, and doesn't want them to be spoiled.


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## JudithKnits (Sep 28, 2017)

How disappointing this experience has been for you. There is plenty of good advice here for what you might have done. Since there is no time machine to go back and start over, please be comforted by our understanding about what has happened and make a strategy to handle the next time you are asked for a donation to this event.


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## deshka (Apr 6, 2011)

I don't think I would have been able to contain myself. I am sorry that went down like that. I would have been tempted to bid it up to about $50, might have gotten it back for that amount, then sold it to the lady for $100. Then come out way down, but at least your friend would have been happy about it, the school would have made money. It's a sad day when things like this happen, and I would think that your dil would have known by now the value of hand made things and put a descent value on it. I don't think I would donate anything else again for her to make you hurt like that again, and I say shame on her, I don't know her, but I think she might have done it on ppurpose


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## colleenmay (Apr 5, 2012)

Oh, believe me, there will be no more donations to this event. I had already planned the project for next year but will find another charity to receive it. I bought a kit that contains a pattern for twelve super heros and thought that would be a big hit. I will have fun making them and will give them to some other charity.

I really appreciate the sentiments that my friends here have expressed. It helps so much. Thank you all. It goes a long way toward helping me recover from this.


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## MMWRay (Dec 2, 2016)

It is good you communicate this to us who understand. It is important for your own health to not internalize this but to vent, but not on your family. Your DIL needs to understand what happened and what was wrong with the situation. She could be doing something similar to someone else's gift and is losing money for the charity. I do not donate handmade items for charity auctions. I learned this lesson a while back.


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## HandyFamily (Sep 30, 2011)

I so feel for you!
I actually don't think your DIL was wrong to arrange the items like that - I think she was wrong to accept the blanket from you for that purpose. It was probably an event where people were not expected to ever be able (or likely) to pay it's actual (or anything close to it) price. So why put it there in the first place? One wouldn't put the Hopeless Diamond on a state school fund raising event, right? She should have told you from the start it wasn't the proper item for the people who were likely to turn (perhaps right their liking, but far from their wallets...). I really, really feel for you, you put all this work...


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## AgeNoLimit (May 27, 2017)

That’s a real bummer. You probably should have made a point as to the value you put into making the blanket at the time you gave it to her. You should ask her how the event went and you hope the blanket brought in at least a good amount for the school since it was handmade. You don’t want to create tension. Next time you donate an item to any event mention a value you would expect it to be sold for as a starting point not a final cost. If someone really wants to donate they won’t mind paying more since they know money is for a good cause.


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## AgeNoLimit (May 27, 2017)

That’s a real bummer. Ask daughter-in-law how the event went, and that you hope the blanket you made sold for a good amount since it was handmade. Should you donate an item to an event again mention what you expect a starting bid should be. If someone has interest in item they won’t mind paying more since money is for a cause.


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## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

Perhaps your daughter-in-law did not realise the amount of work that went into your donation but I would keep quiet abut how hurt you are as you certainly would not want to be the cause of a family rift.

I really do feel sorry for you and if it were myself, I certainly would not be donating to the fair any more.


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## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

I remember seeing your beautiful Lego Afghan, I showed a pic to my husband (who loves Lego) he commented how much time that would have taken and was amazing ....I'm so sorry this happened to you ((((hugs))))


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## martina (Jun 24, 2012)

Sorry to hear this. Don’t make anything else for them, if you’re asked why say that the items you make are worth more than what they were sold for. Hope your superheroes do much better.


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## wordancer (May 4, 2011)

Ohhh, I would have bid high on my own item...let peep know that it was more than a box of legos, way more. I sorry this happen.


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

I understand. I gave a friend 6 hand embroidered tray cloths with beautiful tatted edges. for a fair................I expected she would really make money from them


She was very happy to tell me she got ten cents each for them.!!!! Never again!


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## Artbarn (Aug 1, 2014)

liz morris said:


> I think your DIL is keeping the quilts you made as keepsakes and heirlooms, and doesn't want them to be spoiled.


That's what I was thinking. She's saving them until the grands are old enough to appreciate their value.


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## gr8 (Jul 4, 2013)

You made a wonderful blanket, there is no doubt about that. It is a shame your work garnered such a low price. that is went for a pittance is very sad. That said, whether you gave your DIL an estimate of the true $$ value of the blanket you do not state; also, I would want to know if you unfolded it and properly displayed it to her in person and told her the number of hours you spent knitting it and that you had already been offered $100 for it. If you told her the value and it was cut, then that is not right. If you did not make it a point of giving her this critical information - which may seem obvious to you - but is certainly not something you should assume that everyone else knows - then you cannot blame her. In the charity I support when the Christmas boutique comes up the artisans and crafters are allowed to specify the starting price. The second day after a certain hour, all prices are reduced on unsold items.


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## luree (Feb 21, 2014)

I know I would have stayed and placed the last bid! Then give it to my daughter.


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## knit&purl (Feb 4, 2019)

Any chance you can post a picture of this Lego blanket. After reading these posts I am curious to see it.


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## books (Jan 11, 2013)

A hard lesson learned.Some people just do not know what it takes to make the items that we do. I wouldn't say anything to the DIL, but I also wouldn't donate again.


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## Alto53 (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. 
I've made gifts over the years for my sister-in-law; the first one she thought I got at a thrift store and the crocheted patchwork quilt that took me 9 months to complete, she thought someone else made the squares and I sewed them together. She didn't get it, she doesn't get it, she'll never get it so I just don't make anything for her any more. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to cause hard feelings on something that was ultimately my choice to make. 
And now my choice is to make things for other people. There's a lot of places to share your gifts and talents!!


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## fancythatfancythis (Mar 28, 2017)

If it were me, I’d say something. Surely she could see how beautiful it was and had to know, unless she is truly a clueless individual, that a lot work, time and money was put into its creation. I make those popcorn blankets and believe me, they are very tedious work, but so beautiful. I gifted three of them to family babies (2 Heaven and 1 Sunshine...patterns by Jody Pyott).
What is your opinion of your dil? Is she kind, supportive and complimenrary? Or does she like to receive compliments, but not give them out? It could be a form of jealousy. I say this from experience within my own family. If she is truly generous and kind in nature, you could gently tell her how sad and disappointed you were in how your blanket was given so little attention, and explain exactly why...it was made in a generous spirit (yours), it took a lot of time and effort (yours), and you probably spent more $$ in yarn alone than what it sold for. That type of pattern eats up a lot of yarn, for sure. On the other hand, if she is self-centered and selfish, I would tell her the same but without the gentle approach and I would add that she just saw the last of any donation from you and that you will continue making things for a charitable donation......elsewhere.

Or, if you think in your heart she did this out of spite for some reason but you don’t want to stir up trouble within your family circle by speaking up, then next year, give a silent and subtle rebuke by not donating anything at all, and be sure to make others plans to be elsewhere on the day of the silent auction. Maybe then she’ll get the hint.


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## janallynbob (Jan 5, 2018)

All the reasons I don't donate to that kind of event, however I must say this, the afghan is gone, let the painful feelings go, they serve no useful purpose. I remember your afghan, or at least I think I do.

I wish you well,

Janallyn


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

If she asks, tell her the truth. In my opinion, she shouldn't have put it in a basket at all. It should have been draped over the table and if she wanted to include a LEGO set with the blanket, she could have put it on top. I would tell her how disappointed you were that your X number of hours making such a nice blanket didn't seem to be appreciated and your feelings were really hurt. I think that honesty is always the best policy. If she doesn't ask why you left early, I wouldn't say anything. If she asks why you aren't contributing anything for the next auction, tell her the truth.


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## deenashoemaker (Nov 9, 2014)

That's part of why I don't donate.


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## janiceknits34 (Jan 9, 2019)

I'm so sorry this happened. Handmade items should always be cherished.


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## 133163 (May 11, 2015)

colleenmay said:


> I just am so sad and I know that no one else but my friends here on KP will understand my feelings. My daughter in law is the director of a charter school and every year they do a fund raising event at which they do a silent auction. People in the community donate services or items and then people at the event bid on the items. The value of the item is stated and a starting bid is given. Last year I had donated a stuffed animal that I had crocheted along with a couple of pairs of knitted children's socks. My daughter in law put them in a basket, added a couple of small games and put it up for bid as a children's basket. That was fine. This year I wanted to do something better. So I worked for months on a LEGO blanket. It was very bright in LEGO colors and I thought it was quite amazing, even if I do say so myself. My sister offered me $100 for it, but I said I was making it for the school fund raiser and I didn't want to make another. It really was quite a time-consuming project. Anyway, I gave the blanket to my daughter in law a month ago and she seemed pleased to get it. So today I went to the event. When I came to the basket that held my blanket, I saw that it had been combined with a Lego set donated by someone else. I would have estimated that the Lego set was probably worth $25. My blanket was folded up and stuffed into the basket so that you couldn't even see what it was, or that it looked like actual lego blocks, or that it actually SAID LEGO. The Lego set was laid on top of it so that was mostly what you saw. The paper that you bid on said "Lego set and blanket" (nothing about handmade), the estimated value was $25, and opening bid was $5. Now I know that my daughter in law does all the actual arranging of the baskets and sets them all up. So I cannot fool myself that maybe someone else didn't know anything about where the blanket came from. So by that reckoning, the Lego set was worth $25, and the blanket was worth . . . . . nothing. I was so disappointed I had a hard time keeping it together. The bidding was up to $12. We finished looking at all the rest of the baskets and even though we had planned on staying at the event for a couple of hours, I asked my husband if he minded if we left. So we just came home. I felt really immature at wanting to leave, but just didn't want to sit there. Now I have to face my daughter in law at Easter, and I'm wondering what to say if she asks why we left so soon from the event. What do I say?????? My husband knows how hard I worked on that blanket and agrees with me that it was certainly worth a lot more than NOTHING, but he would never say anything to her. I'm not looking for vindication, just some sympathy. You are the only people in the world who would get how I feel.


You have my sincerest sympathy and understanding. I recently knit a Benjy doll and mailed it to my friend to give her grandbaby (a little boy). I had to ask her if it arrived safely in the mail. I still haven't heard if she gave it to the baby or what ever became of it. I know we do our projects with the love in our hearts and that is a reward in itself. I'm like you. I am not looking for vindication either. I know how you feel. My husband said I shouldn't do a project for someone else like that again. He may be right. I hope you are able to put aside your broken heart and knit again with all the love I know you feel in your heart.


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## KnitLogical (Jan 17, 2011)

I really do feel your pain. By the time each of my children were born my mum had knitted so many beautiful things that I couldn’t wait to dress them in them. My granddaughter is 8 and all the really beautiful things I knitted for her never got anywhere near her. My DIL doesn’t like handmade stuff. It broke my heart. I bit my tongue as you will probably do because life is easier when we’re the ones who do the suffering. I hope you find a charity that deserves your wonderful work and that eventually you feel better about all of this.


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## knovice knitter (Mar 6, 2012)

Nanamel14 said:


> I remember seeing your beautiful Lego Afghan, I showed a pic to my husband (who loves Lego) he commented how much time that would have taken and was amazing ....I'm so sorry this happened to you ((((hugs))))


Here's the lego blanket: https://www.knittingparadise.com/t-555339-1.html


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## patnxtdr (Feb 5, 2018)

i feel your pain!! 

This is the main reason I don't make things for others. When I make something as a gift, they only go to people that really appreciate it. Should they show any signs of disrespecting my work, they are off the list! They will never get anything again.

A friend of mine NEVER put anything into our guild sale, and now I understand why. You rarely will receive appropriate value for the item.

I feel that once I have given something away, it is gone. i no longer have any claim to it. I am not attached to it. What someone does with it does not matter to me. It is not mine to be concerned about any more. It is gone.

For that reason, I rarely do make anything for charities. i have also been hurt many times.

What I tend to do is attach a note of the material fibre content, and if possible, the approximate cost, and also the number of hours it took to make the item. I may even suggest an opening bid! That way, the organizers will have some idea of how to price items. It needs to be clearly stated somewhere that it was hand-made WITh LOVE to also show it is not a mass-produced item.

After that, it is out of your hands. Don't look, if it will bother you! When you feel in a generous mood, you can again make something for them. But those gifted with my items are truly deserving of getting them. And they know it!


