# the right to feel bad?



## nanad (Mar 9, 2011)

I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


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## Stablebummom (Dec 5, 2011)

I don't blame you at all!


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## BeadsbyBeadz (Dec 19, 2012)

I think I'd have vented to her! I've had this happen with non-knitted gifts. "The grand kids play with it." Really?


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

it happens............. I lent an expensive book to a "friend"
when she asked to borrow it. Weeks later she told me she had given it to another woman "Who never buys books" need I say I never saw my book again.


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## alphabetmom (Mar 2, 2013)

I totally don't think unless you knit or crochet that you understand the cost and time involved in a piece, but I would take it as a compliment that her daughter liked it so much. But next time I would not use expensive yarn.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


I hear you.. But I'm thinking this woman doesn't care about you so the best thing to do is let it go. Don't let it ruin your day. Resolve to not make her anything. Make for those who appreciate it.


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## MrsO (Apr 4, 2011)

Oh my. Bad enough that she admitted to giving them away, but then to request something else.


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## Hilary4 (Apr 26, 2012)

cakes said:


> it happens............. I lent an expensive book to a "friend"
> when she asked to borrow it. Weeks later she told me she had given it to another woman "Who never buys books" need I say I never saw my book again.


Send her an invoice for the cost of replacing the book!

Nanad: Your socks have gone to someone who appreciates them - isn't that better than having them mouldering in the drawer of your friend?


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## cbjlinda (May 25, 2011)

I do not blame you at all" I would feel bad too". If it had been me I probably would have said why would I do that after spending all that time and money making socks for you only to find out you gave them away.! but age has its benefits" we tend to say what we mean more often then not. lols


nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


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## chickkie (Oct 26, 2011)

Did this person ever say she wanted hand knit socks? I know some people don't want them at all! 

I know I made a pair for someone that was always complaining of sore feet - this was about 3 years ago. She told me a few days ago that she had to go someplace where the hostess makes you take your shoes off at the door, so she wore my socks.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

We live in such a throw-away society that handmade items aren't thought of having any more value than some equivalent product at Walmart.

If you thought enough of certain people to make them something really special, you should be comfortable enough to let them know how special it is, particularly if they are not a handcrafter themselves.

If you are not comfortable letting them know how valuable your work is, first make them something in a less expensive yarn and pay attention to how they care for the item.


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## krestiekrew (Aug 24, 2012)

You handled it very well, much better than I probably would have done. Yep you have that right.


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## hersh (Nov 7, 2011)

Sorry you have been treated like garbage. I knit for charity. I have yet to be insulted, verbaly or emotionally abused. Works for me.


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## glenniemae (Mar 13, 2011)

hersh said:


> Sorry you have been treated like garbage. I knit for charity. I have yet to be insulted, verbaly or emotionally abused. Works for me.


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


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## mrssnakeboy (Oct 22, 2012)

The daughter has excellent taste, she obviously loved your work.


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

Hilary4 said:


> Send her an invoice for the cost of replacing the book!
> 
> Nanad: Your socks have gone to someone who appreciates them - isn't that better than having them mouldering in the drawer of your friend?


that was fifteen years back... both the friend and the second woman have long gone from my field.


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## grandmann (Feb 4, 2011)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


Sometimes this is hard to swallow, I know where she is coming from. All the while she was knitting these socks she was thinking how pleased her friend would be getting them. Then right after they are open they are given away. This wasn't the thought process behind making these socks for her.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

grandmann said:



> Sometimes this is hard to swallow, I know where she is coming from. All the while she was knitting these socks she was thinking how pleased her friend would be getting them. Then right after they are open they are given away. This wasn't the thought process behind making these socks for her.


It most probably wasn't. But the "friend" is going about her day without a care in the world. Why shouldn't the OP have that luxury also?


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## Elaine74bl (Nov 19, 2014)

A year ago I knitted a GD a long tunic-type top in gray and green--really trendy. This summer when she came to visit I asked her if she wore it. After a few hems and haas she said "I sometimes wear it to bed if I'm cold." I'll stick to afghans for that one--one when she gets married!



nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


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## grandmann (Feb 4, 2011)

nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


I don't know if this will make you feel any better. Sometimes when I'm making something I often enjoy the process of knitting. It is like putting a puzzle together, you work on it hours upon hours and finally you get to see the outcome. I hope by you seeing the outcome of your beautifully made socks gave you a good feeling. The beauty of your socks as just been past down to another admirer.


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## litprincesstwo (Nov 11, 2012)

it is sad when you've worked hard to make something for a friend and then they just don't get the time and energy you've put into it. I think making her something else with less expensive less lovely yarn is the thing to do. 

Then point out the difference by saying hope your daughter is enjoying the more expensive more lovely yarn.


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## grandmann (Feb 4, 2011)

WindingRoad said:


> It most probably wasn't. But the "friend" is going about her day without a care in the world. Why shouldn't the OP have that luxury also?


I like how you Think :thumbup:


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## mombr4 (Apr 21, 2011)

MrsO said:


> Oh my. Bad enough that she admitted to giving them away, but then to request something else.


That is exactly what I was thinking. I wouldn't make her anything again.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

grandmann said:


> I like how you Think :thumbup:


Sometimes......LOL


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## chickkie (Oct 26, 2011)

there are far too many posts on KP about feelings that get hurt for some reason or another. We have to learn to make the best of every day rather than playing the poor me card. 

everyone has problems, and little things like this should not be at the top of the list


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

chickkie said:


> there are far too many posts on KP about feelings that get hurt for some reason or another. We have to learn to make the best of every day rather than playing the poor me card.
> 
> everyone has problems, and little things like this should not be at the top of the list


I agree with you Chikkie to a point. I think many here are lonely or just feel comfortable here. There are other reasons also but I think they should vent and those who want to help can and those you don't don't have to. My thoughts are I don't let others dictate my feelings. Just me. I don't have time to stew, brew, or otherwise PMG.


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## Clickers (Apr 8, 2011)

My feeling is just as well the daughter got the socks as I think the person you knitted them for would have left them in the draw or not cared (laundered) them properly anyway. I also would not knit any thing for her again.


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## nanad (Mar 9, 2011)

This is my best friend since grammar school and is a very giving person, she would have done the same if I liked something she had. It was just too soon after Christmas and I have not been able to knit for well over two years for health reasons ( loss the feelings in my hands) and I can only knit a little at a time now, so items take so much longer to make. And like most knitters we do think of the person we are making things for and how pleased they would be. I'm still upset, can't help it but she will still be my friend something like this is too minor to not speak to someone you have been friends with.Tomorrow will be a better day. nanad


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

nanad said:


> This is my best friend since grammar school and is a very giving person, she would have done the same if I liked something she had. It was just too soon after Christmas and I have not been able to knit for well over two years for health reasons ( loss the feelings in my hands) and I can only knit a little at a time now, so items take so much longer to make. And like most knitters we do think of the person we are making things for and how pleased they would be. I'm still upset, can't help it but she will still be my friend something like this is too minor to not speak to someone you have been friends with.Tomorrow will be a better day. nanad


As we Yankees like to say Sh*T Happens.


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## jinx (Feb 12, 2011)

Why could you not be honest with your friend? You could have said, I made them especially for you and I must admit it hurts my feelings that you would give them away. Then your friend is aware of your feelings and she would be able to tell you her true feelings.


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## nanad (Mar 9, 2011)

Hi jinx, No problem, we have been friends for over 50 years and we are honest with each other but I had just gotten off the phone with her so it just happened and caught me by surprised. I talk to her almost every day and will tell her how I felt. They were hers to do as she pleased but I still wish she did not tell me. Oh and winding rd I am getting on with other things like knitting socks for another friend that I know will appreciate them as she see's me everyday and knows the struggle I have in knitting now. Oh well OVER IT-nanad


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## jan Hughes (Nov 3, 2012)

People can be terribly ungrateful. If they do not knit themselves then in my experience they have no idea of the cost of the wool or indeed time spent knitting the gift. They are after all only "home made"!!!!. I don't bother so much as I used to. Sad isn't it but I'm afraid I'm not a noble type person and I do like gratitude!


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## jinx (Feb 12, 2011)

Good for you. Everyday our Paradise friends tell us how they feel and do not share their feelings with the person involved. I believe when things are left unsaid they grow and fester and cause problems forever. Just my opinion. 


nanad said:


> Hi jinx, No problem, we have been friends for over 50 years and we are honest with each other but I had just gotten off the phone with her so it just happened and caught me by surprised. I talk to her almost every day and will tell her how I felt. They were hers to do as she pleased but I still wish she did not tell me. Oh and winding rd I am getting on with other things like knitting socks for another friend that I know will appreciate them as she see's me everyday and knows the struggle I have in knitting now. Oh well OVER IT-nanad


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## Irish knitter (Mar 29, 2011)

Several years ago I knit my granddaughter a blanket only for my daughter to tell me how much the dog loves the blanket so she gave it to the dog.....(my daughter; not my grandbaby).


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## deshka (Apr 6, 2011)

I would feel bad having a friend tell me something like that, BUT I also have my rule, it's for my PROTECTION, for me alone. When I give something to someone, it's no longer mine, it is theirs to do with as how they please. The one thing added to that is, if I see it being used as a dog or cat bed, they get nothing else at all. And if they don't thank me, vocal or written somehow, they don't get anything more either. So, don't let it bother you and don't give her anything else either.


