# Need help with how to respond...



## BonnieMcC (Feb 22, 2014)

I knit in our company break room all the time while I'm eating my lunch. A particular woman who works for the company is always there for a few minutes of my break. Though we are not friends, we are friendly...asking how each other is, commenting on the weather, etc. Never has she commented on my knitting.

Until yesterday. She asked if I had ever seen a particular type of hat pattern. I told her I had but had never knit one. She said, (and I quote) "I'll buy the yarn and give it to you and you can knit one up for me." There was absolutely no mention of paying me for my time...and frankly, what I know about this person; there will not be. 

I give away my knitting all the time...to friends and family who I chose to give it to. I choose yarn colors and fibers I know they will love and am very choosy about what I make them so I know it will be loved and worn. I'm even shamelessly "using" my boyfriend's nieces new baby to get my fix of knitting baby things!

But my knitting time is precious to me. I work one full time and one part time job. I have responsibilities keeping up my home. I like to spend time with family and friends. In between all that I love to knit. 

I wonder...how do I convey that I have no desire to spend my precious time knitting for random people for free. I also wonder if I am being selfish.

Any ideas would be very helpful and I'm sure many crafters have been in this situation.

Thank you...Bonnie


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## diamondbelle (Sep 10, 2011)

Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


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## momcat531 (Oct 27, 2011)

You could say you have a lot of requests from family and you only knit for family.


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## jmcret05 (Oct 24, 2011)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling the person that you --

1. Have too little time.
2. Don't do commission pieces as no one wants to pay what your time is worth. (wait for response)
3. No, I really can't (no explanation)


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## TRINITYCRAFTSISTER (Sep 28, 2011)

I agree with diamond.belle. DO smile sweetly as you say it though!


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## sbel3555 (Apr 11, 2011)

What I did was to tell the person a price 3 times higher than a store bought item. Then they said "oh, I can't afford that much".


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## MariElyn (Jul 8, 2014)

Very sweetly say "No thankyou, I'm not interested." No further explanations are necessary!


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## nevadalynn (Apr 27, 2011)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


 I have actually said pretty much this same thing to people. Works just fine.


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## nonaka (Dec 9, 2012)

You could say, "I have a lot of projects lined up right now. We could talk about it later." And then just never bring it up with her. Always too busy with promised projects. Maybe she'd like to bring her yarn and her "how to" book and learn to knit. I know, unlikely, but you could suggest it. She would probably never mention it again. Her idea was for YOU to do the work. Voice of experience.


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## dragonfly7673 (May 13, 2014)

I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either. 

A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


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## julietremain (Jul 8, 2011)

there is no reason to beat around the bush with this person...or any other who makes such a statement...smile and say "no thank you" and mean it....
if you need to say more do so ...be pleasant....but do not cave in...this approach has always worked for me....I share much of what I knit but knitting is my time, my hobby and I will decide how to use both....
julie


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## stitch counter (Feb 7, 2012)

Goodmorning! I have given your question some thought that I would like to share with you. When I applied this situation to myself I wondered if I could choose to make this hat for the greater good? I am trying to walk the path of Christianity. In my humble opinion I think if I were to knit this hat the gift would be mine for having done something for someone outside of myself. I have to admit I feel uncomfortable sharing this view at the same time triumphant for having it. Thanks for bothering to even read what I think. Have a great day and thanks for stimulating my thoughts.


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## Linda6885 (Feb 13, 2011)

jmcret05 said:


> There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling the person that you --
> 
> 1. Have too little time.
> 2. Don't do commission pieces as no one wants to pay what your time is worth. (wait for response)
> 3. No, I really can't (no explanation)


 :thumbup:


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## CindyR (Apr 4, 2014)

Love the "if I love you, it's free" comment. So true. The real upset here is the assumption you would do it for her without a clear request. It sounds like this came across condescendingly. I think these things will come up in life in whatever venue we move in, and we can learn from everything. Don't miss the lesson.


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## knittingagain (Apr 12, 2011)

stitch counter said:


> Goodmorning! I have given your question some thought that I would like to share with you. When I applied this situation to myself I wondered if I could choose to make this hat for the greater good? I am trying to walk the path of Christianity. In my humble opinion I think if I were to knit this hat the gift would be mine for having done something for someone outside of myself. I have to admit I feel uncomfortable sharing this view at the same time triumphant for having it. Thanks for bothering to even read what I think. Have a great day and thanks for stimulating my thoughts.


Thank you for sharing this opinion. I'm not as far along that path as you are, but I don't think I would make the had for her. That was a brazen (though maybe meaning to be complimentary) request & I would probably offer to teach her how to knit so she could knit her own. THat is, if I could think fast enough not to just blurt out, "sure".


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## Buttons (Feb 11, 2011)

julietremain said:


> there is no reason to beat around the bush with this person...or any other who makes such a statement...smile and say "no thank you" and mean it....
> if you need to say more do so ...be pleasant....but do not cave in...this approach has always worked for me....I share much of what I knit but knitting is my time, my hobby and I will decide how to use both....
> julie


 :thumbup: :thumbup:

Just be honest like Julie said. You don't owe her no explanation on nothing. She is just an acquaintance at work, not a friend nor a family member.


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## lemonaid (Dec 11, 2014)

dragonfly7673 said:


> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


you made my day!
:lol: :thumbup:

I would not tell her that. If she brings up the idea again you could tell her, sorry, but no. If she asks why just say you don't have enough time. If she still insists, give her the address of a yarn shop with knitting classes, where she can find out how much it's worth for herself.

After all you have a lunch break for your own personal recreation, pleasure and needs, not for another job / unpaid work.


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## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Perfect.


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## Grand8ma (Feb 16, 2014)

A simple "Sorry, I don't have time" should suffice. I can almost guarantee that would not be the end of it...she will have more and more projects for you to do...

When I worked nights I took lunch with a lovely group from around the facility and often knit or crocheted. One young lady said she always wanted to learn to knit so I brought needles and yarn and we worked on it for a week or so. After our vacation she came back and said that as much as she was making good progress, she just couldn't get into it and felt it took away from her other interests. She brought back her materials along with a huge bag of lovely yarns and supplies that her grandmother had left her. I made her a stack of washcloths with some of the cotton. She did say that she now appreciates all the time and work and cost of handmade things.


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## fergablu2 (Apr 30, 2011)

Ask her what is she going to do for you in return. She could come and clean your house or do some less desirable chore for the same amount of time that it takes you to knit the hat. If that doesn't shut her up, nothing will.


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## Buttons (Feb 11, 2011)

No, just tell her you would teach her how to knit and she could make her then.


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## stitch counter (Feb 7, 2012)

Hello "knittingagain"! I appreciate your response. I really don't think there is a correct response for this situation but I am surprised how much self-reflection it has prompted and am thankful for this forum for freedom to explore the topic and assorted responses in such a friendly atmosphere. Carol


knittingagain said:


> Thank you for sharing this opinion. I'm not as far along that path as you are, but I don't think I would make the had for her. That was a brazen (though maybe meaning to be complimentary) request & I would probably offer to teach her how to knit so she could knit her own. THat is, if I could think fast enough not to just blurt out, "sure".


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## jmcret05 (Oct 24, 2011)

stitch counter said:


> Goodmorning! I have given your question some thought that I would like to share with you. When I applied this situation to myself I wondered if I could choose to make this hat for the greater good? I am trying to walk the path of Christianity. In my humble opinion I think if I were to knit this hat the gift would be mine for having done something for someone outside of myself. I have to admit I feel uncomfortable sharing this view at the same time triumphant for having it. Thanks for bothering to even read what I think. Have a great day and thanks for stimulating my thoughts.


This may not be a popular response, but being a good Christian doesn't mean you have to give everyone what they want. Giving them something they NEED is different. The person WANTS an item made for them on the 'cheap'. Making that same hat for a charitable gift would be entirely different. IMO


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## BBatten17 (Dec 15, 2012)

jmcret05 said:


> This may not be a popular response, but being a good Christian doesn't mean you have to give everyone what they want. Giving them something they NEED is different. The person WANTS an item made for them on the 'cheap'. Making that same hat for a charitable gift would be entirely different. IMO


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Jalynne (Dec 29, 2013)

I would offer the idea of learning how to knit. As presumptuous as her comments may sound, she may be awkward and not really know how to ask. That said, when I was working, I would have loved a quilting or knitting buddy during lunch times. Don't give her a fish, teach her how to fish.


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## jmcret05 (Oct 24, 2011)

There have been suggestions here to offer to teach her to knit. There are classes, utube, and LYSs for that. OP has mentioned that she has little time for her own knitting and teaching someone to knit (unless it is a family member or close friend) should also not be free to just anyone who asks. 

Ann Landers once said that 'no one can take advantage of you if you don't let them'. Personally, I consider my free time as ME time and it is valuable, even though I am retired. 

OP would not be looking for a subtle 'out' if they really wanted to knit a free hat.


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## knittingagain (Apr 12, 2011)

jmcret05 said:


> There have been suggestions here to offer to teach her to knit. There are classes, utube, and LYSs for that. OP has mentioned that she has little time for her own knitting and teaching someone to knit (unless it is a family member or close friend) should also not be free to just anyone who asks.
> 
> Ann Landers once said that 'no one can take advantage of you if you don't let them'. Personally, I consider my free time as ME time and it is valuable, even though I am retired.
> 
> OP would not be looking for a subtle 'out' if they really wanted to knit a free hat.


Good points!


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## Zinzin (Oct 17, 2012)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Well said, I could not have come up with this.


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## Sine (Jun 12, 2011)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Until I read this post my first thought was if she does bring in yarn to offer to teach her how to knit her hat. I like this better.


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## Raybo (Mar 12, 2011)

BonnieMcC said:


> Never has she commented on my knitting. Until yesterday. She asked if I had ever seen a particular type of hat pattern. I told her I had but had never knit one. She said, (and I quote) "I'll buy the yarn and give it to you and you can knit one up for me." There was absolutely no mention of paying me for my time...and frankly, what I know about this person; there will not be.
> 
> I give away my knitting all the time...to friends and family who I chose to give it to. I choose yarn colors and fibers I know they will love and am very choosy about what I make them so I know it will be loved and worn. I'm even shamelessly "using" my boyfriend's nieces new baby to get my fix of knitting baby things!
> 
> ...


 My usual reaction to such a remark is to laugh out loud and say "sure, when pigs fly" or some such stupidity. Actually there's nothing wrong with being selfish once in a while, so do what you want to do with or without explanation. :XD:


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## LindaLu (Mar 9, 2011)

dragonfly7673 said:


> I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either.
> 
> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


LOVE what your friend said! I'll have to remember that


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## kayrein (Aug 24, 2011)

A lot of people have asked me to knit them things. I smile and say something like, " Oh, that's probably not going to happen, I have a long list of things to knit." End of story. Most people will back off at that point.