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## peppered (May 16, 2014)

I donated one of my blanket to be auctioned off to help coworker with bills to pay for cancer treatment. I even made gift basket with 1lb chocolate coin, cup and instant cocoa mix and few other items. The value was close to 300 dollars. They sold it for less then 100. I was told it was all chaotic and they didn't even know who was looking at what. 
I look at it as once you hand it out, it is not you worries.
I also made scarfs for auction to hell animals. People didn't want to pay but stole most of them! There were no money and no scarfs left.
Let it go and next time make something small.


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## chooksnpinkroses (Aug 23, 2012)

Sorry this happened to you... It is very hurtful to see something go for nearly nothing when you spent ages and $$ 
making it...

Non crafters/knitters rarely if ever understand the value of a handmade item nor do they realise the cost of the materials and time taken in making it... I also learnt the hard way. I'm a lot more particular who or what I give my handiwork to nowadays...


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## For the Love of Shetland (Jan 26, 2019)

They were very wrong and more than a little hurtful to combine your blanket with something eose. I presume they sender the givers thank you notes and state what the item received, it will be interesting to see how they do that in this case


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## Glenlady (Mar 25, 2013)

jordi said:


> Any chance you can post a picture of this Lego blanket. After reading these posts I am curious to see it.


I tried to send you a pic of this lovely lego blanket but failed, if you put LEGO in search a few will come up and you'll see how special and time consuming it is, hope this helps x


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## Nilda muniz (Aug 14, 2011)

That is painful even to read it. Maybe, next time don’t offer to contribute to the event. Some people don’t know the valued of handmade items and the amount of time and money involved on making them. I do hope this event won’t hurt your relationship with her.


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## Maureen Therese (Dec 31, 2014)

I would say, Bugger not causing a family rift. I had a big disappointment from a DIL recently and when she rang to say "Oops sorry about that" I didn't bite my tongue as I normally do. I let her know that my husband and I were terribly hurt. This has not caused a lasting rift, but might make her think twice next time. This same girl, after I had made a stunning outfit (dress and hat) for her daughter, told me that maybe one day 'when I could afford it' I could give Mia a decent present. Some people simply don't deserve what we give them. And by the way, I don't really believe that people don't understand the time that goes into making things. They just don't 'appreciate' the time or the person.


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## berlauk (Dec 25, 2013)

Many people don't realize the time and craftmanship that go into these items... I'm so sorry and I know exactly how you feel when a family member doesn't ..


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## lowen (Nov 15, 2011)

Oh, I really do feel for you.
It is so difficult to express a feeling, but I can feel your hurt & disappointment.
I just hope the person who bought it appreciates their purchase & realise just how lucky they are to have such a bargain, hopefully it will give them many years of pleasure & all because of you.


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## PRIN4 (May 7, 2013)

colleenmay said:


> I just am so sad and I know that no one else but my friends here on KP will understand my feelings. My daughter in law is the director of a charter school and every year they do a fund raising event at which they do a silent auction. People in the community donate services or items and then people at the event bid on the items. The value of the item is stated and a starting bid is given. Last year I had donated a stuffed animal that I had crocheted along with a couple of pairs of knitted children's socks. My daughter in law put them in a basket, added a couple of small games and put it up for bid as a children's basket. That was fine. This year I wanted to do something better. So I worked for months on a LEGO blanket. It was very bright in LEGO colors and I thought it was quite amazing, even if I do say so myself. My sister offered me $100 for it, but I said I was making it for the school fund raiser and I didn't want to make another. It really was quite a time-consuming project. Anyway, I gave the blanket to my daughter in law a month ago and she seemed pleased to get it. So today I went to the event. When I came to the basket that held my blanket, I saw that it had been combined with a Lego set donated by someone else. I would have estimated that the Lego set was probably worth $25. My blanket was folded up and stuffed into the basket so that you couldn't even see what it was, or that it looked like actual lego blocks, or that it actually SAID LEGO. The Lego set was laid on top of it so that was mostly what you saw. The paper that you bid on said "Lego set and blanket" (nothing about handmade), the estimated value was $25, and opening bid was $5. Now I know that my daughter in law does all the actual arranging of the baskets and sets them all up. So I cannot fool myself that maybe someone else didn't know anything about where the blanket came from. So by that reckoning, the Lego set was worth $25, and the blanket was worth . . . . . nothing. I was so disappointed I had a hard time keeping it together. The bidding was up to $12. We finished looking at all the rest of the baskets and even though we had planned on staying at the event for a couple of hours, I asked my husband if he minded if we left. So we just came home. I felt really immature at wanting to leave, but just didn't want to sit there. Now I have to face my daughter in law at Easter, and I'm wondering what to say if she asks why we left so soon from the event. What do I say?????? My husband knows how hard I worked on that blanket and agrees with me that it was certainly worth a lot more than NOTHING, but he would never say anything to her. I'm not looking for vindication, just some sympathy. You are the only people in the world who would get how I feel.


I would ask myself if this is important enough to risk alienating my daughter-in-law for the long future. Your time, talent and money are all involved so this is extremely personal and hurtful but we take that risk when we volunteer our services. For whatever reason, she handled it very poorly. But, is that a good enough reason to risk your relationship with your son's wife (the mother of your grandchildren)? hopefully this was an second of poor judgement or unknowledgeableness. I would offer to further volunteer my services by offering to help her next year with the huge job of arranging items and setting prices (so this doesn't happen to another well meaning, kind hearted person). Maybe you could be in hand next year crocheting something so the unintentionally uniformed could see just how much goes into the art of handwork. I am really sorry this happened to you.


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## mcmanusp (Jan 11, 2016)

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. People don't realize how much work and money we have invested in making blankets and afghans. I spent well over $200 on yarn to make my nephew and his wife a beautiful afghan for a wedding present, and I never received a thank you. It's certainly disheartening.


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## betty boivin (Sep 12, 2012)

Wish i could Give you a big hug! Know How you must FEEL!


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

I think when you gave it to your daughter in law you should have said, "don't take less than xxx for it". Then at least she would have known how much it was worth in time and yarn. So sorry this happened to you. A friend of mine did a church sale and she said an elderly lady had a table of hand knit baby clothes for sale. Not one item was bought. So sad.


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## heidiholly54 (Sep 19, 2016)

That's just plain awful! I'm so sorry that happened to you! And yes, non knitters or crocheters don't have a clue!! We put alot of time, love, & periodically..frustration into what we do. I myself would be honest with your dil. Even if she didn't set it up, she should of checked the arranged items before the auction started & corrected issues like that. I hope all works out in a positive way with her.


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## knitbreak (Jul 19, 2011)

I agree that you should not let this come between you and your DIL. It's hard I know.


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## pfoley (Nov 29, 2011)

What a beautiful blanket; I never saw one like that before; love the design and it is so colorful.
That should have been sold separately with an explanation of it being hand made taking months to make with a higher starting price.
That would have really hurt me also. We do understand.


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

How disappointing for you after all your hard work and the money the yarn cost. Perhaps your dil wasn't responsible for putting it with the Lego set but if she had been on the ball, she would have rescued it and displayed it separately.


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## Glenlady (Mar 25, 2013)

And we never learn do we ? I just sent an afghan to a friends daughter because she said how much her daughter would love one, ok finished it gave it to Mother to give to her (the kid lives at home , she's 21,-- not a dicky bird.Oh well, I enjoy making blankets so hey ho.


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## Carole Jeanne (Nov 18, 2011)

Gundi2 said:


> tell her the truth about how you felt, how hurt you where.


And try to remember that just because you are head of a school doesn't mean you are necessarily smart about intrapersonal relationships. Even though she's a "grownup," she still learns the hard way. Sometimes I do too.


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## Rosette (Oct 7, 2011)

Very disappointing and I understand how you feel. My DIL puts everything I buy or make on 2 yr old GD, but the cot quilt made by her aunt has been kept in a drawer for when GD is older and can appreciate it and take care of it. Also the two cats would be all over it.


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## gmomgil (Feb 11, 2015)

If she's your DIL she should have some idea of the work put into making the blanket. I'm just astounded that she did that. I would definitely tell her how you feel. I'm so mad typing this and feel so hurt for you. To me there's no excuse for this.


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## lindakaren12 (Dec 16, 2011)

You need not offer any excuse for leaving. Also, you gave the sweater to use as a donation. Once it leaves your hands, it is no longer yours...it's a gift.
Please don't let this unfortunate situation interfere with your relationships or peace of mind. It is a learning experience.


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## Caroline19 (Jun 6, 2011)

jenlsch said:


> I would have bid on it and then gifted it to my sister in law.


Exactly what I would have done. Very sad indeed. I have always been honest and up front with my kids so I would certainly explain why I left early. As for future contributions if you do so, I would tag the item myself with "handmade" and include washing instructions. At least the winner will know what a lovely item they bought. I have contributed to my granddaughters school fund raisings but I do it differently. I make several pair of mitts (each pair knit between other projects I'm working on). The organizer then puts 1 pair of mittens in with packages they put together!! As a result the prizes are the first to be sold because most parents are thrilled to have extra mitts for their kids. As for my costs i use scraps from other projects - no cost there - so my donation is my time!!! I always add a tag "handmade and machine washable". Of course mitts don't work for warm climates so I would then do face/dish clothes. Just a suggestion.


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## brims (May 15, 2012)

You should have bid $50, got your blanket back and sold it to your sister( who wanted and appreciated it) for the $100. You could have kept the $ or donated the other $50 (but I wouldn’t).


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## JoLink (Oct 17, 2016)

I feel for you, but I think I would have paid the $25.00 for it and brought it home and then sold to the one that offered you $100.00. That is such a sad story, but I have a daughter-in-law that would do the same to me, so I understand you're hurt. Next year I wouldn't donate anything.


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## snowy62400 (Jun 19, 2011)

I would have bid for it and if I won I would give it to my sister who really wanted it.


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## alpaca Issy (Oct 11, 2012)

What a shame she did not hang it up for all to see - after all your hard work you must be feeling so very hurt - it’s no good you will just have to tell her how long it took to make the blanket make her understand that you had already been offered a lot of money for it - I know how you feel.


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## Browniemom (Sep 24, 2012)

Your daughter-in-law is most hurtful and certainly unaware of the hours of tlc you put into crocheting the LEGO blanket. Perhaps you two can meet before Easter and share a cup of tea to privately discuss the deep hurt that she has caused. I would not want to discuss this problem in front of your entire family. Also what does your son say? You have my sympathy.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

I cannot say what you should do, only what I would do. I would not lie about why I left early, or my hurt feelings. I would tell her that I really wanted to support her school so spent $xxx and xxx hours making the item and it hurt to see it so under valued. That I have thought about it and decided in the future I will either make small items that may recoup at least what I spent in materials or I will make a monetary donation, that the auction is not the venue for hand CRAFTED (not hand made) items. This does not lay blame on any one, especially on her, but let’s her know how you feel and what to expect in the future.

Just me, but I don’t believe in stuffing down hurt, disappointment and anger, it breeds resentments that are much worse than the original hurt. And essentially teaches the person to treat you badly as it has “never been an issue before”. Tact and kindness can be used while setting limits, but they need to be set.

ADDENDUM: I would not bring the subject up now, but if asked about why I left early or there is discussion about the auction I would be honest about how under valued your item was and how you planned to deal with it in the future.


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## RosieCVD (Jul 26, 2016)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


I agree with 'hilltoppers" and others here. 
I would be so disappointed, though that it would be hard to think and I may have left too.
I surely would not make anything else to donate there.
You have my sympathy! :sm03:


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## mournemtgirl (Jul 15, 2016)

I would not say anything. But if asked to do again offer a cash donation. Don't waste your time but support the event.


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## whitetail (Feb 19, 2011)

So sad, don't do it next year


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## BethKlinger (Oct 2, 2018)

People have gotten very callous and insensitive to hard work. It's the same in the photography world. You put your heart and soul into creating a work of art and someone offers you $5.00 for it ... including the frame! Art/Craft shows are terrible places to put your work (and yourself) on display. I would definitely let her know how you feel though ... and not offer any more. (HUGS)


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## Donnathomp (May 5, 2012)

So sorry this happened! Your Daughter in law has NO idea how much money she lost for the charity. But, honestly, speak to her privately, and respectfully and get it over with. Or, just let it slide and chalk it up to lessons learned.


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## Paintpuddle (Jun 25, 2014)

I am going to assume that your DIL is not a crafter and I have found that non crafters often do not fathom the time and experience nor the material cost it takes to make an item. It only seems that only changes when the item becomes art. I understand your hurt as I am sure that most of us have experienced it and for it to come from family makes it that much worse. 

