# I just have to ask.....



## Shaestr (Feb 7, 2011)

I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.

Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.

I have spent time this year making Christmas throws for the three families as their couples gifts. I am not sure what to do, I feel like I need to attaché something to the gift that explains the love and kindness that goes into each stick.

I also just found out that my daughter is not allowed traditional Christmas colors because my son-in-law is Jewish. She is only allowed to decorate with blue and white. Her Christmas throw is an 8 point star in red, green and white. I am worried now about even giving it to them.

What would you do?


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## EIKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

I think I'd find something else to give them. Do they have children? Can you offer babysitting services? Is there any other type of "service" you can offer them that doesn't involve spending money out of your pocket?

If not, you should be up front with them and tell them that because you are not working or receiving unemployment, you simply don't have any extra money for gifts this year. You could tell them that you had made a blanket/throw for them, and if they want it, you'd be happy to give it to them, but you understand that it might not mean as much to them as it does to you (okay, that's a little guilt, but it won't hurt them!). If they don't want it, then there is no gift. 

They're grown-ups and should be able to understand. I appreciate your wanting to attach something to the gift that explains the love and kindness that goes into the making of the gift, but if they don't want or appreciate handmade items and actually had the nerve to tell you that, I don't think the note would help.


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## chickkie (Oct 26, 2011)

I would not give them something that you know they won't appreciate or is in a color that offends.


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## taznwinston (Feb 5, 2012)

Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
I would hold the beautiful star afghan you made for your daughter aside. I would exchange gifts with the rest of the family and when it is their turn I would give them a beautiful card. Perhaps home made if you have the ability to do so, if not, store bought should be just fine. Inside the card I would write an eloquent note stating I had hand made a beautiful 8 point star throw and unfortunately it is made with yarn. In addition, the colors were red,green and white , as I had made it before I was aware of holiday color restrictions in the home. Due to my financial situation I am unable to purchase an acceptable store bought gift, hence as a gesture of "their" generosity I will be donating the throw to a family in need, in their name.
I would end it with a thank you for this opportunity as I am sure the receiving family will enjoy it.
You will have a chance to make your point while keeping your dignity intact. (Also leaving them no where to go with it!)   So... what do you think??


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## cindye6556 (Apr 6, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Shaestr (Feb 7, 2011)

I like the suggestions that you have given. This is perhaps the best and only thing I can do. Thank you so much for your suggestions and words.


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## Clickers (Apr 8, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


 :thumbup: Taznwinston. I told my family a few years ago that we did not want or expect gifts as money was and still is tight. We buy gifts for our four GC and that is it. We are happy just spending Christmas with our family. As for you SIL and Daughter if they cannot understand the circumstances then they need to grow up and not be so selfish.


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## Shaestr (Feb 7, 2011)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## uthatswho (Aug 25, 2012)

Sorry you can't get gift them. They don't deserve if if they can't just say "thank you". Like taznwinston's suggestion.


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## Alto53 (Jan 26, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


A perfect answer! (And waaay more diplomatic than what was on my mind!!)


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## TexCat (Sep 23, 2012)

This may sound mean-spirited but your son-in-law sounds like a spoiled brat.

What I would do is to 'hand make' a card in prescribed non-offensive colors, etc. that simply states that you made them a 'blanket' (insert correct item here) and have donated it in their name to (insert charity of your choice here) in their name.

Nothing else needs to be done. I agree with the above, A GIFT IS A GIFT not an open invitation to control the giver.


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## lilydragon (Oct 2, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I love your answer!!! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## laurelarts (Jul 31, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


THIS IS VERY WISE!!!! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## iShirl (Jun 30, 2012)

You have some lovely suggestions and I can't improve on them. I also believe you should give the quilt to charity and wouldn't it be wonderful if the charity gave you a nice "thank you" card that you can insert in your daughter's and SIL's greeting card. In any case, I appreciate how much work goes into needlework and hope this all works out for you happily. Here's hoping 2013 employment for you.


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## Canamaha (Nov 23, 2012)

Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
I would hold the beautiful star afghan you made for your daughter aside. I would exchange gifts with the rest of the family and when it is their turn I would give them a beautiful card. Perhaps home made if you have the ability to do so, if not, store bought should be just fine. Inside the card I would write an eloquent note stating I had hand made a beautiful 8 point star throw and unfortunately it is made with yarn. In addition, the colors were red,green and white , as I had made it before I was aware of holiday color restrictions in the home. Due to my financial situation I am unable to purchase an acceptable store bought gift, hence as a gesture of "their" generosity I will be donating the throw to a family in need, in their name.
I would end it with a thank you for this opportunity as I am sure the receiving family will enjoy it.
You will have a chance to make your point while keeping your dignity intact. (Also leaving them no where to go with it!) So... what do you think?

agreed!


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## Alpaca Farmer (Jan 19, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


 :thumbup:


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## Alpaca Farmer (Jan 19, 2011)

I applaud you for making handmade gifts for your family. This is what I wish all families would do. I refuse to shop and my kids and grandkids get homebaked cookies, candies, bread. 
If they don't appreciate what you made for them, do as taszinwinston suggested - give it to a charity in their name. If they are old enough to be married, they are old enough to understand your financial situation.
Blessings to you this Christmas season.


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## Stablebummom (Dec 5, 2011)

I agree with Taz!


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## Raybo (Mar 12, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> I also just found out that my daughter is not allowed traditional Christmas colors because my son-in-law is Jewish. What would you do?


If theirs is a supposedly Jewish home, why are they expecting Christmas gifts from you at all at all?? I agree with the other suggestions, give the items to some one who will appreciate them. If you feel generous you could give it in their name, but you're not obligated to do that either. :XD:


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## StitchDesigner (Jan 24, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> I like the suggestions that you have given. This is perhaps the best and only thing I can do. Thank you so much for your suggestions and words.


Besides, if your SIL is Jewish, he's used to the "Jewish mother" guilt thing.


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## Shaestr (Feb 7, 2011)

My daughter is Christian. My son -in-law is Jewish...(kind of)....he isn't a practicing jew. He only pays attention to passover and Chanukkah. I is so adamant about Chanukkah that I was told that if I don't get a gift for the kids for Chanukkah that I would not be allowed to give anything for Christmas. I basically explained that I would not have rules placed on me. That if I support them with the Jewish holidays it is because of my grandkids that I do and I do it because I want too and I did not want to be told what I can and cannot do. 

So, He does the jewish side and my daughter puts up a tree, lights and celebrates Christmas. He doesn't like it and is uncomfortable with it but My daughter said she is holding to her
religious beliefs. That is why the Christmas gifts.

This SIL has caused so many problems in the family over his views and insisting that we all participate and respect his religious views but there is no respect for what we believe and how we feel.


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## Raybo (Mar 12, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> I was told that if I don't get a gift for the kids for Chanukkah that I would not be allowed to give anything for Christmas.
> This SIL has caused so many problems in the family over his views and insisting that we all participate and respect his religious views but there is no respect for what we believe and how we feel.


He sounds like a spoiled brat, not an adult. You certainly don't need to spoil him any more.


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## Clickers (Apr 8, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> My daughter is Christian. My son -in-law is Jewish...(kind of)....he isn't a practicing jew. He only pays attention to passover and Chanukkah. I is so adamant about Chanukkah that I was told that if I don't get a gift for the kids for Chanukkah that I would not be allowed to give anything for Christmas. I basically explained that I would not have rules placed on me. That if I support them with the Jewish holidays it is because of my grandkids that I do and I do it because I want too and I did not want to be told what I can and cannot do.
> 
> So, He does the jewish side and my daughter puts up a tree, lights and celebrates Christmas. He doesn't like it and is uncomfortable with it but My daughter said she is holding to her
> religious beliefs. That is why the Christmas gifts.
> ...


If he wants respect for his beliefs then it should work both ways and he have respect for your beliefs, otherwise he should not have married your daughter but a Jewish lass.


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## taznwinston (Feb 5, 2012)

Well I must say, Thank you to all who are in support of my asnwer. Mom always said,"Kill them with kindness". It is a skilled I have, sadly, had to master. But sometimes it's down right FUN. LOL (sorry, couldn't help it).
Like I said, the best part of the whole scenario is that you are able to make a point and there really isn't anywhere for your SIL to go with a response without making him look more like an Arse!! 
I will pray for you to find employment somehow in the near future. God Bless you and stay strong. It does get better.
Oh, and tot he person who thought I was being rather nice in my response, Thank you for those kind thoughts. But I must say, it wasn't my first reaction, THAT was probably closer to your initial reaction also. LOL Brilliant minds!


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## mojave (Oct 14, 2011)

Can you kill your daughter and SIL with kindness by offering to use your sewing/needlework skills to make something they do want? Put together a portfolio of examples, present your portfolio and offer to make something of their choice if they pay for the materials. It would be acceptable to remind them you don't have the money available to purchase the materials and are offering free labor.


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## TexCat (Sep 23, 2012)

cindye6556 said:


> taznwinston said:
> 
> 
> > Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> ...


You are obviously much more tactful and kind spirited than I. I must have been furiously typing when you posted because I couldn't have said it better.

Shaestr, bless your giving heart.


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## peachy51 (Feb 9, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I love everything taz has written. Christmas is, after all, about "giving" ... not "receiving."

As for the son-in-law, if he is Jewish, I wouldn't be giving him any Christmas gifts ever.

As an aside, I see all kinds of red flags in that marriage.

I think you should do as taz suggests and then ... Have yourself a very Merry Christmas!


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## DickWorrall (May 9, 2011)

You could bake something.
Cake or other food item.
I would not spend the time on a crochet, knit or sewn gift for them.
We used to have Christmas with my in laws.
My brother in law would open what we gave them and say, "Oh, from Dick and Louise." Very disappointing response.
Put it down and then open something from someone else and hold it up for all to see with a big smile and acknowledgement of it.
One year, we didn't go to Cape Cod and get them a gift. We gave them a gift certificate to a restaurant and a few other things.
This time, his wife opened it. She said, "You didn't have to do all that."
I said, "We do that every year."
She said, "You do?"
My wife had a fight with them back in the early 90's. We only got together one more time a couple of years ago.
They called Christmas eve and invited us over.
My wife called and talked to them a few more times, after that 
and was told never to call again and they never wanted to see her again.
So, that didn't go well at all.
But, saves us a lot on Christmas gifts.
Dick


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## JusNeedles (Nov 20, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I totally agree with this suggestion......I too have been in the same position....I''m now retired due to a heart attack and a stroke and I can't work no matter what...I have to be creative (as you are) and give what I can with what I have.........my children are very gracious and receive my gifts with love and joy as they know that I give from my heart and not my pocketbook ! However, IF IF IF one of them made even one comment about my gift, I would never ever give them anything but a card....! May you have a joyous Christmas season no matter what and know that you have a lot of folks uplifting you and supporting you here on KP !
Sandy in GA


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## pmarch (Mar 18, 2012)

I don't make anything for my daughter or grandson. She told me she didn't want the stuff, I told her fine, give back what I gave you cause I can give the things to some one else. She ran upstairs and hide them. Not sure if she was keeping for #2 or didn't want someone else to have it. Such is life.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

You put your heart and soul into making these gifts,if your daughter and husband don't like them iwould wipe them off my gift list as they have a very selfish attiude,they have no understanding of your situation.If they have wee ones just make gifts for them.I hope you have a very merry christmas and a happier newyear.Bless you. :lol: :lol:


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## needlelark (Apr 14, 2011)

We to have one side of our family where there is a "situation" about gifts, and I've tried and tried in the past to find limited budget things which would be appreciated but nothing seemed right...and there's no doubt that it's hurtful. This year a dear friend said "Don't beat yourself up about something you can't change." so I've given a gift to a Water Charity instead of to them. Please give your lovely work to a charity which needs it, and bless you for your loving heart Shaestr.


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## Phyllis (Jan 20, 2011)

I wouldnt give them anything. Just a hug and Merry Christmas.


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## sandyP (Jun 20, 2012)

I agree with the suggestion of the card. In future I wouldn't bother giving gifts to them at all birthdays included. That's just plain rude and they don't deserve anything.


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## anetdeer (Jul 16, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


My thoughts too!!


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## anetdeer (Jul 16, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


My thoughts too!!


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## Katpw (Sep 10, 2012)

What a fantastic idea, a donation to a needy (and hopefully grateful!) family/person in the name of the daughter and son in law.... Very clever, and the gift, made with love will actually be appreciated.


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## ole chook (May 17, 2011)

cindye6556 said:


> taznwinston said:
> 
> 
> > Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## sidecargrammie (Feb 14, 2011)

All good advise...somewhat in the same dilema...but have solved it on my own....in lieu of giving presents to the adults ( my daughter and son in law) donating to the Sandy Hook families in their name. Everything I have made for them in the past they have given away..including the items I made for their children...so eliminating that venue and going direct. Also have spent countless hours searching for items made in the USA only to gift. Don't mean to offend anyone ....but appreciated the challenge that Diane Sawyer and Chris Cuomo put out there....more jobs are needed in USA Merry Christmas to all.....


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## lr8465 (May 24, 2012)

couldnt have put it better myself well said. I think something made with love, time and patience is the best gift of all.


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## deelangford (Nov 22, 2012)

Shaeann, you sound so kind hearted I would just go ahead and give. Perhaps put a little note on to say how they are made with love in every stitch but if they prefer, return them to you so you can pass them to famililies in crisis to put to good use.

God bless you for being such a kind and thoughtful person and I will pray for a good year for you next year. xxx


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## Cinny60 (Nov 16, 2012)

I totaly agree with the above too. If they cant appricate what they do get as a gift then they dont deserve anything. My family has for years just given to the GC because of money situations. And to me Christmas is for the kids. So I say do this and maybe form now on they might appricate what they do get.


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## cbektas (Dec 11, 2012)

Eloquently put. You have more patience with something like this then I do. I say give them a card and write inside that since you don't appreciate items that are tediously hand made with love then you will donate their gift to someone needy. They will surely appreciate it.


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## bonster (Jan 28, 2011)

Equally yoked.


Shaestr said:


> My daughter is Christian. My son -in-law is Jewish...(kind of)....he isn't a practicing jew. He only pays attention to passover and Chanukkah. I is so adamant about Chanukkah that I was told that if I don't get a gift for the kids for Chanukkah that I would not be allowed to give anything for Christmas. I basically explained that I would not have rules placed on me. That if I support them with the Jewish holidays it is because of my grandkids that I do and I do it because I want too and I did not want to be told what I can and cannot do.
> 
> So, He does the jewish side and my daughter puts up a tree, lights and celebrates Christmas. He doesn't like it and is uncomfortable with it but My daughter said she is holding to her
> religious beliefs. That is why the Christmas gifts.
> ...


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## TNS (Nov 27, 2012)

It's very sad to think that people, especially 'near and dear' can be so hurtful, but there have been some wonderful suggestions. As a child I was always excited to see what my Gran had knitted or crocheted for me, and would not dream of giving away these heritage pieces. They are part of my family history! Since then one of my aunts and also Mum would give us home crafted items which are still treasured, and my daughter (19) is interested in inheriting them!! 
Just think of the value put on old quilts and samplers from previous centuries - not just monetary value, but their history.......most of these items are the result of having to reuse and recycle in circumstances where no one could afford new items, but time and skill was used to make beautiful quilts, rag rugs etc. Keep up the good work, and have a really Happy Christmas.


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## cbektas (Dec 11, 2012)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## aannggeell (Dec 7, 2012)

Wow, that is a great idea TEXCAT. Giving it to a charity. How about a nursing home?


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

I wouldn't be giving them anything at all. Those receiving gifts should not tell you what they will accept.


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## jfgbrown (May 21, 2011)

The family that says "no more yarn gifts" is very insensitive and nonappreciative, they would get a nice Christmas card and that is it. If you are not a knitter/crafter you have no idea how much time and effort go into homemade gifts. So...no more for them. As for the star blanket...if your daughter isn't Jewish then she can have Christmas colors...if she is not able to enjoy a beautiful piece her mother made for her...then the problem isn't in the color it is in the relationship. Sorry but I am honest and it is is wrong to say that stuff...you asked. I would love anything homemade as a gift because I KNOW what goes into them. Love to you at Christmas.


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## Rita Ann (Jan 17, 2012)

Here Here ladies.....Very well said....Children and In laws....Should be seen and and not heard.....MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HEALTHY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU.


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## elsiemarley (Jul 27, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


A very thoughtful and wonderful answer. My first thought was donate their gift to a nursing facility or other place where many to not have family to help them thru this time of year.


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## cydneyjo (Aug 5, 2011)

taznwinston, excellent suggestion. I especially like the idea of giving the gift to someone who will need and appreciate it. I don't remember when giving/receiving gifts got so mean.


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## cindye6556 (Apr 6, 2011)

grandmatimestwo said:


> I wouldn't be giving them anything at all. Those receiving gifts should not tell you what they will accept.


I agree, but there are those that are just crass enough to do so, or to say if you won't give to this church, charity or what have you in my name don't bother. I have family members that way, or will donate in my name to something so far afield of my beliefs that we finally came to an understanding....we'd get together for lunch before holidays, and gift for the kids. Of course whatever I did for the kids was never good enough, so finally said no more when the kids hit their teen years! Finally had a peaceful holiday!


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## tatesgirl (Mar 27, 2011)

I was 19 when I married into a whole tribe of arrogant people who were hateful to everyone, not just me. Being young, I thought I could influence them to change and improve themselves and I tried to do it through introducing my own family's attitudes at Christmas.

For TEN YEARS I clipped coupons year round so I could afford to bake hundreds of cookies and buy paper plates, Saran wrap and ribbon. I bought and mailed more than 100 cards to HIS family members and gave my husband plates of cookies piled high as gifts to take to his relatives even though 6 months into the marriage MR WONDERFUL had told me himself (during one of our many arguments) that he cancelled my parents and siblings the day he married me and I wasn't to send my mother any more cards or call her on the phone.

One fall day in my 11th year of marriage I accidentally ran into one of his relatives at the supermarket, who stepped up and greeted me in a friendly manner FOR THE FIRST TIME! Then she said she'd been "wondering if I was going to be making HER cookies this year because she really enjoyed them."

Instantly, I replied that I had no idea that ANYONE ever even ate them because up until then no one had mentioned them. Then I added, "NONE of YOU has ever sent me a card, either! You COULD have, but you DIDN'T! I guess you think I don't have any feelings."

I stopped knocking myself out TO PLEASE IGNORANT PEOPLE that day. I baked only for myself and I've never sent another card. Your son-in-law is on the same level. Don't think he doesn't know what he's doing because he DOES. I let my husband "get away with it" because I was legally bound to him. You're NOT married to your son-in-law so you need to recognize that he's divorced himself from his wife's family and let him tough it through life on his own!


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## corjo (Nov 26, 2012)

I agree with this completely.


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## mary charnley (Nov 23, 2012)

boy, do i feel for you!! i would not give them the quilt, but would hold on to it for you daughter, she might want it another time. i would have a heart to heart with your daughter,and let her know your financial situation. is she allowed to celebrate christmas? my heart wants to you to tell your son-n-law that he is a jerk, but having had a frosty relationship with my motherinlaw, that is not what is best for your daughter. good luck, and remember this too shall pass.


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## sage river (Dec 10, 2012)

i have throws made by my late mother, not the colours i would choose but am thankful for something to cuddle up in and remember her. i know you dont have spare money but what about fancy wrapped olive oil that is useful. the charity idea is great, just make sure you dont feel bad about the gift......myself i love handmade items they show the love and time that goes into them


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## Grannybear (Mar 29, 2011)

I would ask him to have a chat with his Rabbi to help him more fully understand the meaning of gifting at the holidays. It is meant to share your good fortune with those less fortunate. Each culture has its own customs to be followed and shared in harmony not to be pushed in anothers face as the only one. Your SIL sounds very selfish if he is starting in his own home to exclude your daughter and her family customs rather than trying to harmonize the two cultures. We have many friends of mixed cultures that are doing an amazing job of teaching their children to be responsible citizens of the world, I hope your SIL will rethink his position on this and celebrate rather than bully his family. 
This too is shared as my humble opinion and hope it is taken s such.
Here's hoping that 2013 will bring happier times and a new job. Happy Holidays and keep smiling knowing you have lots of friends and support here on KP.


