# Am I just too sensitive?



## Elliemay (Oct 29, 2011)

Ok, twice this year I have spent a lot of time making sweaters for family members. One a baby sweater and one a graduation present. They were a lot of work and turned out beautifully, which is not always the case, but this time I was really proud of them. Both recipients promised me pictures with the sweaters being worn. One wasn't really asked for, but the other one was, and still no pictures. I am getting kinda pissy about it. I am soliciting ideas for how to approach the request without becoming a jerk about it. I think I am way to nice to my family, I never complain, seldom ask for anything and most likely I am not enough of a squeaky wheel, but now I am feeling like a door mat.


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## SwampCatNana (Dec 27, 2012)

I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


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## crafterwantabe (Feb 26, 2013)

Good luck!! We have been to graduations, funeral, and wedding ower and the weddin. Etc. Still no thanks you!!! I can imagine if I would want a pic. It just wouldn't happen if they don't even send the thank you. crazy!!!


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## DonnieK (Nov 23, 2011)

Yeah, me too SwampCatNana! I too would ask if the camera was broken and when you were going to be getting another one! This is the reason I seldom make anything for family members. I knew I was pretty much done when I made a beautiful scarf for a family member and saw it up under a dog's behind.


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## SwampCatNana (Dec 27, 2012)

DonnieK said:


> Yeah, me too SwampCatNana! I too would ask if the camera was broken and when you were going to be getting another one! This is the reason I seldom make anything for family members. I knew I was pretty much done when I made a beautiful scarf for a family member and saw it up under a dog's behind.


 :thumbup: I've come to the age where I take nothing from nobody! My life is too short at this oint to waste it on others.


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## Ms knit a lot (Mar 19, 2011)

I agree with you simply ask for a picture....I'm sure a post on some type of social media is not a big deal. 
Face book perhaps???


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## dlarkin (Jan 25, 2013)

I knit a baby blanket for someone at work. No thank you, no comment, no nothing! It took me three months to make. I like to knit things and give them away but will not be doing that for anyone but close friends again.


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## dagmargrubaugh (May 10, 2011)

That is why I knit or crochet almost exclusively for charity. At least I can imagine that the recipient will be thrilled.


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## laurelarts (Jul 31, 2011)

The only time I get pictures are if the item is for a new baby. I think new parents take pictures of the baby in everything


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## In Memory of Scottybear (Sep 20, 2011)

I think it is very bad manners not to thank someone for something they have received. Today young people - to me just don't seem to care. I guess they have other things to do, but it only takes a moment to write or call.


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## Elliemay (Oct 29, 2011)

laurelarts said:


> The only time I get pictures are if the item is for a new baby. I think new parents take pictures of the baby in everything


One of those was for a new baby, but I gave it to the grandmother and she promised me a picture. She has posted plenty of others on FB - the baby is beautiful! I just asked her again on FB as nicely as I could.


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## martyr (Feb 15, 2011)

No, we all feel hurt if our efforts are not appreciated. But you may too sensitive to the potential "difficult conversation " you are perhaps anticipating, and so say nothing. Don't you find this festers? I do. We all seem so busy these days, that it tempting to just let it pass, and don't knit for these people any more. However, I think you are missing an opportunity for many useful things. One, you deserve the reward of seeing a picture of the recipient in your creation, that was promised. They may have simply forgotten, but if you haven't, simply remind them, that may be all they need. Secondly, "manners" seem not to taught much any more, but people who aren't taught manners don't really get along well in the world. So for the graduate, it's a lesson they need to learn, I'd suggest contacting them directly. 

If you get the sense that they don't really like handmade items - it is sad, but better to find that out. Make it easy for them to tell you, because every one will be happier. Honesty is always the best policy, and kindness is important so that people can hear without feeling attacked.


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## Elliemay (Oct 29, 2011)

martyr said:


> Well we all seem so busy these days, that it tempting to just let it pass, and don't knit for these people any more. However, I think you are missing an opportunity for many useful things. One, you deserve the reward of seeing a picture of the recipient in your creation, that was promised. They may have simply forgotten, but if you haven't, simply remind them, that may be all they need. Secondly, "manners" seem not to taught much any more, but people who aren't taught manners don't really get along well in the world. So for the graduate, it's a lesson they need to learn, I'd suggest contacting them directly.
> 
> If you get the sense that they don't really like handmade items - it is sad, but better to find that out. Make it easy for them to tell you, because every one will be happier. Honesty is always the best policy, and kindness is important so that people can hear without feeling attacked.


I really appreciate you comment. The Graduate, I offered to make her a sweater since she is leaving CA to go to college in Idaho, and it will be cold there. She picked out a pattern, the yarn color, and we went through the process of measuring her for proper fit. You are so right. She often complains that others do not take her feelings into consideration. She calls me Grandma, even though I am not, and I do sort of feel like making it a life lesson, but at the same time I don't want to burn bridges. Growing up is so hard now days. She calls me Grandma because she needs one, maybe I should act like one .. as you suggest.


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## Neena26T (Oct 31, 2013)

I know how it feels to be unappreciated by family members. I have knitted, quilted, or cross-stitched a gift for each of my 20+ nieces and nephews and now for great nieces, nephews, and children of friends. Many of these were received with expressions of joy, but some were not acknowledged at all. Since my family is spread across the country, often I must ship packages to their recipients. So I don't always get to see the reaction of (their parents, who should know better). 
If I don't receive a Thank You note in a month, I will call them and ask if they received the present. Usually that shames them into sending a proper Thank You! 
Ask and you shall receive! Let them know that you are expecting those pictures!


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## desireeross (Jun 2, 2013)

SwampCatNana said:


> I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


Me too.


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## littlebaba (Jul 20, 2013)

SwampCatNana said:


> :thumbup: I've come to the age where I take nothing from nobody! My life is too short at this oint to waste it on others.


A girl after my own heart!


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

I have also been one to ask for pictures of folks wearing what I send them. Years later I am still waiting. I don't know what the problem is but it seems to be fairly wide spread.


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## bwtyer (Oct 31, 2012)

I would simply say- I haven't gotten my picture yet - hope you'll send it soon!


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## Sherry1 (May 14, 2011)

No, you are not too sensitive! They are totally rude for not showing appreciation.
Most of the knitting I have done by request lately has been for my daughters friends who are having babies. They have all thanked me and sent pictures. I think it helps to have that third party in there. The only other baby items have been for my grands and I have a wonderful DIL who thanks me and sends pictures.
I have been lucky so far but if I put that much work into a gift without a thank you or picture I would refuse the next request saying a deadline takes all the enjoyment out of my craft.


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## Slidell411 (Sep 29, 2013)

I see no reason in reminding them that you asked for a picture. I, too, mostly knit for charity so that I won't get my feeling heart if I don't get a thank you or at least an acknowledgement that it was received. I've called people I've mailed items to just to see if they received it. Many people today don't think it's necessary to send thank you or even say thank you.


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

I think we must all understand that a written or phoned "thank you" is a thing from the past. I bought our great nephew and his wife one of Laurelarts beautiful babies, when their lass was born.. I suppose they received it, who will ever know.??


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## georgethefifth (Feb 17, 2011)

My dear Elliemae, it is a different world we live in today. It seems that nobody appreciates anything anymore. One of the first things I would ask my children to do when a gift was received was to write a thank you note immediately. Not tomorrow, but right now today. Many, many times I have lovingly knit something for another & did not receive a thank you or a picture (as promised). I would feel hurt & a little angry then I would let it fester. Now I just give the knitted gift, I don't expect a thank you anymore, so if I don't receive it I don't get upset about it. If I do receive a thank you note I am thrilled. Now I have learned to give it to God, I thank Him for giving me the ability to use my hands to make beautiful things to give to others. He knows my heart, I don't need people to give me praise and thanks. Believe me it took a while for me to reach the point where I am today. Blessings, Dorothy


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## Jessie Roberts (Feb 14, 2014)

I've had the same experience with people. I had a girl friend that wanted me to knit a scarf she had seen in the knitting shop. I did n i never saw here wear it or even mention it. She next wanted me to knit her a shrug. I did but I had her buy the yarn. The only thing she ever says is that it has a hole in it. I offer to fix it but she's never given it to me
Needless to say I've never knitted anything else for her. Do not knit 4 people who have ignored ur efforts. People do not realize how much work goes into knitting.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

Yes you are to kind to your family,they are taking advantage of you.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

Yes you are to kind to your family,they are taking advantage of you.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

Most all my gifts, except for some special baby, are sewn or quilted items. I sell the knitting and crochet, or go to charity auctions and hats for Vets.The time element to me is important. People that buy the items appreciate them, my co- workers seem to think a face to face thankyou is enough. So a sewn set of bibs and booties takes an hour , knitted socks etc. for me, forever. My psyche does not suffer for that hour. I have been taken back by some of the pregnant Moms that put a request in for their gift! What is up with that? I know the little purple Huckleberry hats are wonderful , the lemons too, but I am not making them to give.


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## Augustgran (Apr 16, 2011)

I have a niece and a niece in law who I gave made gifts for one sends a thankyou note in the mail, thanking me for what I sent within 4 days of the gift is received. 
The other well she had a baby 3 years ago and I'm still waiting :shock:


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## Windbeam (Jul 31, 2011)

Agree, good luck! Things have changed and thank yous have gone down the drain.


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## MaryE-B (May 11, 2012)

dagmargrubaugh said:



> That is why I knit or crochet almost exclusively for charity. At least I can imagine that the recipient will be thrilled.


Sad but true!


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## kippyfure (Apr 9, 2011)

It seems to be the way of our current world, sadly to say. Some time ago my only niece contacted me to ask me if I would make a dinosaur photo prop for her expected son. I was very excited to do this for her and refused her offer to pay. I said it would be a gift and all I wanted were some nice photos of the baby wearing it.

Being the perfectionist that I am, I could not find an existing pattern that I thought would be the way I imagined it. So I designed the hat with the extension going 18" long, and knit it in gorgeous shades of periwinkle and spring green. The spikes really amazed me as they stood up perfectly.

Well, I sent it off.....a professional photographer came to photograph the newborn. The pictures were in black and white, and they put it on the baby with the "spine" pulled to the front and wrapped back like a scarf. I sent photo so they would know how to put it on correctly.

My niece said that was how the photographer wanted to do it. Just to add irony to my story, before I got married I spent a year as a baby photographer. I know a professional knows how to do their job--part of which is to give the client the photos they are paying for. Needless to say, I asked my niece just to take pictures of the baby herself for me.

It's lucky I didn't hold my breath. He is almost two now!!


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## JanetofAus (May 29, 2011)

My mother used to say, "Courtesy oils the wheels of society". I now decline to make requested items for most people as nobody offers remuneration for the wool or cotton (I rarely use sythetics) or the postage, many people expect me to copy a photographed item - which I consider to be theft from the designer - and very few bother to say thank you, much less offer a photograph! Not happy.


