# Really annoyed



## kvb (Sep 3, 2015)

I knit lots of items for a particular friend who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back, boasting to people about her "haute couture" garments & singing my praises- gosh I dont mean to sound big headed. 
Last year suffering with a bout of jealousy "its not fair what about me" my son's girlfriend appeared with a knitting pattern that she had bought off the internet & asked me to knit it for her ( no checking first needless to say)-I asked her if she'd checked the measurements etc & she assured me she had. So I bought the wool for her as a present last Christmas & recently knit it for her - I had explained at the time that she would have to take her place in my "to do" list. 
Over the summer I finally knit the garment - it was a full length "coat" type in a complicated aran style pattern so wasn't an easy knit especially as it had been written by a "designer" who obviously wasn't a knitter & there were numerous errors & problems with the pattern but I got it finished & handed it over - it is exactly to the size on the pattern & I thought it looked rather good.

She has now rung me to complain that she isn't happy with it - she says the shoulders are "hanging off" - it is a dropped shoulder style- & the sleeves are "too long" although the pattern clearly shows in the photo that they go down over the hand to the middle of the fingers. When I've explained this to her she said she thought that as I was supposed to be an experienced knitter I should have know that these weren't right & I should have corrected them. Frankly I was so shocked by her attitude that I didn't bother to argue & said I'd look & see what I could do to adjust it but the more I think about it the more it is annoying me. 

Whilst I was out a bag was dropped off at my home which when I opened it also contained a Christmas jumper- I frequently knit Christmas picture jumpers & last year knitted everyone in the family the same "Santa" jumper - these aren't for serious wearing of course but for a light hearted contribution to the festive season, workplace dress up days & so on. Her's has been duly returned saying she doesn't like the colour & she would like it changing.
I am shattered at her ill manners & in-grattitude & would dearly love to give her the benefit of my opinion but then there would be words between myself & my son as he is extremely protective of her ( realistically he does know how bad her manners are as I am by no means the only person to be offended by her ) so I am trying to be the "bigger person" & say nothing.

What do you folks think ? do I just grit my teeth & do as she asks ? Am I the only person who has encountered this sort of behaviour ? 

At least writing it down has released some of the "head of steam" that has been building but my apologies for the length of the essay !!

Kate xxx


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## pazzanop (Feb 16, 2017)

No, I would not just grit my teeth. She will continue to get away with this awful behavior if you do. Just put them at the bottom of your to-do-list and never get to them. If she asks, tell her that you had more important projects to work on.


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## painthoss (Jul 10, 2012)

I do not understand why on earth your son should expect you to walk on eggshells around his girlfriend. Let her have it, in my opinion.


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## elliekluge (Feb 11, 2015)

Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


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## mattie cat (Jun 5, 2013)

pazzanop said:


> No, I would not just grit my teeth. She will continue to get away with this awful behavior if you do. Just put them at the bottom of your to-do-list and never get to them. If she asks, tell her that you had more important projects to work on.


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## Candycounter1 (Mar 28, 2017)

I don’t think your out of line
But she is

She could fold over the wrist part & make a cuff, short enough, maybe she measured by her projected size in her mind & not on her actual body...

How unappreciative❓????????‍♀❓
I guess I’d make her nothing more, or maybe but a blanket for her bed or to hang over back of the couch.????

No sizing required by body size.????


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## fortunate1 (Dec 13, 2014)

Holy cow!!! If he stays with her you are setting the stage for her to continue this crap with you. Tell her you will do it when you can, and then just be to darn busy! Or better, teach her to knit her own stuff!


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## fancythatfancythis (Mar 28, 2017)

If someone is kind and polite to me, i return the sentiments. If someone can’t smile at me when I offer my smile, I let it go because that person needed my smile. As it has been said, the person who doesn’t smile is the one who needs it the most.

That being said, I will not tolerate bad manners from anyone. I would tell them what they NEED to hear because obviously they didn’t hear it growing up. IMO, you are within your rights to speak up to this extremly rude and ungrateful individual, without any apologies on your part. Any apologies (don’t hold your breath), should come from her. Further, I would tell her you no longer will knit for her.


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## dixiedarling (Nov 26, 2017)

Well.......my handling of this problem would be this---take the knitted coat back and sell it or give it to someone who would appreciate it. Tell the girlfriend that she might get another coat when my schedule allowed it. (Of course, my schedule would NEVER be free to knit her another ANYTHING) As far as the sweater, same answer, keep it for yourself, give it to another person who would appreciate it, give it to charity or sell it. 

I have encountered the same type of thing from people I have crocheted items for. I did exactly what I stated in the previous paragraph. My time is MY TIME, so if I want to make an item for a person I will, if that person doesn't appreciate it, too bad for them. They can either learn to make the item themselves or forget about it!

As far as your son getting upset, he needs to realize that his girlfriend has extremely bad manners and he shouldn't condone her bad behavior. I have two adult children and they know that I will stand up for myself in any circumstance. If they don't agree with that, then they can stay at their house and I will stay at mine!


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## shawcountry (Jun 10, 2012)

I would tell her you'll take it under advisement then put it at the bottom of your to-do list, forever. She has learned to manipulate those around her through her entitled behaviour. You've now recognized that and have a choice how to respond.


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## janallynbob (Jan 5, 2018)

I'm sorry this has happened, I don't knit for other's, I've been asked, I just say no.

I understand you dilmena, but I think the more you do in this situation, the more you will be expected to.

I know this is not help, my son asked me to knit a sweater, for his x girlfriend, sorry, won't do it, I explained why, he was ok with it, boy, lol, she wasn't.

Oh well, she's gone, my son is still my best friend.

Follow your heart, people pleasing rarely pays off.

Janallyn


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## jmcret05 (Oct 24, 2011)

I'll add my vote to NO. Politely explain that since she finds fault with your work, which is time-consuming and expensive, that you feel like she would be happier with 'store-bought' items that she can pick herself. Hopefully, the girlfriend won't become a permanent member of the family. Discuss with son first if you feel a need to.

Do Not Back Down!!


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## Susanrph (Aug 2, 2012)

I’m with shawcountry. My knitting time is too precious to spend making something that won’t be appreciated!


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## Willoughby (Jul 4, 2012)

I sure hope he doesn't marry her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## vicki5 (Apr 5, 2014)

I think you should knit only for those who will truly appreciate both the knitted item and the time spent.
Our knitting minutes and hours are far too precious to be wasted on anyone as selfish as this girl. I'm surprised that your son is not embarrassed or hurt or angry about the way she is mistreating you.
Knit beautiful things for those you love, and for those who will never know who made them but whose lives will be enriched by them.


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## KateJ (Mar 5, 2013)

As long as you continue your behavior and reaction, she will continue hers. You are the only one that can (or wants to) change the interaction between you. I tell my kids, "You can't control how others treat you, you can only control how you react to them."


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## marg 123 (Oct 17, 2012)

I would say
Thank you for returning xxxx I have now donated these to charity. As you do not appreciate my knitting I will no longer knit for you.

Tell her straight.


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## B4 (Jan 30, 2013)

kvb said:


> I knit lots of items for a particular friend who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back, boasting to people about her "haute couture" garments & singing my praises- gosh I dont mean to sound big headed.
> Last year suffering with a bout of jealousy "its not fair what about me" my son's girlfriend appeared with a knitting pattern that she had bought off the internet & asked me to knit it for her ( no checking first needless to say)-I asked her if she'd checked the measurements etc & she assured me she had. So I bought the wool for her as a present last Christmas & recently knit it for her - I had explained at the time that she would have to take her place in my "to do" list.
> Over the summer I finally knit the garment - it was a full length "coat" type in a complicated aran style pattern so wasn't an easy knit especially as it had been written by a "designer" who obviously wasn't a knitter & there were numerous errors & problems with the pattern but I got it finished & handed it over - it is exactly to the size on the pattern & I thought it looked rather good.
> 
> ...


Good morning Kate, This girl could be your future daughter in law and if you let her walk all over you now she will continue to do so. Think about it, the many hours you have spent knitting the garment for her, not to mention what you paid for the yarn. When did your time not become valuable? wouldn't you love to say to her,( sure I could knit that for you but maybe you could help me with some of my work, like maybe doing some house cleaning so I would have more time to knit for you. I find I just have so much knitting to do for you and other people I don't get to the chores I have to attend to every day like cleaning the washroom & vacuuming). lol that should stop her in her tracks.
People who don't knit have no idea the hours spent knitting. They think we're bored and need to fill our time with things to do. Our time is just as valuable as there's. 
I know you don't want to hurt your son, but it isn't your son that is being put out, YOU are. So maybe a nice little talk to him about your valuable time, and appreciation from others towards you.
Let me know how you make out Kate.


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## targa416 (Mar 26, 2017)

I wouldn’t knit another thing for her. It’s that simple.


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## SeasideKnit (Jun 4, 2016)

Love is blind and it sounds like your son can't see the ill manners in his girlfriend. I would not stir that pot because all it will do is alienate your son from you as he will feel obliged to defend his girlfriend which you already know. What I would do is "kill her with kindness."

This sounds more like a lack of communication by the girlfriend and lack of mind-reading on your part (ha ha!!). If there is a next time, meet with the girlfriend in person, explain the pattern as-is and how it will fit then see if what she chose is what she wants. As to the color of the Christmas sweater, I would not re-do the existing one but next time, I would bring her to the yarn store and have her choose the color she wants. I would also ask her to sit with you while you knit her sweater and do some fittings to make sure it's what she wants and fits properly. 

My point with all of this is for her to invest her own time into the garment you are so gracious to make for her. At some point she may not want the "hassle" of going through all these steps and will ask you to stop knitting for her. You can then both feel good about it because she doesn't have the time despite the fact that you have made her a priority as to color choices and fittings which should take away the jealousy aspect since you haven't taken all that time and care with others you knit for. (Please realize I am being a little sarcastic here but you can say something similar without the sarcastic edge.)

Good luck!


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## Beestings (Oct 17, 2012)

Willoughby said:


> I sure hope he doesn't marry her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My thoughts too!

I think after I had calmed down I would say to her, "Sorry, love, but it ain't like Primark/Walmart, you can't exchange the garment for a smaller size".

I would never make anything for her again and should son say anything, reply. "I did make what she wanted, darling, but in the end she didn't like it. It took me ages to make too."


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## dunnville89 (Apr 24, 2012)

My gut reaction: Cross her off your knitting list and treat her with cool civility from now on. I know you are on thin ice since you don't want to lose contact with your son, but she is taking advantage of you and is being a brat. Maybe you should stop knitting for anyone in the family and knit just what you want for yourself and perhaps for charity. Then you could tell her you're out of the knitting business and knit only for fun. Good luck.


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## Cookie61868 (Sep 19, 2011)

I would suggest to her that if she wants it exactly her way to learn how to knit it herself!!! Even offer to teach her to knit, maybe then she will understand all the work and care that goes into handmade items. I’ve had similar experiences and now I only knit or crochet for people I know appreciate the work and love that goes into these items.


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## DickWorrall (May 9, 2011)

I crochet and feel the same way.
I want to hand them a crochet hook, tell them where to buy the yarn and pattern and make it themselves.
I would cross her off my list of making anything for.
Tell her that you have too many other projects.
Too many people in line ahead of her.
I just cannot do it.
If she could, find another person to knit for her or take up the craft herself.
Dick


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## Shellydee (Mar 30, 2016)

I agree with everyone. I would no longer know for her. I think you should tell your son how she has behaved too. I really wonder how she treats him. Does she buy him too? Maybe this will help open his eyes to her.


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## dixiedarling (Nov 26, 2017)

targa416 said:


> I wouldn't knit another thing for her. It's that simple.


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## JLEIGH (Apr 1, 2011)

Non knitters seldom understand how long it takes to knit something. They are clueless. And some of us are slower knitters than others. I think I would talk with my son privately and tell him how disappointed you are that "the girl-friend" is unhappy with what you have made for her after all the hours and work you put into it. Point out that one of the advantages to buy "store bought" is you get to try it on to see how it suits you prior to buying it, unfortunately that isn't how it goes with hand made knitted items! I wouldn't tell him, but that would be the last item I made for her personally. I'm also hoping that this girlfriend will soon be an "ex". If she is a "keeper", I think the entire family (your son included) will suffer. I wouldn't say anything detrimental about her so your son doesn't feel the need to "defend" her ill manners!


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## dauntiekay (Jan 18, 2014)

pazzanop said:


> No, I would not just grit my teeth. She will continue to get away with this awful behavior if you do. Just put them at the bottom of your to-do-list and never get to them. If she asks, tell her that you had more important projects to work on.


I totally agree--if you keep doing what you are doing then there is gonna be more friction "build up". I would stay away from projects for her as much as possible and keep peace in the family.


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## Ermdog (Apr 24, 2014)

How very sad. I think I would be even more saddened if my son expected me to be treated in such a way. Seems to me he is protective of her because he knows if he doesn't put up with her attitude, she'll dump him. Which of course would be a good thing in the long run. I believe that you teach people how to treat you. It is possible to let her know you are feeling used and taken for granite.....you know that dirt stuff you walk on because it has no feelings? My rule of thumb is HDR. Honest, Direct and Respectful. She obviously is a spoiled entitled brat who needs to know that not everyone will allow it. You can let her know in a calm quiet voice (because you know you are in the right) that you can possibly make adjustments but tailoring is not free. If she wants you to start over, she will have to wait in line and purchase the next lot of yarn herself and pay for the work. First coat was on grace, but you will not allow anyone (with emphasis) to use you, as there are so many others you are knitting for who actually show gratitude. If she has a fit, don't back down. If your son gets mad at you for your stance, then he needs a HDR response as well, and shame on him. There is no way on Gods green earth that you should set the tone of a possible long term relationship with her by teaching her that you will bow to her bullying. Don't you do it. It will be a long road of misery which will destroy your relationship with your son as well. Put your foot down for sure and certain right now. You can do it!


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## NanaG (Jun 12, 2012)

So sorry that you have to deal with such a lack of manners by your son's girlfriend , no less! This can be a very sticky situation, because if he truly loves her, he will side with her. Hopefully, it's more of a physical attraction that will soon pass. It's difficult for young adults to learn manners when they haven't grown up using them!
I would quickly find someone to gift the articles to, and if, and only if, she evers asks about them, I would get a rather puzzled look on my face, and then change it to that look of sudden remembrance. I'd say, " Oh, those things, yes, well, when I looked at them, I realized it would be impossible to alter them. Yarn is not like like fabric, you know." Then, if she mentions taking them back, which she probably won't, I'd say you gave them to someone who appreciated them.???? Should she EVER mention you making something for her again, I'd say, " I just don't know when I'd have time to start a project like that."


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## CALLI (Jun 23, 2013)

kvb said:


> I knit lots of items for a particular friend who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back, boasting to people about her "haute couture" garments & singing my praises- gosh I dont mean to sound big headed.
> Last year suffering with a bout of jealousy "its not fair what about me" my son's girlfriend appeared with a knitting pattern that she had bought off the internet & asked me to knit it for her ( no checking first needless to say)-I asked her if she'd checked the measurements etc & she assured me she had. So I bought the wool for her as a present last Christmas & recently knit it for her - I had explained at the time that she would have to take her place in my "to do" list.
> Over the summer I finally knit the garment - it was a full length "coat" type in a complicated aran style pattern so wasn't an easy knit especially as it had been written by a "designer" who obviously wasn't a knitter & there were numerous errors & problems with the pattern but I got it finished & handed it over - it is exactly to the size on the pattern & I thought it looked rather good.
> 
> ...