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## extreme (Oct 29, 2012)

The lovely thing about knitting something for some-one is that one thinks about them all the time while knitting, and every stitch is knitted with love. But not everyone deserves that love and hard work that goes into a knitted gift. One day they may become wiser.


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## cindye6556 (Apr 6, 2011)

Well, am sure everyone has heard the old saying "You can pick your friends, but not your family." I think everyone has family they would trade for some of their friends any day. I know I certainly do, and you usually know who they are in a short period of time. They're the ones that are there through thick, and thin, never judgemental, and if in their power would move heaven and earth for you...


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## martina (Jun 24, 2012)

You are a kind thoughtful person and it seems that a spoilt brat has rejected this for his own selfish reasons. Do what you wish with the gift other than giving it to them ,just send a card . Hang on to the thought that it is the season of good will to all mankind and enjoy it as much as possible. I hope you find employment soon.


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## Rhonda-may (Feb 15, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I couldn't agree more


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## EllenCrafts (Apr 17, 2012)

Talk to your daughter. It sounds like he's making all the decisions. It might be just him that doesn't like 'yarn' things. Maybe he's not letting her keep them.


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## yTirAhc (Jun 20, 2012)

Just send a card with love. The idea already mentioned about giving gift to charity sounds like a great one.


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## 8 Furry Kids (Jun 30, 2011)

You made it for your daughter and she isnt the problem, I would put it away for the future. Someday she may cherish it.


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## Bonidale (Mar 26, 2011)

I really like Taz' answer. I have been in the same boat as you for the last four years. That is what I do. I knit only for charity and I don't give gifts for financial reasons. My friends and family totally understand.


Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


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## lostmountains (Jul 14, 2011)

All the Little Drummer Boy had to offer the New Born King was the gift of a song. It is not the gift, but the love that goes into it. If others cannot see this then they have failed to grasp the true meaning of Christmas.


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## Nanny Mon (May 24, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


Excellent :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Una Svane (Dec 12, 2012)

I agree to all you have already said. BUT as a quilter too
I'd really very much like to see a photo of your beautiful quilt. I know excactly how much work it takes and I'd like to be able to give you credit for it.

Una


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## mary charnley (Nov 23, 2012)

Wow, you are GOOD!!!


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## Linda3527 (Nov 13, 2011)

I think your idea is great.


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## bu1201 (Sep 6, 2012)

Excellent advice!


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


Don't give them anything..this is literally what "Looking a gift horse in the mouth" means...instead say this year I'm giving you my best wishes seeing that you don't want any home made or crafted gifts..and say no more..they will get the message..if your daughter/son in law knows of your situation shame on her and her ignorant husband. Stipulations attached to a gift is rude.. they should accept the gift and regift it or put it away for another occassion.


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## merrick10uk (Nov 6, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


you took the words right out of my mouth Terri x


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## Arwin (Nov 16, 2011)

Alto53 said:


> taznwinston said:
> 
> 
> > Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> ...


I agree, waaaay more diplomatic than what i was thinking as well!. i shall have to talk to you about giving me diplomace lessons in the future!!! ;-)


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## tenaj (Feb 22, 2011)

I had a similar incident so I printed this out. The meaning of colors.

It worked and the gift of an afghan is being used each year.

http://crystal-cure.com/color-meanings.html


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## Englishknitter (Oct 13, 2012)

Can I come from a different angle here? To give them nothing is going to be embarrassing maybe? Could it cause a fall out and that is the last thing you want? I would not give them the throw or even mention it as I am sure your son-in-law's eyes would roll if you did. I know money is tight but could you buy them something like a bar of soap, or a bar of chocolate each - something that is cheap and when you give it to them act like you have given them something really expensive. The throw - well keep that yourself and enjoy it and think about how mean those two are with you. There are people out there who would die to have you as their mother and appreciate you and put in knitting orders.....


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## debbiecarrica (Dec 4, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I agree whole heartedly. I also have a couple of people in my family who don't want any more mitts, hats, scarfs, so I am giving them a card.


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## cgcharles (Feb 23, 2011)

Taznwinston had a perfect reply. Don't think it could possibly be said better.


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## KaitlanBlackrose (Jun 11, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


That is a great idea. My brother doesn't complain about the gifts that are made for him, but I am sure my sister in law does. I may do that next time. There are plenty of families that would be more appreciative and sending a card is just easier.


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## grandmaof7 (Feb 6, 2011)

One of our daughters is "going" with a Jewish man and he has opened his mind to Christmas since our daughter and two kids are not Jewish. He put up a tree and has bought her children gifts. If your daughter isn't Jewish I think her husband could and should bend a little in her direction. He needs to learn to give and take. He'll still get into heaven, lol.


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## SharonT (Apr 4, 2012)

lostmountains said:


> All the Little Drummer Boy had to offer the New Born King was the gift of a song. It is not the gift, but the love that goes into it. If others cannot see this then they have failed to grasp the true meaning of Christmas.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Debiknit (Jul 7, 2011)

You could take the throw and put it away for some later time.
Maybe the child when it's older. Or your daughter if things
settle down in her household.


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## Gabby knits (Sep 9, 2012)

...how very sad on so many levels but as a fairly recent divorcee who finally left an emotionally abusive marriage I think your daughter is falling into the pit of accepting unacceptable demands from a childish and selfish spouse. (It only took me 45 years to realize what was right in front of me!)


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## MacRae (Dec 3, 2011)

I have always cherished something that was handmade and it is sad there are those who do not understand the work and thought that goes into it. Regardless of your financial condition, it is time for you to give them a Christmas card or Happy Holiday card and leave it at that.


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## Wannabe knitter (Aug 1, 2012)

My great grandma used to crochet afghans. Se made some for my brothers, when she was almost 100 years old ( she lived to be 105). None of my brothers (ie their wives) wanted them, so I asked my mom if I could have one. She was a wonderful lady, and i am so grateful to have it. I'm a very sentimental person. 

Every year before Christmas and birthdays I role-play with my kids about how to receive gifts. I pretend to give them a stinky sock as a gift, and they practice saying "thank you, I appreciate it". I try to teach them to be polite and not offend the giver of the gift, even if they already have the item given, or if they don't like it. I got the idea rom a book called, "Essential 55." Our Christmases and birthdays are so much better because I don't have to hear them complain about what they were given. 

I keep telling my mom not to spend money on me because money is tight for them, but I would LOVE it if she painted a watercolor picture for me. I know I would cherish it forever.


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## insaneannie (Jan 28, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I couldn't agree with you more!! Excellently put! Merry Christmas all!!


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## past (Apr 3, 2011)

How about knitting something that would show that you understand about his desires for upholding his Jewish traditions. I did some research on items you can knit for the the Jewish holidays. Here are a few items that I found listed: challah cover, matzah cover, a skull cap for your SIL, and shawl or lace head covering for your daughter. If you have a synagogue in your neighborhood you could talk to the rabbi or ladies of the church to see if there are other ideas they could offer including an explanation of colors selected and why. 
In the Christian faith different colors have different meanings having to do with Christ and salvation. Each church season has a specific color assigned to it which acts as a reminder of the reason behind that church season. Some of the basic colors are white for the purification of our sins by the death and resurrection of Jesus the Christ, red for the blood of Christ shed for us. 
Since your SIL has specified the colors of blue and white. Find out what the meaning for different colors and color combinations are in the Jewish faith and use that in creating something special that could be used during his celebration of faith.


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## rjhandmade (Feb 15, 2012)

sidecargrammie said:


> All good advise...somewhat in the same dilema...but have solved it on my own....in lieu of giving presents to the adults ( my daughter and son in law) donating to the Sandy Hook families in their name. Everything I have made for them in the past they have given away..including the items I made for their children...so eliminating that venue and going direct. Also have spent countless hours searching for items made in the USA only to gift. Don't mean to offend anyone ....but appreciated the challenge that Diane Sawyer and Chris Cuomo put out there....more jobs are needed in USA Merry Christmas to all.....


 I used the web site Made in America they also have a store someplace upstate NY. It is hard to find much made in USA locally so internet orders this year helped. A teether for my grandbaby due in Jan. a shirt for my husband and kitchen utensils for my sil. Some are hand made by me too, but it isn't all that easy to make sure the yarn is from the US. I know lots of folks don't agree but I buy nothing from China unless it is a need and can't find it made anywhere else. That was the reason for ordering the kitchen utensils from the web, even the better named co. use China for them. XOX< Kitchen aid, all made in China. Found a few things at the mall. It has gotten easier I must say maybe the Diane Sawyer story helped the cause. Happy Holidays everyone.


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## Maine Gramma (Nov 2, 2012)

my family knows that I dont have a lot of money for presents so I make a lot of them, last year I made over 30 pairs of slippers for all the kids in the family and only heard from one of them that they fit and he liked them, I have decided to continue making gifts only for those who I know would appreciate the work involved, bake them some cookies or something and give the blanket to someone who will use it


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## #1Patsy (Feb 6, 2011)

give gift to charity, then tell them you gave their gift to charity in their name. There is no way to please ruling people. since 1982. I have a son and daughter in-law that have made it so we can not have Christmas , any holiday or if we do get together its just tension, flare of anger and grab keys take off with car, or if we are at their house he spend the whole time in the bedroom if he has not walked out back door. We meet at a restruant, away from the spouse. It easier not to get together with them. Sure could make one sad if allowed.


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## moke (Oct 8, 2011)

Taz has a good idea on this difficult situation. Some jewish people are too blunt about the holidays, and he sounds like one of them. if he is a great son-in-law in every other way, then i would do just like Taz has suggested. ooolalalala my jewish sister-in-law...we all walk on thin ice too...ha ha ha....good luck...


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## gmaison (May 24, 2012)

to put it plainly...your son in law is a j___...sorry to be so blunt..
Sounds like your daughter is accepting of his traditions, he should be accepting of hers. There is no reason both religions holidays cannot be celebrated. Here is the root of much of the violence in this world of ours...non acceptance of others' religious beliefs. 
You do whatever makes your daughter happy !!!


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## Sandyr1946 (May 12, 2012)

I just love this answer - I only wish I had thought of it, but it does follow my own thoughts very closely...just do it  And good luck for employment in the New Year. It is very poor that your entitlement runs out; down here in Oz there does not seem to be any limit to how long people can get unemployment benefits...
Sandy from Oz


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## stephaniec (Jul 26, 2012)

A fantastic answer to a very awkward and hurtful situation, i (unfortunately!) Would have been far less tactful! Xx steph.


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## ladydi5740 (May 29, 2012)

I'm sorry to be so negative, but if I were you I'd keep the blanket somewhere safe and wait. It sounds to me like the blanket may be around longer than your son-in-law. People who behave like that aren't that way just at one time of the year. What a selfish boy.


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## Browniemom (Sep 24, 2012)

Mixed faith marriages are tough. If your sil observes Passover and Hanukkah, he is observing some of his faith. Jewish holidays are celebrated in the home. However his rudeness is totally unacceptable in Judaism. Never is it acceptable to behave the way your daughter and son-in-law do. I recommend that they seek marital/couples counseling with a psytchologist. It would also help them to speak with their rabbi or minister bec. there are many problems here. Above all they are modeling extremely poor behaviors for your grandchildren. P.S. blue and white are the colors of Israel.


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## Pam in LR (Feb 16, 2012)

I would give them all cookies or jam. 
Sometimes I think it must be hard to be the family member of a prolific artist or artisan. I can complete a major project in a month, smaller ones in a week or less. My family is not very large. I have clothed them, made their bed linens, and even some wall pieces, but they only need so much stuff and they only have so much space. I can't stop knitting, though, so now my gifts go to my much larger circle of friends, folks who invite us over for dinner, folks who do favors for us, etc. Some stuff even goes to total strangers. Our family has reached the stage where all of the primary members are down-sizing; we don't even exchange gifts at all anymore.


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## kybrat (Dec 19, 2012)

I am so sorry about your unemployment, and I hope the coming year brings you recovery! As for the gift.....I lost my mom in February, and I wouldn't trade the items she made for me for all the money in the world. She took her time, talents, materials, and love to create something for me, and I will cherish that always. I agree with the others....donate their gift to a family that will appreciate what you have put into it. God Bless you during the coming holidays and always.


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## radar (Dec 6, 2011)

Years ago when my daughter was about 10, and after years of giving gramma gifts she didn't like, my 10 year old was so excited that she just knew her gram would like this gift she got her. Luckily she didn't come to our place that year, but phoned and asked to speak to daughter. She got on the phone with this huge smile on her face, which quickly slide off her face and I could hear gram's high pitched voice say, "What the h--- would make you think I would like or want that." that was the year we decided no more gifts to or from gram and auntie (two peas in a pod) as another ruined Christmas just didn't appeal to us. Never ever had seen the like of it in my life. Unless you bought her a fur coat or something really valuable that she could brag about, it was just junk, and her and her daughter (auntie) would not wear anything that didn't fit like a second skin. It was gross. We have not had anything to do with them now for about 10 years. It was just getting out of hand all year long. To this day, and my kids refer to them as nasty gram and nasty auntie. To top it off when gram died it was a shirt tail relative that phoned to tell us, but funeral was over. His sister(auntie) is that nasty that she would not tell us. Obviously someone didn't agree with her.


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## cindye6556 (Apr 6, 2011)

radar said:


> Years ago when my daughter was about 10, and after years of giving gramma gifts she didn't like, my 10 year old was so excited that she just knew her gram would like this gift she got her. Luckily she didn't come to our place that year, but phoned and asked to speak to daughter. She got on the phone with this huge smile on her face, which quickly slide off her face and I could hear gram's high pitched voice say, "What the h--- would make you think I would like or want that." that was the year we decided no more gifts to or from gram and auntie (two peas in a pod) as another ruined Christmas just didn't appeal to us. Never ever had seen the like of it in my life. Unless you bought her a fur coat or something really valuable that she could brag about, it was just junk, and her and her daughter (auntie) would not wear anything that didn't fit like a second skin. It was gross. We have not had anything to do with them now for about 10 years. It was just getting out of hand all year long. To this day, and my kids refer to them as nasty gram and nasty auntie. To top it off when gram died it was a shirt tail relative that phoned to tell us, but funeral was over. His sister(auntie) is that nasty that she would not tell us. Obviously someone didn't agree with her.


Which just proves every family has one! My dad and I had falling out after my mom died, and I found out about his death doing family tree research. As an only child it did hurt, but cousins that kept in touch with him, and even they didn't bother to call me. When confronted their response was " we thought you didn't care." But then that's another story!


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## willi66 (Aug 30, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I agree, well said. Maybe donate to a senior in a nursing home who has no family?

Note to ShaeAnn, sorry to hear about the job situation, that must be very stressful. On a happier note, you look too young to have a married daughter!!

Happy holidays everyone!


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## Annsb (May 16, 2011)

Under the circumstances, I would not make them anything with yarn. They don't seem to appreciate it anyway.
They seem to be very selfish!!!
How about putting the money that you spend on the supplies and putting it in a card for them and explaining the reason why?
I feel very bad for you and it would make me furious.


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## Mary Smith (Oct 12, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


First your daughter needs to get a life - freedom of religion. But she may have known what lie in her future when she married this guy. As for your gift - if this is the couple that you said made ungrateful remarks, I'd completely take them off my "gift to do" list. I love handmade gifts - my best presents have been cookies and candy made by my daughter.

Keep Christmas in your heart and let the others be miserable within their lives. Your thoughtfulness is appreciated by the others and those are the people who count.


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## ultrahiggs (Jun 4, 2012)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


So sorry you have had this happen just before xmas, unfortunately, some people do not seem to realise that there is a lot of love and care that goes into a hand made item, far better to receive something that someone has taken the time and trouble to make than a gift from a store. A gift is a gift, and if your daughter and son in law do not want your gift then dont give them anything, sorry but I feel they are being very selfish and thoughtless. Send them a card saying about your circumstances, but certainly dont apologise for the fact that you couldnt afford something from a store, its their loss


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## GogoJules (Aug 27, 2012)

Basically I agree with all that has been said, and I feel for you. No one can put a price on love and kindness and thoughtfulness all of which go into the making of such special gifts. 
I think I would, inside the card which has been suggested, add a note to the effect that the true meaning of Christmas and giving is the giving of self - and commercial gifts do not come close to something someone has made.
Include a home made voucher for something furhther down the line like home made jam (jelly), baby sitting, a home-cooked meal or something that you can do for them.


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## ashworthml (Nov 1, 2012)

Christmas isn't just about giving gifts,it is supposed to be time of sharing love with your family.They should be happy with your company and like others suggested explain to them that you have made them something and if they want to except it that's fine but if they don't explain to them that that is what you could afford and there's nothing else.
Personally there is more love and thought that goes into a home made gift than a shop bought one that may cost too much for your pocket to handle.Any gift is given out of love and you obviously put a lot of work into what you have done,which should be enough for them.I would feel bad if I didn't accept such a lovely gift,regardless of colour.
I've told everyone that due to finances everyone is getting something hand knitted and luckily my two daughters are thrilled and have already started putting in their requests


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## fstknitter (Apr 8, 2012)

I too dread the holiday season and can hardly wait til it is over. Such unnecessary stress on emotions and finances. Welcome visits at other times of the year. Every young couple has to work out their mesh of holidays. My sister married a Jewish man who objected to a gift with a snowman motif. My. Other sister remarked I'm sorry; I forgot about Saint Frosty" it now has become a family joke. Not sure why they didn't let you know color scheme earlier. My daughter and son in law have silver and red. 
Don't think it is fair to fault them their color choice. Insert an I.o.u. A blue and white throw coupon in their Christmas card


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## Dowager (Jun 7, 2011)

Canamaha said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


Who says we have to keep an open mind? I am 70 years old and feel I have earned the right to close my mind as tightly as I want to rude, selfish, inconsiderate people. This year I knitted winter hats for all my children and grandchildren. I wondered just how much use my oldest daughter in Texas would get from theirs, but when I told her what I was sending, she was thrilled! Seems they are going to Colorado in February for a ski vacation, and these will be just perfect for that!


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

I would think that your family members know that you are out of work and struggling financially. If they don't, tell them. The next step is to remove this stress from your life. If you choose to continue to make your lovely gifts for them, enclose a note with each telling your intentions and the love that went into making it. If you choose not to make them gifts, let them know why. This can be done in a gentle manner by you. How they receive or react to the information is on them. It seems that your daughter has married a controlling fellow. I wish you all well.


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## navigator (Dec 18, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


Perfect!!! I love this.

Most people don't have any idea how much time, and often blood, sweat and tears go into a handmade gift. It's a shame they can't be more appreciative. Your generosity and thoughtfulness deserve better.


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## cindye6556 (Apr 6, 2011)

Don't think it is fair to fault them their color choice. Insert an I.o.u. A blue and white throw coupon in their Christmas card[/quote]

But I think you're missing the point here...SIL has clearly stated "No more knitted or sewn gifts". I don't think the jackass has a clue as to what goes into making a quilt or afgan or any other hand crafter item, be it fiber, cookies, candy or jam. He sounds like a selfish, uncaring jerk, and it's all about him. But just my opinion.


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## michaelena (Dec 14, 2011)

Do what I did this year....and everyone thought it was great. Instead of Christmas presents for the adults give to St. Jude Children's Hospital or your favorite charity, then you'all won't have to worry about gifts, this is a gift for everyone.......

Good Luck


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## twray (Nov 7, 2012)

I couldn't have said it any better than this...



EIKnitter said:


> I think I'd find something else to give them. Do they have children? Can you offer babysitting services? Is there any other type of "service" you can offer them that doesn't involve spending money out of your pocket?
> 
> If not, you should be up front with them and tell them that because you are not working or receiving unemployment, you simply don't have any extra money for gifts this year. You could tell them that you had made a blanket/throw for them, and if they want it, you'd be happy to give it to them, but you understand that it might not mean as much to them as it does to you (okay, that's a little guilt, but it won't hurt them!). If they don't want it, then there is no gift.
> 
> They're grown-ups and should be able to understand. I appreciate your wanting to attach something to the gift that explains the love and kindness that goes into the making of the gift, but if they don't want or appreciate handmade items and actually had the nerve to tell you that, I don't think the note would help.


