# Ungrateful Niece/Goddaughter!



## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

My Niece asked me to knit her a specific size blue scarf. I knit her a beautiful infinity blue scarf, at my expense, when it was finished, I brought it over and left it at her parents house, where she lives. That was over 2 1/2 months ago. To date, I have not even received an acknowledgement that she received the scarf, never mind a thank you! This grown woman is 46 years old! Her ignorance and ungrateful attitude is appalling! NEVER AGAIN!


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## retiredwoman (Feb 25, 2014)

kiqi said:


> My Niece asked me to knit her a certain size blue scarf. When I finished the scarf, I brought it over and left it at her parents house, where she lives.


And then what?


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## theatermarye (Feb 8, 2017)

What happened after drop off??


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## kjcipswich (Apr 27, 2015)

I'm puzzled also, did you hand it to someone,leave it on the porch,ask when your niece will be home?


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

They have a long driveway, I left the scarf inside a bag, in a safe place inside the screen door. Everyone was home, as I was driving out, I phoned and left a message that I left the scarf at the front door.


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## Augustgran (Apr 16, 2011)

Put her on the spot!
Call her and ask if she got it!


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## gma11331 (Oct 18, 2011)

I knit an Aran throw for my granddaughter and gave it to her mother for her as she was participating in a swim meet. Haven't heard a word from her....


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## turtle58 (Mar 1, 2014)

Just in case....Someone else found it and took it....call and ask. And from now on, hand it personally to the person who wanted it in the first place....


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

They don't answer the doorbell or phone, that's why as soon as I got back in the car, I immediately called and left a message so she would take the bag into the house. As mentioned, I put the scarf, that was inside a bag, inside the screen door. They were all home.


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## krestiekrew (Aug 24, 2012)

kiqi said:


> They don't answer the doorbell or phone, that's why as soon as I got back in the car, I immediately called and left a message so she would take the bag inside. As mentioned, I put the scarf, that was in a bag, inside the screen door and they were all home.


If you knew they don't come to the door or answer the phone...why didn't you just call and leave a message for the lady to come and pick it up at your house? Face to face is always better.

Are you sure they even gave it to her??


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

My Niece doesn't drive. My sister, who knew her daughter had asked me to make the scarf, always checks the house phone messages every day, plus, they have 2 large boxer dogs that go crazy anytime someone goes near their house. I would bet a 100.00 dollars my Niece has the scarf and has worn it this Spring!


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## babsbarb (Dec 23, 2012)

It apparently isn't going to change so, let it go.. If she asks you to do something again, remind her of this incident. That's one of the reasons I knit for charity.


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## Hudson (Mar 3, 2011)

Bet their are other people in your area that you could dazzle with your talents.


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

I agree babsbarb, thank you for your wise advice. I certainly will keep it in mind, should I see her again.
After this most recent episode, I've decided to move on and focus on the positive and keep a safe distance from this particular self absorbed selfish Niece!


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

Thank you Hudson, I agree! 
I have an Etsy shop that I will continue to focus on. I'm busy knitting hats, scarfs and gloves, over the summer months, so I can re-stock my shop for the fall and winter season. My customers love their knitted purchases!


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

I've had this same situation many times--as often said, what has happened to "thank you", "your welcome" and, of course "please"!!! Manners and proper etiquette almost seem a thing of the past. I, too, would ask your niece how she liked the scarf. But........never, never, never make anything else for her or her family. There is no reason not to acknowledge your gift--a phone call, an e-mail, or best.....a personal thank you note, or verbal. Makes me so angry! :sm25: :sm25:


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

Welcome to the club. You are now a member of a large group of KPers who have knocked themselves out to make something special for someone and never, ever got a note, call or an email saying they even got the thing. My answer is to never make them another thing and move on to someone who has some manners. Oh. And when I see the person I tell them I never heard from them and figure they don't like hand made gifts so I am not making any more for them.


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## wendyacz (Aug 13, 2011)

So sorry your were hurt by ungrateful relatives, been there, done that, won't do it again. Clearly the they have no idea what cost and effort goes into any project! It's never what we expect, and I certainly don't understand bad manners. The one life lesson my Dad drilled into our heads and hearts was saying Please and Thank You (with meaning), it never fails, but will come back and bite your butt when you don't do it!

Take heart and let it go, your friends and customers are more considerate of your talents.

We KPers are! Knit what you love, and enjoy!


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## Elin (Sep 17, 2011)

There's no excuse for bad manners but could it be that they were a little upset because of your "driveby."


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## Kathie (Mar 29, 2011)

I knit for my great grandson's who are three and six months. I don't hear from their parents regarding the gifts and have decided I will continue to knit for them because I like knitting for little ones and have decided that I'm just doing it for my own satisfaction. I do find it frustrating when I don't hear anything but the little ones aren't to blame.


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

Another example of common courtesy not being common any more.

Sorry this happened to you.


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## swissingrid (Jun 29, 2016)

You can pick friends, not relatives. Could write more, but won't. All the best to you and hugs.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

I would phone or text and say you left the scarf on the porch. You can say you put so much work into it and now you're worried she didn't get it. That will probably embarrass her, but she deserves to be embarrassed.


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## mdherde (Oct 30, 2013)

Just don't make anything for them again. I've developed the attitude since I have a couple of nieces who couldn't be bothered to thank me for handmade gifts.


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## emmatonoose (Nov 26, 2012)

Let it go. Yes that is hard and people are ungrateful. If she wore it- that is your thanks. You are right in expecting an acknowledgement but as we know life is not like that. FIDO- Forget It and Drive On


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## GRANEEROSIE (Feb 25, 2017)

Made a huge felted bowl for goddaughter's wedding present, she chose the colours. We were unable to go to the wedding and I haven't heard a word since!


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## sdresner (May 31, 2014)

This is why I not fond of knitting for others except for the ones I know will appreciate the gift


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## GRANEEROSIE (Feb 25, 2017)

True, not doing it again!