Ask for the coat back saying that you will see what can be done to alter it to suit her needs, then promptly 'forget' about it and if asked, give her the money you used to buy the yarn, then give her both the money and pattern. If she wants another offer to teach her how to knit.
As for the Christmas sweater, donate it to somebody more appreciative with the same solution as above.
Put her on your "not knitting for you anymore" list.


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## Leam (Apr 16, 2017)

Please google Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think you will recognize your son's girlfriend. Been there, but he ended up marrying her. Their long and ugly divorce just came to an end. I don't think talking to your son will help. He knows what she is, but is trying to make the relationship work, and is probably walking on eggshells to please her.

And no, I don't think you should knit for her. She won't appreciate anything you do for her and will turn your hard work into an insult in some way. But I wouldn't engage with her-- she will only escalate the situation. So don't make excuses or explain yourself. It won't work. Just smile and say you've put her request in the queue and need to finish other projects first. Then ignore the request.

I feel for you. This is a tough situation. Good luck.


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## dianejohnson (Jul 26, 2011)

I agree with everyone on this very selfish person!

This link may better explain how and why to say no to toxic people: 
http://www.littleshaman.org/blog/2018/8/24/how-to-say-no-to-narcissists-other-toxic-people


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## dialknit (Oct 17, 2012)

fortunate1 said:


> Holy cow!!! If he stays with her you are setting the stage for her to continue this crap with you. Tell her you will do it when you can, and then just be to darn busy! Or better, teach her to knit her own stuff!


 Could not put it better myself :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## deexer (Sep 25, 2012)

Teach her to knit, she might appreciate things more.


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## GeriT01 (Jan 5, 2015)

kvb said:


> I knit lots of items for a particular friend who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back, boasting to people about her "haute couture" garments & singing my praises- gosh I dont mean to sound big headed.
> Last year suffering with a bout of jealousy "its not fair what about me" my son's girlfriend appeared with a knitting pattern that she had bought off the internet & asked me to knit it for her ( no checking first needless to say)-I asked her if she'd checked the measurements etc & she assured me she had. So I bought the wool for her as a present last Christmas & recently knit it for her - I had explained at the time that she would have to take her place in my "to do" list.
> Over the summer I finally knit the garment - it was a full length "coat" type in a complicated aran style pattern so wasn't an easy knit especially as it had been written by a "designer" who obviously wasn't a knitter & there were numerous errors & problems with the pattern but I got it finished & handed it over - it is exactly to the size on the pattern & I thought it looked rather good.
> 
> ...


????????Agree with pazzanop. And she's just your sons girlfriend!!


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## tygereye (Sep 1, 2016)

Do you have a picture of that coat with the pattern? I am so ornery I would make a copy of it and then if you don't have of the item you knit ask her to bring it over. Then proceed to show her everything she is complaining about is exactly how the pattern is to look from the pattern she provided!! Some people just need their eyes opened to what they asked for in a nice way of course because you are going to cure this with kindness not sink to her level. :sm15:


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## knuttyknitter (Sep 14, 2012)

Try and change the coat if you want to. The jumper give to someone more appreciative and buy her one from primark in the colour she want then you have changed it. NO MORE KNITTING for ungrateful brats.


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## AnnWithAPlan (Feb 28, 2017)

I'm sorry this happened to you, Kate. Did she return the sweater/coat? Would love to see a picture of it.

I used to think to myself, "didn't your mother teach you any manners?" But I later realized that many HAVE been taught manners but un-learned them either from being around questionable friends at school, etc. So it's not always the fault of their parents not teaching them. I wonder how her mother would react if she knew her daughter behaved this way?

Anyway, I agree with all the others here. One thing you could do is tell her that your feelings were hurt by her rudeness ungratefulness, and that had she spoken to you in a kinder manner you might have considered trying to fix what she didn't like. So now the items have been sold or given away (whatever). And as others have said, you don't have to tell her you won't make anything for her again. But this would also give her opportunity to try and redeem herself (maybe).

Those are my thoughts anyway.


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## katcandu (Feb 23, 2017)

I'm sorry she is so unappreciative of the time (love, sweat, occasional frustration, joy, challenge, etc) that goes into a hand knit garment. I like knitting for people, but I must admit the recipients have always been appreciative and occasionally I have received polite suggestions on how to improve an item, but never a demand to re-make or replace an item. It looks like you would be in good company to not knit for the girlfriend anymore. Use your time for those who appreciate it.


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## wjwitch (Jan 15, 2013)

DO NOT give this ill-mannered bully any more of your time or effort - pray she does not become a legal part of your family.


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## Cathryn 2ed (Feb 1, 2011)

pazzanop said:


> No, I would not just grit my teeth. She will continue to get away with this awful behavior if you do. Just put them at the bottom of your to-do-list and never get to them. If she asks, tell her that you had more important projects to work on.


Yes! Perfect. !!! And if she asks a second time tell her you had to take it apart to fix all the changes she wanted. And if she asks a third time say you will have to start all over again.


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## Beachgirl1000 (Sep 29, 2015)

You don't want to start a fight you can't win. Someone said "kill her with kindness." Absolutely! But---on your terms. If she asks about the sweater, tell her it can't be fixed. Give it back to her. Same with the coat. Hand it over, and tell her she should give it to someone it fits better. If she tries to argue with you, just say, "Sorry. I just can't fix it." Say it with a smile. Be very gracious. 

In the future if she asks you to knit something for her, just tell her that it's probably not a good idea since she wasn't happy with the other projects. Just give her a shrug of the shoulders and a sad little smile. If she persists, just say, "No, I'm sorry. It's not a good idea." Then change the subject. Better yet, tell her you need to use the restroom and walk away from her. 

You don't want to put your son in a position that requires him to side with the girlfriend. If you stay friendly, he won't be able to blame you later if things don't work out. If they stay together, grit your teeth and take the high road. If it doesn't work out, he will respect you for taking that high road.


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## JoLink (Oct 17, 2016)

I would stop it now, you are not a door mat. I hope he doesn't marry her.


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## annie 69 (Mar 27, 2011)

I'll add my "No" too. She sounds like an entitled brat and if you continue to give in to her lack of manners and poor treatment of you it will continue. Stand up for yourself or follow shawcountry's advice and never get around to it. I have come to the conclusion that we "old" folks do not simply have a nasty attitude (although some do), but we are becoming tired of being everyone's doormat and must learn to stand up for ourselves.


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## dornefeb (Mar 1, 2017)

marg 123 said:


> I would say
> Thank you for returning xxxx I have now donated these to charity. As you do not appreciate my knitting I will no longer knit for you.
> 
> Tell her straight.


I love this reply, it's not rude but straight to the point, she's a very rude lady and very ungrateful, I would be happy to wear anything that has been made with love and I would be happy to wear your Christmas jumpers, I love them


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## Donna Hi (Mar 10, 2018)

I find the lack for basic courtesy to be abhorrent and dislike bullies in an extreme manner, along with the rise of bully dictators.
I like all of the comments and especially those from elliekluge 

Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.

My personal thought is that the craftsmanship nor the effort are neither understood, nor appreciated. That being said, I would ask for the sweater coat back, sell it on eBay or Craig’s List where your workmanship and efforts ill be duly appreciated. I would then explain to her what you have done and give her the cost of the pattern with an offer to teach her simple knitting to get her started on her own ‘couture’ future. I would not be unkind but I would honest about how you fell and that while you may offer to teach her, you will never knit for her again. She lacks even the basic courtesy of how to accept a gift graciously.

Good luck and will you let us know how this goes and how you are doing, please?


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## spinninggill (Apr 9, 2011)

elliekluge said:


> Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


Absolutely!!


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## esseike (Jul 1, 2018)

1. Take the coat and the sweater, FROG THEM WITH GLEE, knit them together into the before mentioned blanket (even if not coordinating), return it to her because "I bought this yarn with you in mind", last handmade ever for her. [Please pardon me. I understand this is far outside your bent. I would feel better for doing this even though it would put me BELOW her level.]

2. If this is acceptable manners in her family, is your son going to be able to maintain sanity if he chooses them to be his inlaws? It is always a package deal, even if the couple is estranged from one or the other's family.


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## EqLady (Sep 1, 2011)

I would let him and her have it. I would not reknit the sweater nor would I make changes to the coat. For the coat, you made what she asked, so she should just live with it. If it was me, I would let her know how ungrateful I believe she is and just tell her you are too busy to knit for her.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Follow up, on Grannie Annie. If you talk "it" over with her, be sure your son is present, so she cannot misconstrue things to him. Don't let her drive a wedge between you and your son! If the subject of the things she returned comes up, just say you assumed she did not like them and donated them. Also, that someone else could do a better job for her. And, don't offer to find that someone for her. I wish you and your son a lot of luck with this one...she is a real hand full!


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## LizAnne (Nov 25, 2011)

Don’t let her bully you. Your son is asking for problems if he marries this girl. This upset me, so I can only imagine how you feel.


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## chubs (Nov 5, 2011)

If it's possible, ravel it out and make something for your self.


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## kipsalot (Jan 2, 2013)

elliekluge said:


> Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


I agree. Remember The Taming of the Shrew? It could work miracles if enough people stop catering to her.


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## kipsalot (Jan 2, 2013)

hildy3 said:


> Follow up, on Grannie Annie. If you talk "it" over with her, be sure your son is present, so she cannot misconstrue things to him. Don't let her drive a wedge between you and your son! If the subject of the things she returned comes up, just say you assumed she did not like them and donated them. Also, that someone else could do a better job for her. And, don't offer to find that someone for her. I wish you and your son a lot of luck with this one...she is a real hand full!


Another terrific idea!


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## Lavender Blue (Aug 31, 2012)

Beachgirl1000 said:


> You don't want to start a fight you can't win. Someone said "kill her with kindness." Absolutely! But---on your terms. If she asks about the sweater, tell her it can't be fixed. Give it back to her. Same with the coat. Hand it over, and tell her she should give it to someone it fits better. If she tries to argue with you, just say, "Sorry. I just can't fix it." Say it with a smile. Be very gracious.
> 
> In the future if she asks you to knit something for her, just tell her that it's probably not a good idea since she wasn't happy with the other projects. Just give her a shrug of the shoulders and a sad little smile. If she persists, just say, "No, I'm sorry. It's not a good idea." Then change the subject. Better yet, tell her you need to use the restroom and walk away from her.
> 
> You don't want to put your son in a position that requires him to side with the girlfriend. If you stay friendly, he won't be able to blame you later if things don't work out. If they stay together, grit your teeth and take the high road. If it doesn't work out, he will respect you for taking that high road.


Beachgirl is 100% right on this. You aren't going to win in this situation. If you alienate her, you will alienate your son. If you can shorten the sleeves, you might consider it. The other sweater, not. What ever you decide is best as BG says, "Be Gracious". You have to consider the future relationship and possibility of her becoming a permanent fixture in the family. 
My son married "her twin" and the rest of the family was made miserable - or totally ignored, for almost twenty years before he finally divorced her.
I rarely even was sent photos of my 3 grandchildren and the visits were few and far between and limited to just short visits. My son was career Army and stationed overseas so he was not always aware of her attitude toward his family. She finally got her comeuppance and the divorce came as a big shock to her but all those years of misery is too high a price to pay. So please, do consider your future in the way you deal with her. And say your prayers that your son comes to his senses before he decides to marry the (w?)itch.


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## Artbarn (Aug 1, 2014)

How old is this Diva? I'm hoping that she's a young teen, so that she either grows up and stops behaving like a spoiled brat, or that your son tires of her behavior before they're old enough to marry.

In the meantime, I would not fix the coat or the sweater. I agree with those who said you should tell her, "Sorry, but they can't be fixed." Don't offer any suggestions, just let her figure out what to do with them.

I would also never knit for her again. If she asks, tell her that you are not capable of making that item. No need to give a reason, just that you're not capable. If she argues with you, just smile and say that you can tell by the photo or pattern that you're not capable.


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## Lilyan (Dec 16, 2015)

I would tell your son’s girlfriend that after looking at the coat, it cannot be “repaired”, so what would she like to do...does she want it back or should you find a new home for it? 

I do not think you should knit for her again since it would be a waste of you time and resources. But I would also not waste time being angry or mean to her. Sadly, she might be part of your family one day, and keeping a relationship with your son is more important than teaching his girlfriend a lesson on correct behavior.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

kvb said:


> I knit lots of items for a particular friend who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back, boasting to people about her "haute couture" garments & singing my praises- gosh I dont mean to sound big headed.
> Last year suffering with a bout of jealousy "its not fair what about me" my son's girlfriend appeared with a knitting pattern that she had bought off the internet & asked me to knit it for her ( no checking first needless to say)-I asked her if she'd checked the measurements etc & she assured me she had. So I bought the wool for her as a present last Christmas & recently knit it for her - I had explained at the time that she would have to take her place in my "to do" list.
> Over the summer I finally knit the garment - it was a full length "coat" type in a complicated aran style pattern so wasn't an easy knit especially as it had been written by a "designer" who obviously wasn't a knitter & there were numerous errors & problems with the pattern but I got it finished & handed it over - it is exactly to the size on the pattern & I thought it looked rather good.
> 
> ...


She is now waaaaaayyyyyy down on the to do list at my house. It is a delicate situation, but if your son is aware, then perhaps a , well you know how she is and I doubt I can please her, should suffice , without getting into details. A little tell of how many hours you put into the coat should be an eye opener and that you don't plan on repeating the performance. As for the Santa, I would just gently remind her that it was a family laugh and no repeats there either. 
I could not sit and knit for her with the air unclear but as you say could cause troubles so I would just not knit for her again rather than hate the experience. Returning patterns if they should arrive once more, with, it is someone else's turn. I have come to realize rude people hardly recognize basic rudeness, so likely she will just see "normal" attitude when you say no time just now, not rude from you, just self preservation! I hope your son survives living with her selfishness, mho, it does become a family challenge.


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

I made a dress for a little girl toddler, It was a present for a girl who worked in the shop, My yarn it turned out well, 
the girl had 7 sisters, and she asked if I would make a second one, for a different sisters child,
a Same colour same size, I suggested maybe a larger size,no Made the dress took it to the girl in the shop, Latter that day she brought the dress to my house,could I make it bigger, took the dress and gave her the money back,Gave the dress to one of the mother at school,


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## LadyBecket (Jun 26, 2012)

Do not put up with this!!! Take the garments she left in the bag and donate them to Goodwill or the Salvation Army or whom ever wants them and don't say a word. Just go about your life happy and put her out of your mind. If she says anything, simply tell her that you understood she no longer wanted them and they were going to where others would appreciate all of your hard work. Don't argue with her and if she continues, walk away!! Turn you back on this little so-n-so and ignore her. If son doesn't like it, to bad. If he puts up with her that's his business but you don't deserve to be treated this way by anyone!!!


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## Donna Hi (Mar 10, 2018)

I like Mary Cardiff's response a lot!