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I think taznwinston has a wonderful idea! What wisdom! She has covered every point so well; diplomacy extroidinaire while making it clear that you had had them in mind while making them something that someone else will appreciate and find very special.

It is unfortunate that the SIL seems to be without empathy for his MIL. How old is this man? The couple must not have been married long, I can't help but wonder how long a marriage to this unfeeling, uncaring, controling, outspoken dictator can last. Does her daughter get to say anything?

See, this is why I admire taznwinston's diplomacy....mine seems nonexistant.

Taz, would you consider running for the office of President of The United States? If we ever needed your brand of diplomacy it is now!


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## Jcaywood (Jun 24, 2012)

I think that although what you made is no doubt lovely, it is about the recipient and since they have stated they don't want a homemade gift of this type you should offer something else. Perhaps a gift card as someone else noted to take the children or bake some cookies or whatever would be welcome to them. I would not give my labor of love where it is not appreciated nor would I open myself up to another holiday of their rudeness.


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## cherylann4557 (Aug 11, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


your thoughts were exactly the same as mine...just my opinion too......


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## cherylann4557 (Aug 11, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


your thoughts were exactly the same as mine...just my opinion too......


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## cherylann4557 (Aug 11, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


your thoughts were exactly the same as mine...just my opinion too......


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## Janeway (Nov 22, 2011)

Taz., you are so right with your answer. My grown daughters don't expect gifts so we only buy for the grandchildren small gifts. Sometimes, they are handmade and sometimes if a good bargain, store bought.

Yes, donate the "yarn" goods to charity as there are people who "love" hand made items.

I'm hoping you find work soon but until then, do what you can for Christmas but don't worry about giving gifts where they are not appreciated.

God bless you and I'm wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Janeway


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## ElyseKnox (Sep 16, 2011)

At the risk of sounding way too negative, "going with" is not the same as "married to." 
Your prospective SIL may not change his tune after the wedding but all too often that is exactly what happens. "Mixed marriages" whatever the "mixed" refers to--religion, nationality, etc. are always challenging. Most young people in love think that they will overcome all difficulties so she may not be willing to open to considering how things might work out. 

You might want to show your daughter this thread. If she were mine I would do just that. Historically young people think their different religious backgrounds don't matter, but as time goes on they usually become more important. I wish you daughter and prospective SIL only the best but this comment is based on personal experience and I know first hand how important this issue can be.


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## Linda888 (Mar 6, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## SharonM (Nov 25, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I just LOVE this response. Tactful (something I lack) but direct and to the point. I also like your saying about a "gift" not being a "given". I will definitely be sharing that thought with some of the more ungrateful people I know.


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## Fourel (Jun 25, 2012)

I love your response! I'm going to remember it if I'm ever in that situation. Merry Christmas.


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## gmarie (Feb 8, 2012)

Is your daughter also Jewish? If not, who is your SIL to tell her she can not celebrate Christmas and have Christmas colors. I'm sorry, but it makes me angry when others try to take away our Christian rights. If she has converted to Judaism then it would be a different story.


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## Janeway (Nov 22, 2011)

Ann DeGray said:


> taznwinston said:
> 
> 
> > Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: Agree fully so let us know when you want to move to the White House!


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## Henni (Dec 3, 2012)

what an awesome idea donating the blanket to an Organization that could use it. just my opinion. i make a lot of gifts for my family too. sometimes it hu-rts to see a painting relegated to a box in the basement 'just in case one of the grandchildren would like it one day'. i just keep painting them gifts. the grandkids never like what i knit so i gave that up long ago. made by Oma is not cool enough. it has to say Gap or a brand name of some kind.i bet there are a lot of stories out there like this.


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## Lucette (Nov 28, 2012)

VERY VERY welll said!!!!


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## litprincesstwo (Nov 11, 2012)

I think this is the best way to go. Giving them the "gift" of a way out and helping someone else at the same time. Beauitful idea!


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

Raybo said:


> Shaestr said:
> 
> 
> > I also just found out that my daughter is not allowed traditional Christmas colors because my son-in-law is Jewish. What would you do?
> ...


Hey, she's right! Is he giving 8 Hanukkah gifts to everyone? How nice!


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## insaneannie (Jan 28, 2011)

That is so sad! But as they say "Karma is a B***H!" There are relatives in my hub's family who don't appreciate 'HAND MADE" gifts, know what , I give them every year just to prove a point!!! Fortunately then aren't rude and don't say anything. And after 30+ yrs. of marriage I think they are finally kind of looking forward to them.


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## Canamaha (Nov 23, 2012)

i would think it two gifts in one myself..first the actual made item,and the 2nd that someone cared enough to spend that kind of time to make me something with their own hands.Not being the recepient of many gifts at all one learns to appreciate any and everything that is given..years ago,my ex mother in law regifted me a sweater once..someone at church gave it to her and she didnt like it but thought i would..well it was just a bit too small and i asked where she got it so i could exchange it for a medium..she told me where she got it and i wasn't angry..just upset that such a lovely sweater wouldnt get used..so i put it up and saved it for my daughter..she wore it for quite a while until she outgrew it as well.Some people are just spoiled. There were Christmases when i was growing up that the only gift my brother sister and i received was a used coat from the church basement.I Thank God for that! I just cant imagine making "orders" for gifts..or to deny or ridicule something just because it's handmade. Bring them on i say.They are usually better quality anyway. Some people..hmph!


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## Lovinknittin (Apr 2, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


That is excellent!! You must be sensible and strong but compassionate. 😃 Good job! There are dollar stores also.


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## Yarn Tales (Oct 20, 2012)

I've not read all the replies...

Considering your daughter is now married and has decided to honor and respect her husband's religion and with the newly acquired knowledge would refrain from gifting them anything nor would I extend a card and definitely would not offer any sort of explanation for the absence of such items. Surely, the afghan can be used by them...just not decorate the house for Christmas with it. There's not a ban of the colors, red, green and white...just not the use of it in decorating around this time, right? 

I love when I see families of mixed faiths respect each others beliefs and not try to dominate or diminish the others...I also love when two become one and it can definitely be quite difficult when two different faiths are involved.
Is it possible to ask before the get together how they would prefer it to be handled without making them feel horrible through a card that is supposed to reflect the spirit especially surrounding this time of year? 
I have two SsIL and I know I'd feel like garbage if one of them made the comment to me. Then, again, my daughters would've said something to them before I collected myself and unleashed a tsunami of 'words' upon them.


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

lostmountains said:


> All the Little Drummer Boy had to offer the New Born King was the gift of a song. It is not the gift, but the love that goes into it. If others cannot see this then they have failed to grasp the true meaning of Christmas.


Yeah, but this oaf wouldn't know who The Little Drummer Boy was or what he represented. I could think of a dandy way to use those drumsticks, though.


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## cindye6556 (Apr 6, 2011)

I could think of a dandy way to use those drumsticks, though.[/quote]

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Eimac (May 13, 2012)

I want to add that the idea of only blue and white decorations for Christmas is silly. I am Jewish and my husband isn't. Our house recognizes both holidays. When I was growing up, my family did not celebrate Christmas and, yes, our decorations were blue and white. ( The colors of the Israeli flag, no real religious connotation). But now we celebrate both holidays and it would be ludicrous to limit the decor to blue and white. What if your daughter said she wanted Chanukah decoration only to be red and green? It makes no sense.


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## Lovinknittin (Apr 2, 2011)

Yarn Tales said:


> I've not read all the replies...
> 
> Considering your daughter is now married and has decided to honor and respect her husband's religion and with the newly acquired knowledge would refrain from gifting them anything nor would I extend a card and definitely would not offer any sort of explanation for the absence of such items. Surely, the afghan can be used by them...just not decorate the house for Christmas with it. There's not a ban of the colors, red, green and white...just not the use of it in decorating around this time, right?
> 
> ...


It's very difficult not to give a daughter something. Write the card as Taznwinston said to both explaining and give her fingerless gloves or something made with the yarn that you have and him a little something. Dollar stores have many things also.


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## Lamzdivy (Apr 25, 2011)

Terri/taznwinston, I think your suggestion is perfect! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Yarn Tales (Oct 20, 2012)

I just read more of the replies...this has been going on for some time...wow...long enough to have grandkids from them and there's still ...oh, gosh, I'm getting an eye twitch...
You mentioned the SIL stated, we don't want anymore yarn or sewn gifts...is it truly a "we" thing or is it a 'he' thing? If it's a 'we' thing (and if your daughter was in earshot and heard it and didn't contradict what he said then I'd take that as a 'we' thing)...give them a hug and good wishes nothing else. If it's a 'he' thing, give her the afghan and him the 'eye'.


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## Klockie (Sep 20, 2011)

Ladies, I would not include the daughter as a co-culprit without further information. This situation sounds very much like spousal abuse. No husband in his right mind would dictate to this extent. Daughter needs to grow a backbone or get rid of this jerk.


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## Dlclose (Jun 26, 2011)

Send us your address. I'm sure many of us would donate blue and white yarn! You could do some quick placemats or a table runner and some end table covers that they could use every JEWISH holiday!


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## WelshWooly (Jul 4, 2012)

They would get a card with a note saying that since you no longer can afford to buy them things because of long term unemployment and they have said hand crafted,not home made is unacceptable they will not be getting a physical present this year just your love and good wishes for the season and the New Year. Then wait and see what their reaction is.


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## momskii (Oct 25, 2012)

past said:


> How about knitting something that would show that you understand about his desires for upholding his Jewish traditions. I did some research on items you can knit for the the Jewish holidays. Here are a few items that I found listed: challah cover, matzah cover, a skull cap for your SIL, and shawl or lace head covering for your daughter. If you have a synagogue in your neighborhood you could talk to the rabbi or ladies of the church to see if there are other ideas they could offer including an explanation of colors selected and why.
> In the Christian faith different colors have different meanings having to do with Christ and salvation. Each church season has a specific color assigned to it which acts as a reminder of the reason behind that church season. Some of the basic colors are white for the purification of our sins by the death and resurrection of Jesus the Christ, red for the blood of Christ shed for us.
> Since your SIL has specified the colors of blue and white. Find out what the meaning for different colors and color combinations are in the Jewish faith and use that in creating something special that could be used during his celebration of faith.


this is a very nice thought, but I doubt that the SIL would even appreciate that


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## pb9759 (Oct 6, 2012)

I think a lot depends on how you celebrate the holiday - do you get together as a family on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts? eat a meal? attend a church service? or do you have to mail the gifts? Do you have other children/grandchildren? I don't think any of us can tell you what to do since we don't really know how important maintaing a good relationship with your daughter is. Do they live close by and how often do you see them? Do you exchange gifts with other members of the family and what kind of gifts do they give you? Maybe you could just ask them - What do you want for Christmas this year? If they give you a specific request that you can afford - then just do that or tell them - sorry, can't afford that so let's just agree to not exchange gifts this year.


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## Yarn Tales (Oct 20, 2012)

Shaestr said:


> My daughter is Christian. My son -in-law is Jewish...(kind of)....he isn't a practicing jew. He only pays attention to passover and Chanukkah. I is so adamant about Chanukkah that I was told that if I don't get a gift for the kids for Chanukkah that I would not be allowed to give anything for Christmas. I basically explained that I would not have rules placed on me. That if I support them with the Jewish holidays it is because of my grandkids that I do and I do it because I want too and I did not want to be told what I can and cannot do.
> 
> So, He does the jewish side and my daughter puts up a tree, lights and celebrates Christmas. He doesn't like it and is uncomfortable with it but My daughter said she is holding to her
> religious beliefs. That is why the Christmas gifts.
> ...


I'm confused...sounds like your daughter celebrates Christmas as she chooses and is opting to compromise and use blue and white decorations only...
You didn't make the afghan as a Christmas decoration, did you? So, the colors of it shouldn't be an issue. Since he didn't want yarn gifts or sewn gifts...give it to her only.


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## WelshWooly (Jul 4, 2012)

> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


i should have read a few answers before answering, my answer on page 9 is the same but without the donation of the quilt in their name. I think that is an excellent addition.


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## Redhatchris (Apr 21, 2012)

Could you possibly make a quick Duvet cover from two sheets in a color that is acceptable and place the quilt in it.
Your note could say it is covered for respecting holiday, then to be used at other times without cover.


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## pinkladydew (Oct 21, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


The gall of your SIL just gets me, if my MIL had been making me macaroni art I would have said thank you very much ! And been grateful that she spent the time and energy.....sheesh some people just never learned the art of grace and humbleness!
I agree with the others , a card,( handmade) stating the donation to a charity and call it good, then I might sit down with my daughter at another time and state how my feelings were hurt by her tactless spoiled brat of a husband!

Merry CHRISTmas 
Praying for employment in 2013


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## Ann Heistad (Jan 18, 2012)

I had a chuckle out of this one........I too have a DIL who has forbidden many things. However the one thing you could do is donate the blanket to a charity and give them a card stating that you have done this in their name. That is considered a mizpah (an act of kindness)_ The other thing I give her is a home made gift certificate of my time to use how she sees fit, such as child minding or house sitting, or gardening. This seems to be a great gift for her and saves my son from constant griping because I don't get it right! Good luck, you have many great suggestions here.


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## KaitlanBlackrose (Jun 11, 2012)

I know when my ex husbands mother remarried to a Jewish man his children were (and probably still are) spoiled rotten. If it was handmade they didn't want it and if it cost under a certain amount is wasn't worth their time. Some people are just that way. My kids know this is what you are getting and deal, if you don't like it, just say thank you and be gracious after all is the thought that counts and giving is even better. Just take the gift you just got and give it to someone that would appreciate it or need it.. I am sure the homeless shelter would love it and would use it or some other charity. Perhaps even families that have had a fire and lost everything, they are always happy for anything, there is nothing like a tragity or reverse of fortune to turn someone around from picky to grateful. Just my two cents


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## Lynda from Watford (Nov 15, 2011)

I agree with taznwinston but would just like to add that I am Jewish and married a non-Jewish man. If you do that you both have to accept the other's wishes and beliefs. My children are Jewish too but I never had a problem with anything my Christian in-laws wanted to do, though I did have to explain why we couldn't have the children christened. I just explained to my children that they were lucky enough to have the benefit of both types of families and all that went with it. Your son-in-law is very thoughtless and shouldn't have 'married out' if he was going to take that attitude with his wife's family. And not understanding your financial situation is unforgiveable as is rejecting a gift. I am ashamed to think that a Jewish boy was brought up to be that selfish and graceless.


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## Lovinknittin (Apr 2, 2011)

pinkladydew said:


> Shaestr said:
> 
> 
> > I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> ...


  I don't own stocks in dollar stores but I heard Willie Geist on the Today show say that his family does Dollar Store gifts and it is the most fun (such as a tie that lights up). Then, if some want to give another gift of more value, it is fine but not obligatory.


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## Little Person (Jul 13, 2012)

I agree with you!!! The fact that her husband will not let her decorate with traditional Christmas is horrid!!!! I have some really good friends that celebrate both Christmas and Hanakah so the children see two different religious celebrations. Shame on him!!! If they don't want any handmade things that carry more love and giving than a store-bought item - fine - don't give them anything - especially since you haven't had a job or income in 2 years.
If they can't understand that, then shame on both of them!!! :roll:


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## Little Person (Jul 13, 2012)

Great answer!!!!!


taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


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## mary charnley (Nov 23, 2012)

seems to me you end up being the winner here! look at all of the love and support we are giving you. your son in law is the loser, in more ways than one!!!!


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

Tanzwinston--- Your wisdom and tact are overwhelming You are indeed a special person May you receive many Blessings in the coming year I hope the person with the problem finds your answer a good one. I cannot understand how anyone can be selfish enough to critisize anything given with love --but that's just me


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## tamarque (Jan 21, 2011)

You should be aware that blue and white are the Isreali flag colors so a very political statement is being made by SIL.
He and your daughter have gone thru their changes about handling their feelings about religion and the holidays. It might be productive to ask them to explain their feelings and beliefs in practice. Communication can be the way to ease uncomfortable feelings--or at least some of them.

As for your financial limitations? It is very insensitive on their part to not appreciate what you are struggling with in your life.

Personally, I would thank them for letting you know that gifts are not part of their holiday practice. Given your limitations, you appreciate knowing there will be no hard feelings when they don't receive a gift.


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## bellestarr12 (Mar 26, 2011)

chickkie said:


> I would not give them something that you know they won't appreciate or is in a color that offends.


I agree completely.


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## gen1116 (Jun 2, 2011)

Hi, my name is Gen and I don't usually comment on these issues, but this one touched me in such a way!!! What you should do is give them NOTHING!!! YOU know the love and time you put into your treasures, why give them if they are not appreciated. Christmas has totally lost it's meaning. I feel so bad that you are WORRIED how you gift is going to be received, YOU with no job!!! If I were you, I'd say I pray you have a Merry Christmas and a Blessed Happy New Year!!!
But that's just me. 

To you I say may God bless you and guide you in all you do. Keep crafting and give them to people who appreciate you and your gift of creativity.


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## Babette Accorti (Aug 5, 2012)

You are the Mother and should not have to apologize for your gifts of love. You have been giving to your daughter all her life and should explain that to her husband. I would display it on Christmas in my home. I'm sure it is beautiful and she will notice it. You can't please selfish people, which her husband is and influencing her . She is trying to hard to please him. Maybe it's time for Momma to be taken care of . A card and an old toy she used to play with would be under the tree for her.


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## denisejh (May 20, 2011)

ShaeAnn-I like Terri's thoughts and suggestions and would recommend you go with them. If your SIL has any further rude comments, I would suggest that you advise him to make an appointment to seek counsel from his rabbi for guidence as SIL sure doesn't seem to "get it" regarding love, acceptance, and giving. Ok, that may be a bit of a snarky suggestion/comment on my part but where does this control freak get the cojones to say something like that to you. It sounds as though he uses his religion when it's convenient for him to do so and ignores it when he feels like it. He put you in a very bad position. Just go with what feels right. Your daughter should have put a stop to this and since she didn't, you are well within your rights to act without concern for their feelings. Best to you. Denise


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## dkwolf (Oct 26, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I love this response, and agree with it's execution, grins, debra


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## MargaretEllen (Dec 12, 2011)

I have never before heard of colour restrictions because of being Jewish. Is this a new thing? Also, whats his problem, he married out of his faith so shouldn't being trying to restrict the other party in the relationship. Not being nasty, just cannot figure this one out. Think the idea of donating to charity is a brilliant idea, things like that can mean a lot to someone who needs help.


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## Noodle61 (Dec 4, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I think this is the best way forward too, such a nice idea


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## LizAnne (Nov 25, 2011)

deelangford said:


> Shaeann, you sound so kind hearted I would just go ahead and give. Perhaps put a little note on to say how they are made with love in every stitch but if they prefer, return them to you so you can pass them to famililies in crisis to put to good use.
> 
> God bless you for being such a kind and thoughtful person and I will pray for a good year for you next year. xxx


Shaeann, I like what DeeLangford said, also. You should be true to the person your daughter knows you to be. God Bless You and Merry Christmas!


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## Jcaywood (Jun 24, 2012)

I've now read more replies here and I also noticed another knitter here made many caps for the homeless. Which bounced me back here because I thought it would be very nice if you gave their gift to a homeless person and gave them a card stating it was given with love on their behalf to someone less fortunate. I have been out of work over a year now myself and my unemployment just ran out. It's hard for me to imagine someone as cold as your son-in-law and it must be difficult for your daughter at times and imagine it may be harder as time goes on. There's a verse that says don't throw your pearls before swine. I kind of think of your handiwork as your pearls and that you should not give it to those who won't cherish and appreciate it.


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## 2CatsinNJ (Jan 21, 2011)

I also just found out that my daughter is not allowed traditional Christmas colors because my son-in-law is Jewish. She is only allowed to decorate with blue and white. Her Christmas throw is an 8 point star in red, green and white. I am worried now about even giving it to them.

What would you do?[/quote]

Getting rid of the son-in-law's attitude comes to mind immediately. Who does he think he is, anyway? He's only 50% of that marriage, but it surely sounds like he thinks he's the only one whose feelings/memories/traditions matter. Give your daughter info where she can take a class on assertiveness training, or she's going to be your s-in-l's servant rather than the other 50% of the marriage.

