# I know it shouldn't , but it does



## Sftflannelnjeans (Mar 11, 2016)

Ok, yet another question. Does it bother you, as a knitter, or a crafter of ANYTHING, when you have spent hours....days...weeks working or a special something for someone, and then they are as careless with it as if it were a dime store item?


----------



## deshka (Apr 6, 2011)

Yup, they don't get any more of my WORK.


----------



## knit4ES (Aug 24, 2015)

Yes, it does. It's why I think an extra thought when I'm making something for someone. Sometimes I decide not to, because I realize I have expectations around it. 
If I decide to do it, I _ have _ to let it go with no expectations.. life's too short for resentments.


----------



## jobailey (Dec 22, 2011)

deshka said:


> Yup, they don't get any more of my WORK.


Totally agree!


----------



## MarilynKnits (Aug 30, 2011)

Part of why most of my work is done with Impeccable that I get when it is on sale and it goes to charities. The yarn is pleasant to work with and can take rougher handling.

For DD and myself, I will use wool blends of all weights, make socks, and get more adventurous with patterns.



Sftflannelnjeans said:


> Ok, yet another question. Does it bother you, as a knitter, or a crafter of ANYTHING, when you have spent hours....days...weeks working or a special something for someone, and then they are as careless with it as if it were a dime store item?


----------



## ChasingRainbows (May 12, 2012)

That's why I knit for charity, using acrylic yarn. Once the items are donated, I never see them again, and I know the recipients will appreciate them.


----------



## seamer45 (Jan 18, 2011)

Yes sire, and they never see one item from my hands ever again.


----------



## blawler (Feb 20, 2012)

knit4ES said:


> Yes, it does. It's why I think an extra thought when I'm making something for someone. Sometimes I decide not to, because I realize I have expectations around it.
> If I decide to do it, I _ have _ to let it go with no expectations.. life's too short for resentments.


I agree totally. Aloha... Bev


----------



## ChristineM (Oct 1, 2012)

Absolutely gets up mynose too!


----------



## Sftflannelnjeans (Mar 11, 2016)

I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


----------



## CBB (Sep 12, 2014)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh.


Go ahead and make them, but now that you know what you know, instead of fine, dainty or complicated work, go for durable instead. You know that they're going to need several trips through the washer and dryer, so whatever the project, use washable fabrics and yarns. Be practical, not sentimental. You can still make something lovely, you just won't feel like blanching if it gets dirty.


----------



## wordancer (May 4, 2011)

Yes you have to let the item go. CBB gave good advice about washable fabrics and yarns.


----------



## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

deshka said:


> Yup, they don't get any more of my WORK.


 :sm24: :sm24:


----------



## Pinkpaisley (Mar 11, 2015)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


Sorry I wouldn't be knitting anything for her. She needs store bought blankets in acrylic that can go in the washer and dryer. You will be heartsick again if you knit or crochet these items.


----------



## Shannon123 (Mar 9, 2012)

Pinkpaisley said:


> Sorry I wouldn't be knitting anything for her. She needs store bought blankets in acrylic that can go in the washer and dryer. You will be heartsick again if you knit or crochet these items.


I agree. Go to a Target and stock up on cute baby things. Buy them all when you have coupons or they are on sale! Handmade is too precious no matter what fiber you use.


----------



## ChasingRainbows (May 12, 2012)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


If you do decide to make a blanket for the new baby, find a simple pattern and use inexpensive acrylic yarn, like Red Heart. It is machine washable and dryable, and will last forever. Your daughter probably won't know the difference, and it won't matter if it gets spilled on.

My SIL made blankets and sweaters for her sons that were passed down to their sons.


----------



## deemail (Jan 25, 2011)

Once I give a gift, it is gone...how do you know that the chocolate milk disaster would not have turned out to be the story mom told her about the stain on her beloved (you said she drug it everywhere) quilt. 

I have 2 considerations about how I make baby quilts...they are all completely machine made because they are tougher. And second, they are at least bound and backed in dark colors...because I want them to be drug around and used for naps on the floor and in the car... our babies are all blonde and pale, so navy, red and dark green look better on them anyway. If you wanted to make an heirloom, then make it now to present to her when she marries...but get out the denim and flannel and make that baby a tough quilt ... you can always put a ruffle on for the girls.


----------



## deexer (Sep 25, 2012)

Yes it hurts. My mother does that with things my sister and I have made. Always has right back to when we were in school. Now I send flowers.


----------



## gr8 (Jul 4, 2013)

I give handmade gifts because I like/love to make things by hand - for me the pleasure is in the making - once I give it away it is someone else's property. My kids never did just sit still and look pretty - and neither do my grandkids or great grandkids - I expect use and plan accordingly; choose very judiciously who gets what. Moms with little kids get durable stuff. I'm always hoping my gifts are well used - I would be thrilled to learn a child drug a blanket I made around with them all day. I am always hoping that the blanket has provided warmth and comfort to my family, friends or strangers. 
You gave fancy stuff and it got used so you took it back. In future if you want a photo op you could take it there, take the picture and then take the pretty thing back home to protect it - you can treat it whatever what you want and it will last to be passed down as a lovely handmade item saved for special baby pictures.


----------



## Jenny E (Sep 5, 2011)

From bitter experience I feel your pain, but I enjoy making and like to give. So my motto now is, if I chose to give something away, it is no longer mine to fret over. Not easy, the pain is eased somewhat because the onus is back on me to decide to give or not.
We all learn from bitter experience, sadly.


----------



## Mary Cardiff (Mar 18, 2012)

I tell people if you don't want it give it to a charity shop.


----------



## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

Gifts given to a small child, no. In fact I've told several mothers that the baby quilts I made them were intended for use not show. That I could think of no higher compliment than to have a quilt "loved to death" by a small child. Having said that, these were simple quilts designed to be used. 

Larger fancier quilts and knit wear intended for adults (or older teens) are another matter. If those items are abused, they are the last handcrafted item that person gets from me. It doesn't make me angry, I take it as a learning experience, because it isn't the item itself that is important. It is that I gave up countless hours of my life to show my love. If someone can't recognize that, they will still have my love and a gift, but not my time.


----------



## luvcrochet (Oct 20, 2016)

I know how u feel. I made my oldest gs a king size afghan n he has never used it. He'd rather cover with a jacket. N i made. 2 baby blankets for his baby n he told me they were plain.never took. One was basket weave .the other a shell. Never again.


----------



## luvcrochet (Oct 20, 2016)

I worked 30 days n nights on it.hurried so he would have something warm. Im using it now.


----------



## jackandjane (Sep 7, 2016)

If the recipient had asked for the item I would feel badly but if I made it for someone just assuming they would appreciate it, I'd let it go.

Not everyone is going to appreciate our hand made items, no matter how beautiful they may be.

So make things keeping that in mind. I agree with another poster, if you really want your items to be appreciated, knit or crochet for charity. 
We do good for goodness sake. I never look for a "reward" for my giving. It's not about me, it's about the person in need.


----------



## Carre (Aug 24, 2015)

I once spent countless hours knitting an afghan for a family member, the next time I saw it, they had put it in their dog's bed to keep their dog comfortable. I was very upset, mustered the courage to tell them how hurt I was, their response was "well,it didn't cost you anything".


----------



## sdresner (May 31, 2014)

We know how much time and thoughts go into something we create but unfortunately non crafters just don't get it


----------



## luvcrochet (Oct 20, 2016)

Oh my goodness! Thats auful. How some people are so hartless!!!! My oothr grands n grgds love my items. They argue on who gets what. They all want 1 like it!!!! Lil


----------



## luvcrochet (Oct 20, 2016)

Other


----------



## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

So as to not show favoritism, I would crochet a quick, easy pattern for an Afghan for the unborn. Or if you have a quick, easy pattern for a machine quilt, do that. Then make nicer ones and pack away with a note for when they are older and appreciative.

I just crocheted extra large afghans for 7 Grandchildren and 1 step. They all drag them around, and quite frankly, I expected that. Bothered, a bit because of the time and work. But on the other hand, I thought of the Love put into each one, and see the Love they show by dragging them around - instead of something else, like a toy. Then I see them cuddle up with the afghan, and feel them cuddling up to my Love for them. They will remember me. And when they have difficult times in their lives, they will take comfort in their Afghan ando my Love for them.

Also, remember that when you give something to someone, give it with an open hand to them, no curled fingers. Curled fingers are as if holding onto the reins, putting stipulations on the gift. Once a gift is given, the giver should have no hold, no expectations on the gift nor the giver. It is theirs to use or do with as they wish.

On the other hand, it does not mean you have to "go back for more" by making or giving another gift from your hands and your heart.

uote=Sftflannelnjeans]I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.[/quote]


----------



## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

Aloha! Soon I shall be on "Aloha land" also!
Cannot wait!

uote=blawler]I agree totally. Aloha... Bev[/quote]


----------



## grandmatimestwo (Mar 30, 2011)

It absolutely annoys me! I spend a lot of time and money making things and if they aren't appreciated, I don't make any other gifts for that individual. I do want them to be used, tho. I don't want the baby items I make "saved." My mother is a "save for good" person, and has many beautiful things she has never used.....and she's 92....I don't see her using them now....and that includes a lovely lavender shawl I made her, which is sitting in a plastic bag on her shelf. Now I stick to cotton washcloths for her and those she will use.


