# Uncharitable charity



## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look 
Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers 
And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong 
I couldn't get out of there quick enough 
I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


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## rainie (Jan 12, 2013)

Find another charity and if anyone asks why you are not coming back - tell them. You don't have to take that kind of *&)#@. 
Do you have a home for unwed mothers, foundling home or whatever they are calling them today, somewhat close to where you live? Its nice for the babies go to their new home with a nice layette.


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

rainie said:


> Find another charity and if anyone asks why you are not coming back - tell them. You don't have to take that kind of *&)#@.
> Do you have a home for unwed mothers, foundling home or whatever they are calling them today, somewhat close to where you live? Its nice for the babies go to their new home with a nice layette.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## wendyirene (Jul 2, 2013)

It seems a shame not to continue as you like doing the knitting and it appears the other ladies appreciate what you are doing. She really shouldn't be so rude and bullying. I think I would keep doing the knitting but avoid all contact with her. But then I am a coward, It really needs for someone to stand up to her and put her in her place. Good luck with whatever you decide.


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## Judy M (Feb 17, 2011)

Hopefully you can get the other ladies to back you and confront her. If her friend is not a member of the group, then she needs to be told that any knitting yarn, etc. donated to the group belongs to the group and needs to be shared there. I'd also reminder her that she is not in charge and that maybe she would be more comfortable forming her own group some place else. 

If the ladies are hesitant to support you, perhaps a leader / member of the church could speak to her. 

As long as you enjoy what you do, try to ignore her.


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## Nina Weddle Tullis (Feb 13, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look
> Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers
> And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong
> I couldn't get out of there quick enough
> I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


If you lived in the United States I would send you enough yarn to fill a suitcase. I do not care for people who think they are in charge, and then try to boss everyone around. Our Knitting Group is not like that. Come join us, sorry you don't live close enough to come to ours every Thursday.


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## Cilscreations (May 8, 2011)

Don't you just hate people like her? Makes you wonder who died and left her in charge. 
I'd probably find a plan B where to donate items and THEN confront her in front of the other 5-6 ladies as to how bad she made you feel when you didn't do anything to deserve such pathetic treatment. 
If she persists then you can announce that you are out of there and will send your charity elsewhere. At least you won't have to figure out where to send the items and your departure will be their loss.


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## Celt Knitter (Jul 13, 2011)

Who feels bad, you or her? I bet she didn't loose a wink of sleep! Why let her drive you out? You don't have to be confrontational, but you should tell her you are upset by her implication that you were stealing, and that you had been told to get some of it. Chances are the others think as you do.....one noticed enough to apologise to you. If you do leave , make sure the others hear why you are taking your talents and charity elsewhere.


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## Jalsh (Aug 6, 2012)

I'm to the point when someone says something rude to me I give it right back. Even 6 months ago I was not like this but now I am. It seems to be the way of the world.


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## Rena67 (Jan 15, 2014)

I would have to go back and announce that I would not be coming back to this group as I will not be subjected rudeness by **** if that is the ethos of this group then it no longer fits into my idea of charity and kindness. I would certainly let the rest of the ladies know what she did...let her have a red face for a change. That was a horrible thing she done and it only takes one bad apple to spoil the barrel


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## fcsltd (Aug 29, 2013)

How drama free do you like your life? I would find another group.


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## NancyHA (Feb 3, 2015)

Well, I am a big believer in dealing with the person who upset you. At best, maybe she was having a bad day. You could say to her something like, "You know how much I love knitting for this charity and I have to be honest you really upset me and hurt my feelings when you yelled at me the other day" That leaves her the opportunity to apologize. If she doesn't, then maybe you need to take it up with the other ladies.


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## rosyhf (Oct 18, 2015)

Find another group of nice Ladies but don't leave before you let everyone know why. Yarn that is donated belongs to the group, after all, yarn does cost money and people will donate. I go through my craft supplies on a yearly basis and donate to church groups who knit for charity and everyone shares. Maybe a few of the ladies will stick up for you and tell this lady off. Who died and made her boss?


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## Nanny Mon (May 24, 2011)

Definitely find another charity.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

wendyirene said:


> It seems a shame not to continue as you like doing the knitting and it appears the other ladies appreciate what you are doing. She really shouldn't be so rude and bullying. I think I would keep doing the knitting but avoid all contact with her. But then I am a coward, It really needs for someone to stand up to her and put her in her place. Good luck with whatever you decide.


Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again


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## laceluvr (Feb 16, 2012)

If the yarn was a donation to the group, what right did she have to claim it for a friend? It makes me wonder if she's been claiming other donated items for a 'friend', or maybe even herself.

It's up to you whether you want to confront her or not. If you decide to leave, make sure you tell the other ladies why.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Nina Weddle Tullis said:


> If you lived in the United States I would send you enough yarn to fill a suitcase. I do not care for people who think they are in charge, and then try to boss everyone around. Our Knitting Group is not like that. Come join us, sorry you don't live close enough to come to ours every Thursday.


Thank you . Wish I could join you .


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## Joan H (Nov 28, 2012)

Move on to another charity. This lady thinks she is in charge and the other ladies are LETTING her think so, therefore she is in charge, rightly or wrongly, she is in charge. Therefore the group is not in a healthy structure at this time and all you will receive for your efforts will be grief. Don't do this to yourself, find a charity that is "working smoothly, or properly, and put your efforts there.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

fcsltd said:


> How drama free do you like your life? I would find another group.


Think maybe you could be right as this lady has been a bit off right from when I started giving to the charity and as I have a husband and son who are both seriously ill I think I could definitely do without the drama


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

Swedenme said:


> Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again


way to go!


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## LindaLu (Mar 9, 2011)

Judy M said:


> Hopefully you can get the other ladies to back you and confront her. If her friend is not a member of the group, then she needs to be told that any knitting yarn, etc. donated to the group belongs to the group and needs to be shared there. I'd also reminder her that she is not in charge and that maybe she would be more comfortable forming her own group some place else.
> 
> If the ladies are hesitant to support you, perhaps a leader / member of the church could speak to her.
> 
> ...


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## Frogger (Sep 6, 2012)

Judy M said:


> Hopefully you can get the other ladies to back you and confront her. If her friend is not a member of the group, then she needs to be told that any knitting yarn, etc. donated to the group belongs to the group and needs to be shared there. I'd also reminder her that she is not in charge and that maybe she would be more comfortable forming her own group some place else.
> 
> If the ladies are hesitant to support you, perhaps a leader / member of the church could speak to her.
> 
> As long as you enjoy what you do, try to ignore her.


 :thumbup: I agree -- the yarn was given to the group not to her!


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## Britty43 (Jan 8, 2012)

Judy M said:


> Hopefully you can get the other ladies to back you and confront her. If her friend is not a member of the group, then she needs to be told that any knitting yarn, etc. donated to the group belongs to the group and needs to be shared there. I'd also reminder her that she is not in charge and that maybe she would be more comfortable forming her own group some place else.
> 
> If the ladies are hesitant to support you, perhaps a leader / member of the church could speak to
> 
> ...


Excellent advice


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## Wroclawnice (Apr 10, 2015)

I would only stay on one condition because of the other ladies if I liked them? But I would let her know how I feel or she will do it again to someone else. When we knitted for charity and if someone got any yarn and they did not want anyone was welcome to take it and do what they wanted with it. Maybe that woman wanted the yarn for herself lol?
Don't be afraid to speak up regardless if you are staying in that group of not.


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## slipperyfish (Jun 26, 2012)

Swedenme said:


> I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look
> Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers
> And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong
> I couldn't get out of there quick enough
> I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


I would make sure the people who run this charity know about this gross misuse of authority here. Did the person who received this wool pay for it?? Did she get it for free and knit for charity as you do?? I would put the cat amongst the pigeons here and ensure SOMEONE knew what was going on. As someone famous said (apart from my granny who often said this) "all that needs for evil/bullying/dishonesty/ etc to flourish is for good men (women) to sit and do nothing.. Make a big STINK over this.. I would!!


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## Cheryl Jaeger (Oct 25, 2011)

My suggestion would be to let this set a few days or however long it takes you to decide how you want to handle this. 
If you do decide to say something to this person, keep your calm but state your reaction to her rudeness.

If she does not apologize make sure you tell the others what was said and what took place. Then you know you have given this person the opportunity to make things right.
Let us know how it goes. Happy knitting to you.


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## iblimey (Aug 5, 2015)

I would stay if you like the group. Of course you feel uncomfortable about the "bossy boots" comments. But as the yarn was donated to the group, and you are part of the group, then you are entitled to the yarn. You are needed and so is your work and kindness. BB has no business giving the yarn to a friend when it was given to your charity group. Knit, knit, knit and the time will come to tell her how you feel. I will come over and help if you need me to.


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## circularknitter (Jan 11, 2014)

Rena67 said:


> I would have to go back and announce that I would not be coming back to this group as I will not be subjected rudeness by **** if that is the ethos of this group then it no longer fits into my idea of charity and kindness. I would certainly let the rest of the ladies know what she did...let her have a red face for a change. That was a horrible thing she done and it only takes one bad apple to spoil the barrel


I think it is important that you stand up for yourself and let this group know what happens. After that try to find a group that is genuine
.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

Hopefully one of the other ladies at the church does the delivering and disbursement. There is one in every crowd anymore it seems. Your heart will tell you what to do when you have mulled it over. Kind of the other lady to approach you but she should not feel she has to apologize for the others rudeness, maybe that is a common thing in this group. She obviously felt bad for you. One makes a fuss the rest try to be decent human beings.


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## Granny41 (Feb 24, 2015)

Joan H said:


> Move on to another charity. This lady thinks she is in charge and the other ladies are LETTING her think so, therefore she is in charge, rightly or wrongly, she is in charge. Therefore the group is not in a healthy structure at this time and all you will receive for your efforts will be grief. Don't do this to yourself, find a charity that is "working smoothly, or properly, and put your efforts there.