My husband is Jewish, I am a practicing Lutheran. We had a long talk about our beliefs/practices/children before we were married 37 years ago. Our children were baptized & raised in the church, but learned everything we could teach them about Dad's roots. We also observed Hannukah when they were young so they had a better understanding & hands-on experience. It was a real hoot when, one year, the first night fell on a Christmas Eve ! I cook multi-ethnic cuisine (always have) which also helped to teach our children that there were many many kinds of people in the world who deserved our respect, & that being different was a learning experience for us all.

If you're daughter finds herself in a less than equal situation as time goes on, then my second thought about "what to do" is to get rid of the s-in-l.


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## MZO (Dec 10, 2012)

we have some wise n wonderful LADIES on here !!!! 
yes, thumbs up to all of you!!! 

.... regift one of their presents to you????

good luck, sweetie
love, m


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## Grandma G. (Oct 29, 2012)

Lots of good suggestions, as always from KP members.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

Probaly a pix of the blanket, then write that it is given[a charity?] in their name?
I know the tricky side of family gifting, etc too. It is hurtful to not be appreciated.
God's best to you.


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## ThaisFindsafeather (Nov 15, 2012)

My mother is the most important person in my life, and I won't let my husband even contemplate wiggling a toe out of line while she's visiting for the holidays. We daughters know how much love our mothers have, do, and will always give to us. I'm very sorry to sound offensive here, but you're daughter is the one that's out of line. Of course, her husband certainly isn't behaving any better. But I think silence in this case is deplorable. I gave my mother a big hug after reading this.

Hope you have a happy ending to this year


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

Lovesin n.
Good thinking and the last, gave me an aloud chuckle[ rarity here]


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## Gweniepooh (Jan 29, 2011)

Im so sorry that your exquisite gifts are going unappreciated. How rude and thoughtless of them. I'm sorry but I would give nothing. 


Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

oops!
was to 2 catts in N
[short memory, eh?


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## vjh1530 (Oct 8, 2011)

EIKnitter said:


> I think I'd find something else to give them. Do they have children? Can you offer babysitting services? Is there any other type of "service" you can offer them that doesn't involve spending money out of your pocket?
> 
> If not, you should be up front with them and tell them that because you are not working or receiving unemployment, you simply don't have any extra money for gifts this year. You could tell them that you had made a blanket/throw for them, and if they want it, you'd be happy to give it to them, but you understand that it might not mean as much to them as it does to you (okay, that's a little guilt, but it won't hurt them!). If they don't want it, then there is no gift.
> 
> They're grown-ups and should be able to understand. I appreciate your wanting to attach something to the gift that explains the love and kindness that goes into the making of the gift, but if they don't want or appreciate handmade items and actually had the nerve to tell you that, I don't think the note would help.


Great advice. I personally prefer that my kids tell me they don't want something than let me go thru all the work and find out they stuck the thing away and never used it. We actually have an agreement to be honest with each other even if it hurts at first. If you gave them several yarn-type items in the past they may feel they don't need any more afghans. They know your situation, and they aren't children anymore. If you can't give them a gift, they will survive. I would find some little things in the Dollar store or Walmart for your grandkids and leave it at that. Good luck and let us know how you make out.


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## susannahp (Nov 7, 2011)

In a box I would place a card that says " This is a gift of love " Its obvious that he doesnt want anything that is homemade from you so the best you can do is simply give them your love, that is worth more then any they can get from anyone else!!


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## Raybo (Mar 12, 2011)

mary charnley said:


> boy, do i feel for you!! i would not give them the quilt, but would hold on to it for you daughter, she might want it another time.


I've been rethinking my previous comments and wonder if you might want to keep the blanket until she wants it - after the divorce maybe. :roll:


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## Ronie (Jan 21, 2011)

maybe a card with the picture of the afgan on the front.. and a note inside saying because of your generousity this has been given to a needy family and they will be kept warm.. turn it around so they feel like they are doing something good.. they will be speechless.. they know your situation.. also you have a few days to think about it.. you say what your son in law says but how does your daughter feel?? Last year my son watched me knit for everyone and I know he felt the dread of having to pretend to like what I make for him... Boy was he surprised and I knew by the look on his face when he saw his 'illusion scarf' he was thrilled..He had read all of the Harry Potter books and had seen all the movies.. so when he got the Dark Mark scarf it was perfect, your daughter just might like the afghan.. or could you save it for her birthday.. I love Green and Red year long...


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## gill2009 (Dec 14, 2012)

Shaestr...no help, I know...but I'm afraid the ungrateful, thoughtless ( & I'm being polite ) would get nothing now, or henceforth.

Just my honest opinion ...& may next year bring you some financial reward...you are a lovely lady, & deserve oh so so much more xxx


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## knottyknittershop (Mar 16, 2012)

My heart aches for you


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## sandra7 (Dec 6, 2012)

I would like to say how awful and unthankful your son-in-law is. Why didn't your daughter tell you instead. They should be grateful that you have taken so much time to make them something, if they didn't like it or want it after you have gone then it could of been put away I honestly wouldn't make them anything again. I have the same problem with a family member I have, one year I gave her a present and the next day she gave it me back as she didn't want it. Another family member I gave something to and two years later was given it back as a Christmas gift to me, needless to say neither of them have had gifts since. 
Chin up don't worry about them. Those that are lucky to get gifts off you I bet appreciate all the hard work you have gone to making what ever you have done for them.


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## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

Your best bet is to either follow the sound advice of donating the afghan, but in YOUR OWN NAME because the family members have rudely said they don't want to be connected with it.
I wouldn't give them anything else, ever.
What's more, I'd probably tell them off in no uncertain terms, adding a few choice "drill sergeant" terms, but that's just me. U R probably too polite to do as I would.
U have to understand where they are coming from.
They don't want gifts. They want control and they want you to give them something that contributes to their twisted ideas of status. It is not wise to feed into this kind of negativity.


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## Raybo (Mar 12, 2011)

past said:


> How about knitting something that would show that you understand about his desires for upholding his Jewish traditions. I did some research on items you can knit for the the Jewish holidays. Here are a few items that I found listed: challah cover, matzah cover, a skull cap for your SIL, and shawl or lace head covering for your daughter. If you have a synagogue in your neighborhood you could talk to the rabbi or ladies of the church to see if there are other ideas they could offer including an explanation of colors selected and why.
> In the Christian faith different colors have different meanings having to do with Christ and salvation. Each church season has a specific color assigned to it which acts as a reminder of the reason behind that church season. Some of the basic colors are white for the purification of our sins by the death and resurrection of Jesus the Christ, red for the blood of Christ shed for us.
> Since your SIL has specified the colors of blue and white. Find out what the meaning for different colors and color combinations are in the Jewish faith and use that in creating something special that could be used during his celebration of faith.


I disagree. This would just be enabling his rotten behavior.


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## gypsie (May 28, 2011)

Bake them cookies.


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## begarcia44 (Jan 29, 2012)

Since when are colors offensive? If it were me I would give the gift to your daughter. For the rest of her life married to him or not she will remain your daughter and if you cannot give her a gift of whatever color then it is truly a shame.


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## gypsie (May 28, 2011)

Jcaywood said:


> I've now read more replies here and I also noticed another knitter here made many caps for the homeless. Which bounced me back here because I thought it would be very nice if you gave their gift to a homeless person and gave them a card stating it was given with love on their behalf to someone less fortunate. I have been out of work over a year now myself and my unemployment just ran out. It's hard for me to imagine someone as cold as your son-in-law and it must be difficult for your daughter at times and imagine it may be harder as time goes on. There's a verse that says don't throw your pearls before swine. I kind of think of your handiwork as your pearls and that you should not give it to those who won't cherish and appreciate it.


If there was a "like" button on here I would have used it many times this morning. You are all better persons than I. They would have gotten candy canes, cookies or brownies from me.


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## RandyPandy (May 6, 2011)

I am sorry to hear that your needlework is unappreciated. I know one wrong word starts bad feelings, which you don't need or want. Why not make it a positive experience for all? Donate their blanket to a worthy cause. Then add a note to their card that a donation has been made in their name to.....


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## Edith M (Aug 10, 2011)

In my humble opinion you have come up with the perfect solution. I am sorry Shaeann is put in this situation. It is hard when your love and hard work are thrown back at you. I have several Jewish friends with Christian spouses and as far as I know this was never an issue for them.


taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


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## conch72 (May 11, 2012)

DickWorrall said:


> You could bake something.
> Cake or other food item.
> I would not spend the time on a crochet, knit or sewn gift for them.
> We used to have Christmas with my in laws.
> ...


It's really sad that people can be so bitter. I hope YOU have a very Merry Christmas.


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## cindye6556 (Apr 6, 2011)

Edith M said:


> In my humble opinion you have come up with the perfect solution. I am sorry Shaeann is put in this situation. It is hard when your love and hard work are thrown back at you. I have several Jewish friends with Christian spouses and as far as I know this was never an issue for them.[quote=taznwinston
> 
> Probably because they were mature enough to discuss it before the marriage, or before it became an issue. IMHO


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## LauraEllen (Nov 22, 2012)

Open their eyes, when Christmas comes along, don't say anything, just give your gifts to the other family members, lay theirs out in the open, and when they wonder or ask where their gift is, point to it and say "there, if you want it, it's all I have to give".


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## Diane1945 (May 25, 2012)

Boy do I agree with Taznwinston.....my sentiment exactly. Merry Christmas to you all, especially to you Shaestr.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

TexCat said:


> This may sound mean-spirited but your son-in-law sounds like a spoiled brat.
> 
> What I would do is to 'hand make' a card in prescribed non-offensive colors, etc. that simply states that you made them a 'blanket' (insert correct item here) and have donated it in their name to (insert charity of your choice here) in their name.
> 
> Nothing else needs to be done. I agree with the above, A GIFT IS A GIFT not an open invitation to control the giver.


Yes, yes, yes, I do agree with this one!


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## Yarn Tales (Oct 20, 2012)

LauraEllen said:


> Open their eyes, when Christmas comes along, don't say anything, just give your gifts to the other family members, lay theirs out in the open, and when they wonder or ask where their gift is, point to it and say "there, if you want it, it's all I have to give".


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## jeanbess (Aug 20, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Well I must say, Thank you to all who are in support of my asnwer. Mom always said,"Kill them with kindness". It is a skilled I have, sadly, had to master. But sometimes it's down right FUN. LOL (sorry, couldn't help it).
> Like I said, the best part of the whole scenario is that you are able to make a point and there really isn't anywhere for your SIL to go with a response without making him look more like an Arse!!
> I will pray for you to find employment somehow in the near future. God Bless you and stay strong. It does get better.
> Oh, and tot he person who thought I was being rather nice in my response, Thank you for those kind thoughts. But I must say, it wasn't my first reaction, THAT was probably closer to your initial reaction also. LOL Brilliant minds!


I wish I could think like you I am straight to the point which gets me into trouble people some time take it the wrong way I would like to say something to get the point across but it always comes out wrong so I just bite my lip instead


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

DickWorrall said:


> You could bake something.
> Cake or other food item.
> I would not spend the time on a crochet, knit or sewn gift for them.
> We used to have Christmas with my in laws.
> ...


This is a bummer. Bless you, Dick, for sticking with your wife on this. We need to remember that we don't get to choose our family members. Being family does not exempt anyone from basic good manners in my opinion.


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## Blessed abundantly (Nov 24, 2012)

We just gift those children, grandchildren or great grandchildren under 18. For the past two years we do a "white elephant" exchange among the adults which can be really fun.....that way we can regift items that we don't use and hopefully someone else can use them. Makes it easy on everyone.


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## crafty jeanie (Apr 1, 2011)

I am the same situation, but w just came out and told the children a few years ago that w can't aford gifts, barely make ends meet month to .month as it is. Out of 5 children, only 2 live in the area, but they haven't been around us since. The DIL I'd spoiled rotton by her family and Christmas is suppose to be getting all you wanted during the year. We livre off SS and don't make the money her parents do. We brought them up knowing what the true meaning is the birth of Jesus. She doesn't feel that way. When w retired we had paid of all the credit cards and refuse to go in debt. No body is going to pay the bills and w barely make the house payment, utilities and food. So a my husband says, If u don't want to be around excepte for things then bye. It hurts and is hardbut if you don't have it, you dont have it.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Grannybear said:


> I would ask him to have a chat with his Rabbi to help him more fully understand the meaning of gifting at the holidays. It is meant to share your good fortune with those less fortunate. Each culture has its own customs to be followed and shared in harmony not to be pushed in anothers face as the only one. Your SIL sounds very selfish if he is starting in his own home to exclude your daughter and her family customs rather than trying to harmonize the two cultures. We have many friends of mixed cultures that are doing an amazing job of teaching their children to be responsible citizens of the world, I hope your SIL will rethink his position on this and celebrate rather than bully his family.
> This too is shared as my humble opinion and hope it is taken s such.
> Here's hoping that 2013 will bring happier times and a new job. Happy Holidays and keep smiling knowing you have lots of friends and support here on KP.


Well said!


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## GANDY (Oct 27, 2011)

As I try to calm my anger ---------
I WOULD GIVE THEM A FRUITCAKE EVERY YEAR. SAVE YOUR HANDWORK FOR DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAYS. If daughter isn't apprciative, giive your work to the Salvation Army who will give it to the needy who need and will appreciate every stitch. And, a pox on son-in-law - if daughter wants to put up with him, that's her problem to deal with - not yours. Merry Christmas an Happy Holidays to you and the Salvation Army.


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## Vique (Oct 28, 2011)

I don't have anything to add to what the others have told you. I think they are all good ways to handle this. Pesonally I think your son-in-law is hateful, not only to you but to his wife as well. Vique


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## painthoss (Jul 10, 2012)

Ann DeGray said:


> Taz, would you consider running for the office of President of The United States? If we ever needed your brand of diplomacy it is now!


Taz has my vote! She's wise, she's funny, she's smart, she has the cutest haircut, and you should see her knit!

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## lilyktwong (May 5, 2012)

Shaestr of Washington... God bless you! Being unemployed for 2 years you are still so caring and generous, can afford to give X'mas gifts to relatives and charity. May be you have some savings or other source of income. Or else
how do you survive? Have been divorced many years and living alone in USA but have children and relatives in Asia. I hate festive seasons including the Chinese traditions. Come festive seasons I will feel more down and depresssed and pity myself for being alone. In the beginning I will accept friends' dinner invitation at their homes but when I see their happy family I will feel sad.
I miss my family but they are 1000s of miles away. Few years ago I rejected all invitations with some excuse. For
X'mas and the Chinese New Year etc. I give myself a treat and dine at some nice restaurant alone. Or I go to the casino and have a Thanks Giving buffet and enjoy turkey. 
At work when friends ask about my X'mas shopping, I reply I do not know what gifts to buy. I also tell them not to give me gifts bec I do not celebrate. Gifts you give people may not like it, and what they give me may not be
suitable or useful to me. Will end up with more junk at home and I only rent a room. These days people do not even send greeting cards anymore bec cards are too expensive. 
The new generation now send cards and greetings thru internet/web/facebook. Only when someone give me a gift then I have no choice bec I will be polite and return one.
My sister has a funny phrase "people don't want, people give people". Sometimes I see her using a nice handbag or
something new I have not seen before, I ask about it. What
ever her friends and DIL do not like they will give away and
she do not mind having it. Even if she has no use for these things,(new items) she will give them to somebody else. I know some people at work and in schools like to have this "gift exchange" but it should be optional to join
in. Do not stress yourself out over what gifts to make or buy and worry if people like it or not. And some people never appreciate gifts. Can give a call or say greetings when you meet, otherwise send email. 

"MERRY X'MAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR"


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## oneofthegriffins (Aug 28, 2012)

I do support giving to charity, but in your situation, may I suggest offering your quilt for sale? With the money you would be able to get for it, you could buy a small gift for your son in law (used books are inexpensive) and make a little something for your daughter. You would have some money left for household expenses, new materials, or a treat for yourself!


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## gma11331 (Oct 18, 2011)

I think the time comes when giving to adult children is problematic...If there is something they need or specifically want I'll help them out. Otherwise, I just give to the children and now that they are older I just give them money. But I try try to find some inexpensive novelty item to put the money in...If they expressly ask for some knitted item, I'll make it...otherwise forget it. Not going to waste my time on something they may or may not like.


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## sibergirl (May 4, 2011)

If they don't want homemade gifts, then take what little money you have and make a donation to Heifer International in their name. This organization gives animals, anything from honey bees to chicks to pigs and cows, to people in our country and around the world. It may make a huge difference in their lives by providing food and a means to make a living.

By the way, it's almost 2013, and you say ". . .my daughter is not allowed traditional Christmas colors because my son-in-law is Jewish" What do you mean she is not allowed? I would bet she either agrees with him or she is bullied by him. Most inter-faith couples make compromises.


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## Ohpeachi (Oct 16, 2012)

I feel for you. You seem to be a kind hearted person and I'm sure that you raised your daughter as such. It seems that your son-in-law has had a very strong influence on your daughter to the point of forgetting manners. Would they treat a friend like this? Probably not! Call me vindictive but I would respect their wishes and make NO attempt to justify your action. They need to know that your feelings are hurt (mine would be)


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## RandyPandy (May 6, 2011)

I do not believe this is a "Jewish" issue. People are spoiled or lack grace in every religion. Please realize that this is one individual.


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## normamckone (May 22, 2011)

If your daughter is Christian, it boggles my mind why he lets her in the house, since he is Jewish. I have many Jewish friends that send Christmas cards and who believe in God - the same God we celebrate. It is Jesus that gets in the way with him. That is too bad - for you and for him and for your daughter. Maybe you should give it as a Hanakah gift.


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## normamckone (May 22, 2011)

If your daughter is Christian, it boggles my mind why he lets her in the house, since he is Jewish. I have many Jewish friends that send Christmas cards and who believe in God - the same God we celebrate. It is Jesus that gets in the way with him. That is too bad - for you and for him and for your daughter. Maybe you should give it as a Hanakah gift.


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## Norma B. (Oct 15, 2012)

Yes, I think these suggestions are perfect. And I'll also reiterate that gifts should not be expected or demanded. If someone had given me something I KNEW had required so much work, yet I couldn't use, I would hope that I could explain graciously that it wouldn't work for me and would the giver prefer to have it back or that I give it to someone who needed it. That's hard to do. I had a client/friend who regularly "regifts" nearly everything anyone gives her, so I stopped giving her anything (especially after she inadvertantly gave me something that had been a gift from me!) 

You're certainly not alone in your difficult times. I lost my home and everything I owned three years ago and have had to readjust my life entirely. At 77 I'm considered unhirable (covertly of course---no one would dare say that out loud) and there's no market for my abilities where I have to live now. I've only been able to survive with the help of friends. At least you're young enough that you can eventually make a comeback. Keep good cheer and look forward to that day. It will come.

Bless you, Merry Christmas!
Norma


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## sczyx (Oct 12, 2012)

Shaestr said:


> I like the suggestions that you have given. This is perhaps the best and only thing I can do. Thank you so much for your suggestions and words.


Anyone who reads Miss Manners knows how these days what used to be occasions to show thoughtfulness and love or friendship have unfortunately turned into "let me get what I can" opportunities in the minds of many recipients. It seems that so much of the meaning of gift giving - for all occasions - has been lost. So I fully agree with the comments of previous members that your family needs to be taught a gentle lesson.


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## Jmklous (Jul 16, 2012)

I also agree


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## bonbf3 (Dec 20, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


To Taznwinston:
Brilliant! You must be a psychologist or public relations person or something. Inspired response.


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## sarah66 (Sep 26, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


absolutely LOVE it :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: 
WishI could do this with my mum who has a similar attitude- trouble is she would still play the victim and tell everyone what an awful daughter I was for not buying her a 'proper' present!
I love Christmas time and what it means to spend time with families, yet it is these situations which spoil the true meaning for those of us who truly want to 'give'.


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## Island Sue (Aug 15, 2011)

Taznwinston could not have said it any better, a great idea, please go with her suggestion.
And have a very merry Christmas season.


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## Frogsong (Feb 26, 2011)

Sorry, but I wouldn't give them anything.


