# is it appropriate to knit??



## knittingmama32 (Sep 2, 2013)

I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


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## BailaC (Sep 25, 2013)

While I complete understand why you'd want to knit, it's unlikely others would. People would probably see it as disrespectful.


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## glenniemae (Mar 13, 2011)

So sorry for your loss. I would find an out of the way spot to knit. That way you will not be in the center of the fireworks that may explode!


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## South Africa (Jul 3, 2013)

Knit away, I would.


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## owlet (Aug 18, 2013)

Surely the first person to ask should be your husband? Also what will everyone else be doing for the whole 5 hours? Do you have to be there the whole time? It does seem somewhat excessive.


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## desireeross (Jun 2, 2013)

Take your knitting along and test the waters. If an opportunity arises where you can escape you'll be glad you've got your knitting with you


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## Rosesla (Mar 12, 2012)

How do you think Gram would answer that question.?


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## vikicooks (Nov 1, 2013)

Bring it with you- when tensions get to the point that you are thinking about using the needles as weapons, find a quiet corner and knit away! sorry for your loss- it's always hard to deal with the ones I call "users".


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## jpfries (Jan 14, 2013)

No, leave your knitting home, distress when you get home


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## mzmom1 (Mar 4, 2011)

owlet said:


> Surely the first person to ask should be your husband? Also what will everyone else be doing for the whole 5 hours? Do you have to be there the whole time? It does seem somewhat excessive.


I agree, see how he feels about it first. Was Gram a knitter? As for myself, I knit in a lot of places, but never at church or weddings or funerals/visitations. In those situations it would feel disrespectful. IMHO. If it gets to be too stressful, take a break, go sit in your car and knit a while. If anyone asks where you are hubby can tell them you felt unwell and are resting.


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## sbel3555 (Apr 11, 2011)

You should focus on this lady for 5 hours. Leave the knitting at home, and be support to your husband.


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## DonnieK (Nov 23, 2011)

I completely understand how you feel, and I know that our knitting can soothe our souls, however, I would not think it was appropriate for ME. Now, again let me repeat it would not be appropriate for ME. But, it is what you think and you believe that is the question. Five hours is a very long viewing, however, and it is no one's business what you do during that time. You might need to knit to drown out the weeping and wailing that may be going on. Follow your own path.


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## guen12 (Jul 28, 2011)

If you can't tear yourself away from knitting for whatever time length the service is you probably might as well stay home. If you are knitting there, you would not appear to be interested and if you are that addicted to knitting and stay home you are not interested in the happenings. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I think their is a time and place for all things and knitting at a funeral event would NOT be one of them. Just me.


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## flitri (Jun 13, 2011)

If you were her neighbour, why don't you go and stay until things start getting tense, then excuse yourself and go home. I would not take my knitting to a funeral/viewing. This is just my opinion.


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## Ann745 (Oct 29, 2012)

I'm afraid I have to agree with the naysayers. It would be offensive to me to have someone doing their thing where I would be spending time devoted to the life and remembrance of my loved one. If you have not lost a close friend or relative, I can see how you might not understand how your knitting would appear to others.


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## bwtyer (Oct 31, 2012)

5 hours is very long for a viewing however- talk to your husband - For myself, I would not do it, my husband would need my support - but my family is not your family. I would think that each of you would need a break- a 5 hour viewing is going to be emotionally difficult for all that were close to her. If it's OK with your DH , by all means, find a private corner, out of sight.


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## Nancyn (Mar 23, 2013)

Most of the time if you question what you are about to do, then you already know the answer. I feel for your loss, but won't you be in the receiving line? I think the idea of keeping it in your car would be the best solution. If you feel you need a break, you can escape. 
I wish you and your family peace.


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## chickkie (Oct 26, 2011)

I will also agree with the others that say don't bring your knitting to the visitation. There are places that knitting is inappropriate in my opinion, and that is one of them.


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## Sherry1 (May 14, 2011)

I would not take it nor have I ever seen it at a visitation.


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## Tennessee.Gal (Mar 11, 2012)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


Knitting at a visitation would be extremely rude and disrespectful.


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## bane (Nov 27, 2012)

We had my fathers viewing and funeral a few months ago, and I have to say I would not have liked someone to have been knitting . It's a very personal decision, so only you can decide . It's only a few hours, so I would think it would be much better to use the time to reflect about the person , then knit in the peace and quiet of your own home. This is only my opinion and I'm sure others will think differently .


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## speni (Nov 9, 2012)

i wouldn't take my knitting


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## lawrencji (Nov 4, 2011)

I'm afraid I agree with the nay-sayers. If there is already family tension, you will most likely be judged and criticized for it. Having it in your car might be a comfort to you though, just to know that if you can find a few moments to take a break, it is there waiting to help you de-stress.

That being said, I would be absolutely delighted if family and friends at my wake pulled out their knitting and their instruments - play some music, kick up your heels and be creative in my honor - that is how I would want my life to be celebrated.


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## vikicooks (Nov 1, 2013)

The funeral parlor in my hometown is a beautiful old house , with several side rooms people can go to when they need a break . I think it would be ok to knit if she was sitting in a place like that, but I would not sit and knit in the main viewing room.


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## Patii (Dec 18, 2012)

Apologies, but I have never come across a 5-hour viewing before. Perhaps someone could explain. I am guessing it is not an official ceremony, but a more casual event where people are invited to pay their respects while the rest of the family pay vigil??? If that is the case, I have to agree that I would be upset if someone brought any craftwork with them as I would if they suddenly produced an i-pad or smartphone and started emailing or texting. However, every family is different and you have to judge the situation accordingly. If you are unsure how well knitting would be received, I would say exercise caution and leave the knitting at home.


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## Colorado knits (Jul 6, 2011)

I assume that the 5 hours is a come-and-go service.

I say take your knitting. Five hours is a long time. If anyone says anything, explain that it helps keep you calm and you concentrate on your husband's grandmother when your hands are busy.


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## knittingmama32 (Sep 2, 2013)

Thanks all for your opinions, it is a 5 hour viewing with the private funeral service at the funeral home at the end of the five hours. Odd to me too, but they are my in-laws that made those arrangements. I would not sit in the viewing room and knit that's awful, hubby already told me that he does not wish to be in that room nor go to the casket , he wants to sit in the coffee/ break room that the funeral home has for the family to "get a break" so to speak. We are expected to be there the entire 5 hrs. Just was thinking of some way to take a break and recharge.


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## Knitcrazydeborah (Oct 25, 2011)

That's a tough one. We have a whole set who "only come round to collect the Christmas money". If you appreciate them as much as I do, I sincerely hope that you can get through 5 hours. If it were me, I'd leave the knitting in the car. If I couldn't stand another minute I'd go sit in the car, take it out on my knitting for ten minutes, then take a deep breath, and go back inside.
Good luck, and my sincere condolences for you and your family's loss of your much loved Grandmother.


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## knittingmama32 (Sep 2, 2013)

Thank you, she was a special lady who will be greatly missed, she was the matriarch of this family that's for sure


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## vjh1530 (Oct 8, 2011)

How involved are you expected to be in the proceedings? If you are only there to be supportive of your husband when he needs it, and will be sitting off in a room away from most of the others, then maybe you could bring a simple small project in a nice bag that keeps it all out of sight. If there is a time when you need to calm yourself, maybe you could go sit outside if weather permits, or sit in the car, or find an out-of-the-way place and take a few minutes, same as others do when they go for a smoke. No one need know what is in the bag. If you don't need to pull it out, don't, but at least you will have it nearby if you do. I agree with everyone else, get your husband's opinion first. Then go with what works for your family. 

The thing that makes me crazy on this subject is that many people attending the funeral who would feel you are being disrespectful if you knit will have no problem pulling out their cell phones and texting away.


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## esther irons (Jul 7, 2013)

i know how both you and you husband feel i would have given anything to be able to knit duing my mothers funeral, it was a terible event,i only went because my sister said she couln't get hrough it with out me,my mother and i had discued it many times i was not going, but betty wouldn't have it any other way, so i revolted.. and wore a very sexy dress, brite pink and all that was said, yeah thats esther doing her own thing and the service was only about an hour long, TAKE it, set with your husband in the break room to confort him and if he does not care KNIT AWAY. the taky thing about this is not your knitting BUT having a 5 hr viewing


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

I would knit also. Something that is rather "mindless" in case someone else wants to enjoy your "quiet" corner!

Of course it is up to you and your hubby. How does he feel about it?


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

I know how you feel about the viewing but out of respect for your much loved lady,i would not take my knitting just bite your tounge and say what you have to with dignity and respect.


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## kammyv4 (Aug 6, 2012)

I would think that you would be busy at a viewing talking with her friends and relatives. If you think that you would have time to knit, I would do it in the car. Others may view it as disrespectful in the funeral home.


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## teri1960 (Aug 27, 2013)

Rosesla said:


> How do you think Gram would answer that question.?


I agree with Rosesla. I also think you need to consult with your husband.

I'm sorry for your loss.


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## Windbeam (Jul 31, 2011)

I would say no but you can do what you like.


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## domsmum (Jun 20, 2012)

I probably wouldn't knit but would almost certainly let my mind wander onto future projects when things got too tense.But do what feels right for you and your husband.


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## Marylou12 (Dec 11, 2011)

I believe you should leave the knitting at home. 5 hrs. DOES seem excessive, but I think you can be away from your knitting during this time. It would be disrespectful, even if you were at a place away from it all.
As someone else said: De-stress at home.


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## Schatzie (May 5, 2011)

A private corner out of sight????? I think it would be "less rude and thoughtless" to just stay home and knit.


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## past (Apr 3, 2011)

I always take my knitting with me. Sometimes I never touch it and other times I do. It totally depends on the situation. When my dad passed, the line for the viewing was so long that visitation ended up being almost an hour past the time we had scheduled. When my grandparents passed there were times when only the family was there and so I knitted while we sat and visited remembering the times we had with them. You have to judge what fits for you.


