# Help! It's my husband...



## linda allison (May 4, 2011)

My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art. 
Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.

I could cry, I'm feeling so frustrated right now. At this rate by the time I can knit a sweater all my needles and yarn will be gone. I guess I should add that things disappear while in storage. They fall or break or get dirty and are discarded.


Help, I need wisdom!


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## Izzy186 (Apr 26, 2011)

let him read what you posted.. then tell him that although the dust bugs you rather than taking away one of the things you love the most can he try to help you clean more often to keep the dust away?? he wont be able to change it unless he knows how you feel!!!


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## Isis (Mar 24, 2011)

I wish I could help but I don't know what to say but I do understand your frustration as my first husband didn't like me doing any craft if he thought I wouldn't pay him any attention, the only time I was allowed to knit was if it was a sweater for him. Hopefully someone else will have some ideas what to do (((hugs)) from me to you


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## pattys76 (Apr 7, 2011)

I'm sure he has some stuff that HE wants to keep that is collecting dust. Start putting some of HIS stuff in storage and let him see how he likes it! Petty, I know.....


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## Leonora (Apr 22, 2011)

I agree with Izzy186, show him what you have written to your forum friends. If it doesn't do the trick..........JUST PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND TELL HIM TO LEAVE WELL ALONE. I had a husband that was like that, always going through cupboards etc, putting thind in the loft out of my reach. At the finish I unpacked him, and told him I was leaving him, which I did after 32 years of marriage. The best move I ever made too.


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## Barbara Ann (Mar 18, 2011)

I would be really bad and let him put what ever he wanted in storage. Just means another trip to the LYS for me. Tell him for each skein/hank of yarn and set of needles he puts away, you get to buy new!


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## pattys76 (Apr 7, 2011)

I know that he MEANS well, but right now what he's doing isn't helping. On second thought, I think Izzy has the better idea, show him what you have written to us and then just tell him that you DO appreciate the effort.


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## granny1 (Feb 14, 2011)

Does he mean well, or is he controlling? With everything going on in your life, you need some sort of relaxation. Does he resent the time you spend knitting or quilting as time not spent with him? (Guess you know where I'm coming from) Do you just sneeze or is a full blown asthma attack? Maybe it's just certain things that you're allergic too? Is he going to get upset if he finds out that you shared this with us?


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## pearlone (Apr 4, 2011)

Perhaps you need to have your physican speak to him about your condition and assist in ways to help you keep your yarns etc. at hand. These are your crafts. You both may need to go to counseling, as it sounds as he has issues to deal with and you need to learn how to make your wants and wishes known and not be timid. Marriage is after all a contract between equals not a dictator ship by one.


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

When he is at work, get some boxes and pack up everything of his and they will greet him at the door when he comes home. You tell him, that his things are being moved out to the garage until you get your knitting things back.
Is it possible that you can teach your daughters some yarn crafts? I know that it is soothing and destressing activities. Tell him you need them in order to cope and organize your own self.
Get your doctor to back you up on this. Is your asthma really bad or does just certain things set it off? What about asthma inhalers? do they work for you? It sounds to me like your hubby is killing you with kindness and not being realistic. Prayers for you.


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## Dreamweaver (Feb 1, 2011)

I would just simply tell him to please leave your things alone. It is your health and your stash and you will decide what you want to keep or not. It is not his job to manage details of your life. If he comments that he is only trying to help or becomes angry, tell him that, while you appreciate his intention, it is NOT his job and you will not take any further interference kindly now that you have told him how you feel and requested that he stop intervening. I would then invest in some of the storage bags that can be sealed with vacum cleaner to cut down on the room it takes for stash, that it is very definitely sealed for asthma and cat pee and dust. (That should address his concerns.) At the very least, I would insist that you do any packing up together. If that fails, I would rent my own storage with my own key and put anything I thought I might want later into it with no access to husband. What you have collected has a pretty good monetary value. Your health needs may change. You may want to go back into business at some point. At some point, you may not have all daghters at home or Mother in garage or even the same house. 

If all this is really covering up some other deeper issue - (Control - hoarding - untidyness - cleanliness whatever) it needs to be discussed and handled appropriately.


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## jbandsma (Mar 6, 2011)

Stress is a killer...and it makes asthma attacks worse. The fact is that by stressing you the way he is, he's just asking for you to end up in the hospital. Does he really want that?

Maybe you need to ask him.


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## MarciaV (Jun 22, 2011)

Sounds like you're getting lots of words of wisdom from everyone. () This is me, just putting my arms around you - so sad!


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## ArleneFaye (Jan 21, 2011)

I feel for you, as I have family members who mean well also in trying to help me declutter my life and my house. But I did in a similar circumstance, draw a line in the sand , very gently said that I need one dresser with drawers for fabric and yarn and sewing supplies. So I do have that one dresser in the corner of my room. I picked up an old wood 5 drawer dresser at a second hand store for really cheap.
ButI hope you can at least save some things to keep close to you and be available, so you do not have to dig to find or travel to get. That would be so unhandy.
I look at it this way, hubby would not like me going thru his tools or garage stuff or stash in the basement, and decide what to keep or not keep. Some goes for me. Does this make sense?
And I do understand the need to sometimes make difficult choices of things that matter and that you need, and some things you do not need. There has to be a very fine balance between the two, in my opinion.
Hoping for the best for you.


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## littlewind53 (Apr 25, 2011)

Is it your cat or his? If it's his, tell him the cat dander is also an allergen and the cat must go.

Sorry, I don't really have any helpful or sage advice. Just a little quip.....

Good luck and I hope you can get it sorted out....


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## donnie (Jan 25, 2011)

I think I would tell him to pack himself away too because STRESS causes more asthma attacks than dust. Believe me, I know. I have COPD and asthma is one of my problems. My husband would have NEVER tried this one on me----I can be really possessive with my "stuff".


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## donnie (Jan 25, 2011)

I think I would tell him to pack himself away too because STRESS causes more asthma attacks than dust. Believe me, I know. I have COPD and asthma is one of my problems. My husband would have NEVER tried this one on me----I can be really possessive with my "stuff".


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

I would be furious if my husband interfered with my knitting materials, but I am very careful to keep it out of the way in a large wicker hamper. The thing I'm working on is in a bag which I keep by the side of my chair. When not in use I push it out of site. We share our living space so I can't let my hobby take over. I think you should have a huge sort out, with his help, and agree to store what's not in use at the moment, but when you finish one project you can get some more materials out of storage.


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## BellaNB (May 19, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


I agree with the others. Additionally, you could tell him that crying and depression won't be very good for your health either!


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## tamarque (Jan 21, 2011)

I forget how narcissistic and controlling some men can be with women! Glad you are freed from that behavior.


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## Margaritaz (Feb 4, 2011)

My husband get on my case about my yarns and my shoes, but after I tell it at least it keeps me home he is ok with it. I agree with Izzy186, your husband is worried about your health so have a talk with your husband and let him know how you feel. I am sure there is another way to go about what he is doing. 

Best of luck


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## Carolyn Bradley (May 9, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


I have the same problem. My husband wants to get a storage unit to put stuff in. But it seems that the stuff he wants to put in it is mine. We live in a mobile home, 3 bedrooms, and it is only him and I living here. He has two of the closets with his clothes and coats. I have a small closet in the front bedroom. Most of the clothes I wear I have in a basket. He is the only one working and if we are low on money of course it would be the storage unit with my stuff that would have to go. When I talk about getting rid of some extra things (like TV's) it's mine that will be gotten rid of, not his. I feel like I don't exist. When he talks about my asthma, he brings up one of his ex-wives and that her's scared him to death. But that doesn't make him worry about how he makes mine worse (turning off the air conditioning, cause he is cold, setting in his shorts). I know what you are going through.


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## tamarque (Jan 21, 2011)

You know, it is considered respectful protocol with a sightless person to ask if they want help and when doing so, there are very specific ways to provide that help that do not disempower the person. Essentially, one does not take over, but gently gives an assist, a gentle support. Your husband has made all the errors of taking over the person with a disability's power and integrity and person your dignity as well. Unacceptable behavior!

Think of the adage "Just say NO!" This is controlling behavior: he has not asked you for permission or your thoughts.


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## laceandbits (Jun 23, 2011)

I don't have a lot to add as you have been given some very wise advise. Only you know how much of this is care for you and how much him working to his own agenda, and how much point there is in confronting him.

I do ask though if your craft supplies are at the level where they could be described as out of controll "hoarded" or at the more normal "clutter" stage. I suspect it's the latter as although you are cross about his interference, you don't sound really distressed - a hoarder has trouble letting anything go. 

As someone else suggested, perhaps you just need to have control over the "putting it into storage" aspect. Accept that for the time being it needs to be out of your house, but in return he should accept that you must be involved in the packing. Make sure that it all goes into strong, waterproof and clearly numbered boxes, and that you decide what goes into each. 

While you are packing, make sure you only keep things you are likely to want in the future. If he can see that you are being thoughtful about what is going into storage, he might be more respectful of your possessions. We have all bought things in the past (and carried them around for years) which when we look at them honestly, we can admit we just don't love them any more.

Keep a master list of what is in each box, and photographs of anything that wouldn't be absolutely clear to you just from a description. Ideally you should have the key to the storage facility. If you need anything back, you will know exactly which box to open, rather than needing to rummage through.

It really worries me that you say things are getting lost and damaged in storage. Is this because it's not in a 'proper' facility? Or because he hasn't packed the stuff properly? Or do you suspect he isn't actually taking them to be stored, just dumping them?

Once the things have gone to a SAFE storage area (even if this is a new venue) then he should return the other things a box at a time so you can go through it, catalogue it, and re-store it in better, safer conditions. 

While you're at it, you could run the fabrics through the washer/dryer (don't worry about ironing them, you can do that when you want to use them) as this will remove a lot of dust and spores, and make it less irritant to you. This would also be a good idea before you put the bits into storage for the first time, so they don't make you wheeze as much when you reopen them.

I don't know your age but one would assume that his mother is not immortal, so although she might be filling some of your living space for a while, perhaps you fill the time with pleasant thoughts of the workroom you can have in her granny flat when she needs it no longer.

Finally, yet another one saying that the stress of all this is most likely at least as damaging at the dust. And keep the cat away from the craft stuff, whether it's peeing on them or not. btw, are you sure it's not cat allergy that is one of your problems? Animal fur, especially cat, is my asthmatic sister's biggest trigger.


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## Carolyn Bradley (May 9, 2011)

One question. Is there a chance that it isn't the yarn and stuff but maybe the cat? I have asthma and can't have a cat or dog in the house at all. Even when my grandchildren come to stay over night I have to give them baths and wash their clothes or I will be sick. I live in a mobile home in Auburn, IN that the first owners had a dog in it and I didn't know until I had work done on the furnace and they showed me all of the dog hair that was back in behind the furnace. After we cleaned it out and had the runs cleaned out, I got better. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against pets, I just can't have them.


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## darowil (Apr 17, 2011)

The vacuum sealed bags could be agood optiomn for keeping some of hte materials in. They don't accumulate dust inside and are not difficult to dust. They also are a compact means of storage when space is an issue. They fit under most beds. Keep what you are most likely to use, and put any more in accesable storage for when your current stock runs down.


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## battye one (May 23, 2011)

YOUR HEALTH IS IMPORTANT AND BE HAPPY THAT, HE CARES?! ONE COULD ALWAYS TELL HIM THAT THE MORE HE REMOVES THE MORE YOU SHALL HAVE TO BUY AGAIN DUE TO IT NOT BEING IN THE SPOT THAT YOU LEFT IT. YOU TAKE CARE OF THE ASTHMA ITS A KILLER


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## thecrowrace (Mar 15, 2011)

All you have to do is go to the toy store and buy a sling shot and some beans or marshmallows, he see that and knows what you will shoot with it he'll leave it alone! Maybe just the thought of it will make him laugh and get the point. LOL
A little bit of humor often makes things better.It does in my home. Good Luck.


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## nannaknits (Mar 30, 2011)

I REALLY think you should join a monthly knit club or find a great local yarn store - the kind that send you a fresh new parcel and pattern every month.. then no stashes laying around.. a great new surprise every month.. make a garment or socks etc and then put it to use.. Think it would be great if you are on a certain budget too- no temptation to buy wool/ yarn you don't need right now.. or may never use up..


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## 3mom (Apr 20, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


Have you talked to HIS dr. about his behavior? Perhaps it's not you at all, but an underlying health issue with him.


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## heffernb (May 30, 2011)

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I have no advise that would top what you already got, but as someone else said, hugs to you. I hope you can get it to work out and I will pray for you.


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## Poppy218 (Jun 18, 2011)

littlewind53 said:


> Is it your cat or his? If it's his, tell him the cat dander is also an allergen and the cat must go.
> 
> Sorry, I don't really have any helpful or sage advice. Just a little quip.....
> 
> Good luck and I hope you can get it sorted out....


My allergies almost entirely went away when our sick, elderly cat went to heaven and I thoroughly cleaned the house from top to bottom of cat hair and dander... I'm voting the cat is worse than the upset over the fibers in the fabric and yarn and I have a stash of both that could rival anyone!


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## KateWood (Apr 30, 2011)

I would suggest "off gassing" your supplies. Get the "smells" out. You can do this a few ways; "bake" them, Leave them in the trunk of your car or in a container in the sun for example then let them air out sufficiently and even wash the smells out of the fabrics. You may want to consider purchasing an effective air cleaner that you can put in your craft room that will remove VOC's/ the off gassing smells. 
Fabrics and yarns have that "new" smell, like; carpet, furniture, cars, fresh paint, which is chemicals, used to put the finish and permanent press on/in the fabric, dyes and they can be dusty or musty too. That new smell contains formaldehyde and a host of other chems, and it causes inflammatory reactions like asthma, nausea and migraines, RA symptoms or worse in sensitive people. You can find very good air cleaners that remove VOC's/volatile organic chemicals/out of the air on the internet. 
Someone not previously sensitive can be made sensitive or allergic by constant low grade exposures and made very, even dangerously ill. So your husband is more than likely right and cares about you, not wanting you to be made sick and ever sicker with your asthma. Talk with him about acquiring an effective air filter and the things you can do to remove the smells. Reactions like this should not be ignored, could he just be taking out the thing that he sees is making you, the one he loves, sick like an addicts spouse would remove the drug?