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## 6M2Creations (Nov 1, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


What a beautiful response! And as another KPer wrote, so much more diplomatic than what I would have written. I they can't appreciate the time, effort and love you put into your gift, then they don't deserve one. Giving the afghan to a charity where it will be appreciated is a much better idea. I hope 2013 will bring you employment that makes you happy and that pays the bills!


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## BUSSEY99 (Nov 15, 2011)

I would just wish them a Merry Xmas and call it a day. You don't own them anything. Not even an explanation.


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## RNLinda (Dec 14, 2012)

I think that they are probably old enough to realize your financial situation. For many years we have just bought gifts for the grandchildren only, even for birthdays. It gets too expensive for everyone buying for their kids, in-laws, etc., it never ends. I think our kids appreciate it too because that makes for less gifts they have to buy.


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## Mrs. Mac (Feb 10, 2011)

Oh, well, I think if this were my family I would simply leave them off the Christmas list and eliminate one unnecessary worry. Years ago I decided not to burden anyone with any of my handwork if I determined that they were not appreciative of receptive of it. You cannot change people or their preferences. Consider their attitude a gift to you, of more time to spend on doing for those who do appreciate your gifts that reflect your skill and your real love. But that is just me. 
What is it the Bible says? Do not cast your pearls before swine. or something like that.


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## Norma B. (Oct 15, 2012)

Mrs. Mac said:


> Oh, well, I think if this were my family I would simply leave them off the Christmas list and eliminate one unnecessary worry. Years ago I decided not to burden anyone with any of my handwork if I determined that they were not appreciative of receptive of it. You cannot change people or their preferences. Consider their attitude a gift to you, of more time to spend on doing for those who do appreciate your gifts that reflect your skill and your real love. But that is just me.
> What is it the Bible says? Do not cast your pearls before swine. or something like that.


In this case it might best be "purls before swine" as I've mentioned in other threads. :hunf:


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## nitcronut (Aug 9, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I could not have said it better myself and you said it more elequently at that. Have a very Happy Remainder of the year.


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## bonbarnie (Jan 23, 2011)

i also had a difficult time with a family member. he stayed in my home and ran up a very large cell phone bill, he was not able to pay it off. this was before christmas and in lue of a gift i went to World vision and purchased chickens in his name. when he opened the box and found the card, well was he taken back. a lesson to be learned by a 14 year old guest. hang in there we all have had gifts not well received. have a very merry and hopeful new year bonbarnie


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## Mrs. Mac (Feb 10, 2011)

Right on!


Raybo said:


> Shaestr said:
> 
> 
> > I also just found out that my daughter is not allowed traditional Christmas colors because my son-in-law is Jewish. What would you do?
> ...


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## bellabee (Nov 27, 2012)

I WOULD JUST GIVE THEM A VERY NICE CARD AND WISH THEM A FESTIVE SEASON, PUT ALL YOUR HARD WORK AWAY AND GIVE IT TO SOMEONE WHO WILL APPRECIATE THEM. MAYBE YOU COULD GIVE YOUR DAUGHTER A SMALL GIFT ON HER OWN. BEST WISHES ANN


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## darcor (Nov 30, 2012)

First of all! Merry Christmas Shaeann

In our family it is understood we give gifts to the children. If I were to receive a gift from one of gownups and didn't particularly care for it, I would not let them know that, I would say how much I appreciate it and know they spent a lot of time making it. I have received gifts I could not use (and didn't like) and gave them to the homeless and seeing the look on their faces knew I had done the right thing and didn't offend the giver.

Hope the coming year will be a happy one.


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## Mrs. Mac (Feb 10, 2011)

Do you think it a bit unbalanced that you are expected to follow Jewish guidelines, but your SIL seems not to feel he should do the same for your Christian practices? Baked good....Oh, yeah, and then the gift giver may be asked if every ingredient in the baked goods is Kosher! And he "not a practicing Jew?" Just follows Jewish forms and rules, but lacks compassion for other differing views. Interesting. I know some Jewish people and some who were devout Jews and then converted to Christianity. Most are very kind, and loving even to their enemies, not to mention family of differing viewpoints.



DickWorrall said:


> You could bake something.
> Cake or other food item.
> I would not spend the time on a crochet, knit or sewn gift for them.
> We used to have Christmas with my in laws.
> ...


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## SDKATE (Dec 18, 2012)

I agree with the member who said, a gift is something that is freely given; it is NOT an obligation. If they have been paying attention to your life, they know you aren't working, and have possibly comprehended that things are tough. Give your beautiful gifts to them, put a note inside the blanket that says something to the amount of time and love you put into them AND if they don't want to keep them that the following organization would love to take their blanket and give it to someone who can use it. Don't apologize, if they are old enough to get married, they are old enough to understand that Christmas is not about gifts, it's about love and caring for each other. Don't worry about the colors, be more concerned that your daughter married someone who is so rude to her mother.


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## Krmn8r (Dec 10, 2012)

Hello Shaeann and Merry Christmas! I'm sorry to hear of your financial troubles and more so to hear of the family issues. I find it sad that your daughter isn't "allowed" to celebrate the way she wishes and must succumb to what her husband dictates. I would still give your beautiful, hand-made & heartfelt gift to YOUR DAUGHTER (and ONLY to your daughter --- as your son-in-law is Jewish, he has already celebrated Hannukah and doesn't need to participate in a Christmas celebration). I'm sure your daughter will treasure this someday and simply explain to your SIL that out of respect for his religion, you aren't forcing him to celebrate in yours.


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## RebeccaVM (Aug 14, 2012)

Donating to charity is an awesome suggestion. In my family on grans and great grans get gifts. You are very thoughtful to try and give everyone a gift when you are hard pressed for money. They seem to have forgotten to think of others, not just a christmas, but every day of the year.


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

Lynda from Watford said:


> I agree with taznwinston but would just like to add that I am Jewish and married a non-Jewish man. If you do that you both have to accept the other's wishes and beliefs. My children are Jewish too but I never had a problem with anything my Christian in-laws wanted to do, though I did have to explain why we couldn't have the children christened. I just explained to my children that they were lucky enough to have the benefit of both types of families and all that went with it. Your son-in-law is very thoughtless and shouldn't have 'married out' if he was going to take that attitude with his wife's family. And not understanding your financial situation is unforgiveable as is rejecting a gift. I am ashamed to think that a Jewish boy was brought up to be that selfish and graceless.


Sound to me like this oaf has been allowed to get his way thoughout his life and you don't have to be ashamed that " a Jewish boy was brought up to be that selfish and graceless".....his mama might have been a Swedish Lutheran from MN who wouldn't know a menorah if she tripped on one!

There are jerks in all religions and lifestyles. In this case it sounds to me like they never sat down together to discuss the problems (and the blessings) in a family with mixed heritage. Seems like your family understands all that. Good for you!


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## kikifields (Jul 3, 2011)

Absolutely!!! I am stunned at the lack of common courtesy by your son-in-law - and I'm wondering where your daughter's backbone is! The card is a definite! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## cindylucifer (Sep 10, 2011)

Amen, I agree with you.


taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


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## Pat S. (Feb 15, 2011)

Dear Shaeann,

I knit for my family each year and they appreciate it because they know it is a lot of work and takes a lot of time.

If my Jewish son-in-law said that to me, I would give him a pork roast for Christmas. But then, none of my sons-in-law would say that to me or anyone else. They have been raised with more manners!!!

Actually Taznwinston's idea is better and has more pizzaz than my suggestion. I think you should go with that! She has a better way to keep your dignity intact and give someone a nice gift that will be appreciated at the same time. 

I hope you will have a wonderful Christmas with the rest of your family and find a great job in the New Year. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

Raybo said:


> past said:
> 
> 
> > How about knitting something that would show that you understand about his desires for upholding his Jewish traditions. I did some research on items you can knit for the the Jewish holidays. Here are a few items that I found listed: challah cover, matzah cover, a skull cap for your SIL, and shawl or lace head covering for your daughter. If you have a synagogue in your neighborhood you could talk to the rabbi or ladies of the church to see if there are other ideas they could offer including an explanation of colors selected and why.
> ...


Ditto. Why reward him for his boorish intolerance? If he disrespectful to his MIL this way how does he treat people he has no "ties" to?


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## madhavisalem (Feb 16, 2011)

Tazwinston couldn't have put it better !! I agree with her response 200% !!


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## m_azingrace (Mar 14, 2012)

.


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

oneofthegriffins said:


> I do support giving to charity, but in your situation, may I suggest offering your quilt for sale? With the money you would be able to get for it, you could buy a small gift for your son in law (used books are inexpensive) and make a little something for your daughter. You would have some money left for household expenses, new materials, or a treat for yourself!


Sell it if you like but use the money for yourself. You deserve a treat.

Why use the money to buy a gift of any size for that controlling, insensitive jerk? He's an absolute ass! ( and that's only half a word.)


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

rebrenner31 said:


> I do not believe this is a "Jewish" issue. People are spoiled or lack grace in every religion. Please realize that this is one individual.


Absolutely.


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## elaine_1 (Apr 5, 2011)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: my sentiments exactly. xx


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


I'm Jewish (spoke only Yiddish in the home and was raised in a very kosher home with 2 sets of dishes, and cutlery (including 2 sets for Passover). My parents were Holocaust survivors from Poland. Most of my parents families dies in camps.

I've NEVER heard such nonsense about not being able to use Christmas colours, only blue and white. Sounds like your SIL's is abusive, racist or controlling by not allowing your daughter to celebrate her holiday her way. It's her home too, and she has the right to live her life in her home the way she wants. If he knew she was not Jewish, and married her anyway, and if she didn't convert to Judiasm, he has no leg to stand on. Perhaps your daughter should check with a local rabbi and see what he/she says.

I think it's a slap in the face to your daughter and her birth family and to her faith. Sorry to sound off so 'loudly' but your SIL's attitude is just not right, in my opinion. If he's Jewish, then he shouldn't expect any Christmas present at all.

As for them not wanting yarn presents, give them a $5.00 joint gift to Starbucks or some other such place. Or tell them you've decided the time has come for no more Christmas gifts to the adults in the family.

Just curious, do you get invited to your SIL's Hanukah celebrations or other meaningful Jewish holidays?

Didn't mean to rant. My mother was THRILLED when her non-Jewish friends gave her Christmas presents. She felt very loved by her friends. My dad dies just after we came to Canada and they gave things my mother could never have afforded to buy; for her and my sister and me. They were wonderful people and I remember them over 60 years later.
RachelL


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

RachelL said:


> Shaestr said:
> 
> 
> > I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> ...


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## Mrs. Mac (Feb 10, 2011)

OK, but I doubt the authors of scripture were knitters!


Norma B. said:


> Mrs. Mac said:
> 
> 
> > Oh, well, I think if this were my family I would simply leave them off the Christmas list and eliminate one unnecessary worry. Years ago I decided not to burden anyone with any of my handwork if I determined that they were not appreciative of receptive of it. You cannot change people or their preferences. Consider their attitude a gift to you, of more time to spend on doing for those who do appreciate your gifts that reflect your skill and your real love. But that is just me.
> ...


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## Browniemom (Sep 24, 2012)

I too am Jewish and maintain a kosher home. We also have separate dishes for Passover. Never is it correct to be as rude your son-in-law is towards you. I stand with some others and ashamed/embarrassed that a lansman would be so crude and crass.


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## BubbyIssaquah (Jul 5, 2011)

I am embarassed and saddened that a fellow Jew would not allow "Christmas colors" into THEIR house. There are too many issues that interfaith families have and this is not the place for airing all of them, but respect for the other is always important. Respect for you and the kindness you show in spite of your own overwhelming problems is apparently not given. Do what you can for and with your grandchildren, for in them I hope you will find the love and appreciation you need and deserve.


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## Mrs. Mac (Feb 10, 2011)

Good for you, Rachel! Right on. 


RachelL said:


> Shaestr said:
> 
> 
> > I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> ...


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## dandylion (May 31, 2011)

This has been so interesting to me. I too, have opinions that I'm always willing to share for whatever they are worth---or not  

I would give the SIL a card or just my greeting of Happy Chanukah/Hanukah during the appropriate time span, and give him nothing for Christmas.

This would respect him and his religion, but not force his participation in ours.

Your daughter is another story, however. We don't really know what her wishes are, or at least I am not sure of them. She should be your first priority and if she wants to continue with both traditions, by all means do it. Your daughter could come to your house for gifts that she will appreciate rather than at her house, but if she wants to host you on Christmas day, it would only be fair for him to "allow" that. If it is completely distasteful to him he could go to his room until it's over  

The SIL is certainly not "wining friends and influencing people" is he. As the old saying goes.  
Anyway, that's my "always available opinion" DandyLion


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## lfitzie (Apr 4, 2011)

I would give the handmade gifts to people who would appreciate them and bring them a nice Chanukkah card.


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## Maxine R (Apr 15, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


Thats lovely and I certainly agree with you they just don't realise that alot of time love & effort has be put into making these beautiful blankets etc.


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## Mrs. Mac (Feb 10, 2011)

Remember that Jesus was born to Jewish parents. He was brought up in Jewish home, and their traditions. Somehow I have trouble with all the anti=Semitic stuff in our world today. But then if you study prophecy, it is to be expected, along with all of the other negative things. Have faith, and praise God for sending our Redeemer. What about giving Him a gift or two?



normamckone said:


> If your daughter is Christian, it boggles my mind why he lets her in the house, since he is Jewish. I have many Jewish friends that send Christmas cards and who believe in God - the same God we celebrate. It is Jesus that gets in the way with him. That is too bad - for you and for him and for your daughter. Maybe you should give it as a Hanakah gift.


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## Maxine R (Apr 15, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


Hold your head high and be very proud of the lovely work you have done one day they will realise there's more to life and there may come a time that the wheels will turn when they may have to do just what you have done. Have a lovely Xmas and may all go well for you.


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## Milliest (Dec 10, 2012)

I, too, am sick of people who think they can tell you your present is not what they want and young people who think knitting is out of date and only for oldies.

Haven't they heard of the knitting revival? 

Perhaps suggest "no presents" next year and knit a jumper for yourself.


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## Norma B. (Oct 15, 2012)

Mrs. Mac said:


> Remember that Jesus was born to Jewish parents. He was brought up in Jewish home, and their traditions. Somehow I have trouble with all the anti=Semitic stuff in our world today. But then if you study prophecy, it is to be expected, along with all of the other negative things. Have faith, and praise God for sending our Redeemer. What about giving Him a gift or two?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I like you Mrs. Mac. No, I LOVE you. Maybe when these relatives grow older (or grow up) they'll learn some of the valuable lessons you have down so well.


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## joycevv (Oct 13, 2011)

Sometimes we have to just let it go--wanting others to appreciate our passion for yarn and knitting. People who don't knit have no idea of the time and thought that goes into such gifts. The plus side is that you can focus on making something for yourself!


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## Mrs. Mac (Feb 10, 2011)

Gee! Why bother with this ingrate? Just concentrate the gifts on the daughter. 


Redhatchris said:


> Could you possibly make a quick Duvet cover from two sheets in a color that is acceptable and place the quilt in it.
> Your note could say it is covered for respecting holiday, then to be used at other times without cover.


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## Augustgran (Apr 16, 2011)

I agree that if they want no "yarn or sewn"gifts ,then they get NOTHING!! A gift is given from the heart .If your budget only allows you to handmake gifts(which my family loves)and they don't want them just send a card to let them know you wish them well but as per your budget /and the edict they is no gifts for them this year ,and MAYBE if your circumstances change next year you will think about their suggestions concerning "sewn,yarn" gifts


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

Maxine R said:


> Shaestr said:
> 
> 
> > I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> ...


In reading all the responses the verse that came to mind was "don't give pearls to swine." Not everyone deserves a Christmas gift just because it's Christmas. Jesus was very practical when He said, "If they don't receive you, wipe the dust off your sandals and go where they will receive you and give the home a blessing."

You've done more than enough. Be at peace and have a love-filled Merry Christmas. RachelL


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## Mrs. Mac (Feb 10, 2011)

Wouldn't this be catering to the tyrant in the house? I believe in the Golden Rule, but I also believe in standing firm on one's principles. Catering to the demands )(preferences?) of the SIL would surely enable him to continue to demanding that his rules be observed. Feeding the problem? I think it is called "enabling."


Dlclose said:


> Send us your address. I'm sure many of us would donate blue and white yarn! You could do some quick placemats or a table runner and some end table covers that they could use every JEWISH holiday!


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## unie (Dec 4, 2011)

Merry Christmas, Dear. I think that Taznwinston's reply is right on the mark. I'm so sorry that you are not working,but it is very nice of you to try to relay the Spirit of the season. I have been there at one time when I had no money to buy gifts ( I didn't knit then,but wouldn't have had money to buy yarn.)... I explained it to my married children and scraped up enough money for gifts for my small grandchildren. It was a Blessed Christmas and we all enjoyed our Christmas meal together as our presents. Try to explain to your family and I think they will understand since they know you aren't working . God Bless!


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## Norma B. (Oct 15, 2012)

Mrs. Mac said:


> Wouldn't this be catering to the tyrant in the house? I believe in the Golden Rule, but I also believe in standing firm on one's principles. Catering to the demands )(preferences?) of the SIL would surely enable him to continue to demanding that his rules be observed. Feeding the problem? I think it is called "enabling."


Enabling. Quite right. And unfortunately that's exactly what this daughter is doing with her husband. I know. I did it for 37 years.


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

Mrs. Mac said:


> Wouldn't this be catering to the tyrant in the house? I believe in the Golden Rule, but I also believe in standing firm on one's principles. Catering to the demands )(preferences?) of the SIL would surely enable him to continue to demanding that his rules be observed. Feeding the problem? I think it is called "enabling."
> 
> 
> Dlclose said:
> ...


With someone like this SIL, he'd probably say the blue wasn't the right shade of blue and the white wasn't right. Then he'd probably want to know if they were purchased in a Jewish store. You can't win with someone like this man who has decided to be rude and obnoxious.

For all his Jewishness, did he miss the part in the Torah that says to honour your mother and father?


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## betsy10904 (Sep 15, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


Perfect response! And have a peaceful and blessed Christmas, to all.


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## aljellie (Mar 4, 2011)

It sounds like your daughter and SIL should have received counseling and resolved their issues about the conflicts between their faiths before they married. I am Jewish and can assure you their is nothing inherent in the faith that shuns particular colors at any time of year. True blue and white are the traditional Hanukah colors, but that doesn't allow him to be the household dictator, a role he seems to have adopted. I think the suggestions already given are good ones and I would just take care to steer clear of their battles. It is a shame that your kindness and crafty skills have been rebuffed, but know that all of us on KP know that the "value" of a gift made by hand with love far exceeds that of anything you can purchase. Best wishes for a happy holiday despite difficult family members and economic hardships.

Ellie


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## HesterStarr (Jun 29, 2012)

I think I would tell my son-in-law to stuff it. That being said, why is your daugther not allowing Christmas colors in the house? Just give him a print out of these comments withw a red & green bow and let him pout and act like a jack ass. There are millions of people around the world who share and adapt each others' traditions. Grow up Dude.


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## donmaur (Mar 4, 2012)

send them a card and give them a big hug


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

Browniemom said:


> I too am Jewish and maintain a kosher home. We also have separate dishes for Passover. Never is it correct to be as rude your son-in-law is towards you. I stand with some others and ashamed/embarrassed that a lansman would be so crude and crass.


There is good and bad in every faith. Blessedly, there are more people who choose to do good.


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## Rosette (Oct 7, 2011)

I agree with Taznwinston and think that her reply is both diplomatic and brilliant. You say that your SIL spoke to you about presents. I would suggest you speak to your daughter and ask her how she feels about what SIL said and does she feel the same way. He sounds like a controlling idiot and I would be concerned for her happiness. If she feels the same way, then explain that your circumstances dictate the gifts you can give and offer her your time instead.
I hope you have a good Christmas and don't let this stupid man's thoughtlessness affect you.


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## GANDY (Oct 27, 2011)

Good gracious...such a bunch of stuff !!!Christians and Jews should be adult enough to honor one anothers colors of faith.