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## Lily Jamjar (Dec 31, 2012)

My neighbour has just called in with keyrings for my 8 yr old step-granddaughter, who collects them. Sadly she hasn't been brought up to say "thank you" so I said it on her behalf. My neighbour was saying that people don't say thank you for gifts these days - she mentioned attending her 15 year old niece's birthday party, when the girl didn't even say hello, never mind, "thank you for the present." I had just received, and showed my neighbour, a drawing of a house with some very wobbly writing saying, "Thank you for my present, love Louie" from my great-nephew, aged six. Some children are being brought up to be grateful!


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## Simone54 (Oct 9, 2013)

Is it possible that she didnt get it?


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## jeannietta (Mar 14, 2011)

Use this unfortunate and all too common incident as a teaching moment. Call your niece and ask her if she received the scarf as you were concerned after not hearing from her. We are never too old to learn. Maybe you can still get through to her.


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## flowergrower (Mar 1, 2011)

Seems odd they don't answer doorbell or ringing phone.....focus on those that are appreciative!


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## knitbreak (Jul 19, 2011)

This takes me way back an to incident I had with my sister-in-law. Made up my mind then that it
wasn't worth the "fight" that could have taken place. Your better off to just "chalk it up" to one
more lesson learned. Dang those lessons!!


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive words! I decided to let it go, it just isn't worth my time, attention or energy anymore. There is one thing I'm very sure of, I'll never knit or hand make anything else for her, ever again. That ship has left port and sailed!


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## ablnewlife (Mar 27, 2013)

sorry to hear that. I've just had some experiences like that. Now I knit for charity and only those who do appreciate my time and efforts.


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## mossstitch (Nov 6, 2013)

I'd have let her know the scarf was ready if she wanted to pick it up .
It sounds like there isn't much communication between you all when they were all home and you were not invited into the house .


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## JanetLove2Knit (Sep 18, 2013)

It is a disappointing conclusion after you put love into the scarf. It is sad that this kind of thing happens all the time to so many of us.


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

I agree, it's very sad. It took me quite awhile to hand knit the scarf, the yarn was particularly difficult to work with. It was beautiful, when it was finally completed. I carefully hand wrapped it for her and put it in a bag and made a special trip to deliver it and it was completely ignored.


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## GRANEEROSIE (Feb 25, 2017)

My grandsons in US have always written to thank us (sometimes DD forgets to post them!) Now I get e-mails or Viber, which is fine


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## Oz knitter (Dec 19, 2016)

What an awful experience for you. The really sad thing is that it damages relationships. You were not appreciated and that hurts.


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## Tashi (Aug 12, 2011)

I wôuld ask her directly,
Did she get it,
Does she like it,
If not,
Could she return it to you so you can pass it on or sell it????????

I made a poncho for my granddaughters 5 yo friend. Never heard anything from it. I will let it go, but will not knit randomly like that again. Sent a nice card with it too. Used good quality yarn. If I ever see her mother, I will ask the above questions too. Even a short email would be nice.

For your own peace of mind, ask your niece.
Tashi


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## fmgray (Mar 28, 2017)

I have decided that only knitters can appreciate all the hard work that goes into a project. I do not knit things for other otherwise, just for this reason.


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## Tashi (Aug 12, 2011)

fmgray said:


> I have decided that only knitters can appreciate all the hard work that goes into a project. I do not knit things for other otherwise, just for this reason.


I tend to agree but would also include people who live with knitters. My 5 yo granddaughter was mortified that her Mummy was going to get rid of all the woollen garments I have knitted since her birth that she cannot fit anymore.
She really told her Mum off. She wants to keep them. We did explain that it is a good thing to pass on to otehr people who may have use of them. She would not budge her opinion. She said, but Mimi, you made them out of balls of wool and clickers" you made them. 
Precious! It does make it worthwhile to knit for those who appreciate it. She has just guaranteed herself a supply of handknitted garments for the rest of my lifetime.
Tashi


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## TheresaMary (Oct 30, 2016)

There are good folks out there, too. A neighbor on our floor in our building was pregnant and moving. I brought over a pair of quickly-knit booties (I didn't realize moving day was coming so soon) and immediately the husband called her to the door. They both were extremely touched and grateful. Then I mailed to their new place the pair of baby piccolini sandals I had intended to make (and finally did, finished three weeks after the baby was born). Got a lovely, chatty thank you note about a week later! Mind you, these are not people we socialize with except to see each other in the hallways, but it was always nice to say hi to them.

On your specific incident (and I know you said you are letting it go, which is the wise course), it sounds like although you took it as the niece's request, she hadn't herself actually asked for the scarf and you never spoke to her about it before or after. It's really possible for things to get jumbled when people are interpreting for others in a three-way conversation. This is just by way of saying that maybe things got confused on their end, too, and each thought the other had thanked you -- if the niece ever heard about or saw the scarf. Anyway, sometimes people are just lame, and other times things just get hopelessly mixed up. Sounds like their situation of never answering makes mix-ups likely.

It's still very nice that you did that.


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## dragonswing (Feb 18, 2014)

kiqi said:


> They don't answer the doorbell or phone, that's why as soon as I got back in the car, I immediately called and left a message so she would take the bag into the house. As mentioned, I put the scarf, that was inside a bag, inside the screen door. They were all home.


If they won't answer the phone or door bell, they aren't worth claiming as relatives. I gave up on a few of my relatives long ago. I just had a spiff with my sister because she doesn't understand why I do not want to drive 5 hrs to pick up my aunt and drive my aunt to my sister's house for a picnic. She doesn't think the fact that I had recent surgery on my fractured arm is pertinent. If she wants you to do something, she thinks you should do it, no questions asked.


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## Ladyj960 (May 22, 2013)

I would have called that evening or the next day or later that week, at the latest, after leaving it. So call now.


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## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

Tashi said:


> I wôuld ask her directly,
> Did she get it,
> Does she like it,
> If not,
> ...


I especially like your last suggestion and I think I'll start using it. Does the recipient like it? If not, return it so that I can give it to someone else or sell it.


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## raedean (Apr 25, 2011)

thats such bad manners...sorry.like my sister.
she wanted me to make her cats 5 beds.i live thousands of miles away.
so i made them.the first one i sent was thrown away almost right as soon as she got it.
one cat was jealous and peed on it and so she tossed the bed out.
i mean.thats alot of work.never again.


