# The unmentioned discussion that is very important!



## Juleen (Jun 3, 2011)

I sincerely hope this does not bother anyone but I truly feel it is very very important! For many years as a young child I was sexually molested by a family member. I was too scared to tell my mother (at that time there were marital problems with my Dad) and didn't tell her because I didn't want her to feel badly! However, it was something I was aware of when I was a teaching! One student that came into my classroom was a young girl. She would put her head down and cry every day. After a few days, I asked her to help me during recess and after we were alone, I asked her if someone was hurting her. She told me "yes" and even told me who was doing it. I didn't call Protective Services because at that time all they did was to tell the offender and it only made it worse. The child was withdrawn from my classroom soon after that! I told our school secretary that when she was called by the next school I wanted the phone number immediately! About a month later, the secretary came and handed me a phone number. At lunch time, I went home (didn't want to involve the school) and called that school. I explained why I was calling and was able to talk to the new teacher who promised to keep an eye on her. I think of this child often. Parents! Please keep an eye on your children--if you see any actions of being sad or scared, please talk to them in a gentle way to find out what is going on! And, to those of you that never experienced this, consider yourself lucky!


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## jael23 (Mar 20, 2011)

Thank you for showing so much care and hope that girl will be alright.


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## Susanwise (Jan 14, 2012)

Aren’t you a mandatory reporter? Tough call.


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## Irene Kidney (May 29, 2011)

It is dreadful how young people do not get the support they need. I wonder why she was withdrawn from your class as you could have continued to help her. I feel very sad for anyone who has been abused stealing childhood. You are brave to bring it up. Blessings to you.


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## Pat lamb (Oct 31, 2011)

Its a tough call alright! Sometimes it makes it worth for the child. I hope things áre changing and they really go after the “ molester”. If it happened to one of my kids I probably be in jail because “ he be dead”


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## knittedfrog (Aug 6, 2019)

Yes, teachers now are mandated reporters, but back even 30 years ago, this was not the case. 
I am grateful now that children who report abuse are believed, and investigations are done.


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## RookieRetiree (Jan 27, 2011)

knittedfrog said:


> Yes, teachers now are mandated reporters, but back even 30 years ago, this was not the case.
> I am grateful now that children who report abuse are believed, and investigations are done.


Thankfully, it is a different world, but still not good enough. The predators are still too comfortable that they will get away with it, and many still do. Families still protect the "men" in the family.


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## stirfry (Nov 3, 2011)

Mandatory reporting in New York schools. My daughter is a teacher.


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## BobzMum (Nov 10, 2012)

It's sad to hear how this used to be dealt with.
Thankfully, things have changed and there are special teams of people ready to step in.


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## malem (Aug 31, 2017)

I am so sorry for what you’ve had to endure. The damage that is done to children who have been molested is immeasurable. Thank you for your compassion toward your student and so sorry to hear that things would have been handled so poorly back then.
Regarding mandated reporters; Yes teachers are mandated reporters in most states ((will google after I post) but the op is referring to something that happened many years ago when things may have been different as she noted. There is no judgment call involved today. You simply call Child Protective Services, CPS, and then the ball is in their court. I am a teacher in CA.


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## MrsMurdog (Apr 16, 2013)

I understand why you didn't out the bastard, it would put you through your personal emotional hell all over again. But I wish you had. Moving may have saved the little girl from her tormentor, but without his exposure, he is free to molest unlimited other children.


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## malem (Aug 31, 2017)

MrsMurdog said:


> I understand why you didn't out the bastard, it would put you through your personal emotional hell all over again. But I wish you had. Moving may have saved the little girl from her tormentor, but without his exposure, he is free to molest unlimited other children.


According to the op, this was many years ago. Children were often not believed back then and sometimes being contacted by authorities made the abuse worse. Improvements still need to be made to protect children, but don't use today's best practices to suggest what the op should have done in the past.It was very different back then.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

knittedfrog said:


> Yes, teachers *now* are mandated reporters, but back even 30 years ago, this was not the case.
> I am grateful now that *children who report abuse are believed*, and investigations are done.


It never entered my mind to tell anyone about my aunt (mother's sister) and her husband, not until after my 21st birthday. And then, I only told a close friend at work. 
I never told my parents; I figured they had enough of their plates with the young families they'd begun with my step-parents. 
I never reported to the police, because I was ead *certain* that - as a guest in the household and a juvenile - no one would believe me against a friendly-fire-binded veteran of WWII and lawyer in the Antitrust Division of the US Department of Justice.
Besides, supposing I were believed, what would the outcome have been for my aunt and _her_ five children?? Loss of the only job he had? My aunt never worked outside the home, so they'd have fallen on hard times. I only told my cousins after they'd grown up and their parents had died, and only because I was fearful he might have molested his own children as well. They said he hadn't, so for that I am grateful.

The situation is far better today than in the 1950s, but the predators never cease to take advantage. Be aware of your children! Do *not* farm them out to relatives!


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## WendyMargaret (Sep 10, 2014)

I remember as a pre teen walking up to the ski tow with my best friend. A weenie waver displayed his parts to us. We told no one because we knew we would be punished not him. Many children are punished for telling about true sexual abuse. Hopefully not so much now. Sexual abuse of children is dreadfully underreported. A terrible terrible thing to do to a child.


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## KitKat789 (May 17, 2016)

This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


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## run4fittness (May 22, 2011)

Growing up we never told anyone. Until my sister ran away in the middle of the night with my help. Then lucky her she was taken out of the home but I had to stay. They thought with only one child left she would be better able to control herself. Not.


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## arlenecc (Jul 27, 2012)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


So----??? People are unloading very painful memories and need to tell their stories. Partly to know others have been also hurt and warning to watch for the predators attacking young people that evil is still around us. Try a little kindness or failing that, keep your mouth closed.


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## albie (Jun 2, 2011)

arlenecc said:


> So----??? People are unloading very painful memories and need to tell their stories. Partly to know others have been also hurt and warning to watch for the predators attacking young people that evil is still around us. Try a little kindness or failing that, keep your mouth closed.


YOU GO GIRL!!!!!she is one narrow minded opiniated person.....must get up on the wrong side of a bed....YEARS AGO it was very different....fathers,brothers,cousins,uncles,priests,(or even another female) didn't do that sort of thing or it was kept in the family vault of shame.....she or he must have asked for it in some way....NOW heaven help the person if caught...i would probably be sent to jail for murder...NO MATTER WHO IT WAS..... :sm15: :sm23: :sm14:


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## Cashmere-Cat (Oct 28, 2018)

arlenecc said:


> So----??? People are unloading very painful memories and need to tell their stories. Partly to know others have been also hurt and warning to watch for the predators attacking young people that evil is still around us. Try a little kindness or failing that, keep your mouth closed.


I was about to say the same thing to her. 
What does it matter where things are placed? for one day in the year surely it doesn't matter a fig!