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## janicesign (May 11, 2011)

Linda:
I'm not a doctor, but I do have severe asthma. The solution from my
doctor was to take 1 Allegra everyday. Works great. I was in the hospital 8 times one year before starting with them.Check with your
doctor for his thoughts and recommendations. Then you can keep
everything, even the cat.


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## sam07671 (May 12, 2011)

Barbara Ann said:


> I would be really bad and let him put what ever he wanted in storage. Just means another trip to the LYS for me. Tell him for each skein/hank of yarn and set of needles he puts away, you get to buy new!


OHHHHH Barbara Ann....I like you idea so far the best. For every one thaqt he takes means another on you have to bvuy and replace. Can't go digging around for something yoou need or wantt o use. Too much work. :thumbup:


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## gildedlily (Jul 1, 2011)

I believe that there are two sides at least to every story.
A) We crafters are real pack rats and don't always agree that we hoard lots of stuff! Maybe he is trying to help.
B) Since you have 3 girls and a mother and you that is 5 females to one male - maybe he is reacting badly.

It is your job and right to pick and choose what to keep near at hand for the very immediate next project but to be fair, allow your other half some space and decorating rights, too, and put the rest away for now until you need it.


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## muppet (Mar 24, 2011)

Copy from Linda: Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?

I could think of a few!!!!


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## nannaknits (Mar 30, 2011)

dont hold back now Muppet LOL !!  


muppet said:


> Copy from Linda: Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> 
> I could think of a few!!!!


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## Araciel (Apr 2, 2011)

I live in Pa and if I was any closer to you I would open my house to you and store any and everything he does not want. And when you wanted something you could come and get it. No questions, no limits. I could not be happy in that invirement.


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## pam.v (Apr 5, 2011)

Maybe putting your stash in the plastic totes will help. You will still have it but it will be sealed so the dust cannot get into it .


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## karen7 (Mar 6, 2011)

Easy enough - KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY STUFF or you reallly will be keepiing your hands "off my stuff!" :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Star58 (Apr 6, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


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## Star58 (Apr 6, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


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## Star58 (Apr 6, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


May he won't object to those storaage bags that you can deflate by using a vacume..No dust and they don't take up as much room. I have seen them at walmart and on TV. I think they run about 20.00 for several bags.

Good luck


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## Star58 (Apr 6, 2011)

sorry about the extra posts. My daughter's computer is acting up.


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## dixieknits (Apr 12, 2011)

Let him read your post and if all fails call the knitting police.


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## btibbs70 (Mar 23, 2011)

Words from my DH:
1. Your husband feels the need to control something. (could be the stress of having your MIL moving in, or he may feel insecure.) 
2. Do something each day especially for him (make his favorite sandwich, make him a smoothie), but be covert, or it may backfire. 
3. Ask him what area can be yours.
4. If you don't do something soon, he's going to drive you to an mental institution.
My two cents' worth:
In addition to the de-dusting suggestions... 
1. don a surgical mask.
2. Take Claritin in the AM (check with Dr.)
3. Zyrtec in the PM(check with Dr.)
4. Tell him you have now solved the problem so he no longer needs to help out with this situation,then mention something he *could* do (i.e. organize the garage, repack the holiday decorations into see-through totes, start taking recyclable items to the recycling station).
5. Put towels on top of the bins where the cats wet. If they don't stay off it, remove the towels and put on double-stick tape.


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## theladyinblue (Mar 23, 2011)

Have you tried some "space bags," They are vaccume bags that can take a large amount of yarn and condense it down unto a small amount that will slide under the bed. (yes it also works on fabrics). It will cut down on the dust. You can open the bags and get the items out you want and reseal them easily. I told my husband if he mess with my stash one more time I would go to his work shop and pour all the different kind and sizes of screws in his shop in to 1 single coffee can. He didn't want me to do that so he has left my stash alone ever since, he is even offering to creative solutions to the storage problem.


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## mcguire (Feb 21, 2011)

MarciaV said:


> Sounds like you're getting lots of words of wisdom from everyone. () This is me, just putting my arms around you - so sad!


I agree with MarciaV.Here is another (). But...outside of getting a gun...do you have another room or a closet that you can put a lock on? Keep the key on a chain around your neck but watch when he gives you a hug he doesn;t snatch it. When my DH was in the hospital with a heart attach I sat knitting, he reading, he ask if I wouldn't knit, I ask why he said it reminds me of an old woman... I put it away and didn't knit for 25 yrs. this was 41yrs ago he ask. I wonder what he would think of all my 'stach' now ? Now I am the old woman. love it....No one tell me what to do.


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## Hudson (Mar 3, 2011)

Can you store the items in the house in clear plastic bins? He would know you are making an effort to help with his 'problem' and your items would be visible and safe.


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## Sam35 (Jun 9, 2011)

Start wearing a light face mask (Us decorators use one that covers just our nose and mouth). This will keep the dust to a minimum. If I remember right, there are three grades of filter. Get the lighter one, so it doesn't affect your breathing so much. We had the council in here not so long ago and they were using disposable cardboard ones ... or you could get a fan/extractor and have it running, near you while you're working with the yarn.


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## flohel (Jan 24, 2011)

Just tell him to "knock it off"


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## Joanie 5 (Apr 12, 2011)

Good luck to you. Your life seems to be very, very stressful with three special daughters and a husband who seems to be controlling. How about plastic storage bins for your yarn and manterial? Thoughts and prayers for you.


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## Lo'L (Jan 21, 2011)

So many good suggestions here, I hope you are able to put at least a couple in effect and he realizes the 'error of his ways'! Yarn is so therapeutic as those of us who craft with it know.
Certain types of yarns cause me to suffer from allergies, I've learned to keep those somewhere else and knit outdoors with them.

Best luck and good wishes


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## Lightwriter (May 8, 2011)

Put everything in those bags where you suck the air out with the vacuum. It will take up less space, keep dust mites out, and maybe make everyone happy???? I have serious allergies, so I know the deal.


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## tamays (Mar 21, 2011)

It sounds like he needs to totally ease up. 

Stress is the number one cause of asthma attacks, and the more stress he brings the more he will feel the ill effects of his actions. Beside, not all fiber and allergenic. 

My daughter has asthma and does not react well to wool, but she can wear and work with Alpaca and other less natural fibers. 

I hope this is not a means for him to act out on other issues that have yet to surface. Has there been any changes in his life that have tipped his scales? If so he needs to understand that he is not dealing with these issues appropriately.

Communication is really the key, tell him how this is making you feel, explore with him what is going on in his mind and his life that is causing this kind of behavior.

Remember the path to true resolution is through communication, understanding, love and respect.

Keep us posted.

Tom.


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## LaluBoatie (Apr 4, 2011)

Just a thought, but it is your house too. As mentioned by others, your needlecrafts are a stress reliever which helps with asthma. You should be allowed a certain amount of space for your supplies. anything else can go to storage but that is YOUR space! Let him come up with a suitable container & location but with the understanding that you control what is in there! That way he gets the control of container & location but you get the space to have your things. Inside flat plastic bins with snap on lids that fit under the bed would keep the cats from peeing on them because they don't have enough room to squat & it would be out of the way & contain any fibers or dust within the box. Good luck.


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## Carolyn Bradley (May 9, 2011)

BABYANDBOO'SMOTHER said:


> linda allison said:
> 
> 
> > My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> ...


I agree, if I let my husband get rid of stuff it would all be mine. My husband is bad about keeping everything of his, even junk mail. I must of gotten rid of 20 + bags of junk mail. He has 3 large Wal Mart totes full of hats, at least 30 + football and nascar coats. And he complains about my things. I have gotten rid of all of my knick knacks cause he won't let me put his nascar cars into totes. Go figure!!!? Are we the only ones with such a problem?


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## Jimcasmom (Jun 18, 2011)

Gee how would he like to be put in 'storage' for a while? I do mean him physically!!! Too controlling.


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## crone (Jun 9, 2011)

Oh, Honey, I feel so sad for you. That kind of 'help' is really passive-aggressive behavior. He doesn't want you to knit, for whatever reason. That's not ok. He doesn't get to choose your life for you. 

Quick story: My DH tried it once, in a much more direct way. I had a cat. I wanted another. I didn't ask permission, I just told him I was going to get another cat. He told me, No, I couldn't have two cats. That stirred the old Indian/Viking blood up. I didn't say a word. A week later he came home and there were 5 cats in the house. All mine. I looked at him sweetly and said, "Ok, now what else can't I have?" 

He is my husband, NOT my keeper. And definitely not the 'boss of me'. I'm a grownup. I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. So are you. Wives aren't chattel anymore.

There has been good advice here. I keep thinking of my Granddaughter's very direct approach. "You are making me SAD!" He is. You are. He will respond, "It's only because I love you." No. Love shouldn't hurt.


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Well, Linda, I solved that one years ago with simply "You touch my stuff...and good luck finding tools in your workshop" He got the message and we lived happily ever after! I"ll bet your husband is retired, right? Anyway, what's he doing looking under the bed? There isn't room for even one dust bunnie under mine. It's very sweet that he is making room for your Mom, but your stuff is very important. Our crafts are very therapeutic and cheaper than a paying a therapist! Best of luck to you. Stand your ground, girl! Hildy...can you tell I'm a Leo?


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## mylila (May 30, 2011)

I told my husband, when he suggested I needed his help to clean and organize my "room", that when I could clean and organize his garage, he could clean and organize my craft room. Now he just tells everyone that I don't need a craft room, I need a craft house. LOL.


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## Sutallee Stitcher (Apr 2, 2011)

WOW! You and your DH have your hands full. Is your mother moving in to help with your girls or will she have to be cared for also? How does your DH feel about your Mom moving in? What type of special needs do your girls have? Seems to me he may be overwhelmed and doing the only thing he can think of. Is he normally a bully? Tell him how much your crafting helps to keep your stress level down. Try to find out exactly what is causing the Asthma to flair and eliminate it if you can. If he is doing remodeling on your house that could be the villan. Wear a mask until the work is done. I could be wrong but he sounds like a man who has lost control and is trying to regain it anyway he can.


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## BethChaya (May 6, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


I agree, show him what you wrote and it's time to have a serious discussion with him. Share the facts of the situation - you need to be creative; yes, the dust does cause wheezing, etc. and come up with a solution BOTH of you can live with. Life is too short to be fussing about these kind of things. PM me if you want more advice about how to handle this. (This is part of what I do as a mentor).


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## Dory (May 4, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear about your dilema - I know knitting is very relaxing and a stress reliver for me. I don't know what I would do without it. As someone else has suggested, show him what you wrote to us, or if your afraid that he won't like you sharing with us - write him a letter. I use to do that with my husband. Although he said he would rather I talk to him, but sometimes it's easier to put it in writing. Hope you will get some peace. Hugs to you!


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## KateWood (Apr 30, 2011)

Taking meds only controls the symptoms, not the reason you have them. Many of the other crafters are already advising to store the materials in containers, so do your health a favor and just do these other very easy effortless things; heat them up so the gasses are released then air them out. 
This will eliminate the majority of the smells. 
If you still are getting sick, wash them if needed. You may need to clean the air where you work with a filter. Nothing I am suggesting is extrodinary. You would wash blankets and clothes before putting them on a new baby, many people wash new clothes before wearing them. We used to wash fabric before sewing with it.
Taking a pill and staying in the room with your triggering agents leads to taking more pills more often. This is effecting your immune system, your symptoms and asthma are proof of that. If ignored it will lead to worse asthma and bigger health issues over time. Do what you can afford as far as a filter goes if you end up needing one but everyone should off gas their materials. Check out the environmental watch dog site, there is information there about cleaning supplies, personal products, chems in foods etc. Look up off gassing in your computer and get informed. Good information is invaluable.


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## Sewbizgirl (May 11, 2011)

You and your husband need to work with a counsellor. You have problems bigger than just storage and dust issues, those are just the scratches on the surface. Counselling can be wonderful. Problems can be worked out with help if both parties are willing. You guys need better communication skills, which you haven't been able to come to on your own.

Best wishes to you both...


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## jknappva (Apr 12, 2011)

When my husband was alive, he never complained about my crafting supplies. Although I have to admit I didn't have a lot. So I thank God, I didn't have someone who was so determined to help me that he deprived me of things that I used for pleasure. 
I have no words of wisdom. Just wish he'd mind his own things and leave yours alone!


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## linda allison (May 4, 2011)

I can't show his this post. I just can't. He has a way of acting so hurt, and I don't have the energy to do the "I'm trying to help you" game.
My crafts bother him more then they ever bothered me. My full blown asthma attacks are both emotional and environmental, not from creative pursuits.
I'm feeling like there is no place for me in my own house.
I have an income (I'm an RN) but I can't afford to replace the things that go away. Yeah, he does not pool his money with mine. Sigh. 
I feel loved and hugged here, thank you all so much!


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## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

crone said:


> Oh, Honey, I feel so sad for you. That kind of 'help' is really passive-aggressive behavior. He doesn't want you to knit, for whatever reason. That's not ok. He doesn't get to choose your life for you.
> 
> Quick story: My DH tried it once, in a much more direct way. I had a cat. I wanted another. I didn't ask permission, I just told him I was going to get another cat. He told me, No, I couldn't have two cats. That stirred the old Indian/Viking blood up. I didn't say a word. A week later he came home and there were 5 cats in the house. All mine. I looked at him sweetly and said, "Ok, now what else can't I have?"
> 
> ...