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## Mercygirl76 (Dec 30, 2012)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


This is exactly how I feel. I give hand knitted items to show I care about the person and it makes me feel good. Once given, it's no longer mine but theirs.

I gave my DIL a hand knitted shawl for Christmas this year. She loved it and mentioned how she would wear it to Mass. The day after Christmas, when going out to lunch with the family, I noticed the shawl in the car seat next to my granddaughter (she's almost 3, and VERY verbal). I was shocked, but I have a great poker face and didn't skip a beat. My DIL, who didn't realize I saw the shawl, stated later in the restaurant that my granddaughter had decided it was her new Blankie and she had to explain multiple times that it belonged to Mommy. She had caught her daughter wrapping it around her neck twice, having gotten it from under the tree. My DIL said she had to put it on her bureau to keep it away from her daughter. That's when I let her know it was in the car seat. Lourdes, my GD chimed in that she got it from Mommy's room and it's soft and pretty and she likes it for HER. My DIL was genuinely shocked. All I could do was laugh and tell her to watch out, Lordes would be in her clothes next. Also let Lourdes know I would make her a special shawl all her own. I've got some more MadTosh in that colorway, enough for a brass and steam kerchief for her.

To the OP: it's a huge compliment to you that your friend's daughter wanted the socks. It's not unusual for a mother to give her child something that the child loves. That giving to the child is a compliment as well. I wouldn't let this upset you, but see it in the spirit intended. I would make your friend the shawl. She does value your workmanship.


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## dachsmom (Aug 23, 2011)

I gave a friend some nice angora yarn that she had admired and said she would like because I wanted her to have it and her finances are sometimes tight. She gave it away to someone who simply commented it was nice. The yarn was fairly expensive and I gave it as a gift, but I was just a little shocked that she gave it away with so little thought. I would have kept it if I didn't think she was going to use it. She even had a specific pattern chosen that called for a similar yarn which is why I offered this for her to use. Again, once you give it away, it is theirs, but I won't do it again unless it's something I know I won't use myself.


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## mollyannhad (Feb 1, 2011)

I am glad you felt comfortable to vent to us. I would feel just like you too. When you knit something for a particular person--you are thinking of them while you are doing it too. so its very personal. Too bad she didnt realize what you gave her--your work and your heart.


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## kayrein (Aug 24, 2011)

I would not knit her anything again either! A hand made gift is a precious thing and should never be taken lightly, as far as I'm concerned.


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## knitster475 (Apr 30, 2014)

People who do not knit or crochet have no idea of the time and money spent making things. They are ignorant, not ungrateful. She must like your knitting to ask you to make a scarf, but she also needs a little educating about how much time and money you put into the effort. She didn't say she didn't like the socks, just that her daughter liked them so much, she gave them to her. Sure beats her saying she put them in the bag of clothing to be donated.


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## dearyou37 (Jul 6, 2014)

nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


You have the right to feel however you feel about it. However, maybe your friend truly didn't mean to hurt you.

Have you ever given away something of yours that you love to someone that you love, just because they loved it too and you wanted them to have it? I know I have. I have given away clothing and jewelry, among other things, just because a friend or family member loved it and I love making people I love happy. I hope that made sense. Maybe your friend just wanted to make her daughter happy, and had no idea that giving away the socks would hurt you.

Another possibility is, some people are very particular about their socks. I know that I have a certain type of sock that I wear, and that's it. If someone gave me a pair of socks, even if they were absolutely beautiful hand made socks, if they didn't feel right on my feet I couldn't wear them. If they were really gorgeous socks I might give them to someone who could wear them, so they wouldn't just sit in my drawer unworn forever.

Maybe she loved your knitting, but just isn't aa hand knit sock person. Maybe she asked for a scarf to let you know she loves your knitting, and was giving you an idea of the type of item she would like to have.

This is why I ask people what kind of knitted gift they'd like. I wanted to knit my fiance's sister a beautiful cowl, but she told me she would never wear a cowl and would like a hat instead. It saved me hurt feelings and a wasted gift.

Of course you have the right to feel upset or disappointed. But maybe you could look at it from a different angle. Our friends don't always know what's going to hurt our feelings.


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## dearyou37 (Jul 6, 2014)

knitster475 said:


> People who do not knit or crochet have no idea of the time and money spent making things. They are ignorant, not ungrateful. She must like your knitting to ask you to make a scarf, but she also needs a little educating about how much time and money you put into the effort. She didn't say she didn't like the socks, just that her daughter liked them so much, she gave them to her. Sure beats her saying she put them in the bag of clothing to be donated.


 :thumbup: :-D :thumbup:


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## seamer45 (Jan 18, 2011)

You have every reason to be upset.


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## rosebud527 (Jun 20, 2014)

My mother was always thrilled with anything hand-made. She appreciated the thoughtfulness from those people to take the time and make something. I made her a lovely sweater that she just adored. She told me to give it to someone nice after she died. I gave to a wonderful neighbor and people compliment her all the time. My mom dies in 2002 and my neighbor is still wearing the sweater.! It's the nicest thing I have knit and I am so glad my mother and my neighbor got to enjoy it.


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## rosebud527 (Jun 20, 2014)

My mother was always thrilled with anything hand-made. She appreciated the thoughtfulness from those people to take the time and make something. I made her a lovely sweater that she just adored. She told me to give it to someone nice after she died. I gave to a wonderful neighbor and people compliment her all the time. My mom dies in 2002 and my neighbor is still wearing the sweater.! It's the nicest thing I have knit and I am so glad my mother and my neighbor got to enjoy it.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

I don't blame you for venting,that's not the thing for a real friend to do,i would be put her off my friend list. :thumbdown:


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

I received a gift of a home baked Christmas cake. I cut it in half and gave half to my daughter. I know the person who gave it wouldn't have like this, but isn't it better that the cake is eaten and enjoyed? At least the granddaughter in your case is going to love the socks.


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## lynnlassiter (Jun 30, 2011)

I'd be livid too!


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## dgid (Feb 3, 2014)

Hilary4 said:


> Send her an invoice for the cost of replacing the book!
> 
> Nanad: Your socks have gone to someone who appreciates them - isn't that better than having them mouldering in the drawer of your friend?


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## m. jean (May 20, 2011)

Love this expression: While you are holding a grudge, that person is out dancing!


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## dribla (Nov 14, 2011)

As my dear departed mother would have said " I am angry like a cut snake" never knew what it meant, but it sounds bad.

I also would have been unhappy, I hate it when I make something for a particular person because after all we put a lot of thought, time and money into something and then they just give it away.

Di


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## shirleyrothery (Dec 22, 2012)

nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


Take heart; her daughter wanted them, and therefore, will probably wear them. Just don't make anything else for her.


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## llamallama (Oct 31, 2014)

I think people sometimes think of handmade gifts as a cheaper option, not realising how much money, time and effort goes into it. I've made scarves for people that probably ended up costing a lot more than buying on from a shop, aside from telling them (which I have done before!) they might just not realise.

Either way it's quite thoughtless and you definitely have a right to be upset.


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## Ali9407 (Jun 25, 2011)

Some of us cannot say no to our children. In any event don't let this rent space in your head.


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## dlinke (Mar 20, 2012)

I know the feeling..I was told to lay off making hats for my new grandson" he has enough "....when they were by us last week he didn't have one on.....needless to say ,I did have a hat made for him but didn't give it after their remark....he wore it home that day.....what is with these unappreciating people ??????


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## Lily Jamjar (Dec 31, 2012)

That was unkind and insensitive of your friend, to say the least.


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## knit2p2 (Apr 23, 2011)

When I give someone something I've made (or really anything, including gift certificates), I just say 'good bye' to it and try to sever any personal connections to it. I hope, whatever it is, brings good wishes to the user.


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## Rita in Raleigh (Aug 20, 2011)

grandmann said:


> I don't know if this will make you feel any better. Sometimes when I'm making something I often enjoy the process of knitting. It is like putting a puzzle together, you work on it hours upon hours and finally you get to see the outcome. I hope by you seeing the outcome of your beautifully made socks gave you a good feeling. The beauty of your socks as just been past down to another admirer.


Yes, enjoy the process of knitting and enjoy your finished product. I love to take photos of my finished knitting and save it to my computer in a special file "Rita's Knitting." Then I can look back and admire my own work.....and wonder just how I used to do such good work <G>

If I am not thanked for my gift, I just do not give that person any of my knitted gifts in the future....unless I just WANT to. Then I expect no mention of it. (My relatives live far away, so I do not see them in person. They tend to not say thank you my email or by phone either. If I handed it to them in person, then they would say thank you.)


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## Irene Kidney (May 29, 2011)

On the positive side she may have thought they were nice enough to give to her daughter as our children are precious to us. She must like your work to request something else, don't lose a friend over it.


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## Irene Kidney (May 29, 2011)

On the positive side she may have thought they were nice enough to give to her daughter as our children are precious to us. She must like your work to request something else, don't lose a friend over it.


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## amortje (Feb 10, 2013)

mrssnakeboy said:


> The daughter has excellent taste, she obviously loved your work.


 :thumbup:


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## jeannietta (Mar 14, 2011)

This is easy! You know that your friend's daughter likes you work so knit for her in the future.

Friends are hard to come by as we get older. I think we need to forgive a little more.