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

I feel for you and that young girl. when I was around 14 my father started touching my breasts, don't tell your mother, it's our secret. I avoided him like the plague and never told anyone until I was married and told my husband. After my father died, I flew back to England for his funeral and to spend some time with mum. I told my sister what had happened all those years ago, I was then 55 and my sister was 48. She was shocked and said she often wondered why I shied away from dad. I never ever told my mum. I hope nowadays that people notice the behavioural difference in their children and realize that something is wrong.


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## betty boivin (Sep 12, 2012)

Then why are you reading it, kitkat??


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


Does that really matter? The lady has opened her heart like many others have, including me.


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## Ladyj960 (May 22, 2013)

Sad ????. I’m afraid that I would be taking care of the situation myself and the cops called after the molester bled out.


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## talulakat (Jan 22, 2016)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


Ahh the posting police are at it again. Give her a break.

:sm25:


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## SueFerns (Aug 16, 2011)

Sending you healing prayers, may the abusers d**k fall off.


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## 8Linda (Nov 8, 2011)

My aunt has told many of my relatives that I'm a liar. She believes my molester.


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## wavedancer (Jun 7, 2019)

Adding a warning....this isn't about knitting. It's a very personal sharing of my own story


I was that pupil and how I wished one of my teachers had picked up on my situation. It wasn't until I was 11 that I talked about it to a friend who was going through the same thing herself. We thought it must be 'normal' and it was something all dads did with their daughters. Sadly I ended up pregnant at 13 and was sent away to give birth. I never saw my baby. All I knew was it was a boy and he was small but healthy. It was only then that I found out what was happening to me was not right. When I got home I was told that if I didn't do what he wanted he would do it to my younger sister so I had no choice. I couldn't bear the thought of her going through what I had. I left home as soon as I was able to and moved to as far away as I could. My father died 10 years ago. I didn't see him after I left home and I didn't go to his funeral. My mum is still alive in her 90's. We've never spoken about any of it. I do talk to her but haven't seen her in the last 2 years. My sister was spared. We aren't close. It's taken me a long time to deal with everything. It's left me scarred for life and made it very difficult to trust anyone and I've struggled with relationships. I often wonder if one day I will get a letter of a phone call from my son who must be now in his early 50's but I'm not sure I could cope with it if he did.


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## williesmom (Feb 16, 2012)

8Linda said:


> My aunt has told many of my relatives that I'm a liar. She believes my molester.


Then she's deluding herself, and so is anyone else who believes her. You know the truth. That's all that matters.


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## ljf (Dec 20, 2016)

My mother was molested by her stepfather when she was but a teenager.
So many in the family knew about it (including my grandmother) and did nothing to protect my mother.
He had a reputation of "who ever whenever" regardless of relationship. Never touched his blood children.
Fast forward to my grandson. He was a toddler and at a daycare center while his mother worked. when I was visiting I noticed something unusual about his actions and told my daughter he was being molested at the daycare. she confronted the people and eventually the police were involved and it was discovered he was not the only one.


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## Donnathomp (May 5, 2012)

And shame on the adults who know about it and do nothing!


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## 8Linda (Nov 8, 2011)

williesmom said:


> Then she's deluding herself, and so is anyone else who believes her. You know the truth. That's all that matters.


Yes, I know the truth and my aunt just hides her head in the sand.


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## alidakyle (Dec 20, 2011)

Our family is going through a criminal court case at the moment. Son-in-law sexually molested his then 12 year old daughter. It finally came out on her 16th birthday and he was taken away by the police on that very day and has never been permitted back home. His trial is on-going at present, after 25 months of delay and so-called illnesses. He did everything to delay his court hearings but was not allowed to have a delay for his trial. We are all waiting for a guilty verdict with lots of jail time!! But nowadays, who knows what will happen. It is a very traumatic experience: my granddaughter, now 18 was on the witness stand for 4 days. She is very determined that he goes down! She is also very clear and articulate so makes an extremely good witness. Even his lawyer was impressed with her after the preliminary trial...he was heard to say that she will be very hard witness to break. Yeah!!!


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## Maryanneed (Feb 4, 2017)

My heart goes out to all of you❣


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## Moisey (Mar 17, 2013)

wavedancer said:


> Adding a warning....this isn't about knitting. It's a very personal sharing of my own story
> 
> I was that pupil and how I wished one of my teachers had picked up on my situation. It wasn't until I was 11 that I talked about it to a friend who was going through the same thing herself. We thought it must be 'normal' and it was something all dads did with their daughters. Sadly I ended up pregnant at 13 and was sent away to give birth. I never saw my baby. All I knew was it was a boy and he was small but healthy. It was only then that I found out what was happening to me was not right. When I got home I was told that if I didn't do what he wanted he would do it to my younger sister so I had no choice. I couldn't bear the thought of her going through what I had. I left home as soon as I was able to and moved to as far away as I could. My father died 10 years ago. I didn't see him after I left home and I didn't go to his funeral. My mum is still alive in her 90's. We've never spoken about any of it. I do talk to her but haven't seen her in the last 2 years. My sister was spared. We aren't close. It's taken me a long time to deal with everything. It's left me scarred for life and made it very difficult to trust anyone and I've struggled with relationships. I often wonder if one day I will get a letter of a phone call from my son who must be now in his early 50's but I'm not sure I could cope with it if he did.


You are an extremely brave person to confide in us at KP and we honour you for that. You have actually been very brave all your life, in all your actions taken to protect your younger sister (whether she knows and appreciates that, is another story) and also in leaving as soon as possible to begin a new life. Your mother was brought up in an entirely different era where these things were never spoken about, (thank goodness times are changing, be it slowly) and she probably never will mention it to you. Many women never worked outside the family home, and were "anchored" to their male partners as they were the providers in the family, and they lived in fear of being ousted from their homes with no money and joining the wretched poor people on earth. There are still some today who are in that position.

Most women these days do work outside the home, or are qualified in some way to do so if they wish, and can survive by themselves if they really have to. They don't have to put up with inconsiderate partners some of whom are attacking their children in various ways.

Regarding the reference to your son, who knows how he has fared in life without making some discreet inquiries. I take it he was adopted out & may have had a good upbringing and be happy and well-adjusted, or perhaps not. Either way he will have questions he would like answered as well & perhaps you are the only one who can provide those answers to him. Only you can take the next step if you wish to. Who knows there may be a happy ending for both of you.

There are many stories similar to yours here on KP and around the world, so you are not alone, and I hope you can find some sort of peace.
We all wish you the best for your future,
Love
Moisey


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## talulakat (Jan 22, 2016)

To those who like to complain about a posting in the wrong section...You are adults, you can read, sometimes the post is in the wrong section by mistake, sometimes the poster wants to make sure everyone sees it as they feel it is important(as stated in the title). You open the post and find it is something you are not interested in, what do you do? Try just closing it and moving on and stop the bitching. You have a choice to read or not read. So chose the latter.


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## tobo11 (Apr 1, 2017)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


Exit and go to the next topic. While holidays can bring out the good memories they can also spark thoughts of painful times. Try to be compassionate. No, it has nothing to do with our needlework, so on Christmas morning considerate it your gift to all those who have suffered abuse to overlook the placement of the post here.