OMG..crone..I am roaring laughing at "5 cats"!!! Well, he only said "not two". That is so clever! Hildy


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## pokey (Feb 20, 2011)

" My stuff- hands off"Try putting in zippered containers to help the asthma. Pokey


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## laurelk. (Jun 4, 2011)

Do you have a friend who would store a couple of large plastic storage containers? There has to be a way.
Laurelk in S.CA


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## linda allison (May 4, 2011)

The cats and the dogs are my fur therapists, and can comfort me when no one else can. Yes, I am allergic to them, but my reaction to mold and pollen top everything else.


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## sam07671 (May 12, 2011)

dixieknits said:


> Let him read your post and if all fails call the knitting police.


Call the knitting police and WE will be right there. :wink:


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## sam07671 (May 12, 2011)

btibbs70 said:


> Words from my DH:
> 1. Your husband feels the need to control something. (could be the stress of having your MIL moving in, or he may feel insecure.)
> 2. Do something each day especially for him (make his favorite sandwich, make him a smoothie), but be covert, or it may backfire.
> 3. Ask him what area can be yours.
> ...


There is some stuff you can get any place that sells pet products tha you can put in places that drive animals away from certain places. You might want to check into that to keep the cats off and away from your things.


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## Barbara Ann (Mar 18, 2011)

I'm sorry Linda, I would not stand for his BS. I can only advise you to stand up to him. Tell him to keep his grubby ands off your stuff or his stuff will start to disappear. And then do it. Let him know you mean business. I am actually angry in your behalf! OMG, if I were there.....!!!


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## jknappva (Apr 12, 2011)

D-I-V-O-R-C-E


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## sam07671 (May 12, 2011)

crone said:


> Oh, Honey, I feel so sad for you. That kind of 'help' is really passive-aggressive behavior. He doesn't want you to knit, for whatever reason. That's not ok. He doesn't get to choose your life for you.
> 
> Quick story: My DH tried it once, in a much more direct way. I had a cat. I wanted another. I didn't ask permission, I just told him I was going to get another cat. He told me, No, I couldn't have two cats. That stirred the old Indian/Viking blood up. I didn't say a word. A week later he came home and there were 5 cats in the house. All mine. I looked at him sweetly and said, "Ok, now what else can't I have?"
> 
> ...


Crone...very good post you gave. I so agree with you. I don't have any Indian in e but I do have ome German. If you tell me "No" or I can't do something surely as ever I will find a way and just do it. I don't see where any husband has the right to take things away from a spouse. Marriage is a combined unity. Give and take. But I am reading ehre that with her having 3 special needs daughters she diffetly needs something that would take the stress level down and some relaxation time for her. I have worked with all degrees of disabilities and am now currently working in direct care for 2 grown mentally handicapped men. I take my knitting to work with me and that is my stress releaser for me while at work since 1 of them can be rather testing from 1 moment to the next. I feel that she needs some "me" time and time for ehrself to do what she needs and wants to do for her. If knitting is what helps her her husband should back off. In between my job which on Sundays I work a 16 hr shift from 7 am to 11 pm. I work mostly afternoons from 3-11pm. I also watch 3 of my 4 grandchildren on my days off and in between where they are picked up just minutes before I have to be to work. (I live in the apt behind where I work. I walk out 1 door and in the next.) But it can be stressful to say the least and I can relate. We all need our me time and we all ahve ways that we use that time when we can get a chance to get it.


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## pamela Lehmann (Jan 24, 2011)

linda allison said:


> I can't show his this post. I just can't. He has a way of acting so hurt, and I don't have the energy to do the "I'm trying to help you" game.
> My crafts bother him more then they ever bothered me. My full blown asthma attacks are both emotional and environmental, not from creative pursuits.
> I'm feeling like there is no place for me in my own house.
> I have an income (I'm an RN) but I can't afford to replace the things that go away. Yeah, he does not pool his money with mine. Sigh.
> I feel loved and hugged here, thank you all so much!


Oh, wow, you both so need professional help. You're worried about him "acting so hurt" , but he has no regard for how hurt you are. Does he realize you're working (not an easy job), caring for 3 special needs daughters, keeping house, putting up with the stress of construction & and the prospect of your mother moving in (which could eventually turn into another big job for you)? You're an RN--is there a therapist or doctor at work you can talk to? A really good friend or family member? As an RN, you must realize how much of asthma is emotional, but that the cause doesn't really matter when you're gasping for breath & putting your life in danger. I don't see his actions as "helping", but more as a way of controlling you--does he do this in other areas of your life? I'm really worried about you, honey, but its time to grow a spine & get things straightened out --you HAVE to talk to him & tell him how you feel or you're going to disappear. It sounds like you won't be able to do this by yourself, so you really need to get a counselor or therapist involved. You ARE loved & hugged here, but its time to stand up for yourself. It will be unpleasant, I'm sure, but you may end up with a husband who respects you.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm really concerned about you & don't think you should have to be a ghost in your own home.
Lovingly,
Pam


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## dirgni (Jun 6, 2011)

Hi
Maybe you should put your yarn in a bag where you suck the air out. It is safe and no water could get in. You can buy these bags at the dollar store.

I hope that solves your problem.
Other solution would be to bring it to a girlfriend to keep it safe.
Have a great day.


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## Lassie (Jan 26, 2011)

Oh Linda! I know this must be awful. It's not just the knitting stuff...It's the indignity of being treated like a non-entity. You're a nurse, a health professional, and you know better than anyone that what he's doing isn't for your health. I won't presume to guess why he's behaving this way, but it's hurting you and that should be reason enough to stop. Even if this is a hoarding issue, and it doesn't sound like it is, he's going about solving the problem in an unkind and dismissive manner. You are his wife and an adult human being and deserve to be treated as an equal, at the very least. If this behavior is out of character for him, then clearly something is triggering it. Maybe he's feeling the pressure of having the kids and MIL in residence? And you say the garage was made over into a granny flat? Was the garage formerly his "sanctuary"? Could he be reacting to losing that by trying to deprive you of something he feels he no longer has? It's not an excuse for his behavior, but it may be a reason and could give you some insight into a solution. But in any case, please look after yourself and know you aren't alone. Do you have anyone you can unburden yourself to? This board is nice, but a real live person is often just the thing.


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## jbandsma (Mar 6, 2011)

Well, you could always start reading his life insurance policy in a place where he could see you do so. With a book on car maintainance right next to it.


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## pearlone (Apr 4, 2011)

Dear Linda, it appears from your last post, that you and your husband have long standing problems that can not be adequately addressed by any of us, as we do not live in your shoes. We can offer suggestions, support, and hugs, but only you can put into actions the solutions to your needs.This is not easy to do. This is why I strongly suggest that you speak to a disinterested 3rd party (counselor) to assist you through these issues that weigh so heavily on you. Love,hugs and blessings sent your way.


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## M81 (Mar 25, 2011)

Hello Linda, I want you to know that my heart goes out to you and I fully understand your frustration. I had asthma from age 6 where I needed treatments continually until I was in my late 60's after moving to northern Wisconsin when the problem lessened. I have knit since age 10 and when using certain yarns I wore a mask which was a great help.
I agree with all the advice that has been posted by your KP friends and I to believe you should let your husband see what has been posted and maybe he will realize just how you feel. It sure is true that cats are a pet not to have when a person has asthma because of the allergens. If you could have a dresser to keep all your supplies in where they would be dry and not in storage when they could get moldy would be great and also so handy. Another suggestion I read about talking to your physcian might be a great help for you also because getting frustrated sure makes asthma worse. God Bless you and I pray you get the help that you need so you can continue to do the things that you love. Mary in Wisconsin.


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## Canadastrid (Jul 1, 2011)

Hi, I'm just new here, and my first posting should be an introduction instead of this reply, but I couldnt resist.

If the cat does pie on your containers and you have a big stash, who mostly collects dust.
Why not 1 or 2 projects you can work in, within reach and the remainder in storage.

He didn't lock the storage I hope, just want's it out of the house to keep you healthier 

I hope you work it out...


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## Linsews (Mar 22, 2011)

Store some yarn in the freezer. That will kill dust mites, but at the same time your husband needs to learn to respect you & let you decide what to do. Is there an example of something he loves that you could explain that he wouldn't want you getting rid of? In the mean time perhaps you have a friend who would store a few things?


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## Trenody85 (Mar 17, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


I have a mini greenhouse that I use to store my yarn. It costed me 30 dollars but it has 4 shelves and holds plenty of my stash. All I have to do is keep it zipped when I'm not choosing a yarn and wipe it down occasionally. The cats could be a problem though, have to find a herb they don't like and rub the bottom with it.


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## Barbara Ann (Mar 18, 2011)

jbandsma said:


> Well, you could always start reading his life insurance policy in a place where he could see you do so. With a book on car maintainance right next to it.


I honestly love this suggestion!


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## debbieb (May 7, 2011)

crone said:


> Oh, Honey, I feel so sad for you. That kind of 'help' is really passive-aggressive behavior. He doesn't want you to knit, for whatever reason. That's not ok. He doesn't get to choose your life for you.
> 
> Quick story: My DH tried it once, in a much more direct way. I had a cat. I wanted another. I didn't ask permission, I just told him I was going to get another cat. He told me, No, I couldn't have two cats. That stirred the old Indian/Viking blood up. I didn't say a word. A week later he came home and there were 5 cats in the house. All mine. I looked at him sweetly and said, "Ok, now what else can't I have?"
> 
> ...


Oh Crone, you crack me up! I absolutely love your attitude and think more women should follow your example!


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## SDKATE57 (Feb 9, 2011)

REPEAT AFTER ME:

"Honey, step away from the yarns, needles and my knitting things, NOW!
I know you love me, and are just trying to help me feel better, and for that I love you and appreciate what you are trying to do. But if you take it all away, as you have my quilting things, I will need very expensive, VERY EXPENSIVE psychiatric care, knitting and quilting are cheaper than that.
Thank you, but touch one more thing, and I'm making an appointment."

If that doesn't do it, set up a comfy chair, light and cooler at your storage shed, and then say, "honey, I'm going to my new knitting place, be home later".


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## JO JO (Jun 18, 2011)

JUST KEEP ENOUGH FOR A MONTH OF PROJECTS, THEN TAKE A TRIP TO THE STORAGE UNIT AND PICK OUT ENOUGH FOR THE NEXT MONTHS WORTH OF PROJECTS, SHOULD KEEP EVERONE HAPPY.HAVE TO FINISH WHAT YOU PICK OUT BEFORE YOU BRING ANY MORE BACK IN THE HOUSE.
GOOD LUCK STAY FOCUSED LOVE AND LUCK JO JO


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## grammagwen217 (Feb 4, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, you might be allergic to DH. :roll: :wink: I would let him read the posts, then if nothing changes, start storing all his (stuff). Good Luck, God Bless, I will be praying for a good outcome.


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## woodsfaery (Feb 12, 2011)

Hugs, Hugs and More Hugs....I think you have too much stress in your life (special needs children and mom moving in) for him to add to it by taking your things...One, I would show him what you told us; Two, you guys may need some counseling. Hope things get better


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## Lo'L (Jan 21, 2011)

This is a great idea.


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## clayk (Feb 25, 2011)

i'm married to a horder, i'm diffently not saying you are one. But if you are it can be very upseting for the partner that isn't. I am allergic to cats,(have 3) also mold and dust. Doctor put me on allgery shots works very well.
If you are a horder (I said if) I'm reading a book now on horders. It simple states some emotional event can sit one off? So I'm also wondering if it could be inherited, as he"s mother was also.we had to move her out of 3 houses the piles distroyed, seems cleaning her messes would have cured him but no, but it did his brother, who also was one.
sorry if this doesn't relate to you? forgive me please.


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## sues4hrts (Apr 22, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear this...seems to me he is very controlling. I agree he needs to see what you wrote and let him know it is your sanity that is at stake here. I know with my son when he was stressed his asthma would always get worse. So he really isn't helping you. There's my two cents worth of wisdom! Good luck. Keep us posted.


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## Erma (Feb 18, 2011)

If he has a garage of tools or a hobby like golfing hide some of his things or give them away. Then tell him that's how it feels when he disposes of your things.


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## domesticgod (Apr 6, 2011)

This is going to come off as sounding terribly rude, but so be it. It sounds like he is some kind of domineering control freak and you are a spineless doormat who's afraid to stand up to him. You either both need some serious counseling or file for divorce.


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## PoodleMom (May 12, 2011)

pamela Lehmann said:


> linda allison said:
> 
> 
> > I can't show his this post. I just can't. He has a way of acting so hurt, and I don't have the energy to do the "I'm trying to help you" game.
> ...


I completely agree with Pam. We can give you love and support, but you both need professional help. NOW. Before your mom moves in & your situation gets even more complicated.


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## Sutallee Stitcher (Apr 2, 2011)

My mother moved in with me 5 years ago. My husband is fine with it but I am sooooooo stressed. Hope this is not the case with you but...do you think the added stress of mom moving in isn't setting off the asthma?


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## Charlotte80 (Jan 24, 2011)

Your Husband's hurt is another way to manipulate and control. As a long time "victim" I had to learn that people can only do to you what you allow. You have been given a lot of good advice but only you can decide what to do about it. By the way, there should be no doubt if the cat is peeing on anything. There is no mistaking the odor of cat pee.


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## rabuckler (Mar 19, 2011)

"Don't touch my stuff!"


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## sldye8377 (May 17, 2011)

I too have asthma that is induced by dust & enviromental. My question to you, are you also allergic to cat dander/dust? I am allergic to cats and I dearly love cats and they are attracted me. If you keep the "loved cat(s)" out of your bedroom, as I had to, would that improve your allergic reactions and your hubby's quest? Cat pee is very strong that could trigger a flair up on it's own. Hope you are able to discuss openly with hubby and your doctor (at the same time). Sounds like you need some creative time. I feel better about myself if I am "creating" something by sewing, knitting or crafting. Positive for the whole family!! Hope this helps and prayers for you.


