# How to say no gracefully



## lizchron (Aug 16, 2016)

Hi all,
I am a fairly new knitter and am wondering what you do when people start requesting you to make things for them that you don't enjoy making? For instance a dog sweater. I am knee deep in Christmas knitting projects and my daughter's boss called me and seriously wants me to make him a dog sweater. He has asked me about it twice! I am wanting to concentrate on Christmas presents (socks!) and have no interest in making a dog sweater. I have gone so far as to think about running to Walmart and buying a dog sweater and taking the tags out! This man has been very helpful to my daughter but even after Christmas I will have no interest in making a dog sweater. Have tried saying no but that doesn't work....
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks.


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## jbachman (Jan 19, 2011)

I would tell him the truth. You don't have time as you are busy doing items for your own family. I sell items in a shop, but do not accept custom orders. I find it too stressful to get something completed on someone else's time line especially with my health issues. I enjoy my knitting much more when I knit what I want when I want in the time I have. My family and friends are always appreciative of what they receive.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

Forget being graceful and just say no. If he persists, ask him what part of no he doesn't understand. You don't owe him an explanation. Does he contact you by telephone? If so let the calls go to voice mail. Don't reply to emails or texts.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

Perhaps you can put him on the list, and do it much later, a very simplistic one, or even tell him it will be next year! Maybe you could trade knitting with someone that does like to do dog sweaters or pass that name on. It is so hard when it is a boss and your family's boss at that, no one likes to disappoint anyone. If this is a freebie, he should expect to be at the end of a family list, if not when he sees the cost of a warm woolen coat, he may just head to WalMart himself.


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## kittygritty (Mar 2, 2015)

Just explain you're busy with holiday projects now. Personally I think a dog sweater might be fun to make :sm01: If it were me, I'd say check back after Christmas, tell him you'll find a pattern and he can buy the yarn and then tell him a price you will charge to make it. $25? $50? That might make him back off. If not, sounds like you might be able to make a bit of money!People pay absurd amounts to put clothing on their dogs.


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## ELareau (Nov 4, 2012)

Thank him for his trust in your abilities, and then proceed to tell him about your "santa's workshop" list that needs to be completed. 

I obviously don't know your relationship with him (friends, acquaintences, etc.) but with some people I feel more comfortable speaking frankly. This group of friends who ask for something I know I don't want to deliver, I honestly tell them those are projects I don't like to work on so feel I would not do quality work, and wouldn't want to disappoint them, so respectfully decline the request. With other friends or acquaintances who would not accept that tack, I am less forthright.

Would your daughter's boss take kindly to your being honest? If not, stick to the long list of projects excuse.


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## Swedenme (May 28, 2014)

I have been asked to make a sweater with a tractor on the front but I have other projects to finish for Christmas so I told the lady if she still wants the sweater after Christmas to ask me again


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## Rucia (Mar 4, 2015)

Montana Gramma said:


> Perhaps you can put him on the list, and do it much later, a very simplistic one, or even tell him it will be next year! Maybe you could trade knitting with someone that does like to do dog sweaters or pass that name on. It is so hard when it is a boss and your family's boss at that, no one likes to disappoint anyone. If this is a freebie, he should expect to be at the end of a family list, if not when he sees the cost of a warm woolen coat, he may just head to WalMart himself.


I like your idea Montana Gramma....., To Liz...... I wonder if your family or your daughter are friend with him, does he goes to your or daughter's family gathetering? What I mean , how closed this person is with the family. If he is just the boss, then I will be very polite and explain that you do not do dog's sweater......but you can find someone that does..... Good luck and keep us posted


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## Cathie bargenda (May 30, 2015)

Just tell all of them you are to busy with your Christmas knitting. Be honest..
I've learned over the years to say no. People don't realize the time involved. Just say no..


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## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

I'm sorry, but I am very busy with my own projects. Also, I have never made a sweater for a dog and to be perfectly honest, that is because I have never wanted to. I have heard that well-behaved dogs are welcome in Pet Smart stores and you would be sure that the sweater fits your dog that way.


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## Mei50 (May 14, 2012)

My sister's dog has Burberry raincoat and booties, authentic ones, spoil but cute!


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## michelle303 (Aug 31, 2016)

Honesty is definitely the best policy. Best to learn how to say no while you're relatively new, or you'll just find it harder and harder when these things happen (and trust me, they will happen!)


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## windowwonde28941 (Mar 9, 2011)

I say I do knit for therapy .So I do knit what I can and I want .
If I take orders is not a therapy for me any more .
So I hope you understand and the answer is NO .
At the end of the day is a dog .


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## ChasingRainbows (May 12, 2012)

It sounds like he's using his position as your daughter's boss to pressure you into making the dog sweater, and that's just not right. 

Since you're a fairly new knitter, it would be honest to say that you've never made one before, and aren't sure your knitting skills are quite up to the task. 

On top of that, you already have commitments to your own family for Christmas presents.

If he asks again, I'd tell him that he has to buy the yarn and the pattern, up front - don't tell him about free patterns, and if you want to, tell him how much you'd charge him. 

Unless you already know what kind of dog he has, you might get suckered into making a dog sweater for a Great Dane!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

While I was sitting - knitting, of course - in the waiting area at the pharmacy one day, the pharmacist popped her head over the barrier to tell me she would pay for the yarn for me to knit her a pair of socks. Tell, not ask! I was speechless for a moment. Then I replied that I'd never yet knit socks, so it would take some time. I guesstimated about ten hours of my time - including the time to learn to knit socks, and I told her I earned $25/hour at my job and would expect the same pay - _plus_ the price of the yarn - for a pair of socks knit to order. As an alternative, I even offered to help her learn to knit her own socks, and I'd provide the learning materials. 
She filled my prescription, and never said another word about sockknitting. I guess she wasn't all _that_ anxious to have them.
I changed pharmacies shortly thereafter, because Costco opened an in-store pharmacy.

A dog sweater is not a difficult thing to knit. It's a tube with three holes - one for the head and two for the forelegs. Done in ribbing, it'll fit well with just the most minimal measurements. http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/perfect-fit-dog-cat-sweater--pat-generatr-topdown 
I suggest that, _because_ that man is in a position of power over your daughter, you might consider knitting his dog the danged sweater. One never knows what slight might set him off against her, and that wouldn't be good. Yes, it is yielding to pressure, but ... only you can weigh the importance. I would NOT invest in expensive yarn for a dog sweater - not for anyone. The dog will not know the difference and will not 'respect' the garment no matter what it's made from.

Good luck!


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## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

Jessica-Jean said:


> While I was sitting - knitting, of course - in the waiting area at the pharmacy one day, the pharmacist popped her head over the barrier to tell me she would pay for the yarn for me to knit her a pair of socks. Tell, not ask! I was speechless for a moment. Then I replied that I'd never yet knit socks, so it would take some time. I guesstimated about ten hours of my time - including the time to learn to knit socks, and I told her I earned $25/hour at my job and would expect the same pay - _plus_ the price of the yarn - for a pair of socks knit to order. As an alternative, I even offered to help her learn to knit her own socks, and I'd provide the learning materials.
> She filled my prescription, and never said another word about sockknitting. I guess she wasn't all _that_ anxious to have them.
> I changed pharmacies shortly thereafter, because Costco opened an in-store pharmacy.
> 
> ...


Have to disagree with you on this, Jessica-Jean. If her daughter's boss uses a power play, the daughter will be well off knowing this about him now. Placate him and it's a step backwards plus letting him know he can throw his weight around to get his own way. Her home life should be kept separate from her work life. I'm sure she would never think of calling boss's wife to ask for a time consuming favor of her.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

susandkline said:


> Have to disagree with you on this, Jessica-Jean. If her daughter's boss uses a power play, the daughter will be well off knowing this about him now. Placate him and it's a step backwards plus letting him know he can throw his weight around to get his own way. Her home life should be kept separate from her work life. I'm sure she would never think of calling boss's wife to ask for a time consuming favor of her.


I didn't insist she make the dratted dog's coat; I suggested how she might go about it if she wished. It's absolutely her choice to do or not. Neither you nor I know the exact dynamics at play. Is this daughter's boss the kind to make her life a misery over the lack of a handknit dog's sweater? Or will he just forget about even having asked? (Since he's already asked multiple times, he probably won't just let it drop easily.) Might it be really difficult for her daughter to find as good a job should her boss turn out to be a total idiot? Not always, but _sometimes_, placating is called for. I was just offering a relatively painless alternative to the flat out NO.


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## m_azingrace (Mar 14, 2012)

I would say I don't have time, then give him the number of the LYS ... or.tell him to look on Etsy.


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## laceluvr (Feb 16, 2012)

susandkline said:


> Have to disagree with you on this, Jessica-Jean. If her daughter's boss uses a power play, the daughter will be well off knowing this about him now. Placate him and it's a step backwards plus letting him know he can throw his weight around to get his own way. Her home life should be kept separate from her work life. I'm sure she would never think of calling boss's wife to ask for a time consuming favor of her.