----------



## lkb850 (Dec 30, 2012)

As far as handmade goes... my daughter wouldn't let my grandson drag around his handknit blanket. Consequently it wasn't and isn't his favorite blanket. To me, that breaks my heart more. I would have been honored to know he loved his handmade blanket more than one he got at Walmart. I make him sweaters and hats... the first hat the dog chewed up (owls with button eyes... dog wanted to eat the buttons). GS was beside himself, not having that hat, so I made him another one, but couldn't find the exact buttons. It wasn't the same, so my daughter sewed on a couple of the buttons that the dog didn't eat, and he was happy. I figure that they know I have made it, and thats enough. If its on the floor with the rest of his clothes, then I know he is wearing it now and again. I just don't use cashmere for him! LOL!


----------



## knitbreak (Jul 19, 2011)

I just stick to dishcloths,for the same reasons others having here.


----------



## jackandjane (Sep 7, 2016)

.......Also, remember that when you give something to someone, give it with an open hand to them, no curled fingers. Curled fingers are as if holding onto the reins, putting stipulations on the gift. Once a gift is given, the giver should have no hold, no expectations on the gift nor the giver. It is theirs to use or do with as they wish.

I like that. Very nicely worded.


----------



## janeydee (Sep 12, 2014)

Many years ago, over 30 yrs, and it still niggles me. I had knitted my brother an Aran jumper for Christmas. Shortly after he and his wife moved to the US. My DIL gave jumper to a charity shop, saying that he wouldn't need it in NY as everywhere has central heating. You will know how much work goes into an aran knit and the sore fingers . What upset me is that she could have offered it back first for my husband. Brother could sure use it now as he is in a top floor apt with dodgy heating.


----------



## Ukiah (Sep 2, 2016)

hmmmm, I know the feeling of disappointment, but I think it helps to consider that a gift wrapped in your own expectations about how the recipient will behave is a sort of burdened gift. If I know the tastes and needs of the recipient, I go for it, with some hope. If I don't have enough information and am knitting for a particular person, I devote quite a bit of knitting time thinking generous thoughts about the individual, remembering good times together. Sometimes I say, "If this gift doesn't please you, please just pass it on to someone who might enjoy it." Just let it go, wrapped in love and understanding; you haven't wasted a thing.


----------



## NancyFern (Apr 5, 2015)

I knit a very hard to knit sweater from my grandson. It was the official sweater for the 2001 winter Olympics in Salt Lake. Turned out very nice.
Short time later he told me something had happened to that sweater. I told him I don't want to know! I think it got washed in hot water and as
it was 100% wool, you know what happened to it. Not knitting anything for a child in wool ever again.


----------



## christiliz (Dec 20, 2011)

Check out your flea markets or garage sales. Our local flea market has several lovely handmade crochet afghans, etc. from time to time, for very reasonable prices. I'd get her one of those, she'll never know the difference since she's treating your "made with love" items so carelessly.


----------



## BalloonBeth (Aug 17, 2016)

Maybe you can buy some nice items and embroider the baby's name. They would still be special with much less time and work. The children will love anything you give and time with you more than anything material.


ftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


----------



## LindaH (Feb 1, 2011)

Yep! Lucky for me my niece appreciates my work and she lets me know it all the time.


----------



## GrandmaSuzy (Nov 15, 2016)

CBB said:


> Go ahead and make them, but now that you know what you know, instead of fine, dainty or complicated work, go for durable instead. You know that they're going to need several trips through the washer and dryer, so whatever the project, use washable fabrics and yarns. Be practical, not sentimental. You can still make something lovely, you just won't feel like blanching if it gets dirty.


I agree. For all baby items, even for family, I use acrylic yarns which are machine washable. That way, I don't worry about things being ruined. In fact, if a baby wants to use his/her blanket as a "lovey" I know I won't fret about it, because I didn't use expensive (non-machine washable) yarn. Keep it in perspective. BTW, I still have the hand-made baby quilt my paternal grandmother made for me 76 years ago. I know that has been washed a LOT, and is still in good shape.

Suzy in Southern Illinois


----------



## Cazziesgran (Mar 4, 2013)

I feel your pain. 25 years ago I ordered some really fine wool from some Scottish Island spinners to make a shawl for my daughter's expected first baby. It was so fine that it came apart several times while I was knitting it, so it took hours & hours to make, as you can imagine. I was also working full time then. It really was the sort of shawl that could pass through a wedding ring (I tried it). When my granddaughter was baptised, she was no longer a babe-in-arms, so the shawl was not actually used to wrap her in. It did appear in a photo or two, but only I would know what it was in the picture. My GD has now had a baby of her own (she was 1 year old in November). So, although I suspected that the shawl was long gone, I asked my daughter if she still had it because I'd like to block it for the new baby. She assured me that she had put it away carefully & that she had "all the proper stuff" to wash it etc, so she'd do it herself, don't worry. I made several attempts to persuade her to send it, but she insisted. She lives nearly 300 miles away, so obviously it would have to be sent in the post. How could I make her understand how much time & love went into making that shawl? How could she understand that I just wanted to see it again; to handle it; and now that I know how to block properly, just to make it even more beautiful? It would be the last time I would ever be able to handle it.


----------



## GrandmaSuzy (Nov 15, 2016)

Cazziesgran said:


> She assured me that she had put it away carefully & that she had "all the proper stuff" to wash it etc, so she'd do it herself, don't worry. I made several attempts to persuade her to send it, but she insisted. She lives nearly 300 miles away, so obviously it would have to be sent in the post. How could I make her understand how much time & love went into making that shawl? How could she understand that I just wanted to see it again; to handle it; and now that I know how to block properly, just to make it even more beautiful? It would be the last time I would ever be able to handle it.


I would tell her just that! Offer to send money for the postage, too. I would bet that she would reply "you don't have to send money, mom. I didn't know it meant so much to you." I know my daughter would have that response, because she's seen me knit/crochet all of her life.

Suzy in Southern Illinois


----------



## LindaDH (Mar 4, 2013)

Well, another gripe... I spend hours knitting for GDs but have never seen them wearing the knitted items. Where are they? Why aren't they wearing the sweaters, I so laboriously knitted?


----------



## frani512 (Apr 15, 2012)

knit4ES said:


> Yes, it does. It's why I think an extra thought when I'm making something for someone. Sometimes I decide not to, because I realize I have expectations around it.
> If I decide to do it, I _ have _ to let it go with no expectations.. life's too short for resentments.


I absolutely agree. I only make things for those that ask for something specific.


----------



## Shadow123 (Oct 21, 2016)

ChasingRainbows said:


> That's why I knit for charity, using acrylic yarn. Once the items are donated, I never see them again, and I know the recipients will appreciate them.


i agree with you completely....all my work goes to charity
Blessings


----------



## silversurfer (Nov 25, 2013)

No. Clearly I made the wrong choice of gift. That is not their fault.


----------



## wjeanc (Nov 15, 2012)

It would definitely bother me also, not so much it being used and needing cleaning but the throwing away part would probably be the worst. Would never get anything except store bought from that point on.

I work full time so when I knit for someone, I consider it as giving them also a part of my life and love in a material way. To have it thrown away would be an insult.


----------



## flash1993 (Nov 21, 2016)

Oh yes ..... when my sons were small I knit ALL their sweaters. One day one son came home with a flannel shirt instead of his new sweater. He traded it for the shirt. I was so hurt. Then I started seeing the sweater every day when I dropped the boys off at school and smiled. I never made the boys sweaters again. The same goes for gifts that are unappreciated .... I don't make gifts for those people anymore either.


----------



## SandyLulay (Jul 31, 2016)

I think it happens to all of us. I made my granddaughter an Afghan in her picks of Sunset colors. 
Her mom put bleach in the wash. 
Never again.


----------



## dino0726 (Nov 1, 2016)

I have a friend that I crochet with. She has a sad story about her daughter-in-law. She'd made a beautiful baby blanket for her years ago. When she asked what she ever did with it, the daughter-in-law said, "Oh, I don't remember what I did with that thing." As they were walking through the house, my friend spotted the blanket in a corner on the floor for the dog to use. My friend said she'd never make anything else for her and I don't blame her.


----------



## patocenizo (Jun 24, 2011)

Yes...


----------



## anetdeer (Jul 16, 2012)

Yes...Still waiting for SIL to thank me for socks I knitted for her 3 years ago. Her family are all getting knitted items this year..she'said getting a gift card.


----------



## Luckyprincessuk (May 16, 2013)

I just don't knit for them again.....I have a 7yo daughter who I let pick the pattern and yarn for a project. She still complains about the length of sleeves or body, amount of buttons/lack of buttons, the colour and texture of the yarn, I've given up and she now wears store bought knitware so she can try before I buy.lol
Hubby on the other hand wears everything and anything I knit and asks for more.....the knitters dream husband.


----------



## susanmjackson (Feb 7, 2011)

Yes, that is why I only knit for certain people that I know will appreciate my hard work and take good care of the items.


----------



## pAnnieD (Aug 7, 2016)

YES it does. I am a new knitter and my very first scarf, I made for my great niece. I picked beautiful colors that she liked. Now, why I do realize I made it wider than the norm and it wasn't quite long enough, it was long ENOUGH. I wrapped it around my neck, etc. She is living with my sister, so my sister sends me a picture of a Christmas tree the 17 years old niece bought for her room. My sister said, "the scarf was too short" so she used it as a tree skirt, it matches perfectly. I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings.................... I said - well it does. There was alot of work put into that scarf. Oh well. My first lesson, I guess.


----------



## alexdoc (Feb 11, 2016)

Nope, once I gift someone with something it's no longer mine to worry or care about. It belongs to whomever I gave it to and they are free to do with it as they will. I don't give anything to someone unless they have asked me for it.


----------



## gigi 722 (Oct 25, 2011)

Difficult to see handknits abused but atleast they are using it.