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Rlane (Sep 12, 2014)

Find another charity


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Cheryl Jaeger said:


> My suggestion would be to let this set a few days or however long it takes you to decide how you want to handle this.
> If you do decide to say something to this person, keep your calm but state your reaction to her rudeness.
> 
> If she does not apologize make sure you tell the others what was said and what took place. Then you know you have given this person the opportunity to make things right.
> Let us know how it goes. Happy knitting to you.


Good advice . At the moment I'm annoyed at myself for letting her make me feel embarrassed but I will definitely be saying something to her


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## Nannyshirl (May 11, 2013)

Why not seek out your local foodbank - they don't only distribute food to needy recipients! They will certainly know of plenty of other outlets for your craft talents and kind gestures.

As for Mrs God-complex - if you decide not to go back, do make sure you let the group know why you're donating elsewhere, you don't have to make a scene, just let them know that you felt insulted by her actions and didn't feel compelled to support the group further because of that.


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## Lostie (May 2, 2013)

Swedenme said:


> Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again


Absolutely right Sonja, and as we don't live too far apart and I am downsizing, would you fancy a Lostie destash to a good home? Plus side is, you would also have some chose the colour fun. You have enough to get on in life without a bossy boots at the group .....


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## bane (Nov 27, 2012)

Celt Knitter said:


> Who feels bad, you or her? I bet she didn't loose a wink of sleep! Why let her drive you out? You don't have to be confrontational, but you should tell her you are upset by her implication that you were stealing, and that you had been told to get some of it. Chances are the others think as you do.....one noticed enough to apologise to you. If you do leave , make sure the others hear why you are taking your talents and charity elsewhere.


Very well said. 👍😀


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## dianejohnson (Jul 26, 2011)

absolutely find another charity!! they don't deserve an explanation as to why you aren't putting up with their stinginess and bullying, but if you feel like letting them have it, go right ahead! you should feel angry and hurt. who wouldn't? they were horrible! the one who slammed and the one who said nothing. i'd be GONE, and i would have slammed the door on my way out!


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## Raybo (Mar 12, 2011)

Judy M said:


> Hopefully you can get the other ladies to back you and confront her. If her friend is not a member of the group, then she needs to be told that any knitting yarn, etc. donated to the group belongs to the group and needs to be shared there. I'd also reminder her that she is not in charge and that maybe she would be more comfortable forming her own group some place else.
> If the ladies are hesitant to support you, perhaps a leader / member of the church could speak to her.
> As long as you enjoy what you do, try to ignore her.


 Surely there is someone in charge of the church (pastor perhaps) who can set this lady straight. If not, then you probably should find another place for your work. Who knows how much of the donated things are ending up in the wrong hands just like this yarn??


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## wendyirene (Jul 2, 2013)

Swedenme said:


> Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again


Good on you. People like her do need a taste of their own medicine.


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

Swedenme said:


> I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look
> Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers
> And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong
> I couldn't get out of there quick enough
> I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


I would have said something to her immediately. You should have told her that you were told to help yourself to the yarn and that her rudeness was not appreciated.


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## SouthernGirl (Dec 28, 2011)

If you enjoy this particular group and what you are doing, don't let one person control what you do. 

I am not confrontation usually. It is easier to just let it go and have good thoughts about what you enjoy doing. 

You have a kind heart.

Best of luck to you.


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

Find another charity...there is a need for your time and talents somewhere.
They ask you to give but can't share a donation of yarn because of one person?


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## farmkiti (Oct 13, 2011)

laceluvr said:


> If the yarn was a donation to the group, what right did she have to claim it for a friend? It makes me wonder if she's been claiming other donated items for a 'friend', or maybe even herself.
> 
> It's up to you whether you want to confront her or not. If you decide to leave, make sure you tell the other ladies why.


I agree! I bet the person who donated the yarn did not intend for it to go to a "friend" of that b*#@h! I would report her actions to the rest of the group, or someone who actually IS in charge of the group. She has no right to "claim" the yarn for someone she knows. It is there for people like you who would actually use it to make items to donate back so they can be given to the intended recipients.

It is a form of fraud to steal what has been donated to a charity and is intended to be used by the beneficiaries of the charity. Misappropriation of goods.


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## crispie (Dec 17, 2011)

Find another charity but find a way to tell the first one why. You should not have been treated that way.


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

Sorry you were treated like this. Sounds like it is time to find another charity. Or go directly to the hospitals, etc., yourself.


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## lcunitz (Sep 1, 2014)

You are obviously a warm and caring person. Don't let someone like that lady get to you. Just be pleased you are not like her. Merry Christmas!


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## Myrle (Mar 15, 2012)

Is it easy to find another charity you can be involved with? If so do that. If for some reason you cannot find one go back, seek out the lady who apologised and if she is supportive of you stick with them. Good idea is not to let the horrid one win the battle by excluding you.


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## NanBasKnit (Oct 4, 2013)

rainie said:


> Find another charity and if anyone asks why you are not coming back - tell them. You don't have to take that kind of *&)#@.
> Do you have a home for unwed mothers, foundling home or whatever they are calling them today, somewhat close to where you live? Its nice for the babies go to their new home with a nice layette.


I met a lady last weekend that ran a home for unwed mothers in Boston. She was graceful and very nice. I bet an organization like hers would love your knitted things.

And remember, the way someone treats you is a reflection of them...not you.


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## MissNettie (Dec 15, 2012)

rainie said:


> Find another charity and if anyone asks why you are not coming back - tell them. You don't have to take that kind of *&)#@.
> Do you have a home for unwed mothers, foundling home or whatever they are calling them today, somewhat close to where you live? Its nice for the babies go to their new home with a nice layette.


I agree. Let the person who thinks she is in charge do the knitting from mow on. I bet she can't do any craft worth doing.


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## Plays with Fibers (Nov 30, 2015)

I used to be very polite. Not so much any more because of jerks like this. I turn into a drama queen and act like my fingers were smashed. Figure the rude person deserves the embarrassment.


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## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

Unfortunately there seems to be one in every group - - I would still knit for charity - but another charity and if asked why you don't go to your previous one I would certainly tell them why.
I'm afraid I would have said something at the time when the women shut the lid - no need for her to be so rude but she will one day get her just rewards!!


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Nannyshirl said:


> Why not seek out your local foodbank - they don't only distribute food to needy recipients! They will certainly know of plenty of other outlets for your craft talents and kind gestures.
> 
> As for Mrs God-complex - if you decide not to go back, do make sure you let the group know why you're donating elsewhere, you don't have to make a scene, just let them know that you felt insulted by her actions and didn't feel compelled to support the group further because of that.


Thank you for that idea I never thought of that but I will certainly look into it


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Lostie said:


> Absolutely right Sonja, and as we don't live too far apart and I am downsizing, would you fancy a Lostie destash to a good home? Plus side is, you would also have some chose the colour fun. You have enough to get on in life without a bossy boots at the group .....


Thank you Sarah you are very kind and I would love some destash to a good home 
One of my neighbours is a social worker think I might ask her if she knows of any family shelters in need


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Thank you KPers for all your comments and advice . I will be going back to see the ladies one more time as I promised to donate the little set in my avatar and one in pink that I should finish today . They will go towards Christmas box gifts so I will keep my promise and thanks to you all I now have a plan to contact other charities .


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## Persian Cat (Apr 9, 2012)

Well for a start I would have said something to her at the time such as " I was told I could have a few balls for your charity knitting I was not going to take the lot " 
I would then give her a glare and say something so everyone could hear like " Sorry ladies but I will not be coming back here I do not want to be accused of stealing wool when I was told I could have a couple of balls for charity knitting " As I said this I would give this person a "glare" and then I would walk out and find another charity to knit for
I knit for a charity that has a facebook page and there are other charities on facebook always asking for knitters I would not go back there they do not deserve you
Oh and this lady was obviously going to give all the wool to her friend how selfish can you get !


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## lildeb2 (Jul 14, 2013)

I would find another group.


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## mumsie (Mar 14, 2012)

Not afraid to say this but I'm the one with the bid mouth when it comes to " I am in charge people" I give back in the same tone and if that doesn't work then find out who runss the group and speak to that person, on the other hand you sound so nice( not being horrid just saying what it feels like) why don't you tell that person nicely how horrible it makes you feel and all she had to do was to tell you nicely that she had no need to be afraid that you were trying to steal the yarn, if that doesn't work give her a mouth ful ( hehe not really) and make it clear to the other members you are going to knit for someone lseI did when it happened to me. I found another group and am really happy with my decision


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## mumsie (Mar 14, 2012)

Sorry about the mistakes, my fingers don't work as fast as my big mouth, hope you can work it all out


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

Well that was incredibly rude! I probably would have done the same as you and just left. I'm not sure I'd be making anything else for that charity unless there was an apology ....as public as her attack....from that woman.


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## gmomgil (Feb 11, 2015)

I too would go back and let her know how she made you feel. To imply that you were taking something you shouldn't would really upset me. Yes, it's possible she was having a bad day but this would give her the opportunity to apologize. I would assume the yarn was donated so it could be used for the charity. You should have been able take some as you are doing some of the knitting. She was out of line. Period.


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## Kolby (Jan 22, 2011)

I would go back and sitting (calmly) in front of the other women, with your knitting in hand, very casually but so everyone can hear, "I was caught off guard last week and didn't quite know how to respond to your slamming the trunk on my hand . . . with that said, I am not sure you knew that (group or individual) had given me permission to also take yarn. You were so "bossy, controlling, 'female dogish', (insert word of your choosing), glad I didn't lose a finger." Truly, someone should confront her or she will continue with this behavior.