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## Butterfly 55 (Oct 7, 2015)

I feel your pain she sounds like a real selfish madam maybe you could alter the coat to fit your self are as others said sell it to someone who would appreciate it the time and work you put in to it


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## Butterfly 55 (Oct 7, 2015)

I feel your pain she sounds like a real selfish madam maybe you could alter the coat to fit your self are as others said sell it to someone who would appreciate it the time and work you put in to it


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## Kaitlyn25 (Dec 30, 2013)

I would sit your son down and give him a piece of your mind about the gf. My parents and I have a long standing agreement to let me know and if need be pull an intervention if a significant other is a piece of work towards them. Your son should be embarrassed!


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## WendyMargaret (Sep 10, 2014)

Try to keep your son from marrying her. He will regret it.


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## Beachgirl1000 (Sep 29, 2015)

Mary Cardiff said:


> I made a dress for a little girl toddler, It was a present for a girl who worked in the shop, My yarn it turned out well,
> the girl had 7 sisters, and she asked if I would make a second one, for a different sisters child,
> a Same colour same size, I suggested maybe a larger size,no Made the dress took it to the girl in the shop, Latter that day she brought the dress to my house,could I make it bigger, took the dress and gave her the money back,Gave the dress to one of the mother at school,


Good for you! In my opinion, you handled that perfectly! Some people act like they were raised by wolves and don't know how to act in human society!


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## Chesneys (Jan 30, 2015)

Beachgirl1000 said:


> Good for you! In my opinion, you handled that perfectly! Some people act like they were raised by wolves and don't know how to act in human society!


Wolves have better manners, as they know exactly where they fit in the pack.

My son had one like this for ten years. I gave up on her after five, and I only tried to find a balance for his sake. He has finally realized why I reminded him that this was no one I would have chosen to associate with.

Thank goodness the other son picked a good one!


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## Sjlegrandma (Jan 18, 2013)

As this woman gave you the pattern but you bought the yarn etc next time I saw her I would make a point of giving her the pattern back explaining that she may like to get someone else to make it for her next time.
I would insist that she take it. Do not re make this item.


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## CBB (Sep 12, 2014)

Beestings said:


> I would never make anything for her again and should son say anything, reply. "I did make what she wanted, darling, but in the end she didn't like it. It took me ages to make too."


Yes. Someone needs to understand just how much effort went into that sweater-coat, that it was made to the pattern specifications, a pattern she herself chose, and the fact that Miss Priss doesn't like it is not your fault. In my opinion, that someone needs to be your son. Let him straighten it out with his girlfriend. If you try, it will make for more hard feelings.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.


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## MissNettie (Dec 15, 2012)

fancythatfancythis said:


> If someone is kind and polite to me, i return the sentiments. If someone can't smile at me when I offer my smile, I let it go because that person needed my smile. As it has been said, the person who doesn't smile is the one who needs it the most.
> 
> That being said, I will not tolerate bad manners from anyone. I would tell them what they NEED to hear because obviously they didn't hear it growing up. IMO, you are within your rights to speak up to this extremly rude and ungrateful individual, without any apologies on your part. Any apologies (don't hold your breath), should come from her. Further, I would tell her you no longer will knit for her.


I agree with this answer. She needs a lesson in good manners and appreciation. You should not tolerate such behavior and your son should not expect you to. Tell her to learn to knit and she will understand. MN


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## Beachgirl1000 (Sep 29, 2015)

CBB said:


> Yes. Someone needs to understand just how much effort went into that sweater-coat, that it was made to the pattern specifications, a pattern she herself chose, and the fact that Miss Priss doesn't like it is not your fault. In my opinion, that someone needs to be your son. Let him straighten it out with his girlfriend. If you try, it will make for more hard feelings.
> 
> I'm so sorry this happened to you.


This is off topic, but seeing "Miss Priss," I knew you were in the South!


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## CBB (Sep 12, 2014)

Beachgirl1000 said:


> This is off topic, but seeing "Miss Priss," I knew you were in the South!


 :sm24: :sm24: Yep! Born and raised in Georgia. When I was little, "Miss Priss" was an epithet to be avoided. All the adult women in my family used it.


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## Beachgirl1000 (Sep 29, 2015)

CBB said:


> :sm24: :sm24: Yep! Born and raised in Georgia. When I was little, "Miss Priss" was an epithet to be avoided. All the adult women in my family used it.


I remember it well! There's a certain tone of voice that goes with it, too!


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## Mpetrueng (Mar 28, 2011)

Items not previously discussed with you, including “do-overs,” surprise requests should go to the very end of your To Do list. Since you’re such a busy knitter, I’d anticipate nearing that point somewhere around 2040, if no special jobs are added somewhere ahead of those.


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## Mpetrueng (Mar 28, 2011)

Items not previously discussed with you, including “do-overs,” surprise requests, should go to the very end of your To Do list. Since you’re such a busy knitter, I’d anticipate nearing that point somewhere around 2040, if no special jobs are added somewhere ahead of those.


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## maldir (Jun 14, 2018)

WOW..... ungrateful is putting it nicely..... because you don't want to upset your son, understandably, I would start telling her that your paying customers need to come first at this of the year.


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## krestiekrew (Aug 24, 2012)

Does your son cater to her every word? He better wake up and see what his life would be like ....

Now on to the knitting issues. 
First figure up how many hours you spent on her pattern then put a hefty dollar per hour and add the time up. Then add the cost of the yarn in. Go ahead and actually make a bill out just in case you need to show her. Explain to her yes, you are experienced and you finished the item as an experienced person would and if she were to go put an order in somewhere it would be very expensive and that you very graciously didn't charge her but if you had (this is where you show her the bill) then it would have cost this much for you to do it.

On the Christmas jumper deal...donate it, tell her you are sorry she didn't like it so you'll be sure to not make that mistake again with another one. And do not give her another one either.

And last...there just isn't a nice way to put this...Your sons girlfriend is a b***h on wheels!


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## tdorminey (Mar 22, 2011)

I would tell her that since you seem unable to knit to please her, you would both be happier if she took her "business" elsewhere. Worded as a no-room-to-argue statement, she should get the message. If she doesn't, do not negotiate. Your position is final.


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## Lolly12 (Oct 10, 2012)

Her behavior is appalling,I personally wouldn't knit another thing for someone like that.


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## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

If it were myself in that dilemma I would simply pack everything she sent up and return it to her saying you are far too busy. She is after all, only your sons girlfriend, and I am wondering for how long she will remain so if that is her behaviour..


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## Peggy Beryl (Jun 4, 2012)

I agree that you should just put her at the bottom of your "to do" list where she will stay forever. Just never discuss the subject of knitting anything for her. If she persists in demanding an answer, tell her that you presented the issue to your forum panel and this was the advice the majority gave you.


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## Elin (Sep 17, 2011)

I would love to see her face if she saw you in your new hand-made sweater reclaimed from the yarn used to make her coat.
Don't you dare let her get away with her disrespecting you and for her rudeness. I hope she doesn't become your DIL.


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

bundyanne07 said:


> If it were myself in that dilemma I would simply pack everything she sent up and return it to her saying you are far too busy. She is after all, only your sons girlfriend, and I am wondering for how long she will remain so if that is her behaviour..


I like this better than moving her to the bottom of the list and giving her false hope that you will still knit for her in the future. Hopefully she will be out of the picture before there is a future wedding and a grand baby.


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

I would put my foot down and never make anything for her again. If she says anything, I would tell here that since she doesn't like your knitting or appreciate all of your hard work, you would rather not make anything more that she would only dislike.


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## gardenlady4012 (Oct 18, 2014)

No way I would knit for her again. If she says anything more about it, tell her that since your work doesn’t satisfy her, you would rather not.


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## JoLink (Oct 17, 2016)

I'm sorry this has to happen to anyone, but in my opinion if your son marries her you will likely loose your son, ask me how I know.


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## dhenth (Jul 10, 2013)

Candycounter1 said:



> I don't think your out of line
> But she is


Is she ever. I've never heard of such rudeness!


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## Peggan (Aug 19, 2016)

Looks like most of the comments say about what I have to say. She is being rude and I would tell her you cannot change the finished items and will donate them to charity. I would not make anything for her again. And I think you son should stop protecting her from the consequences of her rudeness. He is also being rude to you by supporting her.


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## paljoey46 (Nov 20, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear she is treating you like this. Unfortunately, a lot of today's young people have that attitude. I would not put up with it. And I would definitely not take the time to fix it for her. It will never be right, in her eyes, and only cause you stress.


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## TRINITYCRAFTSISTER (Sep 28, 2011)

I am with most of the others. What a rude girl (rather like my DinL)when I knitted for the grandchildren. Do not be bullied by her and just let it wash over you. You are obviously a busy knitter so knit for those who appreciate your work.Just don,t repeat the same mistake, smile sweetly and pray for her!!


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

I personally would tell her to get lost, what a rude ungrateful person. God help your son if he marries her.


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## JudyRett (Oct 21, 2011)

I definitely would let her know how you feel in a polite way. No more gritting your teeth or knitting for her either!!!


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

marg 123 said:


> I would say
> Thank you for returning xxxx I have now donated these to charity. As you do not appreciate my knitting I will no longer knit for you.
> 
> Tell her straight.


I agree with you. The OP bought the wool and spent time knitting the garment. The girlfriend is just plain rude!


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## PatK27 (Oct 13, 2016)

I would not put up with this. This woman is extremely rude. I would explain to her how long it takes to make the items and that as for the coat she asked for was made exactly as the pattern indicated.She said she measured for it. She can find someone else to fix it. As for the Christmas sweater, I would just tell her no. It is a gift. She doesn't have to wear it. 
I would also talk to your son. Just tell him you worked hard to please his girlfriend and that you will not tolerate her rudeness and disrespect. Yes, he's going to be upset. Unless he's just like she is, he'll understand. If he takes her side, he is just as disrespectful. It may take a while but he will eventually realize how rude she is.


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## Nilda muniz (Aug 14, 2011)

Wow and she probably is going to be your dil. I think you need to be straightforward with her as she has been with you and then end the conversation with some magic words like, “I will never again knit for you, so don’t bother to look for patterns.” Her behavior is not acceptable at all.


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## hazel zanella (Dec 8, 2012)

My goodness, how very rude of the youg lady. So much effort, time and expense goes into making knitted garments. Sell or give the garment to someone else who will appreciate it and just don't make her a replacement.


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## Nanknit (Mar 2, 2013)

I would give the bag of items to your son, telling him that the coat was made to the pattern as instructed and the Christmas sweaters were fun items that you created for all to wear over the holiday season. Tell him that you cannot alter either of them. Suggest that she finds an ‘expert’ knitter to do the alterations as obviously your skills aren’t adequate for her. 
By doing this your son knows exactly what you have said, how you have said it etc and this girlfriend can’t twist your words. 
Good luck. Jen.


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## sunshine2456 (Nov 18, 2011)

I would tell her to find another knitter to do it if she wants changed. I don't take that from my own kids. I told my daughter & her husband not to come to Christmas dinner one year because of their ungrateful attitude the previous year. Thank God she divorced him!


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## gmomgil (Feb 11, 2015)

No is my answer too for all the reasons listed above. I would explain all of this to your son. If he doesn't like it, then too bad. Let's hope he doesn't marry her.


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## Judy C. (Oct 21, 2012)

You have every right to be annoyed. Sounds like one more person that has no idea of the work that goes into knitting such an item nor how to appreciate something hand-knit. I would not change the style of the coat and regarding the Christmas item . . . gosh oh gee isn't it too bad you are too busy to change or remake it. Just hang on to it and not say a word. She sounds very ungrateful.


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## pfoley (Nov 29, 2011)

Keep the returned sweaters; do not ever knit another thing for the girl. 
It will always be the same problem. 
Never mention what ever happened to her returned sweaters.


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## pfoley (Nov 29, 2011)

Keep the returned sweaters; do not ever knit another thing for the girl. 
It will always be the same problem. 
Never mention what ever happened to her returned sweaters.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

The reply by elliekluge says it so well.


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## whispers (Jan 24, 2018)

I would definitely address this with her - gently, but firmly I would tell her that I did the best I can do and offer to get her a book on how to knit or a book on good manners... her choice.
This young woman needs to be slapped to the wall like a sticker. I am so sorry that she came into your life.


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## carriemae (Aug 28, 2012)

Stop knitting for her.


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## grammyto9 (Mar 8, 2016)

I smocked clothes for my daughters (now mid-late 40's) and for my grandchildren. Many people would ask me if I sewed for money -- my reply "I only sew for love and kisses!" 
For this past Christmas I knit one of those huge jumbo yarn throws for my 23 yo granddaughter -- did not finish it until June because the yarn was sold out and my daughter and husband were building a new house so I made sure it was ready for the new bedroom. She loves it and I love her. She is the oldest of 10 grands. The youngest will be 6 a week from today.


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## harter0310 (Nov 13, 2012)

No, I would not grit my teeth and put her requests at the bottom of the list. I would be very upfront and let her know her behavior is appalling and uncalled for. Let her know you knit for your own pleasure and if she had special requests, she should have let you know what she expected or wanted, courteously. I would also let her know you won't be knitting for her again. I don't think it would be a loss if she takes offense and moves on to another boyfriend. I would also let my son know I don't condone behavior such as hers.


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## Caroline19 (Jun 6, 2011)

What you have here is a girl that has been indulged and spoiled by her own parents/family. I have a dear friend who is the same way and has always found fault (usually the colour) with items I have made for her. So the last time I made scarves for our bridge group I told Jane of my plan and I asked her if she would come with me to pick out her yarn. She told me she was just too busy to go with me so I said that it was not a problem I would find something special for her gift. I bought her some of her favourite body wash and some candy that she likes. When it came time to open their gifts at our Christmas bridge dinner she was surprised that she didn't get a scarf. Before I could explain, her hubby said "Well Jane it's your own fault, she asked you to help her pick out the yarn for your scarf and you were too busy and you have been unhappy with past gifts she has made for you so I think she has given you the perfect gift". Well I was speechless. Later that evening she pulled me aside and apologized for her behaviour. All was good between us but i have not knit for her since nor has she worn the stuff i had made for her so all is well. 
As for your son's girlfriend. I would be very kind and next time you see her explain that you took a look at the sweater coat and there is no way to adjust it so if she would like to return it to you that would be great. As for the christmas cardigan provide her with the name of the yarn and quantity needed along with the address to your yarn store and ask her to pick out the colours she wishes and you will be happy to knit it for her. Let her know that the returned sweater was given to a young person at your church or a lady at the local seniors home. I could be wrong but I don't think she will be running off to pick up the wool and that will be the end of it. If she asks you again to make something just let her know that you have too many requests on your "to do" list for others and it would be a long time before you could get to her request. Maybe she knows someone else who could knit it for her instead. That way you have been polite and respectful but firm with your response. If your son says something about it let him know tbat you have done your best and that you are now working on other projects. That way you are not getting between him and his girlfriend and standing firmly on neutral ground. Good luck hope it works out. I have noticed that most of the responses have gone one way. You have done your best and time to get back to your other projects.


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## moontje (Jul 15, 2018)

I hope my English is good enough to have understood your story. Let her get a life and let her do her difficult things herselve. Don't give in, my opinion is that she is not worth doing something nice for. Just keep up your good things/work and let her sort out her own problems. Never put so much energy in this women, as she doesn't appreciate all the effort somebody does for her.
As we say in the Netherlands: she is spoiled to the bone and nothing, but really nothing would ever be right as she is so fullfilled with herselve that she will never understand the good things people will do for her.
You just deserve a bouquet of flowers. You get them from me as she will never give you one!