----------



## 2sam (Nov 2, 2016)

What did you want her to do with the blanket? IF it was made to be used, then you can expect stains, and other things. Your GD won't remember the blanket if she never got to use it. Most children have a treasured item from when they were babies and toddlers that they used or carried everyday, but not one that was put away until they were older. It probably won't have much meaning to her since it was put up. JUst my thoughts. I would rather an item that I made be carried and used rather than saved until they were older.


----------



## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Stop the train, I wanna get off!!! This has been discussed to death for 5 yrs! If you want to control how a gift is used..taken care of, do put instructions in with the gift as to how it should be used! Better yet, just don't make gifts if you need to control them. I agree with those who feel "a gift given is no longer your's". Give generously and let go or not at all!
A friend asked me if she could give her's to a baby in the hospital? I, of course, said sure and after that I started making for the babies in the hospital...so rewarding!


----------



## mrskowalski (Jun 4, 2015)

I knit for people only when asked.
Then go for durability and easy care.


----------



## sandyridge (Nov 15, 2014)

I think the crux of the matter is not totally the treatment of the item but the fact that is shows a total lack of appreciation and respect for the creator. That is hurtful regardless of cost, time, or effort.


----------



## eneurian (May 4, 2011)

sorry, i have to disagree. it is probably a defense mechanism on my part, but it is a gift. once a gift is given i have to let it go. i add a care instruction tag and hope for the best. i make gifts for the giving not for the preserving. someone here ( i think it may have been Jessica Jean) wrote life is too short, knit with the good yarn. (possible paraphrase) i take that to heart.


----------



## ourhobbyhouse (Feb 12, 2015)

Once I give a present, it is their's to do whatever they want with it. Sometimes someone likes what I made or bought and appreciate the effort. I'm sure there are times they don't. It's just something I don't worry about. I get a lot of pleasure in the giving. 
Besides if I wasn't knitting, what would I do with my hands while watching TV? Probably rustling through the cookie jar and gain back the weight I lost. Only 3 lbs to go to finally be below 130 for the first time in 25 years! Knitting does have it's benefits -- weight loss tool and gifts all rolled into one.


----------



## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

Agree!


----------



## ptober (Mar 24, 2011)

I made afghans for all of my children. One of my dIL used it as a dog blanket.
Was more disappointed with my son for allowing that than I was with her.

She asked me to knit knee hi socks for the granddaughter and picked out yarn costing 52.oo which I paid for. I have not been able to bring myself to finish the socks ever since I found out she wanted them for soccer socks!!!


----------



## theresagsolet (Oct 6, 2013)

I totally agree


----------



## marciawm (Jun 2, 2015)

I don't knit for others unless they specifically ask for something. Usually it is something that I am wearing, that they compliment me on or say they love it. When I ask, Would you wear one? I usually get their honest answer. That is my guide whether to spend the time and money on one for them.


----------



## to-cath (Feb 27, 2013)

I once made a sundress for a little girl, GD of a friend.My friend found it in the garbage, because the shank on one of the buttons had broken!Such a throw-away society, and such an easy fix, too!


Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


----------



## FullofKnits (Dec 2, 2016)

Oh my! When you're making it your heart is filled with joy and you visualize the baby wrapped it the blanket and later on snuggling with it. If in the giving you see this result, let go of the rest! You've done a lovely thing in the giving!


----------



## knit-knit (Aug 22, 2016)

I wonder how many stories there are out there about "THE DAUGHTER IN LAW".........All those jokes about mothers in law and I have experienced and heard so many stories of thoughtless, inconsiderate, selfish (and on and on) DILs........where are the jokes about them? It might help to "lighten" some of the hurt they have inflicted if there was something to laugh about.


----------



## Nana5 (Aug 17, 2011)

I knit because I absolutely love too. Most of my gifts are appreciated and used, even received pictures of them wearing my handmade gifts. If they don't seem to like it, I just stop knitting for that person. As far as baby blankets go, there is nothing more rewarding "to me" than to see a toddler dragging it around until it is so tattered because I know that baby/toddler loved that blanket and it brought them comfort somehow, so that is when I know I have done a good job and will make another when he/she gets older. I have made blankets for all 5 of my grandchildren and for the 3 GGC and 3 of them carried them around constantly......it made me the happiest.


----------



## Another Aussie (Nov 30, 2016)

I gave a queen size quilt (103x98 inches) to my SIL. She washed it in a TWIN TUB washing machine. I shudder every time I visit and it is on the bed we use. I just have to take it off the bed as I just cannot look at the damage that was done to it. I had told her to use her daughter's 9kg washing machine but ..... Cost of material, wadding and backing and quilting threads was over $547 AUD. That does not include my time. Needless to say I have not given her another quilt.


----------



## morningstar (Mar 24, 2012)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> Ok, yet another question. Does it bother you, as a knitter, or a crafter of ANYTHING, when you have spent hours....days...weeks working or a special something for someone, and then they are as careless with it as if it were a dime store item?


This is a hard lesson I think most of us have learned. It is also true of art work, paintings, that are tossed aside or rejected when for sale because, "I can get a picture as good as that for a few dollars in (name of store)! How we deal with it is up to us.


----------



## dianes1717 (May 24, 2013)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


If my handwork is not appreciated, I'm of the nature that I will purchase the next gift. 
But to be fair, the baby girl may have formed an attachment to her quilt that you made. I don't mind if items are loved to death or worn out from use. I'll repair or make another one in a heartbeat if it's loved by my loved one.


----------



## hildy3 (Jan 29, 2011)

Guess we all have our "hang-ups" about what bothers us or not, so to each his own or viva la difference'.

I can only add that I am 90 and never had an ulcer!! Remember.."ignore the small stuff and it's all small stuff."


----------



## Ukiah (Sep 2, 2016)

I knit for my granddaughter but ask her to go online and choose the pattern and the yarn. We discuss the yarn a lot, make sure it is right for the pattern. This approach gets her interested in the project and is a lot more fun for me.


----------



## Ukiah (Sep 2, 2016)

Yes, Yes! Wear it out with love and pleasure.


----------



## BailaC (Sep 25, 2013)

pAnnieD said:


> YES it does. I am a new knitter and my very first scarf, I made for my great niece. I picked beautiful colors that she liked. Now, why I do realize I made it wider than the norm and it wasn't quite long enough, it was long ENOUGH. I wrapped it around my neck, etc. She is living with my sister, so my sister sends me a picture of a Christmas tree the 17 years old niece bought for her room. My sister said, "the scarf was too short" so she used it as a tree skirt, it matches perfectly. I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings.................... I said - well it does. There was alot of work put into that scarf. Oh well. My first lesson, I guess.


You shouldn't feel hurt. Your niece liked it enough (and appreciated that you made it for her) to use it for the Christmas tree in her room. While the scarf may have been long enough to use, it might not be long enough to fashionable in the world of a 17 year old. But your great niece didn't throw it in the closet. She used it for something very special to her.


----------



## LunaDragon (Sep 8, 2012)

Sadly I know my family well. I know not to knit with yarns that will felt or require special attention. I love wool, hemp and all kinds of yarn, but I know as much as they like it they are rough on things. So I stick with things I know they will be able to care for in their normal way.


----------



## tmvasquez (May 7, 2013)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


Sometimes children become very attached to certain blankets. I had a teenager ask me to make her another blanket like the one I gave her at birth because all she had left of the original was one corner. She still could not go to sleep without it. I also had a mother at church ask me if I could make a copy of a blanket that another knitter had made because their son would not give it up long enough to be washed. You should be happy that the child cared so much for your gift.


----------



## Frosch (Feb 5, 2014)

I only give hand crafted items to people in my live who appreciate it. I was disappointed just one too many times. So, now I carefully consider what I make and for whom. I donate lots of items to charities, knowing that these items are appreciated.


----------



## RobbiD (Nov 13, 2012)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


While I understand your upset about the quilt being dragged around and soiled, as you thought it would be an heirloom. I would be quite thrilled that your granddaughter loved her quilt so much that she wanted it with her at all times. Just a different point of view. I can still remember the "blankie" I had when I was a toddler. I couldn't bear to be without it, even long enough for it to be laundered :sm09: Make your grandson-to-be a quilt, but make it knowing that it will be dragged about and "loved to death". JMO


----------



## 4350catherine (Apr 9, 2012)

I only knit things for people I know who would appreciate them.


----------



## charlottecat (Nov 21, 2016)

I'd just buy some inexpensive things from a discount store for her. She probably won't know the difference, and if she does it could lead to a good discussion as to why you do not want to make items for her. It's okay to be annoyed or hurt when you put a lot of time and thought into making something beautiful and it is not appreciated. I guess some people who are not creative don't realize how much of ourselves we put into our projects. It's not like going to a store and spending 5 minutes picking out something for a present. A handmade item is much more from the heart.


----------



## EstherOne (Jan 25, 2016)

I have become very picky in who I make something for. And what I use to make it. 
One daughter-in-law does not do any handwork and therefore does not realize to make something. She's also the one to throw anything and everything "fibre" into the washingmachine. Acrylic for her, not expensive wool (she doesn't know the difference anyway).

This question reminds me of a comment I got many years ago: I was making a strip of bobbin lace, about 1 1/2inches wide, using number 200 cotton thread (consider that sewing thread is usually about number 50 or 60). It took me about 4 hours to work one repeat of the pattern, 1 inch long. When demonstrating at our local Fall Fair, a lady stopped, looked, asked about the time it took, then commented:
Why go through all that work when you can go to Woolworth's and buy the same thing for 25 cents per yard....
I told her she was free to go to Woolworth's, I preferred to make my own!


----------



## cookie68 (May 5, 2012)

Would not make the person anything else. Sorry to say I know a lot of people who thing little of hand made items.. just makes my friends who do receive more.