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## dashponydriver (Feb 23, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


Cry? I don't think you need wisdom OR tears. I think you need to set boundaries with your partner and put a stop to this. He sounds very PARENTAL. Having your possessions moved away and then disappear is very controlling. If it was me, I would be angry, not tearful. All I can say is he won't know how you feel if you don't speak up. So, I would tell him about your concerns...rather than to tell us?


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## woodsfaery (Feb 12, 2011)

I missed the cat pee thing...Don't they have litter boxes? If they aren't litter box trained, mine go outside...I won't have cat pee and poop all over the house! I don't have asthma, but I am allergic to cat smells in my house...Please, honey, quit being the victim...It's hard, but stand up for yourself and tell him how you feel...Counseling will help, I promise...Even if he doesn't go, you can go alone and start to heal...


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## TeriK (May 24, 2011)

I don't have anything better than what other people have already said. Just wanted to give you hugs!


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## Laura R (Apr 14, 2011)

You've received lots of good suggestions, which I doubt you'll be able to carry off. I suspect this man has always been the controller and you the one who does what he says. If so, the asthma may be a result of the relationship and not the other issuse.

You'll do what you must/can, to survive. Good luck.


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## MoMo (Apr 28, 2011)

Instead of using this situation to continue the bickering, can you invest in one of those "vacuum-all-the-air out-so-you-can-store 15-sweaters-in-one-cube" systems? I hear they are reusable... so you could take one thing out nd then " re-seal"... As for the dust collecting on it. Do you strip and remake your bed every week? Then put the cube in a pillowcase, and change that every week along with your linens.... no need to let little things bug you when there are so many other things going on... just my 2 cents. Hugs.


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## turtlewise (Apr 3, 2011)

Also have him read the "10 Reasons to Buy Lots of Yarn" which is posted right above you today.


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## MrsB (Jun 3, 2011)

Pack all the things you want to keep in your suitcases and store under the bed. Or, put your yarns in plastic bags (the ones from the grocery stores work), tie the ends and place them in cardboard boxes. (This helps keep stuff sprayed on by the cats clean). Put two to four cardboard boxes together and cover with a table cloth (those outdoor table kind with the rubberized tops work good) and voila! - a storage system that doubles as a table unit. Spraying cats need to be neutered and kept outside. I have 10 cats but only one that sprays. They're all neutered but only one still sprays. He stays mostly outdoors. Think of creative ways of storing your stash in ways that benefit you-such as the boxes into table system. I bet you could even find a solution online 


http://www.craftstylish.com/item/7035/how-to-organize-your-yarn-stash-part-1-get-it-together


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## mbostono (Mar 16, 2011)

Izzy186 said:


> let him read what you posted.. then tell him that although the dust bugs you rather than taking away one of the things you love the most can he try to help you clean more often to keep the dust away?? he wont be able to change it unless he knows how you feel!!!


Professional (retired) family counselor here. Izzy is right. To strengthen that union you have to talk to him about everything and if you have misgiving about telling him, tell him that, too. He's showing a lot of concern for your welfare by the things he's doing to help you deal with your health concerns so that tells me he cares enough for you that he just might change if he knew how you felt.


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## redhook (Feb 14, 2011)

SDKATE57 said:


> REPEAT AFTER ME:
> 
> "Honey, step away from the yarns, needles and my knitting things, NOW!
> I know you love me, and are just trying to help me feel better, and for that I love you and appreciate what you are trying to do. But if you take it all away, as you have my quilting things, I will need very expensive, VERY EXPENSIVE psychiatric care, knitting and quilting are cheaper than that.
> ...


love this idea.


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## CurleyQ (Feb 1, 2011)

There's always 2 sides to a story. Invite him to post HIS thoughts on the matter on this forum. When he tries to use WORDS to a group he may surprise himself and think the situation through more carefully. Give him the opportunity to state ALL of his objections and not just blame your wheezing. How about a list of pros and cons?

What is the proper way to store yarn anyway? If the cats are sleeping/peeing on it you definately need to correct your situation. Can you calmly SUGGEST that you DISCUSS alternative storage TOGETHER and come to an agreement? Involve a 3rd party to arbitrate?


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## swtpeapati (May 20, 2011)

Dreamweaver said:


> I would just simply tell him to please leave your things alone. It is your health and your stash and you will decide what you want to keep or not. It is not his job to manage details of your life. If he comments that he is only trying to help or becomes angry, tell him that, while you appreciate his intention, it is NOT his job and you will not take any further interference kindly now that you have told him how you feel and requested that he stop intervening. I would then invest in some of the storage bags that can be sealed with vacum cleaner to cut down on the room it takes for stash, that it is very definitely sealed for asthma and cat pee and dust. (That should address his concerns.) At the very least, I would insist that you do any packing up together. If that fails, I would rent my own storage with my own key and put anything I thought I might want later into it with no access to husband. What you have collected has a pretty good monetary value. Your health needs may change. You may want to go back into business at some point. At some point, you may not have all daghters at home or Mother in garage or even the same house.
> 
> If all this is really covering up some other deeper issue - (Control - hoarding - untidyness - cleanliness whatever) it needs to be discussed and handled appropriately.


AMEN!!! BLESSINGS & PRAYERS TOO!!! patti


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## crone (Jun 9, 2011)

woodsfaery said:


> I missed the cat pee thing...Don't they have litter boxes? If they aren't litter box trained, mine go outside...I won't have cat pee and poop all over the house!l...


Just have to share this. One of my cats will absolutely NOT use a litter box. No way. I've never run into this before. I've had cats that would not drink, except out of a running faucet, but never this.

Little Wren is a tidy little thing though. She pees in one of the bathroom sinks, and poops in the tub. I know it's gross. It's also hysterically funny! Needless to say, there are bottles of cleanser and disinfectant at both of those sites that are used multiple times a day.

I can't put her out because we live in the Maine woods and there are too many things out here waiting to eat her. Recently, the people who monitor the eagles, and other large birds of prey, went up to check their nests to see how the baby situation was going. They found the nests full of little collars from small domestic pets. No way. I have a pair of eagles and a hawk that live right around my house. Little Wren stays in!

Sorry for the hijack, Linda. I don't know where you live, but I'd be willing to travel to give your husband a little 'tunk' in the head. Usually works to get their attention.


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## MrsB (Jun 3, 2011)

I have a few cats that will use the bathtub and actually it's a perfectly good solution. No need to purchase cat liter. The mess stays where it's easily taken care of, as opposed to a shag carpet that can't be picked up and washed. I rinse out the bathtub on a regular basis with cheap dollar store bubble bath and keeps the bathroom smelling nice.


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## Teliria (May 30, 2011)

darowil said:


> The vacuum sealed bags could be agood optiomn for keeping some of hte materials in. They don't accumulate dust inside and are not difficult to dust. They also are a compact means of storage when space is an issue. They fit under most beds. Keep what you are most likely to use, and put any more in accesable storage for when your current stock runs down.


I agree with this...

I am going to stay out of the actual husband issue, but the space bags are wonderful for a lot of reasons.

1) They save space.
2) They protect the yarn from dust and cats.
3) They are clear so you can see what you want.
4) They are reusable.
5) You can usually find them at any store that carries "As seen on TV". I have seen them at Bed Bath Beyond and Jo-anns and I have heard Walmart carries them.

Sounds like they might solve the ACTUAL problem. Hubby problem sounds a little more complicated.


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## stitcher102 (Mar 26, 2011)

Amen, to the cat--I am a cat lover who is HIGHLY allergic to them. I would love nothing more than to have a purring kitty in my lap with my hands all over it--but that would send me to the hospital. Until you two solve the cat question--yarn going to storage isn't going to help your asthma. Does your doctor know you have cats?


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## capricorngrandma (May 21, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


Ask him to wait until you pick out what to be stored; OR, you pack them yourself. Does he have a bunch of tools; if so, start packing them for storage. Last option, draw a line in the sand; please let me decide what goes. I can't imagine my husband even going in my sewing room, let alone trying to "tidy up".


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## willekeo (Mar 8, 2011)

This sounds like a total control issue (and a very controlling husband - which generally means someone who is insecure) than interest in your health. Doesn't he know that emotional distress can cause asthma attacks as well? And now his mother is moving in? Ayeee! Sounds like he is trying to please mom, or perhaps following her orders? Mama's boy? 

Judgmental on my part, yes, but I had a husband like that. I was not"allowed" to make a move without his review and/or permission and he made ALL the decisions from the tiniest to the the big ones. I left. People who love each other do not treat each other that way.

I can see that with special needs kids you are in a bad position to decide to become independent. But in my professional opinion: this is abuse. You must get help from a doctor who can tell your husband perhaps that asthma is preferable over being denigrated like this.


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## Lea (Feb 23, 2011)

I don't think I could be polite about this. He has no right, married or not, to take your belongings out of the house without your knowledge or permission, and use your health as his reasoning. If my husband did this with my quilting and knitting supplies, it would be a major issue. This is just controlling and disrespectful behavior disguised as concern.

Sorry, I don't mean to step on any toes here. I just feel very strongly that his behavior is unacceptable. Doesn't matter what the reason is.


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## MrsB (Jun 3, 2011)

Pick up your needles and yarn and start knitting furiously while mumbling to yourself. When your husband asks you what you're doing tell him that you're knitting yourself a new man that will accommodate your needs better than the one you have now, will not talk back like the one you have now, and will honor your spiritual need to have yarn and stash to soothe your soul, not like the man you have now. And, you'd appreciate not having to cook, clean or interact with the man you have now until your are finished!


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## zbangel (Jun 28, 2011)

Point out to him that the other husbands mentioned in the replies are "former" husbands! Hope you can find a compromise!


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Barbara Ann said:


> I would be really bad and let him put what ever he wanted in storage. Just means another trip to the LYS for me. Tell him for each skein/hank of yarn and set of needles he puts away, you get to buy new!


Darn right! 
First I'd tell him that for everything of mine he throws away or puts into storage, I will: 
1. throw out something of his, and then I would
2. let him know that I will go to the store and buy another of what he "stores" and 
3. I'd tell him to keep his hands off my things. That is your home too. 
If still necessary I would tell him that knitting is cheaper than therapy or a divorce.

Then I would agree to put it all into plastic bags to keep dust out of the yarn, and then dust those plastic bags as often as necessary with Pledge or something to keep dust from flying. You don't want an asthma attack after all. : ) 
Or if he needs something to do, to either be in control or to help, whichever he means, then HE can dust the plastic bags.

I've been married for 47 years, so by now I believe in the straight-forward approach. ; ) After all, fair is fair.


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## hoodedmaiden60 (Mar 16, 2011)

Thats too bad i hate hearing something like that ur art(knitting and quilting ) is a part of u.. Hugs Lets us know how its going.. WE CARE


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## MrsB (Jun 3, 2011)

Tell your husband you are planning to turn the cat hair into a money-making business like this one:

http://www.wired.com/underwire/2011/06/cat-fur-jewelry/


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## norita willadsen (Jan 19, 2011)

I agree with you, divorce may be the only answer. I was married to a man who smoked and became an alcoholic. Dispite my allergy to the smoke, which got progressly worse as the years when by, he told me out right that he was not going to quit smoking. He also became a slob and had an a explosive temper. So after 30 years of marriage I called it quits and filed for a divorice. He died this past October from cancer of the throat and had been on oxygen for a few years for chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Norita


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

zbangel said:


> Point out to him that the other husbands mentioned in the replies are "former" husbands! Hope you can find a compromise!


Oh, I love that answer! She could also start talking about how her next husband won't do that.... ; )


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

MrsB said:


> Pick up your needles and yarn and start knitting furiously while mumbling to yourself. When your husband asks you what you're doing tell him that you're knitting yourself a new man that will accommodate your needs better than the one you have now, will not talk back like the one you have now, and will honor your spiritual need to have yarn and stash to soothe your soul, not like the man you have now. And, you'd appreciate not having to cook, clean or interact with the man you have now until your are finished!


Kind of like why we like gingerbread men, right? They don't talk back, and if they do irritate you, you can just bite their heads off!


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Lea said:


> I don't think I could be polite about this. He has no right, married or not, to take your belongings out of the house without your knowledge or permission, and use your health as his reasoning. If my husband did this with my quilting and knitting supplies, it would be a major issue. This is just controlling and disrespectful behavior disguised as concern.
> 
> Sorry, I don't mean to step on any toes here. I just feel very strongly that his behavior is unacceptable. Doesn't matter what the reason is.


I agree with you Completely. Sometimes a man needs to understand that he really is replaceable....that is, if you'd ever want to do that twice. @@


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

stitcher102 said:


> Amen, to the cat--I am a cat lover who is HIGHLY allergic to them. I would love nothing more than to have a purring kitty in my lap with my hands all over it--but that would send me to the hospital. Until you two solve the cat question--yarn going to storage isn't going to help your asthma. Does your doctor know you have cats?


You are very right! The cats are MUCH worse for her than any yarn sitting around. Get those animals out of your house, spraying or not. They are about the worst for allergies!


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## hoodedmaiden60 (Mar 16, 2011)

Id store the husband and keep the stash *shrugs*


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

PoodleMom said:


> pamela Lehmann said:
> 
> 
> > linda allison said:
> ...


This answer bears repeating: she is RIGHT! You need to follow up on this. He's a bully. 
Oh, and his "acting hurt" routine...is just that. He's using that and your good nature to control and bully you. And he 's moving his mother in, too?! I hadn't noticed that part before. Like you don't have enough to do with working and caring for two special needs daughters, and then he doesn't even pool his income with yours?! WHAT do you need this bully for?