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## cah (Oct 2, 2014)

"No" is a complete sentence, yet I can see that wouldn't fly in this situation. I thought the best answer was given by yourself, BonnieMcC:



> But my knitting time is precious to me. I work one full time and one part time job. I have responsibilities keeping up my home. I like to spend time with family and friends.


Then direct her to the nearest LYS so she can either take lessons or inquire about hiring someone to knit the hat for her. And it won't be for free either!


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## PhoenixFire (Feb 26, 2014)

dragonfly7673 said:


> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


AWEsome reply..... except for the level of a happy finish, knitting is a LOT like sex!! lol


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## Katsch (Mar 15, 2011)

"No thanks" should do it


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## diamondbelle (Sep 10, 2011)

stitch counter said:


> Goodmorning! I have given your question some thought that I would like to share with you. When I applied this situation to myself I wondered if I could choose to make this hat for the greater good? I am trying to walk the path of Christianity. In my humble opinion I think if I were to knit this hat the gift would be mine for having done something for someone outside of myself. I have to admit I feel uncomfortable sharing this view at the same time triumphant for having it. Thanks for bothering to even read what I think. Have a great day and thanks for stimulating my thoughts.


In theory, this is fine. But, it is OK to say no.

I knit for charity all the time, but it's my choice. I buy the yarn and I donate my time, and I enjoy doing it.

I read OP's post as the person trying to take advantage of her good nature. There's a big difference in doing good for someone in need, and being coerced into doing something because someone is too cheap to pay for her time or not willing to do it herself.


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## laceluvr (Feb 16, 2012)

This woman seems to be the demanding type & I'm afraid if you told her you didn't have time, she probably wouldn't 'get it' as she sees you knitting on your lunch hour & would expect you to do it then.
As jmcret05 put it, tell her you don't do commissioned work as no one wants to pay you what your time is worth. Since your time is very valuable to you it should not be free to just anyone who wants you to knit for them.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

I would tell her I wasn't comfortable with a new pattern.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

I have only offered to teach 3 people to knit. My 2 daughters and my best friend. I really don't want to go down that road. I did try to teach my daughter's best friend. She stressed out with it. I find it frustrating to teach people to knit. So I only teach people I really, really love.


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## BonnieMcC (Feb 22, 2014)

To all of you...

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful advice! You have given me so many ways to handle this situation. 

I'm not interested in giving her knitting lessons as that would take up a lot of my valuable knitting time. (Many days, the only time I have to knit is on my lunch break!) And though I understand and am usually happy to go the "Christian" route (as suggested), I would be so much more inclined to do so if she would have approached it differently; maybe asking if I'd help her or even so much as ASKING me if I would be willing to knit for her. Instead she just basically TOLD me that she would bring the yarn and I would knit it for her. It made me feel as though I was going to be "used" and that doesn't seem very Christian like on her end.

So...I will practice one (or more) of the many ideas you have given me so I am ready for her. Not to mention...ready for anyone else I encounter in my life who TELLS me I can do something for them. 

Thanks!! Bonne


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## BoogieCat (Nov 3, 2012)

Just today I had a co-worker hand me a pic of a model in a bulky knit hat. She said something like "I really like this hat, it reminds me of the ones you knit." I took it a not so subtle hint that she wants me to make it. I like her and have made several things for her, only one of which I ever saw her wear. So I'm not sure if I will do this or not.


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## dragonfly7673 (May 13, 2014)

loriadams said:


> Just today I had a co-worker hand me a pic of a model in a bulky knit hat. She said something like "I really like this hat, it reminds me of the ones you knit." I took it a not so subtle hint that she wants me to make it. I like her and have made several things for her, only one of which I ever saw her wear. So I'm not sure if I will do this or not.


"Thanks for sharing that, you're right, it is my style, I might have to make one for myself one day when my queue is down"

Then if it was meant as a friendly thing, you've said thank you, while still being clear that you aren't going to get to it anytime soon even if making it for yourself.


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## willi66 (Aug 30, 2012)

Jalynne said:


> I would offer the idea of learning how to knit. As presumptuous as her comments may sound, she may be awkward and not really know how to ask. That said, when I was working, I would have loved a quilting or knitting buddy during lunch times. Don't give her a fish, teach her how to fish.


Agreed


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## tyme2sew (Dec 20, 2012)

Katsch said:


> "No thanks" should do it


This is the perfect reply, but being a redhead I might have said" sit down over there and hold your breath while I think about it".... while I would not have let her die... I would have enjoyed the process.... really you don't even know her, knitting is my joy and I do for who I wish to knit for... Mean old Glenna


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## lovethelake (Apr 6, 2011)

nonaka said:


> You could say, "I have a lot of projects lined up right now. We could talk about it later." And then just never bring it up with her. Always too busy with promised projects. Maybe she'd like to bring her yarn and her "how to" book and learn to knit. I know, unlikely, but you could suggest it. She would probably never mention it again. Her idea was for YOU to do the work. Voice of experience.


True. Someone that I never met saw my alpaca scarf and asked if I would make it for her. I knew she had no idea of the amount of time it took to make it, so I said that the yarn to make it would be $60 and it would take me a month to make it, so she probably couldn't afford it. She about passed out when I told her the alpaca yarn was that much. People just don't get it. She laughed it off and that was the end of that.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

I would just tell her that you are very sorry,but you don't knit for anyone other than very close family,you just don't get the time.


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## Donnathomp (May 5, 2012)

diamondbelle wrote:
Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."



nevadalynn said:


> I have actually said pretty much this same thing to people. Works just fine.


Same here. Someone at work asked me about slippers and I simply told him that I had way too many projects already started for family and friends that I really had no extra time. And if I do agree to make something from a request I advise them that there is no 'time' guarantee for when it would be finished.


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## jan the gran (Dec 3, 2012)

dragonfly7673 said:


> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


Totally agree, I always wondered what the big thing was in having a 'stash' until I got a kick out of seeing my three boxes full of yarn shouting 'pick me, pick me'


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

I think I would leave the subject alone for the time being and see if she asks again. If she does I would say I knit because I enjoy doing it and if I knit for outside the family my charges are ..... so she knows you won't be knitting for free.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

In my experience if you tell a pushy person you don't have time, they will either try to convince you that you have enough time for their "small" request or they will try to tell you how to manage your time so you can accommodate their request. I would give her a version of the prior commitments comments. I would not mention that you only knit for family, because without a doubt six months from now she will ask what you are knitting and for whom. Of course you will tell her the truth, it won't be for a family member and feelings will be hurt and your pleasant working relationship damaged. I would stick with something along the lines of, a regretful sounding, "I can't, I have over committed myself so much that I can't take on any new projects for the foreseeable future." If at some future date she asks again you can tell her you still haven't met all your commitments.


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## JTM (Nov 18, 2012)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Engprof (Dec 9, 2013)

knittingagain said:


> Thank you for sharing this opinion. I'm not as far along that path as you are, but I don't think I would make the had for her. That was a brazen (though maybe meaning to be complimentary) request & I would probably offer to teach her how to knit so she could knit her own. THat is, if I could think fast enough not to just blurt out, "sure".


I, too, admire the path, but am afraid if I were to do such a kindness unto a coworker such as this woman without compensation, that could open the door for others to assume it to be acceptable to make such requests, which could lead to tensions when knitting for acquaintances would unevitably become impossible.


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## Crumplin (Sep 7, 2012)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


I fully agree
Edna C


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## sdftrace (Jan 10, 2013)

It's always possible, as others have indicated, that if you say you are over-committed at the moment (for family and friends) this person will wait and try again. 

And as others have also mentioned other co-workers may expect they too can bring in their items for knitting.

So in preparation for the conversation, if you guesstimate the time it would take to knit the hat and then work out your hourly rate you could say when presented with the yarn (as no doubt will happen) ... "well it will take me at least 5 hours of time and my charge is $15/$25an hour, but please bear in mind it could be a year or longer before I could even think about taking on such a project." 
Then direct her to a knitting group/workshop at the local yarn store.
Just editing as I remembered the posts of earlier this week ... the hat that was being sold for $165!


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## Cdambro (Dec 30, 2013)

BonnieMcC said:


> I knit in our company break room all the time while I'm eating my lunch. A particular woman who works for the company is always there for a few minutes of my break. Though we are not friends, we are friendly...asking how each other is, commenting on the weather, etc. Never has she commented on my knitting.
> 
> Until yesterday. She asked if I had ever seen a particular type of hat pattern. I told her I had but had never knit one. She said, (and I quote) "I'll buy the yarn and give it to you and you can knit one up for me." There was absolutely no mention of paying me for my time...and frankly, what I know about this person; there will not be.
> 
> ...


I finally learned that I do not owe anyone an explanation when I say no. As women, we think we owe the explanation and reasons until someone understands why we cannot help them. We do not. You can simply say you do not do orders from people but thanks for asking. That's it. If someone asks why.....tell them you have enough commitments to last you a hundred years.


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## motormom (Nov 16, 2013)

Tell her that you appreciate the compliment, but that you have soooooo many requests from family members.


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## God's Girl (Jan 29, 2013)

Here is what I would respond: I'm sorry but I do not have the time to make your requested item any time in the near future. I charge $10.00 per hour and an additional fee for more complicated items. That might just stop her there if she thinks about the cost. Why should you even consider making it without compensation. If you are aware of the pattern think ahead and come up with a price that might shock her to pieces . Good luck with your dilemma


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## Cdambro (Dec 30, 2013)

As a solution, I would not offer to teach someone to knit that asked me to make them something as they only want the item knitted for them. I would suggest they call the area LYS and sign up for an invaluable class and start to their own ability to knit wonderful items for themselves and others. If at that point they asked me to teach them....I would.


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## memere0211 (Nov 1, 2013)

julietremain said:


> there is no reason to beat around the bush with this person...or any other who makes such a statement...smile and say "no thank you" and mean it....
> if you need to say more do so ...be pleasant....but do not cave in...this approach has always worked for me....I share much of what I knit but knitting is my time, my hobby and I will decide how to use both....
> julie


i agree with julietremain - don't beat around the bush . . . it can be done very nicely . . . when you start coming up with excuses, it invites more questions/comments . . . shut it down from the get-go . . .


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## Anna3703 (Mar 4, 2012)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Good answer...and nice too.


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## Moisey (Mar 17, 2013)

You lovely ladies are all too polite!
Because of her dictatorial manner, an Aussie would have said
with a big grin on her face, "Yeahhhh and that's cost you
one thousand dollars, in advance, so cough up now!"
Shucks! Aren't I AWFUL!
I liked the knitting be compared to sexual favours, good one!
Moisey


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

I have a dear friend who often asked me to knit something for her sister's friends. The first few times, I did it. No thank you, no mention of paying for yarn, my time, etc.....I know, I should have learned after the first time! Finally I just had to say no, nicely of course, that I just didn't have the time, and was now knitting only for family, or gifts for me to give. She completely understood, and I am happy to say we are still great friends!


