# Where have all the Thank yous gone?



## 2cwdance (May 4, 2011)

I crocheted this poncho and was told by my DIL that my 26-27 yr old gdaughters would like money instead, why, why, why. Used to be appreciated. No thanks these days, just ungrateful children.


----------



## jenjoyo (Sep 21, 2011)

It's lovely. I'm sorry they hurt you. People just don't get it, sometimes.


----------



## meadow123 (Mar 6, 2012)

not all of them,but there are plenty out there with no manners,i would love something like that beautiful poncho.i would treasure it.when us knitters have popped our clogs maybe they will say ,my mother/grandma made beautiful items, i wish i had something she knitted/crochet to remind me of her.i would not bother doing anything else for any ungrateful person.


----------



## cynthiaknits (Oct 19, 2011)

Think 
i'd be tempted to send her a quarter.


----------



## anteateralice (Mar 28, 2015)

Sometimes it's best to be frank with clueless people. You'll have to be the judge of whether the fallout is worth it but I would consider taking DIL aside and explaining to her the benefits of showing gratitude. She has deprived your grandkids of that important life lesson and you could help her and them if you stay positive.


----------



## Lynnknits (Feb 15, 2016)

Your poncho is really beautiful!! As beautiful and thoughtful as they may be, homemade gifts are not everyone's style. Throughout the years I have learned which of my family members and friends like what I make and those who don't. I look at it as I am saving a lot of time and energy NOT making for people who don't really appreciate it. No hurt feelings here!


----------



## 2cwdance (May 4, 2011)

I will probably take it to a nursing home and give it to someone who has no one.


----------



## jane.c (Jul 24, 2016)

Here's a thought: Ask them before making! As in "Shall I make you a shawl like this?" Some will say yes please with enthusiasm!. The actual product can then be presented on the occasion. But if the prospective gift-ee hesitates, hums and haws,forget it! 

Yesterday I showed my 6 year old grandaughter a hat I had knitted for myself, and asked, "Shall I make you a hat like this?" She replied, "Oh yes, please. And I'd like a pom-pom on it."

There you are!


----------



## desertgirl (Jan 26, 2013)

Love the idea of taking that beautiful poncho to a care facility...someone would be so happy for the gift!
Sometimes I feel like part of a lost generation that made and treasured handmade gifts...then a young person
comes along and reminds me, it's not the age, it's the attitude!


----------



## itip2 (Dec 2, 2011)

I'm lucky, all my female relatives adore hand knitted socks, and one granddaughter buys any extras for gifts for her friends


----------



## hersh (Nov 7, 2011)

Donate to someone in need and send your grandkid a xmas card..........with pic of article donated.


----------



## Isuel (Sep 27, 2011)

Sad state of manners with the younger generations.


----------



## dragonfly7673 (May 13, 2014)

Is it possible she didn't understand you already made it? Maybe she thought you were asking her opinion on a gift idea and she was thinking that she would just let you know what the girls would prefer rather than spending time making something they wouldn't use? I have to say that if someone made me that poncho, while I would appreciate that work went into it, I wouldn't wear it as it's not my style. 

Recently I let my sister know that the fancy Star Wars stranded hat she was thinking of making for my 20yo son would never get worn. It wasn't anything against her, it's just not his style and no point in her spending time making something that won't be appreciated or used. Although in our case my sister was directly asking my opinion before she spent the time. (and he would have been polite and said thank you... but it would never get used)

That all being said... if she knew you already made it and you were planning to send it, then I think her response was rude because when someone gives a gift, you should thank them, not complain.


----------



## YoMaMi (Jan 19, 2011)

I used to (still do sometimes) knit my grown daughter (she's now 32) a sweater every year for Christmas. She was always very appreciative and saved them all. But she never wore them. Just not her style. So, instead of all that work I tried to find something else I thought she would like - not clothes. Thank goodness she now has a little boy (2 in a couple of months) who I can knit for, who wears every sweater whether he want to or not, ha ha.


----------



## Sunny70 (Jul 25, 2014)

It starts when they are children. If they are not taught to say thank you then they won't do it when they are grown. They also need to be taught to be thankful for what they get. The DIL should have told her to be thankful for what you gave her and to thank you.


----------



## sharyncd (Apr 25, 2014)

We are still waiting for a thank you for a cheque sent as a wedding gift. We know it was cashed. Another wedding gift chosen from their registry took a year for a thank you. I prefer to think it is a sign of their busy lives not a lack of manners or up binging..


----------



## Vuksie (Sep 13, 2012)

As my friend said to me when we were discussing this very subject (hand knit/crochet items not worn or appreciated): They're just not knit/crochet-worthy! So, I've determined who is not knit-worthy any longer, and no longer think to make them anything with yarn.....their loss, wouldn't you agree?


----------



## Nana5 (Aug 17, 2011)

I love your poncho and would be so thrilled if someone made me this. I have 5 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren and I will have to say I was a Christmas "nut", usually something homemade and various gifts for each one. I have decided that as the GC got older (graduate from high school) that a Christmas card from their Nana is enough to remind them of Christmas past "unless" we are together at Christmas and then it is something knitted and maybe some other small gift. I would be extremely hurt by what your DIL said and would have to rethink gift giving to your grown GD's, not to be spiteful in any way, but to the reality that money doesn't buy happiness, hence one of my favorite sayings (that I cross-stitched over 30 years ago and hangs in my kitchen every Christmas season), "Some gifts are big, other's are small; Gifts from the heart are the best gifts of all"


----------



## Sandiegen (Oct 24, 2016)

I had this happen to me when I crocheted a caplet for myself for our 50th ann. I showed it to our dil's and said I would do one for each of them in another color. They all agreed they would not wear it or even in another pattern. They said I could spend the money for the yarn on a scarf they had seen at walmart they all would love. The joke was on them. I went right to walmart and could not find it or even order it. I also liked that scarf (they had shown it to me on their phone) and would have bought one for myself so no hard feelings. It was just that everyone liked it and it sold out immediatly. They got money instead and not the amount I could have sold the caplet for. I must say that each one ask's me to crochet them things so they are not ungreatful, just honest. Ask before you make something and be SURE to get the color choice also. You might be real surprised!


----------



## Krykit (Dec 10, 2014)

I was very hurt by my in-laws (mother-in-law and sister-in-law) several years ago when they insulted the beautiful sweaters I made for them at Christmas. I lovingly designed the sweater for my MIL myself (a beautiful cardigan in her favorite color) and used a beautiful and quite expensive light-weight wool. She took the sweater out of the box and immediately said, "I would never wear this! It's too hot!" My heart fell into my stomach. She tossed the sweater under the tree. I made my SIL a nice turtleneck sweater (again, in her favorite color), and she said that she did not wear turtlenecks so probably would not wear it. I looked at her sitting there wearing a turtleneck sweater. When I brought it to her attention, she said that it was the first thing she grabbed, so that was why she was wearing it. She, too, tossed it under the tree. She has, of course, always worn turtleneck sweaters more than any other, before and after this. One of her friends told me that my MIL and SIL told her that handmade knits were a cheap gift. I vowed never to knit or crochet anything for them again, and I have stuck to my vow. Some people have no concept of the cost of better yarns or the amount of work that goes into a handmade item ~ nor do they care. I knit or crochet items now only for people who request something. People can be very rude and hurtful, and never feel any guilt about it. Sad but true.


----------



## Sandiegen (Oct 24, 2016)

I had this happen to me when I crocheted a caplet for myself for our 50th ann. I showed it to our dil's and said I would do one for each of them in another color. They all agreed they would not wear it or even in another pattern. They said I could spend the money for the yarn on a scarf they had seen at walmart they all would love. The joke was on them. I went right to walmart and could not find it or even order it. I also liked that scarf (they had shown it to me on their phone) and would have bought one for myself so no hard feelings. It was just that everyone liked it and it sold out immediatly. They got money instead and not the amount I could have sold the caplet for. I must say that each one ask's me to crochet them things so they are not ungreatful, just honest. Ask before you make something and be SURE to get the color & yarn choice also. You might be real surprised!


----------



## Shannon123 (Mar 9, 2012)

I don't know. I agree that it's rude to say "give me money instead of a gift" though at 26 or 27 years old most women have their own sense of style. Lacy, yarny garments aren't for everyone. Your GDs might be sporty athletic types, or jeans and tee shirt wearers. They could be sleek and modern too. The right thing to do would be to say "thank you very much" and leave it at that.

Your poncho is lovely and as crafters WE know the amount of work and care that went into it.


----------



## KathyG1000 (Nov 9, 2015)

I made my gdaughter a bolero style sweater that when I saw the pattern I saw her in it. Her mother thought it was gorgeous and that she would love it. When I asked her if it fit her, she told me she didn't know that she had put it on the closet shelf. She felt it was dressier than the style she was currently wearing. I don't think she didn't appreciate it, it just wasn't her at the moment. Maybe some day she will wear it or maybe not. Had I made her a sweatshirt style sweater, I think she would have been thrilled. Moral of the story, next time I will ask first.


----------



## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

You can be thankful you did not waist your time on making them something they do not want. You can give them a gift card of what ever denomination you like and they will be happy with it and it will be the right size and color.


----------



## elissa57 (Jun 3, 2011)

Maybe....just maybe..... we could "re-think" this a bit. YES, it seems that the poncho might be "under appreciated". BUT... let's not assume that the Grand wouldn't have said "thank you". In this case, the Mom "nixed" the gift before it was sent - so there was no opportunity to say "Thank YOu". In my case, I have a VERY appreciative young man (almos t19). He is VERY sentimental. Sends emails, calls and thank you notes for gifts received (although, not all at once, for every gift, LOL - but he ACKNOWLEDGES each gift). As he has grown, however, and is now on his own in college, he no longer has SPACE for gifts. It's not that he appreciates the gifts (hand made or not) any LESS, it's just that he gets more USE out of gift cards or cash. THAT is what is NEEDED (and wanted). So, maybe, let's just take a step back, breathe a bit and give these kids some time to get through growing up.... ALSO, maybe give their parents some time, space and understanding as well. 

I just had a similar conversation with my mom. It seems that it is much tougher to find gifts for our older children now, than years ago. So many things are now "affordable" and "available", so the kids seem to just buy it when they want/need it, leaving very little to pick up at holiday or birthday time. My suggestion was - yup. Cash, gift cards, or just a phone call to say "hi, we love you and had NO idea what you wanted, so we are waiting until you tell us" is enough to Warm my son's (your Grandson's) heart!". 

Sorry.... I just feel that being upset about people "Not wanting" our heartfelt, handmade items will lead to sadness, rather than the joy that was intended when the items were made (or purchased). Accept the meaning behind the message, take a deep breath, find a different recipient, and then....hug your kids, call and say "I love you" (whatever) and ENJOY THIS SEASON!!!!!!!


----------



## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

OH it is beautiful want to adopt me???I will even send you a thank you card. hahhahaha Many don't appreciate a gift anymore. If they can't say thank you and accept what I have to offer then I quit sending.


----------



## Shannon123 (Mar 9, 2012)

Krykit said:


> I was very hurt by my in-laws (mother-in-law and sister-in-law) several years ago when they insulted the beautiful sweaters I made for them at Christmas. I lovingly designed the sweater for my MIL myself (a beautiful cardigan in her favorite color) and used a beautiful and quite expensive light-weight wool. She took the sweater out of the box and immediately said, "I would never wear this! It's too hot!" My heart fell into my stomach. She tossed the sweater under the tree. I made my SIL a nice turtleneck sweater (again, in her favorite color), and she said that she did not wear turtlenecks so probably would not wear it. I looked at her sitting there wearing a turtleneck sweater. When I brought it to her attention, she said that it was the first thing she grabbed, so that was why she was wearing it. She, too, tossed it under the tree. She has, of course, always worn turtleneck sweaters more than any other, before and after this. One of her friends told me that my MIL and SIL told her that handmade knits were a cheap gift. I vowed never to knit or crochet anything for them again, and I have stuck to my vow. Some people have no concept of the cost of better yarns or the amount of work that goes into a handmade item ~ nor do they care. I knit or crochet items now only for people who request something. People can be very rude and hurtful, and never feel any guilt about it. Sad but true.


That is incredibly rude! It sounds like you put a lot of thought and effort into your gifts, I don't blame you for never wanting to knit for them again.

I've never been treated like that for my knit gifts but I'm very selective of who gets what. My MIL loves a particular style of knit slipper, so she gets them every year. Sweaters are so specific to fit, that I've only knit one sweater for someone else. It was for my brother at his request and a mans sweater doesn't have any shaping. Why he wanted a sweater for life in So. California I don't know, but he loved it.


----------



## cattrapper (Nov 5, 2014)

I think its beautiful. Can you direct us to the pattern.