Swedenme said:


> I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look
> Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers
> And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong
> I couldn't get out of there quick enough
> I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


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## spinninggill (Apr 9, 2011)

Stand up to her, Tell her she's not in charge & not entitled to give away what is NOT hers - turn her arguments back on her. She's only doing it because she's a bully & no one will stand up to her,so she can. If the rest of the group feel the same, join together & tell her to put up or shut up


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

mumsie said:


> Sorry about the mistakes, my fingers don't work as fast as my big mouth, hope you can work it all out


I understood completely . I like to be friendly to everyone and hope people treat me the same way , but one thing I do not like is bullying in any shape or form and I'm not afraid to say stop if I see it 
My plan is to make good the promise of donating the 2 sets of ugg boots and hats . Tell this lady what I think of her rudeness and leave 
I'm going to look up a few charities that other KPers have mentioned and ask my neighbour if she knows any families in need so I will still be knitting and 
without hassle 
Got a couple of ideas banging about in my head for some little shoes so I think they will be my next project


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## emuears (Oct 13, 2012)

Judy M said:


> Hopefully you can get the other ladies to back you and confront her. If her friend is not a member of the group, then she needs to be told that any knitting yarn, etc. donated to the group belongs to the group and needs to be shared there. I'd also reminder her that she is not in charge and that maybe she would be more comfortable forming her own group some place else.
> 
> If the ladies are hesitant to support you, perhaps a leader / member of the church could speak to her.
> 
> As long as you enjoy what you do, try to ignore her.


Very well said, this women sounds like a bully and should be put in her place.


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## mumsie (Mar 14, 2012)

It. Ain't meant to be rude I know I prefer being told that I wasn't being nice to someone as I know that being nice about something doesn't make that person sad, I just don't like. Being trodden on and the lady that put the original message up did/ does sound so nice. My apologies for upsetting anyone, it wasn't meant to


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## vershi (Nov 25, 2012)

Rena67 said:


> I would have to go back and announce that I would not be coming back to this group as I will not be subjected rudeness by **** if that is the ethos of this group then it no longer fits into my idea of charity and kindness. I would certainly let the rest of the ladies know what she did...let her have a red face for a change. That was a horrible thing she done and it only takes one bad apple to spoil the barrel


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

Swedenme said:


> I understood completely . I like to be friendly to everyone and hope people treat me the same way , but one thing I do not like is bullying in any shape or form and I'm not afraid to say stop if I see it
> My plan is to make good the promise of donating the 2 sets of ugg boots and hats . Tell this lady what I think of her rudeness and leave
> I'm going to look up a few charities that other KPers have mentioned and ask my neighbour if she knows any families in need so I will still be knitting and
> without hassle
> Got a couple of ideas banging about in my head for some little shoes so I think they will be my next project


Please let us know how she responds when you confront her about her rudeness.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

mumsie said:


> It. Ain't meant to be rude I know I prefer being told that I wasn't being nice to someone as I know that being nice about something doesn't make that person sad, I just don't like. Being trodden on and the lady that put the original message up did/ does sound so nice. My apologies for upsetting anyone, it wasn't meant to


I think you mis read what was written , you haven't upset anyone and definitly don't need to apologise


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Evie RM said:


> Please let us know how she responds when you confront her about her rudeness.


Thank I will . I am intending to go in the morning as I know they are there every morning this week helping to sort out gift boxes


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## Dixon (May 4, 2012)

I don't know where you are in N. Yorks but when I lived near Skipton I made baby clothes (especially premature) and blankets for Airedale hospital.


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## justanoldgirl (Feb 18, 2015)

I had a similar situation in a group that I used to belong to with one woman who thought she was the boss. Finally I could not stand any more of her bullying and resigned but only after I had a health issue caused by the stress. I know this sounds as though I am weak but the health professionals I spoke to about this said that in a work situation this would be grounds for sueing. I have since joined another group and it is so good to be among real friends.


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## sam0767 (Jun 20, 2012)

I would let someone you know and trust that you won't be coming back to the group because of her. Sounds like you have had a issue with her to begin with. There are many other charities that would love your handiwork.


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## sam0767 (Jun 20, 2012)

I would let someone you know and trust that you won't be coming back to the group because of her. Sounds like you have had a issue with her to begin with. There are many other charities that would love your handiwork.


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## mumsie (Mar 14, 2012)

Isn't this group lovely.
I do hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and for all who do not celebrate Christmas may I wish you well for 2016 and May most if not al your wishes and dreams come true. I' getting ready to put my Christmas tree decorations up. I lve Christmas


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## osagerev (Jun 18, 2011)

Remember, what goes around comes around.


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

Please do not lower yourself to her level--leave the group, find another group, or knit/crochet for another charity. There are SO many who need help and your love to help. Shelters, homeless, daycare centers, hospitals, the list goes on and on. Skip the drama....she isn't going to change and she will not admit to her attitude. Just keep on helping--KP'ers can assist you in finding worthwhile charities.


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## Nancyn (Mar 23, 2013)

So sorry you had to listen to this woman. She is a bully, plain and simple. Tact is not her middle name. You have the decision to decide if you want to let her bother you, or not. It is difficult being around such an unhappy person. You would think someone doing charity would do it for the right reasons.


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## patocenizo (Jun 24, 2011)

I'd find another charity.


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## nmorris (Oct 14, 2014)

I would have told her at the time that so and so said I could take some yarn and not let her treat me like that. Easy for me to say, sometimes they just take you by surprise when they are nasty. She is obviously not very charitable and full of her own importance.


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## Marliese (Apr 23, 2015)

Persian Cat said:


> Well for a start I would have said something to her at the time such as " I was told I could have a few balls for your charity knitting I was not going to take the lot "
> I would then give her a glare and say something so everyone could hear like " Sorry ladies but I will not be coming back here I do not want to be accused of stealing wool when I was told I could have a couple of balls for charity knitting " As I said this I would give this person a "glare" and then I would walk out and find another charity to knit for
> I knit for a charity that has a facebook page and there are other charities on facebook always asking for knitters I would not go back there they do not deserve you
> Oh and this lady was obviously going to give all the wool to her friend how selfish can you get !


Beautifully said, and I would have thought of it myself ....10 minutes after leaving the place. :lol:


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

Nasty women,All the ladies should Join together, and kick her out,Wouldn't surprise me if she passed your work off as her own,


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## Beetytwird (Jan 19, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look
> Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers
> And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong
> I couldn't get out of there quick enough
> I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


Me, I would speak to the pastor, let him know she is not representing the church in a respectful or charitable way. Then, just to be mean, wrap my hand in a bandage, put on shoulder sling and go to her . Tell her the bill for the doctor will be arriving shortly! Of course I would let the others in on it so they are not worried. She deserves to shaken up muchly! (then ask for forgiveness!)


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## jujee (Aug 29, 2011)

I think I would probably go to the group and let them know you're sorry you missed the election of officers for the group and ask them when they are held, but then that has become my personality recently.

I learned to knit at a knitting group in Churchill, all the women in the group were so helpful, loving and giving of themselves. That was 40 years ago. Anyone in a group knitting for a charity should have these traits, sometimes people get off the path and need help back on. Maybe you should point this out to her, that you are all there for the same reason.


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## MrsC (Jul 10, 2011)

Rena67 said:


> I would have to go back and announce that I would not be coming back to this group as I will not be subjected rudeness by **** if that is the ethos of this group then it no longer fits into my idea of charity and kindness. I would certainly let the rest of the ladies know what she did...let her have a red face for a change. That was a horrible thing she done and it only takes one bad apple to spoil the barrel


My feelings exactly!


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## Jaevick (Feb 14, 2011)

Letting her know that she upset you and hurt your feelings gives her even more power over you, which is her goal. Bullies are only successful until people stand up to them.


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

Jaevick said:


> Letting her know that she upset you and hurt your feelings gives her even more power over you, which is her goal. Bullies are only successful until people stand up to them.


I so agree...take the power away from her--and find a group who WILL appreciate you. Talking to "her" would only add fuel to her fire.
:thumbup:


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## Pat lamb (Oct 31, 2011)

I am in charge of a big group of knitters/crochet ladies and we get a lot of yarn donations to be use by all. If her friend was not part of your group she should not have access to the donated yarn,


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## God's Girl (Jan 29, 2013)

It is a shame that this person who was so rude is a representative of her church. I think this is were many people get the idea that "religious" people are hypocrites. If you enjoy making the items and the other women I would suggest that you speak with the rude women and explain to her that you believe that she owes you an apology. Tell her that you were invited to take some of the yarn by the others and that she might want to consider communicating a bit better with her group in future. I hope that helps but only you will know what is best for you to do. Take time to think it through and you will make a good decision I am sure.


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## Granny41 (Feb 24, 2015)

Swedenme said:


> I understood completely . I like to be friendly to everyone and hope people treat me the same way , but one thing I do not like is bullying in any shape or form and I'm not afraid to say stop if I see it
> My plan is to make good the promise of donating the 2 sets of ugg boots and hats . Tell this lady what I think of her rudeness and leave
> I'm going to look up a few charities that other KPers have mentioned and ask my neighbour if she knows any families in need so I will still be knitting and
> without hassle
> Got a couple of ideas banging about in my head for some little shoes so I think they will be my next project


Please let us know the outcome. :-D :-D :-D


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## beachkoz (Jun 20, 2012)

Has anyone considered this woman might be experiencing early stage dementia or Alzheimer's. Maybe a conversation with her family is in order. Changes in mood could be symptoms of hormone imbalance.


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## mahalo (Jun 25, 2013)

Find another group to support but be sure to let "boss" lady know why you are no longer supporting them. You will feel better and empowered as well.


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## Tralulee (Nov 8, 2013)

No, don't ignore it. Don't ever go back. You are doing this out of the goodness of your heart. Like others have said - find another charity. There are many that would appreciate what you're doing. Let's see how she likes it when the knitting goods stop coming. Maybe, she can knit the stuff herself. Good luck and don't take it to heart. You sound like a wonderful person.


