# Do you expect a 'thank you' for a gift?



## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

A couple of years ago I went to a close friend's daughter's wedding. I gave a gift of a sheet set with pillow cases, and did not receive a thank you, verbal or written. I am old fashioned and expect to be thanked. 
Now this girl is expecting her first baby and as I love knitting I like to make something for new babies. I somehow don't feel inclined to because I was not thanked for the previous gift.
DH said we do not give to be thanked and I should knit something.
I don't know what to think about this, what would you do?
I wish I had said something about not being thanked for the wedding gift, but I feel I have left it too late to say anything. I mentioned it to another friend and she said it was better not to say anything.
What would you do?


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## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

I like to be thanked and think it's very rude of people not to do so on receipt of something nice. I always say 'thank you' in one way or another.


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## Barn-dweller (Nov 12, 2013)

It is always nice to receive a thank you but this doesn't seem to happen so much these days. We were made to sit down and write thank you letters every Christmas but parents don't seem to do that these days. Perhaps just knit a token gift for the baby.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

Barn-dweller said:


> It is always nice to receive a thank you but this doesn't seem to happen so much these days. We were made to sit down and write thank you letters every Christmas but parents don't seem to do that these days. Perhaps just knit a token gift for the baby.


I could knit something small - that might be the best thing to do - thank you. I was also brought up to write thank you letters.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

bundyanne07 said:


> I like to be thanked and think it's very rude of people not to do so on receipt of something nice. I always say 'thank you' in one way or another.


It is rude I agree.


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## annagemma (Jul 31, 2012)

Yes, I most certainly expect a "Thank you" for a wedding gift. We are married almost 40 years and I can remember sitting in a car on the way to the airport for our 4day honeymoon in Lisbon writing 'thank you" cards to people who had handed in very small gifts, like a tea towel or a salt and pepper, on the morning of our wedding so that they wouldn't feel left out.
I know times have changed and some young people are much more casual about "thank you" letters but a large gift like you gave certainly deserves a reply.


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## joanmary1 (Apr 8, 2012)

Maybe you should have queried at the time - a posted thank you could have been lost in the post!! 

This year three of my birthday cards which I know had been posted didn't arrive.


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## mschmidt333 (Aug 11, 2012)

Times seem to be changing in many ways. I was also brought up to express thanks and still do. I would still knit something special for the baby.


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## Bellen (Jan 28, 2013)

I expect to thanked for any gift and these days even an e-mail or Facebook message is acceptable to me. Several years ago I mailed a wedding gift to a friend's daughter, and after 2 months I asked the friend if her daughter had received the gift as it had been mailed. Her response was "I suppose so, you know no one mails thank you's anymore". Maybe I should just add my e-mail address to the gift card.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

Bellen said:


> I expect to thanked for any gift and these days even an e-mail or Facebook message is acceptable to me. Several years ago I mailed a wedding gift to a friend's daughter, and after 2 months I asked the friend if her daughter had received the gift as it had been mailed. Her response was "I suppose so, you know no one mails thank you's anymore". Maybe I should just add my e-mail address to the gift card.


I agree, an email would have been acceptable.
I know she received the gift as we took it to the wedding ourselves and left it on the 'gift' table.


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## Knitter forever (Dec 11, 2011)

No thank you--no gift.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

joanmary1 said:


> Maybe you should have queried at the time - a posted thank you could have been lost in the post!!
> 
> This year three of my birthday cards which I know had been posted didn't arrive.


Do you think it is too late to say something now - it annoys me!


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## leslee (Apr 19, 2011)

Miri said:


> A couple of years ago I went to a close friend's daughter's wedding. I gave a gift of a sheet set with pillow cases, and did not receive a thank you, verbal or written. I am old fashioned and expect to be thanked.
> Now this girl is expecting her first baby and as I love knitting I like to make something for new babies. I somehow don't feel inclined to because I was not thanked for the previous gift.
> DH said we do not give to be thanked and I should knit something.
> I don't know what to think about this, what would you do?
> ...


I would knit or crochet a baby blanket or afghan. I would wrap it and with a card give it to your dear friend to give to her daughter. Your friendship means more than her daughters thoughtlessness. This is more about not hurting your friend and her sharing her joy with you. 
Make sure you use acrylic yarn as everything gets tossed in the washing machine these days .Saves bitting your tongue when you see a beautiful woollen shawl felted beyond belief. 
Leslee


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

leslee said:


> I would knit or crochet a baby blanket or afghan. I would wrap it and with a card give it to your dear friend to give to her daughter. Your friendship means more than her daughters thoughtlessness. This is more about not hurting your friend and her sharing her joy with you.
> Make sure you use acrylic yarn as everything gets tossed in the washing machine these days .Saves bitting your tongue when you see a beautiful woollen shawl felted beyond belief.
> Leslee


That is a very valid point - I had not thought about it that way, thank you.


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

Yes I do expect a thank you but I do not always receive it. I was taught to always send a Thank You for any gift even if I do not like the gift after all the giver was kind enough to acknowledge whatever the occaision may have been so therefore a Thank you is required.


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## jackychrisp (Jun 16, 2011)

Forgive and forget.
Knit whatever you fancy for the baby. Maybe now a Mum she will thank you. If not, the baby will appreciate the love and clothes you gave.


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## 8 Furry Kids (Jun 30, 2011)

My own grandkids dont say thank you. Gave my granddaughter one of my diamond rings for her highschool graduation, had to ask her mother if she got it but no thank you ever arrived email or otherwise.Knit things for her first 2 kids and never heard anything. She had tons of pic on facebook but none with the things I made on the kids.Dont send any gifts for anything now.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

8 Furry Kids said:


> My own grandkids dont say thank you. Gave my granddaughter one of my diamond rings for her highschool graduation, had to ask her mother if she got it but no thank you ever arrived email or otherwise.Knit things for her first 2 kids and never heard anything. She had tons of pic on facebook but none with the things I made on the kids.Dont send any gifts for anything now.


That would greatly disappoint me. You sound so kind.


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## NY-VA RPh (Oct 17, 2014)

Leslee's reply is perfect. The friendship with her mother is what is important. I know how hard it is to get adult children to send thank you notes of any kind even though I raised them to do it. I keep after them, maybe someday they will understand.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

NY-VA RPh said:


> Leslee's reply is perfect. The friendship with her mother is what is important. I know how hard it is to get adult children to send thank you notes of any kind even though I raised them to do it. I keep after them, maybe someday they will understand.


I agree, the friendship is important and Leslee made a good point.


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## geeliz (Dec 26, 2012)

Hi, Miri. I know just how you feel, not receiving thanks for the wedding gift to dear friend's daughter's wedding. That was an expensive, well-thought-of gift and certainly you should have been thanked for it. It has always been in my bringing-up years that we express a thank you for many things, not just gifts, for it is the courteous thing to do. I have a friend whom I've known for 35+ years. I think I could count twice across both hands the 'thank yous' she has said in return for the many favors I've done for her....giving gifts, knitting her a warm hat and scarf in winter (when she asks me for them), running errands for her, taking her places, (she can no longer drive an she's 10 years younger than me)...anything I do for her by way of being helpful because she is my friend, and I'm seldom thanked for these. I've gotten used to it for I was brought up to be helpful to others, and I've always believed that "to have a friend, you must be a friend". So I just let it roll off my back, all the time knowing I've done a good deed for someone and it still gives me a good feeling. I guess one would say, "it is what it is" and some things we cannot change..

As for your friend's daughter's expectant baby, I guess I'd think of the baby and perhaps knit a pair of booties...that's something small, if you're thinking of a small item...and perhaps a wee hat to match, something that is quite eye-catching, and see if she responds with an "Oh, thank you!" She's your dear friend's daughter and she should know better than to ignore or "overlook" your thoughtfulness. It makes one wonder what has happened to our youth today, for I'm sure parents bring them up correctly and maybe they let life's pressures overwhelm them. It is sad, and I'm sure your dear friend is not aware of this either. I don't know what else to say, or a means of soothing your hurt feelings. It is a shame...so I wish you well in your decision as to what to do..


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

geeliz said:


> Hi, Miri. I know just how you feel, not receiving thanks for the wedding gift to dear friend's daughter's wedding. That was an expensive, well-thought-of gift and certainly you should have been thanked for it. It has always been in my bringing-up years that we express a thank you for many things, not just gifts, for it is the courteous thing to do. I have a friend whom I've known for 35+ years. I think I could count twice across both hands the 'thank yous' she has said in return for the many favors I've done for her....giving gifts, knitting her a warm hat and scarf in winter (when she asks me for them), running errands for her, taking her places, (she can no longer drive an she's 10 years younger than me)...anything I do for her by way of being helpful because she is my friend, and I'm seldom thanked for these. I've gotten used to it for I was brought up to be helpful to others, and I've always believed that "to have a friend, you must be a friend". So I just let it roll off my back, all the time knowing I've done a good deed for someone and it still gives me a good feeling. I guess one would say, "it is what it is" and some things we cannot change..
> 
> As for your friend's daughter's expectant baby, I guess I'd think of the baby and perhaps knit a pair of booties...that's something small, if you're thinking of a small item...and perhaps a wee hat to match, something that is quite eye-catching, and see if she responds with an "Oh, thank you!" She's your dear friend's daughter and she should know better than to ignore or "overlook" your thoughtfulness. It makes one wonder what has happened to our youth today, for I'm sure parents bring them up correctly and maybe they let life's pressures overwhelm them. It is sad, and I'm sure your dear friend is not aware of this either. I don't know what else to say, or a means of soothing your hurt feelings. It is a shame...so I wish you well in your decision as to what to do..


Thank you for your thoughtful and caring reply. I am feeling better about it just discussing it on this forum. I will make a small gift, a token gift, as to make anything else, or to not give anything, would not feel right for me. Thank you again.


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## jinx (Feb 12, 2011)

If you cannot give a present without harboring hurt feelings from the past then it might be best not to give anything.


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## jeannietta (Mar 14, 2011)

I am reading your post as I am sitting here stewing over holiday presents that have not yet been acknowledged with a thank you. I am giving the recipients until January 15 and then I will ask if they were received. If they were, these recipients will be crossed off my list for next year. They have already been given chances in prior years. 

Having said that, I would knit a gift for this girl again. I agree that your friendship with her mother is a good reason. Also, knitting gives you joy. Perhaps this time you could include a note saying you would love to see a picture of the baby using the gift. I find that a picture is the best thank you that you can get. It is easy these days to just snap a pic and send an e-mail. Make sure you include your e-mail address.


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

I always say Thank you If people hold a door open, I will thank them,


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## bwtyer (Oct 31, 2012)

Put a little card in the box "Hand knit with love by Miri" with your email address. I agree, knit for the sake of your friendship- but don't knit anything big. A couple of pair of booties or a pair of booties and a cap sound perfect. I always treasured the hand made items and took care of them- giving them to my children to use for their own children. I was raised to write thank you notes too, but rarely receive them.


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## Luckylady7929 (Nov 12, 2013)

I agree with this post. Booties and hat to match or maybe some bibs. Just something small. I would not put the time or cost of yarn on something big. I think these items would be fine. Hope this helps


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## curlyq (Apr 26, 2013)

Miri-I feel as you do. I recently knitted a blanket for my sister-in-law's step son and his wife's new baby. Granted, I've only met the new mom a couple times, and her husband not much more than that, but that is no excuse. The yarn wasn't cheap, and I spent a lot of time on it. It bothers me when people are so rude. 
I don't think I would make anything for them.


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## Frances14 (Aug 1, 2012)

I certainly wouldn't knit anything else for her. Manners cost nothing and if she can't be bothered to thank you for your gift, then why should you be bothered to knit anything for her. Chances are she wouldn't show appreciation for that either and then you would feel even worse.

Jenny x


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## joanmary1 (Apr 8, 2012)

Miri said:


> Do you think it is too late to say something now - it annoys me!


|It wouldn't hurt to speak up now if it puts your mind at rest. It's always possible your gift didn't arrive or the tag of the sender got lost.


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## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

On-the-Job
I often volunteeer to help a co-worker with another impossible deadline---make copies. sort stuff, type stuff, etc.
The look of relief they give when they get what I've done is all the thanks I need.
A pal's boss [we know what their salaries are] gave her a "Xmas gift"---a "credit card" from a local fast-food chain store and a card and verbally thanked her for all her efforts during the year. My pal thought it was a "cheap-o" thing to do.
I reminded her that the boss didn't HAVE to give her anything and probably didn't know what to give her anyway. This boss and her husband has also just purchased their first home and money is probably very tight. It was when we bought our first home. She shrugged and said I was probably right.
I could tell she still didn't feel good about it. I went out and bought the same card. The next day, I told her we should go out for lunch. We went to the fast food place and we used the cards and had a good laugh. I was glad to help her out of her snit. She has done a lot for me over the years and I enjoyed "Payback"!

People often don't know what to do in gift situations---do I chip in with others, give money, make something, what; nor do they know what is proper when receiving a gift. Many were NOT taught to write "bread & butter" letters.
On another occasion
My Boss was surprised when she received a thank you card by snail mail after I received a gift for Secretary's Day. She said I didn't have to go out of my way to do that. Go out of my way, I asked. I thought it was just the kind of good manners my family taught me as a child; and I told her that my Grannie taught me that a thank you note was the right thing to do when you received a gift. She did not hide her surprise and just answered "Oh."


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## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

I agree with SL. I was always required to write thank you notes for all gifts or presents. I was also required to wear skirts or dresses, NOT pants or shorts to Doctor's lectures in Nursing School. Times and society is changing. It is a whole different culture from what is was even 30 or 40 years ago.


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## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

Blessedin MO
30 or 40 years ago?
How about 10 years ago?
Good manners or "being Well-bred" as it was termed when I was a child, seems to have fallen out of fashion.
Many people have an "entitlement" attitude these days and feel that whatever is given to them is their just due.

Gratitude is almost a dirty word, I'm sorry to say.


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## chickkie (Oct 26, 2011)

this seems to be an on going thing here, as there are so many threads about this same topic. No one says thank you and then feelings are hurt. I know that there are no manners in the younger generation any more, and they only ask for things and are not thankful - or that is the way it seems from all the posts I read here.

I don't care if they say thank you, I love it. I only care that they say thank you for the package At least I know they got it.

I wonder if it is the quality of the item given (in my case anyway) as hand crafted hats and scarves are not high on a young person's list, unless they have shown an interest in something. I gave slippers to my DIL and she is raving about them, a year after giving them to her, so I will make her another pair.


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

I would just let it go. Some people just do not do the thank you thing, for some reason or other she was never taught that or she forgot and now thinks it is to late to bother. I don't expect thank you notes. I did a good deed and that is good enough for me. Of course I would not be giving them anything in the future without asking if they liked the last thing I gave them. Some people are just plain rude and others expect things all the time. Do what will work for you. Don't let it stress you out. :-(


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## kayrein (Aug 24, 2011)

I agree that a Thank You note is important. Rise above the thoughtlessness and knit something for the baby! Maybe by you taking the high road, you will help them to understand the importance of a Thank You. Don't let their lack of courtesy change your good and kind heart.


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## Katieknits (Jul 22, 2011)

Miri said:


> A couple of years ago I went to a close friend's daughter's wedding. I gave a gift of a sheet set with pillow cases, and did not receive a thank you, verbal or written. I am old fashioned and expect to be thanked.
> Now this girl is expecting her first baby and as I love knitting I like to make something for new babies. I somehow don't feel inclined to because I was not thanked for the previous gift.
> DH said we do not give to be thanked and I should knit something.
> I don't know what to think about this, what would you do?
> ...


It is better to give than to receive but when I give, I want and expect a simple
*THANK YOU*. I would not be inclined to knit a gift unless you're already prepared to know you probably won't receive any thanks. If your attending the baby shower, I'm sure she'll say thank you then and you can do the knitting that you really enjoy for baby. Lack of manners causes a lot of problems.


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## pfoley (Nov 29, 2011)

I would not take the time to knit anything for this couple. If you are invited to their baby shower, just bring a small gift or gift certificate knowing beforehand that you will most likely not receive any thank you for the gifts. 
That would have bothered me also.


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## pinsandneedles (Jan 31, 2012)

I don't necessarily want to be thanked but do like to know that the gift has been received if it was something shipped. As for the wedding gift you gave, could it have been that the card saying who it was from got lost. Our GD had 5 bridesmaids and they all insisted on helping to pack the gifts when it was time to take them all home. Well let me tell you they made quite a mess of it, absolutely nothing was kept in order and I know there were some gifts that had no cards with them when they arrived, the cards were all there but not attached to the gifts any longer. I tried to tell them to be careful but you know how us old folk seem to be always giving advice when it is not wanted. I would make something for the new baby and if not delivered in person, I would wait a reasonable amount of time and then inquire if it was received. You could also at that time let them know you are not looking to be thanked but do like to know if your package got there. That should clue them in for future gifts from you.


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## Alpaca Farmer (Jan 19, 2011)

bundyanne07 said:


> I like to be thanked and think it's very rude of people not to do so on receipt of something nice. I always say 'thank you' in one way or another.


No acknowledging gifts seems to be the way of some people. They just want to take.


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## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

Alpaca Farmer said:


> No acknowledging gifts seems to be the way of some people. They just want to take.


Sad but true. :lol:


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## Mirror (Jun 23, 2014)

leslee said:


> I would knit or crochet a baby blanket or afghan. I would wrap it and with a card give it to your dear friend to give to her daughter. Your friendship means more than her daughters thoughtlessness. This is more about not hurting your friend and her sharing her joy with you.
> Make sure you use acrylic yarn as everything gets tossed in the washing machine these days .Saves bitting your tongue when you see a beautiful woollen shawl felted beyond belief.
> Leslee


Very nice answer.


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## Patsy Ruth (Apr 19, 2013)

I agree it is thoughtless and rude not to give a thank you but in this day and age it is very common. I will continue to knit and give gifts to others even without a thank you.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

I expect a thank you, and raised my girls to thank people. I don't care if it is a text, a call, or a note. If I didn't get a thank you for this bride I would not do a baby gift. Why bother? It does not seem appreciated.


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## seamer45 (Jan 18, 2011)

I am one to not give a gift if it's not acknowledged in any way. I send cards after that. But it's up to you, it's not the baby's fault that the mother-to-be has no manners.


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## skinny minnie (Jan 4, 2012)

I made 3 baby sets and a blanket last year and not a word of thanks from any.The Gm and GGm of one were so annoyed that they took me out to lunch as a thank you


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## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

skinny minnie said:


> I made 3 baby sets and a blanket last year and not a word of thanks from any.The Gm and GGm of one were so annoyed that they took me out to lunch as a thank you


How wonderful. Goes to show that common courtesy is on a decline with each passing generation.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

Thank you for so many thoughtful replies, which I really appreciate as sometimes I think I am just being overly sensitive. It is helping to know others have the same thoughts as me and also helpful to hear other opinions. What a great forum this is! I was going to say nearer the time that I had not received a thank you note, to the mother, but when I asked a friend if she had received a thank you, she could not remember and she thought I should say nothing, just let it go. I wish I had followed up on my thoughts, and this is the lesson I have learnt from this - I should have done what I wanted to do at the time. I know the wedding gift was received as we delivered it ourselves and I put the card inside the package so it would not get lost.
Thank you again everyone for your input.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

skinny minnie said:


> I made 3 baby sets and a blanket last year and not a word of thanks from any.The Gm and GGm of one were so annoyed that they took me out to lunch as a thank you


That was very kind of them.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

Dsynr said:


> Blessedin MO
> 30 or 40 years ago?
> How about 10 years ago?
> Good manners or "being Well-bred" as it was termed when I was a child, seems to have fallen out of fashion.
> ...


It is that attititude of 'entitlement' that I find difficult to come to terms with. It's a different world these days!


