# Handmade gifts for those who don't appreciate them?



## Dlclose (Jun 26, 2011)

My daughter is expecting her first child soon and I have been sewing and crocheting in preparation. I have done most of her nursery materials like sheets, dust ruffle, curtains, at her request. I have also put tummy panels in slacks for her to work in and have designed a couple of maternity tops. I am crocheting and sewing baby blankets for her now. She expressed concern that I would make a lot of things she would not use. She "doesn't want all homemade clothes"! I had always thought homemade was somehow better than store bought- whether in quality or in fit. should I still do the projects I have purchased supplies for?


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## MistyBabe (May 16, 2011)

I hear ya.....I don't think any of my kids appreciated or used the things I made for the grandkids. Maybe make a few things and then wait until the child is older so they can tell you what their favorite colors are and what they would like their Grandma to make them.


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## coloursofgrace (Jul 3, 2011)

I don't think your daughter is being insensitive to your great work, sometimes they just don't realize that for you it means "I LOVE YOU" to make these clothes and other things. Don't get discouraged though I agree with Misty Babe (BTW cute puppy) and I would wait until the child is older...I can remember my own children not wanting to wear the clothes I sewed for them but then I found a way to use that material- I would involve them in my projects, sit them on my lap, while I sewed. Nothing can replace the memories of this special time. Hugs


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## KNITTEN NANA (Apr 2, 2011)

My problem is my daughter does not like the "HOMEMADE" stuff I make for her daughter, but my granddaughter does. I spend alot of time making her dresses that sit in her closet. Now that my granddaughter is 9 she tells her mom I want to wear the dress Nana made daughter rolls her eyes gives in and I just smile.


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## coloursofgrace (Jul 3, 2011)

KNITTEN NANA said:


> My problem is my daughter does not like the "HOMEMADE" stuff I make for her daughter, but my granddaughter does. I spend alot of time making her dresses that sit in her closet. Now that my granddaughter is 9 she tells her mom I want to wear the dress Nana made daughter rolls her eyes gives in and I just smile.


 Make sure you have a camera close by and take lots of pictures of your grand-daughter in your lovely creations, then when you have enough pics make a collage and frame it, then...give it to your daughter as a gift and tell her she has a beautiful daughter, and you have a precious grand-daughter!! No one gets hurt, no arguing and you will all have memories to cherish!!


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## KNITTEN NANA (Apr 2, 2011)

coloursofgrace said:


> KNITTEN NANA said:
> 
> 
> > My problem is my daughter does not like the "HOMEMADE" stuff I make for her daughter, but my granddaughter does. I spend alot of time making her dresses that sit in her closet. Now that my granddaughter is 9 she tells her mom I want to wear the dress Nana made daughter rolls her eyes gives in and I just smile.
> ...


My how we think alike. My birthday was Friday and my granddaughter would only wear a dress that I made her, so I took pictures of her in that dress and then three more I made. 
I had a babyshower for my other daughter Saturday and have made alot of knitted blankets and clothes for my new grandson and was suprised that many of the younger girls wish that their moms could knit. Just looked at the 9 year old mom and smiled.


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## jogs4201 (Jan 31, 2011)

Yep, my aunt made me things when i was around 6 yrs old, and I was embarassed to wear things that were handmade. To make matters worse, the cafeteria ladies would just rave about the workmanship....only to be further reduced to tears. However, she made my wedding gown and I loved it...only to have my daughter wear it...I only wish she could have seen her in it. Whats more, there were no alterations made to it. Incredible.


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## muppet (Mar 24, 2011)

When my daughter was pregnant, she asked for certain items and to look at my patterns, where she picked what she wanted, this way she got exactly what the baby would wear, as they got to two years old, she didn't want any more, preferring to dress the boys in fleece type jumpers and sweatshirts.
I didn't mind, it gives me a chance to make for myself or charity, then only special items, as I feel if my daughter didn't want them, some other mum may not either.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Diclose...I think your daughter is being very honest with you and is being 'up front'...for which you can be proud. Ask her if you've made enough or should make more and don't get upset at her answer. Just enjoy your daughter at this special time for both of you. There's always something else to make. Sincerely, Hildy


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## Leiasnana (Jun 15, 2011)

I didn't knit when most of my grandkids were that little, but now I can knit things for the kids after asking them what they want and even having them help decide which yarn to use (I just let them have at my stash!). This works really well, and I enjoy both the doing and the giving. I also made afghans for each of my children, and they seemed to be appreciated.

My daughter loved all the baby blankets I made for her little one (the youngest grandchild, now 5), but my oldest step-grands were sent stuff for their babies and these gifts weren't even acknowledged! So after that, I sent them store-bought.

I had a grandmother who sewed me all sorts of clothing, from coats to suits to prom dresses to my wedding gown. From the time I was old enough to ask, she always involved me in the process, and I treasured her handiwork.


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## Linda6885 (Feb 13, 2011)

Been there. She may feel you are doing too much for her and is feeling uncomfortable with so much 'good will' from you. Just ease off a bit. Remember she is a young mother-to-be- with her own ideas for what she wants for her baby. It's sooo easy to get carried away with all the cute things to do for a new baby. I have a dear, dearest best,friend since we were 14, now we just turned 60! But over the years she has made me feel uncomfortable at times. I love her dearly, but she does too much sometimes, and it makes me feel that I never would be able to repay her, even though repayment is never, has never been in question. So it may not be that she doesn't appreciate what you do, but only that you do too much for her.


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## fatganny (Feb 17, 2011)

Before I start knitting for my two grand daughters I, asked them if I knitted some baby thngs, would they use them or just let them lay and not be used. They both said that anything that I made they would love. Now I am trying to find a princess baby afghan. So far no luck. but she will love it when she does get it. LOL


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## Janet.Sar (Jun 29, 2011)

I've been through that whole thing too. For my 'first' set of grandchildren (16-18 yrs ago) I knitted everything and my daughter-in-law loved them and they were worn to threads.
My 'second' set - one grandchild, now 3yrs - I did the same, but never saw him wearing any of the things I made.
I thing it's just changed over the years - babies are little fashion accessories now and have to be clothed with brand-names to match Mum. Shame ! :-(


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## jknappva (Apr 12, 2011)

coloursofgrace said:


> I don't think your daughter is being insensitive to your great work, sometimes they just don't realize that for you it means "I LOVE YOU" to make these clothes and other things. Don't get discouraged though I agree with Misty Babe (BTW cute puppy) and I would wait until the child is older...I can remember my own children not wanting to wear the clothes I sewed for them but then I found a way to use that material- I would involve them in my projects, sit them on my lap, while I sewed. Nothing can replace the memories of this special time. Hugs


I have two grown daughters. When they were growing up, they loved the fact that I made all their clothes. They said they knew they'd never see anyone wearing clothes like theirs. They would look at pictures of what they wanted me to make and pick out the material. I'd find a suitable pattern and make it. They loved it and still remark about it now all these years later.
JuneK


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

My son's first wife was a real "pill", she wanted me to make things for their daughter, then never took care of anything. I was in the process of moving from Chicago to Colorado (I'm single) and she called me asking me to make her mother a sweater like the one I made her...needless to say I was a little put off. Worse yet when I got here I found the sweater I had made my daughter in law..had a HUGE red wine stain on it..never knitted a thing for her again. The divorce didn't break my heart either!


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## pam henderson (Jun 24, 2011)

you seem to have made alot of things for this new baby maybe you could give some to a group that helps mothers that are finding life hard im sure you would have a nice warm feeling by doing that and the mums would love it


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## rosaposa13 (May 11, 2011)

My mother made my daughter a lovely baby rug out of yarn that I selected (the color)in a peach/cream color. she made matching dress, bonnets and bootees.I kept one bag of stuff from her babyhood to keep for her children. Even those these have been well worn and used she will never have that handmade by Grandma stuff again. She looks forward to using it on her kids in the future. My sister on the other hand didn't want hand knits and when she got them put them through the washing machine and killed them. I guess you just have to find someone that wants them or make for the grandchildren when they are old enough to want hand knits.


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## katminder (Jul 5, 2011)

I, too, knitted many things for my first granddaughter. And, again, found she didn't wear any of them. My daughter was helping the DIL clean out for Goodwill and found the goodies. She swept them all up and is saving them for her children. My oldest daughter is expecting her first daughter, called the other morning with the news of a dreams she'd had... "I dreamed I was bringing the baby home in a little pink hat, sweater, and booties, just like the ones my doll had!" I gleefully took a pic of the pink hat and booties I had made for her along with the pink yarn for the sweater! She was thrilled! By the way, my sister's boys range from 26-14, all beg for slippers and hats every Christmas, I need to get started right now!


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

I knitted a lot of my grandchildren's jumpers and cardigans as they lived in Leura which is one of the coldest spots in the Blue Mountains and alas she did not take good care of washing them so my hard work was wasted. My mother knitted a lot of baby jackets for her also, for her great-grandchildren and again when they moved she was in hospital having no 3 and I had to pack up the garage and found nearly all my mother's knitted garments on the floor ruined but I managed to save a few items but don't know where they went. Blue Mountains Australia


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## bythesea1207 (Jan 14, 2011)

Absolutely finish what you are working on! Homemade knitting and crocheting last a lifetime, store bought items wear so quickly. If your daughter is adamant about not using what wonderful things you have made for her, send them off to charities, whose recipients will love them forever! 

My children felt the same way, but as they have matured, they love the knitted scarves and hats, sweaters included. 

My mother was an AVID knitter and a highly professional working woman. I cherish the items she knitted and crocheted, and each time I use them, I feel my mother closer to me, and when I knit and crochet I give thanks to her for giving me the knowledge of these incredible arts.

Don't feel bad about your daughter's attitude, there are so many charities for children who are cold and need those incredible blankets and hats and they will truly love them.

Patricia duMont Ford, PhD
[email protected]


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## biltong (Jun 3, 2011)

My mother made all our clothes and all of her own too. She made all of our wedding dresses and all the bridesmaid dresses too. When my SIL had a baby girl I made a beautiful hand smocked dress. I was informed that their family didn't wear homemade clothes! I was too young and stupid to ask for the dress back!


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## cevers (Jul 8, 2011)

I understand. For my 3 year old granddaughter, I make things that I actually want to make as well as the things that she and her mother want. If they call some of them "float dresses" (as in a parade), then I am not bereft because I know I wanted to make them. Once I knitted a blanket that I knew my daughter would not like, and I knew my granddaughter would like it, and I was right. I quit making things for some grandchildren who had no appreciation for the things I was making, and I struggle to find the right things to make for some other grandchildren. We feel our way through this and find what works for us.


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## heffernb (May 30, 2011)

My mother sewed many of my clothes when I was a child and I did NOT like them. But I could not tell her that. My sister knit sweaters for her grandchildren without asking first. Then one came along and she did not get around to knitting for that one and her daughter in law was upset that she did not. But prior to that my sister had the impression that the first sweaters were not appreciated - so you never really know. Anyway, I agree with the advice to do what your daughter agrees to and be glad she is comfortable enough to let you know that she does not want some things. Then spend your time knitting for charity. I do that and it is very rewarding.


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## sasvermont (Mar 3, 2011)

You need to "perform" in front of the right audience, my dear. This is a very basic lesson I learned (and still don't always get right) years ago. 

I have a lovely niece who's baby girl received, from me, hundreds of dollars worth of new, nicely made baby clothes from baby boutiques in my city. We are not talking Kmart or Costco like clothes. Just lovely, current fashion and up scale for sure. 

