# Family Putting Me on the Spot re: Knitting



## Susie2016 (Feb 28, 2016)

It's happened three times in the last couple of months. 

First, a non-knitting SIL who rarely speaks to me brought me her dying mother's incomplete knitting project (a complicated large, multi-stitch, multi-colored, sweater knitted in a giant circle formation) and asked if I could do it since her mother couldn't knit anymore. I respectfully and politely told her it was far too complicated for me and gave her the names of the LYS's in our city where she might be able to find someone she could pay to knit it. She acted huffy about it. I felt bad for her but I wasn't ready to tackle a project which would take up literally all my time. (And I have never knitted anything that complicated in my life.)

Second, another non-knitting SIL sent me a message this morning on FB about volunteers who knit things for nursing home patients. Her message included a link and said simply "Could you knit some of these things---we can start a business." A business? I think she missed the part about the ladies knitting as VOLUNTEERS, not getting paid for the yarn or their time. And also, she is well aware of my constant gardening as I post about it on FB daily. I told her politely that I have little time for knitting these days since I garden constantly---and that when my vegetables come in I will be canning them---and then when I do finally get time for knitting again I am already in the middle of many other projects. (And what I didn't say was my question about how, if she doesn't knit, does she think she would earn a share of the profit in a business of knitting things?) 

Third, her husband just gave me back a pair of slippers-with-leather-soles that I knitted him a few years ago. The soles are becoming un-attached. He wants me to reinforce them again. It's a simple matter of running a thread through the soles at the parts where they're becoming un-attached to the slipper. She could do it easily as it's a sewing project, not knitting. So they're in my to-do pile.

I really hope that I am not being a mean, un-Christian person when I say that I don't like it when a family member assumes that just because I know how to knit that I will knit the stuff they want. Like I'm just sitting here with nothing to do and plenty of time. Their demands put me on the spot, making me feel guilty for turning them down.


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## sandytene (Mar 1, 2011)

You're not alone. All knitters, sewers, crafters get these unreasonable requests all the time. My most common was, "I'll pay for the wool" and my standard answer was "would you pay for Picasso's paint"?


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## Kay Knits (Aug 4, 2012)

I think you handled the requests very well!! Hold your ground and do only what you want to do - time is limited and knitting should be for your enjoyment.


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## nanad (Mar 9, 2011)

Stand your ground some people just don't get it.


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## janallynbob (Jan 5, 2018)

I'm a little confused here, but I'm not the brightest bulb on the string, forgive me,

Janallyn


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## rainie (Jan 12, 2013)

There are takers and givers in this world. We know in which group your in-laws belong. Don't let the turkeys get you down.


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## possumlj (Nov 26, 2018)

It's not un-Christian to say NO.


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## Susiebluel (Feb 12, 2011)

I think you need to continue to kindly say no and explain that all those items take a lot of time and energy. Some people have no idea what skills and time are involved in needlework. Don't stress on it though.


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## grannybell (Mar 12, 2013)

No guilt, please. You are correct to hold your ground.


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## Anrobertsn (Sep 23, 2014)

Thought you handled it all very well! 
Slippers will probably not take you long! Boundaries are important! 
Hang in there!


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## mirl56 (Dec 20, 2011)

All you can do is what you are willing and/or able to do. Don’t feel bad saying No. 

SIL -2 really cracked me up!


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## Glenlady (Mar 25, 2013)

No , don't feel guilty, you stood your ground firmly but nicely, good girl.


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## klrober (Mar 20, 2013)

A simple No...and no explanation necessary imo.


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## fergablu2 (Apr 30, 2011)

Ask said sisters-in-law how they feel about trading labor, like doing your housework or helping in your garden. That should shut them up.


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## Jimmy'swife (Nov 9, 2013)

Don't feel bad. I think you put it quite nicely. 
I've had family bring me denim jeans, sweaters with holes and various other projects on Thanksgiving and other holidays expecting me to fix them on the spot so they can take them with them when they leave an hour or two later. "We can visit while you work" I've suggested the local dry cleaners may have a referral service.


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## mary katherine (Jan 23, 2017)

Susie2016 said:


> It's happened three times in the last couple of months.
> 
> First, a non-knitting SIL who rarely speaks to me brought me her dying mother's incomplete knitting project (a complicated large, multi-stitch, multi-colored, sweater knitted in a giant circle formation) and asked if I could do it since her mother couldn't knit anymore. I respectfully and politely told her it was far too complicated for me and gave her the names of the LYS's in our city where she might be able to find someone she could pay to knit it. She acted huffy about it. I felt bad for her but I wasn't ready to tackle a project which would take up literally all my time. (And I have never knitted anything that complicated in my life.)
> 
> ...


I am in a small knitting group at a local church. I don't attend this church but have friends who do. This "member" came in showing a picture of a very complicated and ugly afghan her grand daughter sent her and wanted one of us to crochet it for her. I am the only experienced crocheter in the group so I get nominated. I explained to her that No. 1- somebody would have to go shopping to buy the yarn, No.2- the pattern was not a free pattern so there goes another $7, and no. 3- if her gd didn't like it when finished I am stuck with it and the expense not to mention all the work. The woman sat there looking at me like "this is my grand daughter, you should be tickled to death to do something for her". To this day she passes me by and won't speak now. Do I care? Not in the least. They have no idea the amount of work that goes into this stuff. Stick to your ground or offer to teach them how to do it. That is usually enough to shut them up.


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## MMWRay (Dec 2, 2016)

You have shown us excellent examples of how to handle unreasonable requests. You are a good teacher. Thanks.


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## theatermarye (Feb 8, 2017)

I like the idea. I will sit and knit while you do the gardening.
Or come over to help with the garden and when we take a break, after the work is done, Using the time we saved with 2 people getting gardening job done we sit and I teach you how to knit.


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## marilyn skinner (Apr 10, 2012)

NO. NO. NO. You are not alone in this situation and you need to stick to your guns. Tell them to learn how. I just had this happen too. I farm , work almost full time and can’t get my own work finished. And she wasn’t even family this time. I’ve got my granddaughters knitting and crocheting and they can do some. Good practice. I don’t mind helping but I’m not being put upon any more. Good luck


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## moke (Oct 8, 2011)

Well said! You responded with class. My problem is, I knit for pleasure, and relaxation. But as soon as someone asks me to knit them something..its no longer a pleasure..its a job! Lol


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Susie2016 said:


> ...
> I really hope that I am not being a mean, un-Christian person when I say that I don't like it when a family member assumes that just because I know how to knit that I will knit the stuff they want. Like I'm just sitting here with nothing to do and plenty of time. Their demands put me on the spot, making me feel guilty for turning them down.


In my opinion, the ones who're behaving in an "un-Christian" manner are those who feel free to take advantage of you and the skills you've honed for your own pleasure.

Knit what and when you want and for your own satisfaction, not to fulfill the whims of others!

If I had a nickel for each time I've offered to teach such folk how to knit - and I'd supply the yarn/needles for the lessons - I'd be wealthy today. To date, not a one has taken up my offer. Their loss.


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## Mum7 (Oct 11, 2011)

I get this too. Usually preceded with. “Can you just.....” as if it will take a couple of minutes. What makes it worse is when I have made something and notified the relevant party, they cannot find time to fetch it so it can be waiting here sometimes for weeks, or they say “I’ll get so and so to fetch it”. How inconsiderate and ungrateful.


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## patnxtdr (Feb 5, 2018)

You did handle it very well. You only have to say No; you don't owe them any explanation. But your statement about it being too complicated is a good rule! I hope they understand that one! I will have to keep it in mind.

Most of my relatives now know not to ask me to do anything for them. When I was younger, and a professional worker, they always wanted "free" advice or services. And I felt being used! But they don't ask me anymore. When people ask me what I do (and to prevent them asking for free work), I always said I was a funeral director! That stopped them in their tracks!! Hahaha

As someone said, would they give away their work for nothing? Would they ask a surgeon to do "minor surgery" for free? While I am willing to help out when someone really needs help, I don't feel I should give away my time, skill, experience for nothing. If someone wants me to do any knitting for them, I always say they can't afford me! That is not being arrogant -- my time is worth far more than anyone is willing to pay for, and to complete some projects will make them far too expensive. I'd rather show them how to knit, and let them do it themselves!

We all need to stand up for ourselves. I learned that far too late. But now, I will just say No, and don't feel guilty, and don't feel I need to explain or justify myself. No is enough.

You did well. All you need to do is say No once or twice, and then they won't ask you anymore. And if they won't speak to you, that's not really much of a loss!


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## janallynbob (Jan 5, 2018)

Nothing to do with your post, please excuse me, but the next scammer who calls me I'm saying.......nope, lol, one eyed pirates, need to keep their mouths shut.

Janallyn


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## magaknits (Feb 16, 2018)

All good advice. I think you handled those “requests “ very well.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Jimmy'swife said:


> Don't feel bad. I think you put it quite nicely.
> I've had family bring me denim jeans, sweaters with holes and various other projects on Thanksgiving and other holidays expecting me to fix them on the spot so they can take them with them when they leave an hour or two later. "We can visit while you work" I've suggested the local dry cleaners may have a referral service.


What nerve!!!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Susiebluel said:


> I think you need to continue to kindly say no and explain that all those items take a lot of time and energy. Some people have no idea what skills and time are involved in needlework. Don't stress on it though.


Yes, they have _some_ idea, but are completely unwilling to personally invest any time/effort in acquiring those skills, nor do they think they should have to pay a stranger to do for them what some friend, relative, or acquaintance does for enjoyment.


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## seamer45 (Jan 18, 2011)

I think you handled them all very well.


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## Kahlua (Aug 7, 2012)

possumlj said:


> It's not un-Christian to say NO.


I agree with this quote...and you will start to feel better about saying "no" than feeling guilty. Saying no the first time is hard, but it gets easier and you also don't have so many people asking.


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

I think you gave appropriate answers when you said no. It is not unchristian to say no. Sometimes it is hard to do, especially when family is concerned, but never feel guilty about saying no.


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## Jimmy'swife (Nov 9, 2013)

Jessica-Jean said:


> What nerve!!!


I agree. 
The first time it happened I was a bit surprised. Since my mother taught me to knit, crochet and sew, my side of the family knows better than to assume free labor. One of my SIL on my side of the family did ask my mom to teach her to crochet. Guess that showed she appreciated and had respect for time and talent where others still need to learn it.


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## babyrose (Sep 9, 2016)

I take urgent requests from family under 10 yrs old only (there are only 3). Other than those there are only 2 I make things for regularly and 2 others I would do if asked (both have asked once each and I said yes). Everyone else gets a firm NO! I don't feel guilty at all.


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## possumlj (Nov 26, 2018)

If you say NO enough times, people will stop asking. The word will get around.


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## bokemom (Mar 16, 2017)

I agree with everyone who said you handled it beautifully.


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## tdorminey (Mar 22, 2011)

fergablu2 said:


> Ask said sisters-in-law how they feel about trading labor, like doing your housework or helping in your garden. That should shut them up.