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## mirium (May 14, 2013)

It sounds like you've decided to find another charity, and that's a good idea. May I suggest that you write a gentle letter to the pastor, explaining why you're leaving? Mention what you've contributed in the past, especially the "special requests," and your pleasure in doing it -- that will show you're a valuable member. Describe what happened that made you decide to leave (and give the name of the lady who apologized, so the pastor can confirm what you're saying). End on a positive note, such as that this behavior doesn't seem to fit in with the church's usual attitude and you'd love to return some day.

The pastor might be unaware of the problem. Or s/he might be very aware of it but can't do anything because there haven't been any complaints -- many just silently go away and the ladies who stay are too afraid to speak up. Your friendly, regretful letter might be exactly what's needed to let the pastor act.

Hope the folks at your new charity are all pleasant!


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## Tralulee (Nov 8, 2013)

I agree, if you lived in Canada, I would also give you a suitcase of yarn.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Tralulee said:


> I agree, if you lived in Canada, I would also give you a suitcase of yarn.


Thank you Tralulee


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## normancha (May 27, 2013)

Swedenme said:


> I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look
> Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers
> And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong
> I couldn't get out of there quick enough
> I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


Find another charity.


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## retiredwoman (Feb 25, 2014)

Swedenme said:


> Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again


Obviously, the other ladies are aware of the problem but do not have the courage to do something about it. Instead of an intervention by one of the ladies while this was happening, you got an apology instead. Nothing you can do can change this behavior. I am sure there are many charitable groups that would very much appreciate your loving work. I would not deal with this group again.


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## Cardelo (Jul 14, 2014)

Nina Weddle Tullis said:


> If you lived in the United States I would send you enough yarn to fill a suitcase. I do not care for people who think they are in charge, and then try to boss everyone around. Our Knitting Group is not like that. Come join us, sorry you don't live close enough to come to ours every Thursday.


Or close enough to join ours every Monday. I would keep doing what you love and only talk to someone else. I agree with talking to the clergy or someone you feel comfortable with about the situation, like the lady who told you to help yourself.
BLESSINGS to you for doing what you do!!


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

I am so sorry to hear of your experience. Last year I spend a good deal of time thinning down my stash (no, it's still not thin, just thinner), and I donated several bags of really nice yarn to a group of charity knitters. I work more than full time hours and I feel like the best contribution I can make right now is yarn. I like to hope that they share and enjoy this yarn, but you make me wonder about its fate. Don't give up doing what you enjoy, find another group of more like-minded women.


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## carrottop71 (Jul 17, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again


You go girl! Don't let that old bag off the hook, and don't let her run you away. I would not only keep coming back, but I would ask the one that offered the yarn in the first place, if the offer was still good, and smile and go take a look at what there is to offer for your next charity project. A good stare down is in order.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

Or write it , if u dont like to do face to face. SHe should be let know. who knows , she nay learnm and chg.


Judy M said:


> Hopefully you can get the other ladies to back you and confront her. If her friend is not a member of the group, then she needs to be told that any knitting yarn, etc. donated to the group belongs to the group and needs to be shared there. I'd also reminder her that she is not in charge and that maybe she would be more comfortable forming her own group some place else.
> 
> If the ladies are hesitant to support you, perhaps a leader / member of the church could speak to her.
> 
> As long as you enjoy what you do, try to ignore her.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

carrottop71 said:


> You go girl! Don't let that old bag off the hook, and don't let her run you away. I would not only keep coming back, but I would ask the one that offered the yarn in the first place, if the offer was still good, and smile and go take a look at what there is to offer for your next charity project. A good stare down is in order.


Would be funny if I did that  but I'll manage with what I've got . 
I'm making one last visit and then no more 
Already been in touch with someone from a food bank just waiting for a lady to get back to me


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## Krykit (Dec 10, 2014)

Swedenme said:


> I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look
> Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers
> And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong
> I couldn't get out of there quick enough
> I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


Unfortunately, this hurt will always be in your heart when you go there to donate, unless this hurtful person can be reported and possibly removed from the group. The hurt can easily turn to anger toward this person, which can defeat the good feeling that charitable service is intended to give. There are many charities to which you can donate ~ other churches, hospitals, etc. who would love to have your donations. You should do what your heart tells you to do.


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## Maryellend (Dec 11, 2014)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: There is enough selfishness and rudeness going around....Take your generous heart and your awesome knits someplace where you and your efforts are appreciated.


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## Linda Mcg (May 20, 2011)

Just move on..... People who need to bully are probably very insecure, it's their way controlling, they think, my way or the highway. Life is too short to put up with this.


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## GogoJules (Aug 27, 2012)

I would definitely say something diplomatic to the bossy one, so that she knows how you feel. I would also in a kind way say something to the other knitters, and then I would take my love, my talent and my generosity of spirit and find a more worthy group to knit with, and if you can't find one, then knit yourself and donate to a charity of your choice. Anyone would be overjoyed to receive hand made things for those less fortunate than we are.
Take heart, you are a lady with a generous spirit - find a worthy cause to share it with.


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## Britty43 (Jan 8, 2012)

Swedenme said:


> Thank you KPers for all your comments and advice . I will be going back to see the ladies one more time as I promised to donate the little set in my avatar and one in pink that I should finish today . They will go towards Christmas box gifts so I will keep my promise and thanks to you all I now have a plan to contact other charities .


The bully still needs to be told and the other ladies need to know what happened


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## Sally15 (Dec 24, 2013)

Unless the bully gives you and apology you should find another charity. 
I had something of the same sort happened to me once and I walked out and let her why. I am glad I did as I would have not enjoyed being there.


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## 104439 (Nov 6, 2013)

How about knitting for another church group in the area?
It doesn't have to even be the same denomination, but all
of churches have charities they distribute to.

You could also check with a local hospital/womens shelter about hand knitted items.


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## Jean Keith (Feb 17, 2011)

I'd feed the witch with a long spoon and ignore her (I used the 'w' because it's more acceptable). If she chooses to make your time uncomfortable, I might go to another group.


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## M2SMRTFORU (Oct 28, 2011)

Find another Church. We have a group in our Church that do wonderful works. The ladies that help are precious for the things they do so willingly.

I am soooo sorry you have had such a miserable experience.

God bless you for your willingness to help those who need it.

Thank you very very much. 

Merry Christmas to you.


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## Moisey (Mar 17, 2013)

Do both. Go straight to the top & complain. Don't muck around with bossy-boots. Its their job to sort it out, but
I would be off looking for a more welcoming group too.
Life is too short to be unhappy in a group when you are
helping out, and have other worries. They are the losers!
Enjoy your crafting.
Cheers
Moisey


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## tonyastewart (Sep 1, 2014)

God Bless people like you I make blankets and buntings for project Linus I would love to be nearby you thank you for sharing.
As for the rude church ladies while you must handle it how you feel best, I would try and talk to her and explain you had been sent to get some yarn as you knit/crochet for the group, if that does't work I would go to a church elder and talk to them and ask them to address it failing all that I would start my own group and when you start getting donations, put it in parcels so that no one person gets it all.
this woman might have just had a bad day or a misunderstanding all round.


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## misszzzzz (Feb 23, 2012)

I would say something to her. She is not in charge.


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## Davena (Feb 24, 2013)

Swedenme said:


> Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again


Good for you. I would also to have to let this person know, that I am not one who will tolerate her rudeness of any sort. I do not treat people like that, and do not accept any kind of bulling. I would find out who is in charge of the organization and ask if they have loss many donations because of her antics. Maybe someone should stand up to this..... whatever title she has....Let us know how you make out. Seasons Greetings. Davena


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## paramour (Nov 21, 2015)

What Rena67 said. Let whoever is really in charge or someone who matters in the grand scheme of things know what happened & how you feel about it. Then move on to a more deserving cheritable endeavor. Things happen for a reason...


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

How nasty and uncharitable of this woman! As soon as you wrote that there's a woman in the group who feels she's in charge, I got a really bad feeling.

Do you like the other people in the group? That's the most important thing, I think. If you like them, then keep going back. And you might want to talk to Ms. Bossy in private and discuss your concerns with her. No one likes to be yelled at, talked down to, or treated badly, and you certainly don't need that.

If, however, you're not that wild about the people in the group, you might want to think about finding a more like-minded gathering of people. No one needs aggravation--especially when you're involved in doing charitable work!

Please let us know what you decide to do.

Hazel


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## Rescue Mom (Jul 28, 2011)

rainie said:


> Find another charity and if anyone asks why you are not coming back - tell them. You don't have to take that kind of *&)#@.
> Do you have a home for unwed mothers, foundling home or whatever they are calling them today, somewhat close to where you live? Its nice for the babies go to their new home with a nice layette.


Amen Sister!
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Susiebluel (Feb 12, 2011)

I would get your composure back and then give this rude woman a call. You need to confront someone like that. I'm sure the yarn was not meant to be given to only one person and that women was out of line. There are groups around in most areas or you could start one. You should not be treated that way. I'm sorry that happened to you.


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## Valanteen (Sep 28, 2011)

Write to the actual person in charge of the charity e xplaoning what happened. Ask that a person be delegated to distribute to avoid confusion. Get a petition to ask this woman be dropped from this charity. 
Frankly, someone needs to smack her face!


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## AlderRose (May 5, 2011)

Does that gal bully everyone like she bullied you? If so, that attitude needs stopped before someone else gets hurt, and the organization gets a bad name.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

Your fingers could have been injured, damaged. For what? She must be hiding something, she must know she's doing something wrong. You really do owe it to yourself and the others to bring it to someone's attention.


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## Dcsmith77 (Apr 18, 2011)

NancyHA said:


> Well, I am a big believer in dealing with the person who upset you. At best, maybe she was having a bad day. You could say to her something like, "You know how much I love knitting for this charity and I have to be honest you really upset me and hurt my feelings when you yelled at me the other day" That leaves her the opportunity to apologize. If she doesn't, then maybe you need to take it up with the other ladies.


or the rector? Your minister should know about this as well as the other ladies. I do like this suggestion, though. Maybe she didn't feel well and that's why she reacted so strongly. But if you find out she is just a rude person (sounds likely) then you can let her know that you will find another place for your charity.