I went to visit with my niece about three years after sending/spending the years of gifts only to find them hanging in the closet with tags still on them. In one case, I had sent the same dress, twice, in different sizes. (Oskosh, pink striped dress)...

I knitted a sweater, never saw one photo of it on the child. I am sure it went in the Goodwill box. 

My niece has different taste than I do. She would rather put a store bought princess thing on her child along with stretchy pants that cost $4. So there you go. Different strokes for different folks.

I found a couple of young mothers in my town who love handmade baby clothes. They get my handmade sweaters etc. I just recently sent a girl I don't even know, a sweater and hat I made. The girl is the daughter of a friend's friend.... I don't even know her last name. I am sure I will get a thank you note, as this young lady just loves handmade things and appreciates the quality and time it took to make it/them.

So, here's the lesson: In life, you need to perform in front of a receptive audience. It's like making the world's best peach pie for someone who doesn't like peaches!

SOME kids today just never learned that sometimes one needs to bend one's thinking to accomodate friends, relatives etc. and put appreciation before a simple desire to look like the other child and not a special look of your own. I learned that years ago, from my Mom, but somehow some folks failed to pass it on. My Mom made a few dresses for me and I loved them. They were one of a kind and very special. I felt special when I wore them. I can still recall the colors, style etc. 50 years later.

I have attached a photo of a sweater set I made for my nephew's new child. I have yet to receive a thank you note and I am just sure the sweater will NEVER be put on the child. I was testing the water and again, learned that these folks could care less about handmade sweaters, hats, mittens/socks. Will I ever learn?

Looking for a new audience! LOL!


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## Star58 (Apr 6, 2011)

The only time I knit or crochet anything for my family is for a special occasion, usually Christmas. I then choose one or two relatives to make something for. Last year I knitted a prayer shawl for my stepmother complete with a prayer card. She loved it. She may not wear it but she will cherish it as something her daugthter made especially for her. I find that if I do it this way, I usually get requests. They want to see who I make something for this year. Try not to overdo for your family. Small gifts for friends and neighbors are appreciated more. For example my supervisor collects snowmen. I made her one as a secret santa and she sets it out every year. Remember the sayings "Too much of a good thing" and "supply and demant". People will beg for you to make something for them.


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## cathy47 (Jun 6, 2011)

Dlclose said:


> My daughter is expecting her first child soon and I have been sewing and crocheting in preparation. I have done most of her nursery materials like sheets, dust ruffle, curtains, at her request. I have also put tummy panels in slacks for her to work in and have designed a couple of maternity tops. I am crocheting and sewing baby blankets for her now. She expressed concern that I would make a lot of things she would not use. She "doesn't want all homemade clothes"! I had always thought homemade was somehow better than store bought- whether in quality or in fit. should I still do the projects I have purchased supplies for?


Does this all sound familuar? Big time. So here is what I would do and I do do. All the materials you have to make more baby items with. Make them and put them away. You can stash them for another baby taht comes along. You can give them to a charity. Either way they will be used. As for the daughter that seems to think your doing to much...she is in for a surprise. I have a family memeber that whinnes because she doens't have money to get clothes and shoes for her kids so I get busy and make clothes for them..I send them and never ever one word of thank you. So now I make things they go directly to people Iknow will appreciate them.


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## dfarrell23 (Apr 17, 2011)

Absolutely! Then ask her to identify which things she doesn't think she will use, and donate them to a hospital, charity, etc. And then narrow down what you choose to do for her to those she will likely use. It is hard for her to know yet what she will actually use. And the deal is that new moms are often dressing their babies like small people rather than babies.... she may have a style in mind that doesn't incorporate the sort of things you are doing. Be flexible, and it will all work out!


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## Craftydesign (Jul 8, 2011)

For what it's worth....yes, I would make the stuff up & let her choose what she likes the look of then what ever's left sell it & either keep the money to recover your outlay & time or give the proceeds to your local hospital's special care baby unit or some other charity. Just a thought, up to you.xx


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## cathy47 (Jun 6, 2011)

sasvermont said:


> You need to "perform" in front of the right audience, my dear. This is a very basic lesson I learned (and still don't always get right) years ago.
> 
> I have a lovely niece who's baby girl received, from me, hundreds of dollars worth of new, nicely made baby clothes from baby boutiques in my city. We are not talking Kmart or Costco like clothes. Just lovely, current fashion and up scale for sure.
> 
> ...


Your audience is out there, there are the womens shelters, there are other groups that would love to have these items. I would also get hold of your local hospitals I am sure they know of how to donate these things.

Love that outfit. And the baby bet it doen't eat much. ;-)

This generation one day might wake up and appreciate things.. you think :?:


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## jelun (Jan 26, 2011)

People seem to be taking a pretty sensible approach in this thread, but, the subject has become pretty heated in the past. 
I always have to smile when I go from a thread about people not appreciating our work to one in which folks admit that they are addicted.
It certainly is nice when people appreciate our work. 
Isn't the truth, though, that we would/will knit because we do it for our enjoyment and therapy?


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## Topsy (May 7, 2011)

Linda6885 said:


> Been there. She may feel you are doing too much for her and is feeling uncomfortable with so much 'good will' from you. Just ease off a bit. Remember she is a young mother-to-be- with her own ideas for what she wants for her baby. It's sooo easy to get carried away with all the cute things to do for a new baby. I have a dear, dearest best,friend since we were 14, now we just turned 60! But over the years she has made me feel uncomfortable at times. I love her dearly, but she does too much sometimes, and it makes me feel that I never would be able to repay her, even though repayment is never, has never been in question. So it may not be that she doesn't appreciate what you do, but only that you do too much for her.


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## NanaCaren (May 17, 2011)

When my ex-daughter in law was expecting I asked her if she would wear homemade clothes. She told me she would only wear them if it came from her family, not me. It hurt but I resected her. My son to this day is hurt because I made sweaters, ect.. for all the lather grandkids except his. I now make them small things for christmas. His oldest told me that he is now too old for mittens but, gloves are very good.


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## Topsy (May 7, 2011)

I think you have really hit the nail on the head, Linda. Even though it's her mother making the things, she may feel overwhelmed wondering what (if anything) may be expected of her in return. (And probably nothing is.)

When my own children were little and my husband and I didn't have very much, the kids grandparents were always gifting them with extravagant gifts. I should have been happy that someone could get them these things but I wanted to be the one to give them their heart's desire. I was the mom and wanted to be in control.

I think a little patience and time will help resolve this, especially if you are willing to ease off a bit, Diclose.


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## dfarrell23 (Apr 17, 2011)

Reminds me of my mother's story about my dress. A friend hand smocked it, and she treasured it. Then she shared it with a SIL for the niece and when it was outgrown, the SIL threw it out! My mother still aches about it!


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## Carolyn Tilove (Mar 10, 2011)

I have asked myself the same thing over the years - some things Clearly appreciated - others - Really not. I have had to face that I make MANY of these things for my pleasure - my image of what a grandmother is - my delight in my creativity and my "goodness" as a grand mother - and for the praises you get at showers or from family members. I really had trouble not making something - when I realized the things I was making weren't being used. Which is when I knew I was doing it for me - or for some image of what I wanted to be true. And liket he other wise ladies have said - when we can accept and let go of our notion of what we want it to be - it often shows up in another person or another time - the perfect match of our giving and someone else's receiving - and vice versa! I love what the lady said when she said - congratulations - you have raised a daughter who is able to be honest with you - and trusts you to respect her differences. Bravo. Carolyn


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

Sometimes it takes trial and error to find out who appreciates hand made items and who does not. I only make things for people who I know will appreciate them.

I made my former mother-in-law a quilt and matching pillow shams, which she loved. When she passed away she was living in a semi assisted facility and her bed was too small for the quilt...she kept the set though. I made sure my sister-in-law got the set as I knew she would love it and take care of it. In time, my sister-in-law gave the set to her son when he got his first apartment. It still thrills me that 3 generations enjoyed that set (which no doubt has fallen apart by now).

I agree with the poster who said "you have to pick your audience". Generally I knit for a select group of people, a few old friends, one coworker, my aunt and uncle, grand daughter, a cousin and my son. I have another cousin who I just buy yarn for, she's an excellent knitter.


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## mamaw (Jul 4, 2011)

MistyBabe said:


> I hear ya.....I don't think any of my kids appreciated or used the things I made for the grandkids. Maybe make a few things and then wait until the child is older so they can tell you what their favorite colors are and what they would like their Grandma to make them.


Good advice.


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## flohel (Jan 24, 2011)

I am lucky My daughters just love anything I make for my grandchildren. I have a grand daughter who works for a big fashion designer just loves anything I knit for her.


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## gothicmuse (May 12, 2011)

I think sometimes people feel like handmade clothing items are "too special" to be worn, worrying that they will be torn or stained by themselves or the child, sometimes.

In that case, perhaps photos of the child in the item will serve both better.

Then again, I find that fewer and fewer people I know clamour for handmade stuff. I guess if I put it on Etsy and they buy it from me there, they would feel "better" about it??? 

Sigh.

Jo


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## SDKATE57 (Feb 9, 2011)

I don't know if having boys makes a difference here...but I'll put in my 10 cents on how I know my dil feels. Most of the girls haven't learned to knit, sew or crochet. They don't know the meaning or intrinsic value of hand crafted --- not homemade. They look at homemade and think cheap and no one they know wears or has homemade. So they thank you and put it on the back shelf. My own mother tried to teach me the importance of knitting, hand crafting etc and I didn't really learn until I was in my 30's...that was a LONG time ago. I'd make the things and if your daughter doesn't want or like the baby things there are many shelters, single parents, or babies waiting to be adopted who would love to have your beautiful work...yea your own isn't going to be wearing your work, but someone who appreciates it will. And you will have helped someone who wanted your things. Good luck....


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## lpeni (May 9, 2011)

I have a daughter who loves "anything" that I make. I just don't make enough.  
However, I am making quilts for my grandsons (10, 13, 17 and 21) for Christmas and I am worried they won't like or appreciate them. My 22 yr old Granddaughter would love one and won't get one until next year as I already bought her something else.


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## biltong (Jun 3, 2011)

I met someone recently who has four children, she said she does most of her shopping for them on Etsy as the things are different.


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## BubbyJ (May 10, 2011)

Dlclose said:


> My daughter is expecting her first child soon and I have been sewing and crocheting in preparation. I have done most of her nursery materials like sheets, dust ruffle, curtains, at her request. I have also put tummy panels in slacks for her to work in and have designed a couple of maternity tops. I am crocheting and sewing baby blankets for her now. She expressed concern that I would make a lot of things she would not use. She "doesn't want all homemade clothes"! I had always thought homemade was somehow better than store bought- whether in quality or in fit. should I still do the projects I have purchased supplies for?


That is probably her hint to stop doing them. I made so much when our first grandchild was expected and my daughter-in-law said she wouldn't put them on her baby; then I got the same from my own daughter (after I'd made them), who said she wouldn't put fibres next to his skin she wanted only cotton (which I am not fond of knitting with) -- the first batch went to Australia, I'd made booties -- a pair for every day, sweaters, blankets, none were used and I have a feeling they went to charity somewhere. My daughter is here with us so whenever I babysat I put the stuff on him -- but they are like new still. (sigh) I wonder if anyone will ever appreciate handknits again? I recently made a gorgeous Norwegian sweater for a niece's baby and she said, "That's old-fashioned"...so go figure. I don't make anything for any of them any more! Not to be insulted, they just don't know the value of today's treasures...