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## amortje (Feb 10, 2013)

Mercygirl76 said:


> This is exactly how I feel. I give hand knitted items to show I care about the person and it makes me feel good. Once given, it's no longer mine but theirs.
> 
> I gave my DIL a hand knitted shawl for Christmas this year. She loved it and mentioned how she would wear it to Mass. The day after Christmas, when going out to lunch with the family, I noticed the shawl in the car seat next to my granddaughter (she's almost 3, and VERY verbal). I was shocked, but I have a great poker face and didn't skip a beat. My DIL, who didn't realize I saw the shawl, stated later in the restaurant that my granddaughter had decided it was her new Blankie and she had to explain multiple times that it belonged to Mommy. She had caught her daughter wrapping it around her neck twice, having gotten it from under the tree. My DIL said she had to put it on her bureau to keep it away from her daughter. That's when I let her know it was in the car seat. Lourdes, my GD chimed in that she got it from Mommy's room and it's soft and pretty and she likes it for HER. My DIL was genuinely shocked. All I could do was laugh and tell her to watch out, Lordes would be in her clothes next. Also let Lourdes know I would make her a special shawl all her own. I've got some more MadTosh in that colorway, enough for a brass and steam kerchief for her.
> 
> To the OP: it's a huge compliment to you that your friend's daughter wanted the socks. It's not unusual for a mother to give her child something that the child loves. That giving to the child is a compliment as well. I wouldn't let this upset you, but see it in the spirit intended. I would make your friend the shawl. She does value your workmanship.


 :thumbup:


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## SANDY I (Oct 18, 2014)

This fall a niece and her daughter were given arm knit scarves. One lives in a very cold area and was going there for Christmas. When I hadn't heard, how she liked it, I called my niece. 

Her response was she had forgotten to gove it to her and get them out when she came in for Christmas. I was shocked. I can't think of anyone ever making me a handmade gift that I was not excited about. They had gone to mass and then to my sister in law's. A bit hurt, but will get over it and makefor ones in future who appreciate it or are not so 'busy'...glad it was a quick item tho.


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## osagerev (Jun 18, 2011)

Stablebummom said:


> I don't blame you at all!


Ditto


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## talbotsetters (Dec 21, 2013)

cakes said:


> it happens............. I lent an expensive book to a "friend"
> when she asked to borrow it. Weeks later she told me she had given it to another woman "Who never buys books" need I say I never saw my book again.


I once lent a book I had really enjoyed to a work colleague, saying "please, please let me have it back as it was so good I want to read it again". Needless to say I never saw it again! I have finally learned never to lend anything to my best friend either. Over the years I have lost a tower fan, an ice cuff (for bringing down swellings), one of those wheat things you put in the microwave to heat up, books, dvds. Good job she's my best friend!


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## talbotsetters (Dec 21, 2013)

m. jean said:


> Love this expression: While you are holding a grudge, that person is out dancing!


I agree. I'm a real grudge-holder but am trying to let things go. If you've always been that way, it's hard. I recognise that I'm the one suffering for it so I am persevering!


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

Unfortunately, it seems that more often than not, people today do NOT know the time, effort and LOVE (and expense), that is put forth in handmade items. I KNOW this from to many experiences in knitting/giving baby gifts. Thank you is just to EASY to say--something that is being lost among other politeness!! I do enjoy knitting gifts--and was taught to say "thanks"--even if I didn't like it. Without letting the giver know, I would "recycle"--hurting someone's feelings....well, just plain rude. However, as I have had to do, let it go, you can't do anything about rudeness. Knit for charity--and, of course, your family. Hopefully, they are being trained to say some of the most important words: Please, thank you, you are welcome!! Happy knitting in 2015 to everyone!


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

The greatest gift to someone is that of yourself..you did this..keep that in mind..


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## khh (May 20, 2011)

morning - I learned that lesson - I knitted for my granddaughters - made everyone in the family socks one Christmas - the girls (grands) are still too young to appreciate the time and effort (plus money) that goes in to a hand knitted project - so I haven't done that again - a friend gave me a pair of cashmere socks (orange sherbert) that her son had given her - not hand knitted- she said she didn't like the color and did not wear them - would I like to have them YES - we have to pick and choose carefully who we give these gifts too - at least the socks have a good home and someone who appreciates them - if you can forgive your friend - I made a lovely easy scarf out of sock yarn using the feather and fan pattern - I get so many compliments when I wear it - love in Alabama (I feel your pain) :mrgreen:


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## littlefox1 (Nov 17, 2014)

nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


So sorry, I would have loved to have that pair of socks. My feet are always cold. I am very new to knitting, and are knitted socks warmer? I wish I was your friend, I would have loved them. I would have felt the same way as you. I am glad her daughter has the socks, at least she will appreciate them, and your friend is the one who lost on this deal. You are the big winner, you had class in your reply to her. Now clear your mind of that and be happy and knit for you family
who appreciates your knitted items.


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## gravelgert66 (Feb 21, 2011)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


I love your point of view. A few years ago, I gave a friend a gift which seemed very appropriate to me. It was then given back to me by her in a gift for me a year later. I know it was re-gifted but assume my friend didn't remember who had given it to her. My feelings were somewhat hurt, but time as resolved the feeling, as we are still friends, but the doubt will always be there. In my heart, forgiveness was important.


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## Deefercrafts (Feb 26, 2013)

I would be annoyed too and am sure I would have said something when she asked for a scarf. I very rarely knit for other people now after being told that something I knitted was "Only home made and didn't cost much"


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## SallieH (Oct 20, 2014)

nanad said:


> Hi jinx, No problem, we have been friends for over 50 years and we are honest with each other but I had just gotten off the phone with her so it just happened and caught me by surprised. I talk to her almost every day and will tell her how I felt. They were hers to do as she pleased but I still wish she did not tell me. Oh and winding rd I am getting on with other things like knitting socks for another friend that I know will appreciate them as she see's me everyday and knows the struggle I have in knitting now. Oh well OVER IT-nanad


You have done exactly the right thing. Yes, you felt bad at first, but are obviously working through it. You are not going to let this thing ruin your friendship. Your friend know how much knitting means to you (both) and is asking for another item. The other good thing? You are venting here with people who understand. That is the best way to "get rid" of the bad thoughts and just move on. I hope you are feeling better and can keep knitting for friends!


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## tyme2sew (Dec 20, 2012)

nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


nanad , I am so sorry you had this happen, some people just do not understand that knitting something is a labor of love, but to give them away and then tell you about it. well, lets just say you were nicer than I would have been. I am so sorry, but just move on with the lesson learned attitude and knit only for those who will appreciate your hard work.... I would not give her one minute of your thoughts, it is not worth you fretting about it because we can't change people. Now go knit something just for you.. Glenna


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

I'm sorry your friend was unable to value your gift.



nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

chickkie said:


> there are far too many posts on KP about feelings that get hurt for some reason or another. We have to learn to make the best of every day rather than playing the poor me card.
> 
> everyone has problems, and little things like this should not be at the top of the list


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: But some of us are more sensitive.


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

nanad said:


> This is my best friend since grammar school and is a very giving person, she would have done the same if I liked something she had. It was just too soon after Christmas and I have not been able to knit for well over two years for health reasons ( loss the feelings in my hands) and I can only knit a little at a time now, so items take so much longer to make. And like most knitters we do think of the person we are making things for and how pleased they would be. I'm still upset, can't help it but she will still be my friend something like this is too minor to not speak to someone you have been friends with.Tomorrow will be a better day. nanad


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: Excellent.


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## anneevamod (Apr 16, 2011)

How thoughtless. I'm sorry and I don't blame you at all!!!


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

What a lovely story. Thanks for sharing.



rosebud527 said:


> My mother was always thrilled with anything hand-made. She appreciated the thoughtfulness from those people to take the time and make something. I made her a lovely sweater that she just adored. She told me to give it to someone nice after she died. I gave to a wonderful neighbor and people compliment her all the time. My mom dies in 2002 and my neighbor is still wearing the sweater.! It's the nicest thing I have knit and I am so glad my mother and my neighbor got to enjoy it.


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## Nancyn (Mar 23, 2013)

You have the right to feel upset but maybe the daughter really really loved the socks and the mom said ok. I know if I received something and one of my kids "had to have it", I would have a hard time saying no. You are right that it is not worth losing a friendship over. I would be just too busy for awhile to knit anything again.


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## brims (May 15, 2012)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


Nice philosophy. I'll try and keep that in mind.


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## lainey_h (Dec 14, 2013)

You have every right to feel angry and hurt! It's a big expenditure in both time and money to make socks with that caliber of yarn, but don't let it ruin your day. Just move on and let this friend learn how to knit her own scarf! If you're ever in a situation where you have to give her a gift, wrap up a skein of Red Heart and a set of inexpensive knitting needles for her.


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## jan m (Jul 5, 2011)

alphabetmom said:


> I totally don't think unless you knit or crochet that you understand the cost and time involved in a piece, but I would take it as a compliment that her daughter liked it so much. But next time I would not use expensive yarn.


If she understood what's involved in knitting a pair of socks--the time, effort, expensive and dedication--she wouldn't have told you she gave them away and THEN asked for another hand-knitted item. 
Shake your head, brand her as 'clueless' and strike her from your list of eligible giftees. forever. and ever. Amen


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## Knitting Gamma (Sep 7, 2014)

I knit my daughter a headband she wore it to school where she works, one of her friends wanted one for herself and her daughter so I made them in the colors she wanted. Needless to say I never got paid or even a thank you and I see this lady at church. How can people be so unthankful?