You need to clear the air with your DIL and let her know your feelings so that this doesn’t fester in your heart, but I wouldn’t do it at Easter, either before or after. Then after you’ve cleared the air, ask her if she wants you to continue making items for the silent auction. If she says yes, offer to help her display the item in its best light so that bidders will be inclined to bid what it’s actully worth, after all she is looking to get the most she can for the organization she is running the silent auction for. If she says no, then you will understand that she just doesn’t appreciate the art of handicraft, and you won’t continue to make items for her.


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

I would express to her my amazement that there was a price considerably less then what I had hoped to raise for such a worthy cause and let her do the explaining. Let her know that a lot of time went into the throw and this was a shock to you to find a low price on it . I hope that this doesn't cause a rift between you and her..I would decline making future items for this cause. She may have thought that the price was too high to auction but there should have been a set price and anything below that it would have been returned to you to do whatever at your discretion. If you hold it in..it will only become a barrier between the two of you...It's best to clear the air so it doesn't sour the relationship between the two of you...


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## marydeckman (Feb 14, 2017)

I think I would have overbid everyone, sold it to my sister and donated the legos to a charity of my choice. I think I would have also mentioned to the clueless person that the yarn was worth something and the display was a cheat to the charity. Sad as it is, hand crafted is not always appreciated. My father was a good woodworker and he made some sets of children’s stools for his church. They felt pricing them at the cost of the lumber was correct! Needless to say, I turned them down for any knitting items!


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## mac.worrall (Jun 24, 2011)

I feel very much in sympathy.
Several years ago i contributed many crocheted,knitted and sewn articles to the Church Sale-of-Work.My mother -who had just died -used to donate beautiful sewn items.i felt i should carry on the good work.
I was peeved when i discovered the sale-of-work had so few contributions that everything was chucked on the jumble section and sold for peanuts.One doll I had made had been held back to be sold for a higher amount[£5] so i bought it back anonymously.


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## Cheryl_K (May 23, 2011)

knovice knitter said:


> Here's the lego blanket: https://www.knittingparadise.com/t-555339-1.html


That is amazing! The basket could have been presented as a Lego set and play mat if the auction organizers had thought about it for a millisecond! I've done silent auctions for school events, and, in my opinion, you're shooting yourself in the foot when you don't take the time to present your baskets (or whatever) for people who are bidding on them to understand their worth. After all, they are attempting to raise money for a cause, right?


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## Kansas g-ma (Mar 7, 2014)

Sincere sympathy-- same thing happened at a fund raiser where I donated a beautiful shawl out of Unforgettable yarn (HATE working with the stuff). They just folded it up, stuffed in a bag. no one could see the beautiful colors, etc. I never did find out how much it went for, not sure i want to know, but have never done another thing for that sale.


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## sandie r. (Dec 3, 2011)

Hilltoppers I so agree with you. I would have bid and taken it home and never give anything else EVER.


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## jditlin (Mar 13, 2011)

I donated a shawl to a fundraiser once. Never again.


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## silversurfer (Nov 25, 2013)

I understand your feelings but non knitters do not know the amount of work the item needed. To them it's "only knitting"


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## Cathy B (May 15, 2014)

People who do not craft do not understand the time and cost of materials that go into making the finished product. When you handed over the blanket, did you tell her how much you spent on the materials, how much time went into the blanket and that a friend had offered you $100? 

Hind sight is always 20/20. I would have bought it back and sold it to the friend who offered $100. I then would have informed the DIL that that is what I had done, so that she would know that your work is valued. If not by her then certainly by others. Next time she needs a donation, hand her some cash. $12 sounds about right.


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## janallynbob (Jan 5, 2018)

I replied back to this post yesterday, and I said I don't donate, I do knit for Lost and Loved, I'm not sure if it's really a donation or not, but but hats leave my hands and I have no idea where they go or what happens to them, I'm better off that way.

I am sorry this happened to you,

Janallyn


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## Joyce Martin (May 1, 2012)

Some time ago at our church auction, I organized a quilt group. We worked on a quilt from donated fabrics which a good part came from me. The group lost interest. I spent many many hours hand quilting and working alone at the church to complete. I publicized it and promoted it where I could before the auction came up. People really need to see the items prior to the bidding. The auction came, only one other quilter bid besides me. I just could not let it go cheap so I bid against her. I paid 450 dollars to get that quilt and still have it. One day, I will donate it back to the church. If you don’t want it to go cheap, bid on it...memories...and a good cause. 
Talk to your daughter in law about your feelings. She probably doesn’t have a clue how you feel. I was knitting yesterday and my sons girl friend called. WhenI told her I was knitting socks, she said “well, it gives you something to do. “ They just don’t understand.


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## likewatercolor (Jul 31, 2017)

This happens often. A well known artist stopped donating for a hospital for that reason. I have started donating less time consuming items.


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## lkb850 (Dec 30, 2012)

You are understandably hurt. But please don't compound it with telling your daughter in law about it. It will just make her feel bad, and your relationship will never be the same. I don't think your husband has a duty to you to tell her either. When she asks you to donate again, tell her you can give her $25 (or whatever you would have spent on yarn) toward items for a basket and leave it at that. If your family relationship can withstand this misunderstanding, then perhaps that would be the time to tell her. Its too bad your sister, who offered you $100, didn't bid on the basket. I hope you will think about how the winning bidder was quite pleasantly surprised when they discovered what they "bought". I have seen that blanket and think it is absolutely adorable for a lego enthusiast!


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## imashelefrat (May 16, 2013)

There is a slight chance that she was so busy that she assigned it to somebody else.
Also, there is a high chance that somebody is so happy for their bargain and appreciates the work. If the school did not value it, they got what they deserve. No reflection on your work.

I have a daughter who did not appreciate the sweaters, matching booties and hats. So I stopped for about 3-4 years. Now that the older one (who barely used the above mentioned items) is approaching five. I asked her if she wants a sweater and she did. Next question was about color, purple was chosen. I knitted it with an added color at the neckline the Hem and the cuffs. Next question was if I could make one for her 9 months sister, "yes". Now that I skipped the middleman, all are happy. I knit only if I want to and if the person will appreciate it.
My DIL who has no idea how to do anything craft related, adores anything I make for her and I see her using and enjoying the items I knitted for her and my GD.
I'm general, most people who do not craft, have no idea what it takes. And the few that do, I know for them.


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## Ann745 (Oct 29, 2012)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


This is exactly what I would have done also.


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## SusanwiseWoman (Jan 30, 2012)

I sympathize with you.


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## kjcipswich (Apr 27, 2015)

Oh that's tough!!! So very sorry. I would be deeply hurt. I hope you gently discuss it at Easter. It doesn't lessen the pain, but there may have been some conditions you are not privy to. Please don't let it fester. So sorry that happened.


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## pcrochet (Dec 26, 2014)

When I have donated to auctions like this I usually filled out a form from the organization asking for value for tax purposes. If you did it again maybe ask if they have a form such as this.


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## kjcipswich (Apr 27, 2015)

janallynbob said:


> All the reasons I don't donate to that kind of event, however I must say this, the afghan is gone, let the painful feelings go, they serve no useful purpose. I remember your afghan, or at least I think I do.
> 
> I wish you well,
> 
> Janallyn


Ouch!!!!


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

Two incidents similar--and I won't do either again! Knit a complete baby sweater set with other gifts in the bag for a raffle--sold for $5.00. I was upset-even though this was a benefit for the animal rescue group I volunteer with. Second time--a lovely pink/white sweater, beanie, booties for a auction--same group--and because bids for 2 beautiful (to say the least) handmade quilts were only $25.00 each--I "pulled" my sweater set out of the auction. Later, a friend received this gift.

Perhaps the price shouldn't be considered--I will no longer participate in this manner. I much prefer knitting hats, scarves, etc. for charity--and gifts for those who will appreciate them. Maybe I'm being foolish--but, I don't feel badly about not knitting for raffles/auctions ever again. We put so much effort into what we do! Regret this happened to you--all I can say, as I did: Live and learn--the hard way! :sm18: :sm18: :sm18: :sm18: :sm03:


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## knovice knitter (Mar 6, 2012)

Glenlady said:


> I tried to send you a pic of this lovely lego blanket but failed, if you put LEGO in search a few will come up and you'll see how special and time consuming it is, hope this helps x


I posted it on page 5


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## JTM (Nov 18, 2012)

Does your DIL usually discount your value? Or is she just terribly insensitive??

I would tell her how you felt when you saw how her "value" on the blanket you worked so hard on made you feel. 

I am sorry your work was treated so poorly.


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## angela123 (Aug 5, 2018)

I know exactly how you feel. And I know you want to oarticupate in this particular cause 
Do find a way to address this with your daughter in law. Lots of others have offered suggestions. Doing so will maintain a good future with her. Otherwise you might simmer and get stuck. 
I’ll suggest making smaller items. You will never get the value of a large item. People will spend hundreds in a purse with a celebrity name on it that had probably been mass produced at low cost but will not spend on genuine hand crafted.


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## silvercharms (Mar 29, 2011)

Nanamel14 said:


> I remember seeing your beautiful Lego Afghan, I showed a pic to my husband (who loves Lego) he commented how much time that would have taken and was amazing ....I'm so sorry this happened to you ((((hugs))))


Yes, I saw it too, and it was outstanding. I'm sorry to say this but I don't see how anyone could have not realised its quality. And to fold it so that it was invisible, and lost the charity some money - well, that's so petty and mean-spirited. Though too often we make excuses for others because we want to avoid uncomfortable feelings, in this case there is nothing to be gained from confronting her; she'd probably only weasel out of it and leave you even more frustrated. I'd just be cool with her but avoid her as much as possible, and of course never make anything more for her.

If you can bear to, the best thing would be to make another, and make sure it is properly and financially appreciated. You know we will all appreciate it here, but a good price is even more tangible. That's what I would do, but you know your own situation and feelings best. But my sympathy is totally with you; not only did she reject your beautiful gift, but also she stymied any protest you might make.


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## tonyastewart (Sep 1, 2014)

Tell the truth the way it was set up hurt your feelings after the hundreds of hours you worked on it and you won't be participating in the future not to mention the cost of supplies alone even if you consider your time donated. The way the basket was set up was thought less it could have brought in quite a pretty penny if it had been presented as a "handcrafted Lego"blanket with surprise and let the game be the surprise.
I don't help with those kinds of things because non crafters think that knitted or crocheted items are "cute" at best and not worth anything which I find insulting.
Tonda USA XOX


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## Porkypine0727 (Dec 6, 2016)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


This. A perfect answer, in my opinion. It is not confrontational, but it does get the point across. Just as you would not stick your hand on a burner of the stove, you must decide whether you want to risk this same hurt again.


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## CynthiaSimons (Jun 12, 2016)

I agree with grandma anne


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## Casey47 (Feb 5, 2014)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


That would have been the perfect thing to do and something I never would have thought of. But 'would have been' doesn't help now. I don't know if I would tell her or not. I would write down all the hours and money that blanket cost you and if the opportunity arises, give it to her. For sure there would be no more hand made items for her to squander.


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## CynthiaSimons (Jun 12, 2016)

also agree with naughty knitter


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## DetMoJo (Oct 20, 2018)

...and the other thought that struck me was that everybody would have been so much happier if you had sold it to your sister and donated the money!


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## shad88 (Jun 4, 2015)

I sympathize also, but once given you must forget about what they sell it for. That is why I do not make things anymore for charities but give a little money myself. It is not worth your time and effort to give handmade goods when they are not appreciated.


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## melissamcdonald (Feb 8, 2017)

Such a disappointment; I would have been crushed. And you should CERTAINLY let her know how you felt.


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## jaml (Feb 4, 2011)

I think BP42168's suggestion is really good. Your DIL probably would not want you to feel hurt. I think things brought out in the open are best.


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## Artbarn (Aug 1, 2014)

I think part of the problem is the word "craft." Too many people think that anything handmade falls into the category of "arts and crafts," which makes many of us think of something that kids do with popsicle sticks and tissue paper. 

Maybe it just comes down to marketing, but I would have labeled that gorgeous (I saw the photo) blanket as "handknit." It should have been displayed so that the work was visible, and there should have been a minimum bid amount.


