# wedding outfit



## shshipp (Oct 9, 2011)

I have a neighbor who is trying to convince me to crochet a vest and skirt for her for her wedding in February. I love her dearly, however.....she is looking at patterns on size 6 models. She is 5' and 220 lbs. She is very fussy. I know that if I make anything, she will be unhappy with it because it will not look like " the picture" on her. I have been avoiding the discussion but I don't want to lead her on either. Not quite sure how to word my reservations to her without hurting her feelings. I would gladly make this if I thought it would make her happy, but I know her to well. And, that's alot of work.


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## yourmother306 (Nov 30, 2011)

No, don't do it. Could you suggest something else for her to wear?


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## dorfor (May 4, 2013)

yourmother306 said:


> No, don't do it. Could you suggest something else for her to wear?


Maybe suggest something that would be more useful in the longer term considering lifestyle, climate, etc, etc.


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## Grandma G. (Oct 29, 2012)

yourmother306 said:


> No, don't do it. Could you suggest something else for her to wear?


Ditto.


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## Quiltermouse (Jun 11, 2013)

Would she like a shawl instead of a vest--and find her own dress to go under it?? My mother had bought velvet for my wedding dress about 25 years before I actually went down the aisle (at 49), and it was nowhere near enough for a dress I would have wanted. So a dear friend made it into a shawl, which I wore ever so happily.


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## Quiltermouse (Jun 11, 2013)

Yourmother306, I love your avitar!!


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## BBatten17 (Dec 15, 2012)

Wow, that's a tall order! Are you known for making items for people? If not, I would tell her that I would be too nervous to attempt something that is for such a special occasion. Does she have a particular pattern already, or just an idea in her mind?


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## shelbie (Nov 20, 2011)

You should tell her no in a very kind way. Explain that you were thrilled that she thought you were talented enough to make her special dress but you know that you could just not get it finished in time. Perhaps you could even offer to go shopping with her. Just don't take on this project which may end up making both of you miserable.


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## esther irons (Jul 7, 2013)

just say NO!she will get over it, but you freind is asking too much


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## Cynthia Turner (Oct 16, 2012)

shelbie said:


> You should tell her no in a very kind way. Explain that you were thrilled that she thought you were talented enough to make her special dress but you know that you could just not get it finished in time. Perhaps you could even offer to go shopping with her. Just don't take on this project which may end up making both of you miserable.


Very good advice! Perhaps the offer of a crocheted necklace or small ring bearers pillow for something handmade..


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

say NO.......... People see a picture of a model in a garment and see themslved as that person

It will never work!


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## colonialcrafter (Nov 7, 2012)

If you really don't mind making her SOMETHING, tell her that wedding shawls are all the rage right now and then show her some patterns, but....only the ones you feel comfortable making!!!!


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## bwtyer (Oct 31, 2012)

colonialcrafter said:


> If you really don't mind making her SOMETHING, tell her that wedding shawls are all the rage right now and then show her some patterns, but....only the ones you feel comfortable making!!!!


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## tired n' cranky (Aug 2, 2011)

Just tell her that you don't think that you have the skill to do it justice and would hate to disappoint her.


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## tbforest (Feb 25, 2012)

shelbie said:


> You should tell her no in a very kind way. Explain that you were thrilled that she thought you were talented enough to make her special dress but you know that you could just not get it finished in time. Perhaps you could even offer to go shopping with her. Just don't take on this project which may end up making both of you miserable.


You do need to say no and I like Shelbie's idea. It was very flattering that she thought of you but that is a tall order!


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## honorablecreations (Aug 10, 2011)

As a plus size lady I can see the issue. If it was me I would not be offended to be told you are flattered she thought of you to make her outfit yet you must decline. If she pushes the issue I would say you are not comfortable making such an important garment. As others have stated the offer to help her shop and or make a shawl tells her you still care.


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## DonnieK (Nov 23, 2011)

If you are really good friends, just tell her the truth, that you do not feel that a crocheted wedding dress would look as well as another fabric and that it would have to be lined and how much work goes into one. That if you were rushed at the end you could possibly make a fatal error to the dress and she would be left without a dress for the wedding. And, then, offer to make her something else, such as the wedding shawl or wedding purse or something she could keep that would not yellow if not protected in very special conditions. But, tell her the truth. I would much rather someone be honest with me and especially a friend that I trust. If I found out later on that she had told a lie, it would really hurt.


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

I once made a wedding dress for a short plump lass......The fabric she chose was totally unsuitable for the pattern she wanted, so we played it by ear, so to speak.
She chose white net..just like insect net........with a princess style pattern. 

I made a different style aqnd asked her if she wanted the lining with little straps,or strapless...................she said she wanted straps that would hide her singlet.........She actually wore a cotton athletic singlet...I can still see her n my dreams.


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## kiwiannie (Jul 30, 2011)

I would tell her you would love to help,but she needs to be told that she is not a size 6,if she is a true friend she will realize you are right and find another pattern.If she gets all upset and has a hissiefit,she was not a friend and has put you in a very akward position.


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## shshipp (Oct 9, 2011)

Thanks. I did offer to knit or crochet a shawl but she stated I am too short and too fat. Also suggested a vest but again, what she is looking at vs what she can carry off are 2 very different things. I think I will just sit her down and say this is beyond what I feel I can do. ( she probably wont buy that) and that this really needs to be perfect, in size and color since this is a special day. thanks for all your advice.


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## Ma Kitty (Mar 15, 2013)

Just tell her no. You don't need to beat around the bush, lie or feel bad. No is an answer you have every right to say. You can soft pedal it by saying you're honoured she thought your work worthy etc. but gracefully decline. Been there, done that, learned my lesson.


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## realsilvergirl (Nov 13, 2011)

show her the price tag of cashmere or merino fine wool....and have her do the math


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## dijewe (Mar 1, 2011)

realsilvergirl said:


> show her the price tag of cashmere or merino fine wool....and have her do the math


Good answer , plus if she thinks she is too fat and short for a shawl, she should think carefully how a crochet ensemble will look on her - I mean its kind of like a shawl on steroids.

I hate making stuff on the request of others. I am a very selfish knitter. All the fancy stuff is for me and only me!


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## Hilary4 (Apr 26, 2012)

cakes said:


> she said she wanted straps that would hide her singlet.........She actually wore a cotton athletic singlet...I can still see her n my dreams.


LOL - that vision would haunt me too!


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## Nanny Lynn (Apr 29, 2013)

:roll: :roll: :roll: Totally agree, think this would be the best answer, that I can think of anyway :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## GogoJules (Aug 27, 2012)

Don't do it - not everyone can visualize what a garment will look like when completed, and as you say, she is bound to be disappointed. I would not do it.


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## Katpw (Sep 10, 2012)

Perfect! And also as suggested offer to go shoppig with her, and perhaps make a shawl/wrap...


shelbie said:


> You should tell her no in a very kind way. Explain that you were thrilled that she thought you were talented enough to make her special dress but you know that you could just not get it finished in time. Perhaps you could even offer to go shopping with her. Just don't take on this project which may end up making both of you miserable.


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## tatesgirl (Mar 27, 2011)

I would tell her I only make "special" clothing for family...


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## kknott4957 (Mar 31, 2011)

RitaMarie said:


> Tell her you are having trouble with your fingers, wrist, etc. and have to cut down on your crocheting to let them rest.


I go with this suggestion. How often do you see her? Could you wear a wrist brace whenever you see her and tell her you need to rest your wrist for a couple of months?