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## knittnnana (Apr 20, 2013)

DonnieK said:


> Yeah, me too SwampCatNana! I too would ask if the camera was broken and when you were going to be getting another one! This is the reason I seldom make anything for family members. I knew I was pretty much done when I made a beautiful scarf for a family member and saw it up under a dog's behind.


Oh my goodness. Something similar happened to me but it wasn't anything I had made. I was looking for a broach for my DIL for a Christmas present. (It was when they were really in style.) Well, I went from store to store and back again at the mall, couldn't make up my mind. Finally, made a decision. Many months later when they came down to visit, I was sitting in the back seat of their van with my GD on our way to visit my mom when what did I see? On the floor in a basket of toys was the broach, still clipped to the paper backing. I couldn't believe it!!! Guess she didn't like it! I should have said something but I didn't. I no longer spend my time looking for a gift for her anymore!


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## keriharrhy (May 6, 2014)

Elliemay said:


> Ok, twice this year I have spent a lot of time making sweaters for family members. One a baby sweater and one a graduation present. They were a lot of work and turned out beautifully, which is not always the case, but this time I was really proud of them. Both recipients promised me pictures with the sweaters being worn. One wasn't really asked for, but the other one was, and still no pictures. I am getting kinda pissy about it. I am soliciting ideas for how to approach the request without becoming a jerk about it. I think I am way to nice to my family, I never complain, seldom ask for anything and most likely I am not enough of a squeaky wheel, but now I am feeling like a door mat
> 
> Dear Elliemay,
> 
> ...


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## 3SpoiledPups (Mar 26, 2014)

I think if you aren't crafty people don't appreciate all the effort 
you put into their present. I am also a quilter and made my sister a beautiful table runner. Her colors, her style... my mom was 
oooo she's going to love it. Her response.... a TEXT saying oh
thanks for the Christmas present. I will never put that much 
effort into a gift for her again. Live and learn 8(


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## tweeter (Dec 22, 2012)

A girl in our church was expecting and they had a shower and gave a yellow blanket, hat and sweater set , it was crocheted no Thank You or anything she hasn't even spoken to me since then. That is twice that happened and I said no more


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## lil rayma (Mar 29, 2012)

No, you are not too sensitive. This comes from one doormat to another. Knit for yourself, for charity, or someone who appreciates it. For the others, if you must, gift cards!


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## Lady nene (Apr 11, 2012)

I have shared similar experience. Here are a couple of thoughts. Some people would prefer a purchased item with a " name brand" all over it to show how money has been spent. They are interested in material things. Others really have no idea how much time goes into a handmade item. Time is money also. Once the understand that and it is "original " then they feel special. Also when they understand handmade is not cheap we could have purchased the item for less than the yarn "often" and then the time they appreciate it more..But then there are those that get that each stitch was made for them and that someone loves them enough to give up hours of their life to make something for them to enjoy. They appreciate that it is unique and and really original and no one can have an exact duplicate. Also, they just may not understand how important it is to u have a picture of them wearing or enjoying the item. Not to get a Thank You is bad manners. But I have learned to make things with love because I want to enjoy the creating. It helps me cope with stress in my life, so I do it for me.


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

Next time take a picture of the garment, then if you attend the event bring your camera and take a picture. Sad to say you're not #1 priority on their list..They may mean well at the time they say it.. It gets pushed to the back unless you call to say ...I was wondering did you have a chance to take that picture..you spoke about?


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## Revita (Jul 24, 2011)

martyr said:


> No, we all feel hurt if our efforts are not appreciated. But you may too sensitive to the potential "difficult conversation " you are perhaps anticipating, and so say nothing. Don't you find this festers? I do. We all seem so busy these days, that it tempting to just let it pass, and don't knit for these people any more. However, I think you are missing an opportunity for many useful things. One, you deserve the reward of seeing a picture of the recipient in your creation, that was promised. They may have simply forgotten, but if you haven't, simply remind them, that may be all they need. Secondly, "manners" seem not to taught much any more, but people who aren't taught manners don't really get along well in the world. So for the graduate, it's a lesson they need to learn, I'd suggest contacting them directly.
> 
> If you get the sense that they don't really like handmade items - it is sad, but better to find that out. Make it easy for them to tell you, because every one will be happier. Honesty is always the best policy, and kindness is important so that people can hear without feeling attacked.


Well said!


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## jemima (Mar 26, 2011)

The problem today is nobody takes photos only on mobiles and posted on facebook so if you don't use these facilities you miss out.


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## jeannietta (Mar 14, 2011)

I put up a similar post to yours a few months back and was shocked at the outpouring of posts it generated. This seems to be a universal gripe with knitters. I must say you were lucky to get an acknowledgement. Pictures are the icing on the cake. I have decided to knit only for myself and a select circle of people who seem to genuinely appreciate my work. I have started a "hope chest" for my two sons for when they become fathers. And I would rather knit for charity than unappreciative friends and family.


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## Goingfurther (Dec 12, 2013)

The same thing happened to me. I send things to dil and granddaughters and never even know if they got them.


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## keriharrhy (May 6, 2014)

jemima said:


> The problem today is nobody takes photos only on mobiles and posted on facebook so if you don't use these facilities you miss out.


that is true, people hardly ever get their photos printed like they used to .... I have millions and millions of photos, all put in date order and in photo albums (I may seem 'sad' to some people, and I know that I get laughed at, and they say "here she is with her camera, again" !!! I need to be thick skinned)

I do it because it pleases me


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## anjaa (Sep 19, 2012)

When my girlfriends and I were starting our families I told each of them if they bought some quilted fabric I would make a baby sleeping bag and baby jacket for them

So maybe set up the terms from the start

"I will be happy to knit for you on condition you ..............

i) send me a photo afterwards
ii) buy the wool or
iii) pick the colour, style .......

or whatever suits you

If there is something you need to make you happy set it up before you start


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## heffernb (May 30, 2011)

Just ask for the pictures. And don't apologize for asking. People get busy and forget. I don't think they are trying to hurt your feelings.


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## Verna (Jan 13, 2011)

Tell them you would like to know what size the picture will be so you can purchase a frame for them.....LOL You so enjoyed making the articles and this way you can still enjoy seeing them.


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## heffernb (May 30, 2011)

One more thought after reading the posts here and posts in the past. Yes, most non crafters do not understand the work that goes into what we give them. Since we know they don't understand that, then we cannot expect them to understand, right? So we should not then take offense when they do not understand and do not give the appreciation we would like. All we can expect is that a knitted gift should be acknowledged as any other gift. And, of course, if you requested pictures, they should supply them.


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## janeridal (Nov 15, 2013)

I have obviously been lucky - I've always had thanks for anything I've made. And I agree that, if it matters to you (which it clearly does) there's no reason why you shouldn't just politely ask if the item arrived safely - and you could ask if the sweater turned out as the Graduate had hoped. But, having read a lot of the posts on this thread, I am left wondering why we make things for others? Is it because we want to be thanked, or is it because we enjoy the making, and hope that the recipient likes it? I know that, in my case, I make for others because I enjoy the making, and I enjoy the giving. Thanks are a bonus. And yes, making for charity is a very rewarding way of fulfilling the desire to keep on knitting!


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## Nevah (Aug 11, 2012)

Just ask again. We all get busy and I would just ask again.


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## cbjlinda (May 25, 2011)

tell them you need them for your project album before you can move on to the next one. lols then you might say I really appreciate the five minutes it might take you to do this.


Elliemay said:


> Ok, twice this year I have spent a lot of time making sweaters for family members. One a baby sweater and one a graduation present. They were a lot of work and turned out beautifully, which is not always the case, but this time I was really proud of them. Both recipients promised me pictures with the sweaters being worn. One wasn't really asked for, but the other one was, and still no pictures. I am getting kinda pissy about it. I am soliciting ideas for how to approach the request without becoming a jerk about it. I think I am way to nice to my family, I never complain, seldom ask for anything and most likely I am not enough of a squeaky wheel, but now I am feeling like a door mat.


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## Geesta (Apr 25, 2012)

Theres a great book,, still in print I believe, called I'm okay ,,, you're okay. It was written some years ago by a therapist named Harris. It reveals how people interact with one another,,, expectations,,, dynamics of relationships ,,, etc. People only do to you what you allow them to do. I have observed,, very sadly ,, that our families seem to be at the forefront in lousy behavior. Being of blood relationship does not give license to take another for granted,, take advantage etc. Nor does it dictate that one must tolerate unacceptable behavior from another simply because they are family. People who continually door mat themselves do so by choice.


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## Julie M (Nov 8, 2011)

I'd say let it go, and don't let it fester either. We need to understand that when we give an unsolicited gift, we're taking the chance that the recipient either won't want it or won't appreciate it. When we give, we give. We send our products out there, and what happens, happens. It's our own choice to do it.


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## concl8ve (Mar 12, 2014)

They may not have had the chance to wear it yet. Give them a while longer. I made a baby afghan for some one at work eight years ago. The Mom did thank me but just recently she told me that all three of her kids used the afghan. The youngest takes it everywhere with her. That was nice to know.


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## amberdragon (Dec 12, 2011)

dagmargrubaugh said:


> That is why I knit or crochet almost exclusively for charity. At least I can imagine that the recipient will be thrilled.


this is what i do also...much more rewarding!
however...gift giving is not a two way street. when i give a gift, the moment it leaves my hand it is forgotten..whether i receive a thank-you or not makes no deference to me. there are no strings attached to the gift...the thing that bothers me the most is when some one thinks they have to do something for me in return.


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## simplyelizabeth (Sep 15, 2012)

This is a sore subject for me. A little appreciation goes a long way in my world.


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## Maryannee (Jul 17, 2012)

Im Sorry to see that this seems to be a universal problem. I often wonder what happens to the items I've knitted and given as I never see them again in pictures or on the recipient. It takes just a moment of thoughtfulness to lay a smile on someone's heart.


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## Carmela51 (Jan 12, 2013)

I try not to feel slighted when others seem to under-appreciate what I have made for them. I know that some people are not good receivers, and as such they are not able to express their gratitude (although the ARE grateful) for the kindness extended. I give because I want to, I expect nothing in return; but when I do, I appreciate. I try not to sweat the small things. Like so many have said - life is short.


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## Strickliese (Jan 6, 2012)

SwampCatNana said:


> I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


I am with you. Simply ask.


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## flamingo (Jun 23, 2013)

I have received the same promise and never seen the photo. You can ask again, and add that you're keeping a binder of pictures of all the projects you've made and really need to fill the space. Or, next time you visit "insist" they put it on so you can take the picture they "forgot" to send.


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## Gerslay (Oct 4, 2011)

To tell the truth, with or without a thank you I'm going to knit the thing anyway and give it to them anyway because that's what I do; I'm a knitting addict and I need recipients!

Not getting a thank you card is a whole lot better than getting the dreaded note that says, "STOP SENDING ME STUFF!"

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Knitnewbie (Mar 8, 2011)

Well, I would get a small magnetic frame from Target, the ones you stick on the fridge, put it in a padded mailing envelope with a stamped, self-addressed envelope and a note: "Enclosed is a frame and envelope for the photo of the baby in the sweater I made for you. Please take the picture and put it in the frame in the self-addressed envelope and mail it to me. Thanks!"