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## threekidsmom (Feb 8, 2012)

Do what makes you happy. You know what's best.


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## yooperdooper (Jan 3, 2013)

mzmom1 said:


> I agree, see how he feels about it first. Was Gram a knitter? As for myself, I knit in a lot of places, but never at church or weddings or funerals/visitations. In those situations it would feel disrespectful. IMHO. If it gets to be too stressful, take a break, go sit in your car and knit a while. If anyone asks where you are hubby can tell them you felt unwell and are resting.


I agree with your answer completly


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## Shamrock (Jan 17, 2011)

I would probably not knit.


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## Grandma11 (Jan 21, 2012)

I wouldn't


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## PamieSue1 (Feb 14, 2011)

If it is not too far away, I'd slip out for a short period of time, go home, take a break. 5 hours seems like an awfully long time for a "viewing". However, families decide what respect will be given to the deceased and family. I'm sorry for your loss, but I would not knit while in the building. Please know that I say this with kindness.....


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## Anna3703 (Mar 4, 2012)

jpfries said:


> No, leave your knitting home, distress when you get home


I agree


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

I don't really think it is appropriate to be knitting at a funeral.


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## LunaDragon (Sep 8, 2012)

Knitting is peaceful, and helps with stress. I would take it, you do not have to be sitting next her the full 5 hours. People who smoke are not going to stop for those 5 hours. They may even smoke more. It gives you a way to de stress. We all need some peace of mind. Like some said you can always take a break in the car, just mind your time.


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## Kellanrevere (Nov 25, 2011)

I think some people are taking it that you don't want to give up knitting for 5 hours. I read it as you want to keep you mind occupied to keep you from possibly telling the sons and other grandkids what you think of their treatment of grandma. You mentioned keeping your mouth shut, LOL. Personally, I say ask your MIL how she would feel. SHE is the one I would worry about. Who cares what the other half of the family thinks. If you are anything like me, she might actually prefer you to stay otherwise occupied. 
Either way, I am sorry for your loss and wish you the best at the service .


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## joanne1013 (Sep 25, 2013)

I am so sorry for your loss. Only you knows what is in your heart so go ahead and knit. The ones who would question that would probably be the ones who were not around except to be there for the money. As one gal said-do check it out with your husband. God bless you and yours. Joanne


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## Mem51 (Jan 6, 2012)

Sorry for your loss. But, no I would not knit at a wake.


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## gramjo (Nov 20, 2012)

Did Grandma like to see you knit? If so, do it in HONOR of her. I am sorry for your loss......I am even more sorry that you have users in the family. Keeping your blood pressure down and mouth shut can be so hard....if knitting helps, do it. I believe we all have to make our choices based on "what we can live with". If you know grandma would not be offended and neither is your hubby than don't worry about the others. Friends who know the tense situation will understand your need to de-stress. Peace to you.


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## gramjo (Nov 20, 2012)

Did Grandma like to see you knit? If so, do it in HONOR of her. I am sorry for your loss......I am even more sorry that you have users in the family. Keeping your blood pressure down and mouth shut can be so hard....if knitting helps, do it. I believe we all have to make our choices based on "what we can live with". If you know grandma would not be offended and neither is your hubby than don't worry about the others. Friends who know the tense situation will understand your need to de-stress. Peace to you.


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## jamie46 (Apr 20, 2011)

If your husband does't object, why worry about what the "users" think? Unless you believe they will create an unpleasant scene,and upset your husband ( or you) do what keeps you sane and pleasant. So sorry for your loss.


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## tamarque (Jan 21, 2011)

I have never been a go-along-to-get-along person on principle. If something has no consequence to another, does not hurt them, then what I do is none of their business, to be blunt. I would knit anyplace anytime that I could with no problem. 

When doing grand jury duty couple years back there was one woman who clearly thought she was the grand poo bear--goddess knows why as she was an overbearing, ignorant a-hole! She tried to shut me down by openly criticizing me and claiming my attention was distracted. Without missing a stitch I told her that knitting facilitated my paying attention and she didn't have to knit if that was her choice.  In fact, my participation was about the highest of the panel and I actively affected at least 4 major indictments by raising issues of prejudice operative in the DA's presentation.

At a bit b'day party last week another person was knitting in the living room and I was directed to them as another knitter. We both sat there knitting and chatting: it was a fun way to meet a new person and others who watched asked questions and it became part of the party.

At the service? Why not? It is how you deal with your stresses and grieving. You are totally entitled to grieve however you want as long as it is not harmful to others. There opinions and judgements are not a sign of being harmed. Hold your ground, be pleasant, find your spot to knit quietly and hold your thoughts of this woman passing.


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## jamie46 (Apr 20, 2011)

If your husband does't object, why worry about what the "users" think? Unless you believe they will create an unpleasant scene,and upset your husband ( or you) do what keeps you sane and pleasant. So sorry for your loss.


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## whataknitwit (May 1, 2011)

I hope nobody is offended by me asking this but is it common practice in the USA for everyone to come and view the deceased? As far as I'm aware it's not something we do in the UK apart from close family and not even them in many cases. I have never felt the need as I prefer my memories to be of my parents and husband when they were fit and well.


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## Leftynewbie (Jun 11, 2011)

I understand why you would want to avoid any kind of tension or scene,I think that is exactly what you will be creating. I know if it was my loved one that I would think it was really insensitive. Tough it out ....you will be a better person in the end


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## pzoe (Mar 17, 2011)

I wouldn't. 

Pzoe


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## ajrowland (Nov 6, 2013)

Sometimes someone offers to stay at home to start the coffee, take calls, etc. BUT at the funeral home I am afraid it would look disinterested in the family.


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## Topsy (May 7, 2011)

mzmom1 said:


> I agree, see how he feels about it first. Was Gram a knitter? As for myself, I knit in a lot of places, but never at church or weddings or funerals/visitations. In those situations it would feel disrespectful. IMHO. If it gets to be too stressful, take a break, go sit in your car and knit a while. If anyone asks where you are hubby can tell them you felt unwell and are resting.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Patii (Dec 18, 2012)

knittingmama32 said:


> Thanks all for your opinions, it is a 5 hour viewing with the private funeral service at the funeral home at the end of the five hours. Odd to me too, but they are my in-laws that made those arrangements. I would not sit in the viewing room and knit that's awful, hubby already told me that he does not wish to be in that room nor go to the casket , he wants to sit in the coffee/ break room that the funeral home has for the family to "get a break" so to speak. We are expected to be there the entire 5 hrs. Just was thinking of some way to take a break and recharge.


If you are just sitting in the coffee break room, knitting should be fine. Goodness, 5 hours is a very long time to be waiting followed by a funeral service. You will all be emotionally drained. Is this normal practice in your hometown??? Whatever you decide, I hope the day goes well for you and your family.


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## jditlin (Mar 13, 2011)

Ask your husband. If he is ok with it go for it. I thoroughly understand the need to keep calm around extended family.


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## emhk13 (Dec 20, 2011)

Last November I left my terminally ill husband to go to the veiwing on Sunday and funeral on Monday of my brother's wife of 47 yrs. There was a private viewing for family that lasted for an hour then 2 hour public viewing. I took my knitting. I did not knit during the family viewing but found a corner seating arrangement during the public viewing and knit when I wasn't popping up to speak with old friends of the family. I also did not knit during either of the funeral services, the family only at the funeral home or the public Catholic mass. 

Luckily, my family and my sister-in-law's family are well aware I knit/crochet/cross stitch any and every where. As do a lot of the close family friends. Also all of them were very aware of my own situation and knew that knitting was my way to cope. My own daughters and spouses kept close to me most of both days. 

The only person you need to please is your husband. Take it with you, if you feel you need to knit and he doesn't mind, Knit.


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## Mama's House (Oct 22, 2012)

First time to respond to anything, but just have to. If you and Grandma shared knitting, then this can be an extension of your grieving, but don't let it be an excuse to avoid the family. Spend some time with family, but allow yourself time to retreat and reset.

Short story-when my father died, we played cards that night. To anyone driving by, it looked like we were celebrating his death. To those in the house, there were tears being shed while sitting at the card table that my Dad had played cards on several nights a week. We were sharing and remembering the good times, not celebrating.


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## missyern (Jan 23, 2011)

I feel a viewing is like an open house. You go, pay your respects, visit a little, and go home. I have never stayed the entire time. No time for knitting. JMHO


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## owlet (Aug 18, 2013)

whataknitwit said:


> I hope nobody is offended by me asking this but is it common practice in the USA for everyone to come and view the deceased? As far as I'm aware it's not something we do in the UK apart from close family and not even them in many cases. I have never felt the need as I prefer my memories to be of my parents and husband when they were fit and well.


Just what I was thinking. It all sounds very formal and as it immediately precedes the funeral, people are pretty much forced to attend. 
I've lived in various areas of the UK and never come across a 'viewing' of this sort. There are usually facilities at the funeral parlour for anyone to visit and pay their respects privately at any time. Personally I've never felt the need, specially not someone I was fond of.


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## Carol J. (Jan 27, 2011)

Take it along but I bet you won't get much done, people will be speaking to you and you will lay it down often. Better to have knitting in your hands to relieve the pressure of attending a wake than having to go outside for a cigarette.
Do as you please, I keep a bit of knitting or embroidery in my purse for times like this in case no one is speaking to me or needs my help. No different than carrying along a small book to read when alone.

Carol J.


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## teri1960 (Aug 27, 2013)

Carol J. said:


> Take it along but I bet you won't get much done, people will be speaking to you and you will lay it down often. Better to have knitting in your hands to relieve the pressure of attending a wake than having to go outside for a cigarette.
> Do as you please, I keep a bit of knitting or embroidery in my purse for times like this in case no one is speaking to me or needs my help. No different than carrying along a small book to read when alone.
> 
> Carol J.


I agree with Carol J. Isn't it sad that it's more acceptable for people to go out for a cig that it is to bring along knitting? Shameful!