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## bundyanne07 (Aug 24, 2014)

It is difficult the first time you say 'no' but after that it becomes a lot easier.

I like the idea of saying 'I'll knit while you do my work' - - my inside windows need cleaning!!!


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## For the Love of Shetland (Jan 26, 2019)

This is so familiar.. in a few ways. I sew, I make my own lined drapes etc, my own bed linen as I have an odd shaped bed and various other things.

I cook verything from scratch and I do a lot of canning

I knit,because I want the things that I see and they can;t be bought.

All three of the above have some enjoyment attached but... there are somethings I do for thrifty reasons and I don't always like doing it but I do.

Then along comes the person with soemthing that needs mending and says " oh you like to sew etc, so you will be able to do this for me"

I remember once , a perfect stranger to me but actually was a celebrity,sees a very delicate 1ply shawl I have given to a cause for fundraising which has just brought $510 in a charity auction. She approached me ,complimented me, and then asked if I would make another for her, she said it as though I should be flattered she was asking me, she offered to pay for the wool too as she "didn't want me to be out of pocket". I asked if she had bid on the shawl and said yes but she had dropped out earlier. I was totally flabbergasted. I simply told her no, she asked again and said she probably had friends who may like one too..I simply said no, and had to say it several times. She even went so far as to say why and I simplt told her, no reason, but no. She went off in a huff.

It blows my mind. I spend almost 40 a ball UK money on very expensive 100% very fine cashmere which I then make into a very special shawl to make money for a childrens charity and folks seem to think I do this just to knit. I find this a bit rude,do they really think I haeno life that I sit all day and sew , knit or can just to pass the time..

I have been asked to make other peoples curtains because the shops are too expensive, can salmon because they have the fish and I could have one if I canned their five,make jam for the gift of a few spare pounds of cherries.

My answers used to be usually no but I will suggest a good book so you can learn how, then they generally say they don't have time or no interest and ask why. Now I simply say no and if they persist I usually say, pretty much for the same reasons that you don't do it.

95% of what I make goes to charity, but if it is anything like the shawl above I have my name withheld now I very much enjoy sewing a totally hand made very fine christening gown for the same charity but . Both the shawl and the christening gown are very expensive to make as the cost of the materials are very high. I love to make very delicate things but I have to have a really good cause to do these for. 
.
Sorry for all the typhos, I can spelll I just don't type well, it hurts, and my spellcheck has changed to a different language so I can't use it till it is fixed.

To the original poster, just say no, you don't need to give a reason. good luck.


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## grtmema (Aug 3, 2017)

Definitely do not feel guilty! You handled it properly. You are allowed to say no. Good for you!!!!


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## Lena B (Aug 15, 2015)

Well done saying no sometimes this is so hard to do seems you were being taken advantage off you will find it easier next time to say no
Some thing I am guilty of not being able to do 
Love that you do not allow knitting to take over your days which I do


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## ChristineM (Oct 1, 2012)

Fabulous response! I like your attitude, but I think the OP handled the situations very well and she remained in control and was tactful. I agree that we are taken advantage of very often... and in my own way, I am annoyed too with one of my daughters' girlfriends also. She saw some socks that I made for my husband and said "can you make me a pair too Christine?" I thought oh yes I could do that for her. I bought the "purple wool" she wanted but she did not pay me for it! Duly gave them to my daughter to give to Jess and did not hear a damn word thereafter. No thank you, or they fitted or she liked them.. absolutely nothing!

Yesterday in chatting to my little grand daughter on the phone before she went to school, she said "Yin Yin, Jess said thank you for the socks you made her last year!" We were on loud speaker and I replied "well that's long overdue darling isn't it? Saying thank you 6 months later! I hope you have better manners than that when you grow up!"

Unfortunately, Jess and her son had had a sleep over at my daughter's house (of which I was unaware as they only came to dinner on Saturday night) and she was listening to the conversation! I am in the dog house again! But how rude can you get???? Apart from come to dinner on Saturday night and still be there Monday morning, sleeping 2 nights on the lounge room floor and the boy doesn't go to school Monday morning because there is a 50km distance to travel, so they went shopping instead! All of this I got told in anger by my daughter last night! Moral of the story if there is one??? Maybe Jessica will remember to say thank you in future so that she is not humiliated in front of three children and I will never make socks again for whoever my daughter wants me to!

Yes I am really angry with both my daughter and that other stupid woman for creating a problem and in their eyes I have the problem NOT them!!!!



fergablu2 said:


> Ask said sisters-in-law how they feel about trading labor, like doing your housework or helping in your garden. That should shut them up.


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## chooksnpinkroses (Aug 23, 2012)

I've had people ask me to take on commissions... I state simply that I don't generally do commissions.. They usually don't want to hear that and get upset.

I have done commissioned socks, because they are quick and easy, but I won't do bigger items that I know I'll get bored with...


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## 133163 (May 11, 2015)

Susie2016 said:


> It's happened three times in the last couple of months.
> 
> First, a non-knitting SIL who rarely speaks to me brought me her dying mother's incomplete knitting project (a complicated large, multi-stitch, multi-colored, sweater knitted in a giant circle formation) and asked if I could do it since her mother couldn't knit anymore. I respectfully and politely told her it was far too complicated for me and gave her the names of the LYS's in our city where she might be able to find someone she could pay to knit it. She acted huffy about it. I felt bad for her but I wasn't ready to tackle a project which would take up literally all my time. (And I have never knitted anything that complicated in my life.)
> 
> ...


I hear you. Remember when stay-at-home Moms were assumed to be doing nothing all day and were put upon to do something?!!! Sometimes it's a compliment when someone asks a crafter to do something for them, but it could be a cop out on their part, especially when they are nasty about your inability to do for them. I am so so thankful that I haven't run into that yet. I feel for you. You are not un-Christian at all! Knitting is a God-given skill that we use for His glory and to bring ourselves joy as well. This does not mean that you are at the beck and call of those people you have mentioned.

I hope you can enjoy your gardening, preserving, knitting and all your other skills and totally ditch the guilt trips. xoxo


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## chooksnpinkroses (Aug 23, 2012)

theatermarye said:


> I like the idea. I will sit and knit while you do the gardening.
> Or come over to help with the garden and when we take a break, after the work is done, Using the time we saved with 2 people getting gardening job done we sit and I teach you how to knit.


This is a fabulous reply. I'll remember this for the next time I'm asked... :sm01:


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

ChristineM said:


> ... Yes I am really angry with both my daughter and that other stupid woman for creating a problem and in their eyes I have the problem NOT them!!!!


Your daughter and the thankless sock-receiver are the ones in the wrong. I'm GLAD they had you on the speaker, and I'm absolutely delighted that their children heard what you said. With any luck at all, they'll remember the incident and grow up to be more thankful than some of their elders.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Orillialovesto knit said:


> ... Knitting is a God-given skill ...


Umm ... I beg to differ with you. I am the one who wanted to learn to knit, and it took much nagging of my grandmother to get her to show me the bare basics. Then it took me much practice, much reading of books about knitting, and uncountable hours of practice. God may be blamed for my existence, but He did _not_ give me whatever knitting/crocheting skills I have.


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## Susie2016 (Feb 28, 2016)

Thank you everybody for your kind responses!!!!! I really appreciate it!!!


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

You have every right to tell them "no"! If you do not have the time or talent or desire to make/finish a project, you do not need to. Stand your ground.


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## Knitting in the Rockys (Aug 17, 2015)

So a little over 12 years ago I was going through a very rough period, fiance and I went through a horrendous break up, he was buying out my share of our condo, I was working on transferring 1,200 miles away and trying to buy my own condo in the new location, packing, crying, vomiting, you name it. In the midst of all this, my then DIL called me and asked if I could whip up a knitted hoodie for her mother to match the ones I had knit for my son and DIL (who would become a former DIL within 6 months). I was beyond livid but held my temper and explained that my life was a disaster and it was all I could do to remember to wipe my behind, let alone whip up a sweater on short notice. After hanging up I popped a Xanax and poured myself a glass of wine! 

Then there was the coworker who caught me knitting in the break room a year later working on a sweater for myself. She fell in love with the yarns I was using and wanted to know what would it cost to buy those yarns. I told her $63.00 and she said "well I'll pay for that if you'll knit it for me." At the end of that row I told her my labor for just knitting the sweater would be over $200.00, end of conversation! She never talked to me about knitting again.

Sometimes you just have to say no or be upfront that your time has value.


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## knit&purl (Feb 4, 2019)

I say well done! You spoke up and put the requests to rest quickly. BIL will have to wait for his slippers!


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

Isnt it nice to know that he has worn them and likes them enough to ask for a repair, knowing perhaps if he didn't ask you he might not get to wear them again! Kind of you to fill his request.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Knitting in the Rockys said:


> ... Sometimes you just have to say no or be upfront that *your time has value*.


And _that_ is what all the askers overlook!


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## Knitting in the Rockys (Aug 17, 2015)

Jessica-Jean said:


> And _that_ is what all the askers overlook!


It's very easy to inform them. Quite frankly I've had begging up to the eyeballs lately. Go to the grocery store and I'm going to be asked at the check out if I'd like to donate to the cause of the day, week or month. Even the self check out pin pad asks me. At eateries I'm hounded to "round up" to help any number of causes. Yes they are all good and worthy causes, just don't dog me about it. Add in the Facebook posts which want to direct me to any number of Go Fund Me accounts, pleas from friends, family and coworkers to purchase everything from soup to nuts to benefit some group. I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time smiling and then shaking my head no these days. I received an email (part of a mass email) from a fellow church member. His wife passed away not long ago. He no longer wants us to provide casseroles, soups, etc. and wanted to let us all know that he'd much rather receive gift cards from his favorite eateries and listed those eateries. If my beef stew isn't good enough for him...he isn't nearly hungry enough! Saying no isn't difficult, if you practice enough.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Knitting in the Rockys said:


> ... I received an email (part of a mass email) from a fellow church member. His wife passed away not long ago. He no longer wants us to provide casseroles, soups, etc. and wanted to let us all know that *he'd much rather receive gift cards from his favorite eateries and listed those eateries*. If my beef stew isn't good enough for him...he isn't nearly hungry enough! Saying no isn't difficult, if you practice enough.


Oy! _Another_ nervy one!!

Beef stew? I'd offer him a chili-con-carne hot enough to cure him of eating for a few days!

Where do they come from?


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## youngie (Jul 25, 2017)

Some people take us for granted and think we can just drop everything to fulfil their own needs.


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## Murphie (Jan 6, 2019)

Instead of sewing the slippers you might consider telling him that you'll show them how THEY can fix them.