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

Caroline19 said:


> What you have here is a girl that has been indulged and spoiled by her own parents/family. I have a dear friend who is the same way and has always found fault (usually the colour) with items I have made for her. So the last time I made scarves for our bridge group I told Jane of my plan and I asked her if she would come with me to pick out her yarn. She told me she was just too busy to go with me so I said that it was not a problem I would find something special for her gift. I bought her some of her favourite body wash and some candy that she likes. When it came time to open their gifts at our Christmas bridge dinner she was surprised that she didn't get a scarf. Before I could explain, her hubby said "Well Jane it's your own fault, she asked you to help her pick out the yarn for your scarf and you were too busy and you have been unhappy with past gifts she has made for you so I think she has given you the perfect gift". Well I was speechless. Later that evening she pulled me aside and apologized for her behaviour. All was good between us but i have not knit for her since nor has she worn the stuff i had made for her so all is well.
> As for your son's girlfriend. I would be very kind and next time you see her explain that you took a look at the sweater coat and there is no way to adjust it so if she would like to return it to you that would be great. As for the christmas cardigan provide her with the name of the yarn and quantity needed along with the address to your yarn store and ask her to pick out the colours she wishes and you will be happy to knit it for her. Let her know that the returned sweater was given to a young person at your church or a lady at the local seniors home. I could be wrong but I don't think she will be running off to pick up the wool and that will be the end of it. If she asks you again to make something just let her know that you have too many requests on your "to do" list for others and it would be a long time before you could get to her request. Maybe she knows someone else who could knit it for her instead. That way you have been polite and respectful but firm with your response. If your son says something about it let him know tbat you have done your best and that you are now working on other projects. That way you are not getting between him and his girlfriend and standing firmly on neutral ground. Good luck hope it works out. I have noticed that most of the responses have gone one way. You have done your best and time to get back to your other projects.


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## ljf (Dec 20, 2016)

I agree with Pazzanop. 
Put it in the bottom of your "maybe someday if I really want to bag"
You will never be able to please this person and she does not deserve your fine work.
If/when she asks about it just be honest and tell her you have other projects first.


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## pinkeyelash (Aug 13, 2015)

Why all the pussyfooting around this horrible little madam? she would have been told about herself long ago in my world. I realise we are all different, but you are setting youself up as a 1st class doormat!


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## mrskowalski (Jun 4, 2015)

I'm sorry that you were treated this way. ????
That's why I don't knit for my family.
If they want a hat or scarf yes, but anything else Nope!


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## Sjlegrandma (Jan 18, 2013)

pinkeyelash said:


> Why all the pussyfooting around this horrible little madam? she would have been told about herself long ago in my world. I realise we are all different, but you are setting youself up as a 1st class doormat!


I agree and that is one reason I don't make things to order. If I make something and someone wants it I'm happy otherwise I donate what I do. I have raised many thousands of dollars for various charities that way. Saves a lot of trouble in my book.


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## frani512 (Apr 15, 2012)

First I would give her a piece of my mind. She will continue to treat you this way if you don’t. Second I would take the project, rip it out and make something for someone else who would appreciate it. Or for yourself and wear it in front of her. And your son should understand how you feel. Some people have no manners.


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## kvb (Sep 3, 2015)

Gosh what a lovely lot you all are taking the time to reply & its really good to know that its not just me being a bit "touchy".

I'm afraid many of your are right & it looks more & more likely that they'll marry. My son ( in his early 30s) has I'm afraid rubbish taste in women. A previous partner literally emptied his house while he was at work & just left leaving him totally gutted, having now met someone else ( unfortunately her) I think he does pander to her to keep her happy becasue he so dreads being on his own. She can turn on the charm when she chooses & does know how to behave perfectly well but then for no reason seems to flip into being a pain in the a*** - his 2 brothers & wives also struggle with her but this notion that somehow she is being" left out" is a recurrent thing & at times such as Christmas she will be inspecting the gifts to make sure she's had her "share".

I'd add she's in her late 20s so not a kid & having met her mother , a perfectly nice lady, I'm sure she's learnt this all on her own.
I did try to teach her to knit but she said I dont do it properly so she cant follow what I do - hmm not sure there's much to say about that.
Anyway having read all your thoughts I think I'm going to put the coat to the bottom of the pile for altering but its highly unlikely to ever get to the top, the Christmas jumper will be regifted & there'll be no time for me to knit her anything else - in the meantime I'll hope my boy opens his eyes & gets rid.

I'm really sorry to read that several of you have had difficult DILs etc until she came along I never realised quite how devisive one person could be but unfortunately I'm sure there'll be more issues to come.
Who would have thought knitting could get you into such complicated areas of life !!

Again thank you for taking the time to reply it really is very much appreciated & so nice to know that you people with your sensible advice are at the otherside of the keyboard.
Kate xxx


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## whitetail (Feb 19, 2011)

Wow, what rude people taking advantage of you. I would tell them that you are no longer knitting for them and do charity knitting or for yourself.


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## nannygoat (Jan 15, 2011)

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this persons unappreciated behavior. Next time I would not knit anything for her, tell her you are way too busy. Just my opinion.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

Please don't allow yourself to be so taken advantage of! You're clearly a kind hearted person who wants to please. If you can't bring yourself to point out to this ingrate that her manners are so rude that you don't believe you'll be knitting for her, at least tell her that you no longer have the time to deal with her whims. She's your son's girlfriend, not his wife, and who knows how long you'll have to deal with her.


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## Mitch (Apr 4, 2011)

dianejohnson said:


> I agree with everyone on this very selfish person!
> 
> This link may better explain how and why to say no to toxic people:
> http://www.littleshaman.org/blog/2018/8/24/how-to-say-no-to-narcissists-other-toxic-people


This is a great article.......my daughter was married to a narcissist........very hard person to deal with. She has been divorced for several years but he still tries to manipulate her at times. He broke her spirit and healing takes a long time.


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## EstherOne (Jan 25, 2016)

kvb said:


> I knit lots of items for a particular friend who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back, boasting to people about her "haute couture" garments & singing my praises- gosh I dont mean to sound big headed.
> Last year suffering with a bout of jealousy "its not fair what about me" my son's girlfriend appeared with a knitting pattern that she had bought off the internet & asked me to knit it for her ( no checking first needless to say)-I asked her if she'd checked the measurements etc & she assured me she had. So I bought the wool for her as a present last Christmas & recently knit it for her - I had explained at the time that she would have to take her place in my "to do" list.
> Over the summer I finally knit the garment - it was a full length "coat" type in a complicated aran style pattern so wasn't an easy knit especially as it had been written by a "designer" who obviously wasn't a knitter & there were numerous errors & problems with the pattern but I got it finished & handed it over - it is exactly to the size on the pattern & I thought it looked rather good.
> 
> ...


Changing the colours in a finished garment? No way!!! Making the same pattern for her in different colours? No way!!!
As to the garment she specifically asked for: altering it? No way!!! 
If she doesn't like these garments the way they are, let her return them to you, if you don't already have them; I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who will be happy with them.
If she ever asks you to knit something for her again, politely decline. If she wonders why, gently remind her of these two incidents. Then offer to teach her to knit! Betcha she'll decline!
I'm glad you'll feel comfortable enough here, to let off steam. We all need that from time to time!


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## mattapoisett5 (Apr 25, 2018)

I am a easy going personality but believe me I would talk to her about the situation and do not knit for her anymore sounds tough and it is tough love


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## saukvillesu (Jan 10, 2013)

pazzanop said:


> No, I would not just grit my teeth. She will continue to get away with this awful behavior if you do. Just put them at the bottom of your to-do-list and never get to them. If she asks, tell her that you had more important projects to work on.


This suggestion seems right--don't even bother to explain because it will get argumentative or confrontational. You won't be able to change her with
the reasons, and you will only get upset again. Instead, keep knitting for those that are thoughtful and appreciative of your time and talents!


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## Kerri J. South Wales (Jun 11, 2018)

First of all let me say how thoughtful you are to do all of this knitting for others. Now then, my honest opinion is just this. Don't do anymore knitting for her as you obviously don't deserve to be treated in the way that she has treated you. Is she such a spoilt brat that she thinks that it is the norm to behave in that appalling manner? Just politely tell her that you have far too much knitting to do for others that appreciate it and that she will just have to wait until you feel like doing it for her. Hopefully your son will see sense and call it a day with her and find someone with better manners. sorry, rant over with.


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## nanbobs (Jun 29, 2017)

jmcret05 said:


> I'll add my vote to NO. Politely explain that since she finds fault with your work, which is time-consuming and expensive, that you feel like she would be happier with 'store-bought' items that she can pick herself. Hopefully, the girlfriend won't become a permanent member of the family. Discuss with son first if you feel a need to.
> 
> Do Not Back Down!!


I agree. I would not say I will do it and then not. Be honest. Her expectations and your results are different, and you will not be knitting for her in the future. I had this issue with my MOTHER! She returned a sweater that I knit, telling me that one sleeve was longer than the other and she couldn't wear it. The sleeves were identical, btw, so I never figured it out, but never knit another garment for her, either.


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## Caroline19 (Jun 6, 2011)

Hi Kate be strong because someday your son will need your strength to deal with her issues. Sadly we cannot pick out children's partners. All you can do is be yourself and hope that she realizes how unkind she is being. My son in law was very outspoken when he first joined our family. It was shocking at first as my daughter is a sensitive girl. At one point at a Sunday dinner he referred to one of my other daughters as a cow. My husband told him that if he ever wanted to sit at our table again or grace our front door he better not use that term again in reference to any woman let alone our family. Son in law explained that this was a term used in England where he was from so I explained to him that if he wants to call his mother or sister a cow that's his business but not with my family or friends. He never did again and he still speaks his mind but has learned to be respectful and kinder in chosing his words. He fits in just fine and we discovered he has a great sense of humour so lots of laughter at our dinner table since he joined our family. Sometimes we just have to be honest. Be honest with the girlfriend - explain that you have regifted the christmas sweater and that you cannot adjust the sweater coat so would she like it back or can you repurpose it for other projects sometime down the road. I do agree with others that you should let her know that you are regifting and repurposing in front of your son so that there is no "he said, she said" misunderstanding. And if she ever asks you to knit for her again a " oh my dear im not sure when I could ever get to it with all the other projects already on my list". That way no feathers are ruffled!!!!


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## nattysnana (Jul 6, 2013)

I'm with pazzanop, very good suggestion. Just what I would do.


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## Ahebberd3000 (Jan 27, 2017)

I don’t think you should just grit your teeth and say nothing. I would be offended at her returning the Xmas jumpers even if they were made for a bit of fun. If she asks you to knit any more items, I would politely say that you already have enough projects to get on with. If she perseveres, just say no, you will not make any more knitted garments for her. I think she is taking the proverbial biscuit!!


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## Colour wheel (Aug 4, 2011)

Stand your ground quietly and refrain from any more knitting for her. 
When we feel we have to walk on eggshells around a person that sets off alarm bells for me. I believe it indicates at the least a selfish, ill mannered brat and at the worst a narcissistic personality disorder.
Good luck to both you and your son. He'll eventually figure out what he's got himself into.


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## mahalo (Jun 25, 2013)

Ditto to all above!


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## Normagw (Mar 4, 2012)

I would sit her down for a friendly chat. Tell her how you feel and why. Tell her how much time you have spent onKnitting, etc. not everyone has been raised to be polite and appreciative.


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

Put her on the NEVER AGAIN list.

Donate her jumper and if the coat is returned find a new home for it.
And don't make her another thing.
She is rude, a bully and is taking advantage of your kindness. And your son KNOWS all this even if he hasn't admitted it yet.

Stand your ground, relax and knit for those who appreciate your work.


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## PugMom (Jan 11, 2013)

dixiedarling said:


> Well.......my handling of this problem would be this---take the knitted coat back and sell it or give it to someone who would appreciate it. Tell the girlfriend that she might get another coat when my schedule allowed it. (Of course, my schedule would NEVER be free to knit her another ANYTHING) As far as the sweater, same answer, keep it for yourself, give it to another person who would appreciate it, give it to charity or sell it.
> 
> I have encountered the same type of thing from people I have crocheted items for. I did exactly what I stated in the previous paragraph. My time is MY TIME, so if I want to make an item for a person I will, if that person doesn't appreciate it, too bad for them. They can either learn to make the item themselves or forget about it!
> 
> As far as your son getting upset, he needs to realize that his girlfriend has extremely bad manners and he shouldn't condone her bad behavior. I have two adult children and they know that I will stand up for myself in any circumstance. If they don't agree with that, then they can stay at their house and I will stay at mine!


 :sm24:


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## kjcipswich (Apr 27, 2015)

I agree no way no how would I play into exceptionally bad behavor. She is so very spoiled and a shinning example of the millenial generation.
She would never ever recieve any gift of any kind from me again. No gift card, no token gift because she was invited to an event. No engagement or wedding gift. NOTHING . I would be seeing red for a long long time. Enough.


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## margaretinoregon (Mar 31, 2013)

I knit shawls.. Love to knit them and have several. Also have made some as gifts. When I wore a particularly beautiful one, I was asked "how much would you charge to make me one? I REALLY didn't want to make another-this was unique- so I replied, "$1,000. (Needless to say, I didn't get any orders!

I am too old-94-to knit for any reason but my own pleasure!


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## moke (Oct 8, 2011)

Never ever knit for her again! You will never please her! Take the coat back , sell it or give it too someone who appreciates your work. Tell the diva it can't be fixed, sorry. Eww these types make me burn.


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## jaml (Feb 4, 2011)

She must have had a really bad day. I do not knit for people. The pressure is too much. This lady does not deserve any more of your time. Do not take on any more of her projects.


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## tonyastewart (Sep 1, 2014)

Miss Kate, Ir ealize we are not all raised the same, but, she is old enough to know good manners from bad, I would take your son aside and tell him you have had enough of her poor manners and her taking advantage of your good nature and your time you have people to knit for that truly are grateful for both and you would appreciate him talking to her about bothering you and that you love him but if he doesn't rein her in you will speak to her frankly.
Tonda USA


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## Patian (May 10, 2011)

Well, I guess ten pages of comments should convince you that doing anything more for this person will never be appreciated and it's time to let her know - good luck!


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## happy senior (Apr 16, 2014)

There is no excuse for rudeness and disrespect. I am appalled at her treatment of you.
I would give back the work you did and tell her to have someone else do it to her specifications.
Say "I am sorry but I don't have time to redo the changes". Shame on your son for allowing her
to be so disrespectful and ungrateful.


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## lizzie91001 (Aug 14, 2016)

What a twit! You’ve gotten good advice here that’s fairly easy to take. I’d do what’s been most frequently suggested and just say, “Of course, darling, but it may take a while.” And then I’d try to forget her entirely. Ugh!


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## dianes1717 (May 24, 2013)

elliekluge said:


> Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## Temple (Jun 18, 2012)

janallynbob said:


> I'm sorry this has happened, I don't knit for other's, I've been asked, I just say no.
> 
> I understand you dilmena, but I think the more you do in this situation, the more you will be expected to.
> 
> ...