----------



## Fialka (Mar 4, 2011)

Lynnknits said:


> Your poncho is really beautiful!! As beautiful and thoughtful as they may be, homemade gifts are not everyone's style. Throughout the years I have learned which of my family members and friends like what I make and those who don't. I look at it as I am saving a lot of time and energy NOT making for people who don't really appreciate it. No hurt feelings here!


Totally agree with you,- I do the same ! It feels good just knowing, that our labor was not in vain ! :sm24: :sm09: :sm24:


----------



## vreinholde (Jan 28, 2011)

Your poncho is beautiful. I would wear it.... I am a poncho, shawl, wrap kind a girl.... 

As I read through this post, looks like we all have had similar situations: Item hand knitted , but never worn. Thanked and and tried on , but then never seen.... I have stopped knitting ( or even offering to knit) sweaters, jackets... anything big... Instead, when grands were little , I knitted some toys, or AG doll clothes to play with ( because I liked making them...  ) . Then came socks - it's chilly during the winter and all feet get cold... so they all wear socks during the winter ( but they have to made from yarn that can be thrown in washer....... I have knitted several cowls... in different colors ...( may be they are worn when i don't see them... - being positive here... Happy Holidays !


----------



## desireeross (Jun 2, 2013)

This is why I don't knit for anyone unless I know what they want. Design, shape, colour. What appeals to one might not appeal to others and teenagers and into early 20 and 30's know what they want.

There is no place for bad manners. I'd address them directly .


----------



## deemail (Jan 25, 2011)

anteateralice said:


> Sometimes it's best to be frank with clueless people. You'll have to be the judge of whether the fallout is worth it but I would consider taking DIL aside and explaining to her the benefits of showing gratitude. She has deprived your grandkids of that important life lesson and you could help her and them if you stay positive.


they're in their mid 20s....time to talk to them directly....


----------



## bigtimeyarnie (Aug 26, 2012)

I'm so sorry that your DIL was so rude to you. Your poncho is just gorgeous!! I do wonder though, why your DIL is speaking for grown women. I'm guessing you haven't heard from your granddaughters directly? Would you feel comfortable speaking directly to them? Again, I'm so sorry your DIL has hurt your feelings. VERY rude. Shame on her.


----------



## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

the last time i sent my grandson a birthday present finances were really tight. I never got a thank you, nor have I heard from his mother or him in years. I called him recetnly as I have two boxes of pictures and memotes and a savings bond for him- no return call. How do people get so ungrateful. I went through close to five years of a bad neighbor situation and my daughter wasn't around to helpme.When this situaion put me in the hospital I had to call her aunt to find her and get help with my aging kitty. To pick up my kitty I had to ask where she lived. How do people get so heartless?


----------



## suziehhh (Sep 13, 2011)

Sometimes manners are taught as children but the "now adults" don't always seem to remember them. My children were required to verbally say thank you for any gift they received and also write a note. They are now 25 and 29 and will call or send a text. They also would never tell someone they only wanted money unless that person asked.


----------



## Stampergrandma (Jun 6, 2011)

I read an article about knitting for non-knitters ( I'm sorry, I can't remembers who wrote it) but basically it says to look at the person you are knitting for, they may not appreciate a fine hand knitted item because they are used to what today's fashion is showing in knit wear. For example a beautiful lace shawl vs a garter stitch infinity cowl. Most people non- knitting would see the cowl as the as the gift they would like to receive. Non knitters don't look at our handmade gifts with a knitter's eye, they don't see the craftsmanship and beauty of a fine yarn, they see with a consumers eye, following fads of fashion. I think the author hit it on the mark, and from now on, if I knit for a non knitter, I will be careful to assess if that is what they really would like.. After all, when we choose to give a gift, it's to give the recipient a gift THEY would like, not a gift that we would like. 

Your poncho is really beautiful, maybe you should gift it to yourself as a special treat just for you!


----------



## shepherd (Feb 25, 2012)

I gave $$ until this year the grands. Now they are all working and on their own so I took a chance on knitting. The two girls are getting leg warmers/boot toppers (with owls around the top). I have seen them wear them before. The 2 young men are getting scarfs, very simple neutral colors. I am crossing my fingers. I am enclosing the yarn labels for care instructions (all washable). We shall see. Going on a long trip end of Dec. so asked one of the girls who just lost her mother (daughter of my daughter's second husband - got that?) what I could knit for her on the trip just 'cause I love her. Got response (through my daughter). Beanie, blues. That's easy. Think I will ask the other one what she could use.

This year I was elected Family Refrigerator. We always used notes on the fridge for wish lists. It got started late - emails came from all over for me to post to the crew (which I did by email, not on the fridge). Next year I will send out requests right after Thanksgiving. I was impressed this year - wishes ranges from $6.95 to $75 - pretty much in the range of most all - DD is very well off, others are not. They respond back when to cross things off because they got them for somebody.

Before when they were mostly teens I got a Christmas tree ornament ( our local feed store has an amazing tree display - each one has a different theme on it ( farm, hunting, Delft, glittery, dogs/cats--- you get the idea) about a dozen trees! After the holiday they are 1/2 price! So I used to get them for the next year, and then they were ready to go with the $$. More fun for me and now they have a starter set for their own tree.


----------



## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

I have always bought or made Christmas present to wrap,But always given them Money,Didn't want to spend money on something they did like,;
Last years I sent cheques for both girls,E mailed my son and asked him to let me know,when the letter arrived,He didn't ,I had to email my DIL and ask her,
I was going to wait till Bethan was home from Uni,post the cheques this Saturday.and ask her to let me know if they arrive safely,there has been problems in the past,cheques arrived ripped,or missing from the Card,Now with a post strike next week, it will be after the holiday before I can sent them,


----------



## Stampergrandma (Jun 6, 2011)

Lynnknits said:


> Your poncho is really beautiful!! As beautiful and thoughtful as they may be, homemade gifts are not everyone's style. Throughout the years I have learned which of my family members and friends like what I make and those who don't. I look at it as I am saving a lot of time and energy NOT making for people who don't really appreciate it. No hurt feelings here!


 :sm24: :sm24:


----------



## galby (Apr 8, 2012)

Don't take offence. Not everyone would wear a poncho. The gesture was lovely, but even little ones have their preferences. Rather than face disappoint, an idea would be to tell the person you would like to make something for them, is there anything they would like. They might be thrilled with a hat, mittens or something else. Everyone is different, one DIL asked for new pair of slippers, and she picked out a pattern and yarn for a hat. I would rather ask, than have them not wear it.


----------



## m_azingrace (Mar 14, 2012)

It seems that (generally speaking) the current generation is selfish and inconsiderate, with no appreciation for the time, energy and expense involved in our labors of love. I have stopped knitting for family unless a specific request is made.


----------



## Stampergrandma (Jun 6, 2011)

elissa57 said:


> Maybe....just maybe..... we could "re-think" this a bit. YES, it seems that the poncho might be "under appreciated". BUT... let's not assume that the Grand wouldn't have said "thank you". In this case, the Mom "nixed" the gift before it was sent - so there was no opportunity to say "Thank YOu". In my case, I have a VERY appreciative young man (almos t19). He is VERY sentimental. Sends emails, calls and thank you notes for gifts received (although, not all at once, for every gift, LOL - but he ACKNOWLEDGES each gift). As he has grown, however, and is now on his own in college, he no longer has SPACE for gifts. It's not that he appreciates the gifts (hand made or not) any LESS, it's just that he gets more USE out of gift cards or cash. THAT is what is NEEDED (and wanted). So, maybe, let's just take a step back, breathe a bit and give these kids some time to get through growing up.... ALSO, maybe give their parents some time, space and understanding as well.
> 
> I just had a similar conversation with my mom. It seems that it is much tougher to find gifts for our older children now, than years ago. So many things are now "affordable" and "available", so the kids seem to just buy it when they want/need it, leaving very little to pick up at holiday or birthday time. My suggestion was - yup. Cash, gift cards, or just a phone call to say "hi, we love you and had NO idea what you wanted, so we are waiting until you tell us" is enough to Warm my son's (your Grandson's) heart!".
> 
> Sorry.... I just feel that being upset about people "Not wanting" our heartfelt, handmade items will lead to sadness, rather than the joy that was intended when the items were made (or purchased). Accept the meaning behind the message, take a deep breath, find a different recipient, and then....hug your kids, call and say "I love you" (whatever) and ENJOY THIS SEASON!!!!!!!


Very well said, I agree
:sm24: :sm24:


----------



## Knitted by Nan (Aug 3, 2013)

hersh said:


> Donate to someone in need and send your grandkid a xmas card..........with pic of article donated.


Or better still, how about a card showing your gift from the Oxfam range.

https://unwrapped.oxfam.org.au/?gclid=Cj0KEQiA1b7CBRDjmIPL4u-Zy6gBEiQAsJhTMJsYc4vyy9RxTIdpZiCdKKM_hq1ptuOA9AfQiGGwExcaAnyr8P8HAQ


----------



## Lynnknits (Feb 15, 2016)

m_azingrace said:


> It seems that (generally speaking) the current generation is selfish and inconsiderate, with no appreciation for the time, energy and expense involved in our labors of love. I have stopped knitting for family unless a specific request is made.


 I am always slightly puzzled and saddened when people say negative things about "today's generation"....my son is in his 20's and I find he and his friends to be very respectful and genuinely good people. In fact, I don't know any children/adult children that I would say negative things about. I knit for people who like homemade gifts - I have knit many hats and socks for my son and his friends and they are always so happy to get them and I see them wearing what I made for them.


----------



## StellasKnits (Apr 10, 2011)

When my daughter was small my mom had many many frilly little dresses made for her. They were stunning! Problem was, my daughter hated wearing them. She was just not a frilly dress kind of girl. She wore them to make her grandma happy for pictures and what not and then promptly put them away. Eventually, mom's feelings got hurt when my daughter was old enough to tell her (at 10 or so) that she just didn't like frilly dresses. From then on, my daughter would hearing things like "well I'd have that made for you but you don't LIKE what I have made for you." I finally had enough and had a heart to heart with mom. I told her that she appreciated the clothing (and she did!) but why not collaborate with her and let HER pick the pattern and material for the dress. Apparently, a light bulb went on and from then on they had several years of happily creating together the most stunning gowns she could wear to prom, home coming, the VMI ring dance and many many military balls later. 

Bottom line is, perhaps they just don't like your "taste" and would like something that they like not what we think they should like. Just my 2 cents.


----------



## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

First off, that is a lovely poncho and I personally would love to have something like it!

Next, a quarter/25 cents sounds just about right! So sorry this happened to you. {{hugs}}


----------



## babsbarb (Dec 23, 2012)

Since your GD is an adult. Present the gift to her and ask her to be HONEST with you. If she doesn't want it, ask for it back so you can donate it.♥


----------



## kimmyz (May 9, 2011)

It's very hard to predict other people's taste. If they'd rather have money, I'd give it to them because time is money and there's plenty of time in knitting. I think it's pretty nervy to ask for ANYTHING though, especially money.


----------



## m_azingrace (Mar 14, 2012)

Lynnknits said:


> I am always slightly puzzled and saddened when people say negative things about "today's generation"....my son is in his 20's and I find he and his friends to be very respectful and genuinely good people. In fact, I don't know any children/adult children that I would say negative things about. I knit for people who like homemade gifts - I have knit many hats and socks for my son and his friends and they are always so happy to get them and I see them wearing what I made for them.


I did qualify my remarks as "generally speaking". I'm happy for you that your experiences have been more positive than what I have generally observed.


----------



## hubleyddavis (Nov 20, 2015)

What a sin for you. It's a beautiful poncho. Some people just do not like homemade things. It's like they think they are cheap and want the brand names their friends are wearing. The thing they don't know is their friends would love to have that same stuff but don't have anyone to make it for them. Unless your DIL showed them the picture and they said they don't want it, she really dosen't know that for sure. Maybe it's not what she wants them to wear.


----------



## settermom (Dec 19, 2012)

2cwdance said:


> I crocheted this poncho and was told by my DIL that my 26-27 yr old gdaughters would like money instead, why, why, why. Used to be appreciated. No thanks these days, just ungrateful children.


Oh my goodness! I love your crocheted poncho and would be so proud to wear it. I am sad to say that the majority of "young people" these days WOULD rather have $$$ than to have anything that someone else chose for them---or anything handmade. Just a fact of life these days. I base these comments on the first hand experience I have had with my own kids and grand kids and all of their friends. As far as the thank yous are concerned--- don't count on 'em, don't wait for them, be grateful if you get one! Another sad fact of life in today's worlds. BTW, IF I MAY ASK, could you share or direct me to the pattern for the poncho. I am crazy about it. Love the length and width and neck, etc. I think it is just the style I have been looking for...... thank you!


----------



## Alpaca Farmer (Jan 19, 2011)

I taught my children to say thank you in the presence of the giver, as well as send a written note. However, I don't think they have passed on the same lessons to their children.
I like the idea of giving a very small amount of cash, and gifting that beautiful shawl to a lonely person in a nursing/assisted living facility.