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## pyfairy (Dec 7, 2013)

dragonfly7673 said:


> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


I so totally love this!!


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## Judy C. (Oct 21, 2012)

I agree with Diamondbelle. Good luck.


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## KaitlanBlackrose (Jun 11, 2012)

Just tell her that you usually only knit for your family and the cost you would charge her would be way to high for her...or just tell her to sod off and learn to knit and make it herself


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## Judy C. (Oct 21, 2012)

you are right.


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## Bonidale (Mar 26, 2011)

I like jmcret05's response number 2. She is absolutely right.


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## andrita (Jul 6, 2014)

It sounds to me she was just trying to see if you would make it. Some people just cannot come right out and ask. I don't think she meant to anger or upset you. Just tell her you have too much on your plate to take on anything isle


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## flitri (Jun 13, 2011)

Do as I do now and say "NO, I only knit for the family". In the past I have knitted things that people have asked me to and never got any payment for them, sometimes not even a "Thank You". So now the answer is NO.


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## Brabant (Jan 31, 2014)

I'll put you on my list. It is a trifle long but eventually - say in two or three years you'll be at the top.

That's what I would reply.


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## granny45 (Sep 29, 2012)

Perfect answer


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## clclancy (Mar 13, 2011)

My standard reply is "Bring the yarn and needles and I will gladly teach you how to make it!" Works every time. I have several new students and several people who never bother me again about making something for them.


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## nitnurse (May 20, 2012)

I would say to her - pick a simple pattern and we can sit together at lunch time and I will show you how to knit it yourself. If she does not want to do that, it will give her the hint without you having to be rude to her that you don't want to knit it for her. Or you could just say why don't you learn to knit and make it yourself? I don't think she would push you after that.


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## nitnurse (May 20, 2012)

clclancy said:


> My standard reply is "Bring the yarn and needles and I will gladly teach you how to make it!" Works every time. I have several new students and several people who never bother me again about making something for them.


 :thumbup:


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## samdog13 (May 24, 2014)

Don't do it - she will never appreciate your hard work. Just say, "I have too many family projects to take on another thing" and let it go.


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## Nancyn (Mar 23, 2013)

How about just no thanks. End of question. Why do we need to defend ourselves. It can be said nicely and with a smile. Then change the subject. If she is that brassy, then the only thing she will understand is no. If you hesitate, she will swoop in!


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

When asked by someone other than family to knit baby sweater gifts, I give them my price, including a skein of yarn. Otherwise, I "choose" who will receive such a gift for "free". No explanation in needed--you have enough to do as it is. Some people take we knitters for granted--and have NO idea how much time (and cost) can be possible. Knit for your loved ones--or set a price from the onset. Good luck.


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Bonnie, You just tell her that you won't be able to do that for her. If she's rude enough to ask why, and since you do have to interact with her daily, just say that you have too many other commitments for family. You could also add that you charge for making things for others. End of story.


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## beachknit (Oct 25, 2011)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


This response gets my vote! Perfect!!!!!


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## RoxyCatlady (Mar 22, 2011)

BonnieMcC said:


> I knit in our company break room all the time while I'm eating my lunch. A particular woman who works for the company is always there for a few minutes of my break. Though we are not friends, we are friendly...asking how each other is, commenting on the weather, etc. Never has she commented on my knitting.
> 
> Until yesterday. She asked if I had ever seen a particular type of hat pattern. I told her I had but had never knit one. She said, (and I quote) "I'll buy the yarn and give it to you and you can knit one up for me." There was absolutely no mention of paying me for my time...and frankly, what I know about this person; there will not be.
> 
> ...


You aren't being selfish, she is. When she turns up with the yarn, just say, "Oh, I'm sorry you went to the trouble; I have several projects that I need to do, I probably wouldn't get to that hat for a year (or more). Perhaps while I'm knitting on my break, I could show you how to knit, and you could make it yourself?" (the last sentence is optional, of course!)

I'm like you - I would rather give my knitting/crochet to family and friends than try to figure out a fair price, which means that I will only accept "commission" jobs if I'm a) asked nicely and b) if the project itself intrigues me (I'm a process knitter).


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## RoxyCatlady (Mar 22, 2011)

Have no idea why there are two posts...


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## Daisybel (Nov 27, 2012)

fergablu2 said:


> Ask her what is she going to do for you in return. She could come and clean your house or do some less desirable chore for the same amount of time that it takes you to knit the hat. If that doesn't shut her up, nothing will.


I love this reply!


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## jstrr1 (Feb 26, 2011)

This happens to me a LOT. Sometimes I do it but mostly I just smile and say. "get in line"


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## mperrone (Mar 14, 2013)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Perfectly said. This is what I'd say.


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## JaneenG (Dec 4, 2012)

There are only 2 words to say to this sort of person and the second one is "off"


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## Coral McRae (Jul 23, 2013)

I'm in the same position right now. I have R2 500 worth of fabric in my sewing room, for someone that I don't particularly care for - my daughter's friend. Daughter said; I'll help. I haven't seen hide nor hair of her since, and I am going away next week, plus I have visitors arriving tomorrow. Stuff it; he can wait!

I should have been grown up and said no. I haven't been well the last month and am not yet really tip top - I was caught at a low point!


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## cydneyjo (Aug 5, 2011)

Fortunately, the OP appears to have "gotten it," and realized that it wasn't a request, it was a demand. I think she'll do fine. If the demand had been made to me, I believe I would have said "Right...." with a laugh, to mean "Not in this lifetime."


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## mirium (May 14, 2013)

Bonnie, I agree that "other commitments" is a gentle way to say no, and you _should_ say no. Just want to add that you'll be seeing this woman again, so it might be wise to keep your reply friendly (or at least neutral). Who knows, perhaps she didn't realize how demanding she sounded and it was just an awkward moment!

If she persists, you could laugh and say "I'll finish requests from family in 2021. Ask me again then." And by golly, if she does, that woman deserves a hat!


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## Pmaree (Aug 26, 2014)

You could tell her, with a big smile on your face, that you have so many request, that she will have to go to the back of the line!!


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## jammymammy (Jan 8, 2015)

I respond with " Buy the yarn, some needles, and bring in the pattern. I will teach you how to make it yourself".


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## K2P2 knitter (Jan 31, 2013)

When I was working I had a girl asked me if I could knit a few hats for her soon to be grandson. We agreed on a price so I made the hats. While I was delivering the hats another employee came over to say I want some hats for my son. I replied they are not "free they are X# of $" to which she just walked off. I guess she didn't want to pay for them but would gladly take them for free. She never mentioned the hats again.


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## maspd (May 20, 2013)

My comment to people like that is
That item is a good place for you to learn to knit and then you will have the satisfaction knowing you have knit something for yourself and appreciate the time it takes to make something.


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## Kathie (Mar 29, 2011)

stitch counter said:


> Goodmorning! I have given your question some thought that I would like to share with you. When I applied this situation to myself I wondered if I could choose to make this hat for the greater good? I am trying to walk the path of Christianity. In my humble opinion I think if I were to knit this hat the gift would be mine for having done something for someone outside of myself. I have to admit I feel uncomfortable sharing this view at the same time triumphant for having it. Thanks for bothering to even read what I think. Have a great day and thanks for stimulating my thoughts.


This is a very noble way to think about the request but I don't think I could feel that way. I knit for family and friends and occasionally for charity. I'm always willing to teach people how to knit for themselves but few want to learn. I don't believe I have to knit for everyone who requests things.


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## Kathie (Mar 29, 2011)

dragonfly7673 said:


> I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either.
> 
> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


That is a great reply. I'll have to remember that one. lol


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## maspd (May 20, 2013)

cydneyjo said:


> Fortunately, the OP appears to have "gotten it," and realized that it wasn't a request, it was a demand. I think she'll do fine. If the demand had been made to me, I believe I would have said "Right...." with a laugh, to mean "Not in this lifetime."


I have a friend who when asked things like this just smiles sweetly and says "when pigs fly"


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

I think I'd say, "You buy the yarn and the needles, and I'll show you how to knit it for yourself." I have a feeling that will be the end of the conversation.


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## Sherryc (Nov 17, 2014)

Why don't you suggest that she learn to knit and make the hat for herself? That would take care of the problem. And tell her you don't teach people to knit, she'll have to go to a yarn shop for that.


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## Metrogal (Mar 15, 2011)

I would say sure...I'll be happy to knit it. The cost would be right around $________, and then give her a price. If she doesn't want to pay, then she doesn't get the hat.


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## Jaevick (Feb 14, 2011)

She didn't request anything from you. She told you. Politely decline and remember you don't owe her any explanations.


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## stitcheswarden10 (Jul 24, 2014)

She didn't ask her to knit she told her she would buy the yarn and she WOULD knit it. Good grief. I am amazed at the grit of some people.


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## taborhills (Sep 8, 2012)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Just the first sentence is enough. Don't *explain* more. Whatever you say, speak with a Big Smile!


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## 6M2Creations (Nov 1, 2012)

stitch counter said:


> Good morning! I have given your question some thought that I would like to share with you. When I applied this situation to myself I wondered if I could choose to make this hat for the greater good? I am trying to walk the path of Christianity. In my humble opinion I think if I were to knit this hat the gift would be mine for having done something for someone outside of myself. I have to admit I feel uncomfortable sharing this view at the same time triumphant for having it. Thanks for bothering to even read what I think. Have a great day and thanks for stimulating my thoughts.


If you already knit for others, you "do for people outside of yourself".
You say that you could make this hat 'for the greater good'. In this case, I don't think that applies. The coworker was very rude and arrogant to assume that Bonnie McC would knit the hat if she bought the yarn. There was no request, it was a statement, it even sounded a bit like an order. Making the hat would encourage the coworker to continue that arrogance and rudeness.
I think that in this case, 'greater good' would be to politely say that Bonnie doesn't have the time since she has so many 'items in queue'. If the coworker really wants the hat, she could ask if someone at the store where she plans to buy the yarn to make it for her. Then she would learn the value of what she is asking.


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## Marilynf (Oct 7, 2011)

I'd laugh and say "Get in line and take a number." She'd get the message.

I wouldn't say I'd teach her--that takes time too.


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## Cardelo (Jul 14, 2014)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Lettuceknit (Dec 22, 2012)

I had several other commissioned works in progress ahead of this one I am working on then for a fee I can gat the contract written up so we can get ready to begin the progress on your hat. Commissione is the "KEY" word. It will let her know you will be paid. No excuse, no hemming or hawing around. The ball would be in her court.


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## Roe (Feb 10, 2011)

There are people at work that know I knit and crochet always asking me to "make" them something. My response is you can't afford my time and energy. I make things for whom I want to, and if they are offended by this I can't be bothered with consoling them. In a office of about 94 people I am close to maybe 2 of them. For 1/2 of the people its just to say good morning or be safe when they leave to deliver the mail. The rest lets just say if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.