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## daisygirl4404 (May 29, 2014)

I think my favorite way to see the gifts I have given to people is by chance. I would get requests from my husband to make jackets for all first born babies of this co-workers, which I made happily, and sometimes received a thank you card. We were at dinner with a co-worker in from 
Germany one night and he told me he and his wife were expecting their first baby, and he heard from people that I had knit their babies jackets. He asked me if I would make one for his baby also. I was surprised by his request, and said I would be happy to make it. I did make it and my husband sent it off to Germany. A little while later my husband came home with a 8x10 portrait of the baby wearing my jacket! I was so surprised and pleased!
The second time I was surprised happened about a year after I made a baby blanket for a co-workers first baby. I was helping her unload her car and opened the back seat to get the baby out and the baby (now about a year old) was holding the much loved blanket I made. 
I guess this is my long winded way to say I guess thank you cards are great, but I loved the randomness of just seeing it on them by chance.


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## Bubba24 (Jan 2, 2012)

Oh please. I can go on forever about this. My best friends daughter had a baby a year ago. She had a baby shower for her 2 months before the birth. So now we are up to 15 months. Still not even a thank you card. Saw pictures on FB but never of the baby in the set that I made. Never even got a thank you for wedding gift 3 years ago. Now her dtr is pregnant again and she asked me to make another set. Yeah right. When pigs fly. When hell freezes over. When I win lotto. Won't happen. 
Feels good to get that off my chest.


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## ngriff (Jan 25, 2014)

My son and DIL are appreciative in every way, but the one thing I want and have asked for is pictures in the knitted items. The children are now 5 and 8 and there have been numerous sweaters, scarves, ponchos. I wish I'd taken pix when finished before I sent them.


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## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

At 73, almost 74 now, I've gotten to the point that when I give something, it's out of my hands and heart.
I just let it go.
The recipient may or may not appreciate it, or may be "meaning to" thank me [or not].
I take my Grannie's view: It's in God's hands. He knows the right thing to do with it.


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## Gma Susan (Mar 24, 2014)

I have the same issue with my granddaughter. I have made her hats, cocoon, blanket, and a dress. The only pictures I ever got (and the only time I think they ever touched her) was when I went over, asked my son where they were, because I wanted to put them on and take a picture. Mom wasn't too thrilled with it, but I at least got a picture. The dress? I keep asking if it fits her yet and I get the same answer.....we think it's still to big. I don't think so. Next time I MIGHT get the chance to babysit, I'll try it on her and take a picture again, if it's not to late. I've decided, as I've heard others say here. That I'm not making anything else for her until she's old enough to ask and have a say about what she wants. Then I'll try again. Otherwise, I do believe I'm wasting my time. I have other granddaughters that I married into, that love my knitting, wear it, and ask for more. Those are the ones you just want to keep knitting for. I have 2 new babies on the way, so I'm building them up some gifts and we'll see how those work!


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

To Ellimae and prior and future posters with "great expectations." First, I went back and re-read your post.
It is very revealing. You make beautiful things to "give", but you expect attention and accolades for them. Of course, 
that would be perfect, but some people think the personal "thank you" at the time is sufficient. I'm one of those..You, also, said you gave the baby gift to grandma...how do you know they got it? 
This is not meant to hurt feelings, just my slant on this subject that comes up frequently...not just Elliemae. 
When a gift to my DIL was "not her taste", I said, please just re-gift it. One other thing..when I give anything "unsolicited", I keep in mind the bible verse
"When thy doest thy alms, do not sound a trumpet before ye"
Like it or hate it...just my opinion..no burning at the stake required. Love to all and viva la difference!...Maggie


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## artsylady (Apr 10, 2011)

This has happened to me. The people who don't appreciate their gifts go on the not knit worthy list.


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## janeridal (Nov 15, 2013)

Julie M said:


> I'd say let it go, and don't let it fester either. We need to understand that when we give an unsolicited gift, we're taking the chance that the recipient either won't want it or won't appreciate it. When we give, we give. We send our products out there, and what happens, happens. It's our own choice to do it.


A shorter and more effective summary of what I was trying to say - thank you! None of this excuses the bad manners - but the bad manners are ultimately the recipient's problem, not yours.


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## augiesouth (Sep 14, 2013)

Agree with you all. I just got an amazing thank you note from a woman I never met but her husband was my physical therapist & his eyes lit up so when I showed the ladies at therapy the afghan I made of "Noah's Ark". He had asked what it would cost and I said around $200 with the material & time....he & his wife are expecting their first so when I heard his coworkers were giving him a shower I brought the afghan by with some "maxi pads" for his wife...Amazing how what are really strangers could be so responsive while friends & family who are far away cannot even take a photo...like you will not be near enough to even know if the items were ever used..so what is so hard with taking a photo and making the person who made the gift feel appreciated...I will look for more strangers whose eyes light up and give them my work..


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## Grandma Anne (May 3, 2011)

My dh's granddaughter graduated from high school last year. I knitted her a beret in her favorite color and we gave her a check for a substantial amount. 2 months passed and we did not receive any acknowledgment of our gifts so I called her mother to be sure she got them (although we knew the check had been cashed). Got some stuttered excuse that she had been too busy to write thankyou notes, but we should get one soon. Sure enough, about a week later we got a note thanking us for the check---no mention of the knitted item. Next time I saw the granddaughter I asked her if she had worn the beret yet. She looked at me in sort of a blank way, said she hadn't had a chance to yet. But no thank you, no comment about it. This is the last time I will knit anything for her again, or for her 2 sisters for that matter. Things I make for friends are always greeted with squeals of joy and appreciation. Lesson learned.


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## Leland Sandy (Aug 24, 2011)

You could ask for a photo, explaining that you want to post it on a forum which is read worldwide and you know the sweater will look better on her than the one you took laying flat on the table. (You did take that one, didn't you?) 

And then, whether you get the photo or not, let it go. It is costing you more in grief and anxiety than you might get in return.


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

You can say almost anything if you say it with love in your heart.


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## Maryhm (Oct 11, 2012)

We have raised a generation of entitled people with little or no manners. Ask what happened to the promised pictures very politely. As a Grandmother, it has been my objective to ensure that my grandchildren are introduced to good manners. I only hope it sticks.


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## iShirl (Jun 30, 2012)

dagmargrubaugh, you took the words right out of my keyboard! I love the sweet complements I get from the hospital and baby charity. To add, we get no responses from family so when it's a big occasion, they get $$$.


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## pennyforyourthoughts (Jun 2, 2014)

The only way to guarantee a picture is to deliver it personally and have your camera in hand and take the picture. People have unfortunately very crowded lives.... not an excuse, people just let things drop by the wayside.... constantly. I think it is a product of a fragmented way of living now prevalent. To stop and take a picture, even for me, seems a production. Sad statement concerning myself too.... and I very much need the pictures as a fiber artist... ha!... forgive them


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## Metrogal (Mar 15, 2011)

I would just ask outright, and then not worry about it anymore. I knit for lots of people and most of them are so appreciate, and actually wear the stuff...if they don't? Well, too bad. I can't spend my days worrying about it. I enjoy knitting and giving, and that will never stop. The ones who appreciate it more than outweigh the ones who don't, and nobody knows how to write thank you notes anymore. Don't sweat it.


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## marimom (Aug 27, 2011)

omg!!! what does "act like a grandma" mean? If it means not being thanked for gifts, not being texted (remember kids do not use the phone or even email anymore) back after making the effort to get through to them and all of the other horrible things that go on now, then I guess I am one of us grandmas.
My youngest gd was Bat Mitzvahed last Oct. and one of my oldest friends gave her a very nice financial gift. No thank you even after my daughter recd. an email from my friend and I recd. many and also bit my tongue and spoke to both my gd and daughter. My friend is furious with them and after 50 years has written them off her list.
Poor babies; I am being facitious. No time for even 1 thank you. So much to do - get off the sauce or your cell phone.
I blame it on my daughters for not teaching them the manners that they were brought up with.
Bad enough I spend over $400 on hrt tallit (prayer shawl) and never recd. a thank you.
I, like so many of you can go on and on and on.


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## floglo2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

HAHA that is too funny , your scarf up a dog's behind. That is my laugh for the day!!! Thanks for that. boy I don't blame you for not knitting anymore things for them!! I guess we have to just knit for them and as a gift, they don't owe us anything.. not a photo, not a thank you. We just do it because we love to do it. When you have a good enough relationship with your people they can feel free to say ok, now, that is enough of the afghans!!haha My grandkids and kids say what they think in a loving way, thank God..haha I always ask first if they would want it or like it and then we are all good. Have great day!!!


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Maryhm said:


> We have raised a generation of entitled people with little or no manners. Ask what happened to the promised pictures very politely. As a Grandmother, it has been my objective to ensure that my grandchildren are introduced to good manners. I only hope it sticks.


NO!!NO!!NO!!
Who, exactly, is WE? My children and grands are well mannered, as are the younger people of all ages, who say thanks, opens doors, offer to help...ad infinitum!! What is it you think they are "entitled" to? Please explain. Maggie


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## joycevv (Oct 13, 2011)

This is an illustration why I don't do a lot of knitting for family anymore. Last fall, when I was feeling my nine year old grandson out about what he would like for Christmas, the only thing he said was "Anything not knitted." As if!! (I'd given up knitting for him since he was a toddler).


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## Salsa (Feb 19, 2014)

I would send an email " hi sweetie where is my photo of you in the sweater I made for you ? I know your busy but I really need it to show off on my knitting forum. "


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

If you do not insist on seeing the garments on the person you will never see them. Everyone is to busy doing whatever and although people now days seem to be taking selfies, and whatever else is going on they never seem to pick up on request. I have two grandchildren who are now 12 and 14 and every xmas they want me to make them jogging pants/sweat pants, they like to wear them to bed. So I make them each a pair and last year I made both two pair. One year I did not because they did not put in the request, and they were disappointed as to where were their pants. Anyway I have yet to see these pants on the girls. My daughter will call and have them thank me but no photos. If it is that important to you I would either keep requesting or not make anything for these people again. I gave up on seeing anything I make on the person it was given to. Life is to short.


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## pennyforyourthoughts (Jun 2, 2014)

Ha....! Most young boys do not want "knitted" items for Christmas per se. That is like saying they want underwear or socks..... giggle. I am sorry, consider the audience. Smile....! Nine year old, head is in another universe.


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## LindaH (Feb 1, 2011)

Just ask if they ever took pictures, and if so would they please share them. Life is too short to hold in hurt and anger. Tell them how you feel. You are worth it.


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## past (Apr 3, 2011)

I can't understand why you haven't received a picture of the graduation gift.
I can say that maybe the reason you haven't gotten picture of the baby sweater is that maybe the baby hasn't grown into it yet. I gave a friend and a cousin baby sweater's when their wee ones were born. Both sweaters were 0-3 month size. The one baby was born in June and the other in August. I received a picture of the baby born in June in November when the baby finally could fit the sweater. I received a picture of the baby born in August just before Christmas.