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## Munchn (Mar 3, 2013)

I say no to the knitting. I feel it's a matter of respect to the family and deceased person.


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## yorkshirecelt (Jun 19, 2011)

So sorry for your loss. I feel you must have doubts to ask for our thoughts. That tells me you probably dont feel comfortable about it. Perhaps that is your answer. In the end you must go with your heart x


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## grannyjune52 (Jan 3, 2013)

I think I would talk to hubby and see what he thinks. Also sometimes I find that just knowing that the knitting is in my bag is enough for me. My MIL (a lovely Mennonite lady) used to take her knitting with her anywhere. In their community it was considered quite okay to knit in church or anywhere where you could get some work done and still visit or yes, listen to the weekly sermon. 

I think my final decision would be based on my husband's feelings and "what would grandma say".

I have told my friends to feel free to bring knitting or anything else they want to to my funeral. As for me I intend to be wrapped in one of my quilts.


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## knittingmama32 (Sep 2, 2013)

owlet said:


> Just what I was thinking. It all sounds very formal and as it immediately precedes the funeral, people are pretty much forced to attend.
> I've lived in various areas of the UK and never come across a 'viewing' of this sort. There are usually facilities at the funeral parlour for anyone to visit and pay their respects privately at any time. Personally I've never felt the need, specially not someone I was fond of.


My step dad is from England, then lived in New Zealand for years, and he told me as well that what we do here in the USA is not what he has been used to or grew up with, In new Zealand there are not many graveyards or funeral homes?. I decided not to knit, but take it with me while we go to dinner late after this long long day to keep from being irritated with the Sister n law LOL. in all honesty I will just keep it home. I appreciate all the responses

:-D :-D


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## dollknitter (Jun 20, 2011)

Most funeral visitation visitor will sit for the five hours, chatting and gossiping about all phases of their lives, no one sits quietly until the pastor/priest comes in. Five hour reflecting on the deceased? I think not! Funeral homes usually have a lounge where you can sit and relax...see what your husband thinks


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## KnitterNatalie (Feb 20, 2011)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


As much as I love to knit, and as much as I advocate knitting for its calming qualities, I personally would not knit at a funeral home or during any public part of the funeral. I am sorry for your loss. God bless.


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## teri1960 (Aug 27, 2013)

Let us know how the visitation goes, okay?


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## susan1461853 (Dec 8, 2012)

I would knit in a quiet spot. I'm sure Gram would understand, as will your husband (I suspect). And for the rest? Who cares?!? Life is too short to worry about what other people think!



knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


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## JTM (Nov 18, 2012)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


There are a few places I would never knit... a viewing in a funeral home is one of them, church is another.
Jane


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## Beetytwird (Jan 19, 2011)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


Ask your husband if he minds, then think what his grand mother would say, if she enjoyed knitting, or enjoyed watching you knit, and it does not bother your husband, take it. Knit. IF someone says something, tell them you always knitted when you visited her while she was living, if that was the case. Now is no different. She is still watching, you are still visiting. If your husband offers any resistance, keep it in the car, when you need to retreat to the car, knit a while then go back inside. It would not bother me to see someone knitting at a wake. I remember sitting for hours at my dad's wake, all folks did was gossip and whisper anyway. Some were taking about him and his life , others about the party they attended the week end before! If you grandma knitted together, or you shared with her.... do so now. I hope your heart heals quickly knowing she is with the Lord and at peace. God Bless your family.


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## gypsie (May 28, 2011)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


Oh hell, just do it! It is not rude or disrespectful. It is soothing, quiet and good for you.


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## darbysister (Sep 3, 2011)

Most people do not know that when we knit it is a lot of the time a kind of meditation. We knit a lot of times not even thinking of what we are doing as our hands seem to take over. We don't think of each and ever stitch as we are doing them. We are very aware of what is going on around us but still knit with no thought of doing so .
I also think you need to think of yourself if you plan on staying as long as you mentioned. Nothing is gained by your focusing on sadness for all that time. You know why you are there.. you have I'm sure sad & good thoughts and ask yourself if you would mind if it were your funeral.
Maggie


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## Georget (Jul 14, 2011)

I would not feel right about knitting at a funeral viewing. It would feel disrespectful to the deceased, my husband, his siblings and his parents. In my opinion it would appear that I was telling everyone that I didn't care for the family and really didn't want to be there. It seems to me that you are sending a message to your husband's family that you don't care about his or their feelings. Just suck it up, act like an adult and leave your knitting home. If you MUST knit go out to the car or go home which of course would prod neighbors, your husband friends etc to ask where you were and would put him in a very uncomfortable position where he would have to lie or make you look selfish and uncaring. Sorry to be so harsh but in this day and age where people attend funerals in shorts and a halter or jeans and t-shirt it offends me that they care more about themselves than the grieving family. Decoram has all but been eliminated and it behoovesreal adults to re-institute it.


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


There are often side rooms where people can go to be out of the main viewing room, to be alone, to chat with a dear friend.
I would say it is OK in one of those rooms, but if someone comes in to talk with you, put the knitting aside.


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## LilgirlCA (Jan 22, 2011)

Take your knitting and knit. When someone comes up to speak to you, put the knitting in your lap and look up and respond (I'm sure you already planned to so do). You will need to stress relief, especially with the anticipated drama from some family members.


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## floglo2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

I like the idea of not knitting there. I think it is an opportunity for you to focus on your husband and practice the emanating love thing, as a meditation for all and yourself. That way you can meditate kind of and spread the healing vibes and love vibes. And you will be doing it from your own heart without knitting. It will be a practice for you to stay detached from any madness. Sorry for your loss. I know the need to knit must be strong!!


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## sam0767 (Jun 20, 2012)

desireebruce said:


> Take your knitting along and test the waters. If an opportunity arises where you can escape you'll be glad you've got your knitting with you


I so agree. I did like your comment " to keep my mouth shut". Yoh spund like me!!!! Knitting is a way to relax a d is a stress releaser. But ask your husband if he minded you bringing knitting and explain why.


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## Sunnygirl (Apr 10, 2013)

I went to my gramps viewing and funeral month ago it was about the same amount of time and the whole family was there kids, grant kids and all. The parents brought toys for the kids and an iPad so they could quietly watch a movie (basically keep them occupied) I sat near them and knitted to keep an eye on them and was thanked for doing so. 

So bring your knitting, feel things out and knit away. Also since you were that close to her she already knows that you love her and there is no disrespect meant just love.


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## andersjw (Apr 25, 2011)

I would rather see someone knitting than texting. 
While knitting you can still converse with others. Try that when your attention is on some sort of hand held device.


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## beejay (May 27, 2011)

There are very few places I don't take my knitting but a viewing would be one. But I say for you do what you feel you should do for you and the family. It is only 5 or 6 hours out of your life. Sorry for your loss.


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## Happycamper (Sep 23, 2013)

BailaC said:


> While I complete understand why you'd want to knit, it's unlikely others would. People would probably see it as disrespectful.


I complete agree... five hours is a long time, but you said you wanted to give Gram the respect she deserves. Do that... and just knit like a fiend when you get home. So sorry for your loss...


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## Ronie (Jan 21, 2011)

Is there a reason you have to stay for the whole time? Even if you do I think unless it gets very quiet and boring that you wouldn't really have a chance to knit.. If I were you.. I would carry a larger purse. Tuck a small project into it and then if the opportunity comes up you will have your knitting.
But I stress it would be best for it to be a very small project like a sock or dishcloth.. a tote with a afghan or sweater in the works might be intruding on the situation and the other family and friends coming to show their respect.


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## joanne1013 (Sep 25, 2013)

that says it all! joanne


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## Mollie (Feb 23, 2011)

Five hours is a long time. Find a way to knit!


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## StaceyK (Aug 2, 2013)

I say; You betcha!!! Whatever you need to do to cope. Who are the naysayers to tell you otherwise? Knitting is not being disrespectful, and could quite possibly be a nice distraction from all the pain and drama that will probably be going on. For you and for someone else who might need it. I would, for sure!!!


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## gypsie (May 28, 2011)

StaceyK said:


> I say; You betcha!!! Whatever you need to do to cope. Who are the naysayers to tell you otherwise? Knitting is not being disrespectful, and could quite possibly be a nice distraction from all the pain and drama that will probably be going on. For you and for someone else who might need it. I would, for sure!!!


Ditto, and we must remember that a viewing/funeral/death, should be a celebration of the life lived, not a mournful event, especially for someone who has lived a long life. I want a party with champagne, knitting, crocheting, dancing, pot smoking, whatever the hell makes my loved ones happy when I make my final exit. I want them to toast me and say, "she didn't miss a thing, she lived life to it's fullest and wants us to continue in her fashion". We live, we die and hopefully we leave a legacy of happiness!


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## GrandmaNona (Aug 2, 2013)

So sorry for your lose. Most funeral homes have an extra room for those who need to withdraw from stressful situations. Please make use of that room and knit away your stress. There is nothing wrong with needing to get away from others. If questions are ask about your absence you need only say that you needed time to compose yourself. Every one does not need to be front and center for the full 5 hour viewing.


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## Grandma Anne (May 3, 2011)

mzmom1 said:


> I agree, see how he feels about it first. Was Gram a knitter? As for myself, I knit in a lot of places, but never at church or weddings or funerals/visitations. In those situations it would feel disrespectful. IMHO. If it gets to be too stressful, take a break, go sit in your car and knit a while. If anyone asks where you are hubby can tell them you felt unwell and are resting.


I think this is the best advice I've seen. You are certainly able to leave the room for a while and I can't imagine anyone not understanding your absence. So sorry for your loss.


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## joanh8060 (Apr 22, 2011)

sbel3555 said:


> You should focus on this lady for 5 hours. Leave the knitting at home, and be support to your husband.


