# Jokes / Poems / Fun Stuff



## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

As soon as I figure out how to post my Christmas tree and stuff I will.


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

OK here is a goodie for you - go to general chit chat and look up If Dogs Worked in the Offices

What a hoot .... I had a howling good time reading it. Post your comments here ..... lol


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## Hilary4 (Apr 26, 2012)

This is on my wall in my office, as we have a mostly lab and he's black, it always makes me smile:


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## Jenny E (Sep 5, 2011)

That link to dogs is hysterical. And it is pretty acurate too.. lol I was given a calender of dogs and cats dressed up eg, bull dog as a judge etc. And I can see people I know in these animals ROTFLOL...Don't think I'll tell them that though.. he he he


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## Irish knitter (Mar 29, 2011)

I looked at that...that is good!!!


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

Sparkle - Sparkle Little Plate
to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle

by Judi Haven
Wooster OH 1249 Tops


Verse 1:
Sparkle, sparkle little plate,
What was it - I just ate?
Were they cookies? Were they Pies?
All that food - before my eyes!

Verse 2:
Twinkie, Twinkie - cupcakes too,
Thats the food not good for you.
On my hips and on my thighs,
Now I wear a larger size.

In between 2 and 3:
Vegies - fruits - they are great
When you want to lose some weight!

Verse 3:
Looky - looky Im in TOPS
This is where the bulging stops!


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## Jenny E (Sep 5, 2011)

LOL.. that little poem made me smile Mz Molly. You are a bit of a clever possum..


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

Mz Molly said:


> As soon as I figure out how to post my Christmas tree and stuff I will.


OK here it goes. The Christmas tree is clear up against the window on the left hand side of the room. By the time we took it down it measured 6 feet left to right. Watch how empty the living room looks when the tree is taken down.


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

Mz Molly said:


> As soon as I figure out how to post my Christmas tree and stuff I will.


Raising trees outside is a group effort. God provides the rain because pine trees take lots and lots and lots and lots of rain. And since I feed the squirrels at their beck and call I figure they can help by airiating the soil if you know what I mean. This tree is right next to our porch and the branches are growing around the one corner of the porch.


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## Jenny E (Sep 5, 2011)

Love the tree Mz Molly. Thanks for the piccys. The squirrels looking for burried nuts that they didn't burry made me smile. Thanks for the image of the "helpful" squirrels..


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## Moosie (Oct 29, 2012)

Aren't They Cute?


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## Moosie (Oct 29, 2012)

Wish I had had this solution!


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## vershi (Nov 25, 2012)

To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer.


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## Moosie (Oct 29, 2012)

Cold!!!


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

Here are the recent pictures of lovie dovies and sweetie wren


If they are this friendly now - got to within 3 feet - I can hardly wait until summer to really spoil them.


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## Jenny E (Sep 5, 2011)

oh my little sparrow!!! I hope you don't mind Mz Molly, but I have used your photo of the sparrow as my screen saver and desk top background. (If you'd rather I didn't I can remove them) 
If it is OK to keep them I will always have a happy thought moment every time I open my 'puter and when I come back from being away from it. :O)


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

Jenny E said:


> oh my little sparrow!!! I hope you don't mind Mz Molly, but I have used your photo of the sparrow as my screen saver and desk top background. (If you'd rather I didn't I can remove them)
> If it is OK to keep them I will always have a happy thought moment every time I open my 'puter and when I come back from being away from it. :O)


Please feel free to use them. That is why God gave them to me to share. Enjoy them. I am honored you want the picture. Any pictures I post are free to use. love and hugs


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## Moosie (Oct 29, 2012)

Some of you have probably already seen this, but it is still a good laugh!


Hanging By My Boob

While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say,"Your Honor, I'm guilty but..... there were extenuating circumstances."

The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too soooo I listened as the lady told her story.

"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally)to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" 

"Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then she headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back." Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. 