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## anjaa (Sep 19, 2012)

Simple 
As a friend you would love the chance to go on a shopping / lunch outing and see her try on a whole range of wedding outfits - something special but that will only be worn once
Then tell her you would love to make something for her going away outfit - something she could wear over and over and could become a favourite - maybe show her a pattern she would look great in


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

shshipp said:


> I have a neighbor who is trying to convince me to crochet a vest and skirt for her for her wedding in February. I love her dearly, however.....she is looking at patterns on size 6 models. She is 5' and 220 lbs. She is very fussy. I know that if I make anything, she will be unhappy with it because it will not look like " the picture" on her. I have been avoiding the discussion but I don't want to lead her on either. Not quite sure how to word my reservations to her without hurting her feelings. I would gladly make this if I thought it would make her happy, but I know her to well. And, that's alot of work.


Tell her it's the brides day for attention...

It's a lot of work as you know..just be up front and tell her that you can't because you have other projects that you're working on ...there are stores for the plus size lady that do have crocheted looking outfits..if she won't take you answer just say an adamant NO....


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## dragonflylace (Jul 2, 2012)

I would offer to make her a "Wedding Shawl" . They seem to be very popular. You could even make a ring bearers pillow to go with. The flower girl could have a matching "little" shawl.

Making a top and skirt is a daunting Wedding Job for anyone and the dress is the thing for the wedding. I would do the shawl!


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## obxamom (Apr 21, 2013)

Don't do it. Sounds like a lot of work to be done by February and if she doesn't like it then what ? I like the shawl idea ....just tell her you can't get both those items done in the time frame but you could make her a shawl.


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## copper wire-n- beads (Dec 31, 2012)

I too suggest that she goes with a fancy shawl over a simple dress. If nothing else, the shawl is easy to get on and off with temperature fluctuations, which means she can stay comfortable throughout the festivities. It is always warmer at the head table and she won't want to feel like she is melting.


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## scottishlass (Jul 12, 2012)

Sometimes you need to follow your gut feeling and just say no in a polite manner There is nothing worse that doing something you do NOT want to do Remember we knit & crochet for pleasure and peace of mind. Will you be happy and peaceful doing this when you have said she won't be happy anyway.. so why make her sad .. do her a favour and JUST SAY NO


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## josephinemiller (Jul 12, 2012)

Definitely not. I also suggest a shawl. I know she won't look like the model she is seeing and she wouldn't be happy with the results. You're a good friend for making her anything!


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## Karen L (Feb 3, 2012)

I would say no also. You could also say that when you have to work under pressure you don't do as good a job and don't want to ruin her day. Knowing me, I would do good until about the last 6 rows and then screw up majorly!


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## evesch (Apr 3, 2011)

shshipp said:


> I have a neighbor who is trying to convince me to crochet a vest and skirt for her for her wedding in February. I love her dearly, however.....she is looking at patterns on size 6 models. She is 5' and 220 lbs. She is very fussy. I know that if I make anything, she will be unhappy with it because it will not look like " the picture" on her. I have been avoiding the discussion but I don't want to lead her on either. Not quite sure how to word my reservations to her without hurting her feelings. I would gladly make this if I thought it would make her happy, but I know her to well. And, that's alot of work.


Hmm, seems unreasonable that a person that large does not know the realities of life. Yes, I can say this as I am 5'3" and close to 300 pds. I look at things all the time with an eye to what the item will look like on my huge bulk and dismiss a lot of things. I will still wear some pretty outrageous things at time due to just loving the item and it is fun. People say rude things to me a lot. Not so much now as I am old enough at 61 now to get away with being "old" 
One place I love to shop for clothing that is large sized and gorgeous and sometimes even flattering is a place online called Holy Clothing. A lot of their clothing is in weddings. Why not email her a link to their site. She may forget about the crochet items. Besides maybe that is too 70's.


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## dotdot (Feb 6, 2012)

just say no


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## PATRICIAKEITH (Jun 13, 2011)

colonialcrafter said:


> If you really don't mind making her SOMETHING, tell her that wedding shawls are all the rage right now and then show her some patterns, but....only the ones you feel comfortable making!!!!


A brilliant solution. I agree with you. :thumbup:


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## DottieH (Mar 2, 2012)

I am a " big girl" myself, and have pretty much given up making clothing for myself. I prefer to try things on, see how they fit, and how they look , before I do all that work, and spend all that money. Hand made items are no longer less expensive than ready made, and you end up with choices, rather than be disappointed/ unhappy with the ONE hand made item that you have put your heart and soul into! Please don't waver when you give your very definite NO! Go shopping with her, and see what looks best, and feel most comfortable for her! She will thank you!


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## LAURA C (Jan 21, 2013)

RitaMarie said:


> Tell her you are having trouble with your fingers, wrist, etc. and have to cut down on your crocheting to let them rest.


Add you're afraid you won't have enough time to do a proper job because of your hands and you would not want to disappoint her at the last minute and offer to make a shawl. I don't envy you. This is a tough situation to be in. I can understand you don't want to cause hard feelings with a neighbor but I would not want to do all that work and then be upset at her reaction. Good luck. Let us know what you decide.


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## LAURA C (Jan 21, 2013)

cakes said:


> I once made a wedding dress for a short plump lass......The fabric she chose was totally unsuitable for the pattern she wanted, so we played it by ear, so to speak.
> She chose white net..just like insect net........with a princess style pattern.
> 
> I made a different style aqnd asked her if she wanted the lining with little straps,or strapless...................she said she wanted straps that would hide her singlet.........She actually wore a cotton athletic singlet...I can still see her n my dreams.


Sounds like you see her in your nightmares to me. Don't these people own mirrors? How can anyone be so oblivious?


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## MarshaHicks (Jul 16, 2013)

there a lot of ways of saying no but the best one is to tell them you could not get it to look like the one in the picture and you know you would not be happy specifically if you have an instance that this has happened bring it up it if necessary will make a difference in most cases


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## flitri (Jun 13, 2011)

I am a big person, I would be honest with her and just tell her that her wedding day is the most important day of her life and that a crochet outfit would not be flattering for her to wear. If she still insists on something crochet tell her to look for a pattern in her size as they might be hard to come by in a pattern that she likes. If she is not happy with the finished outfit you can always say that you warned her, and it was her decision.


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## whitetail (Feb 19, 2011)

Tell her no that you are no comfortable with that request and like other have said, offer to make her a shawl.


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## Dsynr (Jun 3, 2011)

:idea: Scenario:
Look, Lottie whatever. U know I'm your friend and I wouldn't hurt yur feelings for the world; but I can't possibly do a handmade dress for you. I have more than I can handle on my plate as it is. Why don't yu go to a nice bridal shop and look around? I know you will find just what you need!


shshipp said:


> I have a neighbor who is trying to convince me to crochet a vest and skirt for her for her wedding in February. I love her dearly, however.....she is looking at patterns on size 6 models. She is 5' and 220 lbs. She is very fussy. I know that if I make anything, she will be unhappy with it because it will not look like " the picture" on her. I have been avoiding the discussion but I don't want to lead her on either. Not quite sure how to word my reservations to her without hurting her feelings. I would gladly make this if I thought it would make her happy, but I know her to well. And, that's alot of work.


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## Brookwood (Aug 18, 2011)

I like the idea of a shawl. I wouldn't do it.


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## nankat (Oct 17, 2012)

Perfect opportunity for a kind "White Lie"


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## NY Hummer (Oct 16, 2012)

shshipp said:


> I have a neighbor who is trying to convince me to crochet a vest and skirt for her for her wedding in February.


Just the time factor is daunting - with holiday knitting season coming up...
gosh, I know it's hard to say no to a friend.......but I would find a way~
can you tell her you aren't experienced enough? [or maybe you are....] 
If it were me, I'd have to be open/honest, tell her you just don't feel you can do the job, it's a big request [no pun intended!] ~
would rather spend the time helping her in other ways to get ready for her wedding - perhaps make some wedding favors, or a bridal garter, etc.? Tell her you want to be part of her wedding preparations, but doing an outfit is just too much for you right now. Perhaps volunteer to make a shawl, as a going-on-honeymoon present?


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## past (Apr 3, 2011)

I would tell her that you just don't have the time to work on something so extensive, but that you would love to make her a shawl or shrug to go with the dress she picks out.