You don't mention if he even offered to pay you when he first asked about the dog sweater. I'm wondering if he's expecting you to make it for free just because he's your daughter's boss. You need to find out from your daughter exactly what kind of boss he is & what she really thinks about him. I get a sense that he may be a bit pushy as he's already asked you a 2nd time after you already said no & gave him a reason why. If you agree to do it, you may regret it; as I agree with susandkline that it is a power play on his part. He probably thinks he can keep asking until you agree to it, because what mother wants to 'put off' her daughter's boss? In my mind, that's a bit like a mental extortion of sorts. If you give in once, who knows what he'll ask you to knit next...maybe a whole sweater wardrobe for the dog & then some!

You could just refer him to someone else who knits & would be willing to do it. As was posted, refer him to a LYS.


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## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

I would be honest and just say you have a lot of knitting to do for your family for Christmas. If the person can not accept your explanation then I would get a bit more forceful with the NO!!


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## Sukiesue (Aug 7, 2016)

Wish we lived near,for some reason I've been wanting to knit a dog coat for ages & have no dogs that would wear one(no dog either),I would have knitted one for you! ????


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## ChristineM (Oct 1, 2012)

Jessica-Jean you are perfect in your response! Got a good laugh out of that one! Hell of a price to pay for a pair of socks heh? Bless you for being quick off the mark with that retort!!!!


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## Briegeen (Dec 9, 2012)

I agree with you. I am getting "sick" at times of people saying " you should do this that & the other" I reply saying I have more than enough to do for relatives & all my other crafts" but I do offer to teach them to knit - no take-up so far !!!!



jbachman said:


> I would tell him the truth. You don't have time as you are busy doing items for your own family. I sell items in a shop, but do not accept custom orders. I find it too stressful to get something completed on someone else's time line especially with my health issues. I enjoy my knitting much more when I knit what I want when I want in the time I have. My family and friends are always appreciative of what they receive.


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## dawnmc1 (Sep 3, 2011)

I think I would knit the dog sweater if only to perhaps help my daughter, it is a fairly simple thing to knit using thick yarn it won't take long.


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## jean-bean (Jun 22, 2012)

I would like to thank you all for the advice given as I am expecting a request for a mans waistcoat ( been warned by my knitting group ladies) and I will now be word perfect in my refusal!! I have too much to do approaching Christmas ( charity knits and lots of twiddle muffs.


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## SouthernGirl (Dec 28, 2011)

great responses to your question. just say you have a long list of requests


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## jsprad (Feb 18, 2011)

Firstly, have you met your daughter's boss? How does he know that you are a knitter? Second, here's a suggestion that I have used many times. Tell him you can't start it until after Christmas. Then decide how much it will be worth it to you to knit a project that you don't want to do. Then quote him that price. If he says yes, then it will be worth your time and effort. If not, then happily let it go. Good luck!!


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

Best advice of all. Read carefully.



Jessica-Jean said:


> While I was sitting - knitting, of course - in the waiting area at the pharmacy one day, the pharmacist popped her head over the barrier to tell me she would pay for the yarn for me to knit her a pair of socks. Tell, not ask! I was speechless for a moment. Then I replied that I'd never yet knit socks, so it would take some time. I guesstimated about ten hours of my time - including the time to learn to knit socks, and I told her I earned $25/hour at my job and would expect the same pay - _plus_ the price of the yarn - for a pair of socks knit to order. As an alternative, I even offered to help her learn to knit her own socks, and I'd provide the learning materials.
> She filled my prescription, and never said another word about sockknitting. I guess she wasn't all _that_ anxious to have them.
> I changed pharmacies shortly thereafter, because Costco opened an in-store pharmacy.
> 
> ...


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## Roxanness (Nov 18, 2012)

I agree with Jessica Jean. It is very hard to say no in this position. I have had this happen to me. I gave it as a gift, a hat. I am sure your daughter would greatly appreciate it.


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## Roxanness (Nov 18, 2012)

How big is the dog? I agree with Jessica Jean. I have had this happen to me. A hat. I gave it as a gift, since it was a similar situation. Can it be done after Christmas? Your daughter may really appreciate that you would do this.


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## nuthouse (Oct 30, 2012)

jbachman said:


> I would tell him the truth. You don't have time as you are busy doing items for your own family. I sell items in a shop, but do not accept custom orders. I find it too stressful to get something completed on someone else's time line especially with my health issues. I enjoy my knitting much more when I knit what I want when I want in the time I have. My family and friends are always appreciative of what they receive.


I agree wholeheartedly with your comments.


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## knitbreak (Jul 19, 2011)

I agree with Jessica-Jean that it would benefit your daughter in the long run if you did this favor for her boss.


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## K2P2 knitter (Jan 31, 2013)

I was sitting in the car repair waiting room when an employee came up and asked me to knit hats for his entire family. Him, his wife and three kids. I politely said "I'll put you on the list. You should have your hats in about 10 years". He said no thanks!


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## momcat531 (Oct 27, 2011)

Do you know another knitter who might do it?


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## sanvan44 (May 14, 2011)

I had a supervisor once who asked me to knit a scarf for her (I had already given her a couple of them that she loved, but I didn't.) She said "..and of course, is paying you whatever it's worth." She was very specific as to yarn type - Cashmere. No found I hate working under the gun. I finished it, then took it to my LYS for ideas regarding pricing. I was told "$85 - $125. Said boss "No way!" and refused it - even for $25. Left a very bad taste in my mouth. So now, I tell people "I only knit for ????, not ????.


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## judyr (Feb 20, 2011)

Jessica-Jean you are so right about not ticking daughter's boss off as it may backfire in her face. This is why I do not like it when Halloween comes around and the Christmas patterns come out. Don't these yarn companies realize that it takes time to make beautiful projects for Christmas?????? That is why I try to make things throughout the year for Christmas.


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## lkb850 (Dec 30, 2012)

What has he offered to pay for this dog sweater? I wouldn't hand knit it for less than $50 especially if I didn't want to do it. And thats after he purchased the yarn and pattern. I don't think he understands what is involved. If they have the same thing at Walmart or pet stores, then you know it would be cheaper for him to buy one. I am thinking he wants one that is cheaper than what he would have to pay at these stores and figures you would "give" it to him.


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## Mitch (Apr 4, 2011)

I agree with Jessica Jean too. If you decide to make the dog sweater perhaps say something like "as I am a new knitter and have several Christmas presents to finish before tackling another project, I will get to this in the new year when I have more time to devote to this."


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## raedean (Apr 25, 2011)

i have this problem too.a family always wants me to make them things.
or teach them to do this and that.crochet,knit and spin.
i did at first.taught them to sew.bought them little sewing kits.gave them yarn and hooks n needles.
they just want attention and to take up my time.
then the dad came over and showed me a clint eastwood replica of the poncho clint wore and it was 90$ and
asked if i could make it.i said no i cant.its woven.
the little girls are always wanting me to teach them but i did try ...they truly are not interested.
they never try to learn to do the foundation chain or the single stitch.they keep doing every other stitch 
they could make up.its funny and cute but...if they wont take time to learn the basics.then to me they arent interested.
so i just told the dad no.
if i can i do.
i get people who see me knit and they say u could make a ton of what i am knitting and sell them.i dont want to sell anything.
they say can u make me this or that? i make everything for our family,i knit for a family that has foster kids.i knit someone slippers if they are going thru surgery.
i have plenty to knit.i would say i have plenty to knit.


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## theresagsolet (Oct 6, 2013)

A friend of mine asked me to knit her a blanket for her bed I had to tell her that at the moment it was impossible because I there are so many projects for family waiting to be done


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## BessKuzma (Jul 11, 2016)

ChasingRainbows and Jessica-Jean both had especially good advice, I thought. This is a person who is your daughter's boss. It is tricky, but maybe
worth the effort if it is not too overwhelming, to please him and keep your daughter's relationship with him intact. This is assuming that you don't
know him well, and there isn't social interaction between you. On the whole, though, you do need a plan and reaction ready for the times you are, and will
be, asked to made something for someone else. For quite a while you can rely on your "new knitting limited skills," but in the long term if you can't say
no, you'll regret it. I tend to rely on my very long list of ongoing projects and how long it would take to be able to knit something else at the end of that
list. Hopefully the boss' dog is a teeny one!


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## Pinkpaisley (Mar 11, 2015)

I knitted a sweater for a friend's dog and mailed it to her. She was delighted with the gift but floored me by saying "I bet that took you less than an hour to knit!!!" It was striped.....so lots of weaving ends...three pieces.....so sewing up. I'm still not sure if she was serious or trying to be funny. I was speechless.


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## carriemae (Aug 28, 2012)

Quote him a price for your time, about $100 sounds right to me. I would never knit anything for an anima.


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## God's Girl (Jan 29, 2013)

I would say something like this " I am very flattered that you have asked but I can not manage your request at this time. Here are a few ( and collect names and numbers before hand ) people who might be able to help you out but that you do not know what their rates are for such an item. End of conversation.


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## ilmacheryl (Feb 3, 2013)

I tell people that I can't charge enough to make it worth my time and if I did start selling my knitting, it wouldn't be fun anymore, it would be work. So far, everyone has understood.