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## Deb-Babbles (Mar 4, 2011)

Oh we all face the same problems with out children. Now I have to remind all of us that the grandchildren do come over to visit. Sometimes if you are lucky like me they stay for a few days. That is when I put them into my special made things, take pictures and know that I have done something great for them. It hurts sometimes to know that the things I make are not "what they want". Yet I know that I did my best. Somewhere, somehow, someday that will all remember and say, Why did I not want to take Mom up on her offer". Keep knitting, doll clothes are high on my next list to give to my grands. I know they will love anything I make.


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## mcguire (Feb 21, 2011)

Dlclose said:


> My daughter is expecting her first child soon and I have been sewing and crocheting in preparation. I have done most of her nursery materials like sheets, dust ruffle, curtains, at her request. I have also put tummy panels in slacks for her to work in and have designed a couple of maternity tops. I am crocheting and sewing baby blankets for her now. She expressed concern that I would make a lot of things she would not use. She "doesn't want all homemade clothes"! I had always thought homemade was somehow better than store bought- whether in quality or in fit. should I still do the projects I have purchased supplies for?


My oldest grand dtr. loved every thing I made for her. Now she wants me to send her things to put in her Photography Studio. Never hear often from the other two to know what they want. One year they did like to scarfs and took them all. Still love them !! NJ


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## LilgirlCA (Jan 22, 2011)

Dlclose said:


> My daughter is expecting her first child soon and I have been sewing and crocheting in preparation. I have done most of her nursery materials like sheets, dust ruffle, curtains, at her request. I have also put tummy panels in slacks for her to work in and have designed a couple of maternity tops. I am crocheting and sewing baby blankets for her now. She expressed concern that I would make a lot of things she would not use. She "doesn't want all homemade clothes"! I had always thought homemade was somehow better than store bought- whether in quality or in fit. should I still do the projects I have purchased supplies for?


There are family members that I WON'T make items for as they don't like handmade and consider the items inferior. That means that I have more for the rest of the family and myself!

If she does not want 'all homemade clothes' then stop BUT don't go out and spend your money buying store brought. Let her spend her own money on the junk. Keep the fabric and yarn and make items to give friends for grandchildren or to donate. There are plenty of people around who appreciate hand made


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## songbird76088 (Mar 11, 2011)

I can relate to all these stories. The only grandkids I SEW for are my 4 youngest.(10,12,14) They are very very modest and it is hard to find longer dresses (they do not wear pants or shorts) and longer coulottes so I make them for them and they love them BUT I stopped last year crocheting anything else for them. They were graciously accepting the crocheted gifts but like some of you I never saw them wear them. So I came right out and asked them and they dont like the crocheted stuff. I would rather know that than to waste all my time making it and wondering if they would like it. It is still fun for a grandma when the kids are babies and if the mother of the baby likes what you make too...My feelings were hurt for awhile but then I found that I could make stuff and sell it to people that appreciated my craft. I used to sew and crochet doll clothes for their American Girl dolls until I saw them tossed in the toy box. I made a beautiful wedding ensemble (tiara and all) all lace and beads for one of the dolls. Tossed in doll clothes box..Oh well I found out that people love to buy my AG doll clothes so now I sell what I make...


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## onesoutherngal (Jun 6, 2011)

there is a book i read once about the 5 Languages of Love...in it the author proposes that one type of person primarily expresses and feels love by acts of service...another by primarily by expressions of gifts....another by physical contact...and i can't remember the other two...anyway, I am combination of acts of service and gifting, and I have had to recognize who in my circle are too, because they are the only ones who speak my language and truly appreciate my crafting gifts

(googled it, Words of Affirmation and Spending Quality Time are the other two)


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

lpeni, don't kid yourself boys love handmade stuff! I'm the mother of sons. I kept all the window treatments (curtains) from their bedrooms as they grew up and made them quilts from them when they had their own places. They loved remembering the "crayon" curtains, the "Star Wars" drapes, the "Race Car" sets, etc..

When my youngest went to college I made him a quilt of the University Colors..he still has it!


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## Shirley Ray (Mar 3, 2011)

You are so right. My children don't want anything hand knitted from me except sweaters. And the sweaters must be as much like what can be bought retail as possible. 

And I must say that I agree. Some of the patterns that appear from, as an example, Annie's Attic, are things I would never wear. In my opinion, although I appreciate the work and ingenuity that goes into them, most of the knitting patterns shown today on the Internet, except for those specifically for babies and small kids, have no style.

If you want your finished products to be worn, knit the things that look like the things that can be bought. I have a waiting list of sweaters to be knitted for my children, most of them from really old patterns. And they are waited for expectedly and will be worn.

I'm talking about plain, ordinary pullovers with round or V-necks, regular or reglan sleeves; cardigans with buttons or zippers; Cables (fisherman's patterns).

Boring? Yes, but if you want your things worn, make the things the recipients want, not the things we would like to make to satisfy our creativity.

Please understand that I am speaking here about adult knitwear. The stuff for babies and children that appear on the pages of this forum are extraordinary.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

I'm enjoying reading these responses! I do a bit of knitting for my grand daughter..fancy sweaters and I just finished a very intricate cape for her..but her favorite is socks! She's only 5 but likes my socks because they are "cushy" and she can slide down the wooden floored hallway in them!

My hope is that I live long enough to make her socks that she can slide down her college dorm hallway in!


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## Lynnie (Mar 14, 2011)

I found that the color selection of things I make for the grandkids had a greater impact on what they would actually wear. I mostly use solid colors and trim in solids; maybe a little intarsia. My little granddaughtert likes sparkle, so I may add a sparkle yarn with a solid. I think the daughter's/daughter's-in-law are often worried about their kids looking cool and they think the handknit items are just not cool enough.


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## mrssonsew (Feb 7, 2011)

thats what I would do, It's a awful when in your heart you love doin for them and they don't want it, then if you feel like doin them now make for a charity group they appreciate them, keep up the good work we need more like you, always thinking of others, your friend carol


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## laurelk. (Jun 4, 2011)

I like the word "Handmade" instead of homemade. I think it delivers better the idea that it is a handcraft, a true art.
laurelk in S. CA


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## mjp362 (Jan 31, 2011)

i have no grandchildren to knit for yet...i think i will start asking my daughter if she would actually use anything i make, i taught her how to knit and crochet so she knows the work that goes into it. once i know, maybe i'll start making baby clothes for her...but i'm not rushing her! she should enjoy her life now, she lives on a marine base in japan! i know she likes and uses the socks i've made her


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## arleney1008 (Mar 25, 2011)

Shirley Ray said:


> You are so right. My children don't want anything hand knitted from me except sweaters. And the sweaters must be as much like what can be bought retail as possible.
> 
> And I must say that I agree. Some of the patterns that appear from, as an example, Annie's Attic, are things I would never wear. In my opinion, although I appreciate the work and ingenuity that goes into them, most of the knitting patterns shown today on the Internet, except for those specifically for babies and small kids, have no style.
> 
> ...


 Did you know I made as a wedding gift for my second cousin from Annie's Attic an afghan called Heavenly hearts afghan and it took me two and a half weeks to crochet. It was a filet crochet pattern with graph and everything. it turned out just gorgeous! His mom loved it. Didn't get an acknowledgement or anything from him or his wife. God only knows if they even have it or use it. lessons well learned. Definately!!!


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

Wow! I must be the lucky one. I have 2 daughters and 4 granddaughters and they all love everything I make for them, knitting, crocheting, and quilting. I am truely Blessed.


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## craftilady (Feb 1, 2011)

I hear you. My daughters and granddaughters are that way. I would rather have hand made gifts that have been given a lot of love and thought instead of things you can just buy at the store. I would make a few things and wait until after the baby is born


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

If you enjoy making these things then dont stop. Just dont overwhelm her and give them to her all at once. You can make them, and set them aside for when after the baby is born. It is then that she will realize that it doesnt matter how many clothes baby has, as long as they are clean and fresh. And when the "homemade" is on the little one, so many of her friends will comment on how cute the outfit is. It is then she will appreciate them and your efforts for making them. Right now, it might just be her hormones talking. And if she really doesnt want them, you can donate them to the local hospital as a "welcome to the world" hamper. You can donate them to a church or to a Christmas bazar.


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## capricorngrandma (May 21, 2011)

Dlclose said:


> My daughter is expecting her first child soon and I have been sewing and crocheting in preparation. I have done most of her nursery materials like sheets, dust ruffle, curtains, at her request. I have also put tummy panels in slacks for her to work in and have designed a couple of maternity tops. I am crocheting and sewing baby blankets for her now. She expressed concern that I would make a lot of things she would not use. She "doesn't want all homemade clothes"! I had always thought homemade was somehow better than store bought- whether in quality or in fit. should I still do the projects I have purchased supplies for?


I imagine that she wants to decorate some of the nursery herself. I can only suggest that you think back to your feelings on this when you were expecting her. I don't think it is to make you feel badly. I think she does appreciate it. Is it possible the "other" grandmother wants to participate, too?


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## CurleyQ (Feb 1, 2011)

Variety is the spice of life........
Perhaps she's just saying she'd like some store-bought items too but didn't phrase it quite right.


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## Loves2Knit (Feb 21, 2011)

I've learned to go with the flow with my crafts. My 3 daughters went through "a stage" in high school when they didn't want "home made" things. After my first daughter started college, she asked if I'd get out my knitting needles again. LOL DD#2 even had me teach her to knit when she was older. She now knits better than I do and even makes up her own patterns. It sounds like your daughter just wanted to buy a few "bought" things for the new baby. She did ask you to make a few things. Sounds like she's being considerate. Show her what you'd like to do and ask if it's OK. If she doesn't want any more of the things you're planning, make something in a larger size for later for the baby. She sounds like a wonderful and considerate young woman.


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## elaine (Jan 15, 2011)

Yes, I'm addicted and I love making things for those I love, as well as for babies anywhere in the world. Unfortunately, it can be a hurtful event and I haven't quite figured out how to handle the hurt - cuz you know how much time/heart goes into anything we create. I Crocheted a bedjacket w/matching slippers for friend who'd had surery and spends lots of time in bed reading. She opened the gift, said "how lovely," never took it out of the box so couldn't have known what it was. Knit birthday sweater for out-of-state friend who told me she didn't like handknit clothes; surprised me cuz she'd asked me to knit all sorts of things for her to give her family as gifts. Anyway, I admit it hurts and I wish they would return them. I'm ashamed that I feel so hurt - after all, I did love making them - must be some form of ill-placed pride.


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## Laura R (Apr 14, 2011)

She wanted you to decorate the nursery, right? All purchased items? I hope you don't volunteer to buy clothing, too.

Since knitting is such a labor of love, I'd wait intil she asks for them. If not, then at least your heart was in the right place.

My daughter was thrilled with what I made. She told the story of a teacher sending a note home that said hand knitted dresses were just too nice for school. 

"But that's all she has." : )


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## aqarianchick (Mar 23, 2011)

At least you received "feed-back" from your daughter. That is more than I received from my Nephew and his wife when I made baby items for their two kids; or from my sister and her other two children when I made warm winter gear for them. Nothing verbal and definitely nothing in writing. Ingrates one and all as thought it was "owed" to them.


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## ernai (Apr 7, 2011)

fatganny said:


> Before I start knitting for my two grand daughters I, asked them if I knitted some baby thngs, would they use them or just let them lay and not be used. They both said that anything that I made they would love. Now I am trying to find a princess baby afghan. So far no luck. but she will love it when she does get it. LOL[/quote
> 
> http://fabuknits.com/KNITTING_PATTERNS/estonian.baby.blanket
> has a pretty pink Princess knit afghan
> ...