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## Mireillebc (Apr 7, 2013)

I would tell her it is too much a responsibility and don't want to engage into such a project.


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## dotcarp2000 (Sep 5, 2011)

shshipp said:


> I have a neighbor who is trying to convince me to crochet a vest and skirt for her for her wedding in February. I love her dearly, however.....she is looking at patterns on size 6 models. She is 5' and 220 lbs. She is very fussy. I know that if I make anything, she will be unhappy with it because it will not look like " the picture" on her. I have been avoiding the discussion but I don't want to lead her on either. Not quite sure how to word my reservations to her without hurting her feelings. I would gladly make this if I thought it would make her happy, but I know her to well. And, that's alot of work.


Either say no to the project or be completely honest with her as to what the difference will be on her.


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## MarshaHicks (Jul 16, 2013)

this is a good one I do think if she say's all the advice that was given she will still have a friend and the friend will be happy with her


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## anetdeer (Jul 16, 2012)

shelbie said:


> You should tell her no in a very kind way. Explain that you were thrilled that she thought you were talented enough to make her special dress but you know that you could just not get it finished in time. Perhaps you could even offer to go shopping with her. Just don't take on this project which may end up making both of you miserable.


I agree! This is a BIG project and there's only 6 months to her wedding. The shaping would have to be done almost daily. I would try to bow out gracefully. That being said...she must really be impressed with your talent to ask!


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## kmckinstry77 (Jan 18, 2013)

Oh dear. Another case of what my mom calls "magic mirrors". 
People who are short and... on the large side (sorry, trying to find an inoffensive way to put it is difficult)... should probably not be wearing all-over crochet, bright pink, large floral patterns, etc. It's much more difficult to make clothing for someone who isn't an average shape. It's usually much better if they find something off-the-rack... even if they do still want hand-made clothing, they still need to try out the look. I'm 5'4" & about 110 lbs. & I didn't make my wedding dress (which I just wore on Aug. 4!  )... I went to David's Bridal & tried on some dresses. I initially thought I'd do that just to find the right style & to see how badly white looks on my skin (my skin & white clothing tend to fight)... and then I'd take my cue from that to make a dress. I ended up finding one instead. 
Maybe you could persuade your friend to go shopping for a wedding outfit among shape-appropriate clothing stores (David's Bridal does have a huge range of sizes & styles, many of them at decent prices, if she's looking for something more traditional) & then maybe you could crochet her a veil, a garter, a purse, whatever? 
Good luck!


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## Grandmaknitstoo (Jul 6, 2011)

Tell her she will get a nice afghan as a wedding Present and let her pick the pattern. Take the focus off of her and make it about the wedding.Suggest she might like a plain fabric for her dress and you will crochet a veil.


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## kathimc (Jan 10, 2013)

RitaMarie said:


> Tell her you are having trouble with your fingers, wrist, etc. and have to cut down on your crocheting to let them rest.


Making up phony excuses to keep from offending someone???? How offensive is THAT? Not a good way to handle anything. What happened to "Honesty is the best policy"??
Just tell her you are highly complimented but you can't do it.


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## Ronie (Jan 21, 2011)

I will let her know that you only have time for the vest!! make it a bolero style one that is short and if you want.. help her find a skirt to go with it... a short waisted top looks better on a heavier person... it fools the eye into thinking the waist is thinner... there are lots of beautiful flowing skirts out there.. I own a few and they are flattering on the NOT size 6 figures... LOL

this way you will keep your friendship... she will be thrilled that part of her wedding outfit was hand made by you and she will look very nice...


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## Sperson (Jul 28, 2011)

No, don't do. You will be sorry and ruin your friendship. Use any of the excuses listed above but don't give in.


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## gclemens (Feb 18, 2012)

I would not lie. You do yourself and her an injustice if you lie. Tell the truth but very, very gently. You can even talk about your feelings if you wore the size 6 model's clothes. Tell her you fear that if you make it and then when she puts it on she might not like the look but feel obligated to wear it because of your effort. Tell her you worry it could ruin the most special day of her life. Then offer to make a wedding shawl that she can take off or on as she feels comfortable doing so it doesn't have such a big part of her day.


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## copper wire-n- beads (Dec 31, 2012)

I don't think any of the "excuses" are phony. We have discussed issues of stress, time, and wedding day comfort, all diplomatic ways to start the conversation. No need to hurt feelings if its not absolutely necessary.


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## gsbyrge (Jul 12, 2011)

I agree - don't do it. That could be a total disaster! I like the suggestion of making her a shawl to wear over a dress SHE chooses. Not much can go wrong with a shawl!


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## k2p3-knit-on (Oct 24, 2012)

She is dreaming about a lovely wedding, an once in a lifetime celebration (we all hope!) If she thinks she will look like a size 6 model and you cave in and make it in a plus size which won't flatter her (not your fault but brides can be irrational) it could put a damper on your friendship. Plus she might decide not to wear it.

However, a lovely shawl that she could wear on many special occasions would last a lifetime. Perhaps you could say you would like her to remember your friendship each time she wears your special shawl.


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## Friederike (Aug 26, 2011)

Immediate reaction: NONONOOOO, don't do it.
Suggest you could crochet a wrap/shawl for her but an outfit is just too much for your hands, too time consuming, too stressful, too overwhelming, it's simply too much! It may also complicate your friendship!!!
Lot's or luck! :?


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## Anita1955 (Jan 6, 2013)

"No," is an underused word - by everyone! Parents use, "We'll see," co-workers say, "I'll think about it," and many others simply ignore the question. You may wish to couch it in something to soften the blow, but in the long run, a using the actual word, "No," will be appreciated and leave no room for doubt in your sentiment. BTW, I love the shawl idea!


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## frani512 (Apr 15, 2012)

Cynthia Turner said:


> Very good advice! Perhaps the offer of a crocheted necklace or small ring bearers pillow for something handmade..


Absolutely agree. Perhaps a shawl. Tell her you feel you could get that done in time. Good luck!


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## Ginka (May 16, 2011)

Sounds like a big headache to me ,nicely say you can't so theres no hard feelings .


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## Carlyta (Mar 23, 2011)

How about a wedding shawl? She could use that later. When someone makes a "strange" request for me to make them something, I tell them it would cost a great deal of money (i.e., up to $1500) for what they want.


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## Cassews (Apr 10, 2013)

Good luck on your answer whatever it maybe !


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## Laddie (Mar 17, 2013)

I would just look at her and and laugh. I mean, seriously, how rude! On top of that I'm sure she would expect a gift as well. Don't let her walk all over you. This would make crocheting into a chore for you and might even be the end of your friendship.


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## amortje (Feb 10, 2013)

DonnieK said:


> If you are really good friends, just tell her the truth, that you do not feel that a crocheted wedding dress would look as well as another fabric and that it would have to be lined and how much work goes into one. That if you were rushed at the end you could possibly make a fatal error to the dress and she would be left without a dress for the wedding. And, then, offer to make her something else, such as the wedding shawl or wedding purse or something she could keep that would not yellow if not protected in very special conditions. But, tell her the truth. I would much rather someone be honest with me and especially a friend that I trust. If I found out later on that she had told a lie, it would really hurt.


 :thumbup: That's my opinion too. Just be honest and tell her that another fabric would be a better choice. It's better to tell the truth, a lie would hurt her.


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## SimplyGran (Jul 9, 2011)

I've been reading the many Posts regarding your Wedding Dress Dilemma! ' k2p3-knit-on' posted a very nice solution regarding the Wedding Shawl/Stole. Take it from one who's "Been There - Done That' regarding the lies the brain reinforces about the size of our physique. It surely does and with sweet abandon. So we actually fool ourselves into thinking we're a whole lot smaller than we truly are! I wish I could wave a magic wand and tell you this is all going to be just fine. Miss Fussy seems to have put you in a precarious position. I wish you the best.