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## Zinzin (Oct 17, 2012)

She loved her daughter more than her self so she gave them to her even if she wanted to keep it. It is with her family.

No terms and conditions are placed on gifts. 

It is not you expected, and you are hurt. 

The pleasure was yours by offering her the gift and hers for receiving. Hers doubled when she unselfishly gave it to her daughter. 

If your heart can forgive her for this and if time and money permits make her the scarf, advising you would like to see her wearing it. Knit this only if you truly do not not resent her for her action.


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

BeadsbyBeadz said:


> I think I'd have vented to her! I've had this happen with non-knitted gifts. "The grand kids play with it." Really?


Beth is 18 now but when she was 2 years old, we bought her on of those,You could draw on it and then clear the board,Forget what its called,Well my son said, on Christmas day he, and her Mothers father had a great time with it,Didnt let him see I was annoyed,


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## Metrogal (Mar 15, 2011)

I say this. The woman's daughter will use them. She wanted them. Think of that and rest easy knowing that someone is loving them. Unless your friend wanted them, maybe they would just be sitting in her drawer never worn. That wouldn't bother me at all.


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## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

cakes said:


> it happens............. I lent an expensive book to a "friend"
> when she asked to borrow it. Weeks later she told me she had given it to another woman "Who never buys books" need I say I never saw my book again.


I lent a son cots to SIL,I was going to give to a women I knew who didn't have much,When I asked my SIL for id she said Oh I lent it to her brother wife,AS said forget it she can keep it ,Lesson Never lend ,


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## nhauf001 (Jan 18, 2011)

it has taken many years, but now my thought is, I gave it to my friend. She owns it and has the right to do with it as she wants. But I almost never knit for family anymore. I knit for charities, they seem to be more appreciative than my family is. -- that and I knit for the stress relief it gives me, so I really knit for myself and my sanity. Hugs!


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## TONI268 (Mar 24, 2013)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


My sister gave her boyfriend, Ted, a Ralph Lauren sweater. Very very expensive. A couple of months later she saw the same sweater on one of his friends. My sister Pat was fuming and then she found out that Ted is a master "Re-gifter". No more Ted!. But... as per Montana Gramma, I knitted a scarf and hat set for a friend. One day while we were walking to the store we notice a little boy about 5 years old who didn't have a hat or gloves but his brothers did so Maggie gave him the scarf I knitted for her. She look at me and said "I hope you do not mine". I said "No" I will make you another one!!!
And I did....


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## Hazel Blumberg - McKee (Sep 9, 2011)

I've had this happen. I knitted socks for a friend in the Netherlands, and her daughter stole them when she went off to college. But my friend was so grateful for the socks--and for a previous pair I'd knitted her--that I've made her other socks since then. Sometimes one just doesn't have any control over what the kids do.

Hazel


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## #1Patsy (Feb 6, 2011)

I have a rue once it out of your hands you have no control so do not let it upset you. Other folks values are not yours, lesson learned each day.


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## Karoy (Jul 29, 2011)

I've had that happen to me. My DIL sold two cardigans I had just made for my GDs. She was excited when she told me that she sold them for $.50 ea. Now she keeps asking for sweaters for her daughters. Like you I will not make anymore sweaters for them. So maddening.


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## mac.worrall (Jun 24, 2011)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> 
> My attitude exactly.


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## CdnKnittingNan (Nov 17, 2011)

Rather than feel bad, take it as a compliment. The daughter obviously liked them so much she wanted them. I know its hard to accept when you've put so much work and money into them. This has happened to me in the past and I recall that my mom used to tell me, "once you've given a gift, it becomes the receivers to do what they want with". Hopefully you will still be friends with her as no good friendship is only worth a pair of socks.


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## tmvasquez (May 7, 2013)

Montana Gramma, I am with you on this. This was a gift. Once it is recieved by the recipient it is theirs to do with as they please. If this happened to me I would be pleased that my socks were so well liked. I also understand the woman for giving them to her daughter. I am just like that. If my girls ask for anything that is within my power to give it is theirs.


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## dogpine (Jun 30, 2014)

Karoy said:


> I've had that happen to me. My DIL sold two cardigans I had just made for my GDs. She was excited when she told me that she sold them for $.50 ea. Now she keeps asking for sweaters for her daughters. Like you I will not make anymore sweaters for them. So maddening.


Omigosh that is beyond belief! 
One time we returned from a trip to Napa with several large jugs of olive oil from a local bottler. It's wonderful and of course very expensive, but we use alot of olive oil in our cooking and it was a great treat for us. A friend saw them and brazenly asked for one...I gave her a jug....a year later I saw it unopened in her pantry, and she eventually threw it out! At least our KP friend's socks were loved by the daughter, unlike the knitter from awhile back who caught her DIL throwing her gift in the trash, or the fate of my lovely olive oil!


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## Obsessed (Jan 22, 2012)

I'd be unhappy, to say the least! Unfortunately, regifting seems to be "the thing" today. For a hostess gift on Xmas we received an engraved carving set, which was lovely. Last year we gave a very good friend who did a lot of work on our " Superstorm Sandy" repair a large screen TV (he wouldn't let us pay him) which he gave to his son for his new home! What are you gonna do? Better than stuff sitting in a drawer unused


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## bertiesue (Mar 16, 2014)

When I first started knitting 18 years ago, I was so excited about knitting that I would make things for people at a drop of the hat. Fast forward to the present day, I am more selective about who I knit for as non-knitters really do not understand how much work (and money) goes into a seemingly simple project like a pair of socks. If I gave a pair of hand-painted merino wool socks to someone who exclaims "OMG, how can you pay so much for yarn for socks. They're ONLY socks. I can go to Target and buy 10 pairs for $12.00!" I make a mental note that I will never knit anything for them again.

Like Grandmann, I enjoy the process of knitting for the joy of making things. I do not become attached to my projects once they are complete. There are only 3-4 people I still knit for and some times when a neighbor announces a new grand/great grand child is on the way, I will knit a sweater for the newborn. Nowadays most of my knitting is for charity.


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## ilmacheryl (Feb 3, 2013)

I would be flattered that her daughter liked them so much - and the socks were hers to give away. Once we give something to someone else, it is no longer ours. I would cherish something that was made for me, but my DIL frequently gives whatever I have made for her to our granddaughter. I am now much more likely to just make something for GD than her mother. Never having had a daughter of my own, I don't really "get" the idea of letting her have whatever she admires.


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## joycevv (Oct 13, 2011)

I had the exact same thing happen to me! In fact, I saw them on the daughter's feet!! Oh well, I guess I am often like that with my children, just letting them have most anything of mine they want. Your friend and mine probably had no idea how much time it took to make beautiful socks or the expense of really good sock yarn.


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## judyr (Feb 20, 2011)

I have read some of the responses and we are all blessed with different opinions. I love it! It feels good to get something off your chest and have it resonate around the world. I still love it. If you don't, I will thank all KPers here for their opinions. WOW! Who needs to spend time and money for a psychiatrist when we are all blessed with each other.


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## nanad (Mar 9, 2011)

First let me thank all for their opinions about the socks, I did explain I had just gotten off the phone with my friend and was upset that she would just give my gift away. I am sure she did not think about my time that was put into the the socks and they were made especially for her. Being upset only lasted for an hour but will speak to her today and ask her if she even likes socks. She lives in another state and even though I talk to her everyday I do not see her. So like it was mentioned maybe she does not wear socks and did not want to hurt my feelings. I will talk to her, and would this break up a friendship NO of course not. I have four long time friends for over 50 years each and we are friends because we are honest with each other.Just hit me the wrong way. thank you-nanad


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## Mimi CindyB (Mar 3, 2013)

I only made 2 knitted scarves for Christmas presents. One for my son and he just loved it and was so excited when he opened his gift. My other scarf that was very complicated and for my DIL, she pulled it out and said my scarf. She had seen the pattern and asked for it. She never said thanks I like it or made any expression of gratitude. Last knitted gift for her for a while!


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## isabelly (Aug 12, 2014)

One of the delights in knitting for someone is for them to appreciate it and know how much time and effort, not to mention money for the yarn, into it. I have been knitting for my son for years and he has been really good about all that but lately, he has not sent me a picture of him in the hat I made for him. That is just not ok. I have knit for people in the past that I will NEVER knit for again. Unfortunately, I give almost everything away. I am learning though.
Once, when I was quilting, I made a beautiful watercolor quilt that was a welcome sign for beside the front door. I gave it to my BFF and she hung it beside her bird cage. That ended that right there and then. By the way, I made her move it!


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## isabelly (Aug 12, 2014)

I never lend books, ever. You never get them back. Someone can't 'find' them, etc. I ended that about five years ago. They can buy their own or get them on an e-book.


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## beejay (May 27, 2011)

I no longer knit for anyone but charity. The things I made for family I never saw them wear or heard any expression of appreciation.


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## got knit (Jan 21, 2012)

what is the purpose of boot cuffs? Looks or Fashion trend?


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## Woodsywife (Mar 9, 2014)

I wouldn't let it ruin my day. And I would not make anything else for her.


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## Bod (Nov 11, 2014)

I don't blame you. She obviously is not a knitter. It's her lose.