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## Murphie (Jan 6, 2019)

Knitting in the Rockys said:


> It's very easy to inform them. Quite frankly I've had begging up to the eyeballs lately. Go to the grocery store and I'm going to be asked at the check out if I'd like to donate to the cause of the day, week or month. Even the self check out pin pad asks me. At eateries I'm hounded to "round up" to help any number of causes. Yes they are all good and worthy causes, just don't dog me about it. Add in the Facebook posts which want to direct me to any number of Go Fund Me accounts, pleas from friends, family and coworkers to purchase everything from soup to nuts to benefit some group. I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time smiling and then shaking my head no these days. I received an email (part of a mass email) from a fellow church member. His wife passed away not long ago. He no longer wants us to provide casseroles, soups, etc. and wanted to let us all know that he'd much rather receive gift cards from his favorite eateries and listed those eateries. If my beef stew isn't good enough for him...he isn't nearly hungry enough! Saying no isn't difficult, if you practice enough.


I always smile and say "No, but thanks for asking. "


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## liz morris (Dec 28, 2014)

I have knitted a couple of things for my neighbour in return for a large quantity of yarn which she gave me. I hated the yarn I was using for her garments and couldn't finish them quickly enough. I have also refused in the past to knit something she asked for, on the basis that if she wanted it quickly and cheaply she had better go and buy one.

In general though, when I have been asked to sew garments I have said that I do not have Professional Indemnity insurance so they had better find a professional dressmaker who does.


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## Granny21 (Feb 18, 2019)

I think you were very respectful and kind in your replies. It's not un-Christian at all to expect another capable person of bearing responsibility on their own. 

We had a family gathering last week and I was asked 3 times to give 3 separate crochet WIPs to a family member. The response that popped into my head this time was to pull out a different crochet hook and yarn, hand them to the asker, smile, and say, "this is a very easy pattern, let me teach you to crochet while we visit this week." 

Each person asking me was a young adult. I sincerely thought it would be fun to teach and share my love of crochet during our week-long gathering . I would have happily given any of those kids the projects most times but I was already making each for a friend (who will appreciate the small gift.) 

As the week wore on the 3 began to make jokes about me working on my WIP during family visiting time. Joking about "old people loving yarn" etc. Each of these adults, as children, found pictures or patterns they wanted and asked me to make them, which I've almost always done. I am currently disinclined to make anything for these 3 again. 

DH wasn't too happy about the situation either which turned into a total blessing for me. I had asked here on KP for suggestions as to a LYS in the area of our reunion. He sent my mom and I to the store with orders to spend what I wanted only to buy yarn to make something for myself. Mom and I loved that LYS and I returned with beautiful hand dyed merino-silk blend for a new sweater. 

DH was quick to pull out the yarn to show it off to my daughter in front of the "mouthy kids" while commenting on the yarn's softness, quality and artistry. DH & DD managed to make an indirect point that only by learning the necesary skills could anyone enjoy beautifully custom fit clothing without spending a bazillion dollars for tailoring. Then in typical spoiled kid manner one of the younguns popped in with "well she'd make one for me if I asked her." DH replied, "I think that ship has sailed Kathryn, I heard her offer to teach you and you said no."

Probably all of us who love knitting, crochet, sewing or any crafting passion have "those people" in our family. Your responses are very well reasoned and well explained. Stick to your guns. Enjoy your knitting for you. "Those people" are too lazy to learn for themselves and don't get to ruin our joy.


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## ChristineM (Oct 1, 2012)

What an absolute cheek of your Church friend to ask for Gift Cards! Bet you two bob he wouldn't be giving gift cards if it was asked of him either! As he is widowed now he could learn to cook I would tell him! It would be that or starve!

My EX husband was offered a home to live in last year by his step sister. She had it fully furnished for him and the sod said "who is going to come and clean and cook and do my washing for me?" He wanted a slave! He doesn't and never ever has cooked and his personal habits leave a lot to be desired as he has aged...now nearly 80! His step sister did not want any money from him, it was rent free, but still it was not good enough for him as he would have to pay for his own utilities only! He didn't want anyone to live with him, just some Öld bird" to come in and do all the work for him, he said!

He is going into assisted living, immediately, preferably a secure psycho geriatric facility in Brisbane and I am leaving Adelaide, next Tuesday to drive up there solo, to make sure he goes into what the QLD Govt allocates him. And I hope they throw away the key once he is inside! My daughter will be a able to finally have a rest from his aggression abuse and assaults! Bet he won't do that to any MALE care workers, but he is good with his fists still where women are concerned as the Royal Brisbane staff are finding out currently!

He has never done a thing for himself in his entire life..I was a slave to him too for 25 years until I got rid of him 29 years ago. But time has definitely not dimmed the memory and his step sister is gob smacked that he would throw her lovely home back in her face, because she wouldn't go in three times a day and cook and clean for him too!!
She is picking up where I left off and realizes now that I am not the rotten, low life that he has painted me to be all these past years. 
Silly old man.. he is about to find out his life is going to be very different in an aged care facility where he cannot have fillet steak and fish and chips cooked for him every day!



Knitting in the Rockys said:


> It's very easy to inform them. Quite frankly I've had begging up to the eyeballs lately. Go to the grocery store and I'm going to be asked at the check out if I'd like to donate to the cause of the day, week or month. Even the self check out pin pad asks me. At eateries I'm hounded to "round up" to help any number of causes. Yes they are all good and worthy causes, just don't dog me about it. Add in the Facebook posts which want to direct me to any number of Go Fund Me accounts, pleas from friends, family and coworkers to purchase everything from soup to nuts to benefit some group. I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time smiling and then shaking my head no these days. I received an email (part of a mass email) from a fellow church member. His wife passed away not long ago. He no longer wants us to provide casseroles, soups, etc. and wanted to let us all know that he'd much rather receive gift cards from his favorite eateries and listed those eateries. If my beef stew isn't good enough for him...he isn't nearly hungry enough! Saying no isn't difficult, if you practice enough.


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## Granny21 (Feb 18, 2019)

fergablu2 said:


> Ask said sisters-in-law how they feel about trading labor, like doing your housework or helping in your garden. That should shut them up.


Love this idea!!! Awesome :sm01:


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## Elation (Dec 28, 2012)

How saying that you would be happy to, with an equal trade in time. You prefer they do your housework and chores, matching hour for hour. That will put an end to it. 

If the slippers are coming loose, or whatever, tell her that the local fabric store or Michael's sells fabric glue, which would be nice for her to have on hand for other things. So if you knit something, then you have to endlessly repair it?

Conversely, I had someone laughing at my darning socks, saying that when they wear a hole, they throw them out. Well, most socks cost $25-30 a pair, so it is worth it to me to darn them and it is satisfying work. That brought silence and a harumph. 

I either knit them (~$25 or more for the yarn) or buy Smartwool socks ($25 plus).

I don't think I would mend all of the knitting and so forth that I have given to so many - it would be a part-time job doing only that. I finally started making things for myself and am enjoying it. It took decades to realize that I would appreciate it more than anyone.

Take heart that they think your work is nice to ask you so much. I always offer the housework trade, or something I don't like to do, and most don't realize that a week or weeks can go into knitting something.

Elation


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## Granny21 (Feb 18, 2019)

ChristineM said:


> ......
> Yesterday in chatting to my little grand daughter on the phone before she went to school, she said "Yin Yin, Jess said thank you for the socks you made her last year!" We were on loud speaker and I replied "well that's long overdue darling isn't it? Saying thank you 6 months later! I hope you have better manners than that when you grow up!"
> 
> Unfortunately, Jess and her son had had a sleep over at my daughter's house......
> ...


IMO, you did a service to those kids. The adult woman may be too old to learn manners but the children are not. I'm so sorry that you're on the receiving end of all that anger. But hopefully you've taught your grandchild a very important life lesson.


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## Elation (Dec 28, 2012)

As for the chap that asked for restaurant gift cards in lieu of homemade drop offs, I would have 2-3 people chip in and drop off a cookbook, instead.


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## gmomgil (Feb 11, 2015)

fergablu2 said:


> Ask said sisters-in-law how they feel about trading labor, like doing your housework or helping in your garden. That should shut them up.


Good idea. Like this.


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## solshine (Nov 30, 2016)

People who don’t do needle arts don’t have a clue about how hard something might be to make. I just gave a good friend a table cloth. She loved it....I know shewillwant me to make her more. I bought this from someone else who does beautiful work. She thought I should make her some gray leggings because her legs get cold under her night gowns, told her I don’t do leggings. She also wants a grey shawl. Ive also made her two shawls.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

A few years ago my daughter's husband asked me to knit him a Christmas jumper. I politely said no. They are for sale very cheaply and he would not have appreciated the time and work for me to knit it. I'm really glad I declined as the rat has left my daughter for another woman.


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## kcdaisy17 (Oct 20, 2017)

An adult with a masters degree (in teaching) asked me to sew a button on a pair of jeans for her. One button. I declined, telling her that between her and her husband, they could manage to do it themselves. She spent the next two years asking everyone in the family to do it for her. Some people declined, some offered to teach her. I think the button is still waiting to be sewn. Ridiculous!


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## Caroline19 (Jun 6, 2011)

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Your time is your own and how you chose to spend it is entirely your decision. As for starting a business out of charity work I could not have let that one go. I would have asked my s I l what part of charity work did she not understand. As for the slippers when you repair them I would suggest you return them with a repair kit of yarn for any further fixings that he can do himself. I always bundle up a small amount of matching yarn for repairs when giving my knitting projects to others. Sounds like you have you hands full with your gardening. Have fun....guilt free!!!


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## rhiannon43130 (Dec 21, 2014)

Understood. I knit and sew, if I did all projects family wanted I would never see daylight....craft room in basement.


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## mombr4 (Apr 21, 2011)

I think you handled it in a very nice way.

Hopefully they got the message, and no reason to feel guilty.


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## Lighthousegal (Jan 5, 2016)

No worries, you handled it correctly. It is assumed we will knit or crochet for someone whenever they want us to do a project for them. Our time is our own.


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## williesmom (Feb 16, 2012)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Oy! _Another_ nervy one!!
> 
> Beef stew? I'd offer him a chili-con-carne hot enough to cure him of eating for a few days!
> 
> Where do they come from?


From today's society, which teaches that "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" and "it doesn't hurt to ask for what you want". Almost 40 years ago my mother taught me that asking for something puts the burden of saying no on the person asked, and that wasn't fair. I didn't like her lesson at the time, but I understand it's importance.


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## saukvillesu (Jan 10, 2013)

Kay Knits said:


> I think you handled the requests very well!! Hold your ground and do only what you want to do - time is limited and knitting should be for your enjoyment.


I agree that you handled it well--It's not easy to say NO! If they have the nerve to even ask, you have the right to say no. And, unless you nip this in the bud, it will only get worse.


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## talbotsetters (Dec 21, 2013)

My grandmother always said: “If you don’t ask, you don’t want; and if you do ask, you don’t deserve”! That always stumped me as a child... I totally agree with everything said. If people don’t thank me, they don’t get anything else. In this day and age, with mobiles, Facebook, whatsapp etc, there is absolutely no excuse not to thank someone for their thoughtfulness. And the man who’s fed up with casseroles just beggars belief - suggest he enrols on a cookery course! I wonder how much of his c**p his poor wife had to put up with over the years...