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

Valanteen said:


> Write to the actual person in charge of the charity e xplaoning what happened. Ask that a person be delegated to distribute to avoid confusion. Get a petition to ask this woman be dropped from this charity.
> Frankly, someone needs to smack her face!


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Hazel


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Write them a nice letter telling them that you will be knitting for some one else from now on and why. They need to get together and put the "boss" in her place.


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## Irene Kidney (May 29, 2011)

What an extremely rude and nasty lady. Trouble is these situations shock us and take us by surprise. I would have felt like saying, haven't you ever heard the word 'share'. That was a selfish action on her behalf. I would feel like confronting her or perhaps go back to her saying, sorry I will not be donating to that cause any more as the wool is too expensive, wonder if she would get the hint! Even send her a note.


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## Glenden9 (May 14, 2014)

Do you have a local newspaper which has a letters column? Drop them a line and relate your experience and how you are now feeling about it. You may then find that other charities in your town will reply with offers to take your handiwork. You may even get an invitation to go in to the original perpetrator where an apology may be waiting because someone like you is a Godsend to any charity. Cheers from across the Pennines.


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## knittingagain (Apr 12, 2011)

I had a similar incident with the charitable group I used to knit for 3-4 years ago. So I told the leader why I was leaving. Since that time I've received two messages from her, asking me to come back as they needed hat knitters. I reminded her that it was SHE who had hurt me & I had no intention of remaining with someone who had such a suspicious nature. Hopefully, it worked this time. Since then, I've inherited an honorary family & I knit for them. Takes enough of my time that I don't get to knit much for myself.


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## mh1953 (Aug 14, 2014)

She obviously has a problem but I wouldn't let her spoil my enjoyment of what you are doing and deprive people who need your knitted items of their warmth and comfort. I agree with you that you should stand up to her. It will be good for you and good for her.


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## CHinNWOH (Feb 5, 2012)

If you do decide to try to find another charity, try looking at hospitals with maternity wards. Here in the states, they accept washable baby items. They need hats for preemies and then they can use baby sets for the less fortunate members of the community sending the new baby (full-term size also) home in a new baby outfit. Here is a website with information and links to free patterns.

http://www.knittingforcharity.org/stitchesfromtheheart.html

You may have a similar group or need near you.
Whatever you decide, bless you for your kind heart and willingness to help others.


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## paula catherine (Jul 19, 2013)

I have found if we don't calmly yet firmly stand up to bullying they get worse: and, new ones always seem to fine us when we try to avoid confrontation. I would calmly set her straight-off to the side,with one trustworthy witness present.


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## Snooper's Ma (Jun 5, 2011)

People like that do not hear that they were rude. They are too in love with themselves. I would publicly tell the ladies that I had checked the donated yarns and this person slammed the case on me and told me it was hers. I would like to know if it was donated to the group or to her. I want to be sure I had been told correctly. Then decide whether to stay or go. Let's face it. She is a bully and I do not like bullies to get away with it. 

Good luck and enjoy the chagrin and the weak ladies in the group.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

aaaannnd send a note to them so the good gals know what made u stop.
they can reign her in then if they want.



Maryellend said:


> :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: There is enough selfishness and rudeness going around....Take your generous heart and your awesome knits someplace where you and your efforts are appreciated.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

aaaannnd send a note to them so the good gals know what made u stop.
they can reign her in then if they want.



Maryellend said:


> :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: There is enough selfishness and rudeness going around....Take your generous heart and your awesome knits someplace where you and your efforts are appreciated.


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

aaaannnd send a note to them so the good gals know what made u stop.
they can reign her in then if they want.



Maryellend said:


> :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: There is enough selfishness and rudeness going around....Take your generous heart and your awesome knits someplace where you and your efforts are appreciated.


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## patvda (Jul 4, 2015)

I would find another charity. Unfortunately, there are always going to be people like that. We have a few our own knitting chapter here. You have to learn to rise above the situation. Just remember YOU are blessed.


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## Mama Roz (Sep 1, 2011)

Why didn't you politely say "I didn't know you were in charge"?


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## Sunny70 (Jul 25, 2014)

I'm a coward too and hate conformation. At our church the "woman in charge" made some snaky remarks about us being needy and had to decide what we wanted to do. She moved the meetings to a time nobody could come and then didn't rescheduled. Never asking anyone what they wanted to do. I'm now in the process of getting a group together again and she has said he's is too busy to join. It would be nice if you and several others could get together and eithe confront her about her rudeness or form your own group. But she should be made aware of how hurt you were.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Just to let you all know I an now going to be knitting for a food bank that also gives out clothing items . My neighbour who is a social worker also said yes please , apparently she has wanted to ask if I will knit for a couple of family shelters that she visits since she saw my knitting but thought I had enough to deal with but knitting helps so we have agreed I'll start knitting for the shelters too 
So I'm happy and can continue my knitting and tomorrow I will take the two sets for the gift boxes and tell the there will be no more and why


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## Marliese (Apr 23, 2015)

Swedenme said:


> Just to let you all know I an now going to be knitting for a food bank that also gives out clothing items . My neighbour who is a social worker also said yes please , apparently she has wanted to ask if I will knit for a couple of family shelters that she visits since she saw my knitting but thought I had enough to deal with but knitting helps so we have agreed I'll start knitting for the shelters too
> So I'm happy and can continue my knitting and tomorrow I will take the two sets for the gift boxes and tell the there will be no more and why


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Maryellend (Dec 11, 2014)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

Joan H said:


> Move on to another charity. This lady thinks she is in charge and the other ladies are LETTING her think so, therefore she is in charge, rightly or wrongly, she is in charge. Therefore the group is not in a healthy structure at this time and all you will receive for your efforts will be grief. Don't do this to yourself, find a charity that is "working smoothly, or properly, and put your efforts there.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

I think the pecking order has already been set in place and the others are quite happy with their positions and are okay with her taking all the donated yarns. 
I would deliver the new booties and let them know you found a new charity to knit for...in a nice way.


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## Diane1945 (May 25, 2012)

I, personnally, would ask her if I did something wrong to annoy her, and TELL her that her attitude makes me feel unconfortable....but I would continue knitting for the charity since your work is fabulous and that I am sure that you are making some mother in need very very happy to receive what you have knitted with love. Please do not stop being charitable because of a grouchy person.....Keep on knitting your wonderful stuff and think of the happiness you bring. God bless you....oh and Merry Christmas to you and family.


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## yorkie1 (Sep 5, 2011)

I would go back and tell the group exactly what you have told us, then ask if she, (the lady) is in charge. Then I'd leave. There are so many places out there a person can donate to that will make you much happier.


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## Sunny70 (Jul 25, 2014)

Good for you!


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

Good on you
a really take chg way to deal with this.
!!!!!!!!!!!!


Swedenme said:


> Just to let you all know I an now going to be knitting for a food bank that also gives out clothing items . My neighbour who is a social worker also said yes please , apparently she has wanted to ask if I will knit for a couple of family shelters that she visits since she saw my knitting but thought I had enough to deal with but knitting helps so we have agreed I'll start knitting for the shelters too
> So I'm happy and can continue my knitting and tomorrow I will take the two sets for the gift boxes and tell the there will be no more and why


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## purplelady (Aug 23, 2012)

Good on you
a really take chg way to deal with this.
!!!!!!!!!!!!


Swedenme said:


> Just to let you all know I an now going to be knitting for a food bank that also gives out clothing items . My neighbour who is a social worker also said yes please , apparently she has wanted to ask if I will knit for a couple of family shelters that she visits since she saw my knitting but thought I had enough to deal with but knitting helps so we have agreed I'll start knitting for the shelters too
> So I'm happy and can continue my knitting and tomorrow I will take the two sets for the gift boxes and tell the there will be no more and why


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## SquidgeWA (Apr 28, 2015)

I have encountered just the same thing here where I live. One woman likes to run everything (and direct all the credit to herself). Before I knew the "lay of the land" I volunteered to be the residents' association secretary. This woman and her cadre of 4 followers made my time utterly miserable. I chose to ignore the anonymous harrassment, greet everyone cordially, and get on with it. But when an impending surgery allowed me to resign, I did so. Over the past year, I have been asked, even begged, to resume the job. NOT ON YOUR NELLY! Madame has succeeded in her goal to become President, and her cadre have become her officers. Except for the position of secretary. Nobody will do it. And the residents' group is dying on the vine.

Dearheart, I would send a letter to the group at large: Tell them exactly why you are directing your efforts and donations elsewhere, and exactly who inspired you to do so.


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> Just to let you all know I an now going to be knitting for a food bank that also gives out clothing items . My neighbour who is a social worker also said yes please , apparently she has wanted to ask if I will knit for a couple of family shelters that she visits since she saw my knitting but thought I had enough to deal with but knitting helps so we have agreed I'll start knitting for the shelters too
> So I'm happy and can continue my knitting and tomorrow I will take the two sets for the gift boxes and tell the there will be no more and why


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Maybe this was meant to happen to give you a little push towards where you needed to be with your talents and love.


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## henhouse2011 (Feb 20, 2011)

If you don't speak up you are enabling her to continue her bossy, unreasonable ways. The other ladies might not even know she pulled such a trick and wonder where the yarn disappeared. The whole reason for a charity is to SHARE. Maybe you all need a rule, bring in finished item before you take yarn for a new one.


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## fisherwoman (Feb 24, 2012)

My Dad was a WISE man from Clarksburg, Va.

He always tried to instill in me that, "I must always speak up or people will walk all over me", and his words live in me today.

You should do the same. NEVER let some 'big mouth' know-it-all (no nothing) get the better of you!

Fisherwoman


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

I would find another charity.

How very rude she was.