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## romagica (Jul 30, 2014)

Things like this tend to get in the space between people when left unaddressed. Have you considered having a conversation with your friend, letting her know how much you enjoyed making the gift for her, imagining her pleasure, etc. and "I have to confess my feelings are a little hurt that you would so easily give away the gift I made so lovingly for you." It will give you the opportunity to let go of the resentment, and it will give her an opportunity to really get the impact of her actions, and apologize if she is so moved. You may even find out that her daughter is going through a really hard time in some way or another and the mother gave away her very cherished gift (your socks) to her beloved daughter in order to lift her up ... which I would find to be an honor that my gift could have such an action.

Maybe I have a vivid imagination, but I have learned over the years that when I open the lines of communication, I find my perspective was skewed and find relief in the sharing.

And, as others here have said, many people really do not understand the investment ... in both time and money ... in the handmade gifts we give. Many do, but some just don't understand.



nanad said:


> This is my best friend since grammar school and is a very giving person, she would have done the same if I liked something she had. It was just too soon after Christmas and I have not been able to knit for well over two years for health reasons ( loss the feelings in my hands) and I can only knit a little at a time now, so items take so much longer to make. And like most knitters we do think of the person we are making things for and how pleased they would be. I'm still upset, can't help it but she will still be my friend something like this is too minor to not speak to someone you have been friends with.Tomorrow will be a better day. nanad


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## nanad (Mar 9, 2011)

Not sure but I know they are a big hit for my college age grand-daughters. One gd just asked me to make her a longer pair about 13"-I am thinking fashion but I will ask my gd-nanad


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## Munchn (Mar 3, 2013)

WOW! I wouldn't be making her a scarf or anything else for that matter. Rude! Rude! Rude is her .


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## romagica (Jul 30, 2014)

Karoy said:


> I've had that happen to me. My DIL sold two cardigans I had just made for my GDs. She was excited when she told me that she sold them for $.50 ea. Now she keeps asking for sweaters for her daughters. Like you I will not make anymore sweaters for them. So maddening.


Wow.


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## lindakaren12 (Dec 16, 2011)

Once gifted...out of our control. I think that her daughter wanting them is a grand compliment and her love for her daughter allowed her to give away something she really liked.


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## rkr (Aug 15, 2012)

As MontanaGramma, Deshka, k2p2, #1patsy, macworral, ilmacheryl wrote, once a gift is given, one no longer has any claim over how it is handled by the recipient. Lesson to be learnedif one thinks of this in advance it should make the end result easier to accept. We got pleasure in the creating and that's the end.

Years ago my folks were fostering a Navajo family's children; they had little to no furniture on the 4 Corners reservation. My folks refinished a 'birds eye' maple dresser for one son. Visiting them afterwards the family proudly showed off how the boy had 'decorated' the piece, with comic character stickers covering it. They also gave them all new bikes to find they had been given away - or Shared - as their culture allowed.

DearHubby is also halfway through building a very large chest of drawers (of Oak he personally harvested 30 years ago) for our 1st Grgrandbaby, due last week. It's killing that they're going to stain or paint it a very dark Expresso shade, rather than a lighter stain which shows the beautiful wood grain, but I had to remind him that his pleasure is in the design & creation and once given to them it's theirs to do w/as they wish.


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## gina (Jan 18, 2011)

chickkie said:


> Did this person ever say she wanted hand knit socks? I know some people don't want them at all!
> 
> I know I made a pair for someone that was always complaining of sore feet - this was about 3 years ago. She told me a few days ago that she had to go someplace where the hostess makes you take your shoes off at the door, so she wore my socks.


I would think that she meant it as a compliment; hat your socks were her prettiest and she was showing them off.


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## JTM (Nov 18, 2012)

Once I have given a gift to someone... it is no longer my business what happens to it. However, I would have told her that I had purchased expensive yarn because I thought she deserved that...not her daughter. I might still knit for her...depending on how I feel about her... not what she did with the gift. I just would not spend nearly as much money on the yarn though.


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## yanagi (Jul 7, 2013)

What nerve. Really? Some people just have no respect. I'd never knit her anything again either.


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## Cheryl Jaeger (Oct 25, 2011)

I would bet that your friend doesn't knit . There for has not a clue of how much love goes into knitting a pair of socks.
You might tell her when you are ready( if you are )that she can buy the yarn for the scarf. this will at least give her an idea of what goes into a project. 
I do get your feelings being hurt. Been there .


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## glofish (Nov 19, 2012)

I truly understand how you feel. I spent two months knitting a beautiful, intricate pair of slippers for my DIL (which she said she would like). She did not thank me, so I called and asked her how they fit. Her reply: "I don't know; I haven't tried them on yet". Don't think I'll knit her anything again. Last year I knit a lovely hat for a friend who says she loves hats and gloves. Instead of putting it away, she threw it on their bed, and one of their 8 cats damaged it by pulling out strands and then peed on it!! I got it back, washed it, repaired it, and will give it back to her and tell her to PLEASE put it away in a drawer when she's not wearing it. Thanks for letting me agree with you and for letting me vent, too.


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## imalulu (May 19, 2013)

krestiekrew said:


> You handled it very well, much better than I probably would have done. Yep you have that right.


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## sseidel (Apr 20, 2012)

Yes you do have the right to feel bad! I think that this friend takes you and your knitting generosity for granted!


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## JillF (Feb 17, 2011)

I would let it go, but never make anything for her again. And I definitely would have told her why I wasn't making the scarf. I learned long ago not to loan my oldest daughter anything, and not to knit anything for her. She gives it away, or sends it to the goodwill. No more, and I tell her exactly why.


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## brdlvr27 (Nov 12, 2011)

You handled it better than I would have - how thoughtless of her.


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## 1kathyr (Oct 20, 2014)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


True! Once an item becomes a gift, it belongs to the other person to do with as she will. It's hard to accept sometimes, especially when we put so much thought and time into a gift.
I would not refuse to make her another item but I probably would not make it a 'rush' job, either! Passive-aggressive, I know, but its better than possibly losing a friend!


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## Brooklyn86 (Jun 30, 2014)

I'm so sorry. Non-knitters just don't get all the love and time and "goodness" that goes into creating the item. It's not just the item, it's all the love that went into it.


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## Colorgal (Feb 20, 2012)

judyr said:


> I have read some of the responses and we are all blessed with different opinions. I love it! It feels good to get something off your chest and have it resonate around the world. I still love it. If you don't, I will thank all KPers here for their opinions. WOW! Who needs to spend time and money for a psychiatrist when we are all blessed with each other.


Sometimes we all just need to say "it" and then it is out of our system. Some good some bad and some at the wrong time.

I also NEVER lend out books any more. Took several times to learn that lesson.


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## knitnanny (Feb 28, 2012)

That was very rude of her...


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## Bridgeknitter (Sep 18, 2014)

Knitting for charity sounds good: benefits of being altruistic and "never having feelings hurt by recipient ". I must point out that when one doesn't see recipient the knitter never knows whether gift was cherished or thrown aside and never worn. Just saying.


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

I have been burned like that too.


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## _Ariadne_ (Jan 7, 2014)

I don't blame you for feeling angry. If I were you I would concentrate of knitting things for your grandchildren and treat yourself to some really nice yarn and make yourself something wonderful


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## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

I wouldn't make her anything else!


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## luvrcats (Dec 7, 2014)

Gosh....whoever said that--such ignorance!! I, too, would NEVER knit for that person again. Unfortunately, too many people feel this way--and they are definitely the losers!! Why would something "store bought" be such a great gift? And, of course, not as well made!!! It also upsets me terribly to see hand knit/crocheted afghans, hats, scarves, baby blankets, etc.,etc. in thrift stores or yard sales. I would prefer that the people take time to donate these wonderful items to a nursing home, homeless shelter--where they would be very much appreciated!!


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## Cheryl_K (May 23, 2011)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


I agree, and well stated. I once had a friend give us a car when we were in dire need of one. I did appreciate very much, and was a little surprised at how angry she got when we traded in for a newer car when we were able. Thankfully, her husband shut her down and made her apologize for not remembering that once you give someone something, it's out of your control what they do with it. If it isn't, then it's a gift with strings attached. JMO


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## MsKathy (May 25, 2013)

I remember giving gifts and "happys" to my mother and she would give them to one of my sisters. All they had to do was say they liked it. I remember getting so hurt about it. Momma is gone now, and I have realized that she did not mean to disrespect me; she just didn't know any better. She was a giver to everyone, and did not have a lot of material things to share. So, just maybe this person doesn't realize.


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## sparrefankerl (Feb 9, 2011)

m. jean said:


> Love this expression: While you are holding a grudge, that person is out dancing!


So true, and you are only hurting yourself. I knit for a very few select people, and my daughter. I don't knit for myself, I have so much and don't need anymore. My daughter and my granddaughter go through the package I send them with knitted items and keep what they want. Per my instructions my daughter then keeps some things to give as Christmas or birthday presents, she sells some items and gets to keep the money. Some things she gives to charity. It's all good and I'm happy.


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## Dot700 (Jan 11, 2013)

chickkie said:


> there are far too many posts on KP about feelings that get hurt for some reason or another. We have to learn to make the best of every day rather than playing the poor me card.
> 
> everyone has problems, and little things like this should not be at the top of the list


It maybe a little thing to you but is obviously a big thing to the Op and we should all be allowed to feel things without judgement.


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## dottie2 (Mar 22, 2011)

I don't blame you. I made a sweater for a friend but it was heavy weight yarn & stretched. She asked me if it was OK to give it to another friend. I told her it was hers to do with what she wanted. At least she asked first.