----------



## trisha2 (Oct 11, 2012)

jane.c said:


> Here's a thought: Ask them before making!


That's what I do.


----------



## MzKnitCro (May 29, 2012)

I am a believer in giving gifts that people want/need, just makes my life easier. I don't see being honest as being ungrateful. I would rather that be given to someone who would wear it, than have it sit in the back of a closet.


----------



## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

My GD love the matching Cardigan I made them when they were little,As they got older,Made Hats, scarfs, mitts,slippers, etc to wrap,told them if there is anything you don't like,Give it to a charity shop,


----------



## seamer45 (Jan 18, 2011)

Depends on the children, and if they don't thank you for something don't send them a gift. I send a card maybe. And as for giving money, only to my grandkids who are in school or living on their own and not making much money. I do get thank yous from them.


----------



## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

Our family always says 'thank you' - but as far as gifts are concerned we just send a gift card instead so they can then purchase whatever they like.


----------



## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

sharyncd said:


> We are still waiting for a thank you for a cheque sent as a wedding gift. We know it was cashed. Another wedding gift chosen from their registry took a year for a thank you. I prefer to think it is a sign of their busy lives not a lack of manners or up binging..


It is sad when we make excuses for others lack of manners. If they don't know they can't learn and the pattern continues.


----------



## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

I think many people are just to spoiled. When I was a kid we were happy with what we got and were thankful for it. The best gift every year was my grandmas home made cookies. My mom made me some clothes and I was tankful to have them. Many feel like they have to have designer this and designer that. I wish the whole world would take some time to enjoy what is given to them. There are many people who would be happy to have a Christmas gift. I F someone would invite me for a holiday meal I would be estastic!


----------



## anteateralice (Mar 28, 2015)

deemail said:


> they're in their mid 20s....time to talk to them directly....


I agree but it's just that it was not clear to me that the kids ever even knew about it. I would talk to them also in any case. It's unlikely the DIL will change and they should know a little more about manners than she has taught them.


----------



## Cdambro (Dec 30, 2013)

Well, I really like your poncho. I would expect that at those ages, your granddaughters are either working or have spouses that work. If that is the case, I wouldn't expect they need a money gift. No offense if I am wrong. I would just not think of giving someone at those ages money. At any rate....I like your poncho and maybe it's better to know than have it sitting never to be used. If you cannot keep it....someone else will love it.

ETA: I just read StellasKnits response and agree. Also.....mom answered for her daughters. Maybe from HER, they would rather have money. For young adults who seem to be money ok, I would give a gift card. Sorry you are hurt.


----------



## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

Don't hold your breathe. If they didn't have any manners by the time they are 20 I wouldn't plan on them changing.


----------



## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

That is so beautiful

It's sad when they don't appreciate all the hard work, my daughter and dil's love anything I make them, they can't go buy them in the shop's and their friends alway's are envious


----------



## crafterwantabe (Feb 26, 2013)

It could be they just not there style. I know it's hard not to feel bad. But I would feel worse if it didnt get used . Or worse yet the item could get tossed out. Hugs for you...


----------



## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

This is has been a topic many times--and, I agree. Although there are a few who actually know their manners and say the words we love to hear, "thank you"--I have found that more (in all ages) do NOT even know what the words actually mean. It's a sad world when someone spends their time--effort--and love to make such a beautiful piece of clothing--and then, not to be thanked. It has been suggested that you send a Christmas card with a photo of a lovely woman wearing it--and don't send anything else. She does not deserve a gift of any kind. I find so much "going by the wayside"--too many are not appreciative of anything. Also, what ever happened to "Please", "you're welcome" and other phrases of good manners.
Heck, if one does have texting on their phone....kids of today (and some adults) can't even talk to you verbally. I see so much of what we "older" people were taught--such as respect--becoming obsolete--digressing terribly is what is happening. Take the vices away from the young people and they have no idea how to act! Parents, too, are much to be blamed!


----------



## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

lack of respect......you said it!


----------



## luree (Feb 21, 2014)

I love that shawl and I think that taking it to a nursing home would work. They are so happy to get company. Some do not have family and would just love to be gifted with homemade things.


----------



## charbaby (Mar 24, 2013)

cynthiaknits said:


> Think
> i'd be tempted to send her a quarter.


25 cents in shiny new pennies. Thoughtlessly hurtful. So sorry that happened to you. The poncho is beautiful. Very nice work. Hope you find someone knit-worthy who will wear it with pride.


----------



## Naneast (Jun 12, 2011)

Beautiful poncho.. :sm24:


----------



## Glo54 (Aug 29, 2012)

That is a beautiful poncho. If only I was alot younger I would volunteer to be your grand-daughter. Young ones today are so ungrateful.


----------



## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

I hesitate to say it, but maybe it wasn't her style. How do you tactfully tell someone not to waste their time knitting things that they won't wear? By the way, I knit for my very young grandchildren and it is rarely acknowledged.


----------



## slmhuffman (Apr 15, 2015)

I love your poncho. You certainly would have received a thank you note from me, but then I am old school (68) and still hand-write (when able) or type (when not able to write legibly) a thank you note. A poncho is next on my to-do list.
I get so disgusted sometimes that people barely acknowledge a gift. For me, sometimes, that means no more gifts to that person.
On the upside, this past summer, I found a very expensive sets of toys (at a yard sale) that I thought would be very suitable for my cousins great-grandson, who was only 3 years of age. His great-grandmother prepared a card for me, then she herself wrote "I love all my toys." Then, the little boy signed his name. I don't think I could sign my name at that age. It was so cute and I will always keep that card. So, he is learning from his great-grandmother that thank you notes are important. That meant a lot to me.
So, I feel your pain. Gift your things to someone who will appreciate them - if you can find them.


----------



## c_barber2006 (Feb 17, 2016)

it is gorgeous I wish I had my grandmother or mother around to make me such beautiful hand made gifts.


----------



## mumsie (Mar 14, 2012)

Give her a penny along with a card saying thankyou from a charity you gave the poncho too. I did that to a 'friend' that was . Not. A friend any more thank goodness


----------



## mumsie (Mar 14, 2012)

In fact forget the penny just send a thankyou card


----------



## Ellen Kerr (Feb 25, 2013)

2cwdance said:


> I crocheted this poncho and was told by my DIL that my 26-27 yr old gdaughters would like money instead, why, why, why. Used to be appreciated. No thanks these days, just ungrateful children.


Lovely poncho. And, clearly from all the responses, lots of us have similar problems.
Where's your child in this? I wonder if your child knows what your DIL said to you. Or how your granddaughters respond to you through their mother.
Your granddaughters are adults. Where's their connection to you and what you create for them?
If they don't appreciate your work, don't beat yourself up for them.
And money is a difficult request. If you have grown grandchildren, you are probably old enough to not be in a position to give them much money. Would they be thankful for $10? Or would your DIL then say that was an insignificant amount to them? Even if not necessarily insignificant to you.


----------



## Elaine3975 (Feb 9, 2014)

Poncho is beautiful. it's NOT just kids. I've been to weddings and baby showers and never is a thank you card sent anymore. Geez, my neighbors took my hub and I out for dinner for my b/day and I gave them a thank you note. They hate when I mail them something, because of being next door, so I do give instead of mail, which I do not feel right about but they are in their 70s so I'll oblige them. Children today, they also want everything done for them. It seems like it's become a me me me world.


----------



## aknitter (Jan 25, 2011)

This is gorgeous! If you need a daughter who will appreciate what you are making adopt me!


----------



## sdresner (May 31, 2014)

unfortunately some people are clueless....I would love someone to make me a poncho that beautiful


----------



## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

We all love to surprise family,with a a beautifull made present,When I had some yarn leftover a bright Pink,Asked Rhiannon would she like a cardigan in the colour,Yes please,Bethan wanted one in Lemon,both were happy,I never did wear the one I made for myself,gave it away,


----------



## gundrum (Jul 25, 2016)

It is very lovely. I just love how our kids haven't learned a thing about gratitude from us. It really is lovely! I would be crushed if mine told me that. I would send each one dollar bill in a really nice card. I would never make them another thing. I bet you have a wonderful friend who would love and wear this shawl. Give them away.. But I am not a nice person and I bet you are. Take care.


----------



## shenklaw (Jan 13, 2012)

How rude !! I totally understand and that is why I knit for charity like homeless shelters or World Vision,those children love there hand knitted gifts!


----------



## slmhuffman (Apr 15, 2015)

2nd Post. My grandmother crocheted one dress for all of us grandchildren. It was to be passed around. I remember it so well and wish I had been the one to end up with it. She had a lot of grandchildren (9 children). It was orange and not my color, but I wish I had it as a keepsake from her. She died when I was ten. I do have a tatted baby cap that she made especially for me. I love it and want to have it framed. So, some people do really like hand made items. Sometimes, we end up knowing that and sometimes we don't. The world has become so computerized, so even person to person conversation isn't even always appreciated. You have to text them. Not my thing (texting.) And, that's my rant for the day.


----------



## LaurieK (Jul 13, 2011)

Young woman don't wear garments like that.


----------



## Odiesmum (Aug 7, 2016)

I'm so disappointed for you.???? I know exactly how you feel. It's a sad day when handcrafted items are unappreciated. I love your poncho & I know if someone took the time, effort & love to make me one, I would treasure it forever. ????????????????????☃


----------



## Happycamper (Sep 23, 2013)

That surprises me because ponchos are very much in style now and yours is beautiful, but there is no accounting for taste..... or manners. I like your idea of giving to someone in a nursing home who has no one. You would certainly brighten their day!


----------



## Kensbarb (Aug 27, 2014)

Please don't always blame the parents for kids lack of manners. I always made my kids write thank you notes as we never lived close to any relatives. Now that they are adults, one will say thank you but never ever reciprocates in any way and the other would choke to death before ever saying thank you even face to face. She is letting her child get away with never acknowledging a gift even when presented in person and it is something specifically requested.


----------



## Happycamper (Sep 23, 2013)

LaurieK said:


> Young woman don't wear garments like that.


Uh.... I think you are mistaken. Look around in all the stores.... on all the advertising flyers in the mail and on the women (of all ages) on the street. Ponchos are VERY IN right now as they used to be years ago. Everything repeats itself eventually.


----------



## jobailey (Dec 22, 2011)

Yup! Appreciation, respect, consideration, appreciation, politeness seem to have gotten lost!


----------



## owlet (Aug 18, 2013)

LaurieK said:


> Young woman don't wear garments like that.


Just what I was thinking. I can't imagine a suitable occasion to wear it. 
I wouldn't dream of making something for anyone without asking them first. I've been giving my adult relatives money for years and they get me gift cards and theatre tokens. I always give them money for their small children too and they take great pleasure in telling me what they've spent it on. They've always thanked me!


----------



## Pinkpaisley (Mar 11, 2015)

I have the distinct feeling that any money you gave them wouldn't be enough in their minds so just send a card. We don't exchange gifts with adults any more as we all have what we need.


----------



## Geebart (Jun 2, 2014)

Dragonfly- I completely agree. If someone gave me a hand knitted poncho I would appreciate the work and say thank you but it would just go in a drawer.


----------



## Nittinnut (Jan 10, 2014)

Like I tell my 3-year old GD, "You don't have to like a gift but you do have to be grateful."


----------



## frani512 (Apr 15, 2012)

I only make large projects if asked. Teaching to be appreciative and just say thank you is fine. But if it is not what they like it will never be worn. And then what is the point. You are safer with hats and scarves. Quick projects. More likely to wear them. A lot of people do not like ponchos. I love them. And yours is lovely.


----------



## Sagarika (Jul 17, 2012)

cynthiaknits said:


> Think
> i'd be tempted to send her a quarter.


You said it! I agree with you completely.


----------



## SANDY I (Oct 18, 2014)

Your gift us lively. I am sorry it was "tossed " back.


----------



## Carre (Aug 24, 2015)

I feel so fortunate, my grandkids get so excited when I knit something for them. I have requests for blankets (they made color suggestions for me), a hot pink poncho for my granddaughter, hats, and sweater vests. I give the credit for their appreciation to being raised to value things that aren't electronic or battery powered!


----------



## Mitch (Apr 4, 2011)

It seems like handmade gifts are not for everyone. Based on others' experiences, I decided many years ago not to knit/crochet gifts. If someone done likes an item I have knitted, it is given to them. I know my grandson likes homemade socks, so I knit for him. One granddaughter is very fussy, so I only knit for her if she asks. Not much sense setting myself up to be disappointed.


----------



## kdpa07734 (Nov 10, 2015)

When the older grands reach 18, they no longer get anything except hugs. We're raising the 10yo gs for now and that takes any extra money we have.