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

kiqi said:


> My Niece asked me to knit her a specific size blue scarf. I knit her a beautiful infinity blue scarf, at my expense, when it was finished, I brought it over and left it at her parents house, where she lives. That was over 2 1/2 months ago. To date, I have not even received an acknowledgement that she received the scarf, never mind a thank you! This grown woman is 46 years old! Her ignorance and ungrateful attitude is appalling! NEVER AGAIN!


This seems to be today's mode..takers but no acknowledgement ...So your last sentence should be set in stone...unless of course they pay up front first...


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## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

susandkline said:


> I especially like your last suggestion and I think I'll start using it. Does the recipient like it? If not, return it so that I can give it to someone else or sell it.


Also, I'm extremely happy and surprised to say that I have received 5 thank you notes this month! One was from a friend my age, so no surprise there. The others were from young people. I feel like I've entered a parallel universe and I wish the same for all of you. It's my new happy space.


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## Lmack (Dec 30, 2014)

I knitted a beautiful (according to everyone that saw it) cardigan for my cousin's granddaughter. They live out of state so I mailed it to my cousin's home. I never heard a word from anyone so I asked my cousin if they had received it. She said yes and that was it. My cousin is big on celebrations and receiving gifts and goes on and on about any event. For her 40th wedding anniversary she went on and on about it, etc. I had been knitting myself a beautiful cream color lace shawl from some yarn I purchased when we were in Turkey. I completed the shawl and even though it was going to be for me, I decided to give it to her. Two wks after mailing it (I checked tracking and it was delivered.) when I spoke with her, I asked if she had received it. She replied, "Oh yes." And that was it. No thank you, I like it, it's gorgeous, you spent s lot of time working on it, etc. Moral of this story, SHE AND HER FAMILY WILL NEVER RECEIVE A KNITTED ITEM FROM ME. We're still somewhat close but no more! I continue knitting for those who appreciate handknitted items and the time it takes besides receiving one of a kind!


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## Normagw (Mar 4, 2012)

It's your niece. Call her. Why didn't you call and set up a time to give it to her face to face?


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## Lmack (Dec 30, 2014)

I forgot to mention I've given many knitted items to friends and children/grandchildren of friends and I must say, I've received the most thoughtful appreciative thank you notes from most of them, some of whom I've never met. So handwritten thank you notes are still being sent! Good manners are still "in"!


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## skiellach (Nov 5, 2014)

I agree with Augustgran. Call her on it!


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## becsnanny (Sep 2, 2016)

So next time any of them ask for something, say you have a huge backlog of projects and you just can't do it.


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## sharmend (Feb 14, 2012)

That is the perfect definition of an unknitworthy person! I agree! Too old to do rude stuff like that!


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## Reinharv (Apr 8, 2016)

kiqi said:


> They don't answer the doorbell or phone, that's why as soon as I got back in the car, I immediately called and left a message so she would take the bag into the house. As mentioned, I put the scarf, that was inside a bag, inside the screen door. They were all home.


What are they hermits? Don't answer door or phone?

Look there are people out there, regardless if it family or good friends who never thank anybody for anything.

I have two friends who come to visit me from my old town to my new place that is 3 hours away every year. We go antiquing and stuff. One often either brings a hostess gift or even a meal. She insists they treat me to dinner or brunch during their stay and when she returns home, well I soon get a thank you note. I spend tons of money buying food to have available for them just in case, etc. When they are here and ready to leave (they each have separate rooms and separate bathrooms), one strips the bed and neatly folds the bedspread onto the bed and cleans her bathroom (no spit or toothpaste in sink). The other strips the bed and leaves the bedspread and blankets and pillows on the floor and doesn't wipe down her sink and never brings food or sends a thank you note.

It's called upbringing. You are taught manners.


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## dragonswing (Feb 18, 2014)

raedean said:


> thats such bad manners...sorry.like my sister.
> she wanted me to make her cats 5 beds.i live thousands of miles away.
> so i made them.the first one i sent was thrown away almost right as soon as she got it.
> one cat was jealous and peed on it and so she tossed the bed out.
> i mean.thats alot of work.never again.


Why didn't she just toss the bed into the washer? I wash and dry my cat beds/blankets all the time.


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## kendknitter (Jul 3, 2016)

I am consistently amazed and appalled at how ungracious folks are these days. I always send handwritten notes, although, I know most never do that anymore - sad. How hard is it to at least pick up the phone or send a quick email? I just hate it.


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## bonster (Jan 28, 2011)

Unfortunately that is the way of the world nowadays. I do a lot for a local shelter and they have one person there (Carol) who does all their thank you notes/emails. She is really good at it. Sometimes I also hear from the caseworkers too.


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## nannee (Mar 12, 2011)

Augustgran said:


> Put her on the spot!
> Call her and ask if she got it!


 :sm24:


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## Jaevick (Feb 14, 2011)

I'm getting a bit more vocal as I age. I'd simply sweetly say "I no longer knit for anyone other than myself or charity since people no longer have the courtesy to acknowledge my efforts." If someone asks for an items, just reply "Which charity are you donating it to?"


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## mkguttridge (Jan 10, 2017)

I know how you feel. Three years in a row I sent knitted gifts to Grandson for his daughters for Christmas. I used US mail and had tracking numbers so I know they arrived but I never got an acknowledgement so decided never again!


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## Nilda muniz (Aug 14, 2011)

It happened to me with my friend's daughter. I stopped what I was knitting to knit an infinity scarf for her that she had liked the patttern and yarn I used to knit one for my daughter. That was in December and I didn't even get a text message. I hope I learned my lesson because life is too precious and short to spent not even a minute doing something for people who I guess don't appreciate it. And the yarn was not cheap, white alpaca.


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## RWC Knits (Jan 11, 2014)

I don't know what is wrong with some young people. A coworker of mine ( about 26 years old) recently gave birth to her first child. I made her some adorable flip flops, bought a book and outfit and left it at work for her. She received it and I never got a thank you or acknowledgement. I didnt expect a card, but a simple thanks. When I saw her next, I asked if she got the gift, and this is what she said. "Yes, I'm a new mom now and very busy, and besides I don't do thank you very well" I stood there dumbfounded and then walked away.