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## susanmjackson (Feb 7, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> While I was sitting - knitting, of course - in the waiting area at the pharmacy one day, the pharmacist popped her head over the barrier to tell me she would pay for the yarn for me to knit her a pair of socks. Tell, not ask! I was speechless for a moment. Then I replied that I'd never yet knit socks, so it would take some time. I guesstimated about ten hours of my time - including the time to learn to knit socks, and I told her I earned $25/hour at my job and would expect the same pay - _plus_ the price of the yarn - for a pair of socks knit to order. As an alternative, I even offered to help her learn to knit her own socks, and I'd provide the learning materials.
> She filled my prescription, and never said another word about sockknitting. I guess she wasn't all _that_ anxious to have them.
> I changed pharmacies shortly thereafter, because Costco opened an in-store pharmacy.
> 
> ...


I agree that because he is your daughter's boss and he is not accepting no from you, just knit the sweater, charge a fair price and move on.


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## Kadoonya (Nov 4, 2015)

Dog sweaters are kind of a nuisance to knit. I don't make them for my own dogs.


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## ElyseKnox (Sep 16, 2011)

Have to agree with Susan. One might try to sugar coat the 'no' but I would say no, nonetheless. And I would not plead being too busy, that leaves the door open for discussion. Make it clear that 'you do not knit special orders or for money.'



susandkline said:


> Have to disagree with you on this, Jessica-Jean. If her daughter's boss uses a power play, the daughter will be well off knowing this about him now. Placate him and it's a step backwards plus letting him know he can throw his weight around to get his own way. Her home life should be kept separate from her work life. I'm sure she would never think of calling boss's wife to ask for a time consuming favor of her.


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## Oakdale (Dec 16, 2014)

When people ask me to knit something for them I politely say that I only knit for family. I am not a good enough knitter to knit for anybody else.


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## wtchgrl (Sep 19, 2011)

I had some one tell me, TELL ME!!! that I could make a baby blanket for their upcoming grandchild. I said ok, look for a pattern you like and I will tell you how much it will cost. When I told her it would cost around $100 ($25-$30 alone for the yarn), she quietly said, "Oh. I guess I better just buy on then." And that was the end of that.


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

Make the dog sweater, for your daughter! There are some really easy ones, after Christmas, before New Years, an establish knitter could knit one in a day or two. 

Truth? That won't help your daugher, unless you want to hurt her in business.

G


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## susanrs1 (Mar 21, 2011)

KitKat789 said:


> Forget being graceful and just say no. If he persists, ask him what part of no he doesn't understand. You don't owe him an explanation. Does he contact you by telephone? If so let the calls go to voice mail. Don't reply to emails or texts.


Amen. Boss or no boss this guy needs to stop pressuring you.


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## Irene1 (Oct 23, 2013)

Jessica-Jean, I love your pharmacy socks tale!

I think I would also, like others, look at the dynamics of the boss-employee relationship. It's easier to say that you shouldn't bend to the pressure, but can your daughter easily find another job? As women, we're still stuck in the same situation. I guess I was just the lucky one who didn't lose my job when I stood up to some of these bulky-bosses, but there were always some repercussions, luckily none of them serious but definitely designed to make me miserable just so that I would remember my "place" because I was a woman. I am thankful to have made it through to retirement!


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## Kahlua (Aug 7, 2012)

I agree with J.J...just as long as he doesn't want a specialty knit with the dog's name & other added stuff...simple broken rib would work out really well as it's flexible...hope the dog isn't a Saint Bernard...I don't think you mentioned what breed it was.


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## jditlin (Mar 13, 2011)

I do not knit 'orders'. I knit for my enjoyment and if someone wants to buy something I've made I will sell it to them. I tell people that knitting to fill orders takes all the pleasure out of knitting.


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## Rescue Mom (Jul 28, 2011)

When people ask me to make something for them I simply state my slate is full of projects and I am unable to fit any more in. I suggest they go to our LYS to either try to get someone there to make the item, or for them to take lessons and learn to make items themselves. I am always polite and it works like a charm.


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## Lubbieisme (Oct 30, 2014)

I would tell him you are a fairly new knitter and the patterns you have found for dog sweaters are beyond your comfort zone. Tell him you are not comfortable making something when you feel it wouldn't be your best work. Thank him for trusting in you and let it go at that. I hate when people try to order you to make things for them. It takes all the joy out of the craft.


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

You didn't say the boss was a bully or one who pressures, he just wants a dog sweater for his dog and he admires your work, he either has seen it, or your daughter talks about it. It doesn't mean he would punish your daughter, as some may theorize, but you can advance you and she in his eyes, your kindness, totally away from business. You can't read unsavory tactics or bullying in to this, just make the darn sweater. It doesn't mean you have to say yes to everyone.

G


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## rbstewart2 (Feb 8, 2016)

I like Cathie's response. Be honest! All of us have a list of projects we are committed to already for family, etc. Tell him what time you have is committed already to those projects.
Never lead people on. Just say no, sorry, I can't.


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## MousePotatoKnits (Oct 23, 2013)

I agree with JJ. Somehow, try to fit it into your schedule of knitted gifts. An inexpensive acrylic would work. Ask you daughter what power he has over her and would there be retribution.


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## quatrefoilknits (Apr 12, 2016)

I would demur by apologizing that I just simply do not have the expertise and know-how for creating a dog sweater. I might add that I had done some preliminary research into the possibility, by reviewing patterns and tips online, and find that proper fit can be an issue. Then I might re-direct his inquiry by sharing that in researching online, I did find a number of commercially-made dog sweaters listed for sale, many of which are adorable and some of which are adjustable. I would apologize again, then say that you are giving him as much notice as possible, so that he has ample time for shopping.

As the title of your posted stated, a graceful tone of saying "no" may be best. Often the key is to help a person feel "the love" they were seeking with a handmade gift, while also helping them solve their own problem.

:sm11:

A further word of caution: Many people have no idea of (or appreciation for) the amount of time and talent that goes into hand-knitting. When a knitter sacrifices their own priorities and "puts themselves out" in attempt to appease such a person... rather than receiving gratitude, the knitter may receive a multitude of unwarranted suggestions... from critique of _yarn choice_ to _design elements_ to _color_... essentially expecting the generous knitter to be a mind-reader as well as inventing non-existent materials to work with. The recipient's disappointment may not end there... they may rudely suggest the knitter "try again" and "do better". Even experienced, award-winning knitters have faced this no-win scenario... whether knitting a familiar pattern as a custom order... or trying their hand at something new.


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## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

INTERESTING YOU SHOULD MENTION YOUR PROBLEM! - I just had a person "tell" me in front of a room full of people last night that I needed to knit another hat for her, as she gave the latest one that I already knitted for her to her granddaughter........she wanted another one just like it. I told her (several times!), in front of the room full of people, that I knitted the hat for HER, not her granddaughter. She was VERY insistent. It ended with me telling her I no longer had the type of yarn, I had already given her about 8 hats (all of which went to her granddaughters) and I didn't like to take orders! I finally just said NO.

I usually have no problem saying NO to things I don't want to do, but some people get stuck on what they want and don't have a thought as to anyone else's lack of time or interest.

You say that this would be for your daughter's boss, who had been of help to her. STICKY situation. Sounds to me like he is using his kindness to your daughter to get something for himself--he knows (unless he is dim-witted) that he is taking advantage of you. I would use other REALLY GOOD suggestions you have received and tell him you are too busy, and you don't know when you would be able to get around to doing a dog sweater. You might explain to him just how many hours and days it takes to do the sweater. Or, if he backs you into a corner, you can just say NO.


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## kendknitter (Jul 3, 2016)

I was just having this discussion with a friend. I love to knit and love to give knitting as gifts, and find it so imposing when someone asks me to knit something for them. My standard reply is, "My list of knitting projects is soooo long right now. Can you wait 3 years?"


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## Quiltflower (Oct 25, 2014)

You could look on Etsy and see if there are any reasonable hand knit dog sweaters and then tell him that is the one and only sweater you will make for his dog.


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## czechmate (Jun 17, 2011)

Why should you be Graceful , when he keeps asking, egnore it , you have already said NO .go on with what YOU want to knit .


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## vikingnorge (Apr 26, 2015)

Yes, tell him the truth.
I don't take on work for commission. Too much can go wrong.
My motto is
Knitting is like sex, if I love you enough, it's free, otherwise, you can't afford it.


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## alexdoc (Feb 11, 2016)

If you don't want to do it or don't have the time, just say, sorry but not now.


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## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

I just came across this helpful information:
http://www.wikihow.com/Say-No-Respectfully


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## Debi55 (Jun 4, 2014)

I'm a little different I guess. I would get some bulky yarn & spend the few hours making the dog sweater....It shouldn't take more than 3 hours in bulky. This is your daughter's boss, and I'd be happy making her boss happy. Just my way of thinking. If it was something more complicated, I'd find a way to say no.


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## MindyT (Apr 29, 2011)

Can you say, Awkward! Cheeky blighter to pressure the mother of an employee.
Be truthful...sort of....tell him you are a new knitter, something like that is way too complicated to take on just now as you are doing scarves and hats for a huge list of Christmas presents and under a lot of pressure. Tell him you saw some cunning ones at both Walmart and on line. Maybe send him a couple of links. I shouldn't think he would persist after that. 
Good luck.and happy knitting what YOU want to knit.