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## yorkie1 (Sep 5, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> Just to let you all know I an now going to be knitting for a food bank that also gives out clothing items . My neighbour who is a social worker also said yes please , apparently she has wanted to ask if I will knit for a couple of family shelters that she visits since she saw my knitting but thought I had enough to deal with but knitting helps so we have agreed I'll start knitting for the shelters too
> So I'm happy and can continue my knitting and tomorrow I will take the two sets for the gift boxes and tell the there will be no more and why


 CONGRATULATION! So glad to hear what you're going to do.

:lol: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

She sounds very selfish, not at all charitable


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## jzx330 (Oct 11, 2013)

I agree find another group. There are plenty of groups and services thru local hospitals and schools that need knitted things.


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## PatriciaDF (Jan 29, 2011)

I would have told her in a nice way that another person told me to check out the yarn and that is what I was doing. Her rudeness should not be dismissed. She should be made aware that her behavior is uncalled for.


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## tired n' cranky (Aug 2, 2011)

Personally, I would let the bully know just what you think of her uncharitable behavior. Then I would let others know exactly why they have lost your skill to another deserving charity. Chin up, we're on your side!


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## hersh (Nov 7, 2011)

Joan H said:


> Move on to another charity. This lady thinks she is in charge and the other ladies are LETTING her think so, therefore she is in charge, rightly or wrongly, she is in charge. Therefore the group is not in a healthy structure at this time and all you will receive for your efforts will be grief. Don't do this to yourself, find a charity that is "working smoothly, or properly, and put your efforts there.


The best advice yet. Too many folk are terrified to lead & or be without a leader most especially as we age. The group is not a healthy bunch, turmoil & undercurrents. Please move on.


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## JennieG (Jul 17, 2011)

You might also ask her "if somebody donated money to buy yarn for charity work, would you give that to your friend?"


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

Get away from that woman. don't let her bully you. Dang I have had to set some people straight at the senior center.


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## diana999 (Mar 24, 2011)

omg find another one or just donate yourself , she is a idiot i really hate people like that


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

hersh said:


> The best advice yet. Too many folk are terrified to lead & or be without a leader most especially as we age. The group is not a healthy bunch, turmoil & undercurrents. Please move on.


Tomorrow is the last time I will be there I've finished the little ugg set and will deliver both sets as promised and I will say exactly why I won't be donating anything else to there charity and once I've finished my last Christmas gift I will start knitting for my 2 new charities and hopefully try making some baby blankets/ shawls


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

I had donated some items I made to an abuse shelter and when I was being harassed so bad I called to see if I could spend a night or two there. The woman was so damned rude I vowed never to give them anything else. There are many charities out looking for donations.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

Swedenme said:


> Tomorrow is the last time I will be there I've finished the little ugg set and will deliver both sets as promised and I will say exactly why I won't be donating anything else to there charity and once I've finished my last Christmas gift I will start knitting for my 2 new charities and hopefully try making some baby blankets/ shawls


Excellent! Hope your new groups work out better, and please make sure that your old group understands why you're leaving. That will give them some food for thought.


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## LadyBug 2014 (Nov 28, 2014)

First I would find out who is really in charge, and tell that person what happened. If you don't get any satisfaction then be sure to let the charity know why you won't be helping them any more. Hope you got the name of that ungrateful B----. Good Luck


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## 104439 (Nov 6, 2013)

Just another thought for anyone who does charity work. Here
in my town we have a bunch of ladies who do nothing but make
hats and mittens for lower income schools so that they can
give them out to kids who come to school consistently without any winter wear. The teachers can give them out
without making a big deal of it. - Oh, when you came to school
this morning it was so nice, but now there's 4 inches of 
snow on the ground. We don't want you to get cold. etc


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

Joan H said:


> Move on to another charity. This lady thinks she is in charge and the other ladies are LETTING her think so, therefore she is in charge, rightly or wrongly, she is in charge. Therefore the group is not in a healthy structure at this time and all you will receive for your efforts will be grief. Don't do this to yourself, find a charity that is "working smoothly, or properly, and put your efforts there.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: I agree with every word of this. Move on to another charity, but let them know why.


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## st1tch (Dec 13, 2011)

I'm sorry but that woman wants putting very firmly in her place.


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## yanagi (Jul 7, 2013)

If it had been me, I'd have given her a good cussing. But ... that's neither here nor there. Find another charity to knit for. I wouldn't even bother to tell them why, just leave. (I'm in a bad mood over stuff like this. I knitted for a charity for years. After the new secretary took over nothing I did was ever just right. I just left. )


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## sam0767 (Jun 20, 2012)

Swedenme said:


> Tomorrow is the last time I will be there I've finished the little ugg set and will deliver both sets as promised and I will say exactly why I won't be donating anything else to there charity and once I've finished my last Christmas gift I will start knitting for my 2 new charities and hopefully try making some baby blankets/ shawls


😊😊😊


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## sam0767 (Jun 20, 2012)

lainey_h said:


> Excellent! Hope your new groups work out better, and please make sure that your old group understands why you're leaving. That will give them some food for thought.


And I would make sure she is there when you explain the reason why and that she hears you.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look
> Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers
> And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong
> I couldn't get out of there quick enough
> I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


I'd pick saying something to this "lady" plus finding another charity. If nothing is said, the "lady" will feel free to do the same to some other person. If there are no consequences, bad behavior at any age is likely to continue.


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## imalulu (May 19, 2013)

Say something...don't allow yourself to be treated that way.


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## not enough yarn (May 29, 2012)

Only read half the responses and I ask you is the yarn she said was for the friend going to do charity work with it or just keep it for herself? The other women should of spoke up also. I would start a new group as you are never going to be happy dealing with a person like this. You will always be on edge wait for more bossiness from her and in the end it will not be an enjoyable place to want to come or be. Merry Christmas and Happy New group to you!


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## ELareau (Nov 4, 2012)

The woman who thinks she's in charge is a bully, and the other women are letting her bully them as well as you.

Someone (you) needs to stand up to her - especially if you enjoy knitting for the charity.

I hope you won't let her run you off.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

ELareau said:


> The woman who thinks she's in charge is a bully, and the other women are letting her bully them as well as you.
> 
> Someone (you) needs to stand up to her - especially if you enjoy knitting for the charity.
> 
> I hope you won't let her run you off.


Another thought: perhaps you should have asked to see her receipt proving that she had the authority to give the yarn to her friend.....


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## Jenny E (Sep 5, 2011)

I am so looking forward to hearing how you got on at the meeting today.
There is one in every group. sigh..
I wanted to leave a group because of a bossy self appointed leader without making a fuss. So said I was not able to stay with the group due to being overly busy. Hmmm... was told not to leave, not to cut myself off, just come when I could, etc. I was made to feel my decision was wrong and foolish. So I just smiled and said thank you. Got home, told DH and we both laughed as he said, you won't be going back will you ? Never a truer word spoken.
Good luck for today.

Life is too short to put up with stuff that we don't need in our lives.


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## jlschulke (Mar 19, 2011)

Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again

That "lady" ain't no lady.


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## Moisey (Mar 17, 2013)

It wouldn't hurt to advise them that if the lid of the case
had chopped down on your fingers (which are precious for
knitting) and cut them, you would be suing the group for your medical expenses and pain & suffering and inability to do your craft which is donated to charity. That might just give them a bit of a scare to make sure it doesn't happen again!
We are all now waiting with baited breath to hear what happens. Please do advise us.
Thank-you
Moisey


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## hppysvn (Jan 2, 2015)

Find a womens clinic and talk to the office manager and ask if the dr's or midwives would like knitted donations to gift their newborn babies. My daughter is a midwife and loves giving the things that I knit to the new baby. Most moms are elated to receive them. I usually make newborn cocoons and hats.


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## lyndamae (Apr 23, 2012)

There are people like her in every organization...donèt let someone like her derail you on your mission. The ones in need you are helping will suffer. Be strong and realize that you were in your right as you were told to go help yourself. That woman is totally in the wrong. Show her how to be Charitable with a smile. You dont need to deal with her and if she continues to Bully talk to someone. Or try to establish something with others help that would make you and others feel comfortable doing such good work. Dont let her win because others will loss. You are a great lady help quide her to kindness.


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look
> Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers
> And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong
> I couldn't get out of there quick enough
> I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


What disgusting behaviour from that horrible woman. No doubt she didn't give you a chance to explain. Go to another group and get away from her unpleasant attitude. I'm sure you would be made welcome.


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## LunaDragon (Sep 8, 2012)

Do the other ladies even know where the yarn is going? As a group should they all not be able to decide whom receives the yarn? Even if she was the leader she still should have to answer to the others as a leader can only lead those who are willing to follow. They may not want their donated yarn to go to her friend.


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## justanoldgirl (Feb 18, 2015)

I am sure that this woman is a twin to the one I had the problem with. The one here although she has been confronted with the situation takes no responsibilities for her behaviour. Over 16 women left the group in 5 years and all because of her bullying and this was supposed to be a support group. I am so glad you are going to move on to something else.


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## cheron16 (Apr 8, 2011)

We have someone in are group like that ,wants to be boss over the yarn .


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## gypsie (May 28, 2011)

I would leave and never go back. That's just me though.


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## Dodie R. (Aug 12, 2014)

Another thought, there is usually a battered wives and children's shelter. They often get out of the house with only the clothes on there backs. I gave several afghans to our a few years back and they were thrilled.


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## Joan H (Nov 28, 2012)

Swedenme said:


> Just to let you all know I an now going to be knitting for a food bank that also gives out clothing items . My neighbour who is a social worker also said yes please , apparently she has wanted to ask if I will knit for a couple of family shelters that she visits since she saw my knitting but thought I had enough to deal with but knitting helps so we have agreed I'll start knitting for the shelters too
> So I'm happy and can continue my knitting and tomorrow I will take the two sets for the gift boxes and tell the there will be no more and why


I am proud of you and your willingness to empower yourself by standing up for yourself and moving on. I detect a bit of the KP backbone in you!!!!! Wonderful!!!!!!!!