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## Emmy Cat (Jul 22, 2012)

kiqi said:


> My Niece asked me to knit her a specific size blue scarf. I knit her a beautiful infinity blue scarf, at my expense, when it was finished, I brought it over and left it at her parents house, where she lives. That was over 2 1/2 months ago. To date, I have not even received an acknowledgement that she received the scarf, never mind a thank you! This grown woman is 46 years old! Her ignorance and ungrateful attitude is appalling! NEVER AGAIN!


I thoroughly understand where you are coming from. A few years ago i knitted my grand daughter a bagpuss cardigan. I was chuffed to bits with it. The colours were spot on and it was nice and fluffy too. I put lovely toggles on to fasten it with and even though she was only 3 she loved it. Her mam (my daughter) and her husband (now her ex) burst out laughing and said it was (swearword) horrible infront of my grand daughter. I should have brought it away with me but i felt too upset. And i never saw it again. I swore on that day that i would never ever knit for any of my relatives but concentrate on charity knitting and maybe the odd thing for myself. Families!


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## gdhavens (Jul 21, 2011)

I'm sorry you are going through this. When I make something for someone, I just give it and let it go. If I get a thank you, so much better. If not, oh well, I had the fun of making it. You said she asked for a "specific size blue scarf." Did she ask for an infinity scarf or was the size the specific length she wanted a regular scarf to be?


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## Lilyan (Dec 16, 2015)

It was very nice what you did and I am sorry that this made you feel sad. When I knit I feel happy, and when I knit for someone special it brings me joy. I agree that a thank you would have been nice, but do not let it effect your happiness.


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## desert rat (Jan 26, 2017)

RWC Knits said:


> I don't know what is wrong with some young people. A coworker of mine ( about 26 years old) recently gave birth to her first child. I made her some adorable flip flops, bought a book and outfit and left it at work for her. She received it and I never got a thank you or acknowledgement. I didnt expect a card, but a simple thanks. When I saw her next, I asked if she got the gift, and this is what she said. "Yes, I'm a new mom now and very busy, and besides I don't do thank you very well" I stood there dumbfounded and then walked away.


Really? "I don't do thank you very well"???!!!! That's a new one on me, and I have a few family members I don't do ANYthing for, anymore--no knitting, no crochet, no jam, no jelly. When you have to make a long-distance call to find out if your packages arrived (no "we got your packages", and certainly no "thanks"!) it doesn't make ME want to go out, buy yarn, and make gifts. I think it goes back to the old saying, "Do it to me once, shame on you--do it to me TWICE, shame on me"!!!!!


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## callev (Jan 28, 2017)

They don't answer the door or the phone?

So how did the selfish creature ask you to make her a scarf?

Is the the house of The Queen of England?

Done with those ladies and gents.
They do not deserve a dry crust of bread.
Rude is not the word.

Am I amazed at treatment like this, yes!
Where have manners gone?
We have allowed it, firm but kind words will suffice.

Please leave a massage saying, hope you enjoy your gift. This is the last gift ever.
Others pay for my work, and appreciate it.
It took me X number of hours and I am worth $25 an hour.

This is so sad, but we ladies have to educate the dolts.


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## kashka (May 14, 2011)

I made an acquaintance a baby gift of Bonnet, Booties and Blanket, never got a thank you note. I see this woman from time to time and ask her how her baby is doing and STILL no thank you! She either didn't like it or she is of this younger ,rude and lazy generation that thinks they are all entitled. ????


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## GrandmaSuzy (Nov 15, 2016)

If I don't get a thank-you, either in person, on the phone, or in the mail, that person is crossed off the gift list! I don't care WHO it is.

Suzy in Southern Illinois


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## Julia Miller (May 17, 2013)

Unfortunately I think this is the norm now. I knitted a large queen size blanket for my niece as a wedding gift. I bought a $45 basket to "wrap" it in, spent $40 to ship. The yarn was over $100. And I can't count the hours, granted it was a simple sequence pattern, but still many hours. After 2 weeks or so I got a text, saying Oh, I forgot to send a text!
????


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## PennySense (Dec 28, 2016)

I understand why you're upset.

I would still want to see that the niece actually got the scarf before totally writing her off.

Any possibility one of the dogs found the package and chewed the scarf and they're embarrassed to tell you about it?

Anyway, sorry you had such a bad experience.


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## mamanacy (Dec 16, 2013)

Well, lost my reply to outer space I guess. But I had a good rant anyway. Hope it is out there somewhere. N


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## Tofino5 (Jul 7, 2012)

I've been in the same situation a number of times. It's so rude and I'll-mannered no not acknowledge a gift or say thank you. 

However, as I got older, I decided a "gift" was just that. A gift. Gifts don't have strings attached. 

Personally, if I can't give a gift without "requirements", I don't give it. It saves my feelings of self-worth, and is better for relationships since I don't have hard feelings towards the recipient and their whole family. 

Do make the effort to find out if she actually got the scarf. This situation could be mighty misunderstood and embarrassing. 

Our time is valuable, and our feelings need protecting too!


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## tenaj (Feb 22, 2011)

kiqi said:


> They don't answer the doorbell or phone, that's why as soon as I got back in the car, I immediately called and left a message so she would take the bag into the house. As mentioned, I put the scarf, that was inside a bag, inside the screen door. They were all home.


If they don't answer the phone or door I would chalk it up as very weird people and leave it at that. I am curious why they don't answer the phone or door. Is to everyone?


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## purdyje (May 22, 2017)

I can sympathize. I crocheted baby Afghan for my husbands gym 3 new babies, gave them to Her and gave never received any any acknowledgement. Guess I am a slow learner.