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## Paulaross (Feb 3, 2016)

Somehow I feel there is more to this. How does this person even know you knit? Did your daughter "suggest" that you would make it, if he called you? How did this person get your phone number? Is he a family friend or something? How about the rest of the story....


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## kdpa07734 (Nov 10, 2015)

I crocheted 3 pair of fingerless gloves for a friend to use on her farm. Another friend of hers wanted some... She told that friend I'd make her some for $25. A fair price, but I don't do special orders, either. It takes the fun out of it for me. I just told her no thanks, I didn't feel like doing them. There are other folks that would (and do) make them for sale.

I like the idea of telling him to buy the pattern (for you to keep) and yarn up front (acrylic for keeping it clean easily) and an extra $25 (small dog) to $50 (big dog) fee for your time. Also, that it will be after the new year before you get to it, as you're very busy right now.


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## SallyJ (Oct 13, 2012)

I have been asked by my friend, that her friend, would like me to knit a sweater for her granddaughter. Since my friend knows how busy I am this time of the year she was kindly thinking of me when she told her friend that I cannot do it right now but maybe after Christmas. This is the same friend that I kindly knit 3 dog sweaters for. Some dog sweaters are quite easy to make.

I sent my friend's friend to Ravelry and asked her to pick out a few different sweaters that she liked and I would consider them after Christmas. I haven't heard from her since. Sometimes when someone else has to do a little of the "leg-work" they really aren't that interested!


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## Fluffymahoot (Jul 12, 2011)

Lubbieisme said:


> I would tell him you are a fairly new knitter and the patterns you have found for dog sweaters are beyond your comfort zone. Tell him you are not comfortable making something when you feel it wouldn't be your best work. Thank him for trusting in you and let it go at that. I hate when people try to order you to make things for them. It takes all the joy out of the craft.


 I agree! If you don't want to knit it why should you have to submit to a person who won't stop asking, perhaps thinking that if he asks you enough and taking advantage of your daughter's position you will do want he wants. Being polite is very important as Lubbieisme suggests and if he keeps asking you can politely repeat the same answer for however many times you have to, such as, "I'm sorry but I won't be able to do that" or something in your own words. You don't owe him an explanation and by using the "broken record" (as long as it is said politely he will eventually start to feel awkward for keep asking you and yet you have been very polite and nice to him). That being said, not that long ago I would have given in even if it was the last thing I wanted to do. I have used this method quite successfully and it gets easier every time I use it. Good Luck!!


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## BobzMum (Nov 10, 2012)

I would tell him No and insist that he stops asking.
He should not keep asking you, and you should not feel obliged or pressured to do anything like this. 
He should know better!!
Your own knitting list is keeping you busy and you don't need to be pressured by anyone to make something you don't want to make.

Just because you can knit does not mean that anyone should take it for granted that you will make them anything.
You're new to knitting and need to feel comfortable while making things and learning as you go.


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## sandyridge (Nov 15, 2014)

Paulaross said:


> Somehow I feel there is more to this. How does this person even know you knit? Did your daughter "suggest" that you would make it, if he called you? How did this person get your phone number? Is he a family friend or something? How about the rest of the story....


I agree. Reading through the varied responses I did not see how the daughter feels about this. Does she feel like there would be reprisal for a refusal? Did she perhaps suggest to him that her mom could make one? Details about price and who is providing the yarn is also absent. I don't think it is graceful to provide a made up excuse but more like a white lie. If you really are not willing to do it just say no but think if I was going to refuse I would want to know how does the daughter feel that a refusal would affect her relationship with the boss and her future with her employment.


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

It's a pity that he hasn't taken no for an answer. I'd definitely, firmly, and politely say no again. Knitting is supposed to be something we enjoy and not something we dread. Simply tell him that you have no time. The end.

Hazel


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## Anita1955 (Jan 6, 2013)

lizchron said:


> Hi all,
> I am a fairly new knitter and am wondering what you do when people start requesting you to make things for them that you don't enjoy making? For instance a dog sweater. I am knee deep in Christmas knitting projects and my daughter's boss called me and seriously wants me to make him a dog sweater. He has asked me about it twice! I am wanting to concentrate on Christmas presents (socks!) and have no interest in making a dog sweater. I have gone so far as to think about running to Walmart and buying a dog sweater and taking the tags out! This man has been very helpful to my daughter but even after Christmas I will have no interest in making a dog sweater. Have tried saying no but that doesn't work....
> Any advice would be appreciated.
> Thanks.


No is not a bad word. It's not an evil word. It's not a word that requires an explanation. It's a word that expresses exactly what one feels. If you've actually told him, "No," then there's nothing else for you to do - he has your answer. He'll understand you're serious when a dog sweater never appears.


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## carrottop71 (Jul 17, 2011)

I would tell him my knitting is my hobby and taking knitting requests, especially something I wouldn't enjoy doing, would made it a job. Tell him you would gladly teach him or his wife how to knit and then they could do it themselves. I would also remind him how long it takes to do a project and what it would cost him hourly for you to make it. Then say, I'm not sure you would want to buy a $200. dog sweater. By the way, that is what a lady I knitted for sold the sweaters I knitted for her dog shows.


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## Grandmaknitstoo (Jul 6, 2011)

I would NOT do it at any cost! By making one thing, you are inviting him ask for other things. Just say, I'm a new knitter and I don't take orders. And if you wish add: I prefer to knit for people in my family and close friends.


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## Billpayor (Oct 12, 2016)

As you state, you are a new-ish knitter. Now would be a good time to learn NO. You can make up excuses (it's good to have a standard ready at all times). "I only knit for family" "I'm too busy" "I can't" "I won't" "I'll add you to my list, but you'll be at the end and it's a long list (my favorite)" "Here is my standard rate, $15 dollars per skein of yarn, you will need to buy X skeins, this on-line company may have a pattern you like ___________, I charge $__ per hour, it will take approximately __ hours to complete, after you have bought the yarn and pattern, I can give you an idea of the time it will take to complete, I will need half up front to begin" You could even make up a little chart and just hand it to them. 

You will find people can be very rude and pushy when asking for your time and money. Most have no clue what making anything by hand involves.


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## RNLinda (Dec 14, 2012)

I would just tell him that since I was a new knitter and have never knit one, I thought it might be beyond my capabilities. If you feel up to it, you might tell him that you would consider trying to make one after the holidays, but would be unable to do it before the holidays.


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## sharmend (Feb 14, 2012)

wtchgrl said:


> I had some one tell me, TELL ME!!! that I could make a baby blanket for their upcoming grandchild. I said ok, look for a pattern you like and I will tell you how much it will cost. When I told her it would cost around $100 ($25-$30 alone for the yarn), she quietly said, "Oh. I guess I better just buy on then." And that was the end of that.


Great answer!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

vikingnorge said:


> Yes, tell him the truth.
> I don't take on work for commission. Too much can go wrong.
> My motto is
> *Knitting is like sex, if I love you enough, it's free, otherwise, you can't afford it.*


I love your motto!! :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## bakrmom (May 30, 2011)

Paulaross said:


> Somehow I feel there is more to this. How does this person even know you knit? Did your daughter "suggest" that you would make it, if he called you? How did this person get your phone number? Is he a family friend or something? How about the rest of the story....


All questions that came to me, too. Is DD bragging about mom's skills? Did boss casually say "I would like one for my dog?" and DD volunteered mom? Really not enough info.
I guess I must have nicer friends/family than most here 'cause I get more respect than many of you do.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Billpayor said:


> ... You will find people can be very rude and pushy when asking for *your time* and money. Most have no clue what making anything by hand involves.


Time is the only thing we have. It should be our decision how we spend it.


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## hilltopper (Jul 16, 2014)

I would, as some others have suggested, knit the dog sweater - not for the sake of the boss, but for the sake of my daughter. I suspect it would be quicker than all the agonizing over it. And I certainly would do it with a bulky or super bulky yarn. That will also eliminate the need for you to worry about future repercussion. A done deal.


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## DebHow78 (Nov 11, 2014)

I haven't read all of the comments, but I know I've dealt with the same thing. Busy making gifts and don't have time to take orders from people. I like how Jessica-Jean handled it! Once they find out what it would cost them, they would most likely change their mind.

When people asked me last winter, I just told them I was too busy with knitting gifts.


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## carrottop71 (Jul 17, 2011)

vikingnorge said:


> Yes, tell him the truth.
> I don't take on work for commission. Too much can go wrong.
> My motto is
> Knitting is like sex, if I love you enough, it's free, otherwise, you can't afford it.


I love your quote. I plan to use it.


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## grasshopper (Apr 26, 2014)

I was asked to knit a skirt and sweater outfit for the daughter of a friend, a person who wasn't even a close friend of mine. As I had four children at the time, I just graciously said that I didn't have enough time to make all the things I wanted to make for my own family. (By the way, I never did see this child in a dress, always in jeans.) It would have been a total waste of my valuable time. P.S. I just noticed the quote above. I love it. Will also have to use it sometime.