I agree with Janallyn, I would refuse to knit for her. She doesn't appreciate the beautiful things you knitted for her so I wouldn't bother to put my time & energy into anything for her in the future. She has no manners.


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## BusyNonni (Jun 24, 2017)

I don't know how old this "gilfriend" is but these are my thoughts. First your son should find anotherr girlfriend AND boy would I like to give her an ear full.


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## kdpa07734 (Nov 10, 2015)

elliekluge said:


> Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


I whole-heartedly agree...well said. We recently put youngest son and his 'B' in the road. I hate that he's homeless, but that goldigging troublemaker has done enough damage to our nerves.


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## momrocks2010 (Sep 10, 2018)

So in an effort to keep family peace, you will probably have to explain to her how your knitting works. Tell her about your friend who is obviously a strong supporter of your work. Tell her what you friend does, "who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back". Tell her straight out that these are the people that you love to knit for and that other projects just don't interest you. There are people in the world that don't actually know how to be polite and kind. They need to be told. Especially since your son seems to be in love with her and she may be a family member for the future. You can't go wrong with straight out honesty. Your son can't fault you for that. You will feel better because you did your best to help her. She may or may not respond well but that is not your problem. I guess I feel that lying to her is not the way to go because look how she turned out.


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## flitri (Jun 13, 2011)

I qgree with Vicki15 totally.


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## afoster (Jun 10, 2012)

dixiedarling said:


> Well.......my handling of this problem would be this---take the knitted coat back and sell it or give it to someone who would appreciate it. Tell the girlfriend that she might get another coat when my schedule allowed it. (Of course, my schedule would NEVER be free to knit her another ANYTHING) As far as the sweater, same answer, keep it for yourself, give it to another person who would appreciate it, give it to charity or sell it.
> 
> I have encountered the same type of thing from people I have crocheted items for. I did exactly what I stated in the previous paragraph. My time is MY TIME, so if I want to make an item for a person I will, if that person doesn't appreciate it, too bad for them. They can either learn to make the item themselves or forget about it!
> 
> As far as your son getting upset, he needs to realize that his girlfriend has extremely bad manners and he shouldn't condone her bad behavior. I have two adult children and they know that I will stand up for myself in any circumstance. If they don't agree with that, then they can stay at their house and I will stay at mine!


Totally agree on this one. Don't let her walk all over you. Do what you want with the returned items and NEVER get around to doing any knitting for her ever again.


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## MindyT (Apr 29, 2011)

10 pages of comments certainly show that our knitters are not to be trifled with when it comes to their work! Dr. Joy Brown (radio psychologist) used to say to be "stupid and cheerful". In your case, be surprised she would ask for something else since she was so unhappy with what she picked out for you to knit, and say you hope she can find what she likes at the department store as you would not want to put in the time and effort for something which turned out to make her so unhappy. If she asks for more just smile and change the subject.


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## momrocks2010 (Sep 10, 2018)

So in an effort to keep family peace, you will probably have to explain to her how your knitting works. Tell her about your friend who is obviously a strong supporter of your work. Tell her what you friend does, "who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back". Tell her straight out that these are the people that you love to knit for and that other projects just don't interest you. There are people in the world that don't actually know how to be polite and kind. They need to be told. Especially since your son seems to be in love with her and she may be a family member for the future. You can't go wrong with straight out honesty. Your son can't fault you for that. You will feel better because you did your best to help her. She may or may not respond well but that is not your problem. I guess I feel that lying to her is not the way to go because look how she turned out.


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## a.ledge (Jun 28, 2018)

I would never make another thing for her. If she asks, tell her she doesn’t like what you give her, so you won’t be making anything for her.


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## susie d (May 4, 2018)

No I would not grit my teeth, I would say I am very busy and can’t knit for her any longer, every person I have knitted for has been so grateful..


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## beachknit (Oct 25, 2011)

I would non-judgmentally let her know how her actions make you feel. You don't know her motivations or expectations and only by opening a conversation with her will you discover why she behaves as she does. She might just be ignorant of the skill and work involved with the projects, or she was never taught graciousness or manners. Of course you might discover that she is simply a selfish person with no regard for others. But now's your chance to explore with her what she's thinking and hopefully to foster and establish a positive relationship with her. So instead of feeling hurt and angry, be pro-active and talk (with no judgement) with her!


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## LAMARQUE8 (Oct 12, 2014)

My first response would be I would tell her what she could do with her sweater, but after reading others responses I agree with others. I would take the sweater back. I am sure there is someone or many someone's who would appreciate it greatly. I wouldn't even bring it up again, and if she should ask about it let her know what you did with it. If she even dares to start with her attitude I'd say 'Don't Even.' If your son wants to put up with her that's his choice, but you shouldn't have to.


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## Frosch (Feb 5, 2014)

She sure sounds like a rude and obnoxious person. I wouldn't say anything to her. Just put the items on the bottom of your "to do" pile and forget about them. If she asks just tell her that you will get to it when you have time.


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## Cathy B (May 15, 2014)

jmcret05 said:


> I'll add my vote to NO. Politely explain that since she finds fault with your work, which is time-consuming and expensive, that you feel like she would be happier with 'store-bought' items that she can pick herself. Hopefully, the girlfriend won't become a permanent member of the family. Discuss with son first if you feel a need to.
> 
> Do Not Back Down!!


 :sm24:


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## cordula (Aug 25, 2017)

kvb said:


> I knit lots of items for a particular friend who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back, boasting to people about her "haute couture" garments & singing my praises- gosh I dont mean to sound big headed.
> Last year suffering with a bout of jealousy "its not fair what about me" my son's girlfriend appeared with a knitting pattern that she had bought off the internet & asked me to knit it for her ( no checking first needless to say)-I asked her if she'd checked the measurements etc & she assured me she had. So I bought the wool for her as a present last Christmas & recently knit it for her - I had explained at the time that she would have to take her place in my "to do" list.
> Over the summer I finally knit the garment - it was a full length "coat" type in a complicated aran style pattern so wasn't an easy knit especially as it had been written by a "designer" who obviously wasn't a knitter & there were numerous errors & problems with the pattern but I got it finished & handed it over - it is exactly to the size on the pattern & I thought it looked rather good.
> 
> ...


she's just an ungrateful brat :sm25: and you really shouldn't walk on eggshells around her - that way she'll never learn 
just tell her that if she isn't satisfied with and doesn't like (and wear) your 'inferior knitting' she'd better find someone who can do it better than you :sm04: 
which will save you and her any further aggravation
:sm02: :sm08:


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## SueFerns (Aug 16, 2011)

elliekluge said:


> Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


???????? couldn't have said it better!


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## TapestryArtist (Sep 4, 2013)

kvb said:


> I knit lots of items for a particular friend who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back, boasting to people about her "haute couture" garments & singing my praises- gosh I dont mean to sound big headed.
> Last year suffering with a bout of jealousy "its not fair what about me" my son's girlfriend appeared with a knitting pattern that she had bought off the internet & asked me to knit it for her ( no checking first needless to say)-I asked her if she'd checked the measurements etc & she assured me she had. So I bought the wool for her as a present last Christmas & recently knit it for her - I had explained at the time that she would have to take her place in my "to do" list.
> Over the summer I finally knit the garment - it was a full length "coat" type in a complicated aran style pattern so wasn't an easy knit especially as it had been written by a "designer" who obviously wasn't a knitter & there were numerous errors & problems with the pattern but I got it finished & handed it over - it is exactly to the size on the pattern & I thought it looked rather good.
> 
> ...


I'M SORRY TO SAY THAT I HAVE TAKEN AN OATH OF "NOT SWEARING AND CALLING DIRTY INSULTS AT PEOPLE"...........FOR, OH.........ABOUT TWO WEEKS...........IF I CAN MANAGE IT...........SO I WILL NOT COMMENT ON THE BEHAVIOUR OF YOUR SON'S GIRLFRIEND. (I FEEL SO SPECIAL RIGHT NOW!!!)


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## peacefulknitter (Mar 30, 2013)

elliekluge said:


> Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


Exact same thought


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## JTM (Nov 18, 2012)

kvb said:


> I knit lots of items for a particular friend who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back, boasting to people about her "haute couture" garments & singing my praises- gosh I dont mean to sound big headed.
> Last year suffering with a bout of jealousy "its not fair what about me" my son's girlfriend appeared with a knitting pattern that she had bought off the internet & asked me to knit it for her ( no checking first needless to say)-I asked her if she'd checked the measurements etc & she assured me she had. So I bought the wool for her as a present last Christmas & recently knit it for her - I had explained at the time that she would have to take her place in my "to do" list.
> Over the summer I finally knit the garment - it was a full length "coat" type in a complicated aran style pattern so wasn't an easy knit especially as it had been written by a "designer" who obviously wasn't a knitter & there were numerous errors & problems with the pattern but I got it finished & handed it over - it is exactly to the size on the pattern & I thought it looked rather good.
> 
> ...


I would simply tell her that you "simply do not have the time to A) alter the pattern she chose and B) change the color on her sweater" and leave it at that. I would also tell her if she is not happy with the sweater you can donate it to a local charity, same with the coat.


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## lyd (Sep 30, 2012)

No more teeth gritting, tell her you can not meet her expectations and henseforth will no longer knit anything for her. Offer to teach her.


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## lannieb (Apr 28, 2011)

Always be kind, polite and HONEST!


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## heath (Sep 1, 2018)

Hell no dont grit your teeth and do as she asks. Just tell her you are unable to provide the fixes she wants. Perhaps she would like to purchase her choice next time on the internet since she is not happy with your gifts


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## The Reader (May 29, 2014)

I am appalled that someone would act this way. I suggest you nip this in the bud right now and let her know that you would like the coat returned. You can then do with it whatever you wish. As for the sweater, if your son is still with her during the holiday season, let everyone else wear theirs and she can be the “odd one out.” I’m hoping your son isn’t so “into” her that he is considering marrying her. If so, you are in for rocky days ahead unless you do something now.


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## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

I would be very tempted to tell her to return the coat to you and that you are very sure you can find someone else who will appreciate it. Also, let her know that since she obviously is not pleased with your work, you will not be making any more items for her. She would be added to my list of people who would receive a check from me for special occasions. Think how much money, time and grief you will be spared.


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## gloxsk8 (Aug 12, 2011)

Tell her she should learn to knit so she can make anything the way she wants it!


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## memere0211 (Nov 1, 2013)

I'm so sorry for your situation. If nothing is said to her about her treatment of you, you're silently giving her permission to continue treating you in this way. The fact that she is complaining about your ability and has returned the Christmas gift opens the door for you to be able to tell her that you clearly aren't able to work to her standards, and therefore, wouldn't feel comfortable making any more attempts or something along that line. It would end the subject permanently instead of inviting ongoing questions about whether you've started her project, etc.

And by the way, I don't think it would be out of line to have a heart-to-heart with your son . . . if he's aware of her having offended others besides yourself, it won't be a difficult conversation but one he needs to hear/have. You might want to start by asking him what about her attracts him to her . . . you may find a redeeming quality in her (many times we don't know what another has gone through to make them behave the way that they do) OR he may find that he doesn't care for her as much as he thought - he may be protective of her only because people are "attacking" her and maybe doesn't even "see" the bad behavior.


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## stefhope (Feb 12, 2016)

Here is what I might say to the young woman: "I know you are disappointed with the outcome of the knitting I made for you. I am disappointed that you did not like it, even though I made it exactly as described. The beauty of hand knitting is partly in the little surprises that come with the finished product. Since you are more particular about fit, it's probably best that I not try to knit for you in the future. But I'd be happy to go shopping with you sometime. " You'll get your point across quite well and I can't think of any comeback she could have - after all, you've politely informed her of your intentions and even offered to be her friend....


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## Pittgirl (Jan 6, 2017)

margaretinoregon said:


> I knit shawls.. Love to knit them and have several. Also have made some as gifts. When I wore a particularly beautiful one, I was asked "how much would you charge to make me one? I REALLY didn't want to make another-this was unique- so I replied, "$1,000. (Needless to say, I didn't get any orders!
> 
> I am too old-94-to knit for any reason but my own pleasure!


Be careful, sometimes this can back fire! A friend was smocking a dress on a flight, the lady next to her asked how much would she sell it for. My friend said $2500. The lady said fine, I'll buy it. My friend finished it and sold it, then had to buy more supplies to make it for her grand daughter, the original recipient.


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## aine k (Mar 31, 2016)

She sounds awful. It's a difficult position but I think you shouldn't give in to her demands. You're her boyfriends mother and she sounds so disrespectful. I'd suggest telling her you don't have time to be redoing a gift that was meant to be bit of fun and if she'd prefer no more in the future.


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## Knitting Nana 2 (Aug 22, 2012)

I think I would tell her that you will try to fit her requests in, but it would have to be after you knit for the people who really appreciate your work.


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## irishrose24 (Jun 20, 2013)

pazzanop said:


> No, I would not just grit my teeth. She will continue to get away with this awful behavior if you do. Just put them at the bottom of your to-do-list and never get to them. If she asks, tell her that you had more important projects to work on.


I agree! :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## godsbellybutton (Jan 13, 2015)

I would tell her that if she does not like the gift, that you will not be offended if she returns it. Make sure she understands that you will then either forward it to a more appreciative recipient, or frog the whole thing to reuse the yarn that YOU bought. Assure her that you will not be making anything for her in the future, not even a dishcloth. Advise her that if she wants custom knitting done in the future, she should seek out a total stranger and be careful to list any variations from the pattern that she requires....Whew, I feel better!


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## jpagano4u (Jan 20, 2017)

Don't stress! Of course you don't just "grin and bear it". You are very involved in so many things that it is hard to find time to do it all; actually you never really get around to re-doing anything although you promised with a straight face. (Between you and me, there's no fun in reworking stuff anyway) Who even has time to discuss it? Just nod and think of something else - sometimes people grow up in time. Meanwhile, keep a sense of humor and DON'T have time to do any more knitting for this person.


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## marty1136 (Aug 2, 2011)

No you don't take it! You tell her how you feel. Your son will get over it.your his mom he want stop loving you.


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## hreichard (Aug 14, 2018)

Perhaps her next "gift" should be knitting lessons, or at the very least lessons in gratitude.


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## geeta goswami (May 18, 2017)

My experience says that those who cannot knit find fault in little things. But we know that hand knitted garments have a different fitting. It has a delicate look. 
So I too go with people who are saying No. Say it and feel good for always!


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## geeta goswami (May 18, 2017)

My experience says that those who cannot knit find fault in little things. But we know that hand knitted garments have a different fitting. It has a delicate look. 
So I too go with people who are saying No. Say it and feel good for always!


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## geeta goswami (May 18, 2017)

Sorry for the double click.


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## TNS (Nov 27, 2012)

How about, “ I guess you are not really suited to handknit items, but i know just the person who COULD wear it” and request that she gives it back, at the same time returning the pattern?


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## RedRadish (Apr 10, 2018)

I'm quite sure "Miss Ungratefully-Self-centered" does not have a creative bone in her body. She obviously does not know how to sew, knit or crochet. Most non-creative people have NO concept of the time and effort that goes into the creative process. So she views you like a simple trip to the mall and she'd like to make a return please. That's all she knows and that's fine. It's not your job to raise her but now you know where you stand.