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## snughollow (Aug 4, 2012)

I think is typical. A lot of people really do not appreciate the time and expense in handmaking something, and a lot of people do not like handmade items. These are the ones that prefer to buy something.


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## dgid (Feb 3, 2014)

Spent over $200 in yarn and many, many hours on a blanket for my GS wedding gift in early May - don't even know yet if they opened it!


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## judyr (Feb 20, 2011)

I wonder what would happen if you stop making these beautiful articles? I would. The lack of appreciation is wide spread so do not feel like you are being singled out. That is one of the main reasons that there are so many charity knitters/crocheters here on KP. The only ones that I have gotten thanks yous from are the other knitters and crocheters.


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## RNLinda (Dec 14, 2012)

I guess one thing we have to realize is that not everyone likes handmade items, and would rather receive something else. We continue to beat ourselves up about not having our work appreciated, and not getting thanked. Probably just best not to give these items unless someone asks you to make something for them. I would not ask for the pictures just consider it water down the drain, and stop worrying about it. Life is too short.


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## weaver1510 (Oct 2, 2011)

A thing I have learned about knitting/crocheting something for a gift is: take my own picture first-then request a picture with the person wearing/using the item. If possible, take my own picture with the person wearing/using the item.I find that I take my own camera to family events,etc. Take my OWN pictures. Doesn't solve anything, but I at least have the pictures.


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## mathwizard (Feb 24, 2011)

SwampCatNana said:


> I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


I agree. As nicely as possible, ask. If they live nearby tell them arrange a time and you will come over to take the picture.


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## Poffas (Jan 30, 2013)

I feel a bit like you people never seem to acknowledge what you do for them and to try and get them to do something for you is like asking for the moon


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## Judy C. (Oct 21, 2012)

I knit for family, but majority of my work is donated to the needy where I'm sure it is appreciated and used. I received a picture from my adult granddaughter this Christmas wearing a hat I had knit. She had it on inside out!! Knit for the enjoyment of it! :thumbup:


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## southernyankee (Jun 10, 2011)

I knit simply because I love knitting. I give hand made gifts to family and friends because it gives me pleasure. I am not looking for thanks and/or photos. My joy is in the giving, not the receiving of praise or thanks!!


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## 1953knitter (Mar 30, 2011)

Contact the person that requested the sweater & ask if it fit. Explain (although you shouldn't need to) that you are concerned about the fit since you have not received a picture. As for the other sweater, consider it the last sweater for that family. I've found that my children like & generally use dish/wash cloths, hats, scarves & cowls, so that is all I knit for them. It's a hard lesson to learn that not everyone appreciates knitting like a knitter. I reserve the bigger projects & nicer yarn for myself & my mother. Everyone needs to learn to nicely say no.


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## Joan Louise (Dec 26, 2013)

I knitted a sweater for my baby granddaughter . didn't here a thing till about a year later. she was so tiny that the sweater didn't fit till then . Never did get a thank you though. I will make quilts for the 3 grandchildren one down 2 to go then I'm done. Given up on thank you.


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## BailaC (Sep 25, 2013)

I received a thank you notes from my 8 year old gd and gs for their birthday gifts (which included some knit American Girl doll clothes for her and a knitted sweater for the bear he sleeps with). My daughter had told them that now that they were 8, it was time they wrote their own thank you notes. She bought them special thank you note cards. They sent one for every present they received, including from the friends who attended their parties. I was so proud of them, and of my daughter for teaching them to do this. I immediately sent my daughter an email telling her how proud I was of them and her - and how so many people on KP complain about not getting thank yous from children and grandchildren - but not me! 

I knit a lot of baby gifts and usually get thank you notes. Sometimes I don't, but the knitting was my pleasure, and I just let it go.


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## Ermdog (Apr 24, 2014)

Elliemay said:


> I really appreciate you comment. The Graduate, I offered to make her a sweater since she is leaving CA to go to college in Idaho, and it will be cold there. She picked out a pattern, the yarn color, and we went through the process of measuring her for proper fit. You are so right. She often complains that others do not take her feelings into consideration. She calls me Grandma, even though I am not, and I do sort of feel like making it a life lesson, but at the same time I don't want to burn bridges. Growing up is so hard now days. She calls me Grandma because she needs one, maybe I should act like one .. as you suggest.


You know if this gal sees you as her granny and allows you to jump through hoops to please her, then, yes, act like a granny. This is definitely a teachable moment. A good, a really loving friend is a friend who will risk alienation to gently rebuke when a rebuke is needed. If she loves and respects you and you can say so with firm love in your voice, it would be a kind thing to use her complaints of others treatment of her as an object lesson. Yes growing up IS hard these days and we do our loved ones no favors by standing there silently watching them treat people with discourtesy. She may get her undies in a bunch over even a gentle rebuke, but if she has any sense at all she'll calm down and realize you are helping navigate her way through life. Be brave. A good rule of thumb when confronting is HDR- be Honest, be Direct, but be Respectful. Godd luck adopted gran.


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## ann seal (Jan 30, 2014)

For over 30 years I have sent checks to grand children, & great grand children. All live out of state. I usually put in a note....Have a bottle of wine on us., Put this towards something you really want, Here's for new drum sticks, etc. Never even an acknowledgement of reception! This year I did hear from the oldest... "Granny, I haven't cashed your checks for years,,,,just let me know you are thinking of me." l would cut out all the adults, but then, 2 are living just above the poverty level. "A puzzlement!"


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## Woodsywife (Mar 9, 2014)

"If you get the sense that they don't really like handmade items - it is sad, but better to find that out. Make it easy for them to tell you, because every one will be happier. Honesty is always the best policy, and kindness is important so that people can hear without feeling attacked.[/quote]"

Agree. Some people do not like handmade items. Even though they are usually unique, one of a kind item, people think it's cheap and you don't have money. Little do they know it is more expensive and time consuming then any store bought item. I made things for 2 nieces baby showers. One of them open the box and said "oh home made stuff" and just closed the box. At the other niece's shower she said "nice". Each gift included layette, washcloths, hooded bath blankets, hats, sweaters, booties, toys. Never received thank you. One niece is only into brand name designer things. Did not know that at the time. The other does other crafts not knitting or crocheting so maybe it's just she has no manners. Needless to say neither one received anything from me for the next child.


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## AlderRose (May 5, 2011)

I take pictures of my knitted projects BEFORE I give them away. Once they become someone else's property, any rights I had to them are null and void. Having that attitude has saved me a lot of hurt feelings. On the other hand, I've had one recipient ask if she could have her picture taken with me while we were both wearing shawls I'd made.


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## Vique (Oct 28, 2011)

It seems as though that's the way it is now. I don't let it bother me, I just shake the dust off my shoes and move on.


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## bamster (Mar 11, 2011)

I never comment but just have to on this one ,I have knit several items for my great grand daughter and I never give anything unless I am satisfied with it as sometime something's just don't turn out too good .all I ask is to take a pic of her I it . Haven't gotten one yet and she will soon be a year old , correction she took a pic of her in the Christmas outfit I knit her . Whats wrong with our young people?


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## Sarah Chana (Apr 15, 2014)

SwampCatNana said:


> I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


Use a little spray starch on your back, ask directly. Then don't permit people to treat you that way.....Just some friendly advise,being a doormat doesn't pay.


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

Just ask for the pictures.

Hazel


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## Sarah Chana (Apr 15, 2014)

BailaC said:


> I received a thank you notes from my 8 year old gd and gs for their birthday gifts (which included some knit American Girl doll clothes for her and a knitted sweater for the bear he sleeps with). My daughter had told them that now that they were 8, it was time they wrote their own thank you notes. She bought them special thank you note cards. They sent one for every present they received, including from the friends who attended their parties. I was so proud of them, and of my daughter for teaching them to do this. I immediately sent my daughter an email telling her how proud I was of them and her - and how so many people on KP complain about not getting thank yous from children and grandchildren - but not me!
> 
> I knit a lot of baby gifts and usually get thank you notes. Sometimes I don't, but the knitting was my pleasure, and I just let it go.


I'm with you. My grandkids do the same. My daughter taught them well. As a mot that's what we do.


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## Elliemay (Oct 29, 2011)

Thank you! I like the statement about the dead line.


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## Kanitter (Jan 26, 2014)

<<Deep sigh,
Same thing happened to me when I made a sweater, hat and booties for a coworkers first born. All I wanted was a picture on the baby. And I did keep reminding him.


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## nhauf001 (Jan 18, 2011)

I usually do what Neena says, and call to see if the gift arrived, so I know whether to make a claim with the postal service. Doesn't always work, but makes me feel better.


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## LynneA (Oct 2, 2011)

Yes, it is frustrating when one gets no feedback for lovely gestures like this. But remember, a gift is a gift and as such must be freely given with no expectations. Don't make it hard on yourself by fretting over it.


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## CatC (Apr 13, 2014)

I agree with everyone else - if you were promised a picture, then ask for one. Even if you weren't, I'd ask how the sweaters fit and could they send a picture.

Awhile back, I posted a picture of a baby blanket I made for a friend's granddaughter. I was overwhelmed when we went to visit the Mom and new baby that she was wrapped in my blanket.


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## yarncrazy102 (Mar 16, 2013)

SwampCatNana said:


> I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


Me too . . . . . straight forward that is. The recipients of any handmade item should be jumping with ecstasy. Of course, these days most people forget a simple "thank you" note is appropriate let alone a photo. :thumbdown:


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## Barn-dweller (Nov 12, 2013)

I also would just ask and then find someone more appreciative of your work.


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## Crochet dreamin' (Apr 22, 2013)

Boy, do I know how it feels not to get the pictures! They either want to ignore your request (after saying they'd send a picture) or they take a picture that does not really show off the item at all. For Pete's sake is it so hard to just take a straight-on picture? It's like giving away one's children and never knowing if they found a good home where they're appreciated.

I have a picture of a "selfie" in the mirror with the sun glaring on it so you can't see the person, and it's so far away you can't see the items. I have one of my daughter's back. I have another where it was taken in the middle of the night with no light or flash. What is it with these people? I actually think it's funny. I'm used to it now, but can be frustrating when you want to show it off on the forum.


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## yotbum (Sep 8, 2011)

SwampCatNana said:


> I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


Me, too. No big deal.


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## joycevv (Oct 13, 2011)

I always tell my students they'll go further on good manners than almost anything else they'll learn while they're young.

I recently sent a baby blanket to a young woman I hadn't seen since she was a child, never expecting the sweetest thank you card which was a hand written work of art, and she said it was the only "hand made" present her baby had gotten and how much it meant to her! 

It's always fun to knit a baby blanket, even if you don't get a nice thank you. Happy knitting everyone.


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

I would ask if the items I made fit the recipients, that way I would get a feel for whether they liked knitted garments or not. This would determine if I knitted again for them.

I knit for my own satisfaction, and if it fits someone that I want to give it to then I am happy with that. 

