# WHAT CAN I DO



## GGailS (May 23, 2011)

Hello ladies: I am wondering if anyone else has this "problem." I have 2 very good friends that know I knit just about anything & everything for my family (very little if anything for myself.) They keep asking if I will knit certain things for them (free of course.) I am trying to tell them diplomatically that I do not knit for anybody outside my family (busy volunteering) and this is my choice NOT to knit for others. The more I tell them NO - the more they keep asking me! Apparently I have LOTS of time to spare & I can easily knit something for them. They do not realize the cost of the wool & the time to do it. I give my family afghans & sweaters for Birthday & Christmas & right now - my little grand-daughter is into Barbie stuff - so my needles are working for these lately! Any way I can tell these people - NO GO FOR OTHERS! Sorry, but I am busy enough. Thank you for any ideas you may have.


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## Poledra65 (Jul 6, 2011)

I told friends that if they went and purchased the yarn, the pattern and whatever needles etc is needed for the item they want that I'll make it for them, when they found out how much everything cost, they never asked me again. lol.
of course you could try that and then say your hourly rate also is$$$.
Hope you can find a solution to the dilema, unfortunately people who don't knit/crochet have no idea the time and money it takes to make a given item.


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## Deb-Babbles (Mar 4, 2011)

I have friends that tell me what a lovely job I did. They gush all over how it would be just right for the. I have told them that I could teach them to knit and we could have a night a week to sit and knit, talk or just knit. They change there tone right away. 
Good luck.


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## Loistec (Jan 25, 2011)

I am experiencing that problem myself. I have started to reply with "You can make it yourself you know, would you like me to teach you to knit?" They usually stop asking then.

I also get people saying "Oh you should make them and sell them!" I reply that I knit for fun and relaxation and making things to sell would put pressure on me to finish quickly and that would take the fun out of it!


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Try this...You would be happy to, if they come over and cook dinner every evening, do the laundry, ironing, dusting..all the housework. Then you would have time to just sit and knit for them. Tell them it is called "bartering". It's done all the time.
And, you know, dressmakers don't work free, why should needle-workers? Just say "no"! Another thought..is there someone you know who does this for a living? Give your friends the name. Hildy


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## Grandma Laurie (Feb 2, 2011)

No is a real word - some people just can't get that in their head. Stick to your no and don't be pressured.


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## elsienicholls (Mar 24, 2011)

I usually tell them that if I buy the yarn - which is my preference - I will charge them 2 times the cost of the yarn - I don't charge for my time.


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## wordancer (May 4, 2011)

Try saying, no ... and offer no explainions. It usually stops people in their tracks. Sometimes if they ask 'why not' i answer, 'I said no'.


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## Colorado knits (Jul 6, 2011)

A couple years ago, I gave our neighbor a gift that included a couple of dishcloths. A year later she asked if I had learned to make anything worthwhile!! Then she had the gall to tell me she wanted an afghan for Christmas -- in particular colors, and, after all, I had nearly a year to make it.

It wasn't even a request; it was a demand. You can imagine that I did not even consider making her anything ever again.


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## Dianeks2 (Apr 19, 2011)

I have had similar problems in the past and I continue to repeat myself. Once, when we were laughing about something and she asked me "a favor" again, I jokingly said, "Tape 4B, no, I'm sorry, I don't have time for that now." She was laughing with me, but she didn't ask again either. And we stayed friends.

If its a real friend, they would be listening. If it is just an acquaintance, decide how far you want to go. Keep it open for possible true friendship? Stay polite and keep repeating yourself. You want to take the risk? Tell her that you are bothered by her asking. (Remember to use "I" statements.--I feel bothered and that I am not being heard when my friends keep asking me for a favor that I can't give.) 

It's a hard one, I want everyone to like me and I work hard at that, but I also have limited time, money, energy and physical limitations......I can't 'do' for everyone.

Diane


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## nowlin (May 10, 2011)

Hello,

I agree with Gramma Laurie....no,no,no!

I had this experience with a friend only it was sewing she

wanted done. Finally I had to tell her that I knew a lady 

who could do the items she wanted done. I also said she 

does it for a living. My friend never asked me again.

Good Luck.....Joan :lol:


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## Newstitchaday (Jun 11, 2011)

My feeling is if they aren't someone you already plan on making a gift for, never knit for free.

This goes for friends, colleagues, family, and even your local yarn store.

If having them buy the materials is a good compromise (yarn, pattern, needles, notions) then go for that. Otherwise I would charge them for a finished project.

You can calculate the cost on a per hour basis, if you know about how long it would take to make, or for a finished project.

Of course if they opt for buying the materials they may just decide to buy a $30 sweater from Old Navy rather than pay $150 for the yarn.


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## dec2057 (May 30, 2011)

Oh boy, can I relate. I hate it when folks put the touch on you. I do a lot of charity work and I sew, knit, crochet, tat, and quilt for the hospitals and homeless shelters. There are some people who think because I do all this charity work that they should get things for free from me. When they are having a baby or want a new quilt or afghan, they 'put in their order', like I am supposed to drop everything I am doing for those who are helpless, sick and afflicted, and make whatever my friends want me to make. 

Guess what - they are not really my friends if they treat me this way. They are selfish mooches. Yeah, a bit harsh, but I have had it up to here with folks with plenty of money and where-with-all to get what they need trying to get freebies. It makes me downright cranky to see that much selfishness.

I have have used a number of different tactics to deal with the mooching problem - telling them YYMN (your yarn, my needles - if they provide the yarn, I will knit or crochet what they want), I have offered to trade them for something they had that I wanted that was equal in value to what they asked me to make, I have even told them if they would make a donation to my charity that I would make it for them for free. Sometimes they take me up on it and sometimes they get huffy because I won't just give them what they want for nothing. 

The last time that happened I just calmly and pleasantly said "no". When they asked why not, I told them I was in the middle of making 300 baby cocoons for one hospital and 240 full size quilts for another. They still didn't understand why I wouldn't drop everything and make them what they wanted. *sigh*

If you figure out what to do that works - please share it with the rest of us. For now, I am just conveniently deaf at times ;-) 

Hugs
Carol


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## bonster (Jan 28, 2011)

I've only been knitting about 4 years and just do scarves and blankets. I do mostly scarves for charity. Most people don't know I knit so I haven't been asked to make things. My grandniece (Dylan, 7) wanted a blanket to match her new room and I made that for her. I also make hats with the Knifty Knitter. My friend asked me if she bought the yarn would I make her one. Of course I would. I told her what to buy. I made the hat for her. She insisted on buying me dinner. 

I think people have the false idea that knitting is just a hobby and one should be thrilled they are asked to make something for them. The same thing happens to musicians. I have a music store and I have had people call and ask if one of my teachers would like to come and play a few hours for their party - they would be fed at the party (no pay)!


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## maidinkent (Jul 17, 2011)

My advise would be to tell them that you'll teach them to knit, then they can have the pleasure of learning a new skill and doing it for themselves. I think sometimes we're just too "nice" to say a firm "no". You shouldn't have a guilty conscience..........all the best.....


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## dragondrummer (Jun 5, 2011)

Insane. I've a very good, life long friend who wanted a Christmas stocking for a new grandbaby - a copy of the one her sister made for her son. OK, I volunteered for that one. Now suddenly I'm doing stockings for spouses of all her children and for all her grandchildren. JUST SAY NO! :thumbdown:


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## molly'smum (Jun 22, 2011)

GGailS said:


> Hello ladies: I am wondering if anyone else has this "problem." I have 2 very good friends that know I knit just about anything & everything for my family (very little if anything for myself.) They keep asking if I will knit certain things for them (free of course.) I am trying to tell them diplomatically that I do not knit for anybody outside my family (busy volunteering) and this is my choice NOT to knit for others. The more I tell them NO - the more they keep asking me! Apparently I have LOTS of time to spare & I can easily knit something for them. They do not realize the cost of the wool & the time to do it. I give my family afghans & sweaters for Birthday & Christmas & right now - my little grand-daughter is into Barbie stuff - so my needles are working for these lately! Any way I can tell these people - NO GO FOR OTHERS! Sorry, but I am busy enough. Thank you for any ideas you may have.


I have also had friends like that in the past. I took my friends shopping to buy the pattern and the wool and needles they soon changed their minds i also suggested teaching them and how nice it was to wear you'r own work much to say after seeing the price of things they never asked again


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## rolyn63 (Jul 18, 2011)

I agree with all of these sugestions. If they are truly your friends they may be a bit hurt or upset, but it won't ruin the friendship. Yet, as someone who has not stuck up for herself much in her life, I know how hard it is to tell your friends NO. Whichever suggestion you choose, try not to feel badly for it. Good luck!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

I knit everywhere. 
The pharmacist saw me knitting while waiting for a prescription to be filled. She stood on tippy-toes to call over the counter to me that she wanted me to knit her a pair of socks ... and she'd _even_ buy me the yarn!!! 
After I recovered from the shock of a complete stranger ordering me to knit for her like that, I did some rough math. I'd never knit a pair of socks yet, so I thought that a pair might take me ten hours actual knitting time. I decided I don't work for free, and wouldn't accept less than my job paid - $25/hr. When I told her one pair of socks would come to around $250, but I'd gladly teach her to knit for free - needles included, she looked at me as though I had just landed from Mars! 
She filled my prescription and never mentioned knitting again. :-D

Unfortunately, I haven't tried this tactic on my sisters. Only one has 'abused' the kinship, but it did bother me anyway. I guess it was worth it, too. Her insistence on a blue blanket for her son's newly painted bedroom _did_ result in a pretty blanket ... of every shade of blue in my stash. I wasn't about to buy more yarn just to make a huge solid colour blanket when there was so much yarn in my cellar! Photos of it are at: http://www.ravelry.com/projects/JessicaJean/rambling-rows-afghan


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## jemima (Mar 26, 2011)

Just had a look and its a beautiful blanket How long did it take to make .Was it machine knitted.


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## begining knitting (Jul 22, 2011)

I try to be selective about who I make things for friends and family I am happy to make stuff for and if anyone has a baby I usually try to make a baby quilt. Other than that I just say no.
I have one friend who wants a white on white whole cloth quilt. 

Fat chance I thought I value my eyesight!

Thankfully in my corner of England, people don't usually become so forward. Although crafts are becoming more popular, they are still largely a minority interest and most people are rather dismissive 'home-made' is a criticism. The mature woman knitting or sewing is rather despised and ignored. I just like to be left in peace to get on with making things so it suits me just fine. I prefer to think of my creations as uniquely hand crafted.
That is also what this forum is for, so I don't have to bore non knitting friends and colleagues with my hobby. Back to turning this heel.
Kind regards
beginning knitting


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

Poledra65 said:


> I told friends that if they went and purchased the yarn, the pattern and whatever needles etc is needed for the item they want that I'll make it for them, when they found out how much everything cost, they never asked me again. lol.
> of course you could try that and then say your hourly rate also is$$$.
> Hope you can find a solution to the dilema, unfortunately people who don't knit/crochet have no idea the time and money it takes to make a given item.


Excellent solution.


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

dyfnkdeb said:


> I have friends that tell me what a lovely job I did. They gush all over how it would be just right for the. I have told them that I could teach them to knit and we could have a night a week to sit and knit, talk or just knit. They change there tone right away.
> Good luck.


Another good solution.


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## Martha French (Aug 1, 2011)

Oh I love it, so much nicer than one colour blue. I think it is perfect.


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## Irene Kidney (May 29, 2011)

I once made a very complicated cardigan for a large friend of mine it had pansies knitted into it and took me a solid 3 months hard labour every evening after work. She had bought the kit to do it herself ha ha! I like a fool offered to do it for her. My reward was a hug!! The kit people would have charged £300 so I said never again would I knit it even for £300. It really was hard work. I think I learnt a big lesson with that one.


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## Martha French (Aug 1, 2011)

The hardest part is saying 'no' to a dear old lady who is over 90 years of age. I am over 70 years old. I knitted her 7 entrelac headbands this year, and she wants me to knit more. She gives them as gifts to the silver chain home helpers and they think she has knitted them herself. They say she is so kind and thoughtful. 
She also wants me to knit a blanket for a little old lady she met whilst in respite care for a weekend. Her husband, over 90 years old, is her carer and often needs a break himself. The trouble is I do not have the time with children, grandchildren and great grandchildren to knit for. I also spin my own wool, alpaca, silk, etc, so it takes longer to make anything.


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## Palenque1978 (Feb 16, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> I knit everywhere.
> The pharmacist saw me knitting while waiting for a prescription to be filled. She stood on tippy-toes to call over the counter to me that she wanted me to knit her a pair of socks ... and she'd _even_ buy me the yarn!!!
> After I recovered from the shock of a complete stranger ordering me to knit for her like that, I did some rough math. I'd never knit a pair of socks yet, so I thought that a pair might take me ten hours actual knitting time. I decided I don't work for free, and wouldn't accept less than my job paid - $25/hr. When I told her one pair of socks would come to around $250, but I'd gladly teach her to knit for free - needles included, she looked at me as though I had just landed from Mars!
> She filled my prescription and never mentioned knitting again. :-D
> ...


Jessica-Jean, you just knit too damn good for your own good. If you were my sister I'd ask you to knit for me too!!


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## biltong (Jun 3, 2011)

Someone asked me if I would make her a few afghans. She said she would pay me. I bought the yarn doubled the cost for labor and charged her $140. She said she loved it but decided on only one. She wont ask again. I have made things for others but maybe I am just lucky but they have always asked how much I would charge and they have paid.


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## ompuff (Apr 9, 2011)

GGailS said:


> Hello ladies: I am wondering if anyone else has this "problem." I have 2 very good friends that know I knit just about anything & everything for my family (very little if anything for myself.) They keep asking if I will knit certain things for them (free of course.) I am trying to tell them diplomatically that I do not knit for anybody outside my family (busy volunteering) and this is my choice NOT to knit for others. The more I tell them NO - the more they keep asking me! Apparently I have LOTS of time to spare & I can easily knit something for them. They do not realize the cost of the wool & the time to do it. I give my family afghans & sweaters for Birthday & Christmas & right now - my little grand-daughter is into Barbie stuff - so my needles are working for these lately! Any way I can tell these people - NO GO FOR OTHERS! Sorry, but I am busy enough. Thank you for any ideas you may have.