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## Lettuceknit (Dec 22, 2012)

Lettuceknit said:


> I had several other commissioned works in progress ahead of this one I am working on then for a fee I can gat the contract written up so we can get ready to begin the progress on your hat. Commissione is the "KEY" word. It will let her know you will be paid. No excuse, no hemming or hawing around. The ball would be in her court.


Sorry for all of the misspelled words!


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

Just reply I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I only knit for relatives. Offer to give her the name of craft store that teaches knitting.


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## knittingporky (Mar 8, 2013)

This is a problem that crops up a lot when you knit (or do any other craft) in public.
My response is generally along the lines of "I'd love to make your hat (or whatever) for you, however I have a very long list of other commissions to complete and theres no way I would be able to get it finished for you before (pick a date, say 6 months in the future). Also, as it is a commission I'd have to charge you for my time and expertise, I generally charge about £6.00 per hour, so even if you paid for the yarn, it would still cost you....£( insert figure)" and watch her face.
Remember £6.00 an hour is still below minimum wage so she would still be getting a hand-made, bespoke piece at a reduced rate.
(I would point out that I dont actually charge my commissioners £6.00ph for an item, generally I find out how much the yarn will cost then roughly double it. If they are serious about you making them something, the majority of people are happy with that.)


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## Ronie (Jan 21, 2011)

Just let her know your knitting time is short and your list of items are longer!!! that you are pleased that she is confident in your skills and that you would like to help her but your just not sure if you could get to it this year!!


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## jobikki (Jan 26, 2013)

i have gotten out of this kind of situations by saying that I charge x dollars for hour of knitting. Then is up to them to reverse of their improper request. And if they not, at least I get paid good money for my time.


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## amberdragon (Dec 12, 2011)

a couple of Sundays ago i wore a green pair of fingerless mitts to worship...i am the princess of cold hands... the queen is another lady...as i entered the church the greeter a young mother said how much she would like a pair...i just said "what color?" the next week i gave her a pair of mitts.
all i said was "i bet you thought i wouldn't remember"
What does this have to do with the question? Not a darn thing...But as i knit for charity and surprise gifts, i would probably have said "NO" people seldom understand what a gift our talant is, and sometimes abuse it...Now my rant is over!!
Blessings


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## megross (Jun 3, 2013)

I think it was Miss Mznners who advocates just saying something like this: "I'm so sorry, but I can't." No explanation. When the person persists, just keep repeating "Oh, I'm so sorry, I can't." You don't owe any explanations.


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## AdeleRM (May 20, 2012)

There is nothing wrong with just saying NO.


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## barbtobias2012 (May 8, 2012)

I have responded to this sort of thing by saying, "No, but I'd be glad to teach you how." Haven't received a positive response yet.


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## Krykit (Dec 10, 2014)

When she hands you the yarn, say "Are you really sure you want to pay $60 for a hand knit hat? That's what I always charge for my hand knit hats." Then, she will either take the yarn back or you will have earned $60! I doubt very much she will pay that much, and I'm sure she will never ask you again.


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## Slim Sadie (Nov 29, 2014)

megross said:


> I think it was Miss Mznners who advocates just saying something like this: "I'm so sorry, but I can't." No explanation. When the person persists, just keep repeating "Oh, I'm so sorry, I can't." You don't owe any explanations.


Agreed! To each his own, of course, but there's something that bothers me about those who feel they have to come up with some big elaborate "story" about why they are saying No. It implies that they would say Yes if they weren't already committed to others. Ugh.


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## ElyseKnox (Sep 16, 2011)

:thumbup: :thumbup:

Good advice for this kind of situation: "never explain, never apologize"



MariElyn said:


> Very sweetly say "No thankyou, I'm not interested." No further explanations are necessary!


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## Jackie26 (Nov 9, 2011)

Love your quote. Never heard that before. LOL


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

Sounds lovely but my knitting time is limited and I have too many projects in the queue to take on anything else.



BonnieMcC said:


> I knit in our company break room all the time while I'm eating my lunch. A particular woman who works for the company is always there for a few minutes of my break. Though we are not friends, we are friendly...asking how each other is, commenting on the weather, etc. Never has she commented on my knitting.
> 
> Until yesterday. She asked if I had ever seen a particular type of hat pattern. I told her I had but had never knit one. She said, (and I quote) "I'll buy the yarn and give it to you and you can knit one up for me." There was absolutely no mention of paying me for my time...and frankly, what I know about this person; there will not be.
> 
> ...


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

jmcret05 said:


> There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling the person that you --
> 
> 1. Have too little time.
> 2. Don't do commission pieces as no one wants to pay what your time is worth. (wait for response)
> 3. No, I really can't (no explanation)


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Frosch (Feb 5, 2014)

I would just tell her "sorry, but my knitting time is limited and I usually only knit for family and close friends."


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## rjhandmade (Feb 15, 2012)

I am very sorry, but between the paid orders I have and the things I still need to make my family I really don't have the time. I had to do that recently, some one asked me to make a blanket and I had a charity item in the works and a sweater, blanket and hat for a neighbor and was trying to make a pair of mittens for my grandson to match the hat I made. Sometimes we really need to just say no I am sorry but I can't. Good Luck with this awkward situation.


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## CarolinNH (Dec 4, 2013)

Just say: "I really don't have time to add any more projects to my list but if you want to get started on a project of your own, I may be able help answer some of your questions for you. Have you ever tried knitting before?"


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## shirleyoboe (Feb 21, 2012)

Don't feel guilty--you are absolutely entitled to feel as you do. Just tell her politely that you're not really interested in her plan!


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

You are NOT being selfish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I once had a similar situation: an acquaintance handed me a picture of fingerless gloves that she'd drawn and told me that her mother wanted me to knit them for her (her mother) for Christmas! She also handed me yarn that her mother had picked out. I was speechless.

I handed the yarn and the picture back to her. Told her I was sorry, but that I only knitted for myself and for my family. 

I don't care if I annoyed her. With acquaintances like that, who needs enemies??

Hazel


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## thelma1 (Nov 22, 2014)

I am also a Christian, but in my humble opinion, the person who would just ask someone to do something like that for them, has no manners. I would not be rude to her, but tell her your time is limited, and yet if she wants some direction, you will tell her how to go online and find videos to teach her how to do it. I have a close friend who is left handed and wanted me to teach her how to crochet. I did, although the only way I knew was for her to sit across from me and do the opposite of what I was doing. She became a close friend and has remained that way over the years. So, decide what YOUR intention is, and either make a friend in the hope of winning her, or just let her off gently, or yourself is more like it. God bless you!


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## christine brownlie (Jan 2, 2015)

I would offer to teach her the basics and tell her that you'd be up for a couple of lessons. After that there is plenty of good instruction in books and on the internet.


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

jmcret05 said:


> This may not be a popular response, but being a good Christian doesn't mean you have to give everyone what they want. Giving them something they NEED is different. The person WANTS an item made for them on the 'cheap'. Making that same hat for a charitable gift would be entirely different. IMO


 :thumbup:


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## Diane1945 (May 25, 2012)

I agree with Diamondbelle.


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## christine brownlie (Jan 2, 2015)

I would offer to teach her the basics and tell her that you'd be up for a couple of lessons. After that there is plenty of good instruction in books and on the internet. I'm sure you've heard the saying someone a fish and you feed them for a day----


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## silkandwool (Dec 5, 2011)

I think diamondbelles' suggestion is right on track for your response.

""Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time.""


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## Finnsbride (Feb 8, 2011)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## tnbobie (Jan 19, 2014)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Great answer!


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## ann seal (Jan 30, 2014)

momcat531 said:


> You could say you have a lot of requests from family and you only knit for family.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## 5Pat (Aug 29, 2011)

I had this happen to me when I was working. I am retired now. My answer was I am sorry but I only knit or crochet for my family. 

I also explain to people I do not sell my works because I would not get the true value for my works.


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## tnbobie (Jan 19, 2014)

dragonfly7673 said:


> I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either.
> 
> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## clickerMLL (Aug 14, 2013)

Diamondbelle is correct! So are the others! Do NOT do that bit of knitting for that woman! 

If she gets really pushy, you can mention that many yarn shops will help her learn to knit with the yarns she buys at that yarn shop. Also, there are some church groups who will do knitting on order if the yarn is provided AND a generous donation is made to the church. 

But -- do NOT knit anything for anybody unless YOU want to do it!


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## Connie W (Aug 3, 2011)

dragonfly7673 said:


> I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either.
> 
> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


I like your friend


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## leeannj (Aug 9, 2011)

I vote for the no explanation. And I don't think you should be sorry.


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## Sedona (Oct 3, 2011)

Raybo - This gave me a good chuckle and I'm quite sure that every time someone asks me to do something I don't want to do, I'll think of this and laugh! (but will refrain from saying it out loud). 


Raybo said:


> My usual reaction to such a remark is to laugh out loud and say "sure, when pigs fly" or some such stupidity. Actually there's nothing wrong with being selfish once in a while, so do what you want to do with or without explanation. :XD:


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## knitminnie (Jan 29, 2011)

It is easier to say yes than to say no even politely. I think her statement was rather brazen. Remember even the devil makes it easy to say yes. You have your priorities and that is to your own family, friends, self, and charities. That is a big enough list and it is not right to beat yourself up over being taken advantage of. Just say NO!! Like the drug campaign.


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## Ochosi (Nov 16, 2014)

Another possible approach?

Wow, thank you for the compliment. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to take on commission projects but you might check at the LYS for someone who does.

I love the idea of just saying "No" without explanation but have not yet taught myself how to get to that mental state. I think it's one of those things that are easy for those that can and difficult for those that can't. 

Good luck Bonnie!
Another Bonnie


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## gsbyrge (Jul 12, 2011)

My stock answer is always "You couldn't afford to pay me for the time it takes, even if you got cheap yarn." Usually the light dawns and we have a nice discussion about why handmade items are costlier than Chinese-factory-made items.


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## gozolady (Jul 20, 2013)

Just say no. 
You owe no explanation. You do not have to justify yourself in any way whatsoever. Just say no!
I was asked about my bedspread. Can you make me one please. 

I told the woman she could afford the materials, but it took me 300 hours of knitting time. To offer me a euro an hour would insult me. What do you think? 

She understood, and said she couldn't afford it!


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## Medieval Reenactor (Sep 3, 2013)

I really think the reply "I don't knit for commission because no one is willing to pay what the time is worth" is the best end of conversation reply. It makes someone realize that knitting has a monetary value, that they can't just assume that because you do it "for fun" for yourself and family you will do it for free for someone else. 

Then, if she is really serious and willing to pay a reasonable price for the project, you may end up with both being happy with the result - and maybe make a new friend? A lot of the responses here paint this coworker as a villain instead of a possibly clueless person. At least she made the overture to offer to pay for the yarn so she really is interested. Far better to educate her than alienate her - after all you will see each other in the break room for a long time to come. Best to not create a hostile atmosphere. Educate her nicely and don't make a snappy, potentially rude comeback.