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## Ruddersrun (Aug 6, 2013)

You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Why don't you suggest teaching them how to knit so they can finish their own projects!
You can have you very own family knitting circle.


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

Do not feel badly at all! You were far nicer than I would have been!


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## JoLink (Oct 17, 2016)

Honesty is the best rule! You did that in a very nice way it seems to me, you have nothing to feel guilty for!


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## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

NO! is a wonderful word. My life has become so much less complicated since I learned to say that.


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## betty boivin (Sep 12, 2012)

I think you did WELL! Offer to teach them!


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## 197291 (Mar 9, 2019)

"No" is a perfectly acceptable word if you're not inclined or it would be an imposition to satisfy what another wants you to do for them, particularly if there's no reciprocity. No need to feel guilty over that.


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## katiekk (Jul 31, 2018)

You can refuse but you must be kind about it. Otherwise you'll be slapped down by someone when you need help. Karma.


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## rjazz (Feb 9, 2011)

LOVE that answer sandytene :sm01:


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## ngriff (Jan 25, 2014)

You absolutely handled it right. I have folks who assume I can "fix" anything. Recently an old polo shirt frayed completely where the cuff is attached to the sleeve. It won't be attractive and may be impossible. A woman asked me a mend a purse lining that she ripped apart to get coins that fell through. I used new material to fabricate a new bottom and hand-sewed it in. She voluntarily offered me $5 for it.


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## Momto8 (Feb 14, 2017)

sandytene said:


> You're not alone. All knitters, sewers, crafters get these unreasonable requests all the time. My most common was, "I'll pay for the wool" and my standard answer was "would you pay for Picasso's paint"?


I appreciate and share your style of sarcasm! I'll have to remember your comment.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

They can not make you feel guilty, only you can make you feel guilty. You have a right to your time. They are only doing this as you have given in to their demands in the past. Don't give in and keep doing your own thing and they will give up and fined some one else to do their project in the future. Best to you with your gardening. I do miss being able to garden.


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## ljf (Dec 20, 2016)

Your responses were right on.
Every once in awhile I will have someone ask if I could do a pattern for them.
If I can and have the time I will often say okay. If I prefer not to and know the person will insist I tell them "Take a number, stand in line and don't hold your breath."


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

OMG this takes the cake! Especially the SIL who wants you to knit so she can rake in the profits. The nerve of people, good for you for standing up for yourself and not caving because it's family.


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## PatK27 (Oct 13, 2016)

You did a great job saying no. I bake and decorate cakes and cupcakes as well as knit. I had made 4 dozen fancy cupcakes for a special event at church. I was then asked twice within a month to make more (we have a very active church). I said that I would not make any more after those. Don't you know the ver next week someone asked me to bake some more? I just said NO - I'll offer to bake when I feel I have the time.


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## Squiter60 (Jan 19, 2013)

Keep standing your ground. I noticed it was never your direct family asking for the favors.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

fergablu2 said:


> Ask said sisters-in-law how they feel about trading labor, like doing your housework or helping in your garden. That should shut them up.


Was waiting my turn to say that, also. As to the shoe soles, I would not have taken them, but send a threaded needle to the wife. Can't stand " helpless" takers of other's time...after all, we learned how..so can they. Great lesson for all of us. Very good topic..thanks.


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## hazel zanella (Dec 8, 2012)

Don't let people take advantage of you, have some standard answers always at the ready. My latest request ( from a step nephews new wife, who I briefly met just once) I would like you knit four large rugs ....in team colours.... to wrap ourselves in when at the football matches....after all, you are my aunty now. Well now, this old 'aunty' soon delivered the sad news that I really didn't have time for such requests as I have many other hobbies and only knit for my grandchildren these days.


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## talulakat (Jan 22, 2016)

possumlj said:


> It's not un-Christian to say NO.


44
How true, even God says NO


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## whitetail (Feb 19, 2011)

You handled it well.


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## hazel zanella (Dec 8, 2012)

Don't let people take advantage of you, have some standard answers always at the ready. My latest request ( from a step nephews new wife, who I briefly met just once) I would like you knit four large rugs ....in team colours.... to wrap ourselves in when at the football matches....after all, you are my aunty now. Well now, this old 'aunty' soon delivered the sad news that I really didn't have time for such requests as I have many other hobbies and only knit for my grandchildren these days.


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## Damiano (Nov 15, 2016)

The SAME goes for those who ask me to teach lessons on, or play the organ and piano for church services, weddings and funerals. I give them the Organists' Guild recommended fee schedule and tell them I am to be paid in CASH the day before, or I won't play. I once stalled a wedding for 40 minutes because the groomsman "forgot" my envelope!

I paid for my music lessons and degree, bought music, home practice and teaching instruments, etc. They and my time ALL COST MONEY.

These people have jobs to earn money enough on which to live. Music IS my job!


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Mum7 said:


> I get this too. Usually preceded with. "Can you just....." as if it will take a couple of minutes. What makes it worse is when I have made something and notified the relevant party, they cannot find time to fetch it so it can be waiting here sometimes for weeks, or they say "I'll get so and so to fetch it". How inconsiderate and ungrateful.


OH! My answer to that would be.."Sorry, I donated it to someone needy, since you did not pick it up."


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## Janice Wilkens (Feb 20, 2015)

You could choose to take all of those requests as compliments - these people trust in your good work and feel they can depend on you. I love knitting for others (who appreciate it) and family members never ask me to knit anything for them!



Susie2016 said:


> It's happened three times in the last couple of months.
> 
> First, a non-knitting SIL who rarely speaks to me brought me her dying mother's incomplete knitting project (a complicated large, multi-stitch, multi-colored, sweater knitted in a giant circle formation) and asked if I could do it since her mother couldn't knit anymore. I respectfully and politely told her it was far too complicated for me and gave her the names of the LYS's in our city where she might be able to find someone she could pay to knit it. She acted huffy about it. I felt bad for her but I wasn't ready to tackle a project which would take up literally all my time. (And I have never knitted anything that complicated in my life.)
> 
> ...


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## Janice Wilkens (Feb 20, 2015)

wow, you're tough. I don't think I would have held up the wedding!



Damiano said:


> The SAME goes for those who ask me to teach lessons on, or play the organ and piano for church services, weddings and funerals. I give them the Organists' Guild recommended fee schedule and tell them I am to be paid in CASH the day before, or I won't play. I once held up a wedding for 40 minutes because the groomsman "forgot" my envelope!
> 
> I paid for my music lessons and degree, bought music, home practice and teaching instruments, etc. They and my time ALL COST MONEY.
> 
> These people have jobs to earn money enough on which to live. Music IS my job!


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

bokemom said:


> I agree with everyone who said you handled it beautifully.


Yes! Yes!..


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

bundyanne07 said:


> It is difficult the first time you say 'no' but after that it becomes a lot easier.
> 
> I like the idea of saying 'I'll knit while you do my work' - - my inside windows need cleaning!!!


Love these answers!


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## sigridsmith (Oct 21, 2017)

SIL #1 asked because she didn't know better. But then you set her straight and she was mad about it. Wow. You can only hope that she returns to not ever talking to you. As for SIL #2 who wants to make money on charity projects with you doing the work, there are no words. What doesn't she understand about the words 'business' and 'charity'? The slippers? I would probably fix them when all of my other projects were done. That is a worthy project because it is clear that he enjoys them and has worn them a lot. Many gifts wind up in the bottom of the bureau drawer so you are lucky there.


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## mperrone (Mar 14, 2013)

Please don't feel bad, or feel you have to justify not being able to do favors for your relatives. A simple "no, I really can't, but will be happy show you how to knit or repair the things you need."


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## Finnsbride (Feb 8, 2011)

You responded nicely. I think most people have no idea what goes in to even simple knitting projects. Their ignorance should not become your problem.


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## Kansas g-ma (Mar 7, 2014)

Shuck the guilt-- you are not the one who needs to feel guilty. Just respond as fergablu2 suggested, sure to stop them cold. And sandytene has the best response I've read so far.


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## peacefulknitter (Mar 30, 2013)

Not unchristian at all


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## a.ledge (Jun 28, 2018)

I understand how you feel. You don’t have to feel guilty. No one should push you into making something.


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## theatermaven (Dec 18, 2018)

I knitted sweaters for guys when I was in college. "Gosh, that sweater you made for so and so was really nice. Would you make one for me? I'll buy the yarn." I didn't date and I made Fair Isle patterns (I didn't think they were hard), and I knit during movies almost anyplace. Until I lost one on the train on my way to school and had to pay back the money for the yarn. I didn't knit again for another fifteen years. I am almost 75and really enjoy knitting and my group, the Anarchist Knitting Coven (see FB page), and I realize that the stuff I did as a youth in college was well really hard. 
Don't feel bad about saying 'NO'. It is a very good useful word.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Murphie said:


> I always smile and say "No, but thanks for asking. "


Oh! I like that answer...perfect! May we steal it from you? Please!


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

nanad said:


> Stand your ground some people just don't get it.


I agree.


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## mattapoisett5 (Apr 25, 2018)

You are RIGHT stand your ground a lot of nerve sometimes do not understand people with not doing it Good luck


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

ljf said:


> Your responses were right on.
> Every once in awhile I will have someone ask if I could do a pattern for them.
> If I can and have the time I will often say okay. If I prefer not to and know the person will insist I tell them "Take a number, stand in line and don't hold your breath."


Yes! I have used "get in line". Short and to the point.


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

You have got to just pick and choose what you want to do and stop these people from stealing your time away from you..Simply say NO any nice way you can...I can understand the slipper sewing as even though his wife could do it..It probably wouldn't get done..by her; as this is a reason why her husband requested that you do it..You made them and he knows that a knitter stands by her craft...So chalk it up as a favor and tell him/her there is no life time warranty on them and next time they will have to seek an alternative..You committed yourself on this one so follow through...If people have the nerve to ask for the impossible they deserve the retort that they get...


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## BaraKiss (Jun 15, 2012)

Self-preservation! Don't feel guilty for saying no.


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## grammyto9 (Mar 8, 2016)

my grandchildren are now past the smocked dresses, etc. but when people would ask me to sew for them, I would say "I only sew for Love and Kisses!" My husband's niece asked me to make a smocked outfit for her only child (a boy) when he was born. I did but never saw him wear it (I really doubt that his dad would let her put it on him). He graduated from high school last weekend and I have wondered about asking if she still has it and would like to get rid of it so I can re-gift it when I become a great-grand (not currently happening but need to be prepared!) LOL


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## grannybird4 (Feb 1, 2015)

No need to feel guilty.


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## nanbobs (Jun 29, 2017)

How upsetting. Sorry they are so clueless! I know we have all had it happen, and itsaggravating!


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

WOW! I read every answer and everyone of them were great and to the point. One friend told me she was golfing today, would I make some hot pads for her. She crochets! My answer was to check my back for the name SUCKER! It was not there and never will be.