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## gloriam (Aug 11, 2011)

Oh, so sorry someone has put you in this position. I have to agree with tired n'cranky. Tell her your skill level could not compete with the project. Suggesting a simple shawl to go with a dress she purchases just might do the trick.


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## ultrahiggs (Jun 4, 2012)

I'm with BBatten17
;-)


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## Poor Purl (Apr 14, 2011)

cakes said:


> I once made a wedding dress for a short plump lass......The fabric she chose was totally unsuitable for the pattern she wanted, so we played it by ear, so to speak.
> She chose white net..just like insect net........with a princess style pattern.
> 
> I made a different style aqnd asked her if she wanted the lining with little straps,or strapless...................she said she wanted straps that would hide her singlet.........She actually wore a cotton athletic singlet...I can still see her n my dreams.


As a "short plump lass," I found this hilarious (I think a singlet is like what we in the US might call an undershirt). Somebody with taste like that shouldn't be allowed to choose her own clothes. "Know thyself," as the ancient Greeks said.


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

I would just go with the simple answer. "I am flattered that you asked me but, no I simply cannot do it." There is no need to make excuses or more suggestions since she has already rejected the suggestion you did make.


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

colonialcrafter said:


> If you really don't mind making her SOMETHING, tell her that wedding shawls are all the rage right now and then show her some patterns, but....only the ones you feel comfortable making!!!!


I like that idea a bunch! This will eliminate the need for fitting a garment, also.


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## Poor Purl (Apr 14, 2011)

shshipp said:


> Thanks. I did offer to knit or crochet a shawl but she stated I am too short and too fat. Also suggested a vest but again, what she is looking at vs what she can carry off are 2 very different things. I think I will just sit her down and say this is beyond what I feel I can do. ( she probably wont buy that) and that this really needs to be perfect, in size and color since this is a special day. thanks for all your advice.


If she realizes she's too short and fat, convince her that she needs to get something she can try on first. That eliminates having you crochet something for her.

As for a shawl being unsuitable, you could suggest a stole. Triangular shawls point right to your bottom; stoles stay up where you put them.


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## Louismom (Aug 7, 2012)

misellen said:


> I would just go with the simple answer. "I am flattered that you asked me but, no I simply cannot do it." There is no need to make excuses or more suggestions since she has already rejected the suggestion you did make.


I totally agree with this post. She already told you she doesn't want a shawl, so...no need to offer that. Hmmm...maybe a crocheted little purse?


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## Poor Purl (Apr 14, 2011)

kmckinstry77 said:


> I'm 5'4" & about 110 lbs. & I didn't make my wedding dress (which I just wore on Aug. 4!  )


Congratulations, you skinny thing! :thumbup:


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## Knitish (Feb 8, 2011)

Your neighbor does not realize that there is a physicial demand on knitting or crocheting that others do not realize. Often we can do a limited amount comfortably but if held to a deadlined task, that can be very difficult, painful, to impossible -- there are many letters here on that. A scarf may be doable, but not a whole outfit, and yes afghans are completed but sometimes it takes several years. We make it look easy!


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## kmckinstry77 (Jan 18, 2013)

Poor Purl said:


> Congratulations, you skinny thing! :thumbup:


Thanks!  My husband is 6'2" & about 200 lbs... people get a kick out of seeing us side by side. 
And a little FYI to all the people who lament being a "short, plump lass"... it doesn't matter what your size or shape is because virtually no one is the average size/shape! I have trouble finding clothes because of my size & shape. They expect people my size to be wearing teeny-bopper clothes [blech - c'mon, I'm 35! I don't want to dress, well, matronly, but I definitely wouldn't be caught dead wearing skirts that show off your undies from the top & the bottom]. On the rare occasions when I can find decent clothes in my size, the designers assumed that anyone my size has toothpick arms & thighs, which is not the case for me. No one would call my arms & thighs fat, but I actually pick up heavy things, do housework, do ballet, etc. so I have some muscles. 
Is there anyone who doesn't have any fit issues at all? I doubt it. But, within the items which do fit, it is still necessary to find those items which will flatter your body type... regardless of your shape or size, this is still true. Some things are a little more universally flattering... e.g. princess seaming usually does nice things. Long, flowy dresses usually do better on taller women, regardless of their weight, but shorter people have to be careful. Anyone who is shorter also should stay away from capris... they cut you off at the calves & make you look shorter. They say vertical stripes make you look slimmer... be careful. That's not always the case. My mom & I have spent many hours in dressing rooms laughing at the results of our latest adventures in fashion. She's taller & larger than me, more like an average height & weight, and she's got other fit issues. Our favorite was the day she tried on one of those Spanx body-suit things. First of all, because it stays on by basically squishing you, no matter what you've got under the spandex part, something is going to spill out... yes, even if you're skinny. Second of all, once you've got it on, forget it, you can't get it off. It didn't help that my mom & I were laughing so hard that we couldn't do much. Even with me pulling on one section & her pulling on another section... ah, you just had to be there.  
I wish all of you luck with finding the right clothes for your body type. If there are any bemused men reading this (hey, we know there are male knitters on this forum!), be nice to your moms, wives, sisters, etc. when they're trying to find the right clothes. It isn't easy. My husband doesn't care in slightest what he wears or what he looks like. I've settled for making sure his clothes fit him & that he's reasonably well matched (or at least, not miss-matched) before he walks out the door in the morning.


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## sam0767 (Jun 20, 2012)

colonialcrafter said:


> If you really don't mind making her SOMETHING, tell her that wedding shawls are all the rage right now and then show her some patterns, but....only the ones you feel comfortable making!!!!


 :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

Sperson said:


> No, don't do. You will be sorry and ruin your friendship. Use any of the excuses listed above but don't give in.


This is the best answer. It will be "your fault" when she doesn't look like the size 6 model, and that's what you'll get for all your trouble. @@


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

esther irons said:


> just say NO!she will get over it, but you freind is asking too much


This answer is great, too. She IS asking for Way too much. Does she want you to pay her rent, too?

A sarcastic question, but you see my point.


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## reborn knitter (Apr 7, 2013)

I agree that a shawl would be a lovely alternative.I learned the hard way. After seeing the gown I sewed for 1 of my daughters a colleague at work said she'd love to have me make her dress the next time she got married and I said"sure". Well, 2 yrs. later she showed me her ring! I wound up combining 3 patterns and making 3 muslin dresses before I got the right fit for her ample figure. She was pleased with the results but it was nerve racking for me. Sometimes we just have to realize "No" is a complete sentence and be gracious in the refusal as some others have said.


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## DorothyLWM (May 8, 2011)

reborn knitter said:


> I agree that a shawl would be a lovely alternative.I learned the hard way. After seeing the gown I sewed for 1 of my daughters a colleague at work said she'd love to have me make her dress the next time she got married and I said"sure". Well, 2 yrs. later she showed me her ring! I wound up combining 3 patterns and making 3 muslin dresses before I got the right fit for her ample figure. She was pleased with the results but it was nerve racking for me. Sometimes we just have to realize "No" is a complete sentence and be gracious in the refusal as some others have said.


Being gracious is great, if it works. Too often, people who ask too much in the first place, don't take "no" for an answer well, so the only answer is "no, sorry" and no explanations. I agree: "no" IS a complete sentence. Good line.


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## Karen Liebengood (Jan 28, 2011)

I would be nice and offer to make accessories..like a shawl and maybe a garter or ring bearer pillow. Then the item doesn't have to fit her curvy body and WILL look like the picture!


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## Glenlady (Mar 25, 2013)

tired n' cranky said:


> Just tell her that you don't think that you have the skill to do it justice and would hate to disappoint her.