Very nicely put. Joan 8060


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## knitnut86 (Nov 11, 2012)

I understand you wanting to knit during stressful periods, but my way of thinking, if you had to ask the question, you are not comfortable with it, so leave it at home for this occasion and concentrate on the giving respect to the woman you are there for and ignore the users. Just my opinion.


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## cattdages (Aug 3, 2011)

I feel you should be allowed to grieve in your own way. If knitting allows you to be calm and contemplative then knit. Why are we so hung up on what's "proper"? Do what's proper for YOU!


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

This question comes up from time to time (when it is or is not appropriate to knit/crochet).

My opinion and this is just my opinion is that knitting/crocheting during certain events can be both appropriate and inappropriate.

Yes a 5 hour "viewing" may seem excessive to some but in reality 5 hours of NOT knitting or crocheting isn't such a sacrifice. I lost my only sibling in 2009. The memorial service, the luncheon that followed and the "get together" with the immediate family lasted all day. During that day I was much too busy greeting friends and family members to knit. Accepting their heart felt condolences was much more important to me than anything on my needles.

Yes I could have "removed" myself to a quiet corner but then I would have missed out on all the wonderful things that people had to say about my sister, fond memories that people had and other "chit chat" that turned out to be very important to me...just my "take" on the subject.


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## WelshWooly (Jul 4, 2012)

At the viewing , I would say no it is part of the funeral, but I did get my knitting out after my mother's funeral when we were all back home for tea and cakes.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

Some have expressed that "grieving" could be alleviated by knitting/crocheting but I disagree. The "funeral" process is not really about "grieving", it's about celebrating the life of the deceased.

I would have missed some great memories and stories about my sister (we lived thousands of miles apart for most of our lives) had I chosen to tuck myself into a corner to knit. Instead those great memories and stories helped me in the grieving process (which actually comes later). 

My late sister was a sheriffs deputy for over 22 years (retired) and a retired Naval reservist. Hearing stories from her fellow officers and shipmates was wonderful. It was only the 21 gun salute that brought me to my knees.


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


So many good answers. But all of this depends on your family, their interaction, their individual connections with one another. Not everyone has great stories to tell, and some interactions may result in inappropriate reactions in a funeral home. People are people, every family is different. Go with your gut feeling, and talk it over with your husband.


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## Valkyrie (Feb 26, 2011)

It is easier to feel and express anger than grief. Remember, this is about her, leave your anger for another day. Knitting might be offensive to those who will be grieving. You did ask for our opinions.


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## Dcsmith77 (Apr 18, 2011)

This may be the key. If the answer is yes, I would choose an out of the way, quiet place. If anyone comments, I would respond that we all have our way of grieving and comforting ourselves and this is yours. Personally, I never take issue with anything at a funeral or a wedding. People are just not normal at these times.



Rosesla said:


> How do you think Gram would answer that question.?


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## nwjasu (Nov 8, 2011)

By all means discuss your feelings with your husband, but do bring the knitting along. Then you can choose to knit if the need arises.
I knit at meetings where we all know that I will mind my tongue better if my hands are busy. A good enough reason to have it ready. And 5 hours is a long time. 
I bet that Gram will totally understand.


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## Briegeen (Dec 9, 2012)

I don't know how viewings go where you live. For me I would be offering my condolences, involved in prayers, making cups of tea, making small talk, assuming these were appropriate but I would not be knitting as that would definitely not be seen as appropriate in my family circle.
I sympathise with you for the difficulty in which you find yourself & will pray that you will have a good resolution to it


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## eneurian (May 4, 2011)

my grandmother, who was the last actual gentlewoman i've ever known, always said, if you have to ask that question you should already know thw answer. 
yes, old school, it would be very rude. but since manners and etiquette are ancient history, and i am sure most of the people who will show up didn't give a d**n about the deceased when it would have mattered...meh? do whatever you can live with re. your behaviour


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

Five hours is NOT a long time! In the scope of a lifetime, 5 hours is pretty short. I've stood in line at the DMV for 4 hours. 

Not everyone has great stories to share, t hat is true but even the "not so great" stories should be heard. Even if someone is going to tell you, "Gram made the best blueberry pie" it's worth giving them your full attention. 

One of the "not so great" stories I was told, came from one of my sisters shipmates and involved a vending machine in Japan. The teller wanted to share a moment he had with my sister, listening to him tell it was important...to HIM. He deserved my full and undivided attention because HE was grieving too. 

How would you feel if someone at a family members funeral/viewing/memorial service pulled out a newspaper and started reading? I'd be pretty insulted and might approach them and say "you seem to be bored and removed from this service, would you prefer to be somewhere else?". I was outraged when a member of my sisters first husbands family showed up very inappropriately dressed (filthy jeans and a sweatshirt). All she wanted to do was talk about my sister's new husband (my sister was widowed and remarried). I suggested to her, that if she wasn't present to honor my sisters life that perhaps she had more important things to do. She left the luncheon and my brother in law said "thank you". 

A funeral/viewing/memorial service is about honoring the life of the deceased and supporting their family. If you can't do that, perhaps you should stay home and send a card or floral arrangement.


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## gma11331 (Oct 18, 2011)

vikicooks said:


> The funeral parlor in my hometown is a beautiful old house , with several side rooms people can go to when they need a break . I think it would be ok to knit if she was sitting in a place like that, but I would not sit and knit in the main viewing room.


I totally agree. At my sister's viewing, we all took a break during the 3-hour span, at different times, so there was always some family there to greet guests. Just go to the car and knit if there isn't any other private place.


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## kneonknitter (Feb 10, 2011)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


I would take the knitting along, but, leave it in the car. When the need for a break from the funeral arises, sit in the car for maybe 15 - 20 minutes & destress by knitting a few rows. If anyone sees you & starts to say negative comments, you can tell them that you loved Gram very much & the funeral is causing anxiety & you needed a break to wind down.


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## Judithlynn (May 13, 2012)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


When my mother passed, I crocheted. If someone came by to talk, I put it away. I needed something to occupy my mind. Mostly, I sat with my dad, and he had no problem. I would say, if your husband has no problem with it, do it.


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## jpfries (Jan 14, 2013)

I agree with Natalie. I love to knit but for me it is past time, and relaxation, not an obsession or almost addiction as it sounds like to some.The same as any others with smart phones, or smoking, surely it does not have to be done all the time.


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## sumpleby (Aug 3, 2013)

While it is true that everyone has their own way of dealing with grief and escaping from it--and knitting may be yours--a viewing is not the time or place. Personally, my escape from grief is watching movies or reading. I would never dream of sitting in a "quiet corner" and then whipping out my Kindle to start reading while at a viewing. I am not a religious person, but a viewing is a place to pay your respects to the person who has died, and it would be disrespectful in the extreme. And so would knitting. Given your description of the "users" I doubt they'll be staying for the entire time in any case.


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## Susan Marie (Jul 26, 2013)

I think knitting would be disrespectful. Its only 5 hrs. and you'll probably not be with the same people for a while.


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## Dcsmith77 (Apr 18, 2011)

Personally, I think it would be better for her to find a quiet place and knit than to feel that she has to make remarks such as those quoted by Courier. Acting like that would make most people feel worse, including those who make the remarks. Just because someone is inappropriate and rude, doesn't make it all right to be rude yourself. If knitting helps her to cope with the others who "only came around for their Christmas money," then I say go for it, but in a quiet place away from the tension. 

The other side of this is that she may be kept busy keeping these uncaring relatives away from those who have cared and loved the deceased to make it easier for them.

Whatever she has decided to do as we write these ideas, I hope it wasn't too painful.


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## sibergirl (May 4, 2011)

I think I'm old fashioned, so no, I don't think it's appropriate. I feel the same way about knitting in church. There's a time and place for everything. Leave the knitting in the car.


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

Ann745 said:


> I'm afraid I have to agree with the naysayers. It would be offensive to me to have someone doing their thing where I would be spending time devoted to the life and remembrance of my loved one. If you have not lost a close friend or relative, I can see how you might not understand how your knitting would appear to others.


I lost my Mother and all three sisters, so I know how it feels.

Five hours is a Long time for this type of stress. Obviously you would not want to sit and knit right in the middle of everything or beside the casket, but there are always out of the way places where you can go to relieve the stress. There is nothing wrong with that. If you ask the funeral director, he or she will probably have a place where you could go for a break.

Take your knitting with you. When the tension starts getting to you, find a quiet spot and knit for a while.


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## sumpleby (Aug 3, 2013)

Another thought, knittingmama:

How would you feel/react if those "user" relatives brought their own knitting (or other pastimes) to the viewing and sat in a quiet corner to do it?


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## bettyirene (Apr 5, 2012)

Sorry for your loss. Do you really need to be there for the whole five hours? I would NOT take my knitting with me, but in the end it is your decision.


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## Designer1234 (Aug 9, 2011)

DonnieK said:


> I completely understand how you feel, and I know that our knitting can soothe our souls, however, I would not think it was appropriate for ME. Now, again let me repeat it would not be appropriate for ME. But, it is what you think and you believe that is the question. Five hours is a very long viewing, however, and it is no one's business what you do during that time. You might need to knit to drown out the weeping and wailing that may be going on. Follow your own path.


 :thumbup:


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## flohel (Jan 24, 2011)

I'm sorry but has happened to good manners and common sense? In my opinion it would be disrespect to the family. If you are so obsessed with knitting stay at home.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

You may t hink my remarks were "crude" but when someone shows up at a service and is disrespectful to the deceased and the surviving family...well you'd have to be there to understand. This was my ONLY sibling and our parents were already gone. My sister's memorial service involved a 21 gun salute for her service to this country. If you cannot show up and show respect...then you should stay home. I'm sorry if you do not understand this. My sister was an honorable veteran and her story is outlined in the book "They Also Served"..she followed in the footsteps of our late mother, who was a volunteer pilot during WWII.

No knitting is NOT an acceptable activity during the wake of another. It may calm YOUR nerves but it shows no support for the family of the deceased. Quite frankly I find it "selfish"...can you NOT give up a few hours of your addiction to pay homage to another? Can you not take an active part in "celebrating" the life of the decedent?