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## julietremain (Jul 8, 2011)

I agree that honesty is the best policy...for myself, I always say no as nicely as I can think how, because what is being asked is my time...with no concept of what that means ........
julie


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## sonialyne (Nov 26, 2012)

I learned something from a female co-worker who was very efficient and was hired to assist a boss that kept asking for more and more from everyone. Nobody dared to complain. This lady was a pro and knew what she was doing, everyone respected her. I learned the best lesson of my life when our boss asked her in front of me to take care of a situation. She answered with a smile "Sure, just let me see when I'll be able to handle this". She then opened her agenda and started reading aloud all the projects she was working on with a deadline. By the time she was finished, she told him "Well, if this can wait, I should be able to look into it in a couple of months if nothing else comes up."
That did it, he hadn't realized the volume of work she was handling. From that time on, each time I was overwhelmed, I'd take my pile of files, deposit it on his desk and just ask him for an order of priorities. It worked each time, he'd go through it and discard or postpone whatever was possible. He also had learned to ask if I had time whenever he assigned me with a new project. That made my life much easier and I keep on using that method each time I cannot say "no" without hurting someone's feeling.


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## SweetHappyMom (Aug 5, 2016)

Considering the respect and appreciation you have for this man you might consider buying a hand knit dog sweater from etsy or some such.


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## Nilda muniz (Aug 14, 2011)

Exactly! I am in the same "burning" situation with the in-laws of my daughter knitting an afghan. And I felt I had to say "yes", and here I am feeling a lot of pressure while knitting it.


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## prolife (Aug 10, 2013)

It's easier for the man to buy one and get the right size and color for his own dog than drive you crazy with details..................


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## tonyastewart (Sep 1, 2014)

I would tell them 2 things first you are neck deep in Christmas knitting for family that must come first and 2nd you don't enjoy making dog sweaters while you don't want to hurt feelings you just don't make things you can't enjoy in the process...


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## grammy Nellie (Aug 17, 2016)

It's your daughter's boss. Sticky wicket. "I'll put you on the list and when I get close will let you know and give you a cost for the pattern, yarn, and time to knit. Since I am a new knitter I am quite slow and my family list is fairly long. I will ask around if someone would like to take on this project and refer them to you. I reluctantly admit that knitting for other than humans does not hold great interest for me


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## grammy Nellie (Aug 17, 2016)

Pushed the wrong button.

Did I sum up what all of you suggested? I would text it to him.


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## beejay (May 27, 2011)

I just hate it when people put me in that position of trying to find a nice way of saying No. Some people are so hard to convince. I got approached to do an afghan but by the time I totaled up the price of yarn and labor she changed her mind. I guess the oly thing to do is see if you can find someone who might like to do a dog sweater and give him her number. I know since he is your daughter's boss it kind of has you between a rock and a hard place.


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## colleenmay (Apr 5, 2012)

Just tell anyone who asks that you only knit for those you love. That usually stops them in their tracks. You DO, however, have to be forceful. When my son-in-law asked for a stuffed Nintendo character I obliged. When I handed it to him and he said his friend, Troy, wanted one, too, I sweetly said "No, I don't love Troy." Subject closed.


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## sonialyne (Nov 26, 2012)

grammy Nellie said:


> It's your daughter's boss. Sticky wicket. "I'll put you on the list and when I get close will let you know and give you a cost for the pattern, yarn, and time to knit. Since I am a new knitter I am quite slow and my family list is fairly long. I will ask around if someone would like to take on this project and refer them to you. I reluctantly admit that knitting for other than humans does not hold great interest for me


I totally second that approach, it is honnest and respectful at the same time. Not too sure about the last sentence however, if he really likes his dog, he might take it the wrong way. I once met someone who stated loud and clear that if you don't like animals, you don't like people


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## hazelroselooms (Oct 19, 2016)

Well, I don't make things for sale but if I did people would pay wages for my time. It would take me probably 10+ hours, depending on the size of the sweater, so it would run him price of the yarn plus. I'd work cheap, around $12 hr for the knitting. If he wants to pay $120 plus for a dog sweater, I might find time to do it-- after christmas. Be polite for your daughter's sake but make sure he understand the realities of the thing. He wants a cheap dog sweater, he can go to Petco.


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## janetj54 (Mar 12, 2011)

I am so sorry but "I DO NOT KNIT FOR ANIMALS" if that does not work try charging a very large fee like it will cost you at least $200.00 to $250.00 that should change his mind.


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## Ask4j (May 21, 2011)

KitKat789 said:


> Forget being graceful and just say no. If he persists, ask him what part of no he doesn't understand. You don't owe him an explanation. Does he contact you by telephone? If so let the calls go to voice mail. Don't reply to emails or texts.


...you missed the part about his being her daughter's boss.....it's walking on egg shells here. Being truthful is best and a simple "I am sooo sorry but this is only a hobby and I have many other interests that keep me busy and I simply do not have the time or inclination to take on more". If he doesn't accept that then out comes the hatchet--your daughter is better off working for someone else.

Funny thing I never get people asking me to knit for them--I think it is my demeanor--the pusher they get d' meaner I get.


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## charlieandrus (Aug 12, 2016)

lizchron said:


> Hi all,
> I am a fairly new knitter and am wondering what you do when people start requesting you to make things for them that you don't enjoy making? For instance a dog sweater. I am knee deep in Christmas knitting projects and my daughter's boss called me and seriously wants me to make him a dog sweater. He has asked me about it twice! I am wanting to concentrate on Christmas presents (socks!) and have no interest in making a dog sweater. I have gone so far as to think about running to Walmart and buying a dog sweater and taking the tags out! This man has been very helpful to my daughter but even after Christmas I will have no interest in making a dog sweater. Have tried saying no but that doesn't work....
> Any advice would be appreciated.
> Thanks.


Simply tell him you simply don't have time to do any more than you're already doing for family. Don't be bullied or embarrassed into making things for people that you don't want to do = you'll hate every minute of it if you give in.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Tell him the truth or give him a price that even Trump could not afford. He has some brass to ask such a thing at this time of year.


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## chinook (Apr 25, 2015)

Truth IS the defense. Always.


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## ummirain (Feb 1, 2013)

I am astonished when friend of my adult children ask me to make them sweaters, hats, socks, and other items (yes, dog sweaters) they see my family sporting.
No matter what yarn costs or how easy the item is, my standard reply for decades has been,
"No, but buy the yarn and needles and I will teach you to knit !"


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

Be honest and tell him you really don't have time right now. Perhaps suggest that you could do it after Christmas? I agree with Jessica-Jean, this person is the boss of your daughter; presumably she likes or at least wants to keep her job, so tread lightly!


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## bakeknitsew (Jun 26, 2013)

Maybe you could tell him about Etsy.com to see if someone has dog sweaters or are willing to make one. I am selfish, I only want to make what takes my fancy not someone else!


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

czechmate said:


> Why should you be Graceful , when he keeps asking, egnore it , you have already said NO .go on with what YOU want to knit .


Gee, knitters are not usually this spiteful. We have a wonderful talent, much admired by others. There is too much reading in to the situation. None of us know him, or the daugher, how he has asked, his motive, if he nasty is he intimidating? Too much guess ing on the part of KP. Get the yarn, have your daughter measure the length and girth of the dog, and for goodness sake, an act of kindness, why so much spite and nastiness. It is a one time request, in a particular situation. A thank you for his being a great boss to your daughter I'd knit anything for my daughter's supervisor, if he/she was good to her, cookies every week, home made bread for a year, you name it, kindness never hurts.

G


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## cookie68 (May 5, 2012)

Montana Gramma said:


> Perhaps you can put him on the list, and do it much later, a very simplistic one, or even tell him it will be next year! Maybe you could trade knitting with someone that does like to do dog sweaters or pass that name on. It is so hard when it is a boss and your family's boss at that, no one likes to disappoint anyone. If this is a freebie, he should expect to be at the end of a family list, if not when he sees the cost of a warm woolen coat, he may just head to WalMart himself.


 :sm24: :sm24:


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## kipsalot (Jan 2, 2013)

You never know, you might actually enjoy the challenge of a dog sweater. You might hate every stitch if you feel forced into doing it. Ask the boss if he is asking based on the fact that your daughter works for him. Accidentally record it on your phone. Then if your daughter suffers reprisals from your refusal you have him lying on the record. Because he cannot admit to that. Maybe you and the boss could talk through the situation and reach a mutually satisfactory conclusion, such as some of those suggested here. Best of luck.


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## Rita Rug (Mar 27, 2015)

And there's the rub. Whip up a blanket, socks, beautiful lace shawls. Incredible!


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## ginnyinnr (May 20, 2012)

by the time you've spent all day on this discussion, you could have half the sweater knit. Just knit the dog sweater!


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## eneira12 (Dec 18, 2013)

I would tell them it will be $500 or some such exorbitant price, 1/2 up front. Either you won't have to make it or you'll get rich fast.