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## 9898 (Mar 5, 2011)

i knit a lot for my first grandson. although they seemed to appreciate, i rarely saw the things i made. i KNOW i did these projects as much for myself as anyone else. it was, as you all have pointed out, an expression of my love. and, it got me back into knitting. i got so into it that i started teaching for a while. it has been almost 8 years now and i have grown more as a knitter since that time than all the years prior. when i start to feel unappreciated, i just remind myself that i do these things for ME. if someone or something is really offensive (my daughter in law asked me to make a special friend a blanket and the gal i made it for never even said thank you) then i just never make the same mistake again. for my family, i wait to be asked and i try to listen to what it is they tell me about how they want it to be. listening is really not an easy thing for me so this is a very good exercise. anyway, there are plenty who have genuinely appreciated the things i have made and that keeps me going, too. also, i am learning to knit for myself more. that is something that has taken a long time to do, too. thanks guys for giving me the opportunity to express myself on this very important issue.


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## Corgilady (Feb 24, 2011)

I only make things for those who will appreciate them. If I'm not sure, then I buy their gift rather than take the chance of getting my feelings hurt! My own mother has given away things that I made for her, so now I only make her something if she requests it. I would love to receive a handmade gift, but I guess everyone I know thinks I could make it myself.


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## glassgoddess (Feb 21, 2011)

Some people just don't want to wear anything that isn't like the clothes that everyone else wears. For instance, it has to have "GAP" printed on the front, or some other trendy brand that everyone else is wearing. They need to look like their peers and that is where their comfort level is - period. I don't think you can change them. We would have less stress if we could just let ourselves accept that. Sad, but true. They might love a scarf we make, but not necessarily the sweater that is unique and took so much skill (and love) to make. Younger kids are more open minded and really like "special" things that are just theirs. My mom was a fantastic knitter, but when I was a teenager all I wanted was a navy v-neck pullover. It was plain, and other than being a brushed yarn, it was very similar to a store bought piece. 

I think we save ourselves some heartache by asking what our loved ones might like. Let's face it, the ones who appreciate our handwork the most are usually those who do handwork themselves.


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## mrssonsew (Feb 7, 2011)

this site wont come up


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## Carol T (Apr 19, 2011)

I think all of us who enjoy makeing and shareing our crafts have experienced the ungratful recipient. Resently I spent time makeing the cutest hoodie sweater for a 3 yearold grandneview only to have him turn his little nose up and refuse to wear it. My hope is that his little brother will get some use out of it. I continue to knit on. I have yet to find anyone who turns down a pair of hand knitted socks.


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## crochetaddict (Jul 8, 2011)

Yes, I would still make them. Its bringing you joy and someday she will understand how much love went into those special little clothes and appreciate what you've done for her and her baby. Besides you can still buy store bought clothes for her, but when her baby is wearing the home made ones you've given her, she will see how much nicer they are.


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## dixieknits (Apr 12, 2011)

We always want what we don't have, and lack appreciation for the things we DO have.


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## jelun (Jan 26, 2011)

I have taken to using handcrafted; that is the label for the section in my store for items made by folks who want to be paid for their efforts.



laurelk. said:


> I like the word "Handmade" instead of homemade. I think it delivers better the idea that it is a handcraft, a true art.
> laurelk in S. CA


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

My late sister's children and grandchildren don't even acknowledge gifts..therefore I don't bother anymore...storebought or handmade. On the other hand I have wonderful friends and relatives who love the items I make for them. One old pal...I made her a really wild pair of socks..she sends me photos of her wearing them to all kinds of crazy places...ball games, vacations, family gatherings, festivals, etc.. I have pictures of her feet at some great concerts (she puts her feet up on the seat in front of her - with permission - takes a photo of her feet with the band on the stage). The socks I knitted her have gone to see U2, Keith Urban, The Rolling Stones...makes me feel good!


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## Sunsea (Jul 10, 2011)

lpeni said:


> I have a daughter who loves "anything" that I make. I just don't make enough.
> However, I am making quilts for my grandsons (10, 13, 17 and 21) for Christmas and I am worried they won't like or appreciate them. My 22 yr old Granddaughter would love one and won't get one until next year as I already bought her something else.


Yeah, you never know with the guys how they will be. I have two sons and made them each a quilt. The older one wanted his to be hand quilted and it took me years to do it. I would see it on his bed a lot that first year and now, I rarely see it. Then again, I won't even enter his room. It is baaaaad, lol. The younger son didn't care how it was quilted, he just wanted a quilt. I wanted to borrow it once to show someone and he had a fit. I thought I was going to have to sign a contract promising it's safe return or replacement in the event it were to get lost while in my care. LOL! Both boys raised together and both with their own views and opinions. :mrgreen:


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## Shirley123 (Apr 8, 2011)

Your'e right about getting the grandchildren involved.My grandson wants to do some" crochet ting" as they are learning at school(age 6) and my granson had a hole in the toe of his sock."Just a minute while I finish the washing up and I will sew it for you",I said.When I looked a few minutes later he was sitting in the chair weaving a double ended stitch holder through the hole and out at the sock top.I watched him for a couple of minutes and the concentration on his face was a picture.He's just three and had been fishing in the drawer where I keep my crochet hooks.Bless him !Shirley,Derbyshire


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## Dlclose (Jun 26, 2011)

Loves2Knit said:


> I've learned to go with the flow with my crafts. My 3 daughters went through "a stage" in high school when they didn't want "home made" things. After my first daughter started college, she asked if I'd get out my knitting needles again. LOL DD#2 even had me teach her to knit when she was older. She now knits better than I do and even makes up her own patterns. It sounds like your daughter just wanted to buy a few "bought" things for the new baby. She did ask you to make a few things. Sounds like she's being considerate. Show her what you'd like to do and ask if it's OK. If she doesn't want any more of the things you're planning, make something in a larger size for later for the baby. She sounds like a wonderful and considerate young woman.


Thank you.


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## QHMom (Jun 6, 2011)

I used to give all home-made gifts and one year I gave a wonderful basket of skin care porducts all made from my herb garden. In appropriate containers with labels in a gift basket...you get the picture.
Someone at the gathering suggested I sell my products.
My mother-in-law agreed and said and I quote:
"If you sold your stuff you would have money to buy us REAL gifts"
Thats tha last time I EVER made her anything!


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## jogrant (May 3, 2011)

Your daughter should appreciate all your hard work. Home made by Grandma means extra special. Many new mums would so love to have such gifts made with love, but their mums are either too busy in employment, have no crafting skills, or just can't be bothered.
As for the materials you've already purchased, maybe you could still make the gifts you'd planned if you still feel up to it. If your daughter doesn't want them I'm sure you could put them on ebay and they'd sell to a 'mum' who would love your craft work and you'd also recoup your expenditure.
Failing all that, if you don't want to spend any more time on your projects, just put the basic materials on ebay and hopefully you will recoup some of your cash.


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## Donna A (Mar 7, 2011)

Corgilady said:


> I only make things for those who will appreciate them. If I'm not sure, then I buy their gift rather than take the chance of getting my feelings hurt! My own mother has given away things that I made for her, so now I only make her something if she requests it. I would love to receive a handmade gift, but I guess everyone I know thinks I could make it myself.


I am learning (the hard way). I have seen afghans made for grandchildren (made per their request) wadded up under a bed, used for dog blankets, and donated to Goodwill. Sweathers (after they picked out the colors) never worn. My mother, gave me back the felted matching purse and hat that she begged for because she really didn't wear it and maybe I could donate it somewhere! BUT.... Everyone does seem to love the knitted socks, no matter what color or style!!? I am learning that knitting for missions, hospitals etc. fills my need to do for others and fills a need in the community. But family...I just don't anymore.


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## jogrant (May 3, 2011)

To JoAnne. How impertinent that the care and love you must have put into those gifts be so undervalued, not to mention your precious time spent growing your herbs etc. I would love to have had such gifts.


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## jogrant (May 3, 2011)

What is it about ungrateful relatives. Fortunately I have some family members who love what I knit or crochet for them but others make odd comments some time after, I only see them wear garments once,which I would have loved for myself.
Now I'm making only for the grateful and the needy, and occasionally for myself.


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## AEHughes (Jul 5, 2011)

I agree with everyone, they do not know how much work and time and love goes into each item you make, my rule of thumb, if I make it and you don't wear it, you never get anything else. My granddaughters seem to love what I make them, everyone else, I just don't really know. Your grandchild will want you to make all sorts of things for them, when they are big enough to tell you, the others, who cares.


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## susykabloozie (Apr 17, 2011)

A friend once explained to me the difference between "homemade" and "Handmade." The former sounding rough, the latter more elegant. I have noticed, however, the word "Hand-crafted" sounds even more elegant and artisanal.

I do agree that you could gear down a little and wait until your daughter knows what she wants and can tell you.

BTW, I would certainly accept homemade, handmade AND handcrafted items with love, appreciation and deep gratitude.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

Here's a story that might make some of you feel better. When my son and step son were little, my Aunt always sent kits to make Christmas tree ornaments. The boys and I would sit at the dining room table with little pyrex bowls filled with sequins, beads and pins, putting these together. Now I'm older and I just put up a little tiny tree. I gave my son 1/2 of those ornaments and recently contacted my step son regarding the other half. He well remembers the many hours he was entertained as a child with those ornament kits and was shocked that I set aside half of them for him! My Aunt was a very wise women..she helped us decorate our tree...and helped make memories for the boys. Those boys are grown men now..and can share those precious memories of a wise great Aunt and time spent with their mother and brother, with their own children.

I'll be spending my vacation next month packaging up boxes for my step son and relishing in those memories myself!

My Aunt also helped a "blended" family become cohesive.


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## susykabloozie (Apr 17, 2011)

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story.


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## PoodleMom (May 12, 2011)

I'm reading this thread while taking a break from knitting for my niece, who is expecting her first child (and the first grandchild for my sister). I'm sure she will appreciate anything I make for her. I made an afghan for my niece's husband and my niece stole it for herself. She didn't want to tell me that her puppy chewed a hole in it for fear I wouldn't make anything else for her! I told her that I made things to be used and sometimes things happen when you use things. I have a bunch of stuff I'm planning on knitting for baby Sophia and I know they will all be appreciated, even if the little hats & booties won't be all that practical. I'll take photos of the baby in the things I made & then I won't care what happens to them after that. 

A gift is just that, a gift. You don't get to dictate what people do with them after you've given them. If it gives you pleasure to make it, then do. Give away the things you make and let them go. I've read that many hand knit items given to charity end up being sold by the recipients because the items are so valuable and the people really need the cash. You can't worry about it.


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## onesoutherngal (Jun 6, 2011)

PoodleMom said:


> I'm reading this thread while taking a break from knitting for my niece, who is expecting her first child (and the first grandchild for my sister). I'm sure she will appreciate anything I make for her. I made an afghan for my niece's husband and my niece stole it for herself. She didn't want to tell me that her puppy chewed a hole in it for fear I wouldn't make anything else for her! I told her that I made things to be used and sometimes things happen when you use things. I have a bunch of stuff I'm planning on knitting for baby Sophia and I know they will all be appreciated, even if the little hats & booties won't be all that practical. I'll take photos of the baby in the things I made & then I won't care what happens to them after that.
> 
> A gift is just that, a gift. You don't get to dictate what people do with them after you've given them. If it gives you pleasure to make it, then do. Give away the things you make and let them go. I've read that many hand knit items given to charity end up being sold by the recipients because the items are so valuable and the people really need the cash. You can't worry about it.


like!!!