Don't let this fester, only you are hurting


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## TRINITYCRAFTSISTER (Sep 28, 2011)

Yes go for the friendly direct approach.


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## riversong200 (Apr 20, 2014)

Tell the family that the KPers are dying to see them in their new garments and are asking when you can post the photos. I know I'd like to see your work.


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## CatC (Apr 13, 2014)

Great suggestion put the blame on the KPers that way you come off as needing a favor, not demanding them to mind their manners.
We really would like to see the pictures&#128522;


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## JMBeals (Nov 27, 2013)

janeridal said:


> I have obviously been lucky - I've always had thanks for anything I've made. And I agree that, if it matters to you (which it clearly does) there's no reason why you shouldn't just politely ask if the item arrived safely - and you could ask if the sweater turned out as the Graduate had hoped. But, having read a lot of the posts on this thread, I am left wondering why we make things for others? Is it because we want to be thanked, or is it because we enjoy the making, and hope that the recipient likes it? I know that, in my case, I make for others because I enjoy the making, and I enjoy the giving. Thanks are a bonus. And yes, making for charity is a very rewarding way of fulfilling the desire to keep on knitting!


 Our expectations of others (which we can't control) are what brings the negativity. I like the playing w/ color, creativity, and stretching my skills, as well as purposeful activity, so I knit for my own pleasure. If it's appreciated on the other end, that's a bonus and makes my heart sing. Yeah, I knit for charity a lot, because I don't want my own expectations to taint the outcome. However, I've been told that a certain style of hat I knit can be seen all over town when the weather turns brisk ;o)


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## ggigliel (Apr 27, 2011)

I have also made knitted and crochet items one year for Christmas. I had surgery a few months before Christmas so I decided to make my Christmas presents.They all came out great, but when some opened them they were not even acknowledged. I spent a lot of money not to mention my time. I look at it this way, it's their loss. Now I only make things for my grandchildren. I know they are appreciated. Expecting my first greatgrand babies in January. Will be making lots of baby clothes.


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## JMBeals (Nov 27, 2013)

Gerslay said:


> To tell the truth, with or without a thank you I'm going to knit the thing anyway and give it to them anyway because that's what I do; I'm a knitting addict and I need recipients!
> 
> Not getting a thank you card is a whole lot better than getting the dreaded note that says, "STOP SENDING ME STUFF!"
> 
> :lol: :lol: :lol:


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## cookie68 (May 5, 2012)

I too have had it happen. Once I said something, and my son said "why didn't you say something earlier?"


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## MrsRII (Jun 9, 2013)

I'm with most of the KP responders. Just ask for the promised picture(s). The recipients, obviously, have not been taught manners. My personal thought: No response results in no more gifts.


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## Munchn (Mar 3, 2013)

Gosh, I' d just ask again for the pictures. Some people need to be reminded again and again and again. :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## carmeenhoover (Aug 16, 2013)

amberdragon said:


> this is what i do also...much more rewarding!
> however...gift giving is not a two way street. when i give a gift, the moment it leaves my hand it is forgotten..whether i receive a thank-you or not makes no deference to me. there are no strings attached to the gift...the thing that bothers me the most is when some one thinks they have to do something for me in return.


When I give a gift, it is from the heart...I agree with you...I do not expect anything in return... or even want it. I am just not interested in who owes who what. However... some years, ago, while recuperating from a heart attack, I made crocheted lap robes for my 6 kids and really wasn't too happy when I visited one of them and saw that they had given theirs to their dogs. It seems it wasn't the right color! I had asked them in advance what colors they liked. Oh well...go figure.
Carmeen


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## Karena (Jul 3, 2011)

Sadly, your family doesn't feel your request is a priority. Yes, you should put up some sort of fuss about not getting what was promised, or agreed to. Take a good look at whether they want the sweaters, like them, and if so, let your feeling be known. If they hesitate with a positive answer, push. Maybe the knits aren't really there "thing." Graduates have certain stlye preferences, look at TV, magazine photos. Dress for less? 
Knit for those who appreciate it or need it. And, while you are at it, quiz your family on priority, if they use the too busy excuse tell them that everyone has 24 hours in a day, they choose what or who is important, who is not. Let all know you have priorities too, can't waste time and money, etc. Being sensitive isn't a bad thing, you feelings may be right on. Time to yank some chains, in a nice sensitive and polite way--which you are Been there. 
Good luck. 
Karen


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## MrsMurdog (Apr 16, 2013)

without reading all of the responses... If they are close enough, invite them to tea/coffee/cocoa and ask them to wear the sweaters and take a group photo.


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## Karena (Jul 3, 2011)

I am with you. No response, no more gifts. Some people are givers, some takers. Weed out the takers. Cherish the givers. 
Karen


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## tmvasquez (May 7, 2013)

I guess I am the odd man out. I think if I give a gift it should come with no strings attached. If I want a picture of the item, I take it before I gift it. Manners are not what they once were and my getting my panties in a bunch isn't going to change it. I am not going to waste my time worrying about trivial things. Just assume they enjoyed the items and move on.


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## Karena (Jul 3, 2011)

Sorry that happened. Time to rething the time and expense. 
Go figure?


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## suzybcool (Sep 30, 2012)

I wouldn't get upset. While most of us have cameras attached to our phones how often do we think to use them? I'm not a person that likes to be photographed and that may be a factor here. 
However a beautifully written Thank You note is something that is always necessary for a handmade gift.


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## Karena (Jul 3, 2011)

True, but this person is feeling hurt and unappreciated. 
Better to give is correct, but seems the receivers are a little too insensitive. Maybe it isn't just about the knits, overall, you think?


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## kathycam (Apr 24, 2012)

I just received a darling, hand printed, thank you note from my 7 year old granddaughter for her birthday gifts. She wrote it all by herself, as evidenced by 2 misspellings. I taught all my children to write thank-you notes from the time they could print and I am thankful that my daughter teaches her daughters the same. When they were toddlers, my daughter would let them "scribble' a note and she would interpret for them. My daughter always dresses them in clothing I gave them when we are together and does the same with everyone else. 

Apparently, other people don't believe thank yous are important. I have not received a thank you note in years for shower, wedding, or graduation gifts. I've considered sending unsigned checks for gifts, just to find out what would happen. I just might get a thank you for signing the check!


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## morningdew (Oct 2, 2012)

Elliemay said:


> Ok, twice this year I have spent a lot of time making sweaters for family members. One a baby sweater and one a graduation present. They were a lot of work and turned out beautifully, which is not always the case, but this time I was really proud of them. Both recipients promised me pictures with the sweaters being worn. One wasn't really asked for, but the other one was, and still no pictures. I am getting kinda pissy about it. I am soliciting ideas for how to approach the request without becoming a jerk about it. I think I am way to nice to my family, I never complain, seldom ask for anything and most likely I am not enough of a squeaky wheel, but now I am feeling like a door mat.


 just say i was wondering if the sweaters fitted ok as i have not seen them yet . nothing wrong with that just a simple question


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## PatofWi (Apr 14, 2014)

SwampCatNana said:


> I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


I agree 100%. Tell them the pictures haven't come yet.


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## calisuzi (Apr 1, 2013)

This is exactly why I no longer knit for anyone but ME.


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## jeannie2954 (Apr 19, 2011)

I agree with all of the folks that suggested giving to charity. It makes me feel good knowing that I am helping others and especially warms my heart when I see a stranger out and about wearing something that I made knowing it is helping keep them warm. There are so many places that are grateful to receive your gifts, just to name a few the food bank, homeless shelters, children services (for the little ones in foster care). I would rather give to these places than to some of the people I know and then see my work on a hanger at Goodwill or thrown on the floor in the corner.


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## disgo (Mar 2, 2013)

Most definitely you are a kind and sensitive person and took the time to even help the graduate get something they knew about since you did fittings. Coming from the same spectrum of the sphere of life I too am sensitive which can be a blessing and a bane.

If I made you a tatted silk thread bookmarker you would sit down and write me a personal thank you, possibly on your best stationary or even a hand picked card. That is sort of person you and I are. Or even better take the time to call and talk for a couple hours of how much you appreciated my taking all that time, effort and money to create something so beautiful, right?

Being sensitive also makes one more aware of their surroundings. So I sit down with a cup of coffee and a biscuit and turn on the television or "fire up" the lap top to see a generous man from China gave a bunch of supposedly or alledgedly "homeless" people a free meal at a very exclusive restaurant in Central Park NYC. It was all served (not their usual stand in cafeteria line style) with nice linen table cloths and actual silverware and yet what is reported? They were alledgedly "promised" a $300 bonus EACH as a "gift" and made a lot of comments to the media as to how they had been used and mistreated.

I get a knot in my stomach so change the channel or web site to find that one should "unclutter" their lives every six months by throwing everything that hasn't been "used" in that time frame in the garbage or possibly recycled (if the community recycling accepts such things--have yet to see a section for wool knit items). Have a very close, loving and sensitive friend that went to work at a local religiously run charity thrift store and she quit because the donated "home made" items were tossed into a big box to be taken to the local landfill. Before she quit she asked why they did this and was told "Oh, people don't want that type of stuff and it costs to much to send it overseas where they just throw it away anyway". She and I only shop at Good Will and Value Village since they at least put out the nicer "home" made items. I don't browse the knick-knacks but when I do I have never in over 50 years seen any lovingly made "home made" ceramic pieces. 

None of the people on the pictures or camera were wearing anything closely resembling anything hand made. I have yet to see any of those standing with their help signs (yes I look) that are wearing any home made items either--not even in the cold weather--all manufactured gloves and clothing I'm afraid. I see the unfortunate people around the world with circumstances beyond our comprehension without one of them wearing a Red Heart hand made sweater or even a blanket on their child that is starving with flies all over its face. Certainly the journalist/camera people could find ONE! How many have you seen at the Super Bowl or World Cup wearing their team colors/trade logos with hand made intarsia knitting? Even when RL made "home made" appearing cardigans for the US Olympic Team the negative reviews on KP just made one cringe!

Yes we all like to "create" and enjoy the process and the industry that has grown around it like all the other fiber arts people. But even then what you like I might not and of course vice versa. There are myriads of sayings over the existence of mankind that all talk about giving and receiving and yet here we are going about reinventing the wheel.


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## Ontario Silk (Feb 16, 2014)

Giving them the benefit of a doubt... It is summer and warm and sticky weather and sweaters don't mix.... Perhaps they felt it was to hot to try it on.


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## karla knoll (Aug 5, 2011)

Are you making the items for the praise you will receive? Frankly, I have realized that is the motivation behind things I may have made and gave away. I should knit for myself period.


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## Marny CA (Jun 26, 2011)

Perhaps you can say: As your grandma, I sure would appreciate a picture of you wearing my gift.

Of course, always with a smile.

But, be prepared to be either surprised or rebuffed.

"Never expect others to do what you think you do - and you'll never be disappointed."

Those words were from my beloved husband.

No pictures from my daughter either wearing the shawl and capelet, or of afghan on the bed.

The only person I can fix, change, and control is mySelf. Period.