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## Pat lamb (Oct 31, 2011)

Prayers to all the people that have had horrible things done to them. I can’t imagine how any adult can do that to a child. Just reading about it makes me so sad. I hope the molesters all rot in Hell.


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## nankat (Oct 17, 2012)

Yes, you are a mandated reporter. You don't get to choose who to call or not call. There may have been other considerations that you were not privy to. Your story may have turned out well but your decision was wrong.


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## Georget (Jul 14, 2011)

Thank you for starting this thread. I am thankful no matter where it is posted...KP, Facebook, Twitter because at times it falls through the cracks until it appears as a sensation on the t.v. The regulations in place concerning pedophiles today are no where near what was allowed long ago. Families kept such things quiet and within the family. It wasn't considered "proper" conversation. When young people brought it up they were shushed and told "we don't talk about such things." Fathers ruled the roost their word was law. (By the laws)! I was in my 30's helping my mother with her mental problems speaking to her doctor when it was brought to my attention that what I had experienced as an 8 year old was rape. I realized he had done the same thing to a cousin 15 years my senior and years later I found out he also attacked my younger cousin. Only then was I able to understand that the family member we thought loved us was actually using us. They are very clever telling youngsters "it's our secret." They also prey on very vulnerable children ....broken homes, single parents etc. My father rejected me because I wasn't the boy he wanted as his firstborn. He also died when I was 8 yrs. old so in stepped the other person to fill the need for love from a father. If a member of your family shows inordinate interest in your child please keep an eye on them. Our children (boys and girls) weren't allowed alone with my grandfather. And we (prey) don't speak about what happened to us because many of us figure it's in the past and best forgotten but by opening up to our spouses, children etc. they then can understand our actions. We have a duty--not to the authorities but to God to protect our young and old. Those most vulnerable and unable to defend themselves. I'm sorry for going on but this is very important to me. Thank you for reminding us .


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## SQM (Jun 22, 2012)

As a survivor of inappropriate sexual actions by family members when I was a child, I can attest to life long hang ups and my heart goes out to all of us who still have to deal with the remnants of others' actions.


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## lindseymary (Oct 29, 2011)

Thank you Pat Lamb for your prayers for me and other abused children like me.I know from reading these posts that others have had a harder time than me and am grateful that I was not in their shoes.
To all the abused KPers,wether as children or adults,I send my sympathy and love.Lindseymary


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## almirth (Jul 25, 2016)

You're right, it has to do with life, and we're all living. Read NYBev's post, food for thought and action.


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## malem (Aug 31, 2017)

nankat said:


> Yes, you are a mandated reporter. You don't get to choose who to call or not call. There may have been other considerations that you were not privy to. Your story may have turned out well but your decision was wrong.


It's unclear who your post is directed to. If it's to the op, please remember that her story happened many, many years ago. Sadly at that time, telling the authorities often made it worse for the victims. Children were often not believed and, as other posters have noted, families made it very clear that they were not to discuss such things. On a more recent note, my younger dd was molested by my sister's then boyfriend about 20 years ago. It created a huge rift in my family, including complete estrangement from my sister (who married the SOB), family members demanding "proof" and asking for nauseating details about what he did to her, in an attempt to determine how "bad" the molestation was. My dd suffered for years as a result of this and felt responsible for the family rift created by the incident. At age 30 and after many years of struggle and therapy, she has built a wonderful life but it was difficult journey.
It is impossible to put into words how devastating molestation and abuse can be to children and although we've made progress in exposing this horror, we still have a long way to go. BTW, we worry a lot about strangers and our children but it is most often family and family friends who are the perpetrators.


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## Nancy Deak (May 5, 2014)

Whenever I threatened to tell my mother what my step-father was doing, he would ask “who do you think she will believe?” In the end he was right. I finally told my mother when I was in my early 20’s. She didn’t believe me, said it couldn’t have happened, he had no time to do it, etc. Some years later, I saw a therapist who believed me. She contacted my mother and offered joint sessions for us. My mother was still in denial. This happened from the time I was 4 or 5 until I was 18. I am now 62 and still suffer.


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## dornefeb (Mar 1, 2017)

arlenecc said:


> So----??? People are unloading very painful memories and need to tell their stories. Partly to know others have been also hurt and warning to watch for the predators attacking young people that evil is still around us. Try a little kindness or failing that, keep your mouth closed.


So true, some people are so cold, there's no need to be like this especially on Christmas day. Have a bit of compassion


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## radar (Dec 6, 2011)

Oh for God's sake kitkat. I and other's don't care where it is mentioned. It is serious stuff. Those molesters commit what I call "emotional murder." No one will ever be as they were intended to be. Something dies inside never to change. Those that can rise above it and in spite of it all, I say, you have won and they have lost. I just wish you didn't ever have to go through that battle. My utmost admiration and love to you all. God really loves you and so do many others. You are a hero.


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## joycevv (Oct 13, 2011)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


Why bother commenting on the obvious? Especially if you have no empathy.


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## sockyarn (Jan 26, 2011)

I sorry this happened to you and that you had no one to protect you. We all need to be vigilant and watch out for children and protect them even when we are not their family.


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## gma11331 (Oct 18, 2011)

My DD was molested by the couple for whom she babysat and our neighbors. I didn't find out until she was out of HS and my sister learned of it from her. By then the predator had moved away. My DD became an alcoholic and exhibited all the behaviors that are often associated with the victims. Never able to have a stable relationship, three failed marriages, four children she eventually lost custody of. Was in treatment and therapy for over 30 years but she passed away the end of August this year from an OD. How different her life could have been if we had know immediately what was happening to her right under our nose..and her father would probably have been in prison for murder!


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## wavedancer (Jun 7, 2019)

Nancy Deak said:


> Whenever I threatened to tell my mother what my step-father was doing, he would ask "who do you think she will believe?" In the end he was right. I finally told my mother when I was in my early 20's. She didn't believe me, said it couldn't have happened, he had no time to do it, etc. Some years later, I saw a therapist who believed me. She contacted my mother and offered joint sessions for us. My mother was still in denial. This happened from the time I was 4 or 5 until I was 18. I am now 62 and still suffer.


Exactly! My mum still can't acknowledge what happened to me yet she was the one who sent me away! All I ever get is you imagined it or you're talking nonsense. I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder in 2001 and was told it was down to severe abuse from the age of 2-18. Thankfully I've had a lot of therapy and have control of my life now but it's been a long hard and lonely road. Now I'm leading a relatively happy life surrounded with people I trust and love. I have found peace, joy and laughter, things that I missed out on as a child and young adult. Days like today are very special and meaningful and I can celebrate it surrounded by love and warmth not fear and hate. I hope you can too Nancy. If you ever need someone to talk to who understands just pm me. That goes for anyone else too.

Merry Christmas xxxxx


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## gma11331 (Oct 18, 2011)

My DD was molested by the couple for whom she babysat and our neighbors. I didn't find out until she was out of HS and my sister learned of it from her. By then the predator had moved away. My DD became an alcoholic and exhibited all the behaviors that are often associated with the victims. Never able to have a stable relationship, three failed marriages, four children she eventually lost custody of. Was in treatment and therapy for over 30 years but she passed away the end of August this year from an OD. How different her life could have been if we had know immediately what was happening to her right under our nose..and her father would probably have been in prison for murder!