Go get an apartment, with your yarn, needles, and daughters, & without the cats or him, and let his mother take care of the house. You can tell...the more I think about this, the madder I get. I would expect you've been married long enough that you could get alimony and continual support for the daughters, maybe even the house. The yarn and needles 'storage' is just a symptom of a much worse problem.


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## stitcher102 (Mar 26, 2011)

hoodedmaiden60 said:


> Id store the husband and keep the stash *shrugs*


Yeah, and my stash doesn't talk back to me--it just makes me smile.


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## nhauf001 (Jan 18, 2011)

I'm so sorry, I didn't realize how lucky I am, I just tell mine to keep his hands off my stuff. I keep it in a bedroom that he doesn't go into because it's all my stuff. In return, I keep my hands off all his stuff, besides he has a shop half the size of the house to keep his stuff. -- Maybe he needs a hobby that gets him out of the house a bit.


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## Junelouise (Apr 29, 2011)

littlewind53 said:


> Is it your cat or his? If it's his, tell him the cat dander is also an allergen and the cat must go.
> 
> Sorry, I don't really have any helpful or sage advice. Just a little quip.....
> 
> Good luck and I hope you can get it sorted out....


I was going to suggest it might be the cat too..very known allergen..try keeping the cat out of the bedroom. Maybe packing your yarn and fabric in plastic bins would work to keep allergens down. This is bad time of year for pollen and dust too..which also trigger allergy symptoms. Is your husband "cleaning house" right now? My hubby goes overboard too when he starts on a cleaning rampage..he even throws out the bills left on the counter. Maybe working on one project at at time and finishing it..then getting the materials for your next project out of the garage would be a good compromise. I am sure he is doing this with the best intentions and your health in mind.

June


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## knittylou (May 24, 2011)

Gently hand him an envelope with the message you wrote us. Say, I do not want to hurt your feelings, I understand what you are doing, however, it is not working for me. Try to help him "see" other ways of controling the dust. Usually in my life time i have found people who seem to be pushy do not really know other ways to "help" they just do what they do (which is their pushy way). It is hard to write this into words which make sense. But just TALK to him and let him know you are frustrated by the situation. DO NOT BLAME< JUST JOINTLY find another answer. If not use the girls dressers and hang their clothes in the closelets. Tell them it is secrect from dad and see how long it takes to break it. Please just step back 5 or 100 steps and "see" it another way. 
Love and Peace to you and your family. Chris


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## knittylou (May 24, 2011)

Also let him know the why. material and yarn "stresses" at different humidity and storage conditions. Here is something, See if you can "store your closet clothes" in your dresser and put a bunch of shelving in your side of the closet and you can keep your stuff there. Tell him you need the release and the connections to your grounded things around you. Allegra just released their prescription strength non-drowsey allergy pill over the counter.


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## knittylou (May 24, 2011)

My husband is like you, when I come home from my friends who have a cat, I have to undress in front of the washer and dryer. And sometimes if the cat was cuddly i have to wash my hair. My friend and I sometimes just look at each other and laugh when I say I have to go home now. The others just look at us like we are crazy. LOL


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## knittylou (May 24, 2011)

You are spot on laceandbits. Tell him you want to do the labeling, packing and sorting. Everything she said with a big hug and a kiss, for coming up with the idea of storage, but just not the right way to go about it.


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## Dianeks2 (Apr 19, 2011)

Star58 said:


> sorry about the extra posts. My daughter's computer is acting up.


It gave me extra peeks at your doggie.......who is very, very cute. I want a little doggie like that.....and if I wasn't away from home nearly 14 hours every day, I would get one.

Sorry, off topic. I'll be quiet now.

Diane


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## boring knit (May 9, 2011)

definately do not allow him to dispose of your stuff. tell him to buy you air tight containers to keep all your things in. I have allergies and I don't have problems with my stuff. I agreee with all of the above too. I wouldn,t dream of interfering with my husbands gadgets or sheds.


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## rtricola (Feb 11, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


My husband does the same thing, but not with my yarn. He gathers up whatever he sees as "clutter" and puts it in labeled boxes in the basement (which is not a good place to store anything). He labels the boxes. He is very much OCD. He leaves my yarn alone. Every once in awhile I'll find something that has been missing (forever) in one of his boxes. I think the idea someone on this forum had is a very good one. Buy some of those plastic bags (they hold a lot) that can be vacuum sealed with your vacuum cleaner. You can open them easily to get out whatever you need; then reseal them over and over again with your vacuum cleaner. They will keep your yarns dust free. Good luck.


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## capefan (Feb 8, 2011)

I'm wish I could say I'm sorry but you are allowing him to control your lif. Stand up tp him and tell him to leave your things alown. If you are not willing to stand your ground then he will continue to walk all over you. Set your mind and your feet and tell him to get lost or leave your things alone. Sorry but I have very little simpathy for anyone that lets another control all aspects of their life.


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## rtricola (Feb 11, 2011)

capefan said:


> I'm wish I could say I'm sorry but you are allowing him to control your lif. Stand up tp him and tell him to leave your things alown. If you are not willing to stand your ground then he will continue to walk all over you. Set your mind and your feet and tell him to get lost or leave your things alone. Sorry but I have very little simpathy for anyone that lets another control all aspects of their life.


Your advice, I'm sure, is well taken, but some people do not have the ability to stand up for themselves. Unless you've been raised in a home where you are taught to do that, you may have to learn that ability. For instance, think of all the abused women in the world who are scared to or can't stand up to their abusers. It's not easy for some to stand up for themselves. It can be very scary.


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## knittylou (May 24, 2011)

For the space that a plastic bin takes up can you get a free standing storage unit that is very tall and a step stool. Or even a whole wall storage space. Definately if the cat is spraying peeing over things surely a tall cabinet would be better. Let him know you will take care of your stuff. Please just let him know how you are feeling and than try very hard to show that the emotional pouting will not work. Please get some help and do not let this go on longer. As , you have seen, it will get worse when mother moves in. Please talk and be strong. There might be a consuler at work, most employers do have them, for employees to use. They are there for not just work related stuff. If it is a good job, they would know that home life affects work life. PeACE Hug to you.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

rtricola said:


> capefan said:
> 
> 
> > I'm wish I could say I'm sorry but you are allowing him to control your lif. Stand up tp him and tell him to leave your things alown. If you are not willing to stand your ground then he will continue to walk all over you. Set your mind and your feet and tell him to get lost or leave your things alone. Sorry but I have very little simpathy for anyone that lets another control all aspects of their life.
> ...


That's true. But in that case, a person should involve a third party to help her speak up and stand up for herself - a minister, a good friend, a lawyer?, a policeman if necessary. 
He's counting on her to take his abuse and control, disguised as "helping", protected by his "hurt feelings" @@ What about her hurt feelings? 
My husband was not that bad, but a controller, nevertheless, until I decided I'd be better off without him. When I gave him an ultimatum, and Meant It, he backed off pretty quickly. I'm not sure this guy would, but I wouldn't take his bullying, no matter what I had to do. And take care of his mother yet, too??? Yeah, Right....


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## CathyAnn (May 14, 2011)

linda allison said:


> I can't show his this post. I just can't. He has a way of acting so hurt, and I don't have the energy to do the "I'm trying to help you" game.
> My crafts bother him more then they ever bothered me. My full blown asthma attacks are both emotional and environmental, not from creative pursuits.
> I'm feeling like there is no place for me in my own house.
> I have an income (I'm an RN) but I can't afford to replace the things that go away. Yeah, he does not pool his money with mine. Sigh.
> I feel loved and hugged here, thank you all so much!


Your husband sounds very controlling! When you stand up for yourself, and if he goes into his "hurt" act, don't give in. Call him on it! He sounds VERY selfish. Dear Abby would recommend counselling. I wouldn't play his game, just state flatly the score. "This is the way it is going to be from now on with my things. Those you've taken away, bring them back." There are a lot of wonderful suggestions on how to store your things without getting them damaged or lost.

It's obvious he is NOT helpful, and in fact is only exacerbating your health problem. If he were my husband, I'd tell him to knock it off. (That's what I would do, but then I'm not a gentle person like you seem to be. I'm a warrior type and will go down to the mat to defend my space. AAARGH!!!) It appears he doesn't respect your things or your space.

This is easy for me to say since he's not my husband, but if you don't defend yourself, you'll just stay in this mess.

One last thing, I will pray that you get some real help, or that you get inner help to be strong to stand up to this bully and get this matter resolved.


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## DollieD (Mar 7, 2011)

Pack him in a nice sturdy box, and speed all the way to the storage unit. He'll be fine!


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## lkellison (Apr 23, 2011)

I wish I could tell you what to say, but listening to me wouldn't be smart on your part. My mouth can get me in all kinds of hot water. I'd get defensive about my possessions in the conditions you describe and probably (as my mother used to say) all H would break loose.

I hope things get ironed out to you and your husband's satisfaction. One knitter thinking about another now ;-)


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## 2CatsinNJ (Jan 21, 2011)

Leonora said:


> I agree with Izzy186, show him what you have written to your forum friends. If it doesn't do the trick..........JUST PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND TELL HIM TO LEAVE WELL ALONE. I had a husband that was like that, always going through cupboards etc, putting thind in the loft out of my reach. At the finish I unpacked him, and told him I was leaving him, which I did after 32 years of marriage. The best move I ever made too.


Goodness, but you are one very brave woman, Leonora !!


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## lkellison (Apr 23, 2011)

Granny 1 wrote in part:
Is he going to get upset if he finds out that you shared this with us?
 
I guess you could mention that you shared your feelings with us...add "all 23,000 of us"....


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

DollieD said:


> Pack him in a nice sturdy box, and speed all the way to the storage unit. He'll be fine!


Good answer!


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## anastasia (Feb 9, 2011)

Tell him you just HAVE TO HAVE enough for 2 projects in the house. Then knit as fast as you can to get the yarn back from the storage unit. You MIGHT remind him that it is worth money on ebay. Maybe it won't disappear from the storage unit w/out some MONEY APPEARING then. Good luck to you.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

knittylou said:


> For the space that a plastic bin takes up can you get a free standing storage unit that is very tall and a step stool. Or even a whole wall storage space. Definately if the cat is spraying peeing over things surely a tall cabinet would be better. Let him know you will take care of your stuff. Please just let him know how you are feeling and than try very hard to show that the emotional pouting will not work. Please get some help and do not let this go on longer. As , you have seen, it will get worse when mother moves in. Please talk and be strong. There might be a consuler at work, most employers do have them, for employees to use. They are there for not just work related stuff. If it is a good job, they would know that home life affects work life. PeACE Hug to you.


I wouldn't take my personal problems to work. You don't know when someone will use that information to stab you in the back. Don't think I'm paranoid, I've got the scars to back up what I'm warning you against.


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## lkellison (Apr 23, 2011)

Another thought. I see everyone is telling you to stand up to him and state you want your things all back and/or for you to box up his things.

It seems to me that by your posting and asking for "Help" and telling what is happening is already showing us that you are not able to stand up to him or you would have already done so, right?
Beyond that point I can't suggest what to do as I've already stated in other posts. Are you feeling physically threatened?


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## justsewinc (Feb 19, 2011)

I think showing him your post is a good one. I have been learning to be assertive which is different from being passive or aggressive. Say how you feel (without pointing fingers) and ask for what you want. Do all with gentleness and kindness in your voice. Let us know how it went.


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## insanitynz (Mar 14, 2011)

stand up to him sounds like he is a control freak


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## boring knit (May 9, 2011)

linda, I notice you are not responding. Are you o.k.


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## meade1 (Jun 14, 2011)

I think I would find a storage cabinet with a pad lock or add a pad lock to an existing cabinet. That may also take care of the kitty and dust problem.


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## Befast (Jun 20, 2011)

Sounds like he really wants to take care of you. Gently tell him that you need to keep some of your things and maybe he could help you figure out a way to store it that would be best for both of you!


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## jqgrammy9 (Mar 21, 2011)

Does he have anything that he keeps or collects? My husband has tons of tools. I just asked him if he still needs all of them since he retired. Leave my stuff alone, and I will do the same with yours!


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## Julianne (May 10, 2011)

No one touches my yarn or my crafts or they will loose a hand or a head or something. That is my treasure. I, too, have asthma and I take my inhaler and allergy meds and I do just fine. Keep it in a container to stay clean. Perhaps the things you want to get rid of you could put on kp to sell. That is certainly better than just disappearing. Good Luck.


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## brenda m (Jun 2, 2011)

my husband and i have an agreement-he doesn't touch my yarn stash, or books and i won't get rid of any of his tools, equipment. my youngest suggested taking over the care of my stash her way; i informed her that her house would be my next target! she didn't and i didn't


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## woodsfaery (Feb 12, 2011)

crone said:


> woodsfaery said:
> 
> 
> > I missed the cat pee thing...Don't they have litter boxes? If they aren't litter box trained, mine go outside...I won't have cat pee and poop all over the house!l...
> ...


The bathtub is acceptable, peeing on my yarn (boxed or not) is not acceptable...I'm glad Wren has such a loving human in her life...So many animals do not and my heart hurts for them


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## bell (Jan 21, 2011)

Try takeing a Benadral pill each and evey morning. I have the same problem. It may not be asthma but the weather. After I turned 50 and had to have 5 by pas sury. I became to snezze my head off just like it was spring. When to docter and find out it was the change in temperture. Yes that is right, the change from morning to evenign and nigh or the other way around would cause the sneeze fit. Bell

P.S. With me after I had taking the pills for first day they did not make me sleepe.


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## meade1 (Jun 14, 2011)

Befast said:


> Sounds like he really wants to take care of you. Gently tell him that you need to keep some of your things and maybe he could help you figure out a way to store it that would be best for both of you!