----------



## faigiezipper (Apr 25, 2011)

Kind of surprised that your DIL would convey this message to you. I think I see the problem with her children. She doesn't seem to care if you are hurt or not. She should explain to her kids that your gifts are made with love. So much better than money. I have a sweater that my grandmother made for me. It is gorgeous. I cannot wear it anymore, but I wouldn't part with it. I am 72 years old and remember the love she put into that sweater. Keep the poncho for yourself or give it to someone who will appreciate it.


----------



## castingstitches (Oct 16, 2013)

I don't make anything unless it's requested.


----------



## patocenizo (Jun 24, 2011)

Get them something from Walmart or a gift card to Home Depot!


----------



## ManyClouds (Sep 29, 2012)

It's up to you what you buy or give people for Christmas. I used to buy presents for a friend's children, but being on a budget, I used to find things in sales for them. One day, approaching Christmas she said, 'Why don't I tell you what to buy for the children. Then you won't be wasting your money buying them things they won't use.' And she proceeded to get out a catalogue and pointed to things that were really out of my budget. I didn't say anything, but continued to buy them what I wanted to give.


----------



## dragonfly7673 (May 13, 2014)

Happycamper said:


> Uh.... I think you are mistaken. Look around in all the stores.... on all the advertising flyers in the mail and on the women (of all ages) on the street. Ponchos are VERY IN right now as they used to be years ago. Everything repeats itself eventually.


I think it depends on where you are. I don't see many wearing those in my area of any age. The few I do see are super thick like wearing a blanket and worn by women in 40's-50's who are going for warmth not fashion. (The ones I know, this is definitely the case)


----------



## dylansnana (Feb 11, 2011)

I have two daughters, they don't wear shawls or scarfs. ( my passions to knit) We live in Florida so not much call for them. I also know that what you wear is a very personal thing. What we may thing is beautiful just may not be in style these days for the younger generations. I have not read beyond the first page of this post because it is going in the direction of a little mudslinging and i don't like that. Just posting my opinion that not everyone has to like what we do, but no could be said much nicer by some.


----------



## mrleese (May 25, 2013)

I agree with you. I have knitted so many sweaters for my grandchildren, hats, scarves, slippers etc. They always thank me but NEVER wear them!! I do have one DIL that does like my hats and scarves and cowls. I have seen her wear them. But my other children and spouses (7) and grandchildren (8) do not. I now will wait for them to ask me to make them something. If they don't, I still knit and crochet but give them to charity.


----------



## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

Donate to a charity that is having a fund raiser or sell it and donate the money to a charity of your liking. Let your grandaughters know that you have donated in their names instead of giving to them this year..Or come right out and ask your grandaughters what they prefer and tell them next year this is what they will receive if you are able to give to them. Atleast the recipient of your lovelyi wrap will love it...


----------



## dunnville89 (Apr 24, 2012)

We have all had experiences like this and they are somewhat painful. My grandson, 7 years old, said, "gramma, don't make me any of those yarn things". He didn't mean to hurt my feelings. I have learned that unless someone asks for something specifically, I don't knit for them. Sorry this was your experience. Donating your beautiful work will certainly make someone very happy.


----------



## CBratt (Dec 6, 2012)

I am sorry that someone was so rude to after all your hard work. That is a beautiful poncho. I don't know why anyone would not want to wear it. In any event, I would not make another thing for someone so ungrateful, nor would I give them money!


----------



## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

I THINK I'd BE TEMPTED TO SEND THEM WOODEN NICKELS! No manners whatsoever, Mom AND daughters.
Never knit for them again. 
Don't send them any money, either. Ungrateful people should learn to miss their water because the well is DRY! :sm25: :sm25: :sm25: :sm25: :sm25:


----------



## Jean Keith (Feb 17, 2011)

I have the same problem with a couple of my grandsons. They are now teenagers and my pleading to my son to remind his sons to say the 2 magic words he was taught (please and thank you) apparently has fallen on deaf ears.

I sent 6 knitted hats to the younger GS and haven't heard a word. I emailed both of them a couple of weeks ago asking them what they would like for Christmas from Grandma. Not a word. This year I am saving my time and energy.


----------



## Runner Girl (Mar 27, 2013)

desertgirl said:


> Love the idea of taking that beautiful poncho to a care facility...someone would be so happy for the gift!
> Sometimes I feel like part of a lost generation that made and treasured handmade gifts...then a young person
> comes along and reminds me, it's not the age, it's the attitude!


 :sm24:


----------



## beaulynd (Apr 18, 2015)

The poncho is beautiful. I would say thank you but would never wear it. It is not my style. I was going through things this week when I came across sweaters that my husband's grandmother knit for us. They look new even though it has been over 30 years since she knit them. They are beautiful but we don't wear thick pullover sweaters even when it is cold. We prefer easy to layer clothes. We did thank her profusely. We never lived near her so thank goodness she did not know that we never wore them. The babies were often dressed in the items that she knit and my husband still occasionally wears the cardigan that she made. The question now becomes what do we do with them. But that is for another day.
Although it was not well stated maybe the daughter in question meant well and wanted to save her mother time and money. If you know the gift is not used and have the courage to say it all the better in the long run. It is difficult coming up with gifts for people. Sometimes money is the best option.


----------



## doglady (Nov 12, 2013)

We should also remember that young people have a very difficult time making ends meet. Sometimes what they really NEED is the cash. Beginning jobs don't pay much and most of us use quality yarn. The funds we put into that yarn might just make a real difference for their budget. I know it's not like giving something you made with love but sometimes necessities come before love. As others have said, what we find the "cat's pajamas" may not be in style and younger people desperately NEED to fit in.


----------



## The Reader (May 29, 2014)

hersh said:


> Donate to someone in need and send your grandkid a xmas card..........with pic of article donated.


I love this idea! The grandchild will know that the item was given to someone who will appreciate it and love wearing it.


----------



## GoodyTwoShoes (Apr 4, 2013)

PaKnitter said:


> It is sad when we make excuses for others lack of manners. If they don't know they can't learn and the pattern continues.


A :sm01: :sm01:


----------



## Lilyan (Dec 16, 2015)

It is a lovely poncho. Are you sure that your DIL is correct? It is hard to believe that someone would not want that poncho. I showed it to my 21 year old and her reaction was that she would love to have it.


----------



## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

It may be time to re-think any type of GIFT to these girls. Your poncho is beautiful! If it were me, I would donate it to a local charity for someone else to appreciate and enjoy wearing.


----------



## Sanz (Apr 12, 2011)

That's when they're dropped from my giving list.


----------



## BJGrab (Sep 27, 2016)

Beautiful work. Unfortunately young adults these days are over indulged and don't appreciate or recognize a work of love.


----------



## jcoley (Nov 13, 2011)

It is beautiful. Could you possibly give up the name of the pattern?


----------



## Knitter from Nebraska (Jun 9, 2013)

It's a beautiful poncho, but do they wear ponchos? In order for them to enjoy your handmade items, they have to be something they would wear. For more than 30 years, my mil gave me things that *she* would like. I was a jeans and t shirt kind of gal. I had NO use for a hot pink, double knit pantsuit. It made no difference that she thought it beautiful, or that she'd spent a lot. It could have had gold woven into it, or could have been the most valued item on earth, and I still wouldn't have wanted it. I thanked her and wore it to church on Christmas morning. *Never again!* When choosing gifts for others, we need to choose what they would like, not what we like.


----------



## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

As the recipient of a gift, the nicest thing you can do is "gift" the giver back with a heartfelt THANK YOU. After all, it's the thought that someone cared enough to remember you, it's not always about the practicality and monetary value. As for a handmade personal gift, it's off the charts as to how much that person cares and loves you. Why would you hurt their feelings and take away the joy they felt when making the GIFT for you?


----------



## alexdoc (Feb 11, 2016)

I never knit anything for my kids or grandkids unless asked to knit them something.


----------



## lindalink (May 3, 2016)

By the time one is 26-27 better manners should be noted. I'm sure you thank them for the gifts they give you. Actually, by the time grandchildren reach their mid-twenties gifts would be better received as donations to a charity


----------



## Maryannee (Jul 17, 2012)

It's gorgeous!..and so in style right now. Can't imagine not wanting and cherishing it.


----------



## sonialyne (Nov 26, 2012)

I once read that the gifts we're chosing to offer are the ones WE personnally would like and don't always understand why they are not appreciated. I learned that very early through my children who would not wear what I bought for them. I realized when they were allowed or old enough to chose their own clothes that our tastes were totally different. It is unfortunate but not everyone appreciate the same things, we have to live with that. 
Now I knit only what my children or grand children ask for. And if they would rather have a lego or a Barbie, I do give them the money and keep knitting only for my own pleasure. This way, no hard feelings for anyone.


----------



## gypsysoul (Jun 14, 2015)

I am 58, my girls are 29 and 26. Your poncho is lovely, but, I would never wear a poncho. Neither would by girls, and we all can knit our own. They are just not our taste. While your DIL hurt your feelings, and that wasn't nice, you would be equally hurt if she never wore it. My BFF was going to make me hat. She makes great hats. I told her thank you, but, with my pixie cut, I don't look good. She made me a scarf that matches my car. YAY. Love t knit sox. My daughter and her husband love then, but don't want any. Neither does my cousin. They all live in Arizona. So, I knit their requests. Personally, I would appreciate DILs honesty. I have learned to ask before I stitch.


----------



## LadyBecket (Jun 26, 2012)

They would get NOTHING with that attitude. A card with a $5. bill inside would be all they got. That would show them that that is all their attitude is worth!


----------



## BlueBerry36 (Mar 10, 2016)

My grandkids always ask but the daughter says they just talking. So I said he wants a blanket or sleeping bag so I made an giving it to him for Christmas!!! My daughter can be very ungrateful an she wasn't brought up that way so I don't understand her at all she has attitude that I don't like. But it seems some are like that?? Id give it any ways!! Just my opinion... Good Luck an Merry Christmas it's beautiful or give it to someone in a nursing home. The choose is yours....


----------



## Frosch (Feb 5, 2014)

That was a really rude response. By the way, I love your poncho.


----------



## Nilda muniz (Aug 14, 2011)

I can imagine your great disappointment and "hurting heart" That is one of the reasons why i don't need knit for anyone outside my small circle: husband and two children.


----------



## susanrs1 (Mar 21, 2011)

Other knitters are always the best recipients. 
I rarely knit for anyone unless I know for absolute sure that they will appreciate it (that list is pretty short).


----------



## Porkypine0727 (Dec 6, 2016)

I have to laugh at some of these. Yes, you should always ask before investing this sort of money and time and heart in a handcrafted gift. Would you go to the jewelry store and buy an expensive ring for someone without asking first?

That said, what makes me laugh is my daughter. From a very early age (3 years old or so) it was very clear to both of us that we had VERY different ideas about how she should dress. She always wanted hand-made clothing, but she always wanted to design it herself. I made her some of the godawfulest ugly sweaters I have ever seen in my life. She wore every single one of them . . . to SCHOOL, no less! 

My daughter is now in her early 30's. She has a sense of style that can only be called unique. She's one of the few people I have ever known who can get away with wearing bright orange as a main color! Everything she chooses to wear looks good on her, to the point of stopping conversations, so I can't really argue with her choices even if I don't understand all of them until she puts them together.

For Christmas this year I have made her a beautiful and labor-intensive shawl from two types of expensive yarn: a hand-spun wool/cotton/acrylic blend and a bulky recycled silk. Did I ask for her opinion beforehand? No. Why not? Because if she doesn't like it she will tell me. Also, I made something I like and will take back and wear myself if she doesn't like it. 

My point is, why get upset at someone whose sense of style doesn't agree with yours? Either ask before making or make it ok for the recipient to be honest with you about the gift. For every person who does not appreciate a handmade item there are ten others who would. Me, I would be happy to take the item back and find another recipient. As for the suggestion that the first recipient be given money instead, nah. That is not MY style, which also should be respected.


----------



## tonyastewart (Sep 1, 2014)

Well, This is my advice right or wrong I would simply tell your grandchildren this is what i have to give if you do not like it then I have nothing to give 
love Gram


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

2cwdance said:


> I crocheted this poncho and was told by my DIL that my 26-27 yr old gdaughters would like money instead, why, why, why. Used to be appreciated. No thanks these days, just ungrateful children.


I'm sorry this happened, the poncho is gorgeous. Remember the good old days when gift recipients didn't even consider dictating what the gift would be? I do. Nowadays, I ask a step-grandson, age 6, whether he would like a sweater with a truck on the front and his mother replies, "I don't like sweaters." Odd, but I suppose it's better she said that than if I had gone ahead and made it only to have his mother destroy it or throw it away.


----------



## Patty Sutter (Apr 17, 2012)

2cwdance said:


> I crocheted this poncho and was told by my DIL that my 26-27 yr old gdaughters would like money instead, why, why, why. Used to be appreciated. No thanks these days, just ungrateful children.


"Sorry sweetheart, but Grandma put art her honey and effort into this gift from her heart."