Sorry double post


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## Bedo (Jun 4, 2018)

You did wrong. You should have reported it immediately. You were her teacher she came to you for help and you did not help her. Her life was in danger. I can’t believe you did not do something


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## Bedo (Jun 4, 2018)

This person did not show any care at all. She did not reported it. You are so wrong


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## nanbobs (Jun 29, 2017)

arlenecc said:


> So----??? People are unloading very painful memories and need to tell their stories. Partly to know others have been also hurt and warning to watch for the predators attacking young people that evil is still around us. Try a little kindness or failing that, keep your mouth closed.


Thank you, arlenecc.


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## wavedancer (Jun 7, 2019)

Bedo said:


> You did wrong. You should have reported it immediately. You were her teacher she came to you for help and you did not help her. Her life was in danger. I can't believe you did not do something


It's very easy to say that but I'm sure she had her reasons for the way she handled things. We don't have all the facts and maybe shouldn't be quite so quick to judge. I'm sorry if I speak out of turn but I don't like it when someone shares something so emotive and people put them down.


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## Aravis (Mar 21, 2013)

This is a painful subject no one talks about. Back in the 50's, when I was 9, the husband of my mother's best friend started molesting me. My mom actually walked in and saw us and did nothing! I asked her later that day why she didn't stop him , and she replied "Because I don't want to lose my best friend." Yeah, that hurt.


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## bettyirene (Apr 5, 2012)

I believe in castration for any predator who is guilty of such.....I know God will "sort them out" when the time comes.....God bless all such victims.


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## Damiano (Nov 15, 2016)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


AGREED!


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## bettyirene (Apr 5, 2012)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


So what? You did read it, didn't you? Were you not moved by the topic? Compassion goes a l-o-n-g way.


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## Norfolknan (Aug 4, 2014)

May not have anything to do with knitting and crochet but is important for all people to know it still goes on.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

rujam said:


> I feel for you and that young girl. when I was around 14 my father started touching my breasts, don't tell your mother, it's our secret. I avoided him like the plague and never told anyone until I was married and told my husband. After my father died, I flew back to England for his funeral and to spend some time with mum. I told my sister what had happened all those years ago, I was then 55 and my sister was 48. She was shocked and said she often wondered why I shied away from dad. I never ever told my mum. *I hope nowadays that people notice the behavioural difference in their children and realize that something is wrong.*


I fear that too many parents today are so busy, that they never really pay attention to those behavioural differences.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

malem said:


> ... *it is most often family and family friends who are the perpetrators.*


. :sm24: :sm24:


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## Silver Goddess (Jan 5, 2015)

I am one of the lucky, and thank you for your post. I believe it happens more than we care to know.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

bettyirene said:


> I believe in castration for any predator who is guilty of such.....I know God will "sort them out" when the time comes.....God bless all such victims.


And real, physical castration, not chemical! However, what to do with the many never reported female pedophiles? Sadly, many of them work in day-care facilities and never get reported.


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## Bedo (Jun 4, 2018)

Excuse me. You don’t this important to talk about. Knitting is a hobby this is real life


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## Bedo (Jun 4, 2018)

This lady that did not report it not brave or thoughtful. She did nothing she passed to another school and teacher to deal with it. Who knows what happen to this person.


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## susandkline (Oct 26, 2015)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


Eagle eye!


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## malem (Aug 31, 2017)

Bedo said:


> This lady that did not report it not brave or thoughtful. She did nothing she passed to another school and teacher to deal with it. Who knows what happen to this person.


bedo, have you read the entire thread? The op reported that this happened many years ago when reporting to Child Protective Services would have done little and possibly resulted in further abuse. I am a teacher who is nearing retirement and can confirm that 30-35 years ago things were not handled with the sensitivity and discretion that would have protected the child. Children were often not believed and sent right back to situations where the molester, enraged by possible exposure, continued or even escalated the abuse. Though not perfect, things are much improved and not too many mandated reporters today would hesitate to contact CPS.


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## martina (Jun 24, 2012)

Yes don’t blame the op she had to go by what was accepted at the time. Things were different 30 years ago. Anyone suspecting abuse can now report it and receive help. Please be considerate of the victims, whatever section they post in.


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## Leaflet (Mar 1, 2016)

During a day like this (a holiday) there is either a lot going on or for some of us not much going on and we have time to think and reflect. I'm not surprised a topic like this one would appear. We think back, we remember. I remember some things too. And yes, it does happen more often than than we know. The father of one of brother's friends tried to get funny with me. I was 10. I got away.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Leaflet said:


> During a day like this (a holiday) there is either a lot going on or for some of us not much going on and we have time to think and reflect. I'm not surprised a topic like this one would appear. We think back, we remember. I remember some things too. And yes, it does happen more often than than we know. The father of one of brother's friends tried to get funny with me. I was 10. I got away.


You were lucky.


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

radar said:


> Oh for God's sake kitkat. I and other's don't care where it is mentioned. It is serious stuff. Those molesters commit what I call "emotional murder." No one will ever be as they were intended to be. Something dies inside never to change. Those that can rise above it and in spite of it all, I say, you have won and they have lost. I just wish you didn't ever have to go through that battle. My utmost admiration and love to you all. God really loves you and so do many others. You are a hero.


Very well said radar, I just remembered an incident which happened at a cousin's wedding, I was in the bedroom crying over something when my uncle came in and asked what was wrong, he started comforting me then started kissing me rather inappropriately although I didn't realize it at the time. when my mum came in. I have never thought about that for 63 years.


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

wavedancer said:


> Exactly! My mum still can't acknowledge what happened to me yet she was the one who sent me away! All I ever get is you imagined it or you're talking nonsense. I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder in 2001 and was told it was down to severe abuse from the age of 2-18. Thankfully I've had a lot of therapy and have control of my life now but it's been a long hard and lonely road. Now I'm leading a relatively happy life surrounded with people I trust and love. I have found peace, joy and laughter, things that I missed out on as a child and young adult. Days like today are very special and meaningful and I can celebrate it surrounded by love and warmth not fear and hate. I hope you can too Nancy. If you ever need someone to talk to who understands just pm me. That goes for anyone else too.
> 
> Merry Christmas xxxxx


From one scouser to another I am so glad that you eventually found happiness. These bastards are completely and utterly selfish and couldn't care less about their victims as long as they get their sexual gratification.


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## chooksnpinkroses (Aug 23, 2012)

WendyMargaret said:


> I remember as a pre teen walking up to the ski tow with my best friend. A weenie waver displayed his parts to us. We told no one because we knew we would be punished not him. Many children are punished for telling about true sexual abuse. Hopefully not so much now. Sexual abuse of children is dreadfully underreported. A terrible terrible thing to do to a child.