----------



## hersh (Nov 7, 2011)

ChasingRainbows said:


> That's why I knit for charity, using acrylic yarn. Once the items are donated, I never see them again, and I know the recipients will appreciate them.


agree 100% :sm24: :sm17:


----------



## Needleme (Sep 27, 2011)

"a gift wrapped in your own expectations"

Wow-- this is really well-put! I will remember this!!


----------



## Porkypine0727 (Dec 6, 2016)

I recently made a crochet blankie for a little boy's birthday. When I gave the package to his mother I told her it was HIS blanket and to let HIM have it. If he tears it up I'll make him another one

I'd love to make him a blankie every so often and let him call me to request one. I'm not going to be here as long as he is and I think this will ensure he remembers me fondly. 

In other words, I don't see it as making him an heirloom. I see it as making him a loving memory that can never be ruined.


----------



## Gweneth 1946 (May 20, 2012)

It would if I knew about it.


----------



## Knitted by Nan (Aug 3, 2013)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> Ok, yet another question. Does it bother you, as a knitter, or a crafter of ANYTHING, when you have spent hours....days...weeks working or a special something for someone, and then they are as careless with it as if it were a dime store item?


I know the feeling having made something special for my daughter in law only to discover that she had placed it in the box of discarded clothing that was to be given to the op shop. I had made her an Estonian shawl from very fine wool that I had spun myself. It was white and not full of mistakes. My daughter said that she also saw the shawl in the discards box and rescued it and took it home. No more hand made items for one very, very fussy daughter in law.


----------



## mitka (Jul 3, 2013)

When I make something for a new baby or a child, I make sure it is made from durable, washable yarn. If it becomes faded or stained or ragged looking, then I know it was loved. It was made and given with love and I consider it an honor if it was well used. I never worry about what happens after it's given. It's joy of giving that counts.


----------



## Lilyan (Dec 16, 2015)

Yes, that is why I am very selective about who gets my work.


----------



## Lilyan (Dec 16, 2015)

What a foolish daughter-in-law…..



Knitted by Nan said:


> I know the feeling having made something special for my daughter in law only to discover that she had placed it in the box of discarded clothing that was to be given to the op shop. I had made her an Estonian shawl from very fine wool that I had spun myself. It was white and not full of mistakes. My daughter said that she also saw the shawl in the discards box and rescued it and took it home. No more hand made items for one very, very fussy daughter in law.


----------



## Larkster (Feb 25, 2012)

deshka said:


> Yup, they don't get any more of my WORK.


Same here. If I don't receive a thank you and/or I see my item getting "abused", I just don't give that person anything else. I don't make a big deal out of it. I am silent...but I also choose someone else for my knitted items in the future. That way I don't get upset. Afterall, knitting for me is relaxing...no room for being upset!!!


----------



## gsbyrge (Jul 12, 2011)

...or don't even bother to acknowledge receiving it, much less saying "thank you." I now only make things for people whom I know will appreciate them, or for certain fundraisers. Funny thing though, as my granddaughters have grown up, they have started requesting that I make things for them, as have my sisters. A decade ago they would turn their noses up at anything "home made"


----------



## liz morris (Dec 28, 2014)

It's such a pity that in today's throwaway society such beautifully hand-made items are not given the care they should receive. Yes, buy cheapies that don't matter too much, instead of spending your own time and love making for these things to be mistreated.


----------



## JlsH (Dec 21, 2012)

I make items for very few people!


----------



## LinnK (Dec 12, 2015)

Simple quilts will make memories for those grands even if it is not YOUR best work, they will love them. My kids STILL have their simple quilts which I made for the camping trips, nights in front of TV and on their beds every night. THEIR kids use them now and it has inspired my girls and DILS to create the same memories with their personal skills. Memories are hard to replace once they are gown. embrace the challenge and love the process.


----------



## Kathie (Mar 29, 2011)

I made an insanely time consuming knitted blanket for my grandson that he dragged around and carried with him everywhere. My friends thought this should be used as a wall hanging but I was thrilled he was loving it so much. He is nine now and still wraps himself in that blanket. I couldn't me happier.


----------



## Mollie (Feb 23, 2011)

deshka said:


> Yup, they don't get any more of my WORK.


You got that right!


----------



## lcunitz (Sep 1, 2014)

Oh my, yes it does. I knit a lovely baby blanket for a friend and she threw it in the dryer (it was not acrylic). Now I only knit for people I know will appreciate the time the gift took and take care of it. I also tend to give things that will not need washing like hats and scarves.


----------



## Jiggs (Jan 21, 2016)

Whole heartedly agree! I would rather see the things I make being loved and used - not on a shelf, in a closet or given to a thrift shop! :sm24:


----------



## rockcitydi (Nov 7, 2016)

I crocheted an afghan for my husband's daughter a few years after he and I were married. Years later, when we went to visit her, I saw it in the dog's crate. Just one more indication of what she thinks of me.


----------



## Porkypine0727 (Dec 6, 2016)

Another thought I had about this issue . . .

When I was a newlywed I made a HUGE crocheted bedspread for my mother in law. It matched her decor, and it fit her bed. I saw it on her bed one time, and I have never seen that item again. I'm sure she still has it . . . Somewhere . . . She just does not use it.

Recently I discovered why my mother in law does not use this labor of love. Their whole family can't stand heavy bed covers. They use electric blankets instead. I could have avoided embarrassing her by simply asking if she would like such a gift. They use smaller throws on the couches and chairs. I could have made her an item she would have used and enjoyed if I had not been so busy trying to show off for the new in laws.


----------



## rockcitydi (Nov 7, 2016)

I have crocheted many afghans for babies over the years. A few stand out in my mind.
I crocheted one for my sister's best friend's son when he was a baby. She used it a lot and then put it away. When he and his wife had a baby some thirty years later, she gave it to him to use for his daughter. I was honored. 
A few years ago, I crocheted two baby afghans for a good friend's baby. Recently, he told me that she sleeps with them every night. She drags them around with her everywhere she goes. It almost made me cry. Again, I was honored. It truly makes me feel that my work is worthwhile. 
Makes me sad to hear that so many of you have had such bad experiences with your hard work. People just don't appreciate the good things that are done for them.


----------



## Porkypine0727 (Dec 6, 2016)

rockcitydi said:


> Just one more indication of what she thinks of me.


I don't know the girl, but it may not be an indication that she thinks badly of you. Could be she just really loves her dog. In any case, why tie your feelings for a family member to an inanimate object? And if you feel insulted, why not talk to her and tell her honestly how you feel? As I said in an earlier post, I could have saved my mother in law a lot of grief if I had asked whether she wanted the thing I wanted to make for her instead of trying to show off.


----------



## hilltopper (Jul 16, 2014)

BailaC said:


> You shouldn't feel hurt. Your niece liked it enough (and appreciated that you made it for her) to use it for the Christmas tree in her room. While the scarf may have been long enough to use, it might not be long enough to fashionable in the world of a 17 year old. But your great niece didn't throw it in the closet. She used it for something very special to her.


I so agree with BailaC about this. Would never be upset to see someone find another use for something I made. If she had asked you to make her a tree skirt would you not have done it? I would.


----------



## Montana Gramma (Dec 19, 2012)

Carre said:


> I once spent countless hours knitting an afghan for a family member, the next time I saw it, they had put it in their dog's bed to keep their dog comfortable. I was very upset, mustered the courage to tell them how hurt I was, their response was "well,it didn't cost you anything".


I am always amazed at what some family members say to others. I am sure someone taught them manners years before but seems it is easy to become disillusioned with some of the younger people these days. If they only had a clue as to time and expense. 
Some of my extended family are handcraft worthy and some are not. Thank heavens for gift certificates.


----------



## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

Me also.


deshka said:


> Yup, they don't get any more of my WORK.


----------



## Cookie1955 (Aug 10, 2015)

I made hats and scarves for my granddaughters out of a very hard-to-use yarn and was very upset to visit their home one day to find one of the scarves out on the front lawn, all muddy/grassy. My daughter was going thru some very difficult times then, and I understood that there were reasons for the neglect, but it still hurt. Many beautiful hand made dresses, etc went into a dumpster, which still haunts me, but, life goes on. The girls are now living with their other grandparents, so I know when I make them gifts, they are well taken care of.


----------



## hilltopper (Jul 16, 2014)

Also think we should not disparage 'bought' gifts. People work long - and often hard - at jobs and then spend more time looking and considering and shopping. They have different interests than most of us here do, but their time is as precious as is ours.


----------



## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

I blame myself to some extent -- I should have explained how to care for the item. I tend to forget that most non-knitters just were not taught about such things. In my day, we didn't just throw everything into the washer and dryer. We sorted the colors and fabrics for machine and hand washing, hanging and flat drying -- then, again, there was the starching, ironing and folding. Laundry was a big deal! It took all day on Monday, even if the weather cooperated. Tuesdays were for ironing and putting away. There was, of course, a lot of clean-up after each chore. Mending was done in the evenings. A lot of this has now been eliminated so how's a younger person to know?


----------



## Phaedra96 (Feb 7, 2011)

I make things for children, expecting that the item will be dragged around, washed repeatedly, snuggled with, and loved. It is my expectation. I tell Moms to let it be. If the item falls apart, I will create another. I do not want it wrapped on a shelf. I want it used.


----------



## DickWorrall (May 9, 2011)

It does.
But, I say to myself, it is a gift and the receiver can do what they want with it.
I have found that I enjoy giving more to charity or someone that appreciates it.
Dick


----------



## mysterywriter (Sep 27, 2011)

I've been knitting for over 30 years and I learned this lesson a long time ago. You want to do something nice for someone and so knitting is your obvious choice but not everyone sees your effort the way you do. It's hard to decide that even if you care the other person may not appreciate your talent. Now days I knit only for a select few in my family/circle of friends. Otherwise I knit for charity.