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## mollyb44 (Nov 11, 2013)

I had that happen with my GD's and my niece. I never saw my GD in the matching sweaters that I knitted for them. Never received a thank you or anything. I made my youngest GD put the sweater on so I could take a picture that very Christmas morning ( I was there). She actually forgot to bring the other sister her sweater. The older sister is a teacher, she should know better. She receives thank you note from her students parents all the time, she should know better and write or call and thank me. My neice, knitted and crocheted a bunch of stuff for the baby shower. received a thank you as all those from the shower did. However , I never saw a picture of baby in anything I made her. I sewed the baby, now 2, a little romper set and made her put it on the little one right then and there so I could a picture of her and see her in the outfit, I dout that she ever put it on her again. 
So I know just how how you feel, UNAPPRECIATED AND USED!


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

I do think the clue that you may have missed is that she is 46 years old and still living with her parents.


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## Tofino5 (Jul 7, 2012)

It's so sad, because most creative people love to share what they make. How hard is it to say Thanks.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

I am puzzled by your actions. If every one was home why would you leave it at the door and not knock and hand it to them in person?


kiqi said:


> They have a long driveway, I left the scarf inside a bag, in a safe place inside the screen door. Everyone was home, as I was driving out, I phoned and left a message that I left the scarf at the front door.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

I do think there is more to this story and we may not want to go there.


kiqi said:


> They don't answer the doorbell or phone, that's why as soon as I got back in the car, I immediately called and left a message so she would take the bag into the house. As mentioned, I put the scarf, that was inside a bag, inside the screen door. They were all home.


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## LAMARQUE8 (Oct 12, 2014)

Oh, don't feel bad I know someone like that too. When she got married I didn't receive a thank you for almost a year. Just recently she posted on Facebook about a video she had just seen that brought back a rush of memories from being babysat at her grandparents (my parents) and she went on to make some disrespectful comments about the condition of their house and the food she ate there. My mother passed away in 2004 and my father is in an assisted living facility. If you feel the need to express your comments about things like this I would think you would have enough common sense to express them in the privacy of your home with your 'friends' or with other family members, but not on Facebook for the whole world to see. Oh, did I mention she just turned 36 years old and just became a college professor? But, it's really par for the course, because she loves to post about her life daily on Facebook, almost like in the days of Dear Diary... She occasionally uses the (f) word as well. I was quite impressed with that. Oh, let's see what karma has in store.


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## hairygrandma (Apr 13, 2015)

No more for that niece!


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## deexer (Sep 25, 2012)

krestiekrew said:


> Are you sure they even gave it to her??


I would wonder why someone left such a message on my answering machine. I would also ask niece, when I saw her next what happen to the scarf. Then I would tell her you never got a thankyou from anyone to indicate the scarf was received.


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## ireneofnc (Aug 15, 2011)

I had an inconsiderate niece like that..... I used to always remember her birthday, Xmas gifts, graduation, just because gifts, etc. She would not acknowledge them with a simple "thank you." I resolved that situation by cutting out the gifts completely, for any reason. I waited several years before giving her anything else. The next time I gave her a gift, she called me with the sweetest thank you, and has been thanking me & acknowledging gifts from me every since. Stop the giving, and see if that makes a difference!


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## mmonohon (Jul 9, 2016)

For years I made items for my family and sh family, no thank you'd at all. Sad.


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## gma11331 (Oct 18, 2011)

I have a friend who is from El Salvador with two daughters. Ever since they could walk and talk they have been taught to greet everyone in the room when they enter with eye contact and perhaps a hug if close enough. I have noticed this with not only this family but some others with a Hispanic cultural background. And if they didn't they were chided then and there.


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## Hudson (Mar 3, 2011)

Very few people can get to our door (behind a locked gate) but we do answer phone numbers that we recognize on the caller ID. That said, you should knit for charity. Pick something like prayer shawls for cancer patients or scarves for homeless or cat mats for the humane society. What you do will always be appreciated and if you are really lucky you may see a street person in one of your creations!


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## Tofino5 (Jul 7, 2012)

Okay I have to add a story. I made a wedding shawl for my daughter in law to be. She didn't ask me for one, but I asked her if she wanted me to make her one, and she said yes. They just celebrated their 5th anniversary, and I've never had a thank you, not even when she opened the package. She just said oh how nice. Oh well! I liked it and enjoyed the making.


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## danywb (Jun 6, 2017)

Feels to me like you're having some unpleasantness with your sister. It might make it hard for your niece to write a letter, and maybe her asking for a scarf is her way of reaching out, though she should have offered to pay for the yarn, imo; maybe you can email or text her to verify that she did receive the scarf, and add that a photo of her wearing the scarf you made lovingly for her, either by email or text, or... would be a wonderful way of thanking you?


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## danywb (Jun 6, 2017)

Feels to me like you're having some unpleasantness with your sister. It might make it hard for your niece to write a letter, and maybe her asking for a scarf is her way of reaching out, though she should have offered to pay for the yarn, imo; maybe you can email or text her to verify that she did receive the scarf, and add that a photo of her wearing the scarf you made lovingly for her, either by email or text, or... would be a wonderful way of thanking you?


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

I called her cell phone a week after I delivered the scarf, this is the recorded message I heard "sorry this mail box is full".....As I said, they don't answer their phones.


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## senior gal (Oct 8, 2011)

We have so many knitters complaining about this ungrateful attitude.
In my case, I just stopped doing this, and only sell my things.
As Doctor Phil would say"you like this treatment or you would not accept it"I certainly
would speak up about it before I quit giving such beautiful and time consuming gifts.


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## danywb (Jun 6, 2017)

I understand the pain and frustration; but there have been so many hurt and so much discord in my family through now 4 generations, that I have chosen being a "doormat", and leaving the door open. Occasionally, rarely, I must admit, it bears fruit. I would put that niece at the bottom of my to-knit list, unless she used to be a favorite niece...


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

sockyarn said:


> I do think the clue that you may have missed is that she is 46 years old and still living with her parents.


It's been noted, however, it's no excuse for bad manners.


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

danywb said:


> I understand the pain and frustration; but there have been so many hurt and so much discord in my family through now 4 generations, that I have chosen being a "doormat", and leaving the door open. Occasionally, rarely, I must admit, it bears fruit. I would put that niece at the bottom of my to-knit list, unless she used to be a favorite niece...