My late sister deserved the undivided attention of those attending her service and yes I hold a hard line on this..it is our final chance to say "good bye". A few hours out of our life to pay "respect". Is that so difficult?

I found the ill dressed, former in-law to be offensive. She NEVER knew my sister but was intensely jealous of my sister and once commented "your sister was a spoiled brat"...really? My sister worked her entire life...she was a highly decorated veteran and on the occasion of her death I wasn't in the mood for hearing from a "welfare queen" on how spoiled my hard working sister was. This "welfare queen" didn't even come outside for the 21 gun salute! This is one of the highest honors a veteran can have bestowed on them. She also didn't come out for the police tribute that was paid to my sister. When the honor guard fired the salute..they parted and a police car with it's driver door open was revealed...over t he radio came the call..."Officer Cook, please respond". Of course my sister couldn't respond so the message was replayed. That was my sister's life. My son and my sisters sons held me up and let me tell you..the sister in law in the filthy jeans and sweat shirt was NO WHERE to be found!


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## pb54116 (Jun 27, 2011)

I would not take my knitting to a funeral home. I also would not stay there for the entire five hours; is it a long way from home? Take a break, leave the funeral home and either sit in the car and knit or find somewhere that you can go to get away for a while.


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## BlueJay21 (Jan 4, 2013)

guen12 said:


> If you can't tear yourself away from knitting for whatever time length the service is you probably might as well stay home. If you are knitting there, you would not appear to be interested and if you are that addicted to knitting and stay home you are not interested in the happenings. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I think their is a time and place for all things and knitting at a funeral event would NOT be one of them. Just me.


I most heartily agree. Not being a knitting addict myself, I find there is a time and a place for knitting. At a funeral is not one of the times or places. De-stress with your knitting when you get home. A funeral is a place and time to show respect for the departed person, not to participate in your addiction. Would you smoke or drink at a funeral? Leave your knitting at home.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

Oh come on folks..how horrible is it to NOT knit for 5 hours of your life? Really you have to escape a funeral to your car to get a couple of rows done? AT that point it's called an addiction. You cannot go 5 hours without knitting or a fix of heroine or crack cocaine?

How does "boredom" at a funeral make it OK to pull out your knitting, a newspaper or a heroine needle...I mean really?

If you can't fit a 5 hour "viewing" into your life without knitting...well you need a 12 step program.

NO I'm sorry but asking another family member to "step in" and greet mourners is not acceptable.

It's a few hours out of your life...a life your are still living. Put down your knitting, it won't kill you.


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## KnitorSew (Sep 25, 2013)

I would have to agree with those to feel it would be inappropriate to knit in a funeral parlour.


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## Kellanrevere (Nov 25, 2011)

courier770 said:


> You may t hink my remarks were "crude" but when someone shows up at a service and is disrespectful to the deceased and the surviving family...well you'd have to be there to understand. This was my ONLY sibling and our parents were already gone. My sister's memorial service involved a 21 gun salute for her service to this country. If you cannot show up and show respect...then you should stay home. I'm sorry if you do not understand this. My sister was an honorable veteran and her story is outlined in the book "They Also Served"..she followed in the footsteps of our late mother, who was a volunteer pilot during WWII.
> 
> No knitting is NOT an acceptable activity during the wake of another. It may calm YOUR nerves but it shows no support for the family of the deceased. Quite frankly I find it "selfish"...can you NOT give up a few hours of your addiction to pay homage to another? Can you not take an active part in "celebrating" the life of the decedent?
> 
> ...


What is considered appropriate and polite to one is not always what is proper to all. I believe this topic is highly personal and I don't believe there is any 100% correct answer.


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## BlueJay21 (Jan 4, 2013)

flohel said:


> I'm sorry but has happened to good manners and common sense? In my opinion it would be disrespect to the family. If you are so obsessed with knitting stay at home.


Have to agree. Manners are a very rare commodity these days and common sense is common no more.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

It generally only takes a few moments to be respectful..but the act of being disrespectful takes no more or less time. I'm sorry but living without knitting for a few hours is not all that difficult. You can "catch up" on your project later..while the family of the deceased will NEVER catch up on time with their loved one.

NO it's not personal..it's all about respect! Would you like to have someone pull open a newspaper because they were "bored" during the service of YOUR family member? Would you think it OK if someone pulled out a box for a jigsaw puzzle and started to assemble it during the funeral of YOUR family member?

How difficult is it to take a few moments or hours of your life to recognize the life of another? Put the darn knitting down and experience the trials and tribulations life...or let it pass you by since you cannot bear to put that next row off for a few hours. 

I'm ashamed that this subject has raged on for so many pages. We cannot even celebrate the life of a lost friend or family member without justifying the need to get one more row done. We should be ashamed of ourselves..what a depraved lot we have become when we cannot even say a proper "goodbye"...tsk, tsk!


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## galaxycraft (Feb 15, 2011)

This topic is starting to get heated and it shouldn't.
The poster is the only one who knows what the family's belief system is and has a "feel" for what is appropriate; and if not, then ask in a humbled tone.

This is not the place nor time to be debating who's belief system is the rule of the land.
One's belief system is theirs and theirs alone.

Show some compassion to the poster and the family of the deceased.


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## Designer1234 (Aug 9, 2011)

courier770 said:


> You may t hink my remarks were "crude" but when someone shows up at a service and is disrespectful to the deceased and the surviving family...well you'd have to be there to understand. This was my ONLY sibling and our parents were already gone. My sister's memorial service involved a 21 gun salute for her service to this country. If you cannot show up and show respect...then you should stay home. I'm sorry if you do not understand this. My sister was an honorable veteran and her story is outlined in the book "They Also Served"..she followed in the footsteps of our late mother, who was a volunteer pilot during WWII.
> 
> No knitting is NOT an acceptable activity during the wake of another. It may calm YOUR nerves but it shows no support for the family of the deceased. Quite frankly I find it "selfish"...can you NOT give up a few hours of your addiction to pay homage to another? Can you not take an active part in "celebrating" the life of the decedent?
> 
> ...


------------------------
"No knitting is NOT an acceptable activity during the wake of another. It may calm YOUR nerves but it shows no support for the family of the deceased. Quite frankly I find it "selfish"...can you NOT give up a few hours of your addiction to pay homage to another? Can you not take an active part in "celebrating" the life of the decedent?"

This was uncalled for in my opinion. You over reacted as you always do. It was a simple question and blame should not be placed on someone who asked a question - this lady was not there so don't jump on her.
I am sorry you lost your sister and I can read the pain you felt and are still feeling.. I have read your posts before on the subject. My heart aches for your pain.

HOwever, there are lots of people who do not agree with 
the large number of posts you make which give no room to those who don't feel the way you do about things.

The lady who posted this question did not want a lecture, she wanted an opinion. She also did not want you to judge her -- she was asking for opinions. Obviously you have your opinion and others have theirs. Your posts sometimes are so strong that they give the impression that you won't ever accept any opinion but your own.

I understand why she posted as she didn't want to be drawn into a family upheaval. The lady who suggested that she take a break and go an knit in the car if she was feeling upset about the reaction of people, was spot on I feel.

However each of us has to make our own decisions and if they ask for advice it is fine to tell them our opinion without laying guilt or demanding people agree. I feel sorry for anyone who does something that you don't like.

I have seen many of your posts and usually I don't read them because there is an underlying feeling of superiority and usually you 'talk down" to people. Life is too short .

I hope the lady who posted this will take the other answers to her question and realize that when it comes right down to it - it is up to her and if she has any questions she might decide to approach the immediate family about it.


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## Kellanrevere (Nov 25, 2011)

I still think it is not a case of being an "addicted" knitter not willing to give up 5 hours of her time. I think her posts sound like she cared very much for the woman and is looking for a way to get thru a very tense situation .

I was alone with my mother when she died suddenly at home. It was in the middle of a huge snowstorm at night. She passed before the ambulance could arrive so I was required to call the police because it was an "unattended death" . At that point the ambulance needed to be canceled and a hearse called. Due to the storm the hearse couldn't make it and it was then determined an exception could be made for ambulance to transport a dead body.

Perhaps if I was knitting at the time I would have felt strong enough to attend her funeral. I had flown home from Japan when we found out she was sick, spent 10 days on a mattress next to her bed tending to her every need, taking her to dr appoints and generally anything she needed. In that time I never saw any of my 3 siblings. I took care of everything , all paperwork and funeral arrangement. I was totally inconsolable and felt it better to stay home rather than be a hysterical mess and distract from the service. My mother's memory and my siblings deserved that. Knitting could have been my tranquilizer. 

Grief affects everyone differently . IMHO, there is no back & white, right or wrong is this situation.

I also believe quietly knitting while reflecting on someone's life can't be compared to texting, iPad or reading the paper. Each of those requires total concentration, unlike knitting a simple pattern.

Perhaps working on a shawl, afghan, washcloths, etc as a gift for MIL to remind her of people coming together to honor a special woman. Every time she touches it she will feel the love.


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## Kellanrevere (Nov 25, 2011)

Designer1234 said:


> "No knitting is NOT an acceptable activity during the wake of another. It may calm YOUR nerves but it shows no support for the family of the deceased. Quite frankly I find it "selfish"...can you NOT give up a few hours of your addiction to pay homage to another? Can you not take an active part in "celebrating" the life of the decedent?"
> 
> This was uncalled for in my opinion. You over reacted as you always do.
> I am sorry you lost your sister and I can read the pain you felt and are still feeling.. I have read your posts before on the subject. My heart aches for your pain.
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Designer1234 (Aug 9, 2011)

Kellanrevere said:


> I still think it is not a case of being an "addicted" knitter not willing to give up 5 hours of her time. I think her posts sound like she cared very much for the woman and is looking for a way to get thru a very tense situation .
> 
> I was alone with my mother when she died suddenly at home. It was in the middle of a huge snowstorm at night. She passed before the ambulance could arrive so I was required to call the police because it was an "unattended death" . At that point the ambulance needed to be canceled and a hearse called. Due to the storm the hearse couldn't make it and it was then determined an exception could be made for ambulance to transport a dead body.
> 
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Schatzie (May 5, 2011)

Isn't this enuf already. This should have been addressed to Dear Abbey, it's content has not really anything to do with "KP". What next???? Another debate on "the correct way we all should knit" - throwing or continental.