----------



## kdpa07734 (Nov 10, 2015)

I made hats and scarves for new DIL and her kids so they wouldn't feel left out the first Christmas with our son. Haven't seen the gifts since. They were acrylic, so no big loss, but will not make for them again when they won't care for their things. She's notorious for trashing and giving away whatever she doesn't like, but I discussed colors and styles before I made them. Oh well, such is life.


----------



## nannalois47 (Apr 12, 2016)

Totally agree.


----------



## judieshand (Dec 6, 2016)

I'm a serious quilter as well as a knitter and I've leaned two things from experience: 1. A baby quilt will always be dragged around, spit up on etc., so always use good quality washable cotton in an easy pattern with no embellishments. 2. For grown ups I always include an appraisal with the quilt. They're not like to let the dog sleep on a $1500 quilt.
Also, a word of caution. Never, never store quilts in plastic. The chemicals will kill the fabric.


----------



## Patrice B-Z (Dec 22, 2014)

Same as other's have posted. When that happens, they do not get any more gifts!


----------



## Myla Vayner (Aug 18, 2015)

totally bothers me ... but you also learn your lesson right?  don't dwell on it - move on - make it for someone else who may be touched by your kindnesses

sending warmest wishes your way!!!



Sftflannelnjeans said:


> Ok, yet another question. Does it bother you, as a knitter, or a crafter of ANYTHING, when you have spent hours....days...weeks working or a special something for someone, and then they are as careless with it as if it were a dime store item?


----------



## 2sam (Nov 2, 2016)

I don't understand why people have to put/keep a monetary amount on something they make and gift to someone. Either you give it to them to use or you want it to be displayed and never used. If you don't want a gift to be used then keep it YOURSELF. When I make something and give it to someone I want it to be used and enjoyed, not save it for later. Life is short, buy the yarn, eat the cake, go play in the rain, have fun because you won't live forever.


----------



## CindyMcDaniel (Dec 6, 2016)

This really bothers me too! When someone does this to me I never give them anything else I've made no matter how much they act like they want something that they've seen that I've made and given to someone else in the family!


----------



## Momvam (Jul 31, 2013)

Oh, my heart hurts when I hear that hand-made items are tossed away. I think part of the problem is that we live in such a "disposable " society. To many of the younger generation, amd some older, the prevailing thought are the items are of little value when purchased and easier to toss than repair. I would have at least hope that things are handed down or donated when they've out grown their usefulness, but alas, that isn't always the case


----------



## Bonidale (Mar 26, 2011)

Yup. A lace baby blanket that took me 11 months to knit, I saw jammed in a drawer with baby clothes.


deshka said:


> Yup, they don't get any more of my WORK.


----------



## knitterang (Feb 16, 2016)

Bonidale, aside from the topic being discussed, my heart skipped a beat when I saw the photo of your beautiful cat! My cat, who went to a better place as she was very ill and 17 years old, had the same lovely colouring. And she was a character! We still miss her, and I haven't had the heart to get another just yet. Angela in Alberta


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> Ok, yet another question. Does it bother you, as a knitter, or a crafter of ANYTHING, when you have spent hours....days...weeks working or a special something for someone, and then they are as careless with it as if it were a dime store item?


Because it is dismissive and uncaring, I think you should be bothered; after all, part of your heart went into the making. What you do about it is another discussion :~). My general response is to take that person off my list of those I create for. When questioned about that, I simply say it's too painful for me to see handcrafted items abused. Period.


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Bonidale said:


> Yup. A lace baby blanket that took me 11 months to knit, I saw jammed in a drawer with baby clothes.


Ouch!!


----------



## Quiltermouse (Jun 11, 2013)

Of course it does. And I try to make sure I "fit" the gift to the intended recipient.


----------



## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

Years ago, I made a rather basic warm quilt for my father to use. When I went to visit him, he pulled it unused out of a drawer and showed me what a grand gift he had received from my daughter, who happens to be a fancy quilter. Next time I saw it, it was in tatters -- he had given it to a female "friend" who used it to hide the broken springs on her couch. Well, you never know!


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


My son and stepchildren never got a free pass to treat my gifts to them that way at any age. I simply told them that I would appreciate it if they would tell me they weren't up to taking care of (whatever) so that I could gift it to someone who was, and once again, that it was too painful for me to see how they mistreated prior gifts. If I don't look out for my feelings, who will? And if they don't know what your feelings are, tell them. No need to rant and rave, just be direct so everyone knows where they stand. Even young children will get the message.

I'm sorry this happened to you; I'd be heartsick too.


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

deexer said:


> Yes it hurts. My mother does that with things my sister and I have made. Always has right back to when we were in school. Now I send flowers.


This is a great solution!


----------



## SAMkewel (Mar 5, 2011)

Carre said:


> I once spent countless hours knitting an afghan for a family member, the next time I saw it, they had put it in their dog's bed to keep their dog comfortable. I was very upset, mustered the courage to tell them how hurt I was, their response was "well,it didn't cost you anything".


Clueless!


----------



## charlieandrus (Aug 12, 2016)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> Ok, yet another question. Does it bother you, as a knitter, or a crafter of ANYTHING, when you have spent hours....days...weeks working or a special something for someone, and then they are as careless with it as if it were a dime store item?


Absolutely. And they would never again get anything handmade from me! :sm14:


----------



## ireneofnc (Aug 15, 2011)

Yes, of course that would bother me. That is why I am very particular about who I share my hard work with! It has to be someone that I know will appreciate the hard work and take good care of the item(s).


----------



## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

Absolutely. I have weeded those people out and they do not get my handmade items.


----------



## hook and line (Apr 28, 2016)

Agreed!


----------



## Bonidale (Mar 26, 2011)

That is Mouse my cat. Thank you for the compliment! She was left on the doorstep of the Humane Society as a kitten with her brother Mickey. hence the name. She is a sweetie and four years old now. So sorry that You lost yours. My cat Luna lived to be 17. good company aren't they?


knitterang said:


> Bonidale, aside from the topic being discussed, my heart skipped a beat when I saw the photo of your beautiful cat! My cat, who went to a better place as she was very ill and 17 years old, had the same lovely colouring. And she was a character! We still miss her, and I haven't had the heart to get another just yet. Angela in Alberta


----------



## Firstsoprano (Dec 6, 2014)

deshka said:


> Yup, they don't get any more of my WORK.


Ditto


----------



## Dlclose (Jun 26, 2011)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


Don't know how it happened but my daughter NEEDS to see a yuppie brand name on anything I give her. She was proud of the things I made her as a child but now they're not good enough! Have made dolls and amigurami toys for her kids and find them tossed in the back of a closet! Made a sweater for my brand new grandson and she was unimpressed but the photographer asked her to put it on him and it became the photo for the birth announcement! He saw the value in it but I doubt if baby ever wore it again! Sewed a little dress for granddaughter and at least saw a photo with her wearing it. Made the curtains and crib sheets for her and they were acceptable. Don't know why. Also made her a throw pillow with her university letters on it. She throws it on her couch. I talk with her about things I want to do for her or her kids and she always shakes her head no. Frustrates me!


----------



## pierrette (Jul 18, 2012)

deshka said:



> Yup, they don't get any more of my WORK.


????????????????


----------



## to-cath (Feb 27, 2013)

When my great niece was a baby,I offered to make her a smocked dress.First of all, her mother didn't know what I meant.When i explained, she said she would LOVE one.I made a lovely(IMHO) dress for the little one's first birthday.When she was about three,I asked for a photo of her wearing the dress.The reply from my niece---"smocked dress? Refresh my memory!"Needless to say. it was the last hand made gift she ever got.Now, I'm also not going to send any more Christmas gifts(all purchased) as the ones I sent last year were never acknowledged.I paid $90 postage, and as they weren't returned by Canada Post, I assume the parcels arrived.I'd rather make a donation in the family's name, and make gifts for people who really appreciate my work.


----------



## Gundi2 (May 25, 2012)

yes, it bothers me, thats why i dont knit much for my kids any more.i do give some stuff away to where it is needed.


----------



## mavisb (Apr 18, 2011)

I knitted my two grandsons (son's children) and his step-daughter, cardigans for the winter and their mother just threw them into the washing machine and felted them. There were some that my mother made as well and it hurt me to think she didn't care. I never made another thing for these poor children. When they moved out she was in hospital having her second baby and I had to pack up the garage which leaked and there on the floor were several little matinee jackets that mum and I made so I took them home and gently hand washed them and put the away. She never knew what happened to them.


----------



## Dcsmith77 (Apr 18, 2011)

A happy ending, though...We are having a bazaar locally and one of our knitters made a beautiful 14" topsey-turvey doll with four sets of clothes and four faces so that it can be either Red Riding Hood and Grandma or Goldilocks and a Bear. Just beautiful work. One of the staff who was helping price the items suggested it sell for $15. When challenged, she suggested that it be open for bids in increments of $2. Someone then explained that if only two people bid, the doll and accessories could go for as little as $19. Ignoring her other comments, it was decided to raffle the doll, tickets $1 each. 

So far it has raised almost $200! I think partly because of the outrage at hearing this story by people who do various handcrafts! Several of us have said that if we win, we will return the set for another raffle next year. It really is too lovely for a small girl, so you need to know a slightly older little girl that will play with it and enjoy the fun of the topsey-turvey feature - or an adult who just loves dolls!


----------



## tbm (Sep 20, 2016)

I try to let go of the things I make. I give them away and try to not think about and not notice how they are/are not used. I am not always successful, but I try.
Makes it easier that way.


----------



## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

A gift is a gift -- after that, whatever happens happens. There's no law that says you have to gift again.