 :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## elainesak (Oct 23, 2011)

I get what you're saying. People have an idea in their heads about how something will look on them, and it just won't!
I had an experience with a hairdresser once that has stuck with me. I brought a photo of a hairstyle I liked (like many of us have, I'm sure), and what he said was: "I'm a hairdresser, I'm not a miracle worker."
To this day, I'm actually pissed off that I stayed in the chair. I wasn't asking him to make ME look like the MODEL, it was just a hair style I liked.
I would hate to have your friend feel this way, no matter what size she is and/or the size on the model in the photo.


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## Nannyshirl (May 11, 2013)

I would definitely decline, but why not offer to crochet one of those stunning lace wedding shrug/shawls that she'll be able to wear again and again and that will 'finish' off a simpler wedding gown/outfit. I looked at some 'plus size' crochet garment patterns and they really aren't very forgiving!


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## PauletteB (Mar 10, 2011)

Best advice to remain friends I would not do it. Try finding another way you could be helpful to her for her special day.


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## sprucehollow (Oct 4, 2011)

Don't do it Tell her she needs to be 6 feet for it to look right


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## sprucehollow (Oct 4, 2011)

that's a perfect idea plus the dress would take you to long to make


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## amberdragon (Dec 12, 2011)

i for one would be honest with her and gently point the differences in size,. if she has any body awarness at all she will be glad that she did not waste money or your time on a project that is doomed for failure.


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## elainesak (Oct 23, 2011)

I believe that people have NO CLUE how long a project actually takes! If they ever knitted or crocheted themselves, they wouldn't ask these kinds of things of people!


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## nit witty (Dec 29, 2011)

RitaMarie said:


> Tell her you are having trouble with your fingers, wrist, etc. and have to cut down on your crocheting to let them rest.


I am afraid I would chicken out and say the same thing. Can't really pick on your if you are having "technical" problems with your hands or wrists. How do you tell someone who doesn't seem to have a clue the outfit would not look good on them?


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## linda naismith (May 24, 2011)

I would tell her you are not confident enough to make her wedding outfit don't put youself through all the worry and she could place an advert for someone else to make it would take the pressure off you


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## Sherlock (Jul 19, 2011)

A couple of years ago at her request, I knitted a cardigan for my neighbour, a robust woman. At my suggestion, the cardigan was front edge to front edge in one piece, to customise the fit for arm tops and shoulders. She was staggered how much fitting and knitting was entailed. The fit was fine. I've never seen her wear it. I swore I'd never do such a thing again. 

Never say never! Earlier this year I knitted a 4 colour sweater, from a photo for a 10 year old boy. No pattern. Using Ann Budd's sweater book, I was able to replicate chosen style, making it 9 inches longer with appropriate colour changes, as requested. At the final fitting, his younger sister remarked that it looked like a dress. He's never worn it. 

I will NEVER walk this road again. If you want to remain friends and keep your integrity, think carefully about making an excuse/telling a disguised lie...which compromises both parties. 

If it is not your habit to take commissions, the simple answer for me would be: Thank you for asking me, and although I'm touched, I never take commissions. 

No excuses, no reason. You've been asked a question and made a definitive answer. Please think carefully before offering to knit something you think is more suitable. She might not see what you see as already mentioned in other replies...and ask some unwelcome questions. By then, your friendship could be in jeopardy. 

In both of my instances, DH advised me not to do it...and of course, he was right. I've learned the hard way. Please don't go there. 

Turning all this into a +ve experience has been rewarding. Whilst NO, is rarely an easy answer, it is a fair one. I knit (and crochet since this Summer) because I can. I do it for my own pleasure, endeavouring to make small and/or quickly achieved gifts that are unexpected and much appreciated. Neither party is compromised. 

Good luck


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## CrazyCatLadyx5 (Aug 13, 2013)

I read a book called "Knit in Comfort" by Isabell Sharpe. It was a cute story about Irish knitters and the knitting of a shawl for a wedding. I think the shawl will definitely be the answer and it could be passed down to future generations with no concern about size.


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## copper wire-n- beads (Dec 31, 2012)

Not only do people not understand the amount of work that goes into handmade items, they are clueless about the cost of materials. They don't understand the difference between cheap yarn from a discount store and quality yarn from the lys.


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## scotjud (Feb 19, 2013)

I think a shawl would be a good choice too. ;-)


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## kippyfure (Apr 9, 2011)

I am a BIG girl and was on the day I got married--in a dress I designed and crocheted myself. She is not that big--an a-line silhouette and PROPER shapewear underneath will help her dream come true.....Thanks for SPANKS!!


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## Shimal (Apr 21, 2013)

Do NOT do this! Many times people ask crafters to "make me something" because they do not understand the work that goes into what we do. "Well, you just sit there while you're watching TV..." You can tell this woman that you are going to be far to busy to put the time and attention into making something special for her wedding - February is, after all, just after Christmas, and two months is not a lot of time for something plus-size. Offer to make her something small - a piece of crocheted hair jewelry or a small bag or pillow for her special day. She is, essentially, asking you to make her wedding outfit and that's a HUGE obligation to ask someone.


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## ELareau (Nov 4, 2012)

shelbie said:


> You should tell her no in a very kind way. Explain that you were thrilled that she thought you were talented enough to make her special dress but you know that you could just not get it finished in time. Perhaps you could even offer to go shopping with her. Just don't take on this project which may end up making both of you miserable.


I think Shelbie's advice is perfect.


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## misellen (Mar 8, 2013)

I don't understand why everyone is so concerned with suggestions about what you should knit as an alternative. You are not under any obligation to provide a neighbor with her wedding garments. Just politely refuse, that is your right.


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## MrsBearstalker (Aug 11, 2011)

No, I surely wouldn't set myself up for the inevitable if I knew the outcome wouldn't be good. If you are hesitant to say, "Hey, look, your fat butt wouldn't look like that in those clothes" (well, you'd be far more tactful, I'm sure) :lol: then can you find another excuse? 
February comes soon after the holiday season. Do you have too many relatives coming, or are you going to be traveling, or do you know people who are having babies for whom you need to make gifts? Just say you are afraid that you couldn't complete the project on time. Perhaps a yarn shop could refer her to someone who isn't her friend who would be willing to crochet it for her.


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## shoppingwithsunshine (Jul 25, 2012)

I think Mrs Bearstalker has an excellent suggestion:-
Perhaps a yarn shop could refer her to someone who isn't her friend who would be willing to crochet it for her.
Please let us all know what you decide to do in the end.


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## Nannyshirl (May 11, 2013)

elainesak said:


> I get what you're saying. People have an idea in their heads about how something will look on them, and it just won't!
> I had an experience with a hairdresser once that has stuck with me. I brought a photo of a hairstyle I liked (like many of us have, I'm sure), and what he said was: "I'm a hairdresser, I'm not a miracle worker."
> To this day, I'm actually pissed off that I stayed in the chair. I wasn't asking him to make ME look like the MODEL, it was just a hair style I liked.
> I would hate to have your friend feel this way, no matter what size she is and/or the size on the model in the photo.


I told my hairdressed I wanted my hair to look like Jennifer Aniston's; she did it the way she usually does and told me that if Jennifer Aniston came to that salon, that's how she'd get her hair done! Can't argue with that!


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## jobailey (Dec 22, 2011)

I would explain yo her that a crocheted skirt would not be flattering to her figure type. She knows how much she weighs. Explain that she wants to look her best for her wedding. She will appreciate your honesty!


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## sewknitbeadgrandma (Nov 1, 2012)

jonibee said:


> Tell her it's the brides day for attention...
> 
> It's a lot of work as you know..just be up front and tell her that you can't because you have other projects that you're working on ...there are stores for the plus size lady that do have crocheted looking outfits..if she won't take you answer just say an adamant NO....


I agree about shopping with the Bride to Be. She needs to try on dresses similar to her "vision". Then reality sets in. Maybe your price would happen to exceed the RTW.


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## chickabittie (Aug 1, 2013)

Cynthia Turner said:


> Very good advice! Perhaps the offer of a crocheted necklace or small ring bearers pillow for something handmade..