As a 10yo, I and my younger brothers came across a man 'displaying his wares' and trying to convince me to get into his car, when we were playing at a park near our house. I took my brothers and we ran home. I told them not to say anything to our parents, but as littlies, they couldn't keep their mouths shut. I was taken to the police station and shown lots of mug shots, but didn't see him amongst the photos. The police also came to school one day and I was taken out of class and questioned again in the principal's office. Eventually when they couldn't find the guy, the police told my parents that 'kids make these things up to get attention'. !!!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

chooksnpinkroses said:


> ... when they couldn't find the guy, *the police told my parents that 'kids make these things up to get attention'.* !!!


For such as those police, I wish them a too close encounter with the hottest of hot peppers in their eyes and nether orifices!! :sm25: :sm25:


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## no1girl (Sep 4, 2012)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


yes it does, old woman, it does.......


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## chooksnpinkroses (Aug 23, 2012)

Jessica-Jean said:


> For such as those police, I wish them a too close encounter with the hottest of hot peppers in their eyes and nether orifices!! :sm25: :sm25:


On the subject of kids not being believed. As an adult, it has often puzzled me as to where a child is meant to have got the information from to make up a story of abuse or similar. Back in those days, it was never discussed, ever and was not in the media etc. So how can an innocent child with very limited life experience make up something like that? They can't. Kids tell what they see or experience...


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## Pealark (Oct 2, 2016)

I had a friend whose mother did not believe her when she told that her uncle (the mother's brother) had touched her in the worst possible way. 

It made her resent the mother all her life. In fact to this day she still holds it against her. Even tho we are both senior citizens now, and our mothers are gone now, she still has not forgiven her (or the uncle I guess but she doesnt mention him.) 

I found great healing when I forgave my mother. It is for the victim's benefit. Not the abuser. It frees you to move on. But as dysfunctional as my family was, sexual abuse &/or substance abuse was not part of it. I guess some things are more unforgivable than other things are. 

I found her mother to be a lovely person & my salvation as a teen b/c my home was not a happy nuturing place (for completely different reasons). Her mother probably did more for me than my own mother did in that time period. 

Just a sad sad situation. 

I pray that God blessese and protects these precious children & heals their wounds.


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## blawler (Feb 20, 2012)

I am truly sorry you experienced abuse as a child but I'm grateful that you tried to help others when the opportunity arose. Aloha... Bev


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## julie windham (Feb 21, 2011)

wavedancer said:


> It's very easy to say that but I'm sure she had her reasons for the way she handled things. We don't have all the facts and maybe shouldn't be quite so quick to judge. I'm sorry if I speak out of turn but I don't like it when someone shares something so emotive and people put them down.[/quot
> 
> Being a "mandated reporter" is a relatively new concept that could very well not have been in place when she was teaching this child. In the late 80s, after those rules were implemented, I taught a child I believed to be molested, but she would never admit it to me. I reported bruises 13 times in 9 months to CPS only to be told to bring them pics. She was a very dark-skinned black child, and I could never have gotten pics of the damage. They finally went to the home and asked her, in front of mother, if mom abused her. She wasn't stupid. She knew that they weren't going to take her with them, so she denied it. She knew her mother would have beaten the living crap out of her. She was 12 then, and nearly 30 years later she told me that her stepfather had raped her that year. It has hurt my heart all these years, because I knew something was going on, but she wouldn't tell me and CPS wouldn't do anything about other abuse. You have to consider the times and the attitudes people had then. My dad beat me with a belt until I bled and left massive bruises on my legs, then made me clean the blood off the floor, but I didn't talk to anyone because during that time period no one would have done anything about it except tell me to be better behaved.


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## mathrox (Jun 17, 2019)

Pat lamb said:


> Its a tough call alright! Sometimes it makes it worth for the child. I hope things áre changing and they really go after the " molester". If it happened to one of my kids I probably be in jail because " he be dead"


Let's hope it never happens to either of us .... but I'd be your cellmate!


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## Leaflet (Mar 1, 2016)

As this topic is discussed, situations come back to me. When I was young with my 1st child, members of my husband's family told me to keep my child away from so-and-so. Apparently he was an abuser. My son is almost 40 now; that's how long ago this was. He was the sort of man who was a hugger and would press himself against a woman's chest. He may be the one who abused my husband's sister. I do not know the details there. She was a motherless child and the men in that family do not show compassion or understanding. At best they are mute. My H is a mute. He voices no opinions.


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## leesbibben (Apr 3, 2019)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


If you don't want to commiserate with those who need to get something off their chest, why read? Go back and knit something and feel better.


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## RevDi (Jul 8, 2016)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


No, but it has everything to do with being a decent human being. When I worked in schools in the 1980s, children were never believed. We had a little boy who was beaten regularly, and came in with black eyes and bruises on his arms and legs. He would always tell us he fell into a laundry basket or something similar. We gave up reporting because it caused more trouble at home, and he was only beaten more by his father.

Things have changed for the better now. I am a pastor, and a mandated reporter, and reports of abuse are taken more seriously. I for one am grateful. And if someone doesn't want to read about this, they merely need to go back to the menu.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Pealark said:


> ...
> 
> I pray that God blesses and protects these precious children & *heals their wounds*.


Do such 'wounds' _ever_ heal? Not in my experience.


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## raindancer (Aug 19, 2012)

SueFerns said:


> Sending you healing prayers, may the abusers d**k fall off.


Hilarious, thank you! You really made me laugh~


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

This was also the time period when women wouldn’t call the police for domestic violence because if they were “lucky” the cops would walk their abuser to the end of the block to “cool off”. Then the abuser would go back and beat the crap out of the woman even harder because she told. There were no shelters, hotlines or any other help unless you had the resources to leave. And it was relatively easy for a woman to lose custody of her children if she pressed the issue.

And this topic was perfectly timed. The holidays bring out the best and worst in people. Alcohol and probably drug abuse increase this time of year. This is an important time to be hyper vigilant.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

duplicate post


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## rujam (Aug 19, 2011)

KateLyn11 said:


> This was also the time period when women wouldn't call the police for domestic violence because if they were "lucky" the cops would walk their abuser to the end of the block to "cool off". Then the abuser would go back and beat the crap out of the woman even harder because she told. There were no shelters, hotlines or any other help unless you had the resources to leave. And it was relatively easy for a woman to lose custody of her children if she pressed the issue.
> 
> And this topic was perfectly timed. The holidays bring out the best and worst in people. Alcohol and probably drug abuse increase this time of year. This is an important time to be hyper vigilant.


I had a work colleague who regularly took time off work due to migraines. She came in one day sporting a black eye and a lump on the back of her neck. It turns out that the "migraines" were when she was beaten by her husband until one day she had had enough and came to work so that people would know what he was like. We all knew him and the worst of it was that he was a police sergeant. she eventually divorced the mongrel.


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

Bedo said:


> This lady that did not report it not brave or thoughtful. She did nothing she passed to another school and teacher to deal with it. Who knows what happen to this person.


Either you have lead a charmed life or are younger than many of us. There was a time when there was NO mandatory reporting. When many "social workers" had little if any training. When reporting abuse didn't bring help but further more severe abuse and got you labeled a trouble maker or a liar.