----------



## 2sam (Nov 2, 2016)

If I can't let go of an item, I keep it. Rather have it used and dirty than to be kept put away. GUess I'm just odd that way. I think sometimes we put to much importance on things and not people.


----------



## Sarah Chana (Apr 15, 2014)

No appreciation of my handwork= no more handwork from me. I just buy a great gift and they love it.


----------



## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

I just send checks for special occasions. I will usually make things for those who make a reasonable request.


----------



## Nanamel14 (Aug 4, 2016)

I love when my items are used, my Dil take's photo's to show me when my GS gets something new, but I love the pic's they just send me when he's out playing etc and is wearing something I made for him


----------



## Gramma Jazz (Apr 21, 2011)

Yes, I do put a lot of thought and love into things I make as gifts. I tend not to do something as time consuming IF I ever do anything for them again. I will share one story of appreciation. When my GD was 4 (she is 23 now) I crocheted a number of stuffed animals for her. She loved them. Her parents wanted her to learn to share her toys, but they realized she had some that a younger child wouldn't know how to play with properly or might break, so they told her that when they had company, she was to put away her special toys that she did not want to share and get out toys she can share with her guest. To save the special ones for when she was playing alone. A few days later they had some friends coming over who had a year old girl. They told Kayla that Jennie was coming and to get out toys that were ok to share and to put the special ones away so Jennie wouldn't feel bad for not being able to play with them. She went to her room and came back with her arms full of her little animals. She said, "These are special. Grandma made them."


----------



## knittnnana (Apr 20, 2013)

A few of my experiences:

1) I still have a crochet blanket a lady I worked with made for my baby 50 yrs ago!

2) One winter a few years ago, I was on a roll and made a lot of hats for my 3 GC (baby boy at the time, 3 yr old boy and 6 yr old girl) who live where it gets very, very cold. I wanted them to be warm and they looked so cute in the hats. Last winter my 8 yr old GD told me that she had given most of the hats I made to her school for their gloves and hats Christmas tree. She said O had made too many! At first I was a little upset thinking she would want to keep something Grandma made for her but then I was really happy that she was thinking about others. Now I see her wearing (all the time) the one hat that she kept. Looks pretty worn by now and I offered to make her a new one. She said no, the one she has is perfect!

3) One Christmas I was trying to decide on a brooch for 1 of my DILs. I drove myself crazy going back and forth between 2 stores and finally made up my mind. Well about 2 months later when I was riding in their car sitting in the backseat with my GD I spotted that same brooch in my GD's basket of toys! Was still pinned to the backing!! It wasn't cheap either. Oh well. I just left it there!

4). One year when those ruffled scarfs were in style, I made a ton and took them to my moms nursing home. My mom was so happy handing out scarfs to the nurses and sides. They wore them the rest of the day, just laughing and having so much fun wearing them. Some of the ladies asked me to make some more in different colors.


----------



## kjcipswich (Apr 27, 2015)

Pinkpaisley said:


> Sorry I wouldn't be knitting anything for her. She needs store bought blankets in acrylic that can go in the washer and dryer. You will be heartsick again if you knit or crochet these items.


I second that.You may want to do it, but what I've discovered some Mother's don't want hand made things.


----------



## Barcoded (Jul 28, 2015)

Isn't it wonderful you have been asked again?


----------



## mombr4 (Apr 21, 2011)

deshka said:


> Yup, they don't get any more of my WORK.


I totally agree, those are the one's that no longer get anything.

Those who also received items made and no thank you, don't receive anything again either.


----------



## Grammylou (Nov 3, 2012)

15 years ago I made a blanket for my friends GD. Today it is a just a lot of threads and long yo's. It is a treasured possession to her and she still takes it everywhere she goes. Another boy has a blanket I made that is full of patches. He too has a strong attachment even tho it is yucky to the rest of his family. This really warms my heart. I am happy they love these blankets. Rather that than those who put them in a drawer and don't really care about them.
Wish I knew how to enclose a photo.


----------



## velaine (Nov 5, 2016)

You know what? By the time you work on a project, finish it AND give it to someone YOU have already had your fun and got the satisfaction of making it and giving it to someone.. Enjoy that and make something else for someone else and so on and so on. Or give it to charity! :sm17: Keep making things like the rest of us do and enjoy doing that. When we give something away it is no longer ours to worry about. 
Motto: "Where ever you go and whatever you do always take your own sunshine." Bye for now. {Make hats for preemies they don't complain.}


----------



## velaine (Nov 5, 2016)

MarilynKnits said:


> Part of why most of my work is done with Impeccable that I get when it is on sale and it goes to charities. The yarn is pleasant to work with and can take rougher handling.
> 
> For DD and myself, I will use wool blends of all weights, make socks, and get more adventurous with patterns.


I agree. Velaine


----------



## marysudie (Sep 10, 2016)

By reading the comments, I surmise that we have all been in this same position. I know of others who have made beautiful things and then just could not bring themselves to give them to the person for whom the items were intended. The crafter knew that the handmade items would not receive proper care and most of all - appreciation. I personally use nice, yet relatively inexpensive, yarn for charity items. I'm sure some of those items are appreciated and well loved. However, I'm sure some of the recipients do not have the knowledge or skills to properly care for the items. I give those items and never look back. Many family members and friends treat people worse than strangers, too. So, I take all that into consideration when I'm deciding how I will expend my energy and little bit of talent to make things.


----------



## DeePickens (Mar 22, 2015)

I made a beautiful cross stitch quilt for my great grand daughter and my grand daughter thought it was so pretty that she put it up as a wall hanging. That was fine with me. 30 years ago I made a tough dinosaur quilt for a twin bed for my grand daughter and it has gone through 4 grand children and my daughter says it is getting a little ragged but can be fixed. It was really made tough and 4 grand children have enjoyed it. My family is always after my hand made stuff and they love it and take care of it. Mittens, sweaters,hats and scarfs plus my tatting and quilting.


----------



## CBB (Sep 12, 2014)

Gramma Jazz said:


> Yes, I do put a lot of thought and love into things I make as gifts. I tend not to do something as time consuming IF I ever do anything for them again. I will share one story of appreciation. When my GD was 4 (she is 23 now) I crocheted a number of stuffed animals for her. She loved them. Her parents wanted her to learn to share her toys, but they realized she had some that a younger child wouldn't know how to play with properly or might break, so they told her that when they had company, she was to put away her special toys that she did not want to share and get out toys she can share with her guest. To save the special ones for when she was playing alone. A few days later they had some friends coming over who had a year old girl. They told Kayla that Jennie was coming and to get out toys that were ok to share and to put the special ones away so Jennie wouldn't feel bad for not being able to play with them. She went to her room and came back with her arms full of her little animals. She said, "These are special. Grandma made them."


Lovely child. Thank you for sharing.


----------



## moonieboy (Apr 11, 2012)

I know who appreciates my creativity and hard work. I only will knit or crochet or sew for them. The other people will get a store bought gift. I can't be bothered to make something that is not going to be appreciated.
Moonieboy


----------



## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

Read something years ago where a nephew wrote that his aunt would never use her good China for her beloved tea, "saving it for good use". 

He said his aunt is gone and he inherited the China.

One day, while walking through an antique shop he noticed all the good china there. That very day he resolved to use his aunt's good China for every day - and if a cup or saucer broke, he could always go out and buy someone else's good China to replace it!


----------



## raindancer (Aug 19, 2012)

CBB said:


> Go ahead and make them, but now that you know what you know, instead of fine, dainty or complicated work, go for durable instead. You know that they're going to need several trips through the washer and dryer, so whatever the project, use washable fabrics and yarns. Be practical, not sentimental. You can still make something lovely, you just won't feel like blanching if it gets dirty.


 :sm24: :sm24: :sm24: :sm24:


----------



## 2sam (Nov 2, 2016)

Yeah that's what I mean. If something is used doesn't mean it isn't special. Keeping things put up because it's "special" doesn't increase it's value it just takes it's value away.


----------



## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

As a recipient now, I receive various hand-made items, and my appreciation depends somewhat on who the giver is, and why he/she made it for me. I try to use or display these things, especially when I know that the giver might be visiting my home. One family member knits useful little things that I could very well turn out quickly myself; however, I appreciate the thought so I use her gifts as they were intended. My fridges have been covered with children's art for three generations. I'm glad I saved certain pieces that have special meaning for me. What a pleasant surprise to see images of my now adult children's little kindergarten hands! I know that they would be meaningless to anyone else.


----------



## Jayne61 (Sep 22, 2016)

Some people have no idea how much time and work goes into a handcrafted item. I'm very careful when I give an item. If I see a dish cloth that I made for someone and they used it so much and it's wearing out, I am happy to replace it. At least I know they use and like it!


----------



## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

DD asked for another set of leg-warmers since the ones I made 40+ years ago are about worn-out. I was glad to oblige but I'd forgotten that I ever made the originals.


----------



## Finnsbride (Feb 8, 2011)

I mostly knit to please me. If others like my things-so much the better. If not, I still have enjoyed the process.


----------



## lotsofknitting (Sep 11, 2015)

My Mother and I had this conversation. My brothers' wife put everything away to keep it nice. I let the children wear or drag around quilts. Her comment was "I would rather they were loved to death than hidden in a drawer". she made hand pieced and quilted quilts. My grown sons still wish there were more of Grandmoms quilts. Have, an open discussion. Then there is no chance for hurt feelings. one can't know if someone is hurt if it is never discussed.


----------



## PaKnitter (Mar 7, 2011)

ChasingRainbows said:


> That's why I knit for charity, using acrylic yarn. Once the items are donated, I never see them again, and I know the recipients will appreciate them.