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## prairiewmn (May 17, 2012)

I would have bought the lego set and then sold the blanket to the lady that wanted it. I do think you should stop donating to your DIL's charity and find another. Yes, you need to tell your DIL why,


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## knovice knitter (Mar 6, 2012)

Perhaps, if the subject comes up, tell your DIL you would love to help out next year by setting up and displaying auction items. Tell her you think your display ideas will bring in more money and then give her a "for instance" and mention your blanket would have brought in more money had it not been jammed in a basket rather than laid out for examination. Through in another example of another basket you saw so it's not all about your item. Some might say that is passive-aggressive, but I say it gets your point across, helps the fund-raising and deflects bad feelings.


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## lyd (Sep 30, 2012)

I feel for you!


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## gigi 722 (Oct 25, 2011)

I'D tell her and never contribute again.


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## knovice knitter (Mar 6, 2012)

silvercharms said:


> Yes, I saw it too, and it was outstanding. I'm sorry to say this but I don't see how anyone could have not realised its quality. And to fold it so that it was invisible, and lost the charity some money - well, that's so petty and mean-spirited. Though too often we make excuses for others because we want to avoid uncomfortable feelings, in this case there is nothing to be gained from confronting her; she'd probably only weasel out of it and leave you even more frustrated. I'd just be cool with her but avoid her as much as possible, and of course never make anything more for her.
> 
> If you can bear to, the best thing would be to make another, and make sure it is properly and financially appreciated. You know we will all appreciate it here, but a good price is even more tangible. That's what I would do, but you know your own situation and feelings best. But my sympathy is totally with you; not only did she reject your beautiful gift, but also she stymied any protest you might make.


The daughter in law is not petty and mean-spirited. Do you think she did this to deliberately hurt the poster? Suggesting you avoid her is also not the way to build relationships. She did not reject the donation or stymie any protest. She simply is ignorant on pricing items and value of one's work. Your comments only drive a bigger wedge between these two women. Colleen May is disappointed (hurt) and understandably so, but to say the DIL did it on purpose does nothing to make Colleen feel better.


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## Alexandra99 (Jan 17, 2019)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


This would have been a great solution at the time. Unfortunately, that opportunity has passed and your dilemma now is what to say to your DIL. Perhaps you could say something along the lines of "I was wondering what my hand made Lego blanket finally sold for. My sister offered me $100 for it, but I wanted the money to go to the charity, so I hope you were able to raise a similar amount from its sale."


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## knittingmermaid (Jun 24, 2018)

It is true - people who are not crafters do not know how much love, time and money goes into a project. I have decided to stick with baby clothes and preemie clothes for sales. They are quick to knit. If you make a mistake it isn't as painful having to pull it out. Baby items always sell. I do emphasize "Hand Knit". One of my goals on my bucket list is to knit a silk Christening gown with seed pearls and the rest of the layette to go with it. I figure it will cost me a small fortune for the materials and my time will never be paid for, but it is something that I have to do... I'm thinking that I could try and sell it to a boutique on Newbury Street in Boston that specializes in baby clothes. 
I would have been hurt at what your sister in law did, but you didn't mention if she understands "hand knit". Some people just don't understand. It will make you feel better to talk to her and discuss how you felt. Maybe it was pure innocence??? I would love to see a picture of your blanket. Did you make up the pattern? It sounds like a winner for a toddler to teen. If you can share a picture of the blanket I sure would love to see it.


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## silvercharms (Mar 29, 2011)

knovice knitter said:


> The daughter in law is not petty and mean-spirited. Do you think she did this to deliberately hurt the poster? Suggesting you avoid her is also not the way to build relationships. She did not reject the donation or stymie any protest. She simply is ignorant on pricing items and value of one's work. Your comments only drive a bigger wedge between these two women. Colleen May is disappointed (hurt) and understandably so, but to say the DIL did it on purpose does nothing to make Colleen feel better.


My opinion only as I said in the post. And my opinion is that it could only have been deliberate. Sometimes it's too 'difficult' to acknowledge anger and hurt and people stifle their real feelings in order to get along, which does not really make for a healthy relationship. Again, my opinion only, which I expressed as one of many in this thread. Only Colleen May knows how she feels; I would not presume to know.


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## barbaralbb2119 (Sep 18, 2015)

I haven’t read all the responses... 10 pages says this is a topic with lots interest! So please forgive any duplicate thinking, on my part. I’ve found that we, as crafters, we often expect non-crafters to read our minds and appreciate our work when they have no basic frame of reference. Your DIL cannot know what she does not know. Only you can provide that perspective. She cannot know the time, effort, design, and actual cost that goes into your donation items if you do not share that with her. Now, she may be a person who has no appreciation for handmade... it happens. My SIL is a master knitter, truly she is gifted. Her son has no interest in her “homemade” items. He’s a snob.... and it’s his loss. If that’s your DIL, too, then no more items for donation at her event... ever! If she isn’t that kind of person, then give her another chance and explain the the actual “cost” behind your donation. It would be a shame to allow this lack of understanding to damage a relationship. 
I once made a counted Cross-Stitch pillow top, for my Mom. I redesigned it to match her beloved cat. I spent many, many, many hours on it and it was lovely. My Mom was an expert crafter but hadn’t ever done needlework. She told me it was cute... and tossed it onto her couch. So, my “take away lesson”... even fellow crafters can under appreciate a craft that isn’t their interest. Do what you do to please yourself, then release it into the world, or not, as you choose. I now have that pillow and it brings me joy to know it was my very best effort.????


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## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

As some others have indicated I probably would have stayed just to bid on it especially if it was going for $25-30. Maybe she actually had someone helping her this year and didn’t price the items? I am sure the person that won the bid was surprised and thrilled when she/he realized what they actually had in their basket. I wouldn’t say anything unless she actually asks. If asked or next auction time i’d tell her you aren’t crocheting anything because you think the items aren’t bringing enough money into the event to make the time you put into them and the cost of materials worth it. If she needs something you’d be happy to buy a game to donate to help the cause. Keep the peace for your son. People just don’t get it.


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## KnitterNatalie (Feb 20, 2011)

I have had this type of thing happen to me, and I no longer donate that that particular event/cause. I'm really sorry that you experienced this!


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## d55n (Jun 13, 2018)

You created a beautiful work of art! I hope whoever “wins” it realizes what a gem they received! I would suggest not donating handmade items to that particular fundraising event in the future.


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## Irene Kidney (May 29, 2011)

So difficult when it’s someone you want to stay on the right side of.


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## Taffsey (Apr 5, 2012)

Truly heartbreaking.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Well if you are really looking for sympathy okay, but you did ask the question (to your self or other, you left that open) so I would say that you should be an honest person and let her know that you were hurt by what took place and will more then likely not make anything more for the auctions if this is what will take place. You work was not valued. I am sure she was under a lot of pressure to get it all done and then again she may have had help from others to get things put together and priced. I would still be honest with her and let her know how much you were hurt by this. That is just me.


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## Pittgirl (Jan 6, 2017)

That blanket is amazing, I can understand how hurt you are. I doubt I would ever make anything for that event.

My rule is I will sew, smock, knit or crochet something as a gift. If I don't receive thanks or see a picture of the child actually wearing or using the item, then they won't get any more. Right now I'm blessed, I have several family members with babies who love what I make, use them and request more.


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## knovice knitter (Mar 6, 2012)

knittingmermaid said:


> It is true - people who are not crafters do not know how much love, time and money goes into a project. I have decided to stick with baby clothes and preemie clothes for sales. They are quick to knit. If you make a mistake it isn't as painful having to pull it out. Baby items always sell. I do emphasize "Hand Knit". One of my goals on my bucket list is to knit a silk Christening gown with seed pearls and the rest of the layette to go with it. I figure it will cost me a small fortune for the materials and my time will never be paid for, but it is something that I have to do... I'm thinking that I could try and sell it to a boutique on Newbury Street in Boston that specializes in baby clothes.
> I would have been hurt at what your sister in law did, but you didn't mention if she understands "hand knit". Some people just don't understand. It will make you feel better to talk to her and discuss how you felt. Maybe it was pure innocence??? I would love to see a picture of your blanket. Did you make up the pattern? It sounds like a winner for a toddler to teen. If you can share a picture of the blanket I sure would love to see it.


I posted a link to the blanket on page 5.


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## knovice knitter (Mar 6, 2012)

silvercharms said:


> My opinion only as I said in the post. And my opinion is that it could only have been deliberate. Sometimes it's too 'difficult' to acknowledge anger and hurt and people stifle their real feelings in order to get along, which does not really make for a healthy relationship. Again, my opinion only, which I expressed as one of many in this thread. Only Colleen May knows how she feels; I would not presume to know.


She said how she felt in her topic lead, clearly. Her title states that she is in need of sympathy. Does that not tell you how she felt? Your post is not sympathetic, but making the situation worse. Maybe your opinion should have been stifled. The dil's display certainly couldn't have been deliberate. The DIL simply did not know how to price items. The lego set was tossed in to get more "bang for the buck" I suppose or it just went with the blanket as same subject matter. To say the dil tried to hurt Colleen May is mean-spirited. Where do you see that the dil tried to stifle Colleen's feelings.


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## quatrefoilknits (Apr 12, 2016)

Dear ColleenMay, 
I empathize. This should never have happened. I see this as taking advantage of you, taking you for granted. Also a bit of public humiliation. :sm12:

The best case scenario I can think of (and this still doesn't justify taking advantage of you or taking you for granted) is: 
Possibly there was a charter school family in desperate need of this beautiful handmade Lego blanket and who would appreciate it more than anyone else, but who could not afford it in a competitive bid situation, so the blanket was hidden/disguised in order to minimize bidding. What joy would be theirs when they obtained what they could never afford!! <3

I believe that you handled your disappointment well by simply leaving the event early. Personally, I might've mentioned something to DIL at the event, along the lines of "...surely this was a mistake..." and observed her reply carefully. If there was a plan to delight a particular family by hiding/disguising the blanket to suppress the bidding price on the basket, thereby making it affordable to them... then I believe DIL should've proactively let you in on the plan. 

To help clear the air going forward... and keep family relationships as healthy and non-toxic as possible... I might print this thread, place it in an envelope, and give it to son and/or DIL at Easter. I believe it is in the best interests of all involved to make an attempt to discuss difficult family situations.

God bless you. Your efforts are not without value, your time and talent are not wasted, when you _ put your whole heart into your work, as though working for our Lord, and not for people_. (Paraphrased from the Apostle Paul's letter to the Colossians, chapter 3, verse 23).

Just my 2 cents. :sm11:


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## dixiedarling (Nov 26, 2017)

Grandma Anne said:


> Ouch! I would be hurt to the quick. What a slap in the face. You have my sympathy. Tell your dil that you won't be giving her anymore donations for this event and tell her why. She was actually cheating the fundraising by putting such a low price on it!


I agree with this comment fully! That DIL would not get another handmade thing from me...........EVER! I would have plucked that blanket out of the basket and told DIL that since the blanket obviously didn't have any value, I would take it home and sell it to someone who had offered to buy it for $100!


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## peacegoddess (Jan 28, 2013)

First, I would have rearranged the display. Second I would now tell her your feelings. Third, depending on her response, if she responds with grace, then you put a value on future donated items, offer to help display donations, and then let go of the issue. If her response is less than graceful and understanding stop donating to the event.


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

You have my complete and total sympathy. I am so sorry this happened to you!

Have you talked to her about this? Maybe have coffee or wine and start an honest but gentle chat about the matter. You never know: maybe somebody else got in there and messed with the way that items were displayed.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Hazel


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## M30Knitting (Aug 9, 2012)

I greatly sympathize with how you feel. We love our crafts and know how much time and effort goes into them. I too have made handknit gifts for people who just haven’t a clue. So I only make things for those who truly want them and appreciate them. After your first experience, I would not have made another attempt. I wouldn’t try to explain any of this to your dil. It might just cause a rift that won’t heal. If she approaches you again next year, explain you are up to your eyeballs making something for a charity that asked you months ago, but you would be happy to donate a toy or help her set up. Good luck, and don’t feel badly. Life is too short!


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## Rjkda (Aug 9, 2016)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


Brilliant idea to bid on it yourself!


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## stitcheswarden10 (Jul 24, 2014)

Agree with Hilltopper. Would have bid on it myself. Definitely.


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## Sherriea (Mar 18, 2011)

tatter300 said:


> I have been in the same situation. When asked to donate the next year, I offered to donate what an item would cost in supplies without the cost of my time. It got the point across.


Totally agree! If she asks why you left early tell her that your sister offered you $100 for the blanket so next year you "might" donate the cost of supplies, and save yourself the aggravation of seeing your work undervalued and the school losing much needed funds. You might tell her that in the future you would be glad to help her put a value on any handmade items that may be donated.