Your dad is raping you, the police come, he says you are just "getting back at him" cause he spanked you for wetting the bed. He is believed, you aren't, the abuse escalates. Especially if you are a boy you could well end up in juvenile detention if he says you are openly defiant when in reality you cower when he looks at you and you can't do anything to please him and he is beating the crap out of you several times a week.

The fact that the child in the OPs post was pulled from her class tells me that she probably let slip either that she had been asked if anyone was hurting her or that she said something innocent like, "I like Mrs Smith, she is nice."

It is a different world, but not different enough to keep the vulnerable safe. How many times do we read about Social Services trying to have a child removed from a home and being refused, only to have that child turn up dead a short time later and that is today with more safeguards in place and better laws.


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## litprincesstwo (Nov 11, 2012)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


So??? Your point?? Oh I get it your lacking in the compassion dept for anyone that has the courage to bring up the horrible attack by predators!

Cut the OP some slack, it had to be difficult enough to post it, but to be admonished for posting in the wrong section.☹


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## KateLyn11 (Jul 19, 2014)

One more thing, drinking and drug abuse go up during the holidays and family members and “friends” who rarely have contact will be together more. NOW is an especially good time to be hyper vigilant.


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## wavedancer (Jun 7, 2019)

julie windham.
Being a "mandated reporter" is a relatively new concept that could very well not have been in place when she was teaching this child. In the late 80s said:


> I wasn't criticising the op. I was trying to defend her but it may not have been worded very well on my part, sorry. I know how difficult that original post was to write. I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your pupil. Knowing these things are going on and not being able to prove it is often the reality. She was protecting herself because she knew what would happen to her if she did speak out. You did as much as you were able to at the time. I'm sorry to hear about your beating. Nothing justifies beatings like that.
> 
> Reading through the thread it's good that so many have been able to share their own experiences but sad to see how many have had some sort of historical abuse. Talking about it and sharing is good.Ok I know this is a knitting community and this subject is off topic but maybe so many have shared because they feel safe here. On the whole most people here are kind, considerate and caring. The more people do talk about it the less taboo the subject becomes and people also see they weren't the only one. I would hazard a guess that there are some who have never told anyone else what happened to them until today. That's a reflection of the type of community KP is. Take care and I hope you've had a wonderful Christmas Day!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

wavedancer said:


> ... *The more people do talk about it the less taboo the subject becomes and people also see they weren't the only one.* I would hazard a guess that there are some who have never told anyone else what happened to them until today. That's a reflection of the type of community KP is. Take care and I hope you've had a wonderful Christmas Day!


It is unbelievable the relief one feels when hearing from others who've undergone similar experiences! It was our common experiences of yarn-play that drew us to this forum; it's wonderful that we've become able to speak of our rarely or never mentioned traumas.


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## lindseymary (Oct 29, 2011)

Too true JJ,I still cannot put my experiences in words,and they are not nearly as traumatic as some have suffered.They left me with a life-long rock bottom self-esteem,and I can see NOW how that made me make life choices and put up with situations that I realise were/are not the best for me.Lindseymary


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## Aunty M (Jul 7, 2014)

KateLyn11 said:


> Either you have lead a charmed life or are younger than many of us. There was a time when there was NO mandatory reporting. When many "social workers" had little if any training. When reporting abuse didn't bring help but further more severe abuse and got you labeled a trouble maker or a liar.
> 
> Your dad is raping you, the police come, he says you are just "getting back at him" cause he spanked you for wetting the bed. He is believed, you aren't, the abuse escalates. Especially if you are a boy you could well end up in juvenile detention if he says you are openly defiant when in reality you cower when he looks at you and you can't do anything to please him and he is beating the crap out of you several times a week.
> 
> ...


You mentioned boys being abused, which is often sexual abuse, too. There may not be any males who respond to this thread, due to the fact that there are fewer male members, or due to the shame that childhood sexual abuse victims often feel, through no fault of their own, so thanks for making it part of this discussion.

My heart goes out to everyone who has suffered abuse. ❤


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## pengwensgranny (Aug 3, 2011)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


So!!! Get over yourself.


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## liz morris (Dec 28, 2014)

Bedo said:


> This lady that did not report it not brave or thoughtful. She did nothing she passed to another school and teacher to deal with it. Who knows what happen to this person.


You haven't read the posts properly. You will find that the events were many years ago when to report it would not necessarily be the right thing to do in the circumstances. Go back and read and you will find out why it went unreported.


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## Deegle (Sep 25, 2015)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


A bit of compassion wouldn't go astray, it would take a great deal of courage for the people who poured their hearts out in this thread to put their experiences down in words.


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## Leam (Apr 16, 2017)

Something no one has mentioned: The OP got this child to open up about the abuse. I think that was probably a major breakthrough for this child. It was probably the first time she was able to talk to anyone about it, and may well have led to her seeking help elsewhere. Instead of criticizing the OP we should be giving her kudos for that. She must be a compassionate and giving person.


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## Pealark (Oct 2, 2016)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Do such 'wounds' _ever_ heal? Not in my experience.


Yes, God can & does heal them. Although my wounds were not sexual in nature, it was a huge betrayal by people I trusted at a very young age. And I was healed when I did it God's way & not my own. The Holy Spirit nagged me for years before I finally obeyed & forgave. The healing was swift & complete within weeks.


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## malem (Aug 31, 2017)

Pealark said:


> Yes, God can & does heal them. Although my wounds were not sexual in nature, it was a huge betrayal by people I trusted at a very young age. And I was healed when I did it God's way & not my own. The Holy Spirit nagged me for years before I finally obeyed & forgave. The healing was swift & complete within weeks.


Pealark,
I am glad that you feel completely healed, but please remember that whether one believes in G-d or not (May I assume that you are Christian?), most victims of sexual abuse require intense therapy to heal. Your faith saw you through but it's important to acknowledge that it doesn't provide what many victims need, nor what they want or believe in.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

malem said:


> Pealark,
> I am glad that you feel completely healed, but please remember that whether one believes in G-d or not (May I assume that you are Christian?), most victims of sexual abuse require intense therapy to heal. Your faith saw you through but it's important to acknowledge that it doesn't provide what many victims need, nor what they want or believe in.


Amen!!! :sm24:


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## KnittyGritty800 (Apr 1, 2014)

Child abuse is sadly too frequent along with sex trafficiking of both young women and young men. It is horrible.


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## RookieRetiree (Jan 27, 2011)

KnittyGritty800 said:


> Child abuse is sadly too frequent along with sex trafficiking of both young women and young men. It is horrible.


The sex trafficking has gotten worse.


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## malem (Aug 31, 2017)

KnittyGritty800 said:


> Child abuse is sadly too frequent along with sex trafficiking of both young women and young men. It is horrible.


Trafficking is indeed, abhorrent, but the reality remains that children face more danger of molestation from family and other trusted adults. I think people don't want to talk openly about "familiar" molestors because it simply destroys families, communities and other trusted institutions. Regardless, it is all beyond sickening.