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## CALLI (Jun 23, 2013)

Susie2016 said:


> It's happened three times in the last couple of months.
> 
> First, a non-knitting SIL who rarely speaks to me brought me her dying mother's incomplete knitting project (a complicated large, multi-stitch, multi-colored, sweater knitted in a giant circle formation) and asked if I could do it since her mother couldn't knit anymore. I respectfully and politely told her it was far too complicated for me and gave her the names of the LYS's in our city where she might be able to find someone she could pay to knit it. She acted huffy about it. I felt bad for her but I wasn't ready to tackle a project which would take up literally all my time. (And I have never knitted anything that complicated in my life.)
> 
> ...


Politely say, "so sorry I do not have the time, but I can teach you to do it yourself"


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## LindaH (Feb 1, 2011)

You shouldn't feel guilty about turning the requests down. You, and only you, have the right to say no I can't do that. We all have that right by the way. I'm just saying that you know what you have to do all summer and into the fall. Picking veggies and then canning them is hard work! More power to you! If I had the equipment to do the same I would too.


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## Lobax (Jun 12, 2016)

Great responses, very tactful!


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## Capva (Jan 24, 2011)

NO you are NOT wrong in feeling the way you do! Just had visiting in-laws, (mydaughter's) and I was asked to make a weighted blanket. I not only said NO but I told her that they sell them in the stores and probably even Amazon. I primarily make prayer shawls and laprobes and people are always trying to have me make other things (plastic sleeping mats for Haiti, afghans for various other causes etc) There are a million causes out there but I am doing what interests me!


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## Capva (Jan 24, 2011)

NO you are NOT wrong in feeling the way you do! Just had visiting in-laws, (mydaughter's) and I was asked to make a weighted blanket. I not only said NO but I told her that they sell them in the stores and probably even Amazon. I primarily make prayer shawls and laprobes and people are always trying to have me make other things (plastic sleeping mats for Haiti, afghans for various other causes etc) There are a million causes out there but I am doing what interests me!


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## Goldie211 (Oct 27, 2016)

i like the trade for time spent on knitting to time spent on your gardening and canning equal trade.. 10 hours knitting for your in laws the repay you with 10 hours of choirs around your house... no choirs not knitting... good luck...


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## Pinkpaisley (Mar 11, 2015)

sandytene said:


> You're not alone. All knitters, sewers, crafters get these unreasonable requests all the time. My most common was, "I'll pay for the wool" and my standard answer was "would you pay for Picasso's paint"?


Love it! May I use it too?


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## AdeleRM (May 20, 2012)

I don't feel like reading all 9 pages of comments, but I do want to chime in and say that I agree with the ones of the first page and a half. I hope all of the rest of them are similar.


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## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

klrober said:


> A simple No...and no explanation necessary imo.


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## caroleliz (Sep 28, 2011)

My niece has just had a baby, and there has been comments on how she doesn't have any first size cardigans. I haven't taken the hint as I have 4 grandchildren who I knit for and at the moment am making little mittens, sacks, cones, hats and stockings for them to use as advent calendars. 

I'm not knitting as much because my husband is disabled and not feeling up to making meals for us. I am working full time and it takes 45 minutes to an hour to drive from home to work and back again and by the time I get the evening meal done and dishes washed and lunches made for the next day it's nearly 8pm and I have to get up and leave for work at 7.30am.


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## hallsyh (Nov 14, 2011)

This is my attitude - I'll need anything for free that I enjoy knitting and nothing, for all the tea in china, that I don't. 
I think a polite but firm refusal is exactly the right thing to do if you don't want to do it, so good on you.


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## mopa2282 (May 12, 2011)

Good for you,don’t be put on.


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## txgigi (Feb 19, 2014)

You handled very well. It is hard to learn you can say no.


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## jditlin (Mar 13, 2011)

You have every right to say no, and never feel guilty for saying it.


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## hazelroselooms (Oct 19, 2016)

Non knitters have no idea how long it takes or how expensive yarn is. That they ask is a compliment to what they consider your skill/talent to be, but you do not need to feel guilty about refusing. You are doing it tactfully. Just keep it light.


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## Lenaki (Jul 3, 2011)

I have learned to say no to other peoples’ Projects. Years ago a family friend asked me to cross-stitch a stamped runner that was mailed to her from her cousin overseas. At the time I had two children and working full-time and her daughter was single with no children but she told me she didn’t know how. I offered to teach her daughter to Cross-stitch and she told me no she doesn’t have time. I politely turned the project down and I didn’t feel bad about it. And I absolutely abhor stamped cross-stitch. It would have taken me months to stitch that and I had better things to do with my time.


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## kipsalot (Jan 2, 2013)

My niece used to think that I should knit things for her five boys and herself. I offered to teach her to knit and her face fell. To be fair she has claimed that her hands hurt/ache for a long time. I worked full time and had six children of my own. She also, later on, thought it was okay to send her mending to me because I had a sewing machine. Unfortunately for her mending, I remembered she made her own wedding dress not too many years before and had a perfectly good sewing machine of her own. Not getting pulled into that one. 

One of my daughters likes to try to demand that I make items for her. Apparently I knit crooked because the sloppy bun hats are all loose on one side. But she raves to everyone else about them. She has a complaint about each thing I make her. I hope she realizes that does not make me want to make her more items. 

Most of the time when someone outside of family asks me to make something specific it is pretty easy. I tell them to go pick out and buy the yarn and tell them what to look for then I will make it. No takers yet. It usually slips their mind to go and buy the yarn.


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## knitcat777 (Sep 11, 2018)

The ability to say "NO" shows strength! Keep on saying, "NO." It saves your gut!!!!


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## alicealice (Sep 12, 2018)

Once you offer to do something for someone it becomes an ongoing job. People will take advantage of your talent and use you, don’t let them


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## likewatercolor (Jul 31, 2017)

Oh yes, been there, done that! Many folks have no idea how much they are asking of us. I had a mother come to me after major surgery asking if I could just make up some things for her 3 girls Halloween costumes. Of course she did not sew, but said it would be real simple. And she really is a nice person, but I said I just couldn't do it. Just a fact with no regrets. 
We sometimes need tough skin. I do many acts of kindness and feel no guilt on these occasions.


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## Poiyatama (Mar 22, 2011)

Brilliant!


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## Needlinnan (Jul 19, 2012)

Unfortunately, when I am asked to make something for someone, I don’t feel compelled to make it or tell them why. I don’t even offer to teach them. Most folks have computers or iPhones, etc., and can go to You Tube to learn. I don’t have sufficient patience to teach any more.


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## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

Non-knitters just don't understand the time and effort involved in a project, nor do they understand what it usually takes to fix things. It's seldom much fun either. Stand your ground but a little humor sometimes helps when you have to refuse. 

"It would take me months to do that and it still wouldn't look right." " OK, but I have a ton of things to do ahead of your little project." "I've never done that before so I have no idea what it will look like." Such honest statements would put the ball in their park.


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## Ermdog (Apr 24, 2014)

Not one thing wrong with boundaries. It doesn't sound like your responses were unkind, just sharing your reasons for not being in a position to do their bidding. There is no one on earth who can make you feel guilty except you when guilt on you is inappropriate. You are allowed to say "no" without saying "yes" to guilt.


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## Nilda muniz (Aug 14, 2011)

You are not mean and unchristian. I Think you did the right thing with your SIL.


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## Munchn (Mar 3, 2013)

There are times when you need to use the word no and you did that graciously. :sm24:


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## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

Why are YOU feeling guilty?
Their demands are outrageous.
Learning to "Just say NO," to them might be an interesting project for you.
I have seen how much freedom can be achieved by that one word.
I can even be slightly rude about it if necessary.

F'rinstance: 
Co-worker: You just HAVE TO make one of those for ME! 
I usually just laugh and say something like "No way, Jose.."
but when she demanded it for the umpteenth time

Dsynr: I don't HAVE TO do anything but stay what I am and die, dear.

She hasn't demanded anything else.


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## Latte with Yarn (May 18, 2019)

LOVE fergablu2's response! It should definitely get the desired results!!! :sm11:


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## tonyastewart (Sep 1, 2014)

if you worry about being unchristian offer to teach them to knit, tell the one wanting a business you aren't interested because you see no input from her. And say a prayer for both of them...after all the 
"lord loveth a cheerful giver" "God helps those that help themselves"


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## g-mom (Mar 1, 2011)

sandytene said:


> You're not alone. All knitters, sewers, crafters get these unreasonable requests all the time. My most common was, "I'll pay for the wool" and my standard answer was "would you pay for Picasso's paint"?


 :sm24:


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## Poiyatama (Mar 22, 2011)

At dinner with a pair of new acquaintances, a woman admired the large silk scarf I was wearing. When she found out I knitted it myself, she asked me to make one for her exactly like it. "I can't. The yarn has been discontinued." She persisted, saying she'd trust me (!) to pick out something else she -- practically a stranger to me -- would like. I laughed & said I couldn't possibly do that for reasons each of you KPers knows. She persisted still. "What would you be willing to pay for this scarf?" I asked.
"Oh, I don't know. $20.00, maybe? I could get one at TJMaxx for $15." 
"Well then, you'd better get it there. The yarn alone for this scarf cost $75.00, not to mention the pattern, tools, and a considerable amount of my time." 
Some people are oblivious to the value of quality & skill.


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## Knitting in the Rockys (Aug 17, 2015)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Oy! _Another_ nervy one!!
> 
> Beef stew? I'd offer him a chili-con-carne hot enough to cure him of eating for a few days!
> 
> Where do they come from?


The phone calls among church members that went around in the days following the email...well if he waits for gift cards, he's going to starve! At the moment our priest is not very happy with this fellow.


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## Jayne13 (Aug 8, 2013)

Non crafters (knitters+crocheters) have NO idea the time it takes to make something or the cost involved. STAND your ground! I have a woman in the block that brings up all these ideas, but she doesn't volunteer to buy any of the supplies. She doesn't know what end of a needle to thread. :-(


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## Knitting in the Rockys (Aug 17, 2015)

Oh I truly believe that non knitters know exactly what is involved, time wise and cost for materials....moochers always do.


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## KnitterNatalie (Feb 20, 2011)

Kay Knits said:


> I think you handled the requests very well!! Hold your ground and do only what you want to do - time is limited and knitting should be for your enjoyment.


I applaud your responses!! Good for you...and you certainly shouldn't feel guilty...stand your ground on that too!! I've finally stopped knitting/crocheting for my family/extended family because I don't see them wearing my knitted items (but they wear the same items that are store bought)! I always tell them when I gift anything...I knit it but I don't fix it! Stand firm! Give the slippers back and tell either one of them HOW to fix the soles...tell them that you just don't have time at the moment and that you're SURE that they can do this...put the guilt on THEM! Best wishes!


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## CHinNWOH (Feb 5, 2012)

fergablu2 said:


> Ask said sisters-in-law how they feel about trading labor, like doing your housework or helping in your garden. That should shut them up.