You obviously really enjoy making gifts and find true pleasure in it. Only take jobs that will give you that pleasure, that's your job. This was a mistake, ok, don't make it again. We cannot let others take our happiness and pleasure especially when there are so few places to find real pleasure anyway. Your providing a valuable loving service for free to your friends and family, your payment is quite simply the happiness it gives you. If you are not paid - CLOSE THE ACCOUNT and move on. Next year purchase her a cheap sweater and enclose the receipt so she can return it herself. Account Closed.


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## RedRadish (Apr 10, 2018)

I'm quite sure "Miss Ungratefully-Self-centered" does not have a creative bone in her body. She obviously does not know how to sew, knit or crochet. Most non-creative people have NO concept of the time and effort that goes into the creative process. So she views you like a simple trip to the mall and she'd like to make a return please. That's all she knows and that's fine. It's not your job to raise her but now you know where you stand.

You obviously really enjoy making gifts and find true pleasure in it. Only take jobs that will give you that pleasure, that's your job. This was a mistake, ok, don't make it again. We cannot let others take our happiness and pleasure especially when there are so few places real pleasure anyway. Your providing a valuable loving service for free to your friends and family, your payment is quite simply the happiness it gives you. If you are not paid - CLOSE THE ACCOUNT and move on. Next year purchase her a cheap sweater and enclose the receipt so she can return it herself. Account Closed.


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## Krykit (Dec 10, 2014)

I have encountered extremely rude behavior like this with two people. I vowed never to knit another thing for them, and I have stuck to it. I simply told them that I had several special orders and I did not have the time to take on anything else. This eventually sunk in, and they stopped asking. In the case of altering the sweater coat that you already knit, I would tell her that the pattern called for dropped shoulders so there is no way to alter it. As far as the sleeves go, I would tell her to roll them up. And I would not knit a new Christmas sweater for her, using the line that I have far too many special PAYING orders ahead of her. :sm11:


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## knitcat777 (Sep 11, 2018)

Really annoyed, you made me register and I want to reply to your issue.
People who don't knit don't understand the work involved.
Your son's girlfriend may be young, lacking understanding, or just rude.
I would say "no" to fixing the knitted coat.
I would ignore the returned item, and consider it lesson learned.

I could get psychological and say you are really annoyed at yourself for taking on the project in the first place.

Remember your time is worth something.

I enjoy knitting paradise and learn a lot from veteran knitters and crocheters.


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## KnittyGritty800 (Apr 1, 2014)

I would grit my teeth this time in order to keep peace but I would be waaaay too busy making beautiful things for people who appreciate them and not 2 minutes to knit for this ungrateful girl. Alternately suggest that since you are so busy, she learn to knit for herself. You, like most of us, probably make it look too easy.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

My question for you is- "Are you a door Matt for people to wipe their feet on". Your son needs to wake up. I would return the items to her and tell her she can fix them herself and you do not put up with bad manners. Words or no words it is time to have another talk with you son and pray he dose not marry her.


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## Kadoonya (Nov 4, 2015)

dixiedarling said:


> Well.......my handling of this problem would be this---take the knitted coat back and sell it or give it to someone who would appreciate it. Tell the girlfriend that she might get another coat when my schedule allowed it. (Of course, my schedule would NEVER be free to knit her another ANYTHING) As far as the sweater, same answer, keep it for yourself, give it to another person who would appreciate it, give it to charity or sell it.
> 
> I have encountered the same type of thing from people I have crocheted items for. I did exactly what I stated in the previous paragraph. My time is MY TIME, so if I want to make an item for a person I will, if that person doesn't appreciate it, too bad for them. They can either learn to make the item themselves or forget about it!
> 
> As far as your son getting upset, he needs to realize that his girlfriend has extremely bad manners and he shouldn't condone her bad behavior. I have two adult children and they know that I will stand up for myself in any circumstance. If they don't agree with that, then they can stay at their house and I will stay at mine!


Great suggestions!
I have one dil who crochets and appreciates anything hand made. My other dil thinks handmade is getting away cheap. I made them both felted totes for work one year. The yarn for each cost me $90.00. One was not appreciated and was thrown in the trash. Literally. My crocheting dil saw it there and rescued it. Never made another thing for the unappreciative dil. I should have known as toys I made for her babies were never seen again. Including a cashmere teddy bear. The gracious thing for a recipient would be to say it is not my taste but I appreciate the value. Please give it to someone who will love using it.


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## Dancin'n'Knittin' (Apr 17, 2014)

pazzanop said:


> No, I would not just grit my teeth. She will continue to get away with this awful behavior if you do. Just put them at the bottom of your to-do-list and never get to them. If she asks, tell her that you had more important projects to work on.


This is what I would do.


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## knitcat777 (Sep 11, 2018)

Such a wise suggestion to suggest she knit herself!!!
Maybe offer to teach her!!!!!


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## Metrogal (Mar 15, 2011)

elliekluge said:


> Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


EXACTLY how I feel. And don't you ever do anything for her again. Your son will just have to live with it.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

So how come your son is not interested in your feeling and how you are treated?


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## GrandmaSuzy (Nov 15, 2016)

I'd talk to my son first about his wife's bad manners and her hostile attitude and tell him to speak to her or you will. She's a spoiled, entitled brat and I not only would NOT "fix" the things she wanted, I'd never make her anything again. But that's just my reaction.


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## jeanne63 (Mar 14, 2014)

elliekluge said:


> Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


Completely agree with this post...she is the definition of BULLYING. Do not give in to her. Donate the items or regift to someone that will appreciate. Good luck.

:sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

On page 14, whew. My second thought is your son might benefit from some counseling after reading how he hates to be alone etc. this would help the whole family that has a loving interest in him. Self worth is a precious commodity to say the least.


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## Becca (Jan 26, 2011)

And why is your son protective of his girlfriend? No you should not knit her anything if she should ask you again.


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## bonbf3 (Dec 20, 2011)

For your son's sake, I'd be firm but diplomatic. You don't want to cause a permanent rift between you and him. For me, that would prevent me from the satisfaction I'd get from" telling it like it is."

I'd let it go as long as she doesn't bring it up again. If she does, you could tell her that since she wasn't pleased the first two times, that you'd rather knit something that wasn't clothing - like a throw. (That's pretty neutral.) Or, if you really don't want to knit for her (and I wouldn't blame you), there a lot of things you can say without offending your son. 
Like - I've already promised myself no new projects until I finish the ones I have - 
or I really shouldn't because if I knit too much my fingers will get sore and I'll have to stop altogether (true) - 
or I'm limiting myself right now and I'll let you know when I can get back to it - 

or EVEN I feel so bad when I knit something and it isn't right that I'd rather not have that happen. (Actually, that's totally true, isn't it? She was disappointed, and you did feel bad - hurt and angry but you can leave out angry when you tell her. That's honest, can be considered general, and definitely not mean. And it may just give her a little insight into how her behavior can hurt people.) ??????

Touchy - try to look at the big picture. You don't want to cause a rift between them (especially your son) and you.

Good luck.


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## nankat (Oct 17, 2012)

I see 14 pages of advice which I am not going to read, now. So my two cents is....be polite. It is a long term investment in your son, his possible wife and possible grandchildren (you didn't mention if they are teenagers or adults). And do not knit for her beyond a scarf. Best of luck.


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## sthubert1989 (Aug 19, 2018)

And that is why I do not sew or knit for others unless it is a gift from me. Otherwise I am sorry but I do not have the time and at my age I could expire before the project gets done. Since she is your sons girlfriend that is a hard one you could come up with some sort of arthritis and your arms, shoulders and hands can not knit at this time. I am sure that you will get many suggestions on this subject.


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## cookie68 (May 5, 2012)

elliekluge said:


> Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


 :sm24: :sm24:


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## theatermarye (Feb 8, 2017)

I am so sorry this poison ivy is growing into your family. I double vote ALWAYS have your son in the room going forward so it will never be a he said she said situation. Your relationship with your son is your priority. As others have said she may be permanently in your life and the gatekeeper for access to son and grands.

Regarding the knitting. Bad manners aside, is there a chance the model is not her matching body type and that’s why she isn’t happy? It happens to me — what’s beautiful on paper looks horrible on my fluffy figure. 

For you gorgeous sweater effort, tell her there are 2 options. She can go to an LYS with her pattern and your completed project and have them tell her how much they will charge her (not you) to alter and adapt the sweater to her liking OR
SHE CAN unravel the project for you **make sure you show her how you need it to be done correctly so yarn can be reused** Have her bring back the balls of yarn to you. Once you receive it back you can add her to the bottom of your to do list. Let her know when you start again she will need to be in the house every step of the way so there are no problems with the fit. 

It is unlikely she will follow thru and get the unraveled balls back to you so that ball is in her court. If you do start the project you will only be Knitting it when she is visiting so a distraction for you and it will be the longest WIP in history. Oh AND you can offer to teach her how to knit on HER project when she does visit. So win all around. She unravels, you might get the yarn back (maybe), you look like you are being kind to the gf so son is happy and if they break up you are not the reason because you are gracious beginning to end. Good luck. In many other ways I have been in your shoes. 

Put the xmas item in the drawer and if in future she asks for a xmas sweater (my kids ask me to check my closet for office parties and ugly contests etc) pull it out and give to her.


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## theatermarye (Feb 8, 2017)

I am so sorry this poison ivy is growing into your family. I double vote ALWAYS have your son in the room going forward so it will never be a he said she said situation. Your relationship with your son is your priority. As others have said she may be permanently in your life and the gatekeeper for access to son and grands.

Regarding the knitting. Bad manners aside, is there a chance the model is not her matching body type and that’s why she isn’t happy? It happens to me — what’s beautiful on paper looks horrible on my fluffy figure. 

For you gorgeous sweater effort, tell her there are 2 options. She can go to an LYS with her pattern and your completed project and have them tell her how much they will charge her (not you) to alter and adapt the sweater to her liking OR
SHE CAN unravel the project for you **make sure you show her how you need it to be done correctly so yarn can be reused** Have her bring back the balls of yarn to you. Once you receive it back you can add her to the bottom of your to do list. Let her know when you start again she will need to be in the house every step of the way so there are no problems with the fit. 

It is unlikely she will follow thru and get the unraveled balls back to you so that ball is in her court. If you do start the project you will only be Knitting it when she is visiting so a distraction for you and it will be the longest WIP in history. Oh AND you can offer to teach her how to knit on HER project when she does visit. So win all around. She unravels, you might get the yarn back (maybe), you look like you are being kind to the gf so son is happy and if they break up you are not the reason because you are gracious beginning to end. Good luck. In many other ways I have been in your shoes. 

Put the xmas item in the drawer and if in future she asks for a xmas sweater (my kids ask me to check my closet for office parties and ugly contests etc) pull it out and give to her.


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## knitbreak (Jul 19, 2011)

Thank God she showed her real personality! Better to learn now how it will be if they tie the knot. As for redoing it, I would just frog it and use the yarn
for other projects,and donate the item in the beg. As for your son, pray that he wakes up.


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## silkandwool (Dec 5, 2011)

Quoting pazzanop added caps to never.


' Just put them at the bottom of your to-do-list and NEVER get to them"


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

I would not grit my teeth and let her get away with this behavior.

Its very disrespectful to you, and your son should know better than let her do this to you.

If you allow this it will continue, and probably get the worse. Imagine if he marries her.

Stand up for yourself and tell her the Christmas sweater cannot be changed (I assume it has been worn), and that she should turn the cuffs over on the coat.

She sounds really selfish and arrogant.

Shame on her for her ungracious attitude.


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## KAP (Nov 23, 2014)

Beachgirl1000 said:


> You don't want to start a fight you can't win. Someone said "kill her with kindness." Absolutely! But---on your terms. If she asks about the sweater, tell her it can't be fixed. Give it back to her. Same with the coat. Hand it over, and tell her she should give it to someone it fits better. If she tries to argue with you, just say, "Sorry. I just can't fix it." Say it with a smile. Be very gracious.
> 
> In the future if she asks you to knit something for her, just tell her that it's probably not a good idea since she wasn't happy with the other projects. Just give her a shrug of the shoulders and a sad little smile. If she persists, just say, "No, I'm sorry. It's not a good idea." Then change the subject. Better yet, tell her you need to use the restroom and walk away from her.
> 
> You don't want to put your son in a position that requires him to side with the girlfriend. If you stay friendly, he won't be able to blame you later if things don't work out. If they stay together, grit your teeth and take the high road. If it doesn't work out, he will respect you for taking that high road.


Beach girl has nailed it. She may be an ill-mannered bully, but remember that she might be the mother of your grandchildren. Going forward, if you knit for everyone else, as the Christmas sweater, then include her. If she really wants you to knit for her, make sure to do lots of measuring up front and tell her every yarn will make it turn out differently and do lots of fittings. Also, at every chance you get ,try to teach her to knit. Learn to say "no" with a smile. Good luck and I hope your son wakes up.


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## Nanna Marilynn (Nov 30, 2012)

It's really hard to be kind to someone who is so ungrateful but I agree that you should "be kind to her but not make anything more for her". That way you don't have a confrontation with your son who can't see his girlfriend is so rude & unpleasant.


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## mamalin (Feb 29, 2016)

I'd take her aside and calmly and privately explain how much time and money (and love) went into these projects and that you were offended by her rudeness and would no longer consider any projects for her because of it. Then let it drop. End of discussion. If your son objects, calmly explain the same thing to him and tell them both you will not be bullied. Best of luck!


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## Kensbarb (Aug 27, 2014)

You asked if she measured before you knitted. She said yes. Now it is on her. Never, never, never try to fix such a complicated pattern for her. She is an ungrateful brat and her bad behavior to you will continue whether you try to redo the coat or not. Stop her from treating you like a servant now.


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## boring knit (May 9, 2011)

I understand how difficult this situation must be for you. I think I would just put the items in a bag at the back of the cupboard and if you are asked for them, say you couldn't alter them after all. Just let it lie. I agree it is not worth losing your son over, but definitely do not alter the garments one way or the other. You will regret it if you do. No need to show your disapproval of her behaviour. Don't knit her anything else for goodness sake. Good luck


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## Grandma Lynch (Jun 12, 2014)

Do not knit anything else for this ungrateful person - if she asks again tell her no you don't have time to knit for someone who doesn't appreciate your work - if your son gets upset that's his problem not yours - only knit for those who appreciate your time and effort


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## Chrissy (May 3, 2011)

moontje said:


> I hope my English is good enough to have understood your story. Let her get a life and let her do her difficult things herselve. Don't give in, my opinion is that she is not worth doing something nice for. Just keep up your good things/work and let her sort out her own problems. Never put so much energy in this women, as she doesn't appreciate all the effort somebody does for her.
> As we say in the Netherlands: she is spoiled to the bone and nothing, but really nothing would ever be right as she is so fullfilled with herselve that she will never understand the good things people will do for her.
> You just deserve a bouquet of flowers. You get them from me as she will never give you one!


Your English is perfect and how sweet of you to send her flowers x x x x


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## Victor_ (Mar 6, 2014)

Absolutely DO NOT do anything to the garments, and if she asks, tell it went to the long cue of your "to do" list. Maybe a few years.
Politeness is something obligated.