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## vershi (Nov 25, 2012)

Swedenme said:


> Just to let you all know I an now going to be knitting for a food bank that also gives out clothing items . My neighbour who is a social worker also said yes please , apparently she has wanted to ask if I will knit for a couple of family shelters that she visits since she saw my knitting but thought I had enough to deal with but knitting helps so we have agreed I'll start knitting for the shelters too
> So I'm happy and can continue my knitting and tomorrow I will take the two sets for the gift boxes and tell the there will be no more and why


I am so glad, I hope she takes note too, I will have to approach my food bank as I have lots of baby stuff ready. Let us know how you get on.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

My thought is calmly and rather quietly tell her in front of the others in the group that you were taken aback previously but that you expect to be treated as courteously as she would wish to be treated, especially as it was a church related group. Then calmly take you seat and continue with the group at least for that meeting. I suspect that she has bullied the others in the group and your demanding courtesy may help them stand up to her. At the end of that meeting you can decide if you wish to continue or not. If you decide to leave, I would tell the person who apologized to you and possibly the priest/pastor of the church why you quit the group. Then find another group that is more congenial.

I just read that you had moved on, good for you. If you are friends with any one in the group you might consider letting them know what you are excited by now knitting for different charities. I suspect that this woman has bullied others and the group has made allowances saying in effect that, "that is just Jane (for example). Knowing that she has caused the loss of a member may be enough for they to stand up to her in the future.


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## samdog13 (May 24, 2014)

you are knitting for charity and do not deserve to be bullied. It is the groups' loss if and when you leave; find some more congenial company.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

samdog13 said:


> You go, girl! Do not let this woman upset you. You will feel better if you tell her how you feel. You may get an apology or a stiff necked response but stand up to her anyway. Then decide whether to continue with this charity or find another deserving outlet for your talent.


I'm getting ready to go now and it should be interesting as another lady reported her behaviour and she has been told to ap opologise 
We' ll see


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

This is a very sad idea, so I apologize, but I've seen other threads where people are knitting for babies born asleep. It's sad because the babies are not living, but it's so important to the parents. Would you consider something like that?


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## sam0767 (Jun 20, 2012)

Anxiously awaiting what happens.


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## morningdew (Oct 2, 2012)

not only did that lady bully you,the others allowed her to get away with it,she had no business whatsoever on deciding who should be the recipient of the wool.i would find somewhere else with decent people also i would write a letter fully explaining the reason why you are no longer going back,if you really like baby knitting have a look at Lisas stars,they have a facebook page and co-ordinators in different areas. good luck whatever you decide,


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## sylviaelliott (May 11, 2011)

why dont you knit for your local hospital baby unit. they are really grateful for anything you may knit. especially little cardies and hats for the premmies.
pity you didnt stand up to the woman there and then and ask her exactly who she was going to give the wool to and if she was in the group.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

lainey_h said:


> This is a very sad idea, so I apologize, but I've seen other threads where people are knitting for babies born asleep. It's sad because the babies are not living, but it's so important to the parents. Would you consider something like that?


It is a good charity but to sad for me just now as both my husband and son are seriously ill and at the moment we are just taking one day at a time and determined to be happy and enjoy life


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

I went and donated the 2 sets and the lady had a word with me and asked if I would accept her apology and take a bag of yarn , but I told her no I wouldn't accept her apology as she didn't really give one . Told me she was outspoken always had been and always would be and that she hadn't realised that she had upset me . I told her that only people I care about have the power to upset me and that she wasn't outspoken but a bully and I don't have to put up with any form of bullying so no I wouldn't accept her apology and I didn't need the yarn either. Told the other ladies I would not be donating anything else and left before I said something I would regret 

Just like to say thank you ladies and gentlemen for all your encouragement and advice just proves that kp is still a great friendly place to visit and I for one will keep joining in 
Sonja


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## morningdew (Oct 2, 2012)

Swedenme said:


> I went and donated the 2 sets and the lady had a word with me and asked if I would accept her apology and take a bag of yarn , but I told her no I wouldn't accept her apology as she didn't really give one . Told me she was outspoken always had been and always would be and that she hadn't realised that she had upset me . I told her that only people I care about have the power to upset me and that she wasn't outspoken but a bully and I don't have to put up with any form of bullying so no I wouldn't accept her apology and I didn't need the yarn either. Told the other ladies I would not be donating anything else and left before I said something I would regret
> 
> Just like to say thank you ladies and gentlemen for all your encouragement and advice just proves that kp is still a great friendly place to visit and I for one will keep joining in
> Sonja


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Joan H (Nov 28, 2012)

Congrats Sonja, you maintained your empowerment without upping hers. Way to go. And I am especially proud that you are moving on from the group. Your demonstartion of strength is a tribute to you.


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## jlschulke (Mar 19, 2011)

Sonja, I am so proud of you!!! Way to go, Girl!!! Keep on being strong. God loves you.
Jackie


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> I went and donated the 2 sets and the lady had a word with me and asked if I would accept her apology and take a bag of yarn , but I told her no I wouldn't accept her apology as she didn't really give one . Told me she was outspoken always had been and always would be and that she hadn't realised that she had upset me . I told her that only people I care about have the power to upset me and that she wasn't outspoken but a bully and I don't have to put up with any form of bullying so no I wouldn't accept her apology and I didn't need the yarn either. Told the other ladies I would not be donating anything else and left before I said something I would regret
> 
> Just like to say thank you ladies and gentlemen for all your encouragement and advice just proves that kp is still a great friendly place to visit and I for one will keep joining in
> Sonja


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: 
Good for you! Life is to short for rude people here and in real life.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

Excellent ending to a bad situation. Maybe now she'll think twice before being so outspoken, and you can move on to a group where your efforts will be appreciated.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> I went and donated the 2 sets and the lady had a word with me and asked if I would accept her apology and take a bag of yarn , but I told her no I wouldn't accept her apology as she didn't really give one . Told me she was outspoken always had been and always would be and that she hadn't realised that she had upset me . I told her that only people I care about have the power to upset me and that she wasn't outspoken but a bully and I don't have to put up with any form of bullying so no I wouldn't accept her apology and I didn't need the yarn either. Told the other ladies I would not be donating anything else and left before I said something I would regret
> 
> Just like to say thank you ladies and gentlemen for all your encouragement and advice just proves that kp is still a great friendly place to visit and I for one will keep joining in
> Sonja


I really like how you handled this unpleasant experience. Congratulations!!


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## vershi (Nov 25, 2012)

SAMkewel said:


> I really like how you handled this unpleasant experience. Congratulations!!


I do too, hope all goes well for you with the new charities.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Thank you everyone . It's been nice reading and chatting with you all


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## yanagi (Jul 7, 2013)

Swedenme said:


> I went and donated the 2 sets and the lady had a word with me and asked if I would accept her apology and take a bag of yarn , but I told her no I wouldn't accept her apology as she didn't really give one . Told me she was outspoken always had been and always would be and that she hadn't realised that she had upset me . I told her that only people I care about have the power to upset me and that she wasn't outspoken but a bully and I don't have to put up with any form of bullying so no I wouldn't accept her apology and I didn't need the yarn either. Told the other ladies I would not be donating anything else and left before I said something I would regret.
> 
> Just like to say thank you ladies and gentlemen for all your encouragement and advice just proves that kp is still a great friendly place to visit and I for one will keep joining in
> Sonja


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: Good for you.


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## wendyirene (Jul 2, 2013)

Well done. I think you handled that so well. Hope your new charity appreciates your efforts.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

wendyirene said:


> Well done. I think you handled that so well. Hope your new charity appreciates your efforts.


Thank you . I can't wait to get started but I really must finish socks for my DIL first . I don't think she will appreciate an I.O.U on one sock as part of her Christmas box


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

Very classy on your part. Bravo.



Swedenme said:


> I went and donated the 2 sets and the lady had a word with me and asked if I would accept her apology and take a bag of yarn , but I told her no I wouldn't accept her apology as she didn't really give one . Told me she was outspoken always had been and always would be and that she hadn't realised that she had upset me . I told her that only people I care about have the power to upset me and that she wasn't outspoken but a bully and I don't have to put up with any form of bullying so no I wouldn't accept her apology and I didn't need the yarn either. Told the other ladies I would not be donating anything else and left before I said something I would regret
> 
> Just like to say thank you ladies and gentlemen for all your encouragement and advice just proves that kp is still a great friendly place to visit and I for one will keep joining in
> Sonja


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

Very classy on your part. Bravo.



Swedenme said:


> I went and donated the 2 sets and the lady had a word with me and asked if I would accept her apology and take a bag of yarn , but I told her no I wouldn't accept her apology as she didn't really give one . Told me she was outspoken always had been and always would be and that she hadn't realised that she had upset me . I told her that only people I care about have the power to upset me and that she wasn't outspoken but a bully and I don't have to put up with any form of bullying so no I wouldn't accept her apology and I didn't need the yarn either. Told the other ladies I would not be donating anything else and left before I said something I would regret
> 
> Just like to say thank you ladies and gentlemen for all your encouragement and advice just proves that kp is still a great friendly place to visit and I for one will keep joining in
> Sonja


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## Jenny E (Sep 5, 2011)

WOW!! You were very brave. I bet you are feeling really good now. I feel good for you.  If I had half your courage I'd be very happy. 
Happy knitting for your new found charities.


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## RV living (Jan 6, 2015)

It's sad that this happened to you by a lady in a church charity. Not very church lady like. It is people like that which is the reason those who do not go to church look at and use them as a reason to not want to be a hypocrite and attend church.
I would definitely say something to her, but kill her with kindness and let her know that of anyone to treat you like that you least expected it to be someone who proclaims themselves a christian. Not very Christ like.