She used to be my favorite Niece, unfortunately, she's not at the bottom of my to-knit list, she has been removed.


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## Linda Haworth (Sep 2, 2013)

I am so sorry to hear that. It takes a lot of money and time to do something like that for a special. I gave my grandson money for graduation and have yet to hear from him not even a thank you when I saw him last night. I also gave several,other people graduation money and got thank you note within 4 days. My grandson got more than the others. I am like the others it would be a cold day in you know what before I would do anything else for her. Just go on with all your wonderful work and ignore her. How sad.

Linda


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

gdhavens said:


> I'm sorry you are going through this. When I make something for someone, I just give it and let it go. If I get a thank you, so much better. If not, oh well, I had the fun of making it. You said she asked for a "specific size blue scarf." Did she ask for an infinity scarf or was the size the specific length she wanted a regular scarf to be?


I knit exactly what was requested, a 30" long light blue infinity scarf, so, that's what I made for her.


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## DotS (Jun 25, 2011)

Two weeks ago I received an email thank you for a baby blanket I sent for a new Great, Great grandaughter in December. When people don't acknowledge a gift that has been sent by US mail, how do you know they received it?
DotS


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## Dor (Jan 18, 2011)

We all have kids & grand kids that don't know how to say thank you. Last year I knitted for 20 or more for Christmas. That wasn't there only gift. I knitted all the men scarves, caps & mittens the same. I started in January. I knitted them the same pattern. I get fit up I like hers better. Why didn't you knit mine that color. I did 2 different colors brown , black or grey .I was sick the whole time knitting I have sever migraines. I still got slack about the patterns being the same. So this year no scarves. The girls I did felted mittens ,caps & scarves to match. This year no knitted scarves . I'll do the felted mittens for all. I give the grand kids money & gifts too. I love Christmas. Little late in life to learn lol.


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## dragonswing (Feb 18, 2014)

mkguttridge said:


> I know how you feel. Three years in a row I sent knitted gifts to Grandson for his daughters for Christmas. I used US mail and had tracking numbers so I know they arrived but I never got an acknowledgement so decided never again!


How positively rude!!! I would not be knitting them a gift for this Christmas and see what they say when they get nothing. How old are the great-granddaughters?


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## danywb (Jun 6, 2017)

I am sorry for your pain. My favorite American niece suddenly stopped talking to me, my husband, our children, and most of her cousins, 4 years ago. No explanation. It hurts. Fortunately there are appreciative people out there who can use some beautiful knits.


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## danywb (Jun 6, 2017)

I relate on the migraines, though in my case, knitting is my salvation from terminal boredom when a migraine or its aftermath, prevents me from reading, watching tv, going out of the house etc. Sometimes I even only have to unravel some of it, not all! Since anything complicated or demanding focus is out of the question, lately I have been making a swatch for every yarn in my stash.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

Jaevick said:


> I'm getting a bit more vocal as I age. I'd simply sweetly say "I no longer knit for anyone other than myself or charity since people no longer have the courtesy to acknowledge my efforts." If someone asks for an items, just reply "Which charity are you donating it to?"


I love this! May I use it also? There are a few people I know who this fits perfectly. Mostly I just say I don't accept commissions, but there are some that just might see themselves in this and learn a life lesson.


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## kiqi (Nov 16, 2016)

Dor said:


> We all have kids & grand kids that don't know how to say thank you. Last year I knitted for 20 or more for Christmas. That wasn't there only gift. I knitted all the men scarves, caps & mittens the same. I started in January. I knitted them the same pattern. I get fit up I like hers better. Why didn't you knit mine that color. I did 2 different colors brown , black or grey .I was sick the whole time knitting I have sever migraines. I still got slack about the patterns being the same. So this year no scarves. The girls I did felted mittens ,caps & scarves to match. This year no knitted scarves . I'll do the felted mittens for all. I give the grand kids money & gifts too. I love Christmas. Little late in life to learn lol.


I would be done knitting anything for this comparative and ungrateful bunch!

With that said, I like the suggestions that I have received...... knit for a charity that donates to the homeless or other needy groups. ! I believe that these people are appreciative and grateful for everything that they are given and can really use a warm hat, scarf or pair of gloves. They are the truly needy of our society, across the globe and I doubt that they really care about the color! A yellow knit hat keeps their head just as warm as a black, navy or red knit hat.

I'm sorry that you suffer from migraines, please take care of your health, it really does come first, above all else!


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## ranagaddi28 (Jun 26, 2017)

I knit a throw as part of a wedding gift to my grandson & new wife who said they loved it. However, not long after their return home they acquired a dog. They sent me a picture of my throw lying on the floor with their dog eyeing like prey and asked me if they could give it to the dog t o play with. how about that. I told them no, but was hurt. I know how you feel, but m guessing that like my experience they didn't realize how much work goes into knitting. Don't give up on them - I'm sure they loved your work. Nancy


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## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

It's nice to have our work appreciated, most people remember to say thank you.....I would give her a call and ask 'if she found it where it was left, and if it's what she wanted'


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## mrselaine (Nov 2, 2016)

I have had this happen to me so many times I can't count anymore. Actually I just got a thank-you for a wedding gift from beginning of January. Never thought I'd see that one. Last month I made a baby blanket and several things for a girl from Corporate that I work with. I watched the mail and saw it was delivered and called her a few days later. Oh ..yeah.. she said...I got them. Thanks. Duh. So much for...how nice, etc. Bet she would have never called. People just don't have the manners anymore. The grands are bad about that too. Just sent a substantial graduation check....had to call the mom to make sure she got it. It seems to be the way things are these days. 
Elaine


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## 18931924 (Feb 11, 2013)

I have ungrateful nieces, great nieces and nephews, mainly the females, I sent some of my unwanted jewellery to a couple of females and not a thank you. I waited and waited to hear if they had arrived at their destination, but NO, not a reply, so I phoned one nephew and he told me they had arrived, I said it would have been nice to get a thank you, he said " Aunty I will say thanks for them" not right, the females should have said "thanks" No more will I send them anything, very ungrateful.