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## 8Linda (Nov 8, 2011)

My husband was molested by his aunt-her husband, molested the girls. He warned me as soon as we were going to be living near enough not to ever let any of the kids go anywhere with them and to always keep them in the same room with me. My husband had become an alcoholic and was finally able to stop drinking. He was only about 6 years old when it first happened. All the girls knew about the uncle, but none knew about the aunt until I told them. Then they all understand why their brothers/cousins were having problems with alcohol and drugs in some cases. I don't know if they molested their own children or grandchildren, but probably did.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

malem said:


> Trafficking is indeed, abhorrent, but the reality remains that children face more danger of molestation from family and other trusted adults. I think people don't want to talk openly about "familiar" molestors because it simply destroys families, communities and *other trusted institutions*. Regardless, it is all beyond sickening.


Such as the Holy Roman Catholic Church playing musical dioceses with _known_ child molestors? Happens in just about every other *organized* religion too. Teachers of every level from daycare through university, with gym/phys ed teachers being far too prevalent.

Yes, we need to protect our children, but those children need every tool to overcome the damage caused by untrustworthy authority figures. *Nothing* will ever put a stop to all such predators; just as nothing will ever put a stop to prostitution. Laws are passed, but one can be certain that some of the lawmakers are among the predators.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

RookieRetiree said:


> The sex trafficking has gotten worse.


Or is it that the reporting thereof has gotten better?


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## RookieRetiree (Jan 27, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Or is it that the reporting thereof has gotten better?


Could be...


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## Pealark (Oct 2, 2016)

Well my experience was that therapy was a total failure. And faith did heal. I trust God more than psychiatrists.


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## Pealark (Oct 2, 2016)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Such as the Holy Roman Catholic Church playing musical dioceses with _known_ child molestors? Happens in just about every other *organized* religion too. Teachers of every level from daycare through university, with gym/phys ed teachers being far too prevalent.
> 
> Yes, we need to protect our children, but those children need every tool to overcome the damage caused by untrustworthy authority figures. *Nothing* will ever put a stop to all such predators; just as nothing will ever put a stop to prostitution. Laws are passed, but one can be certain that some of the lawmakers are among the predators.


Almost every organized church has been infiltrated and the truth has been pushed aside. They have willingly accepted "that which seemeth right to man, but the ends thereof are death." And that almost always mean adopting worldly attitudes. Especially toward sin and avarice. The group that is supposed to aiding and protecting victims now more often aids and protects perpetrators.


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## boring knit (May 9, 2011)

In this country for years and years, the person on the street would not believe how prevalent this is. Now, following the Jimmy Saville outing people are starting to believe. I say starting as it is sill a no go subject for many. I ran a playgroup and 30 years ago we were told to warn our parents about family members molesting children. Also not to have a child entertainer as often a pedo will take up an occupation that enables them to get close to small children. Lets hope things improve.


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## eneira12 (Dec 18, 2013)

so important!


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## flohel (Jan 24, 2011)

Kit Kat WOW really?


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## eneira12 (Dec 18, 2013)

Years ago, two of my colleagues who did psychological testing on men (maybe women too) who wanted to attend a seminary told me that in one of the two Christian denominations they represented, most of the people tested had been molested and in the other, all had been molested. Although most victims don't become molestors (statistically), most molestors have been molested.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

eneira12 said:


> Years ago, two of my colleagues who did psychological testing on men (maybe women too) who wanted to attend a seminary told me that in one of the two Christian denominations they represented, most of the people tested had been molested and in the other, all had been molested. Although most victims don't become molesters (statistically), most molesters have been molested.


Appalling statistics!! Though not particularly surprising.


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## 133163 (May 11, 2015)

I wish there had been someone to notice me when I was a miserable, wretched 11 year old to 13 year old. Years later I confronted my father and he had the nerve to say that I had seduced him!!!!! I was 11!! Anyway, I am so pleased that you did what you could for this little girl. Her life will never be what it could have been, but she knows that someone was in her corner. That can make the world of difference.


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## malem (Aug 31, 2017)

Orillialovesto knit said:


> I wish there had been someone to notice me when I was a miserable, wretched 11 year old to 13 year old. Years later I confronted my father and he had the nerve to say that I had seduced him!!!!! I was 11!! Anyway, I am so pleased that you did what you could for this little girl. Her life will never be what it could have been, but she knows that someone was in her corner. That can make the world of difference.


Oh my dear, I am so sorry that you had to go through this. One of my dd's was molested at age 10 by the man my sister eventually married. My daughter, now almost 30, had some devastating consequences to deal with as a result and has worked very hard, with the help of therapy, to move beyond it but nothing will undo it. The damage it did to my family as a whole will never be repaired.


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## NYBev (Aug 23, 2011)

arlenecc said:


> So----??? People are unloading very painful memories and need to tell their stories. Partly to know others have been also hurt and warning to watch for the predators attacking young people that evil is still around us. Try a little kindness or failing that, keep your mouth closed.


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## NYBev (Aug 23, 2011)

arlenecc said:


> So----??? People are unloading very painful memories and need to tell their stories. Partly to know others have been also hurt and warning to watch for the predators attacking young people that evil is still around us. Try a little kindness or failing that, keep your mouth closed.


Ditto from me. Well said.


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## JoyceinNC (Oct 28, 2011)

Susanwise said:


> Aren't you a mandatory reporter? Tough call.


Mandatory reporting is a relatively new thing. The OP didn't say how long ago this happened, if it was a long time ago, mandatory reporting may not have been required. Several years ago, I was required to take classes through an organization I was volunteering with regarding recognizing, intervening when possible, and reporting all types of abuse that came to my attention. At the time, I was volunteering around a lot of children, and it was deemed necessary that I would be able to recognize the behavioral signs of abuse, and at the same time not get myself in a situation that could be interpreted as inappropriate or even abusive. It was the saddest series of classes and workshops I've ever been through. I came away painfully aware....and also hoping that no child suffered because I didn't recognize the signs.


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## JoyceinNC (Oct 28, 2011)

Jessica-Jean said:


> It never entered my mind to tell anyone about my aunt (mother's sister) and her husband, not until after my 21st birthday. And then, I only told a close friend at work.
> I never told my parents; I figured they had enough of their plates with the young families they'd begun with my step-parents.
> I never reported to the police, because I was ead *certain* that - as a guest in the household and a juvenile - no one would believe me against a friendly-fire-binded veteran of WWII and lawyer in the Antitrust Division of the US Department of Justice.
> Besides, supposing I were believed, what would the outcome have been for my aunt and _her_ five children?? Loss of the only job he had? My aunt never worked outside the home, so they'd have fallen on hard times. I only told my cousins after they'd grown up and their parents had died, and only because I was fearful he might have molested his own children as well. They said he hadn't, so for that I am grateful.
> ...