No sense is saying, for instance, to a newlywed couple: If you don't stay married you can't keep my gift.

The 'gift' is given and the recipient now owns it - it's no longer mine. (or yours!)

How many pictures have you taken wearing things gifted to you?


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## cc1945 (Dec 10, 2013)

So sad! I would ask them directly when you can expect the pictures. I knit for charity and found that this is very
appreciated and gives me great satisfaction.


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## kathycam (Apr 24, 2012)

tmvasquez said:


> I guess I am the odd man out. I think if I give a gift it should come with no strings attached. If I want a picture of the item, I take it before I gift it. Manners are not what they once were and my getting my panties in a bunch isn't going to change it. I am not going to waste my time worrying about trivial things. Just assume they enjoyed the items and move on.


I have to disagree. My very multi-talented friend made gorgeous christening gowns for all my granddaughters. Of course, she took her own pictures of them to add to her picture album of gorgeous handmade items. My daughter took the time to take pictures of us dressing the babies in the gowns, wearing the gowns, and being baptized in the gowns. She had professional pictures taken of the babies in their gowns and she sent all pictures to my friend in Arizona because she is too far away to see them in person. She also makes sure that everyone sees the children wearing their gifts (or at least a picture) and she always sends thank you notes. That's the way I raised her and that's the way she raises her daughters. If people no longer have appreciation, or express appreciation for gifts, I guess that explains why so many have no scruples about any crimes they commit against other human beings...they just have NO feelings towards others at all.


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## kathycam (Apr 24, 2012)

Sarah Chana said:


> I'm with you. My grandkids do the same. My daughter taught them well. As a mot that's what we do.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Elliemay (Oct 29, 2011)

I have read many of the replies to my question. It is hard to respond to them all. I have politely as possible asked for pictures. I must add I was thanked for the items in the first place, so a thank you was not the question, just the pictures.I think one from the baby sweater will come. The other, if it does not come I will just let it go. 
As for making things for charity, I do.


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## Goldrobin (Apr 18, 2014)

Call em up. Ask where your pictures are. I'm notorious for this kind of call, and yet, I still have to make them (calls)


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## Nancy S. (Jul 2, 2013)

People these days are not brought up with the manners that were expected or taught to us by our parents. I fault the parents & not the adult children because the parents did not enforce the rules of saying thank you or their kids were not smart enough at the time to pick it up.


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## shadypineslady (Jan 28, 2014)

dagmargrubaugh said:


> That is why I knit or crochet almost exclusively for charity. At least I can imagine that the recipient will be thrilled.


Ditto that. For charity, the recipients are happy to get them.

O, and maybe that's where we go wrong in knitting for someone, family member, not family member, but we expect something in return. A thank you, a photo, some recognition. Maybe, if we always knit as if it were for charity, even when we knit for a friend or family, and we didn't expect something in return, like what we get/don't get for a donated item, maybe then we would be happy.

Why does a gift have to have strings attached? Why do we need to get something back from the recipient of our "gift"?


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## Knitish (Feb 8, 2011)

Wisdom says let it go, sometimes it takes a while, and be cool.


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## Valjean (Jul 21, 2011)

Young ones today don't seem to send little thank you notes,been caught many times.


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## janette6154 (May 25, 2012)

I have this happen all the time. They make great promises that never materialise. Sometimes I just ask outright again and say text me a photo.


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## suzybcool (Sep 30, 2012)

Karena said:


> True, but this person is feeling hurt and unappreciated.
> Better to give is correct, but seems the receivers are a little too insensitive. Maybe it isn't just about the knits, overall, you think?


It is surprising at how many people do not appreciate how much work goes into a handmade item. Therefore they do not show the proper response to a handmade gift.

I've experienced this so often that I no longer give a surprise gift but involve the person that is getting the item in the process by choosing the yarn, the pattern, getting measured, etc. then I update as I work by showing progress. That way they know exactly what went into the gift.


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## Lillyhooch (Sep 27, 2012)

How right you are. I know for myself if I analyze why I am looking for a thank you, it really is for my ego - I want acknowledgement for my work. Now really that isn't what gift giving is all about - and I understand that (but still look eagerly for the praise). But it is nice when someone appreciates your work.

As for knitting for charity, there is only an assumption that the recipients appreciate the item. For all we know they may grimace but accept because they have no choice. I recall the comment of a person who knits squares for blankets who said with horror that she heard some people use them on the floor and not as blankets to keep them warm. I couldn't see the issue...



shadypineslady said:


> Ditto that. For charity, the recipients are happy to get them.
> 
> O, and maybe that's where we go wrong in knitting for someone, family member, not family member, but we expect something in return. A thank you, a photo, some recognition. Maybe, if we always knit as if it were for charity, even when we knit for a friend or family, and we didn't expect something in return, like what we get/don't get for a donated item, maybe then we would be happy.
> 
> Why does a gift have to have strings attached? Why do we need to get something back from the recipient of our "gift"?


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## shadypineslady (Jan 28, 2014)

Lillyhooch said:


> How right you are. I know for myself if I analyze why I am looking for a thank you, it really is for my ego - I want acknowledgement for my work. Now really that isn't what gift giving is all about - and I understand that (but still look eagerly for the praise). But it is nice when someone appreciates your work.
> 
> As for knitting for charity, there is only an assumption that the recipients appreciate the item. For all we know they may grimace but accept because they have no choice. I recall the comment of a person who knits squares for blankets who said with horror that she heard some people use them on the floor and not as blankets to keep them warm. I couldn't see the issue...


Then it's good that I'm knitting mostly for animals in shelters (I don't care if they pee on my donation, I sort of expect it), and for Alzheimer's patients at Alice's Embrace (and those recipients wouldn't know who I am even if they knew me, so .........


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## yotbum (Sep 8, 2011)

riversong200 said:


> Tell the family that the KPers are dying to see them in their new garments and are asking when you can post the photos. I know I'd like to see your work.


I like this one.


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

Bubba24 said:


> Oh please. I can go on forever about this. My best friends daughter had a baby a year ago. She had a baby shower for her 2 months before the birth. So now we are up to 15 months. Still not even a thank you card. Saw pictures on FB but never of the baby in the set that I made. Never even got a thank you for wedding gift 3 years ago. Now her dtr is pregnant again and she asked me to make another set. Yeah right. When pigs fly. When hell freezes over. When I win lotto. Won't happen.
> Feels good to get that off my chest.


I would have asked her if what you make will be as unappreciated as the last item. Then when she asked you what you meant, you could tell her you never even got a thank you card for the last gift. See what she says then.


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

suzybcool said:


> It is surprising at how many people do not appreciate how much work goes into a handmade item. Therefore they do not show the proper response to a handmade gift.
> 
> I've experienced this so often that I no longer give a surprise gift but involve the person that is getting the item in the process by choosing the yarn, the pattern, getting measured, etc. then I update as I work by showing progress. That way they know exactly what went into the gift.


I did this once for a co-worker. I worked at the same location for 38 years. Over the years when a co-worker was expecting, my gift was always a crocheted baby blanket. I always just picked a pattern that I liked and made the blanket to be ready in time for the shower the people at the office always had for the expectant mother. The last time when I found out that one of my co-workers was expecting, I went to her and said that I knew she knew that she would be getting a blanket from me (since it was my signature gift) so I would like for her to pick out the pattern and I would make it for her. I brought in several patterns and she chose which one she wanted. It was kind of nice making something that the recipient actually picked out.


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## nitnurse (May 20, 2012)

Elliemay said:


> Ok, twice this year I have spent a lot of time making sweaters for family members. One a baby sweater and one a graduation present. They were a lot of work and turned out beautifully, which is not always the case, but this time I was really proud of them. Both recipients promised me pictures with the sweaters being worn. One wasn't really asked for, but the other one was, and still no pictures. I am getting kinda pissy about it. I am soliciting ideas for how to approach the request without becoming a jerk about it. I think I am way to nice to my family, I never complain, seldom ask for anything and most likely I am not enough of a squeaky wheel, but now I am feeling like a door mat.


I don't think people mean to be rude, but when they are used to going into a store and buying something such as sweaters - they really do not appreciate the time it takes to make one and the thought that goes into it. People these days don't seem to have the same sensibilities when it comes to basic good manners as they used to. No-one seems to send thank you letters or cards and much is taken for granted in this consumerist society of ours. It is true that people do get busy and don't get around to things they promised to do - they are mostly time poor. If they knew how much it would mean to you to see a photo of them wearing the item - I am sure they would take a moment to take a snap and send it to you. Just say it would mean a lot to you to see the sweater being worn and could they send a photo. If you approach it this way they won't think you are being snitty about it. Don't let it fester into resentment. Good luck!


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## tmvasquez (May 7, 2013)

It is very sad that you can let such small things eat away at you like this. Forgiveness will set you free.


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## Lillyhooch (Sep 27, 2012)

shadypineslady said:


> Then it's good that I'm knitting mostly for animals in shelters (I don't care if they pee on my donation, I sort of expect it), and for Alzheimer's patients at Alice's Embrace (and those recipients wouldn't know who I am even if they knew me, so .........


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## headlemk (Feb 16, 2011)

I knit a Tree of Life baby blanket for our 2nd grandson. Shipped it via a friend traveling north of the border. She shipped it to Alabama. I've not heard a word. That was May 2013.


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## collectordolls (Oct 27, 2013)

I know exactly how your feel. A couple of years ago my daughter-in-law asked me to knit a Christmas stocking for her niece. I thought great I always wanted to knit one and I had some beautiful patterns, but no it had to be an exact match to a stocking her aunt(who has since passed) knitted for her and her brother when they were born. So with no pattern and only her stocking to use as a guide I did it. I was really proud of it because I am really not the best knitter and really like to follow a pattern. Anyway, I asked if when she gave the stocking to her niece if I could please have a picture. It never happened. I asked again the following year could I please have a picture. Well Christmas came and went and you guessed it no picture. They only thing I can say is that at least my daughter-in-law told me they loved it and thought I did a great job. But, still in back of my mind I think a picture of the baby with the stocking and a thank you note from the parents would have been a nice gesture.


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

Good suggestion, but don't hold your breath! Many people just don't use manners anymore.


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## grammylynn (Mar 2, 2013)

I too would ask again very pointedly. I have been there so many times. I love to give and see my gifts enjoyed and maybe passed on. When asked why I give away such things I say just seeing them being used is all I ask I don't want to knit for $ that would make it seem like work. I also sew and made several quilts, burp cloths and oversized double sided receiving blankets along with the knit items for the first child of our nephew as he and his wife had been told they would never be able to have children and this little girl was a complete surprise and could be their only child. I tried to give the gifts to my sister-in-law as she was flying out to the baby shower and she refused them saying she knew they didn't like "Hand made". I was crushed. So when they came to visit unexpectedly they saw me knitting a sweater for nobody special just loved the pattern and couldn't resist, and they fell in love too and wanted to know if they could possibly get one I was shocked. I think my SIL was jealous of my abilities so didn't want to give them anything she couldn't do. The look on her face when they told me how much they value "gifts made with Love" was priceless! I wanted to show them all the things they never got to have (still in a box waiting for another baby in the family) but bit my tongue and made sure to give them the sweater I was working on before they left town. Sweater is still too big for Emma now but will ask for a pic when she is right size. Being such a welcome surprise she probably had more small sizes than she could wear anyway but I was hurt to find out my SIL intentionally lied to me.