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## ljknits (May 22, 2011)

After years of being asked to knit things by coworkers and friends, I have finally found my one sentence that stops the request. I used to try to say no because I have too many other projects. They just kept asking as if the next week I would have free time. I tried giving an exorbitant price, but that ends in a bargaining situation. And when I did give in and make someone something that I really didn't want to do, I resented it very much.

One day I read that a person had observed Paul Newman in a restaurant lunching with his wife Joanne. A couple approached him and asked for his autograph. He looked at them and kindly said, "That's not something I do." No more explanation, no excuses, just smiled at them and turned his attention back to his wife.

I decided that if he could do that to avoid doing something he didn't want to do, maybe I could use it to answer people who asked or even demanded that I knit them something. It took a few times for me to get it down and keep from adding another excuse with it. But now I say it comfortably, smile while I say it, and enjoy not having to get into a discussion of why I should find time or add it to my To Do list. Most people will just say, Oh, Okay. They don't seem to get their feelings hurt or get mad. Once in awhile someone will ask me why, and I just say, "I just don't." So far, no one has ever pushed it beyond that.

I am 73 and cannot finish what I'd like to make in my lifetime, let alone all the wonderful ideas and patterns I see on KP and Ravelry. Why would I want to work on something someone else chooses for me to make. I keep busy knitting preemie hats for a local NICU.

Many years ago when I was not yet an accomplished knitter, I was asked to make a baby blanket with the Ford logo knitted in. We agreed on a price and I spent many hours on it, even having to buy more yarn than I had estimated. So the yarn cost more than I got paid. That was a harsh lesson and I've tried to keep it in mind when a person starts to suggest I use my knitting skills for their benefit, even if they are willing to pay.

Life is too short to have to spend time regretting a knitting project as you do it, no matter the circumstances. Follow your heart. Explain to your daughter your reluctance to take on the request and proceed from there. The answer should make you feel good, whatever you decide.


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## ChasingRainbows (May 12, 2012)

Why should the OP be EXPECTED to knit something she doesn't want, when she doesn't have time, is not sure she has the ability, and when the man requesting it has not even offered to pay for the yarn? Does he expect her to go out and buy the yarn and donate her time? If he really wanted a dog sweater, he could go go a pet shop and buy one.

I found a website that uses labor from South America to make sweaters. Many of them are around $50.00.

http://chillydogsweaters.com/

On Etsy, some of the hand-knit dog sweaters are over $100.

He is, IMHO, using his position as her daughter's boss to get something for free. If the OP WANTED to give him a gift, fine. But for him to insist she make the dog sweater, and not even offer to pay for the materials - much less her time, is being very pushy.


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## Paulaross (Feb 3, 2016)

First of all, I assume the daughter is an adult. If I were her, I would be very upset to think that my mother was concerned that if she didn't do favors for the boss my job might be in jeopardy. If the daughter is a good employee, comes to work on time, doesn't miss a lot of time and does a good job that should be all she needs to keep her job. Favors of any kind is not acceptable in the workplace. It only leads to hard feelings and resentment.


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## ozzyjaye (Oct 25, 2016)

Hi to all. I am from rural Manitoba, Canada. I have been following the forum for sometime but haven't posted on here before. I ran into a situation like this many years ago only with a cross stitch project. It was a Xmas stocking for a good friend at work sister. It was on dark, navy blue linen and quite involved. I had never stitched on linen and was not comfortable saying yes but was pressured into it. It took a long time, did not enjoy doing it and it took time away from projects I wanted to do. It turned out beautiful but when all was said and done, I never even got a thank you from the sister. I always regretted it. Do what your heart and gut tell you to do. If the man is a professional, this should have no bearing on how he treats your daughter. Just be polite about it.


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## WaterFall (Oct 5, 2012)

As you said he was kind to your daughter I think if he asked knit for him as she works there you may need his favour again if I am at your place say yes and knit one its not the end of the world .


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## Wroclawnice (Apr 10, 2015)

I wish you good luck with this one. Just tell him I have a long list that needs to be finished before Christmas and secondly I have never knitted a dog sweater. Better yet, go and buy a dog sweater and tell him that you are sorry not being able to make one but you want him to have this one for now your present for the dog.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

lizchron said:


> Hi all,
> I am a fairly new knitter and am wondering what you do when people start requesting you to make things for them that you don't enjoy making? For instance a dog sweater. I am knee deep in Christmas knitting projects and my daughter's boss called me and seriously wants me to make him a dog sweater. He has asked me about it twice! I am wanting to concentrate on Christmas presents (socks!) and have no interest in making a dog sweater. I have gone so far as to think about running to Walmart and buying a dog sweater and taking the tags out! This man has been very helpful to my daughter but even after Christmas I will have no interest in making a dog sweater. Have tried saying no but that doesn't work....
> Any advice would be appreciated.
> Thanks.


I had a good friend who was much in demand because she was skilled in many areas of life. Her response was always, "I'd love to, but I just can't." No explanation, no guilt. So many of us have been trained from an early age to be people-pleasers, and especially with men. He's trying to cash in that card, not realizing you hold the rest of the deck. My usual response is that I gave up deadline work when I retired and it takes away my enjoyment of knitting/crocheting when I try to do it on another's time schedule, so I don't do that. Period. You have an additional reason in that you are a relatively new knitter; that leaves you without prior experience in making dog sweaters. If you have no dog in need of one, you have no reason to learn how. It may not be "graceful," but he isn't concerned about hounding you so you needn't be concerned about being firm. IF you know another knitter who, after your consulting him/her and getting permission, would be willing to do it, that's another possible solution. Just be honest, while he may not be happy, he will respect that you stick by your guns. It's not up for discussion, begging, etc.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

damemary said:


> Best advice of all. Read carefully.


No, I have to disagree with Jessica-Jean and you on the second paragraph. That's blackmail, pure and simple. The dog sweater would be only the beginning of the knitting demands.....


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## DianeMK (Jul 14, 2016)

vikingnorge said:


> Yes, tell him the truth.
> I don't take on work for commission. Too much can go wrong.
> My motto is
> Knitting is like sex, if I love you enough, it's free, otherwise, you can't afford it.


I LOVE this motto!


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## Lain (Oct 17, 2016)

Zack & Zoey makes beautiful cable knit sweaters... I think politely decline and offer maybe finding some on ebay for him? Walmart sweaters are pretty cheaply made...


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## chooksnpinkroses (Aug 23, 2012)

I tell the truth. I only knit things I enjoy doing otherwise they don't get finished... :sm01: :sm01: :sm01:


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## hazey (Jul 19, 2013)

The trouble is, I have found is that people often ask you to knit them something as a compliment to your work,they think they are doing you a favor,and probably mean it in the nicest way,not realizing how much work can go into some projects,I have done the same with my SIL as she is a fabulous baker,I have sometimes said to her "oh can you make me one of those cakes,pies etc" ,without thinking about her time and ingredients,I shall have to stop and think in future,But really I think if you just say that you are so busy at the moment with Xmas presents your boss will understand .


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## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

If the dog is only little, I would have a look through some patterns.....if I was able to follow the pattern I would make the dog a coat.....if a it's a small dog and it's thick yarn it wouldn't take very long to knit 
I'm a bit soft and try and please everyone as long as it's within my knitting ability


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## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

knit-knit said:


> I just came across this helpful information:
> http://www.wikihow.com/Say-No-Respectfully


Very useful.


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

SAMkewel said:


> No, I have to disagree with Jessica-Jean and you on the second paragraph. That's blackmail, pure and simple. The dog sweater would be only the beginning of the knitting demands.....


And I disagree with you as it may be blackmail but he is also her daughter's boss.


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## moke (Oct 8, 2011)

I am with Jessica jean on this one. I just knitted a dog sweater for my daughters new French bull, for Halloween, colors of candy corn, with BOO in duplicate stitch. Tube 3 holes, cute, took an evening. Made her so happy, so I am glad I stopped my holiday knitting and did it. I sleep better.


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## Artbarn (Aug 1, 2014)

ginnyinnr said:


> Gee, knitters are not usually this spiteful. We have a wonderful talent, much admired by others. There is too much reading in to the situation. None of us know him, or the daugher, how he has asked, his motive, if he nasty is he intimidating? Too much guess ing on the part of KP. Get the yarn, have your daughter measure the length and girth of the dog, and for goodness sake, an act of kindness, why so much spite and nastiness. It is a one time request, in a particular situation. A thank you for his being a great boss to your daughter I'd knit anything for my daughter's supervisor, if he/she was good to her, cookies every week, home made bread for a year, you name it, kindness never hurts.
> 
> G


Ginny, I'm inclined to agree with you. I'm surprised at some of the comments I've read, even though we don't know all the facts. I wish the OP would come back and fill us in.

Although I understand the fear of trying something knew when you're inexperienced, I knitted a dog sweater for my Yorkie when I barely knew what I was doing. It didn't take long and I learned from doing it.

If the OP really doesn't feel competent to knit a dog sweater, that's all she needs to say.


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## SeasideKnit (Jun 4, 2016)

Briegeen said:


> I agree with you. I am getting "sick" at times of people saying " you should do this that & the other" I reply saying I have more than enough to do for relatives & all my other crafts" but I do offer to teach them to knit - no take-up so far !!!!