----------



## KraftQueenie4 (Dec 14, 2016)

I know what you mean. One granddaughter I for two Christmas ???? sent a quilting projects, never got a thank you or even that she got them. One was The Twelve Days of Christmas with the Christian meaning on the back. Really hurt.


----------



## gypsysoul (Jun 14, 2015)

Just a couple other things. First, my knitted items are HANDMADE, not homemade. Second, why are we blaming these grandchildren? Their mother spoke for them. Next, my mother had no manners. She may scream, "What do you say?" at me before I could even open my mouth, but she never said thank you or sent a thank you note in her life. Lastly, my mother would have told my grandmother I would prefer money, when in reality, it was more probable that the item didn't suit the phoney image of me she wanted to project. Lucky for me I just went directly to my grandmother.


----------



## Ettenna (May 3, 2013)

That's sad..


----------



## Ermdog (Apr 24, 2014)

Really beautiful poncho. That they don't appreciate great workmanship, and the heart of a grandmother does not diminish your value.


----------



## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

If I responded at all, it would be to the DIL who thought it was ok to pass along the message that her children would prefer money to gifts. How old do you need to be to know that this is crass and rude? In my opinion, she should never have passed this message along to you, but should have used it as a teaching moment to her ungrateful children. Since they are adults now, the teaching should have taken place long ago!
Your poncho is beautiful and would be loved by many.


----------



## gypsysoul (Jun 14, 2015)

beaulynd said:


> The poncho is beautiful. I would say thank you but would never wear it. It is not my style. I was going through things this week when I came across sweaters that my husband's grandmother knit for us. They look new even though it has been over 30 years since she knit them. They are beautiful but we don't wear thick pullover sweaters even when it is cold. We prefer easy to layer clothes. We did thank her profusely. We never lived near her so thank goodness she did not know that we never wore them. The babies were often dressed in the items that she knit and my husband still occasionally wears the cardigan that she made. The question now becomes what do we do with them. But that is for another day.
> Although it was not well stated maybe the daughter in question meant well and wanted to save her mother time and money. If you know the gift is not used and have the courage to say it all the better in the long run. It is difficult coming up with gifts for people. Sometimes money is the best option.


Would you consider unraveling the sweaters and making something else? An afghan maybe? So you will still honor grandmother? My mom is passed. I have 2 daughters. Both married. I have my mom's wedding gown. Couldn't figure out what to do with it. So my quilting and seamstress friend, her daughter and myself collaborated and took the dress apart and made it into two lap quilts for my girls. Complete with some of the buttons and appliques. And stains. The seamstress and I both made the sign of the cross several times before that first cut. They were beautiful.


----------



## Porkypine0727 (Dec 6, 2016)

gypsysoul said:


> Just a couple other things. First, my knitted items are HANDMADE, not homemade.


Um . . . What's the difference? I don't go sit in the park to knit or crochet. I make the items at home.


----------



## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

When I was just married I had a friend who wore a hideous furry hat. To my embarrassment she said she had asked her mother to get me one for Christmas. I was horrified as she would know if I didn't wear it. I told her I was already knitting a hat, then bought the yarn and started knitting! I'm just saying, you can't be sure what another person will want to wear.


----------



## andietom (Apr 19, 2011)

Wow. This post has generated a lot of comments. I'd like to add one more. 

I stopped knitting for adults a few years ago. The only exception was an oversized afghan in a neutral color that I knitted for a seriously ill friend last spring and dragged overseas to present in person. I gave it with the caveat that if he didn't like it I wouldn't be offended if he passed it on to his 94 year old mother, or to a charity shop. I needed to do something for him, and he knew that. He was thrilled with it and impressed at the extensive work involved. 

But most people who aren't knitters don't understand what it takes to create a shawl, poncho, afghan, sweater, or any other hand made item, so the effort is wasted on them. The suggestion to always ask before starting a project to see if the project you have in mind would be welcome is a good one and saves a lot of hard feelings. While the daughter-in-law's reply was crass, few adults allow others to make clothing choices for them. Should she have been more gracious? Of course. But it's always dicey spending time, effort, and money, creating something no one asked for.

Now I knit baby things for new/expectant parents, newborn hats for a local hospital, odd items that my grandchildren ask for, and things for myself. Plenty to keep me busy!


----------



## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

When I was just married I had a friend who wore a hideous furry hat. To my embarrassment she said she had asked her mother to get me one for Christmas. I was horrified as she would know if I didn't wear it. I told her I was already knitting a hat, then bought the yarn and started knitting! I'm just saying, you can't be sure what another person will want to wear.


----------



## AuntKnitty (Apr 10, 2011)

I'd rather be told that something else would be preferred over getting something knitted. I can save my time and effort for someone who would appreciate it and get the giftee something they would prefer.


----------



## bakrmom (May 30, 2011)

first, your poncho is very nice. however as the mom of girls in that age group I can tell you they would not wear it either. not as a matter of not appreciating your work(they all sew/knit/crochet) but it isn't their style. To the ones suggesting you give her a quarter? REALLY! No where did I see that the GD rejected this. We don't know the whole story, OP may have shown DIL the poncho and she merely commented GD wouldn't wear it, money would be more appreciated, thinking she was saving OP from additional work/hurt feelings. the girl may be sahm that would appreciate pocket money to treat herself or recent grad that's are struggling to get by. by reading some of these responses I'm not surprised so many of you have family that avoid you(not directed at OP). I have pointed out things I like to my girls only to have them say"don't make it for me, I wouldn't use it" OK, no big deal. They have their likes I have mine. as some have pointed out, you save yourself a lot of grief by asking before committing time/money for things not worn/liked. 
To the OP I ask this, would you rather know she wouldn't like it and be given other options or have her say "thank you" then pitch it?


----------



## YasminaB (Dec 14, 2011)

it's really beautiful. I understand your disappointment, kids these days are so different. It's not right of them to demand money instead, what you made for them should be more important even if they don't wear it. It's their loss. YasminaB.


----------



## truthbeauty (Oct 24, 2016)

I am the same age as those granddaughters. 
I'd like to say that those kids, and their mother, were quite rude; and I'd like to apologize on behalf of my (decidedly ungrateful) generation. 
If you ever make them anything else, tell them it's hipster or steampunk and maybe they will appreciate it more? (haha, sorry, could not resist the joke). 

But, being serious, the casual dismissal cuts to the quick, I know. Please don't let it stop you, anyway! Having learned knitting, crocheting, and sewing/quilting from three generations of women in my family, I value the passed down knowledge and care and workmanship. Yours don't know, or don't appreciate it, yet. I hope they open their eyes and hearts to you and your knitting, sooner rather than later. Another value that I was taught by the women in my family was a Gracious Confidence that I'll be trying to achieve until the day I die (some days I do better than others). Even when someone does not appreciate me or my work, I try to forgive them and love them anyway. I have the hope that the person will someday come to realize how hurtful they have been and regret it. I wait (and let this add to my patience) and when the moment comes, point this out to them gently. 
(20-somethings are not ALL ungrateful, but maybe I just have an old soul?)


----------



## wray (Apr 6, 2015)

So sorry, I would love the poncho but I was introduced to crocheting 60 years ago and embarked on knitting 46 years ago but didn't get the addition for knitting until 4 years ago. I also sew. I appreciate any time and creativity put into works but not everyone does, my daughter appreciates the effort but it's not her thing. She's very specific of her wardrobe choice so I've made the decision not to knit for her. My choice in things have changed over the years.


----------



## 2CatsinNJ (Jan 21, 2011)

The poncho is gorgeous & your work is lovely. Why don't you wear it, dress it up/down & let them know what they're missing?


----------



## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

If we want to discuss selfish and rude, DIL, mine repeatedly suggested gift cards for a 6 & 1 year old. Something tells me she would have spent the "gift" on herself. No matter what we enjoyed buying for the kids or the amount of money my husband and I spent on clothing or toys, she either returned the items to the store, for what I don't know, or a month later threw the gifts out or gave them away!


----------



## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

bakrmom said:


> first, your poncho is very nice. however as the mom of girls in that age group I can tell you they would not wear it either. not as a matter of not appreciating your work(they all sew/knit/crochet) but it isn't their style. To the ones suggesting you give her a quarter? REALLY! No where did I see that the GD rejected this. We don't know the whole story, OP may have shown DIL the poncho and she merely commented GD wouldn't wear it, money would be more appreciated, thinking she was saving OP from additional work/hurt feelings. the girl may be sahm that would appreciate pocket money to treat herself or recent grad that's are struggling to get by. by reading some of these responses I'm not surprised so many of you have family that avoid you(not directed at OP). I have pointed out things I like to my girls only to have them say"don't make it for me, I wouldn't use it" OK, no big deal. They have their likes I have mine. as some have pointed out, you save yourself a lot of grief by asking before committing time/money for things not worn/liked.
> To the OP I ask this, would you rather know she wouldn't like it and be given other options or have her say "thank you" then pitch it?


Did you miss the part where OP was told they would prefer money?


----------



## mea (Jan 21, 2011)

I think it's just too risky to spend the time and money on hand-made gifts unless you are sure the person will love it. You just never know! The poncho is beautiful. In this situation, I think the DIL is the rude one. She knew the poncho was already finished. The grandchildren weren't even given the opportunity to receive grandma's "love" whether they liked the poncho or not.

------------

P.S. I am the mother of three 20-something daughters and was curious what they would say about this topic. I sent them this group email:

Opinions please. I am taking a survey. People on a knitting site are discussing this hand-crocheted poncho. If YOU received this as a gift, would YOU wear it? If you hate it, would you pretend to like it, or kindly tell her the truth? 

Here's what they said:

Daughter #1 - "It's pretty, but I remember ponchos being all the rage when I was in elementary school, so I probably wouldn't wear it"

Daughter #2 - "Hand made means I love it. Could be the ugliest thing ever, doesn't matter, you spent hours on me :0)"

Daughter #3 - didn't bother to respond.


----------



## mamanacy (Dec 16, 2013)

Sunny70 said:


> It starts when they are children. If they are not taught to say thank you then they won't do it when they are grown. They also need to be taught to be thankful for what they get. The DIL should have told her to be thankful for what you gave her and to thank you.


I totally agree. My husband and I were just talking about the same thing. Parents do not teach their children good manners. Kids today would rather walk around with their butts hanging out and dirty t-shirts than wear something made with love. And the other thing is that someone will steal kids new sneakers, football jackets and then sell them. They don't steal with the idea of wearing the item they want money. This isn't all young people, and it also depends on where they live but around where I live and surrounding areas, DC, Md, and Va. this happens all the time. So sad. There is an old poem that starts with "teach your children in the way they should go". Not a direct quote but close enough. I have three grown grandchildren and two great grandchildren and last year I had to almost beg to know if they received their gifts. Finally received "yes we got the packages. Thanks". Grrr. N


----------



## YasminaB (Dec 14, 2011)

i understand you perfectly. In my days in Cairo no one would have ever said I don't like your gift, especially if it was made for them. They would have been glad that someone took so much trouble to gift them something and said a heartfelt thank you. These days kids don't appreciate anything, perhaps because they have too much, are blase or simply uncaring. Saying I prefer money would have really hurt me, and I would have ended giving them nothing. I don't like to give money they will not remember it or care, it's a given to them. I have heard from other women who also say that they don't even get a thank you for a gift which was sent to them , they have to call and find out if they received it. Disgusting manners. YasminaB.


----------



## indinana (Dec 13, 2013)

I have given several gifts lately. Not one was acknowledged...baby gift with a "big brother" (5) gift to a Church family as one example. The Church, which is a small congregation in a new Church and held the shower after service in the fellowship hall. I have given money, etc. Don't even ask me to chip in for the janitor at school.


----------



## spinninggill (Apr 9, 2011)

Know what you mean. Last Christmas, I handspun,designed & knitted an heirloom shawl for my godson's first baby and not a peep have I heard. Won't be doing any more christening shawls as gifts - if anyone wants one, they'll be paying the going rate!! (ie several hundred pounds!)


----------



## Rita Rug (Mar 27, 2015)

kittykatzmom said:


> the last time i sent my grandson a birthday present finances were really tight. I never got a thank you, nor have I heard from his mother or him in years. I called him recetnly as I have two boxes of pictures and memotes and a savings bond for him- no return call. How do people get so ungrateful. I went through close to five years of a bad neighbor situation and my daughter wasn't around to helpme.When this situaion put me in the hospital I had to call her aunt to find her and get help with my aging kitty. To pick up my kitty I had to ask where she lived. How do people get so heartless?


It just worked out, in our big family, that adult kids get Christmas cards only. They know Christmas is for the little ones.


----------



## hadley (Jun 26, 2014)

Beautiful


----------



## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

spinninggill said:


> Know what you mean. Last Christmas, I handspun,designed & knitted an heirloom shawl for my godson's first baby and not a peep have I heard. Won't be doing any more christening shawls as gifts - if anyone wants one, they'll be paying the going rate!! (ie several hundred pounds!)