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## citykat66 (Apr 15, 2017)

Adding another vote no.



jmcret05 said:


> I'll add my vote to NO. Politely explain that since she finds fault with your work, which is time-consuming and expensive, that you feel like she would be happier with 'store-bought' items that she can pick herself. Hopefully, the girlfriend won't become a permanent member of the family. Discuss with son first if you feel a need to.
> 
> Do Not Back Down!!


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## esthermort (Jan 14, 2017)

How Rude! And I understand completely. Last year, I made scarfs for my DB & SIL. When they opened their gifts, SIL immediately handed it back & said she'd never wear it. She tried to do the same thing to my brother but he said he really liked it & could use it. My DH & DD just stood there with me in shock. 
I personally have a hard time with do-overs & I would tell her you made this for last year & are on to something else.
As for the one she asked you to "fix", I wouldn't. I'd tell her I don't have time & to deal with it. You asked her if everything was correct & she assured you it was.
As for this Xmas, beware. I will be.


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## bettyirene (Apr 5, 2012)

Just tell her, seeing that there is NO pleasing her, you will not knit anything else for her....FULL STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

kvb said:


> I knit lots of items for a particular friend who never just assumes I'll do things & always asks extremely politely , always showing me the pattern first to check I'm ok with it, yarn choices etc. & is always really grateful when they are delivered back, boasting to people about her "haute couture" garments & singing my praises- gosh I dont mean to sound big headed.
> Last year suffering with a bout of jealousy "its not fair what about me" my son's girlfriend appeared with a knitting pattern that she had bought off the internet & asked me to knit it for her ( no checking first needless to say)-I asked her if she'd checked the measurements etc & she assured me she had. So I bought the wool for her as a present last Christmas & recently knit it for her - I had explained at the time that she would have to take her place in my "to do" list.
> Over the summer I finally knit the garment - it was a full length "coat" type in a complicated aran style pattern so wasn't an easy knit especially as it had been written by a "designer" who obviously wasn't a knitter & there were numerous errors & problems with the pattern but I got it finished & handed it over - it is exactly to the size on the pattern & I thought it looked rather good.
> 
> ...


Regarding being the bigger person, how huge do you aspire to be? I gave up totally on that idea when I hit 75 (I had arrested development in some areas, especially when it came to self-defence and self-preservation). I have no problem with mutual respect, but will no longer be manipulated beyond that point. I have two adult stepchildren who are the epitome of "rude and crude" and have been pivotal in my change of attitude. I've also ventured into explaining privately to them, separately, exactly why I've done that. While neither of them appreciated it, I'm hoping they will absorb it over time and become better people. If not, that's their choice and I tried ;~D. I don't feel that I owe them anything beyond that unless they want to cease and desist with the bullying.


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## galbiez (Jun 20, 2017)

Breathe deeply, several times. Decide which is the most important the relationship or explaining rude behavior. You have already set the idea that she has to wait for her turn to come up, so use that and fix the coat later. I would ignore the jumper situation. If asked, "Oh, I gave it to another friend and she loved it!" whether you did or not.
Good luck with interacting with her.


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

As a retired psychotherapist, I immediately begin to recognize the kind of home this girl must have come from. I would start thinking about the need for you and your son
to begin a calm but serious conversation about why he is attracted to her. 

Does he see himself as rescuing her? Does she tell him how her parents/mother did not *understand* her? If so, she may threaten people by, in effect, demanding that they protect her from criticism. Men may enjoy playing the white knight who rescues her and fosters her "self-esteem." Or her family may not. have decent manners, so that any criticism of their style feels to their daughter like criticism of them that must be rejected by her. It may feel to her like disloyalty to her parents. 

Various scripts are possible explanations; but no matter what, if she cannot/will not improve her manners, and the relationship continues, your son -- and the rest of his family, including YOU -- could be committing to a crippling, limiting, and miserable life. Watch out.


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## AmandaClayton (Oct 24, 2016)

SeasideKnit said:


> Love is blind and it sounds like your son can't see the ill manners in his girlfriend. I would not stir that pot because all it will do is alienate your son from you as he will feel obliged to defend his girlfriend which you already know. What I would do is "kill her with kindness."
> 
> This sounds more like a lack of communication by the girlfriend and lack of mind-reading on your part (ha ha!!). If there is a next time, meet with the girlfriend in person, explain the pattern as-is and how it will fit then see if what she chose is what she wants. As to the color of the Christmas sweater, I would not re-do the existing one but next time, I would bring her to the yarn store and have her choose the color she wants. I would also ask her to sit with you while you knit her sweater and do some fittings to make sure it's what she wants and fits properly.
> 
> ...


I think your solution is a good one. I'm going to file this away for future.


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## mac.worrall (Jun 24, 2011)

I should knit her a Christmas sweater in a hideous colour with"F*** OFF" on it and donate the other garments to charity-after all you paid for the yarn so she has no claim,


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## PatofWi (Apr 14, 2014)

Willoughby said:


> I sure hope he doesn't marry her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That's exactly what I was thinking as I was reading.


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## Grammy Toni (Apr 30, 2011)

Good grief! It's a good thing she's not a DIL - yet. I would hope your son has the guts to run, run away fast from someone as self-centered and rude as she is. If my sons' girlfriends had treated me so rudely, they would have been dumped faster than a greased pig.


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## sewadilly (Apr 28, 2011)

Please, please, speak up for yourself .... 

sincerely,


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## Juneperk (Dec 20, 2012)

I have to put my 2 cents worth in here. She sounds like a liberal. Do this and don't do this. Don't bend to her. She's pulling your strings. Stop being her puppet. She doesn't hold her tongue and you shouldn't either. Why get a ulcer over her. If your son thinks she will change once married, not going to happen. Do him a favor and tell him all about this. If you want to give her a gift, GREEN MONEY and she can buy what she wants. Be aware, she will say you didn't give her enough. Don't give her more though. Tell her to feel lucky that she got that. Give the fabulous gift to someone else. I guess this was more than my 2 cents worth.


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## Kahlua (Aug 7, 2012)

You should absolutely NOT knit one more thing for the entitled person...that includes dishcloths....there have been some really great suggestions in answer to your question...there is no room for rudeness from this girl...how dare she say you are supposed to know in advance she isn't going to like something she said was what she wanted knitting including this sizes etc......OMG...I would be steaming made at this arrogance of this....If you have to say something just tell her she'll have to get in the queue...and make this queue never ending....


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## Nanny Val (Oct 10, 2012)

jmcret05 said:


> I'll add my vote to NO. Politely explain that since she finds fault with your work, which is time-consuming and expensive, that you feel like she would be happier with 'store-bought' items that she can pick herself. Hopefully, the girlfriend won't become a permanent member of the family. Discuss with son first if you feel a need to.
> 
> Do Not Back Down!!


Well said...You are a lovely person and don't let her walk over you.


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## Kahlua (Aug 7, 2012)

Was going to suggest that if you have/get the coat back then put a picture of it up in the Members Buy and Sell...I'll bet you will sell that in no time flat...


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## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

How awful of her, I wouldn't make anything else for her....she is just to ungrateful.


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

esthermort said:


> How Rude! And I understand completely. Last year, I made scarfs for my DB & SIL. When they opened their gifts, SIL immediately handed it back & said she'd never wear it. She tried to do the same thing to my brother but he said he really liked it & could use it. My DH & DD just stood there with me in shock.
> I personally have a hard time with do-overs & I would tell her you made this for last year & are on to something else.
> As for the one she asked you to "fix", I wouldn't. I'd tell her I don't have time & to deal with it. You asked her if everything was correct & she assured you it was.
> As for this Xmas, beware. I will be.


The ungrateful wretch. That was below the belt. My daughter and I have an on off relationship. Recently I asked if she would like a scarf, she said she can't stand anything around her neck but my granddaughter would like it so I posted it and have not heard a word of thanks from my gd. I have written twice to her.


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## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

I would take the items back. I would buy her a holiday sweater in the colors she wants, so she has one, even though it is different from the other beautiful ones you knit, along with the rest of the family. 

As for the coat, I would explain to her that you followed the designer’s pattern and expectations. You are sorry it didn’t turn out as she had expected. You feel it is best that she go with ready made items from now on so there is no further disappointments. Unfortunately you do not feel it would be productive to try to rework the coat. Some folks just aren’t meant to go with items made by others. Apparently your work doesn’t match her expectations.

I definitely would not spend more of my knitting budget, time or mind on her. This should also be a way to insure you do not further upset your son.

She has no manners.


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## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

I would take the items back. I would buy her a holiday sweater in the colors she wants, so she has one, even though it is different from the other beautiful ones you knit, along with the rest of the family. 

As for the coat, I would explain to her that you followed the designer’s pattern and expectations. You are sorry it didn’t turn out as she had expected. You feel it is best that she go with ready made items from now on so there is no further disappointments. Unfortunately you do not feel it would be productive to try to rework the coat. Some folks just aren’t meant to go with items made by others. Apparently your work doesn’t match her expectations.

I definitely would not spend more of my knitting budget, time or mind on her. This should also be a way to insure you do not further upset your son.

She has no manners.


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## Eleanor Guntrum (Feb 22, 2014)

I am always amazed by the thoughtlessness of some folks. Bless you for being so good to such folks.


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## Sunny70 (Jul 25, 2014)

In my day you did what you could to please your mother-in-law to be(?) or boy friends mother not something to get on her bad side! Like the others she would get nothing else from me but a cold shoulder!


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## essiemae (Oct 12, 2016)

What an unappreciative brat! Say nothing, do nothing. When and if she inquires about the present articles or asks for more tell her you don't knit for her anymore. If your son gets upset tell him to knit her something.


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## Grandma Jo (Feb 18, 2011)

I think she should learn to knit and make her own darn coat. I sure hope your son doesn't marry her. He will never have peace. No, I would tell her that you don't have the time to knit anything for her again because she is to hard to please.


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## Sailgurl (Oct 1, 2011)

My knitting is a gift from my heart. When I knit something it takes many hours that I fill with good wishes and love to the person whom I give the gift to. This young woman was very rude to return the sweater and should never have said those comments. However, there sounds like deeper problems you need to consider before responding. Is her real reason in behaving this way to create a split between you and your son? Don’t underestimate her behavior. It might be the real reason and she is not worth creating a gap between you and your son.


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## Sailgurl (Oct 1, 2011)

My knitting is a gift from my heart. When I knit something it takes many hours that I fill with good wishes and love to the person whom I give the gift to. This young woman was very rude to return the sweater and should never have said those comments. However, there sounds like deeper problems you need to consider before responding. Is her real reason in behaving this way to create a split between you and your son? Don’t underestimate her behavior. It might be the real reason and she is not worth creating a gap between you and your son.


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## MaryDavis-Delaware (Sep 5, 2016)

It's almost impossible to believe that anyone is THAT rude! I'd take it back and wear it myself. Or take it back and sell it on e-bay. Or it would be enuf to just tell her I sold it on ebay for $xxhundreds because hand-made knits are incredibly appreciated by that audience.


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## crochetknit Deb (Sep 18, 2012)

Tell the bratty girl friend to kiss off.


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## missmarychristine (Jun 7, 2013)

I would keep the holiday item that she dropped off and never give her another holiday knitted item. As for the jacket, take it back as if to adjust it and never give it back. Too bad if your son gets upset, your feelings have to count for something.


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## dixiedarling (Nov 26, 2017)

sunshine2456 said:


> I would tell her to find another knitter to do it if she wants changed. I don't take that from my own kids. I told my daughter & her husband not to come to Christmas dinner one year because of their ungrateful attitude the previous year. Thank God she divorced him!


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Juneperk said:


> I have to put my 2 cents worth in here. She sounds like a liberal. Do this and don't do this. Don't bend to her. She's pulling your strings. Stop being her puppet. She doesn't hold her tongue and you shouldn't either. Why get a ulcer over her. If your son thinks she will change once married, not going to happen. Do him a favor and tell him all about this. If you want to give her a gift, GREEN MONEY and she can buy what she wants. Be aware, she will say you didn't give her enough. Don't give her more though. Tell her to feel lucky that she got that. Give the fabulous gift to someone else. I guess this was more than my 2 cents worth.


Ouch!! I'm a liberal and I wouldn't dream of behaving like that. My ultra-conservative childhood family would fit right it with her, however, which goes to show that there are irrational people on all sides of politics. You must have known some crappy liberals at some point in your life, but it really isn't fair to paint all liberals, conservatives, independents with the same brush.


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## marciawm (Jun 2, 2015)

my mother in law always asked me to take in or hem her dresses for her. Usually I got 1 day's notice sometimes less. One time she asked me to fix a zipper, and when I did and returned the dress to her, she said " do you know what a tailor charges to do that?" Then I realized she wasn't asking me because I did a good job, she had me doing all her work because it was free. I told my husband, no more. Tell her I'm too busy and I never did another alteration for her.


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## knitknut60 (Jun 24, 2017)

Don't ever knit another stitch for her. Yikes.


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## 1grammyshouse (May 16, 2014)

pazzanop said:


> No, I would not just grit my teeth. She will continue to get away with this awful behavior if you do. Just put them at the bottom of your to-do-list and never get to them. If she asks, tell her that you had more important projects to work on.


I was thinking exactly the same thing, but would add one thing. If she asks you again to make something, I'd be inclined to say that since you can't please her with your knitting, it would be best if she finds someone else to knit for her. I gritted my teeth just reading your post about her behavior.


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## linnet (Aug 16, 2016)

I would tell her that the coat is knit exactly to specifications, but she does not have the same figure as the model, so of course it doesn't look the same on her. Say it guilelessly, as though anyone knows that. That will take her self-confidence down a peg. 

Okay it's mean, and I probably wouldn't do it.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

I do not suffer fools gladly. MY solution would be, the next time the subject of knitting for her comes up: Tell her nothing about her attitude and behavior make you want to knit for her. Mention one complaint for each item you have knit for her. Tell her the coat took you xxx hours of your life that you can never get back, and remind her that you asked her about fit before knitting it. Somewhere in there I would throw in that you have knit for her because she is important to (son’s name) and you want to like her, but that spending thousands of hours to have the garments you knit for her, met only with complaints not only spoils the enjoyment of knitting for you, it makes it more difficult to have a positive relationship with her and that is more important (even if it is only for your son’s sake). That last sentence sure makes it harder for her to complain to your son. If she does say something to your son, remind him of her complaints, simply ask him if he really wants you to spend countless hours resenting her as you knit items that she will find fault with, or would he rather you reach a form of detente on knitting so you can concentrate on her more positive traits. AND DO NOT KNIT FOR HER AGAIN, if you can avoid it (when knitting everyone else but her would cause problems.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

KateLyn11 said:


> I do not suffer fools gladly. MY solution would be, the next time the subject of knitting for her comes up: Tell her nothing about her attitude and behavior make you want to knit for her. Mention one complaint for each item you have knit for her. Tell her the coat took you xxx hours of your life that you can never get back, and remind her that you asked her about fit before knitting it. Somewhere in there I would throw in that you have knit for her because she is important to (son's name) and you want to like her, but that spending thousands of hours to have the garments you knit for her, met only with complaints not only spoils the enjoyment of knitting for you, it makes it more difficult to have a positive relationship with her and that is more important (even if it is only for your son's sake). That last sentence sure makes it harder for her to complain to your son. If she does say something to your son, remind him of her complaints, simply ask him if he really wants you to spend countless hours resenting her as you knit items that she will find fault with, or would he rather you reach a form of detente on knitting so you can concentrate on her more positive traits. AND DO NOT KNIT FOR HER AGAIN, if you can avoid it (when knitting everyone else but her would cause problems.