I enjoyed your comment Briegeen! My sister who crochets is always telling me that I should knit this or that for whoever she has in mind. I always say to her, that's a great idea - why don't YOU do it! Of course, I realize that what we can say to our sisters is not the same as can be said to other people.


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## TriciaPoe (Oct 20, 2016)

Tell him, "Sure! It'll be about $99 when all is said and done... time, energy, and supplies are exspensive!!"... LoL ???????? Then to prove that yarn is exspensive, find the most luxurious and outrageously priced Cashmere/Silk blend for $60/100g ball and send him the link!! ???? Oh Lawd.. I don't know if you found this as funny as I just did, but sheesh! I crack myself up sometimes! Lbvs... ????????


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## bitzerboy (May 4, 2014)

My standard reply that NEVER fails, "Thank you So much for asking me to do (whatever), however I am unable to do that." No explaining and change the subject. Works for me everytime. Stay strong and d.on't give in


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## marygrey (Jul 27, 2013)

I agree with telling the truth. If you feel like that may not be the best, say that you made one that came out horribly and vowed never to make another one. Maybe??


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## jeanne63 (Mar 14, 2014)

I like your Walmart idea or a nice one from petsmart or the like?


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

lizchron said:


> Hi all,
> I am a fairly new knitter and am wondering what you do when people start requesting you to make things for them that you don't enjoy making? For instance a dog sweater. I am knee deep in Christmas knitting projects and my daughter's boss called me and seriously wants me to make him a dog sweater. He has asked me about it twice! I am wanting to concentrate on Christmas presents (socks!) and have no interest in making a dog sweater. I have gone so far as to think about running to Walmart and buying a dog sweater and taking the tags out! This man has been very helpful to my daughter but even after Christmas I will have no interest in making a dog sweater. Have tried saying no but that doesn't work....
> Any advice would be appreciated.
> Thanks.


You simply tell him that you have already overextended yourself with knit projects for friends and family and cannot take on any commissioned work at this time. If you know of a LYS or a sine knitter who would do this send him her way.


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## williesmom (Feb 16, 2012)

lizchron said:


> Hi all,
> I am a fairly new knitter and am wondering what you do when people start requesting you to make things for them that you don't enjoy making? For instance a dog sweater. I am knee deep in Christmas knitting projects and my daughter's boss called me and seriously wants me to make him a dog sweater. He has asked me about it twice! I am wanting to concentrate on Christmas presents (socks!) and have no interest in making a dog sweater. I have gone so far as to think about running to Walmart and buying a dog sweater and taking the tags out! This man has been very helpful to my daughter but even after Christmas I will have no interest in making a dog sweater. Have tried saying no but that doesn't work....
> Any advice would be appreciated.
> Thanks.


I am admitting I have not read the 10 pages of responses that precede mine. Why should you say no GRACEFULLY? Was his request graceful? No. I am the world's biggest doormat, and I am guilty of allowing people to treat me that way. Say NO, with no explanation, and mean it. If you can do that, you are a superwoman!!


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## grandi15 (Jul 12, 2016)

sandyridge said:


> I agree. Reading through the varied responses I did not see how the daughter feels about this. Does she feel like there would be reprisal for a refusal? Did she perhaps suggest to him that her mom could make one? Details about price and who is providing the yarn is also absent. I don't think it is graceful to provide a made up excuse but more like a white lie. If you really are not willing to do it just say no but think if I was going to refuse I would want to know how does the daughter feel that a refusal would affect her relationship with the boss and her future with her employment.


I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to suggest talking it over with your daughter; I think I'm on page 5 or 6 of the comments, and I finally see a couple of suggestions for that. Even if you gently explain to her that it's really not something you'd want to make, nor do you want making things for requests outside of your family to be something you want to get started, it will help her to understand your feelings, and hopefully protect your relationship with her.


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## Artbarn (Aug 1, 2014)

grandi15 said:


> I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to suggest talking it over with your daughter; I think I'm on page 5 or 6 of the comments, and I finally see a couple of suggestions for that. Even if you gently explain to her that it's really not something you'd want to make, nor do you want making things for requests outside of your family to be something you want to get started, it will help her to understand your feelings, and hopefully protect your relationship with her.


Yes, I think that the first thing that the OP needs to do is talk with her daughter. She needs to know if her decision to knit, or not knit, the dog sweater will affect her daughter's job. Blackmail or not, that's the bottom line, in my opinion.


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## Jules934 (May 7, 2013)

I 'd say something like ----I'm already booked thru Valentine's Day, but I can teach _you_ to do it. Don't fear -- they *NEVER* say "OH! would you? I've always wanted to be able to knit!".


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## pianovicki (Oct 2, 2012)

I'll make one for you!


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## korteruckmar (Dec 2, 2011)

When people ask me to knit something for them that I don't want to do, I tell them no. But I'll be more than happy to teach YOU to knit. So far, no one's taken me up on the offer. I don't know if that would work with your daughter's boss, but it's a thought.


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## Kali Roy (Aug 24, 2016)

If I read your post correctly, you don't want to and have no interest in knitting a dog sweater...EVER. Furthermore, it would take time away from the knitting you plan to do for your family. 
My suggestion would be to say something like, "As much as I would love to say yes to you, I can't take on anything more." I would, at all costs, avoid adding the words "at this time" which would indicate you might be willing to do it later. If pressed, repeat the EXACT same words ("As much as I would love to say yes...") and keep repeating as many times as necessary. 
I would avoid saying how much you would charge (could be interpreted as insulting) or mention who might do it. You want out of this scenario.
Anyone who has politely refused (as you have done) and is pressed further is dealing with a person who is impolitely persistent. Who knows what the next request will be! As long as you are pleasant and polite, I think you will be fine. 
Mark Twain was quoted as saying, "It's easier to STAY out than GET out." 
These are my thoughts, for what they may be worth. 
Best to you,
Kali

I'm new here but just LOVE it.


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## missmarychristine (Jun 7, 2013)

I like jbachman's advice


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## jgauker (Sep 20, 2012)

Do you know other knitters? Have you asked at the shop where you sell if there's anyone who knits for dogs? If you find someone, perhaps you could tell the boss you'll be lucky to finish all the family Christmas gifts on time and that you prefer to knit for humans, but you know someone who might be interested. Would he be all right if you passed his name on to that person. OR...after explaining your Christmas crunch and personal preference, ask if he would allow you to post his name, number, and request in the shop where another knitter might see it and give him a call. To protect your friends from any nuisance that might result, post his name and let them call him. It's their choice that way.


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## KnittersSerendipity (Jul 31, 2016)

I like Kali Roy's advice. And I've read all 10 pages. The OP does not owe any other explanation other than no, I don't knit for non family. Or she could say, I'm flattered that you would ask, but I am only knitting for my family. I am sure you can understand what it is like to have limited time to pursue your hobbies. The OP does not need to tell him where to find a sweater unless he asks. If a hand knit sweater is what he really wants for his dog, then he should know how to Google or even think of going to a yarn store to ask. But it is not up to the OP to find his dog a sweater. I personally have enjoyed knitting sweaters for my small dogs. My Toy Poodle Abbie looks beautiful in her Noro Silk GardenSock sweater. My Chorkie, Gracie looks quite fetching in bright blue Plymouth Encore, that has sleeves with a ruffle. My white Chihuahua, Emma, hates sweaters, prefers to be a nudist and burrows under a blanket when she is cold.

I have used the Perfect Fit Dog Sweater http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/perfect-fit-dog-cat-sweater--pat-generatr-topdown And indeed it does fit very well!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

ljknits said:


> ... *Life is too short to have to spend time regretting a knitting project as you do it*, no matter the circumstances. Follow your heart. Explain to your daughter your reluctance to take on the request and proceed from there. *The answer should make you feel good, whatever you decide.*


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## ljknits (May 22, 2011)

Thanks, Jessica-Jean, for the Thumbs Up. I value your opinion, and enjoy your inputs to the site as well as all the projects you document on Ravelry!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

ljknits said:


> Thanks, Jessica-Jean, for the Thumbs Up. I value your opinion, and enjoy your inputs to the site as well as all the projects you document on Ravelry!


You're welcome! :sm01:


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

Artbarn said:


> Yes, I think that the first thing that the OP needs to do is talk with her daughter. She needs to know if her decision to knit, or not knit, the dog sweater will affect her daughter's job. Blackmail or not, that's the bottom line, in my opinion.


???How is the daughter going to know if the boss denies a promotion in the future because of a dog sweater???


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## grandi15 (Jul 12, 2016)

ljknits said:


> Thanks, Jessica-Jean, for the Thumbs Up. I value your opinion, and enjoy your inputs to the site as well as all the projects you document on Ravelry!


 :sm24:


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## grandi15 (Jul 12, 2016)

PaKnitter said:


> ???How is the daughter going to know if the boss denies a promotion in the future because of a dog sweater???


I don't think her decision of whether or not to take on this project should depend on her daughter's situation as much as I think she should make sure her daughter understands her feelings. Their relationship is more important than a job or a dog sweater.