This is always a problem when the askers have no idea of the time and expense involved in what they are requesting.
My answer for years has been "I only knit for love and I don't love you that much" said with smile. If I decide to give someone a knit or crochet item it's my choice and usually very appreciated. 
That being said, I really get the most satisfaction from my charity work. :thumbup:


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## Yellowrose (Jul 24, 2011)

I've only been knitting about 3 years but have found the same thing happening. Which is odd because it's not as if my stuff doesn't still have little booboos (noticed only by me usually).

Last christmas I was making a hat for my SiL out of Cascades Eco-Duo. Oh, how I love that stuff! But it's not particularly cheap and money was very tight. My neighbor, who was someone I would not spend that sort of money on, kept at me and saying how much she wanted one. Finally, I told her where to get the yarn and how much it was and how much I would need. (It takes 2 skeins to make the hat). She was shocked that I would suggest such a thing even though I kept telling her I couldn't spend the money right now. I finally had to tell her that I had already made her one but out of a different yarn. Still nice yarn, but not as expensive. when she opened it, she smiled and said thank you, but I could tell she was not happy it wasnt the one she wanted. And I have never seen it on her head. 

I have made a pair of socks for my best friend though. She has diabetes and her ankles are very large and even the diabetic socks are too tight for her. The ones I made, out of Toefootsies (sp?) were wonderful for her and she adores them.

I guess you have to play it by ear really. Telling them to go out and buy the materials AND telling then which materials to get seems to stop then short so far.

As to the ones who say "you should make these for sale" my answer is an unequivocal NO! Knitting is something I do for my sole luxury and pleasure. It's my therapy..literally...which is another story for another time. lol. I make enough things for sale. Knitting won't be one of those things.


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## evesch (Apr 3, 2011)

Loistec said:


> I am experiencing that problem myself. I have started to reply with "You can make it yourself you know, would you like me to teach you to knit?" They usually stop asking then.
> 
> I also get people saying "Oh you should make them and sell them!" I reply that I knit for fun and relaxation and making things to sell would put pressure on me to finish quickly and that would take the fun out of it!


Oh yes, Have this one lady at work that says I should make things for sale. Yah, right someone is going to pay the price of the expensive handspun yarn made from luxury fibers and my time. not going to happen. Oh and then she thinks that I should knit more of the same thing. Not going to happen, I do not have a production knitter's personality.


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## flohel (Jan 24, 2011)

I just moved into a new townhouse. I met my next door neighbour for the first time, seemed friendly. She knew I knit and said well you can knit my baby some items. I was taken aback and answered " Well I will need yarn, needles and a pattern" I have not heard any more on the subject.


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## Pattyhayw (May 29, 2011)

Well, I'm in the minority on this one. I'm actually flattered if someone asks me to make something--normally afghans. I'll make something for free but wait for an occasion to give it (Christmas or Birthday or New Baby). I'm happy to do it. Don't get me wrong--I'm not exactly swarmed with requests! If I were, it might be different.


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## cbjlinda (May 25, 2011)

Tell her I thought we discussed this before" I said no then and nothing has changed".


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## Knitto (Feb 4, 2011)

This is what I usually do and oddly enough when they find out the cost of the yarn, they generally say "oh, didn't realize it would be that costly" so I'm off their needles!
When I do charge flat rates, I take the cost of the yarn and then add 2/3s for labor. As someone else said they'' go to Old Navy!
Happy Knitting!


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## LBush1144 (Jan 23, 2011)

Jessica Jean: that blanket is gorgeous! Blue is always a good color!


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## Araciel (Apr 2, 2011)

Want, want, want, that's all people say as soon as they know that you do some form of craft. Had my own business and from day one I told everybody, " I do not do any work for family or friends" before you know it they will tell you in a polite way.......oh, I would had like it this way better. I knit, sew, it takes to much time and effort, and at the end you lucky if you get a thanks.
That being said......can somebody make me a sweater for free?
Just being a bit sarcastic.


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## onesoutherngal (Jun 6, 2011)

I take a very strong approach... I frequently state in conversations that knitting is my stress reliever , that I knit as a creative outlet and never know where the yarn will lead me, that I rarely finish with what I thought I was originally going to make from a yarn, and that the day knitting becomes a job instead of a hobby, I will lay down my needles....

I also take those friends to the lys with me on occasion, so they can see the actual cost...

Only once had to say no after that, b/c she was the only one who asked, and she was ok with my answer...


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## onesoutherngal (Jun 6, 2011)

I also find, that after the visit to the lys, either they become one of us, or they simply appreciate us more if it's not their thing..


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## bonster (Jan 28, 2011)

I love knitting for charity. I will never know who gets the item but I hope it is a blessing to them and keeps them warm or feel good about themselves. I hope they know that someone cares about them, even they don't know them.


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## Suzannet (Jul 21, 2011)

some years ago I was asked to knit a shawl for someone whi would provide the wool. it turned out to be a Shetland 'Wedding Ring' shawl 1 ply and pulls through a wedding ring when finished). It took me 7 months and I ended up with a ganglion on my wrist. The recipient just said Oh thanks and could I make another as she was having twins. No, I didn't make another one. I never even got a bunch of flowers. I learnt my lesson - I only knit what I want to do for those I choose to knit for. if asked I just say OK and 'forget' to do it.


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

GGailS said:


> Hello ladies: I am wondering if anyone else has this "problem." I have 2 very good friends that know I knit just about anything & everything for my family (very little if anything for myself.) They keep asking if I will knit certain things for them (free of course.) I am trying to tell them diplomatically that I do not knit for anybody outside my family (busy volunteering) and this is my choice NOT to knit for others. The more I tell them NO - the more they keep asking me! Apparently I have LOTS of time to spare & I can easily knit something for them. They do not realize the cost of the wool & the time to do it. I give my family afghans & sweaters for Birthday & Christmas & right now - my little grand-daughter is into Barbie stuff - so my needles are working for these lately! Any way I can tell these people - NO GO FOR OTHERS! Sorry, but I am busy enough. Thank you for any ideas you may have.


Oh, this is so annoying and can only lead to trouble! How many times have I been asked, "If I buy the yarn would you make me a sweater?" That's like asking a builder "If I buy the wood will you build me a house?" No one but another knitter understands the time and effort which goes into knitting a garment. I've smiled, and with a chuckle replied, "You couldn't afford me." Then I've explained how many hours it takes but I don't think they ever understand.

I think the best thing is to say that you don't do knitting on commission because it puts pressure on you and that when you do find time to knit you're planning to do some knitting for yourself!'

I once wore a very intricate patterned sweater to the bank where I was going to make a copy of another sweater pattern from the same book, "Sweaters from the Seward Collection". The cardigan sweater I was wearing had taken well over a year to make. Super fine wool yarn, all over flowers, leaves and vines, #1 needles (#000 needles for the rib)......d'ja get the picture?
The bank employee saw the copy of the pattern and we discussed how difficult it was. Two days later I was in the bank again, wearing another of my hand knit sweaters. The bank employee ran over and said, "Oh! You finished it already!" That's when I realized how really clueless non -knitters are.

Just say no. And say it like you mean it!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Suzannet said:


> some years ago I was asked to knit a shawl for someone whi would provide the wool. it turned out to be a Shetland 'Wedding Ring' shawl 1 ply and pulls through a wedding ring when finished). It took me 7 months and I ended up with a ganglion on my wrist. The recipient just said Oh thanks and could I make another as she was having twins. No, I didn't make another one. I never even got a bunch of flowers. I learnt my lesson - I only knit what I want to do for those I choose to knit for. if asked I just say OK and 'forget' to do it.


OUCHIE!!!
I hope your wrist recovered afterward.


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## Queenmawmaw (Jan 27, 2011)

Good morning,
I have had this same problem with all of the above circumstances. My problem I love to knit but I never get caught up on gifts that I feel I owe. I have learned to be hard of hearing of requests. People, for some unknown reason, who do not knit or crafting, feel they are offering you a compliment when they ask you to knit something for them. I have come to the conclusion that I will knit for my family, charity, and special friends. I simply ignore the strangers and acquaintances who demand knitted gifts.
And pray God forgives me.
Love, Wanda/Queenmawmaw


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## paulquin (Jul 5, 2011)

Dianeks2 said:


> I have had similar problems in the past and I continue to repeat myself. Once, when we were laughing about something and she asked me "a favor" again, I jokingly said, "Tape 4B, no, I'm sorry, I don't have time for that now." She was laughing with me, but she didn't ask again either. And we stayed friends.
> 
> If its a real friend, they would be listening. If it is just an acquaintance, decide how far you want to go. Keep it open for possible true friendship? Stay polite and keep repeating yourself. You want to take the risk? Tell her that you are bothered by her asking. (Remember to use "I" statements.--I feel bothered and that I am not being heard when my friends keep asking me for a favor that I can't give.)
> 
> ...


To all: Although I'm not one of the "ladies" (I'm male), I often get this question. I tell them how much it would be for materials and time at $10 an hour and they never ask again. I also sew and my boss wanted a confirmation dress made into a baptism party dress in the same style. I said $10 an hour and got it, making about $150 for a couple of days' pleasure. It turned out beautifully.

To Diane: I am struck by your last comments. Do you practice Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)? If not, you "I" statement is right out his book! I am an NVC person and it has changed my life!


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## sam07671 (May 12, 2011)

Colorado knits said:


> A couple years ago, I gave our neighbor a gift that included a couple of dishcloths. A year later she asked if I had learned to make anything worthwhile!! Then she had the gall to tell me she wanted an afghan for Christmas -- in particular colors, and, after all, I had nearly a year to make it.
> 
> It wasn't even a request; it was a demand. You can imagine that I did not even consider making her anything ever again.


Good for you. People like that don't deserve our time or our talents.


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## Anita008 (Mar 28, 2011)

Pattyhayw said:


> Well, I'm in the minority on this one. I'm actually flattered if someone asks me to make something--normally afghans. I'll make something for free but wait for an occasion to give it (Christmas or Birthday or New Baby). I'm happy to do it. Don't get me wrong--I'm not exactly swarmed with requests! If I were, it might be different.


I actually don't mind knitting for others. I enjoy the process but can only wear so many sweaters myself and don't have grandchildren yet. My own kids prefer other articles of clothing--not handknit!!I quilt as well, and they have all the blankets they can possibly enjoy in this lifetime!! What a dilemma!!


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## bonster (Jan 28, 2011)

Funny you said that about people thinking they give you a compliment. I actually had someone with a Martin guitar who brought it into my store for repair who thought I would do the repair for free as I would have the honor of working on a Martin! Whoopee - I have 2 Martin's as well as other high end guitars.


Queenmawmaw said:


> Good morning,
> I have had this same problem with all of the above circumstances. My problem I love to knit but I never get caught up on gifts that I feel I owe. I have learned to be hard of hearing of requests. People, for some unknown reason, who do not knit or crafting, feel they are offering you a compliment when they ask you to knit something for them. I have come to the conclusion that I will knit for my family, charity, and special friends. I simply ignore the strangers and acquaintances who demand knitted gifts.
> And pray God forgives me.
> Love, Wanda/Queenmawmaw


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## lllyons (Mar 25, 2011)

Send them to a really nice yarn shop and have them pick out the pattern, yarn, needles if needed and have them pay for everything plus have the shop quote them a price to have one of thier employees make this item for them and I bet they will stop pushing you... it worked for me.... good luck.LLL


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## Aine (Jun 22, 2011)

I Have known people to say to me make me a blanket are whatever sure it will give you something to do and one lady i done a christening shawl for for free only to discover she can make them herself now i pretend i dont hear Cheers,


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## Rosanne B (Aug 3, 2011)

Sorry to say this but you need to find new friends since the ones you have dont listen to what you say and keep on nagging you after you tell them no. That shows a selfishness and inconsideration that you shouldnt have to put up with. 

All you can do is keep on saying no; dont ever give in. Once you open that door, you will never be able to close it. I know that I would be willing to buy the raw materials if I could get someone to knit for me; maybe they would be willing too. If you are wise, you wont use the expense as an excuse.


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## cathy47 (Jun 6, 2011)

GGailS said:


> Hello ladies: I am wondering if anyone else has this "problem." I have 2 very good friends that know I knit just about anything & everything for my family (very little if anything for myself.) They keep asking if I will knit certain things for them (free of course.) I am trying to tell them diplomatically that I do not knit for anybody outside my family (busy volunteering) and this is my choice NOT to knit for others. The more I tell them NO - the more they keep asking me! Apparently I have LOTS of time to spare & I can easily knit something for them. They do not realize the cost of the wool & the time to do it. I give my family afghans & sweaters for Birthday & Christmas & right now - my little grand-daughter is into Barbie stuff - so my needles are working for these lately! Any way I can tell these people - NO GO FOR OTHERS! Sorry, but I am busy enough. Thank you for any ideas you may have.


When I was working my co-workers knew I did crafts but knitting more than anything. They kept asking for differnt things to be made for them. So I told them they hand over either the money or they buy the supplies I'll do it. Plus I offered to teach them how to knit. How fast that stoped. I like knitting but its not cheap and I don't mind giving as gifts to those I want to give. But to give just becasue I can't do. So the solution is this do like I and others here have done and you will find how quickly the requests stop. If theykeep asking then make a list of the items hand it to them tell t hem to get it and if you have time you will do it.


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## Suzannet (Jul 21, 2011)

It's not just knitting and crochet. I make cupcakes and am always being asked to make them for birthdays etc. only one guy ever offers to pay. My other hobby is dolls houses - I have 15 houses and shops. I lose count of the people who ask me to make one for them and expect it for free. again - I choose who I make for and when. sounds mean, but making to order seems to take the fun out of anything creative.