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## sueZee (Jul 6, 2013)

Sounds like you should have made the socks for the daughter. She obviously liked them. Maybe your friend isn't a sock person or she just isn't "knit-worthy".


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## shadypineslady (Jan 28, 2014)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


Ditto that, again and again. A gift means the item now belongs to the receiver and they can do whatever they please with it. Hanging on to a gift only brings pain and sorrow. Let it go.


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## Treasure (Sep 2, 2011)

You have every right be feel bad.
Let me share something with you... My ex always wanted a Martin guitar...
So, foolish me bought one for him....a surprise for a xmas present...$500+ TAX... he loved it.... last week he tells me he giving it to his daughter. He said, "You don't mind, do you?" If you had punched me in the stomach I wouldn't have felt it... I said, it's your guitar .. Now I will give away the jewelry he gave me... and will sell the diamonds.... I will keep those pieces which I bought for myself..


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## CindyMB (Jul 2, 2012)

I will never forget, about seven years ago, right before the sock yarn phase became really big. I entered a new LYS in my neighborhood for the first time and the first thing I saw were a pair of socks on the counter when I walked in. They were labeled $100! I looked at the socks, never imagining that I could ever do anything so intricate as a pair of these beautiful socks. I hemmed and hauled over spending the money to buy them, realizing how much they were worth and knowing that I really couldn't afford them at the time...we were paying for my daughter's wedding. I left the store and everyday I would go back in just to see them and touch them. 

Finally, one day, the store owners told me that they were giving a sock class. I knew that I nevere liked knitting on dpn and really didn't want to become frustrated over the whole process. That's when she told me about magic loop for sock knitting. I immediately signed up for the class and I have been knitting socks ever since. Unfortunately, every time I think about making a pair for someone else, I know that there is really no one I know who would appreciate the time and the money that goes into their creation. 

Two years ago, my granddaughter who was three at the time, saw me knitting socks and she asked me if I would knit her a pair. So I took her to the store with me and she picked out the craziest sock yarn she could find and I made her a pair of socks. About eight months later, when I was skyping with her, she ran upstairs to get ther socks to show me that they were too small for her and would I make her another pair. 

I am now on her a third pair. Reagan is now five and loves my socks! My goal is to have them finished for Valentine's Day. Yes, she still picks out the craziest, brightest yarn she can find and they always look adorable on her. This pair she asked if I could knit them to her knees because she wants to wear them with a skirt so everyone can see them. So not only am I making her socks but I bought a denim skirt for her and extra yarn to make her a cowl to go with them. I can't wait to see her wearing them. 

Because she gets so excited, I will knit for her whenever she asks. That way, I know that she will like and wear what I make. Even at five, she knows what she likes! I am looking forward to the day when she asks me to teach her to knit.


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## kittykatzmom (Mar 1, 2011)

Sorry she didn't appciate your gift. You did the right thing telling her no.


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## shshipp (Oct 9, 2011)

I am so lucky. My best friend and my family all knit or crochet. Everyone understands the gifts


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

hersh said:


> Sorry you have been treated like garbage. I knit for charity. I have yet to be insulted, verbaly or emotionally abused. Works for me.


I see it differently. Obviously her daughter loved them so she gave them to her. Don't most of us want our children to have things they love? She probably thought her daughter would wear them more than she would.

I see is more as a complement that the daughter really wanted them.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

CindyMB said:


> I will never forget, about seven years ago, right before the sock yarn phase became really big. I entered a new LYS in my neighborhood for the first time and the first thing I saw were a pair of socks on the counter when I walked in. They were labeled $100! I looked at the socks, never imagining that I could ever do anything so intricate as a pair of these beautiful socks. I hemmed and hauled over spending the money to buy them, realizing how much they were worth and knowing that I really couldn't afford them at the time...we were paying for my daughter's wedding. I left the store and everyday I would go back in just to see them and touch them.
> 
> Finally, one day, the store owners told me that they were giving a sock class. I knew that I nevere liked knitting on dpn and really didn't want to become frustrated over the whole process. That's when she told me about magic loop for sock knitting. I immediately signed up for the class and I have been knitting socks ever since. Unfortunately, every time I think about making a pair for someone else, I know that there is really no one I know who would appreciate the time and the money that goes into their creation.
> 
> ...


WONDERFUL!


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## SwampCatNana (Dec 27, 2012)

Things like this make me wonder where these people were brought up! How can anyone be so bereft of responisbility! Are they so self absorbed that nothing means anything unless it concerns them directly?


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## Squiter60 (Jan 19, 2013)

I don't blame you. The nice part of this forum is we all understand and don't mind when someone needs to vent.&#127755;


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## jdwilhelm (Dec 6, 2011)

I would feel good that the granddaughter liked them so well, a compliment!


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## ChristmasTree (Nov 28, 2011)

mrssnakeboy said:


> The daughter has excellent taste, she obviously loved your work.


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## trout23 (Aug 28, 2012)

Have to jump in here. My neighbor had a baby 5 months ago. I was very excited - love babies and all of my family lives in other states. Made a blanket; made a couple of wrap shirts/ made a stack of wash cloths (a dozen); made some bibs. Have as of yet to see the mother use any of them. When I do go over to visit she uses a kitchen towel to wipe off his spit up and I have as of yet to see him in one of the little shirts. I just told myself to get over it as she probably is totally ignorant on the time and love that went into them. I just think they are so much softer and nicer than what you buy I would think people would appreciate hand made things. O.k - got that off of my chest.


KroSha said:


> We live in such a throw-away society that handmade items aren't thought of having any more value than some equivalent product at Walmart.
> 
> If you thought enough of certain people to make them something really special, you should be comfortable enough to let them know how special it is, particularly if they are not a handcrafter themselves.
> 
> If you are not comfortable letting them know how valuable your work is, first make them something in a less expensive yarn and pay attention to how they care for the item.


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## MrsBearstalker (Aug 11, 2011)

Yes, you have the right to feel bad! But don't. It only hurts you. Just mark it up to, "One more person I don't need to knit anything for" and feel good about the ones who appreciate your knitted gifts. 

That thing about requesting another knitted item is really strange . . . Does her daughter want a scarf???


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

SwampCatNana said:


> Things like this make me wonder where these people were brought up! How can anyone be so bereft of responisbility! Are they so self absorbed that nothing means anything unless it concerns them directly?


I like the image you posted. Here's another one:


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## chickkie (Oct 26, 2011)

Rafiki posted this and I thought it had such a good message


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## rasputin (Apr 21, 2013)

that's terrible. after all that work!
I have a story, similar in way....the other day I asked my best friend if she wanted to go to the movies to see 
"Exodus"...she goes to church at least 4 times a week. and volunteers at the church too!...so I figured she would love to see it. She said "no, I don't think so, that doesn't interest me!".....so at first I said "oh, okay"...so we were still talking, but I was so hurt. I go anywhere when she asks. I even went to see Ironman because she loves Robert Downey Jr....well, as we were talking I finally said to her "I'm not happy with you"...she said "why, because I won't go to the movies?" and I said "yes, because I always go anywhere you want me to and I sat through many Super hero movies with you!" So she said "Oh, are you trying to make me feel guilty"? and I said "YES, I am and I am really hurt"....she finally said she would go!
(I'm sorry...I had to vent also)


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

chickkie said:


> Rafiki posted this and I thought it had such a good message


Right on........ We never have to be concerned about our enemies. We know they don't like us.


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## pzoe (Mar 17, 2011)

What's wrong with some people anyway????? So sorry this happened to you, on many levels.


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## SouthernGirl (Dec 28, 2011)

I am so sorry this has made you sad. Hand knit socks are a luxury.


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## Jedmo (Jan 21, 2013)

I would be angry also


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## Cathy B (May 15, 2014)

Mercygirl76 said:


> This is exactly how I feel. I give hand knitted items to show I care about the person and it makes me feel good. Once given, it's no longer mine but theirs.
> 
> I gave my DIL a hand knitted shawl for Christmas this year. She loved it and mentioned how she would wear it to Mass. The day after Christmas, when going out to lunch with the family, I noticed the shawl in the car seat next to my granddaughter (she's almost 3, and VERY verbal). I was shocked, but I have a great poker face and didn't skip a beat. My DIL, who didn't realize I saw the shawl, stated later in the restaurant that my granddaughter had decided it was her new Blankie and she had to explain multiple times that it belonged to Mommy. She had caught her daughter wrapping it around her neck twice, having gotten it from under the tree. My DIL said she had to put it on her bureau to keep it away from her daughter. That's when I let her know it was in the car seat. Lourdes, my GD chimed in that she got it from Mommy's room and it's soft and pretty and she likes it for HER. My DIL was genuinely shocked. All I could do was laugh and tell her to watch out, Lordes would be in her clothes next. Also let Lourdes know I would make her a special shawl all her own. I've got some more MadTosh in that colorway, enough for a brass and steam kerchief for her.
> 
> To the OP: it's a huge compliment to you that your friend's daughter wanted the socks. It's not unusual for a mother to give her child something that the child loves. That giving to the child is a compliment as well. I wouldn't let this upset you, but see it in the spirit intended. I would make your friend the shawl. She does value your workmanship.


Well said, Just because she shared the socks with her daughter it does not mean she did not appreciate the gift, It could just mean she loves her daughter and wanted to make her happy. Now if she had thrown them in the trash, given them to goodwill, or let them rot in the bottom of a drawer you have every right to be upset. I know my daughters can be very convincing when they want something of mine that they like.