I think this is the best answer, you could knit and supervise their work. My alternative answer would be to offer to teach them to knit when you do have time. After one lesson, they will probably never bother you again. Never feel guilty about this - we have all had similar circumstances and you were completely honest with them. However, you should feel flattered that they think you can do it all.


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## DonnaB-NC (Nov 17, 2018)

I feel your pain - from a different perspective though. My husband and I both work in the tech industry; he in particular works as a desktop support technician and i work in business automation software. EVERYONE in our families believe we can fix EVERY piece of technology they own at any time and for no money (I'm talking parts here, not labor). I solved the issue finally - I charge them. For parts AND for labor. Yes they get huffy, and snarky about it and I tell them that if we didn't have the knowledge we have they'd have to PAY someone to fix it for them anyway so take it or leave it. The MIL is the WORST - we're in NC she's in NY and insists on us either fixing her system - which she messes up at least 3 times a year - by remoting into it or she ships it to us and then hounds us to get it back to her in less than a week. Suffice to say this has caused an immense amount of tension between all of us. Now she gets charged too, and we hike the price since she wants it rushed. She is always given the option that she can take it to a local Geek Squad!

Stand your ground, you life is your own and they have NO problem taking it away from you. You are not being un-christian, or any other negative verb you wish to assign to your actions. You're looking out for yourself and if you don't do that - no one else will.


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## Elation (Dec 28, 2012)

williesmom said:


> Almost 40 years ago my mother taught me that asking for something puts the burden of saying no on the person asked, and that wasn't fair.


A lot of us are like that, not asking (which can also be pride). I found in a couple of desperate situations, that I had to ask a favor. People looked at me shocked, as if it was a one-way street for them, but not return two-way street, and said "No."

It was eye-opening, but I realized that most approach a person or situation thinking what they can get out of it. Then there is the minority, that is always thinking of what they can do of benefit. Evidently, this latter includes blinders that should be noted and removed, so one can get the whole picture.

Doesn't stop one from giving, but a lot of people fall into the old saying, "Give an inch, take a mile."
They miss the satisfaction of figuring out things on one's own and creative approaches.

Givers seem to have "no" removed from their dictionaries and the few I know who have this problem, I tell to get an indelible marker and write it in in emboldened caps. They usually laugh, but it makes the point.

A two-letter word said overtly, is much better than the four-letter words that are said covertly, after the fact.

;-) Elation


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## Pittgirl (Jan 6, 2017)

I think everyone of us who does any kind of needle art gets asked to make things for free. Everyone has given some great responses!


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## CherylH (Jun 27, 2016)

This topic came up a while back, maybe even last year, about how to handle people asking you to knit something for them. One of the members of the KP community, and I’m sorry but I do not know who it was, commented (and I hope I get it right) that knitting for someone is a lot like sex. If I love you it’s free; and if I don’t, you can’t afford me. 

I laughed out loud at that, but d**n if it didn’t hit the nail on the head!! Kudos to whoever posted that comment to begin with. ????????


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## colleenmay (Apr 5, 2012)

I can top everyone in the 'take advantage' department. My DIL cannot sew a button on. A couple of years ago we took the entire family on an Alaskan cruise. The weather turned colder than expected and all the women ended up buying jackets on the cruise ship. So a month ago my son shows up with this jacket of his wife's, saying they washed it and now it needed a little mending so would I take care of it? After he left and I looked at it closely, just about EVERY seam on this REVERSIBLE jacket needed sewing. What a job it turned out to be!!! When I finished the jacket and returned it to their house, my DIL was not home. I never received a thank you or even an aknowledgement from her. I guess the jacket fairies fixed it.


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## cbjllinda (Mar 6, 2016)

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all especially with these two requests. they just don't make sense . I would have said no to the first one if it was more complicated then I normally do. we knit for enjoyment not frustration. as for the second I fully agree with you volunteer is completely separate from a business and as you said what is her part in this business???? I think you did the right thing. so many people do not stand their ground and they are miserable .


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## cbjllinda (Mar 6, 2016)

good for you! stand your ground. we have a granddaughter and her boyfriend is a computer tech and there are times I need to ask a question and he will give me a list of things to try to fix the problem. if I can't fix it he will do it for me but he always gets paid in one form or another. I would never ask him to do it for free. and I don't think anyone else should. you go to school for these things. I went to school years and years ago to become a cosmetologist instructor and did hair for years. had my own shop for years. but did not give into friends who thought they should get it free. sorry but I had to pay to learn it and I wouldn't dream of asking them for something they ;paid to learn for free either.


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## Only wool (Feb 13, 2017)

sandytene said:


> You're not alone. All knitters, sewers, crafters get these unreasonable requests all the time. My most common was, "I'll pay for the wool" and my standard answer was "would you pay for Picasso's paint"?


Perfect response!


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## knittingpixie (Mar 5, 2017)

This topic makes me cringe. As a dumb 30 some year old, I received a knitted Christmas stocking with my child’s name knit into it. I requested more stockings for my next two girls. Then I asked my friends Grandma to make 2 more stockings for my 2 nephews. I did thank her but never offered to even pay for the yarn much less her time. Now I knit baby hats for the local hospital, and I realize the expense and the amount of time my little hats require. How could I have assumed my friends Grandma had nothing better to do then knit for me. I tell my friend, I think of her Grandma often and hope she realizes how greatful I am for the beautiful Xmas stockings. I only wish I could tell her in person. At least I finally realize how generous she was to me. 
And now my youngest daughter would like me to make similar stockings for her boys. I said I would but first I have to make my first plain sock. Hopefully, I will find someone willing to teach me.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Granny21 said:


> ... Enjoy your knitting for you. "Those people" are too lazy to learn for themselves and *don't get to ruin our joy.]/b]*


*You have a most wonderful husband!!!*


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## knittingpixie (Mar 5, 2017)

This topic makes me cringe. As a dumb 30 some year old, I received a knitted Christmas stocking with my child’s name knit into it. I requested more stockings for my next two girls. Then I asked my friends Grandma to make 2 more stockings for my 2 nephews. I did thank her but never offered to even pay for the yarn much less her time. Now I knit baby hats for the local hospital, and I realize the expense and the amount of time my little hats require. How could I have assumed my friends Grandma had nothing better to do then knit for me. I tell my friend, I think of her Grandma often and hope she realizes how greatful I am for the beautiful Xmas stockings. I only wish I could tell her in person. At least I finally realize how generous she was to me. 
And now my youngest daughter would like me to make similar stockings for her boys. I said I would but first I have to make my first plain sock. Hopefully, I will find someone willing to teach me.


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## Nina Weddle Tullis (Feb 13, 2011)

Well you can choose your friends, but not your relatives.


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## Nina Weddle Tullis (Feb 13, 2011)

Duplicate. Sorry.


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## GrandmaSuzy (Nov 15, 2016)

Make "NO" a part of your vocabulary! My family did this to me for a long time until I finally said that I have my own stuff to do, I knit/crochet for enjoyment, and if I GIFT something to you, it's because I know you would enjoy whatever it was. Just keep saying NO until they finally get it.


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## mamanacy (Dec 16, 2013)

Learning to say NO is good for the soul!! Eventually they will stop asking. JMO


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## Glasgow Girl (Jan 24, 2019)

it happens to me all the time. I knit and crochet and someone always wants something. Stick to your guns ... your time is yours to do with what you wish not to feel you HAVE to meet some of these demands. Happy Gardening


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## Sealcookie (Nov 11, 2015)

Stick to your guns, every family has one.


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

As I read all the responses, it dawned on me my family has never once asked for me to do something special in the knitting department. They seem to love the gifts they get so I guess they are not being greedy, always get thanks and hugs. DH did ask me to make his hat longer to fold up over his ears. Then I see he had it pushed up over his ears so he can hear his phone in the bobcat when plowing. Then I made him the 1898? hat and he folded that up too, lol!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Capva said:


> ... There are a million causes out there but *I am doing what interests me!*


And so should we all!!!


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## sthubert1989 (Aug 19, 2018)

You have got to learn to say "no" that you are to busy at this time.


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## Cathryn 2ed (Feb 1, 2011)

My answer tends to be "No but I'll teach you to knit and you can do it." So now they are the one saying no.


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## RosieCVD (Jul 26, 2016)

fergablu2 said:


> Ask said sisters-in-law how they feel about trading labor, like doing your housework or helping in your garden. That should shut them up.


I agree with most that have been said on this, but this one from fergablu2 really does offer a solution that will make them think about what they are asking of you. It's your time, you get to decide how to spend it...Like money you can only spend it once.


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## Rosette (Oct 7, 2011)

So many excellent replies. You could also agree to knit something for $20 per hour, as it is not worth your time to charge less.


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## barbknits19 (Nov 27, 2016)

Sounds like you're handling the situation very well...just don't feel guilty when you say no.


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## dixiedarling (Nov 26, 2017)

mary katherine said:


> I am in a small knitting group at a local church. I don't attend this church but have friends who do. This "member" came in showing a picture of a very complicated and ugly afghan her grand daughter sent her and wanted one of us to crochet it for her. I am the only experienced crocheter in the group so I get nominated. I explained to her that No. 1- somebody would have to go shopping to buy the yarn, No.2- the pattern was not a free pattern so there goes another $7, and no. 3- if her gd didn't like it when finished I am stuck with it and the expense not to mention all the work. The woman sat there looking at me like "this is my grand daughter, you should be tickled to death to do something for her". To this day she passes me by and won't speak now. Do I care? Not in the least. They have no idea the amount of work that goes into this stuff. Stick to your ground or offer to teach them how to do it. That is usually enough to shut them up.


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## Reita (Dec 8, 2014)

It's not just knitting, It's everything. can you do this, can you do that, will you do etc., etc.. I'm learning to say no, just not fast enough. They might get mad at you but, it won't last long. Just say not. Reita


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## dixiedarling (Nov 26, 2017)

knit-knit said:


> NO! is a wonderful word. My life has become so much less complicated since I learned to say that.


Yes!! :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## Ask4j (May 21, 2011)

Good subject and you are now up to 12 pages. Yes, it does affect us all sooner or later. Here's my 2¢ worth--Knitting is your hobby, your relaxation and time for yourself--I would make it very clear that it is your personal hobby. Make it clear you won't meddle in what they do in their free time and that you would appreciate the same respect. That's all it is simple respect of you, for you and because you are terrific you knit! I've given up knitting for others long ago--rarely do they appreciate or even begin to understand it.


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## Arachne (Apr 15, 2013)

First, and most important of all, you are NOT mean, nor mean spirited, nor any of the other negative thoughts that are buzzing through your head. Knitting should always be a pleasure, even for those who earn a living from it. I can probably safely say that just about everyone on KP has a non knitting/crocheting relative/friend that thinks you just snap your fingers and "POOF!" a finished project appears. I've stressed myself out in the past with holiday gifts, deadlines, and the "Oh, can you make this for me by next week?" projects. I find that when I make gifts on my own terms and schedules, they become way more pleasurable to do and are lovingly knitted. My family totally "gets it", and I'm good with that too . I think you answers were honest...saying "No" is one of the hardest 2 letter words to utter


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

Boy did that lot have a nerve,,, I would send them packing with a few choice words, Some folks don't deserve kind words to soften the "NO".