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## MKBunny (May 17, 2011)

OH OH did you ever hit a spot with me. Ilove home made things and am appalled that my daughter in law has no respect for any clothing even had made items. Just makes me sick to see things not taken care of...........Hence I no long do things for her children but rather give the homemade things to relatives that appreciate them.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

I'm going to argue "a gift is a gift" mentality. I am divorced. Upon my divorce I gave my former husband every item of jewelry that his family gave me..not because I was rude or ungrateful but because I felt it was the right thing to do...to keep family items within a family. When my son divorced..his ex wife and I had a "mini" war..when I tried to get back items of my deceased mother. I did get "some" of them back. The rest..she sold at a consignment sale. I have not one bit of respect for this gold digger! You don't sell items that have family history...you return them with respect. you don't try to profit off the back of someone else.


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## mammakim (Feb 2, 2011)

Most of the things I kept from when my kids were little are the things that people made for them, I had not learned to knit yet but love all the little sweaters and booties they made. My first big project when I started knitting was a blanket for my neices baby girl,She loves it and asked me the other day if I would make a bigger one for when baby Abbi is older. 
That said I hated it when my mom made me clothes when I was younger, mostly cause she made me polyester pants and all the kids made fun of me, so I just wanted jeans like the other kids. Besides the fact I would rip them up climbing fences and trees.


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## songbird76088 (Mar 11, 2011)

Oh I dont agree with "Once you give it to someone you cant dictate what they do with it". I would rather not give it at all if it will be misused..Someone I know crocheted a gorgeous tablecloth to her daughter in law.It took her a year to make it. The next time she visted her DIL the table cloth was being used as a doormat for the kids to whip their feet on it. I almost cried for the lady that gave it. Her DIL said "once you give a gift you cant tell someone how they will use it". How selfish is that. It gives me great pleasure to make something and give it as a gift but I would only enjoy what they did with it when they got it if I LIVED 2,000 MILES FROM THEM...haha...When I made the wedding gown for my granddaughter I asked her if she would cherish it as a family treasure. Her mother said I shouldnt give a gift and expect a child to have the same appreciation for the item as I would have. She is correct to a point. I would think she would help make sure the dress was taken care of...Today I dragged all this fabric out of my closet. I gathered tons of patterns I thought the girls would like something made out of. I then gathered the 3 girls and asked them to pick out a pattern and fabric and while they are here I will make something for them...With respect they said they really didnt need any clothes (not what their mother tells me)...so I knew from that that they will not wear it and I will have wasted my valuable time...I put everything away and they will get nothing but my unconditional love with lots of kisses...Problem solved..


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## songbird76088 (Mar 11, 2011)

It is ashame that this topic has hit home for SO MANY...yet it is something we love to do. I think I would suggest to just give it to the needy because I think they would appreciate it...our families get too much..hence their attitude of unappreciativeness...


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## onesoutherngal (Jun 6, 2011)

courior77 said "Upon my divorce I gave my former husband every item of jewelry that his family gave me..not because I was rude or ungrateful but because I felt it was the right thing to do...to keep family items within a family. "


Looking thru my eyes...I think this is the ultimate in giving...you were not obligated to do so, and you prob'ly either truely enjoyed some of these pieces, or could have used the money from selling them to help you begin a new life...if that is not an expression of the beauty of giving, i don't know what is


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## granny (Apr 8, 2011)

Let me tell you, I quit making things for the grand babies when I visited unexpectedly one day and saw a blanket I slaved over ( making sure there were no mistakes) in the dogs bed!! Needless to say that was a very uncomfortable visit. Not to mention my tongue was sore from biting it the whole time.Now I make things for people who ask only.


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## Stitchwizz (May 30, 2011)

It is not hard to tell who likes your hand-created beauties and who doesn't. I have two sons and two daughters-in-law. Three of them wear out the items I have made for them, and one stuffs them in the closet. No grand kids tho, but I bet the parents would follow the same trend. So, you can guess who I sew, knit and crochet for. The one left out is probably relieved.


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## dec2057 (May 30, 2011)

hildy3 said:


> Diclose...I think your daughter is being very honest with you and is being 'up front'...for which you can be proud. Ask her if you've made enough or should make more and don't get upset at her answer. Just enjoy your daughter at this special time for both of you. There's always something else to make. Sincerely, Hildy


I agree, this is a healthy way to think about the situation. I have one daughter that adores handmade items and loves what I make and I have another daughter, who is expecting, that really doesn't care for homemade items and gently let me know she wouldn't use anything I make. I love both of my daughters so I will make items for the first one and buy items for the second one ;-)

I appreciate my second daughter letting me know so I don't waste time making things that aren't wanted.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

I think we can all agree it's hard to give so much of yourself and then find it not appreciated. Some family members are apprecaitive..and other's are not. I think that's the "norm".

I will say this..."heirloom" items should ALWAYS be kept within a family, handmade or otherwise.

If family members do not appreciate the fruits of your labors, there are many others that will!

If your schedule can accommodate it, park district programs are in dire need of people with talent and materials to teach others. Senior living centers and senior activity centers ALWAYS need volunteers and materials. Boy's and Girl's centers across the country can use all the help they can get.

Not long ago I was doing a spinning demonstration..a bunch of teens came along and asked if they could feel the roving I was working with and the yarn I was making...yes they were dressed a little odd and I didn't quite catch onto their lingo right away. When I figured out that "that's sick" meant it was cool I asked one of the kids if he wanted to give my wheel a try..he jumped at the chance. We can always find those who appreciate our efforts and talents. Sometimes it just takes a little time!


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## mammakim (Feb 2, 2011)

My grandma made me a beautiful quilt when I got married and I used it for many years. I love it mostly because she made it for me. I had to put it up and stop using it cause it was getting frayed and worn out, and my girls did not understand that it was special to me when they were small and spilled some drinks on it. Grandma Ruth is no longer with us so I would rather know it is in the closet waiting till the kids and dogs are out of the house than keep using it now and have it completely fall apart.


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## Laura Ric (May 21, 2011)

WOW. All kinds of comments on that subject. But I must say that I agree with everyone. I am knitting now for my first grandchild my d-i-l is wonderful and appreciative but she throws everything in the washer, so I am making things that are easy,quick and machine washable. She has very simple but expensive taste but seems to love everything I have made her and she is encouraging me to start selling on esty. We'll see if I see my grandaughter wearing anything I have made. I better or thats it. I try to make in style things and nothing vintage..


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## CamillaDesertMouse (Mar 19, 2011)

I cannot count the things I have sewn, quilted, knitted or crocheted for all my 4 children and their children...did they take care of them or even still have anything I made for them..Not just clothing but a 3 foot crochet frosty the snowman..not to mention a bedsize American Flag afghan...nope...
Do I make anything for them now ...NOPE..
And I probably will not unless they understand the love and time that goes into each item..not to mention the expense.
I cannot tell you how it broke my heart to be at my daughters house and see a quilted vest I handmade with different things made as a child..embroidery, crochet, painted..then made a crazy quilt vest out of with a lot of hand stitching..found on the bottom of her closet with her husbands muddy work boots on top of it!!!
I had NO problem picking it up and taking it home...
Talk about ingrates...

Camilla


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## songbird76088 (Mar 11, 2011)

CamillaInTheDesert said:


> I cannot count the things I have sewn, quilted, knitted or crocheted for all my 4 children and their children...did they take care of them or even still have anything I made for them..Not just clothing but a 3 foot crochet frosty the snowman..not to mention a bedsize American Flag afghan...nope...
> Do I make anything for them now ...NOPE..
> And I probably will not unless they understand the love and time that goes into each item..not to mention the expense.
> I cannot tell you how it broke my heart to be at my daughters house and see a quilted vest I handmade with different things made as a child..embroidery, crochet, painted..then made a crazy quilt vest out of with a lot of hand stitching..found on the bottom of her closet with her husbands muddy work boots on top of it!!!
> ...


Your story broke my heart....Hopefully we can learn from this. 
I had no idea so many people had the same complaint so now I know I am not alone....We should all get together and make things for each other...haha I would love a full size American Flag afghan (husband is a retired navy man) and very patriotic...


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## marie noe (Apr 30, 2011)

When I saw the topic I knew there would be a lot of replies. For many years my mother and I sent gifts (both homemade and purchased) to all our relatives. Most of the time there were no "thank you's" What we really got tired of was the times there were not even any acknowlegement of the receipt of a gift. (Did it get there??? Should we file claim with post office???) We decided to do 1 last round of gifts (a Christmas) and then wait for the results. If the gift was acknowleged or a thank you received, that person would receive a gift next time. So far it seems to be working. Not having any kids or grandkids, I save my baby items for showers or charity. Other stuff gets placed with those who have shown common courtesy about receiving it. (And I go with the idea that once I give it to you, it is yours to do with what you will)


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

Camilla, I'm so sorry! My sister was like that. I watched my mother toil over items for my older sister and her children...only to see them later treated like trash.

Maybe some people don't realize how much effort goes into handcrafted items, how much love we pour into them.


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## littleladybug (May 21, 2011)

My kids love the things I knit or crochet, but time doesn't allow for me to make all the things they would like me to do! My daughter just informed me that her pocket book slippers I made for her were in her living room, and her boyfriend's mom kept picking them up and looking at them, and trying to figure them out! 
She ended up telling her what they were, and now I am sending her a pair! I try to keep a few handknit or crocheted items made up in case someone admires something, or a birthday comes up!


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

What a great idea...let's make things for each other...I want a lace chocolate table cloth! (did I mention I'm just a little evil?).

I don't think this is at all unusual. Some family members and friends really value the time and effort someone puts into an item..and others do not. We cannot change them, we can just be darn selective about who we put our efforts towards. Those same people may value other talents that we have though. Personally I'm practicing my best "I really love these red velvet pancakes and cream cheese frosting face possible" ) Hey..you never know when it could come in handy!


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## littleladybug (May 21, 2011)

I looooove homemade stuff! Whether it is food, knitted, crocheted, sewed, quilted, embroidered, baked, wooden, etc. I love it all! )


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## jogrant (May 3, 2011)

Too right!


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## CamillaDesertMouse (Mar 19, 2011)

Thanks Songbird..your affirmation means so much.
Sounds like a plan to me Songie lol
After all ..if you want something done...ask a busy person..So if you want your work appreciated...give it to another knitting/ crocheting friend LOL..works for me!
Not because I made it but it was an amazing American Flag Afghan..pattern was in Leisure Arts Book.
I made one for myself but used my own pattern...also matching pillows ..that set is in our ..what else..RED SUV lol...

Camilla



songbird76088 said:


> CamillaInTheDesert said:
> 
> 
> > I cannot count the things I have sewn, quilted, knitted or crocheted for all my 4 children and their children...did they take care of them or even still have anything I made for them..Not just clothing but a 3 foot crochet frosty the snowman..not to mention a bedsize American Flag afghan...nope...
> ...


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## CamillaDesertMouse (Mar 19, 2011)

LOL...love it!



courier770 said:


> What a great idea...let's make things for each other...I want a lace chocolate table cloth! (did I mention I'm just a little evil?).
> 
> I don't think this is at all unusual. Some family members and friends really value the time and effort someone puts into an item..and others do not. We cannot change them, we can just be darn selective about who we put our efforts towards. Those same people may value other talents that we have though. Personally I'm practicing my best "I really love these red velvet pancakes and cream cheese frosting face possible" ) Hey..you never know when it could come in handy!


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## cathie white (May 29, 2011)

Several years ago, I ASKED my niece if she'd like a smocked dress for her baby daughter, as I didn't want to go to all that trouble for something that wouldn't be worn. With her positive response,I did the dress, and it turned out really well! It was a 1st birthday present. When the child was 3, I asked for a photo of child and dress. My niece's reply----"smocked dress? Refresh my memory!" Needless to say there have been no more hand-made gifts for that child!