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## gsbyrge (Jul 12, 2011)

I usually just say "you couldn't afford to pay me for the time it will take. I do this because it keeps me reasonably sane - I could get it a lot cheaper at wal-mart!"


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## Knitnewbie (Mar 8, 2011)

Just adding my 2cents worth: I have only been knitting and crocheting for 6 months, but in that time I have come to realize how costly it can be in time and energy, if not in yarn--which is another cost item altogether. So, if anyone asks me to make something for them, I simply say, "No, but thank you very much for asking. I'm flattered that you think I am that good." If they persist, I change the subject or give them the "Mrs. Phil" look straight to the forehead, as if there is a hole in it. Evidently there is or why else would they be ignoring the fact that you just said, NO!

My daughter, of course, is another story. I try out new things on her. So, she's my guinea pig. So far, she has liked everything I made, including the first scarf with the big mistake in the front of it. She still wears that one and says it's like my signature--made especially for my daughter.

P.S. you could tell them you taught yourself on YouTube and they could do the same thing. :lol:


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## Knitnewbie (Mar 8, 2011)

Suzannet said:


> It's not just knitting and crochet. I make cupcakes and am always being asked to make them for birthdays etc. only one guy ever offers to pay. My other hobby is dolls houses - I have 15 houses and shops. I lose count of the people who ask me to make one for them and expect it for free. again - I choose who I make for and when. sounds mean, but making to order seems to take the fun out of anything creative.


Sounds great to me.


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## Bekaknits (Mar 31, 2011)

i have friends like this also. i sew, knit, crochet, and anything crafty. when i made receiving blankets for my daughter's new baby, my friend brought me over some of her fabric to make blankets that she would give as a gift to her friend. i never made the blankets, and i still have the fabric. it's been 2 years now and she still hasn't asked for the fabric back. i think i can out wait her.

Rebecca


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## cathy47 (Jun 6, 2011)

Suzannet said:


> It's not just knitting and crochet. I make cupcakes and am always being asked to make them for birthdays etc. only one guy ever offers to pay. My other hobby is dolls houses - I have 15 houses and shops. I lose count of the people who ask me to make one for them and expect it for free. again - I choose who I make for and when. sounds mean, but making to order seems to take the fun out of anything creative.


I use to make doll houses till a military move crushed the one I was working on. I loved doing it. And it didn't help none when my tools came up missing in that same move.


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## cathy47 (Jun 6, 2011)

gsbyrge said:


> I usually just say "you couldn't afford to pay me for the time it will take. I do this because it keeps me reasonably sane - I could get it a lot cheaper at wal-mart!"


must remember this one. I use to say something like that with babysitting if I didn't want to babysit.

People take advantage of ya if your not careful.


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## Knitnewbie (Mar 8, 2011)

begining knitting said:


> I try to be selective about who I make things for friends and family I am happy to make stuff for and if anyone has a baby I usually try to make a baby quilt. Other than that I just say no.
> I have one friend who wants a white on white whole cloth quilt.
> 
> Fat chance I thought I value my eyesight!
> ...


I find here in the states many people feel that home made crafts, such as knitting or crocheting, are "hokey" or quaint and they would rather purchase the item. When I told my son I was learning to knit, he responded with, "Oh! Practicing to be a professional old lady, huh?" I had to smile at that. So I just pulled my reading glasses on the end of my nose and continued to knit. :lol: I love knitting and am now teaching myself to crochet with the help of all those lovely ladies and gents on YouTube.


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## MarySandra (Mar 23, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> I knit everywhere.
> The pharmacist saw me knitting while waiting for a prescription to be filled. She stood on tippy-toes to call over the counter to me that she wanted me to knit her a pair of socks ... and she'd _even_ buy me the yarn!!!
> After I recovered from the shock of a complete stranger ordering me to knit for her like that, I did some rough math. I'd never knit a pair of socks yet, so I thought that a pair might take me ten hours actual knitting time. I decided I don't work for free, and wouldn't accept less than my job paid - $25/hr. When I told her one pair of socks would come to around $250, but I'd gladly teach her to knit for free - needles included, she looked at me as though I had just landed from Mars!
> She filled my prescription and never mentioned knitting again. :-D
> ...


What a lovely blanket! I sure hope they love it.


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## STITCH124 (Aug 2, 2011)

I have a friend who owns a children's shop and she bought a book to show me what she wanted knitted for her shop. Well...I'm not an experienced knitter...self-taught...and don't know a lot...and never made anything that wasn't 'flat' like scarves and blankets. I told her I'd give it a try, but I doubt my finished product would be anything anyone would actually buy! I have no problem saying NO. I also cross-stitch and have had so many people ask me to cross-stitch a huge project. When I told them it would be at least a penny a stitch and there was about 20K stitches = $200, they backed off quickly!! "Maybe I'll learn to cross-stitch myself." lol


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## kerrie35094 (Jul 2, 2011)

Wow - this discussion has really struck a chord, hasn't it? Seems like something happens to the chemistry in ones' brain when asked "Will you knit . . ." It becomes almost an angry chore. A lady my daughter works with took some cheap acrylic yarn to her and said she wanted me to make her a dishcloth. It angered my daughter and she conveniently "forgot" to bring the yarn home for weeks. I explained to the lady that the yarn, when I finally got it, wasn't ever going to work for a dishcloth and she said she knew, she just wanted something to lay over a bad spot on her counter and would I make her two? My daughter knows how long it takes to craft a good looking project and she's very protective of me and fights a lot of battles for me. I really like the idea of taking someone to a yarn store to have them purchase the yarn themselves. DON'T take them to Michael's or Hobby Lobby - take them to a costly LYS.


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## LilgirlCA (Jan 22, 2011)

They are uneducated. Tell them to buy the yarn and needles and you will teach them how to knit so they can make it for themselves. Otherwise, tell them that they will have to pay for the yarn plus $250 for a sweater and $225 for an afghan for the labor and you will be happy to make it for them. That labor is calculated at minimum wage and is probably low. If you know these ladies are comfortably well off financially, you may need to raise the price of labor.

Giving handmade items is a gift of love - demands are not tolerated.


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## mjs (Mar 3, 2011)

GGailS said:


> Hello ladies: I am wondering if anyone else has this "problem." I have 2 very good friends that know I knit just about anything & everything for my family (very little if anything for myself.) They keep asking if I will knit certain things for them (free of course.) I am trying to tell them diplomatically that I do not knit for anybody outside my family (busy volunteering) and this is my choice NOT to knit for others. The more I tell them NO - the more they keep asking me! Apparently I have LOTS of time to spare & I can easily knit something for them. They do not realize the cost of the wool & the time to do it. I give my family afghans & sweaters for Birthday & Christmas & right now - my little grand-daughter is into Barbie stuff - so my needles are working for these lately! Any way I can tell these people - NO GO FOR OTHERS! Sorry, but I am busy enough. Thank you for any ideas you may have.


My attitude is there there is just too much stress, worrying if it's good enough when I'm being paid, and I'm not going to put myself through that.


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## pruedi (Jun 29, 2011)

When I was quilting, it was the same thing. People would ask me to make a bed quilt for them. My standard answer was "I like you very much, but I don't love you. I only quilt for those I love." That usually stopped the conversation. I don't have to worry about it with knitting because I'm very new at this game.


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## funthreads623 (May 25, 2011)

I, too, have had this happen quite honestly all my life. Take it as a compliment, and say thank you.. First, decide what you really want to do, and stick with it. If you want to do it, fine, then do it. But, never, never, say, "I'm sorry...." just say no. The more you explain, the more dilligent they seem to become. I have tried a few different tactics; one of the best, is: yes, I will be happy to do that for you, you are about #157 in line, I will let you know when your number comes up. One of the best is: oh, yes, I would love to, my fee is $200.00 per hour, and it starts with the next discussion about the item. My hubby gets a big kick out of telling people, yeah, she'll do it-for $500.00 per hour. I also have offered to teach them to knit, they then say, well, I could never do it as good as you. Then I say, well, when I learned, I was not this good either; it takes lots of practice...It doesn't matter what you say, just stick with it; hopefully, somehow, they will get the message.


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## JoannaP (Jul 24, 2011)

Loistec said:


> I am experiencing that problem myself. I have started to reply with "You can make it yourself you know, would you like me to teach you to knit?" They usually stop asking then.
> 
> I also get people saying "Oh you should make them and sell them!" I reply that I knit for fun and relaxation and making things to sell would put pressure on me to finish quickly and that would take the fun out of it!


When people tell me I should sell my work, I tell them I couldn't possibly charge enough to recoup my time investment. After I explain how much time and money goes into a piece, they begin to understand when you say you do it for enjoyment and that you'd be in receivership if you did it as a business!


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## Kathie (Mar 29, 2011)

GGailS said:


> Hello ladies: I am wondering if anyone else has this "problem." I have 2 very good friends that know I knit just about anything & everything for my family (very little if anything for myself.) They keep asking if I will knit certain things for them (free of course.) I am trying to tell them diplomatically that I do not knit for anybody outside my family (busy volunteering) and this is my choice NOT to knit for others. The more I tell them NO - the more they keep asking me! Apparently I have LOTS of time to spare & I can easily knit something for them. They do not realize the cost of the wool & the time to do it. I give my family afghans & sweaters for Birthday & Christmas & right now - my little grand-daughter is into Barbie stuff - so my needles are working for these lately! Any way I can tell these people - NO GO FOR OTHERS! Sorry, but I am busy enough. Thank you for any ideas you may have.


I tell people I will gladly teach them to knit or I will trade them house work hours for knitting hours. I do say this with a smile but no one has ever taken me up on the offer. LOL


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## jltrask (Feb 18, 2011)

Thankfully, I don't have friends who ask me to knit for free. I've had friends ask how much I would charge to make something - and give me more than I ask. I have a co-worker who loved my shawl and said something like that would be great in white for her wedding next year. I volunteered to make one for her. (It's a simple knit and won't take long.) I don't know if she intends to pay me, especially since I volunteered, but I intend for it to be her shower gift. Occasionally my kids or grandkids will say, if I'm planning on knitting them something this year, they'd like socks, or mittens, etc. I usually make small items for several people and one or two large items like an afghan for a couple of family members each year. I try to make sure each of my children has at least once afghan eventually.
I'm sure my real friends know how much time I put into my knitting - and I'd have no problem saying no if an acquaintance expects free knitting. If they kept asking, I'd explain, as has been said by others, that they couldn't afford what I'd charge.


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## Boondocks (Mar 14, 2011)

Colorado knits said:


> A couple years ago, I gave our neighbor a gift that included a couple of dishcloths. A year later she asked if I had learned to make anything worthwhile!! Then she had the gall to tell me she wanted an afghan for Christmas -- in particular colors, and, after all, I had nearly a year to make it.
> 
> It wasn't even a request; it was a demand. You can imagine that I did not even consider making her anything ever again.


How rude of her!


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## Pudgypooh (May 31, 2011)

Jessica-Jean, your blanket is beautiful! How clever of you to be able to make something so pretty with left-over yarn from your stash.


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## mjp362 (Jan 31, 2011)

i tell people that " i knit because i love to, not because i have to" i will not turn something i love to do into a job. my mil asked for another pair of socks, she would even buy the yarn, and i told her no. she will most likely get more knitted items from me....but only because i want to, not because she asked...


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## Dianeks2 (Apr 19, 2011)

paulquin said:


> To Diane: I am struck by your last comments. Do you practice Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)? If not, you "I" statement is right out his book! I am an NVC person and it has changed my life!


I haven't heard of Marshall Rosenberg. I have had about a zillion years of therapy. The "I" statement line is something used a lot in psychotherapy and especially in couple's counseling. I found that it usually works.

Diane


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## debdobalina (Apr 21, 2011)

I made the mistake last year of agreeing to make 10 dishcloths for my landlady to give away as Christmas gifts. In my desire to please her, I didn't think to ask for enough money to pay for the yarn, so it ended up costing me.

As it got closer and closer to the holiday, I found myself hating the task before me. It was all I could do to make the darn things, and by the time I was through I was pretty sure I'd never knit another dishcloth again.

I've since learned to simply say no to such requests. I don't know anyone else who would have gone to such trouble to do something that would be so unrewarding in the end.


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

Just say.."Sorry I only knit for family.".... I knit for pleasure, for my family. I don't like to knit for anyone who is going to keep asking me if I'm done yet. 

I had the same problem only with sewing. When people find out that you sew all of a sudden they have alterations for you....that is something I really hate to do. I tell them that and they still gave me garments to alter. So now I tell people I don't sew anymore. Maybe we should just say....what part of no don't you understand.


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## kdamato55 (Apr 13, 2011)

GGailS said:


> Hello ladies: I am wondering if anyone else has this "problem." I have 2 very good friends that know I knit just about anything & everything for my family (very little if anything for myself.) They keep asking if I will knit certain things for them (free of course.) I am trying to tell them diplomatically that I do not knit for anybody outside my family (busy volunteering) and this is my choice NOT to knit for others. The more I tell them NO - the more they keep asking me! Apparently I have LOTS of time to spare & I can easily knit something for them. They do not realize the cost of the wool & the time to do it. I give my family afghans & sweaters for Birthday & Christmas & right now - my little grand-daughter is into Barbie stuff - so my needles are working for these lately! Any way I can tell these people - NO GO FOR OTHERS! Sorry, but I am busy enough. Thank you for any ideas you may have.


I, too, have had the same problem. I offer to teach them. They tell me they don't have time. I can only reply "Now youknow what my schedule is like" They usually don't ask again.


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## SDKATE57 (Feb 9, 2011)

These are all really great answers, and I, too, appreciate them. Although I am fairly new to knitting, people have asked me too to make things that I have shown them....I tried the "NO" answer, and then I used the "you buy the stuff, and normally, people who do this type of work for a person, get 2 x's the amount of it's worth for their time. so you would pay me....." That stopped it all together....I don't have to worry about explanations any more, I just say NO" or use the $$ reasoning. I also have taken t hem to my friendly spinner/yarn maker's shop where yarn is not cheap and told them I usually make things like that with yarn from her...they'll want to get their things from her shop...you know support local shop owners..hehehe


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## Ann DeGray (May 11, 2011)

paulquin said:


> Dianeks2 said:
> 
> 
> > I have had similar problems in the past and I continue to repeat myself. Once, when we were laughing about something and she asked me "a favor" again, I jokingly said, "Tape 4B, no, I'm sorry, I don't have time for that now." She was laughing with me, but she didn't ask again either. And we stayed friends.
> ...