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

Bellen said:


> I expect to thanked for any gift and these days even an e-mail or Facebook message is acceptable to me. Several years ago I mailed a wedding gift to a friend's daughter, and after 2 months I asked the friend if her daughter had received the gift as it had been mailed. Her response was "I suppose so, you know no one mails thank you's anymore". Maybe I should just add my e-mail address to the gift card.


Adding our email address is a good idea.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

scottishlass said:


> Yes I do expect a thank you but I do not always receive it.
> 
> I was taught to always send a Thank You for any gift even if I do not like the gift after all the giver was kind enough to acknowledge whatever the occaision may have been so therefore a Thank you is required.


Same here!


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

jeannietta said:


> I am reading your post as I am sitting here stewing over holiday presents that have not yet been acknowledged with a thank you. I am giving the recipients until January 15 and then I will ask if they were received. If they were, these recipients will be crossed off my list for next year. They have already been given chances in prior years.
> 
> Having said that, I would knit a gift for this girl again. I agree that your friendship with her mother is a good reason. Also, knitting gives you joy. Perhaps this time you could include a note saying you would love to see a picture of the baby using the gift. I find that a picture is the best thank you that you can get. It is easy these days to just snap a pic and send an e-mail. Make sure you include your e-mail address.


Sorry to hear you are feeling upset too. I think there would come a point where "enough is enough".
I would rather (and do) knit for a good charity.
I also love to receive a photo, and have received several from other people.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

bwtyer said:


> Put a little card in the box "Hand knit with love by Miri" with your email address. I agree, knit for the sake of your friendship- but don't knit anything big. A couple of pair of booties or a pair of booties and a cap sound perfect. I always treasured the hand made items and took care of them- giving them to my children to use for their own children. I was raised to write thank you notes too, but rarely receive them.


Thank you, a good idea, and also just a small gift, as I would like to do what I consider the "right" thing and give a gift to a new babe. If there is no acknowledgement next time, I would not knit for her again.


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## Nancy S. (Jul 2, 2013)

The last 2 years my granddaughter never contacted me even after I sent her birthday gifts & Christmas presents. So, this Christmas I did not send her any presents. I feel that if they don't care enough to say a simple "Thank You" then they do not care if they get a present or not. 

To us older folks (65 yrs old) we still believe in manners. Why should I take my time and money to make an ungrateful person a present? I would rather give it to a shelter where I know the person will appreciate it even though I get no thank you.


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## KittiPaws (Aug 10, 2013)

I would just send a card of congratulations for the baby. Things are a lot more casual now, but I expect a thank you - or, at the very least, a "we received your package" - whether it's via Facebook, email, phone, or text message. Even though it's apparently too much to send physically written thank-you's anymore, I'm just happy to know that my gift recipient cares enough to acknowledge my gift in some way. If they don't bother with any sort of communication, then I will not bother to give them anything further other than a card.


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

I am so used to not receiving thanks that I am surprised when I do get one.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

I would knit for the baby because you enjoy knitting. As for thank yous, I don't always get them. I bought three nice gifts for my son in law's three children from his first marriage. i heard nothing, so yesterday I asked if they liked them. he said "the boys loved them, but the little girl hadn't opened her yet as she had too many presents". I just wish I hadn't had to ask.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

It is very rude not to write or say thankyou for gifts received, but it to late to expect thanks from her now.


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## Jean Large (Nov 29, 2013)

I know it hurts one's feelings to not receive a Thank You of any kind, but please remember it is better to give than receive.


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## janytom (Sep 5, 2014)

I crocheted an afghan as wedding gift for the daugter of one of my husband's friends and did not get a thank you. I made it known to others in that group of friends that no thank you was received. A thank you note arrived after that.


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## Cyber Granny (Sep 30, 2013)

A "thank you" costs nothing.


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## dribla (Nov 14, 2011)

I also like to be thanked. Recently I went to a baby shower for my niece, I decided to join in the present with my daughter, and we spent about $100 on different things, things that would make it easy for her, such as nappies, bibs, etc. We were not thanked then or even acknowledged for the present. It hurt me, as my hubby was retrenched last July, and has not found a job. It is hard living on my wage, as I work at a fast food restaurant. Money is tight, but I was quite upset to not even be thanked. She is due any day now to give birth, but I feel reluctant to give her anything. What do others think.

Di


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## lil rayma (Mar 29, 2012)

scottishlass said:


> Yes I do expect a thank you but I do not always receive it. I was taught to always send a Thank You for any gift even if I do not like the gift after all the giver was kind enough to acknowledge whatever the occaision may have been so therefore a Thank you is required.


Amen!


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## Katiebugg (Feb 14, 2012)

I was raised to always send a thank you note and/or call the person. That being said, I made knitted dishcloths and sent them as Christmas gifts to my sister and niece. I have not received an acknowledgement back. I know they received them because of the tracking number that had been assigned. It hurt my feelings and so I don't think I will be wasting my time again to do that. All of the friends I had given dishcloths to were so touched and that made me feel better.


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## laceandbits (Jun 23, 2011)

Make something small, no thanks this time and it's the last time. She'll most likely learn how it feels when she's much older and is also wondering whether something was appreciated. What goes around, comes around. 

What I don't want thanks for are cards! A Thank You for sending me a thank you card is ridiculous. 

And a thank you letter or note because I sent a sympathy card is not needed. I deliberately choose not too send the latter to any acquaintances I think will do this as there is quite enough to do after a bereavement than to feel you need to reply to a card from someone you only know a little and who may never have even met the deceased. Fortunately when my parents died my brother took on the task of replying to these people who were complete strangers to us.


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## Laniebp (May 30, 2014)

Young people don't seem to thank these days but I say good manners never go out of style! You might think me heartless but I made the decision that if my grand kids who range in age from 8 to 35 don't give me a thank you and I have to ask if they received a gift, I am not giving to them anymore. I don't live close to any of them. My two exceptions are the 8 year old and the 10 year old. Their mother always has them thank the person they gave it to. For me, it is usually a phone call to get thanked by them. I really do enjoy giving to someone who appreciates it!


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## laceandbits (Jun 23, 2011)

dribla said:


> I also like to be thanked. Recently I went to a bby shower for my niece, I decided to join in the present with my daughter, and we spent about $100 on different things, things that would make it easy for her, such as nappies, bibs, etc. We were not thanked then or even acknowledged for the present. It hurt me, as my hubby was retrenched last July, and has not found a job. It is hard living on my wage, as I work at a fast food restaurant. Money is tight, but I was quite upset to not even be thanked. She is due any day now to give birth, but I feel reluctant to give her anything. What do others think.
> 
> Di


We don't have this big baby shower thing in the UK, and tend to still save our gifts until after baby is safely delivered, but surely you aren't expected to give twice?

Is it possible that if you were at the shower and were there when she unwrapped her gifts, that she thinks her face to face thanks are enough?

It sounds to me as if you have already given generously, especially under the circumstances, so if the gifts weren't 
graciously received then don't insult her by inflicting her with more. :twisted:


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## lynnlassiter (Jun 30, 2011)

I would do it again this one time. If I didn't receive a Thank You, I'd forget next time!


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## yooperdooper (Jan 3, 2013)

It's nice to know the gift was appreciated, but I would let it go, mainly because it's what hubby wants.


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## annweb (Feb 23, 2012)

My GGd mum (the couple are not married ) came here with baby on Christmas day and opened all the many gifts from members of my family and I never heard a thank you passing her lips. .I do many things for her and often get no thanks but I do it for the sake of the baby .It would be nice though to see she appreciates things . A thank you costs nothing .


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

Is she still in your lives on a regular basis? If your daughter is still friendly with her let her be the one to give a gift. If you can give without expecting a thank you do so or let it go.


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

If you can give without expecting a thank you do so or let it go. Where it's a close friend I would consider giving a present ...


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## flitri (Jun 13, 2011)

If I have received a gift and the giver is there on hand I always thank them in person (that is the way I was brought up). If the giver is not there I write, telephone or email them to say thank you. It is only manners to thank people for their generosity and thoughtfulness. As to knitting something for the upcoming baby, I would make something SMALL (hat OR mittens) and leave it at that.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

dribla said:


> I also like to be thanked. Recently I went to a baby shower for my niece, I decided to join in the present with my daughter, and we spent about $100 on different things, things that would make it easy for her, such as nappies, bibs, etc. We were not thanked then or even acknowledged for the present. It hurt me, as my hubby was retrenched last July, and has not found a job. It is hard living on my wage, as I work at a fast food restaurant. Money is tight, but I was quite upset to not even be thanked. She is due any day now to give birth, but I feel reluctant to give her anything. What do others think.
> 
> Di


Sorry to hear about your husband. I certainly would not give her anything else. You have spent plenty on her and when money is tight you must look after yours and your husbands needs first. I think you have given more than enough. As others have said, a 'thank you' costs nothing, but it means so much. Take care.


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## flitri (Jun 13, 2011)

dribla said:


> I also like to be thanked. Recently I went to a baby shower for my niece, I decided to join in the present with my daughter, and we spent about $100 on different things, things that would make it easy for her, such as nappies, bibs, etc. We were not thanked then or even acknowledged for the present. It hurt me, as my hubby was retrenched last July, and has not found a job. It is hard living on my wage, as I work at a fast food restaurant. Money is tight, but I was quite upset to not even be thanked. She is due any day now to give birth, but I feel reluctant to give her anything. What do others think.
> 
> I am also sorry to hear of your Husbands retrenchment, I wouldn't be giving her anything else you already gave at the baby shower and leave it at that.
> 
> Di


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## flitri (Jun 13, 2011)

dribla said:


> I also like to be thanked. Recently I went to a baby shower for my niece, I decided to join in the present with my daughter, and we spent about $100 on different things, things that would make it easy for her, such as nappies, bibs, etc. We were not thanked then or even acknowledged for the present. It hurt me, as my hubby was retrenched last July, and has not found a job. It is hard living on my wage, as I work at a fast food restaurant. Money is tight, but I was quite upset to not even be thanked. She is due any day now to give birth, but I feel reluctant to give her anything. What do others think.
> 
> Di


Sorry to hear about you Husbands retrenchment. You already gave at the baby shower and I would leave it at that.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

Laniebp said:


> Young people don't seem to thank these days but I say good manners never go out of style! You might think me heartless but I made the decision that if my grand kids who range in age from 8 to 35 don't give me a thank you and I have to ask if they received a gift, I am not giving to them anymore. I don't live close to any of them. My two exceptions are the 8 year old and the 10 year old. Their mother always has them thank the person they gave it to. For me, it is usually a phone call to get thanked by them. I really do enjoy giving to someone who appreciates it!


I agree with all you have written.


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## Roe (Feb 10, 2011)

Although I grew up saying "thank you" and hubby and I raised the boys to say "thank you", I have noticed that the grands are really slow if at all on the " thank you". One of the granddaughters learned to crochet through Girls scout. But she only had one skein of yarn so I took her to my craft room and allowed her to pick as much yarn and in any colors she chooses. She walked away with about 10 skeins of yarn, 2 hooks, and a pair of scissors also a knitting bag. Not a thank you or a hug or anything indicating gratitude. So because I was going to show her thank you I said your welcome. Didn't catch the hint. Later I was going to teach her how to make a friendship bracelet complete with beads and buttons from my stash. She really wanted to learn this, but I said this wasn't going to happen until she said thank you for all the thing she has just added to her stash. Again, slow with it, but wanting to learn to crochet a friendship was greater than not saying thank you. I adventually got a thank you. And she adventually learned how-to. Oh and no thank you for this lesson (sigh)&#128542;


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

I expect a thank you, a quick phone call or email will do just fine. The thank you note is, I am afraid, going the way of the dodo. I am one of only two people I know who still sends thank you notes. But I expect to write them as long as I can hold a pen. I can hear my mother say (and myself saying to my kids), "If so and so can take the time to purchase, wrap and send you a gift, you can take the time to write a thank you note." Maybe my son doesn't write them because of the draconian measures I took to get them written (though he does call). On Christmas, after toys had been played with for awhile, the time after supper was designated for writting thank you notes. If there was a mutiny about writing notes, ALL Christmas gifts were confiscated until thank yous were written. That insured those who gave socks and pajamas were thanked, not just those who provided "cool" toys.


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## AllyMu (Jan 31, 2011)

leslee said:


> I would knit or crochet a baby blanket or afghan. I would wrap it and with a card give it to your dear friend to give to her daughter. Your friendship means more than her daughters thoughtlessness. This is more about not hurting your friend and her sharing her joy with you.
> Make sure you use acrylic yarn as everything gets tossed in the washing machine these days .Saves bitting your tongue when you see a beautiful woollen shawl felted beyond belief.
> Leslee


I agree with Leslee. I also knit for our local hospital. After my gifts are donated I don't know what happens to them. It makes me feel good just to knit and donate. Why not think of your gifts to your friend's daughter as donated and enjoy knitting the baby things. Your friend will appreciate your thoughtfulness and you will enjoy knitting them. I also include a bit of extra yarn (in case of a needed repair) and washing instructions. Anything I knit as a gift for babies or children is machine washable and dryable (is that a word?) as these days most Moms just throw everything into the washer and dryer.


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## SANDY I (Oct 18, 2014)

This year a young man in mid to late 20s and my husband talked about his career in electrical. My husband,, a retired el. engineer listened intently and asked good questions. He encouraged him and later that week recived a card of thanks with a short note thanking hom for his interest. It brought the biggest smile to his face and tears to his eyes.


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## RobbiD (Nov 13, 2012)

Miri said:


> Do you think it is too late to say something now - it annoys me!


You said that it has been several years. Didn't it annoy you at the time? That would have been the time to say something. As another poster said, it may have been lost in the mail. In my opinion, to bring it up now almost makes it seem like an excuse not to make her something for the new baby. I think that would hurt your friend just as much as not making anything. I think the suggestion of making something and giving it to your friend to deliver to her daughter is a good idea. And let sleeping dogs lie. JMO


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## rjazz (Feb 9, 2011)

it is always appropriate to be thanked for any gift...some people do not understand or appreciate hand made gifts...I would speak to your friend, and ask her if her daughter would like something...then, ask the daughter to send you a picture of the baby wearing or wrapped in the item


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

Thank yous are appreciated, but I don't expect one. When I was a child I could not use the gift until thanks had been given.....often it was verbal as the one giving the gift was present. I did the same with my kids.....but I guess times have changed, and not always for the better.


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## louisezervas (Jun 28, 2011)

It is rude and arrogant!


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## Unheardletters (Aug 5, 2014)

I don't expect a thank you. I appreciate it, but I don't expect it. People are so rude these days, I give up on caring whether I receive anything from anyone. When I got married I expected that someone would throw a bridal shower for me, but no one did and I expected gifts at my wedding, but only received 3! I felt a lot of bitterness and anger for a while about it. I wrote thank yours to the hundreds of those who attended, even though almost no one gave me a thing. I can feel the feelings welling up in me as I write this! But I remind myself that gifts are not the reason I got married. But it still makes me feel like no one cares about me.


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## tyme2sew (Dec 20, 2012)

I was brought up in a time when you not only said thank you, but followed up with a written note. Sad to say no one does that anymore but me... but if you are giving a gift to be thanked then you are giving it for the wrong reason. Give from your heart and you will be rewarded and thanked by the one that really matters. We need to live our lives as we wish to be treated but that by no means says others believe that also , if it were me I would make a gift and not even give it another thought. Make some cute little booties or socks. something cute but that will not take much of your time to do so.


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

It seems in today's world that the young people (and others!) are not respectful enough in any area. What ever happened to being taught please, thank you and you are welcome!! When I give a gift--handmade or not--a thank you will encourage me to give another gift at another time. Last year, I knit a sweater and sent other gifts to a family with a newborn daughter--had I NOT tracked it, I would never have known if the gift arrived. Even a 2nd letter (pretending I had not tracked it) did not reveal its arrival. What has happened to being polite--and yes, I will even accept a phone call or e-mail these days. When we put effort forth to do something nice--a short note lets me know that what I have done is appreciated. And, it's so easy just to buy a thank you card and put a stamp on it. If someone doesn't appreciate the gift enough to show respect--won't do it again. Thank you KP's for listening. Rudeness is too rampant in today's world!


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## Kitchenergal (Nov 13, 2013)

joanmary1 said:


> Maybe you should have queried at the time - a posted thank you could have been lost in the post!!
> 
> This year three of my birthday cards which I know had been posted didn't arrive.


My former husband's nephew was married and I was invited. There was a card box and I placed my card, along with an enclosed $200.00, in the box. I never heard a thing from them. I began to be concerned that perhaps they hadn't received it and didn't want them to think that I hadn't left a gift, so I asked her. She seemed very surprised and said that yes, they'd received it and hadn't I received a thank you note. Duhhh!! Why would I be asking? Still no verbal thank you. She then told me that she had to re-do the thank you notes, as the post office found them all stuffed in a bag approximately six months after she'd mailed them. Something fishy here. To this day I've never received a written or verbal thank you. Meanwhile, I see her on Facebook always asking for financial help. Her son (from a first marriage) was hurt while playing basketball in the US. They bought some articles and did a silent auction (through Facebook) to raise money to pay for the medical bills. Guess which person didn't have any heart? I work hard for my $$ and I'm no fool. They're younger than I am and should get off their butt and pay their own way. They also should learn a few manners. Thanks for letting me vent!!


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## Jean Keith (Feb 17, 2011)

It's like marking time waiting for a thank you. I'd give the baby something but possibly not a knitted item. I gave up thinking I woulda/shoulda get a thank you. 

My brothers and I were taught to write thank you's and I in turn taught my kids but on some it didn't take. I remember my aunt and uncle gave my brothers and me such wonderful gifts. My brothers never said thank you and one Christmas, I was the only one that received another gift.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

Here's another way of looking at it. The people who don't say thanks probably aren't thanked for gifts they give. So it becomes a vicious circle.


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## Linday (Jan 22, 2012)

I expect a thank you. It is an acknowledgement that the gift was received. 

The children in my family know that if they don't say thank in some way, there won't be any more gifts. I generally forgive them once and I don't hold to this policy until they are old enough to understand the what and why for saying thank you.


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## Jeya (Aug 14, 2012)

Please don't sweat on the small stuff. It would be great to be thanked. These days, if they say thank you,it is a bonus. I have given up waiting for Thank You. 

Do what your heart feels, and don't be pressurised to do anything you don't feel right within yourself. IF You are knitting or crocheting anything for the babies, it is because you want to and get a buzz out of it. Then if there is no thank you, you won't be upset.

The Answer my friend is blowing in the wind...


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

Manners...that's the word! Whatever happened to this....times change, but manners!!?? NEVER!!!! I agree with everyone who agrees that manners are being lost--terrible. I do enjoy giving gifts--but appreciate thoughtfulness!


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## gheitz (Apr 14, 2011)

If I thank people face to face, I usually don't send a thank you note, however when I was young, my mother told me to send thank you notes no matter what. I always send an email thanking people telling them how I am enjoying the gift.


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## DebHow78 (Nov 11, 2014)

Leslie's reply is perfect. She makes some good points.

I was brought up to write thank you notes, too. I taught my 20 yr old son the same, but he has motor skill problems and my mom suggested I let him type his or email them, so that is what he does. The latter years I had to prompt him, but I reminded him a lot of people will stop giving gifts if they aren't thanked, so that helps. 

Isn't it something how it stays with us when someone doesn't acknowledge or thank us for something (especially a nice gift!) and we remember the sweet Thank You notes!


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## fibermcgivver (Dec 18, 2012)

Barn-dweller said:


> It is always nice to receive a thank you but this doesn't seem to happen so much these days. We were made to sit down and write thank you letters every Christmas but parents don't seem to do that these days. Perhaps just knit a token gift for the baby.