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## CamillaDesertMouse (Mar 19, 2011)

I completely agree with you Song...
I rather they say NO Thanks so I can move on...
You did right and have every right to feel appreciated or to know they will not trash a heirloom item.

Camilla



songbird76088 said:


> It is ashame that this topic has hit home for SO MANY...yet it is something we love to do. I think I would suggest to just give it to the needy because I think they would appreciate it...our families get too much..hence their attitude of unappreciativeness...


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## bonbarnie (Jan 23, 2011)

hi: 
i too have made tings for others that just lay around. i have also made things for myself that i just do not like. when you finish a project show her and offer it and tell her if she does not want you will give to a shelter or hospital guild. enjoy the work and be proud. lol


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## songbird76088 (Mar 11, 2011)

cathie white said:


> Several years ago, I ASKED my niece if she'd like a smocked dress for her baby daughter, as I didn't want to go to all that trouble for something that wouldn't be worn. With her positive response,I did the dress, and it turned out really well! It was a 1st birthday present. When the child was 3, I asked for a photo of child and dress. My niece's reply----"smocked dress? Refresh my memory!" Needless to say there have been no more hand-made gifts for that child!


That is terrible...I am so sorry


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

We do seem to be able to commiserate with each other on this issue. We all need to meet for Red Velvet pancakes, cream cheese frosting and some stiff Irish Coffee...(((HUGS)))


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## songbird76088 (Mar 11, 2011)

CamillaInTheDesert said:


> Thanks Songbird..your affirmation means so much.
> Sounds like a plan to me Songie lol
> After all ..if you want something done...ask a busy person..So if you want your work appreciated...give it to another knitting/ crocheting friend LOL..works for me!
> Not because I made it but it was an amazing American Flag Afghan..pattern was in Leisure Arts Book.
> ...


I have that flag pattern but never have made it...Maybe I will make one one of these days....All the stories I have read today are so sad and I am so glad that I am not alone in this. I thought only my kids and grandkids didnt want my handmade items....But you know what...whether it is homemade, handmade or whatever it is.....it should be acknowledged and a great big thank you should follow...I love all you girls and I have enjoyed this forum...Good afternoon for now.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

ON a brighter note...I knit for my Godmother and Godfather..they love everything I make for them...I'd suggest they might be good liars but they are the most honest people on earth! Find your audience.


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## Malsy37 (Mar 21, 2011)

Shirley Ray said:


> You are so right. My children don't want anything hand knitted from me except sweaters. And the sweaters must be as much like what can be bought retail as possible.
> 
> And I must say that I agree. Some of the patterns that appear from, as an example, Annie's Attic, are things I would never wear. In my opinion, although I appreciate the work and ingenuity that goes into them, most of the knitting patterns shown today on the Internet, except for those specifically for babies and small kids, have no style.
> 
> ...


Yes! yes! yes! This is so true. I tried so hard to find just a plain old
boys cardigan in size about 10-14 for my grandson who really wanted one and I finally gave up.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

Hey try something simple...like socks, an IPOD Cosy, a "droid" scarf...a "skully" tote bag. I often have to stop by my local "gaming" shop to find out what is "sick" (cool)..shakes head and wiggles eyebrows!


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## onegrannygoose (May 13, 2011)

My daughter never wants me to make anything for her or her daughter However I did make afgans for the whole family and they seemed to really like them. I'm never really sure.


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## CamillaDesertMouse (Mar 19, 2011)

YUMMIE....
Count me in lol



courier770 said:


> We do seem to be able to commiserate with each other on this issue. We all need to meet for Red Velvet pancakes, cream cheese frosting and some stiff Irish Coffee...(((HUGS)))


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## Dlclose (Jun 26, 2011)

courier770 said:


> We do seem to be able to commiserate with each other on this issue. We all need to meet for Red Velvet pancakes, cream cheese frosting and some stiff Irish Coffee...(((HUGS)))


I agree! I could go for some Irish coffee right now!!


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## CamillaDesertMouse (Mar 19, 2011)

awww...love and appreciate you too Songie.



songbird76088 said:


> CamillaInTheDesert said:
> 
> 
> > Thanks Songbird..your affirmation means so much.
> ...


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## mrssonsew (Feb 7, 2011)

hey pat: you took the words right out of my mouth, and also my husband was in the navy too, how nice is that he got out in 62 orv 63.


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## CathyAnn (May 14, 2011)

Growing up, my mother made ALL of my sister's and my clothes: dresses, skirts, coats, pajamas, robes, etc. Everything fit us perfectly and done with such expertise. You'd never see a hem stitch on the right side of the skirt. She sewed beautifully! Of course, being kids, we took it for granted and sometimes would ask for something readymade. I think my mother would get a little insulted. 

When I look back, I really appreciate my mother's skill and hard work. For instance, we had Pendleton wool hip-pleated skirts (it was the rage during the late 50's), just to name one thing. I marvel that she made those skirts without a pattern and the pleats were even according to the plaids, and fit our hips and waists perfectly. My mother is now in her 90's; I make a point to let her know now and then how much I appreciate her dedication to creating beautiful wardrobes for us by bringing up something I remember she made.

Perhaps your daughters' who don't appreciate it now, will in the future. Sewing and knitting for our families are truly labors of love, and that is really its own reward.

PS: As an adult, I have sewn some of my own clothes, so that has helped me appreciate what she did. A childhood girlfriend emailed me a while back saying that her own sewing was influenced by my mother's work.


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## CathyAnn (May 14, 2011)

dec2057 said:


> hildy3 said:
> 
> 
> > Diclose...I think your daughter is being very honest with you and is being 'up front'...for which you can be proud. Ask her if you've made enough or should make more and don't get upset at her answer. Just enjoy your daughter at this special time for both of you. There's always something else to make. Sincerely, Hildy
> ...


I like that being up front with each other!!!


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## jelun (Jan 26, 2011)

Sure do like that, seems to me that this means you gave her a much more important gift than a handcrafted item. 
You have taught her that she is loved unconditionally and can be honest with you and that while you may not be crazy about her ideas that you will love her no matter what. 
So much more important than $50. spent on yarn and the lesson takes a lifetime not 100 hours spent on making clothing.



CathyAnn said:


> dec2057 said:
> 
> 
> > hildy3 said:
> ...


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## mjp362 (Jan 31, 2011)

CamillaInTheDesert said:


> I cannot count the things I have sewn, quilted, knitted or crocheted for all my 4 children and their children...did they take care of them or even still have anything I made for them..Not just clothing but a 3 foot crochet frosty the snowman..not to mention a bedsize American Flag afghan...nope...
> Do I make anything for them now ...NOPE..
> And I probably will not unless they understand the love and time that goes into each item..not to mention the expense.
> I cannot tell you how it broke my heart to be at my daughters house and see a quilted vest I handmade with different things made as a child..embroidery, crochet, painted..then made a crazy quilt vest out of with a lot of hand stitching..found on the bottom of her closet with her husbands muddy work boots on top of it!!!
> ...


i am up for adoption....again!


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## mrssonsew (Feb 7, 2011)

me too, what is wrong with people that break your heart after you are so proud of all that you do, don't worry be happy we all love you


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## chixnan1 (Jun 2, 2011)

I recently "rescued" two handmade afghans that were to be donated to the Animal Rescue, "if they didn't sell at the garage sale." Both were gifts made with love and care, but not appreciated by those who do not hand-craft.


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## CamillaDesertMouse (Mar 19, 2011)

hehe



mjp362 said:


> CamillaInTheDesert said:
> 
> 
> > I cannot count the things I have sewn, quilted, knitted or crocheted for all my 4 children and their children...did they take care of them or even still have anything I made for them..Not just clothing but a 3 foot crochet frosty the snowman..not to mention a bedsize American Flag afghan...nope...
> ...


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## chixnan1 (Jun 2, 2011)

Addendum to my prior post: My darling very macho step-grandson who is now 14, worries "who will make me socks when Grandma dies?"

Thinking of teaching him to knit.


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## granny (Apr 8, 2011)

Here is a couple more horror stories. My daughter-in-law wanted a tablecloth so after spending almost 2 months on one that had her favorite butterfly's on it I gave it to her and she put it on her table. Now I know that some of you crochet with thread so you know what I mean. It was oval made out of size 30 thread & fit a very large table. The next time I saw it was on the floor of the garage with holes eaten in it by ants. My son said he thought one of the kids spilled something sweet on it & it was "in the laundry". The same daughter-in-law used an afghan I gave them as a wedding gift outside on the dirt, when I said something about it she picked it up & threw it up on the cedar fence. I was horrified.


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## carolyn proulx (May 7, 2011)

I LOVE YOU!!! I have been having a similar problem with my daughter-in-law. Grandaughter is too young to know if she like anything so it's up to Mom to see that GF wears these things. Well, DIL decided she wanted to fine tune my "gifts" which in the end told me that my "gifts" were on the shelf as they weren't quite what DIL had in mind for her daughter to wear. Guess what!I think twice before bothering to knit for them and will wait to see if GD is interested. AND I sense things are headed the way of divorce in that household...which won't break my heart either. DIL never did realize the love in all those stitches.


courier770 said:


> My son's first wife was a real "pill", she wanted me to make things for their daughter, then never took care of anything. I was in the process of moving from Chicago to Colorado (I'm single) and she called me asking me to make her mother a sweater like the one I made her...needless to say I was a little put off. Worse yet when I got here I found the sweater I had made my daughter in law..had a HUGE red wine stain on it..never knitted a thing for her again. The divorce didn't break my heart either!


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## Elaine Ohs (Jan 27, 2011)

When my daugher was young a friend in England knit her two beautiful dresses. People would always stop me on the street when ever she wore them asking me where I got them.

My daughter is now in her late 40's and she still has those dresses. She has LOANED them to many young girls to wear, including the grand daughters and great granddaughters of the woman who knit them, but she always reclaims them. She will never part with them. She has loved those dresses all her life. We always try to get a picture of each child who wears the dresses. We have a nice collection. So there are people who appreciate handmade gifts.


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## Elaine Ohs (Jan 27, 2011)

When my daugher was young a friend in England knit her two beautiful dresses. People would always stop me on the street when ever she wore them asking me where I got them.

My daughter is now in her late 40's and she still has those dresses. She has LOANED them to many young girls to wear, including the grand daughters and great granddaughters of the woman who knit them, but she always reclaims them. She will never part with them. She has loved those dresses all her life. We always try to get a picture of each child who wears the dresses. We have a nice collection. So there are people who appreciate handmade gifts.


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## courier770 (Jan 29, 2011)

OH MY! I think that people who dont realize the hours of work that goes into an item have little respect.

I thought I was the only one that had someone do this to them..it hurts. I'm so sorry for all of you who have had a thoughtless person, like my first daughter in law, make you feel so bad.


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## granny (Apr 8, 2011)

carolyn proulx said:


> I LOVE YOU!!! I have been having a similar problem with my daughter-in-law. Grandaughter is too young to know if she like anything so it's up to Mom to see that GF wears these things. Well, DIL decided she wanted to fine tune my "gifts" which in the end told me that my "gifts" were on the shelf as they weren't quite what DIL had in mind for her daughter to wear. Guess what!I think twice before bothering to knit for them and will wait to see if GD is interested. AND I sense things are headed the way of divorce in that household...which won't break my heart either. DIL never did realize the love in all those stitches.
> 
> 
> courier770 said:
> ...


yep, and to my "EX" DIL I have only one thing to say...Good riddance!! Am I being mean?