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## hilltopper (Jul 16, 2014)

I find I still think of this as a favor for your daughter, not for her boss; and I am sure everyone here has done things they would rather not have done for their children, even - or especially - the grown ones. And many of those things took a lot longer than it would take to make a dog sweater. Some here may have been able to complete it in the time it takes to read this thread. And I wonder if those wanting her to put the boss in his place are recalling she said this boss has done things to help her daughter.


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

hilltopper said:


> I find I still think of this as a favor for your daughter, not for her boss; and I am sure everyone here has done things they would rather not have done for their children, even - or especially - the grown ones. And many of those things took a lot longer than it would take to make a dog sweater. Some here may have been able to complete it in the time it takes to read this thread. And I wonder if those wanting her to put the boss in his place are recalling she said this boss has done things to help her daughter.


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## JulieDarie (Feb 28, 2013)

A friend of mine was asked the same question.She refused but the person kept pestering her so she gave in.She had to put aside other things to do this. In the end the purchaser called and told her she had changed her mind.Oh my what frustration!


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## Artbarn (Aug 1, 2014)

PaKnitter said:


> ???How is the daughter going to know if the boss denies a promotion in the future because of a dog sweater???


Um, because the daughter knows her boss. It seems to me that the OP should be discussing this with her daughter to find out what she[u/] thinks the repercussions might be. If the daughter says it won't matter one way or the other, then the OP can tell the boss that she doesn't feel competent to knit a dog sweater, that she wouldn't know how to do it.

If the daughter thinks that the boss is an SOB who would hold it against her, then the OP has to figure out how to handle this is a way that her daughter won't be hurt or be prepared for the consequences.


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## wordancer (May 4, 2011)

m_azingrace said:


> ... or.tell him to look on Etsy.


OR find one on esty, quote him the price plus shipping. Buy the dog sweater, hold on to it for a few weeks then
give it to him. Don't say you bought it, he will assume that you made it. Be sure to tell that it was a special favor.

Yes, a little cheat, but....
????


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

wordancer said:


> OR find one on esty, quote him the price plus shipping. Buy the dog sweater, hold on to it for a few weeks then
> give it to him. Don't say you bought it, he will assume that you made it. Be sure to tell that it was a special favor.
> 
> Yes, a little cheat, but....
> ????


In knitting, it's not 'cheating'; it's fudging!

Having no other way to show my appreciation to my husband's extended family for all they do for us when we would go visit for three months at a time, I brought plenty of knitted/crocheted blankets and shawls for them. After a few trips, I didn't have many left at home. So, when browsing second hand stores for yarn, I also considered completed afghans, not just as possible sources of yarn, but - if they were made as well as my best and showed no signs of wear and tear - as future gifts to my many in-laws. My husband saw no problem with me doing that. I never _told_ them I hadn't made it; I can't tell them much, since I still cannot speak Arabic, and none of my generation speak any language I can. I don't consider that I cheated, just that I fudged a tad.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

PaKnitter said:


> And I disagree with you as it may be blackmail but he is also her daughter's boss.


If it may be blackmail, in what way are you disagreeing with me? Do you really believe the mother/daughter both should be subjected to it? If I had a boss that would stoop to that, I'd find another job with an enlightened boss who understood that women are not to be used as chess pieces in macho games. The fact that so many women will not stand up for themselves is what keeps these games going. I speak from experience. Each time I left a job for reasons such as this, I landed a better job. My time and abilities were more valuable to me than to use them in an unreasonable way to placate macho men. Just me, I guess. The grapevine spreads the word on bosses like this and they find they begin to have difficulty filling their job positions. I never had to provide details of why I left a particular boss's employ because his name alone gave the game away with new employers.


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## hilltopper (Jul 16, 2014)

Wow. Nothing said by the original poster suggests this man is a villain or is dastardly or even rude. She said he has been good to her daughter. It may even be a kindness on his part. He may think he is flattering his employee's mom by suggesting he would like to have something knitted by her. As someone else in the thread pointed out that some people who don't knit themselves think they are pleasing a knitter by suggesting they want something made by her/him. I think we do not know enough about the circumstances here to jump to any unhappy conclusions.


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## Artbarn (Aug 1, 2014)

I don't think that Liz (OP) knows how to find her way back here:
http://www.knittingparadise.com/t-430103-1.html


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

hilltopper said:


> Wow. Nothing said by the original poster suggests this man is a villain or is dastardly or even rude. She said he has been good to her daughter. It may even be a kindness on his part. He may think he is flattering his employee's mom by suggesting he would like to have something knitted by her. As someone else in the thread pointed out that some people who don't knit themselves think they are pleasing a knitter by suggesting they want something made by her/him. I think we do not know enough about the circumstances here to jump to any unhappy conclusions.


I find your take on it interesting. The problem as I saw it was the OP's inability to say no when that seemed to clearly be her preference. Since I didn't see anything further from her to suggest I was off base, I pursued it. Perhaps she is reticent to the point of not wanting to correct me, either, although I would have been and still am open to it. We all see things based on what our own experiences have been; I was painfully shy well into my 50's and afraid of my own shadow. Obviously, I got over that, which was necessary for my survival. No doubt that gives me a different perspective from yours. I don't consider my conclusions unhappy so much as realistic. Your reality has been different from mine.....


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## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

This obviously opened a real can of "feelings." A lot of good suggestions to choose from. Learned a few ways of handling this type of situation myself. There is a lot of wisdom in this group.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

knit-knit said:


> This obviously opened a real can of "feelings." A lot of good suggestions to choose from. Learned a few ways of handling this type of situation myself. There is a lot of wisdom in this group.


Yes, I agree there is a lot of wisdom within any group of women. I also think there aren't clear right and wrong answers; a lot depends upon the experiences of each person and the personality of each person. What is good for one is not necessarily good for another. Good luck to us all in making the right, for us, choices.


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## Girl Friday (Jan 13, 2014)

Tell him its too difficult to knit with acrylic yarn as it has a tendancy to split and as you are relatively new to knitting you aren't comfortable at making a good job of it and you cant use wool because it would be too expensive and wouldn't wash well.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

This topic is continued (decided/concluded) here:

http://www.knittingparadise.com/t-430103-1.html
__________


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

KroSha said:


> This topic is continued (decided/concluded) here:
> 
> http://www.knittingparadise.com/t-430103-1.html
> __________


Thank you, KroSha. I wondered how it all worked out.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

KroSha said:


> This topic is continued (decided/concluded) here:
> 
> http://www.knittingparadise.com/t-430103-1.html
> __________


Thanks, Carol!


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

SAMkewel said:


> Thank you, KroSha. I wondered how it all worked out.





Jessica-Jean said:


> Thanks, Carol!


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

I would suggest sitting down with your daughter to see if she feels knitting the sweater would help her. If she says yes, then knit the dang sweater, with some conditions; it will not even be started until after the holidays (prior commitments). That you don't accept commissions, THIS is a one time event (gift?) since he has been good to your daughter. He needs to understand that you are a beginning knitter and the sweater will be reflect that fact, being very basic. Then knit the dog sweater with the quickest, easiest pattern you can find using acrylic yarn. If she doesn't feel strongly about it, continue to decline. I like Lubbieisme's response. I would also suggest that all communication regarding the dog sweater be between you and him, keep your daughter out of this discussion.

Lastly, you need to have a standard response for when asked to knit things you don't want to knit. I use two. One, I have over committed myself to such an insane degree it will be years before I will get to the last item on my list (true because of my commitment to my charity knitting). Two, I don't accept commissions because I am incapable of completing items in a timely manner (see #1), that even those who say there is no hurry, get peeved at the amount of time it takes me. If someone continues to be pushy, I tell them I will contact them when I get near the end of my list (never happens). Others will say, "No." is a complete sentence. Which it is, but one that causes anger and resentment. I prefer to say no in a kinder way, that is still truthful.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

KateLyn11 said:


> I would suggest sitting down with your daughter to see if she feels knitting the sweater would help her. If she says yes, then knit the dang sweater, with some conditions; it will not even be started until after the holidays (prior commitments). That you don't accept commissions, THIS is a one time event (gift?) since he has been good to your daughter. He needs to understand that you are a beginning knitter and the sweater will be reflect that fact, being very basic. Then knit the dog sweater with the quickest, easiest pattern you can find using acrylic yarn. If she doesn't feel strongly about it, continue to decline. I like Lubbieisme's response. I would also suggest that all communication regarding the dog sweater be between you and him, keep your daughter out of this discussion.
> 
> Lastly, you need to have a standard response for when asked to knit things you don't want to knit. I use two. One, I have over committed myself to such an insane degree it will be years before I will get to the last item on my list (true because of my commitment to my charity knitting). Two, I don't accept commissions because I am incapable of completing items in a timely manner (see #1), that even those who say there is no hurry, get peeved at the amount of time it takes me. If someone continues to be pushy, I tell them I will contact them when I get near the end of my list (never happens). Others will say, "No." is a complete sentence. Which it is, but one that causes anger and resentment. I prefer to say no in a kinder way, that is still truthful.


Welcome to the party - - the young lady posted her conclusion in a new topic - - please follow my link 5 up from here for her decision.
__________


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