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## Ginny K (Jun 1, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


Ditto on this response - well put


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## kangaroo (May 20, 2011)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: but this to your ungreatful family :thumbup: :evil: :thumbdown: :twisted: you as a MOTHER,do not need to be treated like this,over the years you have givin your all to your Daughter,some people just DON,T understand that they cannot have everything they want,and the way they want it.........nor do they seethe wonderful value in knitted gifts,that were made with much LOVE ...........and the warm feeling many years down the track when one can say ....  [my MOTHER made this so many years ago,and its lasted all these years]..there is nothing more loved than something that is made by your hand :thumbup: and given as a gift......and yes a card only ...because thats all your Daughter AND son in law deserve :thumbdown: Wishing you a wonderful CHRISTMAS


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## cullenbe (Jul 3, 2011)

I would attach a note saying how many hours it took you to make them.


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## mkjfrj (Apr 2, 2011)

Be honest and upfront with them; they have to realize that you haven't worked in two year but maybe they need to be reminded of that fact. Simply explain that you haven't worked but you wanted to give them a gift made with your love. You might also give them a choice of either accepting the throw for themselves or donating it to a charity of their choice. Make a point of saying that you love them, respect them and do not wish to offend anyone but that in your current situation an expensive store bought gift just was not possible - as they know.


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## sewknitbeadgrandma (Nov 1, 2012)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


I would sell the afghan & use the $$ to buy the couple Hannukah gift (which is also gift giving time).


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## druidsgirl (Sep 24, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


Absolutely :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## MarilynKnits (Aug 30, 2011)

If it were my daughter, I would speak to her privately and let her know that since my gift that was lovingly made was not wanted, I was giving it where it would be appreciated. 

I would send an e-card wishing the two of them a "happy holiday season" which would cover Christmas and Chanukah. Maybe a blue and white card if I could find it on line.

Your son in law sounds like a controlling twit. After your daughter gets fed up and divorces him, then you can see whether she would enjoy something hand made.


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## hlynnknits (May 27, 2011)

They seem sort of ungrateful, but I know it is difficult when one has a different faith than the other. I would write them a love letter from your heart. State some memories that are very seprcial to you and make it something that they would always treasure (hopefully). Attach it to a bottle of wine that they both can enjoy. Don't make them anymore "yarn" gifts because they can't appreciate them. Just a suggestion. I recieved a letter and a DVD of family memorie from my dad one year and I can say that it is the best thing I have eever recieved for Christms.


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## hlynnknits (May 27, 2011)

I adore the picture of your kitty! Is he or she yours?


kangaroo said:


> :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: but this to your ungreatful family :thumbup: :evil: :thumbdown: :twisted: you as a MOTHER,do not need to be treated like this,over the years you have givin your all to your Daughter,some people just DON,T understand that they cannot have everything they want,and the way they want it.........nor do they seethe wonderful value in knitted gifts,that were made with much LOVE ...........and the warm feeling many years down the track when one can say ....  [my MOTHER made this so many years ago,and its lasted all these years]..there is nothing more loved than something that is made by your hand :thumbup: and given as a gift......and yes a card only ...because thats all your Daughter AND son in law deserve :thumbdown: Wishing you a wonderful CHRISTMAS


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## Patty Sutter (Apr 17, 2012)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


Give their gift to charity, and give them a card thanking them for thier generosity. If they don't appreciate your work and effort someone else will.
They may be unhappy, but what else can you do? You are NOT made of money, and the spirit of Christmas or Hanukka (sp?) giving is NOT about the cost, but about the love.
Don't sweat their attitudes and have yourself a 
MERRY CHRISTMAS!


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## kittysgram (Nov 12, 2011)

do what u want. is he so shallow that he married a christian and now wants to control her.? she must allow it or wouldn't have told you. donate it to someone who loves it. what about when the grandcholdren come? then what ? these things should all be worked out before the wedding. why are u the butt of it? people just never cease to amaze me. happy holidays to you


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## jeans yarn (May 16, 2011)

Ungrateful brats.


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

EIKnitter said:


> I think I'd find something else to give them. Do they have children? Can you offer babysitting services? Is there any other type of "service" you can offer them that doesn't involve spending money out of your pocket?
> 
> If not, you should be up front with them and tell them that because you are not working or receiving unemployment, you simply don't have any extra money for gifts this year. You could tell them that you had made a blanket/throw for them, and if they want it, you'd be happy to give it to them, but you understand that it might not mean as much to them as it does to you (okay, that's a little guilt, but it won't hurt them!). If they don't want it, then there is no gift.
> 
> They're grown-ups and should be able to understand. I appreciate your wanting to attach something to the gift that explains the love and kindness that goes into the making of the gift, but if they don't want or appreciate handmade items and actually had the nerve to tell you that, I don't think the note would help.


Oh he sounds like a charmer (not). My family is full of inter-faith marriages, including my Jewish daughter & Italian Roman Catholic son in law (whom I adore by the way). Since they are individuals & my darling grands are a product of their individuality & are combinations, they are being raised in one religion, BUT, are taught to respect & celebrate the other. What your sil is doing is being a controlling, narrow minded bigot. What did he expect when he married his 'shiksa' (yiddish for a non jewish lady)? Tell him he has lots of 'chutzpah' (nerve) trying to enforce his ways on her & be unaccepting of hers. What a lack of respect on his part for her & her family. I'm glad they don't have children yet. Maybe they need some marriage/family counseling before the children come along. As far as him dictating to you what kind of gifts are appropriate or not...how about no gifts for him at all? Let's see his reaction to that. I'm sure he will label it 'disrespectful'. What goes around comes around. If your daughter allows his attitude to be the basis of their marriage, what kind of respect will your grandchildren be taught for you & yours? Ugh...I have to stop because I am getting into a tirade & could go on with this for pages.


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## kittysgram (Nov 12, 2011)

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11


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## karonwurst (Nov 15, 2012)

Remember, you are not responsable for others response to you, your words or even your gifts. If you are giving the only way that you can and they do not appreciate them, then maybe they can give you some pointers as to what they might like or want, that you can make. If they refuse your gifts, I think I would find someone else who is in need of what you make and gift them and tell your daughter and son-in-law that you gifted their gift to a needy person in their honor. 
Karon :-(


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## sidlee (Jan 28, 2012)

Good for you!!! I would do the same. Two years ago, we gave "goats" to families in Africa, as so many of our gifts were unappreciated. Just enclosed cards stating that the goats had been donated in their name.


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## Brinn Knits (May 26, 2012)

And now for my two cents....
20 years ago, i made my nephews hand knit hats and scarves in their high school teams' colors (they were both heavy into athletics). The elder thanked me for the gift and unceremoniously tossed it into his "also ran" pile of gifts. The younger jumped up and gave me a great hug, then promptly donned his finery and refused to take it off until we sat to eat. 

Later that day, when I had them alone for a few seconds, I approached them with a proposition: I know hand mades are not always the best gifts for guys your age, so if you'd rather, when I have it, I can give you money for Christmas instead. The elder quickly replied, "I'd rather have the money...no offense to you or anything Aunt." The younger smiled up at me and replied, "I'll love anything you'd like to give me, Aunt."

To this day, my elder nephew receives a little money when I have some, and the younger nephew receives beautiful hand made items. Now that the elder nephew is married and settling down, I'll revisit the issue; there is now a neice to consider. But neither has ever questioned my love for them, and they get what they like for gifts.

I'm just sayin'......

Merry Christmas to all next week and Happy New Year!

Brinn Knits--once we have reached the point of understanding, all else is choice.


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## sidlee (Jan 28, 2012)

Shaestr said:


> I also just found out that my daughter is not allowed traditional Christmas colors because my son-in-law is Jewish. She is only allowed to decorate with blue and white. Her Christmas throw is an 8 point star in red, green and white. I am worried now about even giving it to them.What would you do?


I would give the throw to someone who would appreciate it, and donate something to a charity in their name. In our family, we celebrate Chanukah AND Christmas. This year I gave a blue and white Star of David as a combination Chanukah/Chistmas present to my sil - to place atop their Xmas tree. Good blend of families, wonderful traditional dinners for everyone! Bless you and your family.


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## ute4kp (Nov 6, 2012)

Give these people an inexpensive card. Or else write it on notebook paper. Write that you made some hats or blankets, whatever you made. And that you donated them to people in need who will appreciate them. It certainly is not fun to have people like that in the family. I know. My daughter lives only a couple miles from me. Her dad died when she was 10 and she's now 27. Since he died she hates me. She won't celebrate anything with me. I haven't talked to her in over 2 years. Texts and emails are also ignored. Just my 2 cents.


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## deshka (Apr 6, 2011)

Can you afford a jar of gifilted fish? I would give that to the son in law. There are also some really good Jewish cookie like things, made with squares of dough and some jam inside and folded into a triangle and baked. Sorry, I don't remember what they are called, but those are good. Make them some maltaball soup, love that stuff. In other words, I would give them a gift of food. I worked in the dietary department of the Jewish nursing home in Seattle for many years, and I sort of understand how some Jewish people are.


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## rabuckler (Mar 19, 2011)

Just give them a card


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## karonwurst (Nov 15, 2012)

And if they do not like the food gifts, give them nothing but a good wish for Christmas and a happy New Year, and let it go at that.
Karon


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## cbektas (Dec 11, 2012)

:thumbup: :thumbup:


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## karonwurst (Nov 15, 2012)

I don't think I would go out of my way for then anymore. They do not appreciate what you are doing.
Karon


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## cbektas (Dec 11, 2012)

The one thread through this entire conversation that really bothers me is that these women are not 'allowed' things. Sorry, the next voice I would hear would be my lawyer's.


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## juerobinson433 (Mar 21, 2011)

I really think it is a gift and regardless whether you like it or not it is good manners to say thank you. We all get gift the probable not to our liking but a thank you is great for the person giving the gift& appreciation on the work put into it.
I have made a hard decision this year after a few years always send grandaughters gift cards, so after a few years with not even a thank you, one will not be getting any this years.
I really think you son in law should be greatful and appreciate the work and time put into the rug.


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## carillonpatrice (Nov 26, 2012)

I like this response. I gave out beautiful hand knit sweaters to each of my family members one year. Years later I got some comments back "wow, you were really on a knitting jag that year". No more hand made gifts from me. 
What about giving coupons of time/services? 
I really like the thought of "donating the yarn gift I had made for you to a charity, or homeless shelter, etc." That will serve your need to give, fulfill the thought of the season, and be a teachable moment for your family.
My prayers are with you, it's a tough thing to deal with. We live on the beneficence of food stamps and repurposing just about everything.


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## Snooper's Ma (Jun 5, 2011)

I do not understand why religion has anything to do with color. I am Jewish and would greatly appreciate anything made for me no matter what the color. 

I love the idea of sending it to a charity and letting them know you have done it and why. Tazwinston was right on track and I love her answer. How about a short phone call saying Happy Holidays and that is it. By the way. What have they given you?


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## Woolywarmer (May 31, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I so agree with you and that is a WONDERFUL suggestion to give it to a person in need who would appreciate it. We think alike.


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## marshanky (Dec 16, 2012)

I love the part about "leaving them nowhere to go with it". Good luck in the job market!


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## Signlady (Nov 26, 2012)

cindye6556 said:


> taznwinston said:
> 
> 
> > Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> ...


I agree and I'm going to keep this one in mind for anything like that in the future like when you find the gift in the dog basket or garbage. What a wonderful solution.


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## Knitnutty (Feb 9, 2011)

Taznwinston has the best and appropriate answer to your dilemma. I love the donation in their name the very best. What could they possibly say after that???


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

deshka said:


> Can you afford a jar of gifilted fish? I would give that to the son in law. There are also some really good Jewish cookie like things, made with squares of dough and some jam inside and folded into a triangle and baked. Sorry, I don't remember what they are called, but those are good. Make them some maltaball soup, love that stuff. In other words, I would give them a gift of food. I worked in the dietary department of the Jewish nursing home in Seattle for many years, and I sort of understand how some Jewish people are.


It isn't how 'some Jewish people are'. You make it sound like we are the only ones who are like this young man. Every race, culture, religion etc have these same 'kind of people'. Sorry but I resent your implication & take great offense to it.


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## SueFerns (Aug 16, 2011)

TexCat said:


> This may sound mean-spirited but your son-in-law sounds like a spoiled brat.
> 
> What I would do is to 'hand make' a card in prescribed non-offensive colors, etc. that simply states that you made them a 'blanket' (insert correct item here) and have donated it in their name to (insert charity of your choice here) in their name.
> 
> Nothing else needs to be done. I agree with the above, A GIFT IS A GIFT not an open invitation to control the giver.


I just might lean toward making the card with YARN! Blue and White yarn. But then I am not very politically correct. Sorry for all your troubles and I hope your daughter understands your plight.


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## sandiremedios (Aug 27, 2011)

I'm going to be a little contrary here. If someone told me no more yarn or sewn gifts, then I wouldn't make any more for them.
When did the SIL say this? Last year, last night?
We have only heard one side, and that's okay, but to dump on this guy so hard and from so high up seems a little unreasonable.
Is it possible that the daughter finds it easier to blame her husband than to admit that she doesn't want this gift either?
If I had chosen a blue and white colour scheme (and many people who are not jewish do so), I might not be grateful to have someone expect me to display a red, green and white throw. Does this throw go with their decor?
I'm playing devil's advocate here, because the underlying message that I hear, is that people should be grateful for whatever they get, even if the gifter is well aware that the gift is not appropriate. When we try to push our taste on others, it is possible that they may push back.
I think it is appropriate to donate the throw to charity, as there is likely to be someone who would really really appreciate the warmth and hand made aspect. However I also think that all three parties, mother, daughter and son-in-law should sit down and go over each of their expectations for the holidays.
It sounds to me like there have beena couple of goats digging in their heels here. IMHO


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## trisha 54 (Feb 24, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I agree I think this would be the best way to handle the situation. Don't feel that you are alone, my husband and I are in the same situation as you and I too am making many gifts for the holidays


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## lilyktwong (May 5, 2012)

I would give this SIL nothing! Has he ever given you 
any gifts or gave you any help, spend his time doing things for you? If not he deserve nothing.


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## Bookmiss (Mar 8, 2012)

A gift is to be given out of love. One of the best gifts I ever gave to my dad was when I gave something to others in his name. He was so touched, he cried. Dad knew that he had taught me the real reason behind Christmas. That said, maybe a table runner in colors that they decorate their house with? Or perhaps some dish cloths?


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## Helen Morse (Feb 14, 2012)

I have read all the replies, and the wisdom and thoughts that have gone into these replies are enlightening. 

I think you are a wonderful, creative person who is very giving...I'm with most of the opinions, give the wonderful gifts to people who will appreciate them and understand the love that has gone into them, because of the love that you have put into these gift.

I put this quote on the Christmas Cards that I made and gave to family & friends.

Yesterday is the past. Tomorrow is a gift; that's why it's called
"The Present"

Cheers


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## elfiestouch (Aug 31, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: 
I know quite well how you feel. I am in a different situation, but the results are the same.
We pay tuition for both of our granddaughters to attend a privat school, which is quite expensive. I am knitting sweaters for them, so I can get rid of my yarn. I have so much, I don't know what to do with it. This way I can save money on gifts and clear my storage. I make maybe six sweaters a year. The girls love the sweaters I make, but my daughter has a different idea. She infomed me, that I should not make any more sweaters for the girls and since I want to get rid of all the yarn, I should find a place to donate. Puts me in a situation of having to spend extra money for gifts. By the way, when I knit a sweater, everyone that sees them, thinks they are really great. So it's not like I give them something that doesn't look good.
I sometimes wonder if we did something wrong raising our children.


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## Helen Morse (Feb 14, 2012)

sorry, that didn't come out right

Yesterday is the past. Tomorrow is the future. Today is a gift; that's why it's called 
"The Present"...lol


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## rjhandmade (Feb 15, 2012)

sandiremedios said:


> I'm going to be a little contrary here. If someone told me no more yarn or sewn gifts, then I wouldn't make any more for them.
> When did the SIL say this? Last year, last night?
> We have only heard one side, and that's okay, but to dump on this guy so hard and from so high up seems a little unreasonable.
> Is it possible that the daughter finds it easier to blame her husband than to admit that she doesn't want this gift either?
> ...


I also was wondering if this was a very current turn of events. Did you not know the color theme of their home?
I also give handmade gifts, last year it was jars with cookie ingredients and some others who should not eat sugar got jars with ingredients to make soup. The top of the ball jars were in the color theme of the kitchen so if they used the jar after it went with their decor. The year before it was hats and scarves. This year gloves and owl hats. I just wonder if it is all the sil or are you contributing to the situation. I agree I think it is time to sit and talk. This is how family fueds start and for the sake of the children you should try and keep the peace. Hope all works out for you and your family and you enjoy a good holiday.


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## rjhandmade (Feb 15, 2012)

Helen Morse said:


> sorry, that didn't come out right
> 
> Yesterday is the past. Tomorrow is the future. Today is a gift; that's why it's called
> "The Present"...lol


Love your avitar, we had a wiemeraner for 13 yrs. still miss her she was such a good dog.


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## dandylion (May 31, 2011)

I know quite well how you feel. I am in a different situation, but the results are the same.
We pay tuition for both of our granddaughters to attend a privat school, which is quite expensive. I am knitting sweaters for them, so I can get rid of my yarn. I have so much, I don't know what to do with it. This way I can save money on gifts and clear my storage. I make maybe six sweaters a year. The girls love the sweaters I make, but my daughter has a different idea. She infomed me, that I should not make any more sweaters for the girls and since I want to get rid of all the yarn, I should find a place to donate. Puts me in a situation of having to spend extra money for gifts. By the way, when I knit a sweater, everyone that sees them, thinks they are really great. So it's not like I give them something that doesn't look good.
I sometimes wonder if we did something wrong raising our children.

elfiestouch

Dear elfiestouch, 
Your daughter is an in-grate, and should be given a hand crafted gift-card showing the tuition for the school year, just as if it were a money gift-card -- which it really is.
Merry Christmas, dandylion


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## Helen Morse (Feb 14, 2012)

Sandyr1946 said:


> I just love this answer - I only wish I had thought of it, but it does follow my own thoughts very closely...just do it  And good luck for employment in the New Year. It is very poor that your entitlement runs out; down here in Oz there does not seem to be any limit to how long people can get unemployment benefits...
> Sandy from Oz


You are right Sandy, there is no limit here in Australia.


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## nhauf001 (Jan 18, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


I was up front with my daughter and let her know there would be no gifts because her Dad and I just couldn't do it this year. It was painful for me, but she was gracious -- Christmas dinner will by my gift to family this year.


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## bellestarr12 (Mar 26, 2011)

Raybo said:


> mary charnley said:
> 
> 
> > boy, do i feel for you!! i would not give them the quilt, but would hold on to it for you daughter, she might want it another time.
> ...


yeah, that might be a good idea!


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## Lolly12 (Oct 10, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


i think your idea is great

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

RachelL said:


> Shaestr said:
> 
> 
> > I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> ...


Rachell, what a wonderful reply. Do you think that sometimes the people who feel a deep respect for their own religion tend to respect the faith of others? It seems to me that to be intolerant of others' religion isn't saying much for what one's own religion means to one.

This isn't about religion at all. It's about control.

But it's nice to see the comments on the forum. We are friends, we are family and we don't want to see anyone hurt and abused. What a nice place the world would be if we had more of that kind of thinking.


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

kneonknitter said:


> deshka said:
> 
> 
> > Can you afford a jar of gifilted fish? I would give that to the son in law. There are also some really good Jewish cookie like things, made with squares of dough and some jam inside and folded into a triangle and baked. Sorry, I don't remember what they are called, but those are good. Make them some maltaball soup, love that stuff. In other words, I would give them a gift of food. I worked in the dietary department of the Jewish nursing home in Seattle for many years, and I sort of understand how some Jewish people are.
> ...


Thank you for your response to 'some Jewish people are.' It's like saying 'some of my best friends are, Jewish, Black or whatever.' Both comments are a judgement of the people being spoken about and the speaker is actually saying I'm good because I accept some of these people.

If I sound too touchy, that's because as a Jewish person, it's because of my (& my family's) life experiences have taught me that. I've never heard 'some Gentile people' are like that, but I've heard it too often about Jewish people.

This SIL is a jerk, but so is the daughter who allows his bad behaviour to hurt her wonderful mother. The daughter's behaviour is worse than her SIL's. My sis-in-law called me a dirty Jew twice in my husband's and my presence and he didn't say a thing. His behaviour was far more painful and worse than hers.