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## WillNotCook (Mar 31, 2015)

Janice Wilkens said:


> wow, you're tough. I don't think I would have held up the wedding!


She needs to be tough. Sometimes people don't pay for services. If she plays for the wedding, what motivation is for the groom who "forgot" her payment to pay up after it's all over


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## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

I think you handled all very well. No is an answer too and one you should not feel wrong about saying. 

As for the charity work....I would have said that you already knit charity projects, li you do as I am sure you do as most of us do, and they are never for profit or advertising. I might have asked her if she wanted to donate to so you and your knitting group could buy yarn for these projects since you generously donate your time in Knitting the items these groups need.


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## cordula (Aug 25, 2017)

you have every right to say NO - especially to unreasonable requests
just because they are family you don't have to jumb at their bidding
don't feel bad about saying NO - feel good that you are able to do so... much better for your health


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## huckerm (Nov 30, 2018)

Ha ha love it.


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## jenlsch (Nov 17, 2017)

Susie2016 said:


> It's happened three times in the last couple of months.
> 
> First, a non-knitting SIL who rarely speaks to me brought me her dying mother's incomplete knitting project (a complicated large, multi-stitch, multi-colored, sweater knitted in a giant circle formation) and asked if I could do it since her mother couldn't knit anymore. I respectfully and politely told her it was far too complicated for me and gave her the names of the LYS's in our city where she might be able to find someone she could pay to knit it. She acted huffy about it. I felt bad for her but I wasn't ready to tackle a project which would take up literally all my time. (And I have never knitted anything that complicated in my life.)
> 
> ...


I love to do things for my family. I'll fix his slippers and knit for the nursing home but would politely decline the sweater. I'm not that experienced. And I garden and do a Lot of canning and I share that too. I guess I'm a giving person.


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## keetza (Feb 6, 2016)

You are allowed to say NO!


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## drShe (Feb 1, 2012)

All of the KP responses are really good ones. Most of us have been in the same position from well-meaning folks who appreciate our talents, and also from "the takers".
I have often had to say, "Thanks for asking, and I'm not really into doing that job". Sometimes I've enjoyed taking on the challenge, and other times, I've regretted saying yes!


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## harringbone37 (Jan 26, 2014)

Boy! I think you set a record for pages answered...13 so far! I am /w the majority, you did great. It's hard to say "no" sometimes but once you start you might as well give up. I use to paint and learned to say "Can't help you, sorry" pretty fast. you were much nicer!! With knitting, It's my relaxing time and no way am I going to be held down to time restraints, buying yarn, finding a pattern they like, etc. One time it was a easy scarf and I told them to buy the yarn and I would knit it. Never heard about it again.....


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## Susie2016 (Feb 28, 2016)

I really want to thank everybody for their kind responses. This issue was really bothering me a lot and weighing on my mind---and it really helps to have the support of all you guys. I appreciate it so much!!!!! Thank you very much!!!!


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## glassbird (Jul 18, 2013)

:sm24: :sm24:


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## mmccamant (Jul 17, 2011)

Damiano said:


> The SAME goes for those who ask me to teach lessons on, or play the organ and piano for church services, weddings and funerals. I give them the Organists' Guild recommended fee schedule and tell them I am to be paid in CASH the day before, or I won't play. I once stalled a wedding for 40 minutes because the groomsman "forgot" my envelope!
> 
> I paid for my music lessons and degree, bought music, home practice and teaching instruments, etc. They and my time ALL COST MONEY.
> 
> These people have jobs to earn money enough on which to live. Music IS my job!


I'm a retired church organist. During our initial meeting to choose music I always asked to be paid at the rehearsal the day before the wedding. I never had to hold up a wedding for payment, however. I did have to point out to people that one stipulation in my contract was right of first refusal for weddings and funerals held at the church. That meant they'd have to pay me even if they planned to ask Aunt Grace to play (for free). I donated my services a few times as my gift to the couple when they were my friends, but it was always my choice. The priest was always very good about reminding people that if they were paying for a $50+/plate dinner after the wedding, they shouldn't balk at paying for the music. There is no clergy charge for parish members, but outsiders are charged a set fee. The priest always mentioned my fee along with hers during her first conversation with the couple.


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## PauletteB (Mar 10, 2011)

I get request from my family for knitted items. they are usually for themselves.


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## mirium (May 14, 2013)

Your relatives seem to have interpreted "The Lord helps those who help themselves" by adding "to as much as they can get." You gently encouraged them toward the original meaning.

I've recently started using two new (for me) replies to strangers because I've been knitting unusually nice stuff on the bus and the need has come up a lot. "Will you knit me a sweater?" now gets, "Sure, $2000 and the cost of the yarn, paid in advance." "Is that for me?" gets, "No, but thank you for alerting everyone on the bus to watch their wallets until you leave." And I'm not sorry. Don't you feel like a nicer person now? :sm04:


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

mirium said:


> Your relatives seem to have interpreted "The Lord helps those who help themselves" by adding "to as much as they can get." You gently encouraged them toward the original meaning.
> 
> I've recently started using two new (for me) replies to strangers because I've been knitting unusually nice stuff on the bus and the need has come up a lot. "Will you knit me a sweater?" now gets, "Sure, $2000 and the cost of the yarn, paid in advance." "Is that for me?" gets, "No, but thank you for alerting everyone on the bus to watch their wallets until you leave." And I'm not sorry. Don't you feel like a nicer person now? :sm04:


You're positively _wicked_ ... in the very best way!!!
I'd never have the nerve to use your retorts.


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## marimont (Aug 11, 2016)

What cheek!! You matter and your time and skills are valuable. You choose where and when you share them. In an Assertiveness Training class I was taught to say "No, I am not willing to do _______." It works.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

marimont said:


> What cheek!! You matter and your time and skills are valuable. You choose where and when you share them. In an *Assertiveness Training class* I was taught to say "No, I am not willing to do _______." It works.


I think that very many knitters/crocheters/weavers/dyers/crafters of ALL kinds need to take such a class!


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## AnnWithAPlan (Feb 28, 2017)

Elation said:


> As for the chap that asked for restaurant gift cards in lieu of homemade drop offs, I would have 2-3 people chip in and drop off a cookbook, instead.


Bahahahaha YES


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## AnnWithAPlan (Feb 28, 2017)

Janice Wilkens said:


> You could choose to take all of those requests as compliments - these people trust in your good work and feel they can depend on you. I love knitting for others (who appreciate it) and family members never ask me to knit anything for them!


I agree with what others have said, and I agree with what you have said as well. I guess it just depends on who's doing the asking and why, etc.

In my family there are lots of nieces, nephews and grandchildren, etc.), every single sibling of mine (9 of us) has been there for our parents AND for each other. When someone needed help, they got it. We have all helped each other throughout the years, so I have never minded when I was asked to knit, crochet, sew, bake, or even repair something. My grand kids (just the 2 whom I live not far from) see me making stuff all the time and even at their young ages appreciate what goes into making them, and I'm happy when they ask me to make them something. Even my son-in-law will bring me something and ask if I could repair a button or sew a hem, which I happily do. And his mother might ask me for something as well. I don't mind because I could count on her if I needed her help too.

If someone was to ask me for something like some of these other posters have mentioned, I probably would have said no, too. None of my family members (immediate or extended) are like that, thank goodness.


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## mirium (May 14, 2013)

Jessica-Jean said:


> You're positively _wicked_ ... in the very best way!!!
> I'd never have the nerve to use your retorts.


Why, thank you! They're always said with a cheerful, friendly smile, usually followed by chuckles from other passengers, and I've never had an angry response. Confused, yes! But not angry.


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## Pauli (Mar 20, 2017)

I tell them I can do the slippers but it might take several months before I can get to them as I have many orders ahead of them. I then tell them that it is easy if they want to try to do it themselves and I then explain it to them. Lastly I tell them if they get stuck to contact me I will explain to them how again. As for doing other items I tell them they will have to pay for the yarn and that I get X amount of dollars for making that item and I get paid before I start the item. Most of them never bought the yarn (big surprise there) and the ones that didn't want to pay for my time I simply stated that I no longer make things for free because it takes my time away from jobs I can be making a living at. If they don't understand that is not my problem - it is theirs.


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## For the Love of Shetland (Jan 26, 2019)

I get a lot of requests to fix things..like an antique quilt or a badly crazed special ornament or dish ( yes I have a kiln) or the WW1 picture made in fine pure silk that was falling apart. I like the challenge of these things and I do often say yes, you may leave it, if and when I feel I want want to take on the challenge it will be done, if I don't get that feeling, well here it sits and you are wecome to come and take it home .


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## MommaCrochet (Apr 15, 2012)

Knitting in the Rockys said:


> So a little over 12 years ago I was going through a very rough period, fiance and I went through a horrendous break up, he was buying out my share of our condo, I was working on transferring 1,200 miles away and trying to buy my own condo in the new location, packing, crying, vomiting, you name it. In the midst of all this, my then DIL called me and asked if I could whip up a knitted hoodie for her mother to match the ones I had knit for my son and DIL (who would become a former DIL within 6 months). I was beyond livid but held my temper and explained that my life was a disaster and it was all I could do to remember to wipe my behind, let alone whip up a sweater on short notice. After hanging up I popped a Xanax and poured myself a glass of wine!
> 
> Then there was the coworker who caught me knitting in the break room a year later working on a sweater for myself. She fell in love with the yarns I was using and wanted to know what would it cost to buy those yarns. I told her $63.00 and she said "well I'll pay for that if you'll knit it for me." At the end of that row I told her my labor for just knitting the sweater would be over $200.00, end of conversation! She never talked to me about knitting again.
> 
> Sometimes you just have to say no or be upfront that your time has value.


Your responses are priceless!
Tina


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## whitedog (Dec 21, 2011)

I LOVE your sense of humor!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

JeannineAnne said:


> I get a lot of requests to fix things..like an antique quilt or a badly crazed special ornament or dish ( yes I have a kiln) or the WW1 picture made in fine pure silk that was falling apart. I like the challenge of these things and I do often say yes, you may leave it, if and when I feel I want want to take on the challenge it will be done, if I don't get that feeling, well here it sits and you are welcome to come and take it home .


Once upon a time - before I was born in 1946, the lid of a soup tureen of my grandmother's was broken. The repair job is - to me - a strange one. Holes were drilled in the ceramic - matching holes on either side of the break - and what's essentially a monster-sized metal staple was placed through them. I think there's some kind of adhesive between the pieces too, but it's remained solid for the last 70+ years. Have you ever seen such a repair job?