I feel the same way.


----------



## marysudie (Sep 10, 2016)

I see lots of comments about DIL. I am not much at crocheting. However, I made a crocheted afghan for my mother-in-law in her favorite color for Christmas one year. I took lots of time and care and did what I thought was a good job and I am very particular about my work. Her son who has perfectionistic tendencies, too, was pleased for us to give it to her. When my father-in-law was very ill and she asked us to come to be there when hospice came for the first visit, we went to a closet in one of the spare bedrooms. Neatly folded on the shelf, among other throws, was that afghan on the shelf. I don't she had ever used it. After my father-in-law, my husband divorced me. Years later when his mother died, his brother's wife went through the house and gave many of the items to her family. My ex-sister-in-law crafted so she knew the time involved. However, her work was inferior to others in the family. I'm sure that she gave many things that I made to her family. I know my ex-husband was not happy about it. I had given those items to his parents with no strings attached. They were gifts. Why my ex-husband and his two brothers let that woman have access to the items and give them to non-family members is none of my business. I have my own laundry list of sins; what she did is not on my list, if I wasn't involved. I had spent hours and hours doing a x-stitch wedding announcement of his parents. My intention was to do one of my parents and one of our wedding, too. I wanted to hang them in our open stairwell some day. I started on the one for my mother and father and realized that I was going to have to adjust the pattern (with a cross stitch border all around that I would have to modify, just not repeat). The announcements would not be all the same size and all the modifications I would have to try to adapt. The length of the names necessitated the change. I still had the dream in the back of my mind. Then when my husband filed for divorce, that dream died. We reconciled and it rekindled. We did divorce. I still have the start of my parents' announcement from 30 years ago in the closet. My ex-sister-in-law called me and told me my in-laws announcement was in her house because her granddaughter liked it very, very much. I didn't say a word. I had to remember I had given the gift with no strings attached.


----------



## momannette (Nov 12, 2011)

I don't think I would make her anything, especially since she threw away the sweaters.But The gift is for the baby, I agree with others I use durable acrylic like Caron pounders as I want to see them use it and drag it around, I want them to love it.


----------



## Rescue Mom (Jul 28, 2011)

You betcha! They only get one chance...


----------



## Crochet4Charity (Dec 1, 2016)

ChasingRainbows said:


> That's why I knit for charity, using acrylic yarn. Once the items are donated, I never see them again, and I know the recipients will appreciate them.


I agree 100%! I do make things for my children also but they see how much time and work goes into them and even though they are young- 11, 10, & 8 - they are still very conscientious with the items I make for them! I do love donating my items to charity though. Makes me happy to know I've helped!
:sm09:


----------



## craftynanababs (Sep 8, 2016)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


I am so sorry that this is what has happened to you. Unless a person knows in their mind, what goes into our work and the love behind it, they will never appreciate it. 
Ask your daughter if she wants to learn how to knit or crochet and offer to teach her. Let her know you are not able to make anymore items (because how it upsets you).


----------



## Lostie (May 2, 2013)

One very treasured item I made was a lap blanket for my dad. It was not long after I retired and hadn't had the chance to knit much for a long time, so not one of my finest. Just a patchwork of squares in different stitch patterns, all in very military, slightly muddy colours. Well, he loved it. Just before his funeral we collected at the house and there was the blanket, neatly folded. I could see my stepmother out of the corner of my eye and knew she thought she ought to return it to me. I just whispered "it's yours now" and her face lit up. I like to think that she uses it now if she feels lonely. 

Another time my son came over, red in the face and very worried, saying he'd ruined the socks I had made. It turned out he'd washed them carefully but there was a hole in one. I took one look, explained I had dropped a stitch picking up the heel, it was my fault, and easily fixed. Another happy face. 

I know there are items I've made and been misused or discarded, but that happens. I must confess to a guilty pleasure when telling a friend one of my very fancy baby blankets had been auctioned at a charity function and raised a very good price. It was the same as one I had made for her first great grandchild, and the parents had just put it in a charity shop, much to her displeasure. She was straight on the phone to tell them. We have laughed about this many times since. It was gone, of course, and if a happy pet is snuggled in it, that's fine by me. :sm12:


----------



## cbaker1019 (Nov 27, 2016)

Oh yes


----------



## Teddy bear (Jun 23, 2016)

There is a very special baby blanket pattern that I have crocheted for about 48 years, since I was 18. A unique pattern from Coats and Clark, remember the it little books for 29 or 39 cents?

Anyway, I saw one in a children's resale shop. I went from shock, hurt, disbelief, to almost "rescuing" it by purchasing it. 

I then thought that perhaps someone would be touched by it, hopefully someone that had nothing lovingly made for their own baby or grand baby. Maybe they had little money to provide warmth for their own.

Then I remembered I had given it with Love, and no curled fingers, no stipulations. 

I walked away with a hope, a prayer, and a smile.


----------



## joanherring (Dec 7, 2016)

Know how you feel, this generation didn't grow up learning handcraft so there is no appreciation for the time, energy and thoughts of the recipient that we feel as we create. I grew up next to a sewing machine and learned needlework arts at home but they didn't. Now I paint too but children aren't taught about art so they want cheap deco-store stuff & have no appreciation for original work.


----------



## Bubba24 (Jan 2, 2012)

Yep. Last year I made my grandson a blanket for his twin bed. Over the summer I said something to my ex-DIL and she swore I didn't make him a blanket. Good thing I had the pictures from Christmas with my grandson and ex DIL in the photo. I think twice before making things for people.


----------



## messymissy (Oct 26, 2016)

I know how you feel but I've had the same happen with things I've bought. I decided a long time ago once it's been gifted it's theirs. It can be as bad making things for a school or church and discover they are being sold for pence with second hand things! Sometimes it's best not to know who gets your work. On the good side I have had people thank me for baby gifts even after the child is an adult.


----------



## Lindita (Nov 5, 2016)

I think you hit a nerve here. I've made several items for my great granddaughter. She us only 19 months. I rarely see the blankets I've made her in use. I just try to calm down and not say anything. But it hurts more than they will ever know. You put so much love ❤into your work and it isn't appreciated. ????


----------



## Dcsmith77 (Apr 18, 2011)

The end of the story is that I won the beautiful knitted doll. It is the Greenhouse doll of four nursery rhymes and it is just beautiful. I am so happy to have it and can appreciate the talent and skill that went into making all the different costumes, faces, etc. Lucky me!


----------



## LadyBecket (Jun 26, 2012)

I knitted one of Gypsycreams bears and gave it to a little niece at the family picnic. She started running and threw it on the ground. I went over and picked it up and never gave it back. If she didn't care about I wasn't going to let something that I took hours to make lay. I'll give it to someone else who will actually want it.


----------



## BlueBerry36 (Mar 10, 2016)

I agree knitE4 let it go my grandkids do it to but I know they love the items I make for them..


----------



## gypsysoul (Jun 14, 2015)

Oddly, I really don't care. If I make a gift, I generally use acrylic yarn. Once I give it, it's gone. Do what you want with it. Now, a "friend" asked if I could knit her washcloths, and said she would pay. I gave her a price for 6 (3 for $10, so $20). I dropped them in the mail because we have conflicting schedules. I PMed her on Facebook to see if they arrived. Yes, she said, her grandson just used one the other to wash his feet. Whatever. She said she would mail out my check on Friday. That was 4 months ago. I am NOT asking her for the $. I refuse to quibble over $20. But...I will get $ up front if anyone asks for anything again. 90% of the people who ASK me to knit them something are very nice. They offer to pay, which I usually refuse. But, I will take reimbursement for yarn. But, if I decide just to make it as a gift, I give it with washing instructions and I never think twice about it again. My almost son-in-law always wants wash cloths. That Almost Lost Dishcloth pattern. He uses them under plants, for coasters, every where. I'll make him all he wants. But, I rarely make gifts anymore. I prefer to knit socks for myself, some friends, my husband, and the almost son-in-law. .


----------



## riversong200 (Apr 20, 2014)

Yep! That's why I'm selective about who gets my work. I'm also careful about what yarn I use. Baby stuff is always acrylic since I know new moms don't have the time or inclination to do special laundry.


----------



## Rhonda61 (Jan 19, 2016)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> Ok, yet another question. Does it bother you, as a knitter, or a crafter of ANYTHING, when you have spent hours....days...weeks working or a special something for someone, and then they are as careless with it as if it were a dime store item?


Oh boy!!!! I can relate. I know it's theirs but gee!! If they knew the work that goes into something. I agree with you!


----------



## gypsysoul (Jun 14, 2015)

One other thing I have learned: I have a semi-friend in my life. If she stops by and I am knitting she acts interested. Wants me to possibly make on for her, and oh, can I do this differently? Blah blah blah. You know the type. I've talked about her before here. She never asks if it will cost her, or anything like that. She just wants. You know what I learned? I learned that "no" is a complete sentence. I just politely say that I only knit for myself anymore. Which is a lie, but, who cares.


----------



## Rhonda61 (Jan 19, 2016)

Lindita said:


> I think you hit a nerve here. I've made several items for my great granddaughter. She us only 19 months. I rarely see the blankets I've made her in use. I just try to calm down and not say anything. But it hurts more than they will ever know. You put so much love ❤into your work and it isn't appreciated. ????


I know I've already answered but this one post I'd like to share something with you. My son's great grandmother crocheted a beautiful baby blanket for him. I never used it because it was priceless to me, I still have it 36 years later.. ????... I didn't want him spitting up or worse on it. Could that be why you don't see them? Because your granddaughter considers yours to be priceless??? It's just a thought ???? You great grandma's are special people.... ????