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## knitnut86 (Nov 11, 2012)

very well said! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## knitnut86 (Nov 11, 2012)

very well said!!!



galaxycraft said:


> This topic is starting to get heated and it shouldn't.
> The poster is the only one who knows what the family's belief system is and has a "feel" for what is appropriate; and if not, then ask in a humbled tone.
> 
> This is not the place nor time to be debating who's belief system is the rule of the land.
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Lal (Aug 18, 2013)

I, personaly, would not.


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## RedQueen (Nov 25, 2012)

Schatzie said:


> Isn't this enuf already. This should have been addressed to Dear Abbey, it's content has not really anything to do with "KP". What next???? Another debate on "the correct way we all should knit" - throwing or continental.


Whew a little harsh. Someone only asked a simple question. Give her your opinion (not judgement) and let it go. Poor woman is having a hard time right now and has gone to a place she feels she will get some empathy.


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## SassyToy1 (Mar 31, 2011)

Everyone copes with death in his or hers own way. If you want to knit just knit and don't care what others think. Sorry for your loss.


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

Kellanrevere said:


> I still think it is not a case of being an "addicted" knitter not willing to give up 5 hours of her time. I think her posts sound like she cared very much for the woman and is looking for a way to get thru a very tense situation .
> 
> I was alone with my mother when she died suddenly at home. It was in the middle of a huge snowstorm at night. She passed before the ambulance could arrive so I was required to call the police because it was an "unattended death" . At that point the ambulance needed to be canceled and a hearse called. Due to the storm the hearse couldn't make it and it was then determined an exception could be made for ambulance to transport a dead body.
> 
> ...


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Colonial Cat (Mar 4, 2013)

If the viewing hr are busy not but if they are slow fill in your time knitting and thing of grams she would be please if she was a knitter.


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## Quiltermouse (Jun 11, 2013)

I'll weigh in with the folks who say that if it doesn't offend your husband, you should at least have it with you. You and he are the ones who live together and have the greatest need to be considerate of each other's feelings amidst the swirl of family. A small project in your purse doesn't have to come out, but can if it feels okay (or flat out necessary) to you at the time. Mind you, I'm one who even knits in church because keeping my hands busy helps to keep my mind focused. And I'm neither the first nor the only one in our congregation who does!


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## MartiG (Jan 21, 2012)

While you obviously would be intending no disrespect, non-knitters who don't realize that knitting can be calming for someone in a stressful situation probably wouldn't understand and would therefore assume disrespect which could be a problem for your husband. Just my opinion.


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## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

Understandably you want the security of your knitting through the stressful time, however if all those around you are coping without their stress-releasers, you might stand out a bit more than you would like? Just my own thought.


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## Browniemom (Sep 24, 2012)

Deepest sympathy to you and yours...


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## Schatzie (May 5, 2011)

Courier770 - Bravo and Amen. A great stress reliever - - - -Prayer!!!!!


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## Lucas (Apr 6, 2011)

I agree with those saying YES!! Five hours is an excessive time to pass while others are center stage, so to speak. At the funeral proper, No, but the 'viewing' once you've greeted and/or visited with others, I, too would find a quiet corner to knit and grieve alone. But then I'm some what introverted when it comes to these types of events.


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## mmorris (Sep 5, 2013)

This isn't the time or place for knitting. Maybe everyone will mind their manners this once--maybe!


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## Elin (Sep 17, 2011)

I say that if you have to ask, then you know the answer. There was a discussion a while back about knitting at church. I personally feel that knitting in church or at a funeral home is disrespectful. I love to knit (I would say that I'm an addict) but there are just some places where you have to leave the knitting needles at home.


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## Briallu (Dec 4, 2012)

Usually where I live in Wales it is only the close family if they want to that goes to the funeral home to view the loved one. Most people like to remember the person as when they were alive.When the funeral day comes family and friends gather at the funeral home or crematorium for a service and it wouldn't be appropriate for anyone to be knitting there. I shall be attending a much loved uncles funeral next Wednesday and I shan't be taking my knitting.


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## hen (Jun 30, 2012)

Maybe just on this one occasion, perhaps it would be best not to knit.


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## orkchild (Jun 10, 2013)

Rosesla said:


> How do you think Gram would answer that question.?


I totally agree if the person who is dead would not mind it does not matter what any one else would say. Although I might ask your husband simply so you do not make the day any more stressful for him.


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## jmewin (Oct 18, 2012)

NO!


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## KittiPaws (Aug 10, 2013)

IMO, a wake is about the deceased person. Knitting (or reading, or playing Angry Birds, or whatever) would be inappropriate and disrespectful.


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## Meg-a-roo (Mar 19, 2012)

desireebruce said:


> Take your knitting along and test the waters. If an opportunity arises where you can escape you'll be glad you've got your knitting with you


I quite agree...And ask DH


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## joanne1013 (Sep 25, 2013)

my brother always says "when in doubt-don't" I find that helpful. joanne1013


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

NO, sitting and knitting when family members need to be greeted and heard is rude..in fact it is the height of rudeness. If you are so addicted to your knitting that you cannot spend a few hours devoted to memorializing the memory of a recently passed loved one...you need a lesson on sensitivity! 

It is highly insensitive to recuse yourself to a private location during a funeral so you can "knit in peace"..give me a break! A few hours of NOT knitting is NOT going to kill you. Giving your undivided attention to family members in the depths of grief is the humane thing to do. Hiding behind your knitting needles in this time of true need is a very cowardly thing to do...and I don't care if it's done in some "quiet corner" or not. Grow up, there's a time and place for everything.


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## galaxycraft (Feb 15, 2011)

The decision was made back on page 5.
It is apparent that some has not even read the posts.
Most/the majority of the responses have been civil, caring, understanding, and compassionate; with a few good suggestions tossed in.

All this ranting is uncalled for.
If you want to blow off steam for whatever reason, go on top of a mountain and shout.
Because ranting is only showing the worse side of the person who can't even keep the facts straight.
Let alone, belittling and name calling toward the poster is down right unacceptable.
Hiding behind a computer monitor to make such cruel remarks is not being grown up nor being sensitive.
Each individual on this planet handles grief in their own way.
And believe it or not, many deceased family members understand that simple fact.
And to state a fact - the poster IS one of the family members.
How so much evil can be spewed towards another human being is beyond me.


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## KnitnSleep (Mar 2, 2013)

No.


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## molly'smum (Jun 22, 2011)

Why is the viewing for 5 hours I would have thought you could have gone along and paid your respects to gram and the family and left after a resonable time maybe you will be too busy catching up with family and friends to have time to knit I would have my knitting in the car and just pop out side for some down time Sorry for your loss I do hope all turns out well for you


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## terrachroma (Sep 21, 2011)

While I know about using knitting, crafts and hobbies to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
I feels this is a situation that if you knit you will cause more drama and distress then what you will endure for 5 hours.
I would take a break go to my car and knit for a half hour during the time. It will be something to look forward to.
It would not be out of the ordinary for a person to take a break in this situation.
While in reality who care's what others think?
And if you feel that way you should do as you see fit.
Sorry for your loss and situation.


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## Jedmo (Jan 21, 2013)

No way!


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## pjherma (Dec 14, 2012)

Its too bad that you choose to show your respect in an out of the way place. It seems like you are hiding from the family and for what reason?


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

Don't worry, they can't do anything to hurt her anymore, and you never did anything to feel bad about. Ignore them and put on a pleasant face for the rest of the crowd but leave your needle work at home. Even tho we could get it that you would do it to remain peaceful, I'm afraid it would be misunderstood and appear to be disrespectful which is the last thing you were to his grandmother. In certain situations, appearance is important.


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## BlueJay21 (Jan 4, 2013)

Schatzie said:


> Isn't this enuf already. This should have been addressed to Dear Abbey, it's content has not really anything to do with "KP". What next???? Another debate on "the correct way we all should knit" - throwing or continental.


It does have to do with knitting -- the when and where it is appropriate to knit. I find your comment completely disrespectful. One commentator mentioned manners and common sense. I find your comment completely lacking in both.


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## CamillaDesertMouse (Mar 19, 2011)

duplicate post


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## CamillaDesertMouse (Mar 19, 2011)

Opinions are like behinds .. we all have one and some of us show it more often than others LOL just kidding.

When I see someone sitting knitting I feel serene calm and a person that is distressing ..

Personally I would have no problem with knitting at any service as walking is so challenging some days.

I am so over doing what others think and feel is right!

Follow your heart and I am sure you will make the right choice for YOU.


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## joanne1013 (Sep 25, 2013)

I don't get that kind of questioning.


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## kikifields (Jul 3, 2011)

Be with your husband, not your knitting needles.


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## Obsessedwithfibre (May 29, 2013)

Not appropriate!


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## 4grammy4 (Aug 22, 2011)

I am surprised no one has mentioned the possibility of your knitting becoming a distraction to those coming to pay their respects or seeing it as a way for you to bring attention to yourself. It may be a very long five hours for you but it is not for you. Your husband not wanting to go near the casket may need more of your support than you recognize.

Thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

courier770 said:


> NO, sitting and knitting when family members need to be greeted and heard is rude..in fact it is the height of rudeness. If you are so addicted to your knitting that you cannot spend a few hours devoted to memorializing the memory of a recently passed loved one...you need a lesson on sensitivity!
> 
> It is highly insensitive to recuse yourself to a private location during a funeral so you can "knit in peace"..give me a break! A few hours of NOT knitting is NOT going to kill you. Giving your undivided attention to family members in the depths of grief is the humane thing to do. Hiding behind your knitting needles in this time of true need is a very cowardly thing to do...and I don't care if it's done in some "quiet corner" or not. Grow up, there's a time and place for everything.