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## romagica (Jul 30, 2014)

Would you be willing to teach her to knit?


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## Fiona3 (Feb 6, 2014)

Just say "no" and smile! Enough said, she is pushy-so push back and tell her the truth "no" with a big smile!

Fiona. &#128540;&#128540;&#128540;


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## romagica (Jul 30, 2014)

You know, I'm reading some of the responses here that seem quite hostile. If I missed something, forgive me, but the original poster said she is "friendly" with the woman who asked her to make something. First, I see it as a compliment because she obviously likes what our knitter was making and wants one for herself. Second, rather than being selfish, I would consider that perhaps our admirer simply is ignorant (not in a nasty way) of what it takes to knit up something. I would probably say, "Thank you for your compliment, and I wish I could, but I have such a backlog of gifts and commissioned items that it will be forever before I could get to it. I would be happy to teach you to knit if you would like to join me sometime."


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## LindaH (Feb 1, 2011)

I think if you are not interested in doing the hat for her, tell her how much your time would cost and that you would expect 1/2 to start it and 1/2 when the project is done. Pure and simple, that should make her back down. Having to pay money for a hat that was hand knitted should cost money. Only do this though if you are willing to make it if she agrees to your charges. She may surprise you and say okay if you give her the charges and she thinks it is okay. Granted she will probably be one of those people that think it should be free and if that is the case, then charging for your time will make her back down and walk away. She will probably never ask you to do anything again.


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## romagica (Jul 30, 2014)

Hazel Blumberg - McKee said:


> You are NOT being selfish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I once had a similar situation: an acquaintance handed me a picture of fingerless gloves that she'd drawn and told me that her mother wanted me to knit them for her (her mother) for Christmas! She also handed me yarn that her mother had picked out. I was speechless.
> 
> ...


This one makes me laugh. :lol:


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## romagica (Jul 30, 2014)

fergablu2 said:


> Ask her what is she going to do for you in return. She could come and clean your house or do some less desirable chore for the same amount of time that it takes you to knit the hat. If that doesn't shut her up, nothing will.


I would gladly exchange a knitted hat for a clean house. This poor woman would be drowning in my handmade items if she were up for such a barter!!!


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## knitnanny (Feb 28, 2012)

Just say" Sorry but I don't have time to knit for profit as I am so busy making things for family/friends". I have used this line so many times....


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## Leland Sandy (Aug 24, 2011)

I hope that my instant response would be "HA, you couldn't afford me!!!" It would convey that you would not do this for free as she seems to imply. 

If that was not my instant response, I believe I would set a price that reflects the value of a fine hand-knit hat - maybe $150.00. That should do it!! If she says yes, you will be adequately compensated. If she says no, you will be off the hook.


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## laceandbits (Jun 23, 2011)

jmcret05 said:


> There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling the person that you --
> 
> 1. Have too little time.
> 2. Don't do commission pieces as no one wants to pay what your time is worth. (wait for response)
> 3. No, I really can't (no explanation)


2 is the right response in this situation. Don't beat around the bush.


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## Czar-knitter (Aug 25, 2012)

romagica said:


> You know, I'm reading some of the responses here that seem quite hostile. If I missed something, forgive me, but the original poster said she is "friendly" with the woman who asked her to make something. First, I see it as a compliment because she obviously likes what our knitter was making and wants one for herself. Second, rather than being selfish, I would consider that perhaps our admirer simply is ignorant (not in a nasty way) of what it takes to knit up something. I would probably say, "Thank you for your compliment, and I wish I could, but I have such a backlog of gifts and commissioned items that it will be forever before I could get to it. I would be happy to teach you to knit if you would like to join me sometime."


I agree. I've worked with people that are social awkward and don't know the way to cross the line between acquaintance and friend. This may just be a clumsy way of going beyond the weather chat. No need to be rude or curt in return. A kind "no, I really don't have the time" is just as Christian as knitting the hat.


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## laceandbits (Jun 23, 2011)

stitch counter said:


> Goodmorning! I have given your question some thought that I would like to share with you. When I applied this situation to myself I wondered if I could choose to make this hat for the greater good? I am trying to walk the path of Christianity. In my humble opinion I think if I were to knit this hat the gift would be mine for having done something for someone outside of myself. I have to admit I feel uncomfortable sharing this view at the same time triumphant for having it. Thanks for bothering to even read what I think. Have a great day and thanks for stimulating my thoughts.


Then perhaps you'd like to knit the hat for OPs work aquaintance?

If you want to do good in the world, whether you're a Christian or not, there are far better and more important things to do than to knit for this insensitive person. Making hats for the homeless would be an immediate example that springs to my mind.


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## Georget (Jul 14, 2011)

I have accepted some commission work in another medium but had no joy because I didn't like what had to be done and the colors the person chose. ( sculpture with olive green glaze). Although the pay was good I couldn't wait to finish. After that I decided that " I don't accept commission work. However if you like something you've seen me doing and would like to buy it please tell me." That way I only work on things I like and want to do but it also conveys that I expect payment for my work.


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## cainchar (Dec 14, 2012)

I too am impressed with your handle on "the greater good." I like what you offer, but sadly, know I'm not there yet. I do wonder though, if there isn't a possible middle ground in all this.

If the item were something I'd like to have the pattern for, and make for myself (or someone I do want to "gift" it to)- I would likely reply with: "sure, you buy the pattern for me and enough yarn for two (stating my fiber and color choice.) I'll make one for each of us on "MY FREE TIME". " Then, I have the pattern, and don't have to buy the yarn for mine/gift.



knittingagain said:


> Thank you for sharing this opinion. I'm not as far along that path as you are, but I don't think I would make the had for her. That was a brazen (though maybe meaning to be complimentary) request & I would probably offer to teach her how to knit so she could knit her own. THat is, if I could think fast enough not to just blurt out, "sure".


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## elainesak (Oct 23, 2011)

Though I probably wouldn't make the hat, something I have said to people when I have had something similar happen, was to offer to teach them to knit. No one has taken me up on that offer, and I have taught knitting for many years. It may be a good reply to have in your repertoire.


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## hilltopper (Jul 16, 2014)

Read this whole thread. I am puzzled about all the talk of money, commissions, being paid, etc. The OP has already said she has not much time other than her lunch hour, for knitting. Money will not get her longer lunch hours. She makes no mention of payment making a difference. I also don't think the suggestions about teaching the woman to knit are a good idea. That will use up her precious knitting time during her lunch hour, so some other projects would not get done. 
All the ways to say no gracefully and politely are the useful suggestions in my opinion.


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

to coralmcrae: I'm not sure I understand what "R2500" means; however, just put all the sewing items in her bedroom--that ought to give your daughter the message. Very inconsiderate of her! Take some time off--enjoy and get well!!1


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## elainesak (Oct 23, 2011)

No worries about her taking up the offer to teach her to knit. It won't happen. Someone that brazen is probably not interested in doing something like that. 
If she does, get her started, point her to YouTube and maybe get a knitting buddy in the bargain!


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## liz morris (Dec 28, 2014)

I'd say "No chance, but I'll help you if you want to do it yourself".


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## stitch counter (Feb 7, 2012)

Yes, I might. My knitting might not be up to the standards of other KPers but I admit that I might indeed make the hat. Still finding this topic very stimulating. I am 69yr old Midwestern USA Catholic. Who is still trying to conquer my selfishness and readily admit I have shared most if not all the views shared on this topic. Also would like to admit often times thru my life would not have given this topic a second thought. Also admit I have not walked in shoes of questioner and still consider it provocative not life or death decision. Thanks for bothering to read my humble comments. I wish everyone a good and happy day. Carol


laceandbits said:


> Then perhaps you'd like to knit the hat for OPs work aquaintance?
> 
> If you want to do good in the world, whether you're a Christian or not, there are far better and more important things to do than to knit for this insensitive person. Making hats for the homeless would be an immediate example that springs to my mind.


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## Ann Heistad (Jan 18, 2012)

That is simple....."no, and thank you for asking".


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## DollieD (Mar 7, 2011)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


My favorite, which a friend told me years ago:
I'm sorry, that won't work for me!


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## knity66nut (Feb 27, 2011)

Love the thought shared on this. People who do not knit or crochet have no clue what time element is involved in any given project, and in my opinion it takes someone that is pretty gutsy to even ask an acquaintance to commit to any project. Good luck and don't be afraid to just say "no".


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## mlsolcz (Feb 16, 2012)

jmcret05 said:


> There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling the person that you --
> 
> 1. Have too little time.
> 2. Don't do commission pieces as no one wants to pay what your time is worth. (wait for response)
> 3. No, I really can't (no explanation)


Good answer. Why do we women have so much trouble saying no? A man would just say "no" and that would be the end of it.


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## mlsolcz (Feb 16, 2012)

MariElyn said:


> Very sweetly say "No thankyou, I'm not interested." No further explanations are necessary!


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## mlsolcz (Feb 16, 2012)

MariElyn said:


> Very sweetly say "No thankyou, I'm not interested." No further explanations are necessary!


That is so much better than being passive agrgessive.


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## dragonfly7673 (May 13, 2014)

romagica said:


> You know, I'm reading some of the responses here that seem quite hostile. If I missed something, forgive me, but the original poster said she is "friendly" with the woman who asked her to make something. First, I see it as a compliment because she obviously likes what our knitter was making and wants one for herself. Second, rather than being selfish, I would consider that perhaps our admirer simply is ignorant (not in a nasty way) of what it takes to knit up something. I would probably say, "Thank you for your compliment, and I wish I could, but I have such a backlog of gifts and commissioned items that it will be forever before I could get to it. I would be happy to teach you to knit if you would like to join me sometime."


The OP was the only person there but she seemed to be saying that it came through as a demand. For one thing, she wasn't admiring what the OP was knitting, she showed her a pattern of her own choosing and then said "I'll buy the yarn and give it to you and you can knit one up for me" with the assumption it would be done for free. The hostile reactions are in response to people demanding a knitter knit for them.

I've had this myself from someone I was friendly with at work "well you're knitting anyway, why can't you just knit for me" . By friendly, I definitely don't mean friends. There are people I'm friendly with at work because I see them in the coffee room every morning and we discuss the weather while waiting for the coffee to brew, but I don't even know their name or function and certainly wouldn't knit for them. That was the case with the woman who told me that I should knit for her because I was knitting anyway. I will say that we were less friendly after I told her no.


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## mlsolcz (Feb 16, 2012)

dragonfly7673 said:


> I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either.
> 
> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


Another woman always expects you to say yes and becomes slightly offended when you say no. I've found this to be so over my lifetime.