I agree.... a compromise could be baby socks or booties or a hat. Nothing too involved. Maybe attach the knitted gift to a nice book for the new baby.


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## Kathie (Mar 29, 2011)

I'm in the same situation with my daughter-in-law. She had three daughters from a previous marriage. Since they married the girls have graduated from high school, gotten married, and one has a child. I've been to countless showers, weddings and other celebrations and have never received a thank you for any of the gifts I have given them. The animals in my avatar went to the daughter with the baby. I would stop giving them gifts but it would hurt my daughter in law who I dearly love. It's quite the dilemma.


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## Windbeam (Jul 31, 2011)

I keep telling myself you get what you put out. So I keep making things and giving them as gifts. Sometimes I hear a thank you but sometimes not. We are living in a different time.


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## simplyelizabeth (Sep 15, 2012)

I struggle with the answer to this. I was taught to acknowledge and appreciate what other people do for me.


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## knit4zen (Apr 12, 2012)

I believe it's our responsibility to teach our children to be grateful and kind and respectful and that involves teaching them the importance of a simple "thank you". My son is so good about getting notes, hand written, out in the mail. I'm proud of him, but it was always kind of expected behavior. Maybe it's not so much "the kids these days" as parents doing their job.


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## jdwilhelm (Dec 6, 2011)

I rarely get thank you notes anymore. The only time it concerns me if when I did not physically give the gift to the person myself...a thank you note just verifies that the person received the gift. Even an email thank you would do in these cases.


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## zebe (Jan 2, 2013)

My rules, can't say thank you. Can't take time to buy or make one. It becomes the last gift. I have one son and made this very clear after a girlfriend didn't say thank you, that if she didn't say thank you it would be last gift she'd get. Guess what she said thank you and so has every girlfriend since. It's just rude. That said what you do with after as is your business keep, give it away but I think if I find you tossed in the trash I might just stop giving. I also don't care how I get a thank you verbal, written, email or even a text is fine.


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## Abi_marsden (Aug 5, 2012)

I write and make the thankyou card for the person who sent me the prezzie.ive been bought up the correct way. It's so wrong not to thank someone.


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## Abi_marsden (Aug 5, 2012)

I forgot to say NO way will a email do to say thankyou.


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## sdftrace (Jan 10, 2013)

A small gift via your friend for the baby would seem the simplest answer as others have mentioned.

At a recent baby shower I attended (they are not usual in the UK) the mum to be thanked everyone as the presents were opened and a final big thank you at the end. The person who organised the shower stated quite clearly to the mum to be that thank you notes were not necessary as she would be having too many other things to do. This seemed to be the best way to handle everything.

Re not receiving wedding thank yous .... our family members have stated on their invitations that the presence of those invited is what the bride and groom wish and followed that with "should you wish to give a gift you can find our wedding list at ...." No presents expected at all and no offence taken by anyone.


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## khh (May 20, 2011)

Mornin from Alabama USA - yes I think its rude to not thank the giver for gifts - if you enjoy knitting and are wanting a knitting project right now - go ahead and do what you would normally do for a baby gift - maybe girl doesn't know any better - do what makes you feel good - I do a lot of "brainless" knitting while watching tv so I usually have something I can give - its the giving thats gives us that good feeling. :-D


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## morningdew (Oct 2, 2012)

Miri said:


> A couple of years ago I went to a close friend's daughter's wedding. I gave a gift of a sheet set with pillow cases, and did not receive a thank you, verbal or written. I am old fashioned and expect to be thanked.
> Now this girl is expecting her first baby and as I love knitting I like to make something for new babies. I somehow don't feel inclined to because I was not thanked for the previous gift.
> DH said we do not give to be thanked and I should knit something.
> I don't know what to think about this, what would you do?
> ...


Give her the benefit of doubt she may have genuinley overlooked thanking you for the wedding gift,knit her something for the baby if you receive no thanks then cross her off your list,a quick thank-you costs nothing


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## whitetail (Feb 19, 2011)

I think it is just the proper think to do, called good manners, something that seems to be fading away.


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## BoBeau (Feb 18, 2011)

A GIFT is not a gift if something in return is expected. It is then a TRADE.

Saying or writing thank you's is a courtesy, although as many have stated, not very common anymore.


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## Cocoa (Jul 23, 2012)

When someone gives a gift or displays a special kindness an acknowledgement should be given. It is a simple matter of good manners and that is never old fashioned or out dated 

In the instance you describe, because you are friends with the woman's mother, I would knit a small gift. But if this time you do not receive a thank you I would definitely follow up.


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## tatesgirl (Mar 27, 2011)

joanmary1 said:


> Maybe you should have queried at the time - a posted thank you could have been lost in the post!!
> 
> This year three of my birthday cards which I know had been posted didn't arrive.


All very possible. Just yesterday I found a sealed and stamped envelope addressed to a man in another town on my way out of the supermarket. I picked it up and took it to the post office. Not everyone would do that!

I suggest you forget about past insults and make yourself enjoy knitting something beautiful for that baby.


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## Ronie (Jan 21, 2011)

I am sure that if you handed it to her and she opened it right then that you would get a "thank you"... I would never put the pressure of 'Thank You' cards on a newlywed couple these days.. they seem to have large weddings and really very little time for a honeymoon before going right back to work.. and then they need to find the time for the name and address changes and all the other things newlyweds need to do.. 
It is not like it was years ago when they got married and she stayed home to take care of the house and he went off to work.. now both work and time is short and things like thank you notes or phone calls get all muddled up... 

Go ahead and knit something for the new baby ... just don't send it off with someone else to deliver it and I would give it separate from the shower if you want a thank you...

I personally love a nice thank you but that is not why I knit for someone... truth is though if someone didn't show appreciation for the knitted item I don't knit for them again I'll give some other type of gift..


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## gdhavens (Jul 21, 2011)

Thank you notes/emails are nice, but I don't expect them. I would just a soon like to see someone wearing/using my gift. I don't usually get that, either. I guess I knit for my own enjoyment, and if they like it, GREAT. If not, I'm sorry, but I will keep on knitting (probably not for them).

As to your situation, I would make something if I felt like it, but don't if you do not feel like it. A good part of our knitting is the good feeling it gives us. I don't think you will get that "warmth" if you do it "because I should."

Also, even though you took the wedding gift yourself, I have heard of people changing cards on gifts so it appears they have given a better gift than they actually did. This could have happened to yours, or it may have been separated from your gift in some way. If the opportunity should come up, talk about it. If not, I would let it go.


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

My DH and I gave gifts to our niece and nephew when they were expecting their child. The child is four months old now, and we've never received a thank you. I'm certainly never giving them any gifts for their kid again.

Hazel


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## GrammieGail (Jun 10, 2011)

I am of the "old school", and always write thank you notes...but don't receive many any more. I would definitely knit something for the baby...the BABY will appreciate it!!! HUGS...GG


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## LadyBug 2014 (Nov 28, 2014)

bundyanne07 said:


> I like to be thanked and think it's very rude of people not to do so on receipt of something nice. I always say 'thank you' in one way or another.


I don't mean to pick on young people but I find younger people don't worry about Thank You's and being polite in general.


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## BailaC (Sep 25, 2013)

Barn-dweller said:


> It is always nice to receive a thank you but this doesn't seem to happen so much these days. We were made to sit down and write thank you letters every Christmas but parents don't seem to do that these days. Perhaps just knit a token gift for the baby.


My kids and grands kids are at our Pittsfield house for the week. The kids (8 year old twins and another 8 year old) have a job today - to write thank you notes for their holiday presents. I'm very proud of my daughters for teaching their children to do this.


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## soneka (Feb 8, 2011)

Yes, I would go ahead and knit something but don't go overboard; then enclosed a self-addressed and stamped blank "thank you" card, and perhaps she will get the hint.

There are exceptions, but in general this younger generation does not think it necessary to say 'thank you'. Shame.


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## gigi 722 (Oct 25, 2011)

I expect a thank you of some sort, verbal written or email.


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## Laniebp (May 30, 2014)

I had to ask my grandson and wife if they received my wedding gift on Facebook. That is the only way I know if they got it. I am not going out of my way again to give them something.


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## Beila Charna (Apr 28, 2012)

My mother insisted, "You may not use the gift until you write the thank you note." My son was raised the same way, and his children (ages 10 and 7) write notes, too. My stepdaughters, who were teenagers when their Dad and I married, learned that I expected thank you notes, and they raised their children to write notes. We are blessed with a total of eight grands, all of whom always say "thank you" and send written notes (sometimes by texts!)

Yes, I am old and old-fashioned -- and there is nothing wrong with good manners!


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## judyr (Feb 20, 2011)

Manners begin at home. What can I say? I was raised with manners and tried to teach them to my children. Therefore, if my children did not teach their children, there you go. Please, thank you, excuse me, thank you notes were all things we did. Now we have the internet, etc and why bother with written notes or thank yous. OR IT COULD HAVE BEEN LOST IN THE MAIL. Don't know what to tell you. It happens.


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## ParkerEliz (Mar 21, 2011)

Thank you's are a common courtesy for certain special events. Like weddings, baby and wedding showers. 

My nephew and his wife did NO thank you notes, to anyone. They have been married since fall of 2003. Glad I wasn't holding my breath!!


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## pzoe (Mar 17, 2011)

It's hard to be disappointed in this way. We have very few family left. My only niece who's 27 never acknowledges any holiday with a gift, card, or call.. There's nothing we need or want but this hurts. I've let most of the hurt go. Anyway she never acknowledges anything. In the past, out of hurt I'd stopped buying her gifts. This felt worse so I began gifting again. This feels better than the alternative. I try to do what I think is right and try not to let others behavior dictate mine. What do you think is the right thing to do?


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## joanh8060 (Apr 22, 2011)

I'd vote for knitting somethiing for the new baby. That brings you pleasure. We can hope the bride about to be Mum has matured since her wedding and now sends at least e mail thank yous. Joan 8060


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## JeanF671 (Feb 22, 2013)

40 years ago when we got married, I had bought all of these wonderful thank you cards that matched our invitation pattern. 

For years I held onto these thank you cards, some of which were filled out and ready to be mailed, and some were partially complete, and some were totally blank. None of them were ever mailed.

I am not a bad person, and I was and still am most appreciative of the gifts, love, and support that were extended to my husband and me when we married. 

I have no excuse for not getting the thank you notes out, except that it was a big job and my procrastination tendencies took over. 

Please don't be angry that you do not get a thank you note. Love and giving are not supposed to expect anything in return. Your husband is correct. If you want to know how they liked what you gave them then you should call or write a chatty letter to see how they are doing and to ask how they like your present. 

I used to include a self-addressed stamped post card made up with a check list on it for my family to respond to my mail. __Got it. __Thank you. __I am sick. __I love my job. __and so on. 

Love endures all things, does not keep count of wrongs, love loves.


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## MaryanneW (Jun 5, 2011)

Yes, I expect a written thank-you for a wedding gift. I sent my nephew and his new wife a wedding card with a check in the mail and had neglected to put the apartment number on the envelope so it came back to me. I emailed my nephew to verify the address and told him what happened and he said in his email, 'oh, thanks, that was sweet'. So mailed the card with check again, it has been cashed but have not received a thank-you. I guess his email response was it. He and his wife are professional people who know how it's done so not giving a pass here....taking the time to write a thank-you should be timeless and no, I'm not getting old!


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## hoosier (Dec 31, 2014)

It's sad that often when we don't receive a thank you for a gift that we question our expectations rather than the receivers lack of gratitude. In the case of a handmade item this seems especially rude. After all the recipient surely can see that it was hand made and surely took time and effort that the giver could have used otherwise. Surely this should be taken into consideration.

I, for sure, wouldn't knit anything (small or otherwise) for the girl but might consider buying something to send as a token gift since her mother is a close friend of yours.

It's a shame that there isn't any way you could let her know that a more personal baby gift would probably have been forthcoming had she kept up her end of the social convention. It would be useful and constructive for her to realize that there are repercussions in this sort of situation which could have been so easily dealt with on her part. It's always excused by saying that everyone is so busy which has some truth to it but you are busy also and were good enough to take your time to make something for her which she failed to appreciate.

Sorry this is so long but I have recently been in a similar situation with a relative and so it is fresh in my mind. I don't think that I am being overly sensitive by being somewhat hurt by this and neither are you.


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## pjcoldren (Dec 20, 2011)

I'd check politely with the mother-to-be -- I'd like to make something for the baby and (NOT but) I never heard if you liked the sheets we gave you for your wedding, so I want to be sure anything I make for your precious new baby will be OK with you. Or something like that. Good luck.


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## mjs (Mar 3, 2011)

Miri said:


> A couple of years ago I went to a close friend's daughter's wedding. I gave a gift of a sheet set with pillow cases, and did not receive a thank you, verbal or written. I am old fashioned and expect to be thanked.
> Now this girl is expecting her first baby and as I love knitting I like to make something for new babies. I somehow don't feel inclined to because I was not thanked for the previous gift.
> DH said we do not give to be thanked and I should knit something.
> I don't know what to think about this, what would you do?
> ...


After two gifts with no thank you I decide no more gifts for that occasion (birthday) even though I am close to the people.


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## knitnanny (Feb 28, 2012)

I agree that a thank you should have been made but I would still knit something for the baby.


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

YES indeed I do expect a written thank you note from the grandkids for a gift.
RUDE and poor manners in my book when they don't.

And YES it starts many arguments in my family. They seem to think I expect too much.

The grands are visiting here from MO for the holidays. My daughter and SO spent a small fortune on plane tickets, all the entertaining to keep them busy. And all the meals prepared.
So I brought them upstairs last night and handed them pen and paper to WRITE a thank you before they leave today. I will drop them into the mail. At least I know my daughter will get a thank you. Was it heart felt? NO ! But it is written.


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## momcat531 (Oct 27, 2011)

I still write thank you cards but I rarely receive one.


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## MPolaski (Mar 14, 2011)

Heck yeah, I expect a thank you! My mom made me sit down after every birthday and Christmas and write thank you notes for the people I was unable to thank in person. I hated it. But as an adult, I understand the value of a thank you. So I've passed the tradition down to my daughter. Yes, she hates it. Tough. I'm hoping that she'll understand when she gets older. My mother has actually stopped giving things to people who don't send a thank you note. She says its because she never knows if they receive the gift. I think it's perfectly reasonable, but there are some people who thinks it's horrible that she would stop sending gifts to her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Make something for the baby. If you don't receive a thank you for it, inquire immediately. It can be done easily saying something like, "I am wondering if the enclosed card with my gift was lost. I want her to know that I was the one who made it." What happens next depends on how the conversation goes. You may have to refer to not receiving a thank-you for your wedding gift, too. You may find that it was just a case of things getting mixed up or being lost in the mail.


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## Carmela51 (Jan 12, 2013)

I was brought up to send a thank you, and taught my children to do the same. However, I have noticed that they seem to have gotten caught up in the new trend of not acknowledging people's kindness. While it saddens me, I rest assured in the fact that I taught them well. I have also made it known to them that it is rude not to take the time to send a thank you. I would still knit something for the baby. Perhaps he/she will learn from the example that you are setting. "Kindness is long remembered."


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## Carmela51 (Jan 12, 2013)

I was brought up to send a thank you, and taught my children to do the same. However, I have noticed that they seem to have gotten caught up in the new trend of not acknowledging people's kindness. While it saddens me, I rest assured in the fact that I taught them well. I have also made it known to them that it is rude not to take the time to send a thank you. I would still knit something for the baby. Perhaps he/she will learn from the example that you are setting. "Kindness is long remembered."


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## Johna (May 7, 2012)

My family never called, emailed, or mail a thank you card. I complaint that if I didn't get a "Thank you" from anyone, that person would not be getting nothing else from me. It worked. Now they call and thank me all the time.


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

The least a person can do is send a thank you and do it in a timely manner. I lost both of my parents within two weeks of each other and I got my thank you notes out promptly. I was also working full time and had both sides of the family trying to crap on me. I don't think people stress this to their children anymore. I had a young girl, who was going to take care of Meka while I had surgery. Well Meka passed and I gave the girl $10.00 - never got a thank you, kiss my butt or nothing.


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## bellestarr12 (Mar 26, 2011)

I still believe a thank you is required. Its absence is less painful when it's a purchased gift and not one I've spent time and effort on. Therefore, I'd buy something for this baby (preferably deeply discounted at a year-end sale), but only for the sake of your friendship with the prospective grandmother. I wouldn't knit something for someone without the manners to show appreciation. When that happens, I don't knit for that person again.


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## Kathie (Mar 29, 2011)

pzoe said:


> It's hard to be disappointed in this way. We have very few family left. My only niece who's 27 never acknowledges any holiday with a gift, card, or call.. There's nothing we need or want but this hurts. I've let most of the hurt go. Anyway she never acknowledges anything. In the past, out of hurt I'd stopped buying her gifts. This felt worse so I began gifting again. This feels better than the alternative. I try to do what I think is right and try not to let others behavior dictate mine. What do you think is the right thing to do?


I think your comment about not letting other people's behavior dictate yours is the way to look at this whole situation. Apparently most of us are experiencing the same situation with relatives. We need to let it go.


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## Quiltflower (Oct 25, 2014)

Agree with all of the above...parents need to teach their children within a week of receiving the gift to sit down and write thank-yous. Nine times out of ten it will carry them through adulthood. It really bothers me, too, especially on handmade items and it has happened to me also.


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## thumper5316 (Oct 7, 2011)

How is that rude young lady going to learn manners if nobody says anything? I'd ask if they received the first gift as you never heard from them. If she still says nothing I'd let her know that an acknowledgement is in order in the form of a thank you. She obviously was not raised with manners.


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## Shautzie (Jun 9, 2013)

I expect a thank you as well. My children were taught to write thank you notes at a very young age. I also expected them to address the envelope. And they were not allowed to cash the check or use the gift until said thank you note was sent.


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

I don't really worry about a thank you. If I get one, that's nice, but if I don't get one it doesn't bother me. I just figure the recipient was busy or forgot about it. 

I give a gift because I want to give it, not for a thank you.


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## bellestarr12 (Mar 26, 2011)

Carmela51 said:


> I was brought up to send a thank you, and taught my children to do the same. However, I have noticed that they seem to have gotten caught up in the new trend of not acknowledging people's kindness. While it saddens me, I rest assured in the fact that I taught them well. I have also made it known to them that it is rude not to take the time to send a thank you. I would still knit something for the baby. Perhaps he/she will learn from the example that you are setting. "Kindness is long remembered."


Unfortunately, by the time the baby is old enough to be aware of the gift, it probably won't be around any more, or if it is, the parents won't bother to tell the child where it came from, if they even remember. It will be just another "thing" without any particular meaning, unless the child appreciates it for itself, but even then, no more than something from a store.

It makes me sad to say this, but it's what I believe, based on what I have seen.

My daughter keeps everything I've knitted for her and/or the children, but our daughter-in-law actually said to me, early in her marriage, "I don't understand why my [her own] mother gets upset when I give away gifts she's given us."

I tried to explain; she just looked blank. (She does that a lot, when she doesn't like what you say or doesn't want to answer a question.) A few years later I asked our granddaughter where her Raggedy Ann doll (that I'd made for her) was.

"It got dirty so Mama threw it away." (Yes, it was washable. I made one for my daughter that's been washed many, many times and she still has it.) So, no, I don't knit or crochet or sew, etc. for her or, sadly, the children. She is, as my grandmother used to say, the kind of person "who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."


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## Sarah Chana (Apr 15, 2014)

I agree- small and simple. No issue made of it and you don't get too annoyed at her rudeness.


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## 5Pat (Aug 29, 2011)

Some of today children are not taught to say thank you.