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## sparrefankerl (Feb 9, 2011)

SwampCatNana said:


> Things like this make me wonder where these people were brought up! How can anyone be so bereft of responisbility! Are they so self absorbed that nothing means anything unless it concerns them directly?


There is my favorite wolf again. How did you get her? Also the picture of the girl with the open mouth, she has beautiful teeth.


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## obxcakelady (Oct 1, 2014)

I know how you feel. Have a friend who admired a scarf I was making at a girl's' weekend. She REALLY admired it, so I finished it and gave it to her. Then I started another one, and another friend admired it...So...I finished it and gave it to her....THEN...friend #1 complained about the scarf I had made for her...the color wash' t right, it wasn't't long enough, blah blah blah. Needless to say, I have never made her anything else.


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## Bod (Nov 11, 2014)

That's why I knit pnly for myself now.


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## momforthree (Nov 10, 2011)

nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


Dear Nanad;
I hear you and understand you...but...let me put this in another perspective: I am a parent for three. No matter how much I like something, if one of my children asks for it or tells me how much she/ he like that item, I gladly give it to my child. 
The joy of bringing joy to my child is grater then the joy of me having that item.

Maybe this is the case with your friend. I am not telling you to make her that scarf, that is up to you, and I do not minimize the reason of your frustration, but maybe you take a look at my reasoning...

I wish you Happy New Year and peace, and joy and real , good friends.
Anna-


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## Bydie (Dec 2, 2011)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


 :thumbup:


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## Stampergrandma (Jun 6, 2011)

Not everyone is what I call knit worthy. Only very special people get my knitted items and if one of them proves unworthy, they never get another knitted item from me, but I still love them as a friend!


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## 18931924 (Feb 11, 2013)

Just had to type this. my late mother did a lot of knitting for her grandchildren and greats. this one time she knitted a beautiful jumper for one of my sister-in-laws young sons. we went to visit one time and there was the jumper on the garage floor and the dog lying on it.no more jumpers for that family. The children have since grown and married and I have never knitted for them. I knit for charity now and hope the people who receive them appreciate the knits.
I am from Gold Coast Australia


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## judeanne (Mar 6, 2011)

Montana Gramma...I was thinking the very same thing. Thank you for posting my thoughts. I learned this a long time ago and still feel the same.


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## mooseymom93 (May 1, 2013)

judyr said:


> I have read some of the responses and we are all blessed with different opinions. I love it! It feels good to get something off your chest and have it resonate around the world. I still love it. If you don't, I will thank all KPers here for their opinions. WOW! Who needs to spend time and money for a psychiatrist when we are all blessed with each other.


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## wlk4fun647 (Apr 17, 2011)

I knitted little shawlettes for the ladies at work one year.
When I made one for myself and wore it, I got a lot of positive feedback. Everyone wore theirs except for the youngest woman, and the supervisor. You can't please everyone.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

wlk4fun647 said:


> I knitted little shawlettes for the ladies at work one year.
> When I made one for myself and wore it, I got a lot of positive feedback. Everyone wore theirs except for the youngest woman, and the supervisor. You can't please everyone.


Is it possible that you could post a photo of your shawlette?

BTW, has anyone ever "accused" you of resembling Sally Field?


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## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

The other thing is that this woman's daughter appreciated your knitting far more than the mother. I would take that part as a complement. It doesn't stop you from feeling insulted. I am knitting myself some socks, first pair ever, and my mum wants them, so now I am making them for her She loves the colours and will wear them as bed socks.


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## jdwilhelm (Dec 6, 2011)

She might like them so well she is "saving" them...been there, done that, now wish I had used the items I saved...for what?????


ChristmasTree said:


> :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## greythounds (Aug 26, 2011)

I know exactly how you feel. I don't blame you for feeling hurt. And I will not tell you to look differently at the situation than you are. That only adds to your pain in this situation. So you may have to do as I did. Chalk it up to experience. A painful one. Wishing you a happy 2015 and lots of happy knitting.


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## cattdages (Aug 3, 2011)

I guess ultimately they went to someone who really loved and will enjoy them - perhaps appreciate them more than your friend?? I have had to learn to be philosophical about it. The gift will find it's right recipient, even if that's after cycling through a thrift shop first! Yesterday someone posted about a beautiful crocheted afghan she found in a thrift shop. All that work, and the recipient gave it away, but she found it and she will appreciate it.


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## Colorgal (Feb 20, 2012)

jdwilhelm said:


> She might like them so well she is "saving" them...been there, done that, now wish I had used the items I saved...for what?????


When I was younger I used to do this. Got it from my Dad. He grew up VERY poor and anything new and wonderful, he put in a drawer to save for his best day. I also put things away so they "did not get worn out and be gone". Things I really loved. I know it sound silly but it is a type of hording and OCD. Runs in the family.


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## LucyinCanada (Oct 24, 2012)

nanad said:


> First let me thank all for their opinions about the socks, I did explain I had just gotten off the phone with my friend and was upset that she would just give my gift away. I am sure she did not think about my time that was put into the the socks and they were made especially for her. Being upset only lasted for an hour but will speak to her today and ask her if she even likes socks. She lives in another state and even though I talk to her everyday I do not see her. So like it was mentioned maybe she does not wear socks and did not want to hurt my feelings. I will talk to her, and would this break up a friendship NO of course not. I have four long time friends for over 50 years each and we are friends because we are honest with each other.Just hit me the wrong way. thank you-nanad


Happy to read that your perspective has changed after thinking it over. It is wonderful that your friendship has lasted so long and that you can talk things over and get past any hurt feelings. Long lasting friendships are a true blessing.


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## JillF (Feb 17, 2011)

Good for you. An honest conversation about it will be the best thing.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

nanad said:


> First let me thank all for their opinions about the socks, I did explain I had just gotten off the phone with my friend and was upset that she would just give my gift away. I am sure she did not think about my time that was put into the the socks and they were made especially for her. Being upset only lasted for an hour but will speak to her today and ask her if she even likes socks. She lives in another state and even though I talk to her everyday I do not see her. So like it was mentioned maybe she does not wear socks and did not want to hurt my feelings. I will talk to her, and would this break up a friendship NO of course not. I have four long time friends for over 50 years each and we are friends because we are honest with each other.Just hit me the wrong way. thank you-nanad


We ALWAYS have the "right" to feel bad.

However, we also have the option -- the choice -- to FEEL GOOD.

You've navigated through the maze of negative emotions and come out feeling better.