I love your specificity.


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## RevDi (Jul 8, 2016)

shawcountry said:


> I would tell her you'll take it under advisement then put it at the bottom of your to-do list, forever. She has learned to manipulate those around her through her entitled behaviour. You've now recognized that and have a choice how to respond.


I agree! Don't ever make anything else for her - ever! She is never going to be happy with anything you make for her, and you shouldn't ever try to please her. You know the old saying about teaching a pig to sing - that is what you have here - it only wastes your time and annoys the pig! Your time and happiness are precious, and you shouldn't waste either on this young woman.


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## gloriam (Aug 11, 2011)

I would probably grit my teeth and not say anything, HOWEVER, I also would be way too busy on "projects" to be able to get to her "requests."


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## NYBev (Aug 23, 2011)

elliekluge said:


> Don't even DARE to buy in to this nonsense! She's a bully! Your time and talent is much better used somewhere else. Tell her that you have donated her jumper to charity, and are willing to do the same for the new sweater coat if she truly doesn't like it. End of story. If dear son gets upset about his girlfriend being "picked on" then it's time you had a long talk with him too! I used to put up with this BS for years. Can't begin to tell you how much better life is, now that I stand up for myself.


You said it better tha I could elliekluge! Some people are never pleased at thoughtfulness. No more knitting for her.


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## geribaer (Jun 20, 2016)

I would reply that since she doesn't like what you knit, maybe she might be better off buying her knitwear at a store. Do not knit for her again, no matter how nasty or unpleasant she gets. You don't owe her anything. Your gifts are a gift of love. She obviously doesn't appreciate you or your terrific handiwork. No reason for you to be her servant.


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## Quiltermouse (Jun 11, 2013)

Oh dear. And how does she treat your son?

She wouldn't get any more hand knits from me. And she would get shown the picture next to the coat, "This IS what you asked for." I *might* be willing to adjust the sleeves, but only if it was a reasonable task. But I'd offer to take it back, at which point it would be mine to do with.


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## peppered (May 16, 2014)

I read all the answers and I say I can agree with everybody.
BUT, I would give her a chance to see if there is some more niceness in her. She might be just picky. I would offer to make another coat/sweater but only if she comes for frequent fittings to make sure it fits as she likes it. My MIL knitted ton of stuff for us but we had fittings and if something wasn't to our liking, she would rip and adjust. 
I don't know what is it like to talk to her when together but if she is willing to show up, try to make a fun time with cookies and coffee etc.
I would also talk to the son and let him know everything.
I can be picky when it comes to fit, cut, design, etc. and I also sew which is easier to do fitting on and faster to alter so I would talk it over with her. She might not be bad person, maybe she just needs some "guiding". If she will marry the son, I'd rather make peace now and try to figure her out before babies come.
But if none will work, well, hell with her!


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## LinJurm (Aug 4, 2011)

I agree - bottom of the To Do list and you will never get to them. She is very rude.


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## kcdaisy17 (Oct 20, 2017)

Reread taborhills reply (p15) over and over and over until it sinks in. 

I had a nephew who married a girl like this. She made the entire family miserable at every opportunity. Her family was afraid of her. Our family gatherings were a mess. 

My nephew never complained about her. He told me that he just wanted his wife to be well. He eventually took his own life. My sister (his mom) moved away to another state to avoid her. 

I continue to pray for this woman every day, as well as for my entire family.


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## SANDY I (Oct 18, 2014)

Knit what you want. Life us too short to knit for the ungrateful.


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## blissdragonfly (May 22, 2015)

Life is too short to waste your time on someone who is not knitworthy. Don't be her doormat. I hope he doesn't marry her. She probably treats him the same way.


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## susanrs1 (Mar 21, 2011)

pazzanop said:


> No, I would not just grit my teeth. She will continue to get away with this awful behavior if you do. Just put them at the bottom of your to-do-list and never get to them. If she asks, tell her that you had more important projects to work on.


Great advice! I would never again knit anything for this ungrateful twit. Tell her to take a class and learn how to knit.


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## knitteerli (Jun 3, 2015)

I think you should make her sit diwn and read your post. She might never learn to think beyond herself if no one teaches her how. I hope she does not marry your son, she needs too much alteration herself before she is fit for anything.


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## seamer45 (Jan 18, 2011)

I read your post two days ago and was appalled by her behavior. I honestly haven’t read any replies but here’s my take on this. Tell her to find someone else to fix it or give it back to you to give away or sell. If she paid for the yarn, reimburse her if she returns it to you.
Most importantly you must tell her you won’t make anything for her again since it didn’t turn out the way she wanted it to.


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## motherdawg (Feb 13, 2011)

I feel terribly for you, but alas you must let it go...She obviously does not realize the blood sweat and tears put into this project. She also has no manners...Alas, I hope she does not become your daughter in law for your son's sake but that is not our choice...trust me I have thoughts on THIS issue that ring close to home...

P.S. when can i bring my pattern over??bwahahahaha


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## Sealcookie (Nov 11, 2015)

Honey, forget the to do list, just for get the entire thing.


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## The Reader (May 29, 2014)

How about showing all of the KP comments to your son? I think he would then understand how his girlfriend comes across to others; it might open his eyes regarding her behavior.


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

The Reader said:


> How about showing all of the KP comments to your son? I think he would then understand how his girlfriend comes across to others; it might open his eyes regarding her behavior.


 :sm25: :sm25: :sm25: :sm25: You don't think he is going to be furious for talking (posting) about his girlfriend's behavior to others. He already knows how she treats others and is okay with it because he loves her, or so he thinks.


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## Donna Hi (Mar 10, 2018)

taborhills said:


> As a retired psychotherapist, I immediately begin to recognize the kind of home this girl must have come from. I would start thinking about the need for you and your son
> to begin a calm but serious conversation about why he is attracted to her.
> 
> Does he see himself as rescuing her? Does she tell him how her parents/mother did not *understand* her? If so, she may threaten people by, in effect, demanding that they protect her from criticism. Men may enjoy playing the white knight who rescues her and fosters her "self-esteem." Or her family may not. have decent manners, so that any criticism of their style feels to their daughter like criticism of them that must be rejected by her. It may feel to her like disloyalty to her parents.
> ...


I could not agree with tabor hills more. Underlying patterns sometimes can be repaired by looking at the deepth of the issue. Good luck.


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## Seahawker (Mar 30, 2012)

For sure do not grit your teeth. Let her and your son (at the same time) know how you feel and tell her no more.


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## YourLuckyEwe (Jul 2, 2011)

I could not have said it better. But, first ribit so there is nothing but yarn "waiting" its turn. Or maybe offer the coat for sale to someone more appreciative, and just keep the pattern (with the corrections) at the bottom of your "to do" list.


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## Dcsmith77 (Apr 18, 2011)

jmcret05 said:


> I'll add my vote to NO. Politely explain that since she finds fault with your work, which is time-consuming and expensive, that you feel like she would be happier with 'store-bought' items that she can pick herself. Hopefully, the girlfriend won't become a permanent member of the family. Discuss with son first if you feel a need to.
> 
> Do Not Back Down!!


This is what I would do. Only I would phrase it as You don't seem to be happy with what I make so I think you should just purchase what you like. If this upsets your son, then he is in the wrong and you should let him know that you are very disappointed with both him and his friend. He cannot argue with your being disappionted, but usually kids don't like to disappoint their parents - usually, I repeat. It seems odd that either would think you should spend your time (and apparently some money) on things that they find unsatisfactory. Good luck. Families are sometimes difficult.


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## yarnfreak15 (Jan 22, 2016)

If she's not happy with the end product, I would invite her to find out how "easy" it is to knit anything and she can go make one for herself!


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## knittingbee (Jan 18, 2011)

Ditto!


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## Nikoletoula (Jul 19, 2017)

As Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith show would say “Nip it in the bud!” Don’t put up with her nonsense and don’t make her another thing!


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## Casey47 (Feb 5, 2014)

I agree with all the good advice above. Especially hoping your son doesn't marry her. With that in mind, factually (not emotionally) tell your son what has happened. Tell him she doesn't like your handmade gifts so you won't be able to make her things in the future.


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## dixiedarling (Nov 26, 2017)

Nikoletoula said:


> As Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith show would say "Nip it in the bud!" Don't put up with her nonsense and don't make her another thing!


Oh, I loved that show!


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

PaKnitter said:


> :sm25: :sm25: :sm25: :sm25: You don't think he is going to be furious for talking (posting) about his girlfriend's behavior to others. He already knows how she treats others and is okay with it because he loves her, or so he thinks.


He may not realize how others feel, some people can be totally oblivious to the feelings of others, and if he hasn't been present when she treats his mother poorly, he may not know the depth of her rudeness and his mother's hurt.

One other point, I've noticed that if you knit a lot, some people assume because you are always knitting, that what you are knitting doesn't matter to you. Since you are going to be knitting anyway, you might as well be making something for them. And if the sweater you knit them isn't a color they like, you can just change it on their whim...because you are going to be knitting anyway. Often the attitude is that they have a life and you don't because all you do is knitting.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

KateLyn11 said:


> He may not realize how others feel, some people can be totally oblivious to the feelings of others, and if he hasn't been present when she treats his mother poorly, he may not know the depth of her rudeness and his mother's hurt.
> 
> One other point, I've noticed that if you knit a lot, some people assume because you are always knitting, that what you are knitting doesn't matter to you. Since you are going to be knitting anyway, you might as well be making something for them. And if the sweater you knit them isn't a color they like, you can just change it on their whim...because you are going to be knitting anyway. Often the attitude is that they have a life and you don't because all you do is knitting.


Ooo, I've been fortunate enough not to have run into that attitude regarding my knitting. I've seen it in regard to other kinds of things, but not that. I'm afraid I might go orbital if I ever did experience that, so I'm really glad I've dodged that particular bullet! I have a hang up with some people about unrealistic assumptions and this is closely related enough to hook those feelings. You don't have a life because all you do is knitting? Really?? For many knitters that's exactly the kind of life they choose, and it's likely far more productive than the lives of those who fault it.


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## Jules30 (Sep 9, 2018)

I have two suggestions for the Christmas sweater. One involves more work than the other

1) Just wait until Christmas day, and when you are all together with everyone pull out the same sweater and say "Oh, here's your Xmas Sweater! Better put it on!"
2) Make her an extra ugly Christmas Sweater, and as above, give it to her on the day "I made you a new sweater!"


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## Jules30 (Sep 9, 2018)

Jules30 said:


> I have two suggestions for the Christmas sweater. One involves more work than the other
> 
> 1) Just wait until Christmas day, and when you are all together with everyone pull out the same sweater and say "Oh, here's your Xmas Sweater! Better put it on!"
> 2) Make her an extra ugly Christmas Sweater, and as above, give it to her on the day "I made you a new sweater!"


https://www.ravelry.com/projects/13xmama/tacky-christmas-sweater


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## k moore (Mar 20, 2012)

Put it aside..if she asks about it. Tell her you knit for pleasure and don't enjoy knitting as a job
Tell her you choose what to knit and when
Tell her it will take alot of thought and you won't tackle her items until you are moved to find the joy in fixing them. However long that takes


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## Damiano (Nov 15, 2016)

I agree with everyone here! First, tell your SON what she has done, and show him the returned items. Certainly HE knows of the time and energy you put into such things. THEN, let her have it with both barrels and let the chips fall where they may. She is nothing but a spoiled entitled BRAT, and needs to be TOLD SO!!!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

k moore said:


> Put it aside..if she asks about it. Tell her you knit for pleasure and don't enjoy knitting as a job
> Tell her you choose what to knit and when
> Tell her it will take alot of thought and you won't tackle her items until you are moved to find the joy in fixing them. However long that takes


I really like your thinking ;~).


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## danyxx2421 (Jan 24, 2011)

I'm sorry but I'm baffled that anyone would think you should entertain this behavior!! I would take both of the items and if shoving them up her rear isn't an option then give them to someone that could certainly use and appreciate them, she lost out. There is no way you should try to fix anything or return anything for her, she's ungrateful and yes you should absolutely in a nice manner (because kindness kills evil) tell her to go pound sand!!


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## Paulette Callen (Jun 12, 2015)

Tell her how you feel. Then tell your son how you feel.
She didn't buy the yarn, so she is not out anything...your time, your money. People like this get by with bad behavior because other people let them. I used to do that...I was afraid of confrontation...even if my response was not going to be "confrontational", just honest. And then I stopped doing that. There is no virtue in being a doormat for anyone.


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## Dottie Kon (Mar 29, 2012)

I would send her a thank you note explaining that you had wanted each of these items but, being busy knitting for others, you hadn't had a chance to make your own. Since she isn't pleased with them you will assume ownership and, again, thank her!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Dottie Kon said:


> I would send her a thank you note explaining that you had wanted each of these items but, being busy knitting for others, you hadn't had a chance to make your own. Since she isn't pleased with them you will assume ownership and, again, thank her!


I like this way of handling the situation.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

Even though my son is in his 40s, I’ve found being confrontational about his choices and those he cares about, only drives a wedge between us at the exact times, I want us to be on good terms. 

As a teenager it meant constantly inviting over those of his friends I thought were trouble. You have a hard time saying your folks don’t like your friends when they are frequently asking if you want to invite them over. Knowing that they (invitations) would not be accepted since their weren’t enough opportunities at our house to break the rules. As an adult, when either my son or dil complain about each other, I loudly declare I am “Switzerland” and thus neutral. I’ve said it long enough and loud enough that now I just say, “Switzerland, remember.” Whether or not their relationship survives, it won’t be because of any input from me. Which is why I suggested OP make her feelings known when both were present. Makes it more difficult for girlfriend to complain or put son in the middle.


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## eveningstar (May 8, 2011)

If you simply say, "I'm disappointed you didn't like it," you are saying nothing that should offend her or your son. You are not saying that you will -- or won't -- knit a replacement. You are not reminding her that she has the worst manners imaginable. 
And -- if she should ask, "Well, what are you going to do about it?" you can say, "I'll let you know when I decide.
That should take care of everything.


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## janis blondel (May 20, 2011)

fortunate1 said:


> Holy cow!!! If he stays with her you are setting the stage for her to continue this crap with you. Tell her you will do it when you can, and then just be to darn busy! Or better, teach her to knit her own stuff!


Definitely she is a bully and a nasty person. You need to put her in her place before she walks all over you and your son. :sm09: :sm09:


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

Why do you let people take advantage of you? Tell them to drop dead!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Paulette Callen said:


> Tell her how you feel. Then tell your son how you feel.
> She didn't buy the yarn, so she is not out anything...your time, your money. People like this get by with bad behavior because other people let them. I used to do that...I was afraid of confrontation...even if my response was not going to be "confrontational", just honest. And then I stopped doing that. There is no virtue in being a doormat for anyone.


I sincerely hope you learned this long before I did in my lifetime. My childhood was so terrifying that I was in my mid-60's before I managed to find my way out of being a permanent doormat for whomsoever chose to try to make me into one. Now I'm free at last!!!


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