My nephew and his wife had to be told to send thank you notes for wedding gifts by me.

While others run to say thank you with big hugs.


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## K2P2 knitter (Jan 31, 2013)

I was taught to send a card thanking the person for the gift. Years ago DH and I were invited to a party but we were stationed in Texas and the party was in California so I wrote a little note to them declining because we were in Texas and couldn't make it there. The couple giving the party was shocked that I took the time to let them know we couldn't make it. People now a days just don't take the time even sending an email or getting on Facebook to thank someone. It really is a shame that good manners have fallen by the wayside. I sent my 3 older grand kids gift cards this year and the 2 younger kids money haven't heard a word from any of them. Yes, the gift cards were to where they requested them to be from.


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

If you don't get a thank you how do you know when a gift is sent by mail if it is received or not?


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## Paet (Dec 25, 2014)

To be thanked is simply recognition that a gift has been received. I doubt that we are looking to be patted on the head or something similar. The thank you, as I see it,simply means that the gift arrived and we appreciate your thought.


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## liz morris (Dec 28, 2014)

I haven't received any "thank you" letters for a long time. By the same token, I haven't sent any, but I do ring up the sender to say thank you in person.


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## imabubbe (Jul 4, 2011)

Call me harsh but after years of remembering my stepchildren's birthdays and other events without so much as a verbal thank you, I decided to throw in the towel and save myself the money and aggravation of trying to find something suitable. Isend gift to people who seem to appreciate them. However the idea in this case of sending the gift to your friend seems a good solution.


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## Paet (Dec 25, 2014)

Very good point!


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## Ditsy (Nov 18, 2014)

It really peeves me when people don't say thank you or even acknowledge receipt of a gift. I hated doing thank you letters when I was a child and, much to my mother's disapproval, I resorted to thank you cards when older. Now, I am happy to have a text, email or Facebook message. We have a neice (14 years old) who never bothers but what annoys me is the fact the parents don't bother either. This year, I suggested we didn't bother to send anything because she is old enough to know better but my husband decided we would continue until she is 18. What really annoys me most though is that they are 'born again' Christians. It always seems to me that they are the most thoughtless, unkind, unforgiving and un-Christian people I have ever come across. Put me off going to church for ever.


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

Well I am in a different spot right now.
My son and his family came to MA for the holidays.
(my daughter paid for the plane tickets for the 5 of them).
Asked 13 yr old granddaughter what she would like, she asked for Green Converse High top sneakers. OK $70.
Got them for her-- and a few other items, some costume jewelry, jacket, her comment----- she doesn't like anything.
Not thinking I will get a note for my "attempt" to please her
I am not having a great visit with her at all. And yes it does hurt my heart not to be appreciated ay all.


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## bamster (Mar 11, 2011)

Yes I agree a simple Thank You would be nice but unfortunately over the years some parents stopped teaching their kids the very simple things like please, thank you ,Mr.and Mrs etc


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

I seem to say Thank You for everything all the time, I was raised well and I also raised myj daughters the same way. I feel if I don't get a thank you the person who received the gift was not happy with it. 

Anyway that's just me, and thank you for reading this.


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

The younger generation has even dropped the Mr or Mrs when addressing the person. A waitress where I love to go calls everyone sweetie - UGH! I don't like any woman calling me sweetie, honey or darling. I don't say anything to her, but I don't find it that respectful. I know I am old fashioned, but I like being old fashioned compared to many of the ways of this world today.


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## imabubbe (Jul 4, 2011)

My daughter, her husband and their children (now 17 and 20) always send thank you notes. I am always getting calls from friends who tell me how much they appreciate the notes acknowledging some act of kindness or a gift. It is becoming, unfortunately, an lost art- the kind of thing that softens the edges of social interaction.


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## ginnyM1W2A3 (Jun 6, 2012)

Wow, just spent an hour reading all the posts about thank you notes. I too like to receive them but a verbal Thanks is fine too. We always say "some just take longer to get the message", meaning they are young, inexperienced, self centered and busy. Hopefully they will see the light at some point.


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## norma goodrich (Dec 31, 2013)

I agree it is very rude...a thank you is required although they do not like the gift...


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## BMFleming (Jun 27, 2013)

Do what your heart tells you. You are not responsible for what anyone else does. Some folks does and some folks doesn't.


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## Crzywymyn (Dec 18, 2013)

I made my kids write thank yous before they could play with their gifts.

If I take the time to choose a gift, wrap it and deliver it, I expect to be thanked. If the giftee can't acknowledge my gift, then I don't feel compelled to continue giving.


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## Woodsywife (Mar 9, 2014)

I think it is lack of manners not saying or sending a thank you. Especially if it was mailed. You don't know if it was received or not. It is just rude. Even a phone would do.


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## Sunny70 (Jul 25, 2014)

A thank you note is expected and should be sent or a phone call made. If you are invited to a shower go and give a gift and see if she thanks you in person. Then you might want to say that you will not expect a hand writing note since you know she will be busy with a new baby, unlike when she was first married!


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## knitblefingers (Oct 16, 2014)

Hmmm. I agree it hurts that some can't seem to say thank you for a gift. On the other hand do I stoop to that level and not give a gift to a new baby who has done nothing rude to me? If you really want to get the point across to the thoughtless mother tell her. Maybe no one wever has. And maybe she is just ungrateful. But dont stoop to her level. If you want to make a gift for the baby make it for him/her not the mother. If you don't want to make it send a card of congrats and leave it at that. Just don't NOT make the gift to "teach her a lesson" because her actions offended you.


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## judyb45 (Feb 1, 2014)

I would comment to the girl in her mother's presence that you have been concerned she never received your sheet set gift because you never received any acknowledgement of it. Ask if she liked the color, if it fit her bed, etc. ask if someone could have stolen the set, etc. 

It is unspeakably rude to not receive a WRITTEN thank you for any gift given - even in this present-day "culture."


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## bevieo (Apr 6, 2014)

In Star Tribune "miss manners " someone wrote in that thank you for gifts is inappropriate now days and shouldn't be expected!!!! Miss Manners said maybe soon gifts would be too or a similar comment!!!! I too am waiting for thankyous for gifts I'd at least like to know they arrived by postal at quite an expense!!!
.!!!!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

annagemma said:


> Yes, I most certainly expect a "Thank you" for a wedding gift. We are married almost 40 years and I can remember sitting in a car on the way to the airport for our 4day honeymoon in Lisbon writing 'thank you" cards to people who had handed in very small gifts, like a tea towel or a salt and pepper, on the morning of our wedding so that they wouldn't feel left out.
> I know times have changed and some young people are much more casual about "thank you" letters but a large gift like you gave certainly deserves a reply.


I decided some time ago that if people prefer to be casual about verbal thank you's or notes, I'll be even more casual about giving gifts to them. If they mention it to me, I simply say that I thought they don't care for my tastes in choosing gifts since the last one was not acknowledged. In my opinion, this particular change in the way things are (not) done is due to the fact that gift givers tolerate it. If I don't set my limits, no one knows I have any.....


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## cspaen34 (Jan 28, 2011)

I understand your feelings; however, and it doesn't make it right, the written Thank You's are not as common today. I would go ahead with a simple gift, something with not a lot of detail work. Remember, this is the age of "Save the Date" announcement cards for YOU to follow up with by going to their online web site for the wedding invitation, gift details, hotel accommmodations posted ...etc. I don't like it, but that is what is common now. LOL, several in my family went together and gave a very large check to a GD with everyone's name on enclosed card. Almost a year later later it was finally acknowledged to the check writer but no one else listed on card.


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## Jeannie D (Apr 1, 2011)

I always side with being kind. Make something special for the baby and let it go. All of this negativity doesn't make things better. I decided long ago to give with no strings attached. Less stressful.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

NY-VA RPh said:


> Leslee's reply is perfect. The friendship with her mother is what is important. I know how hard it is to get adult children to send thank you notes of any kind even though I raised them to do it. I keep after them, maybe someday they will understand.


I don't understand. If the friendship with the mother is what is important, then gift the mother with something she would enjoy. The daughter is not an extension of the mother and babies are totally unaware of having been gifted anything. If the older generation doesn't expect the younger one to grow up, who will? Making excuses for them doesn't work for me. If anyone cannot make the effort to thank others for their time, effort, and expense in giving a gift, there's something drastically wrong with that and I won't enable it.


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## gina (Jan 18, 2011)

Maybe we should put RSVP on the card with the gift. My Mom would have a fit if I didn't reply to a gift. In my family, we all tend to do it by email, so how hard is that?


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## Bod (Nov 11, 2014)

No, we don't give to be thanked. That doesn't mean the recipient of a gift should not acknowledge it. It is not expecting too much to know if the gift was received.


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## demitybaughman (Oct 31, 2014)

Don't let her rudeness make you rude. make her something beautiful!


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## disgo (Mar 2, 2013)

Miri
As much as I expect the 5 cent postage stamp we sent them with :shock:

Over 40 years ago a good work friend finally got married and I went to her registry and bought her the set of water goblets (most expensive in the set) for her gift--not a peep. Over the years we bumped into each other and never one mention as to how she appreciated my more than generous gift.

During my last move I knew where she worked now in a small town hospital so stopped in a few times with the receptionist paging her for me--no response. Rude was bad enough I figured so that ended that.

Small gift given to friend to pass on would be best and then let it go--straight from Dear Abbey!


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

She may have sent a TY and it never made it to you. I would make something and if you do not get a Thank You this time then that would be the end of the gifts. I only expect a TY (if item was sent through the mails) so I know that they did receive it or if I need to submit paper work to the post office for lost parcel. So many young people have not learned good manners and do not even think to do this.


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## janytom (Sep 5, 2014)

You know she never even gave it a thought. It is only in your mind all these years.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Let it go and quit stewing about it.


Miri said:


> Do you think it is too late to say something now - it annoys me!


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## gdiane (Sep 17, 2014)

I have been there, still waiting for thank you cards from wedding gifts ( $ ) I sent, and these people have teenagers now!! 
, but I must say I never give up the opportunity to knit for a new baby, Some people just don't send thank you cards, I feel it is rude, my children don't always send thank you cards, I made them send them when they were younger but now they are 20 and 24, but I will usually let family members know they received the gifts, as they are usually mailed, so this way they know the gift arrived.


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## MarilynKnits (Aug 30, 2011)

leslee said:


> I would knit or crochet a baby blanket or afghan. I would wrap it and with a card give it to your dear friend to give to her daughter. Your friendship means more than her daughters thoughtlessness. This is more about not hurting your friend and her sharing her joy with you.
> Make sure you use acrylic yarn as everything gets tossed in the washing machine these days .Saves bitting your tongue when you see a beautiful woollen shawl felted beyond belief.
> Leslee


Honestly, I wouldn't make something as time consuming. A hat or a pair of booties would do just fine to acknowledge the arrival of a new little person.

When my nephew's children stopped sending thank you notes for the birthday gifts, they stopped getting gifts, except for the daughter who always phoned to say thanks. We explained to nephew and he agreed. I think his wife was a bit put out, but she didn't say anything.


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## Ditsy (Nov 18, 2014)

I have a feeling that at 13 years old, nothing is what you want or like. You want it one minute, get it, don't like it anymore. I wouldn't stress about it - I'm sure she will like it but to my mind, being away from home and friends at that age means that she just isn't happy so is 'punishing' everyone for her current misery. Ignore it and next year, give an Amazon token instead.


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## bellestarr12 (Mar 26, 2011)

disgo said:


> Miri
> As much as I expect the 5 cent postage stamp we sent them with :shock:
> 
> Over 40 years ago a good work friend finally got married and I went to her registry and bought her the set of water goblets (most expensive in the set) for her gift--not a peep. Over the years we bumped into each other and never one mention as to how she appreciated my more than generous gift.
> ...


When I got married 17 years ago one of my professors gave me a set of very expensive goblets, and of course I wrote a thank you note - she actually thanked me for my thank you, which I guess shows that even then the custom was fading! But I still think there's no excuse.

Many young parents just don't think about teaching their children simple courtesies today. We take some friends' 4-year-old daughter to church with us, and I'm the one who's teaching her to say "thank you" when people tell her how pretty her dress is, etc. For a long time she'd just look at them (very bright child but not very well socialized, I'm sorry to say) - now I still have to prompt her for simple courtesies but it's getting better.

Some day maybe it won't be "I want a cookie," but "May I have a cookie, please?" and then "Thank you" when she gets it, without being asked, "what do you say, dear?"


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## Ditsy (Nov 18, 2014)

MarilynKnits said:


> Honestly, I wouldn't make something as time consuming. A hat or a pair of booties would do just fine to acknowledge the arrival of a new little person.
> 
> When my nephew's children stopped sending thank you notes for the birthday gifts, they stopped getting gifts, except for the daughter who always phoned to say thanks. We explained to nephew and he agreed. I think his wife was a bit put out, but she didn't say anything.


How very clever of you. A brilliant idea. Wish we'd thought of that.


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## momskii (Oct 25, 2012)

knitblefingers said:


> Hmmm. I agree it hurts that some can't seem to say thank you for a gift. On the other hand do I stoop to that level and not give a gift to a new baby who has done nothing rude to me? If you really want to get the point across to the thoughtless mother tell her. Maybe no one wever has. And maybe she is just ungrateful. But dont stoop to her level. If you want to make a gift for the baby make it for him/her not the mother. If you don't want to make it send a card of congrats and leave it at that. Just don't NOT make the gift to "teach her a lesson" because her actions offended you.


I know this some would consider rude, BUT I have some neices who never acknowledge gifts, so when I go to their showers I enclose with their gift a self-addressed postcard (also stamped) that actually says "thanks for your gift of ( blank). Write your message here. If I don't get it back NO more gifts of any kind. I usually don't expect written thanks for christmas gifts. I have gone to the extreme & have given handmade thank you cards for a shower gift. She got the point!


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## AuntKnitty (Apr 10, 2011)

When I knit for someone I know, I knit for the love of that person, not for thanks. When i give a gift, no matter how big or small, I let go of all expectations. If I can't, I don't give the gift.


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## knitnut1939 (May 1, 2013)

I am in the same boat. I sent Christmas checks and small gifts (some hand knitted) to all my grand children and their girlfriends. Of 11 ,I have heard from only my son & wife and my grand daughter plus my daughter and son in law 5 in total. This is not the first year and the g-kids are 17 yrs to 28 yrs. Maybe I should stop sending checks to the grand children as my husband says. Apparently they don't appreciate them. What are your thoughts? I know the older ones make lots of money. The 17 & 18 yr olds are in HS and can use the money. I'm sure my son and his wife don't know they haven't called us. Should I tell them?


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## mimizz (Nov 27, 2013)

It would be nice to receive a "Thank You" for gifts given, as it was the way I was raised, and tried to teach my children the same,but that does not seem to be the way any more, as my grandkids NEVER have said thanks for any of the gifts that were given over the last 14 years, so why would they start now?
Guess it is something you have to decide if it is worth falling on your sword over, or just let it go and keep the peace in the family. Your decision!


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## janis blondel (May 20, 2011)

It was very rude of her not to thank you, but my Mum used to say two wrongs don't make s right. I would knit a little something for the baby, the baby is inocent in this and you are not coming down to her level you are rising above it. You will feel better for it in the end.


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## sundrop016 (Mar 19, 2013)

It's rude not to say thank you. I gave a baby gift to my niece's dil, never got a thank you so I told my sil. Of course I never heard from them.


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

YOU are a better person than I am.
I expect to be thanked for my gifts.


Jeannie D said:


> I always side with being kind. Make something special for the baby and let it go. All of this negativity doesn't make things better. I decided long ago to give with no strings attached. Less stressful.


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## yorkie1 (Sep 5, 2011)

How is a person to know if your gift was ever received if someone doesn't send or tell you thanks for the such and such. It is VERY rude I don't care how the person was raised. As an adult they should know that with out being told. NO THANK YOU...NO GIFT!!


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## Paet (Dec 25, 2014)

LEE1313 said:


> YOU are a better person than I am.
> I expect to be thanked for my gifts.


Wow, I never thought to put it in writing that way...but you are spot on! I will have to remember this if I should decide yo send anything hand made to people in DH's family. I am the last of my family so I always thank myself for my knit stuff. I am especially thankful for the warm winter mittens the house elves finally gave back to me!!!


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## alsprink (Jun 26, 2013)

I hate rude people with a passion. Here's my story. Someone asked if I would make a cocoon outfit for her soon to be baby. She loved 2 of my patterns. She asked what I would charge her for just 1 of them. I made her both patterns and as payment, I said I only wanted to see a picture of the baby in them. She was thrilled.... I didn't get a picture... I was angry. So when she texted me asking if I would please make the same baby a MOOSE hat for halloween...... I didn't even answer the text.

As far as your question, if you have a mind to make a baby outfit...... make it, and donate it to someone who might be a little more grateful. Grateful enought to maybe even say "thank you"

Alyce


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

I sent my grandson a Christmas card a few years ago with money on the inside. It wasn't much, but all I could afford. Never heard if he got it or nothing. My daughter has an attitude and doesn't come around, so I've not seen him for a few years. He is old enough he could call or visit, but doesn't. I just have to go on and not let it ruin my holidays.


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

You are welcome to join me in my BOAT on the river of No Thank you's.
We will float along and knit in the warm sun.


kittykatzmom said:


> I sent my grandson a Christmas card a few years ago with money on the inside. It wasn't much, but all I could afford. Never heard if he got it or nothing. My daughter has an attitude and doesn't come around, so I've not seen him for a few years. He is old enough he could call or visit, but doesn't. I just have to go on and not let it ruin my holidays.


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## hgayle (Aug 22, 2011)

After a few months of not having received a thank you, I would have asked her mother if she liked them because you never received a thank you from her. As for the baby gift, I would only send a card congratulating her on the birth of the baby when it's born. I have a DIL who has only ever thanked me for something twice. My son (her husband) isn't much better. We were on Facetime with them Christmas Day, while at my daughter's, and the kids thanked my daughter for their gifts, but not one word was said to my DH and me about the gifts we sent the grandkids and my son and DIL. The DIL sent me a text the day after Christmas asking a question about something, and I asked her if they got the presents we sent because no one mentioned anything to us when we were on the phone the day before. Her reply was yes, thanks, but there was just so much going on. I figure if they can be rude enough to forget to mention the gifts, I can be rude enough to ask if they got them. They are like this with all the family members. They also don't buy gifts of any kind for anyone except my daughter's two kids. (I should add that my DIL takes care of the finances and is quite a tightwad.) What is so difficult about saying thank you?!


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## LolaBean (Apr 6, 2011)

My daughter and her husband never sent one thank you card for their beautiful shower gifts or their wonderful wedding gifts. They were married two years ago. I am so embarrassed whenever I see any of our friends who attended those events. 
I've already told her that when she gets pregnant, I am not going to have a shower for her because I can't ask people to come to her shower when they were never thanked for or acknowledged the previous gifts!!!!!!
I'll never get over the embarrassment of this!


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## colleenmay (Apr 5, 2012)

I would still say something. I figure if no one tells these young people that it is expected to thank gift-givers, how do we expect them to learn? I'm not above teaching them!!! I would ask if they ever received my gift, since I never received a thank you. Next time, ask sooner. Just because you bring a gift to a wedding, doesn't mean they got it. We had two strangers at our daughter's wedding that just walked right in to the reception, drank a few drinks, and then tried to walk out the door with a few gifts. Luckily, we caught them in time.


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## Sierrakj (Oct 8, 2014)

The first thing I think about when I receive a gift is how to say thank you. By expression or a note or letter. Even if you dont especially love the item there has to be one good thing to say about it. Just the fact that someone thought enough of you to give you a gift is reason to be thankful. I spent a lot of time making homemade gifts this year with not much said about it. Next year who ever comes to see me will get a fine dinner and maybe a little something will be found under the tree for them. Same to be said for the rest of the year. i think charities may need those items more.