Try reading the post. She is asking about a 5 hour viewing, NOT the funeral.


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## Poledra65 (Jul 6, 2011)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


I know people knit at church all the time, why not. People who know you know you are not being rude. Was your DHs' gram a knitter, if she was then she would very much like you to be comfortably knitting. At the very least, take it with you and talk to your mother in law and the sister and explain why you have your knitting. After all, people pray while knitting prayer shawls all the time. 
Condolences on your loss.


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## 4grammy4 (Aug 22, 2011)

I am surprised no one has mentioned the possibility of your knitting becoming a distraction to those coming to pay their respects or seeing it as a way for you to bring attention to yourself. It may be a very long five hours for you but it is not for you. Your husband not wanting to go near the casket may need more of your support than you recognize.

Thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Sending after reading through 4 pages. Now off to bed.


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## gramjo (Nov 20, 2012)

I find it fascinating the huge volume of replies to this subject. I think all who have posted want at the heart of it all to offer their deepest sympathy on the loss of a woman you loved deeply and wish for you the strength and patience you need to get thru this difficult time. Blessings to you and yours.


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## vjh1530 (Oct 8, 2011)

courier770 said:


> You may t hink my remarks were "crude" but when someone shows up at a service and is disrespectful to the deceased and the surviving family...well you'd have to be there to understand. This was my ONLY sibling and our parents were already gone. My sister's memorial service involved a 21 gun salute for her service to this country. If you cannot show up and show respect...then you should stay home. I'm sorry if you do not understand this. My sister was an honorable veteran and her story is outlined in the book "They Also Served"..she followed in the footsteps of our late mother, who was a volunteer pilot during WWII.
> 
> No knitting is NOT an acceptable activity during the wake of another. It may calm YOUR nerves but it shows no support for the family of the deceased. Quite frankly I find it "selfish"...can you NOT give up a few hours of your addiction to pay homage to another? Can you not take an active part in "celebrating" the life of the decedent?
> 
> ...


Wow, can't YOU give up YOUR addition to dominating every thread with over-the-top drama stories about your family for a few hours? This is not about you or your family, it's about HER family. Maybe she can give up her addiction to knitting if you agree to giving up your addiction to making 10 posts about your family members on every thread that comes up, all of which anyone who has belonged to KP for more than 6 months has already heard ad nauseum.

Give this poster some respect. Everything here is not about YOU!!


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## Isabel (Mar 15, 2011)

As much as I am committed to taking my handwork everywhere, and even sometimes knitting in what some would consider iffy situations, I'd start by leaving it in the car. I hope you're not supposed to STAND UP for 5 hours...? If you think your back or/and your feet will need a break (mine would after 20 minutes!), or even not, arrange something agreeable with your hubby ahead of time and go rest a little while, and then come back. If you can sneak out to the car and knit, so much the better. Just go back in after a little while. I've learned that when I can't knit, I can pray for every person around, so the time isn't truly wasted. You can tolerate 'most anything a few hours
for a good cause.


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## MzBluejay (Sep 1, 2013)

I think your answer is the best one. I would leave it in the car and not knit at the viewing. That is justone old persons opinionAm so sorry for your loss


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## pjherma (Dec 14, 2012)

If you loved this person like you say then it should not be a burden to respect her in death. If you love your husband you will want to be there beside him to comfort him through this time of heart break. If you love yourself and want to be selfish then you will sit and knit while others need your comfort.


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## pjherma (Dec 14, 2012)

Accidental dupe


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

I wouldn't knit at the viewing, but would do it on the drive to the viewing. I would also leave it in the car and if it became too much, then slink off to the car and do a bit more knitting and then go back or even just go home with the knitting being done in the car again. Concentrate only on gram not anything else. Keep the peace for her sake and noone elses.


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## Becky B (Sep 22, 2013)

Ask the funeral director if there is an out of the way place you can sit and knit. Most funeral homes are designed for the bereaved to be comforted and comfortable. Funeral directors are prepared for most family dynamic issues. Just ask.


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## Angelyaya5 (Sep 10, 2013)

First and foremost, I am so sorry for your loss. Personally, I would not knit inside funeral home because I think it would be disrespectful. But, If you can get away for a few minutes of respite, I would go out to my car and quietly and discreetly knit a few stitches, catch my breath , and return inside. If you need another quick break during the time repeat above. This way no one is the wiser and you have some spirit restoration.


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## Emma544 (Jul 22, 2013)

I would leave the knitting at home. Give your attention and respect to the occasion. Nonknitters would not understand. It might be an opportunity to mend fences.


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## m_azingrace (Mar 14, 2012)

While some might say that knitting is inappropriate, I'm sure at least one person will be texting or playing a hand-held video game (or whatever they call them now)or something else (reading for instance) that shuts others completely out. Knitting is an activity that allows you to still give attention to your surroundings and even interact with others, but at the same time comfort yourself. Take a project that does not demand a lot of attention, and don't worry about being criticized. Those who object to you knitting would probably judge you for something else anyway. If still in doubt, then ask yourself what Gram would have done, and follow that lead.


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## Anna3703 (Mar 4, 2012)

pjherma said:


> If you loved this person like you say then it should not be a burden to respect her in death. If you love your husband you will want to be there beside him to comfort him through this time of heart break. If you love yourself and want to be selfish then you will sit and knit while others need your comfort.


IMHO this is the best post....says it all (no lecture).

BTW, I thought we were all going to ignore the rantings and ravings of Courier770. Why don't we just do that?? Huh?


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## Designer1234 (Aug 9, 2011)

courier770 said:


> NO, sitting and knitting when family members need to be greeted and heard is rude..in fact it is the height of rudeness. If you are so addicted to your knitting that you cannot spend a few hours devoted to memorializing the memory of a recently passed loved one...you need a lesson on sensitivity!
> 
> It is highly insensitive to recuse yourself to a private location during a funeral so you can "knit in peace"..give me a break! A few hours of NOT knitting is NOT going to kill you. Giving your undivided attention to family members in the depths of grief is the humane thing to do. Hiding behind your knitting needles in this time of true need is a very cowardly thing to do...and I don't care if it's done in some "quiet corner" or not. Grow up, there's a time and place for everything.


 :thumbdown: :thumbdown:


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## Designer1234 (Aug 9, 2011)

courier770 said:


> It generally only takes a few moments to be respectful..but the act of being disrespectful takes no more or less time. I'm sorry but living without knitting for a few hours is not all that difficult. You can "catch up" on your project later..while the family of the deceased will NEVER catch up on time with their loved one.
> 
> NO it's not personal..it's all about respect! Would you like to have someone pull open a newspaper because they were "bored" during the service of YOUR family member? Would you think it OK if someone pulled out a box for a jigsaw puzzle and started to assemble it during the funeral of YOUR family member?
> 
> ...


Depraved???? Wow! It is hardly a word I would use for a discussion about where to knit. I believe this is your 3rd or 4th post and you appear to be getting angrier and angrier.


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## HandyFamily (Sep 30, 2011)

I'm sorry, I... don't think it would be the right thing to do.

Take some family photos... Look at the album - probably pictures with you and her - it could give you some comfort, but knitting... no, not the right place, at least I don't feel it would be right.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

OMGosh...l think the young lady in question decided back on page 5 or something that she's not gonna knit. She's waaaaay past meeting any more answers.


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## knittingmama32 (Sep 2, 2013)

courier770 said:


> Oh come on folks..how horrible is it to NOT knit for 5 hours of your life? Really you have to escape a funeral to your car to get a couple of rows done? AT that point it's called an addiction. You cannot go 5 hours without knitting or a fix of heroine or crack cocaine?
> 
> How does "boredom" at a funeral make it OK to pull out your knitting, a newspaper or a heroine needle...I mean really?
> 
> ...


My my aren't you sweet?


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## mousepotato (May 30, 2011)

Take your knitting. Find a seat in the back and knit. Take something simple so that you can speak with people. I've knit at my father and mother's wake, and knit in the limo on the way to their burials. None of my aunts thought it unusual because I always knit, no matter where I am. Now had I brought my spinning wheel....


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

Oh, you little sweetie, this may end up being a tough day for you. Times when we have to bite our tongues usually are.

When people have been behaving badly, I always silently remember (with an internal chuckle) one of my few favorite jokes: guy who's already had a little too much to drink walks into a bar, sits down; bartender asks what he'll have. The guy notices a lady at the bar next to him, says he'll have a bourbon and he'd like to buy the lady a drink. She announces coldly and rudely, she doesn't want his drink. In his somewhat inebriated and blurry state, he wavers in to focus on her, gets a good look, and slurs, "Wow, you're ugly..." To which she nastily exclaims, "Eew, get away from me, you're drunk!!" He turns away, shrugs his shoulders and says, "Yeah, but in the morning, you'll still be ugly."

I remember hearing that joke in my early 20's. I'm 68 this month, so I guess you could say the moral of it has stuck with me. You and your hubby will get through this. It'll be over for you, but in the morning they'll still be ugly.


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

Designer1234 said:


> Depraved???? Wow! It is hardly a word I would use for a discussion about where to knit. I believe this is your 3rd or 4th post and you appear to be getting angrier and angrier.


As usual.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

BTW, your colorful yarn-on-the-hoof sheep foto is pretty funny. That's a new avatar for you, isn't it, or did I just overlook it before?


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## joanne1013 (Sep 25, 2013)

mousepotato you are so funny!!!


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. IN this day and age I thought it was only those addicted to their electronic devices that show their insensitivity to what is happening around them.


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## Emma544 (Jul 22, 2013)

courier770 said:


> I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. IN this day and age I thought it was only those addicted to their electronic devices that show their insensitivity to what is happening around them.


Why oh why are your posts always so hostile?