You are so right. We all need our own space and we need to agree where that space is going to be. Do not wait too long to figure it out........ my knitting machine got sent to the storage unit and it took twenty years of saying "I would love to have my knitter so I can use it". Finally got it back but not up and running yet. A knitter's merchandise needs to be close at hand at all times.


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## esthernf'ville (Jun 26, 2011)

tell your huby, to not play with your TOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! and u won't play with his and tell him that every time your thing disapear u'll just have to BUY more and that means money thats what i did, the $ factor seems to work


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## ert (May 9, 2011)

Barbara Ann said:


> jbandsma said:
> 
> 
> > Well, you could always start reading his life insurance policy in a place where he could see you do so. With a book on car maintainance right next to it.
> ...


Me too, love her sense of humor. My DH thinks I'm crazy for wanting more yarn, but he lets me and it alone. Of course, I don't have all that much, YET. I recommend a counselor too. A third party could be very helpful.


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

linda allison said:


> My husband in his efforts to help me avoid asthma flairs keeps packing up my stash and putting in storage. He's taken all my quilting fabric (I have been a professional long arm quilter) packed it up and taken it to our storage unit. Now he seems to be getting ready to do the same with any "over flow" yarn.
> I've been giving away fabric and yarn, but I do want some materials for art.
> Does anyone have a suggestion for gentle words that will make him take his hands off my stuff?
> I've tried to keep things stored neatly in the corner of our bedroom but any dust does make me wheeze, and he believes that the cats pee on the containers. He has control of our closet, our garage is being made into an in-law suite for my mom, and the closet he promised to make over into storage is being cooped to my mom's living area. I have three special needs daughters so no extra bedrooms. Anything I put under the bed gets taken away and trying to store in my dresser drawers causes arguments.
> ...


Hi, Linda has started a new post about resolving this issue and it looks like this is a start.


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## deemail (Jan 25, 2011)

Barbara Ann said:


> I would be really bad and let him put what ever he wanted in storage. Just means another trip to the LYS for me. Tell him for each skein/hank of yarn and set of needles he puts away, you get to buy new!


I think Barbara Ann is on the right track....a sweetly stated 'I guess i must be out of pink sock yarn, I had to get a couple of skeins, today," might go further than any sort of confrontation. Or ask him to go to the storage unit to retrieve all your blue yarn, 'you know honey, it was in that large red plastic tub?'..... of course, my ex thought buying 3 chickens when they were on sale was ridiculous, and i handled it so well, i've been divorced longer than we were married..... oh, well....


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## fatganny (Feb 17, 2011)

My heart aches for you sweetie. I think I would try and talk to him and if you still cannot seem to make any headway, see if you can store some of it with mother. I agree, I think the storage bags are a wonderful idea. Is there someplace you can hide them? You should be able to have the things you enjoy. I PTL that I have such a wonderful husband. He is just so good to me. The 18th of this month we will be married 47 years. There have been the battles at times, but I wouldn't trade him for anything. I am truly blessed. Your in the thoughts and prayers of all of us. God Bless you.


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## deemail (Jan 25, 2011)

you know, it sounds pretty crowded at your house and i'm guessing your needlework is your de-stresser....maybe you should just get a recliner, a good lamp and then move into the storage unit.....a few missed dinners and he'd be moving things back....

you could even ask him to move your recliner, he seems to be big into moving stuff.....


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Befast said:


> Sounds like he really wants to take care of you. Gently tell him that you need to keep some of your things and maybe he could help you figure out a way to store it that would be best for both of you!


If he really cared about how she feels, physically or emotionally, she wouldn't be frustrated and close to tears. Does anyone actually think she hasn't expressed her desire to have her things left alone? He's a bully, and a control freak. 
If I was in her shoes--she has her own good nurse's income, he doesn't share his income with her anyway, so you know who paid for the yarn--I'd take my yarn, needles and income and go live where I could go home in peace at the end of the day. Who's he to tell her what she can and cannot have? Especially since she has to pay for anything she wants. Unbelievable.


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## bilbep (Jun 8, 2011)

Forget gentle words - speak clearly!


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

I know I will be of no help to you but mine tried that and I ditched him 40 yrs. ago. Of course there were other reasons also.


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## Shdy990 (Mar 10, 2011)

There are many asthma triggers and, unless something is one of the triggers, it is a waste of time to do anything. I have severe asthma and an example is I'm not allergic to dogs or cats or any animals. Everything else, but not the main allergy that most people have. So, unless you have been tested and it has been listed by the asthma doctor as an allergy you have, all is a waste. 

He thinks he is helping, but I would hope you are seeing an asthma and allergy doctor who specifically can tell you what is triggering your attacks. I went through a major asthma incident about a month ago and was on really strong doses of prednisone and other medications and it was caused by my extreme allergy to pollen. Mold gets me very ill also. 

When I first went to the asthma and allergy doctor he asked what I thought was my problem and I said it seems like everything but animals and he laughed. I was so bad they had to take blood and not do the sensitivity test they give to people. It came back just as I said. They can't tell with foods. I will quit breathing if I smell fish, tuna. That has been all my life and nobody said it was asthma.

Good luck. If you ever have questions and think I might be able to answer or help, don't hesitate to ask.

Also, I treated myself for yeast and that helped me immensely and cut down on my attacks immediately. I was having one after another. The yeast problem comes about from taking antibiotics. I can tell you what to do on that and it did miracles on me.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Shdy990 said:


> ...They can't tell with foods.
> The yeast problem comes about from taking antibiotics. I can tell you what to do on that and it did miracles on me.


There is an antibiotic that doesn't cause the yeast problem, because that's what I have to take. She would need to ask her doctor about that.

They can test for foods. My daughter had a whole battery of tests and we found she was allergic to all but 3 foods, as well as molds, pollen, animals, you name it. She went through her whole childhood getting 4 shots a week to help control her excema, which is closely related to asthma--they are often found in the same family, as they are in ours.

The most likely problem here is the cats, and the emotional distress. Both need to be eliminated from her home, for her health: emotional and physical. If he was really trying to help, he would encourage her to do the things which help her to relax and be happy. I know what emotional upset does to asthma sufferers; and he does, too.


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## cindylou1 (May 24, 2011)

Try talking to him and letting him know that working with the yarn is something you enjoy so much and see if maybe he will help you to clean more often. I hope you are on meds for the asthma which would help significantly also. You mentioned cats. Is it possible that they are making your condition worse as well as an elevated stress level? The mother-in-law apt., well good luck with all that. Been there, done that. It was something I did for my ex-husband's mom. We did it for about a year and then she had to go to the nursing home  Take care and I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers... p.s. If he really doesn't want you to have this stuff, suggest that he allow you the priviledge to sell it so you have some say in the way it goes. Then, find yourself a new hobby??? Just saying......


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## eneurian (May 4, 2011)

send him to the storage daily for a specific ball of yarn or two. or needles etc. but only one or two things at a time. describe in detail and when he gets back it wouldn't be horrible if whatever he brought back wasn't the right one and he had to go again. if it causes him grief maybe he'll stop hauling it away. 
my ex was very passive aggressive and i had to learn to fight fire with fire.


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## KateWood (Apr 30, 2011)

OMG that is the same funny thing my mom would've suggested :twisted: :lol:


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## norita willadsen (Jan 19, 2011)

Linda; I wrote previously that my husband wouldn't stop smoking dispite my allergic reactions to the smoke. What I didn't write was that he was very controlling. We had a joint checking and savings account and he controlled the check book. Any time I wanted to go shopping and asked for the check book, he had to know why I need it. I was working as a PHN and was doing a lot of driving. Initially I was taking only $50.00 out of my check every 2 months. When gas went up in price, I started to take $100.00 out of each check and he had a fit. He wouldn't have a credit card which created a problem when I had car trouble over 100 miles from home. The garage refused to take a out of state check. I had to call the bank and let him talk with a person there to confirm that my check would be good. After that I started to stand on my own 2 feet and got a credit card. I never gave one to him as that is when I decided I had had enough and filed for a divoce. It was the best thing I have ever done and have been relaxed since the divorce. People even commented that I was a different person. You are an Rn and have a good income, so divorce is probably the only answer for you. I know you have a load with 3 dependent girls, but I still think you would be able to do the divorce thing. Perhaps your husband would be willing to change, but mine wasn't. It was a very difficult decision to make, but it was the right one. I don't know if this will help you and I hope you will make the right decision. Norita


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## Thats me (Mar 21, 2011)

Sorry if this has already been said, I haven't read all the replies. If dust mites bring on your allergies, put your fabrics and wools into plastic bags and put in the freezer for 24 hours. this kills any dust mites. Also, and I am most certainly NOT lecturing you on the matter of your marriage, point out to him, calmly, that these are your things and you want them around you.


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## clogden21 (Jan 25, 2011)

two news for every 1 put away



Barbara Ann said:


> I would be really bad and let him put what ever he wanted in storage. Just means another trip to the LYS for me. Tell him for each skein/hank of yarn and set of needles he puts away, you get to buy new!


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

I love all of the comments. Some very helpful and some are fun. One of them should work for you. Be brave.


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## CathyAnn (May 14, 2011)

DorothyLWM said:


> Befast said:
> 
> 
> > Sounds like he really wants to take care of you. Gently tell him that you need to keep some of your things and maybe he could help you figure out a way to store it that would be best for both of you!
> ...


AMEN!


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## btibbs70 (Mar 23, 2011)

5mmdpns said:


> Hi, Linda has started a new post about resolving this issue and it looks like this is a start.


Where is the link for the post?


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## Carlaallaire (Mar 5, 2011)

Izzy186 said:


> let him read what you posted.. then tell him that although the dust bugs you rather than taking away one of the things you love the most can he try to help you clean more often to keep the dust away?? he wont be able to change it unless he knows how you feel!!!


I agree wholeheartedly. He is trying to be helpful, bless his heart, but I don't think most men can appreciate the pure joy of creating something out of a ball of yarn.

Praying for acceptance from him for your words, sweetheart!


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## Grannybear (Mar 29, 2011)

I have similar issues with my hubby as he likes the minimalist approach - empty table tops etc whereas I love my coffee table books out where I can enjoy them, or my knitting projects in a very large basket beside my chair. I really do know the meaning of the saying "opposites attract" LOL I'm sure you will end up with a similar compromise as me - He tucks and I retrieve. As to your asthma problem, if you have space in your fridge or freezer for a ziplock bag try storing the ball you are working with in it till you are ready to knit again. Something in the chilling process seems to stop the dust from being a problem. Hope this helps. Happy knitting and try not to sweat the small stuff - life's too short. Norah


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## juliacraftylady666 (May 14, 2011)

Oh Dee at Deemail,i laughed so hard i coughed like mad.This problem seems to be divided amongst those who choose softly softly approach,and some right out there crackups.
I read this out to my partner,who was shocked,i have a whole small craftroom,5 mini houses in the lounge room,enough beads to stock a bead shop,and a wool stash in my bedroom,he also collects stuff.We are full,but we are happy!


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## juliacraftylady666 (May 14, 2011)

CathyAnn said:


> DorothyLWM said:
> 
> 
> > Befast said:
> ...


Agree With big time,you dont get this upset about a caring lovely husband!


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## anntics (Jun 4, 2011)

Hi Linda

I don't think there is much left to be said. Only you know whether he is truly caring or a control freak, or somewhere in-between. My craft goodies have grown from a few boxes under the stairs to a garage converted into a workroom that is stacked from floor to ceiling and you can barely walk through it, a (huge) yarn stash in the loft and storage boxes in both spare bedrooms. I had to finish work throgh ill-health and returning to my crafts after many years helped to keep me sane. It drives my husband crazy, but then at other times he will bring things home that he thinks I 'could do something with'. I am the original 'Blue Peter Girl', I can make a nuclear power plant out of 2 egg boxes, a washing-up liquid bottle and a ball of string! I never waste anything if I can help it - I used to be tight, now I'm environmentally friendly. 

Anyway to get back to the point, my husband wouldn't dare to touch any of my stuff. He moans about it and I have finally agreed that I have a problem. I couldn't use it all in three lifetimes, so now I am trying to be good. 

I am a great believer in making the ground rules clear from the outset, but even at this stage I think you can come to a compromise, whether through kind words or laying the law down. Whatever works for you, but in the end it has to be hands off!


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## gothicmuse (May 12, 2011)

My apologies if I am reiterating something someone else has suggested (don't have time to go thru 13 pages of responses) but I would suggest either using the slightly opaque or clear storage totes to store your yarns where you can see what's there, but it is not out gathering/giving dust. There are also square, zippered soft plastic bags (like you get with comforters) that are more squishable, but still offer the same visibility/protection.

Good luck!

Jo


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## pokey (Feb 20, 2011)

GOOD ONE Pokey


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## littleladybug (May 21, 2011)

I was always taught to keep your hands off stuff that doesn't belong to you! That works for me! Simple and to the point!


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## templetb (Mar 10, 2011)

What kind of person is his mother? Is she super critical of any housekeeping but hers? Is he worried about how she will view the house? He may be dealing with old problems concerning her. That is no excuse for his behavior, but it may be where he is coming from. You are asking for ways to placate him and make him act nice. There is no nice way to do this. You have to confront him and tell him that what he is doing is wrong and has to stop. Does he use anger to control you and other people? What is your relationship with his mother? Is this going to be the two of them against you? You seem to feel that you have no rights and that everything is up to him not a discussion between equals. Is he a bully? Bullys are not stopped by being nice. I too have asthma. My doctor wanted me to give up my cat, but the love of my animals is more important to me, so I take a decongestant at bedtime, it keeps my asthma under control. My doctor did not think knitting supplies were a problem. As several have said that the real problem may not be yarn.