Such a great idea! You girls are so smart, you all rock! I hope the original poster can get out of this situation delicately. You have all offered such wonderful advice.

:thumbup:


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

I agree with maybe making a shawl or scarf but anything else could be the start of something best avoided!


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## dagmargrubaugh (May 10, 2011)

Nannyshirl said:


> I told my hairdressed I wanted my hair to look like Jennifer Aniston's; she did it the way she usually does and told me that if Jennifer Aniston came to that salon, that's how she'd get her hair done! Can't argue with that!


 :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## shshipp (Oct 9, 2011)

Update: I went over and had "the discussion" She said she understood and I again offered to do a shawl. At this point, she pulls out her computer to show me outfits she is looking at. !!!!!! Tall, size 6 models, in their 20's. Not only is my friend short and full sized, she is over 65. 
I am now trying to lead her to more appropriate web sites


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## libra (Feb 21, 2013)

I would tell her, as I have done, that I don't make clothes for other people. This has happened to me with knitting and sewing and I just wont do it. They seem to understand and I haven't lost a friend yet!


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## threekidsmom (Feb 8, 2012)

Just say no! It's not worth stressing over, and she has plenty of time to forget about it and find something else she dearly loves...


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## Joyp (Feb 4, 2012)

Tell her you already have a pile of things on the go and couldn't possible have it done by the wedding. That's not a lie if you are anything like me. I couldn't promise to have anything done by next year or the next!


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## Joyp (Feb 4, 2012)

Tell her you already have a pile of things on the go and couldn't possible have it done by the wedding. That's not a lie if you are anything like me. I couldn't promise to have anything done by next year or the next!


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

I would definitely tell her no. Other KPers here have offered some wonderful suggestions for alternative things you could make for her wedding. I especially like the suggestion of a wedding shawl. After the wedding she could still use the shawl There are lots of patterns for wedding shawls or even lacy wedding shrugs. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.


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## lambchop7262 (Mar 6, 2013)

misellen said:


> I would just go with the simple answer. "I am flattered that you asked me but, no I simply cannot do it." There is no need to make excuses or more suggestions since she has already rejected the suggestion you did make.


wonderful! i truly do not envy your position but i think misellen has the best answer. good luck!


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## bbbg (Feb 23, 2012)

I try to be honest about my own feelings. Rather than say it's too much for you, just say you are not comfortable with that option. It surely is not your friend's intent to put you in a stressful or upsetting position. Perhaps you can find a compromise, such as a special handmade wedding gift.


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## knitnanny (Feb 28, 2012)

Oh dear...you have a dilemma....I hope you find the right words...


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## mirium (May 14, 2013)

shshipp said:


> Update: I went over and had "the discussion" She said she understood and I again offered to do a shawl. At this point, she pulls out her computer to show me outfits she is looking at. !!!!!! Tall, size 6 models, in their 20's. Not only is my friend short and full sized, she is over 65.
> I am now trying to lead her to more appropriate web sites


Sounds like you're a very good friend! :thumbup: Also sounds like your friend isn't a Bridezilla -- she might not understand, but she accepted your decision gracefully.

As a short, fat, elderly-to-some woman, I must admit I've gotten a little rebellious about what others think is "appropriate" for me to wear -- the general rule seems to be "people don't want to look at you, so don't wear anything with flair." If I were getting married and I wanted to wear a lacy dress with frills and ruffles, by golly I'd wear one! Because my friends already know I'm short and fat and in my Late Youth and love me anyway, and it would make me _feel_ like a young, thin, gloriously romantic bride, and on that day, I would BE one, despite outward appearances.

It's wonderful that you're worried the dress wouldn't make your friend look like the model, but she might be perfectly aware of that and not care. If you don't want to make it for her, then it's all solved. If you'd love to make it for her and the roadblock is whether she'd be happy with the result, perhaps you could ask her why she's attracted to the dresses that have caught her eye. Bluntly, does she expect to look like the model, or does she just want to _feel_ as if she looked like the model, knowing full well that she doesn't?

Unless you're both unusual people, "honey, that model is tall and slim and you're short and fat" is unlikely to be received well. :shock: But "I know from experience that the things I knit never look like they did on the model -- those models have a staff to deal with their hair and makeup and the lighting and they don't have to move in the thing and they never eat, so of course they look gorgeous! I want you to love your dress and have the best wedding day ever, so I just want to make sure you're remembering that you're going to be a real person wearing it, not a model who only held that pose for a moment" shows your goal is her happiness and makes the concern general, not about her personal figure flaws. Might give you a better idea of whether she's caught up in a fantasy world, or just wants to enjoy a touch of fantasy in her big day. I've happily worn bridesmaid dresses that I wouldn't be caught dead in if my personal taste was consulted. But the bride was thrilled and later, some girl got the prom dress she wanted but couldn't afford. Just something for you to consider....


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## mirium (May 14, 2013)

It is a beautiful dress, isn't it?


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## wyldwmn (Jun 11, 2013)

Laddie said:


> I would just look at her and and laugh. I mean, seriously, how rude! On top of that I'm sure she would expect a gift as well. Don't let her walk all over you. This would make crocheting into a chore for you and might even be the end of your friendship.


I would think that looking at her and laughing would go a long way toward ending any friendship. She may not understand how much work is involved in crocheting. For me, I would be respectful of her and let her know what you would be able to crochet if that's what you really want to do, and not laugh at her. She may not have family who support her, and her underlying goal may be that she wants someone to help her to feel special on her special day, and may not know the best way to ask for that. Laughing at her would be mean.


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## kmckinstry77 (Jan 18, 2013)

kippyfure said:


> I am a BIG girl and was on the day I got married--in a dress I designed and crocheted myself. She is not that big--an a-line silhouette and PROPER shapewear underneath will help her dream come true.....Thanks for SPANKS!!


Hi!
Yeah, if you ever make an outfit for someone else, they definitely need to show up with their spanx. 
I have a friend who is shorter & heavier than me. She's a jogger (although she says other women look like gazelles & she looks more like a hippo) so she's a solid kind of "plump". She looks good! She has hair & skin that she literally doesn't have to do anything to. She was one of my bridesmaids... along with my 5'10" sister-in-law (who's about average size for her height) & my 5'4" cousin (who's also about average size, although of course she's had 2 kids, so that does stuff to women's hips). It was a challenge to find the right dress for all three of them, but we managed & they all looked fabulous. My shorter/heavier friend knows all about special underthings. She described what she had on... it wasn't spanx, but it was more like a relative of a corset (she's also... busty, which adds to the dress issues). Again, she looked fabulous. It can happen!


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## damemary (Mar 14, 2012)

So terribly sorry but you ....won't be able to do justice to.....will not have enough time to finish....have a bone in your leg.....or any other excuse you like. Avoid further discussion, but treat her to a spa treatment....pedicure...whatever....to let her know what a special friend she is.


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## LEE1313 (Jan 25, 2011)

I would say NO to the dress and offer to make a shawl instead that could be used long after the wedding is over,

DON;T back down. That is a tall order and she really put you in a bad position,


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## MarilynBT (Jan 8, 2013)

I agree. Don't do it. Sweetly weasel your way out of doing the wearable. I think suggesting a shawl sounds like a nice alternative. Or you can do little gift bags for favors for the wedding party or something.


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## Mamasmurf (Feb 9, 2013)

I had to make my step-daughter a wedding dress and the biggest size in the style she wanted was 16 and I had to enlarge it to a 22 - no easy feat. I did get it done, even though, at the time, we were living in a motor home in a barn. Went to my Mom's to do the hemming. The marriage lasted about 2 years - sigh. I'd say no to your neighbor. Family is one thing but a neighbor is much something else. The idea of a shawl is very nice and much faster than what she wants.