----------



## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

Why do we all assume that new mothers do the laundry? These days fathers, baby-sitters, and older children often throw stuff in the washer and dryer. They might not have been taught about the care of delicate items. They often just pick up whatever is on the floor and dump it in the machine. Sometimes it works out OK, but sometimes it's a mess even though they think that they are being helpful.


----------



## Lindita (Nov 5, 2016)

This is a picture of one blanket I made for my great granddaughter that I've yet to see her use.
Thank you. I wish that were true. Maybe they are saving the blankets I've made for my great granddaughter.


----------



## Maxine R (Apr 15, 2011)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> Ok, yet another question. Does it bother you, as a knitter, or a crafter of ANYTHING, when you have spent hours....days...weeks working or a special something for someone, and then they are as careless with it as if it were a dime store item?


The answer is YES


----------



## Elizabeth Mary (Nov 28, 2016)

Buy ready-made, embroider quick initials/date/flower/whatever that takes you less than an hour!


----------



## Hannelore (Oct 26, 2011)

ChasingRainbows said:


> That's why I knit for charity, using acrylic yarn. Once the items are donated, I never see them again, and I know the recipients will appreciate them.


Totally agree with you.


----------



## flowergrower (Mar 1, 2011)

You mean like when I knitted a seven foot afghan with expensive washable wool as a wedding present for oldest stepson and wife, and they let the dog sleep on it. From conversations at Thanksgiving, she has no clue what was involved in making it. Hubby says if younger gets married, buy a ready-made afghan. Haha


----------



## MarilynKnits (Aug 30, 2011)

Or give them a $50 card to Bed Bath and save yourself aggravation. I am sure the afghan you made was more expensive than that, and not to have it appreciated shows their character.



flowergrower said:


> You mean like when I knitted a seven foot afghan with expensive washable wool as a wedding present for oldest stepson and wife, and they let the dog sleep on it. From conversations at Thanksgiving, she has no clue what was involved in making it. Hubby says if younger gets married, buy a ready-made afghan. Haha


----------



## Elder Ellen (Mar 9, 2013)

Once given, it's gone. Don't fret over the situation -- life it too short. Maybe you should make an afghan as a gift for yourself and let the others see how much you appreciate (and, how you care for) it. As for the dog, some people consider their pets to be part of the family and treat them as such.


----------



## janetec (Jan 29, 2015)

Since she has asked, I would go ahead and make them but would definitely make them durable, washable, and quick.


----------



## Reinharv (Apr 8, 2016)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


Truly disheartening. I know how you feel. The problem is that though the quilt was in fact used it would have been subjected to all kinds of stuff. As far as hand knitted stuff--you can't keep everything. Heck I bought the cutest and expensive clothing for my first granddaughter (those unique high end baby stores) and they were donated eventually to Salvation Army.

Even if you made quilts as a wall hanging, eventually it would have been donated or discarded.

The thing is it's a good memory for your daughter to have that her mother made these special things for her children. They were probably captured in photographs. It's no different than grandma making homemade cookies for not only her own children but also her grandchildren--a memory they will always have but they were eaten.


----------



## MarilynKnits (Aug 30, 2011)

My niece is 5 years older than DD. MIL made a really adorable hounds tooth check dusty rose and gray coat with matching bonnet for niece when she was 5. MIL asked SIL to save it for me for DD since SIL didn't have another girl. Took me over a year to get it. It was wadded in the bottom of the hall closet. Took a while longer to find the hat. Took two good soaks in Woolite to get it in shape.

By the time we got it and cleaned it up, DD got two or three wearings out of it before she outgrew it. I loaned it to a dear friend with a smaller daughter and got it back in excellent shape three little girls later with thank you notes for the loan.

I kept it until the oldest nephew had a daughter. He was thrilled to have it for his little girl, and needless to say, Nana was very happy to see it continue its path through the family. I have no idea what happened to it next.



Reinharv said:


> Truly disheartening. I know how you feel. The problem is that though the quilt was in fact used it would have been subjected to all kinds of stuff. As far as hand knitted stuff--you can't keep everything. Heck I bought the cutest and expensive clothing for my first granddaughter (those unique high end baby stores) and they were donated eventually to Salvation Army.
> 
> Even if you made quilts as a wall hanging, eventually it would have been donated or discarded.
> 
> The thing is it's a good memory for your daughter to have that her mother made these special things for her children. They were probably captured in photographs. It's no different than grandma making homemade cookies for not only her own children but also her grandchildren--a memory they will always have but they were eaten.


----------



## shockey (May 13, 2011)

ChasingRainbows said:


> That's why I knit for charity, using acrylic yarn. Once the items are donated, I never see them again, and I know the recipients will appreciate them.


 :sm24:


----------



## shockey (May 13, 2011)

MarilynKnits said:


> Or give them a $50 card to Bed Bath and save yourself aggravation. I am sure the afghan you made was more expensive than that, and not to have it appreciated shows their character.


oh no, it would break my heart to see the dog sleeping on it


----------



## shockey (May 13, 2011)

Sftflannelnjeans said:


> I will cry on your shoulders.... l made a gorgeous quilt for my daughter's unborn baby girl ( now 10 yrs old). My daughter let her drag it around, while drinking chocolate milk....got the milk all over it, ruining it. Judicious use of a very weak bleach and water solution by myself saved it. I took it home, sealed it in a plastic bag for my grandaighter, should she have a daughter down the road. NOW, my daughter wants another quilt for her new to be born baby boy, and knitted and crocheted blankets. I am almost afraid to make them, sigh. Please, do not think me a horrid mother. I made hand knitted sweaters for her son, and she threw them away. I am heartsick.


people and children have no idea how much work and love goes into knitted things, it is such a shame.


----------



## Reinharv (Apr 8, 2016)

Lindita said:


> This is a picture of one blanket I made for my great granddaughter that I've yet to see her use.
> Thank you. I wish that were true. Maybe they are saving the blankets I've made for my great granddaughter.


I would cherish this and frankly I wouldn't use it either. I wouldn't want to ruin it.


----------



## sanditoes48 (Feb 6, 2013)

Kathie said:


> I made an insanely time consuming knitted blanket for my grandson that he dragged around and carried with him everywhere. My friends thought this should be used as a wall hanging but I was thrilled he was loving it so much. He is nine now and still wraps himself in that blanket. I couldn't me happier.


Agreed.


----------



## sanditoes48 (Feb 6, 2013)

2sam said:


> Yeah that's what I mean. If something is used doesn't mean it isn't special. Keeping things put up because it's "special" doesn't increase it's value it just takes it's value away.


Amen to that! Can we really expect others to value our work as we do? I don't think they can unless they also do hand crafts.


----------



## raindancer (Aug 19, 2012)

Lindita said:


> This is a picture of one blanket I made for my great granddaughter that I've yet to see her use.
> Thank you. I wish that were true. Maybe they are saving the blankets I've made for my great granddaughter.


Oh, that is fabulous! So much love put into that! So well made!


----------



## Bunyip (Jan 1, 2012)

ChasingRainbows said:


> That's why I knit for charity, using acrylic yarn. Once the items are donated, I never see them again, and I know the recipients will appreciate them.


I agree. I have seen people given beautiful items, lovingly hand knitted, draped over chairs with pointy projections poking thru it! No thought given at all. 
:sm25: :sm25:


----------



## dribla (Nov 14, 2011)

Yep, I don't crochet much, but made my next door neighbour a crochet shawl for her little one who was 6 weeks old, I told her I was not a crocheter by trade, but had made this for her daughter, she said quite quickly hang on I will see if I have any patterns.

I felt deflated, then the other day I saw her up the street at the shops, she then began to speak with another lady, she did introduce her to me, and promptly told her friend that I was a so, so knitter and did a bit of quilting, but NOT as good as her friend. Well did I feel inferior, and guess what I decided not ever to make her child anything, ever, I will give what I make to my grand daughters and to charity.

Di


----------



## Renee50 (Feb 12, 2012)

Not knitting , but I did a watercolor that took months to finish, and gave it to my sister and she put in a closet and her cat used it as a toilet. then told me what happened to it and said can you whip up another one. Well it took me a few years to get over it and let her have another painting.


----------



## Lavender Liz (Oct 6, 2014)

knit4ES said:


> Yes, it does. It's why I think an extra thought when I'm making something for someone. Sometimes I decide not to, because I realize I have expectations around it.
> If I decide to do it, I _ have _ to let it go with no expectations.. life's too short for resentments.


I have been working for years, to learn that when I give something to someone, it is theirs, to do with what they wish. It's so hard sometimes.


----------



## Valkyrie (Feb 26, 2011)

No.


----------



## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

I think we, as hand crafters, bear part of the responsibility for not choosing recipients more carefully, especially if we are going to be hurt by the abuse of a gift. I see no reason when we hear someone is expecting a baby we can't, or don't, say something along the lines of, "Congratulations, I am so looking forward to making something for your baby. With your permission I would like to make an heirloom piece to be handed down through the family. After that, I can make items or purchase commercial pieces, which ever you prefer. Then later ask what that preference is, before starting a gift. A variation on this can be used for other occasions also.

I also think we need to listen to what people say in other circumstances and clarify if necessary. When I was learning to knit socks on dpns, a work friend watched me for a bit and commented that, "You know you can buy those at Walmart for 79 cents? As wonderful as she is, and as carefully as she maintained her wardrobe, she is not someone I would hand knit for.

I also think a little education along the way helps, especially if it is not about items for that person. An offhanded, "I hope Sally likes this hat, the yarn alone runs about $35 and this size hat has over 4000 stitches in it." An hour or so later, "Now what color sweater do you want for Sam, he is still wearing a 2x, right?" No one, is born knowing fiber care and cost, much less garment construction. We need to be the educators.


----------