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## deemail (Jan 25, 2011)

juliacraftylady666 said:


> Oh Dee at Deemail,i laughed so hard i coughed like mad.This problem seems to be divided amongst those who choose softly softly approach,and some right out there crackups.
> I read this out to my partner,who was shocked,i have a whole small craftroom,5 mini houses in the lounge room,enough beads to stock a bead shop,and a wool stash in my bedroom,he also collects stuff.We are full,but we are happy!


my softly softly approach is an attempt to not get our girl knocked around. the confrontations being championed by some of our community are coming from people who don't understand the lengths that a controlling man will go to to get his way. he is taking all choice away from this person, do we think this is the worst that can happen? I cannot assume that he is this bad, but do we know he's not? i think what he's done is pretty far out there. A man left me because i could not be controlled and would come back with one thing after another as he tried to determine my days, minute by minute. controlling one of the few things in her home that might truly be described as her own, is just another way of saying, 'look at ME'.... he doesn't want her to do anything that takes time away from him and her other household duties.... selfish, selfish, selfish.... my husband hated my books for the same reason, I wasn't allowed to keep books in bookcases, he thought they looked messy.....results? Books--1, ex-husband--0........


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Linda allison let us know how everything turns out. As you can tell we are all concerned about this subject.


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## BGL (Feb 16, 2011)

woodsfaery said:


> crone said:
> 
> 
> > woodsfaery said:
> ...


Our kitty lives inside (our choice, not hers!) but we bought a chainlink dog cage, and one extra panel for the roof, so she can't get out, and the beasties can't get in. It sits just outside the living room window, on a deck. She gets to spend outside time there (has a covered place to snooze, and wait for chipmunks to run through), so it solves the problem of her wanting to be outside, and us chasing her to catch her when she won't come when she is called. Her pottie habits are fine, though.
And she replaced 2 other cats, one was 25 and the other 28 when they passed, and I am allergic to cats. I think my body got used to them, though if we went to a friend's home where there were animals, I sneezed and wheezed unless I took allergy pills first. Asthma? For me, only if I get really upset, the critters don't trigger it any more, neither does my stash of yarn, or my dusty house... DH would like things spiffy like in the magazines, but it isn't likely to happen in my life time.
Keep the pets, figure out the kitty problem, and remember that the MIL won't be there forever, we all age and need different care as we do that. My step-mom was happy to go to the nursing home when her Dr said it was time, she loved all the attention and activities (a very social and upbeat person), and she thrived there for a long time.
Hang in there, take each day at a time, and gently put a foot down, you need to take care of your needs as well as the family's.


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## debknitter57 (Mar 18, 2011)

Dear Isis,
My husband says that I loved knitting more than I loved him! I told him he had to find his outlet for acitvities as my knitting gives me comfort!
Debbie


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## Joanie 5 (Apr 12, 2011)

Happy 4th of July to all of you knitting and croching and crafters out there. God Bless.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Right back at ya Joanie 5 and a safe one as well. I always stay home and out of peoples way.



Joanie 5 said:


> Happy 4th of July to all of you knitting and croching and crafters out there. God Bless.


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## Dragonothe (Jul 4, 2011)

If all this is really covering up some other deeper issue - (Control - hoarding - untidyness - cleanliness whatever) it needs to be discussed and handled appropriately.[/quote]

I had a husband like that. When I drew my line, he ignored me, so when he went in to "Help" I went into the garage/workshop and started boxing up his tools and gadgets. We met outside the garage door and when he wanted to know what was in the boxes I told him that if he considered my crafts needed to be in storage, then his crafts needed to be there too. He screamed and yelled and I just stood there waiting for him to quite embarrassing himself in front of the crowd of neighbors. He turned around to stomp off and realized what he had done.

He put my crafts back in my craft room, and I put his crafts back into the garage.

I found out about 6 months later why he wanted to put everything in storage. Seems he was having a thing with the clerk at the storage place! I got the house, his crafts, the truck and RV in the divorce settlement.

Now I have a room for my quilting and sewing, one for my yarn, and one for everything else. And I don't have to work either!


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

sockyarn said:


> Linda allison let us know how everything turns out. As you can tell we are all concerned about this subject.


Linda has started a new thread in which she and hubby have begun to get this straightened out. I would guess that she appreciates all the KP member support. I know I would in her situation. I guess this type of situation is more common than we know about. Just my thoughts from all the many "solutions" and encouragements given here.


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## debknitter57 (Mar 18, 2011)

Hi Dragonothe,
I totally understand what you went through the same thing happened to me. It was a control issue with him and he wanted to taken care of 24/7 so after all these years with other issues he left me. I am now divorced and have the house and everything else I am knitting to my hearts content now and enjoying my life!!!!!
Happy Knitting! Debbie


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

debknitter57 said:


> Dear Isis,
> My husband says that I loved knitting more than I loved him! I told him he had to find his outlet for acitvities as my knitting gives me comfort!
> Debbie


I would tell him if that is true....it's his fault. He might need to be more lovable then.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

5mmdpns said:


> sockyarn said:
> 
> 
> > Linda allison let us know how everything turns out. As you can tell we are all concerned about this subject.
> ...


GOOD!


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

littleladybug said:



> I was always taught to keep your hands off stuff that doesn't belong to you! That works for me! Simple and to the point!


Exactly. My mother told us that when she was little, she made up her own Beatitude, which her family chuckled about, but she raised us under that rule: "Blessed are they who leave other peoples' things alone."


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## Nanakess (Jul 3, 2011)

Sounds like you've gotten some pretty sound and good advice here, so there isn't really any more to add to it. In the end you know what you have to do if you want to gain back control of your own things. I have a DH that likes to control things as well and sometimes I have to pick and chose my battles .He doesn't always like it but in the end we end up compromising so both sides give and take. We've been married now for 41 years and it's just been in the last 20 years that I started taken a stand for myself with him. Sometimes you just have to draw a line and stand by it. 

I wouldn't want my fabric or yarn stored somewhere where mice or bugs could get at it for one thing. If I had way to much to use at one time I'd rather give it away and then just go and buy only what I needed for my projects ,then store it like that. 

I'm lucky with that , as my hubby is as big a pack rat as I am LOL


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## grandmasuzqt (Mar 15, 2011)

I learned a long time ago that if I don't stand up for myself, no one will. It's time to let him know you have needs too. and the one you want control over is your yarn and time and a place to knit. I have a sign in my room that says "knitting keeps me from unraveling". Let him know that this is YOUR needand comfort


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## littleladybug (May 21, 2011)

Dragonothe said:


> If all this is really covering up some other deeper issue - (Control - hoarding - untidyness - cleanliness whatever) it needs to be discussed and handled appropriately.


I had a husband like that. When I drew my line, he ignored me, so when he went in to "Help" I went into the garage/workshop and started boxing up his tools and gadgets. We met outside the garage door and when he wanted to know what was in the boxes I told him that if he considered my crafts needed to be in storage, then his crafts needed to be there too. He screamed and yelled and I just stood there waiting for him to quite embarrassing himself in front of the crowd of neighbors. He turned around to stomp off and realized what he had done.

He put my crafts back in my craft room, and I put his crafts back into the garage.

I found out about 6 months later why he wanted to put everything in storage. Seems he was having a thing with the clerk at the storage place! I got the house, his crafts, the truck and RV in the divorce settlement.

Now I have a room for my quilting and sewing, one for my yarn, and one for everything else. And I don't have to work either![/quote]

Girl! You keep on keeping on! Woo Hoo!


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## littleladybug (May 21, 2011)

debknitter57 said:


> Hi Dragonothe,
> I totally understand what you went through the same thing happened to me. It was a control issue with him and he wanted to taken care of 24/7 so after all these years with other issues he left me. I am now divorced and have the house and everything else I am knitting to my hearts content now and enjoying my life!!!!!
> Happy Knitting! Debbie


When my husband left, I had a room for my dolls, and another one for my computer/sewing/craft room. Nice! Now, my doll room is my grandson's bedroom, my computer room is my granddaughter's bedroom, my son is sacked out in the basement, and I still don't get to knit as much as I would like! I do have my dogs and cats, though! )


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## Joan M (Jun 11, 2011)

I do not have room to quilt. I have OCD bad and allergies too. So to make my projects smaller I started crocheting my quilt pieces and make afghans with yarn. I buy a skein at a time and use no dye lot yarn. You can store pieces as you make them in bags and when you have enough you pull them out later and sew/crochet together. You do have to keep count.This doesn't use fabric but I like the result. My facebook profile picture is the wedding ring afghan I made for my daughter 2 years ago. Gave it to her as a shower gift. It satisfies my need to quilt until I get more space. Just an alternative.


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## trixiescamp (Jul 4, 2011)

littleladybug said:


> Dragonothe said:
> 
> 
> > If all this is really covering up some other deeper issue - (Control - hoarding - untidyness - cleanliness whatever) it needs to be discussed and handled appropriately.
> ...


Wow.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

> I had a husband like that. When I drew my line, he ignored me, so when he went in to "Help" I went into the garage/workshop and started boxing up his tools and gadgets. We met outside the garage door and when he wanted to know what was in the boxes I told him that if he considered my crafts needed to be in storage, then his crafts needed to be there too. He screamed and yelled and I just stood there waiting for him to quite embarrassing himself in front of the crowd of neighbors. He turned around to stomp off and realized what he had done.
> 
> He put my crafts back in my craft room, and I put his crafts back into the garage.
> 
> ...


Wow.[/quote]

Yahoo for you!


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## kittyrose (Feb 3, 2011)

I can't imagine living like you have to. Chances are you are more allergic to the cat than the fabric and yarn. I doubt he would listen to gentle words from anyone. So sorry.


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## littleladybug (May 21, 2011)

Joan M said:


> I do not have room to quilt. I have OCD bad and allergies too. So to make my projects smaller I started crocheting my quilt pieces and make afghans with yarn. I buy a skein at a time and use no dye lot yarn. You can store pieces as you make them in bags and when you have enough you pull them out later and sew/crochet together. You do have to keep count.This doesn't use fabric but I like the result. My facebook profile picture is the wedding ring afghan I made for my daughter 2 years ago. Gave it to her as a shower gift. It satisfies my need to quilt until I get more space. Just an alternative.


I, too, have OCD. It is hard to live with, but I cope! I also work fulltime, and take care of my grandkids. Staying busy helps, but it is always there! Glad to meet you!


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## CurleyQ (Feb 1, 2011)

Hmmmm. I've been thinking on this. Perhaps your husband is feeling shoved out -- what with Mom moving in and all the space your stash takes. Does he have a dedicated portion of the house for himself? Could it be he's attacking your crafts because it's taking your time away from him? Does he think with your Mom there you'll have less time for knitting? Men act instead of think. It may sound cliche but working thrugh this situation could very well bring you closer together. That will be my prayer!


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

CurleyQ said:


> Hmmmm. I've been thinking on this. Perhaps your husband is feeling shoved out -- what with Mom moving in and all the space your stash takes. Does he have a dedicated portion of the house for himself? Could it be he's attacking your crafts because it's taking your time away from him? Does he think with your Mom there you'll have less time for knitting? Men act instead of think. It may sound cliche but working thrugh this situation could very well bring you closer together. That will be my prayer!


He's moving HIS mother in for her to help take care of. Maybe that's why she can't have the yarn and needles that SHE bought with her OWN money because he won't share his with her? I doubt his reasons are as good as you wish they were. I've seen a lot of selfish behavior in my time, and this looks as selfish as anything I've seen. IMO, of course. But if she's frustrated to the point of tears...


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## debbijl (Jun 17, 2011)

Lots of great, supportive suggestions from our friends on the forum... Have all the carpets & drapes been replaced by non-dusty things (wood/tile/shades, etc.?) I agree that the stress of not havig your craft outlets can make things worse with the asthma... the cat doesn't help either. But truth is, he needs to treat you like a grown up & try to solve the problem by talking & not taking thigs away from you. This is a big bone of contention in my house too (but he's the one with the asthma) & I have to keep my "toys" confined, but I do get to keep them...


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## SUSIEK16MA (Mar 4, 2011)

5mmdpns said:


> sockyarn said:
> 
> 
> > Linda allison let us know how everything turns out. As you can tell we are all concerned about this subject.
> ...


Where is the new 'thread' located?


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## Annie Oakley (Feb 24, 2011)

Linda, welcome to the forum! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do...I'm supposed to be washing dishes but thought it wouldn't hurt to take a peek at all the KP posts to see what's going on. My to do lists are so long, when I have a minute or two I can't figure out which what to do first!

So....I'm wasting a few minutes on the forum!

Hope your problem gets better soon. Have you considered getting him to buy you a small storage building for the back yard, put your materials there, and go out and get just what you need every few days. Keep only what you're really working on in the house, in a closet or drawer.

Best wishes! Have a great week!


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## inishowen (May 28, 2011)

Some of you have mentioned having athsma. Can you tell me what your symptoms are? I wake up every night coughing and gasping for breath. Is this athsma?


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## pokey (Feb 20, 2011)

I was doing that and they said I had Sleep Apnea Pokey


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## norita willadsen (Jan 19, 2011)

It sound more like sleep apena Norita


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## Ms Sue P (Mar 19, 2011)

I realize he is trying to help your health, but you need to have your craft there for you to have an outlet for any daily stress that you may have. When I have a lot of stress I knit and it helps me to destress. I am sure you feel the same way. God Bless you and may everything work out for both your satisfactions.


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## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

Instead of standing up for yourself, you are asking us to do it for you. It doesn't work like that in real life. Nobody is coming to ride up on a white horse and rescue you from the consequences of your own actions.

It's easy to get attention by whining to us on KP. It's not so easy to stand up and act like an adult, responsible for your actions and their consequences. I think maybe U don't want his Mom [big responsibility] added to your burdens. Know thyself, kid.