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## ArleneFaye (Jan 21, 2011)

Everyone is different and has different tastes. My daughter and 4 daughter in laws love my knitted hats and sweaters for their new baby. One each the first year, then I ask what they would like or if they would like something else knitted as they get older. They often like to pick out the color and yarn, and then I know they will probably like it.And the young Moms love Debbie Bliss patterns too. Very stylish and not so difficult..
But when they were pregnant, some of them had multiple baby showers, and one received 15 baby blankets(various styles) , so she asked me "please no baby blankets". I was glad that she told me this.

But, they all seem to love slippers at Christmas, never had anyone pull up their noses to those, ever.(But then again we live in COLD Michigan, even though it was almost 90 this past week)


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## CamillaDesertMouse (Mar 19, 2011)

Xtra hugs for you granny...
I feel your pain...
Some are so jealous of your hard work that is how they disgustingly handle it...
You are a sewing ROCK STAR IMHO..and she was an ingrate.
Inexcusable for being so blatantly ignorant!

God Bless you for your hard work,

Camilla



granny said:


> Here is a couple more horror stories. My daughter-in-law wanted a tablecloth so after spending almost 2 months on one that had her favorite butterfly's on it I gave it to her and she put it on her table. Now I know that some of you crochet with thread so you know what I mean. It was oval made out of size 30 thread & fit a very large table. The next time I saw it was on the floor of the garage with holes eaten in it by ants. My son said he thought one of the kids spilled something sweet on it & it was "in the laundry". The same daughter-in-law used an afghan I gave them as a wedding gift outside on the dirt, when I said something about it she picked it up & threw it up on the cedar fence. I was horrified.


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## mzmom1 (Mar 4, 2011)

Dlclose said:


> My daughter is expecting her first child soon and I have been sewing and crocheting in preparation. I have done most of her nursery materials like sheets, dust ruffle, curtains, at her request. I have also put tummy panels in slacks for her to work in and have designed a couple of maternity tops. I am crocheting and sewing baby blankets for her now. She expressed concern that I would make a lot of things she would not use. She "doesn't want all homemade clothes"!
> 
> I'm so glad that your daughter told you before you went to all the trouble. Sounds like you have already done a lot of work for her. Do you think possibly she is feeling a little overwhelmed and obligated? I might hold off for a little while, maybe just make one beautiful keepsake set for now. I was blessed--my dil has always appreciated the things I knitted, sewed, and smocked for my (only) grandchild. Last Thanksgiving she hauled them all out to show a visitor and I was flabbergasted, as I didn't know she had saved them! It sure made me feel special! He is 6 now and likes me to knit for him. He still has the socks I made him when he was 3 and says he can still wear them. They must be ankle socks by now! I have made him some others, and a matching pair for him & dad, which they both like. BTW, it sounds like your daughter may be confusing 'handmade' with 'homemade.'


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## songbird76088 (Mar 11, 2011)

mrssonsew said:


> me too, what is wrong with people that break your heart after you are so proud of all that you do, don't worry be happy we all love you


I am going to find me someone that loves the same craft I have and see if I can make something for them...haha


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## granny (Apr 8, 2011)

songbird76088 said:


> mrssonsew said:
> 
> 
> > me too, what is wrong with people that break your heart after you are so proud of all that you do, don't worry be happy we all love you
> ...


I think that would be awesome! It would be nice to make things for someone who appreciates & understands the time & care that went into the gift :thumbup:


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## mrssonsew (Feb 7, 2011)

me-me-you could put me on the list.


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## Judy_ (Jun 25, 2011)

I've had this problem too. People who do not knit, haven't a real clue just how much work goes into this stuff!
I had the same problem with my mother! I had knit her a beautiful, black and white, wool paneled afghan years ago. When I saw it again awhile later, it was all felted up and ripply. She had thrown it into the washer and dryer.
Now, I started making all the grandkids blankets! Who doesn't like a blanket? Even the big boys either put it on their beds, or carry in in their cars, or have it on the back of their couches. They love them!
I have a harder time knowing if the mothers appreciate anything. I've given the little kids sweaters and have never seen some of them again. One day, I stopped at one of the boys' houses, and I found a little hand-made comforter that I gave them after his Grandma died, that she had made. I thought it would be appreciated as a keep-sake. It was out in the yard, dirty and in the rain. I picked it up, took it home, and I bet they never even missed it.


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## BGL (Feb 16, 2011)

After reading all your posts to this topic, I feel compelled to add my 2 cents worth. Not so much on handmade gifts, but I guess on gifts in general, and the lack of response we get. I would love to make things for family members, but since there is little or no thanks, no matter the gift (unless it is $, which rates one 5 minute phone call per gift), I don't want to waste my time. Does that make me a bad step-mother/ step-grandma/ step great grandma? 
I suppose, but they are far emough away that I will likely never see the house, to say nothing of the garage or doghouse, so see where a gift might actually end up.
I will never forget the time spent to make an afghan, which I wrapped and mailed to them when they were stationed in Italy, only to have them (when asked) tell me that the baby clothes got there, but the afghan didn't (in the same box!).
When we visited them several years later in Myrtle Beach, it was on the back of the couch, DH said something, and it was like "Yeah, I don't remember where it came from, but it goes with the couch".
Didn't make them anything else... That was 30 years ago.
All they want is $.
So I knit for friends and for charity. And for sanity (DH says it isn't working). Socks for ME next!


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## elainjoyce (Mar 3, 2011)

Knitted a sweater set for my Grand Daughter and she had it on once for a picture. Knitted lots of booties which none were used. Three knitted blankets which is used once in awhile. Two dresses were put on her for my benefit a couple of times. So was I surprised when my daughter-in-law ask for a repeat dress in a different color. I just finished it the other day. I got so I only knit for others when they ask. And that includes my grand daughter. Only she is 1 yr and 5 months now. So it will be awhile. I have a little niece 2 yrs. old, who has two of my knitted blankets and she can't be parted from them since she was born. They've been washed so many times but still in good shape. She will sit in front of the washer and dryer and wait for those blankets to be done, so I'm told. They go with her everywhere. Needless to say she is really special in my eyes. She has a new sister who also has two blankets I knitted so we will see how she takes to them. My Grand Daughter attached herself to the flannel blankets and she can't be parted from them. Funny but her Daddy was the same way.


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## jogrant (May 3, 2011)

Thats so sad. We live in a throw away generation.


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## songbird76088 (Mar 11, 2011)

How come just about every sad story concerns a daughter in law....is it a conspiracy...lol....


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## bonbarnie (Jan 23, 2011)

hi: 
just go to the vintage pattern lists and you will find all the plain sweater patterns you will need. my son always wanted a plain sweater when young. now he says he does not like sweaters but will take all the 6 ft blankets i can make..


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## LilgirlCA (Jan 22, 2011)

My step daughter always wanted me to make her special occasion clothes but then would give them away after a few wearings.

When her daughter was just a couple of years old, my granddaughter started insisting on wearing the dresses I made for her. Now she is grown and still remembers fondly the dresses I made for her. She is the one that gets the hand made Christmas presents!

Spend your time making items for family who DO appreciate and value the items you make.


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## ArleneFaye (Jan 21, 2011)

Funny(or sad) to hear about DIL's stories. My story is almost the opposite, my daughter can take or leave the things I make. The 4 daughter in laws love anything handmade, being some did not come from families that did home made. So I think I am blessed.


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## pattywinkler1 (Jun 10, 2011)

As a friend once told me...sometimes your artistic talents are over looked by family members but will touch their hearts when a someone other than family expresses that they wish they were the one who was at the receiving end. Continue creating and sharing your artistic talents :thumbup:


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## sasvermont (Mar 3, 2011)

I am surprised to see so many similar responses from fellow knitters. I think the lack of appreciation often goes much beyond handmade products. I think we have failed to pass on manners to many of our children. 

I have now taken on the policy that if I do not receive a thank you, via email or snail mail, or text, that is the last gift you are given from me. I wonder if they have caught on or even care. I don't have children, just a niece and nephew. 

I don't feel so alone now, knowing that many folks here are / were performing in front of the wrong audience. 

I always send a thank you - and sometimes let people who have sent me thank you's, know that I have received them. 

Manners, manners, manners. 

I agree that we have a throw away society now. I have sweaters and shirts that are 30/40 years old and still wear them. 

Oh well. We can dwell on this or simply agree to do handcrafts and send gift to/for those who truly appreciate them. That's my plan.


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## ArleneFaye (Jan 21, 2011)

Agree Patti! Hey, love your yellow flower. Is that in your garden? Looks like a hibiscus, but maybe not. Love it.


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## elainjoyce (Mar 3, 2011)

I am kept busy knitting for my Sisters Family. They love my knitted baby items. So I was thinking not to long ago to cut corners, I would ask my Daughter-in-law in very careful words that if she wasn't going to keep the knitted items that Kyah Rae outgrew she could donate them to my Sister's Family. She told me she was going to save them for Kyah or let Kyah use them for doll clothes. Thats when she ask for a repeat of one of the dresses I made in a different color. And she takes very good care of them. I still will only knit something now when ask.


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## pattywinkler1 (Jun 10, 2011)

Yes, the yellow hibiscus is from my garden. I love to garden, knit, crochet, quilt, so I try to do a little of each on a daily basis during my busy family life. I must say my family looks for home crafted gifts from me; I am blessed with the talents given to my by Heavenly Father.


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## granny (Apr 8, 2011)

I have to add one more comment, the son who was married to the DIL that misused my gifts appreciated an afghan I made for him recently. He now has it on the back of his couch & tells me it is used by his sons on cool evenings & also by him. So at least I know that gift was appreciated. Also my GD loves the scarves & afghans I make for her.


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## GoodWitchGlinda (Apr 20, 2011)

New mothers can be real pains when it comes to handmade baby things. My MIL made a beautiful blanket for when my granddaughter was born and when I saw it crumpled up in a ball in the corner I cried. Meanwhile, the baby is wrapped in some cheap fleece thing purchased at who knows where.

I'm glad MIL is no longer making things - they were not appreciated and the new mom is still a pain.


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## mcguire (Feb 21, 2011)

LilgirlCA said:


> My step daughter always wanted me to make her special occasion clothes but then would give them away after a few wearings.
> 
> When her daughter was just a couple of years old, my granddaughter started insisting on wearing the dresses I made for her. Now she is grown and still remembers fondly the dresses I made for her. She is the one that gets the hand made Christmas presents!
> 
> Spend your time making items for family who DO appreciate and value the items you make.


This morning I watched Martha Stewarts show. She gave
away a trip to Indina and said she could take a quest Martha ask if she was taking her husband , she said Oh no,
Guess who???? Yep her daughter in law.
Wonder if she is one of the good ones, or maybe she
Is showing how a Mother in law can be?


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## Craftydesign (Jul 8, 2011)

mcguire said:


> LilgirlCA said:
> 
> 
> > My step daughter always wanted me to make her special occasion clothes but then would give them away after a few wearings.
> ...


I think probably the latter. My experience of a Mother in Law is someone who's an interfering, dominating, undermining, nosy busy body who I only tolerate for the sake of my husband. She's always treated me like I'm some errant school girl who thinks I have no idea on how to bring up my own children, "Mother knows best", does she, really? I think not! As for hand made clothes for your children, I don't have a problem with them, so long as you make them of a standard you can be proud of (not everyone is a champion knitter!) & your don't make people feel like they have to have handmade for fear they're going to cause upset or offence. Never assume someone wants what you've made & don't get upset if they say yes because they think they have to & then don't use it. Communicate!