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire" found me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part
smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."

"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.
Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed".


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## vershi (Nov 25, 2012)

Yay I like it. :thumbup: :thumbup: Definately is the torture chamber. :thumbdown:


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## Moosie (Oct 29, 2012)

I think there are times we all might consider this!


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## vershi (Nov 25, 2012)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

Thanks for the great chuckles will keep me going for a day or three.


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

Here are some fun pictures Dolly and I took this afternoon. This is also my happy thought for today it felt good to get outside without a coat.


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## Jenny E (Sep 5, 2011)

Love the photos Mz Molly ! Still smiling.. thanks


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## vershi (Nov 25, 2012)

Lovely photo's, so nice to see the wildlife coming into gardens.


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

The latest Wags and Whiskers - Two Heads are bettern than One is posted in the general forum area because it takes up so much room. Let me know what you think. The pups belong to my knitting tutor Ann.


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

SIGNS OF THE TIMES - AS SEEN ON T-SHIRTS

For men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, that's where the knives are kept.

I have decided I no longer want to be an Adult. If anybody needs me, I'll be in the tree house coloring and eating candy.

I have 3 sides ....
The quiet sweet side
The fun and crazy side and
The side you never want to see

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way.

I work well with others as long as they do what they are told.

Jesus loves you .... but I am His favorite.

If I was a bird I know who I would crap on.

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind I will live forever.

When life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile and very politely say, "You hit like a girl." (cleaned it up)

My therapist thinks I am crazy but my Cat says I'm OK.

Here is one for my hubby: I'm not bald, this is just a solar panel for my sex machine.

And one for me: Don't get me started I don't come with breaks.

Enjoy the day.


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## Moosie (Oct 29, 2012)

"God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind I will live forever."
Mz.Molly: This one suits me to a "T".


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## Mz Molly (May 31, 2012)

ONE LINERS! 
Don't let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case. 
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* 

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited 
Until you try to sit in their pews. 
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Many folks want to serve God, But only as advisers. 
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It is easier to preach ten sermons Than it is to live one. 
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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, But mosquitoes come close. 
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When you get to your wit's end, 
You'll find God lives there. 
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People are funny; they want the front of the bus, Middle of the road, And back of the church. 
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Opportunity may knock once, But temptation bangs on the front door forever. 
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Quit griping about your church; If it was perfect, you couldn't belong. 
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If a church wants a better pastor, 
It only needs to pray for the one it has. 
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We're called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges. 
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God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man until he's dead. So why should you? 
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Some minds are like concrete 
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. 
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Peace starts with a smile. 
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I don't know why some people change churches; What difference does it make which one you stay home from? 
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Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em. 
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Stop, Drop, and Roll won't work in Hell. 
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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous. 
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Don't put a question mark where God put a period. 
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* 

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church. 
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* 

Forbidden fruits create many jams. 
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* 

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. 
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God grades on the cross, not the curve. 
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God loves everyone, But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!' 
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God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. 
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He who angers you, controls you! 
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If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats! 
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* 

Prayer: Don't give God instructions, just report for duty! 
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The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us. 
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The Will of God never takes you to where the 
Grace of God will not protect you. 
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We don't change the message, 
The message changes us. 
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You can tell how big a person is 
By what it takes to discourage him/her. 
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* 

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given. 
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* 
ot a joke, not a poem but definately fun stuff. Enjoy.


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## coloursofgrace (Jul 3, 2011)

that is hilarious...I needed that!!


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## Moosie (Oct 29, 2012)

Mz Molly said:


> ONE LINERS! quote]
> 
> Thought provoking. How true some are!


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## crochetknit Deb (Sep 18, 2012)

Mz Molly said:


> OK here it goes. The Christmas tree is clear up against the window on the left hand side of the room. By the time we took it down it measured 6 feet left to right. Watch how empty the living room looks when the tree is taken down.


Where's the puppy? :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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