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## MVB53 (May 24, 2012)

I agree with the answers you have been given...some very wise and diplomatic advice. The only caveat I have is that though you heard from your son-in-law, you haven't said what your daughter thinks. How can he answer for her that she can't have red and green gifts? I hope your daughter is safe. How sad if she wants your handmade and lovingly produced gifts and is prevented from having that memory.


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

elfiestouch said:


> taznwinston said:
> 
> 
> > Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> ...


I would inform dear daughter since you gave her such a wonderful idea, you will donate your knit items to Big Brothers/Sisters, pediatric wings, send them to St Judes etc etc with notes attached that the items are to honor your beautiful grandchildren who are more privileged than they are with good educations & excellent health.


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

kneonknitter said:


> elfiestouch said:
> 
> 
> > taznwinston said:
> ...


Perfect!!!!


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## ginger c (Apr 8, 2012)

I love this response, very thoughtful lady. I would not have been so diplomatic with such ungrateful people. :-( :-( :-( :-(


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## skkp (Feb 13, 2011)

All of this angst over Christmas!!! Geez --- in my family if you are an adult then NO MORE GIFTS!!!! The beauty of Christmas is being with your family, good food, and best wishes!!! 

At a certain point in time you have to give up Santa Claus. Give your gifts to some needy people who will appreciate your effort. No need to be a Scrooge -- just tell them merrily you made a donation in their honor...


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

Ann DeGray said:


> RachelL said:
> 
> 
> > Shaestr said:
> ...


Ann: What a kind and wise woman you are. I totally agree with you and thank you for the balm of Gideon you have given to soothe ruffled feathers. I believe in what the Lord Jesus said, "How can you say you love God whom you do not see, when you hate those you can see?"


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## GANDY (Oct 27, 2011)

I can only say if I had a husband like that, he danged sure wouldn't treat my mother like that - only ONCE and I'd take care of him in good order or get rid of him fast.


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

RachelL said:


> Ann DeGray said:
> 
> 
> > RachelL said:
> ...


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## WandySue (Sep 9, 2012)

When my children were young, I tried to teach them that when they were given a gift, they should appreciate not only the gift item, but to appreciate the person who thought enough about them to give them a gift. If I were to receive a throw that didn't quite match my decor, I wouldn't care one whit about my decor. I would accept the gift with love and appreciation to the person who crafted it. It would be displayed proudly in my home and would always be a reminder that someone cared that much for me. My grandmother used to love to crochet slippers. Everyone in the family had knitted slippers. I still have a pair and every time I wear them, I am reminded of the love that my grandmother had for me and her family. Gift giving has gotten out of hand. You should not have to explain to anyone why you are not able to spend money for gifts. Maybe this will be a good time this Christmas to teach a very important lesson - what Christmas is really all about - LOVE & FAMILY & RESPECT.


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

RachelL said:


> kneonknitter said:
> 
> 
> > elfiestouch said:
> ...


I'm curious. When does you daughter think you gave her the reigns to your life? I think you should do with your things, yarn included, exactly what you want to do. And if you want to add fuel to your daughter's fire, knit in front of her and let her know which charity you're giving it to... if that's what you want to do.

Some grown up children would do well with a good smack on the side of the head, but then again, some are taller and bigger than we are.

Whatever you decide to do, have a peaceful and Merry Christmas.


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## ThorPepper (Jan 24, 2012)

" hence as a gesture of "their" generosity I will be donating the throw to a family in need, in their name.". Taznwinston

Perfect answer. Also, hospitals are donated lap robes used by patients for warmth when sitting up and then go home with the patient. Also, some families give to a charity in lieu of gifts to one another.


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## MsJackie (Nov 22, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came
> ...


Good answer.

Only let me add.... She's not ALLOWED? Really? Does she need the number to the battered women's shelter? I'm not kidding. That is the kind of thing that happens in an abusive relationship - it's about dominance and control.


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

chickkie said:


> I would not give them something that you know they won't appreciate or is in a color that offends.


I agree.


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

RachelL said:


> RachelL said:
> 
> 
> > Ann DeGray said:
> ...


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## aljellie (Mar 4, 2011)

kneonknitter said:


> deshka said:
> 
> 
> > Can you afford a jar of gifilted fish? I would give that to the son in law. There are also some really good Jewish cookie like things, made with squares of dough and some jam inside and folded into a triangle and baked. Sorry, I don't remember what they are called, but those are good. Make them some maltaball soup, love that stuff. In other words, I would give them a gift of food. I worked in the dietary department of the Jewish nursing home in Seattle for many years, and I sort of understand how some Jewish people are.
> ...


I agree. SIL's terrible manners and controlling attitude have nothing to do with his faith and generalizations and stereotypes are hurtful. We should really avoid them.

Ellie


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

kneonknitter said:


> RachelL said:
> 
> 
> > RachelL said:
> ...


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## dandylion (May 31, 2011)

Has it occurred to anyone else that maybe, just maybe, the daughter is considering to, or is converting to Judaism? 

Just a thought for the sake of argument.


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## MVB53 (May 24, 2012)

I agree wholeheartedly!


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## ics (Jul 19, 2012)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## bonbf3 (Dec 20, 2011)

rjhandmade said:


> sandiremedios said:
> 
> 
> > I'm going to be a little contrary here. If someone told me no more yarn or sewn gifts, then I wouldn't make any more for them.
> ...


I believe that blue and white are the Hanukkah colors, not necessarily the colors of the home decor.


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## Whalestooth (Nov 25, 2012)

I have to agree with everyone. I love it when my creative sister in law makes things for me. I know she worked hard on it and she goes out of her way to make it something I like. I'm sorry u have to deal with all this especially when you're unemployed. I have been the same way for a year and a half so I know the feeling.


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## ssk1953 (Jan 29, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


Very well said and good suggestions! :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## missylam (Aug 27, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


Well said :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## BubbyIssaquah (Jul 5, 2011)

Maybe I can step in here for just a moment and inject something about Chanukah/Hanukkah. It is NOT the Jewish Christmas, as is widely and mistakenly thought. It is a relatively minor Jewish holiday celebrating a meaningful military victory in ancient times. Unfortunately, because it occurs often during the Christmas season and is associated with the giving of gifts (way out of hand and really meant for our children), it has become thought of as our "answer" to the Christmas giving of gifts to every age. The real meat of the issue here, going back to page 1, is not what or whether to give Chanukah presents in a mixed marriage but how the SIL's behavior, under the guise of official Jewish colors, is affecting the relationship to his wife and of his wife to her mother. No amount of gefilte fish, hamentashen (those little triangular filled cookies someone mentioned),matzo ball soup boxed in blue and white is going to fix that family's grief. I feel deeply for all of them, and I hope the support given to the original writer (I've lost track of her name) in her own time of stress and uncertainty about the future will help her to somehow experience Christmas in the spirit in which I believe it is intended. To all of you, no matter how you pray, to whom or not at all...a better 2013 for all of us.


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

dandylion said:


> Has it occurred to anyone else that maybe, just maybe, the daughter is considering to, or is converting to Judaism?
> 
> Just a thought for the sake of argument.


That's not the point dandylion. That is a personal choice for her to make & is between her & him. The point I, for one, was trying to make was that he sounds like a controlling, bigoted & all around not nice spouse. My sister lived with such a man & religion didn't even come into play because they were both Jews. What did come into play was as the years went on, the children came, the keeping her from her family & the continuing controlling & abuse finally led to my niece & nephew being taken away from him 2 months after my sister died. It doesn't get better, it gets worse.


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

bonbf3 said:


> rjhandmade said:
> 
> 
> > sandiremedios said:
> ...


FYI:

Blue & white are the colors of Israel just as red, white & blue are American, etc. & blue & white pertain to all things Jewish, not just Chanukah.


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## afoster (Jun 10, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


 :thumbup: I agree. I was going to suggest just giving them a pretty card too. This trumps my idea, I like it.


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## mzmom1 (Mar 4, 2011)

What I want to know is, why does she have to "respect" the Hannukah colors, blue and white, and the Jewish husband doesn't "respect" the Christmas colors, red and green? Maybe they should just use all the colors together! JMHO.


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## mzmom1 (Mar 4, 2011)

Wannabe knitter said:


> My great grandma used to crochet afghans. Se made some for my brothers, when she was almost 100 years old ( she lived to be 105). None of my brothers (ie their wives) wanted them, so I asked my mom if I could have one. She was a wonderful lady, and i am so grateful to have it. I'm a very sentimental person.
> 
> Every year before Christmas and birthdays I role-play with my kids about how to receive gifts. I pretend to give them a stinky sock as a gift, and they practice saying "thank you, I appreciate it". I try to teach them to be polite and not offend the giver of the gift, even if they already have the item given, or if they don't like it. I got the idea rom a book called, "Essential 55." Our Christmases and birthdays are so much better because I don't have to hear them complain about what they were given.
> 
> I keep telling my mom not to spend money on me because money is tight for them, but I would LOVE it if she painted a watercolor picture for me. I know I would cherish it forever.


I love that you train your children to receive every gift politely. I was taught that when I was a child too. I can remember when my parents gave my cousin a birthday gift and she sort of 'turned her nose up' at it. The conversation in the car going home made a lasting impression on me! I was always taught that you are thanking the giver for their kindness; whether you like the gift or not you _always, always_ express appreciation politely and with a smile.


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## ggmakat16 (Dec 12, 2012)

Ditto ...Hope your gift is a job found! I too had some ungenerous thoughts but this is the right balance just be sure to do it at the group function so it will be seen as intended.


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## barcar (Jun 16, 2011)

Can you make several different kinds of cookies, put them on a pretty place, wrap in cellophane with a pretty ribbon? It would be a beautiful presentation. Save your handwork for someone who really appreciates it!


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## AuntVay (Jun 26, 2011)

I'm a little late to this thread, but as I read the first page, my first thought was of the daughter, and what kind of a life she must have, and the mother's heartbreak. At the same time, there are many younger couples whose primary concern is appearances and material things. With luck and time, they will grow out of that! If they don't like knitted goods, bake them a cake. Or send a nice card -- brilliant.


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## Vulcan1957 (Jun 20, 2012)

Well I was in a similar situation, as my sister n laws let me know the kids have enough gloves and scarfs and hats to last them a life time, so I made preemie blankets and hats and donated them to the local Hospital and with their Thank you note they sent I placed in their cards to let each of my Nieces and Nephews know that a child was given a item in their name...they are in their 30's now and they do remember me doing this, I have great Nieces and Nephews now and it is hard keeping up with all their request, I am working on two shrugs tomorrow and starting one sock hat...I was just given the colors yesterday and pick the yarn up today, so I am behind getting started, but I knit fast, so it will be no problem...


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## lilydragon (Oct 2, 2011)

A lot of people have suggested giving cookies or food, but with a guy like him it wouldn't surprise me if he came back and said they were too salty oy too sweet. He more than likely would find fault with anything given to him by his wife's family. He sounds really controlling and it could be a ploy to separate his wife from her family. Even with the card after they get home he could tell her that her family didn't care enough to get a real gift and all they got was a lousy card. How could they really care if that's all they got. It could be a catch 22. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.


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## gram-nana (Sep 16, 2012)

Merry Christmas to all...This is what I do for Christmas. The family is just too big to buy gifts for everyone, so this year I knit hats for all the GreatGrandkids and baked cookies for all the families. I made 50 dozen cookies and am giving them to all the families, (8 families in all). I make many different kinds of shortbread cookies and everyone loves them. It's a lot of work, but I love to bake so my problem is solved.


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## 29426 (Jul 26, 2011)

Wannabe knitter said:


> My great grandma used to crochet afghans. Se made some for my brothers, when she was almost 100 years old ( she lived to be 105). None of my brothers (ie their wives) wanted them, so I asked my mom if I could have one. She was a wonderful lady, and i am so grateful to have it. I'm a very sentimental person.
> 
> Every year before Christmas and birthdays I role-play with my kids about how to receive gifts. I pretend to give them a stinky sock as a gift, and they practice saying "thank you, I appreciate it". I try to teach them to be polite and not offend the giver of the gift, even if they already have the item given, or if they don't like it. I got the idea rom a book called, "Essential 55." Our Christmases and birthdays are so much better because I don't have to hear them complain about what they were given.
> 
> I keep telling my mom not to spend money on me because money is tight for them, but I would LOVE it if she painted a watercolor picture for me. I know I would cherish it forever.


I love what you are teaching your children about receiving gifts.


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## Bennieblue (Apr 15, 2011)

Sorry but I would just not bother. Your daughter should assert her rights too. Have all the colours you want, after all If you are a believer in any religion ask them who made all the colours anyway. This colour restriction is man made not god. But then I am speaking as an Atheist. Then again I respect others rights to believe. Carol


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## Mariette EDE (Jul 6, 2012)

He 's got a cheek how dare he telling you what kind or what color gift you may give him. I would say Stiff ,..mate you can go without b.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Ann DeGray said:


> lostmountains said:
> 
> 
> > All the Little Drummer Boy had to offer the New Born King was the gift of a song. It is not the gift, but the love that goes into it. If others cannot see this then they have failed to grasp the true meaning of Christmas.
> ...


Why can't we just accept and embrace all the traditions? They're all celebrations of something positive. Let the party begin!


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

RachelL said:


> Ann DeGray said:
> 
> 
> > RachelL said:
> ...


Rachell: Have you ever noticed that some people 
will give to charities for people in other counties (whom they will never see) yet will not help those they do see using excuses like: "Oh, they'll just use it for drugs/alcohol/cigarettes; they could work if they wanted to; they need to take responsibility for themselves; I'm tired of giving to the (insert name or group here)/ I've given to those people and they never change."

Perhaps because we can't see them we imagine them to be without the faults we find on those whom we can see so we don't judge them. It makes us feel good to have helped those we imagine to be more worthy?

And then we can tell ourselves how good we are to do that ......ya think?


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

sewknitbeadgrandma said:


> Shaestr said:
> 
> 
> > I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> ...


Why should she sell her work to accomodate two selfish people a gift is simply that-- a gift-- its not a store where you choose whats given It was made with love if they reject it more shame those two


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## quiltyme (Dec 10, 2012)

I would find some of the "artwork" from your son's kindergarten days, first grade, handmade ornaments he made in school and display them,,,,and give them the afghan anyway,,,of course it would be right next to the things he made,,,,maybe he will get the point of all the love you put in making things.


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## mystic31714 (Dec 21, 2011)

Wow, I agree with some of the comments, your son and DIL sound rude. I have a similar problem. I am widowed and retired , hense make all my gifts and love doing it. A while ago when out with my gal friends, one of them pronounced that she was tired of people giving her homemade gifts. It really hurt. But, she gets one this year anyway. It will be a jar of salsa and an ornament. I do not believe in buying lots of gifts, that is not what Christmas is about. Homemade gifts show how much you care for the people in your life. I will not change my pattern just to please an insensitive person. 
I agree that you should give the blanket to a charity tho, too much work has gone into that. What is with people nowadays, such thoughtlessness.


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## CarolBest (Sep 14, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


I see everyone agrees with taznwinston. Me too!!! I am Jewish. He is a jerk. A controlling jerk. Jewish and jerk are not mutually exclusive, however I have a family full of Jewish 
mothers who would all be glad to sort him out. Guilt is a big factor in our culture. Don't let him get the upper hand. Remind your daughter how many hours you were in labor with her and throw in that you could have died. I have to stop now. I am channeling my Bubbie and she is just getting started. :hunf:


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

CarolBest said:


> taznwinston said:
> 
> 
> > Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> ...


I loved you comment about having a family of Jewish mothers who would be glad to sort him out!

and I wish I could have met your Bubbie!


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## GANDY (Oct 27, 2011)

MY HUMBLE OPINION: a GIFT IS FOR WEDDINGS, NEW-BORNS, AND BIRTHDAYS. CHRISTMAS GIFT GIVING IS YOUR CHOICE AND IN MOST CASES IS SIMPLY AN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE SEASON.......EXCEPT FOR THOSE BEAUTIFUL GRANDCHILDREN.


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## hoodedmaiden60 (Mar 16, 2011)

Wow im so sorry for ur unemployment... im gonna be where u are in a couple of months ... i hope u find employment soon !!!


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## CarolBest (Sep 14, 2011)

"I loved you comment about having a family of Jewish mothers who would be glad to sort him out!

and I wish I could have met your Bubbie!"

Thank you. Bubbie was 4 ft 11 inches but sometimes she seemed taller than my 6 ft 2 inch father. She was worth the knowing.


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## Hannelore (Oct 26, 2011)

Alto53 said:


> taznwinston said:
> 
> 
> > Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> ...


And on mine. I would just wish them a Merry Christmas and leave it at that. :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## GANDY (Oct 27, 2011)

I am reminded of my early teen years. My dad always insisted we have only the best shoes on our feet and our shoe store was owned by a nice Jewish man. I'm sure he loathed to see me coming - I wanted heels and he wouldn't sell sell them to me - a matter that I didn't accept without tears.


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## rjhandmade (Feb 15, 2012)

kneonknitter said:


> bonbf3 said:
> 
> 
> > rjhandmade said:
> ...


I have a friend who happens to be Jewish and her entire home is in shades of blue and whitel If I make something or buy something for her home it is in the color scheme she likes. She in turn when we exchange for our holiday gift and birthdays think of what I like and not what she likes. My point was if you are giving a gift shouldn't be what make s the recipiant happy?


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## Imarachne (Sep 18, 2011)

One year my daughter and I made hats for everyone in the family and they all made fun of them and thus never wear them. So I now make throws, hats, scarves, mittens etc. for a charity where they send to places that need warm things and appreciate them. I guess my family is spoiled !!


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## trisha 54 (Feb 24, 2012)

nhauf001 said:


> Shaestr said:
> 
> 
> > I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> ...


Mine too. I am in the same situation


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## ltyler65 (Aug 14, 2012)

Just right. Happy holidays


taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


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## carillonpatrice (Nov 26, 2012)

This is completely off topic, but I so love this quotation I am going to pass it on to my knit group:

I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

Thanks, Sandiremedios.


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## sidlee (Jan 28, 2012)

carillonpatrice said:


> I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
> quote]
> 
> My socks are still fitting, too!!!!


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## cbektas (Dec 11, 2012)

:lol:


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## DenzelsMa (May 21, 2012)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


I'd probably have a good cry then give what I make to people who appreciate it. People can be so horribly hurtful. I've had some of the same from my family. I stuck it for a few years then told them exactly what I thought of them. Some didn't care much but others leapt about a bit when the dragon started breathing fire.
Di


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## karonwurst (Nov 15, 2012)

Well said. And I agree with you. If more people would "MAKE" their gifts maybe we would not be in the financial fix we are in as a country! Let us go "back" in this respect, to making gifts.
Karon


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## MarilynKnits (Aug 30, 2011)

After giving gifts for expected occasions and not receiving acknowledgement, I decided that anyone who did not at the least say a nice thank you would not get any more gifts. 

Told our favorite nephew that his kids would get hugs from Auntie and Unk but since they could not take the time to phone or email a thank you, much less write one and mail it,
I just didn't have the time to take the effort to shop or knit for them. 

As for the son in law, a jerk is a jerk whatever his faith, race, or national origin. And the daughter does sound either as if she has bought into his unpleasantness or has been browbeaten into submission. Don't waste your time trying to appease them; they seem to be picking a fight. I agree with the member who said to give the afghan to a charity and give the ungrateful children a big thank you for giving you the opportunity to provide someone in need with something they graciously accepted. Mr. Bah Humbug can go fish.

And let me wish each of you a lovely Christmas, a belated Happy Chanukah, a spiritual Kwanza, a blessed Eid, or just secular happiness, whatever your belief or philosophy of life is. I feel sorry for the folks out there who are so insecure in their beliefs that they belittle the beliefs (or, when it comes to that, the non-beliefs) of others. All of us who know who we are and embrace the essence of our own souls have the inner power to celebrate our differences and know the most important facets of life are those we all have in common.


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

CarolBest said:


> taznwinston said:
> 
> 
> > Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> ...