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## knitnut1939 (May 1, 2013)

I hope your teachings will make an impression and maybe down the road a few years she'll remember. Our boys used to leave their hats on when we'd take them to a restaurant. They now take them off after "gentle" reminders but then you look around the restaurant and see "seniors" wearing hats. So its not just the young ones. What're you gonna do?


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## Turmaline (Jun 2, 2013)

Miri said:


> A couple of years ago I went to a close friend's daughter's wedding. I gave a gift of a sheet set with pillow cases, and did not receive a thank you, verbal or written. I am old fashioned and expect to be thanked.
> Now this girl is expecting her first baby and as I love knitting I like to make something for new babies. I somehow don't feel inclined to because I was not thanked for the previous gift.
> DH said we do not give to be thanked and I should knit something.
> I don't know what to think about this, what would you do?
> ...


I would not say anything about not getting thanked for the wedding gift.

You obviously do not want to knit something for her because there will be no thanks again. Do not knit anything while you are resentful. Do it only if it would give you joy. In this case it keeps reminding you of the missing thank you from a year or more ago. Ignore the baby. If invited to a shower, take something you buy at Target and do not sweat the missing thanks for years afterwards.

Writing thank you notes is a lost art nowadays. Would you be happy with an email thanks??? Does she have your email?


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## M2SMRTFORU (Oct 28, 2011)

I wouldn't.


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## RandyPandy (May 6, 2011)

I feel as you do, however, I know that if I didn't knit something for the baby it would weigh heavy on my mind. Perhaps this time you will get a thank you. I'm usually optimistic.


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## Ginny K (Jun 1, 2011)

I like to be thanked, (who doesn't), but I've decided to do it anyway, as you said, we don't do it to be thanked. Make the baby present. It will be fun to do anyway!


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## gardenlady4012 (Oct 18, 2014)

I also expect thank yous, even if it's just a phone call or an email. And handwritten thank you notes are still expected for wedding gifts, at least they are here in central Florida. But I agree with leslee about not wanting to hurt your friend's feelings, and I also would make something for the baby


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## jmewin (Oct 18, 2012)

I want to be thanked for gifts. I would make something for the baby as he/she isn't responsible for rude parents. However, if they don't respond, I would stop sending.


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## karno49 (Nov 13, 2014)

My niece's daughter didn't say thank you for her Christmas presents and holiday presents last year so she won't be getting any more!!


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## Laddie (Mar 17, 2013)

I was at a wedding in September. Its now January and the baby's due any day now and still no note.


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## jestsat (Aug 20, 2011)

When I don't get a thank you card. I call and ask if it was lost in the mail. Depending on the answer, I mail a dollar store package of thank you cards for them to keep on hand for the future as sending thank you cards is an important responsibility for receiving a gift. If they didn't know they do now!


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

Let me tell you about what happened to me. It wasn't a wedding gift, but funeral flowers, throws, wind chimes, stones etc. that people gave when my dear husband passed away. While we were at the after burial dinner I paid for for approx. 200 people. The funeral home brought it all into the place I rented for the dinner and put it on a large table when I went into the restroom. My greedy stepson and his equally greedy wife saw that as a chance to grab almost everything and load it into their van. They even stuck some into their kids arms and told them to run with it outside. They even took the donation envelopes. My daughter alerted me of this and she and I had to go out and get some of it back. I didn't have a problem with them taking the gifts their friends sent for them, but they took mine too. I knew they would write thank yous to their friends, but when I got some of mine back(not all) the tags were torn off so I didn't know what came from who. I was devastated. One of his aunts even said she wrote on the back of the card on the throw she got that it was to come to me, but I didn't get it back. All I could do was put a thank you in three newspapers hoping the people would see them. Even to this day I feel bad about it. Maybe something like this happened to the bride and groom.


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## susanrs1 (Mar 21, 2011)

scottishlass said:


> Yes I do expect a thank you but I do not always receive it. I was taught to always send a Thank You for any gift even if I do not like the gift after all the giver was kind enough to acknowledge whatever the occaision may have been so therefore a Thank you is required.


I completely agree with this reply. If I were you, I would not knit anything for the baby - she won't appreciate it and your efforts would be better directed for someone who would. The LAST and I mean last shower I went to not only did I knit something but also made a stained glass frame. I got a 'generic' thank you (envelope had to be addressed by me at the shower because apparently the brides and/or mothers-to-be are too lazy now). I said never again and I mean it. I'm done.


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## Gundi2 (May 25, 2012)

no thank you; no more gifts, that's the way i do it.


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## MarilynKnits (Aug 30, 2011)

knitpick1 said:


> Let me tell you about what happened to me. It wasn't a wedding gift, but funeral flowers, throws, wind chimes, stones etc. that people gave when my dear husband passed away. While we were at the after burial dinner I paid for for approx. 200 people. The funeral home brought it all into the place I rented for the dinner and put it on a large table when I went into the restroom. My greedy stepson and his equally greedy wife saw that as a chance to grab almost everything and load it into their van. They even stuck some into their kids arms and told them to run with it outside. They even took the donation envelopes. My daughter alerted me of this and she and I had to go out and get some of it back. I didn't have a problem with them taking the gifts their friends sent for them, but they took mine too. I knew they would write thank yous to their friends, but when I got some of mine back(not all) the tags were torn off so I didn't know what came from who. I was devastated. One of his aunts even said she wrote on the back of the card on the throw she got that it was to come to me, but I didn't get it back. All I could do was put a thank you in three newspapers hoping the people would see them. Even to this day I feel bad about it. Maybe something like this happened to the bride and groom.


I hope you don't invite those thieves to your home. Who knows what will disappear!


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## dachsmom (Aug 23, 2011)

I would do something small, maybe learning a new technique in the process. That way it is a learning process and you will get more personal satisfaction in the making of the gift than otherwise. Try a fair isle baby hat and booties in a solid color to match. Maybe a car seat blanket in entrelac or miters if you haven't done these before. You will get the enjoyment of the process and maybe not as disappointed if no thank you appears since you had that fun.


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## Jannette Burke (Nov 21, 2014)

Alike you, I'd expect a "THANK YOU"- demonstrates appreciation even if it's not so. I would be hesitant to give for the addition. Don't give unless asked - I'm old fashioned too!


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## knitwit42 (Apr 23, 2011)

You said it's a friends daughter and not a relative of yours. I think if you are invited to the baby shower knit something simple.


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## Feigy (Apr 26, 2014)

A written "thank you" may easily have been lost in the mail, so why not go ahead and knit or crochet whatever you would really like to give them. It is so much fun to make something nice for a new baby.


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## nancee (May 25, 2011)

I gave up waiting for thank yous a long time ago. When giving a gift is it just for a thank you or is it for a better reason. I know it does hurt, but do think of the real reason why gifts are given. 
I even find these days that I hope a phone does not ring when I am giving someone a gift because the gift will be placed down and the focus is on the 
phone and thank you goes away with the phonecall.
I would give a small purchased gift and if I receive a thank you then I would give something I made.
Also do you really want to be the only one that does not give a gift.
Not giving anything will not achieve anything as the person will not know why, so the reason will not shine through.
You are a wonderful person so keep being wonderful and give a gift of love.


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## jaa520 (Apr 16, 2013)

Knit something, and mention to her mother, your friend that they neglected to thank you for the wedding present. This should clear it up and you should get a Thank You from the daughter. If not. This would be my last gift to her daughter. I also like nancee's reply


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## dialfred (Nov 21, 2011)

Decide what to do based on how well you like the person. A lapse in manners doesn't always make them ungrateful, perhaps just forgetful.
Or maybe no one taught them to send written thanks.
Go with your heart.


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## Georget (Jul 14, 2011)

Perhaps a few bibs or soft cotton wash cloths. I have done that and bought some cute flannel and sewed spit up/burp cloths for over the shoulder. And maybe a little knitted animal. Those are things most people don't knit but are needed and may be appreciated. If I know the gender of the baby the wash cloths are knit with an appropriate animal, boat, bow etc.


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

LEE1313 said:


> Well I am in a different spot right now.
> My son and his family came to MA for the holidays.
> (my daughter paid for the plane tickets for the 5 of them).
> Asked 13 yr old granddaughter what she would like, she asked for Green Converse High top sneakers. OK $70.
> ...


Not sending a thank you note is just thoughtlessness and I dont worry about it. But to let the giver know that you don't like a gift is the sign of a spoiled brat.


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

kittykatzmom said:


> The younger generation has even dropped the Mr or Mrs when addressing the person. A waitress where I love to go calls everyone sweetie - UGH! I don't like any woman calling me sweetie, honey or darling. I don't say anything to her, but I don't find it that respectful. I know I am old fashioned, but I like being old fashioned compared to many of the ways of this world today.


This one bothers me too. I am 77 years old and I do not like it when some 18 or 19 year old clerk calls me by my first name. Usually I just bite my tongue and let it go, but, once in a while, it catches me at the wrong time. Then I will correct the person and ask to be called Mrs. or Ma'am as is common in the south. I always get a shocked look when that happens.


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## juerobinson433 (Mar 21, 2011)

You should always receives a thank you, my daughter gave a set of coaster for each person at her wedding.
But my granddaughters don't, so have given up sending anything. If they don't want to phone, they can send an email.


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## Dweir (Apr 19, 2013)

I just enjoy knitting for others and myself. Sometimes I am thanked and other time I am not thanked. I do it mainly for my enjoyment! Life is too short to get upset by small things!!


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

Sad how good manners and common sense has gone by the way side. Even when I am out in public with my cane I have to watch out for others, as some would just as soon run into you than look. Getting through a store on an electric cart is a job. Some people block the isles, so they can talk or be on their phones. It is refreshing when someone is kind. I had a young girl open the door for me when she saw me on a cane and the same with a young boy. I thanked them and let them know they are nice people. The young boy said ' I am an Eagle Scout'. That was so nice to hear and he is practicing what he was taught.


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## clippedwings (Feb 12, 2011)

I would let it go and hope that her manners have improved with time. I am not hopeful though as I find the younger generations do not have the inclination to send thank yous and many do not have the skills because of twitter, facebook, etc.


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## rkr (Aug 15, 2012)

Barn-dweller said:


> It is always nice to receive a thank you but this doesn't seem to happen so much these days.
> We were made to sit down and write thank you letters every Christmas but parents don't seem to do that these days.


Our parents, who insisted on this, planted that in our minds & hearts, but did we do it willingly? And did we in turn instruct our kids the same? As much as it is said "that parents today...etc etc" are the problem (I'm now a Sr) the fault can often be found in the lack of 'follow through' by our own generation, and I suspect it's due to those begrudgingly written Thank Yous...
I just noted - 16 ages in 18 hours. Nothing like a hot-button like this to bring out opinions.


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

:thumbup:


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## patriciamb (Jul 13, 2011)

I agree a thank you would have been nice and was called for. However, I think I would still make something, maybe something small. It's hard to live by the rule, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,' but still the best motto.

We had a wedding shower at church for 2 brides-to-be. We all knew that they did not need to send a thank you as they thanked everyone at the shower, and it was announced they didn't need to send a separate thank you. One bride-to-be took the time and did anyway - it was a very nice gesture.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

kittykatzmom said:


> The least a person can do is send a thank you and do it in a timely manner. I lost both of my parents within two weeks of each other and I got my thank you notes out promptly. I was also working full time and had both sides of the family trying to crap on me. I don't think people stress this to their children anymore. I had a young girl, who was going to take care of Meka while I had surgery. Well Meka passed and I gave the girl $10.00 - never got a thank you, kiss my butt or nothing.


Looks like you've had more than your share of troubles and the after shock and pain is still hanging on. Whatever works for you, try to put it all behind you and move on. You deserve to live a life without all that hanging onto you. Best to you always.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

Cocoa said:


> When someone gives a gift or displays a special kindness an acknowledgement should be given. It is a simple matter of good manners and that is never old fashioned or out dated
> 
> In the instance you describe, because you are friends with the woman's mother, I would knit a small gift. But if this time you do not receive a thank you I would definitely follow up.


That is how I'm thinking at present, thank you.


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## Downtonature (Jun 7, 2011)

I was also brought to say or write thank you notes, but times have changed and some parents have not brought their children up to do the same thing. I agree with the other replies, knit something small, like a baby bib and/or facecloth with some baby soap and that should be sufficient all around. It will also make you feel better also.


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## Bloomers (Oct 11, 2013)

I received a "blanket" thank you note for a wedding gift for a family member before we had even given her the gift. I was very upset and so didn't bother to even wrap the gift. I had spent a good deal of time and money on it and felt the least she could have done was written a personal thank you. Needless to say as her children came along we did not send gifts or cards. I have forgiven her but the slight still hurts.


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## rkr (Aug 15, 2012)

I'm noticing a trend heremany similar comments, as this topic is posted weekly. :
- being taught please, thank you and you are welcome!!
- brought up to write thank you notes,
- times change, but manners!!?? NEVER

-And YES it starts many arguments in my family. They seem to think I expect too much. Was it heart felt? NO ! But it is written. 
(very passive aggressive. anger steals your soul & time on earth [in health/blood pressure, etc])

-forgot to say NO way will a email do to say thank you
vs 
-"and he said in his email, 'oh, thanks, that was sweet'. So mailed the card with check again, it has been cashed but have not received a thank-you. I guess his email response was it." (He DID acknowledge thisin the first email!)

I think this is PERFECT: "A GIFT is not a gift if something in return is expected. It is then a TRADE."

-We are living in a different time.
Exactly. And 150 - 200 years ago (even less in the case of US expansion: pioneers moving West) formal written TYs were not possible, given the fact of no uniform mail service.
Isn't this all a 20th century thing? In light of the centuries prior and hopefully many more centuries to come, this formal TY writing will probably be seen as an anachronism; hopelessly old-fashioned and out of style.

I'm thinking that those opposed to not receiving 'formal' Thanks, perhaps may be ones who also (subconsciously??) think "I had to write them and gosh darned it, others should too!"
Yes I do write Thx....but once something has let my hands, it's theirs.


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## juerobinson433 (Mar 21, 2011)

Nancy s I agree I have started that.


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## juerobinson433 (Mar 21, 2011)

Skinnie Minnie That was nice of the grandparents


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## mzmom1 (Mar 4, 2011)

I love to receive a thank-you, but do not necessarily expect it, my gifts are given with no strings attached.


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## neelia (Mar 28, 2011)

Yes - A Thank You for a gift is mandatory -

one way to make sure your gift is received is enclose a short note - suggesting that they acknowledge receiving the gift - things do get lost - or put away - and for a baby gift - perhaps inquiring about the name- of the new baby. 

Just a little nudge in the right direction. Neelia


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## juerobinson433 (Mar 21, 2011)

I also forgot to add the daughter had a photo taken with each guest and sent that out with the card attached.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

AuntKnitty said:


> When I knit for someone I know, I knit for the love of that person, not for thanks. When i give a gift, no matter how big or small, I let go of all expectations. If I can't, I don't give the gift.


I don't see where knitting for love and not endorsing "common" courtesy are mutually exclusive. It's a little like valuing others far more than valuing yourself, which isn't very healthy according to current experts opinions of helpers and people pleasers. All things in moderation, loving others as yourself, not instead of yourself, is a healthier route to take. An opinion, but not mine alone.


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## Technogranny 1 (Jul 20, 2014)

I to am of the generation where it was considered good manners to say thankyou, verbally and with letters and while I no longer send notes, I do still always say thank you, and of course it is nice to receive a thank you however when I give a gift large or small it is from my heart and not for thanks, it is because I wanted the recipient to know I care for and about them.


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## shadypineslady (Jan 28, 2014)

Give with a generous heart. What has happened in our society that a giver thinks they are due something in return for a gift? If a giver expects a thank you, then what is given is not a gift, it's part of a purchase where the giver is expecting payment. I obviously agree with your DH. Knit the second gift and remind yourself that it is better to give than receive.


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## Marlys (Mar 15, 2011)

Miri said:


> A couple of years ago I went to a close friend's daughter's wedding. I gave a gift of a sheet set with pillow cases, and did not receive a thank you, verbal or written. I am old fashioned and expect to be thanked.
> Now this girl is expecting her first baby and as I love knitting I like to make something for new babies. I somehow don't feel inclined to because I was not thanked for the previous gift.
> DH said we do not give to be thanked and I should knit something.
> I don't know what to think about this, what would you do?
> ...


I think everything has changed since we grew up, Nobody ever thanks you for anything and it drives me up the walls. I have also stopped giving present for that reason. My kids still had to thank everybody when they got something and now their kids don't do it. Where did we go wrong?


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

kittykatzmom said:


> I sent my grandson a Christmas card a few years ago with money on the inside. It wasn't much, but all I could afford. Never heard if he got it or nothing. My daughter has an attitude and doesn't come around, so I've not seen him for a few years. He is old enough he could call or visit, but doesn't. I just have to go on and not let it ruin my holidays.


I'm sorry to note that this seems to be the new normal instead of the exception. I have both adult stepchildren and step-grandchildren who seem to have forgotten that I exist. I was told by one some years back that I don't look like a grandma (whatever that means, I'm sure old enough), so that's why he ignores me pretty much. I have never figured the "logic" in that one.


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## Isuel (Sep 27, 2011)

I believe a thank you is timeless gratitude.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

hgayle said:


> After a few months of not having received a thank you, I would have asked her mother if she liked them because you never received a thank you from her. As for the baby gift, I would only send a card congratulating her on the birth of the baby when it's born. I have a DIL who has only ever thanked me for something twice. My son (her husband) isn't much better. We were on Facetime with them Christmas Day, while at my daughter's, and the kids thanked my daughter for their gifts, but not one word was said to my DH and me about the gifts we sent the grandkids and my son and DIL. The DIL sent me a text the day after Christmas asking a question about something, and I asked her if they got the presents we sent because no one mentioned anything to us when we were on the phone the day before. Her reply was yes, thanks, but there was just so much going on. I figure if they can be rude enough to forget to mention the gifts, I can be rude enough to ask if they got them. They are like this with all the family members. They also don't buy gifts of any kind for anyone except my daughter's two kids. (I should add that my DIL takes care of the finances and is quite a tightwad.) What is so difficult about saying thank you?!


If you ever find a really good answer for your final question, please let me know, because I can't figure it out, either. It's almost like left-over teenage rebellion, eh? Very few seem to mature beyond that point these days, they spend more time thinking up excuses than it would take to say a simple thank you, which would also make them feel better about themselves if they thought it through that far. That kind of thinking is apparently outdated, too, replaced by electronics perhaps? I use my computer a great deal, but I don't allow it to take over my life.....


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## boobooka (Apr 29, 2012)

Isuel said:


> I believe a thank you is timeless gratitude.


That is true. It is the little things that some people have forgot!


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## alfief (Nov 11, 2014)

I have also not been thanked for gifts I have sent.......but I would make something for the baby. I always look into myself and figure out what would be the right thing for ME to do so that I know I am doing the right thing for me and that way I dont harbour any resentments. Tit for tat is not for me personally.


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## Hannelore (Oct 26, 2011)

bundyanne07 said:


> I like to be thanked and think it's very rude of people not to do so on receipt of something nice. I always say 'thank you' in one way or another.


I agree. It seems to be the way some people go nowadays. Go with your gut feeling on making something for the baby.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

LolaBean said:


> My daughter and her husband never sent one thank you card for their beautiful shower gifts or their wonderful wedding gifts. They were married two years ago. I am so embarrassed whenever I see any of our friends who attended those events.
> I've already told her that when she gets pregnant, I am not going to have a shower for her because I can't ask people to come to her shower when they were never thanked for or acknowledged the previous gifts!!!!!!
> I'll never get over the embarrassment of this!