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## Babsmim (Mar 7, 2011)

Ran into the same thing when I was working. When people would ask, I'd tell them "get in line". A few were persistent, so I offered to teach them to knit. That worked really well! Soon we had a group in varies stages of learning. One women complained to my boss that every time she saw me, [at lunch only] I was knitting!! My bosses reply, " I know, isn't she wonderful, always creating!!


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## serene (Nov 30, 2011)

jmcret05 said:


> There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling the person that you --
> 
> 1. Have too little time.
> 2. Don't do commission pieces as no one wants to pay what your time is worth. (wait for response)
> 3. No, I really can't (no explanation)


I like number 2. A long time ago I was crocheting an evening bag and was working on it at work. A colleague asked if he could pay me to make one for his wife. I quoted him a price based on the hourly rate I received on my job - needless to say, he didn't follow up with the commission.


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## begarcia44 (Jan 29, 2012)

I only knit for family, friends, or myself. I have been approached by people before asking me to knit something for them and I always answer that "I only knit for family but if they would like to learn how to knit I would be more then happy to invite them to my knitting group and they could learn to knit for themselves". So far I haven't had any takers with the exception of a very nice man and he has become a very good knitter and he especially likes double knitting.


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## Sammi (Nov 6, 2011)

dragonfly, you are a hoot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## kooper (Sep 3, 2013)

dragonfly7673 said:


> I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either.
> 
> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


Amen to that.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

I would not do it because of the way she told you that you would knit the hat for her. Not ask but told you. If she keeps at you then I would quote a price so high that she would never tell you again that you would knit for her.


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## cookie68 (May 5, 2012)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


this happened to me on the job. I quietly said I would love to make a ?, but I would have to charge since I had so many other projects going. Surprisingly a lot of the people were glad to pay me.


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## Grand8ma (Feb 16, 2014)

Was talking about this with a friend who reminded me of something that happened a few years ago. I used to do silk florals and a friend at work asked me if I would make a Christmas wreath for her new home. I only asked for enough to cover materials as she was a special friend who had done many nice things for me. Another lady asked if I would make one for her but when I quoted a price (only a little more than the "nicer" materials she wanted) she thought that it was way out of line! Some time later she was pointedly showing a picture of a wreath she had purchased at a winery boutique...if she had to pay "that much" for a wreath, she preferred a unique designer one.

You guessed it...it was one I had made on commission for my friends who own the winery!! I made my friend promise not to tell but it was one of our funniest memories.


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## jeanne63 (Mar 14, 2014)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Good answer


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## judyr (Feb 20, 2011)

Sounds like she is a control type person. Just tell her you don't have the time to make anything for her as your list of to do things is full, if that does not work, just tell her NO.


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## Danette2 (Dec 28, 2014)

Well Bonnie, let me just say this first ~
NO you are NOT being selfish.
I am 50 years old and have been knitting and crocheting for over 30 years now. I sell my work on Etsy and at Craft Fairs and have a large local customer base. I am also a Certified Instructor and teach private knitting and crochet lessons throughout the week in my home. I tell you these things to let you know that I too take the "craft" very seriously and have a great love and passion for it. It is literally a full time business for me. I also have, like you and everyone else, a life full of family and friends and household responsibilities. I try hard to squeeze in knitting/crocheting FOR MY FAMILY AND CLOSEST FRIENDS for gifts throughout the year also. 
I am also a born again Christian and believe strongly in kindness and that whenever it is possible we should be at peace with all people. I recognize that you have made a friendly connection with this coworker, however, there is no obligation for you to make her this hat. Over the years I have had people say the same thing to me, "I'll just buy the yarn and you can make...."
Uhhh.... NO. 
Of course in my case I can hand them a business card, quote a price and inform them that I will purchase the yarn. Since you are not doing that you need to be careful about being manipulated or you will find yourself making several items for this lady and maybe other coworkers. 
Now, if you want to consider doing that as a side business, that's one thing, but your life is full and God never intends for us to deplete ourselves. First things first, all things in balance.
My suggestion ~ offer to teach her to knit and get her started on the hat on one of your lunch breaks if you feel good about that. You can give her a list of supplies she needs and see if she's interested in learning. Passing the craft on is always rewarding and fun. Just be honest with her and tell her with your work schedule and busy life you just can't take the project on for her but you would love to show her how to do it (that is ONLY if you would enjoy teaching her).
All of this is just food for thought.
I hope I have not come on too strong or offended anyone in anyway.
Blessings,
Danette


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## Alpaca Farmer (Jan 19, 2011)

jmcret05 said:


> There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling the person that you --
> 
> 1. Have too little time.
> 2. Don't do commission pieces as no one wants to pay what your time is worth. (wait for response)
> 3. No, I really can't (no explanation)


Good responses. You do not have to take on projects for anyone other than those you choose.


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## Sunny70 (Jul 25, 2014)

I just finished an afghan for someone she paid for the yarn. It was for her daughter and it took me over two years. I chose the pattern. She offered to pay for my time but I didn't know what to charge and since she is "in" the family didn't feelright setting an amount. I Also made something for a club member one time and told her the price in advance. When I asked her to pay she just laughed at me and I said I would never do that again. So I agree to all who say no thank you, I have too much to do already, but would be happy to teach you!


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## JillF (Feb 17, 2011)

My standard answer is: "I have 6 grown children and 11 grandchildren who keep me with a list of knitting a mile long, and I have my charities. I have no time to knit for others" Although a couple of months ago, a lady at my clinic threw me when she started the request with "You know my husband just died, so I think you should make me a sock monkey" I was thrown off guard that time.


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## 1grammyshouse (May 16, 2014)

Bonnie, if she brings yarn in, simply say, "Oh, I didn't realize you were serious. Since my knitting time is so limited, I don't do any commissioned work".


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## Britty43 (Jan 8, 2012)

What a nerve...quote her a price for your time...you never know she might end up being a repeat customer


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## rasputin (Apr 21, 2013)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


 :thumbup: :thumbup: good answer!


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## finntwin (Oct 23, 2011)

Just say as it is...No Thank You...I do not have the time


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## jzx330 (Oct 11, 2013)

I would offer to teach her to knit. I have done this several times and never heard from the person about knitting again.


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## imalulu (May 19, 2013)

Loved reading this entire thread. Best of luck dealing with her.

I'd be happy if you would refer her to me. I don't have family like so many of you. I've sold my knitting for 28 years now...I'd be happy to give her a quote!! 
www.imalulu.etsy.com


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## Medieval Reenactor (Sep 3, 2013)

laceandbits said:


> If you want to do good in the world, whether you're a Christian or not, there are far better and more important things to do than to knit for this insensitive person. Making hats for the homeless would be an immediate example that springs to my mind.


I don't see this person as insensitive. She paid a compliment by liking the hat well enough to want one and is just clueless about what is involved - well, half clueless as she did offer to buy the yarn.


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## LisaWyo (Dec 9, 2014)

I think my problem is the way she stated it: "I'll buy you the yarn and you can knit one up for me". It was presumptive to say the least. Had she phrased it differently, like "I'd love to have one, do you hire out your knitting expertise to people like me who don't knit", or something to that effect, personally, I probably would have offered to make her one. Now, a hat is a much different proposition from a sweater or an afghan.
I think I just wouldn't bring it up with her, and if she brings it up again just tell her that you are so busy with requests from your family that she probably wouldn't get it until this time NEXT year. That should put her off. Others on here have had good responses that you could use, too. 
I think sometimes people who don't knit or crochet don't understand how many hours and how much work goes into even a hat, so they think its no big deal to ask you to make something for them. 
Plus, there is the fact that some people are simply not knit-worthy.


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## #1Patsy (Feb 6, 2011)

your so way behind on your knitting you'd never get at a new project,


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## Medieval Reenactor (Sep 3, 2013)

dragonfly7673 said:


> .... I will say that we were less friendly after I told her no.


This was my point about why make enemies - the world is full enough of them in the first place. There are nice ways to say no and an explanation of the "no" helps make the no understandable.


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## Karenno1 (Mar 17, 2014)

sorry only knit for my family , have you never tried theres some really easy patterns try this and give her the ravelry web site or a few on a piece of paper ....let me know how you get on


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## ceebee2001 (Jun 24, 2014)

I had made my hubby a special sweater and he wore it to an event we both were at, it got lots of oh's and ah's. Quite a few people asked about buying them from me. I said I would gladly share the pattern but I would not make any. One Lady kept it up saying she did not knit or know any knitters. I suggested going to a local Nursing home and see if someone there would teach her or knit it for her. She would not take no for an answer, finally I told her if she went to the yarn shop it would cost around $125 just for the wool and then my time would be another $300. That finally was the end of it.


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## charliesaunt (Apr 22, 2011)

Say how much you appreciate her compliment on your knitting ability, but you have too many projects for family on your to do list.


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## Jannette Burke (Nov 21, 2014)

That may have been a gesture - if she's a cheapie, she will not bring anything to you, however, if she does - just let her know she did not ask but told you what she wanted - game over.


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## Valkyrie (Feb 26, 2011)

stitch counter said:


> Goodmorning! I have given your question some thought that I would like to share with you. When I applied this situation to myself I wondered if I could choose to make this hat for the greater good? I am trying to walk the path of Christianity. In my humble opinion I think if I were to knit this hat the gift would be mine for having done something for someone outside of myself. I have to admit I feel uncomfortable sharing this view at the same time triumphant for having it. Thanks for bothering to even read what I think. Have a great day and thanks for stimulating my thoughts.


What was that thing that Jesus said about fishing?


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## London Girl (Dec 18, 2011)

dragonfly7673 said:


> I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either.
> 
> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


I like that!!! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Karenknitstoo (Dec 5, 2012)

Glad to hear all these great responses to the unwelcome request. I can put them to good use, too.


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## Billings (Dec 29, 2011)

Stitch counter: If KP had a "thumbs up" spot,I'd give you one. I think what I would tell this person is "I'm really backed up on projects right now, so it would be a long time before I could get to you". It'll probably die a natural death.


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

I would say "I would rather not, but thank you for considering me". If you feel you need to say more, says that between your job and home commitments you would not be able to find time to fit it in.

She probably knows you knit for charity so no use saying you only knit for family and friends, that would sound like being untruthful.


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## Stephhy (May 14, 2012)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Perfect reply. It's only hard to say no the first time. It gets easier & easier. Especially when it is true!


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## jodymorse151 (Sep 14, 2014)

dragonfly7673 said:


> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


I have read this response on here a few messages ago. It is my favorite. I have quoted it to many and the requests for "free" knitting have dried up. Probably you can't say that to this RUDE person. When you tell her you don't have time to knit for other than family, you can add that during your lunch break she can watch you knit and learn herself. I bet she will become VERY scarce!


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## Britty43 (Jan 8, 2012)

imalulu said:


> Loved reading this entire thread. Best of luck dealing with her.
> 
> I'd be happy if you would refer her to me. I don't have family like so many of you. I've sold my knitting for 28 years now...I'd be happy to give her a quote!!
> www.imalulu.etsy.com


I tried Etsy..not one enquiry..what's the secret?