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## knitknack (Oct 30, 2011)

Knitting for charity is the way to go. At least you know that someone will be so grateful when they receive a beautiful handmade item. My grandchildren never acknowledge when they have received a birthday card with check. or handmade hat, scarf and mittens, so my bank account is now richer as they do not get the birthday check (they are not babies) and the yarn I used for them now goes to making items for those that I know will appreciate my efforts.


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## dagmargrubaugh (May 10, 2011)

I feel blessed that my grandson and his wife always thank me profusely for anything I make/give them. My daughter did a great job raising this young man. 
I mostly knit and crochet for charity. That way I can imagine they are "over the moon", receiving what I make for them.
I know, you said, you'd let it go. Good choice for your peace of mind. 
Sorry that happened to you. 
Sending you hugs,


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## ladybuys (Jan 14, 2011)

Hello, If I never receive a thank from someone, that someone never receives from me again.


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## Kahlua (Aug 7, 2012)

They sound like a very strange bunch...they don't answer the doorbell or their phone...what gives?


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## Lorikeet (Jan 15, 2016)

Unfortunately lots of people have no manners any more. I have a DIL the same age and she almost never bothers to thank me for anything.

I have also found that lots of people like to receive email but seldom bother to answer.


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## sbeth53 (Mar 29, 2011)

Put her on your "not knit worthy" list :sm13: If you can't be grateful, you can't receive!


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## SEA (Feb 9, 2011)

What is so hard about picking up the phone to say thank you or write a thank you note now a days? I find it very annoying too. Guess I would call and leave a message requesting, please have your niece give you a call. Don't leave a reason why. When she calls say since you hadn't heard from her you wanted to make sure she got her requested scarf. I guess I want her to feel a little bit bad and/or embarrassed that she didn't say thank you. Ask her to take a picture of it for your records because you forgot. Am I bad? 
SEA


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## dragonswing (Feb 18, 2014)

Lorikeet said:


> Unfortunately lots of people have no manners any more. I have a DIL the same age and she almost never bothers to thank me for anything.
> 
> I have also found that lots of people like to receive email but seldom bother to answer.


Both my aunt and sister have not sent Christmas cards for nearly 20 years because they don't want to "waste their money" on buying cards and postage.
But they like getting the cards from everyone else. I crossed them off my card list 2 years ago. They have never commented about not getting a card, so I guess they don't miss mine (which is always hand made).


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## kipsalot (Jan 2, 2013)

Do not give up all hope. I made two outfits for my Great Niece two years ago and a few days ago, after her grandmother and I had long since stopped inquiring, we received pictures of her in one of the outfits I had made. There was never a thank you but there was finally a picture.


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## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

It's sad as it's so easy to send a quick message, everyone has a phone these days.....and most of the young have them glued to themselves, on social media etc 
My GS is only 2 but his mum or dad put him on the phone to say thank you for all the things we send to him, oh and I always get beautiful pics of him wearing what I make for him.....Hope that Continues


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## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

sbeth53 said:


> Put her on your "not knit worthy" list :sm13: If you can't be grateful, you can't receive!


I use 'not knit worthy' once on this forum and was put before the knitting paradise firing squad. I guess as views change with the older members leaving and new members coming in there's a new knitting paradise in town...lol


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

SEA said:


> What is so hard about picking up the phone to say thank you or write a thank you note now a days? I find it very annoying too. Guess I would call and leave a message requesting, please have your niece give you a call. Don't leave a reason why. When she calls say since you hadn't heard from her you wanted to make sure she got her requested scarf. I guess I want her to feel a little bit bad and/or embarrassed that she didn't say thank you. Ask her to take a picture of it for your records because you forgot. Am I bad?
> SEA[
> 
> I've given this thought before, too; however, I feel if we do the asking....then we are lowering ourselves their level!! My motto: disregard me once, there won't be a 2nd opportunity. It's almost sickening to think of how these young (or older!) people are so darn rude these nowadays! What is happening??!!! It isn't good!! I prefer charity knitting--we may not always receive a thank you, but we can be certain our efforts are appreciated and knowing that we are helping someone in need--heartwarming. :sm02: :sm02: :sm02:


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## Woodsywife (Mar 9, 2014)

I have a sister who never acknowledges anything. Not even birthday card or phone card to our failing father. Her reason is I never sent cards or call why should I now. We were both taught as children to acknowledge gifts. Our mother made sure we sent out thank your letters for birthday or Christmas gifts we received within a week. And I still send handwritten thank yous. Some people are just so rude and wrapped up in themselves it's terrible. Is it really to much work for them to pick up a phone and call. They can do it when they want money.


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## Julie's Mom (Feb 22, 2015)

These people sound really weird.


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

I would call and ask if the scarf was what she wanted and if it fit to her liking. Sometimes people need to be put on the spot.


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## CharlotteAnna (Aug 6, 2015)

Kiqi, Phone and ask if she got the scarf, She's not a child,


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## 18931924 (Feb 11, 2013)

I sent a parcel, containing a cot rug I had crochet and a beautiful little doll that I had bought in America, a few years ago, to my Great nephew, for his first born a daughter and not a word since it was received about 3 weeks ago. I heard from his father and he thought his son would email and thank me, but NO, no answer, no more articles I will send them.


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## 18931924 (Feb 11, 2013)

Sorry, The above doesn't sound right, what I meant to say was, I bought the doll a few years ago in America, and the parcel was posted to my nephew about 3 weeks ago and it was collected by him a couple of weeks ago and up to date, no answer from him telling me he received it, but he told his father and his father told me and they live around 2000 or so ks away from each other, I live a little closer and as I said, no more will I knit or crochet for them--finish.


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## Mirror (Jun 23, 2014)

kiqi said:


> They have a long driveway, I left the scarf inside a bag, in a safe place inside the screen door. Everyone was home, as I was driving out, I phoned and left a message that I left the scarf at the front door.


if they home why you left outside instead knock and go in .


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

dragonswing said:


> Why didn't she just toss the bed into the washer? I wash and dry my cat beds/blankets all the time.


Hard to remove the odor of cat pee. Cats can still smell it even if humans can't.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

tenaj said:


> If they don't answer the phone or door I would chalk it up as very weird people and leave it at that. I am curious why they don't answer the phone or door. Is to everyone?