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## julieann58 (Apr 8, 2019)

Dear sweet Colleenmay, 
What you did was precious. I’m sure your daughter in law never would mean to hurt you ever. Your heart is in the right direction in your love put in to make that lovely blanket. Our dear Lord sees what you’ve done and even though people can’t see it..... your reward will be in heaven. We’ve all had situations that hurt our hearts. Let Jesus wrap His arms of comfort all around you. The person that gets that basket will be so amazed! They think it’s just a lego set but when they open it..... they will see that they have received a true treasure. The child that may wrap themselves in that blanket will feel special and loved. Jesus knows what that child needs. And because of your faithful heart and diligent stitches it is going to bring great joy. Be encouraged that whatever you do for the least of them.... you have done unto the Lord. May you feel His mighty presence and may your heart be filled with His Joy! Xo jul


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## 5Pat (Aug 29, 2011)

I would just give a donation next year. This why I don't sell my knitting. Very few non knitters know the time, and the cost of yarns that goes into projects.


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## Wadaknox (Jan 2, 2016)

I second your idea


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## imaknuttyknitter (Feb 23, 2011)

I feel bad for you and sympathize with you. What are you going to do if you DIL doesn't even bring it up at Easter?


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## luvnknittn (Jun 1, 2017)

I remember the pictures you posted of that wonderful blanket as you were creating it and so many of us were in awe of your work, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that myself. I’m so sorry all that hard work was so devalued, it’s a crying shame in my opinion! I hope you can get to a place though where you can remember the joy you felt while putting every stitch into it and not carry any bitterness because of the outcome at the auction. I’d go ahead and plan another project for the next auction but when I presented it to your DIL I’d make sure and let her know the value of the object so you don’t go through this upset again. Enjoy your Easter gathering with your family and chalk this episode up to it being a learning experience ????


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## Homeshppr (Feb 28, 2011)

chickkie said:


> I often am upset when I see what happens to things that are donated, but once it leaves my hands I have nothing to say about it. I agree that the package should have been displayed differently so that the blanket was also featured. You can either tell your DIL and take the chance that she will be mad at you; keep feeling hurt and that will lead to being mad at your DIL; or forget about it and not donate again.
> 
> I would have bid on it.


I sincerely sympathize with your feelings after all your generous hard work. This response most closely reflects my own feelings about crafting for donations. A donation is essentially a gift and we may never know how it was received or how and if it will be used or appreciated. I always imagine someone being warm, happy and grateful for any gift I make for donations. I also make it a point to keep donated items small in size so they require much less time and material to create and gift. (I prefer hats, gloves, scarves, mittens, small stuffed toys, etc.) In your case--if you'll feel better by explaining your feelings to your DIL, by all means have the conversation. Only you may decide if and what you'll donate in the future. And, I too, would have stayed to bid on the item myself. It would have put me back in control of the item(s) and would have clearly sent the message that I wasn't happy with what was happening. It also would have opened the door for that conversation you are now hesitating to have. Let us know what happens here. We all hope there is a positive outcome for you. Your crafting friends understand and appreciate your heart and hard work in creating that beautiful blanket.


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## mellowearth (Sep 12, 2018)

Oh yes I absolutely know what you're talking about. LET IT GO! Chances are she probably wouldn't understand what you were talking about anyway and that would only cause you to feel even worse. Next time there's an auction, IF you wish to "donate" anything, make something SMALL and SIMPLE. 
This is why I choose not to attempt to market my fiberart! I outflow it, as I see fit.


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## JanetLove2Knit (Sep 18, 2013)

I am so sorry. It sounds awful. I would also be hurt and angry after working on it for months. If your daughter-in-law did put the items in the basket, she must have thought the blocks were the draw. Sad. I would tell her the truth. I also would have told her that you thought the blanket alone would bring in over $100 because it took a lot of good quality yarn, had the LEGO pattern, and it took months of time.

If only we knew ahead of time when it comes to handmade things. If so, you could have sold it to your sister for $100 and given the money to the school. I myself would hesitate to make something again. If you still want to contribute, you could make dishcloths or some other item. Then sell them on your own. Give the money to the school. That way, you are creating your own fundraiser and you have control over things.


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## Homeshppr (Feb 28, 2011)

Only wool said:


> We do sympathize with you. One of the reasons I quit doing art/craft shows was that very few know how much time and money goes into hand made projects, whatever medium.


Many crafters do not have the time to create items for donations. For me, being retired and immobile gives me countless hours to sit and knit many useful items from my years of stash yarns. I take such comfort in delivering boxes of handmade items to my community resource center each year. The only pay received are images of children and struggling families cuddling with one of my gifted items--even if in reality they are never used or appreciated. Any big items (mostly afghans) I create are reserved as gifts for the special people in my life that I know will cherish my work for years to come.


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## JanetLove2Knit (Sep 18, 2013)

julieann58 said:


> Dear sweet Colleenmay,
> What you did was precious. I'm sure your daughter in law never would mean to hurt you ever. Your heart is in the right direction in your love put in to make that lovely blanket. Our dear Lord sees what you've done and even though people can't see it..... your reward will be in heaven. We've all had situations that hurt our hearts. Let Jesus wrap His arms of comfort all around you. The person that gets that basket will be so amazed! They think it's just a lego set but when they open it..... they will see that they have received a true treasure. The child that may wrap themselves in that blanket will feel special and loved. Jesus knows what that child needs. And because of your faithful heart and diligent stitches it is going to bring great joy. Be encouraged that whatever you do for the least of them.... you have done unto the Lord. May you feel His mighty presence and may your heart be filled with His Joy! Xo jul


julieann58 has many valid points. I will add to it. Perhaps the person who bought the basket did not have much money. Maybe regardless of all this disappointment, the child who got the blanket is the child who was supposed to get it. That is one way of looking at it. I bet the child loves it.


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## tobo11 (Apr 1, 2017)

bp42168 said:


> I think you have to be honest with her and tell her how long and hard you worked on the blanket. The cost of the yarn adding to the cost. Act as though she may not have realized the value and you had to leave before you saw what it went for. Next time, tell her what the item should sell for on its own and then she can add what she wants to in the basket and charge appropriately.


Good advice. And next time save those difficult projects for those who know the value of hand crafted work. But above all don't take it personally. I once made a lovely scarf for my niece and saw it in her yard sale the next summer. I took it back and gave it to someone who liked it.


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## aljellie (Mar 4, 2011)

I had a similar experience with a beautiful shawl I made for a charity auction and can certainly sympathize with your hurt feelings. I still regret not having bid on the item I donated that I knew was worth so much more than the winning bidder paid for it. My only consolation was that the buyer planned to give it to her mother who was in a nursing home. Hopefully whoever ends up with your blanket will realize its worth and appreciate and enjoy it.


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## kwiltcrazy (Nov 4, 2011)

Oh my heart goes out to you - such an upsetting experience. You have received lots of advice from fellow KP'ers. You will never know what your daughter-in-law was thinking - so don't even put yourself through that. Suffice it to say, had she purchased the materials & invested the time/labour into producing the blanket, the dollar value assigned to the blanket would have been much higher. This is why the KP community is empathizing with you - we understand. 

My best advice is to put this event behind you - don't say a word about it - we must always be careful when it comes to dealing with the spouse of our children. I would suggest that next year, when you are approached about the fundraiser, you will instead give a $25 gift card (or 5 x $5 gift cards) that can put into any basket going up for auction - this way, the value of your donation is not open to interpretation.

Keep your crafting talents for those who truly enjoy and treasure it and I guarantee you, you will feel much happier in the end.


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## Diane Schillo (Aug 26, 2012)

Wow..i have no words. It is sad when you put a lot of work..and love..into a project and it goes in noticed. I recently made a baby dress for a couple but have yet to hear a thankyou. I've seen beautiful knit and crocheted blankets come into the animal shelter where I volunteer to be used for cat and dog bedding. I'm thrilled for the animals comfort but sick knowing that those items were handmade and given as gifts. These things do not mean as much to others as they once did unless you are a knitter or crocheter. 
I would talk with your daughter in law or better yet don't make any more items for her to auction off.Make the items for those you know will appreciate your effort


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## onegrannygoose (May 13, 2011)

I would have tried very hard to win the bid and then donated the blanket to a different charity. I am sorry for the way your work was treated as a knitter myself I know exactly how you feel. I definitely would tell my daughter she should be aware of your feeling and the work you put into your projects. I can feel your pain.


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## runa fernanda (Oct 25, 2017)

From the buyer's point of view, had I bought that set, then unfolded the blanket I would have been so happy, happy, happy at getting such a wonderful item at a bargain price, and the blanket would be mine to cherish forever. No kid would get to touch it without serious promises to take good care of it.


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## Knitting Nana 2 (Aug 22, 2012)

I think I would have bid on it myself and then let the lady know how disappointed you were...your sister may have still been interested in it also.


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## RNLinda (Dec 14, 2012)

That is too bad, I can only imagine how hurt you were. I would have bid on it, and given the blanket to my sister for free since she would appreciate it.


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## Wroclawnice (Apr 10, 2015)

Oh I would be so upset. If you can tell her how you feel and you think she will be ok or don't say nothing if she is very sensitive? 
Next time just donate something more simple. 
Some people have no idea that stitch by stitch is time consuming. I feel your pain.


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## kdpa07734 (Nov 10, 2015)

Grandma Anne said:


> Ouch! I would be hurt to the quick. What a slap in the face. You have my sympathy. Tell your dil that you won't be giving her anymore donations for this event and tell her why. She was actually cheating the fundraising by putting such a low price on it!


I agree. Some folks think 'home made' means cheap. It's the reverse in most cases... I'd you ad time, materials and love that goes into items that are 'home made'. I think they're a little snobby, imo. IF you decide to donate again, tell her the value upfront.


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## Susan Marie (Jul 26, 2013)

I am so sorry for your donation being so overlooked. The cost of the blanket already was probably well worth more that $25. And that doesn't include all the time that went into making it. It should have been properly displayed, that would have helped. I would not contribute to this cause again, unless you tell them the starting bid, and then include the cost of goods. Hopefully, it went for a good amount, or someone who really appreciates it.


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## Wyandotte (Aug 2, 2017)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


The best advice ever! Excellent. Wise.

@Colleenmay. About your woes regarding the auction. "These things happen" is what my dad would always say. But I sympathize deeply with you in any case. I hope that the passage of time will cause the pain to erase in due course and I have no advice to offer as to what you should say to your DIL. You have a week to ponder this matter and I am sure that you have the faith to know that the correct solution will arise. Your feelings matter, too; whatever you do, don't ignore them, as some (not here, though!) might advise.

Is that actually you in your avatar? If so, that is a beautiful shawl.


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## Nancy Deak (May 5, 2014)

While I certainly understand your feelings, perhaps it was an issue of copyright problems. While such patterns (LEGO, Mickey Mouse, and the current cartoon characters, etc.), they are a violation of copyright. Perhaps your dil had had issues before with copyright infringement? You should certainly talk to her and find out what the issue was.


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## Georget (Jul 14, 2011)

Knitted, crocheted or sewn or any other hand-crafted item is not, (in my opinion) "homemade". They are made by a craftsman who has many years experience in their craft. I would try to find out who received your blanket and thank them for bidding. That way you may make a new friend but also determine if your work is appreciated. Next year you may want to include a note or tab indicating how to launder the item and that it is hand knitted or hand crocheted--not handmade. Wording can make a difference.
It may also be that someone other than your DIL changed the position. A photo of your blanket enclosed may also help


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## Susie2016 (Feb 28, 2016)

People who do not knit HAVE NO IDEA. Here's another example:

My SIL came to me with a big basket filled with knitting. Her mother is dying, may not live the next 30 days and is only awake about 3 hours a day. She wanted to ask me to finish a project her mother had going. It's a huge, circular, sweater thing---extremely complicated. Inside my head, I was astonished. Do people think you can just give a knitter your project and they're going to take hours out of their day every dang day to do it? 

I recognize the project. It's a pattern which looks like a big sweater type thing, made into a huge circle---it looks like it's in panels---and the yarn is multi-colored yarn (almost looks like Noro colors). Some of you may know the pattern but I can't remember which is was. Extremely complicated, hundreds of stitches.

I'm sorry. But I have very little time right now. There is no way I was going to take this project on. Especially since I'm not that great a knitter anyway. I only do simple projects. And I resent the fact that just because I know how to knit I am expected to take on somebody else's project, like it would be no big deal. Especially since she's dying, is only awake 3 hours a day, and will not live out the month. For what purpose would it serve to have me struggle and struggle with something I know I couldn't do? What's more, now I feel like a heel for not doing it. Either way, I'm screwed.