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## sewknitbeadgrandma (Nov 1, 2012)

I still have my wedding dress (Oct 1967) that a cousin made for me. It always resides in the closet very lonely, yellowed in a garment bag. If I had a wedding shawl instead I could have always worn it even with all the weight changes over the years.


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## DottieH (Mar 2, 2012)

So sorry-----I just can't hold my tongue! Am I an oddball----in that I actually READ ALL the posts before I make a comment??? Here we are into day 3, and page 9 ----- with MANY suggestions of making a shawl for this neighbor, when the original poster, on page 2 states the woman DOES NOT WANT A SHAWL!!!! ( I don't want to hurt feelings, and am wondering if I should delete this message, but it does seem to happen frequently, and it annoys me-----can you tell!). Still wondering----should I hit delete or send? Send wins!


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## jinxy (Jul 22, 2012)

The suggestion from Quiltermouse for a shawl is a good one because maybe you can convince your friend that it is something she can wear many times later, but the wedding dress is too much work for something that she probably wouldn't use again.


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## jmf6406 (Dec 13, 2012)

DottieH said:


> So sorry-----I just can't hold my tongue! Am I an oddball----in that I actually READ ALL the posts before I make a comment??? Here we are into day 3, and page 9 ----- with MANY suggestions of making a shawl for this neighbor, when the original poster, on page 2 states the woman DOES NOT WANT A SHAWL!!!! ( I don't want to hurt feelings, and am wondering if I should delete this message, but it does seem to happen frequently, and it annoys me-----can you tell!). Still wondering----should I hit delete or send? Send wins!


I understand your frustration. But maybe if you think of the posters that annoy you as someone who has just joined an ongoing face to face conversation it will seem less annoying to you? I'll admit that I usually just scan the previous posts and I may have been guilty of this myself! If I have annoyed you in the past, please forgive me since I really didn't mean to.


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## Evie RM (Sep 19, 2012)

DottieH said:


> So sorry-----I just can't hold my tongue! Am I an oddball----in that I actually READ ALL the posts before I make a comment??? Here we are into day 3, and page 9 ----- with MANY suggestions of making a shawl for this neighbor, when the original poster, on page 2 states the woman DOES NOT WANT A SHAWL!!!! ( I don't want to hurt feelings, and am wondering if I should delete this message, but it does seem to happen frequently, and it annoys me-----can you tell!). Still wondering----should I hit delete or send? Send wins!


So sorry if I offended you. It was not my intention. I somehow missed the original posters additional post on page 2. I try to go through all the posts before making my own post, but sometimes I miss. Chalk it up to being in a hurry to get through everything on KP so I can get back to my knitting and crochet projects. Again, my apologies for annoying you about the shawl recommendation.


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## DottieH (Mar 2, 2012)

Evie RM said:


> So sorry if I offended you. It was not my intention. I somehow missed the original posters additional post on page 2. I try to go through all the posts before making my own post, but sometimes I miss. Chalk it up to being in a hurry to get through everything on KP so I can get back to my knitting and crochet projects. Again, my apologies for annoying you about the shawl recommendation.


YOU have NOT OFFENDED me!!!  I am NOT a techie, and I am retired, so I take the time to read everything posted before I make a comment-------
I just thought that was how this worked! I did not mean to take over this thread, with my comment----this annoyance has been going on for some time, and I could no longer refrain from commenting!

So sorry, to the original poster of this thread, for interrupting! I hope you solve your dilemma with your neighbor to both of you's satisfaction!


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## wyldwmn (Jun 11, 2013)

shshipp said:


> I have a neighbor who is trying to convince me to crochet a vest and skirt for her for her wedding in February.


Here are a couple of examples of lacey clothing items created specifically for women of size:

http://www.roamans.com/clothing/The-Crochet-Openwork-Sweater.aspx?PfId=387610&DeptId=26539&ProductTypeId=1&PurchaseType=G&pref=ps&ppos=9&StyleNo=0229#.Ugw6I21dDfM

http://www.roamans.com/clothing/Pinwheel-Crochet-Sweater-by-Denim-24-7.aspx?PfId=218425&DeptId=26539&ProductTypeId=1&PurchaseType=G&pref=ps&ppos=1&StyleNo=0313#.Ugw6kW1dDfM

While I can understand that the quantity of crocheting or knitting might be more than a person would want to take on, women of size do wear lacy garments of all types, and look beautiful when they do.

Many women will pick out a picture of a garment from a magazine or other publication no matter what size they are. The models are usually very small people who are not representative of the norm, who do not reflect racial differences in body shapes, and who are edited using computers to make them into a shape and size that doesn't exist anywhere. Laughing at someone beause you assume that they want to look like the artificial being in the picture rather than taking the time to listen to them and understand what it is about the garment that they like, is just mean.

I've known several women of size who have purchased vintage table cloths and had them made into wedding dresses. And I've known women who are not women of size who have done the same thing. There is no rule about what body shapes and sizes can or can't wear lace. Just because a person doesn't know HOW to make a lace garment for a person of size, doesn't mean that the garment pictured on the size 6 is going to look terrible on them.


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## Mercygirl76 (Dec 30, 2012)

shshipp said:


> I have a neighbor who is trying to convince me to crochet a vest and skirt for her for her wedding in February. I love her dearly, however.....she is looking at patterns on size 6 models. She is 5' and 220 lbs. She is very fussy. I know that if I make anything, she will be unhappy with it because it will not look like " the picture" on her. I have been avoiding the discussion but I don't want to lead her on either. Not quite sure how to word my reservations to her without hurting her feelings. I would gladly make this if I thought it would make her happy, but I know her to well. And, that's alot of work.


Why not tell her that there isn't enough time to do a good job on a skirt and vest, however you do have enough time to make a beautiful shawl to compliment a store bought outfit.


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## SueJoyceTn (Aug 9, 2011)

Please don't lie to her. You can soften what you say but don't tell a lie which may hurt her deeply. I would tell her I feel honored that she asked but you do not feel you could do something like this for such a special occasion. Just tell her you would want it to be perfect and so would she and you don't feel you could make it perfectly. Tell her to try on some dresses she sees in bridal magazines and sees the reality between the picture and how it actually will look on her. Unless she does not have a mom, I wouldn't offer to go shopping with her. Once you say no you should bow out gracefully and let her find her own dress.


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## wyldwmn (Jun 11, 2013)

SueJoyceTn said:


> Tell her to try on some dresses she sees in bridal magazines and sees the reality between the picture and how it actually will look on her. Unless she does not have a mom, I wouldn't offer to go shopping with her. Once you say no you should bow out gracefully and let her find her own dress.


The advice to try on dresses to see how they look applies to all sizes and figure types, not just this bride-to-be. It's not up to everyone else to decide what she does and doesn't look good wearing--it's about what she feels about herself. She may already have tried on lace dresses and already knows that she looks lovely in them.


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## SueJoyceTn (Aug 9, 2011)

Sometimes what we see looks fantastic but when we try it on it just doesn't look right. I lusted after this sweater at the LYS and when it was put up for sale I wanted it so bad I could taste it... then I tried it on...it did absolutely nothing for me... in fact it was horrible looking. It was even in all my favorite colors that I wear all the time. 
My ex daughter in law had a beautiful dress for her second wedding. But it was sleeveless. She spent the whole reception pulling it up, She was very self conscious about it. So many of the pictures have her tugging on the top of her dress. 
Since this bride to be won't be able to try the dress on until after it's made she needs to go out and see what is comfortable and how she feels wearing it. But if her friend does not want to chance making it herself maybe she could recommend someone she knows who will do just as good a job as she would be able.


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## wyldwmn (Jun 11, 2013)

SueJoyceTn said:


> My ex daughter in law had a beautiful dress for her second wedding. But it was sleeveless. She spent the whole reception pulling it up, She was very self conscious about it. So many of the pictures have her tugging on the top of her dress.