I don't answer my phone or door if the caller is someone I don't know.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

Mirror said:


> if they home why you left outside instead knock and go in .


Go uninvited into someone's private home? Even if they are family that is very rude. I keep my door locked at all times to prevent such intrusions.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

Not receiving an expression of thanks seems to be the norm these days. Not how I and many of you were raised, is it? My mother sent her niece a lovely wedding present and never got a thank-you. I sent her a baby sweater the next year, store-bought as I didn't knit then, and heard nothing back. Needless to say they were off our gift-giving list for good.


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## 18931924 (Feb 11, 2013)

My mother taught my brothers and me to always thank a person or people, who gave us things and it was always please and thank you in my days, not now, I doubt if the young ones of these day can even spell please or thank you or know what it means.. I had a great niece and her 4 yr old stay with me for a weekend several months back, they were in the kitchen and I was sitting in the dining room, it was lunch time and she was asking the young boy what would he like for lunch, would you like this for lunch--Nah, well would you like this Nah by the time he came to the third Nah, I'd had it, I got up and told the mother to come out of the kitchen as Rhys and I were going to have toasted tomato sandwiches for lunch (that was easy for me to do) his answer was, "don't like them, and I said too bad, you are going to eat them. He helped me make them, I cut them into 4 and sat him down with a glass of milk, and before he started, I asked him what do you say, he just looked at me and so did his mother, so I said you say thanks, which he did and proceeded to eat, he ate the lot not a word from him until he finished. I said to his mother, you do not ask a child what he would like to eat, you get his meal ready, like our mother did, and tell them your meal is ready. As soon as our mother said that, we just came in and sat down and ate and if we didn't like it, we had to leave the table and nothing till the next meal, we soon learnt to eat everything. I don't know what the future generation is going to be like judging by the way they are now.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

I was pleasantly surprised, when at a friend's recently, her grandchildren (4th to 7th grade) came in while she was entertaining adults they didn't know. When introduced, they approached the adults said hello and shook hands (without prompting). Takes more work when they don't see manners modeled by friends, but persistent adults can make a difference. The youngest has a teacher this year that is famous locally for insisting EVERYONE is ALWAYS polite and uses good manners in her classroom. That child previously had good manners, now they are great.


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## diobsession 2 (Jan 5, 2017)

there are people like this eveywhere. I rented a storage unit and found studio pictures of the family that rented it before. found out who it belonged to and connected on facebook. We chatted and I found that she did cross stitch. I had a big bag of patterns that I would not use. I went to her house twice to deliver them. One time the boyfriend was there and wouldn't come to the door. The second time he took them. I never heard from the girl. Finally sent her a little message and asked it she liked the patterns. She said her boyfriend has misplaced them. grrrrrrr


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## INIT2XS (Oct 8, 2017)

I do not knit anything for anyone who doesn't knit, including my family. People have no idea what goes into a handknitted project. A friend has asked me several times to knit a shawl for her. I finally said I would not do it. Then I explained why and she understood. People you knit for how have no idea of how much time it takes, how much of yourself you put into that project, nor how much you think of them while you're knitting. Then to not even be thanked is like a slap in the face. I do not do charity knitting either. If someone asks I offer to buy hats or mittens, but I don't knit them. If you want to do something really nice, knit something for your knitter friend. THEY are the ones who really appreciate a handknitted gift. Boy! It felt good to get that off my chest!


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## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Wow! Looks like a lot of communication is missing here. This will never be solved if you don't have a pleasant conversation with your niece. Maybe arrange to take her for coffee, etc., so you can speak together without others butting in. So many possibilities!


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

INIT2XS said:


> I do not knit anything for anyone who doesn't knit, including my family. People have no idea what goes into a handknitted project. A friend has asked me several times to knit a shawl for her. I finally said I would not do it. Then I explained why and she understood. People you knit for how have no idea of how much time it takes, how much of yourself you put into that project, nor how much you think of them while you're knitting. Then to not even be thanked is like a slap in the face. I do not do charity knitting either. If someone asks I offer to buy hats or mittens, but I don't knit them. If you want to do something really nice, knit something for your knitter friend. THEY are the ones who really appreciate a handknitted gift. Boy! It felt good to get that off my chest!


They may not know the technical aspects or understand the length of time involved (teaching moment!) but if you choose recipients wisely, the items are appreciated. Two weeks ago a friend commented that it was almost time to pull out the hats I made for her and start wearing them. They were knit 3-4 years ago.

The school nurse where I donate kid's hats, thanks me profusely every time she sees me, and I know she has bragged about me to others.

Last week I got this (see attached photo) in the mail.

I'm sorry your work hasn't been appreciated, but I have been blessed by having the vast majority of my knitting very much appreciated, even if the recipients don't know the work involved, they recognize the care.


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## 18931924 (Feb 11, 2013)

It interest me as to why the Americans always knit dishcloths. Aren't different kinds of dishcloths sold in the stores like they are here in Australia. I've never knitted one yet.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

18931924 said:


> It interest me as to why the Americans always knit dishcloths. Aren't different kinds of dishcloths sold in the stores like they are here in Australia. I've never knitted one yet.


It's a mystery to me too. Personally I wouldn't knit something that is used as a cleaning cloth.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

Why dish cloths? Because they are popular in my area, sell well and are inexpensive enough that people are willing to get a useful item and help kids at the same time. I think it is something of a nostalgic item for many as their mothers or grandmothers made them. And they last almost for forever. As to why they became popular in the first place, I don't know I can only speculate. Cotton is produced in America so used to be very cheap, during my childhood (and before from what I gather- from seeing the homes of older relatives) it was popular to have as many items as possible in your kitchen match or coordinate. Dish cloths, embroidered tea towels, trivets and hot pads, napkins, pillow cases were all items that were made or decorated by housewives and some working women in my childhood because it was in style.


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## Dor (Jan 18, 2011)

My kids & grand kids love my knitting. The last few years I have knitted felted mitts & slippers . Going to try the caps next. I do other caps ,mittens scarves etc. I keep busy.


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