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## Pealark (Oct 2, 2016)

colleenmay said:


> I just am so sad and I know that no one else but my friends here on KP will understand my feelings. My daughter in law is the director of a charter school and every year they do a fund raising event at which they do a silent auction. People in the community donate services or items and then people at the event bid on the items. The value of the item is stated and a starting bid is given. Last year I had donated a stuffed animal that I had crocheted along with a couple of pairs of knitted children's socks. My daughter in law put them in a basket, added a couple of small games and put it up for bid as a children's basket. That was fine. This year I wanted to do something better. So I worked for months on a LEGO blanket. It was very bright in LEGO colors and I thought it was quite amazing, even if I do say so myself. My sister offered me $100 for it, but I said I was making it for the school fund raiser and I didn't want to make another. It really was quite a time-consuming project. Anyway, I gave the blanket to my daughter in law a month ago and she seemed pleased to get it. So today I went to the event. When I came to the basket that held my blanket, I saw that it had been combined with a Lego set donated by someone else. I would have estimated that the Lego set was probably worth $25. My blanket was folded up and stuffed into the basket so that you couldn't even see what it was, or that it looked like actual lego blocks, or that it actually SAID LEGO. The Lego set was laid on top of it so that was mostly what you saw. The paper that you bid on said "Lego set and blanket" (nothing about handmade), the estimated value was $25, and opening bid was $5. Now I know that my daughter in law does all the actual arranging of the baskets and sets them all up. So I cannot fool myself that maybe someone else didn't know anything about where the blanket came from. So by that reckoning, the Lego set was worth $25, and the blanket was worth . . . . . nothing. I was so disappointed I had a hard time keeping it together. The bidding was up to $12. We finished looking at all the rest of the baskets and even though we had planned on staying at the event for a couple of hours, I asked my husband if he minded if we left. So we just came home. I felt really immature at wanting to leave, but just didn't want to sit there. Now I have to face my daughter in law at Easter, and I'm wondering what to say if she asks why we left so soon from the event. What do I say?????? My husband knows how hard I worked on that blanket and agrees with me that it was certainly worth a lot more than NOTHING, but he would never say anything to her. I'm not looking for vindication, just some sympathy. You are the only people in the world who would get how I feel.


I quit thinking of making anything for fundraisers when I went to one & saw a *whole set at least 15 pieces* of beautifully crocheted christmas angel ornaments marked $3. Someone labored on those. I bought them & donated another $12. It should have been much more. I still have them but no longer use them.

I've seen many such irrational prices at similar events. The materials alone were worth more than what was marked. Honestly. It would be better to just give them cash & forget it.

In your case you could have sold the blanket & donated the cash to the cause. At least youd feel appreciated,and the school would've been better off.

I feel guilty giving hand crocheted afghans made as gifts for my mother to the dogs for blankets. All the parties involved are dead now. So no one is hurt. But it still gives me a pang.


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## Pealark (Oct 2, 2016)

jaml said:


> I think BP42168's suggestion is really good. Your DIL probably would not want you to feel hurt. I think things brought out in the open are best.


You have not met my SIL. Not grateful for anything. Ever. Not time. Not effort. Not money. Not meals. Nothing.


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## Arachne (Apr 15, 2013)

jenlsch said:


> I would have bid on it and then gifted it to my sister in law.


My thoughts too! In the greater scheme of things, we all tend to have a great solution AFTER a troubling event is over.

The daughter in law's handling of the blanket does bug me, as I can only assume she knew how much love and time was put into making it. Sad.


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## Susie2016 (Feb 28, 2016)

I gave my sister two nice sweaters for her neighbor across the street who was going to have twins. She never gave them to her. A year later, I saw the sweaters in the back of her car, dirty after plants she bought had been placed on top of them.

Stupid me forgot about this and knitted her some socks with rare yarn for Christmas. They were a little too big but they were house socks. She didn't even try them on when we opened our presents on Christmas Day. That is the LAST thing I ever knitted for her.


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## g-mom (Mar 1, 2011)

Sorry. I also have had that happen. It is very disheartening. Hope you will mend soon.


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## LadyBecket (Jun 26, 2012)

YOU should have taken the blanket out and laid it on top of the Legos. Right then and there, never mind what your daughter-in-law thought or said. Anyone who crochets would have realized that it takes a lot of time and effort to make a handmade project. You should not have let it go, but done something about at the time. The event could have made a lot more money by selling that blanket and gotten what it was worth and more. 
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO SET THINGS STRAIGHT WHEN THEY HAPPEN AND NOT BE A MOUSE AND LET IT PASS.


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## afoster (Jun 10, 2012)

I would let her know that I had already been offered $100 for it but thought the school could use it for the fund raiser. Maybe you should have sold it and just donated the money. I do feel for you, some people just don't understand how long and hard a person works when making a handmade item.


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## bettyirene (Apr 5, 2012)

Show her your opening post, AND the responses you got from KP.
Bet you wish you had of sold it to your sister now....


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## Malindams (Feb 22, 2018)

I would not make anything to be donated to her fundraiser again and I would be honest and tell her why. The blanket should have been draped beside the LEGO kit to show it off. What a missed opportunity!


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## gail-11 (Jan 3, 2013)

Grandma Anne said:


> Ouch! I would be hurt to the quick. What a slap in the face. You have my sympathy. Tell your dil that you won't be giving her anymore donations for this event and tell her why. She was actually cheating the fundraising by putting such a low price on it!


 Agree! Especially when your sister had offered to pay you $100 for it at some point. She obviously knew how much it was worth, so yes, I would agree. I would feel the same way.


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## Meowkie (Mar 4, 2015)

I had learned the hard way too. Always give with zero expectations. When you are unable to give in that way then the choice of gift is inappropriate. It’s obvious your sister knew the true value of your lovely gift. If anyone should say something perhaps it might be she. Whoever ends up winning the bid for this blanket will certainly appreciate the terrific find they have received. Your DL has lost on many counts. One for the fundraiser, her relationship with you and lastly your respect and her dignity. 
You shouldn’t feel bad. You most certainly did your part to support her and the cause and produced a wonderful gift. Everything else really doesn’t matter.


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## ParkerEliz (Mar 21, 2011)

Unfortunately, they have to start pricing where they think the sell point will be.

However, I would stop all contributions. If DIL ever asked why, only then would i explain. I'm sorry she undervalued your contribution.


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## Knitterchick (Sep 15, 2016)

I would have been SOOO angry, I think I would have lost it! ???? How do you get along with your DIL, otherwise? If you have a good relationship, then perhaps she was just ignorant of the value, in.which case I would Tell Her, and also how disappointed I was. If not, then.I would just assume she knew the value but was embarrassed because sees it as Junk! This to only keep peace in the family. NEVER offer her anything again! I'm so sorry this happened to you! I would have been devastated...????????????


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## Colour wheel (Aug 4, 2011)

I think you've left your run too late. The value needed to be discussed BEFORE the blanket was put up for auction. I'm sure the people offering their services put a value on their hours donated.
You can't change things now so bringing it up with your daughter in law may cause animosity.


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## Mamaria21 (Mar 26, 2018)

My sincerest sympathies for the insensitivity and insult which you have suffered. I more than understand as I frequently get offers on my handmade items that are ridiculous. People don't even realize that they are being offensive because they are cheap and want things for next to nothing. I would not make anything else without attaching a receipt for the cost of the materials and a tag with the number of hours it took to make with an hourly rate and total calculated. Perhaps when your DIL realizes that what you donated was worth many times the cost of the materials, and certainly much more than what she offered it for, she will gain some appreciation for handcrafted items. She will also feel badly at having cheated the organization out of a nice donation by the higher paying bidder. I'll bet that whoever won it feels like they hit the lottery. 

You need to be frank with your DIL about how you feel and how the situation was handled, because from your description I am sure that many people didn't even realize what the afghan was under the Lego set. She shortchanged you and the organization, because the bids might have been much higher if the starting price had been more and if people could have seen what they were bidding to win. Most charitable organizations here do "tricky trays" so that there is no bidding issue. And they make an effort to tag every basket with a list of what it contains. Handmade items like yours usually are offered alone because of their higher value. The last event I helped plan averaged $15 per person profit from the cost of the tickets and $35 profit per person from the sale of additional tickets. Add that to the proceeds of the 50/50 drawing and we made about $17,000 for the PTA that night. We realized that we could maximize our profit in a much better way not taking a chance on bids coming in too low and doing a tricky tray instead. I hope you can find some peace with the situation - sending hugs!


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## Knitterchick (Sep 15, 2016)

I would have been SOOO angry, I think I would have lost it! ???? How do you get along with your DIL, otherwise? If you have a good relationship, then perhaps she was just ignorant of the value, in.which case I would Tell Her, and also how disappointed I was. If not, then.I would just assume she knew the value but was embarrassed because sees it as Junk! This to only keep peace in the family. NEVER offer her anything again! I'm so sorry this happened to you! I would have been devastated...????????????


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## colleenmay (Apr 5, 2012)

OP here. Thank you all for the sympathy. I do feel so much better knowing you all 'get it' like no one else can. I feel better than yesterday so I am hoping that by Easter Sunday I will feel stronger emotionally. My relationship with my daughter in law is not great so I am hoping that the subject of the fund raiser just does not come up at all and if it does not I am planning to just forget the whole thing and move on. If someone does ask about it, I plan to just say that I was really disappointed that my blanket, which is valued on Etsy at $100-200, was valued at next to nothing on the auction. But I'm sure some little child was really happy to get it. And then quickly change the subject so I can think of other things. I hope my daughter in law is smart enough to realize that she lost a good chunk of money for the school. Am I still hurt? Yes. Am I bitter? Um . . I guess so from what I just wrote. Hopefully a week will help ramp that down a little. I am just so thankful for my friends here on KP that really do understand what it feels like. Love you all.


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## Margot in FL (Apr 11, 2017)

I’m so sorry you were hurt by this incident and I think venting here was a good idea. I don’t believe I would broach it with your DIL now as it could cause damage to your relationship. 
Next year I think I would tell her that handmade items are not possible, but you’d like to donate a couple of gift cards, of her choosing, to add to baskets.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

The positive is that whomever got the biggest surprise of their life when they opened the actual gift is their joy and amazement! If they are true Lego fans they will just love the big score and use it until it falls apart 20 years from now! 
I know how it pinches but take consolation that your heart was in the right place and we all appreciate you for your pay it forward lovely attitude.


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## nsoldriver (Jan 7, 2019)

I am so sorry that this happened to you. You need to be honest with your DIL about your hurt feelings or it will eat at you each time you see her. I'd even mention how much someone else offered you for the blanket but you had refused as you wanted to save it for the fundraiser. It's out of the goodness of our hearts that we create and proudly give away our creations. WE here understand and send virtual (((((HUGS)))).


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## Frances6Pitts (Jan 14, 2016)

My Senior Center does a craft and ceramic sale every year. The ladies that do the ceramics do a wonderful job and they charge accordingly. I lead a Strings and Things class that is often asked to make donations of what we also make. That would be fine if these donations were displayed as nicely as the ceramics but we often see our things in piles or put where they don't show. I don't push my girls to donate for that reason. I have done craft shows of my own and I know that if you don't put things on display they won't sell. I try hard to bite my tongue about this but when people put out such an effort they need to be noticed for it. ('nuff said)


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

I'm sorry, this must have been so difficult. I think I would not contribute any further handmade items - there's not the appreciation for them that I feel they merit. Better to keep your good feelings for your family than further entering into those situations.

My husband once made a knife for something similar - he does beautiful woodwork when he chooses to do that. It was so undervalued that it was very upsetting, and this was for a charity as well. Needless to say, he didn't do it again.


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## ioneodi (Feb 16, 2015)

I agree with hilltopper. First: Stayed and bid on blanket myself but first asking who did the pricing and then nicey nicey suggest a mistake must have been made in the pricing and offer to take blanket back if not priced for its true value. Not nice to ask who was dumb enough to price the blanket and a Lego set like tht. Having 4 great grandchildren (3 boys, 1 girl and another girl arriving next month) I know how valued Lego articles are and a blanket. WOW! how happy they would have been to welcome receiving such a treasure. Legoland itself is about 4 or 5 miles over the hill from me over in Carlsbad and I can't imagine how much your blanket would sell for there in the gift shop. Ione


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## theatermarye (Feb 8, 2017)

I use to run fund raisers for my kids school. One woman worked forever on a quilt between time and materials she said it should get at least $400. I agreed with her but knew there was not that kind of money in the crowd so I put it in a raffle so that individual tickets sold could get the money she knew it deserved. 
You should have told your daughter the minimum bid to set. At least the amount your sister offered since she could have written the check to the school. 
Truly sorry it happened. I would say nothing but also not offer anything next year. Or if you do make a few American doll outfits less time and energy for you.