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## nuclearfinz (Feb 23, 2011)

My husband's family didnt not appreciate the hand made items I had made. My husband pointed out, they did not realize the work that went into them because none of them had ever knit or crocheted and had no frame of reference. They had never had hand made items before. I Know my day=ughter in law had a greta deal of clothing when her first daughter was born and they live in a very small house, Any more hand made items would just take up more room. Unless you make the designs more contemporary it is unlikely any of the items will be appreciated.


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## sasvermont (Mar 3, 2011)

Maybe we should post a few names of charities looking for handmade items. I would be more than happy to send some things to them. I know there are local charities but wouldn't mind sending things out of town, i.e. where people have lost everything. Just an idea, not sure it's a great one!


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## Craftydesign (Jul 8, 2011)

I think it's a fab idea to "farm" unwanted items out to charities. There are always earthquakes & other natural disasters going on these days in various far flung places on the globe & I'm sure somebody somewhere would be really grateful. Here in the UK we have shops on the "High Street" who take unwanted items & sell them on in their shops. Some even have an on-line presence such as Oxfam. Save the Children(who HRH Princess Anne is heavily involved)are also a very good place to donate baby clothes.
Charities need all the help they can get. Many would not be able to contiue their very important work without donations from the public.


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

I only make things for my daughters and granddaughters. Years ago I made a counted cross stitch on aida cloth for my sister-in-law. It was the first one I made, it came out beautiful and I was very proud.I went and had it framed. I gave it to her for Christmas. Years later I was visiting her in her getaway house ( you know the house visit on vacations) and I seen it hanging on her wall. I then said "Wow! you still have that cross stitch, and she replyed ..."Someone made that for me, I can't remember who." and that is why I only make things for my girls because they love it.


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## jogrant (May 3, 2011)

Such a shame.


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## chixnan1 (Jun 2, 2011)

Okay, Hand-Crafters! Enough "Waa-Waa." Let's pull up our big girl pants now, and make something for charity. We can all appreciate that we know how to do something that others don't. :-D


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## diane (Jan 18, 2011)

unreal, i would have fels so special if someone had done that for me! tell her you can never have to many baby outfits, hand made or not! they go thru them so fast!


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## kimmyz (May 9, 2011)

Keep on making them. If she doesn't want them (as would seem the case), there are plenty of people who would just LOVE your handmade items. Give them to charity or keep them to give as baby gifts for friends and other relatives.

I still have a little sweater that my grandmother made for me. She died many years ago. I keep it for sentimental reasons. Perhaps your grandchild will do the same some day. So it might turn out to be a gift for your great grandchild instead.


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## aqarianchick (Mar 23, 2011)

BGL said:


> After reading all your posts to this topic, I feel compelled to add my 2 cents worth. Not so much on handmade gifts, but I guess on gifts in general, and the lack of response we get. I would love to make things for family members, but since there is little or no thanks, no matter the gift (unless it is $, which rates one 5 minute phone call per gift), I don't want to waste my time. Does that make me a bad step-mother/ step-grandma/ step great grandma?
> I suppose, but they are far emough away that I will likely never see the house, to say nothing of the garage or doghouse, so see where a gift might actually end up.
> I will never forget the time spent to make an afghan, which I wrapped and mailed to them when they were stationed in Italy, only to have them (when asked) tell me that the baby clothes got there, but the afghan didn't (in the same box!).
> When we visited them several years later in Myrtle Beach, it was on the back of the couch, DH said something, and it was like "Yeah, I don't remember where it came from, but it goes with the couch".
> ...


*********************************
I'm with you 100%--My BFF Pat(ricia) is an avid crocheter. I'm an avid knitter/crocheter and we both made baby items for my nephew and his wife when they had their first child. We worked hard and fast to get the items done in time to hand deliver them for a baby shower. Verbal thank-you's were said, but no one who attended received written thanks-you's.

When their second child was born, I made a cocoon for the baby. Not even a verbal thank-you came my way. I couldn't hand deliver it and so it arrived via snail mail. I tried to make it fancy wrapped inside a regular mail bag. I had to ask my sister if it arrived. I had to prod an answer and evenually she, not my nephew or his wife, said word one about it. This item cost a few buck, and took me weeks to make because it was knitted. I made it because I care. Big whoop! Like you, from now on I will only make items for those who appreciate them, and for charity because I care who gets them.

Hugs from the boonies. Keep on knitting
Bev


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## mcguire (Feb 21, 2011)

Craftydesign said:


> mcguire said:
> 
> 
> > LilgirlCA said:
> ...


I can understand how home made cane hurt. When I was a child of about 6 My mother started me in dancing classes.
Instead of buying me tap shoes, My father who was a blacksmith me taps and put them on one pair of shoe. They were fine, but I was hurt that the others had the shoes.Then when we had a dance show I was BoPeep and he made me my cane with the hook, when I was in grades I
started playing drums, he made me my drum sticks. Now I wish I could give my Dad a kiss and hug for the love,and time it took for him to make these. I guess we just have to wait for these people to learn where love is.


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## cathie white (May 29, 2011)

One Fall Fair in which I enter handmade items, has a "community ,service challenge" category.Entrants are asked to submit a hat, scarf or pair of mitts. When the fair is over, all the entries are donated to a local "out of the cold" programme. That seems to me a very good way to get warm clothing for those in need. My local women's shelter also accepts similar items.


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## diane (Jan 18, 2011)

i think our entire exsistance revolves around matearialistic things in this country, knitting to me is an apreciation of what it takes to actualy make a guarnment and i get the apreciation of knowing i can do it myself, self sufficent, so i will never have to be that person in need.


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## mcguire (Feb 21, 2011)

bizzyknitter said:


> I only make things for my daughters and granddaughters. Years ago I made a counted cross stitch on aida cloth for my sister-in-law. It was the first one I made, it came out beautiful and I was very proud.I went and had it framed. I gave it to her for Christmas. Years later I was visiting her in her getaway house ( you know the house visit on vacations) and I seen it hanging on her wall. I then said "Wow! you still have that cross stitch, and she replyed ..."Someone made that for me, I can't remember who." and that is why I only make things for my girls because they love it.


I think I worte this before, but I have a pair of mittens framed that belonged to my father his mother made for him.They are so tiny. Maye I will post them, he was born in 1880 so these mean a lot to me. Granma died long time before i came along.


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## Dlclose (Jun 26, 2011)

mcguire said:


> bizzyknitter said:
> 
> 
> > I only make things for my daughters and granddaughters. Years ago I made a counted cross stitch on aida cloth for my sister-in-law. It was the first one I made, it came out beautiful and I was very proud.I went and had it framed. I gave it to her for Christmas. Years later I was visiting her in her getaway house ( you know the house visit on vacations) and I seen it hanging on her wall. I then said "Wow! you still have that cross stitch, and she replyed ..."Someone made that for me, I can't remember who." and that is why I only make things for my girls because they love it.
> ...


How precious!! DO have them framed and preserved!!


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## PoodleMom (May 12, 2011)

mcguire said:


> bizzyknitter said:
> 
> 
> > I only make things for my daughters and granddaughters. Years ago I made a counted cross stitch on aida cloth for my sister-in-law. It was the first one I made, it came out beautiful and I was very proud.I went and had it framed. I gave it to her for Christmas. Years later I was visiting her in her getaway house ( you know the house visit on vacations) and I seen it hanging on her wall. I then said "Wow! you still have that cross stitch, and she replyed ..."Someone made that for me, I can't remember who." and that is why I only make things for my girls because they love it.
> ...


Do post the photos! I'd love to see them & I'm sure I'm not alone.

I just finished a baby sweater that my mother had started 50+ years ago for (I'm assuming) my oldest brother. He arrived a couple of weeks early & the sweater never got finished. I found it in Mom's linen closet after she died, when I was scrounging for knitting needles to re-learn knitting. My niece (who was very close to my mom) is having her first child (Mom & Dad's first grandchild) in October, so I finished the sweater for her. This will be an "heirloom" sweater...baby Sophia can have her photo taken in it but it's going to be saved & passed along to the other grandkids, too. When the _next_ generation comes along, I'll pass it along to my niece, who will value it as much as I do. By the way, I'm also going to make the same sweater in different yarn just for baby Sophia to keep.

I'm going to (attempt to) attach "before & after" photos...


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

PoodleMom said:


> mcguire said:
> 
> 
> > bizzyknitter said:
> ...


This is beautiful...all the baby sweaters, blankets,booties,hats...etc..I made for my grandchildren my daughters saved to pass down to their children...how lucky I am to knit for all of them.
:thumbup:


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## cathie white (May 29, 2011)

Hi Poodle Mom,
That pattern knitted from fornt edge to front edge is a classic!
My mother always said that one fit really well and always seemed to stretch to allow for growth, so the baby could wear it for e relatively long time. It's lovely to see it ready tro pass along to another generation!you've done a great job of finishing and "staging" it!


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## soneka (Feb 8, 2011)

Wow, we are all in the same boat and I thought I was the only one with ungracious kids! I knitted many adorable sweaters for 3 grandsons (& frogged a good bit so they were perfect), and I doubt they were ever worn. Now I knit for baby charities and prayer shawls for church, and I do it for myself because it gives me a good feeling instead of feeling bad.


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## mcguire (Feb 21, 2011)

PoodleMom said:


> mcguire said:
> 
> 
> > bizzyknitter said:
> ...


Beautiful sweater. Lets hope Mommy keeps it for her grandchild.


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## janhil38 (Apr 6, 2011)

I was making a wedding dress (sewn) for the sister of my daughters friend once. I had it started and in an insuing conversation they asked me how much I was going to charge. I had checked to see how much they were getting and then was going to charge less. When they found out how much it would be they came and picked up what I had already done and said "I could have bought one for that price," and never paid me a cent. Also didn't speak to me for years. People just don't realize how much better hand made is.


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## mrssonsew (Feb 7, 2011)

Janhil; you got that right I use to sew all kind of wedding, proms, etc. Have things all over the world, some people are great love your work, but then the choosen few nit pick. After taken up all your time and summer's and being upset with the choosen , my daughter and I gave sewing up and now in to something else where people appreciate your work.


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## janie48 (May 18, 2011)

We've all been there with kids, friends, and family


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## Dlclose (Jun 26, 2011)

mrssonsew said:


> Janhil; you got that right I use to sew all kind of wedding, proms, etc. Have things all over the world, some people are great love your work, but then the choosen few nit pick. After taken up all your time and summer's and being upset with the choosen , my daughter and I gave sewing up and now in to something else where people appreciate your work.


What is it you and your daughter are in to? Please share.


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## mrssonsew (Feb 7, 2011)

well now I am doing my crafts and knitting and making jewelry to make a little spending money, since I got put out of my job due to my age and I dont speak spanish which I have worked with these people for a large number of years and very nice people I have known since 1962, they are upset that I am not on my job but when you get a new boss who I think doesnt like it when people come in and say your not the same as the other doctor, then he does some changes, and as for my daughter she is working at opitcal and wine tours .


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## Elaine Ohs (Jan 27, 2011)

mrssonsew said:


> well now I am doing my crafts and knitting and making jewelry to make a little spending money, since I got put out of my job due to my age and I dont speak spanish which I have worked with these people for a large number of years and very nice people I have known since 1962, they are upset that I am not on my job but when you get a new boss who I think doesnt like it when people come in and say your not the same as the other doctor, then he does some changes, and as for my daughter she is working at opitcal and wine tours .


As an old HR person it seems to me that if you were let go because of age and not being able to speak Spanish 
you could have a wrongful termination case. I have been out of the business for some time and things could have changed, but it might be worth it to check it out.


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