To the male knitter who didn't give his name....I think you should have charged more for your sewing skills! I sew too and again, I think non-sewers and non-knitters have no idea how much work is involved.

I hope you find a nice group of guys you can talk knitting with!


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## Carlaallaire (Mar 5, 2011)

Honesty is the best policy. Offer to teach them to knit, but if they don't take you up on it, tell them what the yarn costs. That might stop them, but if not, then tell them you are so busy knitting for your family that you simply don't have time. Let them know how long it takes you to knit something. I don't think they stop and think what actually goes into an item. If they are bold enough to ask you to make something for nothing, you should feel justified to tell them no.


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## Carlaallaire (Mar 5, 2011)

Colorado knits said:


> A couple years ago, I gave our neighbor a gift that included a couple of dishcloths. A year later she asked if I had learned to make anything worthwhile!! Then she had the gall to tell me she wanted an afghan for Christmas -- in particular colors, and, after all, I had nearly a year to make it.
> 
> It wasn't even a request; it was a demand. You can imagine that I did not even consider making her anything ever again.


Of all the nerve! I think I would have told her to bring back the dishcloths since she didn't want them. There are LOTS of friends/relatives out there that would treasure them!


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

NO is the hardest word for some to hear.

I don't take requests from anyone. I knit what I want and for whom I want.

I retired and am enjoying freedom for awhile.

I do make knitted items for gifts for close friends.

But I also will offer to teach how to do it if they want to make their own. Never a taker!!!

Just say No sorry my list is booked years ahead. I can pencil you in for the year 2025 if all goes well. LOL

Stand your ground, 
Linda


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## gypsie (May 28, 2011)

If they are really close friends I knit them something for Christmas or their birthdays and that seems to satisfy them.


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## jltrask (Feb 18, 2011)

My friends and I are working on a song about the many ways to say know. Once we have it written we can just hum a few lines to ourselves for encouragement when we need to say no! I'd volunteer to send recordings of it to you, but I'd have to charge you... 
What is there about the word "no" that you don't understand? Nada. The chances are slim and none. Not in this lifetime. Maybe the second Tuesday of next week. No way! I doubt it. Sorry. Can't. Let me think... NO! Nope. Uhuh. When "heck" freezes over. (We're a Christian group who sing to support some missionaries.) Not me! I don't think so. 
You see what I mean? We just have to make them rhyme and set them to some music. Got any other ways to say no? I can't pay you, but you can post them.


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## ambalish (Jul 27, 2011)

I like the trading housework for crafting idea. I usually just tell people I already have too many projects on my list to make things on commission. Of course, none of my close friends has ever asked me to make something for them. Most of them ARE knitters/crocheters/quilters and the ones who aren't at least appreciate the tremendous time and effort that goes into making hand-made objects.


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## Kiwilass (Aug 4, 2011)

Hi - Just introduced myself in the Introduction Forum. I've been lurking in here for a while - I've been getting the newsletter for a couple of weeks now - Wow! You people produce amazing work. Well done! 

My Mum was a beautiful knitter, both hand and machine. Except for immediate family she would not knit "to order". However, she would buy up wool in the sales, make lots of jerseys, cardigans, hats, scarfs, socks, etc etc all different colours, styles & sizes, men & women, kids & babies, and price them. Then I would take a suitcase full off to work, sometimes a big one, sometimes a small one - and bingo - usually sell the lot there for her. 

Sometimes, when the Autumn/Winter came, guys and girls at work would say "hope Mum's got those knitting needles flying - it's getting cold and I want another jersey/cardigan/whatever. Tell her we want to see another selection - !"

They were very reasonably priced, but the price of the wool was well covered, she enjoyed her hobby, and it kept her happy doing what she loved to do with no pressure!

She always said she wouldn't like to have the pressure that "knitting to order" would bring her.


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## BubbyIssaquah (Jul 5, 2011)

To all you great knitters: This is what you get for being so good at what you do! I don't have the problem...I don't knit well enough for anyone to put the touch on me. I hope someday to achieve your status, and then I'll have to come up with a spicy retort. But I love your answers about teaching them to knit for themselves. A great comeback, and who knows? Maybe you will have started someone on a great activity.


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## LipRif (Jul 26, 2011)

Dear Gail, I know how that could cost you a friendship. My view is that anybody that wants to take advantage of you is not your friend. Years ago that happened to me too. But I was diagnosed with MS, now no one really bothers me.
1. tell them there are many people that are willing on-line to make things. But it will be for a price.
2. tell them that you only knit for your family.
3. tell them that there are many on-line knitting clubs who would maybe give them instructions/Help.
4. Suggest the knitting groups in their areas. Local in the area. Churches, & Knitting Guildes. 
5. What about Craft Stores that give lessons. They could learn what they want (you) to make.
6. I would take them out to lunch or coffee & be perfectly honest with them.
7. Finally, if I get a call (I can see who is on caller ID) I say right away "Oh I hope you are not calling me about making that sweater?"

Good Luck, I am SharonR -- [email protected]


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## geewhiz (Jun 20, 2011)

Just say no. If they are friends they will understand. If they don;t understand I would question their friendship. Don't do the guilt thing. Good luck. Gee


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## sam07671 (May 12, 2011)

Suzannet said:


> It's not just knitting and crochet. I make cupcakes and am always being asked to make them for birthdays etc. only one guy ever offers to pay. My other hobby is dolls houses - I have 15 houses and shops. I lose count of the people who ask me to make one for them and expect it for free. again - I choose who I make for and when. sounds mean, but making to order seems to take the fun out of anything creative.


OHHH I love doll houses and would love to make one. I bought a kit years ago and enjoyed building it. However I did day care at the time in my home and it got destroyed. I would love to make one again from a kit and save it for when my granddaughter is older and can play with it. Any suggestions?


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## KBEDRN (May 25, 2011)

OMG!!


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## margie1992 (Apr 27, 2011)

absolutely gorgeous and commendations on using your stash -- I am "stealing" your idea about using an electronic scale


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## Lisa crafts 62 (Jan 23, 2011)

I have an Aunt who is my mom's older sister & any time she is around when I am knitting something just to make it she always wants it. Years ago when I used to do counted cross stitch we were on vacation together I bought a bunch of charts for light houses which she loves & she kept asking my mom when I was going to make them for her. I never bought them to make for her I just bought them. She still asks for them. She will get them when heck freezes over. can't say hell because there is a Hell in Michigan where we live.


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## Nickolpenny (Jan 19, 2011)

I have a sister that went through beauty school and when she graduated she told everyone - no freebees and she has stuck to it not 50 years. You just have to tell people (as you have) you are too busy and only family.


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## Nickolpenny (Jan 19, 2011)

Sorry for the typo - should have read now, not - not!!!


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## StellasKnits (Apr 10, 2011)

Just refer them to my Etsy shop http://www.stellasknits.etsy.com -- bwaahahaha! Sorry, couldn't resist!

I knit lots of things for family & friends but they know they have to get their requests in early and "off season" because I get slammed in the fall/winter. None of my friends expect to get anything for free. I may give them a nice discount by they're happy to pay me for my time. Just say no to those who can't understand that.


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## Ronie (Jan 21, 2011)

I have a friend who keeps saying how she would like something. I am probably going to give her some dish cloths for christmas or a late birthday gift but when she starts in about the socks I explain light heartedly how long it took and how hard the one pair was.. I have also suggested the I'll teach you part and that usually stops the conversation.. if your two friends have a handy craft they do.. or a talent of some kind like.. cleaning house..LOL you could offer a trade.. that might make them realize the largness of their requests..


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## sam07671 (May 12, 2011)

Lisa crafts 62 said:


> I have an Aunt who is my mom's older sister & any time she is around when I am knitting something just to make it she always wants it. Years ago when I used to do counted cross stitch we were on vacation together I bought a bunch of charts for light houses which she loves & she kept asking my mom when I was going to make them for her. I never bought them to make for her I just bought them. She still asks for them. She will get them when heck freezes over. can't say hell because there is a Hell in Michigan where we live.


Lisa..I live in Howell which is just minutes away from Hell. LOL!! Would you believe I got lost int hat area once. Go figure how that happened.


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## boring knit (May 9, 2011)

I definately don't make anything for people who ask. After all I don't expect people to ask if they can come to dinner, just because I cook. Just say you have a full list with family. someone once said "you could give them a pair of your socks." I said oh no, my socks are too special. So if you love your finished items, don't let others belittle them.


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## hopehr (Jun 27, 2011)

Jessica Jean, I loved your afghan/bedspread.


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## quiltnqueen (Jul 14, 2011)

I think anyone that makes handmade items has run into this problem. I started a quilting group at our church to give out quilts to needy people. I actually had one person approach the group to have us make a queen size quilt for her4 niece for a wedding gift! She had the colors she wanted and everything. I had to call her an let her know that we only gave out quilts to those people who were hurting and ill, etc. She felt her neice would qualify as she had recently lost a parent. It was quite sticky, but I think she realized that she had been quite presumptuous. Some people only think "THEY" are the busy ones! lol


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## Colorado knits (Jul 6, 2011)

Carlaallaire said:


> Colorado knits said:
> 
> 
> > A couple years ago, I gave our neighbor a gift that included a couple of dishcloths. A year later she asked if I had learned to make anything worthwhile!! Then she had the gall to tell me she wanted an afghan for Christmas -- in particular colors, and, after all, I had nearly a year to make it.
> ...


This neighbor is not lacking in rudeness.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

If they do not take no for an answer and want the item for free I ask them if the next time they do their grocery shopping to ask the store manager if they can have the groceries for free and if not then why not? That gives them something to think about. If that dose not work (some people are very stubborn)I give them some outrages price for the item and that stops them in their tracks. Then there are those that persist and come back with I can get that item from Walmart. That is when I say, "By all means I think that you should do that right away so that you can support some poor person in China." End of discussion. If they are the kind of person who will not take a NO for an answer then they are not friends and I do not care if they like me or not. My life will go on and I will be just fine with out them in my life.


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## Colorado knits (Jul 6, 2011)

Jessica-Jean: Absolutely beautiful. You are such an accomplished knitter.


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## Susie cue (Apr 6, 2011)

Just tell them if they would like these things knitted
how much it will cost them for the wool and anything else 
you have to purchase and you will put them on the waiting list that you have for knitted garments

susie cue


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## nhauf001 (Jan 18, 2011)

my favorite response is "thanks for thinking of me, but that doesn't work for me". So far I've never had to elaborate. Although I have no problem telling them, I raised my children and am not interested in raising anyone else's.
Naomi


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## chriscol (Aug 3, 2011)

I tell them I charge $20 an hour. Then I estimate the hours to complete their project. So normally, I don't HAVE to say no. They say it themselves.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

I had a "friend" take horrible advantage of me ONCE. She asked if I would make an afghan for her so she could give it to her mom for Christmas. She bought the yarn, and after all that work, she felt we were even because she bought the yarn. After all, knitting is my hobby.... Needless to say, she traded a friend for an afghan. 

Now, if someone asks me for something like that, I just laugh good-naturedly and say 'I'll be glad to do that once I get through all the projects already waiting for me, and Heaven only knows when that will be.' They seem to understand that I mean "when H*** freezes over" which is a pretty good estimate.


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## lllyons (Mar 25, 2011)

What a great idea. LLL :lol:


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## Jillpr (Mar 15, 2011)

I have really had problems in this area as well,which I started to make baby sets for new moms in the family, Well everytime a baby shower came along it was expected. It wasn't long before I just quit going to the baby showers because even when I told them no, they just would not listen and continued to badger me into doing something without the benefit of pay or even a meal out.Continue on to this day with really heavy hinting which I have to ignore as they won't buy any yarn or materials.


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

GGailS said:


> Hello ladies: I am wondering if anyone else has this "problem." I have 2 very good friends that know I knit just about anything & everything for my family (very little if anything for myself.) They keep asking if I will knit certain things for them (free of course.) I am trying to tell them diplomatically that I do not knit for anybody outside my family (busy volunteering) and this is my choice NOT to knit for others. The more I tell them NO - the more they keep asking me! Apparently I have LOTS of time to spare & I can easily knit something for them. They do not realize the cost of the wool & the time to do it. I give my family afghans & sweaters for Birthday & Christmas & right now - my little grand-daughter is into Barbie stuff - so my needles are working for these lately! Any way I can tell these people - NO GO FOR OTHERS! Sorry, but I am busy enough. Thank you for any ideas you may have.


When someone asks if you will knit a specific item (ie. sweater) then tell them you need specific measurements and color of yarn written down. When they give you this written down, take the paper and say thank you, you will figure this out. On the back of the paper write down what pattern you would suggest they buy and where to buy it, what yarn to buy how much to buy and where to buy it, and what size of knitting needles to buy and where to buy it, and whatever other notions are needed to make the sweater. Then also write down the day and the time you are available to teach them how to knit this item. (Allow for one hour one time only to teach.) Give them this paper and tell them you have taken the time to figure out what they need to knit this item. Tell them all your knitting time is taken up already with knitting projects for family.


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## sandrine (Apr 15, 2011)

Stick to your story - I don't knit for people outside my family - don't have the time, desire or resources. Please don't ask again!!! Good luck - how annoying!


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## Jillpr (Mar 15, 2011)

sandrine said:


> Stick to your story - I don't knit for people outside my family - don't have the time, desire or resources. Please don't ask again!!! Good luck - how annoying!


Unfortunately these people are my family members who feel like I have nothing to do all day but craft.
Jill


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## mazelou (Feb 7, 2011)

My answer is' Make up some business cards , hand them one and say, " I knit for profit, if you would like to order something, give me a call and I will give you an estimate of what I will charge you. This is my business , so I don't knit for just anyone any more. Huh!!