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## MASHEPP (Mar 13, 2011)

So sorry for your loss. As tempting as it would be to relieve some tension by knitting, I wouldn't. A fellow knitter would understand, but many people wouldn't. It could leave hard feelings that could last forever.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

Perhaps you view my posts as hostile, that certainly is NOT my intention. I'm sorry if you thought otherwise.


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## mousepotato (May 30, 2011)

Joanne,

I plan to be buried with a spindle and my knitting in progress in one hand and my rosary in the other.


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## joanne1013 (Sep 25, 2013)

I love your sense of humor-it's refreshing!!! joanne1013


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

This is such a sensitive subject... I'm not sure there is one "right" answer but the concensus seems to be..put the knitting away and take part in the ritual.


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## knittingmama32 (Sep 2, 2013)

I had a golden retriever avatar at first but then I seen this about a month or so ago and had to change it. I love the sheep!!

I did not take my knitting with me, I was far to upset to even think straight, I walked in seen gram in her pink nightgown and my mil who took care of her for 2 years and the sobbing began, we were very close, I am new to knitting since june, and gram was excited for my knitting she was a knitter before her RA took over years ago. I do appreciate all the kind sympathies, she was a big part of our lives that we now have to get used to the void she left, its very hard to be outside and see her house and know that she is no longer there. 


I love the drunk guy joke! made me chuckle


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

Well, it's over now, you made it thru.
Relax...Breathe...Knit...Get some rest.


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## Linday (Jan 22, 2012)

KroSha said:


> Oh, you little sweetie, this may end up being a tough day for you. Times when we have to bite our tongues usually are.
> 
> When people have been behaving badly, I always silently remember (with an internal chuckle) one of my few favorite jokes: guy who's already had a little too much to drink walks into a bar, sits down; bartender asks what he'll have. The guy notices a lady at the bar next to him, says he'll have a bourbon and he'd like to buy the lady a drink. She announces coldly and rudely, she doesn't want his drink. In his somewhat inebriated and blurry state, he wavers in to focus on her, gets a good look, and slurs, "Wow, you're ugly..." To which she nastily exclaims, "Eew, get away from me, you're drunk!!" He turns away, shrugs his shoulders and says, "Yeah, but in the morning, you'll still be ugly."
> 
> I remember hearing that joke in my early 20's. I'm 68 this month, so I guess you could say the moral of it has stuck with me. You and your hubby will get through this. It'll be over for you, but in the morning they'll still be ugly.


I believe it was Winston Churchill who said this to a woman at an official function.


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## Linday (Jan 22, 2012)

Dear knittingmama32

My deepest sympathies on the loss of your GMIL. Glad to hear you made it through the difficult day. It sounds like she was a large part of your life. Your love and respect for her carried you through this difficult day. Your DH and your MIL benefitted from your support. It is always nice to have someone to cry with you. Knitting, while soothing, would not have been appropriate.

I would be curious to know if your Grandmother left any UFO's. If so maybe you could finish those works and give them to your DH and MIL. It would be a lovely gift that started with her and was finished by you. 

Linda


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## mzmom1 (Mar 4, 2011)

I'm sorry for your loss, wish I could say something that would help you. It's good that you and your MIL are close, you will be able to comfort each other and share loving memories of Gram. God bless you.


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

We all have our own opinions of where and when to knit. Just because Courier 770 disagrees strongly, doesn't mean she can't say how she feels. 

I for one am an easy going person. I try not to let a person get the better of me. I know a lady that doesn't like me and has been downright rude to me, and because I am trying to build a business selling papercraft to make cards, so i will not bend down to her level, I am still friendly towards her even though things she says are downright rude. 

Don't hold grudges as life is too short.


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## guen12 (Jul 28, 2011)

knittingmama32 said:


> I had a golden retriever avatar at first but then I seen this about a month or so ago and had to change it. I love the sheep!!
> 
> I did not take my knitting with me, I was far to upset to even think straight, I walked in seen gram in her pink nightgown and my mil who took care of her for 2 years and the sobbing began, we were very close, I am new to knitting since june, and gram was excited for my knitting she was a knitter before her RA took over years ago. I do appreciate all the kind sympathies, she was a big part of our lives that we now have to get used to the void she left, its very hard to be outside and see her house and know that she is no longer there.
> 
> I love the drunk guy joke! made me chuckle


So sorry for your loss. Grandmas are special people in any loving family circle.


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## MrsMurdog (Apr 16, 2013)

As your unofficial therapist,....BRING YOUR KNITTING. Then, if there is a quiet time and space, you will have it with you. A nice bag by your side would be fine. Or leave it in the car until you have opportunity to knit or sneak out to the car for a nip, excuse me knit. If anyone questions you, just tell them your therapist prescribed it for your nerves.


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## Lal (Aug 18, 2013)

Mrs Murdog-----Good Idea!!


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## RedQueen (Nov 25, 2012)

Have people forgotten this poor woman only asked a question. She isn't doing it - yet. She wanted opinions - not judgements.


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## zookeeper1 (Feb 26, 2013)

I agree since she is your husband Grandmother that you should make an exception and be there just for your husband. Funerals are never any fun and can always be stressful. Discuss this with your husband, perhaps a five hour viewing would be to stressful for him also. Make plans ahead to leave if and when he feels it all to much for him. Knitting is my release from stress also. But he should take priority this time. Just my opinion. Sorry for your loss.


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## mzmom1 (Mar 4, 2011)

Time to put this one to rest, folks. The funeral is over.


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## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

mzmom1 said:


> Time to put this one to rest, folks. The funeral is over.


Thank you and Amen!


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## Slidell411 (Sep 29, 2013)

I think you should leave it home. If you do and the family doesn't think its appropriate you will be paying for it a long time.


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## Christi (Feb 3, 2011)

I was knitting at my brother's funeral. So I personally don't feel it is a problem, after all she was part of the family.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

TO ALL INTERESTED PARTIES:

knittingmama32 originally Posted on 11.08.13 about her grandmother-in-law's passing and upcoming viewing "tomorrow", which would have been November 9th.

The viewing and presumably the funeral have been completed as today is November 11th.

You can all consider this subject closed.


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## Donna M. (Oct 1, 2013)

I knit everywhere. And am lost when I cannot knit for that long of a time. BUT, I find it disrespectful. Try to find some people to talk to. I am sure there will be people you have not seen in awhile and you can catch up. Concentrate on the deceased, it will be the last time you will be with her.


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## BlueJay21 (Jan 4, 2013)

KroSha said:


> TO ALL INTERESTED PARTIES:
> 
> knittingmama32 originally Posted on 11.08.13 about her grandmother-in-law's passing and upcoming viewing "tomorrow", which would have been November 9th.
> 
> ...


Yes, the funeral has probably taken place by now. However, the question is still valid: When and where is it appropriate to knit?


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## aprilknits (Jun 13, 2013)

BlueJay21 said:


> Yes, the funeral has probably taken place by now. However, the question is still valid: When and where is it appropriate to knit?


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## mswine (May 2, 2013)

Maybe take your knitting, leave it in the car, and when you take a break, go in another room, or out in the car and knit.


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## aprilknits (Jun 13, 2013)

I don't have an opinion as to whether it is appropriate because every situation really is different. It sounds like many people would be offended. 

I wouldn't be offended at all. I would hope that great relationships were built with the deceased while they were still alive. I personally don't see disrespect in people acting naturally (within reason) at a wake. That being said, it may not work for your situation.

If it were an actual funeral service at my place of worship, it would be very unusual for anyone to be doing anything but paying close attention to the funeral talk, which would be relatively brief and quite interesting.


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## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

If it were a funeral for a member of my family, I would not like to see anyone sitting there knitting. But that's just me.


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## Anna3703 (Mar 4, 2012)

"Subject closed" !! YIPPEEEE.. we are soooo happy.


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## Pocahontas (Apr 15, 2011)

KnitterNatalie said:


> As much as I love to knit, and as much as I advocate knitting for its calming qualities, I personally would not knit at a funeral home or during any public part of the funeral. I am sorry for your loss. God bless.


This is my feelings as well. When my DIL's grandfather died, we spent the entire day at the viewing, funeral, graveside sevices (several miles away), and then going back to the church for a meal and fellowship. I was dying for my knitting, but felt it to be disrespectful and a show of disinterest and a lack of feeling if I brought it. I also don't knit in social situations that don't involve other knitters, even though my hands are craving it.

Sorry for being so late to respond to this thread, but this topic will come up again.


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## jpfries (Jan 14, 2013)

no more please, let this topic rest already


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## anne.1 (Oct 17, 2013)

Sorry for your loss. The question comes to mind, what will everybody else be doing for 5 hours? Are you required to remain there for the whole time? Seems excessive. No-one can sit there for 5 hours doing nothing. If you must be there, knit away. I don't think anyone else will hang about 5 hours to care what you are doing. Best of luck with it.


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## my2blkcats (Jun 9, 2011)

Sorry for your loss. I would do as others have said----find a quiet corner somewhere---most of the time there is another 'sitting room' so that would be an ideal spot. I see nothing wrong with it. If anyone should say anything, it's a way that you release stress, etc.


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## joanne1013 (Sep 25, 2013)

yes, this subject needs to be buried once and for all. There is life too you know. joanne1013


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## GemsByGranny (Dec 7, 2012)

knittingmama32 said:


> I have a question regarding whether or not its appropriate to knit at a funeral home viewing.....it is my husbands gram who we were extremely close too esp my hubby, she was our neighbor too, well tomorrow is her viewing which is 5 hours long, and tensions will be high, my mother in law and her sister have been taking care of her the last 2 years with her illness, her two sons and other grandchildren only came around to get their Christmas money, but of course they will be at the viewing, and I would rather find a place out of the way and knit to keep my mouth shut and nerves calm to give the respect that this amazing lady deserves. Thoughts and opinions appreciated.


I wouldn't. Neither would I expect someone to paint or sew at a funeral home viewing. It doesn't seem respectful, to me.


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