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## Elliemay (Oct 29, 2011)

Elliemay said:


> Ok, twice this year I have spent a lot of time making sweaters for family members. One a baby sweater and one a graduation present. They were a lot of work and turned out beautifully, which is not always the case, but this time I was really proud of them. Both recipients promised me pictures with the sweaters being worn. One wasn't really asked for, but the other one was, and still no pictures. I am getting kinda pissy about it. I am soliciting ideas for how to approach the request without becoming a jerk about it. I think I am way to nice to my family, I never complain, seldom ask for anything and most likely I am not enough of a squeaky wheel, but now I am feeling like a door mat.


Ok, I asked and they say pictures will be on the way. If they don't show up, I am just going to let it go. I was really happy with my projects and that should be reward enough. Off to other things.. like the Linus quilts I am making.


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## dalli (Apr 4, 2011)

I agree manners are a thing of the past, but maybe we "oldies" are just not in touch with the young and their facebook and twitter worlds. I get a lot of "we pasted it on Fb" did'nt you see it?" Wee
ll, no it is not in my worl, I think I do well to send emails and log on to KP. Maybe i just agree with some of you feel good that you can knit and sew and crochet remember this is a dying art and is appreciated in the way he younger generation understand, FB twitter not snail mail.


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## suzybcool (Sep 30, 2012)

collectordolls said:


> I know exactly how your feel. A couple of years ago my daughter-in-law asked me to knit a Christmas stocking for her niece. I thought great I always wanted to knit one and I had some beautiful patterns, but no it had to be an exact match to a stocking her aunt(who has since passed) knitted for her and her brother when they were born. So with no pattern and only her stocking to use as a guide I did it. I was really proud of it because I am really not the best knitter and really like to follow a pattern. Anyway, I asked if when she gave the stocking to her niece if I could please have a picture. It never happened. I asked again the following year could I please have a picture. Well Christmas came and went and you guessed it no picture. They only thing I can say is that at least my daughter-in-law told me they loved it and thought I did a great job. But, still in back of my mind I think a picture of the baby with the stocking and a thank you note from the parents would have been a nice gesture.


I understand how you feel. However you made a present for daughter-in-law to give to someone else. Since the stocking was not a direct gift from you the niece only owed a "thank you" to the person that gave it to her. It would have been nice if your DIL had taken a photo but that was where the obligation rested.
When gifts go through a second party you seldom know all of the story. I once made a pair of mittens for the mother of a friend. I was given very detailed instructions about color, fit and design. I did not charge for the mittens but I found out later that my friend presented the mittens saying that a great deal of expense was involved. Not only that but I also saw that the mother donated the mittens to a church sale, they did not appear to have been worn.


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## maysmom (Sep 22, 2011)

dlarkin said:


> I knit a baby blanket for someone at work. No thank you, no comment, no nothing! It took me three months to make. I like to knit things and give them away but will not be doing that for anyone but close friends again.


I've quit doing that for lots of people, close relatives included. No manners from so many people these days!

:evil:


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## maysmom (Sep 22, 2011)

dalli said:


> I agree manners are a thing of the past, but maybe we "oldies" are just not in touch with the young and their facebook and twitter worlds. I get a lot of "we pasted it on Fb" did'nt you see it?" Wee
> ll, no it is not in my worl, I think I do well to send emails and log on to KP. Maybe i just agree with some of you feel good that you can knit and sew and crochet remember this is a dying art and is appreciated in the way he younger generation understand, FB twitter not snail mail.


Ha, all I got from a giftee on Facebook was a picture of a hand dangling the scarf I'd made. No more gifts from me!


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## maysmom (Sep 22, 2011)

shadypineslady said:


> Ditto that. For charity, the recipients are happy to get them.
> 
> O, and maybe that's where we go wrong in knitting for someone, family member, not family member, but we expect something in return. A thank you, a photo, some recognition. Maybe, if we always knit as if it were for charity, even when we knit for a friend or family, and we didn't expect something in return, like what we get/don't get for a donated item, maybe then we would be happy.
> 
> Why does a gift have to have strings attached? Why do we need to get something back from the recipient of our "gift"?


I don't consider a thank you or photo a string. I do consider acknowledgment of my gift to be common good manners. Especially when I was given detailed requirements for said gift.
Oh well, to be sure, I do prefer to make things for those in need nowadays. I do a good job and use quality materials and yarn. Knowing that someone is warm/happy(in the case of a kid with a Linus blanket or a toy) is reward enough.


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## ELareau (Nov 4, 2012)

I think so many young people today have not been taught the value of "thank you" by their parents. So many of my generation (baby boomers) thought their children would pick up manners by osmosis or something. They never openly taught manners. So their children just don't say thank you, or write thank you notes. 

I have no children of my own (that makes me a perfect parent, right!?) but when I see a niece or nephew not demonstrating good manners I call them on it. Their parents haven't taught them, their parents have absolutely spoiled them, i.e. the world revolves around them. 

The kids know I love them and would do anything for them, but they need to learn to say thank you - and that extends to receiving gifts.


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## maysmom (Sep 22, 2011)

tmvasquez said:


> It is very sad that you can let such small things eat away at you like this. Forgiveness will set you free.


If I've spent $$$ and countless hours on a gift for someone, it isn't such a small thing. And I don't get into the "forgiveness will set you free" mindset, it's more like, "Recipient doesn't respect me enough." My "free-ing" thoughts are "bye-bye, no stuff for you anymore!!"

Kinda like the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld??!!


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## maysmom (Sep 22, 2011)

How right you are. I know for myself if I analyze why I am looking for a thank you, it really is for my ego - I want acknowledgement for my work.

If ego stroking is my goal, I'll enter a competition.


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## MelissaC (May 27, 2012)

You could say something like, "Hey, did you ever send me a picture of the sweater I made for you? I haven't gotten one and I'm wondering if it got lost in the mail/cyber space..." And say you've been eagerly anticipating it. And maybe add something about looking forward to seeing how the shoulders fit or something like that. Non-knitters wouldn't understand technical stuff, so you could embellish a little. I hope you get pictures so you can share them here. We'll all marvel at your masterpieces!


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## Dreamweaver (Feb 1, 2011)

Call with a friendly reminder. I like to keep a little album with pictures of things I make. You might tell them you would like it for your crafting records... (I take a picture before I give it away, just in case.)


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## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

I never knit out of obligation, only for the love of it. If your efforts were not recognized, do not knit for them again.
My joy lies in the process more than the recognition.


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## Suesknits (Feb 11, 2011)

SwampCatNana said:


> I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


This is what I also recommend.


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## grammylynn (Mar 2, 2013)

blessedinMO said:


> I never knit out of obligation, only for the love of it. If your efforts were not recognized, do not knit for them again.
> My joy lies in the process more than the recognition.


I don't think anyone is asking for ego stroking or recognition in other than it was appreciated and a pic or thank you is just that, "appreciation". What better way to see your work than see it modeled by the person it was made for? Why keep giving a person some of your time and hard work if they aren't going to use it and by a pic you can at least know it was used once! There is nothing egotistical about that.

Sometimes you even get pics you would rather not. I knit 2 sisters gifts ONCE only to get a Facebook pic of the oldest wearing the baby's coat as a shrug and completely stretching it out of shape. When I told the mother to please let me make the older one something in that yarn if she likes it so much that is her size she just laughed and said it was ok she was enjoying the one I sent her sister and the baby was young enough to not care! So I realized she didn't appreciate my time and effort if she let the older one ruin it because she saw it first. Being a non knitter she had no idea how much time and money went into the gifts so didn't care if it was ruined or upset me to see it. I was making the new baby a gift and didn't want the big sister (10 yrs old) to feel left out so made her a tunic sweater and bought jeggings to match so she would have a big girl outfit as well in a color I was told she loved. Guess she had a new favorite color for a short time. When I next spoke to them I asked if she was still wearing it or had the baby worn it yet and was told it ripped taking off that day so they threw it out! Really, a 10 yr old wearing an infant size 12 month sweater was too small???? No they didn't know where the sweater I made the older one was. It might have been left at school they couldn't remember if she had even worn it yet or not to say if it fit. It was probably around somewhere. Pictures also help you know what items actually look like on the body when you see them worn rather than flat on a table or in a book. So does this person need longer/shorter sleeves, more buttons etc.

So I might be wrong but I don't think being hurt hearing that was "too sensitive" or "egotistical" or to think they should have appreciated my gifts more. Needless to say it will be a very long time before more of my time and efforts go to anyone who doesn't understand this is my way of thinking.


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## gingjan (Jun 4, 2013)

ask them for photos as u like to photograph your work and put in an album. Most mobile phones take pics anyway which they can print off in several ways.
Good luck!


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## Marny CA (Jun 26, 2011)

I made a blanket for a friend's first grandbaby -- and sent it to friend's house.

She said she never received it.

Now I have knit Tree of Life for another grandbaby - and fear sending it. I would hate for this one to get lost.

Better get it straight because now the baby is 7 months old!


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## Takara (May 20, 2013)

Just ask the family members if they liked their gifts?
Hopefully that will jog their memory to send a pic.
I have often given gifts without a word of thanks or anything so I have an idea about how you must be feeling.
I think its just nice to acknowledge a gift.


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

Marny CA said:


> I made a blanket for a friend's first grandbaby -- and sent it to friend's house.
> 
> She said she never received it.
> 
> ...


You can insure the item when you send it or send it registered mail so the post office has to keep track. That way if they say they did not receive it you can go back to the post office.


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

Looking for thank-you's is a road leading to disappointment.

But developing the habit of being grateful morning and night for al the gifts on has oneself -- now that leads to joy, enthusiasm, and peace.


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## janeridal (Nov 15, 2013)

ggigliel said:


> I have also made knitted and crochet items one year for Christmas. I had surgery a few months before Christmas so I decided to make my Christmas presents.They all came out great, but when some opened them they were not even acknowledged. I spent a lot of money not to mention my time. I look at it this way, it's their loss. Now I only make things for my grandchildren. I know they are appreciated. Expecting my first greatgrand babies in January. Will be making lots of baby clothes.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

taborhills said:


> Looking for thank-you's is a road leading to disappointment.
> 
> But developing the habit of being grateful morning and night for al the gifts on has oneself -- now that leads to joy, enthusiasm, and peace.


Amen


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## LAURA C (Jan 21, 2013)

DonnieK said:


> Yeah, me too SwampCatNana! I too would ask if the camera was broken and when you were going to be getting another one! This is the reason I seldom make anything for family members. I knew I was pretty much done when I made a beautiful scarf for a family member and saw it up under a dog's behind.