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Jillpr said:


> sandrine said:
> 
> 
> > Stick to your story - I don't knit for people outside my family - don't have the time, desire or resources. Please don't ask again!!! Good luck - how annoying!
> ...


That's why the good-natured laugh, and offer to do it when you finish your other projects, already waiting, works so well. It delays their request indefinitely, and you don't have the unpleasant experience of their resentment, or saying no and feeling guilty, if that is hard for you, as it is for many of us.

If they push enough to ask how many projects that is, (which is pretty rude) estimate high, 12 or so? and probably 3 or 4 years into the future? By that time you can "forget" or have other projects that just seem to find their way into your list that need finishing first.... :lol:


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

I also really liked the reply that the knitter would be glad to make the item if the requester would come over and do her cleaning, cooking, laundry, & other errands while she worked on the requested project. 

That is GREAT! And it could be used in conjunction with my 'delay' reply.


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## Jillpr (Mar 15, 2011)

mazelou said:


> My answer is' Make up some business cards , hand them one and say, " I knit for profit, if you would like to order something, give me a call and I will give you an estimate of what I will charge you. This is my business , so I don't knit for just anyone any more. Huh!!


good answer! love this one. got roped into doing projects for a craft show coming in Sept., but will never do it again as find it puts too much pressure on me, and takes the joy out of the work I love to do which is for charity.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

hi ggails,i had the same problem,put your foot down and mean it.i knitted shawl,layetts ect for all 9 grandchildren and the more i gave the more my two sons wives expeted eg a shetland shawl for each baby.to my way of thinking one shawl should become an heirloom and each baby.so i pointed out nicly of courseif they wanted more they could make them.your problem hopfully is solved mine was with no hard feelings i think they just dont realize how much time and yarn it takes.regards ann


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## Shirley Ray (Mar 3, 2011)

Tell them you'll be happy to knit whatever they want. All they need to do is get the yarn and the pattern and bring them to you with $100, the amount, of course, can go up or down depending on the difficulty and length of time it takes to make the item. And the needles if you don't already have the correct size. I'll bet they never ask again.


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

You can send them a registered letter stating that while you appreciate their friendship, you will not knit them anything. You dont need to explain why. They are oviously trying to lay a guilt trip on you, and, guess what? its working because you let it. Tell them no and tell them that the subject of knitting is closed for any discussion.


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## Shdy990 (Mar 10, 2011)

Offer to teach them to knit - you will see their dust.


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## Shdy990 (Mar 10, 2011)

I am getting just as annoyed with charities. I am disabled and broke and I can't figure what made me responsible to do free afghans and the such or anyone else for that matter. They become just as bad and act funny if you don't want to do it. I complained about the cost of the yarn and was given a bag of scrap yarn to do it and in colors you would never want your baby in. I think more people are going to have to explain to the ones who take the credit for everything that it is not our duty to supply them. The Bible says be a cheerful giver - this sure is taking that out of it. I live in a very poor rural area and can't understand sending what we donate to Haiti - they'd die of heat stroke with a blanket over them.


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## onesoutherngal (Jun 6, 2011)

Shdy990 said:


> I am getting just as annoyed with charities. I am disabled and broke and I can't figure what made me responsible to do free afghans and the such or anyone else for that matter. They become just as bad and act funny if you don't want to do it. I complained about the cost of the yarn and was given a bag of scrap yarn to do it and in colors you would never want your baby in. I think more people are going to have to explain to the ones who take the credit for everything that it is not our duty to supply them. The Bible says be a cheerful giver - this sure is taking that out of it. I live in a very poor rural area and can't understand sending what we donate to Haiti - they'd die of heat stroke with a blanket over them.


If i don't feel comfortable with a charity, i don't give to it. I have known far too many that were not being managed ethically...After Katrina, and the Yazoo tornado, I saw how many people volunteered to have easy access to free items...so, i am more careful now...there are too many well run organizations left to choose from for me to feel like a "scrooge". I also find that there are many in need, whom the charities do not help if you look in your circle of family, friends, coworkers, and others in your own community.

Basically, I have learned to listen to that voice of woman's intuition...


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## tired n' cranky (Aug 2, 2011)

Stick to your guns or they will line up at your door with "just a little something that won't take YOU any time at all!" Steer them to your favorite yarn store to find a pro ready and willing to knit for a fee. If it doesn't work just tell the truth, you don't want to.


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

LEE1313 said:


> NO is the hardest word for some to hear.
> 
> I don't take requests from anyone. I knit what I want and for whom I want.
> 
> ...


 :thumbup:


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## Teliria (May 30, 2011)

Funny story:

I have a friend who is sweet but pretty clueless... and I have spoiled him by pretty much doing for him whenever he mentions something... he mentioned he had an odd sized pillow he did not have a case for so I used some scrap and made a couple... teddy bear clothes for his daughter, etc.

He and some other friends were visiting and I brought out a large bread bag filled with dishcloths and potholders. There were probably 2 dozen washcloths and half as many potholders. I told everyone to take whatever they wanted. He specifically asked "How many can I take" and I (distracted) just said "Take whatever you will use". 

He smiled, picked up the whole bag and went to put it into his bag! Our other friend was aghast... I did not want to embarrass him so I didn't say anything... I just knitted up some more cloths for the other friend and left it alone. 

If it is in his power, he would do anything for me I asked, so he is not a mooch... just clueless... one of those 'has no concept of what it takes' sort of thing.

I do tend to be more careful now in what I offer to ANYONE and I also have gotten better at ignoring hints from people. I sell my things and I still get people hinting that I should make them something. I pretty much ignore the hints and if they specifically ask me for something. 

If someone gets pushy, I just explain to them that I am so busy right now, that any non-profit knitting time I have goes to the children's charity work I do. If someone is crass enough to put themselves over a children's charity, I have been known to re-evaluate if I really need them to be a friend.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Suzannet said:


> making to order seems to take the fun out of anything creative.


It does indeed! I think that _that_ line is the one I'll use the next time, for there will certanily be a 'next time'.

Maybe I'll make a business card:
*MAKING TO ORDER ROBS ME OF THE CREATIVE FUN!*


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## onesoutherngal (Jun 6, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Suzannet said:
> 
> 
> > making to order seems to take the fun out of anything creative.
> ...


 :thumbup:


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## mkjfrj (Apr 2, 2011)

I see that your profile picture is the Zimmermann baby sweater or is this a picture of the adult version. Where can I find the adult version? I love the baby one and have made it quite a few times but now I'm thinking I'd like one myself - thanks for any help you can give me


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## anastasia (Feb 9, 2011)

Once I quote a price, including the gas to drive across town, their smile freezes on their faces and their eyes glaze over. Works every time. $200 for a lrg sweater is lower than reasonable even w/ avg, not cheap yarn. In fact, it's lower than the "family" price, unless it's a gift.


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## anastasia (Feb 9, 2011)

I have been mooched on by the senior center. I'm quickly learning to not take the hint to do more than I feel comfortable with doing. I'm just as broke as they are as I live on SS disability and get less than a lot of them I'm guessing.


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## julie windham (Feb 21, 2011)

Irene Kidney said:


> I once made a very complicated cardigan for a large friend of mine it had pansies knitted into it and took me a solid 3 months hard labour every evening after work. She had bought the kit to do it herself ha ha! I like a fool offered to do it for her. My reward was a hug!! The kit people would have charged £300 so I said never again would I knit it even for £300. It really was hard work. I think I learnt a big lesson with that one.


There certainly are some lovely dogs in Cumbria!


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## kdamato55 (Apr 13, 2011)

I have to agree with Jessica-Jean. Do things because you want to do them, not because you feel pressured into it. Keep it a joy, not a job.


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## eneurian (May 4, 2011)

this happened often when i used to knit in public and at work. i quoted an outrageous price, like $185.00 plus materials for a scarf. they either shut up or paid. at which point i made a nice profit and i didn't mind spending the time.


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## RockyMtnLady (May 7, 2011)

My answer always is "When I finish all my personal projects and those for my family", I'd be happy to but I'll be busy for the next 20 years or so - can you wait that long? LOL It usually ends in a big laugh and it's never brought up again.


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## Betulove (Mar 11, 2011)

Well I have gone thru the whole thing. I gave a dear friend a blanket for Christmas and was shock when she ask if I would make one for each of her two son. Now I am getting calls from her friends. I understand you knit. I am stuck with a pattern could you come help me with it. I live over an hour away. Please there two yarn store between us use one of them.


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## 4578 (Feb 2, 2011)

Offer knitting lessons (perhaps a set of 6 or so) to them at a set price paid up front and nonrefundable. Remember that good lesson prep takes time. Give them a list of yarn, needles, and notions needed for the lessons that they will need to bring to the 1st lesson.. Have a set time and day of the week that the lessons will be given.


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## 2CatsinNJ (Jan 21, 2011)

Sometmes it amazes me to learn how cheeky people can be.How very rude ! Not to long ago, someone asked me if I ever sold anything that I make. The answer was (& still is) "NO".I agree that taking specific orders would stifle my creativity & make me very anxious to have to keep to a deadline for finishing.Giving things away is, for me, a great part of the project.


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## maryjaye (Apr 25, 2011)

I say, "No, but I will show you how". That ends the request. If someone is asking another person to make it they usually don't think they have the ability. I add, "If I can, anybody can".


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## CathyAnn (May 14, 2011)

Fortunately, I don't have this problem. Not much of a social life and live a pretty isolated lifestyle. However, if anyone ever did have the nerve to ask me to make something for them (other than my mother), I would be up front and say, nicely, "No. I have neither the time nor the desire to, but I could set you in the right direction to learn how. It's not hard." If the person were so insensitive as to get pushy about it, I would have no compunction to say "What part of the word "No" don't you understand?" End of relationship. I just don't care. Pushy people are asking for it! Such people aren't a friend in the first place. 
Fortunately for me, my family doesn't make requests. If I make anything for any of them, it's because I want to as a gift.

Another topic: Jessica-Jean, the afghan is absolutely gorgeous. Great design. It must have taken a long time to knit! Love it! :thumbup:


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## 81brighteyes (Feb 17, 2011)

Colorado knits said:


> A couple years ago, I gave our neighbor a gift that included a couple of dishcloths. A year later she asked if I had learned to make anything worthwhile!! Then she had the gall to tell me she wanted an afghan for Christmas -- in particular colors, and, after all, I had nearly a year to make it.
> 
> It wasn't even a request; it was a demand. You can imagine that I did not even consider making her anything ever again.


I can hardly believe anyone would say such a horrid thing!!! And then to "ask?" you to make her an afghan with her selected colors, etc.. I think she wins the blue ribbon for "gall"!


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

CathyAnn said:


> ...If the person were so insensitive as to get pushy about it, I would have no compunction to say "What part of the word "No" don't you understand?" End of relationship. I just don't care. Pushy people are asking for it! Such people aren't a friend in the first place....


You are SO right. A friend worth having would Never push like that. 
An arrogant, but classless, woman in our town, well known for being very stingy with everyone else, sidled up to me one day and in a very condescending tone and manner, asked me, since I sew, if I did hemming for other people. I said, bluntly, 
"yes, I do. But I don't work for $1.50." :lol: 
That took care of that. She haughtily walked away. I wouldn't do her hemming if she did want to pay me fairly, but I expect she won't ask again. :wink:


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## Airy Fairy (Aug 2, 2011)

loved all the replies - they make a lot of sense!
Good luck 
Whackydo


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## knitterbee (Jul 21, 2011)

I have had people ask what I would charge. Occasionally I have told them (when I didn't have money to buy yarn, so wasn't working on anything) if they bought the yarn I would make it for them.
I had one person pay for yarn plus $100 to crochet an afghan they wanted to send to parents who were missionaries in China. I had shown him a pattern I had just found and wanted to make that was stars & stripes. This gave me the opportunity to make something I wanted to do any way. By deadline time I was rushing though.
I had one other person take me up on "If you buy the yarn I will make it".
My adult children find patterns all the time in my magazines, but they don't buy the yarn.
I have had a lot of people tell me I should sell the things I make, but they can't ever come up with prices that people would want to pay that would cover much more than yarn costs if that.
Like for many others, dead lines take the fun out of the hobby!


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## meran (May 29, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> I knit everywhere.
> The pharmacist saw me knitting while waiting for a prescription to be filled. She stood on tippy-toes to call over the counter to me that she wanted me to knit her a pair of socks ... and she'd _even_ buy me the yarn!!!
> After I recovered from the shock of a complete stranger ordering me to knit for her like that, I did some rough math. I'd never knit a pair of socks yet, so I thought that a pair might take me ten hours actual knitting time. I decided I don't work for free, and wouldn't accept less than my job paid - $25/hr. When I told her one pair of socks would come to around $250, but I'd gladly teach her to knit for free - needles included, she looked at me as though I had just landed from Mars!
> She filled my prescription and never mentioned knitting again. :-D
> ...


Jessica-Jean, that is a magnificent blanket. I am sure your nephew (and your sister) was delighted with your gift


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## rosaposa13 (May 11, 2011)

I attended a church home group every Wed pm, anyway muggings me decided to knit every lady a nice feather fluffy scarf...I love doing them, quick and easy. Anyway I did different colors based on what each one wore. Most of the ladies loved them BUT 1 lady put on a big fuss that she only wanted a purple one not blue... she compared to all the others and thought hers was not what she wanted. After that I never did this again. I only make for family and special friends and give to charities that I want to support. 

I love the idea of offering to teach an asker to knit.


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## Knitnewbie (Mar 8, 2011)

rosaposa13 said:


> I attended a church home group every Wed pm, anyway muggings me decided to knit every lady a nice feather fluffy scarf...I love doing them, quick and easy. Anyway I did different colors based on what each one wore. Most of the ladies loved them BUT 1 lady put on a big fuss that she only wanted a purple one not blue... she compared to all the others and thought hers was not what she wanted. After that I never did this again. I only make for family and special friends and give to charities that I want to support.
> 
> I love the idea of offering to teach an asker to knit.