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## TarLanding (Feb 6, 2014)

When we moved to our current home, I gave loads of scarfs to the craft group in the neighborhood and when I asked how much they sold for ($ to go to a charity) I was told the members liked them and purchased them.They paid $2 or $3 . I was livid because almost all of them knitted or crocheted and they knew the cost of yarn.

I found some churches in the area and give to them for their fund raising craft
fairs. I know the $ is used for soup kitchens or food banks.

I should have said something but was new to the area and relunctant. I would
say something now.

I too should have said something


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## Britty43 (Jan 8, 2012)

Well done..handled politely and to the point


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

TarLanding said:


> When we moved to our current home, I gave loads of scarfs to the craft group in the neighborhood and when I asked how much they sold for ($ to go to a charity) I was told the members liked them and purchased them.They paid $2 or $3 . I was livid because almost all of them knitted or crocheted and they knew the cost of yarn.
> 
> I found some churches in the area and give to them for their fund raising craft
> fairs. I know the $ is used for soup kitchens or food banks.
> ...


 It's because we are surprised that so called charitable people act like that 
And to shocked to know how to respond


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Britty43 said:


> Well done..handled politely and to the point


Thank you


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## phyljaf (Nov 11, 2015)

I'd find another group. Just a quick question, though: is this your church? If so, I might speak to the minister regarding the incident. Let the minister know you are not returning to the group because of this woman. It might spur the minister to have a quiet word with the self-appointed leader.


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## Maxine1944 (Jun 7, 2012)

Nancy HA has hit the nail on its head. Hard to do, but a direct and calm discussion with the "leader" is in order. You should not need to leave a group you enjoy. 

That having been said, you could enlist the help of those who told you to help yourself to explain to the "leader" that they had told you to take what you wanted.


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## Cashmeregma (Oct 15, 2012)

This lady clearly should have marked the box as not being available. Her attitude was awful and if anything she should have been apologizing for not having it marked and not letting the other people know. Totally inexcusable behavior. Takes the joy out of what should have been a wonderful day and great feeling. Your knitting is amazing and I just love these sets.


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## Cashmeregma (Oct 15, 2012)

BRAVISSIMO!! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: 

Just read the follow-up post. So proud of you.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Cashmeregma said:


> This lady clearly should have marked the box as not being available. Her attitude was awful and if anything she should have been apologizing for not having it marked and not letting the other people know. Totally inexcusable behavior. Takes the joy out of what should have been a wonderful day and great feeling. Your knitting is amazing and I just love these sets.


Thank you Cashmeregma , I donated the last set and left . I am now going to knit for two different charities so I'm happy again

Yes I was quite proud of myself to 😄


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## knitteerli (Jun 3, 2015)

I think you have to go back and let her know she was way out of line. It was not her stuff to distribute and she had no right to be so rude. I wonder if she ever had any say in the stuff you did donate, and if she decided where that went. She needs to know how to treat other volunteers, or soon there will be none.


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## NanBasKnit (Oct 4, 2013)

iblimey said:


> I would stay if you like the group. Of course you feel uncomfortable about the "bossy boots" comments. But as the yarn was donated to the group, and you are part of the group, then you are entitled to the yarn. You are needed and so is your work and kindness. BB has no business giving the yarn to a friend when it was given to your charity group. Knit, knit, knit and the time will come to tell her how you feel. I will come over and help if you need me to.


What a positive message you have shared. It's no fun being bullied out of a group.....the right time will come for you to mention to her how she made you feel. 
A friend of mine is a well known speaker in the human resources industry. She coaches staff on how to handle problems such as these on a managerial level. She would say to "go right to the root of the "problem person" and be direct, yet kind in letting them know just what kind of effect their actions have had." I'd come and support you, too, if I could. 
There will always be bullies and mean spirited people. Sometimes if they understand how hurtful they can be, they actually change their behavior.


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## ltcmomky (Aug 22, 2013)

That was a very rude thing for her to do and say. Our minister recently quoted Francis Chan in a sermon ..
"Christians are like manure: spread them out and they help things grow better, but keep them in one big pile and they stink horribly". 

Sounds like that bossy pants has been in that pile a little too long.  

And may I ask you, what is a Fete? 

Keep doing what you do, you're doing it for the right reason and picture the face of someone getting something special made lovingly from you hands. That is a good thing! I love that hat and bootie pattern in your photo. It reminds me of those sock monkeys.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

ltcmomky said:


> That was a very rude thing for her to do and say. Our minister recently quoted Francis Chan in a sermon ..
> "Christians are like manure: spread them out and they help things grow better, but keep them in one big pile and they stink horribly".
> 
> Sounds like that bossy pants has been in that pile a little too long.
> ...


Thank you , and a fete is like a fair were people set up stalls and sell items but there are usually some other things going on there to 
I knit 20 pairs of sandals fo the charity to sell on their stall in the summer 
And 10 pair of snowmen booties for their stall in the autumn 
So I'm happy to just get back to knitting what I want to knit


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## HappieGram (Oct 31, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> I went and donated the 2 sets and the lady had a word with me and asked if I would accept her apology and take a bag of yarn , but I told her no I wouldn't accept her apology as she didn't really give one . Told me she was outspoken always had been and always would be and that she hadn't realised that she had upset me . I told her that only people I care about have the power to upset me and that she wasn't outspoken but a bully and I don't have to put up with any form of bullying so no I wouldn't accept her apology and I didn't need the yarn either. Told the other ladies I would not be donating anything else and left before I said something I would regret
> 
> Just like to say thank you ladies and gentlemen for all your encouragement and advice just proves that kp is still a great friendly place to visit and I for one will keep joining in
> Sonja


Good for you!! As my brother would say, "Another bully bites the dust." 
And, for them, losing your wonderful talent is their loss and another charity's gain.
Blessings!! Your response was just right and I've learned a lot by reading this thread.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

HappieGram said:


> Good for you!! As my brother would say, "Another bully bites the dust."
> And, for them, losing your wonderful talent is their loss and another charity's gain.
> Blessings!! Your response was just right and I've learned a lot by reading this thread.


Thank you . I've enjoyed reading all the posts on this thread to


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## KnittingSquare (Sep 9, 2012)

Swedenme said:


> Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again


I would definitely tell her how much she hurt your feelings and I'm sure she's jealous of your talent


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## Cheryl_K (May 23, 2011)

Swedenme said:


> Today this lady caught me by surprise I think if I go back I would have to at least tell her never to speak to me like that again


I think you're right. Don't let one person spoil something that you love doing, and make you quit. That being said, the next time someone there offers you free yarn, check to make sure it isn't spoken for first. Some people should just work with computers exclusively.


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## mollyb44 (Nov 11, 2013)

rainie said:


> Find another charity and if anyone asks why you are not coming back - tell them. You don't have to take that kind of *&)#@.
> Do you have a home for unwed mothers, foundling home or whatever they are calling them today, somewhat close to where you live? Its nice for the babies go to their new home with a nice layette.


I donate to the maternity hospital wards. They are always looking for hats for the babies and small blankets. I will even make sweater sets for the mothers who have nothing to bring their new baby home in. Then there is DCYF or the Foster children's home, police and fire stations. When they have to go pick up children they will have something to put on them, these children will have nothing ( but abuse from parents) Make some knitted or crocheted toys to give the children to hold onto.
There are plenty of other charities out there who would love to have knit for them. Good luck


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## GA Gal (Feb 26, 2013)

People like "That rude Lady" are the reason people like me stay OUT of CHURCH groups!! I was taught that a Church is like a hospital (for sinners) - but what hospital shoots, chews up and insults its "patients"? IMHO


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## Mirror (Jun 23, 2014)

Swedenme said:


> I knit for charity . I take it to the church ladies and the items get distributed were needed . There are about 5/6 ladies in this group and one of them clearly likes to think she is in charge . A few month back they asked me to knit some sandals for a summer fete which I did , this time it was my snowmen booties for a Christmas fete which I've done and took them this morning . While there a couple of the ladies said if I wanted some yarn they had just gotten a couple of suitcases full donated go and help yourself . So with a smile on my face and a voice in my head saying no you can't take the lot I went to have a look
> Lovely yarn 3/4 balls of the same colour in different shades I'm thinking baby blankets / shawls . Next thing I know the lid is down just missing my fingers
> And the one who thinks she is in charge telling me in a very loud voice not to touch things that weren't mine . She had told a friend that she could have it . She made me feel like I had done something wrong
> I couldn't get out of there quick enough
> I did get an apology off another lady but now I don't know if I want to go back there . The trouble is I do like knitting baby things and giving them to charity . I don't know wether to just ignore the outburst or say something to this lady or find another charity


If they promised another lady and they know you knit for them , they have to share with you . But if they keeping money in there pockets they can play these tricks. It is only wool they can say take half and they can give half to her if they care the charity group .

Real groups want more knitters but some they keep good stuff for them.and family and friends then if some left they share in group that is very bad .

You can knit sell here in this group and give money to different groups .


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## Designer1234 (Aug 9, 2011)

rainie said:


> Find another charity and if anyone asks why you are not coming back - tell them. You don't have to take that kind of *&)#@.
> Do you have a home for unwed mothers, foundling home or whatever they are calling them today, somewhat close to where you live? Its nice for the babies go to their new home with a nice layette.


-----------------------------------
I changed my mind about what to post. I have had the same recent experience so I know how frustrating it is. I do know that I would act as if the group made the decision and say, "isn't there some way of sharing the yarns so it is fair to everyone who wants it , by putting two names together and drawing for it?That is what we did in our group. It seems much more fair. What are the guidelines with this group?". And see what happens. I wouldn't back down and if necessary tell her. This is only if you like the others and want to stay but aren't willing to put up with that type of treatment.

As a new member you have to tread carefully but you are in a position to act surprised and speak out as the others are obviously intimidated by her. I don't think anyone should be bullied by people in any group.

I hope you solve it and are able to stay if you wish to do so.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

Thank you for your posts . I have left this group completely and have now started knitting for two new charities


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