Your christening shawl is beautiful. I'll bet many compliments were given when it was seen. I just don't understand why some find it so difficult to simply say thank you. If they were never taught, the Internet that the young use so frequently will also teach them that!


----------



## neicyann (Nov 19, 2011)

it is lovely, keep it for yourself. Sometimes we are the last one we knit or crochet for. Not trying to be mean, but don't we deserve nice things also.


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

gypsysoul said:


> Just a couple other things. First, my knitted items are HANDMADE, not homemade. Second, why are we blaming these grandchildren? Their mother spoke for them. Next, my mother had no manners. She may scream, "What do you say?" at me before I could even open my mouth, but she never said thank you or sent a thank you note in her life. Lastly, my mother would have told my grandmother I would prefer money, when in reality, it was more probable that the item didn't suit the phoney image of me she wanted to project. Lucky for me I just went directly to my grandmother.


I feel your pain. Whenever I was asked anything as a child, my mother answered for me before I could open my mouth and added insult to injury by making choices for me that were appropriate for her only. And that image thing? Phony baloney.


----------



## marianikole (Aug 29, 2011)

I only knit for people that I KNOW will wear the item and will appreciate it. Not everyone understands the value and love that is put into handmade gift. I don't know if we should hold it against the person, just know for the future not to bother


----------



## randiejg (Oct 29, 2011)

For years I made lots of sweaters for my grandchildren, and they frequently asked me to make more, told me they'd like one the same color as I'd made for a sibling, etc., but it's been the parents lately who ask for cash or gift cards. Can't really figure that out, as none of them are hurting for money, and can afford to buy what they want. 

Since I'm retired now, and am on a fixed income, I've let everyone know I'm only giving gifts to the kids, and some of the adults have also said they'd prefer the gift exchanges to be for the kids only. I know that as they get older, they're harder to please, so I usually around September, I ask my sons to find out if they kids want me to make them things for Christmas, and they usually come back to tell me Colin wants an Xbox game, Hannah wants.... Well, sorry, I'm not doing that. This year I'm going in with my daughter on some of those gifts they asked for, and the rest will get a gift card. They were thrilled with those last year, but I've cut back a little on the amounts this year. Some things you just can't fight, and it doesn't make any sense to me to spend time and $$$ to make things that may end up at the bottom of their closet. I'd rather make things for charity that will go to kids and adults who will likely be a lot happier to have them.


----------



## MKDesigner (Jan 27, 2014)

Oh, that is so sad. Your work is fabulous!! 

Marge


----------



## bettyirene (Apr 5, 2012)

These ungrateful people live in this country also.


----------



## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

2cwdance said:


> I will probably take it to a nursing home and give it to someone who has no one.


Bless you for that idea. The person who receives your gift will likely always remember it. And send your GD a crisp $2 bill.


----------



## sandytene (Mar 1, 2011)

It's beautiful and the workmanship, time and effort are amazing, sorry but young people don't wear things like that. If you want your work to be appreciated make something more up-to-date.


----------



## pat546 (Sep 6, 2016)

Talk to your son. Tell him that you are hurt. He helped raise your granddaughters.


----------



## wray (Apr 6, 2015)

I agree in teaching our children in the ways of the Lord, and we also have to role model that, having said that each of us has our on personalities and preferences. I have learned that I'm not going to do anything with my expectations as my goal. But give with love and KindNess no matter. If you cannot then don't put the time and energy into a project not appreciated. To the lady who's dil returns everything, start a trust-college fund for the grand children to be given directly to them at a selected adult age, take the dil out of the equation if you can.


----------



## HappySunflower (Feb 2, 2012)

First of all, your poncho is absolutely lovely. And it is in a neutral shade which I find most of the younger generation likes. Sorry it wasn't appreciated. I would be very happy to receive it.


----------



## HMQ (Jun 1, 2015)

One sister does not want anything "hand made", she claims if I am too poor to buy her a gift I should keep what little money I have. However she has asked me to make numerous baby blankets for gifts. She has called and told me so and so wants a baby blanket like the one you made so and do. Bottom line she does not want hand made items and would most likely destroy it. No point in wasting my time and money doing anything for her. No hurt feelings.

My other sister always has a wish list of her need/wants a mile long. I could spend the rest of my life just working making items for her.


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

randiejg said:


> For years I made lots of sweaters for my grandchildren, and they frequently asked me to make more, told me they'd like one the same color as I'd made for a sibling, etc., but it's been the parents lately who ask for cash or gift cards. Can't really figure that out, as none of them are hurting for money, and can afford to buy what they want.
> 
> Since I'm retired now, and am on a fixed income, I've let everyone know I'm only giving gifts to the kids, and some of the adults have also said they'd prefer the gift exchanges to be for the kids only. I know that as they get older, they're harder to please, so I usually around September, I ask my sons to find out if they kids want me to make them things for Christmas, and they usually come back to tell me Colin wants an Xbox game, Hannah wants.... Well, sorry, I'm not doing that. This year I'm going in with my daughter on some of those gifts they asked for, and the rest will get a gift card. They were thrilled with those last year, but I've cut back a little on the amounts this year. Some things you just can't fight, and it doesn't make any sense to me to spend time and $$$ to make things that may end up at the bottom of their closet. I'd rather make things for charity that will go to kids and adults who will likely be a lot happier to have them.


Congratulations on taking a reasonable stance and sticking with it. Seriously. I wish more parents/grandparents would.


----------



## blessedinMO (Mar 9, 2013)

....if you are too poor to buy her a gift you should keep what little money you have.....Wow. I guess there are people who place no value on gifts from the heart. That's sad.


----------



## Ask4j (May 21, 2011)

That is so mean in so many ways! I guess us knitters are not appreciated and need to just give to each other who can appreciate the years of work mastering a difficult craft. She probably stands between you and her daughters on other issues as well. I think I would just go ahead and give this lovely poncho to the intended grand-daughter and see how she feels--who knows one day she may want to learn. Remember they say things to their mother that isn't necessarily true, etc.


----------



## May (Jan 18, 2011)

The poncho you made for your granddaughters (adult Gdaughters) is beautiful and I know you made it thinking of their smiles, their thanks and appreciation.
Before I replied, I noticed that there were over 10 pages of posts regarding this topic. How common it is and how sad.

I plan to send checks to the ungrateful women in my family that I used to knit for. 
I am with you dear 2cwdance, I know how it feels...

Take care, continue to make your lovely garments... wear them in good health,
May



2cwdance said:


> I crocheted this poncho and was told by my DIL that my 26-27 yr old gdaughters would like money instead, why, why, why. Used to be appreciated. No thanks these days, just ungrateful children.


----------



## andietom (Apr 19, 2011)

It's time to lighten up this discussion. I've already posted once--in a nutshell, ask before you knit--but I wanted to share a story about something I made almost fifty years ago. I had learned to crochet as a child, but it wasn't until I was a newlywed in the sixties that I resurrected the skill. It took a while to get back into it, but eventually I reached the point where I could create some rather nice-looking things. One item of which I was immensely proud was a lacy cream-colored shawl. 

I was so pleased with my new creation that I brought it along the next time we visited my husband's family. I took it out of the suitcase to show my mother-in-law, and as soon as she saw it, her face lit up, and she said, "Oh! For me?" What could I do? I gave it to her as though that had been the plan all along. 

Of course I shared the story with a close friend, who, after we reconnected four decades later, recalled the saga of the fancy shawl. At that point a tiny bell went off in the back of my brain. My mother-in-law passed away many years ago, and the lacy shawl made its way back to me. It had, however, been relegated to a storage bin that held all sorts of memorabilia. I fished it out, washed and blocked it, and sent it to my friend in a gaily wrapped box for Christmas last year, with a card that read "Blast from the past." She was stunned, and thrilled. So. Two women enjoyed something I made and were grateful (three if you count me!), and I got two wonderful stories to tell, all from one shawl. Happy holidays, everyone!


----------



## Cookie1955 (Aug 10, 2015)

Young people today are just so ungrateful and rude. They have forgotten that Christmas is not just a big "cash grab". If it were me, I'd give the girl a $10.00 coffee shop gift card and call it good!


----------



## thomsonact (Mar 30, 2014)

Your poncho is beautiful and I would love to know where to find the pattern! I don't know what your relationship is with your granddaughters, but I think I would ask them instead of going by what your DIL said. I also think maybe they are old enough not to expect gifts, certainly not money! I don't know about you, but the amount of money I could/would give they wouldn't be able to do much with! You could give whatever the yarn cost if they really don't want a poncho. If their attitude is he same as their mother's I'm afraid they'd get nothing from me. In that case, I like the suggestions from those that said donate it in their name to somewhere!


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

andietom said:


> It's time to lighten up this discussion. I've already posted once--in a nutshell, ask before you knit--but I wanted to share a story about something I made almost fifty years ago. I had learned to crochet as a child, but it wasn't until I was a newlywed in the sixties that I resurrected the skill. It took a while to get back into it, but eventually I reached the point where I could create some rather nice-looking things. One item of which I was immensely proud was a lacy cream-colored shawl.
> 
> I was so pleased with my new creation that I brought it along the next time we visited my husband's family. I took it out of the suitcase to show my mother-in-law, and as soon as she saw it, her face lit up, and she said, "Oh! For me?" What could I do? I gave it to her as though that had been the plan all along.
> 
> Of course I shared the story with a close friend, who, after we reconnected four decades later, recalled the saga of the fancy shawl. At that point a tiny bell went off in the back of my brain. My mother-in-law passed away many years ago, and the lacy shawl made its way back to me. It had, however, been relegated to a storage bin that held all sorts of memorabilia. I fished it out, washed and blocked it, and sent it to my friend in a gaily wrapped box for Christmas last year, with a card that read "Blast from the past." She was stunned, and thrilled. So. Two women enjoyed something I made and were grateful (three if you count me!), and I got two wonderful stories to tell, all from one shawl. Happy holidays, everyone!


Thank you for sharing with us ;~D!


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

thomsonact said:


> Your poncho is beautiful and I would love to know where to find the pattern! I don't know what your relationship is with your granddaughters, but I think I would ask them instead of going by what your DIL said. I also think maybe they are old enough not to expect gifts, certainly not money! I don't know about you, but the amount of money I could/would give they wouldn't be able to do much with! You could give whatever the yarn cost if they really don't want a poncho. If their attitude is he same as their mother's I'm afraid they'd get nothing from me. In that case, I like the suggestions from those that said donate it in their name to somewhere!


I believe she said she spun the yarn and designed the shawl herself.


----------



## sandytene (Mar 1, 2011)

It doesn't matter how beautiful, it doesn't matter the skill involved or the time and effort it took ... the only thing that matters is that the recipient likes it. I made a lovely cardigan with matching hat and belt for my daughter in law. It fit her perfectly and was a very basic style that anyone would like ... she didn't like the color (a beige tweed) so I gave it to a friend who loved it. This was not the first thing I made for her that she did not like, so I learned my lesson ... I don't knit for her.


----------



## Paula80 (Nov 8, 2016)

Looks very lovely.


----------



## CCNana (Mar 22, 2013)

jane.c said:


> Here's a thought: Ask them before making! As in "Shall I make you a shawl like this?" Some will say yes please with enthusiasm!. The actual product can then be presented on the occasion. But if the prospective gift-ee hesitates, hums and haws,forget it!
> 
> Yesterday I showed my 6 year old grandaughter a hat I had knitted for myself, and asked, "Shall I make you a hat like this?" She replied, "Oh yes, please. And I'd like a pom-pom on it."
> 
> There you are!


My philosophy, too. Lots of "yes, please" but I don't mind getting a negative response. I would rather have it before I make it!


----------



## dragonfly7673 (May 13, 2014)

andietom said:


> It's time to lighten up this discussion. I've already posted once--in a nutshell, ask before you knit--but I wanted to share a story about something I made almost fifty years ago. I had learned to crochet as a child, but it wasn't until I was a newlywed in the sixties that I resurrected the skill. It took a while to get back into it, but eventually I reached the point where I could create some rather nice-looking things. One item of which I was immensely proud was a lacy cream-colored shawl.
> 
> I was so pleased with my new creation that I brought it along the next time we visited my husband's family. I took it out of the suitcase to show my mother-in-law, and as soon as she saw it, her face lit up, and she said, "Oh! For me?" What could I do? I gave it to her as though that had been the plan all along.
> 
> Of course I shared the story with a close friend, who, after we reconnected four decades later, recalled the saga of the fancy shawl. At that point a tiny bell went off in the back of my brain. My mother-in-law passed away many years ago, and the lacy shawl made its way back to me. It had, however, been relegated to a storage bin that held all sorts of memorabilia. I fished it out, washed and blocked it, and sent it to my friend in a gaily wrapped box for Christmas last year, with a card that read "Blast from the past." She was stunned, and thrilled. So. Two women enjoyed something I made and were grateful (three if you count me!), and I got two wonderful stories to tell, all from one shawl. Happy holidays, everyone!