OMG I think we had the same Bubbie!! lol


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## ruthkk (Jan 25, 2011)

I think it is sad that your daughter has to miss out on something special made with love by her mother. I think I'd save it for her (at your house) and consider showing it to her in private. 
Your s-i-l missed out on learning about marital compromises. Wonder how your daughter puts up with his controlling behavior and why he thinks he has the right to tell her what colors to decorate with during her holiday. Surely there is room in their marriage to celebrate 2 traditions; what a great thing that is to teach children.
I was brought up Jewish but I always learned that Christmas was about love and celebrating Christ's birth, not about things and gifts. Traditionally, Chanukah was not about gifts to the kids either; kids were supposed go give money to their religious teachers who were not paid.


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

carillonpatrice said:


> This is completely off topic, but I so love this quotation I am going to pass it on to my knit group:
> 
> I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
> 
> Thanks, Sandiremedios.


Love it! I have several necklaces and bracelets that match my earrings...all fit! So there!


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## zoesaunt (Nov 11, 2012)

I think you are a super gal, Taz! Donating their gift is a great idea (you can also give them the receipt so they can claim it on their taxes). I think another idea for gifts for these 'difficult' loved ones is giving them baby photos or a trip through time photo collage of your child or sister or whatever. Sometimes it's a wrench to give those beloved pictures up. If it is too hard, don't do it. If you can afford it, make copies of those photos to give them.


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## CarolBest (Sep 14, 2011)

MarilynKnits said:


> After giving gifts for expected occasions and not receiving acknowledgement, I decided that anyone who did not at the least say a nice thank you would not get any more gifts.
> 
> Told our favorite nephew that his kids would get hugs from Auntie and Unk but since they could not take the time to phone or email a thank you, much less write one and mail it,
> I just didn't have the time to take the effort to shop or knit for them.
> ...


I like you a bunch. :-D


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## aannggeell (Dec 7, 2012)

Just thought about something. Can you dye the throw blue. And if you really need to have white in it, maybe do a fringe or some sort of small embroidery? Just a thought!


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## Thea (Sep 1, 2012)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


Perfect solution. :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## sdostman (Jun 9, 2011)

Right on!!!!!!!!!


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## Daniele1969 (Aug 12, 2011)

Wow... You know, we were just discussing this last week. Someone was also making knitted gifts, but her DIL HATED everything she gave her. My suggestion was to just get the DIL store bought and not even worry about it... That suggestion will not be helpful for you. (I am so sorry you are you going though that stress. Especially during the holidays)

I still feel if you NEED to explain how much love, effort and kindness went into making the gift, it wasn't worth giving... But that's just me.



Shaestr said:


> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> I have spent time this year making Christmas throws for the three families as their couples gifts. I am not sure what to do, I feel like I need to attaché something to the gift that explains the love and kindness that goes into each stick.
> 
> I also just found out that my daughter is not allowed traditional Christmas colors because my son-in-law is Jewish. She is only allowed to decorate with blue and white. Her Christmas throw is an 8 point star in red, green and white. I am worried now about even giving it to them.


And that last part?! I find that HORRIBLY unfair!! COMPROMISE!! I am Jewish and my husband is Christian. I lit a Menorah this year and put it in the window right next to our Christmas tree!! Granted, it was decorated in blue and white, but also gold, silver and green (with a little bit of red)!

Do me a favor.. Print this out for your SIL...

Dude, Hag Sameach!! I hope your Chanukkah was the brightest this year. My husband's and mine was wonderful. Our Menorah this year was my Grandmother's, I recently inherited it. It brought back all the sweet memories of Chanukkah's past. As did all the Christmas ornaments on our Christmas tree. These were from his past Christmas's. every ornament had a memory...

When you are in an interfaith relationship, the is ALOT of compramising... It can't be all one-sided. My husband HATES Pesach!! NO BREAD?! Yup.. And I'm not exactly a big fan of the Easter ham his mom makes every year, but this is what I signed up for. I knew this before I married my husband...18 years ago!!

If your beloved wife likes Christmas, with all the lights and colors, you NEED to compramise or resentment will soon follow..

Just saying, Daniele Miner Vargas, Rockville, MD

Good Luck with the job hunt, Shaestr. I hope you find something soon. My husband was out of work for 2 1/2 years so I understand what your going through. It's hard but something will happen!!

Merry Christmas,
Dani


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## patti8 (Oct 11, 2011)

I would not give them any hand made gifts, they don't appricate the love that is put into it. Donate all the gifts to a family in need they will appricate your kindness. Just say happy Holidays to both your daughter and son-in-law and call it a day.


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## Cashmeregma (Oct 15, 2012)

Daniele1969 said:


> Wow... You know, we were just discussing this last week. Someone was also making knitted gifts, but her DIL HATED everything she gave her. My suggestion was to just get the DIL store bought and not even worry about it... That suggestion will not be helpful for you. (I am so sorry you are you going though that stress. Especially during the holidays)
> 
> I still feel if you NEED to explain how much love, effort and kindness went into making the gift, it wasn't worth giving... But that's just me.
> 
> ...


You said what I was thinking. Why should she honor his holiday and colors but he not honor hers. Perhaps it is more a male female thing than religion. You are a wise woman and obviously have a good marriage.


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## Dohuga (Nov 26, 2011)

I would give them a card and newsletter, telling them how much you love them, perhaps with some childhood memories thrown in....AND why you can't buy a gift this year. Can you bake them cookies instead? My tendency is to tell them to go fly a kite, but it IS Christmas and I am sure you don't want to do that.


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## dandylion (May 31, 2011)

Marilynknits wrote: "And let me wish each of you a lovely Christmas, a belated Happy Chanukah, a spiritual Kwanza, a blessed Eid, or just secular happiness, whatever your belief or philosophy of life is. I feel sorry for the folks out there who are so insecure in their beliefs that they belittle the beliefs (or, when it comes to that, the non-beliefs) of others. All of us who know who we are and embrace the essence of our own souls have the inner power to celebrate our differences and know the most important facets of life are those we all have in common."

That was so well put that I have to save it to my stash of favorite quotes in facebook. I hope Marilyn does not mind if I use it from time to time? dandylion


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## MarilynKnits (Aug 30, 2011)

I am honored that you choose to save my words. Share these thoughts wherever you wish with my blessings.



dandylion said:


> Marilynknits wrote: "And let me wish each of you a lovely Christmas, a belated Happy Chanukah, a spiritual Kwanza, a blessed Eid, or just secular happiness, whatever your belief or philosophy of life is. I feel sorry for the folks out there who are so insecure in their beliefs that they belittle the beliefs (or, when it comes to that, the non-beliefs) of others. All of us who know who we are and embrace the essence of our own souls have the inner power to celebrate our differences and know the most important facets of life are those we all have in common."
> 
> That was so well put that I have to save it to my stash of favorite quotes in facebook. I hope Marilyn does not mind if I use it from time to time? dandylion


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## dandylion (May 31, 2011)

Thanks Marilyn. I wish I had your style. dandylion


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## barbbfly (Oct 27, 2012)

thats too bad but u don't want to cause a rift at christ mas. its happy hannaka for the Jews. i'd send them a pic of the beautiful blanket and say i spent all this time on this cuz i wuv u guys but i didn't know about the color thing -
an iou is good too ? I hope u find something for work u love to do sweety merry Christ mas to u and yours


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## justfara (Sep 9, 2011)

KaitlanBlackrose said:


> I know when my ex husbands mother remarried to a Jewish man his children were (and probably still are) spoiled rotten. If it was handmade they didn't want it and if it cost under a certain amount is wasn't worth their time. Some people are just that way. My kids know this is what you are getting and deal, if you don't like it, just say thank you and be gracious after all is the thought that counts and giving is even better. Just take the gift you just got and give it to someone that would appreciate it or need it.. I am sure the homeless shelter would love it and would use it or some other charity. Perhaps even families that have had a fire and lost everything, they are always happy for anything, there is nothing like a tragity or reverse of fortune to turn someone around from picky to grateful. Just my two cents


Please don't attribute this to being Jewish. My entire family are the most gracious people I've ever known, in-laws included!!! I am also so sorry I've not been reading the forum in a few days because My sister is in visiting and had not been following this thread. My son's wife (almost wife, they share my granddaughter) is not Jewish, her mother, the Catholic grandma bought the best Chanukah menorah I've ever seen for them to use to celebrate the holiday! Graciousness is what parents teach. It doesn't matter whether you are Jewish, Catholic or Hindu! I'm sorry for the rotten apples out there.

My well off sister is visiting, and she came in to see the almost finished sweater I had made as a surprise for her (she knits also, but much slower) and was totally thrilled!!! I think I am the one who feels gifted. Further, she went shopping in my stash and took two balls of a fairly expensive yarn that I am sure I would have never used as I mostly make sweaters and afghans. It clears out the stash. For me, the visit was win, win! For her, WIN WIN!! It was how our Jewish mother raised us, but we could have been anything.. we just had graciousness taught to us from our first breath. And, in her luggage, she is also taking back yarn for a sweater she's gonna make (also from my stash) and a sweater I made for her youngest son for his graduation present so I don't have to mail it. Happy all around.

When my few friends don't like hand made and I was not able to afford, they got cards.. end of story.

One thing more I want to add.. My daughter insisted that my granddaughters took one night of Chanukah and GAVE CHARITY instead of receiving.. That teaches graciousness best of all.


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## justfara (Sep 9, 2011)

deshka said:


> Can you afford a jar of gifilted fish? I would give that to the son in law. There are also some really good Jewish cookie like things, made with squares of dough and some jam inside and folded into a triangle and baked. Sorry, I don't remember what they are called, but those are good. Make them some maltaball soup, love that stuff. In other words, I would give them a gift of food. I worked in the dietary department of the Jewish nursing home in Seattle for many years, and I sort of understand how some Jewish people are.


Sorry, but this is insulting!!


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## justfara (Sep 9, 2011)

kneonknitter said:


> deshka said:
> 
> 
> > Can you afford a jar of gifilted fish? I would give that to the son in law. There are also some really good Jewish cookie like things, made with squares of dough and some jam inside and folded into a triangle and baked. Sorry, I don't remember what they are called, but those are good. Make them some maltaball soup, love that stuff. In other words, I would give them a gift of food. I worked in the dietary department of the Jewish nursing home in Seattle for many years, and I sort of understand how some Jewish people are.
> ...


Thank you kneonknitter


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## justfara (Sep 9, 2011)

Ann DeGray said:


> RachelL said:
> 
> 
> > Shaestr said:
> ...


Beautifully said!!


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## justfara (Sep 9, 2011)

mystic31714 said:


> Wow, I agree with some of the comments, your son and DIL sound rude. I have a similar problem. I am widowed and retired , hense make all my gifts and love doing it. A while ago when out with my gal friends, one of them pronounced that she was tired of people giving her homemade gifts. It really hurt. But, she gets one this year anyway. It will be a jar of salsa and an ornament. I do not believe in buying lots of gifts, that is not what Christmas is about. Homemade gifts show how much you care for the people in your life. I will not change my pattern just to please an insensitive person.
> I agree that you should give the blanket to a charity tho, too much work has gone into that. What is with people nowadays, such thoughtlessness.


Bless you! I have a friend who always made home made gifts even when she was well off. They were always very creative, and it was just her way. Right now, the "paint brush roll" she made for me years ago holds the few straight knitting needles I have not given away. Even if not used for what intended for, it's cherished. Right now, she's struggling, so I brought her my old Vacuum when I got a new one, and she presented me with a few pie crusts for my freezer. (She uses a very unusual recipe to die for!) I was not expecting it, I just try to look out for a friend.

Nothing anyone gives me has anywhere near the value as the love that comes with something made by someone's hand..

Also, I am a Reiki Master, and I put healing into every stitch or paint stroke when I paint for someone. I can't buy that.


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## justfara (Sep 9, 2011)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


Most of all, I would try to have your daughter over for a mother/daughter lunch/dinner and just try to communicate!
That would be a two way treat and gift for you both.


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## Browniemom (Sep 24, 2012)

Thank you Justfara your words are so very true. i found the comment about gefilte fish to be most insulting as well as the comment about some Jewish people. People are people and some are simply rude. I too am Jewish and gracious hospitality is part of us. To all who observe, I wish a Merry Christmas.


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## RandyPandy (May 6, 2011)

When this stream first began I was quite surprised at the tone. Knitting Paradise has always made a point to stay positive and complimentary. I too found comments insulting and considered not returning to this website again. Justfara's comments changed my mind. My parents, family and friends were always open minded and educated, loving and accepting of all who came into our family. 

Many people have problems and insecurities. They need to be taught what is lacking in their life, not ridiculed or punished. This would be an "educable moment" for the son-in-law. We need more understanding in this world.

This year I made Gyspycream bears for my neices and nephews, aged 16-5. They LOVED them and couldn't wait to open their gift to see if they got one too. It was the "gift of the year". Now, some of the adults want one as well!

Finding love and acceptance is tough in our busy world. Start with your family. If not now? When?


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## Browniemom (Sep 24, 2012)

rebrenner31 said:


> When this stream first began I was quite surprised at the tone. Knitting Paradise has always made a point to stay positive and complimentary. I too found comments insulting and considered not returning to this website again. Justfara's comments changed my mind. My parents, family and friends were always open minded and educated, loving and accepting of all who came into our family.
> 
> Many people have problems and insecurities. They need to be taught what is lacking in their life, not ridiculed or punished. This would be an "educable moment" for the son-in-law. We need more understanding in this world.
> 
> ...


Well said...thank you


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## Tennessee.Gal (Mar 11, 2012)

Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


Nothing. You already know that your lovely hand-made gifts are not valued and appreciated. Others have suggested giving the items to a charity and I agree.


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## justfara (Sep 9, 2011)

rebrenner31 said:


> When this stream first began I was quite surprised at the tone. Knitting Paradise has always made a point to stay positive and complimentary. I too found comments insulting and considered not returning to this website again. Justfara's comments changed my mind. My parents, family and friends were always open minded and educated, loving and accepting of all who came into our family.
> 
> Many people have problems and insecurities. They need to be taught what is lacking in their life, not ridiculed or punished. This would be an "educable moment" for the son-in-law. We need more understanding in this world.
> 
> ...


Beautiful!! I wish I was part of your family too. Love, it comes in every shape and variety.

A very Jewish Merry Christmas to all!!


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## RandyPandy (May 6, 2011)

You will have to wait in line for the bear!


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## zoesaunt (Nov 11, 2012)

I'll stand in line. I'm a patient woman  I love you guys. You stimulate my mind and make me feel a part of the group. My cockles are warmed LOL
Thanks. And a Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, a meaningful Kwanza....and looking forward a Happy President's Day to you all!


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## renie60135 (Jul 3, 2011)

I think you are a lovely person and I liked the idea of giving the gift to someone in need in their honor. You are setting the best example. I have a 4 year old great nephew (he has had one tough life so far with substance abusing parents that aren't together) He is now going to pre-school and our church. He told his 80 year old great grandma that Christmas is for "giving" not for "getting" I would love to know how your Christmas turns out.


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

Browniemom said:


> Thank you Justfara your words are so very true. i found the comment about gefilte fish to be most insulting as well as the comment about some Jewish people. People are people and some are simply rude. I too am Jewish and gracious hospitality is part of us. To all who observe, I wish a Merry Christmas.


The thing is, & I was just explaining this to some non-Jews just the other night, the Torah instructs us to be kind, generous & loving to all people. If a hungry man (person) knocks on your door & asks to be fed, we are OBLIGATED to feed him. If you interpret this in the general sense, it doesn't just pertain to food, it applies to how you live your life in general.


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## justfara (Sep 9, 2011)

kneonknitter said:


> Browniemom said:
> 
> 
> > Thank you Justfara your words are so very true. i found the comment about gefilte fish to be most insulting as well as the comment about some Jewish people. People are people and some are simply rude. I too am Jewish and gracious hospitality is part of us. To all who observe, I wish a Merry Christmas.
> ...


Beautifully said.. and with such a beautiful heart!


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

justfara said:


> kneonknitter said:
> 
> 
> > Browniemom said:
> ...


Thank you.


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## Browniemom (Sep 24, 2012)

kneonknitter said:


> justfara said:
> 
> 
> > kneonknitter said:
> ...


Absolutely this is what our Torah teaches us. Open your tents Jacob...


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## renie60135 (Jul 3, 2011)

This is also what the Bible teaches the Christians. Christ said when you do this for the least of these you do it for me.


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

renie60135 said:


> This is also what the Bible teaches the Christians. Christ said when you do this for the least of these you do it for me.


Therein is my original point, all people, all races, all cultures, etc. have good & bad people in them. It isn't fair to label any one group when we are all guilty of something at one time or another.


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## zoesaunt (Nov 11, 2012)

Brownie, you might want to remind the Christians you're speaking of, that passage pertains to us Christians too! The first five books of the Old Testament is the Torah! We come from the same roots and we ought to be treating each other as well loved cousins.


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

zoesaunt said:


> Brownie, you might want to remind the Christians you're speaking of, that passage pertains to us Christians too! The first five books of the Old Testament is the Torah! We come from the same roots and we ought to be treating each other as well loved cousins.


Yup.


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## renie60135 (Jul 3, 2011)

Sorry, didn't mean to imply that the Bible and the Torah were different. My point was that we are both worshiping God and are more alike than different and believe many of the same things. Sorry.



zoesaunt said:


> Brownie, you might want to remind the Christians you're speaking of, that passage pertains to us Christians too! The first five books of the Old Testament is the Torah! We come from the same roots and we ought to be treating each other as well loved cousins.


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## dandylion (May 31, 2011)

Dear Shaestra, I would love to know if you benefited from all of this advice, and ask, how your Christmas went?

I hope it went well for you and I'd love to know if any of this brought you any closer to your daughter and son-in-law? 
Best wishes to all, dandylion



Shaestr said:


> I have been working on homemade gifts for Christmas over the last few months. I am doing homemade gifts due to the fact that I have not been working. I lost my job two years ago and haven't been able to find work since. My unemployment has run out so I feel the only thing I can do is use things I already have and make gifts. I have had to do this for two years now. And I love working on them and giving them.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have a son-in-law and a daughter who I have given things too that have a very negative response. I have literally been told by my son-in-law that they don't want any more "yarn" gifts or sewn gifts. I gave them two blankets last year, one a fleece blanket to my daughter and for their couple gift I made a jeans quilt for them.
> 
> ...


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## Knitter153 (Aug 26, 2011)

Maybe I'm in left field without a clue, but whatever happened to "thank you for the beautiful gift?" Where is all this, "we don't want handmade gifts anymore" coming from? To me, one should be thankful that they even get gifts, let alone complaining about what they receive. As for the SIL, he knew he married someone who is not of his faith, so he should not have issues with the colors in what you made. She has just as much right to red, green and white as he has to blue and white. As someone else said, if he is Jewish, he shouldn't be expecting gifts at Christmas. It is a shame you should have to even think about this as you are doing the best you can, and instead of saying "there are not presents this year due to my financial situation" you give gifts from the heart and handmade to boot...sorry, just my opinion.


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## zoesaunt (Nov 11, 2012)

No dear...you didn't imply that at all. But not everyone knows, so I thought I would point it out. ;-)


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## Nanxy (Feb 25, 2011)

taznwinston said:


> Hi Shaeann, Merry Christmas!
> OK, let me start by saying I like to keep an open mind about these types of things. I'd like to share my opinions, and they're only opinions, to take as you will. I'm not going to blast anyone, just want to pass along some ideas.
> First off, I am sorry about your unemployment status and total loss of benefits. I know first hand how difficult it is, especially around any holiday. Here is what I would do...
> Knowing the intended recipients were not receptive to any "yarn gifts or sewn gifts" I would not be gifting them anything. Just my opinion. And here's why... a gift is just that, a GIFT, it is NOT a "given" as I like to say. I'm not sure at what point it became "expected" to receive a gift and added in to the equation came the audacity to announce ones preference as to what "is and isn't acceptable in a gift".
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup: I agree with you.


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## Patemmett (Mar 19, 2011)

StitchDesigner said:


> Shaestr said:
> 
> 
> > I like the suggestions that you have given. This is perhaps the best and only thing I can do. Thank you so much for your suggestions and words.
> ...


Love it!


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## JillF (Feb 17, 2011)

I, and I'm sure many others, am curious to know how it went with your Christmas gift???


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## dandylion (May 31, 2011)

Yes, please tell us?


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