Years ago, before all the attention to abuse, I was shocked when my church announced that sleep overs among families in the congregation were to be stopped. Children were to be under the protection of their own parents while asleep, and parents were to be aware of what was going on in homes where their children were spending time. At the time, it was common for children to stay overnight at the home of a friend. When my daughter was a teenager (she's 41 now), it was common for teen age girls (at church) to gather at an adult adviser's home for an overnight stay, to have fun together and plan activities for the group, even though this was supposed to have stopped. Well, every time my daughter went, something went wrong. One night one of the girls ate too much raw cookie dough and got sick. Had to be taken home in the middle of the night, throwing up in the back seat of the car. When that happened, I told my daughter (12 or 13 years old at that time) that I would take her to the "party" at the starting time, but I would pick her up at 10 p.m. that evening to bring her home. The adult adviser was angry and offended about this, but at the next gathering, after my daughter was safely home, something horrible happened that stopped the sleep overs once and for all. Two of the girls slipped away from the rest of the group, somehow found the lady's sexy lingerie meant for private time with her husband. They were caught in the adult's bedroom trying on the lingerie! Can you imagine? I was sure blown away that two young girls would even think to do such a thing. The husband immediately took everyone home, and when he returned home, he gathered up all the lingerie and burned it. So once in a blue moon, it's not only for the kids protection, but for the adults protection also. And no one at church ever gave me a hard time about my daughter not participating in sleep overs again. In fact, other than at summer camp, I don't think anyone had sleepovers after the lingerie incident.


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## Juleen (Jun 3, 2011)

I am so thankful that so many of you understand. For those of you who have been sexually abused I send my heart felt love! Please Please pass this warning to others that might need it!


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## scumbugusa (Oct 10, 2011)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


But the topic is extremely important, and might have been missed in general chit chat.

I would have missed it. How about you?


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## gma11331 (Oct 18, 2011)

I wish I had been aware when my DD was being abused by the couple for whom she was baby-sitting. She never told and I wasn't aware of the behaviors that abuse can generate. It finally came to light when she was in rehab for dual diagnosis (bi-polar/alcoholism) but when the abuse came up in therapy she would back off, say it was too painful. She died two years ago of alcohol/drug toxicity...she was 53. She had 3 failed marriages and 4 daughters of whom she lost custody and I raised 3 of them. These perverts are sneaky and clever and manipulate children.


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## SQM (Jun 22, 2012)

gma11331 said:


> I wish I had been aware when my DD was being abused by the couple for whom she was baby-sitting. She never told and I wasn't aware of the behaviors that abuse can generate. It finally came to light when she was in rehab for dual diagnosis (bi-polar/alcoholism) but when the abuse came up in therapy she would back off, say it was too painful. She died two years ago of alcohol/drug toxicity...she was 53. She had 3 failed marriages and 4 daughters of whom she lost custody and I raised 3 of them. These perverts are sneaky and clever and manipulate children.


Heartbreaking


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## DGreen (Nov 1, 2012)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


Looking at your posts, it appears the only thing you care about is policing where posts belong.


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## Juleen (Jun 3, 2011)

This subject is so important! I was reluctant to bring it up but I still have night terrors from what my brother did to me! Being sexual molested is horrible! So many of us have had this happen. Thanks to all of you who have also endured this terrible event and let us know we were not the only child to have this terrible thing happen to them!


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

Juleen said:


> This subject is so important! I was reluctant to bring it up but I still have night terrors from what my brother did to me! Being sexual molested is horrible! So many of us have had this happen. Thanks to all of you who have also endured this terrible event and let us know we were not the only child to have this terrible thing happen to them!


Were everyone truthful, I fear that sexual molestation during childhood is FAR more widespread than anyone can imagine. 
Children don't usually report it, for innumerable reasons. 
I'm a kid; who'll believe me that (uncle, sibling, parent, guardian, etc.) did such a thing?
Yet the act performed upon the child remains within FOREVER. 
By the time the child is an adult, reporting is more possible, but there are formidable mental constraints, and - in too many jurisdictions - the statute of limitations has long run out. In too many cases, the perpetrators are long dead.


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## DGreen (Nov 1, 2012)

Jessica-Jean said:


> Were everyone truthful, I fear that sexual molestation during childhood is FAR more widespread than anyone can imagine.
> Children don't usually report it, for innumerable reasons.
> I'm a kid; who'll believe me that (uncle, sibling, parent, guardian, etc.) did such a thing?
> Yet the act performed upon the child remains within FOREVER.
> By the time the child is an adult, reporting is more possible, but there are formidable mental constraints, and - in too many jurisdictions - the statute of limitations has long run out. In too many cases, the perpetrators are long dead.


I never told a soul until a year or two ago when I said "me too" on this forum. I still cannot speak of the details to anyone. My husband doesn't even know.

I believe one in four women have been molested in some way. We must warn our children and be vigilant about their welfare.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

DGreen said:


> I never told a soul until a year or two ago when I said "me too" on this forum. I still cannot speak of the details to anyone. My husband doesn't even know.
> 
> I believe one in four women have been molested in some way. We must warn our children and be vigilant about their welfare.


It was one of the first things I told my guy; and one he also shared with me. Who knew that a female daycare worker might molest the preschoolers in her care?!?! And in Syria yet!!! Mind boggling it is.


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## Juleen (Jun 3, 2011)

I am glad I started this subject here! I still have night terrors about my sexual abuse! My brother told me that if I told anyone he would kill our dog! I believed him! However, after he died and every one said what a wonderful person he was I went to his burial place and poured urine on it! As a teacher I knew what to look for and hopefully helped some of my students!


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## Juleen (Jun 3, 2011)

Please keep an eye on your children! If they are being sexual abused they are probably afraid to tell anyone! Also when you think they are ready please discuss this subject with them. Sexual abuse of children leaves scares that cannot be taken away!


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## Juleen (Jun 3, 2011)

Please keep an eye on your children! If they are being sexual abused they are probably afraid to tell anyone! Also when you think they are ready please discuss this subject with them. Sexual abuse of children leaves scares that cannot be taken away!


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## Juleen (Jun 3, 2011)

Please keep an eye on your children! If they are being sexual abused they are probably afraid to tell anyone! Also when you think they are ready please discuss this subject with them. Sexual abuse of children leaves scares that cannot be taken away!


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## Juleen (Jun 3, 2011)

What happened to you is awful! I sincerely hope you and your son will be able to make a connection!


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## PatK27 (Oct 13, 2016)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


It's in the health section and very appropriate.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

PatK27 said:


> It's in the health section and very appropriate.


It wasn't begun in the Health section. Admin moved it sometime since it was begun in December 2019.
The Health section didn't even exist in 2019!
https://www.knittingparadise.com/t-708230-1.html


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## Juleen (Jun 3, 2011)

You had it harder than I did! I was sexually molested for many years but not raped! My brother who was 5 years older told me if I told anyone he would kill our dog! The only way I found to get even was to take some of urine and pour it on his grave!


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## knittingwoman (Jan 30, 2019)

KitKat789 said:


> This has nothing to do with knitting and crocheting.


That's why it is in the Health section.


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## Jessica-Jean (Mar 14, 2011)

knittingwoman said:


> That's why it is in the Health section.


It wasn't begun in the Health section. It was moved by Admin.


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