I am appalled at the rudeness of this woman and some of the others in the postings here. I'm reminded of a lesson I learned in a class: The instructor was explaining to the class that one need not belittle oneself when getting a compliment, e.g, "Oh! this old thing," which insults the person who just gave you a compliment and you for wearing it. She said, "remember, 'thank you' is a complete sentence." I try to remember that whenever I get a compliment or a gift.

Even if I receive something I would not ordinarily pick for myself, I try to remember that the person thought enough of me to bring a gift to me. That makes it special and I never want to lose that special feeling between us.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

rosaposa13 said:


> I love the idea of offering to teach an asker to knit.


I have taught one 'asker' to knit, but she only asked me to teach her. She wanted me to teach her how to knit a tiny baby's hat with ties, so that's what I did.

None of the moochers - to give them their deserved label - ever accepted my offer to teach _them_ to knit. I even tried enticing them by offering free needles/hooks, yarn, and patterns. They are nothing _but_ moochers.


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## Martha French (Aug 1, 2011)

Is it the 'adult surprise jacket', based on the 'baby surprise jacket'. It is in 'the opinionated knitter' by Elizabteh Zimmermann, Newsletters 1958-1968', page 112. sold by Schoolhouse Press, but I also think available through Book Depository, UK and Amazon. I am knitting one at the moment, in home spun, 18 wpi, or equivalent to the old fashioned 3 ply, but it can be knitted in any ply, just follow the instructions.


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## Suzannet (Jul 21, 2011)

sam07671 said:


> Suzannet said:
> 
> 
> > It's not just knitting and crochet. I make cupcakes and am always being asked to make them for birthdays etc. only one guy ever offers to pay. My other hobby is dolls houses - I have 15 houses and shops. I lose count of the people who ask me to make one for them and expect it for free. again - I choose who I make for and when. sounds mean, but making to order seems to take the fun out of anything creative.
> ...


Not sure where you are, but there are some really good websites that I have used for kits or just ideas.
There is Dolls House Emporium at www.dollshouse.com
Maple Street is another one www.maplestreet.co.uk
It is also worth looking at dolls house magazines like Dolls House World, Dolls House and Miniature Scene and there is one I know of in the USA called American Miniaturist www.americanminiaturist.com
Hope this helps


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

I was visiting my Mom where she lives in a Memory care living. I usually bring my knitting because Mom really doesn't talk much sleeps most of the time..She is 94. While I was knitting one of the care givers came over to me and asked if I would make her a sweater. I was really taken by surprise! I only know her as one of the caregivers that work there. She then said to me....well how long will it take for you to make it? Still with the surprised look I said I was a very slow knitter and by the time I finished it she would be too old to wear it....lolol...I wish you could have seen the look on her face.


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

bizzyknitter said:


> I was visiting my Mom where she lives in a Memory care living. I usually bring my knitting because Mom really doesn't talk much sleeps most of the time..She is 94. While I was knitting one of the care givers came over to me and asked if I would make her a sweater. I was really taken by surprise! I only know her as one of the caregivers that work there. She then said to me....well how long will it take for you to make it? Still with the surprised look I said I was a very slow knitter and by the time I finished it she would be too old to wear it....lolol...I wish you could have seen the look on her face.


Priceless!!!! :thumbup:


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## lllyons (Mar 25, 2011)

I work in an Asisted living and I teach knitting to residents and family members and some children 7/and two 9 year olds and whoever wants to come and people ask all the time and we tell 
them to join us we knit for charities right now we're doing pray shawls. we get a few takers. people are certainly funny.... LLL


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## susanrs1 (Mar 21, 2011)

People like this need to go in a real yarn store and check out the prices of the sweaters, etc. displayed there. They are clueless. I have a friend who raved and raved about a sweater I made for myself. Asked me how much it would cost her if I made her one. Well, I said the yarn alone was close to $50 (good Noro yarn) and the cost of my time would be at least $50 to $75 (got these prices from my local yarn store as I had no clue what to charge). That stopped her in her tracks and she said 'no way'. Okay, then you can just admire my lovely sweater from afar. OR, learn to knit yourself !!


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## mousepotato (May 30, 2011)

My reply to this is that I knit for my own enjoyment and satisfaction and that experience has taught me that I do not contract knit. Then I tell them the cost--last one asked me for an Icelandic style sweater and was willing to pay for the yarn and my time, until I told her that that would be $350 (I knew the price of my yarn and how to triple it). Haven't been asked since, not that I don't knit for other people, but it's my choice.


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## CathyAnn (May 14, 2011)

mousepotato said:


> My reply to this is that I knit for my own enjoyment and satisfaction and that experience has taught me that I do not contract knit. Then I tell them the cost--last one asked me for an Icelandic style sweater and was willing to pay for the yarn and my time, until I told her that that would be $350 (I knew the price of my yarn and how to triple it). Haven't been asked since, not that I don't knit for other people, but it's my choice.


I saw on the Dale of Norway site that one can purchase one of their sweaters "readymade" starting at $299 on up to $499! Those sweaters are gorgeous, but not complicated, nothing we couldn't do if we're so inclined. Suggest that the person hitting you up to knit for them to look up prices on this website!!! :mrgreen:

THEN SAY "NO"!!!


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## Rosanne B (Aug 3, 2011)

The gall of people never ceases to amaze me! Apparently, those people who demand that you knit for them have no idea of how expensive AND time-consuming knitting can be, especially if they want something fairly complicated. When people see me working on my afghan and ask about my knitting prowess, I tell them Im not very good at it; they say oh, and walk away. Works every time.


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## CathyAnn (May 14, 2011)

Rosanne B said:


> The gall of people never ceases to amaze me! Apparently, those people who demand that you knit for them have no idea of how expensive AND time-consuming knitting can be, especially if they want something fairly complicated. When people see me working on my afghan and ask about my knitting prowess, I tell them Im not very good at it; they say oh, and walk away. Works every time.


Rosanne, very funny


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Rosanne B said:


> The gall of people never ceases to amaze me! Apparently, those people who demand that you knit for them have no idea of how expensive AND time-consuming knitting can be, especially if they want something fairly complicated. When people see me working on my afghan and ask about my knitting prowess, I tell them Im not very good at it; they say oh, and walk away. Works every time.


HAHAHAHA That IS funny! Good for you!


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## bowler (Jun 16, 2011)

I once did a 'favour' for a friend. When he son was starting primary school she asked if I would knit two jerseys in the school colours for him. She did buy the wool and I duly completed the jerseys only for them to be brought back as she had decided it would be more economical to have them done in the next size up! Needless to say I insisted she took the jerseys back and suggested she buy a bigger size when required. I have never done a 'favour' for a friend again.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

bowler said:


> ... She did buy the wool and I duly completed the jerseys only for them to be brought back as she had decided it would be more economical to have them done in the next size up! ...


How is it 'they' never understand that something hand-crafted is _not_ the same as off-the-rack?

When we were newlyweds, my darling picked out the yarn, pattern, cable pattern, and size of the sweater he wanted me to knit him. I'd never knit a sweater before. It seemed to take forever, but - after much ripping out and not a few muttered expletives - it was done and presented to him. Now, he'd tried it on as it was in progress. He'd always OK'd it. Once finished, he tried it on, took it off and handed it back saying, "Take it apart and make it again just a tad bigger." That was about 40 years ago; he's _still_ waiting for a sweater from my needles, and my youngest sister is still delighted with her very lovely, all-over cabled front cardigan. She doesn't care that it buttons 'wrong' for a woman. :-D


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## Rosanne B (Aug 3, 2011)

Geez, he was lucky you didnt stab him with your needles! I admire your forebearance. :thumbup:


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## dollyoved (Mar 23, 2011)

A lady that I was friendly with in my computer class admired a hat I knitted. She asked for the hat for her niece and offered to pay for it. I told her that she couldn't pay me enough for my labor and also that I made it for charity. She then offered to pay for the yarn. I accepted money for the yarn only because she was a friend. I also taught her how to knit. After reading everyone's way of saying no, I have had second thoughts and will only say NO as if I meant it.


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## maryjaye (Apr 25, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> I knit everywhere.
> The pharmacist saw me knitting while waiting for a prescription to be filled. She stood on tippy-toes to call over the counter to me that she wanted me to knit her a pair of socks ... and she'd _even_ buy me the yarn!!!
> After I recovered from the shock of a complete stranger ordering me to knit for her like that, I did some rough math. I'd never knit a pair of socks yet, so I thought that a pair might take me ten hours actual knitting time. I decided I don't work for free, and wouldn't accept less than my job paid - $25/hr. When I told her one pair of socks would come to around $250, but I'd gladly teach her to knit for free - needles included, she looked at me as though I had just landed from Mars!
> She filled my prescription and never mentioned knitting again. :-D
> ...


The replies have been very informative. Thanks, Jessica-Jean, for posting a photo of your Rambling Rows afghan. I have the pattern and intend to begin it "when I get there". It's wonderful to see where one's imagination can go!


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Rosanne B said:


> Geez, he was lucky you didnt stab him with your needles! I admire your forebearance. :thumbup:


No kidding! I've had much the same kind of thing with my sewing...people give me their measurements then hand it back, with a "make it just a little bigger." How they expected me to manufacture additional fabric at the serged seam, I don't know. And that would happen after trying it on during the process, too.

Another girl (a bridesmaid) told the bride that her dress was "way too big!" When she put it on for me, it was not too big at all, it was just big enough that she could actually breathe in it, where I guess she wanted it really skin tight.

I also make the costumes for our clogging performance group, and just before we went onstage, for a major performance, one of my team-mates suggested that she wished I would take in her vest "just a quarter of an inch so it would be perfect." So lovely to undercut a team-mate just before a performance. Mind you, she'd had the vest for about a year before that day. She's still waiting, too. 

I made a Strawberry Shortcake sweater for a grand-daughter several years ago, my first color-work project. When she tried it on, she was so rough with it, but luckily the sleeves were a bit too long...so I told her I would fix it. I gave it to a different grand-daughter who wouldn't just tear it up. People who don't sew, or especially don't knit, really have no idea of how much work these things take.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

DorothyLWM said:


> ... People who don't sew, or especially don't knit, really have no idea of how much work these things take.


Worse yet, they couldn't care less.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> DorothyLWM said:
> 
> 
> > ... People who don't sew, or especially don't knit, really have no idea of how much work these things take.
> ...


Yes, you're right. Some people are just that selfish and toxic. The older I get, the less patience I have with them.


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## Pennypincher (May 7, 2011)

I would have to go along with the ones who say to tell them if they get the yarn needles/hooks, you will be happy to teach them how to knit/crochet so they can make it themselves.


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

So GGails what did you decide to do?? and do tell us what has become of your knitting projects!!


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## GGailS (May 23, 2011)

So many different answers - but I think I like the idea of either telling the people that I will show them how to knit the project themselves or tell them that I have too many other things in front of me & MAYBE I will be free in a few years down the line - haha.
Thanks to everyone to gave me some good advice! :thumbup:


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## nittergma (Jan 27, 2011)

I agree with that. I would hope these friends would understand you when you've said no. Sometimes a good firm no will get the message across. Sometimes we don't want to actually say no so we sort of hint then then people don't quite get the message and then we get aggrivated when they keep pestering.


maidinkent said:


> My advise would be to tell them that you'll teach them to knit, then they can have the pleasure of learning a new skill and doing it for themselves. I think sometimes we're just too "nice" to say a firm "no". You shouldn't have a guilty conscience..........all the best.....


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## CathyAnn (May 14, 2011)

nittergma said:


> I agree with that. I would hope these friends would understand you when you've said no. Sometimes a good firm no will get the message across. Sometimes we don't want to actually say no so we sort of hint then then people don't quite get the message and then we get aggrivated when they keep pestering.
> 
> 
> maidinkent said:
> ...


I think this is true, being too nice (really afraid someone will be offended) to say "No".


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## anntics (Jun 4, 2011)

My daughter mends computers as a sideline and she got sick of people expecting her to do it for nothing so she had a t-shirt printed with 'No, I will not mend your computer for free'. It worked.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

anntics said:


> My daughter mends computers as a sideline and she got sick of people expecting her to do it for nothing so she had a t-shirt printed with 'No, I will not mend your computer for free'. It worked.


I love it! Though I never thought of the repair of a piece of hard equipment as 'mending'. I should knit myself a t-shirt with
"No, I will not knit for you for free, nor for the cost of the yarn, but I'll gladly teach you to knit for yourself." 
I'm big, so there'd be room enough for all that! :-D


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

anntics said:


> My daughter mends computers as a sideline and she got sick of people expecting her to do it for nothing so she had a t-shirt printed with 'No, I will not mend your computer for free'. It worked.


That IS a good idea. I should make one that says: 
"I do not 1. Sew
2. Knit 
3. Help you with your taxes 
for free. Do you work for free?"

Because I'm a member of a group of cloggers, I make all their costumes (12 of us) and they expect them for only the cost of the fabric. It only takes 2 weeks for make an entire new costume for all of us. I'm talking sequined material that breaks needles and the linings and they have to fit within 1/4 inch. @@ One comes to me with her tax questions, then tells me she does own her with Turbo Tax. I wish I had the nerve to tell her to ask them her questions. She's also the one who asked me to knit an afghan for her, and when it was done only paid for the yarn. Can I spell P-A-T-S-Y ?


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

DorothyLWM said:


> anntics said:
> 
> 
> > My daughter mends computers as a sideline and she got sick of people expecting her to do it for nothing so she had a t-shirt printed with 'No, I will not mend your computer for free'. It worked.
> ...


You are good of heart, and others see that. Because _they_ are *NOT* goodhearted, they take advantage. In their tiny, manipulative brains, they rationalize that you enjoy doing (whatever) _so much_, that they're doing you a favour by offering you the task!

It may cost you a friendship or two, but stand up for your just deserts! If a simple refusal to continue being their servant turns them away from you, then how good a friend is it that you lose??