Aren't they the ones who should be embarrassed? There's no way you can control other people's behavior. I understand your feelings, but I wouldn't take the responsibility for the behaviors of adult children.


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## Marlys (Mar 15, 2011)

shadypineslady said:


> Give with a generous heart. What has happened in our society that a giver thinks they are due something in return for a gift? If a giver expects a thank you, then what is given is not a gift, it's part of a purchase where the giver is expecting payment. I obviously agree with your DH. Knit the second gift and remind yourself that it is better to give than receive.


I don't quiet agree with you, If I give a gift it's from the heart and this should somehow show the person that that you care and don't just give a gift because it is expected.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Sierrakj said:


> The first thing I think about when I receive a gift is how to say thank you. By expression or a note or letter. Even if you dont especially love the item there has to be one good thing to say about it. Just the fact that someone thought enough of you to give you a gift is reason to be thankful. I spent a lot of time making homemade gifts this year with not much said about it. Next year who ever comes to see me will get a fine dinner and maybe a little something will be found under the tree for them. Same to be said for the rest of the year. i think charities may need those items more.


I nominate you as the best clear-thinking person qualified to teach a mandatory class in manners before anyone over the age of 16 can get or renew their drivers licenses :~D. Really.


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## boobooka (Apr 29, 2012)

Why is it so hard to say 'thank you'???? For some it is an entitlement!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

jestsat said:


> When I don't get a thank you card. I call and ask if it was lost in the mail. Depending on the answer, I mail a dollar store package of thank you cards for them to keep on hand for the future as sending thank you cards is an important responsibility for receiving a gift. If they didn't know they do now!


;~D!!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

knitpick1 said:


> Let me tell you about what happened to me. It wasn't a wedding gift, but funeral flowers, throws, wind chimes, stones etc. that people gave when my dear husband passed away. While we were at the after burial dinner I paid for for approx. 200 people. The funeral home brought it all into the place I rented for the dinner and put it on a large table when I went into the restroom. My greedy stepson and his equally greedy wife saw that as a chance to grab almost everything and load it into their van. They even stuck some into their kids arms and told them to run with it outside. They even took the donation envelopes. My daughter alerted me of this and she and I had to go out and get some of it back. I didn't have a problem with them taking the gifts their friends sent for them, but they took mine too. I knew they would write thank yous to their friends, but when I got some of mine back(not all) the tags were torn off so I didn't know what came from who. I was devastated. One of his aunts even said she wrote on the back of the card on the throw she got that it was to come to me, but I didn't get it back. All I could do was put a thank you in three newspapers hoping the people would see them. Even to this day I feel bad about it. Maybe something like this happened to the bride and groom.


I'm so sorry this happened to you.....


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## past (Apr 3, 2011)

With so many ways to communicate this day and age I would think any form of thank you would suffice. I made an afghan for my nephew's wedding. While they were opening gifts I received a text message from my new niece thanking me for the afghan and letting me know that it was keeping her warm while opening the rest of their wedding gifts. To me this was the best kind of thank you I could ever ask for.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

shadypineslady said:


> Give with a generous heart. What has happened in our society that a giver thinks they are due something in return for a gift? If a giver expects a thank you, then what is given is not a gift, it's part of a purchase where the giver is expecting payment. I obviously agree with your DH. Knit the second gift and remind yourself that it is better to give than receive.


What has happened in our society that folks are now entitled to gifts without a word of acknowledgement or thanks? If I expect "payment" I'll send an invoice. Expecting thanks is not a payment, it's an acknowledgement that someone has done something for you and ignoring that fact is rude. I think too many excuse too much.


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## rkr (Aug 15, 2012)

Marlys said:


> I think everything has changed since we grew up, Nobody ever thanks you for anything and it drives me up the walls. I have also stopped giving present for that reason. My kids still had to thank everybody when they got something and now their kids don't do it. Where did we go wrong?


My point exactly. After the late 60s to 70s - we may have insisted ours do it - but it prob left them w/the same sort of negative feelings we had. About that time the kids no longer had the same fear of preceding generations we had - and indeed it was a fear couched in respect - and decided (though prob subconsciously) that things like that weren't as important as their folks made it seem. I still insist that only when a SPONTANEOUS Thank You is spoken or written are you truly seeing the giftee's heart!


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## SuzyinTX (Sep 15, 2013)

I'm pushing 70 and I still write thank you notes. And unfortunately, an email or FB message seems to be enough these days, if even that. It's a shame and I hate that this and several previous generations don't think it's important. I know what you mean about wanting a "thank you" for a gift. I have one branch of my family that is really bad about it. I have had to call and ask if they got whatever it was I sent, as I had heard nothing, and it really bothered me at the time. It just shows they weren't "raised right", as we say in Texas, and in the South. But, it seems to go in one ear and out the other. The importance is lost on the younger generations.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Marlys said:


> I think everything has changed since we grew up, Nobody ever thanks you for anything and it drives me up the walls. I have also stopped giving present for that reason. My kids still had to thank everybody when they got something and now their kids don't do it. Where did we go wrong?


I agree. If it's okay to be rude to folks who cared enough to give a gift, then it okay to stop giving gifts or thinking of others in that way. No one owes anyone else a gift of their time and money only to be ignored. That's a sign to me that my gift is not valued and should not be repeated.


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## gclemens (Feb 18, 2012)

When I give a gift the blessing I receive is the giving of the gift. I expect nothing else. Anything I receive in way of thanks is the cherry on top.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

rkr said:


> My point exactly. After the late 60s to 70s - we may have insisted ours do it - but it prob left them w/the same sort of negative feelings we had. About that time the kids no longer had the same fear of preceding generations we had - and indeed it was a fear couched in respect - and decided (though prob subconsciously) that things like that weren't as important as their folks made it seem. I still insist that only when a SPONTANEOUS Thank You is spoken or written are you truly seeing the giftee's heart!


We really disagree on this issue. I don't give a hoot whether the thank you is a phone call, an email, verbal, whatever, just so I'm not treated as if I don't exist and my efforts have no value. I don't recall resenting thanking others when I was young or now. Even if I didn't particularly like the gift, I sure liked knowing that I mattered enough for someone to send or give me something. Apparently gratitude is passe', and I think that's a shame. No wonder so many think nothing of name calling and other rude behaviors these days. It has really become a me-me-me world, based on how the individual feels at the moment and never mind because there are no longer any repercussions for undesirable behavior.


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## Donnabellah (Jul 12, 2011)

I think that people who can not or will not express any appreciation should not be given any more gifts! It is one thing to say congratulations since it doesn't really cost anything but if time and money was spent as a gift it should be appreciated and expressed! If you don't receive any thanks then you bow to the reality that you are not very important and walk away! I am not saying that its okay to be rude to these thankless souls though.


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## MissAnnie (Jan 1, 2015)

Knit something that's quick. This happened to me once With a couple of repeats and in the next gift I enclosed a self-addressed stamped envelope with blank card inside. They got the message and since then have always received a heartfelt Thank You note.


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## imabubbe (Jul 4, 2011)

Amen Samkewel. It is not about expecting payment, but being treated as a person who matters. Writing notes is a gracious way to acknowlege the fact that someone did something nice for you It is not expected as "payment" but part of the social exchange that takes place between polite people. 

I dont care how "advanced" communication is today; good manners do not go out of style. Ask the officers of big corporations which candidates stand out after an interview: is it the ones who sit and wait to let the chips fall where they may, or the ones who write thanking the interviewers for taking the time to interview them.


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## Valanteen (Sep 28, 2011)

I have 17 grandlchidren and 6 great grands. Standing rule. If you are old enough to hold a pencil (with mothers help) you better send a written thank you note or I will not be sending another present for birthdays, Christmas, graduation, wedding or birth of a child. If I though enough of you to spend time and money on you a thank you note reflects proper etiquette and upbring. My mother taught me good manners reflect what class you belong to, not race color or creed.


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## Lucille12 (Nov 7, 2014)

The same thing happens to me with my grand daughter. She just had her 5th baby in Dec. so I sent her a good size check and bought something from QVC and had them ship it to her. Well I still haven't heard anything from her. We live at opposite ends of the country so we don't see each other very often. I even sent her an email to ask her about it and still haven't heard from her. I was thinking that I should forget about sending them anything anymore.


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## Turmaline (Jun 2, 2013)

Lucille12 said:


> The same thing happens to me with my grand daughter. She just had her 5th baby in Dec. so I sent her a good size check and bought something from QVC and had them ship it to her. Well I still haven't heard anything from her. We live at opposite ends of the country so we don't see each other very often. I even sent her an email to ask her about it and still haven't heard from her. I was thinking that I should forget about sending them anything anymore.


If the check is cashed, you know she got it.


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## bakrmom (May 30, 2011)

While you should have received a thank you, things happen. Maybe one was written and lost in the mail, maybe never written. At this point it's a bit late to question. IF you enjoy making baby gifts, make one. You will still get the pleasure of gifting something. I make and give because I enjoy doing so. While a thank you is always welcome, I don't get upset if it doesn't appear.


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

Apparently you missed the point of my post - regardless of what you are going through you should still have good manners. I got over it many years ago. Even with what my dad's sister did to get my dad's money I sent her a sympathy card when I found out her husband had passed - I saw his tombstone behind my dad's. Then when she passed in honor of my dad I went to her funeral and took flowers, which I never received a thank you - two guys in this town pampered her and got everything she owned. They didn't call to let me know she passed and I saw it in the paper. Regardless I handled it as my parents would have wanted me to do and I didn't regret for it one minute. You can not replace good manners.


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## Lucille12 (Nov 7, 2014)

I don't get my checks back from the bank. I get a monthly statement with the information that they were cashed. I'm not very trusting with things like that. I always think if she didn't tell me that she received it, was it her that cashed the check or was it someone else that may have stolen it. I guess this has to do with the job I had before retiring.


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## ggigliel (Apr 27, 2011)

I agree, a gift always deserves a thank you. I have knitted gifts and not even a thank you. No more knitting for them. But a baby blanket should be the last she would get from me if not acknowledged.


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## Munchn (Mar 3, 2013)

A thank you certainly was in order for the wedding gift. 
If you are close to the girl's family and really like to knit for babies make something. Maybe it will click with the girl eventually.

I don't get this no thnx stuff either. :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown:


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## Elaine C. (Jul 9, 2011)

Miri said:


> A couple of years ago I went to a close friend's daughter's wedding. I gave a gift of a sheet set with pillow cases, and did not receive a thank you, verbal or written. I am old fashioned and expect to be thanked.
> Now this girl is expecting her first baby and as I love knitting I like to make something for new babies. I somehow don't feel inclined to because I was not thanked for the previous gift.
> DH said we do not give to be thanked and I should knit something.
> I don't know what to think about this, what would you do?
> ...


With all of the baby blankets and bootees that I give out as gifts. I have only received two thank you notes or cards. The expectant mom's always thank me at the baby showers but I don't get a written out thank you note. I really feel that if someone gives a gift it is polite to write a thank you note or card. Now if I know the expectant mom can't afford to send out a personal thank you note due to being low income then I do understand.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

kittykatzmom said:


> Apparently you missed the point of my post - regardless of what you are going through you should still have good manners. I got over it many years ago. Even with what my dad's sister did to get my dad's money I sent her a sympathy card when I found out her husband had passed - I saw his tombstone behind my dad's. Then when she passed in honor of my dad I went to her funeral and took flowers, which I never received a thank you - two guys in this town pampered her and got everything she owned. They didn't call to let me know she passed and I saw it in the paper. Regardless I handled it as my parents would have wanted me to do and I didn't regret for it one minute. You can not replace good manners.


I'm sorry these things happened to you. It's kind of like a slap in the face, isn't it, but you did the right thing and I commend you for it. I simply don't understand (or accept) what is happening these days regarding simple, basic, formerly common decency. It's really rare.


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## Elin (Sep 17, 2011)

This subject irritates me--very much so. It isn't as though these ungrateful people are not on line half of their lives anyway. Here's an idea: why not knit something for the baby and in the box include a blank thank you card that's already self-addressed to you. Maybe she'll get the hint! (Maybe not)


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## finntwin (Oct 23, 2011)

Yes, I do expect a Thank You for a gift..but like others have said, do not always receive it.. But one thing I can say, for graduation cards with money inside, I did get all my Thank Yous...


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## cc1945 (Dec 10, 2013)

I also like to receive a thank you, any form, call, email etc.
It doesn't happen too often anymore. I always told my kids if someone takes the time to look or make a present for you, you need to take the time to write a thank you note. They didn't like to do it but it was always well received.
I would make a cute little gift, and if you can, give to your friend for her daughter. You do it for friendship sake and it will make your friend happy that you share her joy.


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## Lettuceknit (Dec 22, 2012)

Glanced at this post. How about making a charity gift and give the new mom to be a card with the article of the gift with the name of the charity? She can either be gracious and say thank you for the lovely idea or be miffed at you. Maybe she will get a hint.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

Paet said:


> To be thanked is simply recognition that a gift has been received. I doubt that we are looking to be patted on the head or something similar. The thank you, as I see it,simply means that the gift arrived and we appreciate your thought.


That is it in a nutshell!


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

imabubbe said:


> Call me harsh but after years of remembering my stepchildren's birthdays and other events without so much as a verbal thank you, I decided to throw in the towel and save myself the money and aggravation of trying to find something suitable. Isend gift to people who seem to appreciate them. However the idea in this case of sending the gift to your friend seems a good solution.


I agree with you.


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## hgayle (Aug 22, 2011)

Miri said:


> That is it in a nutshell!


Exactly!


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

Ditsy said:


> It really peeves me when people don't say thank you or even acknowledge receipt of a gift. I hated doing thank you letters when I was a child and, much to my mother's disapproval, I resorted to thank you cards when older. Now, I am happy to have a text, email or Facebook message. We have a neice (14 years old) who never bothers but what annoys me is the fact the parents don't bother either. This year, I suggested we didn't bother to send anything because she is old enough to know better but my husband decided we would continue until she is 18. What really annoys me most though is that they are 'born again' Christians. It always seems to me that they are the most thoughtless, unkind, unforgiving and un-Christian people I have ever come across. Put me off going to church for ever.


I agree with you on so much of this.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

LEE1313 said:


> Well I am in a different spot right now.
> My son and his family came to MA for the holidays.
> (my daughter paid for the plane tickets for the 5 of them).
> Asked 13 yr old granddaughter what she would like, she asked for Green Converse High top sneakers. OK $70.
> ...


I'm sorry, but she sounds spoilt. Also sorry you are hurting.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

kittykatzmom said:


> The younger generation has even dropped the Mr or Mrs when addressing the person. A waitress where I love to go calls everyone sweetie - UGH! I don't like any woman calling me sweetie, honey or darling. I don't say anything to her, but I don't find it that respectful. I know I am old fashioned, but I like being old fashioned compared to many of the ways of this world today.


Oh heck, that is another topic, being called 'sweetie', etc. I agree with you, ugh!


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## gin-red (Sep 17, 2011)

If it is in your heart to do, then do it. We only have control of our own responses or lack thereof. I will probably be answering for the things I should have done and didn't more so than those I did. You are the better person!


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

knitblefingers said:


> Hmmm. I agree it hurts that some can't seem to say thank you for a gift. On the other hand do I stoop to that level and not give a gift to a new baby who has done nothing rude to me? If you really want to get the point across to the thoughtless mother tell her. Maybe no one wever has. And maybe she is just ungrateful. But dont stoop to her level. If you want to make a gift for the baby make it for him/her not the mother. If you don't want to make it send a card of congrats and leave it at that. Just don't NOT make the gift to "teach her a lesson" because her actions offended you.


I agree with what you have written. The more I am reading all these responses, the more I am thinking about the person concerned, and I will certainly speak to her mother about it (I rarely see the dau. these days) as if I just don't give a gift, no-one would know why.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

bevieo said:


> In Star Tribune "miss manners " someone wrote in that thank you for gifts is inappropriate now days and shouldn't be expected!!!! Miss Manners said maybe soon gifts would be too or a similar comment!!!! I too am waiting for thankyous for gifts I'd at least like to know they arrived by postal at quite an expense!!!
> .!!!!


That is such a valid point, because when posted, we need to know it has arrived - I agree.


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## cc1945 (Dec 10, 2013)

Your son and daughter in law should have made your granddaughter apologize and basically give all back if she doesn't like it.

At 13 many girls are very moody, but this is no excuse to be rude and ungrateful. Next time, if you decide to send a gift, send her a gift card for say $25. or $50. and she can go shopping. Don't expect a thank you.
I have granddaughters 11 and 13 years old and all they wanted were gift cards, fine with me, even got a thank you email from one.


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## Treasure (Sep 2, 2011)

Well, I'm sitting here reading all the comments, so I guess I will put in my 2 cents ( or with inflation, 25cents).

If a grandchild doesn't send a thank you, then guess where the fault lies? It's with the parent who hasn't sat them down, put a pencil in their hand, and helped them a write a thank you for each and every gift they receive regardless of the sender. Now, if it is an older teen, then if there is no thank you, there are no more gifts. If it's a wedding present or engagement present that has not been acknowledged, then no more gifts, be in anniversaries or babies. They will never learn otherwise. I don't think it's harsh. I think what they don't acknowledge is rude, uncaring and if you do send anything, you are just validating their entitlement. 

BTW, Happy New Year! *s*


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## patriciamb (Jul 13, 2011)

I guess you could always ask if she liked the gift you gave for the wedding..


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## Treasure (Sep 2, 2011)

I don't know, patricia.. If she liked it, she would have thank you'd...


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## colleend2006 (Aug 25, 2012)

These days your lucky to get a thank you ..even if you are sitting right there..They just do not do it anymore. Sad.


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## cc1945 (Dec 10, 2013)

Not necessarily. I know people who liked their gifts but never
bother to thank for them. You can call it lack of manners, rude, thoughtless...


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## nomassey (Nov 15, 2012)

I was quite surprised to get "thank you" notes from my new step great grandchildren, ages 3 and 5 years old. When new great granddaughter was born "she" wrote a thank you for the blanket that I knitted. You can really tell that their Mother was taught to send thank you notes and now she is teaching her children to do the same. I think it shows that they are taught manners and how to be grateful.


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## Rag doll (May 30, 2013)

This is a pet peeve of mine, not receiving a thank you note. It depends on the relationship whether or not I give future gifts. I feel if someone is kind enough to give you gift no matter how small, they deserve a thank you.


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

No, those thieves didn't come around anymore since they gave me fits over settling the estate and lost. They wasted money on two lawyers. They somehow knew they were no longer welcome on my property without me even having to tell them. But it no longer matters because I no longer live there.


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

I guess the right thing to do would be to go ahead and give them something. If you don't the tongues will probably wag and not in your favor. Don't do it for them, do it for yourself. Even if they don't properly acknowledge the gift you will know you won't have anything to feel guilty about. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and go on. Even if they don't appreciate it the baby will and possibly everyone who sees that baby wearing your gift. And the close friend will also know.


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## Piki (Nov 11, 2014)

Long time ago, in the early 80sh I meet a friend with 2 children kindergarten age. I used to knit for them, than kids grown up, got married and my knitted baby items ended up with the new generation in Canada and Japan. Now the Christmas cards are comming with pictures of the children occasionally wearing one one the garments knitted for the girls and passing is down to the younger ones. I do really treasure the friendship and specially my friend who appreciated the gifts and now as grandmother passes her values to the grandchildren learning traditions and hand made items worth to be treasured. However ,sorry to say,this case is an exception.
Thank you for a present is natural,specially for a handmade one. 
The norms are changing, so am I. Lately I knit less presents since were not appreciated, knowleged or items were returned for repair due to damage caused by mishandling. So the list of recipients getting shorter.