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## theatermarye (Feb 8, 2017)

I use to run fund raisers for my kids school. One woman worked forever on a quilt between time and materials she said it should get at least $400. I agreed with her but knew there was not that kind of money in the crowd so I put it in a raffle so that individual tickets sold could get the money she knew it deserved. 
You should have told your daughter the minimum bid to set. At least the amount your sister offered since she could have written the check to the school. 
Truly sorry it happened. I would say nothing but also not offer anything next year. Or if you do make a few American doll outfits less time and energy for you.


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## ioneodi (Feb 16, 2015)

Addendum: Your sentence in your post about a "child enjoying the blanket". Hold on to that thought and revert to it every time u r 
p....d off. That is what I try to think if I knit something without checking first with family. I tell them if they can't use or don't like, give it to charity or someone they know who would want it.


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## Niva's Bubbie (Feb 26, 2018)

I can feel your pain. I had a similar thing happen at a silent auction fundraiser recently where I donated a hand knit by me baby blanket. They had folded my blanket so you could not see it's beauty. I took it out and showed some people at the auction what I had made. Then, someone who knows me bought it to have for a baby gift in the future. The organization should have asked you how much your donation is worth. Then, if it does not sell for above that price you can have it back. You deserve to be upset for the way your item was presented and undervalued. Next time, if you choose to donate again, make sure the organization values your items for what they are worth. The other thing to keep in mind is that this was for charity. Someone made out like a bandit. I hope they realize how lucky they are. Also, remember how satisfying it was to finish this project. I hope you took a picture of it to remember it.


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## bakrmom (May 30, 2011)

remember, even though these are fundraisers, most people bid in the hope of getting a bargain. even if your afghan did not sell for what it is worth it may still be appreciated by the person that won it. The Lego set was probably added to it with the thought that the basket would bring more as a set. I have worked a number of these events and it is always had to predict what will sell and where to start the suggested bidding so things sell. The last one I was at I won several baskets for the price ONE should have sold for. I have also seen iffy baskets go ridiculously high simply because 2 people wanted it.


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## barbarafletcher (Apr 2, 2012)

I gave the bed shawls to our local hospital for to sell for funds..I told them not to sell them for below £12.00...


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## stitchbystitch (Dec 14, 2018)

It's going to be hard to face your d-i-l but I think you will have to. And don't make anymore items for her charity. Not knowing you or her I wonder if you could start the discussion with something about handmade items don't seem to be of value anymore so you will not be making anymore items. Her response should be interesting.


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## crgeil (Feb 13, 2019)

Oh, my! Your story just breaks my heart. And I do understand how you feel as I've gone through something similar myself at a benefit auction. Obviously, your daughter-in-law has no clue about the value of your labor of love, nor does she understand the skill it took to create it; the hour-upon-hour and day-after-day that is spent on these works of art. Every time I pick up a beautiful doily or scarf in a thrift shop, I think about the woman who worked for hours on that piece of art and how sad that instead of valuing it as the cherished heirloom it is, it was tossed into the "give-a-way" box.

Your daughter-in-law just doesn't understand, and has no idea of the work that went into your 'gift' to her school. I'm not sure there is really anything you can say to her, unless you want to begin the conversation with "I hope so-and-so is enjoying their purchase," and somehow sliding in the number of hours it took to make it. I might suggest that 'IF' you ever do this again, you make up your own tag that says what it is, "handmade by ... ", and how long it took to complete, and pin it to the item. And I think I would also bring an extra tag with me to the event (just in case some idiot removes the first one) and stick your extra tag back on the item!

My heart goes out to you, and we all appreciate you, even if she doesn't :sm24:



colleenmay said:


> I just am so sad and I know that no one else but my friends here on KP will understand my feelings. My daughter in law is the director of a charter school and every year they do a fund raising event at which they do a silent auction. People in the community donate services or items and then people at the event bid on the items. The value of the item is stated and a starting bid is given. Last year I had donated a stuffed animal that I had crocheted along with a couple of pairs of knitted children's socks. My daughter in law put them in a basket, added a couple of small games and put it up for bid as a children's basket. That was fine. This year I wanted to do something better. So I worked for months on a LEGO blanket. It was very bright in LEGO colors and I thought it was quite amazing, even if I do say so myself. My sister offered me $100 for it, but I said I was making it for the school fund raiser and I didn't want to make another. It really was quite a time-consuming project. Anyway, I gave the blanket to my daughter in law a month ago and she seemed pleased to get it. So today I went to the event. When I came to the basket that held my blanket, I saw that it had been combined with a Lego set donated by someone else. I would have estimated that the Lego set was probably worth $25. My blanket was folded up and stuffed into the basket so that you couldn't even see what it was, or that it looked like actual lego blocks, or that it actually SAID LEGO. The Lego set was laid on top of it so that was mostly what you saw. The paper that you bid on said "Lego set and blanket" (nothing about handmade), the estimated value was $25, and opening bid was $5. Now I know that my daughter in law does all the actual arranging of the baskets and sets them all up. So I cannot fool myself that maybe someone else didn't know anything about where the blanket came from. So by that reckoning, the Lego set was worth $25, and the blanket was worth . . . . . nothing. I was so disappointed I had a hard time keeping it together. The bidding was up to $12. We finished looking at all the rest of the baskets and even though we had planned on staying at the event for a couple of hours, I asked my husband if he minded if we left. So we just came home. I felt really immature at wanting to leave, but just didn't want to sit there. Now I have to face my daughter in law at Easter, and I'm wondering what to say if she asks why we left so soon from the event. What do I say?????? My husband knows how hard I worked on that blanket and agrees with me that it was certainly worth a lot more than NOTHING, but he would never say anything to her. I'm not looking for vindication, just some sympathy. You are the only people in the world who would get how I feel.


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## farmlady (Apr 15, 2017)

I would have bid it back and if asked why would have told her. I never make anything to give my daughter in law as the acts happy to get the item but is always changing everything for something new and what ever she is given seems to either end up with some of her family or in the dumpster. She is does some crafts but does not seem to value what others do.
I am just trying knitting again after having an allergy problem and so far it is going ok. I only knot for others if they request an item and I know they will appreciate it. I am giving up charity knitting for a while to make some stuff for myself. Really enjoyed knitting for Coats for Kids as the kids were so happy to pick out a hat.


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## FiberLady17 (Jan 17, 2017)

I have somewhat of a different take on this. First of all, I really feel bad about how your dil showed no respect for what you did by shoving it in a basket under a lego. But, she did offer to pay you for what she thought it was worth, which I thought was reasonable. I'm thinking, she probably thought a blanket would not sell especially if she has been doing this for a while. The average person will think nothing of something being handmade. I love going to thrift shops. They sell a lot of blankets, mostly crochet for nothing. I can tell because I knit and crochet. I have brought beautiful handmade beaded jewelry for next to nothing. I just brought a beautiful hand beaded bracelet that didn't even cover the cost of the beads. I felt bad for the crafter.


It was insulting to say the least but don't hold it against her. I made my first cross stitch bracelet and gave it to my dil for Christmas and she just said thank you. She had the nerve to tell my son that I didn't say anything about the sample cheap make-up she gave me that made me look like I plastered white chalk on my face. lol So, the next time I would donate something inexpensive and if she asks why, then I would tell her. Maybe, later on you could ask her why it was presented the way it was and she may have a good reason in her mind.

Hope that helps. I would love to see a picture of the blanket.


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## knovice knitter (Mar 6, 2012)

Susie2016 said:


> People who do not knit HAVE NO IDEA. Here's another example:
> 
> My SIL came to me with a big basket filled with knitting. Her mother is dying, may not live the next 30 days and is only awake about 3 hours a day. She wanted to ask me to finish a project her mother had going. It's a huge, circular, sweater thing---extremely complicated. Inside my head, I was astonished. Do people think you can just give a knitter your project and they're going to take hours out of their day every dang day to do it?
> 
> ...


Don't feel like a heel for not doing it, especially if your skills are not up to the task. Feel like a heel because you are so angry with a person who is about to lose her mother. She requested a favor which you are unable to fulfill. The proper thing is to say, "The sweater is beyond my skills" and tell her to check with her church or the knitter's guild or a library knitting group to see if anyone there would be kind enough to finish the project. Maybe this sweater was not for the dying lady, but for someone else and she was regretting not being able to finish it. The daughter was probably wanting it finished to show her mom and then it could be given to a family member for the last project Gramma knitted or whatever. I can't believe how angry you seem about this. Just say, "No, sorry, not able to do it." I hope you're not planning on attending the funeral. The daughter could do without your condolences.


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## knovice knitter (Mar 6, 2012)

colleenmay said:


> OP here. Thank you all for the sympathy. I do feel so much better knowing you all 'get it' like no one else can. I feel better than yesterday so I am hoping that by Easter Sunday I will feel stronger emotionally. My relationship with my daughter in law is not great so I am hoping that the subject of the fund raiser just does not come up at all and if it does not I am planning to just forget the whole thing and move on. If someone does ask about it, I plan to just say that I was really disappointed that my blanket, which is valued on Etsy at $100-200, was valued at next to nothing on the auction. But I'm sure some little child was really happy to get it. And then quickly change the subject so I can think of other things. I hope my daughter in law is smart enough to realize that she lost a good chunk of money for the school. Am I still hurt? Yes. Am I bitter? Um . . I guess so from what I just wrote. Hopefully a week will help ramp that down a little. I am just so thankful for my friends here on KP that really do understand what it feels like. Love you all.


Long shot dream, but wouldn't it be great if she came over at Easter and announced that the blanket went for $125 and thanked you? It's possible, not probable of course, but I would really love that to happen for you.


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## Maureen Therese (Dec 31, 2014)

Please, please, please, do not tell a person that their feelings should be forgotten or smothered. I have got to the point where I am sick of being hurt by unthinking and uncaring people. As I said in a previous post on this stream, I have been hurt and tried to swallow my feelings so many times that it was doing ME great harm. Why should the 'giver' be made to feel that her feelings are worth nothing, but she must not upset someone else by mentioning this?
For Heavens sake people why live a lie? Telling someone you are 'angry' may cause a problem, but telling that same person that you are 'hurt' should bring an apology from them and maybe a bit of thought next time the situation arises.


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## balston (May 28, 2011)

I have read the responses to your questions. I feel like most of them. Be honest (with her and yourself). Withholding future donations can possibly cause more heartache for both of you. She needs to know how you feel. Don't deny yourself and her the chance to make things right. It can eat at you and your relationship with her and possibly other family members.


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## knovice knitter (Mar 6, 2012)

FiberLady17 said:


> I have somewhat of a different take on this. First of all, I really feel bad about how your dil showed no respect for what you did by shoving it in a basket under a lego. But, she did offer to pay you for what she thought it was worth, which I thought was reasonable. I'm thinking, she probably thought a blanket would not sell especially if she has been doing this for a while. The average person will think nothing of something being handmade. I love going to thrift shops. They sell a lot of blankets, mostly crochet for nothing. I can tell because I knit and crochet. I have brought beautiful handmade beaded jewelry for next to nothing. I just brought a beautiful hand beaded bracelet that didn't even cover the cost of the beads. I felt bad for the crafter.
> 
> It was insulting to say the least but don't hold it against her. I made my first cross stitch bracelet and gave it to my dil for Christmas and she just said thank you. She had the nerve to tell my son that I didn't say anything about the sample cheap make-up she gave me that made me look like I plastered white chalk on my face. lol So, the next time I would donate something inexpensive and if she asks why, then I would tell her. Maybe, later on you could ask her why it was presented the way it was and she may have a good reason in her mind.
> 
> Hope that helps. I would love to see a picture of the blanket.


I posted the link to Colleenmay's lego blanket on page 5 and reminded people to look there. I give up. I will post the photo here.


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## eneira12 (Dec 18, 2013)

I think maybe next time sell your item and give some of the money to the fund raiser. Clearly your work has been undervalued.