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> DorothyLWM said:
> 
> 
> > anntics said:
> ...


Thank you, Jessica-Jean. I've been so torn about this. My family wants me to leave the group because they are so thoughtless and selfish that I keep coming home unhappy. They pay no mind, or very little, to the major events in my life, but started regular prayer circles for theirs. I can never get through these without tears, I'm so hurt. I also dislike that they keep using more and more lady gaga and justin bieber songs for clogging. I think they mean to stay young this way, though most are in their 50's. (I'm 66) @@

I've just told them I'm taking some time off because my feelings are hurt that they never care about my concerns, and now I wonder if I could ever go back without being embarrassed for making a fuss. I love clogging, and hate to lose that activity, but I'm in tears every time I think about this.

It helps to see how it looks to a third party. You're helping me think I've probably made the right move. It's not like I don't have other good things to do with my time.


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## Teliria (May 30, 2011)

DorothyLWM said:


> "...and now I wonder if I could ever go back without being embarrassed for making a fuss. "


Just a thought... standing up for yourself is not 'making a fuss'.

It might be easier to write out some of what you feel. Write it ALL out... and then edit it to the salient points. Let someone else who does not have an emotional stake in it edit it down even farther so that it is clear and concise without any defensiveness, etc. Just explain that you feel that you feel like you are putting a lot more into the group than you are getting out of it.

Alternatively, you could just go for the clogging and find the social aspect elsewhere. When you go back, simply pretend nothing happened and, if asked directly, state that you had to work some things out and you have.... and that you are 'here for the clogging... lets get to it!"

Of course, the next time you are expected to do anything above and beyond (such as making costumes) either state that you are pretty busy right now... your choice if you want to say flat out 'no' or to tell them that if they want you to make time for their project, there will be an additional 20% (50%?) over the cost of the material to cover the extras (broken needles, etc) and your time.

If they choose to take advantage of someone else, so be it... it leaves you more time to get involved with a social knitting group...


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## raedean (Apr 25, 2011)

i make things for others if they pay for the yarn.
i made one friend a shrug and she had her own yarn she gave me...but she was so sweet.she gave me the same amount of yarn to make me a shrug.
now my sister who is so great to me.more than fair...can not even sew a stitch or anything.
she thinks i am just always ready to make her stuff when she wants.i hate to.not because i am being mean.she is just such a perfectionist i hate to even spend the time trying to please her.
then too.she thinks if i can knit.oh my.she picks me out all these intricate detailed sweaters i could never make in a million years.
she finally did hit a job i can do for her.she has things made up all the time from a professional seamtress.it is so costly.she wants to buy some linen.and i wil make her some tea towels.i said i would.she said if i dont-the seamtress will charge her 10 bucks a tea towel.so i said i would.she wants me to make her cats toys and oh...she thinks of all kinds of things for me to do.hee hee.sort of pretty funny.


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## Pennypincher (May 7, 2011)

Dorothy, Can you just find another clogging group to join that doesn;t know you can make the costumes and just have fun and dance?


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

raedean said:


> she finally did hit a job i can do for her.she has things made up all the time from a professional seamtress.it is so costly.she wants to buy some linen.and i wil make her some tea towels.i said i would.she said if i dont-the seamtress will charge her 10 bucks a tea towel.so i said i would.she wants me to make her cats toys and oh...she thinks of all kinds of things for me to do.hee hee.sort of pretty funny.


No, it's not _any_ kind of funny. It's good of you to offer to make them for her, but it's manipulative of her to just assume you would be charmed to make her tea towels, cat toys, etc. 
Tea towels are avalilable for purchase. Most of the population who wants such things buys them. If she's such a perfectionist, she might just find fault (edge not ruler-straight, etc.) with the ones you do do - even though such faults don't subtract from their usability. 
Cat toys? Is she so much of a snob that she's never been into a dollar store? They have at least half a wall of cat paraphenalia! AND it's cheaper and as durable as what you might knit.
Or maybe she just assumes you have no life if you aren't making her something, and she's doing you a favour by asking you to create these things?
My response would be a loud, wet raspberry!!


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## LilgirlCA (Jan 22, 2011)

DorothyLWM said:


> Jessica-Jean said:
> 
> 
> > DorothyLWM said:
> ...


You've been hurt by these thoughtless people. It happens in groups. Since most of the group members do not do any of the work, they don't realize how much effort and time is required.

Take a break from them. If the group requires costumes for their clogging, they must be doing exhibitions or entering contests. That should mean there in plenty of interest in clogging in the area. Can you join a different group or, even better, start another clogging group?

If you do join another group or go back to the original group, make it clear that while you would enjoy making some of the costumes, you must be compensated and that they should not depend only on you to make all the costumes AND it will depend on your schedule - not the group's schedule.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Thank you to Jessica-Jean, Pennypincher & LilgirlCA !

It's so easy for me to defend others, automatic even, but so hard to do the same for myself. I don't want to seem selfish, but I'm dealing with people who have no such problem. They are SO all about their selves, with a couple of exceptions, who are nice, but they don't seem to catch what's going on. 

There are no other groups very close to me, I had never thought about starting my own group, but it might be fun to have a group that doesn't worry about shows and costumes, but just the fun of getting together and dancing. I'll give that some serious thought.

I also like the idea that: IF I go back, to act like nothing happened, "I've got things worked out and I'm here to dance" and as I've done that, refuse to get into their concerns and leave mine at home as well, just as I never took my home concerns to work when I worked in an office.

The costumes: I think they'd better be happy with the ones they have. Over the years, I've made all 12 of us 4 different colored sequined, lined skirts, 3 different vests for mix/matching, they each have 4 or 5 knit blouses that I bought & charged them at wholesale price, as well as extensively embroidered denim shirts, that I insisted on charging a bargain price of $25 (got paid by some), a lightweight and a heavier nylon windbreaker jacket with embroidery and applique (again, the same price & got paid by some), and embroidered denim jackets that I got at a great sale price and added embroidery to them for their birthdays. 
I also gave the girl who handles the equipment a wheeled tote for carrying the player, tapes, cords and such to shows for her birthday, and then a cart for the heavy speakers, making it much easier to carry things back and forth, since I am no longer strong enough to help carry those things.

In response to these things, when I asked them to take a Saturday morning to do a show at my mother's nursing home before she died, they said it was not convenient on Sat. morning. So we never went, although I had driven 25 miles to several nursing home shows for one of the girls' grandma. When I told them my brother Les was sick with cancer, and several months later that he was about to leave us, one of them asked me, "who's Les?" although I have gone to significant trouble to help another girl who lost a family member.

As I go through the list of what I've already given, and what I've received, I start to see why they see me as such a patsy. It's pathetic, and doesn't even count the free work making the afghan or the free tax advice. If they were very smart, they would not have killed the golden goose. But I know what to tell them when they ask me "why?" I'm all tapped out. 

I'm sorry I've rambled on so, but thank you for letting me vent. As I gone through it, I can see things more clearly, without the emotion. They are really worse than just selfish, aren't they?

Oh, and a couple years ago, I drove there several times (25 miles one way) to teach some of them to knit!


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## Designer1234 (Aug 9, 2011)

I have run into this problem many times. I learned the hard way to say 'no'. In the condo I live in I made a cardigan for one of my dear friends who was very supportive when my husband was ill. She showed it to our coffee group and 3 of them have demanded I make them one. I told them no -- this was a special gift for a special friend. I felt uncomfortable about it but was glad I didn't let them bully me into taking on something that I didn't want to do. (I have done that in the past and learned I don't like 
being put on the spot.) I also know they would not do it for me if it was the other way around. It comes down to that difficult word = NO! Shirley


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

You have been their angel cum Santa Claus. It's high time they grow up and do for themselves!

Decades ago, when she was barely out of her teens, one of my sisters got interested in clogging. She started up (or was one of the founders?) of an all women clogging group performing dances usually reserved for men. They were good enough to be invited to dance in the UK. After her knees betrayed her, she stayed with her sword dancing team http://www.halfmoonsword.org/about/index.html and is still active in it. 
So far as I know, each member supplies her own clothing, though I think the swords live with my sister. She does host/put up scads of dancers when the sword ale is on, but that's because she _wants_ to, not because anyone has twisted her arm or manipulated her.

If they ask you to do something, just say you cannot. There's no need to give them any more than that. The cloggers are not your family; do not _need_ (nor seemingly even _want_) to know what's going on in your personal life. Keep it to the dancing and enjoy that.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> You have been their angel cum Santa Claus. It's high time they grow up and do for themselves!
> 
> Decades ago, when she was barely out of her teens, one of my sisters got interested in clogging. She started up (or was one of the founders?) of an all women clogging group performing dances usually reserved for men. They were good enough to be invited to dance in the UK. After her knees betrayed her, she stayed with her sword dancing team http://www.halfmoonsword.org/about/index.html and is still active in it.
> So far as I know, each member supplies her own clothing, though I think the swords live with my sister. She does host/put up scads of dancers when the sword ale is on, but that's because she _wants_ to, not because anyone has twisted her arm or manipulated her.
> ...


Designer1234 & Jessica-Jean,

You are SO right. And you've helped me see the truth more clearly, by letting me vent, and letting me know how it looks to you.

IF I go back, Santa Claus has left the building. And I'm done listening to their family concerns, as well as keeping mine to myself in the future.

Thank You for being friends!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Bravo! Courage!!


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## CathyAnn (May 14, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> raedean said:
> 
> 
> > she finally did hit a job i can do for her.she has things made up all the time from a professional seamtress.it is so costly.she wants to buy some linen.and i wil make her some tea towels.i said i would.she said if i dont-the seamtress will charge her 10 bucks a tea towel.so i said i would.she wants me to make her cats toys and oh...she thinks of all kinds of things for me to do.hee hee.sort of pretty funny.
> ...


My exact sentiments!!! I'd give the same response if my sister dared to treat me this way. (She'd never even dream of it!) There's NOTHING funny about a manipulating, demanding person. Raedean, I think your sister is extremely selfish, and when you give into her demands, you are helping her to be that way.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

And I've learned, to my great disappointment, that you can never give enough for them to appreciate. All they ever do is expect more, and give less.

I realize now that I've gone through this kind of thing with my sisters. They were the darlings who got the respect and freedom, the clothes and the cars, I got the rules and chores. My husband got away with it, too, for a number of years (but not for some time, now). 

If you grow up that way, it's too easy for others to use you, as you're so used to it, you don't see how unfair it is, when it's you. I think we're trying to earn their love, and we need friends to point these things out.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Love is not _earned_. It is, or it is not.

This is what makes parenting hard, assuming one's a worthwile parent. You love your child, but there comes a time when - no matter how much we love them - we must set rules/limits/etc.

We too often assume that other adults are past the gimme, gimme of childhood, only to find out the hard way that they are emotional teenagers inside.


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## Beth H (Aug 12, 2011)

When my niece asks me to knit something for her, I sweetly tell her that will teach her how to knit.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

And then there are the sponges on Knitting Paradise (and other online groups, too) who only pop by to ask (or demand!) they be handed - by direct e-mail - whatever pattern it is that they need at the moment. It seems to me that if they've the know-how to get to this forum, they can bl**dy well go search for what they want _themselves_!!

Yes, my impatience is showing.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> And then there are the sponges on Knitting Paradise (and other online groups, too) who only pop by to ask (or demand!) they be handed - by direct e-mail - whatever pattern it is that they need at the moment. It seems to me that if they've the know-how to get to this forum, they can bl**dy well go search for what they want _themselves_!!
> 
> Yes, my impatience is showing.


You've made several good points. I laughed at your talking about the emotional teenagers because my daughters tell me the women I've been dealing with are acting like they're still in junior high.

Your observation that love is not earned, is true, of course. However, I think there's a child in some of us who is subconciously trying to be good enough to be loved, even though our intellect is telling us to say "no" with no explanation needed. And there's the inner conflict.

As for the chores and rules, I think parents do their children a better favor when they raise them knowing how to care for children, how to run a home, take responsibility, and follow rules. Some personalities, however, are more prone to being a bit insecure in their value, making them too much of a people-pleaser, and it's more likely if there was a stricter set of rules for them than for their siblings, as they are quick to wonder why and blame their selves.

Yes, I've been amazed, too, when I've seen some of the posts asking others to find something for them when they could google it just as well. I saw that one woman got mad and rude when another gal didn't get the patterns she demanded sent to her soon enough. She didn't deserve to get the pattern at all. I can't understand what makes people think they have a right to have others wait on them.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

DorothyLWM said:


> I saw that one woman got mad and rude when another gal didn't get the patterns she demanded sent to her soon enough. She didn't deserve to get the pattern at all. I can't understand what makes people think they have a right to have others wait on them.


 :twisted: :twisted: The wicked in me is surfacing! How about sending along a _deliberately flawed_ pattern to such as she? :twisted:

It's the fault of too much frogging this evening. That'll teach me to think I _remember_ a pattern!!


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## deemail (Jan 25, 2011)

hildy3 said:


> Try this...You would be happy to, if they come over and cook dinner every evening, do the laundry, ironing, dusting..all the housework. Then you would have time to just sit and knit for them. Tell them it is called "bartering". It's done all the time.
> And, you know, dressmakers don't work free, why should needle-workers? Just say "no"! Another thought..is there someone you know who does this for a living? Give your friends the name. Hildy


trust me, all my friends have asked for free dressmaking from time to time.... as well as free knitting.... i simply reply immediately with an 'i'll get you a cost sheet and you can figure out what it would come to".... i have received maybe 5 requests over the years from people who were really interested and valued what i did for other people.... the rest just never bring it up again and you don't have t have discuss it further....