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## flohel (Jan 24, 2011)

It is just good manners to thank one for a gift.


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## Piki (Nov 11, 2014)

If she would not liked it I am sure she would let you know or return it to you. Some times individuals are make more efforts to communicate displeasure than satisfaction. Sorry for your heartache, it is undeserved, happens to often. Wish you Happy 2015!


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## Piki (Nov 11, 2014)

Thank you is a small "price" for a gift. Everybody wishes for gifts, so ....It is not rocket science, maybe needs to be posted in the social media.


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## ggigliel (Apr 27, 2011)

I agree, you have to teach your children manners. Something that is lacking now a days.


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## Chemchic (Dec 16, 2012)

Barn-dweller said:


> It is always nice to receive a thank you but this doesn't seem to happen so much these days. We were made to sit down and write thank you letters every Christmas but parents don't seem to do that these days. Perhaps just knit a token gift for the baby.


I always expect a thank you, hand written note!! I'm not that old, so it's not something that just elders expect, but I don't want a phone call and NEVER a text or email! I expect they hand write a note/letter, as I've taken the time to give the gift/money and they can take the 5 minutes to write a note.

I raised my children to ALWAYs write something, ever since they were little. They are now 26, 24 and 22. THE BOYS, TOO! when they were little, I told them that if they couldn't write a note, then they had to give the gift back. My mother tells me that they write the most beautiful letters/thank yous, to her. I don't even remind them and that makes me happy.

What's horrible, is I'm real bad a writing "timely" thanks yous! I eventually write them but sometimes not right away. I still think that's bad. But it ends with me! my children don't do that. My sister -n law, who was raised with the most proper etiquette, does NONE of this, and her kids hardly do any at all! I am godmother to her son, and when he didn't send a thank you after a hefty monetary gift for his confirmation or birthdays (and I told him it was expected), I stopped gifting him anything. I won't stand for bad behavior..they need to learn and there are consequences, in my book. I'm one tough cookie!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Piki said:


> Thank you is a small "price" for a gift. Everybody wishes for gifts, so ....It is not rocket science, maybe needs to be posted in the social media.


Now there's an idea I could really support!!!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Chemchic said:


> I always expect a thank you, hand written note!! I'm not that old, so it's not something that just elders expect, but I don't want a phone call and NEVER a text or email! I expect they hand write a note/letter, as I've taken the time to give the gift/money and they can take the 5 minutes to write a note.
> 
> I raised my children to ALWAYs write something, ever since they were little. They are now 26, 24 and 22. THE BOYS, TOO! when they were little, I told them that if they couldn't write a note, then they had to give the gift back. My mother tells me that they write the most beautiful letters/thank yous, to her. I don't even remind them and that makes me happy.
> 
> What's horrible, is I'm real bad a writing "timely" thanks yous! I eventually write them but sometimes not right away. I still think that's bad. But it ends with me! my children don't do that. My sister -n law, who was raised with the most proper etiquette, does NONE of this, and her kids hardly do any at all! I am godmother to her son, and when he didn't send a thank you after a hefty monetary gift for his confirmation or birthdays (and I told him it was expected), I stopped gifting him anything. I won't stand for bad behavior..they need to learn and there are consequences, in my book. I'm one tough cookie!


There's nothing wrong with tough love. How else are younger generations to learn?


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## sumnerusa (Nov 9, 2011)

I would give her a gift, hand made or not, and when you wrap it include a package of "thank you" notes. Hopefully she will get the hint.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

SAMkewel said:


> I don't understand. If the friendship with the mother is what is important, then gift the mother with something she would enjoy. The daughter is not an extension of the mother and babies are totally unaware of having been gifted anything. If the older generation doesn't expect the younger one to grow up, who will? Making excuses for them doesn't work for me. If anyone cannot make the effort to thank others for their time, effort, and expense in giving a gift, there's something drastically wrong with that and I won't enable it.


Well said!


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

disgo said:


> Miri
> As much as I expect the 5 cent postage stamp we sent them with :shock:
> 
> Over 40 years ago a good work friend finally got married and I went to her registry and bought her the set of water goblets (most expensive in the set) for her gift--not a peep. Over the years we bumped into each other and never one mention as to how she appreciated my more than generous gift.
> ...


Thank you "Dear Abbey" :-D


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

LolaBean said:


> My daughter and her husband never sent one thank you card for their beautiful shower gifts or their wonderful wedding gifts. They were married two years ago. I am so embarrassed whenever I see any of our friends who attended those events.
> I've already told her that when she gets pregnant, I am not going to have a shower for her because I can't ask people to come to her shower when they were never thanked for or acknowledged the previous gifts!!!!!!
> I'll never get over the embarrassment of this!


Interesting !! From a mother's perspective, I hadn't thought of it that way either.
Love the kitty!


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

I read a few pages and the theme began to be repetitive and it became obvious to me that I am glad that I have picked different issues to battle. Yes, etiquette rules state that thank you notes should be sent and sent timely. But society has gotten away from etiquette rules. None of us can control that. Is your life so dull that this is a battle you really choose to fight? 

Any person I give a gift too is someone I feel close enough that I can openly communicate with them (or their parents). If I want to know if a gift was received and/or enjoyed...I ask.

No I shouldn't have to...but if I want to know...I ask.

I cannot control other people's actions...but I can control my reactions. Instead of acting like a cry baby and refusing to make/buy/send/give anything else to someone I love...I just open my mouth and ask if they like the gift. 

It's really simple. And sometimes the most wonderful conversations ensue. It also gives me the opportunity to learn more about their likes and dislikes and needs, etc. so that I can choose or make a gift even more perfect for the next time. Sometimes I also learn about what others like...as many times other people join in the conversation. 

Life is what you make of it. I do not have the want or desire to stop giving gifts to those I care about. When I give a purchased gift, I am not shy about telling the recipient to exchange it if necessary...wrong size, wrong color, etc. We work hard for our money and it would make me mad and sad to find out my gift sat at the top of a closet still in the box because the person didn't want to hurt my feelings and exchange it for a more suitable gift. It hurts my feelings if my money/time is wasted.

So my suggestion (to all those who waste time stressing over this) is to stop getting your panties in a wad over something you cannot control. De-stress yourself. Either learn to ask, learn to deal with never knowing if a gift was received or enjoyed, or stop giving gifts to those you care about because they did not send you a thank you note.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

knitpick1 said:


> Let me tell you about what happened to me. It wasn't a wedding gift, but funeral flowers, throws, wind chimes, stones etc. that people gave when my dear husband passed away. While we were at the after burial dinner I paid for for approx. 200 people. The funeral home brought it all into the place I rented for the dinner and put it on a large table when I went into the restroom. My greedy stepson and his equally greedy wife saw that as a chance to grab almost everything and load it into their van. They even stuck some into their kids arms and told them to run with it outside. They even took the donation envelopes. My daughter alerted me of this and she and I had to go out and get some of it back. I didn't have a problem with them taking the gifts their friends sent for them, but they took mine too. I knew they would write thank yous to their friends, but when I got some of mine back(not all) the tags were torn off so I didn't know what came from who. I was devastated. One of his aunts even said she wrote on the back of the card on the throw she got that it was to come to me, but I didn't get it back. All I could do was put a thank you in three newspapers hoping the people would see them. Even to this day I feel bad about it. Maybe something like this happened to the bride and groom.


Goodness me, what a story - some people have too much cheek. How embarrassing for you. You have done all you could, you did well, you covered their nastiness and did not betray them - so don't feel bad now.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

past said:


> With so many ways to communicate this day and age I would think any form of thank you would suffice. I made an afghan for my nephew's wedding. While they were opening gifts I received a text message from my new niece thanking me for the afghan and letting me know that it was keeping her warm while opening the rest of their wedding gifts. To me this was the best kind of thank you I could ever ask for.


I agree - lovely!


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

imabubbe said:


> Amen Samkewel. It is not about expecting payment, but being treated as a person who matters. Writing notes is a gracious way to acknowlege the fact that someone did something nice for you It is not expected as "payment" but part of the social exchange that takes place between polite people.
> 
> I dont care how "advanced" communication is today; good manners do not go out of style. Ask the officers of big corporations which candidates stand out after an interview: is it the ones who sit and wait to let the chips fall where they may, or the ones who write thanking the interviewers for taking the time to interview them.


Well said.


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## Magicnymph (Aug 20, 2014)

Nancy S. said:


> The last 2 years my granddaughter never contacted me even after I sent her birthday gifts & Christmas presents. So, this Christmas I did not send her any presents. I feel that if they don't care enough to say a simple "Thank You" then they do not care if they get a present or not.
> 
> To us older folks (65 yrs old) we still believe in manners. Why should I take my time and money to make an ungrateful person a present? I would rather give it to a shelter where I know the person will appreciate it even though I get no thank you.


I was raised to say thank you... My spouse (just less than a year younger than myself) tells me I say thank you entirely to much............? Matter of fact at one point in my marriage I was told to stop apologizing for disagreements.


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## Parvin (Feb 8, 2014)

of course I would expect a thank you, and like you I would hesitate to give another gift as the no thank you will linger in my mind. But I guess another way of conveying this is by giving now and asking politely if she did not like what you gave earlier!!!


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## Magicnymph (Aug 20, 2014)

Unheardletters said:


> I don't expect a thank you. I appreciate it, but I don't expect it. People are so rude these days, I give up on caring whether I receive anything from anyone. When I got married I expected that someone would throw a bridal shower for me, but no one did and I expected gifts at my wedding, but only received 3! I felt a lot of bitterness and anger for a while about it. I wrote thank yours to the hundreds of those who attended, even though almost no one gave me a thing. I can feel the feelings welling up in me as I write this! But I remind myself that gifts are not the reason I got married. But it still makes me feel like no one cares about me.


Bitterness? Yess. anger, long past. I have never had a bridal or baby shower. No wedding reception... One gift only (from my mother) and she was thanked immediately. Easy to do as she insisted I pick it out.... come to think of it, none of my family or friends have ever even congradulated me on getting married though I must say I did receive flowers in hospital with child delivery. though I was under to much medication to think of thank you's. So I do believe I understand the feeling you are having.


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## andreapatrick (Sep 15, 2012)

There's nothing wrong with the expectation of a thankyou. I can understand why you are a bit loathe to knit - it is quite hurting when there is no acknowledgement. I know, it has happened to me.


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## Antiquelover (Jul 20, 2014)

Very rude!


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## Magicnymph (Aug 20, 2014)

Feigy said:


> A written "thank you" may easily have been lost in the mail, so why not go ahead and knit or crochet whatever you would really like to give them. It is so much fun to make something nice for a new baby.


Not only lost in the mail.... My postmaster has been caught throwing away mail he doesn't consider worth delivering


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## TRINITYCRAFTSISTER (Sep 28, 2011)

Knit for the baby and give with love - you will be blessed by it and be part of a new miracle journey


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## sylviaelliott (May 11, 2011)

i also like to be thanked but in this modern world i think we have just to accept the fact that people do not thank you for gifts. sad though.


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## missjg (Nov 18, 2012)

Miri said:


> A couple of years ago I went to a close friend's daughter's wedding. I gave a gift of a sheet set with pillow cases, and did not receive a thank you, verbal or written. I am old fashioned and expect to be thanked.
> Now this girl is expecting her first baby and as I love knitting I like to make something for new babies. I somehow don't feel inclined to because I was not thanked for the previous gift.
> DH said we do not give to be thanked and I should knit something.
> I don't know what to think about this, what would you do?
> ...


I expect a thank U.... give a gift card.


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## sdftrace (Jan 10, 2013)

Perhaps when posting a parcel include a note to the recipient asking them to let you know they have received the parcel as you have recently had postal problems.

Then if you don't hear after about 10 days you can call them to see if parcel arrived - at least you will know it was received. 

Shouldn't have to chase but sometimes things do go the long way round to be delivered and it takes time.
Hopefully if your call is their prompt to say yes it arrived, they will thank you. If they don't well then I guess no future parcels worth sending.


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## buoybutt (Nov 3, 2014)

Thank you is always nice even if it is verbal. Last year I made a bunch of sewn projects for my former daughter in law and mailed them to her since we live in different states. She couldn't be bothered to even say thank you for your work and sending them to me. My point is I had no clue if she even got them.
A lot of people are never taught the social graces of things as simple as Thank You.


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## mdgallogly (Jan 22, 2014)

I do expect a thank you when I give a gift but far too often don't get one. When my children were young, they got thank you notes in their Christmas stockings. They could play with or use whatever they got on Christmas Day but after that they couldn't until they wrote their thank you notes. I will admit that neither of my sons continued this into their adult years but my DD is fantastic! She now has her 3 year old DD coloring a picture and signing her name to the thank you note. When I don't receive a note within a month of sending a gift, I contact the recipient and ask, saying that I wanted to make sure it wasn't lost in the mail or the shuffle of other gifts.


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## mjzorn (Feb 26, 2011)

Don't have time to read 23 pages, but I'm sure you have received some good advice by now. Just a couple of things: I am famous for being gracious and always thanking someone profusely in person then following up with a card --- but I wasn't brought up to write notes and I never wrote them for our weddings gifts (nearly 37 yrs ago!). This still bothers me, but I can't fix it now....my advice? Continue to be the gracious person you are and, as a lady of the very first page said, make the gift, wrap it up and give it to her via the mother.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

SGMMontgomery said:


> I read a few pages and the theme began to be repetitive and it became obvious to me that I am glad that I have picked different issues to battle. Yes, etiquette rules state that thank you notes should be sent and sent timely. But society has gotten away from etiquette rules. None of us can control that. Is your life so dull that this is a battle you really choose to fight?
> 
> Any person I give a gift too is someone I feel close enough that I can openly communicate with them (or their parents). If I want to know if a gift was received and/or enjoyed...I ask.
> 
> ...


1. My life is not dull and I don't consider having tried to improve it a waste of time.

2. I am not stressing over this, only expressing my opinion.

3. My panties are definitely not in a wad.

4. You are welcome to your solutions. I am welcome to mine. Everyone else is welcome to theirs ;~).


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Magicnymph said:


> Not only lost in the mail.... My postmaster has been caught throwing away mail he doesn't consider worth delivering


It must be part of the new, rude, crude way of life, with a little shock and awe thrown for good measure. Sometimes I'm quite relieved that I don't have decades more to put up with it.....


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

buoybutt said:


> Thank you is always nice even if it is verbal. Last year I made a bunch of sewn projects for my former daughter in law and mailed them to her since we live in different states. She couldn't be bothered to even say thank you for your work and sending them to me. My point is I had no clue if she even got them.
> A lot of people are never taught the social graces of things as simple as Thank You.


And apparently plenty of others have either grown lazy about it or never got beyond their teen-age rebellion against the wisdom of the ages, eh?


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

SAMkewel said:


> 1. My life is not dull and I don't consider having tried to improve it a waste of time.
> 
> 2. I am not stressing over this, only expressing my opinion.
> 
> ...


I agree with you.


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## MamaBecky (Jan 22, 2014)

Barn-dweller said:


> It is always nice to receive a thank you but this doesn't seem to happen so much these days. We were made to sit down and write thank you letters every Christmas but parents don't seem to do that these days. Perhaps just knit a token gift for the baby.


I agree with Barn-dweller. We folks are now living in a world where written Thank You's are almost extent. A few years ago I narrowed my gift giving down to family and very close friends. These I give as I please and always receive a spoken or written Thank You. Other gifts are cards or small tokens and I don't expect anything in return. These are usually to children of friends (now all grown) who have been taught proper etiquette but have forgotten or ignored those lessons. These lapses are never mentioned to my friends. Why make them feel uncomfortable when the fault isn't theirs? Since doing this, I spend less time and money overall (what I save is spent on those who are appreciative) and am not concerned with ungrateful folks. The young lady in question would be on my token list.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

MamaBecky said:


> I agree with Barn-dweller. We folks are now living in a world where written Thank You's are almost extent. A few years ago I narrowed my gift giving down to family and very close friends. These I give as I please and always receive a spoken or written Thank You. Other gifts are cards or small tokens and I don't expect anything in return. These are usually to children of friends (now all grown) who have been taught proper etiquette but have forgotten or ignored those lessons. These lapses are never mentioned to my friends. Why make them feel uncomfortable when the fault isn't theirs? Since doing this, I spend less time and money overall (what I save is spent on those who are appreciative) and am not concerned with ungrateful folks. The young lady in question would be on my token list.


I like your reply, thank you.


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## ggigliel (Apr 27, 2011)

Great answer.


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## nuclearfinz (Feb 23, 2011)

I agree a thank you should be sent. However, when I was very pregnant with our second son, My husband said we were going up to his parents house for the weekend. At the time we were both in the Navy and as I mentioned I was very pregnant and it was a five hour ride. I was tired and really didnt want to go so my husband had to tell me that is was a surprise baby shower, so.....we have to go. So the day of the shower comes and after a few miscues there, one of the presents I get is a box of thank you cards. Ok, this is nice, but after everybody leaves it is 830 900pm and my mother in law tells me I have to sit down and write out every thank you. Did I mention I was very pregnant and at this point half asleep? To make matters worse I took everything home and mailed it from there and got chastised because my mother in law had gotten stamps. I know she was trying to be helpful but forgot what it was like to be very pregnant and travel as long as we did.


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

Your mother-in-law was a barracuda. I had one like that. I let her boss me for years just to keep peace. But she should have been reminded of your condition and your tired state and not to be bullied. I know she wanted to make sure the cards got sent but her behavior was over the line.


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## derfer (Feb 1, 2013)

I am the worlds worst on Thank You notes. So I bought a book on Thank You notes. It says it is never to late to send a Thank You Note. So I got up on some of mine 15 yrs maybe .i do pretty good at it now. I wasn't taught to do it as a child but then don't remember getting many gifts either..But if you Thank the person in person it is fine you don't have to write a note.if you don't want to . That's what the book says .
Just Thinking
Happy 2015


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

SAMkewel said:


> 1. My life is not dull and I don't consider having tried to improve it a waste of time.
> 
> 2. I am not stressing over this, only expressing my opinion.
> 
> ...


If none of those 4 points above apply to you...then I wasn't talking to you. There were many posts that all or one or some of the above did apply to. Those were the posters I was talking to.

:roll:


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

The norm here in UK for baby gifts, is to get a card made with a picture of the baby on it. These are sent out as thank you cards. It's usually about 6 - 8 weeks after the birth as new mum's are very tired and busy. My daughter did this, also my DIL, and I've had these cards from other mum's whom I've sent gifts to.


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

I have received a few of those here in Texas. A beautiful way of saying thank you.


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

I just happened to remember that I had a similar experience. Not with hand made baby gifts, but with purchased gifts for baby. I have two GDs who had their babies only days apart. One had a boy and the other a girl. I hadn't been doing any needlework for a couple years so I went out and bought several items of clothing for each, including a large blanket. Was so proud of myself. Since they both lived out of town, I boxed them up and went to the post office where they helped me get them ready for mailing and they mailed them out for me. I never got a thank you, a phone call, or even an email. I was equally hurt that these two young women didn't have the decency to let me know it was appreciated. I went through channels to find out if they received them and they did. Since then, I hardly ever have any contact with the one, (I really never did) that is my sons daughter, but I see the other, (my daughters daughter) and the great grand baby (she is now 3) occasionally at Christmas. I still make the trip with my daughter to her house every Christmas time with gifts for her three kids and money for her, because she's now a single mom and terribly poor. I guess I still love them no matter what. I remember the old saying, "They step on your feet when they're little, and step on your heart when they're grown".