If you started out allowing him [or anyone else] to treat you like a doormat, that's hard to change later; but it's up to you, honey, but don't whine here about it. If you don't have enough self-respect to be an adult; don't whine when someone treats you like a little kid. I know the whereof I speak. I was married to a guy who controlled me instead of himself and used his fists to force compliance when he was faced with my refusal to be his doormat. We've been divorced 20 years and I have never missed him one day. If you are afraid of him physically, call the police, and get a court order for your own protection. If that's not an issue, get yourself some backbone. You are an RN and can provide support for yourself and your kids without taking a lot of crap from some insecure man.


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## mmg (May 17, 2011)

I am not married so I have no right giving you any advice but, I would like to reach through the computer screen and give you a big hug!


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## yaya april (Jul 8, 2011)

My first question is what triggers your asthma? Are you being followed by a specialist, taking your medications as prescribed, and is your asthma well or poorly controlled? If you were allergy tested and are allergic to cats (BTW it's the cat pelt not the cat pee) then maybe the cat needs to live elsewhere. If your asthma is not driven by an allergy but rather by cold or exercise and is made worse by stress.... 
The nurse in me says take care of the asthma by seeing your doctor, go to a specialist if your PCP can't help you to get & keep your asthma in better control. If the yarn stash is at fault go for the bags, don't touch your face while you knit, and wash your hands carefully after you are done knitting. You might also consider an apron to keep the yarn "fluff" off your clothes.
As for the husband, don't ask, I got rid of two of them to improve my quality of life...


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## Biddy (Jul 7, 2011)

Linda, this is an easy one....do you cook? wash clothes?
Tell him :"Yarn gone = No Cooking"
Yarn Gone = Wash your own clothes.

Worked for me! :-D


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## CurleyQ (Feb 1, 2011)

Your words...."by the time I knit a sweater" have me concerned. 
How much of a knitter are you? How much time do spend knitting every week? Do you only WISH you had time to knit? How long have you been knitting? How long have you been collecting yarn? How many projects have you completed? How long have you been married? 
I have a friend who collects things to make projects but seldom finishes anything. Are you like that? Is hubby putting away supplies for a craft seldom done? 
We're all assuming knitting is a passion and he's nuts to not see the value to you. Is that the case or not? Is there any difference in your personality when you haven't knitted in a few days? I was married for 11 years before calling it quits. I had to admit that I had a hand in creating the monster I was married to. Random thoughts. 
Hugs to you. {{}}


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## dragontearsoflove (Apr 3, 2011)

Strike a deal with your husband, clean out a junk drawer(big enough to hold yarn) or a closet and store an agreed upon number of WIPs in there, 3 WIPs with 2 future potentials, with the agreement that he will bring totes back from storage within 3-5 days upon completion of that item. Use a sock drawer to store leftover yarn in. Out of sight, out of mind. Closed in a drawer or cabinet equals little dust or cat problems-so long as it stays closed. Compromise made, hopefully both of you are happier. Best of luck. Ask yourself, how you can both work to meet each other's needs in this situation.


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## clayk (Feb 25, 2011)

I'm reading a book about horders, it's a mental illness: that is inherited,your whole family needs counceling as they are all involved. Even the ones that arent have to come in and clean up your messes, as your hording could end up with a fire ,or bugs ie: scabies, body lice, bed bugs,
roaches spiders, dead rats.


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## btibbs70 (Mar 23, 2011)

clayk said:


> ... as your hording could end up with a fire ,or bugs ie: scabies, body lice, bed bugs,
> roaches spiders, dead rats.


 Ewwww, unwanted critters! :shock:
I started cleaning out 30 year's worth of clothes from my closets. Just started (one closet so far) and already have 7 garbage bags ready to donate!
After your post, I may pick up the tossing speed a little bit!


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

clayk said:


> I'm reading a book about horders, it's a mental illness: that is inherited,your whole family needs counceling as they are all involved. Even the ones that arent have to come in and clean up your messes, as your hording could end up with a fire ,or bugs ie: scabies, body lice, bed bugs,
> roaches spiders, dead rats.


Hold the phone a minute, please. If she's a hoarder, then from what I have read there are many, many of us here, and we are in no danger of rats or anything else. Suggesting a mental illness and counseling is about the last thing I would suggest for this lady, as she has already been victimized by an abusive, controlling husband. He's the one who needs counseling for his extreme selfishness and inability to care about any feelings other than his own. She needs to stand up to this bully, and if he won't change or leave, then she needs to leave, not find one more thing that's supposedly "wrong with Her"


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## btibbs70 (Mar 23, 2011)

DorothyLWM said:


> ... Suggesting a mental illness and counseling is about the last thing I would suggest for this lady, as she has already been victimized by an abusive, controlling husband....


Dorothy, I'm worried about her b/c she hasn't responded to our posts, and a PM from her wasn't convincing to me.


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

btibbs70 said:


> 5mmdpns said:
> 
> 
> > Hi, Linda has started a new post about resolving this issue and it looks like this is a start.
> ...


The link for the post is here: http://www.knittingparadise.com/t-17320-1.html

It is called "Help it's my husband, IN RESOLUTION" Since she is getting things resolved and getting things worked out with hubby, I think that the ones who posted very negative words about her situation can stop that. These are the one/s who have told her to quit burdening KP with her troubles as she brought it upon herself and no one wants to hear it. For those who posted such words, you do not speak for me nor for many here at KP. We will share our burdens and joys with our KP sisters and brothers. Many of us do believe in supporting the person going through difficult times.
Linda, I am proud that you and your hubby are working on this. :thumbup:


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## btibbs70 (Mar 23, 2011)

5mmdpns said:


> btibbs70 said:
> 
> 
> > 5mmdpns said:
> ...


Thank you soooo much for posting this. I haven't heard from her since 7/3. I'll catch up with her via the link. Again, thank you. bt


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

You are welcome bt. We all need love and support when it seems that we are at the end of the road. One thing with knitters, we are always told the only dumb question is the one we havent asked. We knitters do know how to ask and who to turn to when we need help. Most of our fellow knitters will be there to give us a word or two of compassion and encouragement no matter what the situation we find our selves in. I do hope that her mother who iscoming to live with them will be able to help her out. A special needs child is tough enough to deal with and to have three of them, would seem to be impossible. I had one to cope with as a widow. And yes, he is successful and off on his own now!!


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## Annie Oakley (Feb 24, 2011)

5mmdpns said:


> btibbs70 said:
> 
> 
> > 5mmdpns said:
> ...


Nor do negative thoughts and comments reflect my attitude. I'm glad she's getting things worked out, and we should support each other


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

I agree. There is enough negative things going on in the world without the negative comments sent to our fellow knitters. 
I like to think that somewhere along the way, I have helped someone who is in need of it. Often a kind word makes the difference in a life that seems hopeless.


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## btibbs70 (Mar 23, 2011)

*Plus* we only get half the story. I'd rather err on the side of caring and understanding than the alternative.


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## Ms Sue P (Mar 19, 2011)

5mmdpns said:


> btibbs70 said:
> 
> 
> > 5mmdpns said:
> ...


I agree with you wholeheartly. I was upset when I read those other post. Thank you for speaking for us who agree with you.


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## linda allison (May 4, 2011)

Thank you Sue, I have been feeling heavy hearted and really small for talking about my personal problems here. I spent several hours reading answers to my post. Most people wished me well, but there were some acerbic, schorched earth comments as well, for posting my problem on knitting paradise. I'd hoped for some funny and perhaps creative advice, and I got that, as well as lots of hugs, and encouragement. I also got the butt kicking of all time. Wow!
I am a very strong woman, I've survived cancer twice, booted an abusive husband to the curb 30 years ago, spent the first ten years of this marriage taking care of my mother- in- law as well as three children, worked full time and went through chemo back then. Really good thing I was young back then.
Now my mom, who is pushing 90, needs me. She crochets, I knit, so I hope we can take classes together.
I knit everyday and love it. I've been teaching myself for about 4 months, and have completed 8 scarves (gifts) two shawls, five pairs of fingerless gloves and am now trying to do a hat. 

Anyway, I really wanted to say thank you for sticking up for me and being so accepting of me! I'm working on my flaws, and trying to change how I respond to things as well, after all, I can only change myself!

Off to knit another set of fingerless gloves, my daughter's friends are crazy about them too.
Linda
:mrgreen: :thumbup:


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

hey Linda, nice to know that at least you were able to get some support and draw on that. We are still praying for you and your situation. We each have our own difficulties in life to deal with and I think no one will want to walk in our shoes. But then we dont need to critise until we have walked a mile in someone else's shoes. We just need to lend a hand now and then when it is asked for. Take care and many gentle hugs being sent your way!! 

BTW, your scarf is beautiful!! Lovely colorway you chose! Keep knitting, you do lovely work!


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## Ms Sue P (Mar 19, 2011)

Linda, We all need someone to vent to sometime or other and I am so glad that you felt that you could vent to us. I am glad that I was one here that could understand that. I have a great neighbor that I can vent to. She is an awesome neignbor and she knows that she can vent to me.If you ever need someone feel free to Private messge me if you don't want to take the chance of being ridiculed again. I am here for you. Happy Knitting and God Bless you.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Linda, there are many of us who care about your concerns, and wish for you to have a happier life. 

I don't understand why, if those snippy gals didn't want to think about it, they didn't just go onto another subject and stay out of the conversation. Who are they to dictate what can be said or not? 

It reminds me of a gal I know personally, who runs a clogging group that I'm no longer a member of. Several of us were talking, quietly, among ourselves, at break time, about a particular political idea, when she came walking over to our group to join the conversation, until she heard what we were talking about, then told us we weren't allowed to talk politics there. She belongs to the other political party, but Not allowed??? in America?? And here I always thought we had freedom of speach in America. Mind you, we paid every week for the 'privilege' of being there. You notice I said I'm no longer a member.

It's the same here. You do Not need the permission of those prickly few to speak to those people who do care enough to get involved. It also seems to me that you've had more than enough of someone telling you what you can and cannot do, and don't need it here. Or anywhere else.

I was amazed to learn that you've been through so much. You have to be a strong woman to have come through all that, and I salute you for being a survivor. : ) 

Keep standing up for yourself and demanding the respect you've earned, and Happy Knitting!


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## grammagwen217 (Feb 4, 2011)

5mmdpns said:


> btibbs70 said:
> 
> 
> > 5mmdpns said:
> ...


Ditto that. Good Luck and God Bless


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## pokey (Feb 20, 2011)

Linda here's to a happy future. Good Luck Pokey


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## Georget (Jul 14, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear of your sadness. I have been married over 53 years. Thru the years I have always had some type of art ( teaching painting and pottery) or craft..sewing and knitting ( teacher). Therefore there has always been stashes of yarn and fabric. I store my knitting yarn and accessories in tall dressers. The yarn that doesn't fit in the dressers and also my fabrics are stored in Sterlite or Rubbermaid tubs. They stack well and can be labeled. I use the transluscent ones. 
As for the cat....is it a male and has it been neutered? My daughter is the cat specialist for the County Humane Society. She also suffers from many allergies and asthma.
Her doctor suggested she take out her carpeting and padding and also any throw pillows on the furniture. She also took down her draperies. When she did that her allergies really diminished and she had less asthma occurrances.
Are you comfortable speaking to your husband about how what he's doing makes you feel?
The Bible says..."An answer when mild turns away rage"
So...perhaps you could tell him, " Honey, I know you're really trying to take care of me by taking my fabric and yarn away but when you don't take into account how I feel when you do that it makes me feel that you don't care what I think and it makes me sad that you don't value my opinion. I know you're concerned for me but I need to know that you are not only hearing me but are actually listening to what I'm saying and what I'm feeling. "
"It's important to me that we don't have these altercations because it causes me more stress than the asthma attacks. I know that stress can increase my episodes and that will cause you more distress. My solution is to come to some sort of compromise so you and I can both feel secure. I love you and don't want either of us to feel badly.
I hope this can give you some solutions without confrontation. We all need our homes to feel safe and peaceful and I know this can contribute to the peace of the family because it has helped our family when we were in a situation close to yours.

Geoget :lol: :lol:


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

Georget said:


> I hope this can give you some solutions without confrontation. quote]
> 
> This is all in resolution and is being delt with by the household involved. This was in no way the fault of the lady of the household. This was also not the fault of the husband. This was a total breakdown in communication between them and a very very very physically exhausted woman. Please read all of the posts and see where she says the conflict is being resolved between them.


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## linda allison (May 4, 2011)

Thank you for your concern. Many of your suggestions are on target! We took the carpet out of my bedroom, and took down the drapes in favor of light cotton curtains that are washable. I have packed all my yarn into one tote (seemed like I had soooo much more!) and have used some space bags for fabric. Now I have a project bag that I keep whatever I'm working on in, as well as a couple of shoe boxes with long term projects in them. One has a queen size quilt top that I'm working on for my mom. We put a baby gate on the stairs (two girls are up stairs) and it keeps our dog on the first floor. The odd result there is that the cats go over the gate and are spending their time upstairs! Great for me. Garage construction is moving along. the only reason I mention this is that I once used the garage to store my fabric and yarn totes.
I've been in and out of the hospital, and remain on high dose steroids, so I'm feeling a bit crazy. My yarn and needles are a saving grace, as are needles and thread and my girls. Breathing is a daily challenge, but there is no alternative as I just can't convince anyone to breath for me. 
:XD: 

linda


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## 5mmdpns (Jun 1, 2011)

Linda, I am so relieved to hear that you are getting things resolved in your home. You know that the steroids are the necessary things for your lungs to combat the inflammation due to your asthmatic condition. I hope your home is becoming a happy haven for you and your family. Put on some soft happy music and let it fill your air with good things. Sending love and all the good things in your life that are needed! :thumbup:


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## colourbug (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm only just on to this day's form - and haven't read the responses- but I would suggest, from experience, that the cats themselves may be a big part of your problem. There are some of us who have become allergic to the fur of either/both cats and dogs. Sorry to have to suggest this - I know how hard the idea can be to consider.


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