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## Martha French (Aug 1, 2011)

100% with you there. A woman at my spinning group kept asking me if I had a pattern for a cardigan. I told her to search on the internet and find exactly what she wanted. I then downloaded a brief outlining how to convert a pullover pattern into a cardigan pattern. My daughter said this was unnecessary, as it was only common sense, and I agree. But this woman then came back and said, "but it does not have any instructions, how many stitches to cast on, what wool to use and what needles to use". When I told her this depended on the tension and size she was knitting, she looked at me as if I was an idiot. I just gave up and walked away and she said, very loudly, that I was not very helpful.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Lyne said:


> 100% with you there. A woman at my spinning group kept asking me if I had a pattern for a cardigan. I told her to search on the internet and find exactly what she wanted. I then downloaded a brief outlining how to convert a pullover pattern into a cardigan pattern. My daughter said this was unnecessary, as it was only common sense, and I agree. But this woman then came back and said, "but it does not have any instructions, how many stitches to cast on, what wool to use and what needles to use". When I told her this depended on the tension and size she was knitting, she looked at me as if I was an idiot. I just gave up and walked away and she said, very loudly, that I was not very helpful.


Oh brother @@ Did she want you to spoon feed her too? Some people are just not worth a person's time. I'm glad you walked away.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Bravo! Courage!!


I just got an email answer from the mouthiest one in the group. Apparently, I've gone from being Santa Claus to being Satan in disguise. A long, long, angry letter. I should have expected it, but she's about to make my decision as to whether I'll ever go back or not. I'm thinking I don't need people like that in my life.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

DorothyLWM said:


> I just got an email answer from the mouthiest one in the group. Apparently, I've gone from being Santa Claus to being Satan in disguise. A long, long, angry letter. I should have expected it, but she's about to make my decision as to whether I'll ever go back or not. I'm thinking I don't need people like that in my life.


Too bad you can't put a hex on the wonderful things you've made for them!

Well, as we live, we learn. Not all the lessons are easy, but they are inevitable.

Things are only things, even if we made them with all the care in the world. People are what count. If those people are _so_ shallow, do you really want to spend time with them?

Onward to seek nicer folks!


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## Airy Fairy (Aug 2, 2011)

I was rather disappointed to your response to people
requesting yr patterns - I've found the forum invaluable
& have been into suggested sites i.e Lionbrand,
Ravelry etc which I had never heard of but members had
just said try these sites for their patterns.
I understand there is no necessity for rudeness but surely
its a compliment for someone to like yr work so much that
they would like to try it. There have been so many hints
and tips that I've come across & am most appreciative of.
I am more than happy to do my own searches but its a
huge help if I can be pointed in the right direction instead
of getting frustrated & not even knowing eg recently I
saw the Entrelac cap from a reader & didn't even know there was such a thing also Knooking - never heard of either....plse be patient with new users & those with a
like interest but little knowledge.
Whackydo


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## Pennypincher (May 7, 2011)

I agree. I too, have found patterns and tips that were interesting and while I might not need them now, they could be very helpful in the future when you are least prepared to find them.


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## LilgirlCA (Jan 22, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> And then there are the sponges on Knitting Paradise (and other online groups, too) who only pop by to ask (or demand!) they be handed - by direct e-mail - whatever pattern it is that they need at the moment. It seems to me that if they've the know-how to get to this forum, they can bl**dy well go search for what they want _themselves_!!
> 
> Yes, my impatience is showing.


Some people just don't 'get' searching on the internet. For instance, my husband just cannot find anything when he does searches - mostly because he uses different terms than most to describe the goal of his search.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> DorothyLWM said:
> 
> 
> > I just got an email answer from the mouthiest one in the group. Apparently, I've gone from being Santa Claus to being Satan in disguise. A long, long, angry letter. I should have expected it, but she's about to make my decision as to whether I'll ever go back or not. I'm thinking I don't need people like that in my life.
> ...


No, I do not need to spend more time with people like that. I am happy that I've found a circle of friends here that I can vent to, or help if possible, who have similar interests and values. You, particularly, have been a great help in this time of change. Thank you more than I can say! And Blessings ♥


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

whackydo said:


> I was rather disappointed to your response to people
> requesting yr patterns - I've found the forum invaluable
> & have been into suggested sites i.e Lionbrand,
> Ravelry etc which I had never heard of but members had
> ...


Most of the gals on here are more than helpful, very likely to offer good links and such. 
I think the problem has come from those who would rather have someone else look something up for them than to try it their selves, first. If they tried and didn't have luck, then say so and ask for help, and say please and thank you. 
But I have seen notes asking/expecting that someone find this or that for them. Period. Or "send me this pattern" as if they have a right to demand it, and even expecting that it be done right now, and actually fussing if it isn't quickly forthcoming.

A bit more consideration for others' time and a more polite tone in some cases would solve this issue, I believe.  No one means anything towards those who are innocent of such behavior, and are glad to help when possible.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

LilgirlCA said:


> Jessica-Jean said:
> 
> 
> > And then there are the sponges on Knitting Paradise (and other online groups, too) who only pop by to ask (or demand!) they be handed - by direct e-mail - whatever pattern it is that they need at the moment. It seems to me that if they've the know-how to get to this forum, they can bl**dy well go search for what they want _themselves_!!
> ...


Yeah, I've had some challenges like that, and then my little sister will turn around and find the whole world (it seems) with a few clicks. grrrrr I'm trying to learn to use a different word, or leave out a word, or spell it wrong (sad, but it works sometimes) 
I think the point is, give it a try. You never learn if you have someone else do it for you. BTW, I am getting much better at finding what I want to find.


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## CathyAnn (May 14, 2011)

So many on KP have great taste in patterns! And I appreciate it when links are posted to find the patterns or websites that have a lot of patterns. I, for one, appreciate all of you and the help, tips, etc. that so many have contributed. I have learned a great deal, my knitting has greatly improved. Because of all this and encouragement (from Jessica-Jean), I ventured into lace (YO's used to scare me so I avoided them) and more difficult patterns. KP and all of you are a blessing! THANK YOU!!!


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## Designer1234 (Aug 9, 2011)

I agree with you. I have been a self taught knitter and have learned much from the internet. I do know, however, that lots and lots of people are not as used to computers as some of us. I find it very pleasing to me if someone likes my work well enough to ask about it - and I take it as a compliment. 

I guess we are all at different levels of skill, and information, and to me, the joy in a group like this is helping and sharing of information, whether it be to forward a pattern if I can, or give the information as to how to find the information or help needed. I have a friend who gave me the links to ravelry and lion brand and other wonderful sites and also has sent me technique information. It has been so helpful and I like to pay it forward. I have been teaching all my life and it is my greatest passion, whether I get paid for it or not - I have done it both ways. I rarely feel I am being taken advantage of as who knows - I might need help down the road. 

I have only been in this group for a short while but already I see how helpful and kind the members are. 

I don't mean for a minute that I am talking about the situation the original poster is in -- that is way overboard and I agree that allowing yourself to be 'used' is different than doing something and being appreciated for it. Obviously she was made to feel that she was taken for granted without any 
appreciation - I have found over the years that we must learn to say 'no' if we feel that is the situation. Just my two cents worth. So- if I can help any member in any way, with designing, or techniques or links etc. please ask -- designer123


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## shmily (Aug 14, 2011)

Hey tell them what my mom finaly told me. I will teach you or take you were you can learn to make that for yourself. Say it with all the love you have for that you have for knitting and the injoyment you have for do it. and if they say they have no time I have friends with full time jobs 3 kids (small) that make the time to knitt or paint or workout they make time to learn. or teach others. Mabybe they need a hobbie. I hope that help. Oh my mother is 72 in a nursing home and not able to use her hands to crochet anylonger or to understand that I'm have a problem with a crochet. But I do rember she try to teach me how to do these things. who taut you to knitt? :-D


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## Dianeks2 (Apr 19, 2011)

DorothyLWM said:


> It's so easy for me to defend others, automatic even, but so hard to do the same for myself. I don't want to seem selfish, but I'm dealing with people who have no such problem. They are SO all about their selves, with a couple of exceptions, who are nice, but they don't seem to catch what's going on.


Dorothy, I am like that too, more with health questions (I'm an RN). And I am so much better at taking care of others than I am even thinking of taking care of myself. There were times when the only time my sister would call was if there was a "nursey" question about medication or what to do for ........ what ever the injury or pain was this time. And while it wasn't too far for me to drive 32 miles to see them, it was too far for them to drive to see me.......

I finally got upset enough to say something and kept it "by the rules". No blaming, accounting (I did 5 and you did 1), and kept with how I felt and not what I thought she needed to fix herself. One of my sisters got the message, and while the other one still doesn't make that horrendous 32 mile drive to see me, she calls me regularly and not only when she has a question.

Sometimes change is slow and sometimes it has to be fought for....and some day I will give myself the same consideration that I give others.

Diane


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Dianeks2 said:


> Sometimes change is slow and sometimes it has to be fought for....and *some day* I will give myself the same consideration that I give others.
> 
> Diane


Don't let that *some day* be only an idea for implimentation in the far future! A certain amount of 'selfishness' is necessary! It fall under the heading of 'self preservation'. I believe that's even higher on the scale of necessary drives than sex. :-D


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## katmeg (May 5, 2011)

I think the easiest thing for me has been to te them that I would need to check my diary, but I tought had an hour free on Wednesday afternoon to give them a knitting lesson, and I charge x amount for the lesson - would they like me to book that for them? 
The point is we make things that we like - I don't want to spend hours making a pattern I don't like with a colour or type of yarn that I don't like. Simple as that. I spent months last year making aran jerseys for every member of my family, and only 2 people even said thank you. The work just isn't appreciated.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

katmeg said:


> ... The point is we make things that we like - I don't want to spend hours making a pattern I don't like with a colour or type of yarn that I don't like....


Since we seem to be obsessed with knitting, it's just a *bonus* - as much for us as for the receiver - when we give something to someone, *BUT* we have had the fun of making _what_ we want, _when_ we want and with_out_ any deadlines/colour restraints/design demands. I make what I want and give it away to whomever it pleases ... or to an anonymous someone by way of a charity.

Over the years, a few have stayed with me, but _if_ the right person wants one of them, off it goes to a new home.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

katmeg said:


> The work just isn't appreciated.


That's the sad truth. And it isn't just knitting.

I've done needle breaking work, making sequined costumes, for two weeks solid and the girls in the group think I should just donate that two weeks time, because, I'm a member after all. They were in their offices making much more all that time. :thumbdown:

I've told this before, I know, but one of the women in my town is so haughty - I cannot figure why she thinks she should be. She sidled up to me and gratuitously asked me if do hemming for people. I know she's very stingy and greedy towards others, so my reply was: "yes, but I don't work for $1.50" She went 'Hmpf' and walked away. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. My, that felt good. 

I guess it comes down to: "If it's not a labor of love, it's not worth your time" because you will Not get the appreciation or pay you deserve.


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## jltrask (Feb 18, 2011)

Even if you are willing to make something and someone is willing to pay enough to make it worth it, when you're making something to order, it becomes a job, not a passion. It takes the joy out of it. I'd like to be able to knit all day rather than type/file for a living, but if I had to knit for someone else to make money, I'm not sure I'd enjoy it all that much. My husband does woodworking for a living, and he still loves it. I'm not sure that woudl work for me.


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

jltrask said:


> Even if you are willing to make something and someone is willing to pay enough to make it worth it, when you're making something to order, it becomes a job, not a passion. It takes the joy out of it. I'd like to be able to knit all day rather than type/file for a living, but if I had to knit for someone else to make money, I'm not sure I'd enjoy it all that much. My husband does woodworking for a living, and he still loves it. I'm not sure that woudl work for me.


I agree. Making for others is a job. They keep asking how long it will take for you to finish. Then when you do finish there is always something that they don't like. I guess if it were me and I was paying someone to make me something I would want it to my likeing also. That is why I'm not the person to ask. I knit for my family, and I don't tell them what I'm making until I send it to them. I don't want to hear them saying..."When will it be finished?" 
:lol:


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## Designer1234 (Aug 9, 2011)

I knit for my family, and I don't tell them what I'm making until I send it to them. I don't want to hear them saying..."When will it be finished?" 
------- 
When you don't tell them ahead of time it is so much easier. I have given up offering to make something and then having to deal with changes or colors requested - takes the fun out of creating my own thing, etc. They always appreciate it if I design it and surprise them and it is easier on me! grin.

http://shirl-oneofakindfiberarts.blogspot.com


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

jltrask said:


> Even if you are willing to make something and someone is willing to pay enough to make it worth it, when you're making something to order, it becomes a job, not a passion. It takes the joy out of it. I'd like to be able to knit all day rather than type/file for a living, but if I had to knit for someone else to make money, I'm not sure I'd enjoy it all that much. My husband does woodworking for a living, and he still loves it. I'm not sure that woudl work for me.


You're right about that! I actually love to sew, but the recent wedding for which I redesigned the wedding dress, then made 4 bridesmaid dresses and 4 flower girl dresses and the bride's mother's dress with a jacket became a bit of a burden before I was done, especially with design changes & picky and /or uncooperative girls you have to work with. :| Boy, I was glad to be done with that!


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## Mountain Mama (May 1, 2011)

biltong said:


> Someone asked me if I would make her a few afghans. She said she would pay me. I bought the yarn doubled the cost for labor and charged her $140. She said she loved it but decided on only one. She wont ask again. I have made things for others but maybe I am just lucky but they have always asked how much I would charge and they have paid.


I also have a friend who requests items. I tell her I will knit it for the cost of the yarn and a set charge for my time. I let her pick out the yarn from one of the many sites I use. Once she picked out yarn from Smileys, then paid for my yarn to make up the $50 minimum, plus paid the shipping, then paid me for my time. I also am very familiar with her size (one size down from my own), so I don't get those complaints. I really don't mind knitting for her, under these circumstances. I did one for another person "on consignment", and she paid the price I asked, but didn't ask for any more. Usually, when someone asks for something, I tell them how long it will be before I can get to it, then how long it will take to make their particular item, and most drop out at that point. If that doesn't work, the cost of yarn usually does. Of course, I choose the most expensive yarn possible for their project. :lol: If they still want a custom hand made item, I have to decide if I want to do it. If it looks like too much trouble, I simply tell them that the pattern is too difficult for my skill level, but the LYS probably knows someone who can do it.


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