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## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

I have become VERY good at saying 'NO' - but in a nice manner. 
My time is precious to me and knit what I wish, not what someone else requests unless it is someone special and we all have lots of 'someone special' in our lives don't we?


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## nit witty (Dec 29, 2011)

A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"[/quote]
Great quote !


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## lindakaren12 (Dec 16, 2011)

#3 is the best response- "No, I can't possibly do that." Give no reason.
Most people expect lengthy excuses. Not giving one ends the conversation flat.


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## Toby's Mom (Dec 8, 2011)

BonnieMcC said:


> I knit in our company break room all the time while I'm eating my lunch. A particular woman who works for the company is always there for a few minutes of my break. Though we are not friends, we are friendly...asking how each other is, commenting on the weather, etc. Never has she commented on my knitting.
> 
> Until yesterday. She asked if I had ever seen a particular type of hat pattern. I told her I had but had never knit one. She said, (and I quote) "I'll buy the yarn and give it to you and you can knit one up for me." There was absolutely no mention of paying me for my time...and frankly, what I know about this person; there will not be.
> 
> ...


My opinion. This is not difficult, just say "NO".
You can give a thousand reasons, but basically why are we afraid to be honest if we do not want to? Perhaps you are feeling selfish, so what? sometimes we do. But honesty should trump guilt.
I've been asked by certain folks to knit for them, and if I do not want to, I just say, Sorry no, I don't like the responsibility of knitting something for another. 
Then they ask: why not?
Well... Pick a reason...
I don't have time, I do other things and have no time left
I am still learning to knit myself, not equipped to knit for others
I do not know if I know how to do that particular request and don't want to take time to learn it
I would rather knit for close friends only
blah, blah, blah....
I like to give knitted gifts from the heart as a surprise- not on request. 
I think a polite person should first ask a knitter if they happen to knit on commission or just for their own pleasure. If I say I knit on commission, then ask me if I would knit for you. 
Isn't it rude and more self centered of a person to assume they can give you the yarn and that you would immediately agree to take your time and knit for them? 
I think so.


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## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

I use to sew for some people but now when someone makes a request in a round about way I just say no, to busy I have a room full of projects with no end in sight. I also have a concern that should I take on a job and pass away (I know its a morbid thought but a reality) this person will never see her request again, worse still if it is something she owns and wants repaired she would never get it back. My husband and daughters do not have a clue as to what goes on in my sewing/knitting room nor do they know any of my friends. :roll:


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## BlueJay21 (Jan 4, 2013)

Bonnie, you have been given lots of feedback to your dilemma. If the request (order) had been given to me, and after having thought about it, I may have said, "OK, but it will cost $$$. My price would be based on a good rate per hour, say $25, times the number of hours it would take to make. I would request half of this amount up front, before I even started. But I would definitely charge her an astronomical amount for the project.

If this co-worker has the temerity to actually buy the yarn and bring it to you before you have even said yeah or nay, thank her and say that it may take some time to get to the project, as you have several other requests that have been waiting. Then I would tell her how much it will cost to make the hat. Under these circumstances you must always have another project on your needles! And this could go on for a long time.

Or, as others have said, just say no.


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## BonnieMcC (Feb 22, 2014)

imalulu said:


> Loved reading this entire thread. Best of luck dealing with her.
> 
> I'd be happy if you would refer her to me. I don't have family like so many of you. I've sold my knitting for 28 years now...I'd be happy to give her a quote!!
> www.imalulu.etsy.com


I snuck a peak at your etsy site. Your knitting is beautiful!

I don't think she's the type who wants to pay for it...she just expects me to want to knit for her. Why? I don't know but there was no "asking" involved. I haven't seen her since she asked, but if I do, I'll give her your information. (I doubt you'll hear from her!!) ;-)

Thanks!! Bonnie


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## BonnieMcC (Feb 22, 2014)

I knew I'd find people who have gone through the same thing and could help. I'm absolutely amazed by how many people have taken the time to help me out!

Thank you!! I've listened to all of your suggestions and I know that if she says it again (or God forbid...she actually does hand me some yarn), I'll be very prepared to explain to her that I'm sorry but I just don't have the time...that I have projects stacked up that I want to knit as gifts for family. 

I have no desire to spend what little time I have on teaching her to knit. And as many of you have said, she probably wouldn't take me up on it anyway. 

Thanks to all of you....I'm ready for her!! Much appreciation!!


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## Munchn (Mar 3, 2013)

I only knit for my family but thnx for the compliment.


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## Toby's Mom (Dec 8, 2011)

bundyanne07 said:


> I have become VERY good at saying 'NO' - but in a nice manner.
> My time is precious to me and knit what I wish, not what someone else requests unless it is someone special and we all have lots of 'someone special' in our lives don't we?


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Astrovel (Oct 9, 2012)

The coworker sounds like someone who assumes that others can and will accommodate them if they just say they will pay for the materials. I have had people ask me to sew a dress or outfit and I have agreed to do so as a Christian good deed. But the fabric she bought did not fit the type of pattern she selected, her body shape did not fit the pattern, it was disaster all the way around. So now, when someone asks me to craft something for them, I say that I don't consider myself qualified to sew, knit, make...for other people (Even if I am...) and I just don't have the time.


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## rkr (Aug 15, 2012)

lindakaren12 said:


> #3 is the best response- "No, I can't possibly do that." Give no reason.
> Most people expect lengthy excuses. Not giving one ends the conversation flat.


ditto


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## yanagi (Jul 7, 2013)

Wow! What nerve. If she mentions it again, just say no. No excuses, no waffling. If she hands you yarn and pattern hand it back.


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## sugarfoot (Oct 22, 2014)

hi Bonnie 

You must be honest with yourself. Be kind and let
her know you do not wish to do the hat? If she
ask you why, then let her know that your time 
for knitting is limited and you only knit for 
your family and that's it. Be blunt with a smile.
She will respect your feelings. Good luck

Sugarfoot


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## nhauf001 (Jan 18, 2011)

"No"
is a complete sentence.


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## cgriffisteach (Jan 15, 2014)

A friend of mine, who is a vet and a really nice person, has told me many, many times that all of his cousins received Flag Afghans from their grandmother, except his family. I sent him an email for such an afghan, with a link to purchase they yarn and said I would knit one for them if they bought the yarn. 
He told the story again last month and I reminded him of my promise....he said I should buy the yarn too! I was speechless!!!


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## JillF (Feb 17, 2011)

cgriffisteach said:


> A friend of mine, who is a vet and a really nice person, has told me many, many times that all of his cousins received Flag Afghans from their grandmother, except his family. I sent him an email for such an afghan, with a link to purchase they yarn and said I would knit one for them if they bought the yarn.
> He told the story again last month and I reminded him of my promise....he said I should buy the yarn too! I was speechless!!!


WOW! Now that is nerve!


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## Sunny70 (Jul 25, 2014)

If I had his nerve in my tooth I'd have it pulled! He has no idea how much time it takes to make something like that! Or how generous that offer ws!


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## ljknits (May 22, 2011)

I read one time that Paul Newman told someone who wanted his autograph while he was dining with his family, "That's not something I do." Well, I have adopted that response to many requests for me to knit something for someone. I get asked often because I knit preemie hats and people often want me to make one in a larger size for them or a relative. I find Paul's answer shuts down the request very gently because it's not something they were expecting to hear. And if that doesn't end the conversation, then I use Ann Landers suggestion for responding to personal questions, "What an unusual request/question/demand!" It feels good not to explain my reasons and gives them no chance to try and solve my dilemma. Saves me from saying I only knit for family and friends because they are likely to say, "Well, aren't I your friend?" And the reason I don't have time ends up sounding like a poor excuse and that I'm a bad time manager. Hope this helps a little. If all else fails and someone persists like a lady did who insisted I knit her a strawberry hat, I just started laughing until she got the hint and walked away. It was fun!!


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Good one! I have a friend who says something similar about this and anything else she can't/doesn't want to do: "I'd love to, but I just can't," at which point she gets up and leaves.


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## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

stitch counter said:


> Goodmorning! I have given your question some thought that I would like to share with you. When I applied this situation to myself I wondered if I could choose to make this hat for the greater good? I am trying to walk the path of Christianity. In my humble opinion I think if I were to knit this hat the gift would be mine for having done something for someone outside of myself. I have to admit I feel uncomfortable sharing this view at the same time triumphant for having it. Thanks for bothering to even read what I think. Have a great day and thanks for stimulating my thoughts.


While I can respect your choice, be aware that it is possible to burn out overdoing for others to the point that your health is threatened and it takes years to recover. We are told to love others AS ourselves, not instead of.....


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## Stephhy (May 14, 2012)

stitch counter wrote:
Goodmorning! I have given your question some thought that I would like to share with you. When I applied this situation to myself I wondered if I could choose to make this hat for the greater good? I am trying to walk the path of Christianity. In my humble opinion I think if I were to knit this hat the gift would be mine for having done something for someone outside of myself. I have to admit I feel uncomfortable sharing this view at the same time triumphant for having it. Thanks for bothering to even read what I think. Have a great day and thanks for stimulating my thoughts.



SAMkewel said:


> While I can respect your choice, be aware that it is possible to burn out overdoing for others to the point that your health is threatened and it takes years to recover. We are told to love others AS ourselves, not instead of.....


Stitch Counter.... I agree with SAMkewel. It also bothers _me_ a lot about why you would say "Thanks for bothering to even read what I think."

Quite a few of us "bother" here, and care. And to stress the issue, it not only is very possible to burn out working for others, those others may not be as appreciative as you expected or need. You could be setting yourself up for unhappiness by trying to do good where good is not wanted or needed.

Save your time for those "needed" moments. There's enough of them, to be sure!

Charity is "needed" -- a requested, uninvited, use of your precious time by a colleague is not.

You could, of course, enjoy being a martyr, and in that case, you go, girl!!


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## Lainey513 (Jun 17, 2012)

No no no!!! your not being selfish.. People like her have radar for kind people and try at each oppurtunity to use them.. Tell her sorry your knitting time is planned with things you are making for probably the next year.. Who cares if she believes you.., if she as the nerve to ask you.. Then have the nerve to tell her no.. In a nice way of course, because you can hear your a nice person..
Reserve your talent for people who deserve it.. Believe me ive had my share of gifting ungrateful people to last three lifetimes.. The last and biggest mistake was making new neighbors a baby set complete with leggns sweater and hat with matching bear and never even got a " Thank you ". But that was a shame on me.. Never again..