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## AnnWithAPlan (Feb 28, 2017)

I'm sorry to hear that! : ( I would have bid on it and then let my sister buy it for the $100. she offered. Then give that $ to the charity and not do it again. What a disappointment.


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## balston (May 28, 2011)

Beautiful work. You can see the care and thought that went into making it.


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## Becca (Jan 26, 2011)

Many people have commented about this situation but my daughter came up with the perfect solution...Q-TIP. Quit taking it personally. That's life. My late MIL never appreciated anything l made. My mother did.


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## Pauli (Mar 20, 2017)

Although some people do not appreciate the handmade items I am sure they would have appreciated what the blanket was had it been displayed properly and had a reasonable price on it. I think I would have bought it back and gave it to someone who would have appreciated it.


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## Pauli (Mar 20, 2017)

Although some people do not appreciate the handmade items I am sure they would have appreciated what the blanket was had it been displayed properly and had a reasonable price on it. I think I would have bought it back and gave it to someone who would have appreciated it.


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## Christiane (Mar 31, 2011)

I would have bid on it. And I have done just that on items made by me for silent auctions of my preferred charity. I've even asked for an item to be better displayed to highlight whatever element. I totally share your sentiment. Often times, the person putting the baskets together has no clue about the value of hand crafted items in dollars, much less time involved in crafting. To "assist" such a person, I've learned to submit a detailed description of item beyond the obvious. It's helped.


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## jtchip (Jan 7, 2017)

Personally, I would have bid on the basket and brought it home with me and would not donate again to her fundraiser. I believe you need to clear the air and let her know your feelings were hurt and that she should have at least asked you the value and displayed it properly. Folding it up inside a basket and covered with the Lego set did it no justice. You have every right to be upset and slighted by her ignorance.


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## SEA (Feb 9, 2011)

So sorry this has happened. Too bad you didn't take the hundred that was offered then donate to the organization. If you do handwork next year I would put a tag on it saying what it is worth. I would nicely say something to d-i-l perhaps she just didn't know.

SEA


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## bevjeffery (Jan 15, 2012)

I think you need to say something to your daughter in law. These things can sometimes fester away deep down inside ourselves until one day it all comes forth during a discussion/disagreement. If you left before the bidding had finished, it may even have fetched a lot more than you think. Sometimes people leave the bidding til the last, in the hope of having the highest bid, so they don't jump in earlier. You could casually ask her what it fetched and then you could sweetly say, I should have sold it privately for $100, then I could have raised more funds for you.
I think your blanket was truly AMAZING!! In this day and age of mass produced, factory-machine-knitted, cheap knitwear and the fact that many of the younger generations see knitting/crocheting as something that 'nannas' do, 'handmade with love' has lost a lot of its appreciation.


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## nannee (Mar 12, 2011)

i’m so sorry and hope tomorrow is a better day for you


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## MommaCrochet (Apr 15, 2012)

I think your daughter-in-law is unaware of the time, skill, expense that goes into making handmade knitted or crocheted items. Telling her your feelings were hurt will probably just cause tension. I think I’d continue to create items for the worthwhile cause, but let her know you’re working on this project and how long it’s taking. Also, when you give her the items tell her what you’d price it at, what you could get for it had you sold it. Maybe explain, your sister offered you $100 for the last afghan and you’d think she could get that for this one. 
Tina


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## 2019MR3.74 (Jan 20, 2019)

Oh My God. I am so sorry.
I knit, crochet and needlepoint. I give 95% of my creations to my local hospital. One day my sister-in-law came home from the gift shop at the hospital which I donate to. One of my blankets was being sold at the gift shop for $25.00. She was furious. I tried to explain to her that the hospital gets everything for free. FREE. They may appreciate the donation but have no idea what goes into the creation or the money. Bazars, schools etc. know even less, especially if the person in charge of pricing does not knit or crochet themselves.

I would not say anything at all nor would I donate again either. The day will come when you are probably going to be asked why you don't donate any more. By then you will have had time to think about it and can respond in a calm manner. I am a little surprised that your husband has not said something to your son (privately).


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## solshine (Nov 30, 2016)

Know the feeling. I have a friend who has a shop on the coast and wanted to sell my shawls, hats and wrist warmers. I thought it was a great idea and worked furiously to give Hera variety. She doesn’t comprehend that you need to make a little and thought I should sell my stuff below what it cost for materials. She wanted to sell volume. She calls occasionally hoping I’ll offer more but I can’t. I’d rather give things to friends that appreciate my work.


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## Kahlua (Aug 7, 2012)

I would definitely tell your daughter in law why you left. She may not know the value of something so unique that took many long hours to make, or the people who decide on the price may not know either. I make blankets for our local animal shelter & they always ask me what the price would be if I were selling it. They then add more to that amount. I made a very simple, but large afghan in the ripple pattern which sold for $200.00 at their last auction.


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## Momto8 (Feb 14, 2017)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


That's exactly what I was thinking. And perhaps, after you won back the item Colleen, you could have sold it to your sister! Win/win, especially since you weren't intending to make another.


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## Muscroft (Dec 6, 2018)

Hi the very same thing happened to me at a school fete. I spent many hours knitting and crocheting head bands as they were the in thing last year. I made 60 and thought they would sell for about $4 to $5. When I went to the stall to look for them they were put in a bucket with 50c on them. They were not displayed so no one knew what they were. Not one sold. I took them home and my grand daughters friends loved them so I gave them all away. The problem today is that not a lot of women knit or crochet so they have no idea how long it takes to produce knitted or crochet things.


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## Wyandotte (Aug 2, 2017)

Kahlua said:


> I would definitely tell your daughter in law why you left. She may not know the value of something so unique that took many long hours to make, or the people who decide on the price may not know either. I make blankets for our local animal shelter & they always ask me what the price would be if I were selling it. They then add more to that amount. I made a very simple, but large afghan in the ripple pattern which sold for $200.00 at their last auction.


Well, at least one happy story.

I want to repeat what others have suggested here, namely, that the DIL may not even have been responsible for the improper (to put it mildly) display of the hand knitted item. There could have been others involved. So, I would directly ask her if she was the one who "displayed" the blanket in the first place and take it from there.

You know, if there is any pre-existing bad blood between the two of you, this is going to come out one way or another, but not sure Easter Day is the time for it.


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## spinninggill (Apr 9, 2011)

Grandma Anne said:


> Ouch! I would be hurt to the quick. What a slap in the face. You have my sympathy. Tell your dil that you won't be giving her anymore donations for this event and tell her why. She was actually cheating the fundraising by putting such a low price on it!


Very hurtful. Donate to other more appreciative charities


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

Similar thing happened to me at Christmas . I knitted hats scarves and gloves for granddaughters school fair. I looked everywhere and couldn't see them for sale. I wonder where they went.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

Similar thing happened to me at Christmas . I knitted hats scarves and gloves for granddaughters school fair. I looked everywhere and couldn't see them for sale. I wonder where they went.


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## Knitting in the Rockys (Aug 17, 2015)

There are two schools of thought on this type of thing. One is that you helped raised money for a good cause and should be proud of that effort, no matter how much or little was raised by your effort. The other is to be insulted that the item didn't raise as much as you felt it was worth. Display may have played a role here and probably did. 

A few years ago I knit a lacy wrap in gradient dyed yarn for a good friend of my late sister to wear with a simple black dress at her son's wedding (10 ft. long). The yarn was very light weight and it seemed to take forever to complete but she loved it, so did everyone who attended the wedding which included many members of my late sister's alumni association. 

At the next meeting of that alumni association they were planning the annual alumni dinner which featured a live auction to benefit the scholarship fund in my sister's name. Jeanie decided to donate that wrap. The wrap was displayed at the dinner and Jeanie included a photo of her wearing the wrap at her son's wedding....that wrap sold for $1,000.00!!! I was floored, completely floored, like almost needing smelling salts! That wrap might have only brought in $20.00 but it still would have helped the scholarship fund. I've knitted beautiful scarves from expensive yarns and donated them to silent auctions that only brought in a few dollars, still it's a few dollars to help the cause. 

Give and give as generously as you can, it's always worth it. Take pride in knowing that your efforts helped. I'd say nothing!


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

I would have to tell the dil, that you were disappointed in the value placed on the basket, as the cost of the yarn, not counting your precious time, was worth more than that, even without the Lego.

I also, would pass on contributing to her fundraiser next year. Whether you tell her now that you are not contributing, or wait for her to ask why next year, when you don't contribute, I would tell her how hurt you felt.

I am so sorry this happened to you :sm13:


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## Lilyan (Dec 16, 2015)

It is probably best to remain silent. You are justified in feeling upset, but it might create more problems within the family if you tell her the truth. Going forward, only make make quick inexpensive items, if anything at all.


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## Wyandotte (Aug 2, 2017)

Lilyan said:


> ...Going forward, only make make quick inexpensive items, if anything at all.


Good advice. Don't make the same mistake twice.


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## RevDi (Jul 8, 2016)

It might have helped to have a photo of the entire blanket attached to the basket somehow, so folks could see how lovely it was, and what they were actually bidding on. I am so sorry for you. I would also feel upset. I think I might have bid on it myself.


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## 1grammyshouse (May 16, 2014)

hilltopper said:


> You certainly have my sympathy Colleen May. I think I would have stayed and bid on the item myself. This way I would be contributing to the cause and have the chance at Easter to explain that I knew the "cause" was entitled to more than was being asked.


That was my first thought, too.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Lilyan said:


> It is probably best to remain silent. You are justified in feeling upset, but* it might create more problems within the family if you tell her the truth. *Going forward, only make make quick inexpensive items, if anything at all.


Best idea yet!


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## Butterfly53 (Jan 2, 2017)

It's a few days later, but I'd really like to "stick in my 2-cents worth". Personally, I'd have purchased the set myself then sold it to the sister who offered the $100 for the blanket. Then, I'd be thinking seriously about not contributing to the DIL's function again. Chances are that she won't bother to ask why (my DIL hasn't asked about me making additional afghans for my grandkids this year after the two I gave them last year seem to have disappeared), but if she does, let her know about the number of hours spent on the previous items and that you felt the packaging lowered the value. Then, DON'T contribute again. If her feelings are hurt (probably won't be), you can offer to donate an item in her name for some future charity of your choice.


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## vrazz (Jan 16, 2017)

I would have taken the daughter -in-law aside right then and asked her if there was a mistake in the pricing. Followed with an explanation of the real value of the item.


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## Reddogknit (Jan 6, 2015)

I am with hilltopper and bid no matter how high and then gifted it to my sister.


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## Reddogknit (Jan 6, 2015)

I am with hilltopper and bid no matter how high and then gifted it to my sister.


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## williesmom (Feb 16, 2012)

Becca said:


> Many people have commented about this situation but my daughter came up with the perfect solution...Q-TIP. Quit taking it personally. That's life. My late MIL never appreciated anything l made. My mother did.


I have shared your acronym with a friend, who used it as a mantra at work yesterday. I use it now when my husband says something thoughtless. It really helps. Thank you!


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## Elaine3975 (Feb 9, 2014)

Me first of all I would have stayed and bought the basket back myself and then I'd gone to the person that wanted to buy it from you to begin with and seel it to her for $75.00 rather than a $100.00 and told my daughter in law exactly what and why.


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## AngieR (Jul 22, 2013)

I would have stayed to bid on it and then give it to my sister who was willing to pay for it! And, telling my daughter in law in a factual way the reason for bidding on it.


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## grammajan44 (Dec 2, 2012)

I had something similar happen at a silent auction to aid an FFA Club. I made a "bug jar" quilt with jars made of different bug material along with paper pieced spider, frog, dragon fly, mouse, ladybug-all tiny intricate little pieces of different colors and then all quilted. It had no "reserve" price and someone walked away with it for less than $20. I was broken heart-ed so I know how you feel! Lesson learned!


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## jbachman (Jan 19, 2011)

I am often asked for donations for fund raisers. I have learned to only support the ones I am really interested in. I do put a tag on the item with the size, fiber content and laundry instructions as well as the price I would ask if selling it. Fund raisers usually start the bidding at 25% of the actual value. I seldom see my item go for the actual value, thus my restrictions on who I give what. Most people at fund raisers have no idea the actual cost of materials or the cost of estimated time that goes into an item. When auctions do baskets, I always donate something small such as hat, mitts, etc. Small items can be personalized with logo/emblem of auction sponsor such as paw prints on a hat. I have often felt as you do until I shortened my donation list and try not to look. I always hope the person who won the item really wants it and just couldn't afford to give more.


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