Thanks for sharing this!


----------



## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

I love your poncho it is a real work of art 

Its sad your gd doesn't appreciate all your hard work


----------



## thomsonact (Mar 30, 2014)

SAMkewel said:


> I believe she said she spun the yarn and designed the shawl herself.


Thank you! I thought I had read all the responses, but I missed this!


----------



## crochetknit Deb (Sep 18, 2012)

Money helps pay the bills, buy groceries, etc.


----------



## jenniferstire (Dec 14, 2016)

Its beautiful. I think handmade items are special. The person put time and love into into. Some people are just not able to see the special in a gift


----------



## Patrice B-Z (Dec 22, 2014)

I think a gift is "your choice". If what you make or intend for someone would not be of interest, then they would get nothing. Unless you'd like to give the the $$ it would cost for the yarn. I believe young/people in general these days are insensitive, selfish and ungrateful. It is the parents fault ultimately, as children need to be taught these things. It's lovely and most people would be over joyed to receive such a thoughtful gift!


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

thomsonact said:


> Thank you! I thought I had read all the responses, but I missed this!


It was in her original post. That happens sometimes when we eagerly scroll down to see the project ;~D.


----------



## mea (Jan 21, 2011)

SAMkewel said:


> It was in her original post. That happens sometimes when we eagerly scroll down to see the project ;~D.


I missed it too. (Still missing it, I guess. Did the original post change? Looking back now, I'm not sure if the poncho was given to an ungrateful grandchild, or the OP's DIL told her to give money instead? ...not sure who to be mad at! Either way, so sorry the OP had this experience.


----------



## gypsysoul (Jun 14, 2015)

Porkypine0727 said:


> Um . . . What's the difference? I don't go sit in the park to knit or crochet. I make the items at home.


I do knit at the park, or in the car, or camping, in a waiting room.


----------



## MartieGirl (Aug 3, 2011)

So far I have been lucky. The things I have made for family and friends has been appreciated and worn. My daughter gets many compliments and questions as to where people can buy them,. I am grateful for the appreciation because knitting is an act of love. 
So sorry you are not appreciated.


----------



## grandmas hands (Apr 12, 2011)

I agonize over gift giving because I want to be sure it is the perfect gift. So now I give my daughter money to buy them what ever the boys put on their list. It's always makes them happy. I don't have to give them cash or shop or wonder if they really liked their gift. Life is too short to let it bother you. Happy Holidays.


----------



## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

2cwdance said:


> I crocheted this poncho and was told by my DIL that my 26-27 yr old gdaughters would like money instead, why, why, why. Used to be appreciated. No thanks these days, just ungrateful children.


The thing to do is ask beforehand. I have 8 and 5 year old grandchildren and I always ask before I make anything. They have favorite colors and things they like. To make something for a 26 year old without that knowledge I think, is a big mistake. Maybe the days of just accept it and say thank you and put it in a drawer are gone. The poncho is beautiful, but what is beautiful to one person may be ugly to someone else. To call them ungrateful is not fair if you didn't ask first if they like ponchos. I have two nieces who I know would never wear a poncho so you need to ask first and then make them something they would like or give the money instead and make something for yourself.


----------



## Reyna (Oct 24, 2012)

I know how fussy our grandchildren can be, so I first ask them what they would like me to make, and that even applies to my daughters! The poncho you have made is beautiful and must have taken many hours for you to make, it is a pity your granddaughters don't like it, I am sure you will find someone who will appreciate it. Young people today do not have the inhibitions we oldies were brought up with and do not hesitate to say what they like or dislike. Even though I know you are hurt, please do not let this affect your relationship with them.


----------



## Profet (Oct 30, 2014)

At the age it sounds like your GD is at, most girls don't wear ponchos like the lovely one you made. Pre- and teen girls are very sensitive about what their friends think, say, wear, and do. She probably wants to buy what's 'in' right now among her friends. Save the poncho and give it to her in a few years when her taste and appreciation have had time to mature. She'll treasure it then!!


----------



## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

mea said:


> I think it's just too risky to spend the time and money on hand-made gifts unless you are sure the person will love it. You just never know! The poncho is beautiful. In this situation, I think the DIL is the rude one. She knew the poncho was already finished. The grandchildren weren't even given the opportunity to receive grandma's "love" whether they liked the poncho or not.
> 
> ------------
> 
> ...


Exactly. So many people and so many different ideas of what looks good and what doesn't. I don't even make things for a 5 year old without checking with him first and about color. He knows what he likes and it is a waste of time to make him something he does not like. Your Daughter #2 sounds like my oldest daughter and your Daughter #1 is my youngest, exactly.


----------



## HMQ (Jun 1, 2015)

blessedinMO said:


> ....if you are too poor to buy her a gift you should keep what little money you have.....Wow. I guess there are people who place no value on gifts from the heart. That's sad.


It is sad but that is how my father's family is. They regularly try to shame you and humiliate you if you can't keep up with them. I live within my means and don't have to cry and agonize when the price of gas or oil goes up. I don't have to freak out because I needed a car battery two weeks before Christmas. It is just part of my world, all my life, not pleased with it bUT accept that is what it is and move on.. I'd rather hear it and make something for someone who appreciates it.


----------



## WaterFall (Oct 5, 2012)

2cwdance said:


> I crocheted this poncho and was told by my DIL that my 26-27 yr old gdaughters would like money instead, why, why, why. Used to be appreciated. No thanks these days, just ungrateful children.


Presents or no presents . Good people thank you to you and greedy will say give me money . In my opinion when one say not accepting presents that means end of gifts and presents .


----------



## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

Please tell your gdaughters you are sorry they didn't like the poncho but if they find a picture of something they like to be sure to show it to you or tell you exactly what they want if they want a handmade item and you will be happy to make it for them. Until then, don't fret about it. You went about this the wrong way but have now learned what not to do. You can't decide what other people like. 

Kind of reminds me of a friend of mine that I exchange Christmas and birthday gifts with. She just told me recently that she has my gift already and she knows I will love it. She say it and said "I knew instantly it was you." I told my daughter that and she said "Oh no." We always laugh about these gifts because what she does is buy something she would like and assume we have the same taste. We don't, so I have lots of those Oh No gifts. I always like them and say thank you and then wonder what am I going to do with that? A couple of times it has been a gift of wine and cheese & crackers, that always works.


----------



## mea (Jan 21, 2011)

NJG said:


> Exactly. So many people and so many different ideas of what looks good and what doesn't. I don't even make things for a 5 year old without checking with him first and about color. He knows what he likes and it is a waste of time to make him something he does not like. Your Daughter #2 sounds like my oldest daughter and your Daughter #1 is my youngest, exactly.


My daughter #3 did eventually respond to say that she loved the poncho and would wear it "in a heartbeat". So for my 3 daughters, one loved it and would wear it, one wouldn't wear it, and one would treasure it even if she didn't like it. So 3 different opinions and I could not have predicted any of them!


----------



## Myrle (Mar 15, 2012)

At least DIL was honest although not very understanding of how you would feel. It would be nice if she taught your grand daughter the value of to such things and to treasure them.

However another way of looking at it is that you don't want to give it to someone who would not appreciate it and your DIL realised that you would like to give your grand daughter something that she would really love -money being it!! 

Give it to someone who really appreciates it - it happens to be a very special beautifully created garment. Most of us would love to have it. However each to his/her own.


----------



## Fricia (Jul 27, 2016)

elissa57 said:


> Maybe....just maybe..... we could "re-think" this a bit. YES, it seems that the poncho might be "under appreciated". BUT... let's not assume that the Grand wouldn't have said "thank you". In this case, the Mom "nixed" the gift before it was sent - so there was no opportunity to say "Thank YOu". In my case, I have a VERY appreciative young man (almos t19). He is VERY sentimental. Sends emails, calls and thank you notes for gifts received (although, not all at once, for every gift, LOL - but he ACKNOWLEDGES each gift). As he has grown, however, and is now on his own in college, he no longer has SPACE for gifts. It's not that he appreciates the gifts (hand made or not) any LESS, it's just that he gets more USE out of gift cards or cash. THAT is what is NEEDED (and wanted). So, maybe, let's just take a step back, breathe a bit and give these kids some time to get through growing up.... ALSO, maybe give their parents some time, space and understanding as well.
> 
> I just had a similar conversation with my mom. It seems that it is much tougher to find gifts for our older children now, than years ago. So many things are now "affordable" and "available", so the kids seem to just buy it when they want/need it, leaving very little to pick up at holiday or birthday time. My suggestion was - yup. Cash, gift cards, or just a phone call to say "hi, we love you and had NO idea what you wanted, so we are waiting until you tell us" is enough to Warm my son's (your Grandson's) heart!".
> 
> Sorry.... I just feel that being upset about people "Not wanting" our heartfelt, handmade items will lead to sadness, rather than the joy that was intended when the items were made (or purchased). Accept the meaning behind the message, take a deep breath, find a different recipient, and then....hug your kids, call and say "I love you" (whatever) and ENJOY THIS SEASON!!!!!!!


This is exactly how I feel. So well said.


----------



## tweeter (Dec 22, 2012)

very pretty. People just aren't like they used to be


----------



## easyonly (Nov 10, 2011)

I'm convinced the only people who truly appreciate hand knit or crocheted items and other knitter and crocheters.


----------



## bakrmom (May 30, 2011)

susandkline said:


> Did you miss the part where OP was told they would prefer money?


No, but she said DIL told her they would prefer money, not that the GDs told her or rejected the poncho. I got the impression the mom was speaking for her DDs. Perhaps just her opinion of what they would like. I was pointing out we only have one side and there could be reasons money would be preferred. Not excusing rudeness but we don't know the whole story


----------



## Heedro (Dec 14, 2016)

That is beautiful, I hope someone wears it with pride. Shame on them


----------



## CarolZ (Apr 6, 2011)

What ever happened to being grateful that you got anything? Gift giving is not something that has to be done, it's done out of the goodness of one's heart! If someone would tell me they'd prefer money over a gift that I spent days or weeks on, that would be the last time they got ANYTHING from me. I'm sorry if I offend anyone but this is how I feel. This world has become a me, me, me society, and yes it's even the older generations too, not just the last gen. Who after all, did they learn it from?????


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

mea said:


> I missed it too. (Still missing it, I guess. Did the original post change? Looking back now, I'm not sure if the poncho was given to an ungrateful grandchild, or the OP's DIL told her to give money instead? ...not sure who to be mad at! Either way, so sorry the OP had this experience.


I apologize. I confused this post with another one. Shame on me!


----------



## cspaen34 (Jan 28, 2011)

It is just beautiful, lovely job of knitting, nice yarn! I really do hope you are planning on enjoying it yourself!!

I quit knitting, or making anything, several years ago for my family once I could see they rarely used them, if at all. I don't know about your DIL but not one of mine does any kind of needwork which I think exlains the lack of appreciation. So this Grannie just gives monetary presents and then treats herself...I really enjoy having lovely knits like shawls, scarves, boot tops fingerlesd mitts, etc....the works! I do the money because I would be sure to pick out the wrong thing in a store, or even the wrong store for a gift card! LOL


----------



## MommaCrochet (Apr 15, 2012)

As I read the OP, the DIL commented that the granddaughters prefer money. I'm not sure the granddaughters actually feel that way, unless circumstances dictate their need for cash? Perhaps that is your DIL's interpretation and not how they actually feel? Sounds like she's speaking for the young ladies and possibly out of turn.


----------



## Heartseas (Aug 30, 2011)

If it's for their Birthday or Christmas just send them a card. That should teach them.
My daughter's Paternal Grandmother never made her anything or even sent her a card. I don't know why because my daughter was not nasty to her or anything like that.


----------



## k2p3-knit-on (Oct 24, 2012)

The generation that relied on Emily Post's advice indoctrinated my generation. Her advice was timeless.

A gift should be received in the spirit it was given. (Even if it's ugly and you will keep it under your bed.)

A gift is a gift, not an obligation. Give your gift to someone who will appreciate it and keep your money. The young ladies are old enough to earn what they want to spend. It might be thoughtful to wish them Happy Holidays with a card.


----------



## tat'sgran (Dec 13, 2011)

It just seems this generation does not have the sensitivity that was borne and bred into us "oldies"..such a shame! xo ws


----------



## mea (Jan 21, 2011)

SAMkewel said:


> I apologize. I confused this post with another one. Shame on me!


 I read that other post too and thought I was losing it when I couldn't find it here.:sm01:


----------



## Carla584167 (Dec 15, 2014)

That's sad.


----------



## Fireweedbeads (Feb 5, 2016)

I like the quarter idea!


----------



## Kahlua (Aug 7, 2012)

Rude and ungrateful....$10.00 in the card would be my donation to them.