This is because the dress wasn't constructed properly. Threads Magazine has had a few articles over the years about the structure that is created underneath different types of garments to keep them in place. I remember one article that showed the construction under Hillary Clinton's gown for the inaugural all--it was a very interesting article.


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

shshipp said:


> I have a neighbor who is trying to convince me to crochet a vest and skirt for her for her wedding in February. I love her dearly, however.....she is looking at patterns on size 6 models. She is 5' and 220 lbs. She is very fussy. I know that if I make anything, she will be unhappy with it because it will not look like " the picture" on her. I have been avoiding the discussion but I don't want to lead her on either. Not quite sure how to word my reservations to her without hurting her feelings. I would gladly make this if I thought it would make her happy, but I know her to well. And, that's alot of work.


Refer her to http://CatalogFavorites.com style #P87-946 a crochet lace dress up to size 3X for $89.95 on page 6 current catalog code 1901992 or a Cafe' Crochet tunic up to size 3X #P83-481 for $59.95 both are Ecru/beige . The dress is 100% Acrylic needs to be dry cleaned and the tunic is 60%cotton/40%poly is hand washable. Shpg. chg. is $13.95 for the dress and $10.95 for the tunic over the list price of each article. To receive catalog call 1-800-866-3235 they accept major credit cards or personal checks.


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## wyldwmn (Jun 11, 2013)

jonibee said:


> Refer her to http://CatalogFavorites.com style #P87-946 a crochet lace dress up to size 3X for $89.95 on page 6 current catalog code 1901992


And point out that the dress has an "empire" level change in stitching that probably will facilitate any alterations necessary to accommodate her height requirements.


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

shelbie said:


> You should tell her no in a very kind way. Explain that you were thrilled that she thought you were talented enough to make her special dress but you know that you could just not get it finished in time. Perhaps you could even offer to go shopping with her. Just don't take on this project which may end up making both of you miserable.


This is what I would tell her. Personally, I have enough stress in my life and this project would put me over the top.


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## SueJoyceTn (Aug 9, 2011)

I don't really have time to go through all the pages as carefully as I would or probably should go through them. Some topics are fun... some become tedious as the same thing is said over and over... Maybe I'm just feeling a tad agigated due to an anxiety attack this afternoon.... as Roseanne Roseanna Dana said.... Never Mind


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

SueJoyceTn said:


> I don't really have time to go through all the pages as carefully as I would or probably should go through them. Some topics are fun... some become tedious as the same thing is said over and over... Maybe I'm just feeling a tad agigated due to an anxiety attack this afternoon.... as Roseanne Roseanna Dana said.... Never Mind


In a nut shell..her friend wants her to crochet an outfit for a Feb. wedding..and she knows her friends size & pickiness..and doesn't want to do it..how to let her down easily without offending her..so all the responses...Have a cup of tea..calm down and relax...


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## SueJoyceTn (Aug 9, 2011)

I was once volunteered to hem a prom dress... well I know how to hem, how difficult could it be? They waited until the last minute and when I saw the dress it was an absolute nightmare to get it done in time for the prom. I felt like I did a horrible job and decided then and there that in the future I would be much more careful to say yes to a project that may or may not be beyond my skills or desire. I'd rather hurt someone's feelings then not do a good job.


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

wyldwmn said:


> Here are a couple of examples of lacey clothing items created specifically for women of size:
> 
> http://www.roamans.com/clothing/The-Crochet-Openwork-Sweater.aspx?PfId=387610&DeptId=26539&ProductTypeId=1&PurchaseType=G&pref=ps&ppos=9&StyleNo=0229#.Ugw6I21dDfM
> 
> ...


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## RachelL (Dec 18, 2011)

RachelL said:


> This is what I would tell her. Personally, I have enough stress in my life and this project would put me over the top.


Ooops. My post came out all wrong. I was responding to shelbie's quote: You should tell her no in a very kind way. Explain that you were thrilled that she thought you were talented enough to make her special dress but you know that you could just not get it finished in time. Perhaps you could even offer to go shopping with her. Just don't take on this project which may end up making both of you miserable.

I would tell your friend what shelbie posted.


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## SueJoyceTn (Aug 9, 2011)

You know.... I would be less worried about my friend's size then I would about her pickiness. It's such a big day in someone's life that you want them to be totally happy. I think I'd worry about every stitch I made.


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## realsilvergirl (Nov 13, 2011)

jonibee said:


> In a nut shell..her friend wants her to crochet an outfit for a Feb. wedding..and she knows her friends size & pickiness..and doesn't want to do it..how to let her down easily without offending her..so all the responses...Have a cup of tea..calm down and relax...


Yeah...but it isn't just an outfit....it is THE wedding dress she wants made! I think I would get her a bunch of wedding dress magazines/catalogs (do they have plus size wedding mags for people like me?) and steer her in anotherrrr direction...I am short and Swedish (read short and 'buxom'-and I know not all of us Swedes are large chested but the Swedes in my family are. And the men have big egos but that is another thread). I would know I would need something to lengthen and slim me. Maybe she will find some other inspiration in the magazines.


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

realsilvergirl said:


> Yeah...but it isn't just an outfit....it is THE wedding dress she wants made! I think I would get her a bunch of wedding dress magazines/catalogs (do they have plus size wedding mags for people like me?) and steer her in anotherrrr direction...I am short and Swedish (read short and 'buxom'-and I know not all of us Swedes are large chested but the Swedes in my family are. And the men have big egos but that is another thread). I would know I would need something to lengthen and slim me. Maybe she will find some other inspiration in the magazines.


Yes I understand that now...but it is still an imposition to ask her to make it for her, the dress that I saw would be suitable for a wedding dress..that's alot of crocheting and I would say the friend has "Chutzpah" (nerve) for wanting her to do this for her..because of their friendship..she didn't say anything about being re-imbursed for the time or cost. It's different when someone wants to do it then to be put upon, or be put in a situation because of "friendship".


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## wyldwmn (Jun 11, 2013)

jonibee said:


> Y I would say the friend has "Chutzpah" (nerve) for wanting her to do this for her..because of their friendship..she didn't say anything about being re-imbursed for the time or cost. It's different when someone wants to do it then to be put upon, or be put in a situation because of "friendship".


People who don't know how to do needlework don't always know how much time it takes. Furthermore, if they observe our giving things away as gifts, then they might make assumptions about our enjoying doing that. As well, if she has a special affection for the person who crochets, she might be omitting some information, such as that she would like the person who crochets to be a special person at this time. It would be mean to assume negative things about her at a time like this. Simply let her know that it's not something that you can do at this time, and ask her how you can support her in another way. "Steering" her in a direction that you assume is right for her without having more information might just make the matter (not to mention her wedding event) even worse.


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## jonibee (Nov 3, 2011)

I was going by the way she worded her letter..that she knew she was picky and that she didn't think that the vest & skirt would look like the picture on her because of her size. No matter which way we look at it ..she didn't want to do it and didn't quite know how to let her know without hurting her feelings..but her neighbor was being persistant about it...so tell her outright that it's not a done deal.


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## SueJoyceTn (Aug 9, 2011)

Personally I would feel better if someone else made it and the bride (friend) wasn't happy over something about it then if I had made it and she was not happy. I would feel terrible... not about the time or materials or effort but just that her day wasn't perfect because of the dress that I had made. There's a saying that kind of expresses what I feel... something like friend's and business don't mix or something like that... it's just too important a day.


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## realsilvergirl (Nov 13, 2011)

jonibee said:


> Yes I understand that now...but it is still an imposition to ask her to make it for her, the dress that I saw would be suitable for a wedding dress..that's alot of crocheting and I would say the friend has "Chutzpah" (nerve) for wanting her to do this for her..because of their friendship..she didn't say anything about being re-imbursed for the time or cost. It's different when someone wants to do it then to be put upon, or be put in a situation because of "friendship".


Exactly!


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## soneka (Feb 8, 2011)

Offer to go shopping with her!


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