I made my oldest gd a beautiful scarf. The last time I saw it , it was on the floor to the car. Several months later I made a similar scarf and she was looking at it and hinting she liked it. I reminded her that I had made one very similar for her and then asked where it was. She informed me she had no idea. That was the last thing I made for her


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## LAURA C (Jan 21, 2013)

My daughter asked me to make a baby blanket for someone she worked with. They were having a shower for her. I made the blanket and thought I'll never hear anything from her. About a week later, my daughter handed me a card. It was a thank you note from my daughter's co-worker. In the note she stated that she wanted to thank the talented lady who took time out of her busy schedule to make something so beautiful for her baby. I was so touched. After she gave birth she sent a picture of the baby with the banket, I was so touched. Her mother taught her manners.


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## just80 (Aug 22, 2013)

I agree with all the comments about not getting a thank you for a gift. Very upsetting but, I guess, this is the way things are these days. I will be very select with future gifts and may discontinue doing the giving entirely....if I buy something for myself, I'll make sure to thank "me".


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

Went to our great nephew's wedding a couple of years ago. The gift we brought to the wedding contained a crochet top dishtowel with a hand made dishcloth and a store purchase of one of those mandolin type slicers that I saw being demonstrated. To this day, we have never received any kind of acknowledgement for the gift. That same year, our nephew and his wife who live out of state had a baby shower and I made quite a few things that we sent to them. The thank you note that I got from them was so well worded on how much they appreciated the gifts that it brought tears to my eyes. Also that year, there was a baby shower for our close friend's daughter. I decided to crochet this really pretty granny square blanket for her thinking I had plenty of time to make it. However, they had the shower really early because of conflicts on dates that were closer to the due date, so I took one square of the blanket and put it with some bibs and a fleece blanket that I made to give her at the shower. I told her I would get the blanket to her when I finished it. Only about a week after the shower I received the nicest thank you card from her. When I finished the granny square blanket, I got it to her and in less than a week I had another really nice thank you card from her for the blanket. She came by the craft bazaar I was in last October and had the baby with her and the baby was wrapped in the blanket I had made. Some people are raised right to show their appreciation. Currently I am waiting for a thank you card from a great nephew who graduated from high school. Since we did not attend the graduation, we sent a card with a prepaid American Express card inside. I mailed it at the post office because it required extra postage. So far, I have not heard anything, but it has only been three weeks since he graduated. My concern is, did he get the card? If I don't hear anything within the next couple of weeks, I am going to call my sister-in-law (his grandmother) and let her know that I have not heard anything and could she find out if he got the card.


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## Marny CA (Jun 26, 2011)

Evie RM said:


> You can insure the item when you send it or send it registered mail so the post office has to keep track. That way if they say they did not receive it you can go back to the post office.


You're 100% correct! I *will* insure the Tree of Life blanket. Thank you for a great reminder!!


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

SwampCatNana said:


> I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


Perfect!


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## georgethefifth (Feb 17, 2011)

we can forgive very easily, it is the forgetting part that is hard. Blessings, Dorothy


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## christiliz (Dec 20, 2011)

I'll add my 2 cents. I've heard the grand kids like the things I send. I know the grand kids try them on when when they come. To me, it's the perfect time to take the cell phone and snap a photo or 2 and either post it on Facebook, or email it. I'm a long distance Grandma and would love to see a photo of the grand kids in their things.


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## rderemer (Nov 13, 2012)

SwampCatNana said:


> I would simply ask when the pictures will arrive. I'm very straight forward.


I would do the same - most likely, they just forgot.


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## valmac (Nov 22, 2012)

When a gift is not given directly to the recipient - i.e. mailed, a thank you note/email/phone call (I'm not fussy!) is about the only way to know the gift has been received, so bad manners also make one wonder if one's effort was in vain. I have sent wedding gifts to the children of close friends, but if I don't get an acknowledgement of some sort, I certainly don't bother with gifts for any of their future milestones - once bitten, twice shy! 
Elliemay - do you really care that much about people who can't even say 'thanks' ??


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## SEA (Feb 9, 2011)

I would just say you are waiting for a picture to add to your collection of pictures of things you have made. 

When my kids were young I use to collect all their gifts, especially money. They got them back when the thank you notes were written. It worked like a charm. Now they are adults and I still bug them about getting their notes out. They always get Thank you notes for their use in their stockings.


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

I knitted a matinee set inclusive of dress, matinee jacket, booties and bonnet. She still thanks me for the clothes and she even bought the baby into work with the matinee jacket on. It was a pleasure to knit for her.


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## LAURA C (Jan 21, 2013)

Evie RM said:


> Went to our great nephew's wedding a couple of years ago. The gift we brought to the wedding contained a crochet top dishtowel with a hand made dishcloth and a store purchase of one of those mandolin type slicers that I saw being demonstrated. To this day, we have never received any kind of acknowledgement for the gift. That same year, our nephew and his wife who live out of state had a baby shower and I made quite a few things that we sent to them. The thank you note that I got from them was so well worded on how much they appreciated the gifts that it brought tears to my eyes. Also that year, there was a baby shower for our close friend's daughter. I decided to crochet this really pretty granny square blanket for her thinking I had plenty of time to make it. However, they had the shower really early because of conflicts on dates that were closer to the due date, so I took one square of the blanket and put it with some bibs and a fleece blanket that I made to give her at the shower. I told her I would get the blanket to her when I finished it. Only about a week after the shower I received the nicest thank you card from her. When I finished the granny square blanket, I got it to her and in less than a week I had another really nice thank you card from her for the blanket. She came by the craft bazaar I was in last October and had the baby with her and the baby was wrapped in the blanket I had made. Some people are raised right to show their appreciation. Currently I am waiting for a thank you card from a great nephew who graduated from high school. Since we did not attend the graduation, we sent a card with a prepaid American Express card inside. I mailed it at the post office because it required extra postage. So far, I have not heard anything, but it has only been three weeks since he graduated. My concern is, did he get the card? If I don't hear anything within the next couple of weeks, I am going to call my sister-in-law (his grandmother) and let her know that I have not heard anything and could she find out if he got the card.


My son was a pain n the butt with thank you notes. When he graduated high school, I confiscated all his gifts and told him when I had the thank you notes, he would have his gifts. It was amazing how quickly I got the notes. It was a miracle.


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## quirkycrafter (Jul 9, 2013)

That's the problem with some families. It seems they want things, but don't appreciate what goes into it. They want things made, but they expect to just be given the items. Some are only for themselves. Others are superficial about it and you never hear how the items were, how they liked them, like it doesn't matter, which makes you feel like a door mat.

I, too, don't make much or do much with/for family because there's very rarely a return of a simple favor or something doesn't turn out. Only those who help me out, return a favor and/or do stuff for me in my time of need, I will consider and possibly make them something that I know they will appreciate. It bothers me when people take advantage because they feel someone "owes" them something or they're entitled, but who cares about you. I don't waste my time to where it will make me unhappy. I do what I do and if nobody likes it, too bad. Nobody's happy with the simple things and what they have or are given nowadays. Just my thought.


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## just80 (Aug 22, 2013)

had the same sad experience. sent check & card for nephew's wedding out of state over 3 months ago. check still not cashed and no thank you. I know the check was received as his mom told me she gave him the envelope. Is it time to "stop payment" on the check and just forget about it?


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

elsie yacker said:


> had the same sad experience. sent check & card for nephew's wedding out of state over 3 months ago. check still not cashed and no thank you. I know the check was received as his mom told me she gave him the envelope. Is it time to "stop payment" on the check and just forget about it?


I would ask why the check was not cashed. Maybe it fell out of the envelope and they didn't see it, or it got mislaid. It costs quite a bit to stop payment and rather than spend that money, you might want to try to find out what happened to the check.


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## just80 (Aug 22, 2013)

I see your point but don't want to ask his mom again about the check after she told me last month that it was received. I'll wait a bit longer and then make a decision.


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## laceluvr (Feb 16, 2012)

Know exactly how you feel. I recently got an invitation to a high school graduation from a great niece that I've only met twice when she was very young and never heard from directly. Couldn't attend the graduation (too far), but sent her a card with a gift card enclosed. I even wrote on the card for her to call me so that I would know she received it. So far, no phone call, much less a thank you card. My thought is that she just sent it in hopes of receiving a gift. Next time I get an invitation, I will ignore it. I am retired now and life is too short to put up with these situations. 

I too have knitted/crocheted items and given them as gifts with barely a verbal thank you. Never mind expecting a written thank you or pictures! Once, I crocheted a lace stole for a friend who thanked me verbally, but never mentioned the gift again, nor did she ever wear it. I realized that she did not appreciate the work involved because she did not do any needlework or show any interest in it. Since then, I have made it a point not to knit for anyone (friends or family) who do not actually knit or crochet. If they don't do the craft, they can't truly appreciate your time and effort in a beautifully handmade gift.


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## just80 (Aug 22, 2013)

sad but true. I agree and knit/sew mostly for myself and hubby now.


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## Marny CA (Jun 26, 2011)

Although I am a member of a knitting/crochet/loom group which gives all items to various charities once a year, I have been thinking of the folks who stand at the exits/intersections asking for help.

Perhaps in cold climates handing them a scarf or hat would be fun to do as a random act of kindness.


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## Knitnewbie (Mar 8, 2011)

Marny CA said:


> Although I am a member of a knitting/crochet/loom group which gives all items to various charities once a year, I have been thinking of the folks who stand at the exits/intersections asking for help.
> 
> Perhaps in cold climates handing them a scarf or hat would be fun to do as a random act of kindness.


What a lovely idea! I am sure some will be very grateful!


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

Knitnewbie said:


> What a lovely idea! I am sure some will be very grateful!


That is what my daughter does. She has loomed over 2,000 hats over the past few years and a couple of years ago started knitting scarves to go with the hats. She has donated them to rescue missions and through the church. She usually carries them with her and if she sees a homeless person, she just hands them a set, especially in the fall and winter months.


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## ltcmomky (Aug 22, 2013)

You are NOT pissy or too sensitive. That is just rude behavior!


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## Marny CA (Jun 26, 2011)

just80 said:


> I see your point but don't want to ask his mom again about the check after she told me last month that it was received. I'll wait a bit longer and then make a decision.


YOU have every right to contact the person(s) to remind them to please deposit the check so you can complete your bank statements. If they are old enough to be married they are old enough to cash YOUR check or mail it back to you, since maybe it wasn't cashed because of too low an amount. eh!

I wouldn't involve the mother.


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## coolmoves (Mar 27, 2011)

Hmmmmm.... take a picture of your item ... and when you email them to ask for a picture, send the one you have and say: "Still waiting to see a picture of you wearing it!" 

If they don't respond.... tsk-tsk.


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## Knitnewbie (Mar 8, 2011)

Evie RM said:


> That is what my daughter does. She has loomed over 2,000 hats over the past few years and a couple of years ago started knitting scarves to go with the hats. She has donated them to rescue missions and through the church. She usually carries them with her and if she sees a homeless person, she just hands them a set, especially in the fall and winter months.


Wonderful way to pay it forward.


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