----------



## WaterFall (Oct 5, 2012)

bakrmom said:


> No, but she said DIL told her they would prefer money, not that the GDs told her or rejected the poncho. I got the impression the mom was speaking for her DDs. Perhaps just her opinion of what they would like. I was pointing out we only have one side and there could be reasons money would be preferred. Not excusing rudeness but we don't know the whole story


But if money prefered the mother can give her daughter money why she asking grand mother to give money it's entirely depend on the person who giving the present they give money or present .


----------



## WaterFall (Oct 5, 2012)

Cookie1955 said:


> Young people today are just so ungrateful and rude. They have forgotten that Christmas is not just a big "cash grab". If it were me, I'd give the girl a $10.00 coffee shop gift card and call it good!


The youngsters if they want cash are they giving cash back to grandmothers as Christmas what they giving to you if they want cash say return is cash as well they stop de and I g cash .


----------



## Yellow Mleczyk (Apr 20, 2013)

I am so sorry for you!


----------



## drnili (Dec 13, 2016)

The poncho is gorgeous! One thing I wasn't clear about--did the idea that the granddaughters would rather have money come from them or from your DIL? I'm wondering because I've seen plenty of cases where the kids aren't interested in hand work but the grandkids very much are. 

I do agree that it is best to ask if someone wants a handmade gift before making it for them. And that advice is for me too.  I once made a necklace which I intended for my 35 y/o daughter. I asked her to model it so I could take photos. She said it was nice work but not something she would wear--so I never told her I'd intended it for her and gave it to a VERY appreciative friend. No harm, no foul.


----------



## bakrmom (May 30, 2011)

To me, clothing choices are a very personal thing. even for my own DDs I hesitate to buy them clothing unless I know exactly what they want. they are not rude about it, but they have specific tastes/likes and I respect that. Last year two of them returned their Xmas gifts because my memory of what they told me and reality was different. Oh well. This year one took a picture of something she wanted so I had a reference. It doesn't hurt my feelings, if I am going to give a gift-bought or made- I want to know it's the right thing. Even with my GKs, i will ask the parents"I'm thinking of making xxx for Suzie" do you think it's OK? Before investing the time and yarn it takes to make a sweater, poncho, afghan etc it makes sense to find out if it will be wanted first.


----------



## kacey66 (Sep 9, 2013)

Your poncho is gorgeous! Your grand's might regret their actions someday. Thank you for sharing.


----------



## suepro (Nov 9, 2011)

I'm sorry you had this unfortunate experience. I know there are still many people out there who would cherish such a beautiful handmade creation.


----------



## Bambagirl (Mar 14, 2015)

I'm sorry for your disappointment.

This is what I do …

I enjoy creating things with knitting, sewing or crochet – but I only make SMALL things – like toys. Grandchildren and my brother’s young kids (who are young enough to be my own grandchildren) get a very small knitted toy from me – and money. We’ve all found this to be a good approach. They can buy whatever the latest fun craze is for kids now. I don’t bust a gut searching for some must-have toy and then feel hurt when they lose it, break it, tire of it - or if it gets stolen, I only gave them the money! The little toy which is tiny and scarcely takes up much room, is kept and treasured – it was made by Grandma/Auntie with love. If it’s lost or damaged, it’s not the end of the world, since it was only little I can make a replacement easily enough.

I have a nice little collection of patterns for Easter toys as I do them a basket each Easter. Rabbits, chicks and Spring lambs.

I also have a sweet collection of Christmas decorations that can be made fairly quickly and kept to decorate the family Christmas tree year after year!


----------



## Auntie Ethel (Dec 8, 2016)

No one in our family has regard for the anything that is not modern, whether handwork or antiques. But apparently there are some young women who enjoy the art of needlework, for Vanna White seems to have begun a trend among some young women. 

I made an afghan for our grandson, of acrylic yarn in something similar to camo but with brighter colors. He said "thank you" and I haven't seen it since. Oh well.....now I am learning to knit just for my own pleasure. If I do well enough to do good work, I will give to a homeless shelter. I will have satisfied my yearning to knit and helped someone in need in the process.


----------



## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

WaterFall said:


> But if money prefered the mother can give her daughter money why she asking grand mother to give money it's entirely depend on the person who giving the present they give money or present .


Yes it is, but why give them something they don't want and don't like. Don't give a gift like that just so you can complain that they never wear it. This is a grandmother and granddaughters, different generations, different likes and dislikes. I would rather ask and give what they want.

In addition, I have had my 8 year old granddaughter sit down with me at the computer and search through patterns for some inspiration for something she would like. She is becoming quite a fashion diva at 8 yrs and likes to do this.


----------



## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

bakrmom said:


> To me, clothing choices are a very personal thing. even for my own DDs I hesitate to buy them clothing unless I know exactly what they want. they are not rude about it, but they have specific tastes/likes and I respect that. Last year two of them returned their Xmas gifts because my memory of what they told me and reality was different. Oh well. This year one took a picture of something she wanted so I had a reference. It doesn't hurt my feelings, if I am going to give a gift-bought or made- I want to know it's the right thing. Even with my GKs, i will ask the parents"I'm thinking of making xxx for Suzie" do you think it's OK? Before investing the time and yarn it takes to make a sweater, poncho, afghan etc it makes sense to find out if it will be wanted first.


You are 100% correct. Just because I say something is beautiful doesn't mean someone else will agree.


----------



## Shylinn (Mar 19, 2014)

It was your DIL who was rude, not your grandchild. She is the one you need to have a heart to heart with. Tell her how she hurt your feelings. That being said - a clothing item is a very personal choice and it is hard to guess what another would love, even if it is their favorite color. Now that my grandchildren are older, (8,10,11,12) I ask what they like and only make items that are requested. I collaborate with colors and sometimes even take them yarn shopping. This gives them a vested interest in the finished product. I NEVER let myself be knitting to a deadline. (that way I don't get stressed) I make and give handmade gifts because I want to, and if they are poorly/rudely received, I speak my mind. (That's a fine way to treat a gift that took hours of my time to make and was given to you with love) If I never see them using/wearing it, I don't make the mistake of gifting them with handmade again. I accept that my love of handmade and my passion for knitting is not everyone's cup of tea. And really, isn't that what makes this world such an interesting place?


----------



## CharlotteAnna (Aug 6, 2015)

There must be someone who would love the Poncho,, no present for your Granddaughter. Your Daughter in law obviously wasn't taught any manners. So she wouldn't know any better! Don't be upset, they aren't worth it...


----------



## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

While I would never dream of asking for money and if given a poncho would offer profuse thanks, knowing the work that went into it. But I have to say I would probably, never wear it, especially, one with open work. It isn't just a matter of it not meeting my personal aesthetic, I find them extremely awkward to wear, I did try in the 70s. Loose open work items (including sweaters) get caught on my watch, on my purse, in the latch of my seatbelt, in the car door, on the backs of chairs etc. I reach for something and get a hand full of fabric instead. I think the recommendation to check personal preferences is a good one, either by asking or direct observation of what the person does wear.


----------



## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

I see a lot of projection here. There is no direct evidence that the grand daughter was ungrateful, only a comment made by someone else. It is not clear if the gift had already been given or just talked about. Even if she would rather have money that doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate hand made items or know the work that goes into them. For all any of us know the grand daughter might have confided in her mother, "Grandma does beautiful work and I really appreciate the work that went into this, but I just won't wear it." Then mom (OP's dil) changed the wording (and the interpretation) of the comment. As several people have pointed out, comments by a parent, don't necessarily express the opinions of their offspring. As I stated previously, I am not a poncho person, they just don't fit my life, perhaps the grand daughter feels the same way, it's not that she doesn't appreciate THIS poncho, but she wouldn't wear ANY poncho, from ANY source. 

My own grandmother made many of my clothes as a child, but involved me in fabric and pattern selection and bowed to my taste even when it was not her own. When I was 16 she tried to, without success, talk me out of olive green fabric for a dress she was making me, she thought the fabric I selected was too somber for a 16 y/o. I wore that dress, to weddings, funerals and almost every dressy occasion for more than a decade. Had she made it with her fabric choice it might have been worn 2-3 times. Almost 50 years later it is still hanging in my closet.

There seems to be a lot of criticism of monetary gifts. I don't understand, sometimes that is laziness, but in other circumstances it makes perfect sense. My closest friends and I are blessed that we have few needs and modest desires. My best friend and I are voracious and rapid readers. One of us could express interest in a book on Monday, the other could purchase it on Tuesday, give it as a gift on Wednesday only to discover the recipient had not only purchased it as an ebook, but had already completed reading it. My SO frequently gives me cash or gift cards earmarked for the crafting/yarn stores I frequent. He knows very little about the mechanics behind my creative endeavors, just as I know almost nothing about the guns or computers that are his hobbies. Sometime monetary gifts aren't about recipient greed, but knowing your limitations.


----------



## -knitter (Aug 22, 2011)

cynthiaknits said:


> Think
> i'd be tempted to send her a quarter.


LOL
:sm17:


----------



## -knitter (Aug 22, 2011)

KateLyn11 said:


> I see a lot of projection here. There is no direct evidence that the grand daughter was ungrateful, only a comment made by someone else. It is not clear if the gift had already been given or just talked about. Even if she would rather have money that doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate hand made items or know the work that goes into them. For all any of us know the grand daughter might have confided in her mother, "Grandma does beautiful work and I really appreciate the work that went into this, but I just won't wear it." Then mom (OP's dil) changed the wording (and the interpretation) of the comment. As several people have pointed out, comments by a parent, don't necessarily express the opinions of their offspring. As I stated previously, I am not a poncho person, they just don't fit my life, perhaps the grand daughter feels the same way, it's not that she doesn't appreciate THIS poncho, but she wouldn't wear ANY poncho, from ANY source.
> 
> My own grandmother made many of my clothes as a child, but involved me in fabric and pattern selection and bowed to my taste even when it was not her own. When I was 16 she tried to, without success, talk me out of olive green fabric for a dress she was making me, she thought the fabric I selected was too somber for a 16 y/o. I wore that dress, to weddings, funerals and almost every dressy occasion for more than a decade. Had she made it with her fabric choice it might have been worn 2-3 times. Almost 50 years later it is still hanging in my closet.
> 
> There seems to be a lot of criticism of monetary gifts. I don't understand, sometimes that is laziness, but in other circumstances it makes perfect sense. My closest friends and I are blessed that we have few needs and modest desires. My best friend and I are voracious and rapid readers. One of us could express interest in a book on Monday, the other could purchase it on Tuesday, give it as a gift on Wednesday only to discover the recipient had not only purchased it as an ebook, but had already completed reading it. My SO frequently gives me cash or gift cards earmarked for the crafting/yarn stores I frequent. He knows very little about the mechanics behind my creative endeavors, just as I know almost nothing about the guns or computers that are his hobbies. Sometime monetary gifts aren't about recipient greed, but knowing your limitations.


Well put!


----------



## kippyfure (Apr 9, 2011)

Make sure that when you put your heart into something that you know that you won't have it broken. There are a lot of people out there that would love a beautiful cape like that--good gift for your daughter-in-law: A card saying a donation of warm items have been made in her honor.


----------



## barbbfly (Oct 27, 2012)

yes sorry that has happened . i wondfer if they neeed money . i mean everything is inflated these days - i am 60 yrs and my dads house was bought for 8000$ . it is too expensive to live these days so i might have mercy on them . forgive and you will find someone who appreciates handmade things .


----------



## OmaGenie (Oct 30, 2016)

I would not give it away, save it for yourself or some other person who would appreciate it. The gdau could have saved it as she might have liked to have something like this when she is older to remember her grandmo. I do usually ask, "do you like this and would you like one". The great gkids usually will take anything I make.


----------



## NJG (Dec 2, 2011)

Have you made knitted gifts for them in the past? Maybe this is not the first time you made something that they didn't like and their mother is the one who takes the heat for it, from them and this time she decided she would put a stop to it. The only way to ever make something for someone else is to know for sure what they want. You always need to ask first.


----------



## mcguire (Feb 21, 2011)

beautiful work. I d o not make anything for my greats. they like to buy tee shirts that has writing on
and something weird, no baby stuff anymore. On 10/29 my great grandtr got married. My SIL ask me the
other day if I had received any thank you, I said not yet, she is upset that she did not get any yet and gave
them a check for over 100. dollars. Maybe its in the mail????? My granddtr put all the things I made her dtr
when she was little, for her to have when she has one. (she has a long time only 9rs. )


----------



## Bambagirl (Mar 14, 2015)

NJG said:


> Have you made knitted gifts for them in the past? Maybe this is not the first time you made something that they didn't like and their mother is the one who takes the heat for it, from them and this time she decided she would put a stop to it. The only way to ever make something for someone else is to know for sure what they want. You always need to ask first.


Yes, this is so true. And it's why I only make small items, whether I'm sewing, knitting or crocheting, I only make tiny little things (usually toys) - and I give them money to go with it.


----------