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## For the Love of Shetland (Jan 26, 2019)

Yes it was common in those days but depending on how it is painted it can be possibe to refire it and as glaze become fliuid at the correct temp .The glaze flows
a little and the cracks are glazed over . It is not usually on porcelain unless undrfired as it is vitreous but anything made of a low fire clay like earhenware the glaze e can shrink and craze with time and as the underlying clay, the earthenware is not vitreous it is absorbent and as moisture often absobs into ware,, the ware swells slightly and the glaze cracks, not putting glaze on the bottom side of the piece , is a common reason for crazing.


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## chooksnpinkroses (Aug 23, 2012)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Once upon a time - before I was born in 1946, the lid of a soup tureen of my grandmother's was broken. The repair job is - to me - a strange one. Holes were drilled in the ceramic - matching holes on either side of the break - and what's essentially a monster-sized metal staple was placed through them. I think there's some kind of adhesive between the pieces too, but it's remained solid for the last 70+ years. Have you ever seen such a repair job?


I see that kind of repair on ceramics etc on 'Antiques Roadshow' quite regularly. I imagine the cost of replacing broken household items was more than the normal person could afford, so they had to get things repaired or else do without.. Not like these days when these types of items can be bought very cheaply... :sm01:


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## Carolwithane (Feb 4, 2012)

Offer to show them how to fix the slippers.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

JeannineAnne said:


> Yes it was common in those days but depending on how it is painted it can be possible to refire it and as glaze become fluid at the correct temp .The glaze flows
> a little and the cracks are glazed over . It is not usually on porcelain unless underfired as it is vitreous but anything made of a low fire clay like earthenware the glaze e can shrink and craze with time and as the underlying clay, the earthenware is not vitreous it is absorbent and as moisture often absorbs into ware,, the ware swells slightly and the glaze cracks, not putting glaze on the bottom side of the piece, is a common reason for crazing.


Ah! Thank you for the clarifications. I never thought about it before.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

chooksnpinkroses said:


> I see that kind of repair on ceramics etc on 'Antiques Roadshow' quite regularly. I imagine the cost of replacing broken household items was more than the normal person could afford, so they had to get things repaired or else do without.. Not like these days when these types of items can be bought very cheaply... :sm01:


It must have had some sentimental value to her; maybe it was something of her mother's. She certainly could have replaced it; the family had the means. At any rate, when it came time to divvy up my mother's belongings, there were four tureens of assorted ages. I took that one, because I was the only one who knew our grandmother and I'd seen it in use at every family gathering for my first ten years. My three baby sisters got the younger tureens.

My husband loves watching Antiques Roadshow, so I watch too, but I guess I pay more attention with my ears than eyes. I don't remember seeing such a repair job. I'll keep a sharper eye on it from now on!


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## Mila Novic (May 21, 2019)

У русских есть пословица:"Едут на том, кто везет " и еще одна:" Чужими руками все легко делать". Я в молодости вязала на машинах,как мне это знакомо...


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Mila Novic said:


> У русских есть пословица:"Едут на том, кто везет " и еще одна:" Чужими руками все легко делать". Я в молодости вязала на машинах,как мне это знакомо...


Google translate says you're in Belarus, and you said: 
*Russians have a proverb: "They are going to the one who is lucky" and one more: "It's easy to do everything with other people's hands" In my youth I was knitting in cars, as I know it ...*

I like the second proverb at lot!


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## Mila Novic (May 21, 2019)

Я русская, но живу в Беларуси.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Mila Novic said:


> Я русская, но живу в Беларуси.


Google Translate says: "I am Russian, but I live in Belarus."

I'm American, but I live in Canada. I wish I'd studied harder in the one year of Russian I studied!


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## knitasha (Sep 12, 2017)

While I am not a Christian and know many non-Christian, non-Jew, non-Hindu, non-Muslim, etc., ladies that are kind and generous with their time and money, it seems to be a universal problem that people make requests for their sewing, knitting, and even cooking skills.

I use to find myself "explaining" why I could not accommodate the requests of my friends and associates and many times I was made to feel as if I had done something wrong by not committing to these requests.

All of these years later I have the perfect response to "can you make me a ______?" My answer is: "No Thank You, but I am so flattered that you asked me". Of course I say it with a smile. A look of confusion on their faces usually follows, but they don't go away mad.

:sm16:


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## sandypnnc (May 29, 2019)

I have to chuckle when I think of the many times someone has said to me when they found out that I sew (knit, crochet, etc) . "I ought to let you make me....." to which I reply, "why not let me teach you to sew (knit or crochet) so you can have the joy of hand making something for yourself or a gift. " no follow up on that offer.


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## Pealark (Oct 2, 2016)

Ditto. Please dont feel guilty. Your time is valuable. Offer them a few tomatoes this summer if you wish. But on your own terms. Always.


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## BaraKiss (Jun 15, 2012)

chooksnpinkroses said:


> I see that kind of repair on ceramics etc on 'Antiques Roadshow' quite regularly. I imagine the cost of replacing broken household items was more than the normal person could afford, so they had to get things repaired or else do without.. Not like these days when these types of items can be bought very cheaply... :sm01:


I have seen that kind of very old time repair. I think adhesives were not what they are today.


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## lindalm (Nov 11, 2017)

Not at all unchristian. . . A clergy friend always says “Jesus said ‘turn the other cheek, ‘ He didn’t say, ‘Be a doormat’. “


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

lindalm said:


> Not at all unchristian. . . A clergy friend always says *"Jesus said 'turn the other cheek', He didn't say, 'Be a doormat'."*


. :sm24:


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

Don't feel guilty at all. These people are trying to take advantage of you. I applaud you for saying 'no' to them

My daughter has a home business, you wouldn't believe how many of her in laws think she is at home doing nothing. 

:sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


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## sbeth53 (Mar 29, 2011)

Respect your space...it is hard to say "no" but sometimes it's the only answer :sm01:


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

sbeth53 said:


> Respect your space...it is hard to say "no" but sometimes it's the only answer :sm01:


And no one else will respect your space if you don't *make* them respect it. No, is the correct answer.


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## nannygoat (Jan 15, 2011)

Do not feel bad about saying NO. It took me a while to get my point across to people but, it will work eventually.


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## NH Gal 2 (Apr 16, 2014)

Do NOT feel guilty, you handled the situation beautifully. You keep on guarding your precious 
knitting time with projects you choose. You got this!!!!


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## ramram0003 (Nov 7, 2011)

Great response. I'm sure they didn't get that either.


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## sandypnnc (May 29, 2019)

There's a wise saying about a man can fish for a day and have one meal or you can teach him to fish and he will have meals forever. Just tell whoever asks you that you really enjoy it and you'd like to teach them or have them check at a yarn shop for classes and then you can sit together and enjoy the calm pleasure of knitting. It is so funny when people tell me that they ought to get me to make something for them. I never dignify that with an answer.


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## sandypnnc (May 29, 2019)

I thought of another answer:. You couldn't affod my rate. That will shut the person up.


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## pfoley (Nov 29, 2011)

You handled everything perfectly.


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

No you are not at all unchristian at all. You handled the requests very well.

22 years ago, (the twins are now 22); my friend asked if I would sew christening gowns for them from the train of her daughters wedding dress.

I was sewing clothes for teddy bears for the local bank to hand out at Christmas at that time. "The gowns would just be a bit larger" she said, (you can tell she's not a sewer), and she would pay me. 

I bought a pattern and made the dresses, which their paternal grandma has kept safe for them.

Half of the train was just enough to make a dress, but cutting into that material was nerve wracking to say the least.

I didn't take money for making them,but I got the best payment ever. I was invited to the Christening, got to hold the girls at the church in there dresses, and go to the after party.


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

Well lets think about a barter system.
'Huummm" the slippers could take an hour of your time and a few yards of yarn. BUT maybe an HOUR to find the right color. So far we are up to 2 hours of your time. SOOOO trade 2 hours of house work; Moppping the floors; clean bathrooms TOTALLY, maybe cleaning the oven, Doing 2 loads of laundry-wash/dry/fold/PUT AWAY !!

See how many times they ask you after this !!!

Or just say NO, I have other things on my plate.

I always wanted to stitch a sample with chores and "how much" I would charge.LOLOL


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## Latte with Yarn (May 18, 2019)

Susie2016 said:


> It's happened three times in the last couple of months.
> 
> First, a non-knitting SIL who rarely speaks to me brought me her dying mother's incomplete knitting project (a complicated large, multi-stitch, multi-colored, sweater knitted in a giant circle formation) and asked if I could do it since her mother couldn't knit anymore. I respectfully and politely told her it was far too complicated for me and gave her the names of the LYS's in our city where she might be able to find someone she could pay to knit it. She acted huffy about it. I felt bad for her but I wasn't ready to tackle a project which would take up literally all my time. (And I have never knitted anything that complicated in my life.)
> 
> ...


I would let the SIL who had the great idea of starting a "business" 
that you really have no time or interest in pursing that. However,
it is apparent that it is something that she is interested in and that
you would be more than happy to help by providing her with a list 
of places and internet sites where she can learn how to knit and 
fulfill *her* desire of going into business.
In case my response left you unsure of how I feel - *NO*, I do not
think you are being un-Christian...but she is by trying to take 
advantage of you!


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## Latte with Yarn (May 18, 2019)

LEE1313 said:


> Well lets think about a barter system.
> 'Huummm" the slippers could take an hour of your time and a few yards of yarn. BUT maybe an HOUR to find the right color. So far we are up to 2 hours of your time. SOOOO trade 2 hours of house work; Moppping the floors; clean bathrooms TOTALLY, maybe cleaning the oven, Doing 2 loads of laundry-wash/dry/fold/PUT AWAY !!
> 
> See how many times they ask you after this !!!
> ...


I *LOVE* your first solution!*  *


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## Celt Knitter (Jul 13, 2011)

Susie2016 said:


> It's happened three times in the last couple of months.
> 
> First, a non-knitting SIL who rarely speaks to me brought me her dying mother's incomplete knitting project (a complicated large, multi-stitch, multi-colored, sweater knitted in a giant circle formation) and asked if I could do it since her mother couldn't knit anymore. I respectfully and politely told her it was far too complicated for me and gave her the names of the LYS's in our city where she might be able to find someone she could pay to knit it. She acted huffy about it. I felt bad for her but I wasn't ready to tackle a project which would take up literally all my time. (And I have never knitted anything that complicated in my life.)
> 
> ...


You aren't alone, and you are not mean. It's a bit like being a medic or a teacher. People think you can fix every disease or teach every subject. Maybe tell some of them that if they get the yarn and the needles, you will help them get started with the basics.....you will never hear from them again 😁.


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## Carla584167 (Dec 15, 2014)

Agree With all the others who posted on this subject


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## edithann (Feb 12, 2011)

moke said:


> Well said! You responded with class. My problem is, I knit for pleasure, and relaxation. But as soon as someone asks me to knit them something..its no longer a pleasure..its a job! Lol


Don't feel guilty...you handled it well!


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