It's terrific that you've chosen to feel good!

~~~


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## bjstatha (Oct 10, 2013)

nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


Well, at least someone liked them.


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## dearyou37 (Jul 6, 2014)

Colorgal said:


> When I was younger I used to do this. Got it from my Dad. He grew up VERY poor and anything new and wonderful, he put in a drawer to save for his best day. I also put things away so they "did not get worn out and be gone". Things I really loved. I know it sound silly but it is a type of hording and OCD. Runs in the family.


I do the SAME thing, and I also learned it from my dad, who also grew up very poor. I'm glad I'm not the only one!


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## Donna Piteau (Dec 29, 2014)

Nanad - you have every right to be upset and I wouldn't make your friend anything again. I guess I don't understand some people. I've given several small items to friends and never
saw them again. I wouldn't exactly say she was a friend. Just don't waste your time on her again.


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## Donna Piteau (Dec 29, 2014)

Nanad - In thinking it over I believe I was too harsh. I didn't realize you were such good friends. I don't take things too lightly, and when it takes a lot of my valuable time, I will give it much thought and would not do it again for them. I love what I do and if they don't appreciate it, a second time never enters my mind. Donna


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## Donna Piteau (Dec 29, 2014)

A honest conversation about it may not be the answer. Sometimes a person may lie and that puts them in another uncomfortable situation. She stated she gave them to her daughter, so be it, but if she truly wanted her daughter to have them, she should have asked Nanad to make a pair for the daughter.
Just a thought for what it's worth. I could be wrong.


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## BiDDi (Dec 21, 2012)

Maybe you could tell your friend that if you had known that her daughter loved the socks you perhaps would have knitted some for her. I am pleased that you value your friendship enough to deal with this. Now that you have come to terms with the experience you may feel comfortable to tell her that you were a bit suprised that she didn't want them for herself and she may explain why.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

BiDDi said:


> ... (snipped) ... Now that you have come to terms with the experience you may feel comfortable to tell her that you were a bit suprised that she didn't want them for herself and she may explain why.


What a pleasant, neutral way to approach a conversation about this with your friend. Shares your feeling in a mild, unthreatening way. She can choose to respond at whatever level she feels comfortable, including not responding at all.


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## sarahjane.crawford (Dec 31, 2014)

Really!!! <------ to above comment!!!

Of course you should be appreciated and selfishness does not come into it. You work hard, put your time, effort and more than anything KINDHEARTEDNESS into each item.

Feel angry, feel bad and don't make your 'friend' anything else again.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

sarahjane.crawford said:


> Really!!! <------ to above comment!!!
> 
> Of course you should be appreciated and selfishness does not come into it. You work hard, put your time, effort and more than anything KINDHEARTEDNESS into each item.
> 
> Feel angry, feel bad and don't make your 'friend' anything else again.


Hmmm, you just now joined today & this is your first comment?!

If you had bothered to read all of the responses on the 13 pages here so far -- certainly indicating that the OP had come to a point of being easy with her feelings -- and still felt the need to write what you did, you have an ugly heart.

It probably doesn't matter. You are likely a Troll looking to stir up trouble and bad feelings. Obnoxious!


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## sarahjane.crawford (Dec 31, 2014)

Soooooo ignorant how could you speak bad of others? Of course this lovely lady feels bad...


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

sarahjane.crawford said:


> Soooooo ignorant how could you speak bad of others? Of course this lovely lady feels bad...


The ONLY ignorant person here is the one who hasn't read 13 pages of comments and who incites ugly feelings despite postings to the obvious contrary.

That would be you. Troll.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

I don't think a new user should be called a troll after two postings! Come on, give her a chance.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

inishowen said:


> I don't think a new user should be called a troll after two postings! Come on, give her a chance.


Oh please she is a regular in sheep's clothing. Many of us can spot her a mile away. She mostly stayed in the political areas but I see she's branched out.


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## CdnKnittingNan (Nov 17, 2011)

Wow I can't believe total strangers would get this worked up and become 'nasty'. So much for Peace on Earth Good will toward man and Happy New Year. 

LET IT GO!


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

WindingRoad said:


> Oh please she is a regular in sheep's clothing. Many of us can spot her a mile away. She mostly stayed in the political areas but I see she's branched out.


Winding Road, i hope you're right, otherwise you've deeply offended a newbie.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

inishowen said:


> Winding Road, i hope you're right, otherwise you've deeply offended a newbie.


Check out her profile. I guess you missed the whole Yellow Knit Crochet Bear thread. Don't bother to look for it. It's gone.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

inishowen said:


> Winding Road, i hope you're right, otherwise you've deeply offended a newbie.


I'll take my chances. She is trying to bring this site down by running members off. People don't like controversy and then they leave. She has been banned many times and continues to return for some strange reason. She has told many that she intends to destroy this forum. She posted links to some weird t-shirts the other day with a questionable site that might contain a virus. Her vernacular is like a fingerprint.


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## chickkie (Oct 26, 2011)

somehow the postings on this thread missed the cut


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

chickkie said:


> somehow the postings on this thread missed the cut


She's been banned as she's posting under another ID.


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## 18931924 (Feb 11, 2013)

What's all this going on. on this site, I get enough of this in the Retirement Village I am in. Please be nice to each other, we are now in 2015, do start the New year off well.
Thanks for your answer to me, KroSha, you are a nice lady, at 90 I will attempt to sort myself out on Forum, haven't changed my profile yet, copied out your directions and will do so soon. Very hot and humid on the Gold Coast Aus. would like some cool weather.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

18931924 said:


> What's all this going on. on this site, I get enough of this in the Retirement Village I am in. Please be nice to each other, we are now in 2015, do start the New year off well.
> Thanks for your answer to me, KroSha, you are a nice lady, at 90 I will attempt to sort myself out on Forum, haven't changed my profile yet, copied out your directions and will do so soon. Very hot and humid on the Gold Coast Aus. would like some cool weather.


You're certainly welcome and I'm glad that it's helped you. Please PM me anytime if you need additional assistance.

As regards starting the New Year right and being nice to each other, I agree with that for the most part, and it's true most of the time. But there are some insidiously offensive people who get on here and try to stir up trouble, manipulate facts, state untruths and toy with people's emotions. Fortunately, they are few and far between.

They are members that have either been banned or want to post incognito for some reason (usually an ugly one!). They can generally be spotted quickly because they have just signed up and the first question or response they post has some kind of peculiarity to it. Then many of our kindly members jump to their defense because they appear to be newbies. It just causes more combative situations between members, which is what they're trying to do in the first place.

They are destructive to our board and when they are recognized, they WILL be called out by some of the members who recognize them right away. Often these folks are reported to admin and either their posts or entire threads are deleted. When that happens, we know that they have been ferreted out again.

The best thing for the more mild mannered or sensitive members is just to skip over those posts and not pay them any mind.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

KroSha said:


> You're certainly welcome and I'm glad that it's helped you. Please PM me anytime if you need additional assistance.
> 
> As regards starting the New Year right and being nice to each other, I agree with that for the most part, and it's true most of the time. But there are some insidiously offensive people who get on here and try to stir up trouble, manipulate facts, state untruths and toy with people's emotions. Fortunately, they are few and far between.
> 
> ...


But members SHOULD NOT leave for that is what some posters want. It would serve their purpose.


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

WindingRoad said:


> But members SHOULD NOT leave for that is what some posters want. It would serve their purpose.


Absolutely true.

And that's exactly the point. Trolls shouldn't be allowed to succeed in accomplishing their dastardly deeds.

Since it doesn't need to happen very often, and great caution should be exercised in whom to confront, those who aren't prepared to take up the sword, so to speak, should just move on to more pleasant entries. Goodness knows, there are an overwhelmingly sufficient number of those.


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

WindingRoad said:


> Check out her profile. I guess you missed the whole Yellow Knit Crochet Bear thread. Don't bother to look for it. It's gone.


I have checked her profile. It doesn't tell me anything, except that she is new. As several of you think she is a trouble maker you must be seeing something that I'm not!


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## KroSha (Oct 25, 2013)

18931924 said:


> Thanks for your answer to me, KroSha


Just and note that I sent you another PM which you haven't opened. I think you will find more help in there.

I hope your weather cools down a bit. I know it's summer in Oz.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

inishowen said:


> I have checked her profile. It doesn't tell me anything, except that she is new. As several of you think she is a trouble maker you must be seeing something that I'm not!


If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck it's probably a duck.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

inishowen said:


> Winding Road, i hope you're right, otherwise you've deeply offended a newbie.


Check her ID now. HNYD I put it in my buddy list and note that all her post have been deleted from her "list" Now do you believe me? Also been deleted from the threads she posted on. None of which were crafty threads. Wouldn't a newbie be more interested in knitting or crocheting?


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

I guess we will have to wait and see. If she's a troll she will expose herself because she can't help herself. I was not disbelieving you. I just didn't see it myself.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

inishowen said:


> I guess we will have to wait and see. If she's a troll she will expose herself because she can't help herself. I was not disbelieving you. I just didn't see it myself.


All her posts have been deleted under that ID. Since 24 November I have saved 8 ID's of her's that have been deleted, and all the posts with them. And I'm sure I missed many of them. She exposes herself when she posts as I said. I can tell by her wordings of posts. And she never really goes into craft postings. She posts on threads like this as her first post. If you were just starting on knitting forum wouldn't you reply to knitting issues or ask for help as your first post? That's a dead give away.


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

inishowen said:


> I guess we will have to wait and see. If she's a troll she will expose herself because she can't help herself. I was not disbelieving you. I just didn't see it myself.


She has exposed herself SO MANY times she's been doing this for over a year now. Sometimes she will admit who she is and will say that ADMIN loves her because they keep letting her come back. I have to wonder about that?


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

WindingRoad said:


> All her posts have been deleted under that ID. Since 24 November I have saved 8 ID's of her's that have been deleted, and all the posts with them. And I'm sure I missed many of them. She exposes herself when she posts as I said. I can tell by her wordings of posts. And she never really goes into craft postings. She posts on threads like this as her first post. If you were just starting on knitting forum wouldn't you reply to knitting issues or ask for help as your first post? That's a dead give away.


I also notice that she joined just to make two nasty comments and then has not posted again, on any thread. = troll who got caught.

How you doin' Windy?


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## WindingRoad (May 7, 2013)

misellen said:


> I also notice that she joined just to make two nasty comments and then has not posted again, on any thread. = troll who got caught.
> 
> How you doin' Windy?


I'm dong fine MisEllen. And few flakes around . Hey, don't get angry now I'm talking about snow...LOL

Yeah all her posts have been removed AGAIN.


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## Susanne59864 (Jan 6, 2014)

nanad said:


> I just got off the phone with my friend, she lives in another state. Well, I knitted her a pair of socks in fingering hand painted yarn which cost a lot for the yarn but I wanted her to have a really nice pair. Get this , she just told me she gave them to her daughter because she wanted them, needless to say I will not knit her anything again, before getting off the phone she asked me to make her a scarf , this in not going to happen. I just told her I don't have time as I have four grand-daughters that I have to make boot cuffs for and then it will be time to make myself something. I am so mad and just had to vent. nanad


She must have been a good friend. If she weren't, you would have not gone to the time and expense. So, why don't you tell her the truth?

This occurrence may have already cost a friendship. Be honest and tell her.


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## Susanne59864 (Jan 6, 2014)

Susanne59864 said:


> She must have been a good friend. If she weren't, you would have not gone to the time and expense. So, why don't you tell her the truth?
> 
> This occurrence may have already cost a friendship. Be honest and tell her.


I'm sorry. I did not read all the posts.


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## EweLaLa (Jun 12, 2014)

Montana Gramma said:


> When a gift leaves my hand, I no longer have ownership of it. I do not give to be appreciated, I give to feel good, selfish on my part but works for me!
> You have the right to feel bad, it is your situation. But anger and feeling bad are two different things. One gives ulcers, the other sometimes ruins the day. You are in control of both as to extent and timing.


My thought too. When I give something to someone it is theirs to do whatever they want with it. Not to say I wouldn't feel a bit unappreciated.


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## Mum7 (Oct 11, 2011)

I can sympathise. I made some beautiful (although I say it myself) cardigans when my nephew's wife was expecting her second child. She phoned to thank me and said "They are lovely. Keira, (her daughter) has taken them for her dolls" !!! Guess who hasn't received any more knitting from me


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