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## leanne17 (Aug 21, 2013)

I totally agree that you shouldn't knit it if you don't want to. A few years ago, someone I didn't know very well asked me to knit a complicated suit for her. It involved a skirt, sweater and waistcoat, in quite a complicated patten. She had seen a fiend wearing a sweater I had knitted. I told her how much it would be, and how long it would take, hoping that she would change her mind, but she didn't. As well as buying the yarn, making the punchcard and the knitradar pattern, the suit took took several days to knit. It looked lovely when I finished it. She wanted it for a wedding. She never came to pick it up when she was supposed to, so I delivered it to her. She didn't have the money at the time, and said she would prefer to pick it up and pay the next day. That was the last I saw of her. She wouldn't answer the phone or come to the door. That taught me a very valuable lesson. Now I only knit for family.


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## Heide (Jun 23, 2011)

Love your friends come back lol!


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## rderemer (Nov 13, 2012)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Perfect!


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## CBB (Sep 12, 2014)

dragonfly7673 said:


> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


Best response ever, but not one I'd use with someone I work with. You've got a lot of choices, some of which you could combine effectively.


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## maryjaye (Apr 25, 2011)

I have replied to similar requests: "I will show you how".
The reply either results in a new knitter or the person says
"Oh, I could never do that". My reply: "If I can, anybody can."


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## CrazyWoman57 (Jun 7, 2013)

Bonnie,

This is a great question. I look forward to hearing what you decide to say/do.


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## ciasbos (Jul 18, 2011)

That is the greatest remark I've ever heard, and love it


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## oneofthegriffins (Aug 28, 2012)

Not that it is always possible, but when you have an opportunity to do something nice for someone, why not do it? When you model kindness and generosity, and you will be the richer for it.


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Perfect answer. :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Momvam (Jul 31, 2013)

I have used a variety of all responses suggested. If you truly feel generous you could offer to teach the person how to knit and read a pattern and help if she has problems. I've done that with one coworker, she still asks me for help occasionally. The last time I was asked, I explained I had a lot of projects backed up, but would be happy to discuss it again when I was done.


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## Valjean (Jul 21, 2011)

Just tell her the truth,you don't want to knit the hat for her..


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## kokobean (Dec 5, 2014)

Excellent response, I am putting it in my tactful response file.


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## Myrle (Mar 15, 2012)

I believe some people think they are doing us a favour to supply us with yarn and a project to knit. Seriously, they think that we have some sort of an obsession to knit and they are helping. Indeed I think there are some people out there who are looking for something to knit for someone. They don't seem to know about charities who will accept/ need these things. 

I would not feel bad at all saying that you are really sorry but you are just too weighed down with requests from your family to fit anything else in. I had to say this to a lady who was giving me yarn to knit coat hangers for her to gift to people. She thought I loved knitting and needed projects. I explained about the family needs and that there were additions to the family etc whom I needed to knit for, and that my knitting time was limited. Be careful nmot to make too big a fuss or be to apologetic, but just pass this on to her in a pleasant, smiling manner.

Oops have just noticed that there are 17 pages about this so you probably don't need this.


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## TarLanding (Feb 6, 2014)

Please tell her as soon as possible that you will not be able to knit for her.

No explanation needed. Would not offer to help her learn at this time. Stores have lessons.


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## knitpick1 (Dec 13, 2014)

Ordinarily I would agree with you about it being, "the Christian thing to do", but people like this don't recognize it for that reason, instead I think it would convey the wrong message that she can tell (not ask) people what to do. Instead of thinking of you as a nice Christian person she might think of you as a patsy. But I could be wrong and maybe figure she never learned the proper way of asking.


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## sumnerusa (Nov 9, 2011)

diamondbelle said:


> Just say "I'm sorry, but my knitting time is very limited, and I'm committed to projects for my family. I have to knit on my lunch hour because I'd never get my projects done on time."


Perfect answer.


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## eldalily (Jan 3, 2015)

Oh, that`s great¡¡¡. It`s a perfect answer. So funny¡¡¡.
The same situation happens all the time about any craft. Some people just seemed not know how many time and efforts takes knitting, or crochet, or paint. So she can say the magic comment "if i love you...", and suggest her to take classes.


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

How can people expect you, to do it for free,If a neighbour does a job for me I always pay them,Most time they don't want to take money, but I make them take it,


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## sherrit (Jul 20, 2014)

dragonfly7673 said:


> I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either.
> 
> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## 49120 (Dec 3, 2011)

jmcret05 said:


> There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling the person that you --
> 
> 1. Have too little time.
> 2. Don't do commission pieces as no one wants to pay what your time is worth. (wait for response)
> 3. No, I really can't (no explanation)


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## imalulu (May 19, 2013)

BonnieMcC said:


> I snuck a peak at your etsy site. Your knitting is beautiful!
> 
> I don't think she's the type who wants to pay for it...she just expects me to want to knit for her. Why? I don't know but there was no "asking" involved. I haven't seen her since she asked, but if I do, I'll give her your information. (I doubt you'll hear from her!!) ;-)
> 
> Thanks!! Bonnie


Thanks, Bonnie, for your compliment....I'll let you know if "SHE" contacts me!! www.imalulu.etsy.com


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## Alpaca Farmer (Jan 19, 2011)

Britty43 said:


> I tried Etsy..not one enquiry..what's the secret?


I'd like the answer to that question too.


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## BlueJay21 (Jan 4, 2013)

I like the Paul Newman response: It's not something I do. I am sure that saying something so succinct as this would solve the problem, and with no hurt feelings.


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## Kmsacca (May 17, 2012)

Ask her what she'd like to barter - does she bake? cook? do taxes? maybe buy you some other supplies along with the yarn?


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## Shirleyknits123 (Aug 14, 2014)

For some people, it is hard to even mouth the word "no". It's happen to me and to my detriment. The bottom line is this, a deal should be good for both parties involved and if it is not, re-evaluate the deal. You are not obligated to knit anything for her. If your co-worker senses that you are a push over, then she could exploit you. Or it could be that she is clueless of what she is asking of you. Either way, you must say no or suck it up and knit for her because you can not bring yourself to utter the word no and explain to her why you answered no. Now I have learned, if someone asked me to knit or crochet them something, I take a deep breath (I practiced this in the mirror) and either give my answer. Or I'll tell them, "let me get back to you." Then I have time for my soul to give the proper response.


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## lemonaid (Dec 11, 2014)

This topic still moves around in my head ...
Some people just go ahead and ask for what they want and then more often than not they get their way - is it only because it is so difficult to say "no"? 
I thought I could try to respond in a similar straightforward way and just say 'sorry, no way I'll get to that anytime soon' - next time (there are so many occasions to exercise, not all involve knitting).
If the person cares to elaborate I still have time thinking about how much I want to explain why.
(enough yarn in stash for several lifetimes and a huge list of projects, how difficult it is to match the expectations of others and how frustrating if things don't work out, even if there is no one else involved, how I'd prefer to keep my tight schedule free of additional responsibilities and commitments ...

If they came and offered to clean the house while I knit their hat ... that would be an offer I would very likely be inclined to consider, absolutely!


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## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

I like what jmcreto5 said: I Don't do commission pieces as no one wants to pay what your time is worth. (wait for response)

It sounded to me like she thought she was doing you a favor by letting you knit something you hadn't knit before, Bless her heart!!!!!


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## Davena (Feb 24, 2013)

dragonfly7673 said:


> I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either.
> 
> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


 I love it ,,,,,I have to borrow this for many times....still laughing,,,,,,the best I have heard in a long time.....Happy Crafting Davena


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## jbent10 (Sep 26, 2014)

I agree. That is a good idea


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## jbent10 (Sep 26, 2014)

She might be the kind of person that if you did make something for her then she might pick at every stitch. Honey, it ain't worth your precious time. I agree with practicing in front of a mirror to say no. and ask yourself also the question Why is it so hard for me to say no? When you let people walk all over you, that is exactly what they do


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## jodymorse151 (Sep 14, 2014)

imalulu said:


> Thanks, Bonnie, for your compliment....I'll let you know if "SHE" contacts me!! www.imalulu.etsy.com


I too checked your etsy offerings ... they are gorgeous. my daughter sent me two books on ENTRELAC knits for Christmas. wonder if she thinks I am in a rut making the same top down sweaters only! I might try!


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## imalulu (May 19, 2013)

jodymorse151 said:


> I too checked your etsy offerings ... they are gorgeous. my daughter sent me two books on ENTRELAC knits for Christmas. wonder if she thinks I am in a rut making the same top down sweaters only! I might try!


Thanks so much Jody...I have so much fun with my Etsy store...how else could I get commissions from Washington, Oregon, and California or NYC area, or heck, anywhere in the USA? I have not wanted to go global, mainly because of the shipping. I highly recommend Etsy...I buy on Etsy, too.


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## ThaisFindsafeather (Nov 15, 2012)

I'm in law school, and as a law clerk my time is billed at over $100 an hour (I don't get to bring home a quarter of that!). When people I do not love dearly ask/tell me to knit something for them, I quote them for what would be billed to any client needing my time. That's $125 an hour, and this hat will take about seven hours. What color would you like that in? 

And if you're willing to pay that, I'm More than happy to knit it!


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## EYW (Jan 4, 2015)

"Oh, honey, I have got so many projects lined up, I will be knitting in my grave. If you need it right away (like in my lifetime -- LOL) you should check out ETSY. The sellers there have items ready to go." Then hand her a short list of ETSY sellers that you know do nice work and hopefully are KP members and let her buy from one of them -- or not. 

If she comes back with complaints of how expensive the ETSY items are, then give her a withering look (hopefully you wear glasses that you can peer over) and say "And you think I will be cheaper? Those are the going rates for handknits." 

Maybe everyone who knits in public needs to make an ETSY list of sellers with similar products, especially if you have no desire to sell your items. Pass the potential customer on to someone who, more or less, does it for a living.


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## Bombshellknits (Feb 2, 2013)

A few years ago I decided no meant no. I too realized that I don't have to explain or apologize. It is so liberating. Of course in this case your coworker didn't ask, she just told you. I suppose a good answer would be, "I wish I had time to do that for you". By the way, I used to feel sort of lonely being self employed and working from home. Your stories have cured me!


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## bizzyknitter (May 10, 2011)

I hate when people do that to me. I barely have enough time to knit for family. I would just tell her that I'm sure her LYS has classes she could join.


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## ramram0003 (Nov 7, 2011)

dragonfly7673 said:


> I had someone do that at work a few years ago and I told her that as knitting takes a large amount of time, I only knit for myself and close family. To be honest, she seemed slightly offended, but I didn't care either.
> 
> A friend of mine always says that knitting is like sex. "if I love you, it's free. If I don't, you couldn't pay me enough"


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Reyna (Oct 24, 2012)

lemonaid said:


> If they came and offered to clean the house while I knit their hat ... that would be an offer I would very likely be inclined to consider, absolutely!


This reminds me what my Mom used to tell me. She was a prolific knitter with three young children and her sister did not knit and also had three young children. So my aunt, who was a bit of a neat freak, would visit and do all the household chores while my Mom sat and knitted sweaters for her children. The arrangement apparently worked very well.


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