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

How would you feel if you sent your mother a Mothers Day floral gift via FTD and never got a phone call or anything? It was years ago when she was still alive. It was their Platinum Bouquet. I checked with the florist and their tracking and they assured me it had been delivered, the time, etc. I also called my sister who lived in the same area and she said she remembered seeing it. My family lived about 200 miles away, I didn't get to see them much, so you would think I'd at least get some acknowledgement. I was very hurt. I guess I'm just the family black sheep.


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

knitpick1 said:


> How would you feel if you sent your mother a Mothers Day floral gift via FTD and never got a phone call or anything? It was years ago when she was still alive. It was their Platinum Bouquet. I checked with the florist and their tracking and they assured me it had been delivered, the time, etc. I also called my sister who lived in the same area and she said she remembered seeing it. My family lived about 200 miles away, I didn't get to see them much, so you would think I'd at least get some acknowledgement. I was very hurt. I guess I'm just the family black sheep.


Why didn't you just pick up the phone and call your mom? I understand that you shouldn't have to...but why didn't you? Were the two of you not on speaking terms? If you weren't...why send flowers? If you were...why not just call?


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

Gundi2 said:


> no thank you; no more gifts, that's the way i do it.


 :thumbup:


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## danisamson (Jan 3, 2015)

Giving is supposed to be from the heart and unconditional. If you expect something in return, it's not really a gift. You give something because you care. It's taken time for me to come around to this, but people these days really do not seem as "trained" as we were, but do not take it personally. If you do not get a thank you in return, it doesn't mean they didn't appreciate it, I'm sure they did. There are many times I forgot to send a thank you. If you want to knit something for the baby, it will be for the baby, not for the mother. If for nothing else, do it for the love of knitting!


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

I do knit for the love of knitting. I never knit for myself I always seem to give it away. Most people I know will appreciate it I will get a thank you, how cute , I like it, or I love it.
I once went to a baby shower and my gift was a knitted baby blanket, never got a thank you note and when I went to visit the new mother I saw her cat rolled up into the blanket, I then said "my your kitty is nice and warm in the blanket" her reply was, "Oh yeah someone made that I really don't know who."


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

danisamson said:


> Giving is supposed to be from the heart and unconditional. If you expect something in return, it's not really a gift. You give something because you care. It's taken time for me to come around to this, but people these days really do not seem as "trained" as we were, but do not take it personally. If you do not get a thank you in return, it doesn't mean they didn't appreciate it, I'm sure they did. There are many times I forgot to send a thank you. If you want to knit something for the baby, it will be for the baby, not for the mother. If for nothing else, do it for the love of knitting!


...from the heart and unconditional...do it for love...

Yeah...sounds right...feels right.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

bizzyknitter said:


> I do knit for the love of knitting. I never knit for myself I always seem to give it away. Most people I know will appreciate it I will get a thank you, how cute , I like it, or I love it.
> I once went to a baby shower and my gift was a knitted baby blanket, never got a thank you note and when I went to visit the new mother I saw her cat rolled up into the blanket, I then said "my your kitty is nice and warm in the blanket" her reply was, "Oh yeah someone made that I really don't know who."


Oh my goodness, that says it all. I bet you felt like saying something cutting!


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## eneira12 (Dec 18, 2013)

I know that when I married my DH, some gifts didn't have any card or name attached when we opened them. You might ask if she received the sheet set and were the colors wrong. You're thinking of making a baby gift, but you don't want to make something that is not useful to her.


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## bobctwn65 (Jul 27, 2012)

I may be an odd one but I knit and gift for the good feeling it gives me...and almost all at least say thank you when I give it to them...and that is enough for me... old saying: expect nothing, appreciate everything.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

knitpick1 said:


> How would you feel if you sent your mother a Mothers Day floral gift via FTD and never got a phone call or anything? It was years ago when she was still alive. It was their Platinum Bouquet. I checked with the florist and their tracking and they assured me it had been delivered, the time, etc. I also called my sister who lived in the same area and she said she remembered seeing it. My family lived about 200 miles away, I didn't get to see them much, so you would think I'd at least get some acknowledgement. I was very hurt. I guess I'm just the family black sheep.


I've spent almost 76 years being my family's black sheep. Welcome to the club. Since they kept putting me there against my will, I finally decided to embrace that position and enjoy the freedom that came with it. Now I do what I think is right and don't worry about their super-judgmental attitudes; those are their problem :~D!


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

I was torn between calling my mom or keeping quiet. We were on speaking terms if you wanted to call it that. She wasn't much for talking on the phone and whenever she did all she liked talking about was my sister and her kids. The same when I visited her. I won't go all into it, but I didn't care to hear a run down of their lives and no interest in mine or my kids. I had four kids and she couldn't even remember their names. I thought it was pretty cold of her because we didn't get to see each other very often because of the miles between us. But I did feel it was her place to at least call me when she got the flowers. This was only one of the things she did that hurt my feelings which sometimes I doubted if she ever realized it or sometimes I wondered if they were deliberate. I've always shrugged it off as middle child syndrome. But that's enough about me, I sorta got off track of the topic, and for that I'm sorry. It's just that I never really had anyone to talk to about these things. I loved my mom dearly and now she's gone, so I really should bury the hurt also.


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

I think I would have told her that I was the one who knitted the blanket.


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## pb54116 (Jun 27, 2011)

I made baby blankets for one of my nephews' first two babies and never received a thank you or acknowledgement. When baby #3 and then baby #4 came along, I didn't send anything. One of his brothers, on the other hand, sent me a thank you with a photo of his little girl wearing the outfit I made and lying on the blanket I made and, when they had their second child, they called with a thank you for the things I made for their baby boy. These nephews have the same parents, so I'm not sure why one feels it's OK not to thank me and the other one went out of his way to do so.


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

I think I was the black sheep mostly because I was up here in Northern Ohio and the rest of my family which were Mom, Dad, Sister and Brother were all in Southern Ohio. I was pretty much out of sight and out of mind. If I wanted to see any of them I always had to go to them. There was love there but we just weren't very close, more like strangers. I think because I left home at 18. I said, "It was time I left the nest". I guess I had my life and they had theirs which didn't include me. I was never even invited to the family reunions. Never knew when or where, which was odd because my dear father was the head over it. But enough about me, I was never a ME person and I shouldn't be talking about myself now. But this lady's dilemma just brought it all back to me.


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## BTRFLY (Mar 2, 2011)

I too was raised to either write a thank you or make a phone call. It is totally rude not to do either. I don't think I would want to make her something, maybe buy something small. I get so irritated when I knit a gift and there is no thank you. I am not sure people appreciate all the work that goes into a hand knit gift. Good luck


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

knitpick1 said:


> I was torn between calling my mom or keeping quiet. We were on speaking terms if you wanted to call it that. She wasn't much for talking on the phone and whenever she did all she liked talking about was my sister and her kids. The same when I visited her. I won't go all into it, but I didn't care to hear a run down of their lives and no interest in mine or my kids. I had four kids and she couldn't even remember their names. I thought it was pretty cold of her because we didn't get to see each other very often because of the miles between us. But I did feel it was her place to at least call me when she got the flowers. This was only one of the things she did that hurt my feelings which sometimes I doubted if she ever realized it or sometimes I wondered if they were deliberate. I've always shrugged it off as middle child syndrome. But that's enough about me, I sorta got off track of the topic, and for that I'm sorry. It's just that I never really had anyone to talk to about these things. I loved my mom dearly and now she's gone, so I really should bury the hurt also.


I'm not sure, but I think I know how you feel. My mother hated females of any ilk, so I learned rather early to disregard her actions and most of her opinions, but it does do a number on your self-esteem until you're old enough to figure things out. I was the youngest child, but given the most responsibility from a very early age. In retrospect I think the other three family members were too damaged to function normally. On the other hand, I've always been able to take care of myself ;~).


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

knitpick1 said:


> I was torn between calling my mom or keeping quiet. We were on speaking terms if you wanted to call it that. She wasn't much for talking on the phone and whenever she did all she liked talking about was my sister and her kids. The same when I visited her. I won't go all into it, but I didn't care to hear a run down of their lives and no interest in mine or my kids. I had four kids and she couldn't even remember their names. I thought it was pretty cold of her because we didn't get to see each other very often because of the miles between us. But I did feel it was her place to at least call me when she got the flowers. This was only one of the things she did that hurt my feelings which sometimes I doubted if she ever realized it or sometimes I wondered if they were deliberate. I've always shrugged it off as middle child syndrome. But that's enough about me, I sorta got off track of the topic, and for that I'm sorry. It's just that I never really had anyone to talk to about these things. I loved my mom dearly and now she's gone, so I really should bury the hurt also.


I am sorry...sometimes those who should love us the most are the ones to hurt us the most.


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## cheeny (Mar 12, 2013)

bundyanne07 said:


> I like to be thanked and think it's very rude of people not to do so on receipt of something nice. I always say 'thank you' in one way or another.


bundyanne07, i too like to be thanked for a gift i give, and i wouldn't give a gift that i didn't think was not a nice gift and i don't think anyone else would give a gift that they didn't feel was a nice gift. that said i feel it is rude of people not to give a thank you for any gift that they recieve, whether they felt it was a nice gift or not. but i must agree with Miri's husband that we do not give a gift to be thanked for it, we give because we want to give. yes, i think she should have said something at the time, prehaps "did you get the sheet set i got you i didn't hear from you and was afraid that maybe they got lost in all the present given to you and wanted to be sure you got them" or something along that order, because it might have been an over sight that they didn't give a thank you for a gift they recieved. besides 2 wrongs never make a right. i too feel that if you love to knitt for new babies then do so. cheeny


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

cheeny said:


> bundyanne07, i too like to be thanked for a gift i give, and i wouldn't give a gift that i didn't think was not a nice gift and i don't think anyone else would give a gift that they didn't feel was a nice gift. that said i feel it is rude of people not to give a thank you for any gift that they recieve, whether they felt it was a nice gift or not. but i must agree with Miri's husband that we do not give a gift to be thanked for it, we give because we want to give. yes, i think she should have said something at the time, prehaps "did you get the sheet set i got you i didn't hear from you and was afraid that maybe they got lost in all the present given to you and wanted to be sure you got them" or something along that order, because it might have been an over sight that they didn't give a thank you for a gift they recieved. besides 2 wrongs never make a right. i too feel that if you love to knitt for new babies then do so. cheeny


Good advice, thank you.


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## beahop (Sep 1, 2014)

Hi,
I had the same experience with my grandson. He thanked his in-laws on Face Book, but not to me.So I felt hurt and told him. He sent me a long letter explaining why he didn't have "time". The letter took longer to read than the "thank you". Now I don't feel obligated to do anything more. He took me off his face book instead. Young people don't feel it is important to say thank you, so we shouldn't feel obligated to repeat the generosity of a gift. It's best to give to charity in honor of the birth of a baby, or other reason then let them receive it. Bea


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

A 'collective' thank you to everyone for your response to my topic. I do appreciate the time you have taken and for sharing your experiences.
I have read every response and taken note.
In summary, I would like to outline my observations.

It is not old-fashioned to expect a 'thank you', be it verbal or written, email, etc. 
In my instance, as I'm not on Facebook, a thank you there for me would be useless.

It is a sign of respect to say 'thank you' to the person who gives a gift, regardless of whether the gift is liked or not.

Parents, friends, and family of those who have not thanked people for gifts are also affected.

People who have not said thank you for their wedding gifts can feel bad about not doing so.

We need not question our own expectations when a 'thank you' is not received, we should be thanked, it is a courtesy and is not a difficult task.

In my own instance, after reading all your responses, I contacted my friend (two years later) and explained to her and she apologised for us not receiving a reply and gave me a feasible reason, which I accept. I realised that if she was a true friend, she would understand how I felt and our friendship would not be damaged. She did understand and even after all this time I am pleased that I decided to talk to her about it. 

Should anything like this happen again, I have decided I will contact the person I have given a gift to after a reasonable time, if I have not had an acknowledgement, and ensure it has arrived. 

I also like to give to charity and this is a good option, for some people, instead of gifting a person directly, we can let them know we have gifted to charity in honour of their occasion/event. That way we know we can be sure that the gift will be appreciated if there could be any doubt.

I feel sure I have missed out some points, but thank you everyone for this learning experience and helping me to sort this out.

Best wishes for 2015.


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## SGMMontgomery (Mar 23, 2014)

Miri said:


> A 'collective' thank you to everyone for your response to my topic. I do appreciate the time you have taken and for sharing your experiences.
> I have read every response and taken note.
> In summary, I would like to outline my observations.
> 
> ...


What an awesome synopsis of this posting! I am impressed that you contacted your friend. Communication is a wonderful thing.


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## MarilynKnits (Aug 30, 2011)

Miri said:


> A 'collective' thank you to everyone for your response to my topic. I do appreciate the time you have taken and for sharing your experiences.
> I have read every response and taken note.
> In summary, I would like to outline my observations.
> 
> ...


And a thank you right back at you. I always find it a pleasure to meet someone like you who is a class act.


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

Good Manners..... puts us in a "class of our own".
I bet we are mostly from the same generation, when manners were important.
What has happened?
And "Thanks" to all who added to this topic.


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## momskii (Oct 25, 2012)

Gundi2 said:


> no thank you; no more gifts, that's the way i do it.


I definitely agree and do the same. By the way, I got a thank you the week before Christmas for a baby shower that I traveled from Florida to CT to in August. Hand made a baby blanket for the baby and have yet to see it used.


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## momskii (Oct 25, 2012)

beahop said:


> Hi,
> I had the same experience with my grandson. He thanked his in-laws on Face Book, but not to me.So I felt hurt and told him. He sent me a long letter explaining why he didn't have "time". The letter took longer to read than the "thank you". Now I don't feel obligated to do anything more. He took me off his face book instead. Young people don't feel it is important to say thank you, so we shouldn't feel obligated to repeat the generosity of a gift. It's best to give to charity in honor of the birth of a baby, or other reason then let them receive it. Bea


I think that's a good idea to give to a charity in honor of the baby.


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## momskii (Oct 25, 2012)

gclemens said:


> When I give a gift the blessing I receive is the giving of the gift. I expect nothing else. Anything I receive in way of thanks is the cherry on top.


I am hoping that if I keep telling myself that, I will believe it. I really don't mind a verbal thanks if I am present, but it's really hard when you have spent so much to mail the gift thousands of miles, and don't even get an acknowledgement that it was received.


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## momskii (Oct 25, 2012)

SAMkewel said:


> I nominate you as the best clear-thinking person qualified to teach a mandatory class in manners before anyone over the age of 16 can get or renew their drivers licenses :~D. Really.


Really agree with you. I have actually thought about doing my own class with 10-15 year olds to teach manners. It isn't hard to send thanks. Some greeting cards come stamped with thanks on it and you only have to fill in the blanks and mail it.


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## momskii (Oct 25, 2012)

Elin said:


> This subject irritates me--very much so. It isn't as though these ungrateful people are not on line half of their lives anyway. Here's an idea: why not knit something for the baby and in the box include a blank thank you card that's already self-addressed to you. Maybe she'll get the hint! (Maybe not)


That worked for me with the grandkids. With their birthday cards and checks, I sent self-addressed & stamped postcards so they could let me know the gift arrived. I did actually get them back this year. Still haven't gotten a thank you from their mom however, and her birthday was in November


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## momskii (Oct 25, 2012)

Lettuceknit said:


> Glanced at this post. How about making a charity gift and give the new mom to be a card with the article of the gift with the name of the charity? She can either be gracious and say thank you for the lovely idea or be miffed at you. Maybe she will get a hint.


Really like this idea and will use it next year at Christmas for my two children who FORGOT to send me anything for Christmas. It's not that they don't have any money all four of them are working very good jobs and I didn't even get a Christmas card, while breaking the bank to send them all gifts. Last time


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## Maplelkknitter (Dec 19, 2013)

When my children were little, I always gave them a PCI of thank you notes in their stockings. Their gifts could not be used until notes were written. I had to help until they were older, but this year, as adults, they noticed I had forgotten the notes and they both asked about them. As a result, the members of our extended family have taken up the custom and we now get notes from everyone. That didn't used to happen and my kids were resentful that they had to write and the others didn't. But look what happened. The others got on board.


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## beahop (Sep 1, 2014)

Goes to show you that young people, parents have no idea of how showing good manners is to those who give them gifts. Maybe grandparents should teach the little ones to do it. 
Give them "thank you" cards and tell them to use it when they get a gift from people. They shouldn't pay for their parent's ignorance. That's what I'm going to do this year for my grand-son's children.


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## momskii (Oct 25, 2012)

bizzyknitter said:


> I do knit for the love of knitting. I never knit for myself I always seem to give it away. Most people I know will appreciate it I will get a thank you, how cute , I like it, or I love it.
> I once went to a baby shower and my gift was a knitted baby blanket, never got a thank you note and when I went to visit the new mother I saw her cat rolled up into the blanket, I then said "my your kitty is nice and warm in the blanket" her reply was, "Oh yeah someone made that I really don't know who."


When I make baby gifts especially, I always put my labels somewhere on the gift. Especially at a shower, where a lot of folks and gifts are present, the cards for who gave what are often times lost or put with the wrong gift. I did get an acknowledgement once that thanked me for attending her wedding when I wasn't there but did send a gift!


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

And today I mailed the last of my THANK YOU notes off.
WHEW glad I am in good graces !!

I was brought up to acknowledge gifts, EVEN if I hated the gift. As a child I wasn't allowed to play with the gift until the Thank you was written. Speed writing 101 !!! LOL
And at my "golden" age I still write notes. Always adding a personal thought about the gift also.


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## Metrogal (Mar 15, 2011)

Manners and such has sure gone by the wayside. We never dreamed of not writing thank you notes for gifts, but that was instilled in us by our parents (mostly mom). My children both do as I taught them to. But people these days just don't care. I would probably still knit something though, as I love knitting for babies.


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## Karenno1 (Mar 17, 2014)

i was brought up to be grateful no matter what you recieve good or bad and stand up on a bus to give an older person standing my seat etc . I have tried to instill this into my children i hope it has worked ..we live in a society of everyone thats a parent now treats their children like a best friend how mummy goes shopping buys the same top as her daughter to be cool or lets her daughter get a spray tan at ten.. knit a little something for the new baby and you wont get a thanks either...but YOU know you have done good


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## Lettuceknit (Dec 22, 2012)

Just a thought...why not give stamped envelopes with a box of thank you cards to the bride and groom? They can send them out after you write on a separate congratulation card what they are used for and why you use them? No excuse because the cards are in front of them with the words "Thank You" on them.


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## beahop (Sep 1, 2014)

So, you finally learned like I did. No gratitude from these kids. You taught their parents, who apparently "forgot" to teach them, or give you an excuse why. They are not acceptable to me. So I stopped giving to these kids. Maybe even disinherit them and bequest their share to a charity. Bea


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## beahop (Sep 1, 2014)

That's a shame, where the person "forgot" who sent it.
I made an afghan for my daughter who was in service. She was stationed in Germany and she brought it back when she returned to the States. Now her cats got a hold of it and made holes in them. So how do you give hard working knitting for someone who doesn't know how to "care" for a gift? No more.


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

Weddings are different in mind. Everyone that gives a present should receive a thank you note, it is usually included with the wedding stationary even by today's standards. ''Manners makith man'' or woman for that matter. A thank you for a wedding should have been given.


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## Miri (Dec 17, 2011)

mavisb said:


> Weddings are different in mind. Everyone that gives a present should receive a thank you note, it is usually included with the wedding stationary even by today's standards. ''Manners makith man'' or woman for that matter. A thank you for a wedding should have been given.


I agree with you - weddings are different.
Very hot here today, phew!


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

It is very humid here in the Blue Mountains. Some rain today and hot and steamy. I will be encouraging my son and daughter in law to send thank you notes for the presents given them at their wedding. Even a big thank you to everyone on facebook for the baby shower presents as well as the engagement presents all three things happening this year.


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